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I have just one hilarious item for you before I get to the COTW: Remember how I told you about Marty Moon’s Twitter feed? Well, if you enjoy that, you’ll probably also like Margo Magee’s.

And now … your comment of the week!

“‘Thanks to both of you, things turned out the way they did.’ Whoa! Better brush up your vagueness skillz, Herb and Jamaal — there’s a new something or other in whatever place this is!” –Hogan

And your runners-up:

“I think the Mary Worth palate consists of perhaps nine shades, but cantaloupe orange is undoubtedly the reigning champion.” –Andrew Leal

“I congratulate Mark Trail for finding the least erotic, most disturbing opening dialog of a gay porno ever. (‘I would like you to check into something.’ ‘Is it … serious?’ ‘It may be.’)” –Alan’s Addiction

Thanks to both of you things turned out the way they did — we’re still stuck with the creepy, haunted ventriloquist’s dummy.” –PeteMoss

Mary’s speculative regard of Adrian could not more unequivocally telegraph the sentiment, ‘Vulnerable, eh? (sinister chuckle)’ had the artist been working tirelessly for hours or even days to achieve that precise effect.” –Violet

“Ah, now I get it. Every date with Adrian, no matter how casual, is treated like she’s going to the prom. The prom on The Brady Bunch.” –mojo

“And the last words ever heard at that Milford party were: ‘Is that a bottle of vodka or a fire extinguisher?’ ‘There’s only one way to find out!'” –BigTed

“We are always gratified to see a gentleman wearing a suit and tie when calling on a lady. Except when the suit is orange. Santa Royale may be in California, but that is an insufficient excuse.” –Fashion Police

“What the hell is Tracy doing with his hand in the second panel? Is he raising it in a Hitler-style over-the-shoulder salute? Because that would be … completely unsurprising.” –Howlin’ Wolf

Matters seem to be in hand, sergeant. Horrible, shriveled, clenched little hand.” –It’s time to pay the price

“Apparently Pluggers is shifting its focus from impoverished seniors to the exciting world of amputation fetishism. Your move, Crankshaft.” –Master Mahan

“‘You wanted to see me, Coach?’ ‘Yes, I heard some story that you had deliberately carved a vertical line down your face but, I knew they must be jokin… What the fuck?!‘” –EdgyDC

“Look, if child pornography charges are what it takes to get Marvin out of the newspapers, I’m willing to support this storyline 100%.” –150

“Also, I object to any comparison of the Lockhorns to Crankshaft. Each Lockhorns is a single-panel Raymond Carver short story — austere and clipped, full of blank space and blanker expressions reinforcing the empty blankness of bourgeois marriage in post-industrial society. Crankshaft on the other hand is more like Updike’s Rabbit tetralogy, a seemingly never-ending parade of increasingly unlikeable characters, but without Updike’s sense of humanity. Oh, and without the ‘protagonist’ finally having a massive coronary and dropping dead, alone and abandoned on the street.” –Comrade Denny

“I want to believe Marvin was wiped and cleaned in the video, that he hadn’t just got out of the nappy, that he wasn’t leaving an unspeakable, unthinkable trail behind him. But in my heart I know it’s Marvin, and human waste is what holds the comic together. Excrement for bricks, urine for mortar.” –Lolsworth

“That first panel of Mary Worth is like an advertisement for Fantastic Sams House of Horrible Haircuts. It’s where you go for styles that were popular in the 1950s and NEVER.” –Zooby

“Next Sunday, the parson will move on to harder theodical problems, such as why bad likker turns a feller blind.” –Albert Camus

Mary Worth: I only wish I were an English professor with a need to illustrate the phrase ‘heavy-handedness’ in a creative writing course.” –bad wolf

“Personally, I’m hoping Mary Worth takes a cue from Funky Winkerbean, and the next storyline will be about the disembodied spirit of Scott’s dad peeping on his son’s dates with Adrian and possibly offering advice and commentary along the way. ‘That’s right, son! End the date with a chaste peck on the cheek and a handshake. Limp and clammy, just the way I like it!'” –Joe Blevins

“Okay, now wait… Since it was all a dream, does this mean that Electro didn’t really eat that sandwich? I’m going to have to write in to newspaper Spider-Man now. How does one do that, exactly?” –Larry McAwful

“If the Lord’s Plan involves trying to get everyone in Hootin’ Holler to die of food poisoning after eating off their filthy floors, I may have to become a man of faith myself!” –Rhekarid

“You guessed it, true believer! We’ve decided to bow to your letters and let Peter Parker lounge in a bed for the duration of a Sunday strip. Fucking exciting, ain’t it?” –survivor

“So, wait, hold on. Rewind a few weeks and we find that the newspaper Spider Man has reworked itself similar to the mainstream comics. Both audiences are outraged, but the newspaper one corrects itself. This means that … the newspaper-reading audience that has kept Family Circus alive for decades is, in fact, more powerful than all the world’s comic nerds? Man, that’s gotta hit the comic nerds something rough.” –Black Drazon

“Given how badly Marvel has overblown the character of Wolverine over the last 20 years I absolutely cannot wait to see Stan Lee put him in a cubicle eating a sandwich.” –Jeff

“Learn from this experience, Dolly: flirt shamelessly with broken, middle-aged men and you will never pay full price for anything.” –NoahSnark

Big thanks go to those who put some cash into my tip jar! And thanks must also go to my advertisers:

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