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In deep with the Squirrel Mob

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/1/09

Ho ho, it looks like this new RMMD plot will be about the adventures of Peter the Sex Chameleon! Currently, he’s blond-headed and white-suited, the better to match the fair complexion of his wife. But when we saw him attempting to bust a move on a sexy nutritionist on Monday, he had brown hair and a blue coat! My guess is that his hair and suit were fully black as he attempted to woo his raven-haired co-worker; when Becka surprised him, he began to color-shift involuntarily, and we caught him at a transitional stage.

Mark Trail, 7/1/09

It’s a sad but all too common story: man loses money gambling, man redirects waste disposal budget to his casino account, man hires lowest bidder to dump toxic barrels in nature preserve. Of course, Mark will have no sympathy for the gentleman; not only are his environmental misdeeds unforgivable, but Mark holds deeply Manichaean view of the world, in which everyone and everything is neatly divided into good (clean-cut, clean-shaven) and evil (beard, sideburns, and/or shaggy hair), so games of chance and probability enrage him into a distinctly punchy mood.

Mary Worth, 7/1/09

As she did with Lynn the skater who didn’t want to skate anymore, Mary is teaching Delilah that the greatest pleasure comes from ignoring and suppressing one’s own desires to fulfill the needs of others. The young lady is resisting, but she’s already begun to come around; in panel two, she’s finally acceded to Mary’s request and started wearing a drool cup instead of just dribbling defiantly all over the tablecloth.

Marvin, 7/1/09

So, if the choices are Marvin peeing everywhere or dogs talking wistfully about their castration, which do you prefer? Would dogs peeing everywhere have been a more palatable middle ground? Discuss.

151 responses to “In deep with the Squirrel Mob”

  1. zenvelo
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    That giant animal in Mark Trail has the front half of a cougar and the rear end of a squirrel. I think the chemical dumping has had a rapid effect on the sex lives of animals in Lost Forest. Or maybe it explains how Rusty came to be.

  2. zenvelo
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    What is Becka thinking in Rex Morgan? Is she wondering of her husband is fooling around again? or is she trying to have him procure another victim for a three-way, something she craves but to which he is unwilling to submit?

  3. Sequitur
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Marvin – I think Marvin’s castration would be a good topic.

  4. Calico
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    I’d rather see dogs peeing and pooing than Hell-baby, actually.

    MT – tomorrow, Joey will be sporting that “one finger less than normal” look.

  5. Chyron HR
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    From lumpy schlub to Duran Duran member in three days. How does your “theory” of evolution explain that, huh?

  6. Nate
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Let’s see, if the choice is between young children peeing on their mothers, dogs having their balls lopped off, or dogs peeing everywhere, can we just not have Marvin at all? I mean, seriously. If these are the topics the strip is going to cover – God, bum me out. I don’t even feel like being here anymore. Not that I ever did.

  7. shinji
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Crank- Aren’t fireworks legal to purchase in Ohio (just illegal to use)?

  8. TheDiva
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Why not Marvin being castrated? Assuming his parents have learned their lesson it would mean the end of his genetic line, which I think we can all agree is a good thing.

  9. fillmoreeast
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    I want to see a strip where a dog wistfully castrates Marvin and then pees on him.

    Actually, I want to see this as a multi-strip storyline

  10. Baron Bizarre
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Wow, that squirrel does look murderous, doesn’t it? I’m glad I don’t owe it money.

    Calico at 4: : “MT – tomorrow, Joey will be sporting that ‘one finger less than normal’ look.”

    Does that mean the squirrel’s a yakuza?

  11. Jilliterate
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    You know, it occurred to me — as much as I dislike Objectivism, I would love to see some sort of caged deathmatch between Ayn Rand and Mary Worth, spurned by the obvious differences in Rand’s believe in individual rights and Mary Worth’s desire to bring all of humanity under her control in a totalitarian Worthocracy. Hopefully Rand would get a hit in with a great chain before Mary Worth robbed her of her free will with her Eye Beam of Meddling.

  12. jayjaybear
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    A3G – The part of Nora will be played today by somebody completely different. The part of Tom will be played by Generic Blond Man, who plays ever blond man in this strip.

  13. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    There’s really only enough room over that door for it to read EMERGE, which, coincidentally, is precisely what they’re doing. You might not have noticed that at first; this strip is definitely working at multiple levels.

  14. Larry McAwful
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @7. shinji — That would make sense. I grew up five miles east of the Ohio line. We would head over to get our fireworks there, since you couldn’t locate them anywhere in Pennsylvania (or so it seemed.) The most impressive fireworks were possessed by the kids lucky enough to have gone to Myrtle Beach that summer. Every Goddamned explosive is legal in South Carolina, or so we all said back in Mercer County.

  15. dofnup
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Would dogs peeing everywhere have been a more palatable middle ground? Discuss.

    No, DON’T discuss! Ew.

  16. Joe Blevins
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: I continue to maintain that the main problem at this company is that no one can hear or understand each other, possibly due to the ear-splitting din of industrial machinery nearby. They simply need to dislodge the beans in their ears.

  17. Canaduck
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    I initially read the first panel in MT as “My father left us this company with an excellent reputation, and I’m HOT.”

  18. BigTed
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    In the next episode of “Mob Squirrels With Super-Hearing,” Moppy discovers that a rival gang is trying to horn in on his toxic-waste-dumping racket, and he’s not happy. When the enforcer from Jersey shows up, one Rats McGee is gonna get an acorn right between the eyes!

  19. BigTed
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    To quote what I’m sure is Mary’s absolute favorite singer: “Why, why, why, Delilah?”

  20. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    I suppose we’ll get some tedious backstory in due time, but for the moment I like to think that “those days” means “ten minutes ago, when Estelle was showing me her Electrolux impersonation” — that’s all behind us now, so don’t go there, OK? Which is a pretty brilliant tactic.

