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Giving America what it wants: Naked Jeffy ass

Apartment 3-G, 7/15/09

CONFUSING TIMES IN APARTMENT 3-G! It seems that Tim Mills, brother to Margo’s touch piece/maybe future fiance Eric Mills, is the American whom the Dalai Lama has trotted out in this Dharamsala press conference/dog-and-pony show. Last we saw of Eric, he was leading a younger lama to freedom over the Himalayas. Where is Eric now? Who is shouting “TIM” with three exclamation points of loudness off-panel? And, crucially, what is it that has blown Margo’s mind so completely and utterly? Surely it can’t be Tim’s rescue, or even his reunion with his wife, who is no doubt the “TIM!!!”-shouter, as those people are not Margo, nor people from whom Margo wants something. My guess is she has spotted some gorgeous trinkets on sale in a local market stall, which she intends to buy in bulk on her father’s credit card and resell back in New York at a healthy markup.

Spider-Man, 7/15/09

Meanwhile, Wolverine snuck backstage after Mary Jane’s terrible play to attempt to mack on her, then backed off as soon as Peter Parker showed up in his bad-ass leather jacket. Now, after some showy poor-lonely-me-ing, it appears he’s at least going to get a three-way out of it; his look of self-loathing in the final panel shows that he never really expected this maneuver to work, and now isn’t sure if he can go through with it. Was this how X-Men Origins: Wolverine went? Because I’m beginning to see why it didn’t meet ticket sales expectations.

Blondie, 7/15/09

Oh, Blondie, when you’ve been married to someone for 72 years or whatever, you no longer have to say ludicrous self-esteem-boosting things that neither you nor your partner believe to have a shred of a basis in reality, such as your proposal that Dagwood might have “a shot at being a V.P. some day.” Driving an car shaped like an enormous phallus and shilling for nitrate-lousy grade F meat is pretty much the apex of what dignity he’s capable of achieving, so why not let him run with his dream?

Family Circus, 7/15/09

Out of curiosity, legally speaking, what age is the boundary between “cute li’l tyke running around naked” and “pervert who can be arrested for indecent exposure”? Can we lower it to whatever age Jeffy is supposed to be, retroactively?

Marmaduke, 7/15/09

Oh, look, a “topical” reference to the water landing of US Airways flight 1549, a mere six months after the fact! Of course, no lives were lost in that miraculous incident; I doubt we’ll be able to say the same for the aftermath of Marmaduke’s splashdown into this pool full of delicious children.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 09:26 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Blondie, Family Circus, Marmaduke, Spider-Man.

181 responses to “Giving America what it wants: Naked Jeffy ass”

buckyswife
July 15th, 2009 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Repost from yesterthread:
198 Dingo: Nicely done. I stand corrected (and a little freaked out, but I was expecting that).

And I don’t care about NSFW (I’m in academia; we can look at whatever we like!), but please don’t ruin roasted garlic and Gruyere for me!
Jaime Weinman
July 15th, 2009 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

I don’t want to know what condition Thel was in that Jeffy was the only one decent enough to answer the door. No, honestly, I don’t want to know that.
troy macgregor
July 15th, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

what’s equally disturbing about the Family Circus strip is that the lady’s unsurprised expression suggests this is a common occurrence.
buckyswife
July 15th, 2009 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Blondie–Wasn’t there some mention a few months ago about Dagwood being the office manager? Do office managers get promoted to VP? VP of what? Office-supply ordering?

I suspect that the Blondie Production Company has as much knowledge of actual office personnel structures as Walker Amalgamated Humor has of the actual military.
zenvelo
July 15th, 2009 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

Dagwood’s facebook status: “please put a weiner in my bun”

bad timing for Blondie- Oscar Mayer died last week.
Toby
July 15th, 2009 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

I think I remember that naked Jeffy started life as Baby Louie. Back when he was “cute” and had lovely large eyes to prove it.
Joseph Finn
July 15th, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

What’s worse? That I’m annoyed that the whole Wally thing has been ignored for two days on FW, or that I actually want to see how the Wally thing plays out?
Roto13
July 15th, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

Oh my god, Margo is holding on to her head so she doesn’t give herself bobble-lash! This is fantastic! It could only be better if she wasn’t strong enough, and ended up bobbling her head right off her shoulders! Lady should just invest in a neck brace, or maybe those metal rings those tribal women wear.

Spider-Man, on the other hand, is filling me with sorrow. It’s bad enough it ruins Spider-Man himself, but now it’s turning Wolverine completely emo. Good thing they invited him out to dinner. He was going to go back to the YMCA and slit his wrists with his own adamantium claws. Of course, they’d heal immediately, and wouldn’t leave a scar, only sending him screaming further into his downward spiral.

And is it just me, or are Wolverine’s mutton chops getting muttoner and muttoner by the day?
Rock Ripsnort
July 15th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

If Thel was “giving Jeffy a bath” (golden shower jokes notwithstanding) that means she thought something like, “Oh hell, that bitch again? Listen Jeffy, YOU go talk to her. No, no– just like you are. And be sure to show plenty of crotch. That’ll serve her right.”
Fyrste
July 15th, 2009 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

There are more sure fire ways of getting rid of unwanted children but regularly sending a wet, naked Jeffy to answer unexpected knocks at the door in hopes he will be snatched certainly requires the least effort.
Muffaroo
July 15th, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

Mduke – Did I say three fatalities? I meant four.
Ktrout
July 15th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Fah, forget Jeffy, Marmaduke’s been naked in every episode but we never see ANYTHING! Even now, when, anatomically speaking, we’d assume there’d be a little glimpse of some landing gear on this jumbo jet.
none
July 15th, 2009 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

All i know is, if i feasted my eyes on Blondie’s rack every morning before I headed out to work, i’d always be driving a giant hot dog around town.
Katya
July 15th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

Well, Josh, I’m really glad that you at least have the wit and intelligence to find something clever to write about today’s “Blondie,” because when I read it this morning, absolutely the only thing that came to mind was, “Huh. Nothing funny about that at all.”
McManx
July 15th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

F Circus — Reasons a naked Jeffy is free to answer the door:
1. Jeffy has drowned Thel in the bathtub
2. Thel has drowned herself in the bathtub
3. Thel was never there, bathtime is an excuse; Jeffy has discovered masturbation and was cleaning up afterwards.
Digger
July 15th, 2009 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

A-3G: I’ve noticed there is no exclamation point at the end of Margo’s “Oh…my…God.” Clearly, she has had so many personal confrontations with the Almighty that the sight of Him just bores her. Now it’s just “oh, my God. What brings you here?”
Smokehouse
July 15th, 2009 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

I think Spider-Man is not actually a comic strip, but rather the story board for a sitcom – hence the reason Wolverine’s reaction to Peter talking to him is to suddenly turn away from Peter. He’s looking at the studio audience! That also would explain Wolverine’s complete lack of action, can’t be showing a good ol’ fashioned claw mangling on family TV.
AirForbes
July 15th, 2009 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

Marmaduke is thinking soup.
Smokehouse
July 15th, 2009 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

Also, we’ve now had two straight days of ass-shots in the comics. Perhaps the artists have decided to begin ever-slowly pushing the envelope, until they eventually incite a scandal that gets them wall-to-wall media coverage. “Are your kids learning to be vile nudists by reading the Sunday funnies? Find out at 10!”

No such thing as bad press, after all.
John E.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

I’m still surprised that Josh didn’t lay down a massive snark when Wolverine asked Peter Parker, “How’d you know I was Wolverine?”
Hoop E. Dinnawater
July 15th, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

I got nothin’. If America put as much creative thinking into our jobs as goes into coming up with the hilarious pseudonyms on this here blog – the best pseudonyms on the web – we’d all be rich as Croesus.

