The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Twitterin’ Magee comments of the week!

I have just one hilarious item for you before I get to the COTW: Remember how I told you about Marty Moon’s Twitter feed? Well, if you enjoy that, you’ll probably also like Margo Magee’s.

And now … your comment of the week!

“‘Thanks to both of you, things turned out the way they did.’ Whoa! Better brush up your vagueness skillz, Herb and Jamaal — there’s a new something or other in whatever place this is!” –Hogan

And your runners-up:

“I think the Mary Worth palate consists of perhaps nine shades, but cantaloupe orange is undoubtedly the reigning champion.” –Andrew Leal

“I congratulate Mark Trail for finding the least erotic, most disturbing opening dialog of a gay porno ever. (‘I would like you to check into something.’ ‘Is it … serious?’ ‘It may be.’)” –Alan’s Addiction

“Thanks to both of you things turned out the way they did — we’re still stuck with the creepy, haunted ventriloquist’s dummy.” –PeteMoss

“Mary’s speculative regard of Adrian could not more unequivocally telegraph the sentiment, ‘Vulnerable, eh? (sinister chuckle)’ had the artist been working tirelessly for hours or even days to achieve that precise effect.” –Violet

“Ah, now I get it. Every date with Adrian, no matter how casual, is treated like she’s going to the prom. The prom on The Brady Bunch.” –mojo

“And the last words ever heard at that Milford party were: ‘Is that a bottle of vodka or a fire extinguisher?’ ‘There’s only one way to find out!’” –BigTed

“We are always gratified to see a gentleman wearing a suit and tie when calling on a lady. Except when the suit is orange. Santa Royale may be in California, but that is an insufficient excuse.” –Fashion Police

“What the hell is Tracy doing with his hand in the second panel? Is he raising it in a Hitler-style over-the-shoulder salute? Because that would be … completely unsurprising.” –Howlin’ Wolf

“Matters seem to be in hand, sergeant. Horrible, shriveled, clenched little hand.” –It’s time to pay the price

“Apparently Pluggers is shifting its focus from impoverished seniors to the exciting world of amputation fetishism. Your move, Crankshaft.” –Master Mahan

“‘You wanted to see me, Coach?’ ‘Yes, I heard some story that you had deliberately carved a vertical line down your face but, I knew they must be jokin… What the fuck?!‘” –EdgyDC

“Look, if child pornography charges are what it takes to get Marvin out of the newspapers, I’m willing to support this storyline 100%.” –150

“Also, I object to any comparison of the Lockhorns to Crankshaft. Each Lockhorns is a single-panel Raymond Carver short story — austere and clipped, full of blank space and blanker expressions reinforcing the empty blankness of bourgeois marriage in post-industrial society. Crankshaft on the other hand is more like Updike’s Rabbit tetralogy, a seemingly never-ending parade of increasingly unlikeable characters, but without Updike’s sense of humanity. Oh, and without the ‘protagonist’ finally having a massive coronary and dropping dead, alone and abandoned on the street.” –Comrade Denny

“I want to believe Marvin was wiped and cleaned in the video, that he hadn’t just got out of the nappy, that he wasn’t leaving an unspeakable, unthinkable trail behind him. But in my heart I know it’s Marvin, and human waste is what holds the comic together. Excrement for bricks, urine for mortar.” –Lolsworth

“That first panel of Mary Worth is like an advertisement for Fantastic Sams House of Horrible Haircuts. It’s where you go for styles that were popular in the 1950s and NEVER.” –Zooby

“Next Sunday, the parson will move on to harder theodical problems, such as why bad likker turns a feller blind.” –Albert Camus

“Mary Worth: I only wish I were an English professor with a need to illustrate the phrase ‘heavy-handedness’ in a creative writing course.” –bad wolf

“Personally, I’m hoping Mary Worth takes a cue from Funky Winkerbean, and the next storyline will be about the disembodied spirit of Scott’s dad peeping on his son’s dates with Adrian and possibly offering advice and commentary along the way. ‘That’s right, son! End the date with a chaste peck on the cheek and a handshake. Limp and clammy, just the way I like it!’” –Joe Blevins

“Okay, now wait… Since it was all a dream, does this mean that Electro didn’t really eat that sandwich? I’m going to have to write in to newspaper Spider-Man now. How does one do that, exactly?” –Larry McAwful

“If the Lord’s Plan involves trying to get everyone in Hootin’ Holler to die of food poisoning after eating off their filthy floors, I may have to become a man of faith myself!” –Rhekarid

“You guessed it, true believer! We’ve decided to bow to your letters and let Peter Parker lounge in a bed for the duration of a Sunday strip. Fucking exciting, ain’t it?” –survivor

“So, wait, hold on. Rewind a few weeks and we find that the newspaper Spider Man has reworked itself similar to the mainstream comics. Both audiences are outraged, but the newspaper one corrects itself. This means that … the newspaper-reading audience that has kept Family Circus alive for decades is, in fact, more powerful than all the world’s comic nerds? Man, that’s gotta hit the comic nerds something rough.” –Black Drazon

“Given how badly Marvel has overblown the character of Wolverine over the last 20 years I absolutely cannot wait to see Stan Lee put him in a cubicle eating a sandwich.” –Jeff

“Learn from this experience, Dolly: flirt shamelessly with broken, middle-aged men and you will never pay full price for anything.” –NoahSnark

Big thanks go to those who put some cash into my tip jar! And thanks must also go to my advertisers:

John Marco: Starfinder: From the award-winning author of The Jackal of Nar, Starfinder starts an outstanding new series! “A tour de force. Packed with action, imagination and engaging characters.” –Speculative Horizons “Exciting and full of suspense. A fantastic beginning to a unique and fresh story.” –SciFiChick.com

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 25, 2009 at 05:00 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, metaposts.