  21. Sunny Paris
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    #14 Larry McAwful… Odd thing is, I think the only place you could buy good fireworks in Ohio were at the Emporiums just over from the PA border, so I probably drove farther to get mine than you did…

    Those squirrels in Mark Trail have fantastic hearing abilities.

  22. un malpaso
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    re: Mark Trail: Observe, students: In Mark Trail, even the creatures of the forest — indeed, even nature herself — recoil with horror at the depth of human immorality. As in Thomas Aquinas, even the smallest blade of grass reflects and comments upon a Higher Moral Order. In the milieu of Trail, the Divine, in the form of the natural world, instinctively rejects the corrupt fruit of civilization with violent action, whether in the guise of an annoyed squirrel or a furious double-haymaker from Mark’s mighty fists.

    Meanwhile, in Merrily Worthless, is it just me, or has the artist really been stretching his/her perspective legs lately? Another week of these wacky camera angles and I might throw up a little in my mouth.
    I say, “back to awkward 3/4 views of non-Euclidean tables and Sears-catalog-posed models! Who’s with me, people?”

  23. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Can we stop talking about peeing so much? I already miss my girlfriend.

  24. Lou Shumaker
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    What’s the story with Mary’s gesture in panel 2? Is she metaphorically holding Lawrence’s testicles in her left hand? And what is her right hand doing? Cutting them off?

  25. Aging Hipster
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I really don’t mean to criticize the art in Mary Worth. I usually find its use of ambiguous expressions and inappropriate close-ups to heighten its dramatic tension. But what is going on in the last panel? Are Mary’s and Delilah’s bodies shrinking while their heads remain normal sized? Is the strip slowly morphing into Miss Peach?

    And Marvin, dogs castrating Marvin and then peeing on him. I think that is the only thing that could redeem the strip at this point.

  26. moderately selassie
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Is Marvin slowly turning into the canine version of Funky Winkerbean?

  27. ratnerstar
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    Seeing a specific breed in Marvin makes me wonder: exactly what sort of dog is Bitsy? He’s kinda yellowish, so maybe a Golden Retriever or Yellow Lab? But neither of those breeds have spherical noses or buttchecks under their snouts. My new theory is that Bitsy’s color is a allusion to the famous statement (origin unknown, I believe) that southerners would vote Democratic even if the candidate was an old yellow dog. Which seems reasonable, especially if the opponent was Marvin.

  28. Calico
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    #10 – Yes, haha! Could be.
    In the great but weird film Tampopo, isn’t it a Yakuza, all in white, that finally gets assassinated by an unseen gunman?
    Now I want to see that huge squirrel in a skimmer or a white Fedora.

  29. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    “I was pretty wild myself until they took my bitsies away.”

  30. JC Lisbon
    July 1st, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Good lord, what is hanging from that dog’s neck? The more I think about it, the more sure I become that he’s not so much referring to castration as some sort of punishment involving bolting random bits of garbage to his neck. “That’ll teach you to jump on me with muddy feet!”

  31. Readem and Laf
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    MT
    What industry uses huge quantities of lead?
    Pencil manufacturers?
    (Don’t get the lead out) oil refineries?
    Paint companies?

    No, wait, I’ve got it!
    They make bullets! That explains the toxic lead level (bullets) in the deer!

    Act II — Giant squirrel with an attitude.
    Godzilla vs Squirrelzila.

  32. Rizbon
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    What is that miniature barrel underneath the castrated dog’s chin? Is it his balls in a jar?

  33. mojo
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    As heretical as it sounds, I’m inclined to agree with Mary Worth on this one. Yeah, there’s the whole follow-your-dreams thing, yes, but then there’s also that whole with-adulthood-comes-at-least-the-slightest-modicum-of-responsibility-and-consideration-toward-the-poor-unfortunate-other-people-who-share-your-miserable-life-no-matter-how-much-you-may-try-to-avoid-it-you-pathetic-cow-you as well. Delilah’s husband deserves the same basic human respect and decency good ol’ Dr. Jeff received from Mary when he… um… that is, Mary… uh, I mean… city council… screening phone calls… oh, hey, there’s the doorbell. Gotta go.

  34. Pozzo
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Too bad Mary is so busy advising/browbeating Delilah; it looks like Estelle could use some of her spinsterly wisdom. “Sure, your husband may be boinking his nutritionist, but you’ve made a commitment. Now downplay any shred of human pride you may have and stand by your man! That’s him over there, in the plaid suit.”

  35. commodorejohn
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Oh, charming, Nora’s going to lie to her daughter to avoid getting into any kind of uncomfortable situation. Yeah, that’ll end well. Of course, it raises the highly amusing possibility that Margo will actually serve a heroic purpose by forcing a confrontation when she hilariously and thoughtlessly drags Eric (and possibly Tim) back from China to go share the news.

    AS – Um…tapeworms are hermaphroditic. I know this because my very very Bible-school biology textbook hammered that point home with a description of their reproductive cycle so graphic you could pretty much hear the Barry White. (I have to admit, though, I like “real estape.”)

    BBlue – Okay, I actually quite liked this one; it reminds me of Ozy & Millie‘s golden years.

    Crankshaft – Wow, the Ohio state government is almost as much of an asshole killjoy as Jeff. Psst, Crank, if you aim carefully I bet you can take him down.

    DT – Wow. I really didn’t expect Dick to just shoot the guy. He must be getting soft in his old age.

    FC – Isn’t depicting Dolly in a two-piece swimsuit against the Geneva Convention?

    FW – Okay, Batiuk, could you please stop drawing Black Person Lips on Keisha? Because it really makes it look like she has a mustache. (Also, ‘Mudges may feel free to run wild with the interpretation of the sentence “it’ll be fun to have your back again.”)

    GA – Uh, nobody was suggesting that the theft was wrong in the first place, man. (And some of us are actively rooting for it.) Who are you trying to reassure? Not losing your nerve, are ya?

