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On the other hand, how menacing can a little boy in a suit jacket be?

Dick Tracy, 5/26/09

Dick Tracy may be a thug whose joy in enforcing the rights of the powerful are matched only by his delight in the anguished screams of his dying enemies, but you have to admit that, as panel one indicates, he has a pretty philosophical attitude about death, presumably because he’s seen so damn much of it. “Yeah, go ahead, ludicrously dressed card-themed villain, put a bullet in my head. What other kind of fate could possibly be awaiting me? At least I’ll be released from this world of suffering, where you’re either enduring pain or dishing it out. I’m just going to stare grimly ahead at you, not even giving you the pleasure of seeing my eyes opened widely; I reserve that for truly remarkable events, like, say, if I’m miraculously saved by you getting shot in the spine and presumably paralyzed for life.”

Dennis the Menace, 5/26/09

Is it really “menacing” if Dennis is doing what many would like to do, yet dare not, due to social conventions — berating people shouting into their cellphones inappropriately in public, for instance? Perhaps not, in and of itself. But look at the flummoxed, vaguely guilty expression on this fellow’s face. He’s already eating dinner out by himself; now his one attempt at human interaction has been stymied, and everyone else in the restaurant is staring at him, increasing his self-consciousness. Presumably he’ll hang up the phone, quickly wolf down his food, and leave in embarrassment, going home to his lonely, empty apartment to cry. Perhaps this is an act of true menacing — or perhaps Dennis is menacing us by showing us the real human consequences of our hidden desires.

Shoe, 5/26/09

Ha ha, it’s funny because shitting something something the economy!

117 responses to “On the other hand, how menacing can a little boy in a suit jacket be?”

  1. Aitherion
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    If Shoe made any sense at all, the titular bird’s response in the second panel would have been “Dammit I’ve told you hundreds of times please don’t fucking tell me about your issues with shitting!”

    And if they were actually birds, his response would be something more like “Coo” or “Chirp” or something, I’m not a bird doctor.

  2. zenvelo
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    A3G: is Tommie a manikin? she “speaks” with her mouth closed. or may be she’s just certain Gary will slip something in there if she parts her lips….

  3. Cranky
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Forget the lame fecal-based Shoe economy humor. Dude, Momma’s daughter bought her computer on time.

  4. Captain Thunder
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    Do all Shoe punchlines take the form [Horrifying Statement] –> [Silently Staring Eyes of Despair]? And if so, where do I send my resume to write for the comic? I mean, I’ve pretty much just described my reaction to every Shoe comic ever, if you substitute “Existence of Shoe” for “Horrifying Statement” and “Palpable Sense of Existential Rage” for “Silently Staring Eyes of Despair”, so you know I’ve got experience.

  5. Sans Sense
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Times like this it really pays off for those anthropomorphic buggers to have no pants. I just feel sorry for the guys in the copy room one bough below the soon to be incontinent bastard.

  6. Renman2000
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does one-eye yell out the names of his killers. “Dick Locher…Jim Brozman…” A rare break in the fourth wall decrying the state of Dick Tracy.

  7. Sans Sense
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Note to Dick:

    Never, NEVER, let ‘em see you sweat. I am switching to the Ghost-Who-Never-Sweats.

  8. CanuckDownSouth
    May 26th, 2009 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Thread-killed. However, yesterthread I predict Jack’s fate in DT will be nowhere near as merciful as a bullet in the spine.

  9. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    how menacing can a little boy in a suit jacket be?

    “Menacing” is a relative term. In “Dennis the Menace”, a little boy in a suit jacket is not menacing. In “Spider-Man”, he’d have Peter Parker on the ropes for the next three months.

  10. Captain Thunder
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    The last panel of today’s Dick Tracy doesn’t say “Card-themed villain being shot in the back by unseen character” so much as “Comically bad Vaudevillean drag act being pulled offstage by oversized novelty hook.”

  11. Jackuul
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Wait, wait a minute. Just wait. Birds shit, but they only shit. That means the bird in this is dying of not only being unable to evacuate his bowels but also uric acid, since birds lack bladders and must excrete it as crystal-like deposits when they do dump.

