The Comics Curmudgeon

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Mary Worth … after dark

Mary Worth, 8/14/09

OK, folks, as much as we keep making jokes about Lawrence’s extracurricular sex activities, I think we’re just sort of whistling in the dark to stave off our acknowledgement of the inevitable denouement of this tale: namely, that Delilah is going to drag Lawrence bodily into his hotel room, throw him down onto the overstarched sheets, and perpetrate scandalous acts of marital intimacy that she learned about from the backs of the DVD cases on Charley’s porn shelf, singing Rogers and Hammerstein all the while. “But Josh!” you’re probably saying, “this is the comics page, and Mary Worth to boot! Can they imply that a sex act might happen, even off-stage?” Well, if said characters are joined in holy and legal matrimony, I’m afraid so, if this steamy honeymoon scene from a few years ago is any indication, so we’re just going to have to brace ourselves for the red hot Lawrence-on-Delilah action. It’s fitting that Lawrence is checked into room 2012, the year of the Mayan apocalypse, as these unlikeable characters’ coupling will make us all long for the end times.

Gil Thorp, 8/14/09

As an already angry and hate-filled Marty DeJong peppers Ted Pearse’s team of hobo children with baseballs, the Scott McCloud lookalike urges him to “ease up.” Longtime Gil Thorp readers know that this seemingly innocent two-word combination is actually a trigger phrase, which will inevitably lead to someone getting punched in the tonsils. All I can say is that it’s about time.

Archie, 8/14/09

You know, Archie, maybe you ought to worry less about Dilton’s whimsical sports mix-ups and more about the fact that time and space are bending improbably all around you. Note that Moose’s torso is in front of the volleyball net, but his feet are behind the sand dune’s rise, and the net’s pole is well in front of it. This dimensional anomaly can’t be good for your health, and Archie is right in its path.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 14, 2009 at 09:32 am and is filed under Archie, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth.

465 responses to “Mary Worth … after dark”

Dingo
August 14th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

FC: “You’re wrong, my little man. Why, your daddy has been throwing balls against the tent all night.”

MW: One should be very afraid of staying in this hotel. The door on room 2012 opens in instead of out. In case of a fire or a horned Chinese acrobatics team looking for fresh pussy and hairless man ass, the door can be kicked in but those attempting to vacate the room will be trapped… just like characters in a Mary Worth story arc.
mordock999
August 14th, 2009 at 9:41 am [Reply]

Today’s Archie 08/14/09

If think THAT “Dimensional Anomaly” stuff bad Josh, LOOK again: A couple of asshats have written Their signatures on the sky….,

_________________________

DEATH to TJ!
Wenkelmobil
August 14th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Funky: Wah wah wah wah waaaaaahh….

Maramaduke: Those are hot tubs, not saunas. Moreover, dogs can’t sweat, so saunas are quite useless.
Skeltometer
August 14th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

Tonsil-Punching – just what every Milford denizen needs. Ease Up, indeed!
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Delilah, in her eagerness to make us some babies, darnit! needs to be careful that she doesn’t injure Lawrence. First she barrels right through him, and now she’s about to fling him to the bed. Then again, if she does injure him, it probably won’t matter. I can just picture her getting ready to straddle him as he lies on the floor with a broken arm and a concussion: “I’ll call 911 in a minute; you just lie there and focus.”

Actually, I CAN picture that. eewwwww.
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Delilah, in her eagerness to make us some babies, darnit!, needs to be careful that she doesn’t injure Lawrence. First she barrels right through him, and now she’s about to fling him to the bed. Then again, if she does injure him, it probably won’t matter. I can just picture her getting ready to straddle him as he lies on the floor with a broken arm and a concussion: “I’ll call 911 in a minute; you just lie there and focus.”

Actually, I CAN picture that. eewwwww.
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

Oops—accidentally double-posted—SORRY!
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

buckyswife
Twice the fun!
Talking Squirrel
August 14th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

MW: It looks like they’ve recycled “Mrs. Good” from 2005 to give us “Del” in 2009. As part of that process, I wonder if they made her a virgin again … or needed to.

GT: Man, this economy just sucks. Only halfway through the month, and already they’re out of sound effects. From now until Labor Day, we’ll have to listen to baseballs PING!-ing off of leather gloves and porky bellies, fists PING!-ing on wooden walls, and Mr. & Mrs. Coach’s box springs going PING! PING! PING! PING! for a minute and a half on alternate Saturday nights.
TheDiva
August 14th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

C’shaft: With any luck, the program she has in mind will be Mythbusters and this arc will end with Crankshaft and his presentation being blown to smithereens just for shiggles.

FW: This will be worth it if Wally ends up reconfiguring the trombone into the pipe bomb he takes along on his inevitable suicide killing spree.

Luann: Part-time page =/= librarian. Thank you.

MW: “Now let’s make some happy talk, honey bun! I’m younger than springtime and need to wash that man Charlie right out of my hair!”

On a sadder note, the cat who provided the inspiration for Snooch in Two Lumps has gone to the great bowl of gooshyfood in the sky: http://www.twolumps.net/
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

Man, I hate the “Ping” sound of metal bats. USE WOOD BATS!

Hmmm. Metal bats:[. That could be interesting.
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
August 14th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

MW: Gahhh!!! Not the flashback to the newlyweds! Not even the combined oratory skills of Rod Serling and Robert Stack can assuage the horror or solve the mystery of the Planet of the Bland.

FW: Well, so much for my thinking Wally is a ghost in the style of The Others. Now that he’s been given his old trombone back, it’s clear Batbleak will never grant him clear passage to the Other Side. Instead Wally will be forced to carry his old band instrument and stare at it in blank despair trying to remember what his most ardent desire had been only a moment ago. The desire that had been crushed with such ease by the caprices of his “creator” who calls it “writing”.
Cranky
August 14th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

I have issues with today’s Hitler and his Hellhound.

(1) Those poorly drawn objects aren’t saunas. They’re jacuzzis, or hot tubs.
(2) You don’t bathe in a sauna. You steam.
(3) Marmaduke does not want one for bathing.
(4) Marmaduke thinks they’re Crock Pots for people.
(5) Marmaduke would like to place the family in one in the morning and come home to delicious, tender, falling-off-the-bone people-meat.

I think that’s all.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

Oh, and TRUE FABLE. Don’t forget yesterthread #174. (Josh was up early this morning and got the post out faster then I expected.)
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

9 Talking Squirrel: Yipes! You’re right! Put a headband on her, clean up those eyebrows, and you’ve got Del. It’s even the same ghastly outfit.

Maybe Del bought her suit from the Santa Royale Consignment Shoppe (for all your salmon-colored needs!).
UncleJeff
August 14th, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

Funky: Here’s your hat and here’s your horn. Harry said you could pick up your shine box on your way outta town. Seeya, wouldn’t wanna beeya!
MW: That damn door is drawn so badly I think she’s towing her hapless stud back into the hallway for a little public action on the carpet. Watch out for those rug burns!
GT: Don’t worry about our boy Coach Marty. He’s just workin’ out some issues. The real fun begins when he starts the tackle football practice.
mojo
August 14th, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

A few months ago I was privately marveling about how the Comics Curmudgeon has made me a diehard fan of Mary Worth. An ironic fan, but a fan nonetheless.

I take it all back. With this interminable kissy-faced make up, combined with poor, poor Charley—the best thing to come along in this strip in MONTHS—left home alone all sad and frowny, eating chips and watching South Pacific … über-smarts Delilah and Lawrence have managed to flog any joy I might have once experienced right out of me.

I expect a similar, joyless flogging will now commence within the strip itself. I am covering my eyes now; someone please tell me when it’s over.
Talking Squirrel
August 14th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

12 Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division says:
“Instead Wally will be forced to carry his old band instrument and stare at it in blank despair”

I’ve never seen anyone in the comics portrayed with such a totally flat affect as Wally. Just looking at him makes me want to go roll up in the bedcovers and not come out. In fact, even putting “comics” and “totally flat affect” in the same sentence is highlighting the severity of the cognitive disconnect. Batiuk: terminally unclear on the concept.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

PBS – The more I see Rat’s comments, the more I know he’s posting on this blog.
migellito
August 14th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

Awesome, they picked up an M.C. Escher commemorative volleyball set. Those are hard to come by.
Gabacho
August 14th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

Mary Worth – Could a couple like Delilah and Lawrence have fallen in love if Steven Sondheim were in the mix? Would there bonds have been less strong with Harold Arlen?

There’s a philosophical quandary for Lawrence.
lunarhalo
August 14th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

Every time he hits the ball a kid loses an article of clothing. What is this, “strip baseball”?

Ease up indeed.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

FW – Wally has got to leave town. He’ll go north and come to the city limits and be blocked by an invisible force from going any further. He’ll go east, south and west and the same thing will happen. He’ll get creative and travel NE, SE, SW and NW and still no go. He’ll then sit down in dispair, take his trombone and blow his brains out.
JH Pants
August 14th, 2009 at 10:21 am [Reply]

When is Marty going to start insisting the kids call him “Clambake” and fill their little noggins with tales of the good ol’ days of baseball?
Professor Fate
August 14th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

FW: Okay – no pay either? Fuck You Batuik.

Still I can’t quite erase the image of wally in his uniform standing out side Becky’s house in the rain playing the trombone to try and win her heart back.

Hell it’d be the first funny thing the strip has done in years.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
August 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

Damn. My first post in months and it was a thread-killer.

FW: Batiuk’s finally done it. He’s made Wally’s return from the grave too depressing.

Held captive by the Iraqis for a decade? Fine
Wife believes he’s dead and marries someone else? Fine
Returns home with major mental injuries and anguish with no support system? Fine

But to suggest that now he’s going to play in the Community Band? That’s darker than Sylvia Plath listening to Joy Division at the bottom of a mineshaft during a new moon.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 14th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

MW: While I doubt what we see of Del and Lawrence’s hotel room adventure will be as steamy as last week’s Sam/Abbey foreplay in Jp, it does look like they’re finally going to get down to some serious babymaking. Or as I like to call it, doubling down on a bad bet.

MC: “Baldeo”? So Norm reminds Rex of a floppy-haired Latin teenager?

DT: “Now! Open it now! Or else how will we know if it’s a letter bomb or not?”

Luann: Whoa. Luann is showing a little crotch bulge in panel one. If things go anywhere with her and Quill, the young Aussie may be in for a surprise. Hope he’s more tolerant than the cowboys in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Phantom: What, no cover story about walking into a skull-shaped doorknob?

FW: What have we learned today? No, lightening the mood and doing actual humor is not like riding a bike. Yes, you do forget how.

C-Shaft: So Discovery Channel shows are uninformative, pointless, and hosted by bitter never-was baseball veterans?

H&L: She’s giving Dot advice on hand jobs? Yeah, I’m pretty much going to Hell, aren’t I?
Niall
August 14th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

I’ll have to slip out for a bit. Trying not to slip in depression. Getting another acid reflux case necessitating a call to an ambulance (but not to the hospital, thankfully, so no charge) on Wednesday and a day of rest makes me realise just how close to some sort of edge I am, if just five days of fun without overly pushing myself does this to me now. (The emotional backlash from it is also responsible for my slip towards depression – but I’m not there yet, and I’m trying to stop it.)

I’ll still read the comics, and maybe read Josh’s snark, but not the comments for now.

Be well.
The Mighty Captain E
August 14th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

I’m reading the first panel of MW as Lawrence mourning the lost opportunity(ies) he had with the two philo-fanatics from his presentation. “Oh, I coulda gotten me some fine syncophantic satisfaction, instead I’m stuck with my lame-ass wife. Coulda had a hot threesome, but now it’s just me and this frigid woman-child.”
NoahSnark
August 14th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

In the Archie universe, being lost in thought is an extremely rare condition – akin to drowning in the middle of a desert.
Joey Chicago
August 14th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

Actually, Archie looks like it’s about right. You have to look at it and consider that from our perspective, the other net pole is a little bit further back. I’m a lot more concerned that there’s a sand dune that significant in the middle of a volleyball court.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
August 14th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

Josh! You’re supposed to be reading Mary Worth so we don’t have to! *cries*
Joey Chicago
August 14th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

#27 Artist Formerly Known As Ben: Take a look at your life and realize that you look at Luann intensely enough that you can spot something reminiscent of a crotch bulge. I’m just saying.
Nekrotzar
August 14th, 2009 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Who the hell let ALGU 3000 have access to ‘The Graphic Work of M.C. Escher’? (Or maybe it just accessed an archive of McLaughlin era Gil Thorpe.)

Speaking of odd perspectives, in MW I can’t tell whether Delilah is dragging Lawrence in to jump his bones on the hotel room floor, or out to do it in the hallway (in which case he can sign autographs for fans at the same time).
Ginger Yellow
August 14th, 2009 at 10:43 am [Reply]

Archie’s punchline might have worked a bit better if they hadn’t shown something that clearly wasn’t a tennis net in the very first panel. Or if he’d said “badminton” in the second panel.
Minx
August 14th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

“I’m yours for keeps!”…whether you like it or not.

Please note Lawrence’s expression of abject terror as he realizes he’s made a terrible, terrible mistake.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

28 Niall
I’ll be hoping and praying that whatever you have will soon turn favorable. Hopefully, reading the comics and our snarks can be therapy for you but I’d advise leaving the Funkyverse alone for awhile. Please get well. We need you here.
Comcis Fan
August 14th, 2009 at 10:49 am [Reply]

FW: I finally get why FW is on the funny pages. It is sooooo ridicuslously, unrealistically depressing that you have to laugh. The guy not only returns to his hometown after years in captivity to find that his wife thought he was dead and remarried and his kids call someone else dad, and he has to wait through weeks of military red tape to get his back pay, no, that’s not enough.

This wife — this love of his life — is so unconflicted about his return, so over him and moved on, that she takes him on a little walk to his tombstone, reiterates that she has moved on, then hands him his old trombone (no metaphor or anything there) and tells him there’s a spot for him in the community band. Ha!
Naked Bunny with a Whip
August 14th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

@buckyswife: accidentally double-posted

Wait. That wasn’t a “spot the differences” exercise? D’oh!
Comcis Fan
August 14th, 2009 at 10:52 am [Reply]

Feel better, Niall!!!
Dingo
August 14th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Even though it’s still early, I’m going to bid my adieu for now because the rest of the day is filled with errands and getting work done. I’m off to Ontario tonight for a week’s worth of fishing with my father at Lac Seul. It’s so remote, it seems it harbors no curmudgeons. I’m hoping we catch some walleye and that the events of the week don’t turn into Rex Morgan and Nikki’s adventure. We’ll see.

Have a great week. Buckyswife, I’m leaving it up to you to terrorize the faint of heart with tales of ribaldry in my absence. See you next Sunday!
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 14th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

#33 Joey Chicago,
Oh, you’re not telling me anything about my life that I don’t already know.
Talking Squirrel
August 14th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

34 Nekrotzar says: “I can’t tell whether Delilah is dragging Lawrence in to jump his bones on the hotel room floor, or out to do it in the hallway (in which case he can sign autographs for fans at the same time).”