    GT – I suspect it actually has less to do with Robb being more trustworthy than Robb not being the one to put Gil’s marvelous humiliation on YouTube.

    JP – “Hey, look! It’s Jesus and Jimi Hendrix! I wonder what they could be doing here?”

    Love Is… – fleeing the country for a more open-minded land. Again.

    Luann – Bernice really is the most interesting character in the strip.

    MT – My God, could this presage a Mark Trail/Dick Tracy CROSSOVER!?

    MW – Wow. Been talking with Elly Patterson, dear?

    MC – =D

    RMMD – She’s revolutionized the very idea of hospital food!

    SF – You know what would be awesome? Ted lecturing about string theory.

  36. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, the strip sucks and all, but the barrel on the St. Bernard is probably the least baffling part of it.

  37. the original JZ
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    I’ve just realized the reason we don’t see any female villains in Mark Trail is because they are incapable of growing facial hair. I now look forward to the day the circus comes to town and Mark has to deal with the evil machinations of the bearded lady. What will happen when his need to punch meets his inability to punch a woman? What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

  38. Uncle Lumpy
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    OK, so I gotta try to get my head around the moral position Delilah’s staking out in Mary Worth here. (I know, right? [sob])

    1. I must sacrifice my own ambitions, my desire for children, and even my marriage for the sake of my husband’s glorious travelin’ philosophy-lecturin’ career!

    2. I must not tell him why I’m doing this, for fear he will make reasonable accommodations to his travel schedule, thus compromising the aforementioned GTP-LC. Instead, I will storm cryptically around our home before leaving!

    3. I must do this not because I imagine that he values his GTP-LC over our marriage (in fact, I know my decision will hurt him), but because my own feelings compel me to make a pointless “sacrifice” of some kind.

    So Delilah is some passive-aggressive nutjob who needs to gin up some drama and knows just where to find a willing co-conspirator. But Oprah turned her down, so here she is.

  39. Lawyerbob
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Delilah is puking into that coffee cup because she mistook those pink flowers for Mary’s salmon cakes (I know I did). Or maybe it’s just a way to have a reason to excuse herself and then make a run for it. Beats gnawing her arm off.

  40. Sequitur
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    36 One-eyed Wolfdog
    Oh, that brandy barrel is still baffling. Just what is a St. Bernard in an urban setting doing with a mountain rescue kit around its neck?

  41. Readem and Laf
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    MW “But if this is how it is now, so be it! I have to listen to MY FEELINGS!”

    Does she mean morning sickness?
    Is that why she suddenly holds the cup so close to her mouth?

  42. teddytoad
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    I love that, in order to include an at-once-gratuitous-and-in-this-strip-entirely-necessary drawing of giant wildlife, when the dialogue takes place in the city, Elrod had to zoom out miles and miles to get some squirrel butt in frame. This has the effect of making Sister Pink Blazer and Brother Shaggy Hair’s conversation seem so loud it reaches the Lost Forest — and the squirrel is shocked by what he hears.

  43. Annon
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Marvin I would prefer Marvin’s castration.

  44. bats :[
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    *sigh*
    It seems we’re going to be stuck with Peter-and-Becka’s marital problems now, too…
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3679214858/sizes/o/

  45. Dtyler99
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    You missed the whole point of the mini-cask around the St. Bernard’s neck in Marvin. That’s where he keeps his nuts. And I’m not talking pistachios, here. Discuss THAT!

  46. Victor Von
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    It’s obvious that the brother-sister squabbling in Mark Trail has angered the Oversquirrel. I look forward to seeing it battle Gojira for possession of the city.

  47. Jilliterate
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    37. the original JZ says:

    I’ve just realized the reason we don’t see any female villains in Mark Trail is because they are incapable of growing facial hair. I now look forward to the day the circus comes to town and Mark has to deal with the evil machinations of the bearded lady. What will happen when his need to punch meets his inability to punch a woman? What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

    I’m kind of disturbed, because I was considering the exact same thing when reading Mark Trail today. Women basically have total immunity in Mark Trail, not because of his chivalry, but because of their inability to grow a beard.

  48. Ms Avery
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    This is the second time in a week that the Mark Trail dialogue has been emitted by a distant cityscape, so that a woodland animal can be gratuitously depicted in the foreground. This strip is weird.

  49. UncleJeff
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Ms Avery @ 48: Those “gratuitous depictions” hold together the MT daily strip like bread crumbs hold together a slop house meat loaf.

  50. buckyswife
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    22 un malposo: Actually, I think “throwing up in her mouth” is exactly what Delilah is doing—probably from all the careening around.

  51. buckyswife
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    49 UncleJeff: Or like the way that gratuitous depictions of T&A hold together “Judge Parker.”

  52. Perky Bird
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    The St. Bernard in “Marvin” wears a brandy cask around his neck because having a supply of alcohol handy at all times is the only way he can survive being stuck in this strip. At least, that’s the only way I can survive reading it.

  53. Bryan
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: In that second panel, Delilah looks like Animala from The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra trying to drink like a human. “tip-tip-tip-tip-tip!”

  54. Harry Merkin
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    Manician?

  55. Rizbon
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    #36 – Ah, interesting, thanks. Wow, I just learned something from Marvin. That doesn’t involve defecation. Go figure.

  56. Dingo
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Each passing day, Mary Worth looks more and more like kabuki theatre. Which, I’m sure, is better than her resembling bukakke theatre.

  57. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    #40 – the relevant point is not that he’s a St. Bernard in an urban setting; it’s that he’s a St. Bernard in a shitty comic strip. And there is protocol (spelled out quite exactingly in The Encyclopedia of Comic Hackwork and Dullardry, Volume 5: Animal Cliches) to be followed in such a situation.

  58. jayjaybear
    July 1st, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    And me without my brain bleach…

  59. Dingo
    July 1st, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Egads, Josh. I had to study dualism during grad school and through it all I never heard nor saw the word “manichaean” until today. Do we all have a 20-page paper due on Monday with at least thirty scholarly references?