Perhaps Jeffy is studying to be a Digambar Jain monk, in other words, a gymnosophist.
Comrade Denny
July 15th, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

MW: “As long as you end up with the right conclusion … or else the Charterstone Chopper will get you … So hungry … so, so hungry since Aldo cheated me of the pleasure … his delectably bleary eyes, his vermouth-soaked liver, his addled brains. But, oh! – Delilah! To simmer those loose loins! To carve those tender breasts! Oh, to fry those plump lips to juicy, crispy perfection! What’s that Delilah? Did I just say all that out loud?”
benro
July 15th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

#7 – No, Wally hasn’t been ignored the last two days. Did you notice the narration box on Tuesday – “Five Weeks Earlier”?? He’s going to replay the entire lead up to the reunion in excruciating slow motion, starting with Cindy Summers reporting from Iraq.
Katya
July 15th, 2009 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

Yeah, right. Like Jeffy’s mom is really going to send him to the door to tell that lady that he’s having a bath at the moment. S-u-u-u-r-e.

That’s just not going to happen for so many reasons.

But, wait. Perhaps I’m expecting just a tad too much here. These are the comics after all, not reality.

I still think the whole thing isn’t particularly funny or cute, though and, by the way, the visitor on the doorstep is getting an unexpected view of a whole lot more than just “Jeffy’s ass.” And I’m sure there are many other naked behinds (and other parts) America would rather see than Jeffy’s! Are you with me on this, people? Ha, ha!
sugarpie
July 15th, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

Josh, no one but you could coax me into following A3G. The monumental dreariness of its art is as eternal as the stars and as depressing as summertime at our county landfill. Yet I read it every day.

Because of you.
Comrade Denny
July 15th, 2009 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

The Amortizing Sputter-Man: I’m a bit disappointed that Wolverine’s heightened sense of smell didn’t recognize the stench of failure Spider-Pete exudes like slug-slime. Anyway, If they do have a three-way, Pete better hope to God (or the Marvel universe’s God-equivalent – Galactus? Beyonder? Howard the Duck?) that they don’t “cross swords.”

MJ, on the other hand, will be pleased to discover that sex with Logan involves actual penile penetration, as opposed to Peter’s ejaculating onto webs and, after a lengthy courtship dance, furtively inserting his seldom-depicted pedipalps into her vagina before running away, lest she eat him.
Dragon of Life
July 15th, 2009 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

The cartoon world is collapsing in on Margo in that last pattern… proving that when your idol and life mentor is later-years jerkass Daffy Duck, you *will* get Duck Amoked.
Johnny Knuckles
July 15th, 2009 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

What’s with the schmutz all over Wolverine’s chin? It’s supposed to be clean shaven.

Did the indentured off-shore colorists assume a man of his power needed to be fully bearded?

Johnny Hart must be spinning in his outhouse.
NoahSnark
July 15th, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

Today’s Blondie teaches us that nothing strengthens a marriage more than a husband waxing enthusiastic about giant wieners.
yellojkt
July 15th, 2009 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

The Mighty Marvel Machine is just trying to set up the film version of this vignette where we get to see a Jackman-Dunst-Maguire three-way.
Stev0
July 15th, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Even Margo is surprised by the cameo of Tim Conway.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
July 15th, 2009 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

I’d hit that!

/disturbingly vague
Bryan
July 15th, 2009 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

Family Circus: I figured Thel left Jeffy in the tub while she smoked weed. Either that or she’s working with Robert Loggia to institute a virtual reality brainwashing device in the service of a blatant pastiche of Scientology!

Sorry. I’ve just watched the amazingly goofy 1993 miniseries “Wild Palms” and I’m afraid my snarking may have more Wild Palms references than is considered acceptable in the next few days. Please forgive me. At least don’t gouge out my eyes.
Mac
July 15th, 2009 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

There are clear unnecessary quotation marks in Blondie. It’s not a giant hot dog. It’s a “giant hot dog”. In other words, it’s not fit for a family newspaper, or even the ones that still run Blondie.
Married Agnostic Woman
July 15th, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

Luann: Greg Evans, just cut to the train entering the tunnel already!
Crankenstank
July 15th, 2009 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

Wolverine looks horrified because he is suspicious that Peter is inviting him to a superhero three-way. You haven’t really kinked out until you’ve taken full advantage of Spidey’s web goo.
Crankenstank
July 15th, 2009 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

Come to think of it, I’d love to see a Blondie storyline where Dagwood throws down to Joey Chestnutt and Kobayashi and shows them what pansies they really are.
blivet
July 15th, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Sugarpie, the sad thing is that the art in A3G used to be quite striking before it became a legacy strip.
Toff
July 16th, 2009 at 12:01 am [Reply]

zenvelo, re: Oscar Meyer’s recent death, that was my thought exactly.
Facebones
July 16th, 2009 at 12:21 am [Reply]

For the next big Spider-Man cross over, Deadpool and Peter Parker drink appletinis and go shoe shopping! Cue the xylophones!
Anonymous
July 16th, 2009 at 12:31 am [Reply]

38 blivet I’ll take your word for it and see what I can dig up pre-legacy. What I wonder is: are they saving that much money and time, or is it that they just don’t give a damn? The line work isn’t that bad (except for the interchangable faces) but it often looks like my five year old nephew colored it with his four dollar paint box. It would be much better in black and white.

Sorry to get off-snark. I’ll shut up about it now.
sugarpie
July 16th, 2009 at 12:31 am [Reply]

41=sugarpie
Poteet
July 16th, 2009 at 12:38 am [Reply]

7/16 MT — Oh my God. Mark’s doppelganger is about to shoot Mark. Suddenly Mark is potentially in the company of Shelley, Lincoln, Donne, Goethe, and other doppelganger-seeing visionaries.

Or not.
The Might Captain E
July 16th, 2009 at 12:41 am [Reply]

A3G (on the road): That guy at Roger’s left – do we know him? Most comics I only view as Josh feeds them to us and I just don’t remember that guy at all. Did he win a contest to be an extra on A3G? Is that why he is in living color and not background blue like the others? If that’s true, I want in. Can you imagine the absolute rush of having your cartoon likeness mingle with Mistress Margo even if only tangentially. She probably wouldn’t actually acknowledge you to spit on your or gouge your eyes out or something cool like that, but still…Wow.
It's time to pay the price
July 16th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

Despite the story taking place in Tibet, A3G has somehow avoided having to draw a single non-white person up until this strip. It was a noble effort, but I think blue is still a few shades off.
Poteet
July 16th, 2009 at 12:47 am [Reply]

7/16 MW — Giella and Moy, couldn’t we follow Charley instead? Please? Oh please? Pretty please? Delilah and Mary are sitting around yet again, repeating the same conversation for the seventh time, whereas the last time we saw Charley, he was doing some kind of insane but interesting dance.

We Want Charley! We Want Charley!
David F
July 16th, 2009 at 12:51 am [Reply]

In the second panel of Spider-Man it looks like they just walked in on Wolverine taking a whiz.
Poteet
July 16th, 2009 at 12:53 am [Reply]

Between Friends — Sure Maeve, go right ahead. I know a woman who has married the same man three times and divorced him four times. Keeps life interesting.
Josh
July 16th, 2009 at 12:56 am [Reply]

#41 Sugarpie — Here is the definitive A3G site with stuff from the original artist:

http://profmendez.tripod.com/html/apart3G.htm

I should add that, whatever the deficiencies of the current artists, you should not hold the coloring in the strips reproduced here against them. The strips are drawn to be published in black and white, which is how they appear in most newspapers; for reasons I’ve never been clear on King Features (the syndicate that publishes the strips that appear in color on this site) then hires an outside company to color them for publication on the Web (I guess they figure that this whole Interhoo thing is in color so they need to keep with the times). The palate they use is relatively limited (I think they may be using the so-called “Web safe” color set, which dates back to the days when many computers could only display 255 colors); the colorists also often seem to be completely ignoring in-strip cues as to what the colors are supposed to be, and certainly don’t necessarily color things consistently from strip to strip. (This is a particular problem in A3G, where often the only thing distinguishing the male characters is hair color, and that hair color can suddenly change without warning.)