105 responses to “Metapost: Twitterin’ Magee comments of the week!”

Niall
May 25th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

More fun stuff I didn’t get to read the first time around! About the only perk of being too busy to read the snark.

Though I was rather taken aback by Joe Blevins’ snark above because I misread it – twice, no less – to read “the disembodied spirit of Scott’s dad peeing on his son’s dates with Adrian”. I blame the disgustingly high amount of Marvin snark excerpted before.
Niall
May 25th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

…also, Josh: are the COTW runner-ups run in chronological order? Or did I never notice that in the nearly two years of reading this blog?
Josh
May 25th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

Niall — Yes, they are in fact in chronological order. I just keep a flat text file of my favorites over the course of the week, from which the #1 is selected, but the order of the runners-up is just the order in which I read them — they are not ranked.

Josh
Joseph Finn
May 25th, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

The power of strip nerds versus comic book nerds made me laugh way too hard.
Harold
May 25th, 2009 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

Wait, wait, wait. I just read that whole Sunday Spider-Man strip. “Will the real Peter Parker please stand up?” OH MY GOD THEY’RE GONNA ROLL OUT THE CLONE SAGA AND TRY TO MAKE IT WORK IN THE NEWSPAPERS.
Steve the Pocket
May 25th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

All very funny ones this week. The first part of Larry McAwful’s is just dying to be quoted at random times out of context to make people go “WTF did I just read?”
Lolsworth
May 25th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Yay, I’m in again!
Lolsworth
May 25th, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

Oh, and 5/Harold: I would ironically love to see this happen.
Lolsworth
May 25th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

Unironically. Un. God damn HIT THE PREVIEW BUTTON YOU IDIOT.

Okay now someone else post.
bad wolf
May 25th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

…and thus is my life somewhat validated.
colorado
May 25th, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

I have only one question…Why the fuck does Adrian still live at home with her dad??? That just gives Mary Worth instant access to snoop and meddle to her heart’s content!
If she had a heart, that is….
Niall
May 25th, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

11. Colorado: Mary Worth does has a heart. It’s just never content, because there’s always more to meddle in…
Angry Kem
May 25th, 2009 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth’s heart is like a huge, throbbing balloon full of motor oil. Eventually, someone is going to pop it, and then there will be hell to pay.
Poteet
May 25th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

Congratulations, Hogan, on your week of glory! And tossed flowers and huzzahs to you snarky runners-up.

It’s great to read a lot of funny I missed the first time around. With the added bonus of learning a little more about the Rabbit novels, after having read only the first one.
Muffaroo
May 25th, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

Ah, the week in capsule — reliving another great sennight of snark. I know you’re waiting for me to rank them, so I’ll just say that EdgyDC’s makes me snicker the hardest.
Winky's Spleen
May 25th, 2009 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

8th Man Fan Y75 – I don’t remember a woman Legionnaire showing up in Crock (of course, the LA Times doesn’t carry it, and it’s not like Crock is something I go out of my way to see). Is she as massively stereotype-driven as Darryl, the token black character?
Charterstoned
May 25th, 2009 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

COTW already? What th’? I was thinking it was Sunday! Must be the holiday weekend thing.
NoVan
May 25th, 2009 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

Badass Vice Principal from Judge Parker needs a fan club. Who’s with me?
Rusty
May 25th, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

MW: I’ve counted back 6 weekday strips, Mary has been in the room and has only spoken one word in that time. This must be some type of meddle-free record.
True Fable
May 25th, 2009 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to Hogan and all the float riders! Very funny stuff!
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 25th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

Funny COTWs this week. I enjoyed Black Drazoon’s as well, except…

Except I’m pretty sure the real reason the newspaper strip is changing back is because Stan Lee hasn’t read the comic book in decades.
Poteet
May 25th, 2009 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

Re Comrade Denny’s runner-up comment, let’s please not dismiss the possibility that Pam and Jeff will stress out during an argument and have simultaneous massive fatal coronaries. The more I see of them, the more I’m hoping.
Niall
May 25th, 2009 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

Oh yeah, on Monday’s comics, a final word:

- Hi & Lois: Until I realised that Ditto was facing away from his sister, I found this the most squicky strip of the month – and it’s had a ton of competition. Bonus snark: Snorkels don’t work that way.

- On my Chron built page, Curtis is followed by Dennis, and that was two mental images in a row I really didn’t want.

- Gil Thorp has two, two Disembodied Claws for the price of one! One reaching out form the laptop screen, no less! But that’s not all, for just a modest amount (of sanity points) more, you can get a generous package of Stilted Dialogue and Baffling Geometry all in one package! NOW how much would you pay?
Niall
May 25th, 2009 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

…oookay, I didn’t do a few more snarks as they frightened even me, my brain’s starting to spin a little too fast. Explanation in the link in my name. And that’s just the fumes – most of the consumption will be tomorrow night when I’m having friends over… (nerowolfgal, if you and your husband want to drop by… ;))
sugarpie
May 25th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Have to agree: I missed ~~some~~ lots of these the first time around. But Yay! for Josh keeping track of it for me us. Congratulations Hogan, and Violet and Big Ted and, and, and…!
Dave
May 26th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Josh: Try @Roland_Hedley
Poteet
May 26th, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

5/26

Crankshaft — Even in rural Iowa where some city folk hesitate to venture, it’s usually not that hard to find commercial establishments that can supply ready-to-eat food on very short notice. It may not always be the greatest food, but it beats a week of moaning and kvetching about your grandfather’s grilling.

