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The Comics Curmudgeon is famous!

Pearls Before Swine, 8/12/09

Hello, anonymous rude denizens of the Internet! You have driven Stephan Pastis into his Internet Happy Box, so I hope you’re satisfied with yourselves. Actually, when people started emailing me about this strip this morning, I had a weird moment of déjà vu, as I thought this had run months ago. In fact, Stephan e-mailed it to me when he drew it, but that was back in April thanks to the high-tech distribution system that underlies the newspaper comics industry. Anyway, at the time I promised to rip him a new one when this came out, except he hasn’t been doing any of the terrible pun strips lately. SO UNTIL NEXT TIME PASTIS. You stay in that box just to be safe, though.

Baldo, 8/12/09

I went to college at Cornell, which is in the absolutely lovely (some might even say “gorges” HA IT’S A PUN GET IT) city of Ithaca, New York, which, despite being lovely, does not have much going for it in the way of malls. When you grow up going to Cheektowaga’s fabulous Walden Galleria, it’s a bit of a letdown doing all your enclosed chain-store shopping and food-court dining at the Pyramid Mall. This establishment appears to have since changed its name to “The Shops At Ithaca Mall,” which I find extremely amusing — oh, there are shops at the mall, you say? Anyway, I always used to mock the Pyramid Mall’s smallness by referring to it as the “Petite Mall”; I thought this was hilarious and everyone else was either more or less indifferent about it or thought it was actively offensive to people who have seizures. This is a roundabout way of saying that, why yes, I do feel validated by having essentially the same joke used in a Baldo strip 15 years later, thanks for asking!

I originally felt like there might be only about fifty-fifty chance that my terrible seizure joke was in fact the intended reading of this strip, but then I realized that there was no other obvious humor content here, so I figure that has to be what’s happening.

Hi and Lois, 8/12/09

It has not escaped my notice that quite a few of the recent Trixie-centered Hi and Lois strips have featured the pre-verbal infant girl wandering around outside apparently unattended. Maybe her parents are hoping that she’ll be adopted by a local wolfpack or some other band of animals and they’ll be relieved of responsibility for her; unfortunately, they hadn’t counted on the effectiveness with which the builders of their suburban subdivision cleared it of most wildlife. Trixie’s only option is to take up with a colony of frogs, which will go fine until she hits puberty and heads to the culvert under the arterial road with amplexus on her mind, only to be bitterly disappointed.

Hagar the Horrible, 8/12/09

Ha ha! He finds his wife’s mother so irritating that he’s going to hand her over to savages who will use her as a slave or a sacrifice to their pagan gods! MOTHERS IN LAW, am I right, people?

280 responses to “The Comics Curmudgeon is famous!”

  1. Baka Gaijin
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Better comic Pastis than the AJGU-3000!

  2. Joey Chicago
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Mostquito tits obviously misunderstood. General Halftrack wanted to know why she was rattling on, obscuring his view of the apparently-naked Miss Buxley.

    Cathy: You look unevolved, Irving? Your spouse has no nose.

    Crankshaft: After the awesome, awesome, awesome storyline involving one of my favorite comics ever, the snake biting the dog to Crankshaft’s complete horror, we settle down with a week of bee-related puns. Jerry Seinfeld would cringe at these.

    Dick Tracy: Other than stating two times that the performers are scared, the third panel of today’s Dick Tracy shows us one important thing: That giant’s hands are horrible. Second panel shows us the same thing about the ringmaster’s facial hair.

    Garfield: Amazing Garfield Minus Garfield material.

    Gasoline Alley: You know how some high percentage of couples get married? This is why: They are too cheap to pay their preacher for a lifetime-lasting marriage.

    Ziggy: How can a toaster be recession-prone? Oh, Ziggy. You WILL never win.

  3. zenvelo
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Comic synchronicity- Funky Winkerbean (“Rana”) and Piranha Club also mention frogs today…

  4. buckyswife
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I completely missed the “Grande Mall” pun, but I’m guessing that the Baldo writers did, too. I think I was stuck on the idea of living in a place where the mall can be seen for miles around as a guidepost and landmark to all lost travelers. There’s no building higher than the mall? Do they all live in hobbit houses?

  5. R in CT
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    I want to see the next Hi and Lois strip, where Trixie has put the toad’s butt in her mouth and is sucking it so she starts having all sorts of hallucinations … like Mary Worth keeping her opinions to herself … Margo working with the less fortunate in the streets of Calcutta … Pluggers without incontinence issues … or Hi and Lois being funny.

  6. Joey Chicago
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    gah i meant “get divorced” when talking about gasoline alley

    Gasoline Alley: You know how some high percentage of couples get divorced? This is why: They are too cheap to pay their preacher for a lifetime-lasting marriage.

  7. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    He finds his wife’s mother so irritating

    Gosh, Josh. After that last thread, I thought you wrote “He finds his wife’s mother so urinating…

  8. Jeff
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    I also have no clue what “Petite” or “Grande” have to do with seizures. Anyone?

  9. buckyswife
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    8 Jeff: Petite mal and grande mal are types of seizures.

  10. Kittymama
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    >>…with amplexus on her mind, only to be bitterly disappointed.

    Tell me about it.

  11. Jeff
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Also, is the gorges/gorgeous thing the same as the gecko/GEICO thing?

    That’s all I can figure, but that doesn’t seem clever enough to explain all the bumper stickers I see.

  12. Toby
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Trixie the toad licker. She’ll probably issue a non denial that she’s “not not licking toads.” Help her Jebus.

  13. queek
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    8: further information on “grand mal” and “petite mal” seizures can be found on the internet.

  14. The Dead Acorn
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    I had to call Pastis out on my blog a couple of months ago over a personal attack on me:

    http://thedeadacorn.blogspot.com/2009/05/i-am-not-whack-job.html

    I let him know about it via email, and he said he got a kick out of it and was very nice, so my anger sort of subsided.

  15. The Mighty Captain E
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    So, who’s going to start the spit stories?

  16. long time listener, first time caller
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    I’ve read a Pastis interview where he mentioned that Rat is basically his voice in the strip. You are Rat’s favoritest web site; ergo, you are Stephan’s favoritest web site. You should feel great today. And that’s before the jump in pageloads sends your ad revenue through the ceiling.

  17. Todd
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    The tough part about Pyramid Mall is, do I go to the Friendly’s inside the mall or to the Friendly’s literally right across the street from the mall?

    Also, it may not be a mall, but don’t forget the Commons!

  18. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Although she was petite, Bonnie Parker was a grand moll!

  19. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    H&L: to continue — do you all know that usually when you pick a toad up, it pees on you? So does a garter snake.

    I don’t know if information about peeing toads can abe found on the internet.

  20. Farley's Revenge
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Jeff: Epileptic seizures were designated “petit mal” or “grande mal” depending on the effect experienced. Petit mal seizures were characterized by the person basically blanking out for a period of time. Grande mal seizures are the ones most people think of when thinking of epileptic seizures, the uncontrollable muscular spasming. On TV, those are the ones usually shown, with some noodlehead trying to shove something into the seizing person’s mouth so s/he doesn’t swallow the tongue.

    When I was in jr. high, a friend experienced petit mal seizures. She would just…go away, is the best way to describe it. If we talked to her, she would respond but in a distant way. When she would come back, she wouldn’t remember anything. The first time it happened when I was around, it weirded me out. After a while, it was just part of being friends with her, no big deal.

  21. Poteet
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    I greatly enjoyed today’s PBS. But rudeness? Here on CC? Pish tosh! We may occasionally get a wee bit testy, yes. But compared to the newspaper forums I’ve seen, we are models of decorum and are incredibly witty and literate besides. I am sure there are websites that make newspaper forums look good. I don’t want to know about them.

  22. Calico
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    #4 – Well, a term for an extreme epileptic episode is called a “Grand Mal” seizure, so I think the pun lies therein.

    : )

  23. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    Newbee quiz, part 2

    There was a pet raccoon in Mark Trail. It’s name was
    (a) Wolverine
    (b) Bucky
    (c) buckyswife

    Curtis’ brother, Barry, pisses into a
    (a) hide-a-head
    (b) toilet
    (c) commodorejohn

    Lio has a pet
    (a) shop
    (b) squid
    (c) AeroSquid

    If raccoons are not careful they could get
    (a) bent
    (b) chained to a log
    (c) Joshed

    BONUS ROUND

    There was once a discussion on this blog concerning goats. What part the the goat anatomy was discussed?
    (a) horn
    (b) teat
    (c) poteet

    ———–
    Of course all the answers are “(b).” I used names of several Curmudgeonites in (c) because I could. (Actually, it’s my own strange way of honoring them).
    I never participated in a blog until I came across this one many moons ago. Now I can’t stop (even if I try -actually it’s my evil twin). So Newbees, have fun and don’t be afraid to participate. Just please read the guidelines first.

  24. buckyswife
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: So, sadly, apparently Ms. Eavesdroppy Wannabe-Cleric was not Lawrence’s secret love-plaything—she’s just the sort of run-of-the-mill fan/stalker that we all have to deal with.

    So disappointing. First, there’s Charley, who’s like a shiny new stripey-shirted toy given to a bored child, only to be snatched away too soon. And now, Moy & Giella dangle the glittering bauble of the teeny-tiny possibility that Lawrence is doing the ontological nasty with a woman who is not his wife—and it all comes to naught.

    Moy & Giella: the plot-teases of the comic-strip world.

    A3G: Moy & Giella are master storytellers in comparison to Bolle & Trusiani, though. I’m a pretty avid reader, yet I’ve never seen this particular narrative strategy before: have your characters allude to some potentially interesting events every now and then, and then have them allude to them some more as they take their leave of each other. I find it less than compelling.

    You know, anthropologists, ethnographers, sociolinguists—they’ve found that basic story-telling ability runs across cultures; no matter if they are pre-literate, literate, or illiterate, young or old—people can tell a story.

    Except, apparently, in one obscure case. So are Bolle & Trusiani aliens? Androids? (I was going to add “raised by wolves,” but I suspect that wolves tell better stories.)

  25. Farley's Revenge
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Tonic-clonic! That’s the term I was trying to remember from my long ago medical terminology course! Grande mal seizures are more accurately called tonic-clonic seizures, which describes the muscle action during the event.

    It’s amazing the stuff that sticks in my head. I might not be able to remember the spouse’s cell phone number but I can remember stuff from old nursing school classes.

  26. Calico
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    #5 – And yeah, I hope Trixie isn’t smoking toad whatever – that sounds so horrible to me. Gross.

  27. UncleJeff
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    23 sequitor: Loved the tests for the “newbees”.
    Thought I’d contribute a few more “Mudgeon-isms” but I could never get past “Say, did you know Aldo Kelrast kinda looked like”……….

  28. Calico
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    #9 – Sorry, I had typed my post and then had to make a phone call and failed to submit my post until just now blah blah blah.

    I wonder if Mary Worth smokes the toad?

  29. Dragon of Life
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Hilariously, Hagar and Lucky Eddie are about to be slain by the arrows from their own side. Apparently Vikings don’t actually have any actual siege knowledge?