  60. zooby
    July 1st, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    So, if the choices are Marvin peeing everywhere or dogs talking wistfully about their castration, which do you prefer?

    Is death not an option?

  61. Deena in OR
    July 1st, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Dingo…I used to be married to a Master’s in Pastoral Ministry candidate. Unfortunately, manichaeanism and similar words were pretty typical dinnertime conversation at that point.

    He’s still not ordained, and we’re not married anymore. Of course, there were other issues that precipitated that.

  62. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    July 1st, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    60 — How about peeing castrated dogs owned by Marvin wishing for death?

  63. Crankenstank
    July 1st, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    You left out Option C: Marvin talking about his own neutering. Which at least would have the blessing of ensuring that there will be no future generations of Marvins.

  64. Violet
    July 1st, 2009 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    I’m confused. When did Mary and Delilah put out to sea?

  65. Jimmyleg Jehosephat
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    So Marvin’s dog carries a cask of Amontillado around with him. Regardless of the auxiliary pickled testicles, which after imbibing a certain amount of the concoction will be consumed by Marvin in a matter-of-course manner much like the worm in the mescal is, this lends a certain Poe-ish quality of horror the strip has heretofore lacked. One imagines Marvin cackling gleefully as he seals his unfortunate mother inside the crawlspace, brandishing his trowel, swigging his sherry.

  66. Steve S
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    I like to think of those three speech balloons in the last Mark Trail panel as three unrelated statements from three different people in three separate buildings, a snapshot of the mundane moment right before Squirrelmageddon descended.

  67. ar_d
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    FC: Dolly, forget the sunscreen! You need gamma ray screen before your legs turn any more Incredible-Hulk-like!

    http://www.arcamax.com/familycircus

  68. gts1303
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    How many days in a row can they have the exact same conversation in Mary Worth?

    “Oh…he’s so busy and I can’t tell him to stop working.”

    “But you used to be so wonderful together, go back to him.”

    I can’t, because he’s so busy and I can’t tell him to stop working.”

  69. Dingo
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    Deena in OR, when you’re sitting at the tavern with an Amaretto on the rocks in your hand and your dainty cleavage heaved upon the bar like camping laundry, I’d go with “he always used the word ‘manichaean’ at the dinner table and in bed” as the starter on a conversation with your potential new romance.

  70. McManx
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    M Worth — Most of last week’s discussion about “feelings” took place on the bed, now Mary and Delilah are both wearing lingerie and talking about “feelings”. Good God, when will Delilah realize this is Mary’s attempt at foreplay?

    Spiderman — I keep expecting Spidey and Wolverine to break out into a chorus of “New York, New York.”

    M Trail — After the giant squirrel chews Joey’s nuts off, all will once again be well in the Lost Forest.

    Marvin — Peeing Marvin. Peeing castrated dogs. Either way, this comic irritates the piss out of me.

  71. ScienceGiant
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    64 Violet: Well, other cartoonist might rely on oldfashioned optical perspective, but this strip will continue to use Dada-ism to the fullest, damnit!

    38 Uncle Lumpy: Me, too! I’m not exactly sure what this strip is advocating. “I have to listen to my feelings.” Um, aren’t your feeling that you want to pregnant? If so, that stands right up there with the epci fail of Mark Trail‘s having-our-baby-will-end-our-abusive-relationship conclusion.

    And how is the appropriate response “What about his feelings?” Is Mary even listening to this conversation? Is she on auto-meddle? Mary Worth, the first human to fail a Turning test.

  72. Gold-Digging Nanny
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Holy shit! Archie and Jughead serve food to Dagwood!

  73. zooby
    July 1st, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    61 — I should clarify. I meant… “Is death not an option… for Marvin?”

  74. Sogmasta
    July 1st, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    That’s the angriest squirrel I’ve ever seen.

  75. McSmeag
    July 1st, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    I hope the introduction of a chameleonic character in Rex Morgan is a prelude to a crossover with Apartment 3-G, in which hair-colour-changing people make up the majority of the male population. The climactic moment of the story arc will no doubt come when Margo and June compete to see who has a greater seething disdain and callous disregard for “lesser” people.

  76. un malpaso
    July 1st, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    re: Rex Morgan:
    It’s like lizards! Their crests flare when they’re feelin’ feisty!

  77. markytom
    July 1st, 2009 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    I would like to see all the Plugger dogs talk about their castrations instead of their pooping habits.

    I would like to see Marvin suffoiated by his seemingly friendly potty.

    I would like to see Delilah in MW actually make a decision – any decision. Do something. Anything.

    I would like to see Mark Trail begin attacking anyone and anything (including small animals) with vicious, lead-poisoning induced rage.

  78. gnome de blog
    July 1st, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    #7, Big Ted:

    It’s more likely that Mary’s favorite singer is either Ezio Pinza or John Raitt. Or possibly Perry Como, though I’m not aware that he ever appeared in a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.

  79. gnome de blog
    July 1st, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    37 the original JZ; 47 Jilliterate:

    Ah, but you forget Frida Kahlo, who plotted to have her husband kill his boss and take over the company so she could join the country club. The plot was foiled not by Mark’s flyin’ fists but by Frida’s own radio.

    The synchronicity of the universe was not compromised. Frida had a unibrow.

  80. wagmore barkless
    July 1st, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    #38 Uncle Lumpy: You forgot to mention:

    #4: I must stay away from my husband, who is so rarely home, and to do so I must leave my home, where he rarely is, in order to resolve our relationship problems, which have been caused by his rarely being home, in order to restore happiness in our home, where neither of us is.

  81. BowToTheBard
    July 1st, 2009 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I think Marvin being castrated would be the preferable alternative. Nothing good could come from HIS children.