The hallway is a definite win-win. Not only could Lawrence multitask efficiently, but Del gets to make an emphatic public declaration of ownership, like a dog peeing on the trees alongside the street.
Joey Chicago
August 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

#42 Artist Formerly Known As Ben
I’m someone who tries to find the hidden objects in Bizzaro along with completing the daily Jumble and Slylock Fox. I have my own problems, too.
Patrick
August 14th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

Can you blame Delilah for being so horny? It’s not often that you get to make sweet, sweet love in a classy turquoise hotel with Fiberglass drop ceilings!
Cranky
August 14th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

#3 Wenkelmobil: Was still composing my opus to Marmaduke patheticness when you posted. Didn’t mean to step on your toes there.
Larry Fine
August 14th, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

If Delilah jumps Lawrence’s bones, will she at least take off her barrette?
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

44 Joey Chicago
Hey, thanks for reminding me. I haven’t done the Jumble yet. Why is it in the Classified section. Who reads the Classifieds.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

To be excruciatingly fair, there is a plausible explanation for today’s Archie. Assume that Moose is roughly facing the picture plane. Now, imagine that he is in fact in a depression between two dunes of equal height. Since that explains the fact that the net seems to be more or less perpendicular to the ground. Now, it’s clear that the net is in fact at an 45 degree angle to the picture plane, with Moose in the 45 degree corner formed by extending the line of the net to the surface of the picture plane.
Uncle Lumpy
August 14th, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

And the net is trapezoidal. Or the gang is enjoying beach sports at a roadside Mystery Spot.
ladadog
August 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am [Reply]

Whenever my mother heard a sad or awful story, she called me right away to share it. I used to beg her not to, but, to no avail.
This short family anecdote by means of telling you that I had a terrible thought, and, of course, I must share with everyone.
What if Batuik does read this blog, and sees Bats :[ real life recounting of the human drama in her neighborhood?. (I am sorry I don’t know how to link that here.) What if he decides that would be an excellent plot line for FW? That would certainly be an example of pathos turned into bathos.
Must go fill out more job applications now, to try and get terrifying prospect out of my head.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Archie – More importantly, what’s with Betty? She looks like some sort of Godzilla-dame stalking the beach. Also, there’s a flying saucer coming out of the sand.
AirForbes
August 14th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

MW: Imagining subtext has been the only way we’ve been able to get through this dull week. At this rate, 2012 will be when the storyline ends.

Yesterday I saw “salmon” in a list of colors, and I realized that salmon squares aren’t so named because they’re made of fish – nobody knows what the heck they are, so they call them salmon squares, because they’re salmon-coloured squares. The next pool party will introduce aquamarine triangles.

AGLU3000: Also the net is growing. In the first panel it ended level with Archie’s shirt sleeves; in the third panel it’s past the tail of his t-shirt. By the time they’re done clearing up Dilton’s confusion over which sport they’re playing, they’ll be able to fish with it.

GT: “this seemingly innocent two-word combination is actually a trigger phrase, which will inevitably lead to someone getting punched in the tonsils.”

We can only hope it’s Neil Rubin.

22 lunarhalo: “Every time he hits the ball a kid loses an article of clothing. What is this, “strip baseball”?”

Is Rod Whigham possibly paying homage to Charlie Brown losing his clothes to a line drive? I hope so, it would make this sequence at least a little interesting.
Joey Chicago
August 14th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

#48 Sequitur

Your typical Jumbler is desperately in love and believes newspaper classifieds to be far safer than the dangerous world of the internet.

#49 Anonny
Exactly, Anonny.
Old Goat
August 14th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

FW: No Pay? Bullshit! There is absolutely no way the US Army would send Wally, a repatriated POW, back to the Buckeye without pay and administrative issues resolved. And they, likely a chaplain and a psychiartrist with training in POW care, would most certainly brief him on what had transpired during his incarceration so there would be no Ghost-of-Christmas-Future graveyard surprises. The DoD has explicit instructions (www.dtic.mil/whs/directives/corres/pdf/231004p.pdf) on the repatriation of retained personnel — an event known as a Yellow Ribbon — and these instructions include medical, psychological, chaplain, and administrative support. (OK, OK, getta grip. It’s only a comic. Just click my boots together three times and say “suspend disbelief… suspend disbelief…suspend disbelief…”)
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Jumble – The jumbled words just popped right out and the answer as well. This took less than a minute to do. How disappointing. Kind of like the Lawrence-Delilah thing is going to be.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

55. Old Goat
And they would have issued him a trombone.
lunarhalo
August 14th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

53 AirForbes

I think I’d rather see Coach Kaz pull the old move-away-the-football-at-the-last-second gag.
Joe Blevins
August 14th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

I’m still floored by the fact that in the Mary Worth universe, singing showtunes is a totem of heterosexuality. Not only that, but the music of Rogers & Hammerstein appears to be an aphrodisiac.

Everything I know is wrong.

PS. – The Gil Thorp people apparently doing know that pinging is not allowed here.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
August 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Archie: I think Dilton would be especially well-suited for playing Tesseract Ball.
Mela
August 14th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

New here. Hi. Been reading a while, but my loathing for Tom Batiuk has reached critical mass and must be vented before I hit something. Sorry if this is long, but it’s been simmering in me for a while.

First, let me get my interpretation of today’s Crankshaft punchline out of the way: “Ha, ha! It’s funny because women hate science!” If it wasn’t for the preachiness (no matter how valid a problem), I’d swear this was licensed out to the Hagar the Horrible jokesters.

Now, the main complaint. I can take yet another horribly maudlin cancer story in fiction, since people like my mother eat this stuff up with a spoon no matter how removed from reality (with which our family is sadly acquainted); I can take having a time skip because you, as a creator, feel it offers more opportunity in your stories (even if you aren’t utilizing it); I can take representing an angel of death as the guy from “Design for Dreaming”; and I can take yet another story about young people being taken over by holier-than-thou Baby Boomer drama (because Boomers are pros at making it all about them).

But this story with Wally… is repulsive. And I ran the Dad Litmus Test for Unbelievability to see if it’s just me. My father, a man capable of truly heroic suspension of disbelief, pointed out the following about the story (which more than a few people here have as well):
1. First, no veteran’s relative with any sort of soul would jam their funeral flag in a junk drawer. It’s akin to putting your late lover’s urn out in the shed.
2. Second, even someone whose only exposure to scientific procedure is CSI would know the concept of DNA testing and not just rely on archaic dental records.
3. While the military payroll is slow (he knows from experience), again, no one with a soul would kick someone waiting for this long-off payday out into what legally qualifies as homelessness unless the creator really wanted to villify them. But we’re both sure that’s not the case.
4. Finally, we’re both pretty sure that there’s no disability that boils down to “I remember no one’s face except for the woman who has spurned me for my replacement”.

I can only imagine what relatives of KIA soldiers or POWs feel when they see this relentlessly wrong storyline. I find it insulting that the Pulitzer people consider this Lifetime-but-worse level of creativity worthy of an award for this series, and odds are, given their low standards nowadays, they’re probably making up the award for this because it’s so offensively poorly done.

I’ve heard Batiuk’s interviews where he pats himself on the back for his horrible melodrama and arrogantly declares “It’s called writing”. Dude, as an amateur/would-love-to-be-pro writer, that crap is NOT writing. Writing takes research, knowledge of the human condition, and respect for your fellow man. I’ve seen none of that in your work, Batiuk. I’ve only seen self-congratulations over your bleak, unbelievable stories. You are NOT a writer, sir – you are an attention whore.
queek
August 14th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

41: walleye? Them’s good eatin’!!!

(seriously, one of the best fresh water fish.)

HotC: Dean, in ten years, you won’t mind so much.

MG&G: thank goodness that this dialog wasn’t in Marmaduke.

BHMB: probably the only effective use of citronella candles vs mosquitoes.

RwO: Mallrats flashbacks!!!

SFx: “no, I shall fling him. . . . “
NJP
August 14th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

Oh yeah, I’m sure Wally is feeling pretty awesome right now. “I loved you so much I haphazardly threw a bunch of your shit in a drawer.”

As for Gil Thorp, I think Marty DeJong might be my favorite character in quite awhile.
Calico
August 14th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

So, might “Ease up!” be the converse of “Clam down?”
tb4000
August 14th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Archie: I never thought I would see the day an artist could actually make Betty Cooper unattractive, yet here we are.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

61. Mela
Hear! Hear! Keep up the good work! You are right on target.
Aviatrix
August 14th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

Gotta give it to Lawrence for flat out admitting how close he came to enjoying the three-way he’d arranged with the blonde and Mr. You-Changed-My-Life. Surprising that with Delilah’s sensitivity to song lyrics she doesn’t twig to the message.
digamma
August 14th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

I actually enjoyed that Archie. I didn’t laugh out loud, but I’d call it a legitimate joke.
Baron Bizarre
August 14th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

Sally Forth is starting to genuinely creep me out a little bit. In today’s strip her mom comes extremely close to a direct quote of someone I once knew when she was in the early stages of dementia. They can’t possibly be going there, of course – this isn’t a Batiuk (sp?) strip, after all.
spike
August 14th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

FW: Any chance we can get Rat to mail a mask to Batiuk so that we all can escape the stupid bug?
HighPlainsDrifter
August 14th, 2009 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

Archie: Take an Escher moment and see the net as receding from the picture plane, and this drawing is OK, but a good observation nonetheless, Josh. What scares the freak out of me is how fast the clouds have blown out of the way by the last panel … and that damned net isn’t just growing (#53), it’s mutating and adding more to its grid height, from 8 to 9!! They’re doomed.
HighPlainsDrifter
August 14th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

Is that a young Sarah Palin I see in the modcloth.com banner ad? She’s leggier than Tiffany in LUANN.
Aviatrix
August 14th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

Monty: That’s not a bivalve. Why is he lying to his girlfriend about the nature of the mollusc that has stolen his cellphone?
Fashion Police
August 14th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Miss Danube is overdressed.
Hank
August 14th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

RE: Old Goat, August 14th, 2009 at 11:39 am, Funky Winkerbean:

The DoD has explicit instructions (www.dtic.mil/whs/directives/corres/pdf/231004p.pdf) on the repatriation of retained personnel — an event known as a Yellow Ribbon — and these instructions include medical, psychological, chaplain, and administrative support.

Thanks. I’m really thinking that we should all cut and paste the above post in full and start emailing it en masse to Batuik and the editors of every paper that runs this stupid, depressing, strip.
mvg
August 14th, 2009 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

Mela (61): Welcome aboard. Talking about pegging a homer on your 1st swing. Take that, Batty.

Old Goat (55): Another hit over the Batiuk fence.

Batty has conveniently ignored the fact that a soldier who’d been missing for 10 years & presumed dead, but suddenly turned up alive — would be a friggin’ media sensation (even more so cuz it’s the 2ND damn time he’d been captured). His face would be on the covers of Newsweek & Time. The military would make damned sure it didn’t screw up anything like his pay or care, cuz he wouldn’t be just “any ordinary grunt” but a household name (think Jessica Lynch’s story on steroids). So Batty’s attempt to illustrate what “everyman” returning vets experience is an auto-FAIL thanks to his completely BS premise. (And … DNA!)

MW: Lawrence appears abjectly terrified that Del is about to proclaim their ownership of each other (”for keeps”) by tattooing her curriculum vitae on his tender parts.

S4th: Sally’s mom is further gone than anyone suspects, if she sees a “wallpaper pattern” on what are obviously monochrome walls.

Joe Blevins (59): “I’m still floored by the fact that in the Mary Worth universe, singing showtunes is a totem of heterosexuality. Not only that, but the music of Rogers & Hammerstein appears to be an aphrodisiac.

“Everything I know is wrong.”

I’d call that a COTW contender, sir.
bats :[
August 14th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

10. TheDiva: awwwww, RIP Caramon. Whole heavenly pools of gooshyfood await you.

11. Sequitur re metal bats :[ Uh-uh, ain’t gonna happen. I’d probably break out from the weird stage/greasepaint makeup and I’d definitely fall off platforms boots.

28. Niall: take care of yourself, Niall. You know how to get in touch if you’d like.

41. Dingo: and if you do happen to see a “Big” and a “Little”, just keep walking. Lee the Felon might be batshit crazy, but he might be fun when he’s in a good mood.

Josh, you’re right about our whistling in the dark about the climax (ecch, gak) in the current MW storyline. This is going to play out like just like Mr. and Mrs. Over-65 American wants it to. More’s the pity.
bats :[
August 14th, 2009 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

45. Patrick: true about the hotel decor. Personally, however, I find it a little unsettling to have Moy&Giella’s signatures on the door…it kind of looks like Del and Lawrence are going to have cheap, stand-up sex in the filthiest toilet in Cleveland (or wherever the heck Larry’s “conference” is).
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

77. bats :[
Not even a little leopard skin body suit?
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

41 Dingo: Happy fishing! (And I’m trembling—much like LaWorth on the cusp of a major meddlegasm—at the responsibility you’ve given me—but we all know that no one can do what Dingo does.)

61 Mela: Welcome!
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

77 bats:[ —Wait, Americans over 65 burst through doors in an erotic frenzy, flinging each other about before they can even get their salmon and orange clothes off, terrorizing each other with the intensity of their avid desire?

Hunh. Getting old’s not as bad as I thought.
Marthas Rolling Pin
August 14th, 2009 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

#81, yup, still happens. Every other month or so.
StrangeRover
August 14th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

Foob: The ret-con continues. In a year we’ll find out that John actually killed Farley and was Lawrence’s ‘first time’.
Suspicious Patron
August 14th, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Well it seems that Del and Lawrence, while unable to communicate in any semblance of a constructive manner, have put aside their differences because Lawrence would never dream of even looking at a woman in a one piece bathing suit, let alone owning a Thomas Kincade reproduction of one. Now they enjoy their chaste, chaste “love making” which probably consists of a few minutes of solid hand holding while Lawrence reads aloud from Leviticus.
Thomas
August 14th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

Wait a second… As if the Archie anomaly wasn’t strange enough, Josh’s second Gil Thorp link ALSO contains a dimensional anomaly. COULD THESE ANOMALIES BE ONE AND THE SAME???

WHAT IF MOOSE’S FEET ARE EVEN AS WE SPEAK LODGED IN THE THROAT OF AN UNRULY GAIL MARTIN FAN???
StrangeRover
August 14th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

#61 Mela.

Not only is FW not writing – it’s not even typing.
vanya
August 14th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Josh, you’re right about our whistling in the dark about the climax (ecch, gak) in the current MW storyline. This is going to play out like just like Mr. and Mrs. Over-65 American wants it to. More’s the pity.

No way. You people are far too pessimistic. It’s been as plain as day all week that Lawrence has been having an affair and wants Del gone as soon as possible.

Let’s look at the evidence:

Aug 10 – Lawrence pauses before saying “I…Love You.” Very awkward body language when he hugs her.

Aug 11 – Lawrence anxious to hide wife from blonde woman in lobby.

Aug 12 – Lawrence emphasizes “why did you come tonight?

Aug 13 – Lawrence hints that Del need not feel compelled to stick around very long. He looks very unhappy, and face shadowed ominously when Del says she’s staying forever.

Today – Lawrence forcibly dragged into room by Del after singing a song about another woman. Not looking thrilled.

So either Lawrence wants Del out of his hair as soon as possible, or the MW writers are the most incompetent bunch of scribblers this side of Batiuk and Lynn Johnson.
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

A3G – “Who will clothe my naked, ringless fingers now!?”

Crankshaft – No it isn’t. Those are interesting.

FW – Ha ha!

GA – Yeeeeaaaah, we’re done here. So long, Gasoline Alley. I hope to forget you ASAP.

GT – Sending a bitter failed ball-player to work with a bunch of Little Leaguers? Smooth move, Gil. Maybe next you can help a kleptomaniac get a job at a jeweler’s shop.

MT – Even Mark Trail’s narration box realizes how stupid the plot is.

MW – If they keep singing Rogers & Hammerstein during the act, I’m…well, I’m honestly not sure how I’d react. I think I’d either gouge out my eyes and slit my wrists, or break down in choking laughter.

NS – Hey, how did I wind up in today’s Non Sequitur?

SF – Ces, you win.

SM – Sorry, Spider-Man, but your meta-humor license got revoked sometime around 1981.
The Dark Cheetah
August 14th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Islamorada Girl @ y88: It’s not writing, it’s typing.

Ever since I saw that, I have been racking my brain trying to remember which 60s/70s comedian came out with this recapitulation of the Truman Capote quote: ” ‘See Dick run. Run, Dick, run.’ That’s not writing, that’s just typing!”

Let’s see the Tom Batuik Primer version: “See Wally suffer. Suffer, Wally, suffer. See Becky give Wally a trombone. Now see the whole town suffer.”

Dr. Phil @ y69/y110, and anty a @y87/y138: Do you know how hard it was to explain actual early-morning laughter at catching your exchange which ended with I’m envisioning feral colonies of [discarded comic-book geeks] forming in parking lots, with concerned middle-aged women putting out bowls of Cheetos.?!

I mean, I never laugh at breakfast, dammit — I might spit my cheese curls all over the asphalt…

Mojo @ 17: Dashed expectations hurt, don’t they? Here’s hoping that Charley becomes a recurring character as the designed Charterstone Homewrecker.