  30. buckyswife
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    22 Calico: Oh, I got it once Josh pointed it out! I just needed some assistance to see it in the comic.

    21 Poteet: I agree; this is an amazingly civil place (clearly, my definition of “civil” encompasses pee-talk and, of course, Dingo). It’s the only internet community I participate in, actually.

    23 Sequitur: I am am honored—but it was “Sneaky.” Bucky was the deer/paramour of Wife of Guy Who Abused Her Because of the Economy.

    I’ll echo your welcome to any new readers and your advice to read the guidelines. And add a plea to read the previous posts. You don’t want to inspire a Sugarpie Conniption:

    sugarpie says:
    July 29th, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch eyepatch. There, done.

  31. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    30. buckyswife
    Dang. Failed my own quiz. I am so humbled.

  32. Digger
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    I find it a little unsettling that Hagar’s men on the ground seem to be shooting some of the arrows straight up his ass. Their aim is terrible. OR IS IT?

  33. zenvelo
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    #25 Farley-s Revenge- that’s better than a tonic-colonic!

  34. DeGroot of All Evil
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    In today’s Archie comic it appears that Jughead is crying because he wants so badly to eat a bucket-full of food that Pop Tate just mopped up. I guess it does make sense that Juggie would be a passionate freegan.

  35. Nekrotzar
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    I need to take my kids to visit “The Monumenttes at Washington DC Mall(tm).”

  36. tb4000
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    The day PBS gets picked up by someone like Adult Swim for an animated series, I doubt Pastis is gonna go all Bill Watterson on us.

  37. M
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    I <3 Pearls, and I <3 it even more today. :)

  38. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    New readers, welcome! To help you all get up to speed on the acronyms used here, check out the posts from a guy who calls himself “Joe” from about three or four months ago.

  39. Shlomo
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois- Is “Ribbit” Trixie’s first word? That is not a cloud around the word; that seems to be her talking. If I didn’t give a rat’s ass about this damn comic, this might actually have been a monumental occasion.

  40. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    I have a theory about why this Baldo is supposed to be funny. I thought maybe the joke was simply that you can’t get lost if you go to the mall, because the mall has one of those “You are here” signs. Get it? No?

    I don’t claim that my interpretation makes the strip especially amusing, but that hasn’t stopped newspaper cartoonists before.

    Or maybe the “joke” is that as teenagers, the mall is such a crucial and integral part of their lives that they can’t ever imagine not knowing where the mall is, and hence also where other things are by reference thereto.

    I’m puzzled.

  41. Anonymous
    August 12th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: He’s right! That colony collapse disorder really is creating a buzz. Two of our local apiaries buzzed right out of business in the last year. Hillarious! Who’s next? How about a witty pun for the auto dealers who were told they were being forced closed via an envelope from UPS?

  42. JP (not Judge Parker)
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Hagar: Besides the badly aimed arrows, I also love the guy on the ladder, and the guy in the tower, who both are just generally gesturing their weapons at each other. I don’t think they have the slightest idea of how combat works.

  43. Bryan
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    La Cucaracha: That joke wasn’t even funny eight years ago when The Simpsons did it.

  44. DeGroot of All Evil
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Mort Walker would never let us see Miss Buxley’s skirt, but whoever draws Dick Tracy wants us to ogle a hermaphroditic midget in a bikini.

  45. Talking Squirrel
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Actually, that last panel looks like there’s some sort of strange tribrid sitting on top of the box. Call it an Albino Siamese Beaver.

  46. DeGroot of All Evil
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Pardon me, I meant a rip in Miss Buxley’s skirt.

  47. zeke
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    The newly re-named “Ithaca” Mall isn’t even in Ithaca, it’s technically in Lansing. That’s probably the least of its problems though.

  48. wagmore barkless
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    I know that many, if not most, newspaper comics are typically not abreast of current news, fashion, trends, technologies, wars, speech patterns, behaviors of young people, etc., but is it actually a requirement? Do the comics syndicates have a non-compete clause in their contract with newspapers that prevents them from delivering any content that might be considered current?

    *Sigh.* I will try to content myself with pointing out that shopping malls have been in decline since at least the 1990s and a more appropriate cultural reference might show one, say, declaring bankruptcy.

  49. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    As someone with epilepsy, I think “petite mall” is hilarious. Well, guffaw-worthy anyway, since that’s what I did. You know what’s actively offensive to me? People who think they can decide on my behalf what would be offensive to me. Smack your guilt-tripping friends upside the head for me next time you see them.

  50. 150
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    #23 – Wasn’t “Bucky” the pet deer?

  51. BigTed
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    I have to admit, I really didn’t get “Pearls Before Swine” when it started running in my local newspaper. But I enjoy the weird meta-humor quite a bit.

  52. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    PBS: My Internet Happy Box involves more yiffing, to be honest. Granted, I can only see so much in that last panel.

  53. Islamorada Girl
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Big Steve Pastis, you are soooo haaaawwwwwt!
    There, I said it.

  54. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    50. 150
    Yes. I have lamented at #31. I shall bash my head into the Happy Box. (Hey, watch it there, dirty minds!)

  55. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Oh, for those who missed it, Quiz part 1 was yesterthread @312. I don’t think I messed up there. Hmmm. I wonder if a quiz of Uncle Lumpy can be made?

  56. JH Pants
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    I agree with Poteet and buckyswife that the ‘Mudges adhere to a level of civility rarely seen on other sites. That being said, as an homage to PBS, shouldn’t we be posting as Rat today?

    Anonymous Rodent
    Stephan Pastis smells like soup.

    /Rat post

  57. sugarpie
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    buckeyswife, 30 Oops, did I do that on this board? My memory always gets sort of fuzzy after a grande mall conniption. Boy, is my face red!

    That aside, welcome to all new visitors!

    Dingo y321 Dingo balls at Netherfield/ the Bennett girls! You are one witty mofo.

  58. Honeypot
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Pastis is a regular here – and if so, I wonder who he is. Wondering a lot here, folks.

  59. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    welcome to all new visitors!

    Oh, dear. Should I put on pants?

  60. Cliff Arroyo
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    “And now, Moy & Giella dangle the glittering bauble of the teeny-tiny possibility that Lawrence is doing the ontological nasty with a woman who is not his wife—and it all comes to naught.”

    What makes you so certain? I’m pretty sure his heavy stress on Why did you come here _tonight_? Means “when I was about to score with the chick in purple?”

  61. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    I wonder who he is.

    “Spartacus” references in 3… 2…1…

  62. rat
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Stephan Pastis smells like pea soup, I meant to say.

  63. Gold-Digging Nanny
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    59 Naked Bunny with a Whip — Nah. It’s called “initiation.”

  64. Charlene
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    I’m with Gold Digging Nanny, and for the same reason. It’s not like they’re saying that those of us with epilepsy are inferior human beings (if that) who should be locked away so nobody has to interact with them: it’s just a play on words.

  65. Old School Allie Cat
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    What’s weird is that I haven’t seen evidence of new posters, so I can only assume that the new readers are so intimidated by our snark, they’re not posting.

    C’mon new people, don’t be afraid – just a few things:

    1. Avoid mentioning that Aldo Kelrast looks like Captain Kangaroo – that is sooooo 2006! I know, it’s been 3 years, but it seems like only yesterday.

    2. Do not taunt Emperor Chennux, who has been curiously absent as of late.

    3. Enormoushop.com – avoid it – that Sean Finnerty DVD may look tempting, but it’s NOT worth it.

    Happy snarking!

  66. wocket
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    OK, Cathy Guisewite, I can’t keep my mouth shut any longer. I’ve tried ignoring you and you won’t go away. I’ve tried waiting you out but that’s not working either.

    So, riddle me this:
    What on Earth happened to Cathy’s job? Wasn’t she a career woman at some point? The last time I read a strip with her at work, the artist was on vacation and my paper was using filler strips from who-knows-when.
    Come on now. The job was all that was saving you from being a complete anti-feminist black hole for all things funny. Bring it back.
    Seriously, if Edge City can do it, you can too.

  67. Violet
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Lawrence: What prompted you to come here tonight?

    Delilah: Well, it’s funny, I was in my slinkiest, purplest jumpsuit looking at porn and listening to Rodgers and Hammerstein with my ex-lover with whom I’d decided to have an affair to spite you and end our marriage, but then he was like, how about some scotch and you know I’m all about the Jager, and it totally icked me out the way he kept walking around in his sock feel, so just when we were about to do it I was all, you know what? Screw it; I’ll stick with the geez. He makes a lot more money.

    Lawrence: You listened to Rodgers and Hammerstein with ANOTHER MAN???!!!

  68. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Commenting from Ithaca right now. I was just at the two-lane street they call downtown, buying books. It’s a nice place to visit if you like deer, but it’s easy to see why my mom and most of her siblings quit Cornell to go to the UW.

    Also as far as I know Pyramid is still Pyramid. At least everyone still calls it Pyramid.

  69. buckyswife
    August 12th, 2009 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    57 sugarpie: That wasn’t a rebuke of you! During that thread, I was just about to tear my hair out over the, what, 137 postings that joked about the eyepatch; I was admiring you!

    60 Cliff Arroyo: Once bitten, twice shy. Moy & Giella have come on to us before, winking and flirting and wiggling their narrative hips, only to pull back, like Delilah evading Charley’s incoming hands, just when we began to get our hopes up. Nope, I’m not getting anything up (metaphorically speaking) until I know they’re going to put out.

    65 Old School Allie Cat: They could be intimidated. I was; I lurked for a big long time before I gathered the nerve to post something. (And yeah, I know, it’s like my colleagues’ reaction when I tell them I never would participate in class discussions as an undergrad; they can’t imagine a time when I was quiet.)

  70. Dingo
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Don’t try
    Ignoring things
    Mountains, a molehill makes
    Love dies
    Isn’t that the brakes?
    Rodgers & Hammerstein love

    Pastis, a bearded fool
    Johnston, a cuntish tool
    O’er Josh, soon they all shall drool!
    Rodgers & Hammerstein love

    Buy at
    Enormoushop
    DVD Finnerty Wow!
    Guisewite, is a fucking sow
    Rodgers & Hammerstein love!

  71. Buck Ripsnort
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Hagar: What, did Henny Youngman’s estate forbid use of the “Take my mother-in-law, PLEASE!” joke?

    PBS: The truth can now be told: *I* am Pastis. So give me COTW, or I’ll mock viciously in the strip, and you may read about it in six or seven months.

  72. seismic-2
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: My reaction, too, was that this strip was intended to make us all ROFL at the thought of people who are just, well, ROF. However, to give the strip the benefit of the doubt, maybe this is just another example of the bastardized Spanglish that Anglo businesses often (mis)use in this strip, in an attempt to attract Latino customers. “Grande Mall” thus actually means “Huge Badness”. It’s just a bigger version of Milford’s ShittyMart.

    Crank: In the Batiukverse, everybody and everything dies in swarms.