  82. Bart
    July 1st, 2009 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    I love the Mark Trail strip. “Let’s draw the chemical company buildings to look like Erlenmeyer flasks.” Ha ha.
    That Elrod guy has the best job in the world!

  83. Carly
    July 1st, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail looks exactly like a sordid legal case, or possibly the facts for a bar exam question. But right now, everything probably looks like a bar exam question to me. I wish PA included “giant mutant squirrels” as a legal topic.

  84. Muffaroo
    July 1st, 2009 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Pozzo @34 – Niiice!

    Sequitur @40 – St. Bernards are just made that way. When they’re puppies, the barrel is usually hidden by their chin fur. When they’re about six months old, it’s the size of a thimble, and when they’re fully grown, it’s the size you see there (whether or not they have balls). The brandy contained inside is, however, just a myth. They’re really full of yellow bile, which certainly wakes up any traveler who manages to ‘open’ the small ‘keg’ without the dog trying to kill him.

  85. Citric
    July 1st, 2009 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    MT: Even the squirrel is aghast, because it is a little known fact that squirrels are experts on corporate finance and gambling addiction, and wonders how this had gone so far without him realizing it.

  86. Mary Worth Discussion Group
    July 1st, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    I have so many questions.

    Is Dee wearing a weave? Is she Chaterstone’s first woman of color?

    Why does Dee always wear a headband does she think she is in Connecticut?

    Is Mary going to set Dee up with uber masculine Terry Bryson?

    Why did Mary serve breakfast in the dinning room with a linen table cloth ..when Toby is over or when Jeff spends the night they have generic pop tarts and Sunny-D in her kitchen….

    What is wrong with Mary’s arm in the second panel?

    Just asking…how many bathrooms are there in Mary’s condo?

  87. KarMann
    July 1st, 2009 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    FC: I think that in response to the horror which is a Keane’s attempt at drawing Dolly in a two-piece, we’ve overlooked one of the most execrable attempted pun-malapropisms ever to grace an FC caption. I mean, really, “sunscreen-saver”? With caps to make the portmanteau obvious?

    Then again, this might explain the accompanying “art”. Mr. Keane was probably just trying to cause all his readers to go blind, in hopes that no one would notice how lame the caption is.

    @Zooby #61/#73: Death will not release you! (Neither yours nor Marvin’s. Though I’d much prefer the latter.)

    Personally, I have a minor wish that people would stop using manichean as a synonym for dualist(ic), since there’s more to it than just the dualism. But it’s not very high on my list of priorities.

  88. Poteet
    July 1st, 2009 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    # 38 Uncle Lumpy — Yay! Thank you!

    And the past few days of MW have sent me to the Internets twice in a desperate effort to find a good descriptor for the dialogue. I haven’t succeeded. What I want is a pungent adjective that means “stilted and also insane.”

  89. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    July 1st, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Now that the storyline of watching the teenyboppers fuck on a piano in Belgium has passed, we’re on to creepy old men perving on former clergy. I worry that this storyline will be recycled through every couple and I don’t want to see it unless it’s the two gay guys. Or the two nuns.

    Future observation scenarios will involve xtube, big brother, and the adult movie industry.

  90. Uncle Lumpy
    July 1st, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    #88 Poteet –

    “Arch.”

  91. buckyswife
    July 1st, 2009 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    #69 Dingo: I’m not sure there’s anyone else writing here who can successfully use the words “dainty,” “cleavage,” and “heaved” in one sentence. Oh, and let’s not forget “camping.”

  92. buckyswife
    July 1st, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    I believe I have just received an emailed job offer from Herb & Jamaal Non-Specificity Enterprises:

    Job Title: Representative

    Our company wants to offer you representative position. We need responsible people who can operatively decide supplied task.

    …. I suspect that I’m perfect for this position!

  93. Charterstoned
    July 1st, 2009 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    47 – Jilliterate – Women DO grow facial hair, but only after a certain age. You get a menopausal character in there who is threatening the environment, and believe me, Mark will have his hirsute target. The Right Fist O’ Justice cannot be denied!

    59 – Dingo – Double-space, don’t forget to cite your sources, and use the MLA style format.

    MT – “YOU DID WHAT? That does it! Call out the attack squirrels!”

    MW – In panel 2, Mary has clearly abandoned her leftover salmon squares in favor of doing her morning exercises. Swimming in place tones the upper arms and firms up those flabby wings.

  94. bats :[
    July 1st, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    85. Citric: I notice that all casinos in Las Vegas have fairly prominent signage to encourage their patrons to gamble responsibly.
    Amazingly enough, I have located a poster that was recently seen at Johnny Malotte’s “We Gonna Win Big Now!” casino up in Lost Forest:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3680275806/

  95. Charterstoned
    July 1st, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    And, speaking of squirrels, did anyone catch this item on CNN? Think of what Mr. Elrod could do with THIS! (I’m not HTML-savvy, but here’s the URL.)

    http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2009/06/30/moos.squirrel.cleavage.cnn

  96. Charterstoned
    July 1st, 2009 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    94 – bats:[ – That’s stinkin’ hilarious!!

  97. Uncle Lumpy
    July 1st, 2009 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    #95 C’stoned –

    Just for grins, here’s how to insert a link, using bats :[‘s #94 as an example:

    <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3680275806/” title=”Insert wacky mouseover text!” target=”_blank”>Go here to see it!</a>

    The “title” and “target” operators are optional (“target” opens a new tab or window for the link). If you type the preceding paragraph into your comment, you’ll get:

    Go here to see it!

  98. Robot Smith
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    Oh, that’s not Peter, that’s Thin White Duke-era David Bowie!

  99. Twisted_Colour
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail might be getting punchy, but check out that squirrel. Little f*cker is just about to go full metal Cthulhu.

  100. mister beautiful
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    We learn in Marvin today that castration makes one a saint.

  101. anty a
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So the Belgium thing involved voyeurism and sex, and now the human/cockroach thing involves voyeurism and sex. Why shoot for “clever” when “banal” is ever so much more of a giggle?

