Archive: Pearls Before Swine

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/10/23

The Marvin crossover we never hoped we’d see.

Gil Thorp, 8/10/23

Meanwhile it’s Relationship Week over at Gil Thorp, establishing or recapping its myriad cross‑cultural, ‑gender, ‑institutional, and other conflicts in advance of the fall season. Here, Sluggin’ Girls’ Softball right fielder Inma Rimsha and disgraced Valley Tech import hurler Kwan Tak “The Korean Nightmare” share a tender moment. Protip, Inma: if you want to win Kwan’s heart, bring a sack of Haitai Honey Butter Chips along to your next picnic. Although signs suggest his heart is as far as you’re gonna get.

Daddy Daze, 8/10/23

Gah, is there a more relentlessly wretched comics character than Paul Daze’s Goth Pal Chuck Chuck? Yes! Imagine his children, cruller-stuffed and sugar-high, rolling around their dank rooms writing abuse memoirs and plotting his murder.

Pearls Before Swine, 8/10/23

Chuck Chuck has one thing right, though: the donuts always find a way in.

Make a generous contribution to the Comics Curmudgeon today—donut hesitate!

—Uncle Lumpy

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Pearls Before Swine, 6/10/23

I’m taking a slight break from my usual routine here to relay a personal anecdote. On Saturday, I went to a showing of The Philadelphia Story at one of the big historic movie palaces in downtown LA, and one of my personal crosses to bear is my inability to be chill about the fact that grown-ass adults cannot stay off their fucking phones even at special events like this. The guy sitting in front of me had one of those absolutely enormous phones that bordered on tablet size, and all through the pre-show stuff where the lights were down and they had a film historian giving a presentation about the movie, this guy had his phone on and sitting in his lap and the browser was open to the Pearls Before Swine strip you see above. Mostly he was paying attention to the presentation but every once in a while he would look down at the strip and zoom in on the phone so he could read it better. This went on for like 10 minutes; he did not look at any other strips, just this specific one. He turned the phone off before the actual movie started, but if I had had to tell some dude to NOT LOOK AT A NEWSPAPER COMIC DURING A MOVIE, surely I would have become the Comics Curmudgeon in that role’s final form. Anyway, if the person who was doing this is reading these words right now, sorry to drag you in public like this, but: when the lights go down, the phone should go off.

Beetle Bailey, 6/12/23

“I’m also burdened by feelings I can’t quite articulate about how my hair-trigger rage is damaging my relationships with other people and my own conception of myself as a basically good person.”

Gil Thorp, 6/12/23

The kids who got busted by Marty Moon for selling vape sticks were all boys, so I’m not sure why Gil feels like he has to alert the girls’ team’s coaches about it in the middle of a game. I guess he figures if his afternoon just got ruined, so should everyone else’s.

Slylock Fox, 6/12/23

Today’s Slylock Fox is a good example of why using a rigorous program of logic to suss out the truth is simply not enough for any law enforcement operation. Sure, Slylock can smugly point out that only a mammal would need hair care products, but the criminal reptile’s refusal to surrender in the face of this “gotcha” means that Sly is resorting to the hotel’s front desk workers to actually apply the force necessary to catch the thief, which implies that he’s failed to grasp the true nature of the problem he faces.

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Part of my job here as second-string comic blogger is to watch for developments in the comic-strip universe outside Josh’s King Features-centric orbit, for readers dying for commentary on oh, say, Between Friends or Phoebe and Her Unicorn. You’re welcome!

Herb and Jamaal, 8/31/21

You bet, Herb—try a lot of overanalyzing, that’s the ticket!

Breaking Cat News, 8/31/21

As the Sage once said, “Breaking Cat News is a subject about which reasonable people may disagree.” I keep it on my daily list as a sweetener after hatereads 9 Chickweed Lane and Luann, and before I try to decode Nancy. But I understand the perspective of people who can’t get used to the art—is that watercolor?, or who find the one-note “cats report the news” theme as confining as Kevin and Kell‘s “carnivores and prey try to get along” schtick. If you want to make up your mind in a hurry, dive into the catlady abyss of the strip’s GoComics comment thread.

For the record, though, that is exactly how bluejays converse.

Take It from the Tinkersons, 8/31/21

This is a family strip that gradually went all Dick Tracy on us. Tinkerson père Ted has agreed to wear a wire on Joe, his Sales Manager, for the FBI. Joe is suspected of killing several of Ted’s sociopathic ex-boss Helen’s beaux, among whom he apparently numbers Ted the latest. Only Joe and Ted’s wife Tiff could possibly think this of milquetoast Ted, which is why I hope Joe and Tiff hook up and Ted murders them. Take that, Lockhorns!

Pearls before Swine, 8/31/21

Uh-oh. Better put that flag at half-staff in anticipation.

And hey, panel two violates the “180°” rule and changes Goat’s “How come?” from “How come you ask?” to “How come they sent him?”

Assassinating Rat, or the joke: which is more heinous?

It’s like magic!

If you just gotta gotta have your daily dose of Mary Worth, Funky Winkerbean, or Mark Trail, may I recommend strip specialists Mary Worth and Me, Son of Stuck Funky, and The Daily Trail for deep dives into fan favorites.

— Uncle Lumpy