    JP: So Abby routinely takes Sophie to school directly from her chores in the stables, without showering or changing her clothes? And then she goes tromping horse manure all through the classroom? Those darn cheerleaders!

    FW: I think the resolution to this dilemma will be that Wally will walk home alone, and on his way he will be kidnapped and held hostage for another ten years. Being taken prisoner is the only thing for which Wally has even the slightest aptitude, but at least he is really good at that!

    FC: We see the first rays of dawn through the tent flap, in what is still a nighttime sky, right? So the crescent moon has risen just a couple of hours before the sun, and it is thus in its waning phase? Then why does the illuminated side of the crescent point away from the sun? That happens only with the waxing moon, which rises a couple of hours after the sun. Somthing truly nasty is happening with the fundamental structure of the universe here. Of course, in FC something truly nasty has happened with the structure of the universe on four previous occasions.

  73. bats :[
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    23. Sequitur: the Leo in me just preens and purrs at the mention of yours truly (even in the context of tax preparation software). Very well done1

    [This is a better today. Our usually quiet neighborhood had a nine-hour standoff yesterday, when a 62-year-old neighbor just kind of lost it and started waving a gun around in his front yard; when the police arrived, he barricaded himself in his house and told them this wouldn't have a good ending. Fifteen homes were evacuated (he'd been charged with having explosives in his basement 30+ years ago), and last night the SWAT team stormed the house. We saw the flashbangs going off, didn't hear the gunshots, and when it was all over, he'd hit a SWAT officer (minor injury, officer will make a full recovery) and the SWAT team returned fire, killing him (which is what happens when you fire on the police).
    I didn't know him at all (even though the house is only four blocks away, I can't recall off the top of my head what it looks like -- the block was still barricaded off this morning with the bomb squad going through it), only that this was just such a sad outcome. He'd apparently had a lonely life and was more than anything a lost soul who became more and more lost as the years went on. I just feel really bad about it, not that I would've likely paid him any attention if I'd lived closer -- I think that's what makes me feel even worse. Oh, sigh. Buzzkill.]

  74. Steve the Pocket
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    @#14 The Dead Acorn: That’s quite the impressive collection, but I saw a minivan once that would put it to shame. I really wish I hadn’t been out of film at the time.

  75. Carly
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    That frog in Hi and Lois appears to be hi(gh). At least in the second panel. In the first he just seems happy that someone’s attempting to communicate with him. Or maybe he’s high there, too.

  76. Saved By Fearow
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    In today’s comic Marmaduke’s owner mourns losing the sole of his shoe This is because his evangelical soul was consumed by hellfire so long ago that he no longer misses it.

  77. buckyswife
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    73 bats :[ —Oh my goodness, that IS sad.

  78. AirForbes
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Somebody really needs to run out and register the domain name internethappybox.com.

  79. Gabacho
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Apt 3G – LuAnn is spending more time saying goodbye than she actually spent in South Dakota. Did she actually leave New York or this a new Phillip Hoffman project “Synecdoche South Dakota” and her job is to paint the wildflowers on the set?

    And why are we wasting time on her family when Margo is ripping the Dalai Lama a new one?

    Mary Worth – What prompted Del to come tonight? Well, let me tell you, Lar, it ain’t because she’s been reading Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus. She’s a dumb one, that Del. She wasn’t able to tell you why she left, and she won’t tell you why she’s back. But she’s the best you can do.

  80. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    73. bats:[
    And the Aquarius in me is glad when you’re glad.

    That’s a horrible thing that’s going on in your neighborhood. Several year ago when I was still living in an apartment I was in the parking lot when this guy in some sort of paramilitary outfit waved a gun around and pointed it in my face. At first I thought it might be a stickup until he started yelling nonsense and saying we all got to move. From somewhere deep within me I stay calm and said in a soft voice, “Put the gun down.” He looked unsure and I repeated myself. He then looked left and right stopped aiming at my face and jumped in a nearby camouflaged van and drove off. The license plate was camouflaged as well. I calmly walked to my apartment and when I got inside I started shaking. It was completely unnerving. My wife wasn’t home at the time and I never told her so she wouldn’t be scared. So, I know what it’s like to have a gun pointed at you and I hope never to have to repeat an episode like that.

  81. Joe Blevins
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    HtH: Apparently, someone on the ground has taken issue with Hagar’s terrible joke. As you can see, they’re trying to literally shoot his word balloons out of the sky with a hail of arrows. Godspeed, defenders of comedy!

    H&L: So… Trixie imitates a frog, then takes an honest inventory of her frog-imitating skills. Sorry, no joke here. Move along, please.

    B: “I don’t think I’ll ever need a global positioning system.. even when I get my own car.” Has any teenager — or any human being for that matter — ever uttered such a phrase out loud to a friend in casual conversation? What circumstances could possibly lead to that moment?

  82. Pesty
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    I’m genuinely surprised that Hagar the Horrible actually features Hagar actually taking over a castle. I figured everyone involved in the making of Hagar the Horrible had forgotten that he was, in fact, horrible outside of drinking ale and then being slightly rude sometimes to his wife.

  83. Tom Batiuk
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    73, bats :[
    Do you mind if I use that story? I think it would work well during the Christmas season.

  84. Violet
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    #67 me

    sock feet

  85. Rat Police
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Would it be too much to ask that should Mr. Pastis come calling he has the decency to shave and put on a proper electric-blue suit? We hear Margo, LuAnn, Tommie and that Miss Williams over in Mark Trail are all looking for a boyfriend.

    Nothing in hideous orange, please. He might get lost and end up in Santa Royale.

  86. LUJBEM FEJF
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    “I promised to rip him a new one …., except he hasn’t been doing any of the terrible pun strips lately”.
    I make a living making terrible pun strips (some are actually pretty good), and yet no love from you Josh. What’s a cartoonist got to do to get snarked at around here? I hope your facebook photo is up to date, because you’re going to be in my next batch of Jumbles, since that’s what it seems to take.

  87. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    59. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    Who do you think you are? Ziggy?

  88. Dr Pill
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    I’m with Pig & Pastis, I’d like to hide from the whole interweb thing meself.
    And, Josh, why can’t Pastis pun and you can? Is that fair? No! Pun on, Pastis! Show this “curmudgeon” character what it means to pun! Rat on, brother!
    I think writer & artist of Crankshaft took a holiday and slapped this week’s series out to fill in the hole when it arrived. It explains the stinging commentary and flowery language and honey-coated eco-warnings while us readers break out in hives.
    #65: I generally read CC daily, but don’t comment much ’cause I have little to say. The quality of the above post gives a fair sample as to why.

  89. mordock999
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Pearls before Swine – 08/12/09

    Panel One *

    WHAT? You guys STILL using a CRT instead of Flatscreen Monitor???

    HA!

    Well, I HAVE to be Anonymously Rude, and VERY Condescending to You now….,

    ___________________________

    DEATH to TJ!

  90. gnome de rat
    August 12th, 2009 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    86 LUBJEM FEJF said:

    What’s a cartoonist got to do to get snarked at around here?

    Face it LUBJEM. Mary Worth you ain’t.

  91. Big Stu
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    I’m from Ithaca, and let me assure you that the “Shops at Ithaca Mall” are a big improvement over the “Pyramid Mall.” It’s now slightly less crappy. And there’s a better movie theater.

  92. Alison
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    I like Pastis’s puns. He is quite clearly aware of how cheesy they are and makes fun of himself for them. On the other hand, the puns in “For Better or for Worse”, now THOSE drove me nuts, because Lynn Johnston always seemed to think she was an Einstein-level genius for thinking of them and always had her characters convulsing with laughter over them. AH HA HA HA OFFICER “WRIGHT” SOUNDS LIKE OFFICER “RIGHT”! WOO HOOO HA H HA HA!!!…ugh.

    As for Hagar, oh boy, a mother-in-law joke. That is the most original thing I have ever read in my entire life.

  93. Bry
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I thought the bees fled back to their native planet when Davros moved the Earth.

  94. Poteet
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    # 23 Sequitur — I am honored, especially to be part of a goat question.

  95. True Fable
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    Let’s look at it this way: a shout-out from Pastis is one of the coolest things going.

    But frankly I’m still hoping for a Truman Goat to show up in I, Platypus. And, that he stubbornly refuses to – well, that’s up to Ed and Melissa.

  96. Dipodomys
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    Stephan Pastis has cooties!

    *sigh* Maybe I could do better if I were a real rat.

  97. Ben
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    No, no Bry. Just SOME of the bees fled the Earth when Davros moved it. Pay attention!

  98. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur #87: No, I have toes. And a life.

  99. bats :[
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Okay, better (other than at the Friends of the Library warehouse today I found a VHS copy of “South Pacific.” The horror. The horrror.).

    Josh, congrats on the monstrous shout-out. The servers will be overwhelmed! The lists will fill with new readers! You’ll be the toast of the Chesapeake!
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3815472713/sizes/o/

  100. Poteet
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Memo to self — never catch up on a week of 9CL strips right after dinner. Oog.

  101. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    98. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    Oookay. That also rules out Donald Duck and Pig.
    (Donald on the toe thing and Pig on the life thing.)

  102. Lost in Dryden
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    When I was growing up in nearby Cortland County in the 1970s, Pyramid Mall was the height of shopping sophistication. And before you ask – yes – I am still paying for therapy.

  103. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    99. bats:[
    That was quite funny. But, please, enough with the pee thing. Oh, what the hell, keep peeing.

  104. Donald The Anarchist
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Balod Ha ha! It’s funny because it’s a great big mall! Wait, no it isn’t.

    HTH Ha ha! It’s funny because he’ll probably kidnap his wife and daughter, too!

    PBS Haven’t read this strip in a while. Like the idea of the Internet Happy Box, though. Heck, I’d buy a dozen!

  105. Bryan
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    Ben: No, no Bry. Just SOME of the bees fled the Earth when Davros moved it. Pay attention!

    I hang my head in shame. I sentence myself to watching only Colin Baker episodes for the next week.

    99, bats :[ You’ll be the toast of the Chesapeake!

    They’ll be singing his praises all over the Delmarva Peninsula tonight!

    Great C&H/PBS mashup by the way. You nailed that classic Calvin & Hobbes dialogue.

  106. AeroSquid
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Hey Zeeba Naybor !

    Do today’s comics lack the ‘comical’ element. Thanks to Stephan Pastis and his miraculous Pasti-izer 3000 ™ , ALL comics can be funny again. Just watch:

    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3436/3816336476_780ba7a941_o.jpg

  107. Niall
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    I think it safer to just say I’ve replied to yesterthread in yesterthread and will not drag it into a new thread…

  108. AeroSquid
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    99 bats :[ Great ! C&H never need the internet anyway.

  109. Sheila Sternwell
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Ugh. Really, the joke is a pun on “grand mal”? That doesn’t make any sense! No offense to the fledgling Josh’s similar joke, of course.

  110. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    106. AeroSquid
    Okay, now you’ve gone and made me snort.