Mr. Coffee Nerves @ 26: … darker than Sylvia Plath listening to Joy Division at the bottom of a mineshaft during a new moon.

Ow. If the Comics Curmudgeon FAQ needs a definition for “to Batiuk someone” or “to be Batiuked”, I’ll nominate this. (Maybe with one addition: “during a new moon with only a dull razor in hand.” So there’s truly No Way Out.)

ladadog @ 51: What if Batuik does read this blog, and sees Bats :[ real life recounting of the human drama in her neighborhood?. (I am sorry I don’t know how to link that here.) What if he decides that would be an excellent plot line for FW? That would certainly be an example of pathos turned into bathos.

Why do I suddenly fear this coming Veterans’ Day in FW? Batiuk could give us almost 3 months of relentless anguish dragging Wally around his former hometown as an unpaid homeless vet, and seeing his wife and family blithely eating, shopping, attending a Labor Day outing…

Mela @ 61: Welcome aboard, indeed. I only started lurking here a couple months ago and these people really are that crazy and funny. Not to mention unsparing of bad “writing” masquerading as “creative” or “shocking”.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorpe – With all that pinging I hope they find the submarine.
mollificent
August 14th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

Niall…if you read this, I hope you recover soon. Take care of yourself, ok? *hugs*

#1 Dingo: I’ve officially been reading this site too long. My very first thought upon reading today’s FC was, “Oh, I can’t WAIT to hear what Dingo has to say about THAT!” :D Oh, you’re already gone…well, have a great week!

#61 Mela: Well said! *wild applause*. And welcome!

MW: I immediately heard Anthony Warlow singing “This Nearly Was Mine” upon reading today’s strip, which increased my enjoyment exponentially (because anything that makes me think of Anthony Warlow can only be a good thing). If you are not a SERIOUS theatre geek (or Australian) you will have no idea who I’m talking about; sorry. (And if you want to hear one of the most incredible baritone voices around, look him up on Youtube. Yum.)
Chibigodzilla
August 14th, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

If you assume that Betty and Moose are on opposite sides of the net then the perspective is … acceptable. But, you also need to ignore the perspective in panel one which clearly puts Dilton behind Archie and slightly to his left (as he faces the net). One could argue that all four are on the same side of the the net , but then Dilton and Archie move from the left side of the court (as they face the net) to the right side between panels 1 and 3.

I was working on making some diagrams, but apparently browsers do not understand that inside a code tag whitespace should not be condensed.

Dammit, now I’ve spent more time analyzing this comic than the AGLU-3000 spent making it.
Joe Blevins
August 14th, 2009 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Is that a Green Lantern symbol on Scott McCloud, Jr’s shirt? I just read an article in the Chicago Tribune’s Red Eye proclaiming “Green Lantern mania” to be on the way up, but this comic proves the phenomenon is already over.
Amateur
August 14th, 2009 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

Niall, feel better! I’ll keep you in my prayers.

MW: How come with Delilah being a prodigy-child-bride and all, practically the only R&H song they haven’t used yet is “Younger than Springtime”? No wait, scratch that. I LIKE “Younger than Springtime.” You didn’t hear that, Moy & Giella! You don’t need to ruin another song for me!
Anonymous
August 14th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

87 vanya—re: your last line: Sadly, I’ll have to go with option (b).
Digger
August 14th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

I’m taking stock of what I’ve learned so far from Mary Worth tips on how to score with a lady. Let’s see, show tunes and gaudy orange suit = good. Booze and porn = bad. Got it. Now when I encounter a young woman in a purple jumpsuit I’ll know what to do.
walty
August 14th, 2009 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

2012 is either when this lame story is going to wind down or when someone finally identifies that weird rotting flesh smell coming from Charley’s apartment.
Marion Delgado
August 14th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft has a lot of great stories. Did you know he was one of the assassins on the Grassy Knoll? On my radio show (KNCR 7734 AM – Ohio’s Soothing Sounds and Stories), he admitted he shot the president simply “to watch him die.”
Ironic Clean Game
August 14th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Hmm. Some Jumble fans here. It’s not impossible. I was amazed at Josh’s compulsive deconstruction of Slylock but now I look forward to it.

Precious little to be found on the bios and inner lives of the present and original creators:
http://jumble.com/about/page/jumble
If I am not mistaken, the current artist is new. There was some sort of shake-up there, I’m certain of it!

Every day I attempt to solve the Jumble with no pen or pencil at all. I consider that cheating. This transforms it from a fool’s exercise into a quite nifty little brainteaser. If I fail, I call in sick: obviously, ain’t no thinkin’ gonna be happenin’ today anyhow.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Delilah as a child.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

97. walty
I think by 2012 we’d be past the “weird rotting flesh smell” phase and into the “‘dem bones” phase.
Marion Delgado
August 14th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

BTW fun fact: darrin and jessica is only Incest: The New Generation. Becky and Wally Winkerbean are a cousin couple.
Comcis Fan
August 14th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

Bats #77: You may underestimate Mr. and Mrs. Over-65 American. Apparently you haven’t perused the Vermount Country Store catalog’s “intimate solutions” section lately.

http://www.vermontcountrystore.com/browse/Home/Apothecary/Intimate-Solutions/D/30002/P/1:100:1000:10120

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDqeZZcYqNs
Jumper
August 14th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

Test next Monday: http://www.tmsfeatures.com/bio/michael-argirion-and-jeff-knurek/
Marion Delgado
August 14th, 2009 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Amateur: Let me ruin another one for you. In “Mary Worth: The Movie” this will be playing in the Delilah sequence:

I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
Im crawling on your shores

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as Id been the night before
And I went in seeking clarity.

And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a b-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free
bats :[
August 14th, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

76. mvg: your comment “Batty has conveniently ignored the fact that a soldier who’d been missing for 10 years & presumed dead, but suddenly turned up alive — would be a friggin’ media sensation (even more so cuz it’s the 2ND damn time he’d been captured). His face would be on the covers of Newsweek & Time. The military would make damned sure it didn’t screw up anything like his pay or care, cuz he wouldn’t be just “any ordinary grunt” but a household name (think Jessica Lynch’s story on steroids).”, misses the point. Batiuk’s characters aren’t attention whores, or celebrity-seeking, however unintentionally. Batiuk is.

87. vanya: oh, I am so seriously hoping for that. But in your heart of hearts, do you really think that’s going to happen?
Still, hope springs eternal:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3821220456/sizes/o/
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
August 14th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

DT: Dick is a dick. He practically grabs the letter out of the circus guy’s hand — thereby smearing up any fingerprints that might be on the envelope. He’ll probably tear it open (undoubtedly it will contain another one of those messages cut from the letters on the back of a cereal box) and accidentally drop it in a pile of elephant dung.

Great police work.

The message probably says, D O N O T C O N T A C T M A R Y W O R T H OR W E W I L L K I L L B O Z O W I T H A P O I S O N P L A S T I C N O S E Y O U H A V E B E E N W A R N E D
Calico
August 14th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

#105 – Nice IG parody! Love it.

Niall, I hope you feel better soon. Take good care of yourself. : )
Dr. Weird
August 14th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

FW

The pilot whose body was recently recovered from the Gulf War in 1991, Scott Speicher, was used as a counterexample of the “facts” about Wally’s capture and declaration of death.

Speicher was laid to rest in his hometown today, with thousands of people turning out. The procession went by his school, church and former military base.

I wonder why the Ohioans in FW didn’t show up or do anything for a hometown soldier returning alive after being given up for dead.

Wait, I know, because every trip anyone takes there is a funeral procession! *rimshot*
Calico
August 14th, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

#105 – Crap-it’s the original lyrics! Sorry.
“Closer to Fine” is such a cool song.

Another interesting set of lyrics like this is Tom Marshall’s “Chalkdust Torture” for Phish.
bats :[
August 14th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

103. Comcis Fan: holy moley! This is what happens when I let my subscription to the catalog lapse! This seals it, though — I will never again suppress my urge to snicker whenever I hear the phrase “horehound candy” again.
(Can you imagine Tobey Cameron getting her hands on this?)
(And I don’t know if your Freudian slip is showing, but I do like Vermount County Store. :)
Baka Gaijin
August 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: “Mattress tester?” Beer taste tester, chicken fried bacon tester, yes. Laz-E-Boy tester. If the chair can withstand a tucus like that, it’s ready for the world. Gas-X or Beano tester if his wife had any say in the matter.
walty
August 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

101. Sequitur
I’m pretty sure even the rate of decomposition is as painfully slowed down as everything else in Mary Worth.
Calico
August 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

For Mr. Batuik – introducing Tickle me Emo!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7IxliAPjAk
Sebastian
August 14th, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

Sally Forth is definitely thinking “Gosh, Mom is telling me how depressed and lonely she is. I think she’s hinting that she’d like to come live with me. … Time to ship the old bitch to a nursing home!”
Shoshi
August 14th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth – After Lawrence’s longing look toward the blonde in the previous strip, I get the impression that the “one love” he is singing about missing out on DOESN’T refer to Delilah.
Chibigodzilla
August 14th, 2009 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

Don’t let Dilton’s phrase “scientific ponderings” fool you he’s fantasizing about how he’s going to violate Archie with that racket when they get back to their love dungeon. He knows exactly what sport they’re playing and only brought the racket to the game to get Archie excited about what’s to come.
mvg
August 14th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

bats :[ (106)
“Batiuk’s characters aren’t attention whores, or celebrity-seeking, however unintentionally. Batiuk is.”

I’m not saying Wally would seek the attention; it’d be thrust on him whether he wanted it or not. And w/that in mind, there’s no way, as a public figure — however unwilling — that he’d be hung out to dry like this. Batty’s scrounging-for-Pulitzer-consideration claim that he’s illustrating the situation of the average returning vet is ludicrous. How many average returning vets have been captured twice by insurgents, declared dead (w/o DNA evidence, Batiuk, you asshat!) & then turned up alive after 10 friggin’ years?? Batty’s premise is a steaming pile of crapshaft.
Chip Whittle
August 14th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Annie: I didn’t know Slim from Gasoline Alley even had an equally incompetent brother, much less one who forgets about his transporter except when it can be used to fling a dinosaur into the story.

Uh-oh. The Dick Tracy plot takes a sudden turn as a second character this story gets a name. Now the villain might be any of two people.

And why is Jay Leno working as a female impersonator named “Barb Els”, anyway?

y-Gasoline Alley: By the way, don’t try retroactively fitting competence onto Slim by claiming he was able to foil crooks stupid enough to get a stolen car repainted a mile from the place the car was stolen from. The only crooks dopey enough to try that are the two the car was stolen from in the first place.

t-Gasoline Alley: Conan looks terrified. Are we positive Earl Lee Byrd was an invited guest or did he just show up and this was the easiest way to get him to leave?

I didn’t read Winnie the Pooh books as a child or since, so I must ask those who did: is this really the Bear of Little Brain’s voice?

Marvin: “Mommy flew here the moment she heard about your scary home invasion!! I know they moved in nearly a year ago but you can’t expect me to read Marvin more than once a year!”
Flying Manatee
August 14th, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Hi & Lois: Look at Chip’s face. His girlfriend just explained hand jobs to Dot and he’s afraid Dot’s going to inquire about fellatio.
Mr. Coffee Nerves
August 14th, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

109. Dr. Weird

I’m guessing EVERY car in Batiukland has a permanent little “Funeral Procession” flag on it. It just saves time.
Talking Squirrel
August 14th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

112 Baka Gaijin says: “Gas-X or Beano tester if his wife had any say in the matter.”

Oddly enough, this does seem to be Dyspepsia Day in the funnies, featuring both farting and blaming the dog.
Pig In A Box
August 14th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

I’ve been ignoring Cathy pretty consistently. It’s easy when the Portland Boregonian sticks it in the classified ad pages, along with Judge Parker. I actually went to look and see what all the fuss in Judge Parker was. (I suspect Sultan is not long for this world since he isn’t actually paid for yet.) Anyway, I also looked at Cathy and my first thought was “Irving, you can primp and fuss all you want, but the sad truth is you’re still drawn by Cathy Guisewhite.”
Katie
August 14th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

mollificent: Anthony Warlow is amazing.

As for Sondheim having the same effect, now I’m imagining the two of them making out to “A Little Priest.”
Donald The Anarchist
August 14th, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

MW I’d love this strip forever if Lawrence busted out with, “Wig in a Box.” Pretty sure that’s never gonna happen.

GT There is a strip in the later National Lampoons called “Step-Da-Da” that has scenes eerily similar to this. Subconscious memories? Weird coincidence? Either way, still funny.

Archie My goodness, smart people are certainly unaware of the social contexts the rest of us participate in, aren’t they? Comedy gold every time.
Josh
August 14th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

#99 Ironic Clean Game — Jeff K. of the Jumble actually posts comments here sometimes (as “LUJBEM FEJF”) and has been practically begging me to make fun of him, so I have just this week added the Jumble to my Chron page. IT’S ON KNUREK!

Josh
JP (not Judge Parker)
August 14th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

That A3G in the link to the MW honeymoon from a few years ago is pretty classic. I would love it if we more frequently saw the Margo that is easily dismissive of other people’s difficult situations. Also, more van-focused scripture, please.

Has Lu Ann’s sister appeared since that storyline? Surely she could have made Lu Ann’s visit to her family something worth caring about.

Feel better Niall!

I also nominate Joe Blevins @ 59 for COTW.
bats :[
August 14th, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

118. mvg: I absolutely agree with you and everyone here who has real experience with veterans’ issues. Particularly the pile of crapshaft part. :)
(insert “It’s called writing.” here)

I would so eat at a restaurant called “Pig in a Box”…
“Wig in a Box”? Not so much.
AtomicDog
August 14th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

Josh @ GT- Scott McCloud lookalike? He doesn’t look like Space Angel to me. For one thing, he has both his eyes.
Comcis Fan
August 14th, 2009 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Bats #111: LOL! That was a Freudian slip, didn’t notice it till you called attention to it!
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

128. bats :[
Will you settle for Pig and the Box? It’s a story.
Farley's Revenge
August 14th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

2Lumps: I glommed on to that comic not long after Grant and Hynes began offering it and fell in love with Ebenezer and Snooch. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays are days I get on the web, mainly to see what those two and their long-suffering “Mom” are up to this time.

“A good goddamned cat” is an excellent eulogy for a good goddamned cat of any kind.
Perky Bird
August 14th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Baldo: Yes, Cruz, your idea is absolutely ingenious…if you want the girls to think you’re gay. That “oh my God” hand-to-the-cheek expression of yours really completes the image.
mollificent
August 14th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

#124 Katie: LOL! Now THAT would make MW truly enjoyable. Wait…haven’t we talked about Mary Worth being Mrs. Lovett-esque before on CC?

What a bunch of theatre geeks we are. LOVE IT!!
trey le parc
August 14th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

MW: Hey, does anyone know where I can find a bi-polar repressed stripper wannabe like Delilah? Cause I got paid today.

JP: Abbey, every shrewd businesswoman-centerfold model would have negotiated that pitifully small selling price to include payment up front. And Sophie, shame on you for not presenting Godiva with a precociously charming liability waiver in advance of her ill-conceived gallop through the forest.
Farley's Revenge
August 14th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

#28Niall: Sending healing energy to you. We’ll be here when you’re ready to return.

I’m sure the Army does have regs for the FW situation. I’m feeling rather jaundiced towards the Army right now because a close family member who is an Army soldier and who was injured by an IED during his latest deployment called on Saturday and told us to fire up the letters to the Congresspeople again because once again, the Army is not providing him the care he needs to recover. This while he still serves as best he can and the Army expects him to serve as ably as a healthy soldier can. It is, to put it very mildly, infuriating to have to fight-again- for him to receive the very care he was promised.