MT — “Of course I found something, you clueless slab. I always have to do the work around here, and I’m also the one who gets drugged, attacked, and hurled at perps. Get over here and look at what I found before I bite you.”
Frank Parsnip
May 26th, 2009 at 12:29 am [Reply]

Congrats COTWeekers!

MT: I like the idea of Mark following his dog around the forest taking acute interest in everything Andy smells. “What’s that Andy, boy… are those some dead animals you’re sniffing out? Take me to ‘em, boy! Yeah, keep going! Oh, it’s just some other dog poop… Oooh! What’s that?! Is that a clue? Yeah, take me to it! Okay, that’s just some more dog poop…”

MW: Jeff’s still touching Scott?! Mary’s still able to maintain a full sidebar discussion with Adrian and Jeff’s still maintaining contact with this doppelganger from his days at Eton.

Marvin: Normally the dog in Marvin is about the size of a man in a dogsuit, so I can imagine his incredible shrinkage has led him to take this whuppin’ from this cat. I’d feel insecure too if I were being drawn at a quarter my normal size.

Sex Organ, M.D.: “Hello, Harvard Club. … Yes, that would be Willy Spears Sr. of the Boston Silly Willy’s. Hold on a moment, while I see if he’s in the conservatory.”

Judge Parker Jr.: Perhaps Mrs. Davis can help the coach wash some of that limp, greasy hair.

A3G: Oh, for crying out loud, Tommie finally finds a man willing to match his suits and ties to her hair color and she’s actually thinking he’s got to go off to Denver? No, this blond nondescript generic A3G man is a keeper!

Snuffy Smith: Oh, but what the teacher doesn’t realize is that the prices Jughaid is reading do reflect current events. Just wait ’til he gets to the parts targeted to America’s oldsters: “Assorted pig organs, 3 lbs for a dollar! Dented dog-food cans 6 to a sawbuck!”

DtM: Dennis, you tell that motherf*cker! Oh, wait, from the extremely glum expression on this snow-roofed Mr. December, I’m betting his Miss May has stood him up for a Mr. June. Oh, how sad. Enjoy your glass of wine and plate of nondescript dogfoodish stuff, sir! Please ignore the child… you blubber away to your ex-girlfriend for as long as you wish and we’ll keep the comfort foods coming.
8th Man Fan
May 26th, 2009 at 1:02 am [Reply]

#16 Winky’s Spleen: Crock isn’t in my local paper and I usually just check it out when it gets mentioned here. However, since I don’t remember seeing this female Legionnaire in the two years or so I’ve been following CC, I tracked down Megan’s introduction. Checked out three days worth of Megan, including this classic encounter, but I couldn’t take anymore. Some braver soul than I will have to find out whatever became of her.
Citric
May 26th, 2009 at 1:11 am [Reply]

I love how even Tommie thinks that giving up a career for her is fairly pathetic.
Parmalat Loire
May 26th, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

9CL – I’m sorry, but 9CL strips now make me want to puke in ways that I haven’t felt since I found a diaper bag left in a Nissan Titan being left for servicing that sat in a month of summer heat before I got assigned it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m really starting to miss Thorax.

Cathy – Cathy’s mother-in-law has a healthy self-image and loads of confidence. I imagine that one would become profoundly delusional if one woke up one day and found out that one’s daughter-in-law was Cathy. So more power to her.

FC – I remember reading these in books when I was a kid. I didn’t like them then, and adding Jef Keane’s name to them doesn’t make them any better. At all.

S4th – Wait, did Ted just declare that he’s hung like a horse? The final piece of how the Forth marriage works now fits into place.
Poteet
May 26th, 2009 at 1:34 am [Reply]

DT — Thanks so much,, anonymous Iowa cop. It was clear from Dick’s expression in the first panel that he was finally ready to die after all those decades, and a lot of us sure are ready to let him, so why did you have to interfere?

# 31 Parmalat Loire — Well put, and I know the feeling. I’m so desperate that I’m starting to miss the unicorn.
It's time to pay the price
May 26th, 2009 at 3:11 am [Reply]

How exciting, a spot among the elite snarks. Thanks for any spell checking that might’ve been necessary.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 26th, 2009 at 3:29 am [Reply]

Tarzan: this is some weird strip from the 60’s where I’m guessing Nurse Naomi is going to reveal she’s Jane or Tarzan will reveal he is actually Korak the stand-in.
Larry McAwful
May 26th, 2009 at 6:26 am [Reply]

Oowah! My first time on the list! And just in time, too. I really needed something to give me reason to go to work. Oh, I think someone’s bringing cheese into the office. So I have two reasons now.
gleeb
May 26th, 2009 at 6:35 am [Reply]

Candorville: Newspapers. Also, empty-headed features stuff is the stuff the papers hold onto longest, closing all the foreign bureaus and slashing the local and national reporting staff before that.

BC: Not content with this crap once, not-Parker is going for the week.

’shaft: Gray balloons for gray people.

Dick: This strip has entered that point where I’m not sure if any panel is a flashback, a recap, or new.
John C Fremont
May 26th, 2009 at 6:57 am [Reply]

RMMD – It’s Non-Eye Contact Tuesday! Rex is totally staring at June’s rack, and June is clearly checking out Rex’s, uh, willy. The Morgans are about to do it! Hey, it happened roughly nine months before Sarah was born, and I predict it’s about to happen again! Who says lightning never strikes twice?