    Hey, you know, this blogging with no pants is kind of freeing. I’ll take off the rest………………………………………………………………..
    Ooh, that’s even better.
    I have got to try this at work tomorrow!

  111. UncleJeff
    August 12th, 2009 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    72 – seismic two:
    FW: I think the resolution to this dilemma will be that Wally will walk home alone, and on his way he will be kidnapped and held hostage for another ten years. Being taken prisoner is the only thing for which Wally has even the slightest aptitude, but at least he is really good at that!

    It would be funny though if Wally turned to his kidnappers like Chris Griffin did with his monkey in “Family Guys” and just went: “Not today, man!”

  112. AeroSquid
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

  113. AeroSquid
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    111. UncleJeff: Maybe Khan will ‘kidnap’ him for old times sake and lock him in Montoni’s dreaded Cheese Processing Room.

  114. Uncle Lumpy
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    #113 AeroSquid –

    . . . dreaded Cheese Processing Room

    a.k.a. the Dining Room.

  115. Milo
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    I thought the Baldo joke was that the mall is so freaking huge, it’s visible from anywhere in town, and thus can be used as a landmark to get your bearings. Like if you’re in the Magic Kingdom and you get turned around, you can just head back to Cinderella’s Castle.

  116. sugarpie
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    buckeyswife, 69 I did get what you were saying. (And thanks for the admiration and kind words!). I was just trying to be a little sef-abasing for the thousands of potential new posters.

    Im hoping the call out is great for Josh’s site, too. It’s amazing how quickly the CC got under my skin and became a part of daily life. (Even the occasional tantrums and throw downs can be pretty funny if one isn’t actively engaged in them.) Its like an old school teacher’s lounge to duck into now and then: have a quick smoke and cup of coffee, blow off a little steam, and have a laugh by mocking the students (ie comics).

  117. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    115. Milo

    Cinderell’s Castle

    Is that a euphemism for something?

  118. Girl Reporter
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    #114 Uncle Lumpy says:

    August 12th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
    #113 AeroSquid –

    . . . dreaded Cheese Processing Room
    a.k.a. the Dining Room.

    Not to start THAT whole thing up again, but wouldn’t it be the Men’s Room?

  119. fussbudget
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Allow me to direct your attention to Myrtle Beach’s newest and biggest shopping mall:

    http://www.coastalgrand.com/shop/coastal.nsf/index

  120. Mel AKA "Mel"
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Poteet @ 21 & buckyswife @ 30
    Of course Dingo qualifies as civilized. All those situations he describes require opposable thumbs — and pinkies up.

  121. RSR
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    # 88 Dr Pill – I’m the same way. Long time reader, long time lurker. These comments are too smart/snarky/funny/intimidating. I’m embarassed to post when I occasionally de-lurk.

  122. Uncle Lumpy
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    #88 Dr. Pill –
    #121 RSR –

    You guys really oughta wade on in. Pretty much everybody’s got a different schtick, and I can’t think of one that doesn’t shed new light.

  123. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Y/383. Niall
    Have you ever gotten drunk and woke up the next morning with your head full of hurt and your mind full of vague inconsistent half-thoughts and you stagger to the can, sit down and let it fly? Have you, huh?
    Well, you’re right. There isn’t much as an ounce of sense going on in a case like that.

  124. AeroSquid
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Even Garfield minus Garfield can be spruced up with the Pasti-izer 3000 ™

    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2582/3815696953_22a42890f4_o.jpg

  125. AeroSquid
    August 12th, 2009 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    Let’s see that one again !

    http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2597/3816524532_e104c43ae2_o.jpg

    God, Stephan ! Is there anything you CAN’T make funnier ?

  126. fahrenheit451
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    One more mall thing
    Here in beautiful NW Ohio the Franklin Park Mall became Westfield Shopping Town.

    This is why I just read and leave the posting to the pros.

  127. bats :[
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    118. Girl Reporter: I just saw “Trainspotting” for the first time on Saturday night, and all I can think of is:
    (The filthiest) TOILET (in Ohio).

  128. Farley's Revenge
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Discussing the punchline in “Baldo” is almost as futile as thinking there was a joke there in the first place.

  129. Farley's Revenge
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    I am trying to read the great Bats:[ latest offering and Flickr has decided it has the hiccups.

    I shall be over here in the corner, brooding and muttering, until I can read what is most likely a far funnier comic than what was originally offered.

  130. ivan
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of that friendly’s in the ithaca mall, my friends and i had our food served to us by a decidedly unhygenic young man with an enormous undressed weeping burn wound. he wasnt the only one working either so i can only assume the management were OK with this, so going to the other location might not be a bad idea.

  131. Crankshafs funky smelling corpse
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: Wally is going to kill himself. If we’re lucky, he’ll take a few other characters with him.

  132. bats :[
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    129. Farley’s Revenge: you can click on my name to get to my blog. I try to post concurrently at Flickr.com and there.

  133. Farley's Revenge
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Bats:[! Flickr has decided hiccups are vastly overrated and has resumed service.

    Love the C&H/PBS combo! You rock, as always.

  134. Sequitur
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    A cartoon about a vampire. I could say this sucks but I won’t do that. Nosiree. Not me. Uh-uh. Won’t touch it.

  135. Farley's Revenge
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Wow. I wish I had your restraint, Sequitur!

  136. AhClem
    August 12th, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    #100 Poteet -
    “9CL — Memo to self — never catch up on a week of 9CL strips right after dinner. Oog.”

    To be safe, never catch up on a week of 9CL strips within 24 hours either side of dinner. Trust me on this.

  137. buckyswife
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    85: I love Fashion Police, but I wouldn’t object to hearing more from Rat Police.

    121 RSR: I figure we’re all intimidated by each other. Then again, maybe it’s just me—but I doubt it.

    And are “malls” the “urine” of this thread? Sigh…. now that we’ve hit the big time, how our standards have declined.

  138. ladadog
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    #73 Bats:

    What a traumatic event. I hope you are able to get it out of your mind soon. I am sorry it happened.

    And thankfully for all of you, I will not be recounting my peeing story, which involves the road to Tuzla, a hole in the ground, freezing temperatures and an attempt to stand on one leg while holding a leg of my jeans and long underwear away from my body.

  139. dyslexic dog
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    y320 — Poteet
    Thank you for allowing me to conjure up a delightful visual of a “urinary thread.”

    y324 — 150
    Or else punchlines delivered by someone threatening to urinate.

    y264 — moderately selassie
    Love your nom de mudge!

    I’ll be back tomorrow with comments on today’s comments. You guys are like rabbits.

  140. mollificent
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ — oh, shit! I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Must have been traumatic for the entire neighborhood. :(

    On the upside…your PBS/CH mashup was pure win. Let the healing begin!

  141. mr 12 oz can
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    i bet the blond with the glasses is getting it on with the orange shirt guy whos life was changed by lawrences speech .del is so hot for lawrence that the design that was on her outfit the other day has melted off

  142. mollificent
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    P.S. I also would like to note that Dingo’s yesterthread comment #321 (“Oh, and Dingo balls aren’t for the faint of heart. They had one at Netherfield and the Bennet sisters haven’t been the same!”) is my own personal COTW, and possibly COTM.

    Of course, I’ve been on a bit of a Pride & Prejudice binge this week…watched both the latest incarnations and reread favorite parts of the book several times, so the timing is perfect. :)

  143. sugarpie
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ Reading earlier, I completely missed your standoff post, above (which is unusual in that I live for any possibility of a bats :[ mash up,) until I saw Mollificent’s and ladadog’s comments. Just the worst. Ugh. I’m really sorry that happened.

  144. indichik
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    My humble opinion about Baldo, is that “Grande Mal” IS meant to be a pun on seizures, but as a running joke (since I assume this mall has appeared before) rather than as the punchline for this particular strip.

    Now if I only I could figure out the punchline for this particular strip.

  145. Poteet
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    # 142 mollificent — Yay, coinkidink! During the past week, I listened to the entire book while driving for twenty-four hours (not all at once). Dang, Austen was good.. Why couldn’t someone else have died young instead?

  146. buckyswife
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    145 Poteet: But at least she wrote lots of other books before she did so–and each is wonderful in its own way. I took a course just in Austen as an undergrad, and we read all of them. What a delightful semester! (I wrote my final paper on “moderation”—something I guess I used to believe in.)

  147. Uncle Lumpy
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    At 24 and working for Vogue, Joan Didion took a correspondence course in shopping-center theory from the University of California and dreamed of opening a Class-A regional mall.

    Eat your heart out, Izak Dinesen.

  148. AeroSquid
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    ‘shaft: I really wanted to read ‘colon collapse disorder’.

  149. Red Greenback
    August 12th, 2009 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of malls an’ stoopid puns an’ stuff… Did you know that Molly, “The Best Bear in the World” has an evil twin?
    Her name’s Mauly.

  150. Farley's Revenge
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Sequitur: After reading my words in response to your punny post, I fear I came off as mean-snarky instead of fun-snarky. That was definitely not my intent and I apologize.

  151. Niall
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    73. bats :[ : Oh my. :( This is a sad end for a lonely life…

    80. Sequitur: One never knows what one will do in these situations until it happens… and I can’t possibly wish it on anyone. Good job. I’ve never faced someone with a weapon, though I once helped a tenant where I live with a homeless person he had invited in (dumb, he recognised later) and who was trying to steal his ID papers. All I needed to do was distract him by simply showing up when the tenant asked for help in the middle of hte night; the tenant then used the confusion to pin the other against teh wall and I just managed to take the stuff from his hand. Yeah, I shook after. Adrenaline takes no time to go through my skinny body. if I’m ever confronted with a Situation, I know I’d only have five seconds at best to react before being unable to…

    112. AeroSquid: the juxtaposition is really nice

    123. Sequitur: Nope. Even at my worst hangover, it’s a habit to push down for business. It requires no thought whatsoever. If I’m tired, I can just lean forward and everything tilts to the right angle with no effort… really, it’s like the no-brainiest thing ever…

    124. AeroSquid: THAT was funny.

    125. Aerosquid: THAT was AUUUUUGH

    146. buckyswife: what do you no longer do in moderation then?

  152. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Another test question for PBS-reading CC newbies:

    What does the frog say in Hi & Lois (no peaking!)?

    a) Ribbit!
    b) Mibbit!
    c) That’s what I believe happened.

    You know I’ve absent from the CC lately (YouTube at home is like TV Tropes & Idioms to someone with their own new high-speed internet connection) when nobody thought to make a Ribbit/Mibbit joke all day. I couldn’t really participate in yesterthread’s main topic anyway, since I’m not really a whiz on the subject. (Ducks. Don’t want to contemplate what I’m probably ducking!)

    Baldo: Wordplay and today’s intended joke aside… If you’re lost, how do you stop being lost by going to a mall that you know where to find to find out where you are, when you’re at the mall you’re familiar with in the first place??? The “logic”, it burns!

  153. sugarpie
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy,147 Is that true? If so, can you imagine the what southern California would look like now, had she chosen particular career path? She would have kicked Trammell Crow’s ass.