  102. Miss Alexandra
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    not sure if you’ve seen this- it could be margot’s favorite blog!

    http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

  103. druidbros
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    MW – Again Mary has to fight the ‘feeling’ battle. Tamp down and deny those wretched feelings Delilah. Will Mary’s battle never end?

  104. Anonymous
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    94 – bats:[ — Sweet! I think I’m gonna make that my wallpaper!

  105. Anonymous
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    94 – bats:[ — Nice! I think I’m gonna make that my wallpaper!

  106. Crunchy Frog
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Dang, the second post I was trying to repost with my handle, and failed again. I don’t know what my computer’s problem is.

  107. Talking Squirrel
    July 1st, 2009 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    59 Dingo: “Egads, Josh. I had to study dualism during grad school and through it all I never heard nor saw the word ‘manichaean’ until today.”

    Ordinarily my theological preferences are quite the opposite, but just for today, I prefer the Manichaean Trail to the neo-Origensian Marvin.

    Lesser of the evils, though, I grant you that.

  108. gnemec
    July 1st, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    For God’s sake, will you all stop talking about the St. Bernard before Josh inflicts “Howard Huge” on us.

  109. NoahSnark
    July 1st, 2009 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail teaches us that nothing says high drama like a gigantic squirrel butt.

  110. Evan
    July 1st, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to see ‘Marvin’ feature dogs peeing everywhere. I don’t mean a coherent joke whose punchline involves canine urination. I mean three panels depicting different dogs peeing in/on various locations/objects.

  111. Poteet
    July 1st, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    # 90 Uncle Lumpy — Bwahahaha!

    # 94 bats — That’s almost too true. The squirrels around here are large fox squirrels, and they kinda scare me:-).

  112. Danny Lilithborne
    July 1st, 2009 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    I have to think of Becka saying “She’s quite beautiful” in a demonic succubus voice in order for Rex Morgan to rise above the usually criminally mundane soap opera strip fare.

  113. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    7/2

    S-M — So what does Wolverine expect by way of NYC entertainment? A squadron of mimes? A large, spontaneous street riot? A few strategically-placed park muggings? A half-naked woman in heat who shares his special hairstyle?

    FW — Dang it, Batiuk, do not make me feel sorry for you!

  114. AT
    July 2nd, 2009 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    So, I’m confused. If this is Mary Worth’s advice regarding dating and relationships, why isn’t she married to a guy that she makes four course dinners (including tuna casserole) for every night, who then subsequently beats her in a drunken rage?

  115. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Early 7/2 stuff:

    ReFOOB: Lynn’s gross-out obsession continues…

    Ziggy: The place’s juke box only plays one song, by the Dramatics, from 1971.

    PCity: Put that on a t-shirt, pop culture!

    Zits: Now that’s what I call a balanced meal. Or meals.

    Curtis: Where’s Barack “The Swatter” Obama when you need ‘im?

  116. Poteet
    July 2nd, 2009 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    7/2 Stone Soup — I see that Max was given ice cream as a reward for stomping the innocent beetle to death. Note his smug demonic expression. Thus begins the very long story arc that culminates in his becoming a serial killer.

  117. True Fable
    July 2nd, 2009 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    Fist O Justice Theater WHAT is going on with his mullet in panel 2? Corkscrews?!!?
    Meddle House Delilah is getting more delusional and double-speaking as the days go by. What the hell does “be more fully present with him” supposed to mean, anyway? Wouldn’t she be more fully there if she was actually THERE?
    RMMW Ahhh soap strips. Like I care about their love life, when all I really need is All June, All the Time.
    Sam Driver, Chick Magnet We’ve been saying that all along, Abbey.
    Children of the Circle Jeffy’s worn out his pants knees. Let the mockery begin.
    S4th Alice the Bitch is back! Gee, just when I was enjoying the mellow.

  118. bats :[
    July 2nd, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    Not much for me to comment upon. But I’m mesmerized and excited by the ACTION!!! in Phantom. Masculine and yet graceful! Sensual and purple! Whew!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3680996544/sizes/o/

  119. Frank Parsnip
    July 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: And the plugger’s briefs might not contain important information … but it might hold his lunch about 8 to 10 hours after he eats it.

    Die Phantom Betrogen: In panel 1, it’s sad to see that Delfin’s breast-augmentation surgery has earned him nothing but an exaggerated curtsy by the Ghost Who Moves His Hands Gracefully.

    MT: Miss Williams’ brother apparently uses his copious flop sweat in panel 1 to change a gray suit into the black suit shown at panel 3. How does he do it? The fabric just gets darker when it’s wet. Unfortunately for his gambling skills, he has neither caught on that his incredible sweating problem is his poker “tell” or that the darkened appearance of his soaked suits is normally insufficient for misleading gangsters to assume he’s just a different guy who has entered the room.

    MW: Delilah: “And by ‘getting clear’ I mean getting some of the dust and cobwebs out of my cooter. I hear it’s ladies’ night down at the Bum Boat Lounge — let’s see if we can’t pick up a few sailors.”

    Sex Organ, M.D.: Welcome to Bickering Couple Theater. In three weeks, we’ll return to see Rex and June fully recovered from their awkward attempt to have intercourse.

    A3G: Some of those facts include that he’s alive in a Chinese prison and looks just like Tom. The good news for lonely women in the A3G world is that picking up a man who looks just like the one who has died or been imprisoned on on them is as simple as going for a short walk or ordering a pizza.

    DtM: Dennis, that’s the next page that shows what an irritated kangaroo pouch looks like. Why, yes, that is pus…

    Jugs Parker: A “freak show”? No, that’s just Barretto giving the audience what it, ahem, wants.

    Family Circus: Better put something on those cruelly malformed fat-rippled tankles, as well.