    That goddamn bird should be goddamn dead. Now. And for shame, using a parody of the internet meme “You’ll shit bricks when you see it” without actually saying it.

  12. rachel
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Do birds even get constipated? Doesn’t all bird excretia come out the same orifice, and is mostly liquid as a result? Aren’t birds incontinent, shitting indiscriminately as they go?

    Okay, that’s it. I’m off to get a degree in ornithology. Thank you, Shoe, for rekindling my interest in shit science!

  13. Acme
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    #10 Captain Thunder: Given the “POW”, it looks more like a javelin fired from some kind of cannon.

  14. Sans Sense
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Is Alice’s hair probing the Fourth Wall? Is she attempting to escape the mild menace? Or is Dennis about to spin around, look me in the eye and say, “Don’t you know you’re not s’posed to pick your nose?” thus leaving me to contemplate the real human consequences of my not so hidden desire.

  15. Poteet
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    DT — Queen of Diamonds, much as I enjoyed her costume, was also incompetent. I hope they don’t have any other sibs.

    SHOE — Since you’re a bird, try a little syrup of buckthorn in your drinking water and adding more greens and fruit to your diet. And lay off the fatty foods.

    DtM — That’s an interesting ‘do in the upper right corner.

  16. Sequitur
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Shoe – This makes no sense at all unless if since your 401-K’s already in the crapper its done the job for you.

    Besides, based on the birds that roost over my car in the employee parking lot, not one of them is ever constipated.

  17. Poteet
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    # 12 rachel — Cage birds can get constipated. Wild birds, not so much, if at all. I suppose we should be grateful we don’t see much of family life in SHOE, or we might be treated to parent birds carrying large fecal sacs.

  18. GoBobbyGo
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Hey. Haven’t posted in a long time. But I need some help with JP. As in what the holy fuck is going on? I hardly ever read it, but saw it in the newspaper the other day. It seemed interesting that parents were protesting teen daughter even being allowed to try out for cheerleaders. So I went back as far as I could on the chron website. Even read the Sundays. And I don’t fucking get it. Why are all these moms pissed that teen daughter is being allowed to try out? Please help!

  19. Sans Sense
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Little boy in a suit jacket? Not so menacing.
    Little boy in a school blazer with an upper crust English accent? Frickin’ terrifying.
    If Dennis had the mad sense to speak in a Brit accent dripping with irony he would drive Mr. Wilson to homicide or suicide within a week.

  20. Sequitur
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    DT – Well what do you know. OE Jack is just a marionette being controlled by a Muppet rod.

  21. Lorem Ipsum
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: That just chaps my cloaca!

  22. cj
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Re: 10 Thunder, 13 Acme:

    I’m gonna go with pool cue.

  23. Stroker Ace
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    DtM – Dennis mouthes off to Alice’s divorce attorney. Well played young menace.

  24. Perky Bird
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    My cousin’s macaw became constipated to the point of developing hemorroids and needing surgery on his little birdie butthole.

    That being said, Shoe is not funny. I think having one’s 401-K go bust would tie one’s bowels in knots and thus add to the problem. The punchline should have been something like, “Just go eat some of Roz’s chili.”

  25. Kermit the Forg
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Dennis is moving from childish “menacing” of the elderly, girls, and his friends into the more refined style of Everett True. Our boy is growing up! *sniff*

  26. Angry Kem
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    There was a previous Shoe comic that showed the Perfesser’s skeleton, which was distinctly human. Perhaps he is some monstrous man/bird hybrid who does, in fact, experience constipation. Or perhaps whoever writes Shoe needs to be hit repeatedly over the head with a book on ornithology. Either way, I’m good.

  27. Mac
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    For those of you who like to look on the bright side: sure, newspapers are dying, but at least we’d get the unemployment of (choose one: the characters/creators) of Shoe as some small bit of compensation.