    “There’s as much risk in doing nothing as in doing something.” -Trammell Crow.

  154. Mibbitmaker
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    #152 (me)

    Trick question, it turns out — Trixie said it, not the frog! Newbies shouldn’t peak at the strip providing the answer, but I should’ve!

    BOXCAR! (another thing newbie here should know about)

    EDIT: Furshlugginer spamblock! I have to add this part to get through with a comment flagged as spam on straight to Post that nonetheless is then called a “duplicate” when I Preview it first. Baldo logic doesn’t look so bad now.

    Beware your new e-mail addy with your new provider, kiddies.

  155. AhClem
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    This is not the first time that Baldo has used wordplay in store names. After all, the place that Baldo works in is called “Auto Y Rod Inc.” which sounds like something much different from an auto parts store when you say it out loud.

  156. Zee
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    #100 Poteet & #136 AhClem

    Please allow me to sum it up for you both: Never catch up on a week’s worth of 9CL strips

  157. J
    August 12th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Josh: More posts about sunny Cheektowaga, please. Got any comics-related Airport Plaza anecdotes?

  158. mollificent
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    #145 & #146: Yup! Every time I read the scene with Elizabeth and Lady Catherine at the end, I want to stand up, cheer, and shout, “Slap that bitch, Lizzy!” (Probably not what JA intended…) Such a perfectly written scene…and Austen’s sense of satire in general is brilliant. Reading the Mr. Collins scenes always leaves me in stitches (and I’ve always secretly suspected some sort of subservient sexual subtext between him and the mistress of Rosings, myself. ;)).

    Re: Baldo…omigod. I just remembered that a few months ago, during one of my very first solo car jaunts (that’s JAUNTS, not dates! ;)) I got kinda lost at one point and ended up completely randomly at Northgate Mall (mainly because I suddenly realized, “Hey, I’m on 105th…I know where I am now! The mall beckons, where I can buy a frigging book of Seattle maps!”). Scary, no?

  159. Poteet
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    A3G — Now that Lu Ann is flying home on short notice, I’ve finally seen the light. The mysterious “Prairie Conservancy” and the so-called commission to paint South Dakota prairie wildflowers were just Margo-funded schemes to get rid of Lu Ann for a while. If Lu Ann has any relatives in Alaska, she’ll be asked to paint moose for the “Moose Conservancy” in another six months.

  160. Jumper
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    What borough are we in? The MALL borough. Get it? Ha ha ha cough cough er uk ptuooey. Ahem.

  161. Moon Mullins
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    159 Mibbit:
    I am actually pleased, returning a couple days ago after a very long self-imposed (work-related) absence from the site, that I still know many of the classic rules and boxcar-related lingo. Of course, having a Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! t-shirt and coffee mug doesn’t hurt. And it is so great to see so many familiar and hilarious snarkers (yourself included) still here. Can’t wait to get back up to speed.

    For anyone on this board who can remember helping me out with my textbook’s foreword way back when — and the resultant inclusion of the CC posters in our author’s dedication — the book came out in glorious hardcover a little over a year ago, and made it as high as #3 nationwide in our discipline, as well as several Amazon best-seller lists. So thanks again and great to read you all once more!

  162. Sequitur
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Just woke up. Couldn’t fall back to sleep. So what do I do? I come here.

    150. Farley’s Revenge
    I didn’t take it as mean at all. In fact, I thought it was the perfect response to my set up. I got a chuckle from it. Keep up the good work!

    Time to be logical. After all, I am Sequitur. Hagar the H (8-12-09): Those arrows coming up from the bottom. Wouldn’t that be Hagar’s own men shooting those arrows and wouldn’t they have a great risk at hitting their own men including their own leader?
    If they hit him can this strip be over, please!
    No chance. This isn’t Winkerworld. And if they did kill Hagar it would morph from “Hagar the Horrible” to “Hagar the Dead.” Oh, yeah. That would create a whole new area of hilarity.

    Hagar the Dead: “Hey, Lucky Eddie, lets have some more rum!”
    Lucky Eddie: “But we’re dead.”
    HtD: “All the more reason!”
    LE: “But I haven’t finished my whiskey.”
    HtD: Does it matter? We’re dead!

    HA! HA! HA! HA! (this is sarcastic if you couldn’t tell.)

  163. Josh
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    #159 Mibbitmaker — still haven’t seen an email from you. What address are you sending it to? jfruh at jfruh dot com?

    jf

  164. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    I’m going to read the comics and then not comment until later. Why? Because I’m going to go through the files and put together another FAQ on ‘Mudgeon phrases since the one in the forums was kicked out during the Forum Cleaning like a Fable who has overstayed his welcome at the downtown coffee shop. (“3 hours?! Get the hell out and go home, Fable.”)

    And who wouldn’t love a home like this?

  165. Girl Reporter
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Hey, Mr. Mullins! I’m just returning from a long self-imposed (oh, where to start?) absence from this site, too. The one I don’t get is “eyepatch”. I’m hoping it’s Basil-related. Sigh. Basil.

  166. Sequitur
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    Now that there’s a lull, here’s a true story (really!)

    When I was in Jr. High School there were five of us guys that would hang out and tell jokes. One of the guys, Lee, always laughed at the jokes no matter how lame. We suspected he just laughed ’cause we did.

    One day we were all together except Lee. He’d be coming soon. Lloyd said, “Hey, let’s test Lee. When he gets here I’ll tell a joke that will make no sense at all and I want all you guys to laugh when I get to the punch line. I’ll bet Lee will laugh too.”

    So Lee came and Lloyd told his (non)joke. He said, “There was this woodpecker in a tree. He was pecking away and all of a sudden he says ‘Uh-oh, a pipe!’”

    Well we all laughted at Lloyd’s (non)joke and sure enough Lee laughed with us.

    Lloyd then confronted Lee. “Hey, Lee. What was so funny about that joke?”

    Lee had an answer. He said, “That crazy woodpecker! He found a dick!”

    Apparently, Lee found a sexual connotation in everything we said and he found that hilarious.

    MORAL: Dang if I know. We were Jr. High kids. Everything did have a sexual connotation.

  167. Mibbitmaker
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    #163 (Josh): I finally got an e-mail through, as you know — at least if it’s now, in fact, bio@jfruh.com you’re at. My attempt to e-mail from here got caught up in techy-style stuff I don’t understand (like kids on my lawn), and I struggled with my own a bit.

  168. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Just had to jump in to say this:

    Dickless Tracy But of COURSE Dick Tracy would know about cutting. He’s probably made the practice an Olympic sport.

  169. 8th Man Fan
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    #164 TF re: your CC FAQ: A few years back, when I stumbled across this blog, I was an Internet article Hoarder (nowadays, I settle for hoarding bookmarks I’ll never have time to re-check). Thus, was able just now to post a copy of your CC FAQ (May/June ’07 edition) on Google Docs. Hopefully, this will save you some time and trouble putting together an update.

  170. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    Try that again.

    Dickless Tracy But of COURSE Dick Tracy would know about cutting. He probably considers the practice an Olympic sport.

  171. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    #169 8th Man Fan – You, sir, are a hero! And heroes get rewarded!

  172. Sheila Sternwell
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    GT: Pimp pants!

    Funky Deatherdeath: Ugh. I think Wally really IS going to off himself.

    MW: The perspective in the first panel just gave me a migraine. I’m not really joking.

  173. Frank Parsnip
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    Congrats, Josh!

    A3G: Considering the whitewalls on Margos’ dad, I’m figuring he’s skipping a trip home to visit a beauty parlor who can make the curtains match the roof.

    MT: In this deadly hunt, man is the “most dangerous game”… unless the one guy with a gun keeps shooting his rifle at people just to warn them.

    MW: Apparently “gaining clarity” is one of the buzzwords rife throughout Lawrence’s published philosophical works. “Yes, dear, and with this new clarity I feel that you’re fast rising to the level of a Operating Thetan Level 4. In other words, I love you.”

    Funky Pantysniffer: Many of those action/thriller novels from the 1970s and 80s used to refer to how people could establish alternate identification for themselves by essentially taking over the identity of a long-dead person born around the same time as oneself. And now with the computerization of records and various safeguards being built into issuance of IDs since Sept. 11, that’s gradually getting closed off. Batiuk, sadist that he is, will likely make the strip follow Wally about for the next few years while he applies for a driver licence, credit cards, phone service… eventually coming to the realization that only the military and the ID-card it can give him will result in meals and a place to stay. Meanwhile, his wife will continue with her “new life” with John, a man so sweet and kind that he sleeps on top of one arm so he can better understand what she goes through each and every day.

    Blondie: Yes, first in first out… both a hiring/firing principle for the upcoming Dithers layoffs but also a symptom that Dagwood is so good at time management that he can even afford those mid-day desk naps featured in oh-so-many strips.

    Krankenschaft: Yeah, how long is that talk going to take? Oh, you mean that was the joke. Ok, I’ll be going now.

    DtM: What’s with Mr. Wilson’s bizarre fake Gucci pants, featuring the enormous “G” logos right on the sides of his pantlegs. I think he’s gotta take those right back to the Canal Street vendor he got them from.

    Crock: I’ve always treasured the knowledge that half the nicknames of Crock characters were invented with the active and generous cooperation of our last president.

    FC: Thel’s a half-step from sticking that huge knife in the next bulge she sees.

  174. Mibbitmaker
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    New comics on a looong night:

    (My custom Chron page popping in easy made me feel better)

    666CL: Gee, thanks for ruining one of my favorite classic strips there, Brooke! Don’t you DARE go near Pogo, got it, Pretentious?

    A3G: Homeless now? Just be glad you don’t live in the Reagan era, pops.

    Cranky: Someone in the audience: “I dunno! Whataya think we are, ‘Mutts’??”

    DT: “Note for you, Ringo. From Paul…” Damn, that’s too easy :o)

    ReFOOB: Speaking of too easy…

    GT: Marty doesn’t even like himself, huh? Well, gee, THAT’ll motivate the players to enjoy the game, alright…

    JP: Back to “too easy” again (visuals notwithstanding).

    Lockhorny: …Or Judge Parker.

    MT: With that sniper, Trail, how can you tell??

    MW: Good, you two lovebirds, could you please leave us now?

    The… Mind of Edison Lee: Shouldn’t the game itself just implode, then…?

  175. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Children of the Circle Oh noes! He’ll get stay-puft botulism!

    Freaky Wringhand I wouldn’t be surprised if they were still back at the cemetery and she had just moved into the mausoleum next over.

    Assoline Galley Conan O’Barbarian? Well, considering the worth of the storyline, that’s about as funny as Scancarelli’s going to get.

    WTF GT Hey, kids! Let’s really show our appreciation to Coach Thorp by putting these little paper bags on his porch, like luminarios! Yeah, and then we’ll light them, without even unstapling the tops! Now let’s run away before the smell – I mean before he sees us, it’s a surprise!

    Generic and General LIAR! He’s always wanted to kiss Herb, and Herb lets him.