    Spider-Man: Apparently this is all leading up to an awkward moment when Logan and MJ will show up back at the apartment and find Peter Parker sitting on the bed watching TV. Eventually, after about 5 minutes of small talk about the news, Peter will simply leave.

    Luann: So Quill is the Miguel Vargas of this year?

    Crankshaft: What’s up with this half-assed disclaimer? Batiuk rushes to apologize for insulting kids’ intelligence regarding the warning them of dangers of fireworks or of imitating cartoon characters, but I think we’d rather just have Batiuk apologize for the continual bombardment of death, disfigurement and disease. If Crankshaft loses a finger, I want Batiuk to apologize for that.

  120. Mibbitmaker
    July 2nd, 2009 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    More newbies:

    666CL: Ask a silly question…

    DT: Nonono… that’s “You catch on real fast for a crook!” Gee, Tracy, you catch on real slow for a cop.

    DT2: Dick Tracy thinks all crooks are idiots.

    GA: …And Dick Tracy may have a point.

    JP: No kiddin’, Abbey. At least someone in this strip gets it.

    OBH: Huh-huh-huh-huh. Alzheimer’s is funny. huh-huh-huh… (I expect better from you, OBH)

    Ghost-Who-Punches is more conscientious than Rat in Pearls. Better off living next door to Stripeybutt, oddly enough.

  121. Frank Parsnip
    July 2nd, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Oops! The Family Circus that showed up on my screen was yesterday’s, featuring Dolly. Regarding Jeffy’s knees, I can only assume immediate surgery would remedy whatever is wrong with them.

  122. mumbles
    July 2nd, 2009 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Did you read about the American citizen who was held in a Chinese prison?” Sounds like the set-up of a joke, when Jay Leno finally makes it to Hell.

  123. True Fable
    July 2nd, 2009 at 1:58 am [Reply]

    Dickweed Tracy Dick got to kill him a man! I can tell by the smirk on his face!

  124. Deena in OR
    July 2nd, 2009 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    Dingo @ 69 (and how appropriate is that post number??)

    Bwahahaha!!! ::wipes Amaretto off screen::

  125. Mr. O'Malley
    July 2nd, 2009 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: There was a National Lampoon story years ago about a stoned Michael O’Donoghue throwing out lit dynamite sticks from his back porch, but I can’t find an online version. Too bad, it was hilarious in a way that only potheads taking absurd risks can be.

    JP: Was somebody talking about the ass shot in GA yesterday? Baretto has upped the ante.

    MW: Scientology? Or just one of those ever-repeating TV pop psych shows?

    Luann: His name is “Quill”. How much less embarrassing would it be to have a normal kind of a name? (Maybe it’s short for “Quillian”?)

    MT: What is this all about? I can’t imagine what the point is.

  126. Steve
    July 2nd, 2009 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    I was really hoping to see a post about the drawing of Dolly’s beefy legs today. The newspaper in my town prints Family Circus right below the crossword puzzle, so I got to stare at the horrendous beef that were Dolly’s legs.

  127. gleeb
    July 2nd, 2009 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Archie: Pop is disgusted. Why the Hell are you still reading this?

    Baldo: Having previously established that Baldo is an idiot, will the writers have the guts to have him dither while his father’s life slips away?

    ‘shaft: Does he imagine children read Crankshaft?

    Dick: Tracy had the aces and eights up his sleeve, just in case he got a chance to say this.

    Abbey, Slow to Catch On!: “Turning” into a freak show? You mean it was OK when it was just a spontaneous crowd and a C/W singer supporting your annoying daughter, but pilots, cameras, and a film star packed into tight trousers is a bit too much?

    Phantom: Thwarting evil and respecting noise ordinances!

    Pluggers: …are willing to eat bait if they get unlucky.

  128. John C Fremont
    July 2nd, 2009 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    Luann – Boy, Luann really likes her some Wowieweenie. Must be the extra pickle.

    MT – Sure he’s a low-life who’s in deep to the mob, but oh, that hair!

    Phantom – I hope Deflin remembers the safe word.

    (I’m pretty sure I saw Cyd Charisse strike that same pose only, you know, for her it actually worked.)

  129. KarMann
    July 2nd, 2009 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tom: But Obi-Wan told me Margo killed your husband!
    Nora: No, Tom. Margo is my husband!
    Tom: Nnnooooooo!!!
    Nora: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

    Baldo: Did Batiuk take over the writing for this strip? Looks like we’re in for A Very Special Episode of Baldo, now.

    Luann: Just keep a firm grip on your WowieWeenie (with extra pickle!) there, Luann.

    6C: It seems rather obvious that Gibbons doesn’t have a clue what’s going on, but feels compelled to comment on it anyway.

  130. Little Guy
    July 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 am [Reply]

    Baldo: What is Spanish for “Batiuk”?

    WyH: Baretto at Second Panel!

    Big Nate: They can see the Sophie Spencer Rally from their tree house.

    GT: “Vicious”?

    ‘Vicious’ is the Kitty Genovese attack.

    Skip’s pranks in total don’t even equate to a Hello Kitty attack.

  131. Frank Parsnip
    July 2nd, 2009 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    Steve (126): It was my mistake to write about Dolly’s horrendous beefy legs at my 119. Apparently the July 1st cartoon came up when I tried to look at today’s FC on the Chron comics page. Still, there is something really wrong with those legs.

  132. Little Guy
    July 2nd, 2009 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    Oh yeah…

    MT: I really want to see Mark try to bring his Fists O’ Justice to a gun fight.

  133. Jimbo
    July 2nd, 2009 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    FW–Coach Bushka has a look of abject terror on his face the likes of which I’ve never seen. Since this after all IS the Funkyverse, I’m sure Keisha’s line drive went straight to the pitcher’s sternum causing commotio cordis and sudden death. No. On second thought, this IS the Funkyverse after all and no death is sudden, only a slow, debilitating, agonising decline from cancer to gruesome death. The ball must have broken the tap off Bushka’s beer keg.