  28. Jackuul
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]


  29. skullcrusherjones
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    How ironic. One-Eye Jack, a man who dresses like a playing card, is skewered by a pool cue.

    Poetic justice, Dick Tracy style.

  30. Uncle Lumpy
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    #18 GBG –

    Oh, it makes no sense at all – one of the moms is torqued at Abbey for being rich, and imputes special treatment of Sophie as a result; presumably she recruited the others, who have no apparent grievance. But the core of the conflict is completely incoherent (as you saw) – Sophie is threatening to take the head cheerleader’s “place” in a try-out, because “it’s all about grades”, and the cheerhead ain’t got ‘em. So the moms are protesting, um, what?

    But in a larger sense: Baretto! Cheerleaders! And best of all, not Randy!

  31. Anonymous
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    You know, I feel for the one eyed jack guy here. Whenever I get shot in the spine, I blurt out the names of two artists as I fall forward.

  32. Crankenstank
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Egads, I had a little checked suit coat like that, with matching short pants, when I was 5…in the 1960s. Of course, Hank Ketcham is dead so probably is not up on the latest fashions of the 21st century. Maybe that’s what’s so menacing about the strip: zombies lecturing us on public moires from beyond the grave.

  33. CanuckDownSouth
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #18-GBG, there was some kind of fight between Sophie and one or more cheerleaders (off-panel), which led to no consequences, and the cheerleader’s mother blamed the fight entirely on Sophie and claimed that the only reason there was no punishment was because Sophie is rich.

    The insanity begins because Sophie thinks she’ll pick off the head cheerleader because her grades slipped and apparently they don’t pick cheerleaders from the best of those who aren’t in academic trouble, but will remove someone from the squad if an academically-gifted girl can make some minimum cheer level. At least, that’s the best I can weave the girls’ implied threats into. If that were the case, heck, I’d complain about the *process*, but not about the *tryouts*

  34. fishmorgjp
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Huh? Did Shoe gets its wires crossed with Marvin somehow?

    And in Dick Tracy, why does a spear in the villain’s back go “POW”?

  35. Mike D.
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    If the Perfesser’s horrified reaction to Shoe’s economy joke in panel two is any indication, I’m really, really glad there is no panel three.

  36. Sequitur
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know about you guys but no comic made me laugh or even chuckle a little bit today. I usually get at least one yuk or half a yuk a day. However, reading ya’lls take on the strips… now that’s funny. (And I mean that in a good way.)

  37. corinthian
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    It’s a good thing that ridiculous card themed villain was disrupted by somebody poking him in the back with a stick or Dick Tracy would be filled with even more horrible violence than usual.

  38. Jackuul
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]


    Next time on the Chronicles of Dick: Dick Tracy, after watching the crazy card man be stabbed in the back with a spear must come face to face with Leonidas and the 300 Spartans, sent from the past by the evil (random scientist villain) to crush him. Can Dick Tracy stand up to the Spartans? Will he fall into the pit of death? Or will he be involved in a three way bloodbath when the Persian Army arrives, and emerge in the most violent and bloody battle to have ever happened? Or is this all just one mans fantasy for the ultimate storyline ever – and it will never happen?

    Stay tuned to find out!

  39. Jackuul
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    (…mumbles… I meant @37)

  40. Digger
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Inspired by today’s Shoe, I’m going to go tell my boss that I have to leave work because I need a laxative. That should get me closer to a promotion.

    Today is the birth of Dennis 2.0. He’s a menace… those who lack good manners!

  41. seismic-2
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Can somebody please explain to me just what is happening in the third panel of Gil Thorp? Apparently the losing pitcher, Andrew Gregory, has hurled his glove in a fit of rage over the loss, but the arc that presumably traces his arm’s motion is entirely behind his body. In tossing his glove, has he completely spun around, like a discus thrower? No wonder he keeps being the losing pitcher, if that’s his delivery. Or is that arc behind his body not the path of his arm at all but a “swoosh” insignia that Nike has painted on the dugout in a sponshorship deal? Or is someone reaching in to snag him with a grappling hook, as part of another hilarious Youtube video? Oh, the confusion. It’s enough to make your ear explode.