Josh
Evan
July 16th, 2009 at 12:58 am [Reply]

Of course, Dagwood is ineligible for the position of hotdogger, which is only given to graduating college seniors.

Sadly this makes his dream precisely as realistic as Blondie’s dream of him being promoted to VP.
tb4000
July 16th, 2009 at 1:02 am [Reply]

S-M: The strip tends to go down much easier if you interpret the two “!” expressions of MJ and Logan respectively as, “this filthy hobo midget is not eating with us, especially since I plan on fondling Peter under the table during” and “this redheaded skank kinda reminds me of Jean, here’s to hoping she fondles me under the table during dinner so I have an excuse to murder Parker discreetly.”
Sheila Sternwell
July 16th, 2009 at 1:09 am [Reply]

SF: I don’t know why, but Ted and his wispy little fingers having a hissy fit is unendingly entertaining.

MW: If I’d known the only qualification for writing Mary’s dialogue was a half-hearted acquaintance with Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, I would have applied for the damn job myself.
D Johnston
July 16th, 2009 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Well, it looks like your coverage of the red-hot political intrigue that is Apartment 3-G has finally caught someone’s attention – as of this morning, the Comics Curmudgeon has been blocked by the government of the PRC. Of course, you’ve mentioned the Dalai Lama before without getting zapped, so maybe they’re objecting to the terrible dullness of Margo’s Quest for Justice and Souvenirs.
Shlomo
July 16th, 2009 at 1:14 am [Reply]

A3G- Shouldn’t Margo just say “Oh my Margo”?

FC- If Jeffy was Dennis the Menace, he probably would have peed on her.
BigTed
July 16th, 2009 at 1:15 am [Reply]

This is some kind of logic problem, right? “You’re giving your kid a bath and the doorbell rings. If you answer it yourself, he might drown or, being very stupid, choke on a toy submarine. But if you allow him to answer it, dripping wet and naked, a visit from Child Protective Services is sure to follow.” The correct answer, of course, would be to place Jeffy in a bucket with a chicken, fill the bathtub with corn, and send a ravenous fox to consume your visitor.
Jackuul
July 16th, 2009 at 1:16 am [Reply]

Driving an car shaped like an enormous phallus and shilling for nitrate-lousy grade F meat is pretty much the apex of what dignity he’s capable of achieving, so why not let him run with his dream?

An Car? Like, An Hero – right?
Jackuul
July 16th, 2009 at 1:17 am [Reply]

Lawl, meant to bold and highlight the first An. TINY BOX MAKE ME MAD! SMASH BOX!
BigTed
July 16th, 2009 at 1:24 am [Reply]

You want to know the saddest thing about Dagwood’s ambition to drive a hot dog-themed car? He missed the deadline. (Clearly, he went after this job with all the tenacity and determination with which he does his current one.)

“Accepting resumés through January 31, 2009″
http://brands.kraftfoods.com/oscarmayer/omm_hotdogger.htm
Baka Gaijin
July 16th, 2009 at 1:26 am [Reply]

Josh on Apartment 3-G: Gorgeous trinkets? Do you know Margo Magee or what?
Hornin Innbrook
July 16th, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

Sorry for “hornin’ in”. Also, sorry for saying “hornin’”. Also, sorry for saying “hornin’” which suggested horniness and not shoehorning in.
True Fable
July 16th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

Fist O Justice Theater Wait wait WAIT dammit, I wanted CHERRY TRAIL to get shot, not Mark and not HairFeathers McMullet either. Oh Jackelrod, you Just. Don’t. Listen.
Randy Parker, Claw Man I thought the Cliff House was what they called Randy’s home, so then why would they have reservations at his own home or be considered late if he’s – oh, never mind. It must be a restaurant. The last tiime the Cliff House was mentioned was something like three years ago, or a month in Parker time.
Margo 3-G WHAAAT? What did Nora do, take the Mary Worth Express to Tibet?
C’haft Trim the suckers in February during the Winter months, you old fart.
Freaky Wingman Bingo? is that the name of the press liason, Lt. Bingo? And what the hell is she originally there for, anyway? Jeezus, Batiuk, are we supposed to be reading your fucking mind?!
s4th Ted flys off the handle over “nothing”. The man protests too much, methinks.
Blues Babies yeah, because every time your child wants something, you do it. Like that time she yelled, “I wanna drink bleach” and you let her. Moron.
Army of One The Existential Otto.
Between Foobs Is this really Anthony and Therese from Foob?!
What A Dick Tracy Dad? Dick has a daughter who didn’t get blown up or gunned down during her rebellious and therefore unlawful teen years? Or is this storyline going to take care of that oversight.
Assoline Galley Okay, so he’ll probably get all inspired and go legit. God will forgive the guy of anything if he’ll just kill off Slim. I sure know I would.
Scenes from Suburban Hell GROSS.
Sweet and Shallow and Frustrated Suuuuure, didn’t see that coming, and now we never will see Brad coming either.

Not that we particularly wanted to SEE him coming. you know what I mean.

Master Poopypants So what they’re saying is, Marvin is an extremely mediocre kid. Just like his comic strip.
THC
July 16th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

What’s that blue scab on Wolverine’s chin? Did he have a major shaving incident? Shouldn’t his healing factor cleared that up by now? Or maybe he has a skin disease found only in him?
sugarpie
July 16th, 2009 at 1:42 am [Reply]

Josh Thanks. That makes it more understandable. It also leads me to think that they never go back to look at it once it’s sent off to the colorists and then the papers. Seems they would check their own strip in the paper once in a while, for quality control if nothing else. It really would be better in black and white, if less marketable and (mock-able).

I did go back and find some c. 1968 strips. Pretty groovy! Definitely of the era with all sorts of detail, whereas the current strip’s art could have happened anytime during the last 30 years. I’ll check out your link. Again, thanks!
BigTed
July 16th, 2009 at 1:45 am [Reply]

Funny how Mary Jane and Wolverine both react to Peter’s invitation with an exclamation point, otherwise known in typesetting circles as a “bang.” And their identical shocked expressions show exactly how they feel about Peter’s, er, peter.
True Fable
July 16th, 2009 at 1:59 am [Reply]

Rednex Suppose you don’t ever use all those clubs and decided to only carry what you usually need? Or suppose you’re so freakin’ awesome that you never lose a ball in the water hazards or the rough? Yeah, in other words FUCK YOU Brookins. The comics section has too many golf jokes as it is.
Shoo This is just disturbed as hell.
Spider-Showoff That’s what the football team claimed you said to them too, MJ.
Lael
July 16th, 2009 at 2:14 am [Reply]

I like how the dog in Blondie wakes up from what must have been a lovely nap to be disturbed by the last frame.
Jackuul
July 16th, 2009 at 2:44 am [Reply]

Also… since I have begun to come out of my depression from losing my little buddy… I can present to you my first and probably only Mary Worth Epic: The Creep. It sucks, but I spent some time on it.
Frank Parsnip
July 16th, 2009 at 3:07 am [Reply]

Pluggers: What?!? Pluggers play an elitist sport like golf? Sure there are public courses, but is the presence of so many balls supposed to actually imply something, like, they never hit into the rough and thus lose balls? I’d prefer some example of outrageous Plugger frugality like having a bag full of those fancy telescoping gadgets aimed at getting balls out of water traps. At the very least, “Plugger golf” should involve putters and windmills.