    Sweet and Shallow Bernice’s plans to ruin things between Luann and Quill have been derailed. Damn! Now she’ll just have to confess her undying love for Luann right to her face!

    Fist O Justice Theater Mark gets down trees very quickly; a technique called FALLING.

    Meddle House “…and to hell with the students I was supposed to teach.”

    I, Platypus Is that Norm fwapping behind that stack of paper?

  176. Dub Not Dubya
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    I almost never read a printed copy of the local paper, but I happened to pick up the house copy in my local coffeeshop yesterday. I seriously did a double take when I first saw RMMD because I thought that they had suddenly replaced it with Mary Worth. Am I the only one who saw the resemblance?

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20090812&name=Rex_Morgan

    Greetings to first-time visitors. I’m an old-timer who doesn’t comment much anymore. You’ll love this place.

  177. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    Kit Walker, Pale Ranger Guess the coloring gnomes ran out of paint?

    Shoo “Naw…he’ll just adopt a wider stance.”

    Edison Lee’s BM So the only way this little bastard wins is by cheating? Yeah, that figures.

    AJGLU3000 Jughead Jones, the secret love child of Elly Patterson and Snuffy Smith.

    Canadian Zombie Oh no, Lynn’s not enjoying a rerun dig at her ex-husband! Certainly not! – look, a flying pig!

  178. Spiderman Defense League
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    I like to think that maybe Hi has killed everyone in the family except Trixie before turning the gun on himself. That’s why she’s outside unattended. Actually that would be a GREAT strip: baby out in the yard, just enjoying the simplest things in life, as the blood seeps into the livingroom carpet…wow, that’s morbid. Winkerbeanesque, even.

  179. 8th Man Fan
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    #171 TF: Goat pix! I’m honored. Glad to help.

    By the way, in case the tens (fives?) of CC newbies who may be joining us here scrolled past the link up way up there, they should note CC posting and discussion policies, especially the recently-added one at the end.

  180. 8th Man Fan
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    S-M: MAybe it’s just me, but, with Spider-Man taking his sweet time swinging from Queens to wherever Doc Ock’s hideout is located (wouldn’t it have been quicker to triangulate the Spider-Tracker signal, then take a train, bus or cab?), this Woverine-Doc Ock scenario reminds me of a certain TV cartoon. All that’s missing is someone yelling “Hay-ulp!”

    (And now it’s really time to call it a night)

  181. Farley's Revenge
    August 13th, 2009 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Good God Almighty, GET A ROOM! Have mercy on the world and freaking GET A ROOM! At least behind closed doors you won’t make baby Jesus weep with bad dialogue involving the word “clarity”.

    While I’m ranting, what the hell is going on with the button board in that elevator? It’s ginormous compared to Del and Larry. It also seems to have created an entirely new dimension of the elevator, a sort of Twit-light Zone, a place where the sounds of two vapid and vacuous bipedal creatures will never, ever stop talking.

    Oh God. It’s come to this: I caught myself reminiscing about Mary and the fun times by the pool at Charterstone, AKA “hell” with a touch of wistfulness.

  182. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 3:51 am [Reply]

    #176 Dub not Dubya – hey man! Glad to see you! Don’t be such a stranger!

    As I was going back through the site for blasts from the past, I came upon this wonderful comment from Christopher:

    “Is Dick Tracy the first comic strip actually written by a glacier?”

    I laughed until I wheezed, all over again. On a (somewhat) related note, I think we need Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener to come back here and give us a timely song parody. Or a comment, or something.

    Also, I miss Smart People On Ice.

    But thankfully, The Angry Black Woman is back with us! *does happy goat dance*

  183. JD Everett
    August 13th, 2009 at 5:12 am [Reply]

    I was going to check out if there is InternetHappyBox.com but I am on a work computer.

    PS Don’t do it Hagar! It’s a trap. Besides, who is he to set the terms of his defeat.

  184. carlag8r
    August 13th, 2009 at 6:22 am [Reply]

    I keep the bookmarks for my daily comic strips in a folder I’ve labeled “Entertainment”. Time and again, however, I’m wondering if I should create a new folder with a different name to hold the link to Funky Winkerbean. (As well as any Sally Forth strips that involve her mother.) I’m not sure what the name of the folder should be, but “entertaining” they ain’t.

  185. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 6:25 am [Reply]

    Just finished entering, updating and posting the FAQ in the Long-winded section of the forums. A labor of love. I’m going to treat myself to watching some dancing goats now. :)

  186. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 6:29 am [Reply]

    #184 carlag8r – May I suggest “mind-numbing tales of woe and despair for senior level snarkage”? or maybe a little skull and crossbones after the “Entertainment” will serve the same purpose.

  187. Dr Pill
    August 13th, 2009 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    134: Sequitur: How about something you can sink your teeth into?

  188. willethompson
    August 13th, 2009 at 6:46 am [Reply]

    #181 Farley’s Revenge: Thank you for noticing the weirdness of that elevator. As someone with an abiding professional interest in the vertical transportation industry, I must agree with you in asking “What the FUCK is wrong with that cab?” Let me count the ways:

    1) Is that supposed to be an ADA-compliant trouble phone on the right? If so, which of those 20 buttons operates it? Or is it the world’s largest Car Operation Panel, with buttons so bulky that you have to lean on them with your shoulder to operate them?

    2) What crew of drunken maladroits assembled that cab? That left wall is swinging open like a whorehouse door on ‘Two-fer Tuesday!’ Is there even a back to that thing?

    3) Considering the surreal and shoddy construction of the cab, what is happening in the hoistway? Are the wedge sockets ASME 17.1-compliant ASTM-A27 steel or just made of marzipan covered with dark chocolate? Are the ropes 8 x 19 Seale or merely intertwined strands of half-cooked angel hair pasta?? I pray that the governor ropes will kick in, but they are probably the only oversized component (well exceeding the maximum 1/2 dia.) in this installation and as such will jerk this rat trap to such a sudden halt that the bottom will fall out, leaving Delilah, as she plummets to her death, to reconsider her pledge of undying love to Mr. Jonis and wonder what performing fellatio on Charley would have been like to the tune of “There’s Nothing Like a Dame?”

  189. willethompson
    August 13th, 2009 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    (WT)DT: “LET’S GET CUTTING!”? What the hell is THAT supposed to mean? Should we perform a crude autopsy on the trapeze artisté/corpse? Should we act like emo teenage girls and slice open our forearms? Or should we just enjoy the catharsis of a long and mutual fart?

  190. MechTeach
    August 13th, 2009 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    9CL (8/13), Last panel: Yes, yes, Mr. McEldowney, young ballerinas, nubile fairies, hunky gay men, they all love and adore you. Now, please settle down and take your medication….

  191. John C Fremont
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    #176 Dub – You are not alone. Not only did that lady turn into Mary Worth yesterday, today she’s become Stanton, Iowa’s own Mrs. Olson from the Folgers commercials. And that one Twilight Zone episode. But the people of Stanton apparently couldn’t figure out how to make their water tower look like anything from The Twilight Zone, so they made it into a big Swedish coffee pot instead. Excuse the sloppy link – I’m late for work.

    http://www.stantoniowa.com/Shared%20Documents/Community.aspx

  192. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    If Rat thinks the internet was designed so people could be anonymously rude to each other, then why did he tell Pastis that he sucks right to his face?

    Ha ha! It’s funny because Rat doesn’t know that the internet was created specifically to download porn vids! Ha ha ha!

  193. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    Unsupervised, dirty kids playing with fire. One accuses another of some inconsequential crime punishable by stern beatings. The tattler will only recieve lighter beatings. Welcome to The Family Circle of Hell, people.

  194. smacky
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    9CL: Just think how awkward it will be when Amos finally starts getting hair “down there”…

  195. smacky
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    FW: “I kept these… along with your medal.”

    Ummm… thanks? Do you want a medal too? I was your husband! Of course you kept it. I notice you threw out all the photos of me though. Nice.

  196. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    COMIC COMEBACKS (snappy answers to last panel puzzlers)

    Crank: “So what’s the answer?” An old bus driver wants to KNOW, dammit!

    Dick: “Note for you, Ringo.” No, I’m George, the dark and brooding one.

    Gil: “Right now, Marty doesn’t even like himself.” It’s a shame, really. He used to love himself every night. Twice on Sundays. But then his arm went bad. He lost his rhythm. He has no stroke. Then he resorted to cheating. It got ugly when the right hand found out what the left was doing.

    Mark: “I hope the guy was just trying to scare me and not kill me.” Because if he was trying to scare me, he didn’t, and if he was trying to kill me, he failed at that, too.

    Marm: “Are you sure that Marmaduke can’t read?” Yes, honey, dogs can not read. (not funny, but nothing is funny in this strip, except the ever-hilarious fact that Marmaduke is a BIG DOG).

    =========

    In any case, I like the artwork in Juggs Parker today, and in a non-sexual way for once.

  197. smacky
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    JP: That artistic overlapping third panel made it look for a second like she got the horse stuck up a tree. She still may. Week ain’t over yet.

  198. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Can’t go wrong with a drunken senator joke.

    Plugger dog-man makes his kid beg for doggy treats. Of course, being a dog, he would simply call them “treats”.

  199. blammers66
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    Did Crankshaft just, in today’s third panel, look me right in the eye – I mean, RIGHT in the EYE – and ask me what the answer was for the plight of the bees? I mean, I don’t know, but I guess I could get right on it … I just didn’t think I knew what the answer was, or is … gosh, that’s a lot of pressure from a comic strip character …

  200. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2009 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Luann: When the characters themselves are telling you how boring things are, the plot line is in trouble.

    Crank: I love that detailed and scientific picture of the honey bee in panel 1. “See, ladies, this is what I’m talking about, not the letter ‘B’.”

    A3G: Giella missed a perfect opportunity to put “Moy & Giella” on that Taxi permit. But I zoomed in and it was just scribbles. In fact, I couldn’t find “Moy & Giella” anywhere in the strip. Now I’m going over every square pixel, just like in those dopey “Where the fuck is Waldo” things.

  201. ChattyGenes
    August 13th, 2009 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    #201 HogenMogen. Um…I believe Moy and Giella write Mary Worth.

    Don’t feel bad–I didn’t even KNOW who wrote A3G until I checked. It’s Bolle and Shulock.

  202. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2009 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    #202 – Chatty: Woops. My bad. Rookie mistake, though I’ve been reading CC for like 4 years or something.

  203. AhClem
    August 13th, 2009 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    #188 willethompson -
    It’s OK. They’re using galvanized strands of half-cooked angel hair pasta.

  204. Tom
    August 13th, 2009 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Did anyone notice in Rex Morgan how the lady who refuses her meds looks like Mary Worth? Is this some sort of a Rex Morgan – Mary Worth cross over? If Mary is a patient at this assisted living facility it certainly would explain quite a bit. Maybe Charterstone is nothing more than one giant assisted living facility and all of Mary’s meddling exists only in her mind, or what’s left of it.