I’m in an odd mood today. Perhaps there’s something in the air that’s causing me to feel such free-floating sadness. Perhaps I need to get grounded again. Perhaps I’m suffering from low blood sugar and simply need lunch. It’s hard to tell.
trey le parc
August 14th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

SF: There are only two interesting characters in this strip and now one of them appears to be inflicted with Batiuk-grade ennui. You’re on notice, Sal’s mom. Shape up or die. Oh, and Fay? Run. Run like hell.
Nomstrosity
August 14th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Ugh. And now Lawrence proceeds to fill Delilah up with babies, as God intended. Babies solve everything, you know. Poor communication with your spouse, an inability to balance work and home life, a tendency to run away from your problems and then come back and pretend they don’t exist… all of these can be magically solved by fat pink babies who looooove Rodgers and Hammerstein.
Asterion
August 14th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

I had a team of rouge CIA agents slip into the AJGLU building through a maintenance tunnel and add another cassette into the reels, introducing an M.C. Escher virus. Expect more of this in the weeks to come!
Nomstrosity
August 14th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

Also, the look of sheer panic on Lawrence’s face in panel 2 is priceless. Those five minutes of missionary with their eyes firmly focused past each other are going to be hell.
Baka Gaijin
August 14th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

#122 Talking Squirrel: I hadn’t noticed the subliminal fart suggestions in today’s comics. I just thought that giant man-dog looked chock full o’ flatus. And dooky. He also doesn’t look like the kind of dog who can control his bowels. That chicken-wife must have to carry a Hefty bag and fireplace tongs to “pick up” after him on their walks.
Talking Squirrel
August 14th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

Jumble: Speaking of which, here’s one I put together last October.

This one actually starts out already unscrambled, and yet somehow it still works — unlike me, as of this morning…
LUJBEM FEJF
August 14th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

#104 Jumper- That is a way outdated bio of Jeff K.
http://www.brainstorm-designs.com has better info. (still needs to be updated as well)

Josh- Oh It’s on alright! but…I wouldn’t say “begging”, that sounds so needy. Let’s say “challenging” you. Sounds more dignified.
True Fable
August 14th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

# 89 The Dark Cheetah – from your keys to the FAQ; it has been added because it’s a great idea.
anty a
August 14th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

#89, The Dark Cheetah: It warms my heart to hear that my alternate universe amused someone. Since my intent was to keep it light, I left out the part about those same concerned middle-aged women putting out “live traps” (5 comic books and one 44 oz Slurpee per trap) to catch the feral comic-book geeks as a part of a spay/neuter/release program to keep their population in check.

That would have been too much for your morning, I just know it. The good news is that the housebroken ones may be considered adoptable. Just ask Becky.
anty a
August 14th, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Whoa, cheetah-focus.
True Fable
August 14th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

I cracked up at the “middle aged women putting out bowls of Cheetos for feral geeks” comment, myself! That was gold!
Terryfic
August 14th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

#142 – an interesting crop of the Gasoline Alley comic in the photostream box. I thought she was finally giving Bird some action.
Uncle Balustrade
August 14th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

MW: I hope the hotel hasn’t decorated the room with any paintings like John Waterhouse’s “Echo and Narcissus”, or anything. Delilah will freak out all over again. Hell, even “September Morn” would probably do it.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

141. Baka Gaijin
Just wondering. Just how subliminal can a fart really be?
Older-than-dirt
August 14th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

Josh, your dimensional anomaly comment is valid only if you assume that the rise in the dune is parallel to the volleyball net. And you know what assuming does, right?
Baka Gaijin
August 14th, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

#159 Sequitur: Like this? Damn, it’s true, you can find more information on farts on the Internet!
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

152. Baka Gaijin
Oh yes. The ol’ SBDs. But they aren’t really subliminal. You can still smell them.
Dan
August 14th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

It sure is nice of Lawrence to sing a thematically appropriate song as he takes Delilah back to his hotel room, even though he has no idea that South Pacific is what brought Delilah home.

Learn a lesson here, fellas! A good husband pays attention to the conventions of fiction, and throws down some emotionally charged metaphors where appropriate.
Terryfic
August 14th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

All your fart questions answered
Professor Fate
August 14th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

FW: If memory serves right after Doonesbury won the Pulitzer for Political Cartooning in 1974 (I think it was then – he won it for his stuff about Nixon) they changed the rules so strip cartoons would no longer be considered for the prize so unless Batiuk is trying to win some kind of extra special prize he’s barking up the wrong tree. .
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

155. Teryfic
Whoa. A regular Fartipedia.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

SublimitalFart is now available for use as a nom de plume on this blog.
Sequitur
August 14th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

Dang, I spelled it wrong. It should be SubliminalFart.
Comcis Fan
August 14th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

Sorry that a couple of the ‘mudgeons are feeling down today. Hope you feel more chipper soon. I blame it on FW!
P
August 14th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth related news-

On August 2nd, some newspapers across the country switched to a generic daily comic page of Blondie, Beetle Bailey, Funky Winkerbean, Family Circus, Hi & Lois and 5 others.

On the list of those papers was the Williamson, West Virginia Daily News, a paper that carries everybody’s favorite do-gooder.

I’m not sure if they dropped Mary or moved her to the classifieds, but if she was dropped, that would mean NO NEWSPAPER in West Virginia or Kentucky carries MW.

(Remember, a lot of families don’t have access to internet down there as many suffer from poverty.)

I’m going down there next week and report if she is still in the paper. In the meantime, hope for the best.
RSR
August 14th, 2009 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

#136 Farley’s Revenge – I feel your pain. My husband tore his labrum in his hip last September and he’s been fighting to get it surgically repaired ever since. The standard of care received by our service men and women leaves much to be desired. DH is finally getting it repaired next week, eleven months later, after being told he needed to continue to maintain his physical fitness test scores despite the torn labrum.
Violet
August 14th, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

If this week has not been leading up to Crankshaft being stung to death by a swarm of angry, heroic bees to thunderous applause from the Ladies’ Garden Club, Batiuk is even more of a sadist than I had previously supposed.
Darrenh
August 14th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

Note the foreshadowing of the insertion of the key card into the slot in the door.
Slinkyfarm
August 14th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

Of course the kids want Coach Marty to ease up. He’s facing the backstop hitting line drives at them. How far away could they be? Believe me, even with a protective cup, a line drive off the jibblies from 27 feet away is going to hurt. A lot. And have you ever tried to say “Ow, I think I broke my trachea” with a broken trachea? No simple task.

If he’s anything like my last coach, those kids wearing shorts to practice are in for some sliding drills too. Jerk.
Bryan
August 14th, 2009 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

Good call, Gil. Let the vengeance-obsessed psychopath work with at-risk children. There’s no way this can go wrong.
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

138 Nomstrosity: Yes, and in three years, we’ll see Delilah with 3-year-old Larry Jr. and little baby Larita, swaddled in salmon, who no matter how much Del sings “Some Enchanted Evening,” will NOT stop crying, and Lawrence lets little LJ get away with everything because he “just wants him to comprehend the meaning of his actions”—that is, when Lawrence isn’t away on another one of his damned speaking tours, where he’s lauded by young people who want to talk about how wonderful he is, rather than whether the baby’s poop was runny or firm today, leaving Del at home with the kids and her additional three inches of post-baby belly muffining over the top of her yellow and black fishnet leggings and no chance in hell that anyone’s going to come leering after her now.

Yup—that’s the kind of happiness for which anyone would give up Scotch and porn.
mojo
August 14th, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Speaking of Lawrence singing appropriate songs: Oh, sure, today he’s is singing “This Nearly Was Mine”. I’ll bet tomorrow he’ll take his cue from Josh’s commentary and instead start singing (in a trembly sort of voice)….

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect…
I’m afraid!
Josh
August 14th, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

#156 Professor Fate — Actually, Berke Breathed and Jules Feiffer both won the Pulitzer after Trudeau, so I guess they’re still giving it out to strippers. It is explicitly for “editorial” cartooning, though, so I’m not sure if the Tragic Wally Story qualifies.

Josh
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

160 Comcis Fan: I second that. There seems to be a lot of mid-August malaise going around.
Niall
August 14th, 2009 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Brief thanks to everyone for the kind words. But I have never read WF, so it’s not the least bit responsible for anything. I’m taking full responsibility. (Seeing Norm and Ashley kiss, however, would definitely lift my spirits.. but I don’t expect that for another two weeks.)
Tracer Bullet
August 14th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

Re-FOOB: The misandry in this strip gets more blatant every friggin’ week. I’m not even a dude and I find it offensive. Lynn Johnston is retconning her entire marriage to make it seem like there wasn’t a single moment when her hubby wasn’t a dickhead. We get it, you’re bitter, move on and quit pretending that your married life was miserable from day one. Jeez.

Curtis: Are we going to get to see this “Michelle” at any point? Has she ever been shown in the strip? The way the kid talks about her, I’ve been imagining a fire-breathing harpy with four heads and an appetite for souls. If that’s the case, I kinda hope she devours Curtis, starting with the hat.

S-M: Who writes your dialogue, Spidey? Clearly English isn’t their first language.
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

171 Niall–Hope you’re doing okay; we’re all thinking of you.
Muffaroo
August 14th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Okay, first off thanks to Sheila Sternwell for the kind wishes. Last night was the worst night, and today is shaping up to be the best day, sunburn-wise. As you can imagine, willing those little cells to heal takes a lot of old Muffaroo’s time and psychic energy, but there was time for a quick dash through the week’s dailies. None, sadly, for checking how many other people had the same observations, so here they are, unfiltered and probably already said better by Lumpy and Dingo and lord knows who else. Sorry in advance. Tried to keep ‘em short, but…

PCity Mon – Awww.

FCircus Tue – “‘Mammy! It’s me, Mammy, your little Sonny Boy! Don’tcha know me, Mammy?’ What, not enough cork?”

S-Man Tue – Wolverine’s just messing with Ock, right? Because on Monday, he had one hand out and was gesturing with it, and today it’s back in.

HtHorrible Wed – And Close to Home on Monday. Ha ha! Mother-in-law jokes are so funny because they just are! Because they always have been! Hey, here’s a hot idea for you: Playing golf with a mother in law on a desert island! And a UFO shows up! And he want them to pay their income tax! Via Twitter! Ow, I can’t go on!

Ziggy Wed – Yeah, but is it “Hi Fi”? Does it have “Twitter”? How about a “GPS”? I hear they’re very funny nowadays.

C2Home Thu – OH YEAH. HERE’S THE SODDING DESERT ISLAND.

Odd, when Gary Larson uses them, you say “Wow. The guy just keeps finding new changes to ring on the venerable theme.” When it’s McPherson, you just say, “Ah, yes. Number 351.” Funny (or not) how that works.

FCircus Thu – “PJ’s growin’ again!”

Luann Fri – Something wrong with librarians looking good? Why do I feel like this should be taking place at a golf course on a desert island?

MTrail Fri – “After a rifle shot barely misses Mark, he knows he is trailing the right man[.]“ “Because nobody would ever be shooting at animals in the forest!”

R=R Fri – I think this strip has pretty much sunk beneath comment. I’m reminded of an ad for MTV’s comedy show, “The State,” that consisted of the actors standing around looking sad while negative reviews went by. It ended with “More miserable crap.” Yeah.

Tiger Fri – “What kind of bird laid that?” A roc, dummy!
MolyBendum
August 14th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

I went back and reread the last couple months of Funky W. That is some depressing schlock.
The entire timeline of this strip is so far out of whack it’s nauseating to try to catch up on. (Well, it’s nauseating, period.)

I’m curious to know where exactly they got his greens from, since he’d been presumed dead for however long. I know, after spending some time as a POW, there’s nothing I’d look forward to more than slipping into a restrictive, poorly tailored suit. And wearing it for days. Indeed.
True Fable
August 14th, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

#170 buckyswife – Late July and early August has always been particularly odious for me; it’s the time of year when I’ve lost the most family members. We’re like buffalo. There was once massive herds of Fables that roamed this great land, in search of fresh grazing lands and perfectly chilled wine. Now our numbers have dwindled and we are left to subsist on salmon squares and tepid tonic water.
True Fable
August 14th, 2009 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

#171 Niall – Stay strong, brother. You have the best wishes of everyone in Greater Metropolitan Roopville.
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

176 True Fable: Well, take heart: At least you’re not being cultivated on a ranch by Ted Turner for later use in his chain restaurants. =-)
commodorejohn
August 14th, 2009 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

#167 buckyswife – “Scotch and porn” is a phrase which I fully intend to begin working into any appropriate conversation.
Islamorada Girl
August 14th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

Re: Batiuk and a Pulitzer. Anyone can be nominated for a Pulitzer. Anyone.

But actually winning a Pulitzer- – - well, that’s a whole other story.
Your work is judged by a panel of editors and other professionals, the competition is very stiff indeed and frankly, I can’t see Batiuk making the first cut with his crappy, inaccurate and insulting storylines.
Jamus The Bartender
August 14th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Archie/Josh’s views re space and time: I wouldn’t sweat it, that sort of thing happened a lot in Grant Morrison’s Doom Patrol and Final Crisis, so I think Archie etc. can bounce back.
AeroSquid
August 14th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

BB: The ‘Soldiers’ at ‘Camp Swampy’ are given Good Behavior Chits instead of cash. They are NOT negotiable beyond the gate. Beetle is going to eat his burger in front of Killer, go to the bathroom, climb out a little window and have his friend take the rap.
Chibigodzilla
August 14th, 2009 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

#179 commodorejohn

“Scotch and porn”, like “hookers and blow,” is appropriate for any conversation.
Jamus The Bartender
August 14th, 2009 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

28. As ever, i’ll be thinking of you, Niall. Stay strong .
anty a
August 14th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

#176 True Fable: Massive herds of Fables roaming the land….this actually expands upon my Feral Geek theme, taking it into the realm of the Free Range Geek.

Would the whole lot of you panic and stampede at the sight of a Cathy comic strip?
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

185 anty a: I once had a student who, thanks to the wonders of blind spellchecking, wrote a whole essay referring to “Geek mythology.” But perhaps he was on to something….

(Of course, that comes in second to the girl who wrote a research essay on “female gentile mutilation.”)
Dagger
August 14th, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

Thrill to Archie’s new embrace of M.C. Escher! The AJGU-3000 will now just have the characters endlessly climbing up or down infinite staircases until they die of starvation.
Pendragon
August 14th, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

#61 – Mela — splendidly done. Wonderful debut and I think the CCC will love your Live Journal page as well.
Red Greenback
August 14th, 2009 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

MW: Maybe I’m getting my hopes up, but I think it’s going to be an awkward and interesting pool party this go-round. What the hell am I thinking? This is Mary Worth we’re talking about, so it will be awkward and uninteresting. By the way, I think a much better term for “The Pool Party” is “The Afterworth”.

Get well soon, Niall.
carbunicle
August 14th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

Josh may have won his own COTW: “It’s fitting that Lawrence is checked into room 2012, the year of the Mayan apocalypse … ” Awesome.
As for ugly Betty, she is suffering the effects of the AGLU’s space distortion weapon.
Poteet
August 14th, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

MW — Occasionally I’ve debated whether to go back and read the entire CC archives, in spite of having chores on my to-do list that date back to 1993. But Pope Josh’s link to that dreadful honeymoon scene has settled the question. I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough.
AeroSquid
August 14th, 2009 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

The comics on our fridge door:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2657/3822037924_e1d74253e4_o.jpg
bats :[
August 14th, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

164. Darrenh: evidently you weren’t the only one to notice that:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3821225493/sizes/o/
True Fable
August 14th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

#185 anty a – Massive herds of Fables roaming the land might well stampede at the sight of a Cathy comic out of pure blood lust at the destructive possibilities. The only thing that holds us back is the fact that Cathy has been bloodless and hollow a week after it began publication.

Thus is the way of the Free Range Geek. Some creatures smell fear; we smell Fail. :D
gleeb
August 14th, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

I’m in a rather bad mood just now.

Jump start: Dammit, I want some of these characters to die!

Candorville: You’re right. Whoever writes this is really sucking shit lately.

Brenda: “and…” Oh, for fuck’s sake, just tell us! This cheap-ass suspense really is pissing me off!

Baldo: Today may be the day Baldo reveals his feelings for Cruz.

Buckles: Eh, he’ll die eventually. Then peace will reign and this crappy strip will be over.

Dick: No, I think Tracy should wait until he has eyes before he reads the message.

‘bean: “You may want to slowly, painfully, shove this up your ass.”