  42. Dragon of Life
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    My personal theory is that, to judge by his glazed eyes and goofy smile in panel one, Dick Tracy is stoned off his gourd and simply imagining the next two panels. That’s why the POW in panel 2 is the card guy’s gun erupting in a giant clover, and why in panel 3 said card guy has been done in by the panel separator.

  43. Sequitur
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    DT: OE Jack must have taken this class. He had no idea how to defend himself against a pointed stick.

  44. Dekster
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Am I misunderstanding the final panel of Dick Tracy?

    Because getting shot would result in some sort of exit wound.

    Rather, One-Eyed Jack appears like he is being pulled offstage with one of those old-timey Vaudeville hooks.

  45. Angry Kem
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    Damn it…every time one of you mentions “OE Jack,” I read it as “Old English Jack.” I keep imagining him shouting, “Hwæt!” and attempting to behead Dick Tracy with an axe.

  46. CanuckDownSouth
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    #44-Dekster – I called poorly-drawn taser yesterthread :)

  47. Sequitur
    May 26th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    #45 Angry Kem – Now that would be an interesting story line.

  48. Poteet
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    # 18 GoBobbyGo — My theory is that the cheerleader storyline is a long convoluted dream Sophie is having, kind of like the long wedding dream she had several years ago. I wish she’d wake up, because even for a dream, the angry moms with nothing to do except bitch about cheerleader tryouts are over the top.

  49. Bitter Scribe
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Hey, give Dennis a break. If my parents dressed me up in that dweeby checked coat, I’d be cranky too.

  50. Baka Gaijin
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: I think the Perfessor just needs to “rip a Jughead.”

  51. fnord3125
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    is Dick working on his beaver impression in the first panel or, now that he’s been miraculously saved at the last second, does he really need to go see an orthodontist?

  52. Kevin
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I thought today’s shoe was kind of funny. Get it? He shits himself? Get it? AHAHAHAHAHAH

    Actually, what if he saw his 401k and was scared shitLESS?

  53. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    I’m with Captain Thunder; that’s clearly an oversized novelty cane, dragging One-Eye off stage. He’s being dragged off because “snake eyes for you” is a terrible line; it’s not funny and doesn’t make sense no matter how you parse it. Much like Dick Tracy itself.

  54. Comrade Denny
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    DT: I’m not sure if One-Eyed Jack is getting shot, impaled, or hooked, but I rather like it that he seems to be screaming, “DICK LOCHER! JIM BROZMAN!” as a sort of “J’accuse” laying the blame for the ridiculousness of his life (and death) squarely at the feet those primarily responsible for both.

  55. Sans Sense
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Where does I get me one of them pool cue guns? Might come in handy for vampire slaying. Ka-pow!

  56. bats :[
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    To paraphrase Monty Python, “Intercourse the economy!”.
    Me? So much epidermal goodness over at RMMD…

  57. Carly
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    I mistook the artist/author names in the Dick Tracy third panel as the word balloon for a moment and was really confused. Also, what exactly did the card dude get hit with? A javelin?

  58. Tweeks_Coffee
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    re: Niall from forever ago: Thanks for the welcome! Things have, honestly, only gotten worse since I was last around. Though my spirits are still at a manageable level right now. I also saw about your troubles and you have my sympathy. Hopefully things are getting better now. I wish you the best, buddy.

  59. Master Mahan
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    “Deus ex machina for you, Tracy!”

  60. Master Mahan
    May 26th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Wow, the penalty of mixing metaphors in the Dick Tracy universe is harsh. If One-Eyed Jack had only said something like “Time to fold!”, Dick Tracy would have a hole in his head right now.

  61. Jackuul
    May 26th, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Pshhh, Master Mahan, everyone knows his head is made out of pure lead.

  62. Brick Bradford
    May 26th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Hokay, we have a strip in which birds talk, wear clothes, comment on politics, and work at newspapers and THIS we swallow, but let ‘em get the inner workings of said birds wrong and all of a sudden everybody is John James Fricking Audobon? (Maybe it’s just that we like to talk about birds pooping.)