  134. TheCasey
    July 2nd, 2009 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    7/2

    9CL – Don’t cock-a-roaches skinny-dip every single time they’re in water? What exactly are they supposed to take off?

    A3G – “Here, let’s go to the freezer and get the body parts I haven’t already made into stew, and I’ll tell you a story.”

    Blondie – I totally do that too, when I’m hitting the snooze button in the morning! I got all excited because it made me feel a little better that someone else did it too, but then I realized I was likening myself to Dagwood Bumstead to make me feel better. Sigh.

    Crankshaft – Crankshaft’s dead! Now the Second and the Fourth of July will be national holidays!

    DT – How much time do you think elapsed between panel 2 and panel 3 while Tracy shuffled through the deck looking for the right cards?

    FC – “How do you get the taste out of your mouth, Mommy?”

    FBoFW – Lawrence, you’re the genius smelling a dog’s ass.

    JP – Hello, cupcake! Lovely, lovely cupcakes. Soo tasty….

    MW – “For the love of God, woman, don’t you ever talk about anything else?? This is going to be the longest summer of my life!”

  135. I am Jack's username
    July 2nd, 2009 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: “Come on, Becka, let’s not go there … those days are behind us! The last time we tried a threesome, I may as well have not even been there!”

  136. Brick Bradford
    July 2nd, 2009 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    JP: TURNING into a freak show? Abby, you’re about six arcs too late.

    MT: Gee, gambling debts lead him to do business with the mob. Who saw this coming? Also–snazzy Jackelrod campaign button.

    MW: “I hope so! (you stupid, deluded child)”.

    Popeye: Isn’t it about time for Popeye to punch something?

  137. Balto
    July 2nd, 2009 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    And once again, the Mark Trail dialogue bolding for emphasis is whacked out…”YOU did what?” should have been “you did WHAT?” That’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to me…also, what’s with the ‘lady lips’ on the guy in the last panel of Rex Morgan?

  138. Amateur
    July 2nd, 2009 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh no! The Scientologists got Delilah!

    (Shoot, Mr. O’Malley beat me to it! Well played, sir.)

  139. blammers66
    July 2nd, 2009 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: “Sorry if we insulted your intelligence.” Really? That’s it? Damn. I was hoping more for an Lynn Johnson-esque “And so, Ed was taken home to his maker by the M-80 – not immediately, of course, but after months of painful operations, skin grafts, and experimental treatments. Pam and Jeff continued to find unhappiness in every minuscule and trivial aspect of life; Max eventually took up smoking at the age of 63; Mindy realized her dream as a pole-dancing librarian during her sophomore year at Kent State. Thanks so much to my readers – it has been an honor to bring slow, unrelenting death and suffering to your breakfast table for the past years. Beginning next week, I will re-draw the entire strip from start to finish with updated suffering scenarios reflecting the current knowledge base of horrible, horrible diseases.”

  140. Dean Booth
    July 2nd, 2009 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    DT: “You could’ve drawn a dead man’s hand.” That’s wishful thinking: Jim Brozman can’t draw a hand, living or dead.

  141. Chyron HR
    July 2nd, 2009 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man – I hear ya, Wolvie. Manhattan just hasn’t been the same since Giuliani cleared out all the hookers and the Morlocks.

  142. Tom
    July 2nd, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Not only did Peter’s hair and clothes change colour, his face changed too, are they married or twins?

  143. Tom
    July 2nd, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    Or both?

  144. buckyswife
    July 2nd, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    SM: Where’s the narration box today? “Next: Aisle seat!”

    HtH: Even Hagar wonders what the fuck he’s still doing on the comics pages.

    JP: It might be a bad sign when Abbey “Pothead” Driver is the voice of reason…..

    In the WashPost, Dennis the Menace and Family Circus are next door to each other. As the two become increasingly similar to each other, I’m imagining a melding, sort of reverse asexual reproduction, into one mutant strip: sticky, kid-scented, doubly lacking in humor—the Family Menace, perhaps. On the bright side, it will make room for another single-panel strip. But, given comics editors’ proclivities, that strip will be Marmaduke.

  145. buckyswife
    July 2nd, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MW: Say what you may about Mary’s meddling, she is one quick old broad. Look at her switch seats at the table in lightning speed; she even brings her place setting with her and takes a sip of coffee to boot—not to mention working in a faux-optimistic comment. Let’s see Spiderman try those moves without hurting himself!

  146. Chip Whittle
    July 2nd, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Wait, Fred Basset leads a secret second life as a veterinarian-terrorizing demon hound and we’re only finding out about this now?

    Has Mary Worth got flowers in the middle of her table or is that a setting of strawberry-glazed doughnuts? And if there are people making strawberry-glazed doughnut bouquets why were they not selling them for Father’s Day?

  147. Dingo
    July 2nd, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    I’m not up on Scientology but Mary’s guest needs to “clear” her life? The best part is, when I first read that sentence I missed the “be” in it. Thought it read “The sooner I can get clear with my own life, the sooner I can fully present with him.” and, Lord knows, the picture I got in my head required brain bleach.

  148. If the World Really Was My Oyster
    July 2nd, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    I really hate to criticize Mary (really), but I have to say that her past few storylines have been beyond boring…Oh, how I do miss the juicy, good old days with Aldo and Johnny.

  149. gts1303
    July 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Dear Pluggers,

    That is not a lunchbox. It’s a tackle box. You should carry neither important papers nor lunch in there. You should carry tackle for fishing. I would think you, of all people, should know this.

    Thank you.

  150. CHA5NCE
    July 3rd, 2009 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Mary should take Delilah to one of the dreaded Downtown Women’s Shelters. That’ll send her obediently back to her husband soon enough. Then we can have another Charterstone pool party!

  151. Olly
    July 5th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Has Edge City been running reruns? I swear I already read the cat on prozac story before, and now the current facebook story I know I read before??

Comments are closed for this post.