It’s expensive, but Rex and June are both making and receiving calls, in the parlance of our times.
Mystic River
May 26th, 2009 at 7:11 am [Reply]

Hi all,
Apparently, John Updike enjoyed Spider Man and is responsible for its continued presence in the Boston Globe: Just a bit of Tuesday morning trivia.

http://www.boston.com/ae/books/articles/2009/05/26/updike_was_here/

Mystic River (formerly Girl Friday, but it was too close to a couple of other people’s names)
mordock999
May 26th, 2009 at 7:37 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann 05/26/09

“Actually Kids I’ve been wondering the SAME thing.
About the HAIR, that is.” —– Luann

____________________________

DEATH to TJ!
StriderGirl
May 26th, 2009 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Josh, I think something has hijacked your Google search results. I can’t bookmark your site at this computer, so I just Google your domain name and click “I”m Feeling Lucky,” but today that took me to a strange site called wordspy or filterspy or something like that. So then I did a straight-up search, and your actual site didn’t come up at all in the first 10 hits… Fortunately typing the full address into my browser still got me here for my daily dose of snark!
kalki
May 26th, 2009 at 7:53 am [Reply]

DTM: Dennis’ jacket today by Herb Tarlek of Cincinnati. Manners by fascism of Germany 1936.

CircusJerk: Don’t know what to make out of this at all. Is this a comment on the short-sightedness of the mother in not having enough change for the sale, a realization that the family’s crap is selling for pennies on the dollar, a stark preview of the future when Dolly’s parents become financially dependent on her in their old age, or has PJ just been scarfing up all the coins in a false belief that they were made of chocolate? I dunno, but damn if Thel doesn’t have a muscular-looking ass. You could crack walnuts or melonheads with that baby.

Luann: “What’s with the clothes, mister? Are you related to Johnny Cash?” “Does Joe Pesci know that you’ve been cultivating his look and height?” “Why are you staring straight at Luann’s boobs, mister?”

FW: Had to do a double take on this one because at first glance I thought I saw “penis” instead of “pens” in the list. It was actually funnier with the former instead of the latter.

S-M: Uh, yeah, Pete…you don’t have to mention the disappointment factor as a prelude to having sex with MJ as I think she is well aware of that outcome by now.
Brick Bradford
May 26th, 2009 at 8:20 am [Reply]

MW–Of course Mary has a heart, In fact, she has hundreds–yanked bleeding and beating from the chests of her many victims. She keeps them in mason jars in her pantry.

Archie–Dilton has hormones. Who knew? Also, I think it’s great that the Monopoly guy wrote a book.

Crank–Poteet, if they went to HyVee to cater the party it wouldn’t be funny. Then again, neither is what they’re doing.

DT–The SWAT team FINALLY figures out what their weapons are for. This is progress!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
May 26th, 2009 at 8:40 am [Reply]

9CL: I may have to stop reading this strip soon, lest my marital relations be ruined by McEldowney conditioning me to believe that kissing is somehow hilarious.

Blondie: “And wait till you see the great new pole lamp I picked up for $5 at the Keanes’ rummage sale!”

C’haft: Oh, wait, those are the backs of gray metal folding chairs, one of which has the strip’s date on it. We’re still at the graduation party. For a minute, I thought they were tombstones, and we’d somehow moved on to one of Crankytown’s many floating wakes.

Curtis: Logic 101: Poor people are boring. Therefore, this strip is a poor person.

(WT)DT: I’ve never seen someone react like that to being poked in the back with a pool cue before. I guess yelling “POW” adds to the effect.

F-: Somewhere, someone is posting this to his Web site as gleeful proof that his favorite fetish has gone mainstream.

thorps. Someone’s really bucking for the Roy Lichtenstein treatment in panel 2.

JP: Nobody draws “cold, calculating bitch” like Eduardo Barretto.

Big Dog: Why’s Marm look so distressed? He’s realized he’s been drawn with his penis pointing the wrong way.

MW: This guy’s no catch! Put his glasses back on and he’s two-timing on Tommie from A3G!

PC: As presidential icons go, it’s no floating Roman helmet.

R&R: Isn’t there some rule? “Don’t reference a good comic in your crappy comic”? Well, look at what’s in today’s RMMD and tell me this strip deserves to reference it.

S-M: “Oooh, Double Jeopardy, that reminds me! Honey, where’s the TV remote? I’m missing Alex Trebek!”

WoI: So, what’s the joke here? Any ideas?
buckyswife
May 26th, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

MW: I’m a little concerned about our Mary. If all she can eke out of this situation in terms of medding is “Where are you going for dinner?”–well, her vast and powerful meddle impulses will need some outlet, and fast. Dr. Jeff, I suggest you keep your bathroom door locked.

SM: How in the hell does Jonah Jameson put Spiderman into any kind of jeopardy–much less double it with a TV show that, by the way, has been going on for some time now? It’s a relief to know that despite the “wacky” time jumps, Spiderman still manages to bring the stupid.

FC: And while you’re at it, Dolly, maybe you can find the joke that seems to have been misplaced here.

JP: Sometimes, when I get pissed off and crabby, I think about how my face must look (i.e., not pleasant). But now, I don’t have to imagine my own face; I can just picture Ms. Scowley McFrownface.
buckyswife
May 26th, 2009 at 9:21 am [Reply]

#28 Frank Parsnip–Your MT comment made me laugh; I just got back from one of those walks with my dog where she has to sniff every damned blade of grass. In the rain. So if I had to hunt through Lost Forest for a bunch of lead, I’d be in trouble. But if we were looking for pizza crust–well, it would have nowhere to hide!