    GT I think Andrew Gregory might have had a better shot at winning the game if he’d thrown the ball instead of his glove.

  63. Alan's Addiction
    May 26th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m still not sold on the “bad guy being shot” theory of today’s Dick Tracy strip; it looks more like he’s being aggressively prodded by a pool cue. I can only hope this is the case, as it would give the “Gaming/gambling themed-villain” a little more credibility.
    I see only one menace in today’s Dennis the Menace strip, and that’s the horrifying check jacket that Dennis is wearing.
    I have a question for today’s Shoe: do bird-people retire? I thought that they just continued eating worms and stuff throughout their lives…

  64. Comrade Denny
    May 26th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Upon reflection, I think what’s going on Panel 3 of today’s Dick Tracy is best is actually an accident. The camera simply pulled back to quickly, revealing Jack’s rod before the puppeteer can get him out of the scene. Three guesses where they’ve stuck Dick’s rod.

    Of course, I base this on the assumption that Dick Tracy is staged by the Feebles.. How else do you explain the – uh, everything .

  65. Rhekarid
    May 26th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    As the gunshot causes the villain to drop his weapon, Tracy is faced with a truly terrifying image; the gnarled hand that was holding it, at point blank range, which in the Dick Tracy world looks something like the World’s Ugliest Dog photographed mid-sneeze.

  66. Fashion Police
    May 26th, 2009 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    It’s appalling that Alice Mitchell has such low expectations for her child that she would dress him like a race-track tout, Dennis would look charming in a Little Lord Fauntleroy suit.

  67. Patrick
    May 26th, 2009 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Someone should tell Dennis that you shouldn’t wear a plaid sport coat while eating a big plate of the letter M.

  68. odinthor
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    GT. — Andrew Gregory has cause to be frustrated. Not even Rutherford B. Hayes lost a tough one to Tilden. . . . [crickets] . . . I said, “Not even Rutherford B. Hayes lost a tough one to Tilden.” . . . [crickets, and all their relatives] . . . And I don’t know why there’s a gigantic Hula-Hoop™ impaling his cage, nor why a light is shining out his ear. But it’s probably significant that, in the first panel, Bill Hawkins is wearing the same boxers as I am today. Well, not actually the same ones, cuz he’s over there, and I’m right here, and I seem to be alone in them. OK, now that we’ve settled all that, let’s move right along, please.

  69. BigTed
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    Five slightly funnier things an editor could say when a reporter announces he needs a laxative:
    “You realize those don’t work for writer’s block, right?”
    “Judging from the length of your last editorial, I assumed you already took one.”
    “If you keep oversharing like that, I’ll have to make you the staff blogger.”
    “Get the chocolate kind. Given the state of the newspaper industry, that’s all you’ll be eating for a while.”
    “Just find a statue. Haven’t you realized we’re birds yet?”

  70. thunderheels
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    In the next installment of DT we find out One Eye is Dick’s evil twin and Dick will fall into unfathomable despair and depression ending in a kiling spree that rids the city of all evil doers or whatever.

  71. Alfred E. Neuman
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    DT— I’m voting for a speargun with with a powerhead tip. With that combination, you would get both a spear shaft and a “POW” as the explosive spear head was propelled clear though Jack’s body in true Dick Tracy style.
    Now why would someone have a speargun in a casino? That’s much too logical of a question for this strip.

  72. zerowolf
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    The fact that Alice and Henry both have pointy noses but Dennis and the guy on the phone both have round noses explains Alice’s horrified expression more than Dennis’ antics.

  73. Sans Sense
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    #71. – Cardinal Newman

    Two words: Seafood Buffet


  74. Sans Sense
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    DtM: Most frightening thing, Alice and Henry have NO DRINKS WHATSOEVER! Where’s Larry Tate when you need him? I assume they hang out in the same universe.