MT: Mullet Williams: “Mark, let me explain something to you: Yes, those barrels have our company markings on them. Do you know why? It’s because that’s how we package stuff for our customers. When bulk chemicals are ‘ours’, that’s usually when they’re running through the huge mixing machines and pipelines throughout our factory. And pretty much the last step before we ship product out is to stick it into those barrels. Now, we don’t control what the customers do with drums later on — they may refill it with waste product, they may put it into Lost Forest — but we don’t control that. So, when I have my friend over there shoot you in the head, it’s has nothing to do with any actual legal liabilities — it’s because you’ve spent the last several weeks telling me and my sister at every possible opportunity that you’re going to put us in jail. Fuck you.” (gives OK sign to man with rifle)

MW: Delilah’s answer for what she wants to happen is very complicated because she doesn’t know half the names of the battery driven devices Charlie likes to use. Faced with a discussion that would fast get over-reliant upon the term “thingy,” Delilah has wisely opted to clam up.

A3G: Nora’s made it! In the spirit of kindness and fellowship, I’m wondering who will offer to buy Tim a blond wig to ensure proper A3G conformity.

DtM: The great thing about beaches is that the noise of the waves, boom boxes and kids will pretty much allow this lifeguard to provide a variety of anatomically impossible answers to Dennis’ inane questions without any parents hearing and interfering.

Luann: If they fall over, they’ll pretty much have to do it.

Funky Pantysniffer: So apparently CNN reporters in Iraq are supposed to wear Vietnam-era fatigues?

Sex Organ, M.D.: The “Alzheimers Enclosure”? The idea of a huge iron fence being used to keep puddlebrains at bay is a bit creepy. Oh, and that’s also a great name for a band.

FC: Dolly, fully realizing the importance of wartime economy measures, is about to hit her parent with “Is this trip really necessary?”

Dick Tracy: That Dick owns a talking blow-up doll with short midgie arms is almost as creepy as his having apparently programmed it to call him “Dad”. And if that actually is his daughter, let’s hope he can eventually get his right hand off the side of her tit.
Jason1981
July 16th, 2009 at 3:13 am [Reply]

Curtis: Yeah, you’re right Barry, your mom shouldn’t be spoiling Curtis. She should only be spoiling YOUR whiney a** like she ALWAYS does, shouldn’t she?

Luann: C’mon, Brad, being kissed by a hot girl couldn’t have been THAT painful . (Unless he’s just falling because he’s extremely clumsy. Or..something. )
True Fable
July 16th, 2009 at 3:21 am [Reply]

#67 Jackuul – good job!

Please accept my condolences for your loss.
Spiderman Defense League
July 16th, 2009 at 3:23 am [Reply]

: I’m old-fashioned: what Edda is doing to Amos in panel three is called “pegging”, right?
KarMann
July 16th, 2009 at 3:57 am [Reply]

The 7/16 Mary Worth is making me want to pull a 7/16 Trixie.
Timmer
July 16th, 2009 at 4:32 am [Reply]

A bizarre side effect of the way Josh has arranged the strips: Margo and Wolverine making the exact same face in their respective final panels freaks me out more than it probably should.
Mr. O'Malley
July 16th, 2009 at 5:17 am [Reply]

A-3G: Now I’m momentarily regretful about that vow of chastity!

FB: This is, unusally, kind of funny in a strange way.

GA: And then there was the story about the man who chopped up his concubine’s body after she was raped and murdered and sent the pieces to the heads of the tribes of Israel! And who exactly was Cain’s wife? And how many of each animal did Noah take?

(If we keep this up, maybe the Christian Singles girl will come back.)

MW: If you ever wondered what “whitebread” as an adjective meant, here is the definition.
Frank Parsnip
July 16th, 2009 at 5:51 am [Reply]

its time to pay the price (45): And then there was that freaky couple of weeks when Eric Mills was crossing the Himalayas with Tenzin, who had inexplicably bleached his hair blond.

josh (49): That was a beyootiful site.
dyslexic dog
July 16th, 2009 at 6:11 am [Reply]

I’m pleased to see, that in this All Star break, A3G is doing its part to keep it fresh in baseball fans’ hearts.
gleeb
July 16th, 2009 at 6:26 am [Reply]

Brenda: His servant is just disappointed that Taj Khan can’t remember that tigers don’t live in the sea.

’shaft: Ever since he saw The Wizard of Oz, Ed’s had a hatred and fear of apple trees. Either that or the judge warned him not to use the hedge trimmers on any more people.

Doonesbury: NEWSPAPERS. (I can keep this up as long as you can, Trudy).

Fred: Is New Labor’s total surveillance Britain really this dull?

‘bean: “Too late”? Don’t give me that jazz. For trying to research and report a story herself, she’d be on the first flight home before you could say “Judith Miller”.

Gas: He’s really going to regret treating her like this when he gets to the Song of Songs.

Luann: There can be only one!

Zippy: NEWSPAPERS.
dyslexic dog
July 16th, 2009 at 6:27 am [Reply]

Heathcliff and Garfield are among the more notable victims in the disgusting epidemic sweeping our land.
Lolsworth
July 16th, 2009 at 6:53 am [Reply]

Tim and Eric, awesome strip, great job!
Pozzo
July 16th, 2009 at 7:17 am [Reply]

Really, shouldn’t Dagwood be wearing a black armband or something, considering the recent passing of Oscar Meyer III? That has to be his saddest day since Col. Sanders died.
Twinkles the Elf
July 16th, 2009 at 7:31 am [Reply]

I was kind of hoping Thelma had gone all Andrea Yates at long last… she’s already drowned Dolly and PJ, and she’s chasing Billy around so’s she can hold him under and kill him, and meanwhile ol’ Jeffy, who’s a miracle of cluelessness, is answering the door. With any luck, he too is not long for this world. Die, Family Circus, die!!!
Pozzo
July 16th, 2009 at 7:33 am [Reply]

To be fair, maybe Thel didn’t actually send her naked offspring to answer the door. Maybe “givin’ me a bath” actually means, “makin’ me take a bath while she grabs a blissful me-less half-hour.” My guess is that said half-hour involves pills, booze and possibly a Blueboy magazine.
Ben the Cartoon
July 16th, 2009 at 7:50 am [Reply]

#45 It’s time to pay the price: Sorry, off-topic, but I’ve always wondered if your name is a reference to Home Movies or not.
Amateur
July 16th, 2009 at 8:11 am [Reply]

MW: . . . And then a bomb crashed through the ceiling and took them both out. Please? PLEASE?? I’m about to die of boredom here!
tb4000
July 16th, 2009 at 8:24 am [Reply]

Luann: NO. FUCKIN’. WAY.
JT
July 16th, 2009 at 8:31 am [Reply]

Am I the only one who was bothered by Jason Fox being seen bare ass naked in Sunday’s Foxtrot? As for Jeffy, I believe that “the bath” he was taking was actually Thel’s desperate last attempt to Baptize him. She is probabbly doing the same with Dolly, Billy, and PJ as well and after it fails to cure the chiildren of their many many sins she will have to resort to the only logical resolution, circumcision. We can only hope that the circumcions (Dolly included of course) will be botched so badly that none of the children will be able to reproduce and will bring an end to the spawning of the Melon-Headed offspring.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
July 16th, 2009 at 8:35 am [Reply]

In panel 1, Margo has a toothache. In panel 2, she suddenly realizes that nobody is paying attention to her toothache and are acting like the rest of the world continues to exist. Hence the shock and horror. “Can’t you see I’m in pain, people?”

Why is everybody speaking English?
Patrick
July 16th, 2009 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Evidently, one of Wolverine’s lesser-known superpowers is making those around him drop the “g”s at the end of words.
GC
July 16th, 2009 at 8:50 am [Reply]

My guess is (Apt 3G) the screamer is going to be Tim.
GC
July 16th, 2009 at 8:57 am [Reply]

Oops. Meant Eric.
Mdgoldrush1984
July 16th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

“Drive the weinermobile” is now my new favorite euphemism.
Bootsy
July 16th, 2009 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Jackuul, followed your MW saga. But I wanted especially to send condolences. As a pup parent myself, I know how hard it is to lose them. RIP, Spot.
The Waz
July 16th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

MT – Now I’m not the hunting type in the least, but isn’t the bright orange vest made for a ‘there’s a person over here, please don’t put a bullet in my ass’ reason rather than for stealth capabilities? Shouldn’t the sniper be wearing camo? Or is he planning on hiding behind a giant red squirrel, where the bright orange just might blend in?
Bryan
July 16th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

A3G: How did Nora get to Tibet so fast? She jaunted!
Nora Mills is my name
And Terra is my nation
Deep space is my dwelling place
The stars my destination!
buckyswife
July 16th, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

#67 Jackuul—Welcome back, and I’m glad to hear that you’re (gradually) on the mend.
buckyswife
July 16th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

MT: “I don’t want any more waste material dumped illegally.” “Well, I don’t want any, either. What about that guy over there—maybe he wants some.”