  205. Hank
    August 13th, 2009 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    RE: Crankshaft. When a colony collapses in the Batuikverse do you think a bee in a tuxedo and an opera mask shows up to carry off the hive?

  206. mvg
    August 13th, 2009 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MW: “It doesn’t matter why OR FOR HOW LONG.” (As long as you’re outa here before Blondie McGlasses shows up w/her cat-o-nine-tails, stiletto heels & Dream Whip in 20 minutes.)

    MW(2): “I won’t leave you again.” (Oh yeah, Lawrence looks REAL happy at that prospect. Methinks before all this ends, Del is gonna learn why Lawrence has been so eager to be on the road so much. It’s not too late to get on another misdrawn plane & flee back to Charley’s stripey, leering embrace, Del!)

    S4th: “Just think of the freedom!” (Surely Ted must realize Hil is right now that the oppressive stifling weight of Sally’s presence has been lifted from him. Hop on that Aria train, Ted, before this last chance at life passes!)

    Cshit: “So what’s the real answer?”
    1) Timber rattlers.
    2) Cuban guerrillas.
    3) Cancer.
    4) Whatever it might be, Batty sure as hell doesn’t have a clue & will confirm that in print tomorrow.

    Stinkershit: “I kept these…” (Gosh, thanks. I’m so touched you didn’t throw out the newspaper clippings the way you did my clothes & our marriage vows. I mean, I am just your HUSBAND…) What happens tomorrow — does Becky actually put the gun in his hand so he can kill himself?

    Stinkershit(2): The headline “Captured GI’s remains found,” in a storyline where that soldier later returns alive, is extremely cruel to the family of Matt Maupin, a captured Ohio soldier who was missing for a LONG time in Iraq before his remains were found & identified. I hope like hell they never see these strips. (Oh, & 1 more thing, Batty: DNA! DNA! DNA!)

  207. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2009 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Wally in Winkerbean has a pre-set excuse to go cheating on whomever he ends up with. “Sorry, hon, I thought she was you.”
    “Then why didn’t you call her by my name?”
    “I have cancer.”

  208. buckyswife
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    JP: An excerpt from the upcoming pamphlet, “How to Talk to Your Teen about Bestiality.”

    MT: Why is The Man Who Shot Joey Williams so averse to killing anyone? He might go back to whatever job counselor steered him to the career path of “hit man” and get his money back.

    MW: Wow, way to threaten, Delilah. I know I’m scared; Lawrence looks pretty worried, too. (Of course, that could be because he realizes that they’re seven stories up and the elevator is breaking apart.)

    FC: Clearly, these kids have never heard “a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” Take a look at your dad’s ass, boys—there’s your future.

    SM: Um, is Doc Ock grabbing Wolverine’s beyond-razor-sharp claws with his bare hands? Tomorrow, we’ll see his four fingers dropping to the floor and the prediction box “Next: Get the Ice Chest!”

  209. buckyswife
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    151 Niall: It’s easy to believe in moderation when you’re 20; it’s kind of like a pleasant theoretical concept. But then when you’re middle-aged and living in the accompanying moderated constraints—well, it’s not such an attractive idea! Hence my wistful tone.

    165 Girl Reporter: A week or so ago, Beetle Bailey had a visual that looked like an eye patch (it was, I think, supposed to be a thong). Many many many people noticed this. Repeatedly. And some of us (okay, maybe just me and sugarpie) were driven to distraction (and grande mal conniptions) by it.

  210. Dingo
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    When did Delilah and Lawrence leave the hotel and enter the Wonka factory elevator?

    Ladies, ever see a look like that one on Lawrence’s face when you told a man you weren’t leaving? That’s the look of a man who had hot sex with a short-haired blonde all lined up until you dropped by unannounced. Actually, my bet is on the short-haired blonde AND the guy whose life he changed. Very cosmopolitan.

  211. Lorem Ipsum
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    JP: 1st panel…I thought for a second Sophie said she help Godiva straddle Sultan…this strip is filth!

  212. buckyswife
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    True Fable: Just finished reading your CC FAQs—very entertaining AND informative! Yay, you!

  213. Old School Allie Cat
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    RwO – Ok, that was pretty cute.

    Funky Winkerblowmybrainsout – So, what you’re saying, Becky, is that you let your husbands alleged remains cool for a WHOLE YEAR before you married John? That’s devotion. But the fact that you kept all the newspaper articles washes your sins clean? No ma’am.

    Look, we can all cut shit out of the paper. In fact, if some smart soul would do a mashup of the article in Becky’s drawer being replaced by clippings of “cute” Family Circus cartoons and recipes for Salmon Squares, I would be forever indebted.

    Gil Thorp – So, Gil – you’ve taken an angry young man who pummeled your house with baseballs and paired him with a bunch of defenseless kids and easy access to unlimited baseballs?

    Yeah, that seems like a good judgment call. Those kids are going home covered in ball-sized welts.

  214. Dingo
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    “Momma! Momma! Our new baseball coach is really funny. He half-seated a baseball bat in his ass and pretended he was passing the world’s longest turd!”

  215. Professor Fate
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    FW: Probbably whipping on dead horse but if i’m not mistaken the “Taken Hostage” headline is about the same incident as highlighted in the box back when Les was dumping Lisa’s ashes in central Park – which means A) Wally has been gone for ten years B) he was captured in Afganstain – which beggers the question how the hell did he get to Iraq? Iran is in the way last time I looked at a map.

    Also – So Beck you just shoved the papers in a drawer – or did you just take them out of the scrapbook and arrange them nicely for Wally to see so he’d kill himself?

  216. buckyswife
    August 13th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m glad you gained some real clarity, Delilah, but had you played your cards right with Charley, you would have gained some fancy-schmancy sex moves that would turn Lawrence’s frown upside down—and just about turn other parts of him inside out. Instead, what does the guy get after all this time apart? Relationship talk. You could be having elevator sex right now, but no—it’s all yammering, earnestness, and barely disguised dismay.

    (Actually, I don’t give a damn about Lawrence’s needs. I just want this conversation to end—by any means necessary.)

  217. mvg
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    (214) GT: Actually, rather than beaning the kids, Marty may just warn them about the likely end result of Gil’s “coaching” & recruit them to join him in pummelling Gil’s house from all sides, laying siege to him w/baseballs.

    FW: Actually, it occurs that cutting things out of the paper w/only one hand might represent a significant accomplishment for Becky. (Unless John helped by holding the paper while she cut — maybe that’s where their grim, sexless romance blossomed.

    JP: Boo. W/the constant references to 1) Sultan’s high-spritedness & 2) Godiva’s claim to being an experienced rider, all we’re gonna end up w/is a tragic or near-tragic riding mishap. No Catherine the Great action at all. I repeat: Boo.

    FW again: DNA! DNA! DNA!

  218. Kinghasnoclothes
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    FW–Of course, those of you have suggested Wally suicide are right! TB only brought him back from the dead to do a military suicide storyline–Torn from the Headlines of Today’s Newspapers! (In the future that will be, “Torn form the Headlines in the Drudge Report!”). He’s trolling for a Pulitzer.

  219. Talking Squirrel
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Crank: “So what’s the real answer?” Purely a rhetorical question. He’s saving his reply for tomorrow’s first panel: The bees got an unfavorable ruling from the apiary death board.

    RMMRSA: Gramps isn’t interested in any pills for his backswing. He wants the one that’ll stiffen up the shaft of his putter.

  220. mvg
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    219: If Batty somehow steals a Pulitzer for this swill, I will projectile vomit from here (Cleveland) to Cshit’s home in Centerville (near Dayton).

  221. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    8/13

    SFx: The answer, of course, is that the missing scene is the different one. The other two exist, and it doesn’t.

    A3G: “Where do I go? The brownstone? The beach house? The marina where I keep my yacht? Oh, why must I face all these decisions?”

    JP: “Yeah, the way she said ‘experienced rider’ made me feel all dirty inside.”

    Ziggy: Ziggy faces the failure of his last ditch attempt to buy respect.

    9CL: As a geeky weird guy I’m flattered. As someone who just saw Edda learning the names of all Amos’ chest hairs, I’m tempted to drive a ballpoint pen into my eyes.

    MT: Slow him down? Slow him down? This is one for the books: a hitman who doesn’t know what death is. He probably thinks the judge whose car he bombed went to a farm where he’d have more room to run around.

    M-Dawg: Well what with him having opposeable thumbs and all, anything’s possible.

    Lockhorns: Hoest and Reiner, you’re no Eduardo Barreto.

    S4th: Hilary becomes Electra.

    Cathy: Cathy Guisewite obliquely faces up to the fact that she’s been photocopying her Reagan-era character drawings for years. Not that she’s going to do anything about it, mind…

    H&J: Jamaal. Oh Jamaal. Not since Cleopatra has denial had a queen like you.

  222. Doug Puthoff
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    Alt FC caption: “You know, after five hours of being chased by Charles Manson, nothing tastes quite as good as a freshly-toasted marshmallow.”

  223. Terryfic
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Someone said WTF in a recent strip, but now I can’t find it. I wanted to comment on the unexpected use of profanity, or maybe the author just didn’t know what it stood for. Anyone remember which one? Seems like the male character said something to the effect of “Like the kids are all saying today, WTF?”

  224. TheDiva
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: You’re in the Batiuk-verse. Disaster happens. Next question, please?

    reFOOB: I move that all newspapers still carrying this comic replace it with a panel that says “MEN ARE EVIL PIGS” every day. It will save everyone a lot of time.

    FW: Yes, Wally, this is how highly your (ex) spouse thinks of you: she keeps the few reminders she’s retained of your existence tucked out of sight in her junk drawer. Feeling suicidal yet?

    GT: What better place for an angry, violent, self-loathing young man than teaching kids?

    Luann: “Besides, I’d rather have a long drawn-out storyline where we dance around the subject without ever actually answering anything, the way I do with all the other men in my life.”

    MW: Fascinating. Not the dialogue, which still sounds like nothing no human being would ever say, but the apparent fact that Pablo Picasso designed elevators at some point during his career.

  225. Little Guy
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    GT:Okay, after going back how Marty got to his decision to skip college from this stretch of strips, I have to call shenanigans on Gil for “letting Marty decide” in a passive-aggressive/anal-retentive way.

    The snake was less subtle in the Garden of Eden, Gil, and he owned up to it more.

  226. Doug Puthoff
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    8-13 GT–Yeah, brilliant, letting a guy who hates himself coach a bunch of impressionable kids, many of whom probably have self-esteem issues of their own. Within a week they’ll all be swilling Jim Jones’s Gatorade.

  227. Artist formerly known as Ben
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    #201 Hogenmogen,
    If yuo saw a “Moy & Giella” tag in A3G, it would mean they were facing an invasion from the “Mary Worth” forces. Now that struggle would be guaranteed to get ugly.

  228. Tim
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    8-13 GT: I just can’t get past the plaid on those golf pants. Amazing.

  229. JH Pants
    August 13th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    Editor’s note (8/13): Please switch Mr Tracy’s dialogue in the final panel of Dick Tracy with the dialogue in Phantom.