Oh, and congrats to the great CsOTW; I’d missed many of them the first time around!
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 9:34 am [Reply]

#28 Frank Parsnip – Marvin: That’s a urine soaked dog suit.
Bryan
May 26th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

Luann: “Hey mister, are you the Tiny Elvis character that used to be on Saturday Night Live back in the late 80’s?”
Esther Blodgett
May 26th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

PBS: Pastis – love you, love your strip, but that’s not what schadenfreude means.
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

Luann: “Hey mister! Are you the return of Johnny Cash? If so then reincarnation sucks!”
Winky's Spleen
May 26th, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

9CL – Hey, at least he’s not trying on her damn shoes.

BB – I’m not sure what’s sadder: That they’re only now getting around to riffing on No Child Left Behind, or that they’re doing it so clumsily.

GF – Another rerun? Seriously, is Conley’s health okay?
Lou Shumaker
May 26th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

#48: Right, Esther.

Dear Mr. Pastis: That is not how schadenfreude works. Here is an example: It is not schadenfreude to wish that Cathy, Peter Parker and the Keane family would be trapped in a burning plane going down over the Andes. It would be schadenfreude to enjoy the sight of their plane crashing and their being forced to eat each other to survive. See?
Esther Blodgett
May 26th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

Eloquently exampled, Mr. Shumaker!
tb4000
May 26th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Luann: I fell into a burnin’ ring of fire

It went down down down, and the flames went higher

And it burns burns burns….that ring of fire, that ring of fire

No, that is not a Johnny Cash crack on Elwood, but what Luann will be saying if she gets with him due to the veneral disease she will get…that little fucker gets around, I suspect.
TheDiva
May 26th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

Cathy cowers in fear in the presence of that which opposes everything she stands for: a happy, well-adjusted woman with a positive body image.

C’shaft: Why did they go with the Pleasantville theme for the graduation party?

FW: Let me guess: Corky fails the test and makes some snarky comments to his parents while Funky glares and Mrs. ‘bean weeps into her handkerchief, and that will be the end of the matter.
Josh
May 26th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

Hi StriderGirl (#40)!

I did a little poking around … it appears that you’re not searcing on google.com, but in your national Google site, and have the search results set to only come up with results from your country.

Josh
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

HOAX ALERT! – Non Sequitur – Mars is NOT coming the closest to Earth in August. This happened in 2003 (And it was not as big as the Moon to the naked eye. Only if one had a 75x telescope). Appearently, the rumors are flying again and being forwarded by Wiley. One can only hope that he clears this up as the story continues.
bats :[
May 26th, 2009 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Toosday Toons:

FC: dammit. We have city ordinances that prevent “chronic” yard sales that are just ruses for ongoing private flea markets. Apparently, Paradise Valley doesn’t have anything similar, as the yard sale from hell enters Week 2.

FW: wow, what are the odds that even dim ol’ Les, teacher for years upon years and having no life other than teaching and mooning over his dead wife, might have discovered all the cheating tactics students may have developed?
What are the odds that he even cares?

MW: I just don’t care. My god, the colors, the insipid expressions, the limp, limp hair. This strip is on mega-doses of Xanax.

RMMD: these would be so much cooler if the color monkeys would just make the whites of their eyes…uh…white. Really.
Trogdor
May 26th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

9CL: Okay Brooke, we get it. Edda and Amos are in crazy in love. And as young twenty-somethings, they can’t keep their hands off each other (or their tongues out of each other’s mouths, it seems). But you know what? I found these sorts of people incredibly annoying when I was a young twenty-something too. And my opinion of them has not improved with age.
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

#58 Trogdor – Wasn’t it Ray Stevens who had a song titled Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth When I’m Kissing You Goodbye?
mojo
May 26th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

While I am pleased to make the float again, I am also ashamed that I had to invoke The Brady Bunch to do so. And Adrian Cory, as well. I *promise* that my next float-worthy comment will have NOTHING AT ALL TO DO with Mary Worth in general or Adrian in particular. Oh, hell, what am I saying—just shoot me now.
Hibbleton
May 26th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Dottie, you lunatic, that wasn’t a sandbox; it was a mass grave, and those weren’t children, they were the shrunken corpses of his victims, and that isn’t an adorable little tyke you’re hugging, it’s a savage hell-hound. Yet, somehow, you still seem more clued in than Adrian.
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

FC – Far left. Moustache and hat guy is about to take off with something. Better get Mark Trail in here quick!
Niall
May 26th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Wow, Tuesday is a ripe day!

BC: the gag was humorous once. A week’s worth? Not so much.

Dick Tracy: Dick only starts getting sweaty when someone gets hurt. Before that, he coldly stares at the barrel, disappointed that no pain was given on any side. If they want us to go away from “Tracy gets off on pain and suffering”, this is not the way.

FC: the woman on the far right is clearly thinking: “Who the fuck tries to sell a broken tennis racket at this price??” Of course, if there were to be a caption for her, it’d be something lame like “I think they’re trying to run a racket here!” or somesuch. Why aren’t I getting paid for jokes that stupid?

Hagar: Browne Non-humour Enterprises LLC, please never draw Eddie from straight-on ever again. His resemblance to Kilroy threatens to make my brain try to escape through my nose.

Judge Parker: Hmm, would anyone ever think of the argument: “Well, she is free to try out, but are you so unsure of your daughters’ skills at cheerleading? I mean, Sophie is just trying out, there’s no guarantee she has any talent for it or can do better than all of your daughters who have been doing this for years! What are you so worried about, hmm?” Of course not, since that would nip the drama in the bud. Can’t have that!