Abbey Driver, horse trader!: We’ll guilt him into paying after the death.

Mutts: Damn Makos don’t know when they have it good!

Real life adventures: Finally realizing that manned spacecraft are stupid when we have such advanced robots.

Sally: Too bad I’ve already been led to hate that character already. I hope she dies soon.

Zippy: I agree. It’s bone-headed for old things to be valued higher because they’re in an obviously distressed state. I’m happy. Finally Griffy cheers someone up.
Poteet
August 14th, 2009 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

# 194 Sir Fable MTK — I was at the Iowa State Fair today, and I saw goats. Little goats, bigger goats, sleeping goats, noshing goats — it was great.

And I was one of the winners in my annual Fair obsession, the Weed Identification Contest. That was great too:-).
Aaron
August 14th, 2009 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

Batiuk: i felt a great disturbance in the Force. As if a million souls cried out in torment and were silenced at once. And I liked it, so I kept “writing.”
Farley's Revenge
August 14th, 2009 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

Tracer Bullet@#172: Yes, alas, we have seen Michelle. She is, as we are repeatedly reminded by the cartoonist, the light in Curtis’ eye. His raison d’etre. The object of his desire. His stalking target.

If you have yet to see her, count your blessings. Given what else has transpired in the strip this week, we very well may see Michelle parked on the pot while Curtis leers at her from the bathroom doorway.
buckyswife
August 14th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

193 bat :[ —Gah, that last panel….. Thank god Charlie has his feet up!
sugarpie
August 14th, 2009 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

Poteet, 194 Weed ID is harder, and more important, than one might think. (It nearly kicked my patoot in school.) Congratulations!

buckeyswife, 167 And Larry Jr. is still not potty trained, and when Del makes a desperate shopping excursion to Wally-World, little Larita is wearing only a saggy disposable diaper. Even the senior greeters at the door refuse to offer her a welcome and a shopping cart.

Also, I proudly acknowledge that scotch and porn has gotten me through more tough times than Rogers and Hammerstein. But I also have to admit the only R&H I’ve ever enjoyed was in a movie called “Welcome to Woop Woop.”
anty a
August 14th, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

#194 True Fable: You make me laugh, admirer of goats. BTW, lest there be any misunderstandings, I will state for the record that I am a geek myself, though I am a fully domesticated companion geek.
Poteet
August 14th, 2009 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

# 200 sugarpie — Thank you. It made my day. Fortunately, this year’s contest was low on pigweeds.

I thought you were kidding about “Welcome to Woop Woop” until I looked it up. Holy moly.
150
August 14th, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

I hope Mary Worth properly licensed all those lyrics. I would hate to see it pulled from newspapers for copyright infringement. (And by “hate”, I mean “laugh and laugh”.)
cocky
August 14th, 2009 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

Did DNA testing not exist in funkyworld when they found the remains of the soldier belived to be Wally.

This idiotic storyline is made even more idiotic as the only MIA from the first Gulf War is found and identified.
Farley's Revenge
August 14th, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

MW: Okay, I’ve remained silent too long on this topic but why is Del wearing headphones? Are they those sound-canceling headphones so she can drown out the sound of Lar’s singing?
Aviatrix
August 14th, 2009 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

Del is wearing headphones because all the young people these days wear them, and she is a prodigy, remember?
Crankshafs funky smelling corpse
August 14th, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

FW: I do not have words to describe my contempt for Batuik.

I hope his cancer comes back.
treedweller
August 14th, 2009 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

I don’t really read Gil Thorp anymore–frankly, I find it so boring I can barely read Josh’s comments on it most days–but this one intrigues me. When did Linus Van Pelt, Willis Jackson, Harry Potter, and that kid from Pokemon move into town?
Farley's Revenge
August 14th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

Aviatrix@#206: Oh, right. I keep forgetting her prodigy-ness.

Was it ever said in what area she’s a prodigy? Or was it said in a vague, sort of hushed whisper, with knowing nods and a couple “Bless her heart”-s thrown in for good measure? Sort of like “That Delilah, why, she’s quite the flighty little slut, isn’t she? She’s such a prodigy, bless her heart.”
Comrade Denny
August 14th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

DT: In this story arc so far, we’ve moved – cinematicaly – from Fritz Lang, to David Lynch, and now to the Marx Brothers. In a few days we’ll be in Three Stooges territory with a “Why I oughta!” and some head trauma, bringing us full circle.

FC: Awwww, he has bad grammar and doesn’t understand cause and effect. Cuu-uuu-uuute! I mean, kiii-iii-iiiil!

MW: Warning: Lawrence on Delilah action is prohibited in the European Union and forty-four of the United States.

GT: Today’s Gil Thorp with its PING! PING! PING! and random, open-mouthed children whose heads are exploding with alarm-lines reads less like Gil Thorp and more like Gill Corpse, the manganized Gil Thorp, but with 70% more exploding heads, %50 more tentacle rape, and 0.05% more mutant hands.

H&J: And with a window into his neurotic, patricentric mind, we now we finally see why Herb, or is that one Jamaal?, is single. (I know, I know, but those people, – bland, non-specific cartoon characters – all look the same to me. Is that racist?)

MT: I know we’re all making fun of how polite, nonlethal, and all-around not-hardcore this hit man is, but admit: Ff someone you were following for some strange reason took a shot at you and barely missed – on purpose or not – wouldn’t you be discouraged from following him? You would if you were – unlike Mark – a sane person.
Tafadhali
August 14th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

Now. I say this as someone who both loves musicals and singing at inappropriate times. When I got together with my ex, I was, in fact, hard pressed not to go around singing that I was “in love with a wonderful guy,” in public. I did not, however, do so in front of my ex, as (1) she is female and (2) she would have rightfully mocked me. That is because there is no universe in which anyone other than a Rodgers and Hammerstein character should AUDIBLY SING RODGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN IN FRONT OF THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, DURING AN EMOTIONAL MOMENT.
Amateur
August 15th, 2009 at 12:07 am [Reply]

#207 — Um, a little much, don’t you think?
dull_old_man
August 15th, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

139. Asterion

You wrote, “I had a team of rouge CIA agents slip into the AJGLU building ….”

Joe McCarthy was right; the darn Reds have infiltrated the entire government. Or were they wearing makeup? Was it a bad day for the coloring monkeys?
Judo Throw Toy
August 15th, 2009 at 12:22 am [Reply]

Archie welcomes M.C. Escher as its new cartoonist.
Toff
August 15th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

Archie looks kid-sized, somehow.
Mr. O'Malley
August 15th, 2009 at 12:59 am [Reply]

92. Chibigodzilla

What you need is  
Dr Pill
August 15th, 2009 at 1:09 am [Reply]

#85, Thomas: You noticed, too, that Josh’s Gil Thorpe link took us to page where he discussed an Archie cartoon just below (same as today’s page) with Dilton (same as today’s page) reveling in his geekness (same as etc. etc.). Talk about a warp in the space-time fabric (not to mention the newsprint web).
#89, The Dark Cheetah: Glad to have aided in bringing sunshine to your morning.
#61, Mela: Welcome, and good posting. You have succinctly explained what is so wrong with the FW Wally story.
Niall: Takes care, here’s hoping for the best.
ms. docweasel
August 15th, 2009 at 1:33 am [Reply]

God, the horrified look on that guy’s face when the crazy lady tells him he’s saddled with her for life.

Murder-suicide may be the only way out. If Mary Worth, listening at the door, takes a stray bullet to the fore-brain, the carnage will all be “worth” it.
Farley's Revenge
August 15th, 2009 at 1:42 am [Reply]

Saturday’s MW: Sweet Jebus! Del grabbed Larry and is planting what seems to be a liplock on his MOUTH! Larry seems quite startled by this forthrightness! And they’re standing next to a bed! OMG! Is action going to take place now?

By action, I mean more talking, more singing, and then thirty seconds later lying in bed with the bedspread discreetly pulled to their chins to hide the fact they’re both still dressed. Meanwhile, Charley is seeing three times more action than Del and Mary’s still reading that damned note.
Al Beirne
August 15th, 2009 at 2:05 am [Reply]

Clearly Archie himself is the source of the dimensional anomaly. The solution? I’m gonna say fire.
Just some guy
August 15th, 2009 at 3:27 am [Reply]

I believe you just proved that Moose was behind the fake moon landing conspiracy.
Mr. O'Malley
August 15th, 2009 at 4:09 am [Reply]

Pluggers (yesterday): I’m surprised that no one pointed out that the “mattress tester” joke came from L’il Abner. (today) Pluggers’ pets look the same as their grandchildren.

MW: Yesterday’s Archie looks positively Euclidean compared to the horror of the first panel here, which combines the perspective of Cubism with a color scheme that would give nightmares to Peter Max. It’s like an entire hotel room decorated in clown barf.

MT: I decided a while back that this strip is never going to show the kind of consistent narrative structure you would expect in, say, Popeye, so now I enjoy it more as a collection of unconnected panels based on a related theme, like you might find at an elementary school art show. Panel 1: Mark must have been shot after all, he seems to be leaking lubricating oil. Panel 2: The action briefly moves to the African interior. “Those drums! Throbbing in my brain! They have me walking in circles! And through the rain, that lake seems to be tilted as though it were in Mary Worth!” Panel 3: “Just follow the road that goes up by the burnt-out car!” Now I can’t remember why this numbskull burnt his car in the first place.

JP: The flash will startle the horse and it will throw her, even though those cameras don’t have flash units and it’s broad daylight anyway.

FC: How is it the inside of their tent remains dry while they seem to be surrounded by flood water?
'Becca
August 15th, 2009 at 4:13 am [Reply]

I read “perpetrate” as “penetrate.” And then my brain went, “Hey there, Delilah!”
Mr. O'Malley
August 15th, 2009 at 4:33 am [Reply]

FW: It’s come to me in a flash that we’ve all been wrong about Batiuk, and that he really is a master story-teller after all.

As those who are familiar with military matters have pointed out (or as is obvious to anyone with common sense really), Wally can’t have been in the army at all. He faked the whole thing and has been living in a basement apartment in Parma the whole time. No wonder the army isn’t treating him or paying him. Perhaps he was inspired by that newspaper headline about the missing soldier to impersonate him.

But somehow Becky saw through his plot, which is why she just tossed the flag from his phony funeral into the rag drawer. Some vital clue, some error in Wally’s master plan, betrayed him. I hope this will be revealed in the future. Perhaps his scornful dismissal, trombone in hand, is a masterly foreshadowing of the revelation to come.

The other soldier who scammed the TV reporter must be in on it too. I suspect that Wally is smuggling antiquities looted from the Baghdad Museum during his first tour. Perhaps the real contents of that grave is something like this? Or maybe some kind of Bronze Age trombone?
Baka Gaijin
August 15th, 2009 at 4:45 am [Reply]

Saturday’s Strips:

Sherman’s Lagoon: Ya think we could regift that necklace to Cathy? Sucked into a space wormhole after choking on a devilled egg sounds just her speed. That could work for Elly, too.

Mary Worth: EEEK! A giant salmon square has invaded the far end of the couch. What caused it to grow to such gargantuan size? Is it good or evil? Can it be stopped?

Mary Worth, part 2: Diverging Parallels Hotel? I don’t understand. In the first panel, the lamp is on an end table next to the bed, and an itchy Herculon Danish Modern couch from 1952 next to that. OK, a little odd but OK. Panel 2, the lamp is still visible, the end of the couch is 20 feet away, and there’s a freaking kitchen table with flowers next to the window, conveniently located in the next county.

Pluggers: “Pluggers know a hug makes the perfect gift…they cost nothing and can be used to wipe the dripped ice cream and drool from the fronts of their shirts.”

Get Fuzzy: Now that’s funny.

My Cage: That’s even funnier.

Cathy: Yeah, Cath, we know how superior your way of dealing with problems is. Throw up your hands and “AAAACK!” at it, then go home and suck down a gallon of Chunky Monkey.

Sally Forth: Wow, is Ted is really manning up. His wrists even look sturdier.

Marvin: Hey lady. If I liked you I’d tell you to shut your mouth. To that poopmonster, your piehole looks just like a Diaper Genie. I know what your first wish will be!

Red and Rover: No, Rover, 6 jokes ago.

Beetle Bailey: I can’t wait to see what the rest of Curmudgeondom does with this.

Apartment 3-G: Wait, what? Weren’t we just in India or China? We were at a press conference, Margo just about to cause a major international incident involving a Dalai, a dolly, and lots of shoving, then boom! Back in New York. I just got the bends or jetlag from that trip.
Aviatrix
August 15th, 2009 at 5:19 am [Reply]

Mr. O’Malley, you may have it! I was working on the theory that the army didn’t know where he was, so that he hadn’t really been demobbed, but rather just went AWOL and finally found his way home.
Doug Puthoff
August 15th, 2009 at 5:46 am [Reply]

8-15 Alt-FC caption: If you think this rain is gonna keep Charles Manson away, you’re full of it.”
Doug Puthoff
August 15th, 2009 at 6:08 am [Reply]

8-15 GT: “How’d you blow $60,000?” Ted, you’ve just answered your own question.”
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
August 15th, 2009 at 7:26 am [Reply]

MT: I can’t decide who is the bigger idiot. Mark, for walking up to and talking to a guy who just shot at him with a rifle, or that numskull in the orange jacket, who doesn’t realize that if trucks drove in to the woods to dump cans of waste, there has to be a road up there that leads in and out of the forest, or Andy, who has spent years following Mark around. For a few dog biscuits.
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 7:33 am [Reply]

#194 O Poteet, my queen! – GOAT! Goat sighting! I look forward to our local county fair, where I hope to see many goats! Alas, the weed judging contest will already have been held and the groundskeepers have already done their traditional victory dance.

#201 anty a – HA! I like your style. :)
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 7:46 am [Reply]

BB: Let’see: Golf…check. Booze…check. Gambling….check. My secret collection of pickled lips and eyeballs that I’ve gathered over the years from various assignments….secure under the garden shed
mordock999
August 15th, 2009 at 7:50 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann 08/15/09

So, Quill wants Luann to ‘HELP’ him ‘STUDY’ an American Library, eh?

And Our gushing Heroine is BUYING this Bullshit?

Whats NEXT, Quill?

You want Luann to help you study how American grass grows BEHIND the bleachers at the local football field???

_______________________

DEATH to TJ!
dreadedcandiru2
August 15th, 2009 at 7:50 am [Reply]

Batiuk Totalfailurebean: For those of you who aren’t up to speed on the Canadian music scene, there’s an annoying, sanctimonious jerk named Bruce Cockburn running around trying to win the most irritating folkie blowhard of all time. One of his lyrics echoes through my mind whenever I read the oeuvre of the Mayor of Miseryville: “The trouble with ‘normal’ is that it always gets worse.” How things are going to get worse is that ~~Lucius Heinous the Seventh~~Batiuk no doubt plans releasing his absurd, outrageous, poorly-researched, disrespectful and essentially defeatist load of bullshit as a graphic novel targeted to the relatives of POWs and MIAs; after all, he thought that cancer survivors would want to see Lisa will herself to death out of sheer imbecile vanity.
Flummoxicated
August 15th, 2009 at 8:04 am [Reply]

Saturday MW: I keep waiting for this scene to do one of those soft romantic fade to black moves like movies in the 1940s. Alas, it hasn’t happened.
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 8:09 am [Reply]

It’s called writing Funky Winkerbean Really, Becky? You’re going to walk away from the man who’s been pinning his hopes for the last 11years on getting back to you, something that has kept him going and your face is the only one he recognizes now and he needs your help and support, and who YOU were waiting on for a decade, all because the man you married after you finally gave up waiting for husband #1, will feel blue? Yeah it wouldn’t be easy on him. but doesn’t he understand the dynamic that he’s husband number two only because you thought husband number one was DEAD?

Don’t any of the people from this town think to ask questions and do their own fucking research? Didn’t they learn ANYTHING from Lisa’s fuckover by the hospital? Why didn’t Becky demand to know why the DOD apparently did not run DNA tests on the remains? She’s supposed to be a fairly intelligent and competent human being; didn’t she use reason and logic to get through college? DAMN IT BATUIK YOU LOUSY HACK!