  75. Elenia25
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Wow, your comments on Dennis the Menace made me feel bad for the poor old guy! :)

  76. OKStan
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    The dark suit of Mr. Cell Phone is good fashion, but what in the HECK is Dennis wearing? When could that suit ever have been in fashion.
    As for Shoe, he could just spend time over my freshly washed car. Believe me, that works wonders for every bird who’s ever perched above me.

  77. Muffaroo
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Kevin @52 – I believe that’s what the expression ‘scared shitless’ means. You let go, and suddenly you don’t have any in you any more.

    Comrade Denny @64 – Jack’s rod, eh? Do you suppose it’s… L-shaped? Hah? Hah??? …

    DTracy – Sequitur @43 is right, so I’ll just take out the overlapping part of my comment, funny as it was, and resume… Ahem. As to who’s holding the other end of that stick, I’ll guess it’s one of the gang, or maybe Big Ace himself, who has finished his thrilling game of Solitaire and come to deliver the penalty for failure. He’s probably bringing the remainder of the “deck” of “Bicycle Cards” along, and Tracy will spend the next two years laboriously completing the game of 52 Pick-Up he started last year. (Deal with it, Dick.)

    me @this post – …because then it would be a JACK EL ROD! I’m sorry, I didn’t want to say it, but I didn’t want someone else to say it and think they’d made it up, either. Life, sometimes, is a choice between evils.

  78. John James Fricking Audobon
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Brick Bradford @ 62

    . . . let ‘em get the inner workings of said birds wrong and all of a sudden everybody is John James Fricking Audobon?

    Yeah, you gotta problem wit’ dat?

    May 26th, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    “Is it really “menacing” if Dennis is doing what many would like to do, yet dare not, due to social convention”

    Given the amount that I want to have a bowel movement on my neighbors’ lawn, if he were to do that, then yes. It would be menacing, I’d say.

  80. Sans Sense
    May 26th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    One last DtM for the day:

    When cell phone guy inevitably gets over his initial guilt and chuckles at the little fella, it WOULD be menacing if Dennis launched into a Goodfellas-like “funny like I’m a clown” riff.

  81. gnome de blog
    May 26th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    I don’t read Dick Tracy, though I probably should. I’m puzzled why a card guy like One-Eyed Jack would use a dice term. Perhaps he deserves to die.

  82. Lolsworth
    May 26th, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    You pretty much had the entire comic wrapped up with “It’s funny because shitting”.

  83. zadig
    May 26th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Shoe is clearly the result of the cartoonist, on the down cycle of his unmedicated, bipolar life, saying to himself “C’mon, you can do this. Just bang out any old shit. Wait, that’s it!”

  84. Alison
    May 26th, 2009 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s more rude to bring your bratty kid to a fancy restaurant which, judging by the background, is supposed to be for adults, than it is for some guy to talk on a cell phone. Although I guess I can’t blame Dennis’s parents for not being able to find a babysitter. I’m sure all the babysitters in town are just terrified of having to sit for Dennis. He might horribly menace them by making a dumb pun or something.

  85. kurt
    May 26th, 2009 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Did anyone notice the double “spots’ on June’s glasses? As she’s outdoors, that means two light sources reflecting off the glasses, which means two suns, which means…
    HOLY FREHOLIEE, June and Rex are NOT ON EARTH! The ship’s cruising through ANOTHER GALAXY!
    Could Rex and June be ALIENS, trying to abduct Willie for their own SINISTER Purposes ???

    Ok, no mo Fantasy Island / Star Trek for awhile :-)

  86. Mdgoldrush1984
    May 26th, 2009 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Shoe’s excuse for leaving work (“I can’t crap, gotta get laxatives”) begs the question: what the hell has he been doing the rest of the work day?

  87. 150
    May 26th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    When did Shoe become Marvin?

  88. Donald the Anarchist
    May 26th, 2009 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    DTM C’mon, only Dennis would want to draw attention to some poor schmuck who’s obviously been stood up. Usually, everyone is happy to ignore the poor man or woman who’s only just now started the salad because they really wanted to eat their entree at the same time and they’re only thirty minutes late. Now Dennis has allowed that awkward vibe to radiate through the restaurant. For that, he at least deserves to be labelled Pain in the ASS! Not a Menace, but it;s a start…

    DT C’mon guys. “As of now, all bets are final.” How hard was that, really?