SM: If MJ keeps saying, “Why not? The more the merrier!” all night, she could have herself quite the evening….. Nah. No matter what path the night starts on, it will end in front of the TV.

DtM: Ah, subtle menacing, Dennis Mitchell! As some hapless swimmer drowns just offshore, you distract the lifeguard with Keane-ly queries!

BB: I’m beginning to see why it’s called “Camp Swampy”: It’s a miasma of ennui and despair.

MW: “Now, when I count to three, we will both bite into our identical sandwiches.”
Jeff O'Connor
July 16th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

America loves hot, white jailbait ass!
Niall
July 16th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

I’d say something about Thursday comics, but the Trifecta of Vomit of Beetle Bailey, Garfield and Hi & Lois (one inducing, one intimating and one showing, respectively) has made me lose my snarking appetite.
America
July 16th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Uhmmm — hello? Everybody?

Naked Jeffy ass is… not something I actually want. But hey! Thanks.
JH Pants
July 16th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

To make today’s DtM slightly entertaining, I’m pretending that the lifeguard is being played by a drunken David Hasselhoff.
Jumper
July 16th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

Too bad none of the cartoonists, like Howard Roark, don’t blow up the evil colorizers’ buildings for ruining their Art.
Phred22
July 16th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Of course if Dagwood drove the Weinermobile, he wouldn’t have his boss watching him all day.
JH Pants
July 16th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

#93 – The Waz: Yes, one wears blaze orange in the woods to be visible to others with guns. There is also a type of camo that has a dull orange background, but that is only worn in the fall when one will blend in with the leaves that have just turned. Not dark green summertime leaves that our gun weilding friend is cleverly hidden behind.
Jumper
July 16th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Isn’t that Larry King, dressed like Colonel Sanders, speaking to Margo? Is that why she looks flustered? I know I would be.
boojum
July 16th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

The New York Freaking Times has weighed in on The Naked Jeffy Ass Question.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/16/garden/16nudity.html?8dpc
Professor Fate
July 16th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

FW: Cindy give it up – he’s stoned to the gills on afgan hash and needs the two days to come down.
teddytoad
July 16th, 2009 at 11:06 am [Reply]

To Wolverine:

Sorry bub, but in this strip, shiny blue hair that shapes your face like an autobot cannot compete with Peter Parker’s gay-Elvis forelock. Chinbeards only get lovin’ in Mary Worth.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

7/16

DtM: Another koan from Dennis, the towheaded Zen master. The student was heard to reply, “Shut up and get me a hotdog, kid.”

FC: “Good question. You and your moron brother can walk the rest of the way.”

9CL: This, by the way, is the only farmer in a fifty food radius who doesn’t keep a shotgun around the house. He’s beginning to question the wisdom of that decision.

MT: “Be vewwy vewwy quiet. I’m hunting infowmants. Wuh-huh-huh.”

Phantom: Aaaaarrrrgggh! Be it Talk Like a Pirate Day already, swabbie?

GA: Fake reverend Upton reads the Bible, converts to Christianity, and loses all interest in sex with his busty gal. It’s the Ted Haggard story all over again.

Baldo: “Well dad, we weren’t jacking each other off and taping it for lateenohandjobs.com, that’s for sure.”

S-M: When MJ says “The more the merrier” she means “God knows, you haven’t satisfied me by yourself in years.”

Agnes: Is this the comics page’s first use of the word “nipple”? That would be ironic. Judge Parker would be a more fitting place.

M-Dawg: On one side, the sign says, “Give to the animal shelter.” The other side reads, “And maybe–just maybe–your insignificant life will be spared.”

Cathy: Hey, do you remember when you could leave Cathy for five days and when you came back she’d still be on the same mind-numbing tangent? I sure as hell do!
Hogenmogen
July 16th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

A3G:
Tim: Nora! Do you have my biography? I have so much writing to do!
Nora: You’ve been locked up for 5 years. We don’t do that. We have MyFacePageBook.
Tim: ??? (head bobble) !!

Dick Tracy’s steering wheel doesn’t connect to his car. Maybe its one of those make-believe cardboard things, much like the characters and plot lines in the strip.

H&J: “!!!!!” must have meaning in some language that is spoken in a pitch too high for human ears.

JP:
April: I have months of pent up sexual frustration.
The inappropriately monikered Randy: Hm. That’s fascinating.
April: We’re both available!
Randy: So it seems.
April: I’m not wearing panties!
Randy: Oh well, we have dinner reservations, so…

S4th: No wonder why Ted has so many friends at work.

Ziggy whacks off to the evening news.

… and news by-products.
DAS
July 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am [Reply]

Out of curiosity, legally speaking, what age is the boundary between “cute li’l tyke running around naked” and “pervert who can be arrested for indecent exposure”? Can we lower it to whatever age Jeffy is supposed to be, retroactively?

I dunno what that age boundary is, but certainly it’s such that you can be arrested for indecent exposure and such at an age that’s sufficiently young such that if someone else recorded said exposure, even with your consent, they’d be arrested for kiddy porn. Indeed, you can yourself get into trouble for kiddy porn — you can be put in jail for exploiting yourself. Maybe this will happen to Jeffy?

Hey if Gil Thorpe can have a plot involving such fancy new technological concerns as sexting, why can’t family circus.
Hogenmogen
July 16th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

Spiderman (theory): Hey, you know what would be a great idea for this strip? What if Spidey were to run into another superhero – a really popular one from the movies – and then set them both against one of Spidey’s arch-enemies. That would be a great story line packed with action!

Spiderman (reality): Hey guys, do you want to split that last slice of pizza? *SNiKKT!*
Vince M
July 16th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

83, re. 45: Ben – I always assumed the Home Movies connection myself. Plenty of the comics can be improved by using ‘It’s time to pay the price’ in the dialog. Looking at Josh’s picks, I’m dropping it into Family Circus and Marmaduke.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

#94 Bryan,
Ooh, I didn’t know anyone would be bringing the Bester.
Anonymous
July 16th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

110: Well, obviously, there’s a recording of it. It’s posted right at the top of the page. And the perpetrators left their names at the lower right of the scene: Jeff and Bil Keane”.

Jeffy is his own pornographer.
Hogenmogen
July 16th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

Tomorrow’s Luann TODAY:
Panel 1: Toni naked in bed from waist up
Toni: That was amazing. I never thought we, of all people would…
Panel 2: Toni and Tiffany in bed from waist up
Tiff: Yeah, that was my first time with a woman, too.

First time today, I mean.

With a woman, that is.
bman
July 16th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

FC: Oh god, now the imps are running around naked? Something tells me a different kind of person will be clipping these cartoons from now on.
Lawyerbob
July 16th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

Blondie: While it’s not unheard of for a long-closeted gay man to finally come out to his wife, only Dagwood would break the news by declaring his preference for “the security of driving a ‘giant hot dog’ around town!”
TheDiva
July 16th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Luann: Even the law of gravity wants Toni and Brad to get with the shagging already.