It’s NOT called writing, it’s called making up some shit just because it pleases you and to hell with facts, it’s called stroking your own ego to make your comics avatar the winner in a bizarre kind of depressing sad sack pissing contest. It’s called inferred dick measurement and okay I will give you that because YOU, Tom Batuik, are undoubtedly the Biggest Dick in the world to me right now, and NO, that’s not a compliment; you ARE, not that you HAVE.

I don’t expect you to ‘get it’, Tom, because I don’t think you understand humor anymore. Your idea of funny is limited to stupid smirks and the hollow stare of the hopeless as they are kicked in the teeth by the senseless machinations of their heartless god. Fuck you Tom Batiuk, and the horse you shot after you rode in on him.
/rant
nerowolfgal
August 15th, 2009 at 8:10 am [Reply]

Hey True Fable, have you seen this site? Now I want a goat,now I want a goat, now I want a goat to go walkies with!

http://www.northwestpackgoats.com/whats_a_packgoat.htm
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 8:17 am [Reply]

#236 nerowolfgal – GOAT! Goat pack! Thank you darlin’, you don’t know how much I needed to see that right now.
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 8:20 am [Reply]

Scenes from Suburban Hell She’s finally done it: Lois has finally nagged the hair right off of Hi’s face from one panel to the next.
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Beautiful People Doing Stuff aka Sam Driver Chick Magnet & Friends outcomes!:
1. The furious clicking of the cameras which means:
a. Godiva will be thrown off and be injured
b. Godiva will stay on but provide the paparazzi with front page pix
c. Godiva will have Sultan run over the photographers, and then hire Sam to free her of all charges
2. Tomorrow we will see Neddy boarding the plane for home as if nothing happened on the ride.
3. Steve Shannon and Gloria will be doing some riding of their own, back on the desks at the office. Yeehaw! Save a horse, ride a cowboy!
4. Cedric will show up in DC comic’s newest offering: Cedric Hart, Butler at Large! Taking his asskicking to the mean streets of Paris!

Jumble Hey, no fair. There’s not enough spaces for “ESPN highlight reel”

American Slut Same old Luann, whoring for admiration. Tomorrow: Tiffany will be humiliated somehow and Gunther will be all hangdog and blue, and hoping Batiuk will start writing the strip so he will become the Magical Geek and get the girl after Quill disappears into the Outback for ten years.

Fist O Justice Theater HEY MISTER! I’m going to stand up in full view of your rifle scope and make a barter with you knowing you aren’t going to shoot me, because I’m the Juggernaut Mark Trail, bitch! My sheer awesomeness makes bullets hit all around me and giant animals do my bidding!

Marmadick Oh my word. Marm has eaten Bobby Flay.

Meddle House Geez, these two will NEVER talk out their problems! It’s all about the makeup sex; it has to be.
Williamo
August 15th, 2009 at 8:42 am [Reply]

As much as Delilah and Lawrence’s apparent sex explosion isn’t something I really want to see on the funnies page… I do take comfort in the fact that it isn’t Mary coupling with some poor unsuspecting soul (which would be terrible in soooo many ways) and then afterward ripping his head off and eating it praying mantis-style. Ok… well, the praying mantis part might be really cool…
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 8:53 am [Reply]

235 True Fable: As a military veteran (click on my profile), I completely agree. I’ve tried to hold back on comments regarding this debacle. I would like to think that Batuik’s heart was in the right place, but now I think it’s where his anus is. He assumes that nothing has changed since WWII. Even Gary Trudeau (as much as I disagree with politically) does meticulous research about what our Wounded Warriors go through (some of it not so nice, but true). Batuik wants the Soap Opera shock value at the expense of our returning vets.

I could ramble on about post-deployment heartbreak and divorce but I don’t consider that appropriate in this venue.
curlyfries
August 15th, 2009 at 8:56 am [Reply]

#236/237 Hey, I got your goat right here! (”Got your goat”, get it? OK, never mind…) I love these little guys because they get the vapors in a big way. Mark Trail’s Man In Orange loves them because they’re the only thing he’s ever been able to draw a bead on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9_CdNPuJg
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 9:05 am [Reply]

#242 curlyfries – GOAT! Fainting Goat! I never tire of seeing them. I call them Bowling Goats. :) thanks!
buckyswife
August 15th, 2009 at 9:19 am [Reply]

MT: Does Mark think that forthright jocularity is literally “disarming”?

And The Man Who Shot Joey Williams has a little too much confidence in his ability to scare people off by, you know, ~~missing~~ missing.

FC: It’s ironic that a beloved family comic, known for its cutesy-pie malapropisms and droll depictions of family life, excels most at portraying the dead-eyed despair that can only proceed insanity and, later, bloodshed.

Even the freakin’ dogs look hopeless. Gawd, I will never get out of this fuckin’ tent…. Shut the hell up, melonhead, or I’ll piss in your sleeping bag…. (And those are just Thel’s thoughts.)

MW: Note the intricately rendered color symbolism today. All the greatest-hits colors of the Worthyverse have come together in, uh, “harmony” to represent the glorious conjoining of two like souls. Or: the horrific clashing palette of today’s strip represents the way that Del and Larry have no business being together and are on the road to a lifelong hell of ugly disunity.

I am impressed that Larry can keep on talking while lip-locking with Del. That ability to throw his voice is what makes him so popular on the lecture circuit.

SM: “Skunk,” huh? Pretty harsh, Spidey. What’s next—”Stupid poopy pants”?

A3G: If it’s so late, why does Gabriella look ready to go out? Oh wait—she’s ethnic, and so must always wear her ethnic-y hoop earrings to identify her as such.
willethompson
August 15th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

(WT)DT: We need to name the neutral-emotioned harlequin in Dick Tracy. Traditional clown names (Bingles, Bozo, Honky, etc.) just don’t cut it. He needs a name that says ‘bland, possibly harmful.’ After careful consideration, I’ve rejected Whitebread, Chancre, Ecru and Blando for ‘Spreadsheet,’ tho’ I’m holding ‘Powerpoint’ in reserve.
MolyBendum
August 15th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

8/15
FBoW: “I hate camping, mom. There’s nothing to do”
“C’mere you lazy, stalk-peeling ingrate. You can clean this filthy campsite, cook this shitty food, and carry this water for no apparent reason. Better yet, get on all fours and be my goddamn footrest while I eat bon bons and contemplate the drudgery that’s been forced on me in this thankless marriage by your pig of a father.”

BC: Really? There’s 10 people on the face of the earth and he can’t figure out the whore is?

Baldo: The training of a good sweatshop worker. Nice.

Cville: I’m not sure what’s “worse”. The idiotic vampiress “storyline”. The dog that “eats” the chick with the “big” ass. Or the periodic interruptions in the “lives” of these people for unfunny “non sequiturs” and “political” commentary.
curlyfries
August 15th, 2009 at 9:23 am [Reply]

#243 True Fable: goats – or ambulatory four-legged tippy tables? You decide!

Maaaa…*clunk!*
willethompson
August 15th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

(WT)DT pt.2: “We’ll open it now! The DNA I need will stay put!” which translates as, “We will unzip my pants, but because of my expertise in tantric sex, my semen shall remain unspilled!”
gleeb
August 15th, 2009 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Candorville: What, exactly, does Twitter add to this that would be lost if he were making this remark to a person sitting next to him?

A3-G: Now Martin Magee has succumbed to face-blindness!

‘bean: Forget the DNA stuff. Forget the Army just dumping him in town without pay or counseling. Forget that a soldier twice captured would be a significant news story. Here’s the most unbelievable part: wanting to stay with dumpy Comic-Book John.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

247: curlyfries: Quick ! Before my buzz ends ! I want a fenced in back yard and 50 fainting goats and a border collie! I’ll charge the ‘hood a sawbuck apiece to watch AeroSquid’s Amazing Fainting Goats ! Oh….wait….my buzz is gone…..never mind. What was I thinking ? Too late. Her comes the goat delivery truck. Damn.
Hank
August 15th, 2009 at 9:51 am [Reply]

Pluggers are cheap and only show affection on birthdays and certain holidays.
curlyfries
August 15th, 2009 at 9:56 am [Reply]

#250 Aerosquid, just think of the sideline you’ll have in selling the “raisins” those goats will pop out when they faint! Hell, that’ll easily pay for any stray lawsuits, collie kibble and a decent non-orange-wearing hitman to take out Tom Batiuk. That’s known as a win/win situation, my friend.
Hank
August 15th, 2009 at 9:57 am [Reply]

RE: MolyBendum, August 15th, 2009 at 9:22 am, Candoville: What? That vampire storyline isn’t over yet? That drove me off this strip months ago for being interminable. Geez, Bell makes Judge Parker look like a fast moving gag a day strip.
Hank
August 15th, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

RE: Six Chix: I’m not suprised to find out she’s an ex-hippie. Lack of proper foundation wear over the past 40 years is the only thing that could explain those boobs.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

252 curlyfries: My God ! Your’e a genius. I had this idea about a Chinchilla/Suger Glider/cat Thunderdome thing, but I have a feeling that there is some Michael Vick inspired law that prevents it.
TheDiva
August 15th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

Get well soon, Niall!

C’shaft: Ha ha, that Internet!

Curtis: I can’t recall if it’s ever been brought up here or not, but: why the Hell does Barry’s teddy dress like an early 90s rap star?

FW: Not that it would come up all that much in any plausible reality, but wouldn’t there be some sort of legal considerations here? Either a) Becky’s marriage to John is null because her first marriage was never officially dissolved or b) Wally’s “death” effectively ended their marriage, and her marriage with John is perfectly valid. I don’t think she can just say “I’d rather stay with this guy, kthnxbye” and make that the end of the matter. I’d also think Becky’s reaction would be a lot more conflicted than “Oh hi, glad you’re not dead, I’ve moved on, come see the kids sometime okay?”–especially in the Deus Angst Machina universe of Funkytown. But hey, I’m not the “writer” here.

GT: “Booze and hookers, why?”

Luann: So, when Luann flirts with a guy, it’s endearing; when Tiffany does it, she’s a skank. Okay then.

MW: Lawrence is staying at the luxurious Mystery Spot Hotel, in the Baskin-Robbins suite.

Pluggers can’t afford to give material gifts, so they try to compensate by making up glurgy sentiments about the things we give for free.
anonymous
August 15th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

Pluggers: Pluggers give hugs as gifts because one-size-fits-all and they’re returnable! No, because they’re CHEAP. I’d rather get a $20 Walmart gift card, thanks, Pluggers. Hugging you would make me queasy, you’d smell like B.O. (from all your hard work pluggin’ along in life), burritos from Taco Bell, and bad breath and intestinal gas because you didn’t take your Nexium and Bean-o for all your many ailments today.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

Curtis: That Kid ‘n Play House Party Bear is really starting to get on my nerves. He needs to trade it for a Kanye West bear. Hmmmmm. Mebbe not.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

Curtis (Again): I bet Barry has the complete set of ‘How Stella got her Groove Back’ action figures from his first Happy Meal.
Talking Squirrel
August 15th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

254 Hank says: ” RE: Six Chix: I’m not suprised to find out she’s an ex-hippie.”

Humph. On this 40th-anniversary-of-Woodstock weekend, allow me to insist that there is no such thing as an ex-hippie.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Luann: How is she going to to respond when Quill says something like: “Hey ! Wanna Bush Tucker and a Swan Lager, Sheila ? Yeah. That’s not a condom. THIS is a condom. Chooburrie. Kookaburra.”
Hank
August 15th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

dreadedcandiru2, August 15th, 2009 at 7:50 am: I like Bruce Cockburn’s music. How is he any more annoying and sancitmonious than any other folkie (or, for that matter, rocker guys like Springsteen when they stop singing and start talking)?
Hank
August 15th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

RE: # Talking Squirrel, August 15th, 2009 at 10:20 am

Humph. On this 40th-anniversary-of-Woodstock weekend, allow me to insist that there is no such thing as an ex-hippie.

While it’s true that many of those parasites haven’t outgrown it, quite a number of people in the Woodstock generation got haircuts, started wearing normal clothes and stopped call people “man” and “dude” a long time ago.
anty a
August 15th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

I have started, then abandoned, several comments regarding FW, and I finally decided that I’m not going to let Batiuk make me sick like he did with Lisa. So instead, I’m going to ask True Fable, hey, have you seen Morocco’s Climbing Goats? Scroll down:
http://www.oddee.com/item_91568.aspx
If you have, because surely someone’s pointed this out to you already, my apologies.

I love goats, too, especially when they pronk.
Vince M
August 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

245: I’m going with Sherman the Clown.
Old School Allie Cat
August 15th, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

So, I had my tonsils out yesterday and I’m on a lot of really fine medication. That said, there aren’t chemicals enough to make Funky Wallysdead funny.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

Let us purge ourselves with this happy video of a baby elephant playing w/blue ball.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uvUwmYqnX8&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Flittlegreenfootballs%2Ecom%2Fweblog%2F&feature=player_embedded#t=19
curlyfries
August 15th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

I want to breed fainting goats to Moroccan climbing goats and then charge people $40 to see them fall out of trees. Aerosquid, there’s a new goat in town!

God, I’m sick. Wait…does this mean I’ll actually start enjoying Funky Winkerdeath? Noooooo….
queek
August 15th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

239: that comment got me to look at Marmaduke for the first time in months. . . .(goes well with today’s Blondie, as well, which was surprisingly fresh, funny and clever. I’m looking for Horsemen and flying pigs as I type.)

256 re Luann: Tiffany puts out.

264: pronk is such a wonderful word. Right up there with “dooking” as the ferrets do.

RMMD: man, that guy looks like Wilson from his interview clip awhile back.

RwO: *groan*

6C: awwwwwwwwwww.

Tank: those are some mighty purty posters. . . .
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 10:55 am [Reply]

268 curlyfries: I live in Illinois. That means I will be taxed 30% on fainting /falling/climbing/flying goats. It’s in the Illinois Tax Code.
curlyfries
August 15th, 2009 at 11:17 am [Reply]

#270: Aerosquid, sounds like they’ve got your goat in more ways than one. I suggest you send 30% of the goat poop to your state representatives – hey, they should get the full share of everything they’re entitled to, right? See the amazing fainting elected officials!

Since Wally now has a trombone, does this mean Becky’s made him horny? Please tell me I’m not the first one to figure this one out.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

Maybe Wally & Becky can start their own band. Wally can blow the mouthpiece while Becky pulls on the trombone slidy thingy. Waaaaaaa-waaaaa-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Will
August 15th, 2009 at 11:25 am [Reply]

225, Baka Gaijin (love the name, BTW): Sure Margo got back faster than the speed of light, but rest assured, Lu Ann will probably take about two weeks to fly back from South Dakota.

GT: Hey, Ted, spoken like somebody who wants to be beaten to death by a man wielding 7 aluminum baseball bats.
Garfield: Uh, I thought Jon could read Garfield’s thought bubbles all this time. Now I’m confused, and the fact that Garfield is confusing me is particularly worrying.
Crankshaft: This storyline is making me miss the laff-a-minute drooling vegetable storyline of a couple weeks ago.
8th Man Fan
August 15th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Have the comic strips started reading each other?

BB: Does the General have Sylvia on his mind?

Crock: Inspired by today’s Pluggers?

FC: See what happens when you read FW?

DtM: Henry’s been reading Mary Worth, for sure.
curlyfries
August 15th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

#272 Aerosquid, it’s called a trom”boner”.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Wally looks SO much better now. Thanks Batiuk ! You really know human nature !

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2535/3823578760_58d90ffd06_o.jpg
Chert the Chort
August 15th, 2009 at 11:35 am [Reply]

Saturday, 15 August –

Dear Mr. McEldowney,

Thank you for two consecutive days of Edda’s ass.

Sincerely,

Chert the Chort
Calico
August 15th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

#233 – I used to hear Bruce of The North on the radio quite a bit, and have an old cassette, I think it’s “Stealing Fire” or something like that.
Sanctimonious usually, but he did write the lyrics
“If I had a rocket launcher, some son of a bitch would die.”
Not bad for an old hippie…

Re: FW, this whole Wally story is so ham-handed it just is making me sad.
Go troops!
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

275. curlyfries: thanks for that vision that I did NOT visualize ! My God ! There are LAWS against stuff like that in public….on Veterans Day…..
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

#264 anty a – GOAT! Goats up a tree! Yes, I’ve seen that before but not the site; it’s so interesting I Stumbled it. Thanks!