Bid Gog: “You can play in mine today.” Her expression, their poses – again, if they don’t want us to read subtext, don’t give it to us on a silver platter…

Mary Quite Contrary: She speaks 7 whole words today, a full sentence, and still no meddling. But we can see the score: having seen her father all but ejaculate on his lover’s son, she doped herself up to the gills to survive the evening. Once the wine hits, alas, she’ll climb on the table and yell “What has my dad got that I haven’t? So he has a dick, big deal! His mouth can’t match THIS!” and tear her dress open. The panties have been abandoned a long time ago. The Maw Beckons.

My Cage: now there’s a big silver lining.

Phantom: Internal monologue: “Don’t go to sleep?? too late, I must be dreaming deep, but I never thought my subconscious would come up with a big white guy coming to my rescue in such.. tight… oh god, am I gay??”

Rex: Rex. Rex Rex Rex Rex. Boston is a big city now. They don’t all know each other. I’m sure there’s lots of Willies there… oh crap, we just can’t get away from the cliché innuendo, can we.

Sally: Ohhhh Ted, now you’re going to start another rumour, and it may not be Aria comin’ a-knockin’…

Crap, what’s with my brain today??
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 26th, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

5/26

A3G: ‘Gary, if you don’t get on that plane, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today, but tomorrow, and for the rest of your life. Why wouldn’t you? I mean, you’ll be dating me.”

JP: I wish I could say that Mrs Davis and her desperate housewife posse wasting their lives to protest Sophie’s cheerleader tryouts Sadly, it’s probably the most believable soap strip plot in decades.

PBS: See, this is what’s killing Get Fuzzy. You can’t just give your most obnoxious character free reign and trust they’ll do something funny. There has to be a dynamic.

S-M: “It was a funny dream. I was wrestling this man in green spandex. He shot lightning at me, so I wrapped him up in black rubber and carried him away. Hey MJ, come over here so I can prove something to myself.”

BC: Written by someone who has heard of Twitter but has no idea what it actually is.

GA: What’s going on here? Are we going to find out that Earl Lee Byrd was hit by a speeder while walking along the highway? Oh, Scancarelli, you were doing so well.

FW: Planting your daughter in a class so she can rattle the other students with terrible puns? That’s pretty low, Les.

Blondie: No pizza, but maybe Dagwood can satisfy himself with another kind of pie.

FC: “But Mommy, you broke my piggy bank and took the change during your last meth binge.”

Shoe: When Shoe starts with the Perfesser saying “I need a laxative,” that’s your clue that it’s going to be even more not good than usual.

Luann: Doesn’ t the library have some policy against exposing the children to creepy billionaires? They really should.

GT: The latest prank involves one scholar-athlete slowly and lovingly lowering the jeans of another scholar-athlete. It looks like the boys are taking their videos in another, potentially lucrative direction.
commodorejohn
May 26th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

A3G – In a budget-slashing move, Gary and Tommie are played by cardboard cutouts. Nobody really notices.

A.D. – I hear you, John. I hear you.

DT – We can see the peyote kicking in in panel two, which explains why Dick sees Jack being yanked offstage by a vaudeville hook in panel three.

FW – “See, I can be smug about it, because he never actually grades my tests, he just draws pictures of my underwear in the grade box. It’s creepy as hell, but that’s just life with my dad.”

GA – Oh, pff. You’re not fooling anyone, Gasoline Alley. He’s not dead, he just got lost, or some damn thing.

GT – Um, Gil Thorp? You can be done with this YouTube thing now. Seriously. The ball-conk was awesome, but these standard pranks are just lame.

JP – What anime did Blue-Haired Mom wander in from?

MT – Of course he found something. He’s Andy. He’s practically Sherlock Holmes in comparison to the rest of the cast.

MW – While Mary has been notably absent for most of this storyline, in her brief appearance she’s managed to turn two characters who, while not really endearing in any way, at least displayed some vague hints of emotion into vacantly grinning, glassy-eyed zombies. Such is the terrible might of Mary Worth.

Popeye – Would someone get this woman on some kind of medication?

SM – See, this is one of the things that was actually enjoyable about the old Spider-Man, and pretty much the only reason I particularily care that it’s back. It’s just nice to see a comics-page couple who display actual honest-to-God sexual interest in one another; there are precious few of them. But Spidey still doesn’t hold a candle to Ted Forth in either the “is interested in his wife” or the “credible superhero” departments.

Edison Lee – Hydrogen-burning…? THAT IS NOT HOW THE SUN WORKS. MOREOVER, THAT IS NOT HOW A SUN-COOKER WORKS. YOU SUCK.
PeteMoss
May 26th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

Excellent snarky posts, folks. Congratulations to this weeks champion, Hogan, for being spot-on.

Great to make such an impressive list this week, too. It’s like I went to bed on my Aunt’s plastic covered-couch but woke up as a runner-up comment-tater of the week! woo-hoo

By the way, folks, Wolverine can smell your skepticism.
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

PeteMoss @66 – That wouldn’t be “Aunt May” would it?
odinthor
May 26th, 2009 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

Baldo. — Gracie, sorry to break this to you, but those things are not your friends. Experience has demonstrated amply that, just as you feel you’re about to reach an exciting climax with one, it closes the chapter, and you’re left alone . . . in the dark . . . wondering . . . your questions left unanswered . . . your heart broken . . . only to start the next chapter coolly as if nothing had ever happened. Much better to invest your hopes and efforts in doing ~~drugs~~ good works for others.

Lockhorns. — Win.

HtH. — Not many people know that this is why Daniel Defoe avoided sentries.