MW: Speaking of shagging, can we skip to the part where Charley attempts to ravage poor innocent Delilah, please? I mean, her colossal stupidity is somewhat entertaining when confronted with his brazen overtures, but Mary’s Hallmark wisdom doesn’t give her a whole lot to play off of.
Indiebass
July 16th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

OK, overweight Rhino-man is upset because all the balls fell out of his bag. Why doesn’t he keep them in the pocket on the side like every other golfer in the known universe?

I think this is a classic case of today’s Pluggers missing its true caption. I thought he’d be better served with any of the following:

“It takes a lot of balls to golf like a Plugger.”

“A Plugger is always surprised to find balls in his bag without a red stripe around them.”

Or if you wanted to get churchy, the simple “A Plugger’s second favorite Sunday morning activity invokes the Lord’s name just as much as the first.”

Or “A Plugger has balls in his bag that are older than some of his children.”

These things write themselves.
Matzthebomb
July 16th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

I’m confused and slightly concerned by the quotation marks around “giant hot dog”. Is this some sort of 40’s slang I’m unfamiliar with? Is Dagwood referring to lil’ Bumstead? If so, I pray to the comic gods to spare us from a Jeffy-nude Dagwood sprinting down the sidewalk, wearing nothing but a bowtie and a smile.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
July 16th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

I was a bit confused by today’s Luann as well. At first I thought that Toni and Brad were actually gettin it awwwwwn.

But looking at the panel again, it is clear that Brad is just falling over backwards in shock at the kiss, and will proceed to re-injure himself when he hits the ground. Just another oh-so-clumsy-and-awkward moment that reminds us that sex is best left to professionals.
:[
July 16th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

67. Jackuul: nicely epical! Sadly, I think all Mary Worth plotlines could (and should) be distilled down to about 30 frames.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 16th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

Brad: “I kissed a girl and I ~~liked it~~ broke my femur.”
bats :[
July 16th, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

122. was me (the cat was helping with the typing). I have not gone to “symbol alone,” like certain purple-clad rock stars.
Uncle Lumpy
July 16th, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

#122 :[ (go with it – it’s a sign!) –

Most Mary Worth story arcs require just one panel — of a woman, alone in the dark, sobbing “I’ve been such a fool!”

In the others, it’s a guy.
Niall
July 16th, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

…okay, one more observation: I don’t know what it says about me that I can only picture Archie and Jughead pantsless and masturbating furiously behind the couch, and see nothing wrong about it, and Veronica is obviously distressed by it. Come on, look at it again and the angles of the arms and tell me this doesn’t make more sense than the ostensible “real” joke.
Paul1963
July 16th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

FW: Wow, could the flow of this story possibly get any worse? Is this a flashback (Wally was in Westview Sunday and Monday, but now he’s back in Iraq?)? Or is this not Wally, but another soldier who looks just like him? What the hell, man?

Doonesbury: It’s a little late, but I just had to comment on the “Will newspapers cut color?” panel in the Sunday 7/12 strip–which I read in the Baltimore Sun, which prints the Sunday Doonesbury along the bottom of the Editorial and Op-Ed pages–in black and white.

GA: Seems to me that if it’s late enough for Upton and Mona to have gone to bed, the real Rev. Peacegood should have made it to town by now.

Stop or I’ll *BLAM*BLAM*BLAM*: Good lord, it’s Bonnie Braids Tracy! I read this strip for something like 20 years in the Evening Sun and, later, the Sun and I don’t think she was ever even mentioned (although, come to think of it, neither was her kid brother Joe). Christ, look at that drawing–is she a dwarf? Giant head, little bitty arms. And, wow, the steering wheel in Tracy’s car…no spokes visible, no airbag pod visible…how the hell is it attached?
Uncle Lumpy
July 16th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

#127 Paul ‘63 –

he steering wheel in Tracy’s car…no spokes visible, no airbag pod visible…how the hell is it attached?

By sheer grit and determination.
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 16th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

#122 – Thirty? Let’s see.

1. Protagonist is introduced.
2. Protagonist’s trivial problem is revealed.
3. Problem is blown way the hell out of proportion.
4. Anvils – a lot of anvils – are dropped on protagonist.
5. Protagonist, having seen not only stars but also good sense, obligingly dances on strings held by soulless inhuman puppetmaster.
6-29. Pastel food montage.
30. Choose one: (i) pool party, (ii) fiery death.
buckyswife
July 16th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

MW: “…all things are possible.”

Delilah drew a short breath and flung her sandwich across the table, scattering orange processed cheese, white bread, and bologna the color of General Halftrack’s ass, upending her glass of Crystal Light. “Dammit, Mary, will you just stop with the advice? I said I needed space. God, what was I thinking, coming back here? I’d forgotten what a controlling bitch you were….”

“Delilah, dear, calm down. I’m not trying to control you; I just want you to see that you and Lawrence—”

With a shriek, Delilah grabbed her glass and broke it against the table’s edge. Pressing it against Mary’s cheek, she hissed, “Say one more word, old woman, and I will cut you. One word—you meddlesome old hag…”

Mary’s lips quivered, and her eyes glazed with the concentration, but she remained silent. Delilah backed away. “Good. Now, if we can just enjoy our lunch….”

“Yes,” Mary murmured, “just like the lunches you used to enjoy with—”

“Gaaaahhhhh!” The sharp edge sliced cleanly through Mary’s crepey neck; as she stared open-mouthed—and blissfully silent—she slid to the floor.

Delilah pondered a moment and then grabbed Mary’s feet to drag her into the house, leaving a trail of pale-pink blood the color of salmon squares. “Hunh,” thought Delilah, “that will at least match the carpet.”

Slipping Charlie’s phone number from Mary’s chilly decolletage, Delilah picked up the phone and began to dial. Charlie would be a mistake; even Delilah knew this in her heart.

What she didn’t know, however, is that mistakes were Mary’s lifeblood. As Delilah turned her back, Mary felt her heart begin to beat again.

Today was not Mary Worth’s day to die.
mvg
July 16th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

127: I don’t think that’s Wally, because even though he wears Wally’s face (hey, all GI’s look alike once they get the high-n-tight, right?), it looks vaguely like his nametag says “Johnson.”

S-M: The colorist really was at a loss in the 2nd panel of today’s (Thu) Spider-Man. You can’t tell where Peter ends & MJ begins. They look like a multisexual version of Cheng & Eng. Or perhaps that whole panel is just a fantasy of Wolverine’s, after being out in the wilderness for far too long.

Blondie: I think the “giant hot dog” reference (especially w/the quotation marks) clarifies Sunday’s strip about the love/loathe relationship between Dagwood & Mr. Dithers. I’m guessing Dag’s single button is a quick-release for all his clothes so Dithers can go all “old goat” on him after hours. It also explains why Dag still has a job despite consistently screwing up: He wants Dithers to punish him, although the only aspect of it that ever makes it onto the page is fist-shaking (winding up for a fisting) & ass-kicking (think tenderization). This may also offer clues to Dag’s long, tumultuous friendship w/Herb WOODLEY. (”Hey, Dag, mind if I borrow your tool?”) Oh, it’s all become too clear. Must gouge out own eyes w/staple-remover…
giraffe-o
July 16th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

re: Toby #6 . It’s easy to predict that Jeffy will eventually turn into Chris Cunningham’s “Rubber Johnny”
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2009 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

#124 bats :[
Is that my cue?

Actually I’ve thought about going the “symbol only ” route. I’m not sure, though, what the ASCII is for a dollar sign sprouting wings.
Niall
July 16th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

130. buckyswife: another masterful entry! I don’t know where you get these from lately… yeah, maybe you don’t want to know either. But they’re entertaining, and probably cathartic.

I might need something cathartic, but I think if I let loose, Josh or Uncle Lumpy would have to delete it.