    Shoe “Why don’t you do something inherently frightening, like getting in a cage with a tiger?” My line also wasn’t funny, but at least it made sense, in that many people’s bowels would loosen uncontrollably in such a situation.

    May 26th, 2009 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Nancy: does anybody remember the series of strips in which Sluggo worked as an office boy in an office? Now that was funny bit of business.

    Actually, I skim down the Houston Chronicle page every morning at around 6 o’clock and “read” about 7 strips. The rest are so terrible I do not bother. If anybody wants to know what strips I read, email me at Am I allowed to post my email address in these messages? I don’t see anybody else doing it. One Big Happy is my favorite, and I actually like Luann! I deliberately skip FOOB. It sucks.

    If you do email me, I will not try to sell you car insurance.

  90. John James Fricking Audubon
    May 26th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    # 62 & # 78 — Kindly note the second “u” in my name. And all of you on the list, stop mocking mullets!

  91. Toronto
    May 26th, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    I was really surprised weapons were involved in the Dick Tracy/One Eyed Jack resolution. I figured Tracy would just deck him.

  92. Poteet
    May 26th, 2009 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    # 84 Allison — Come to think of it, do we ever see Dennis at one of those fast food places where saturated fat is the main course? Not that I remember. And unlike a lot of actual modern kids, Dennis gets lots of outdoor exercise. I bet his little arteries are in superb shape.

  93. Steve S
    May 26th, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Can someone please explain to me why so many Dick Tracy villains look suspiciously like Dick Tracy in a costume and with a small extra dab of psychosis?

  94. Doug Puthoff
    May 26th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]


    FC–Alternate caption: Now you go to your room this instant, young lady. And when I get up there, we’re going to have nice long chat about trying to sell your brothers into slavery.

    BB–That would’ve been funny about eight years ago.

    SS–Even the teachers are illiterate hillbillies.

    FW–When are going to resolve this Cory storyling? I hope TB spends more than a couple of weeks of this. It’s the most interesting storyline he has.

    Dilbert–Of course, considering that “Snuffy Smith” fare better than Dilbert in my paper’s latest newspaper poll, maybe Scott Adams shouild replace the ubernerd and his pals with a bunch of illiterate, thieving, hillbillies.

  95. seismic-2
    May 26th, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    DTM – Actually, I would speculate that pretty much everyone in that restaurant has been making cell phone calls all night, to show their friends some photos of this annoying kid who seems to have come to this restaurant dressed in the tablecloth from a different restaurant. Maybe Montoni’s, given the apparently pizza-parlor design. If so, then stay tuned for the big question of next week – how menacing can cancer be?

  96. Soccerhead
    May 26th, 2009 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    Summer’s in Les’ English class?
    In class, does she call him “Mr Moore” or “dad”?

  97. Dan Traut
    May 26th, 2009 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    JP – “You have to understand my position, here. Sophie is smart – she has a future. My daughter, though – have you ever talked to her? Being a high school cheerleader is the best she’s ever going to have in life – don’t take that away from her!”

  98. Anonymous
    May 26th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    #89 LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY – You’re not an encyclopedia salesman, are you?

  99. Sequitur
    May 26th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    Soccerhead @96 – She calls him “Creepy.”

  100. Marion Delgado
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Has Josh ever mentioned Mr. Boffo, by the way?

    I don’t exaggerate when I say for me that’s the #1 worst done, worst drawn, least imaginative, and most full of fail comic in existence.

  101. Winky's Spleen
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    DtM – Dennis aspires to be a totalitarian busybody, thus fulfilling his menacehood.

  102. Jordan
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    Took me forever to decipher that POW in Dick Tracy as that Indiana Jones “thought the hero got shot but the noise was actually the villain shot by a third party” thing. I just thought that Dick’s cheek would be kept in a prison camp for the duration of the conflict.