GT. — I know that look. That’s the “I’m gonna buy me a shotgun and waste those bastards” look. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m kind of in a rush to go sell some high school kids some term life insurance with me as the beneficiary. I’ll even pay their first premium. Hey, just call me Mr. Caring.
bmrr
May 26th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

#43 Spectacular Spider-Brick: I would guess the joke is that headsmen have pedicures and can swap shifts. However you are right, neither is really a joke.
Poteet
May 26th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

# 42 Brick — Re Crank, well put.

# 58 Trogdor — Amen, amen.
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

Archie- I think “rip a Jughead” could be a new catch phrase.
PeteMoss
May 26th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

Sequitur @66
Aunt AprilMoss, actually…She use to tell me, “With great glands comes great responsiblity, kid, so fer heaven sake rinse off that sofa-cover and take a dang shower!!!…then go grab me some smokes.”
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

#72 PeteMoss – Nope. Doesn’t sound like Aunt May. I guess I can cross PeteMoss off the list of possible “Peter Parker/Spiderman who snarks on the comic-snarking website” candidates.
bats :[
May 26th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

Okey dokey…let’s just spell it out for you, Rex (and maybe we’ll get to the sex part later):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3567364868/sizes/o/
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

74 bats:[ – Good one. Looks like June is ready to “rip a Jughead.”
Angry Kem
May 26th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

Brother Francis is finally losing it in today’s Archie.

If B.C. has that mutant bird thing insert a doubleyou into one more unsuspecting word, there is going to be hell to pay. There is a line between “mildly funny” and “intensely annoying,” guys, and you seem not only to have found it but to have leapt gracefully over it and built a permanent residence on the wrong bloody side.
Old School Allie Cat
May 26th, 2009 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

FW – Since there are only maybe 4 teachers in all of Winkerville Senior High, I don’t guess Summer has a choice about having Daddy as a teacher. Could they not afford a second English teacher? Maybe do a timeshare with whatever high school Luann Degroot attends? Sheesh.

A3G – For some time, I have been toying with the idea that the writers are trying to get rid of Luanne and Tommie so that we could switch to an “All Margo, All the Time” format. I am foolishly hoping that Tommie will hop aboard the Gary Express to Denver, and that Luanne will just stay the hell in wherever she is.

Then Margo gets two new roommates – a sassy, streetwise soul sister and militant lesbian vegan with a heart of gold.

I can dream.
Sequitur
May 26th, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

76 Angry Kem – Looks like Brother Francis needs to “rip a Jughead.”

77 Old Schoold Allie Cat – Ditto for Tommie.
commodorejohn
May 26th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

#77 Old School Allie Cat – I would miss the current dynamic, with Margo insulting Lu Ann for being stupid and Tommie for being boring, but I would enjoy the prospect of Margo getting fresh meat to insult in new ways. If Apartment 3-G were to take such a course, I certainly would not object.
Joe the Plugger
May 26th, 2009 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

9CL: Today’s punchline is two people kissing. Gee, this is new.
Hogan
May 26th, 2009 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Oh my. How did this happen?
Artist formerly known as Ben
May 26th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

#77 OSAC and #79 commodorejohn,
I think the term “fresh meat” could take on a grisly literal meaning were Margo to get a militant vegan roommate. She might take it upon herself to teach the girl first hand about the food chain.
gnome de blog
May 26th, 2009 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

77 Old School:
Margo’s on her way to China with Dad, who’s probably the only person in Manhattan meaner than she is.

If Tommie goes to Denver, we could have a comic about an empty apartment. It might be an improvement.

Speaking of Tommie, she almost looks attactive today.
PeteMoss
May 26th, 2009 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

gnome de blog @ 83
hahaha! Excellent suggestion. It’ll be like that “After People” show. With LuAnn, Margo and Tommie finally out of town, we’ll be free to just watch Apartment 3D’s slow decay and collapse. We’ll see the vines start growing on the walls; the vermin take over the kitchen; birds, wild cats and primates, would each take their turn inhabiting the A3G habitat. Finally, just before the structural integrity of the building becomes so compromised as to allow it to implode, the managment will finally decide that Margo, LuAnn and Tommie aren’t coming back and will lease the place to Spider-man and MJ or maybe Cindy from Funky Winkerbean.
PeteMoss
May 26th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

…and the story will still seem to move quicker than it ever did before!
gleeb
May 26th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

57 (bats) re ‘bean: I’m sure Creepy Les doesn’t care. But I’m also sure that sometimes the kids forget to retrieve their possessions, which Creepy Les can then either use as his own or pawn.
Fashion Police
May 26th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Adrian’s swain and Tommie’s beau have on approximately the same suit. Burnt orange is the new electric blue. The decline of civilization continues.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
May 26th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

MT – “That’s right officer, it’s my dog, Andy. He’s dead. He’s the animal that I sent out to find whatever it was that was attracting other animals and then killing them.
Connection? Do I see WHAT connection?”
150
May 26th, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

Half the reason I love this site is that the commenters are so stinkin’ funny.
rapid turtle
May 26th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe nobody has mentioned today’s MG&G, squick-worthy as it is…or is that why? ignore it and it’ll go away, sort of thing? Very well then…sorry to draw attention to it…
Niall
May 26th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

90. rapid turtle: Oh, my aching inner eye… though at least it has more veracity than yesterday’s gag. Putting the batteries backwards results in a complete absence of power flowing.
Muffaroo
May 26th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Archie – One could be distracted by Cammie and Uncle Pennybags and miss the point that Jughead is known to be a comic book character (though not necessarily a comic strip character). This suggests that the group we see in the newspaper is a collection of Archie fanboys who were so into it, they voluntarily patterned their lives and actual physical features after the Riverdale gang. The presence of parental lookalikes means they either got their parents to go along with it, or the grownups are similarly Archie cosplayers who are unrelated to their putative offspring. Either way, it doesn’t bear much thinking about.

AD – Twedence?