Speaking of Lumpy, what saddened me the most when reading the latest Twisted Toyfare Theatre collection is that there actually exist action figures for the Star Wars Christmas Special. Mala. Lumpy. The whole thing. The joke of having one for the second unit director may not be a joke… I don’t want to know.
Twinkles the Elf
July 16th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

Mary’s a long way from being a sounding board, isn’t she? There is one and only one correct decision to be made here: go back to your boring husband!!! Do it do it do it do it! I think Delilah should have a fling with ridiculous Lounge Lizard Charlie just to see Mary’s head explode.
buckyswife
July 16th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

134 Niall—Thanks! (And I know exactly where this one came from: some current relationship problems and some well-meaning, advice-giving friends; Delilah’s an idiot, but Mary’s the one I want to smack.)
bats :[
July 16th, 2009 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

133. AFKAB: hey, sometimes you just have to follow your bliss.

>$< is a possibility, but I think it looks more like a weird cat face than anything else. Maybe if I take off my glasses…maybe this: ~$~
Sock Puppet
July 16th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

“I didn’t know if it was Eric, his brother, or someone else!” — I didn’t realize the characters had the same confusion we readers do.

The speaker appears to be nominally Asian, despite the skin tone, so I can imagine the sidebar dialogue:

“All of you people look alike to me.”

“We look alike to us, too. We’re like penguins; we can tell each other apart anyway.”
Joe Blevins
July 16th, 2009 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

A3G: Margo’s just realized she’s out of peach-colored lipstick, and there’s no way she’ll find any for sale in this godforsaken… is this even a country?

SM: Wolverine seems less like a mutant superhero badass and more like somebody’s weird, sad uncle who participates in Civil War reenactments on the weekends and writes a lot of letters to the editor of the local newspaper, most of which are too inappropriately intimate to be published.

BLONDIE: Daisy, you can stop pretending to be stunned by the idiotic stuff Dagwood says and does. Really, it’s fine. He pulls this crap 365 days a year. For reasons of social convention, Blondie has to at least pretend to engage her husband in conversation, but as the family dog, you really don’t need to be awake for any of this.
Muffaroo
July 16th, 2009 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

DTracy – “At times, it’s like a three-ring circus.” Says the monkey holding a ring-toss quoit.

Gfield – It’s always funniest just before he vomits all over.

Mduke – That wacky Marmaduke! He’s learned somehow that if he devours the guy with the sign and the basket, he can take his place and shake down passing cars for donations, which he then uses to purchase black-market kids from the old Soviet Union! On the internet.

Momma – “That awful thing you did recently…” Wait, is this “Herb and Jo’Momma”?

Pluggers – Ha ha! Pluggers play golf in some mysteriously deficient fashion that presumably makes sense to doctors, army officers, and other aficionados of the game. When will they learn …whatever it is???

R=R – Having caught a little of JOHNNY GOT HIS GUN last night, I must say that the giant eye-void on most of the characters in this strip now looks even more horrifically freakish than ever, especially since most of the other features tend to be drawn so minimally that they can be overlooked as possible artifacts having nothing to do with the drawing.

Say, that sounds like a good idea… having nothing to do with the drawing, I mean.

6Chix – Ah, Wednesday, we hardly knew ye.

SBump – Yes, but can he think outside the glass box?

“giant hot dog” – Well, of course there are quote marks. It’s not a real hot dog!
One-eyed Wolfdog
July 16th, 2009 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

#133 – How do you feel about ʚ$ɞ ?

(I think it would look better with the ‘wings’ superscripted but that tag is disabled here, for no good reason.)
Dingo
July 16th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

Oh, c’mon! Toni kisses Brad and causes him to fall, thereby either reinjuring himself or injuring her. Just get to it! Let him fuck her! Let Brad shoot jism between her breasts while she screams like a 12-year-old Catholic girl at an N*Sync concert in 1998. Let the boy make sounds of a bear with its paw stuck in a trap while Toni presses an unlubed index finger up against his prostate as he cums. I don’t think I’m asking for much.
Niall
July 16th, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

136. buckyswife: Bleah, and a pox. Sometimes nodding and letting an open offer of help if needed is much better. And hey, cathartic release through reimaginings has a good history on here – just think of Jamus’ epics.

Myself, I don’t really even have actual situations to cathart.

(…I just massacre the English language for fun, really.)
tb4000
July 16th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

Luann: What is disturbing about this kiss is that this proves that Brad has gotten NOWHERE with Daytona for a couple years now, and this is the most she’s given him. Why he has not committed hari kari is beyond me. Though I think he purposely hoped Toni’s fall crushed him.
Chip Whittle
July 16th, 2009 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

And at last the 9 Chickweed Lane characters deny any involvement in the current 9 Chickweed Lane plot-flavored story blocker.

Not to disparage Upton’s new reading habit, but isn’t he kind of far into the Bible there to be just now getting up to Noah and the Ark? Do Gasoline Alley pastors get the extra extra extra large print version and need about 200 volumes to get through the Old Testament? Also, in the first panel, why are they sleeping under a manatee?

PC and Pixel unveils the innovative calling plan of “phoning from 1972”, also gaining the benefit of cheaper rates. The trouble is dialing all the people with area codes that don’t have zero or one in the middle digit.

After today’s striking Spider-Man development the only thing to do is have the characters freeze in that pose while the closing credits scroll up, the amusing theme jingle plays, and ABC Voice Over Guy Ernie Anderson encourages us to stay tuned for an all-new episode of Too Close For Comfort.

Somebody at Wizard of Id Studios Inc went to the movies in 1994!
Baka Gaijin
July 16th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

#55 BigTed: What he SAID! Did this week’s Pearls Before Swine inspire you?

#67 Jakuul: Great job. I hope it helped you work through your grief.

#81 Twinkles the Elf: That gory tableau betrays your innocent screen name.

#126 Niall: Thaaaanks. Now I’ll never get that disturbing image out of my head. At least not until Dingo’s next Mary Worth posting…or

#131 mvg on Blondie: That replaced Niall’s post in my memory until, cue…

#142 Dingo: You couldn’t leave out a “bear” now could you?
Niall
July 16th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

145. Chip Whittle: Let me honestly applaud you for a clear and link-festooned snarking style! We can always use more of these. I try to use full strip names when possible, myself, but like many, the use of the Chron Build-my-comics-page precludes easy links to individual strips.

146. Baka Gaijin: you’re welcome, and yeah, what little I can contribute in this department is usually outshone by the masters such as Dingo.
gnemec
July 16th, 2009 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

I like that every one of today’s selections involves shocked people/dogs/mutants, with the exception of the comic featuring a naked person answering the front door.
Brent
July 16th, 2009 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

Amaizing Spiderman: Just think; a few months ago this whole scene would have played out with Parker walking in on Mary-Jane while she was discovering if Wolverine had an Adamantium love muscle. Of course that’s not to say she still won’t find out, but while she might be into three-ways I think Peter isn’t about to share with Wolverine. Captain America maybe, but not Wolverine.
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
July 16th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

Luann: Brad should be able to weather this tumble as he is ‘armored’ — but by all reasonable expectations – the two should be as naked as Edda and Amos by tomorrow and doing it by the 40th anniversary of the Moon Walk.
Hogenmogen
July 16th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

Randy didn’t pull away from April in JP. Immediately following that plot development on my Chron page was Brad DeGoof, inexplicably pulling away from Toni. We all thought he had the hots for her from, like, the Reagan administration. Turns out, it was all just Brad teasing Toni. After her failed kiss attempt, it all comes out. “Toni, I don’t know where you got the idea that I…. See, TJ and I have an understanding… it’s complicated, but I just can’t, ok?”
Charterstoned
July 16th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

MW – Mary and Delilah, poised to take their first bites from the salmon square sandwiches, realize that it is only 9 a.m. and so patiently wait until the clock strikes the noon luncheon hour before beginning their repast.