I’m telling y’all, goats are the future!
dreadedcandiru2
August 15th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

Sunday Foob Advisory: In tomorrow’s strip, Mike tells Lizzie to bug off because she cramps his and Lawrence’s style. Elly, not knowing that Lawrence will end up outing himself, consoles her by saying that they may not be interested in female company now but their day will come. This, my friends, is called pumping irony.
Poteet
August 15th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

FW — I deeply thank the astute Mudges who have pointed out the many reasons why this story is far, far stupider than I had realized, and I already thought it was brainless. Is there some kind of Golden Raspberry Award in the comics business? This seems like a contender.

# 229 Little A — Very well put. At this point I’d give the dumb-dumb award to Orange Jacket, but you’re right about it being a close call.
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

Here’s a nice site that Batiuk needs to put in his bookmarks. I’m sure Trudeau has seen it:

http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

#282 O Poteet my queen, I promise you that the Bee Grinding Awards will not be kind to Mr. Batuik. He will certainly be up for an award for the needlessly cruel. Unfortunately Dick Tracy is a perennial candidate too. TommyBoy has also been nominated for a Special Award to be named later.
GotFuzzy
August 15th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

Chert @ 277, I do believe the Brooke has given up all pretense and is now going to concentrate on Edda’s lovingly drawn ass. If he stops writing ridiculously twee dialog and tosses the occasional Solange strip to us, I will cease to harsh on him.
Calico
August 15th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

#239 – This is going down the Madonna path, I think.
The idiots with cameras will startle Sultan and Godiva, she’ll fall and break a fingernail, and the Drivers and TMZ will be sued. Or something something something.
Calico
August 15th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

#192 – Oh my soul.
Fantastic montage!
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Garfield minus Garfield plus Opus:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2423/3823713646_579a338669_o.jpg
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

287 Calico: Thanx !
Calico
August 15th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

#160 – August is a strange month.
It’s filled with fun and sun (well, usually), but there is a hint, a slight whisper, of discomfort and “blueness” that comes with it. I don’t know why…
A good way to feel this contradiction is to listen to Counting Crows’ “August and Everything After.”

Then, a good way to feel better is to listen to some Bob Marley. Always works for me! : )

For y’all feeling down or ill, my best wishes are with you. Feel better soon!
anty a
August 15th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

#267, AeroSquid:
Hey, I live there! Not at the zoo itself, of course. I guess I could go see that baby elephant live. The zoo here also has something of equal importance: goats in the petting area. Big goats, little goats, but none, alas, falling out of trees. Still, one can touch them, feed them, and look at their funky, funky eyes.

I think every time I write a paragraph like that you can assume that it’s in place of what I would love to say about FW. It’s like code. Every innocent remark about animals might be, when decoded, a foul invective hurled Batiuk’s way.

This is like when I decided to use code on the road. Instead of swearing like a sailor, I now refer to certain other drivers, when remarking on their technique, as “Snuggles.” Eg., “There goes Snuggles, changing his mind and almost causing a pileup on the highway by careening off the exit ramp at the last possible second! Thanks, Snuggles!”

Batiuk: You, sir, are a Snuggles.
commodorejohn
August 15th, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

A3G – Say, Martin, I think she might be a little leerier about letting you near her lady-parts after that whole “got her pregnant and then took her child away” deal. You just might not want to get your hopes up, is all.

Curtis – I hate to admit it, but I’m rather befuddled by today’s Curtis. It doesn’t seem like it’s meant to be all that vitriolic against them durn computer thingies, but it’s either that or that…thing in the final panel is meant to be a punchline of some sort? I dunno.

FC – Oh God, I laughed at today’s Family Circus. Is this a re-captioning? Because I didn’t think frivolous lawsuits were a popular humor topic back when this series originally ran…

FW – “But of course we’ll have to agonize about the ramifications of this for at least another six months, or until Batiuk gets some newspaper articles written about his latest Serious Business.”

GT – What is this, Asshole Therapy?

HOTC – Holy crap, Mrs. Angelini is built like Jabba the Hutt.

JP – …uh, when did Alley Oop become an ’80s skate-punk paparazzi?

Luann – Could you possibly get any more generic than panel one of today’s Luann? I swear that is just a piece of clip art Evans pasted in from The Print Shop.

MT – I honestly kind of think this is funnier than the punching.

MW – …is Lawrence wearing lipstick? Sure looks like it. And I know that’s just supposed to be a cheek line, but it looks like a dimple…is he actually a woman? Wouldn’t that just throw Mary for a loop or twelve.

RMMD – Yeahhhh, he’s the culprit. I don’t know what he’s the culprit of, but he’s clearly guilty. Just look at him.

SF – So do we, Hil. So do we.

SM – …no. Just no.
Calico
August 15th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

#155 – Fascinating, Captain!

We rescued a little grey tabby from a median on a busy highway in freezing conditions in Jan. of this year-he had so many medical problems (all resolved), and while he was healing he would climb on my computer desk, become all excited over any applets showing on the screens and the tactile feel of my keyboards, and would fart right in my face.
My God, he smelled!
I nicknamed him “Stinky” and “Fart Cat” until my Mom yelled at me over the phone to Stop That Right Now.
Kitty only farts occasionally now.
anty a
August 15th, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

FW: I will say this much about today’s FW. Buffy the Vampire Slayer did it better. Willow and Oz had been soulmates and he left. Willow and Tara then were in a relationship. Oz came back. After Willow spent some time with Oz, she returned to the apartment she shared with Tara, and Tara, having obviously given it a lot of thought, haltingly told Willow that she (Willow) needed to do what was right for her (in terms of choosing between Oz and Tara) and that she wanted Willow be happy no matter what. Now THAT took guts and a determination to take the high road.
cheech wizard
August 15th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

Archie _ “If only they’d find a way to prevent boyfriend runoff.” They have, Veronica – it’s called fellatio. But then, why do you think he always pays so much attention to Betty?

A3G – “When I think of home, Gabriella, I think of you – dusting, vacuuming and doing the laundry. Now get me a drink, will you?”
anty a
August 15th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

#293, Calico: That’s interesting. I rescued a stray last month and she’s got some serious gas, gas to make a college boy blush.
Sequitur
August 15th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

8-15-09
I laughed at Ziggy today.
Sorry. I’ll not to let that happen again.
Calico
August 15th, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

#296 – The farting should eventually go away, especially with healing/rest, exercise/play, and good food (Science Diet or Iams). It took a couple of months for our Felix’s GI system to settle down.
Dry food vs. wet/ canned seems to help alleviate the problem as well.

Good on you for saving and adopting what must be a gorgeous little kitty.
Poteet
August 15th, 2009 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

# 285 GotFuzzy — A silent strip with nothing but Edda’s ass would be a major improvement over the last month. So would blank white panels.

If Brooke does go the ass route, I hope he’ll use something more nuanced than solid black. As for Solange, she deserves a better strip, and I hope she’s discussing that with her agent.
Poteet
August 15th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

# 296 anty a & # 298 Calico — As another rescuer of stray cats, I concur. The farting goes away with good care and time. Some of us humans aren’t so lucky:-).
ladadog
August 15th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

293, Calico & 296, anty a says:

I got an 8 month old, short-haired, black & white stray from the shelter at the end of May. She is so very cute, but, came with the same gas issue you two are experiencing with your cats. It was dreadful, but, lately she has been much more refined, and the incidents have dropped off dramatically. . I wonder if any intestinal problems picked as a stray are nearly cured, thanks to the deworming, the treatment recommended by her vet and the clean food and water she gets from her devoted mother (me).
anty a
August 15th, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

I know we’ve gone totally OT, but I must ask, fellow adopters of strays, were these gassy cats all dewormed? Mine was given 3 doses 2 weeks apart even though she tested neg. (Many apologies for the OT).
Talking Squirrel
August 15th, 2009 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

299 Poteet: I’m with ya on 6C. That ass looks like the portal to another dimension. Wait, I better try that again. It reminds me of the Glute Nebula.
mollificent
August 15th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

#233: Ouch! I love Bruce Cockburn. Well, different strokes I suppose…*sigh*…though someone who wrote the line “Infinity always gives me vertigo/And fills me up with grace” can’t be all bad, IMHO.

#242 curlyfries: That may be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Favorited for later cheering-up purposes as needed. :)

Luann: Now THIS is annoying. I’m starting to feel about Luann the way I feel about 9CL (without the previous affection to temper my disgust). Next time I’m motivated enough to redo my Chron page, Luann might just take a swan dive.
mr 12 oz can
August 15th, 2009 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

if karen moy wants to make this interesting she would have lawrence have a affair with that dingbat from the progressive auto insurance commercials. as for that old fossil joe quilsilla please read the august 15 fusco brothers . all his strips are like plan 9 from outer space pay attention geezer .oh and if i spelled joes last name wrong im not typing this over .
Talking Squirrel
August 15th, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

274 8th Man Fan says: “Have the comic strips started reading each other?”

Yep, you’re right. They surely have. And today’s 6CL is showing MT’s recent influence by introducing its very own talking ass.
AhClem
August 15th, 2009 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

#256 TheDiva -
If I retain nothing else from my years of reading the comments on this site, “Deus Angst Machina” will be well worth the price of admission. That, and “Booze and hookers.”
Mooncattie
August 15th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

#304 mollificent – Have you ever felt like Fay Wray face to face with King Kong? Well, I’m battling a flu bug this weekend, so Mooncattie isn’t able to Barrelhouse All Night Long. :-)

I can, however, offer this great reason to visit Toronto. Our Union Station has been covered with pictures of goats as part of an ad campagn for telephones! Even if the cynic in me senses this to be nothing more than a crass exploitation of baby goats for commercial purposes, at least it makes our main commuter station a much more pleasant place to visit each day.

MT – Our brave hero is wrangling to get himself within Fist ‘O Justice range. Something to look forward to next week!
Calico
August 15th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

#301 – Yay, again! Congratulations on adopting your new baby kit.

I was thinking about this medical issue and it could also come from being nervous in a new environment. A good experience, but unfamiliar to the animal for a time, and it takes a while for them to settle down physically and emotionally.

Keeping this semi-On-Topic, I wonder how much of a problem Jon has with Garfield?

Blondie – do you guys have any cards of White, Ramsay, Wareing, Hartnett, Roux, Blanc, Koffman?
If Dag could find an Escoffier card it would be like finding a Honus Wagner.
TheDiva
August 15th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

294 anty a: Like Batiuk, Joss Whedon has a nasty habit of putting his characters through ungodly amounts of emotional torture. Unlike Batiuk, he usually does it in ways that are dramatically appropriate and effective, and make sense within the framework of the story (”usually” being the operative word–the less said about post-season 5 Buffy the better, excellent musical episode notwithstanding).

307 AhClem: Thankee kindly, but credit where it is due: “Deus Angst Machina” is yet another term gleaned from the excellent pop culture Bible that is TVTropes.org (see also “Narm” and “Wangst,” two other terms which describe the current Funky Winkerbean storyline quite succinctly)>

“Booze and hookers,” however, is entirely my own.
Aviatrix
August 15th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Commodorejohn, Lawrence being a woman would be even better than Aldo driving off a cliff.
Also Lawrence Jonis:

Jaw Silencer On
Neon Jail Screw
Worn Lice Jeans
Swine Jar Clone
A Clown Jeers In

And so many more that it was an effort to winnow the list to five.

So not quite as good as Aldo Kelrast, but still pretty amusing.
buckyswife
August 15th, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

290 Calico: I think that there’s also that ingrained “end of summer” blueness—start of school, fall’s on the way, the garden is fading, vacations have been planned and possibly taken, all of that. As a teacher, I always feel most acutely the sense of time passing in August.

On the other hand, I have nothing to contribute to the farting cat discussion. Farting dogs? I’m all over that one.
commodorejohn
August 15th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

#311 Aviatrix – “Career In Jowls” is my favorite.
Baka Gaijin
August 15th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

#273 Will: Like my name? Keep reading my posts. It’s a great descriptor.
Vince M
August 15th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

re. Mutts: For me, the artwork is always engaging, I love Mooch and Earl as characters, in its lesser strips it’s at least pleasant, its ‘message’ strips are in the right place, heart-wise…
…so can anyone tell me what is at work in today’s strip?? I truly don’t get it, if there is indeed something to get.
sugarpie
August 15th, 2009 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

Vince M,315 Man, I’m glad it’s not just me. I thought about asking the same question here but thought it would finally dawn on me. It hasn’t.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 15th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

8/15

Crock: Seriously, no one wants to see or think about Crock HoYay so don’t even go there.

H&J: Today’s kneeslapper revolves around how Eula killed/provided an excuse for the death of Herb and Sarah’s sex life. Jamaal’s alarmed expression is surprisingly apt.

6C: Joni Mitchell again has to explain to the grandkids that she wasn’t really at Woodstock. She wrote the song after seeing some nice footage on TV.

A3G: When it comes to soap comic booty calls, I’ll take this over Mary Worth any ol’ day of the week.

9CL: Edda’s talking out her ass, not for the first time.

GA: Conan O’Brien–I’m sorry, Conan (sigh) O’Barbarian–fits in the soap opera funny pages surprisingly well. Earl Lee Byrd on TV not so much. Enough with the jazz hands, guy.

S-M: I know, Doc Ock. Spider-Man doing something competent? I’m pretty shocked too.

H&L: Hi’s telekinetic powers allow him to be pretty loungy. No need to sweat when you can make your 5 o’clock shadow disappear by just thinking about it.

BC: Pretty good joke, actually. Now we know how much five clams is worth. Not nearly enough to see the Cute Chick’s tits.

DT: “The note ends with the words ‘Honk! Honk!’ Hmmm.”

BB: What’s on the general’s mind? He’s thinking about going to the country club, getting sloshed, playing poker, and scoring with Mrs Potato Head. Of course.

GT: Hey Kaz, here’s an idea. How about you antagonize Mary DeJong when he’s not holding a half dozen pain-inducing aluminum bats. It could save a life.
Poteet
August 15th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

# 302 anty a — Most of mine were dewormed. One, when first rescued, had four kinds of worms and was a temporary teaching aid while spending a couple of days in the vet clinic. He ended up wormless, fartless, and a sweet guy.
queek
August 15th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

299: Interesting concept. I can just imagine a “Hallmark of Felinity” series, with the penultimate panel featuring a sudden guest appearance by Earl and his lil’ pink sock, and the last panel being Solange head over tail playing with it.

Solange, being Siamese, will never be caught within a kilometre of Garfield, dead or alive, and would probably kick Bucky’s ass just like everyone else besides Satchel does. A final panel of Solange and Fungo curled up asleep together would be amusing, as would one of both of them ready to pounce a cowering Bucky.

Solange and Ludwig would be surreal as well, no doubt leaving Arlo confused to a Ted-Forthian extent.

What other strips were you thinking of Solange moving to?
True Fable
August 15th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

#308 Mooncattie – GOAT! Another GOAT! More GOAT!!! Goats EVERYWHERE!!! AHHHHHHhhhhh!

OMG I have to go to Toronto, those people know how to promote!
buckyswife
August 15th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

315/316: Phew. I thought I was completely missing something, too. Glad to hear I’m not alone.
Poteet
August 15th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

# 319 queek — Good question. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. Hmm.

Mutts — Maybe this is somehow the beginning of a series that will make today’s strip comprehensible. Meanwhile, I see that the piling, or whatever that is, changes from panel to panel, but I don’t know why. I was hoping that some of you coastal Mudges would enlighten us land-locked types.
Dr. Weird
August 15th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

256 TheDiva –

I’m not sure how it would relate to the military having a say, but for civil affairs one is declared legally dead after being missing for seven years. That would take care of any issues about her remarrying…

Unless that’s NOT how it works in the FW universe and she’s going to be arrested and sent to prison for bigamy!

Also, what the #### kind of line is “So how did?”