  230. Dingo
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Wow. I just googled Stephan Pastis. Has anyone here ever seen a photo of him? In his strip, he draws himself to look like a third day of bad carny sex but… photo one and photo two. If Staci and the kids were out of town for a long weekend and my book tour / self-help lectures took me through San Marino… (pops breath mint)

  231. mvg
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    230 Dingo: Maybe Pastis is who Lawrence is holding out for in MW (on his own self-help/book promo tour).

  232. AhClem
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    #224 The diva -
    “reFOOB: I move that all newspapers still carrying this comic replace it with a panel that says “MEN ARE EVIL PIGS” every day. It will save everyone a lot of time.”

    If you add Blondie, Hagar the Horrible, Hi & Lois, Pajama Diaries, Real Life Adventures and several others to your list, for the same reason, think of all the trees that would be saved.

  233. mvg
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Oh, & 1 more obvious potential answer to Shitcrank’s bee query:

    Q: “So what’s the real answer?”

    A: “It happened!”

  234. Dingo
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    I think that I shall never see
    A man like Crankshaft ‘xplainin’ bees

  235. commodorejohn
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    A3G – “What is this ‘home’ of which you speak?”

    A&J – Psst, Mr. Batiuk: I came in in the middle of this storyline, I have no idea what the backstory is here, and I was only previously familiar with this feature for its renowned openness about sex. But you know what? I’m still more engaged by this strip than by yours, and I still care more about these two than any of your characters.

    BR – How exactly is that different from society with the Internet?

    Crankshaft – Gee, it’s like Mark Trail, only not enjoyable.

    DT – …!? …? …

    FC – Never, never draw the Keane kids sucking on marshmallows again, Jeff. Ever. Who the hell sucks on a marshmallow?

    FW – Ha ha!

    GA – …AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

    Marmaduke – “Good Puppy?” Lemme guess, he just reads it for the articles.

    MT – I don’t think Mark really understands how this whole “contract killing” thing works.

    MW – Did M.C. Escher design this elevator?

    SF – Man, has Ted finally grown up? That’s “Puff, the Magic Dragon” sad.

    Ziggy – unashamedly flaunts his ownership of sentient beings. You monster.

  236. Ignatz
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Hey, kids! So if you can spot the glaring mistake in today’s Slylock Fox!

    To paraphrase Uncle Don, that ought to confuse the little bastards

  237. buckyswife
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    230 Dingo: Yes—I sure wouldn’t throw him out of bed for eating crackers.

    And I’m going to Santa Rosa this September for a relative’s wedding…. hmmmm…..

  238. buckyswife
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Incidentally, speaking of cartoonist/hotties, have you ever seen a picture of Darby Conley?

  239. Anonymous
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    What’s with Wolverine’s body today? Did he grow a shirt or is his farmer’s tan just that pathetic?
    ~Crazy

  240. crazyjerseygirl
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    sorry, thats me at #239.
    ~Crazy

  241. TheDiva
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    232 AhClem: Hell, if we add a second panel saying “MOTHERS-IN-LAW ARE TYRANNICAL HARRIDANS” next to it, we could eliminate 90% of all legacy strips.

  242. mollificent
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Dingo: Yup, Pastis is a cutie. I’m right there with you…except that I recently lost my fangirl heart to Dave Carroll of “United Breaks Guitars” fame, and his dimples are currently taking up the lion’s share of my attention span. ;)

  243. Dingo
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    buckyswife, Darby Conley is cute in a “drunk straight frat boy who says he’ll let you blow him and five minutes later is riding your cock like a Shetland pony” sort of way but Pastis has facial hair. Gets me every time.

  244. spike
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Hank @ 205: LOL!

    Old School Allie Cat @ 213: I second your motion!

    Professor Fate @ 215: In the Funkyverse, Wally was discharged from Afghanistan a few hours/days/weeks early, and, as a result of the DoD snafu, had to do a tour in Iraq.

    FW: Looks to me like Becky and Wally are in a bedroom by themselves. Guess John’s downstairs keeping a watchful eye on the kids.

  245. Some Guy Here
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Trixie’s only option is to take up with a colony of frogs, which will go fine until she hits puberty and heads to the culvert under the arterial road with amplexus on her mind, only to be bitterly disappointed.

    DAMN YOU, JOSH! NOW I CAN’T GET THAT IMAGERY OUT OF MY MIND!

  246. Sequitur
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Boy, what a morning. I come to work get a couple of things done then right when I’m in the middle of reading the Chron comics our company server goes down. You know, like “BOINGGG!”
    Anywhy, then I go to the dentist to get a temporary crown put in (whoopie, ding ding). An hour and a half later I get back to work and the internet is still down! And my mouth is numb and I’m trying to keep from biting my tongue (that’s the something I’m trying not to put my teeth in, #187 Dr. Pill (by the way, nice come back).

    So the internet finally comes back on and now I’ve got to read the comics and a boatload of comments from y’all. I’m tired and I can’t go to lunch until the numb wears off. (I tried a drink of water and it was real hard not to have it dribble down my chin).

    So, the question I have is, are those cows or bulls in today’s BB?

  247. Sequitur
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    236. Ignatz
    Glaring mistake in Slylock Fox? They published it?

  248. Baka Gaijin
    August 13th, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    #164 True Fable on house: I’ve never seen a helter-skelter for goats before. What won’t they think of next?

  249. Donkey Hotey
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    8/13 Marmaduke: “In Marmaduke, dog grooms child!”

  250. Hogenmogen
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    #236 – “different from the other two” when there are only two to choose from? Yeah, noticed that.

  251. Stripes55
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    AhClem @ #155 – Huh. Can’t believe I’ve missed that one the whole time.

    9CL: So, when they’re done naming Amos’ chest hair, are they going to start naming parts of Edda’s body? And are we giong to be subjected to 3 weeks of this while they go through the whole cast? If so, I’m taking a break from this strip until I’m sure they’ve finished with Thorax…

  252. your father isn't mr. cohen
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    8/13 RMMD: From now on, this set of phrases is going to be my standard response anytime someone says an innocuous, “See you at lunch!” I may not keep my job for long, but by gum it will be worth it!

    8/13 9CL: Wishful thinking, McEldowney…

    8/13 FW: What else can we do that’s depressing? Maybe tomorrow you can show the family’s new kitten getting hit by a car while a clown weeps in the background.

  253. Donkey Hotey
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    #252 Stripes55 – Actually, if they start naming parts of Edda’s body, I’d be much more interested. I might even offer some suggestions.

  254. Stripes55
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Donkey Hotey @ 253: Well, if they stop with that, that’d be fine, but frankly, NOTHING is worth the thought of Thorax being part of this, if it goes that far…

  255. Todd
    August 13th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: Love in an elevator! Living it up while I’m going down!

  256. Chert the Chort
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    “amplexus ,” “petit mal” jokes – quite the erudite strip this day, Mr. Fruhlinger.

  257. Talking Squirrel
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    #228 Tim says: “8-13 GT: I just can’t get past the plaid on those golf pants. Amazing.”

    Yep, those are the new “Pattern-Perfect Power Plaids”©. If the pattern matches perfectly, it means your stance is just right.*

    Even if it doesn’t match perfectly, it will still induce florid hallucinations, vertigo and vomiting in other members of your party by the time you hit the third tee.

    * (The additional capability to actually hit the ball worth a shit is neither claimed nor warranteed.)

  258. bats :[
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Pass the breath mints, Dingo. (There’s also some photos of him online somewhere of Pastis sharing a bed with three other cartoonists…maybe he isn’t that hard to get.)

    MW: well, it seems a lot of us are in agreement. Either that, or we’re just all a big buncha paranoids:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3817670847/sizes/o/

  259. Hopscotch Willie
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    You could rip Pastis a new one for always using “What are you doing, Rat?” as the opening line. I did a strip about that sort of behaviour.

  260. Gabacho
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    #230 Dingo –

    my book tour / self-help lectures took me through San Marino… (pops breath mint)

    You have a self-hope book? Please. I need it. I am dull. And I have disposable income.

    As re the Tom Pastis Honeyhunk thing – he is certainly a fine specimen but as the proud possesor … posessor… owner of the Hot Blogger Calendar, I must, like Delilah, stay true to my vows and in my house it is forever Josh month.

    Mary Worth – Okay, so she’s run before, come back, left again, never once told Mr. Jonis why she split, does not explain what clarity she gained. Yeah, Mr. Jonis, philosopher extraordinaire, there’s every reason to believe her this time.

    Gil Thorp – Let’s see, a steroid damaged, undereducated vandal. Yeah, he’d make a good little league coach.

  261. AirForbes
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: I think that’s the first-ever Ames elevator.

    FW: Well, I suppose she could have kept those clippings on the refrigerator, held on with alphabet magnets.

    218 Kinghasnoclothes – “He’s trolling for a Pulitzer.”

    Sadly, I think you may be right about that.

    224 The Diva – “What better place for an angry, violent, self-loathing young man than teaching kids?”

    You grasp the concept of community service well.

  262. True Fable
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    #248 baka gaijin – I have GOT to get one of those!

  263. Something In Your Drawers
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Suspended Deathimation: Hey, you oughta be thankful you got a drawer. Whattaya think, I’m gonna dash around like a one-armed paper hanger turning all your pictures to the wall four times a day?

  264. bats :[
    August 13th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    260. Gabacho re MW: he’s a philosopher, dammit, not a clairvoyant!

  265. Ironic Lean Game
    August 13th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Hi, lowly newbies! Welcome! We are all scrutinizing you as we call out at you. Don’t be afraid! We are nice people! Just make sure you all kiss my ass! Because I have been here so long! And you haven’t! Again, welcome!

  266. Jumper
    August 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Actually that sort of thing happens more on other websites, Ironic.

  267. Sequitur
    August 13th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Watch it, Ironic, or Josh will be kicking your ass.

  268. ArchieNemesis
    August 13th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Facebook is not anonymous.

  269. Bart
    August 13th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations on the national exposure, Josh. This might be a good time to launch a new CC product line or some Josh-guided tour of Akihabara or someplace.

  270. Jumper
    August 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, Ironic. What’s up with that?

  271. Ironic Lean Game
    August 13th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    It was just an ironic observation – apropos to the whole net – that newcomers may feel more comfortable lurking, and don’t need a lot of fooraw thrown at them. And anyway, what’s with the stale ole trope, Jumper, of pretending to have a fight with your own sock puppet? I mean, come on.

  272. Jumper
    August 13th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    What the! I mean… am I dreaming?

  273. Ironic Clean Game
    August 13th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Jumper. You dummy. You’d take the word of someone IN YOUR DREAM that you were dreaming?

  274. C.
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    You went to Cornell? So did Andy Bernard!

  275. Adam
    August 13th, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Ok I have never made a comment on this box, but someone needs to get on making a T-Shirt of Pastis and Pig in the internet happy box.

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    Dear Dwayne Johnson the Lansing Icewolves lost 5-3 to the arrows but I can beat the arrows and score 8 seconds in your friend john

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