Mary, meanwhile, inserts her glass of urine specimen into the centerpiece to keep it cool.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

#137
Thanks, bats. I’ll have to try those out, at least on my bootlegs.
Charterstoned
July 16th, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

MT – Today’s shooter provided by “Assassins R Us” — it looks like the only thing this sniper needs to do to improve his chances of being seen in his bright orange dead-of-winter hunting ensemble is to give a couple of quacks on his duck call.
Alfred E. Neuman
July 16th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

Luann— So Toni has finally given Brad a real kiss. In response, Brad is being pushed backwards by the extreme force of an instantaneous massive premature ejaculation. Don’t feel too sorry for him, though, because he finally gets to ejaculate in the presence of a woman.
Icepick Jones
July 16th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Every time I see “!” as a response to a question or an event in a comic strip, I always assume it’s accompanied by a high pitched squeal. In this case it seems only appropriate coming from both Mary Jane and Wolverine.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 16th, 2009 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

And One-Eyed Wolfdog, that one definitely has bass drum logo potential.
Katya
July 16th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

Today’s Mary Worth:

Ooh! The excitement builds!

In panel one, Delilah, heretofore completely lacking any semblance of a personality, is suddenly acting positively spunky. Observe her assertive body language, not to mention her actual words, as follows: “Look, Mary…!” And Mary, impossible as it may be to believe, seems to be wearing a rather defeated expression. I almost feel sorry for the meddling old biddy…but then she goes and eradicates any sympathy I may have felt for her by her behavior in panel two. To wit:

She’s back to her interfering self, pulling out the tired old platitudes and attempting to tell Delilah what to do. Sigh…
Anonymous
July 16th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

apropos of nothing, but containing garfield: nedroidcomics

S-M: actually, i think peter’s just worked out that if he hooks mj and wolverine up, he won’t have to do all that awkward craning to get a good view of the tv during self-pitying obligated sex.

Marmaduke: poor marmaduke obviously saw that and thought “soup!”, but will soon discover that it’s going to be plain old raw children again.
ignatz
July 16th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Ummm….Jeffy? Why isn’t your mother the one answering the door, since you’re in the bathtub, and naked?
lesles
July 16th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

oops. #159 is me
Dingo
July 16th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

Niall and Baka Gaijin, you are both wrong. Horribly, terribly wrong. Look at the panels again. In panel one, Jughead is holding Betty’s ponytail while he slides his cock back and forth in her mouth receiving oral pleasure. In panel two, he ejaculates into her mouth while Betty grabs Archie’s testicles with her right hand and yanks. In panel three, the boys realize that Veronica had wanted to have sex with both of them in a Chinese fingerhooks position. What you can’t see is Milton lying on the floor, furiously masturbating to the entire scenario.

There.
Dingo
July 16th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

Is it just me or do others see potential sodomy in the near future for Mark Trail and the sweaty company dumper? This hunter is gonna make someone squeal like a pig and it sure isn’t Cherry Trail and the PTA. Since dumper doesn’t have facial hair, I think the hunter’s gonna knock some hair off of his ass!
Baka Gaijin
July 16th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

#162 Dingo: Again I ask myself, “Why do I read _The Comics Curmudgeon_ comments right before bedtime?” I’m going to have THOSE ~~nightmares~~ dreams again. Damn those time zones!!!
Muffaroo
July 16th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

^^\$/^^ ? Too many ^s?
Chip Whittle
July 16th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

#147 Niall:

Thank you. I do find it easier to follow snarking on comics I normally don’t read with the links so it feels like only fair. Also I like thinking of title texts for the links, so it’s fun too.
Esther Blodgett
July 16th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

#162 Dingo – holy crow, I drop in for the first time in ages, and this is the first comment I see! I’m not even going to look at the actual comic; there’s no way it can live up to your, er, vivid interpretation. ;)
Alfred E. Neuman
July 16th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

#163 Dingo— You’re en fuego today! This is the first time I’ve seen “sodomy” and “dumper” in the same sentence.
*Snerk*
Dingo
July 16th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Esther, where have you been?!? I hope some Middle Eastern sultan took a shine to you when he spied you shopping at the local mall and whisked you away to his kingdom to be his bride. Realizing that there were no maraschino cherries in his country, you hid inside a wicker basket and were carried on camelback to the border and then returned to the States by Hillary Clinton in a gorilla suit.
Brenda Starr Destroyer
July 16th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

Wolverine’s expression is not embarrassment at having “horned in” on Peter and MJ, it’s dismay that he was not allowed onstage. He went through 3 tubes of electric blue glitter preparing for his debut tonight.
Baka Gaijin
July 16th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

#169 Dingo: “Hillary Clinton in a gorilla suit?” Will you PLEASE stop with the disturbing imagery? ;)
Dingo
July 16th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

Okay, Baka, how about this? You’re awakened from sleep tonight to find Matt Damon standing next to your bed, only wearing white cotton briefs. He asks you if you ever read the interview where he refered to himself as a “middle-aged suburban Dad” and you reply that you did. Matt takes your hand and, with that, you’re spirited away above the clouds, floating. You fly for what seems the longest time but also quickly. You come to rest on a sleepy Ohio street in front of a brick bungalow. Matt walks you to the door and picks you up, carrying you over the threshold. Inside the living room, he puts you down and then wraps his arms around you. He gently kisses you and then says, “I want you to fuck me in every room of the house. Start here at the living room. Then the dining room and the kitchen. Burn my ass with your hot cock in the library and again on the bed. Finish me on the lanai with my hands grasping the chaize longue for dear life. Yes, Baka, fuck me. Fuck me like you were Dr. Jeff Cory freshly returned from Vietnam. Fill me with your merry worth.”

G’night.
Baka Gaijin
July 16th, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

#172 Dingo: I am not reading this post tonight. I’m going to bed and have you start my Friday. One of these days I’m gonna learn. One of these days.
Muffaroo
July 16th, 2009 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

For those with gouldish sensibilities, I’ve posted four more Tricky Cad pages at my flickr. The first two are of low quality, being from screen shots, but the others are from a book I bought just so I’d have those two pages. (Well, I hoped there would be more than two, but one takes what one gets.)
boojum
July 16th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

mvg on blondie @ 131:

Don’t forget the mailman! Dagwood has publicly bumped uglies with him every morning for nigh-on a century now, always using “late to work” as his excuse. Riiiiight. Apparently, the mailman likes it hard and fast — really, really fast — and fully clothed. But whatever gets your mailbag flying…..

Niall @ 145:

Normally, I’m not one for neologisms, much less the rampant nounizing of verbals. So why am I so enamored of your word “cathart”?

“Y’all might want to step back, folks. I’ma cathart me here in a minute, and it can get… messy.”
Esther Blodgett
July 16th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

Dingo: It was almost like that. Yeah. Or else my office decided to lay off 2/3 of the staff and give me three jobs. It’s all a bit hazy after the camel ride…
Muffaroo
July 16th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Okay, I put the last two Tricky Cad examples I could find (these are somewhat fragmentary, but the first shows a close-up of the painstaking pre-Photoshop collage technique, and the second shows one of the notebooks Jess used to house these works) up at the old Same place. They’re out back. Here’s the keys!
Jason1981
July 16th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

121: Nah, Brad’s not falling over in shock because of the kiss. It’s probably because he actually got kissed AGAIN (remember, they both kissed after they went on the go-karts instead of showing up at that firefighters event).

Toni better have 911 on speed dial in case she ever decides to strip in front of him.
Strangefate
July 17th, 2009 at 3:49 am [Reply]

Funny, all my years reading comics and I never picked up on what an absolutely pathetic wretch Wolverine is. I mean, that the Peter Parker of this strip actually feels sorry for him? Jesus, that’s low. I’d suggest he go kill himself but, healing factor and all, that would probably be another depressing failure as well.
little_e-
July 18th, 2009 at 3:58 am [Reply]

Legally, I believe that people below the age of 7 cannot be charged with crimes. Also, cartoon characters aren’t people, and thus can’t be charged at any age.
Hey Ari
July 18th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

Looks like Dagwood got his wish – maybe he should go back to carpooling!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090718/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_wienermobile_wreck

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