Blondie – You could combine those two things, Dagwood! I hear there’s this funny trick you can do with a pizza if it’s not too hot.

DTracy – Oh, good. Here it is only Tuesday, and we’ve already caught up with last Sunday. Friday, here we come!

~~Is Jack being pulled backwards by one of those comical shepherd’s crooks they used in Vaudeville?~~ [commodorejohn's already on it] Was the “POW” a Memorial Day logo and not a sound effect?

MTrail – See where Andy leads, Mark! Follow his lead! He’ll lead you to the clues! (Note: This one loses something when read aloud.)

MWorth – “We’ll talk more another time!” “…I can maybe finish checking you out! Hee hee!”

MG&Grimm – I see nothing. I’m moving along.

Plugger – The plugger ladder of success. It leads to failure.
ScienceGiant
May 26th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

Larry McAwful – you’ve inspired me. I shall write to my newspaper editor and complain loud and long that the comic strip versions of “Garfield,” “Dick Tracy” and “Dennis the Menace” are not the same as in the movies. I can’t wait to see what the editor says.
buckyswife
May 26th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

#83 gnome de blog: What I love about your idea is that it makes the strip’s title literal; no, this isn’t “The Adventures of Three Gals Who Live in Apartment 3G,” silly—it’s JUST “Apartment 3G.”
Tweeks_Coffee
May 26th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

Archie: Dilton is reading a book written by the monopoly man and Archie is reading a comic about Jughead. What an odd little vignette.
GT: To the amusement of the amateur gay porn industry, apparently.
MT: “Something’s killing every animal within 50 miles, let’s go have a look Andy! What’s that? You found something here in the area where all these animals have been dying because of lead?” I should know better, but this seems to be going somewhere.
MW: Scott’s camouflage is almost perfect, but his tie should really be a lighter orange.
MG&G: *shudders*
R&R: Red reads the comics so you don’t have to.
S4th: Ted, now is not the time to be checking your manicure.
Little Guy
May 26th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

S-M: I wonder what is the threadhold of letters to push for MJ to pose in underwear, sleepwear, or swimwear ever Sunday for at least four of the panels (and that doesn’t include the two throwaways).

JP: I’m undecided if they should settle this the Baretto way: in skimpy clothing shooting guns, like vengeful strippers.

9CL: I’ll be glad when Edda is pregnant, so that Amos will collapse under her third-trimester weight and be crushed.

Sunday’s Stripeybutt: Next: polyamorous relationships legalized in Baronkhan!
Little Guy
May 26th, 2009 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

49: “Hey, I thought Joaquin Phoenix was taller.”
PeteMoss
May 26th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Horny Goose With Robo Kitty! Sounds like my next indie band project!
buckyswife
May 26th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

#96 Little Guy: I think that’s been made quite clear. To get something done in Spiderman, it takes one true believer who sends one ton of responses. So—get to work!
CanuckDownSouth
May 26th, 2009 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

Edison Lee THE RADIATIVE OUTPUT OF FUSION DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY

If you want a 5800K blackbody, just heat up some metal!

This is why I *still* get crazy answers about the basics even after a semester of Stellar… *sigh*

Now, I would *like* to think that the line in Dick Tracy is a bullet path from a sniper and Jack will die quickly, but this is a strip with workplace signs like “1009 days since the last NON-convoluted, gruesome death” (and they don’t bother with a second digit slot for the sign about gruesome, ironic demises) – so I figure it’s a badly-drawn set of taser wires and Jack will twitch across the floor into a decorative shark tank and be simultaneously electrocuted and dismembered.
Angry Kem
May 26th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Re. Archie: My current theory is that the artist is just really, really bored. He is being driven mad by the completely stupid subject matter the writer is pushing on him, and he is starting to rebel by including such details as anti-AJGLU-3000 T-shirts, Archie puppets, and Jughead comic books. Eventually, he will work his way up to dirty PEZ dispensers based on Betty and Veronica and a Dilton Doiley blow-up doll. Then the Apocalypse will come.
Hogenmogen
May 26th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

(what the) Dick Tracy has been a recurring loop of Jack getting Tracy at gunpoint, then setting up to tell of his grand over-arching plan, we cut to Gertie doing incomprehensible things with bad FBI guys, then back to Dick, who diarms Jack, and apparently kills him. But no, Jack aint dead, he gets Dick at gunpoint and is about to kill him right after he divulges his brilliant, nefarious plot – cut to BO and the gay Nazi bikers. Dick takes advantage of Jack’s monologue and attacks, disarms Jack and leaves him unconscious. But Jack reclaims the weapon and is about to shoot Tracy as soon as Jack tells him the hideous secret that he’s been keeping… BO, Gertie, squirrel traps and bad guys. Deus ex machina and Dick is saved!
ScienceGiant
May 26th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

Edison Lee: I had to see what pissed CanuckDownSouth off.
The Bad: Wow. So much bad science there I hardly know where to start. First, the Sun is (fortunately) too massive for just hydrogen burning. Sing this to the tune of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
Now I know just what you are
You’re three-quarters hydrogen
And one-quarter helium
And trace amounts of lithium
And ions of berylium

The reason that you shine so bright
Is how you make your pretty light
NUCLEAR FUSION in your core
Two hydrogen and then two more
Produce a helium nuclei
And radiance which fills the sky.”

The Good: Hey! A cute science cartoon! :) About blessed time too — it’s been ages since “Foxtrot” went to Sundays only.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 26th, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

My Cage: Norm T. Platypus needs a backbone now. Or perhaps he should just fight crime?
spiderman 4
June 9th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

thank you. very good informations for me. thankyou again.

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