  103. Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    MW – So what happened with the $50,000? Just wondering.

  104. kurt
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:13 am [Reply]


    Last week Mr. Stripey mentioned he smelled GASOLINE, which led him to the car wreck. In todays’ installment, we see him calmly flicking an interior switch to turn on the auto’s headlights.

    Mr. Stripey, auto headlight switches are not sealed against incoming fumes, often sparking when activated. Meanwhile, gasoline and air when mixed tend to go BOOM when they encounter a spark….

    ( Is his Medical insurance up to date? ;-) )

  105. CanuckDownSouth
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    05/27 – good heavens, they might as well be breeding *horses* in the MW Adrian romance story.

    The only way they could redeem this is if Detective Guy turns out to be even sleazier than Other Guy.

    I… I have no snark. Merely rage so hot its blackbody peak is in the X-ray…

  106. Poteet
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    # 104 Faster — I wonder too.

    # 106 Canuck — It’s like MW is trying to outdo Foob in the Creepy Romance Guidelines department. Now I fear Jeff and Mary are going to talk about Detective Guy for the rest of the week and that Jeff will look more starry-eyed with every passing day. Eww.

  107. Sequitur
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    105 CanuckDownSouth – Seems like you’re ready to “rip a Jughead.”

  108. Mibbitmaker
    May 27th, 2009 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    5/26 (sorry for any repeat comments this late)

    A3G: TAKE the JOB!!

    Archie: Will somebody PLEASE tell the old guy on the book cover to stop flirting with the comic readers?! Who’s he think he is, Craig Ferguson??

    Curtis: She would’ve loved Ronald Reagan.

    Mutts: (*rimshot!*)

    R&R: The Comics NonCurmudgeon.

    ZtP: It’s like the day Jim Davis pushed himself off the edge of a table. After eating lasagna.

    Not comics-related, but…

    The talking E*Trade baby? The very definition of “douchebag”.

  109. Dave
    May 27th, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Someone needs to tell the guy who writes Shoe (I’m far too lazy to scroll up to find out who that would be) that birds don’t have sphincters. God help us all if someone introduced laxatives to a species that already has no control over when it craps.

  110. rachel
    May 27th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]


    Don’t drink June’s cocktail, Rex. She knows she has to use roofies if she ever wants to have sex with you again. You’ll wake up with all the wrong parts sore. (Guess what the right parts are.)

  111. Hugh Davis
    May 27th, 2009 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    Here I thought the odd thing about this Dick Tracy was that a character dressed like a playing card signals the doom of the detective by declaring “Snake Eyes!” Is there not a card-related symbol of death? What about the dead man’s hand?

    Long-time reader, but first-time poster,

  112. Doug Puthoff
    May 27th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    100–Marion Delgado–You must have never read “Real Life Adventures.”

  113. Poteet
    May 27th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    # 111 — Welcome, Hugh!

  114. annabanana
    May 27th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    In re. Marvin:

    “He should be left on a hillside to be eaten by coyotes”.

    Except he’d probably be rescued and come back to plague Thebes in “Marvin Rex: The Trilogy”.And that’s far more horrible than even squalling and pants-shitting put together, Josh.

  115. Paul1963
    May 27th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Annoying: I’m at work, so I can’t do a mashup. Here’s an alternate caption anyway:
    “Mister, if you don’t pipe down I’m gonna say you tried to touch me in the bathroom–and I’ll use my outside voice.”

    Now, that’s menacing.

  116. Ptychozoon
    May 28th, 2009 at 3:43 am [Reply]

    The text in the last panel of Dick Tracey got cut off. It was, “Ahahahah! S-stop! S-stop tickling me with that broom stick! Aaahahahah! Stop! Oooh you’ll make me drop my gun, you mean thing!”

  117. Braniff
    May 29th, 2009 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    KENNY TARMAC!!!! IT’S DENNIS MITCHELL!!! SHUT UP RANDY!! (If you’re a Bob and Tom listener you know who Randy and Kenny Tarmac are.)

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