If you want to indicate a hanging, unsaid question, you use an elipsis. “So, how did…?” It’s called WRITING!
mollificent
August 15th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

#308 Mooncattie: soooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuute!! I’m dying here! :D I already knew I wanted to visit Toronto someday (it having been the home of Moxy Früvous AND Colm Wilkinson as the Phantom of the Opera, among many other things). Sadly, by the time I finally get to go there I’m sure the cute goat ads will be long gone. *sniff*
buckyswife
August 15th, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

322 Poteet: I’m a coaster, and I can see differences in the piling, but nothing significant. And the middle panel has a frame around it. Does it reference some artwork? I know MacDonnell likes to do that sometimes, especially Japanese artwork. But it’s not ringing a bell.
curlyfries
August 15th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

#323 Dr. Weird – really, can you imagine the scintillationg conversations John and Becky must have? My theory is that Comic Book John, aka Mr. Mope, expends so much energy every day attaching that Cruella DeVille two-tone dead squirrel of a toupee to his head that stringing three ambivalent words together is the best he’s capable of.

And any woman who can treat a man coming back from the dead (you know that’s how Batty thinks if it) with zero compassion, no empathy and an affect like the Great Wall of China froze over deserves a mope like that. Every time Becky utters the name “Wally Jr.” it should twinge her just a bit, for her son’s sake if for nothing else, but all it’s summoned up is a desire to rid herself of an old band instrument that she and John couldn’t get rid of in their last garage sale. That junk drawer will now get a thorough clean-out – they can toss that bulky old flag and those mouldering news clippings, yay! Seriously, she deserves to get the cancer that Batiuk no doubt has lined up for her.
Islamorada Girl
August 15th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

89 Cheeta: Actually, Capote said “It’s not writing, it’s typing” as a critique of the works of Jacqueline Susann. I could never top a tired old queen in the bitchery department, no matter how hard I tried.
Islamorada Girl
August 15th, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

My black and white DSH has learned that farting is the quickest way to get my undivided attention. He’s been wormed, he goes to the vet reguarly, he gets Fancy Feast and dry and anything else his little heart desires, but he’s learned to fire off a volley if he wants to be brushed, to go out or just some affection.
My cat is a lethal weapon who has learned to bend me to his every whim. Or else.
UncleJeff
August 15th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

I think the Little Naked Kids in “Love Is” need to make a trip to their local animal shelter.

It looks like Wally Winkerbean needs directions to the nearest homeless shelter. Although, Funky would probably stick him in the attic and he could haunt the family from there.

325 et al: I was wondering about that too. Maybe it’s one of the paintings in the opening sequence of “Spongebob Squarepants”?
TheDiva
August 15th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

326 curlyfries: I think that’s what my issue is with the whole thing: the way all the other characters keep treating Wally’s return as a non-issue. Becky’s been acting like Wally is an old ex who happened to come back to town and whom she hasn’t thought of in years, rather than a husband she must have loved and mourned accordingly. There’s no emotional conflict from her, no reflecting on how her behavior might have been different if she’d known Wally was alive, no coping with the fact that she can’t just drop Comic John like a hot potato even if she wanted to. It’s just the same somber, resigned weariness that everyone in Funkytown wears like a shroud. It’s called “why the Hell am I reading this, anyway?”
dyslexic dog
August 15th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

315/316/321/322/etc.
Mutts escapes me today as well.

However, perhaps Patrick is referencing something too obscure for me but which others may find obvious, such as Captain Beefheart in this oldie.
anty a
August 15th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

OK has anybody been watching Mark Tatulli’s “Drunken videos” on his Facebook? Today’s installment is hilarious. Also he’s got a photo of Stephan Pastis up, and let’s just say Stephan is win. That’s all I’ll say, though I’m fanning myself wildly.
DebiDawg
August 15th, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

I love this place – from pissing together, fried chicken and farting cats – what’s not to love?
Oh, and I didn’t get Mutts either….
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

Mutts: Ummmmm. Hmmm. Mebbe it’s supposed to be a contemplative moment after a week of shark death stuff. “Now here’s a peaceful non-threatining seagull to look at.”
nerowolfgal
August 15th, 2009 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

Speaking of goats, I just finished a fabulous book about goats, life, history, and the breeding habits of goats that would make a hooker blush.

It’s called:

Goat Song: A Seasonal Life, A Short History of Herding, and the Art of Making Cheese by Brad Kessler

Part of a review of the book by Amazon:

“Goat Song tells about what it’s like to live intimately with animals who directly feed you. As Kessler begins to live the life of a herder — learning how to care for and breed and birth goats — he encounters the pastoral roots of so many aspects of Western culture.

Kessler reflects on the history and literature of herding, and how our diet, our alphabet, our religions, poetry, and economy all grew out of a pastoralist milieu among hoofed animals.”

Beautifully written, thought provoking
and also covers the x-rated personal habits of horny goats………

I also read on another website that goats are sound minics and pick up the tones and speach patterns of people around them. American goats have American accents, which are totally different from the accents of Chinese goats.
MolyBendum
August 15th, 2009 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

335. Huh. That’s true. The goats here in Iraq do sound different than the goats in the states. Never noticed that before.

334, et al. I just figured it was National Seagull Day or something after I read Mutts. It isn’t. Maybe it should be. Or National Goat Day. “Let’s make Goat Day every day!” I’d like to hear that coming out of Kermit’s mouth. With a southern drawl.
bats :[
August 15th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

308. Mooncattie: oooooh, some of those kid window decals need to be ~~shamelessly ripped off~~ liberated and shipped to G.M. Roopville. Some people have stained glass, some people have suncatchers, True Fable has kid decals…

Our younger cat sleeps with us. While she is pretty much feline flatulence-free, the first night she settled in with us, she released an incredibly noxious cloud o’ doom. It made sleeping with her for a week or so kind of scary (when would she go off again?). It seemed that she was just so happy in her new digs she could just ~~shit~~ poot.
Disingenuous Penguin
August 15th, 2009 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorp sure knows how to torture a reader. Too many “ping’s” and no “pong.” WHERE’S THE PONG, WHERE’S THE POOOONG!
AeroSquid
August 15th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

The thread seems to be slowing down, so here’s Garfield minus Garfield plus Bucky.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2484/3824955554_69edccb8ff_o.jpg
King Leopardi
August 15th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

Remember the old EC “Tales from the Crypt” comics, that always ended with someone standing there horror-struck as some rotting corpse back from the grave tottered towards them. Those people would always just stand there, screaming, “no, no… it can’t be… you’re dead!” Remember the look of utter terror on their face? Well, that’s kind of the look that Lawrence has on his face as Delilah hauls him into the bedroom.
Talking Squirrel
August 15th, 2009 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

Mutts: The mystery solved.
IdleDandy
August 15th, 2009 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

Sunday’s Hi & Lois features black water again. This is the third time in the last few weeks. Maybe Walker-Browne Amalgamated simply ran out of blue ink?
sugarpie
August 15th, 2009 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

Islamorada Girl, 327 Was it in reference to Jaqueline Susann or Jack Kerouac? Maybe he said it about both. Capote seemed to go through life looking for feuds to start.
Carly
August 15th, 2009 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

You spend way more time studying the art in these things than I ever could; I know I would never have noticed the Moose thing. Or the bit about Coach Kaz’s arm in the second GT link. Or maybe I’m just artistically unobservant?

What I do like is that Lawrence’s hair is getting slightly windblown in the second panel of MW, because Delilah is yanking him inside very quickly because she’s just that horny.
Vince M
August 15th, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

re. Mutts: I’m just worried this is going to be like that National Lampoon special on the funnies, where a fictional popular one-panel strip was derailed when a reader claimed they just “didn’t get it”, and the rest of the nation faced up too.
Mind you, samples of that strip were done by the wonderfully opaque M.K. Brown.
bats :[
August 15th, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

341. talking squirrel: ah, now I can sleep more soundly at night, knowing this. Nice work!
V
August 15th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

Considering the fact that Lawrence is singing a song from South Pacific, that look on his face in the second panel roughly translates to “OH SHIT! Charley’s in there!”. If only.
odinthor
August 15th, 2009 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

Mutts. — Maybe I got something that isn’t there; but didn’t the “knot” in the piling open to show an eye? In other words, the sleeping piling was startled awake by having a bird land on it.
Poteet
August 15th, 2009 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

8/16 PV — I am delighted that Big Herp was allowed to head back to her home unharmed. I wish she had killed Crankshaft in an exciting crossover before she left, but we can’t have everything. Biologically, it seems to me that her species should have bigger eggs and/or more eggs, but I don’t understand the eternal youth in this strip either, so I won’t argue with success.

I notice, however, that Arn is not as pretty as he used to be when he was a boy. Oy.
Crankshafs funky smelling corpse
August 15th, 2009 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

FW: I didn’t think this could possibly get any worse than it already is. And I was wrong.

What TrueFable and AeroSquid said.

I hope somebody cockpunches Batuik.
Joe Blevins
August 15th, 2009 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

MW: “It is yours, dear.” When she says “it,” she’s talking about her cooch, right? Essentially, Delilah is granting Lawrence an all-access pass to her ladyparts (maybe even a backstage pass), but she’s doing so in a totally classy, subtle, read-between-the-lines, Mary Worth kind of way. I wonder if they’ve ever seen each other naked before this… or even in resort casual attire.
Ben Aldred
August 15th, 2009 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

I don’t know. I think Archie’s improved since they brought on M.C. Escher to do the art.
tb4000
August 16th, 2009 at 12:14 am [Reply]

So today basically Garfield is lampshading the very sight gag that has been its staple since its inception, even though technically it shouldn’t even exist. Buh?
True Fable
August 16th, 2009 at 12:17 am [Reply]

I want to get “Goat Song”! I betcha G.M. Roopville goats have the longest drawls in all of goathood.

Let’s make it Goat Day every day!
True Fable
August 16th, 2009 at 12:39 am [Reply]

#337 bats:[ – I have two framed goat pictures on my bedroom walls along with a goat calendar, and a small framed picture of three kids sitting on an occasional table in the living room near the bookshelf holding my collection of toy goats, plastic and plush. But a BIG ASS GOAT POSTER – ooooh, covet! Covet!!
True Fable
August 16th, 2009 at 1:09 am [Reply]

C’haftWEEELLLL now, if I didn’t know better, I’d think our comments are being monitored by Mr. Batuik himself and apparently have hit a nerve! Otherwise, this Sunday strip makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Manipulative? Why, that sounds like something I called him lately. Me and many others here.

And if that’s the case, GOOD. And a Happy Fuck You Too, Tom, you cheap manipulative dickweed.

Faily Failurebean And Fuck You Again, for a totally unbelievable but wholly manipulative jerking of our emotions. I don’t know about you, Tom, but soldiers happen to mean a hell of a lot to me, and this entire storyline STINKS. If he meant so goddamn much to her, what the hell happened?! He dared to seem to die? – oh, was coming back to her such a big damn inconvenience?

What changed her mind about him? Why did she go for so many years waiting for him and then settle for Comic Book John? Why is everyone in this comic treating this so casually? Why is Wally behind the 8 ball like this, why aren’t you showing the way the Army would actually handle a returning former POWs who miraculously turned up alive? He should not be without funds, he should not be without counseling, and she should NOT have taken him out to the fucking GRAVEYARD and showed him his GRAVE and then say she’s picking the comic book guy over him!

Tom Batiuk, you asshat. Turn in your humanity badge because you didn’t earn it.
/rant
Aviatrix
August 16th, 2009 at 1:25 am [Reply]

I’m kind of amused that Crankshaft is wearing a tie and has a suit jacket to match his baseball cap. Unless that’s his bus driver uniform, in which case it is very very sad that he is wearing it to give a garden club talk. That’s several degrees sadder than airline pilots wearing their uniforms grocery shopping.

What’s bugging me is that not only did Batiuk use the same punchline twice in a week, but it’s in exactly the same context, so Crankshaft used it twice in the same talk.
Girl Reporter
August 16th, 2009 at 1:31 am [Reply]

Mutts? Lonely looking sky, lonely sky lonely sky. Makes me wonder why wonder why wonder why.
Dr. Weird
August 16th, 2009 at 1:37 am [Reply]

Mutts

I was wondering if Mutts decided to go punchline-free myself… that or the little pier is occupied by some creature who is opening its eye right in the middle, peeking out through a knothole.
dreadedcandiru2
August 16th, 2009 at 1:37 am [Reply]

#356: True Fable — It’s only going to get worse from here; not only is Batiuk jerking with our emotions and spitting on the name of all veterans everywhere, he’s pronounced his sentence on Wally. Simply put, he deserves every bit of Hell he’s gone through and the despairing suicide that is his future because he wasn’t safe, bland and boring like Comic Book John. It’s as if Lynn Johnston decided to kill Therese Caine for not wanting to be an Elly-clone.
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

8/16 MT — Arrrrrrrrrgh! I feel a long rant coming on. Escape while you can.

Yes, we need to control wildfires near houses. But if there’s one thing ecologists now know, it’s that fire is essential to biodiversity on this planet. It’s as natural as rain. A major reason we have such huge fire problems in the West is that we were stupidly hellbent on stopping every wildfire for decades. Now we’ve built up highly unnatural fuel loads and tree densities.

In addition, people have indeed been gaily moving into highly fireprone areas, some of them refusing to take even elementary precautions such as maintaining firebreaks and not using highly-flammable materials for their roofs. Now we’re figuring out that urban and rural sprawl in fire zones can be very costly in terms of lives, property, and insurance rates.

And fire-dependent species across the country are disappearing because of fire suppression. Here in the midwest, prairies and oak savannas are literally dying for fire. For MT to talk about fire in terms of “keeping forest areas free from destruction” is wrong, wrong, wrong. Forests need fire. It’s humans who need to learn how to deal with that fact.
Ned Ryerson
August 16th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

A3G: Yes Tommie, speak from the heart, the heart of a dishrag, a neutered ,soulless dishrag. That’ll do the trick!

Judge Soft Core Equestrian: Marie, take Sophie to school. I need to “wake Rocky up”. Let’s let the bareback drama unfold on the rolling hills of Spencer Farms.

Room 2012, A Non-Euclidean Nightmare: Whatever you want, Del. As long as we can act out that unyielding schoolmarm and the unruly student scenario I’ve been lobbying for.

Rex Morgan, still steaming towards Barbados?: Wait, by golf lessons, you totally mean the Henry Miller Dawn Patrol, don’t you?
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 1:44 am [Reply]

8/16 MW — Arrrrrgh! Moy and Giella, I begged you not to do this to us! No baby-making! No baby-making! They should at least have to take sanity tests first!
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 1:48 am [Reply]

8/16 FW — Arrrrrgh! I want to shove her right out that window and stab her with a barbecue fork!
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 1:51 am [Reply]

8/16 RMMD — Arrrrgh! Now I’m envisioning myself sitting in an Alzheimer’s enclosure ranting about prairies and prescribed fires and Batiuk to bored overworked underpaid nurses aides!
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 1:55 am [Reply]

8/16 S-M — This isn’t worth an arrrrgh. What a pair of utterly predictable bores. The most interesting one is unconscious, and he’s luckier than us readers.
curlyfries
August 16th, 2009 at 4:35 am [Reply]

Sucky DoneToDeath: Jeez, Becky, it might’ve been nice if you’d cared enough to share those sentiments with Wally, dontcha think?

What really gripes me about this strip and Batiuk’s “promotion” of it as “writing” is that the characters don’t react like anyone remotely human – their alien masters apparently refused to brief them properly. And the plot premises are so contrived that they render the resultant tragedy absolutely meaningless – the setup’s simply a clumsy device, a delivery system for the hefty payoff of tragedy, despond and despair. And it’s so obvious and so ludicrous that you can’t bring yourself to give a ripe goddamn. All you’re aware of is that you’re being played – you aren’t meant to actually relate to the circumstances or how people react to them, you’re just supposed to marvel in open-mouthed awe at the Big Pile O’Tragedy monument Batiuk has erected, proving only to himself that he is the Master of Human Emotion.

Well, Tom, you’re not. You’re merely a contriver – and if you could make the steam coming off a fresh pile of shit come down instead of rise up, you would.

Perfectly inane and arbitrary misfortune happens to people every day, but great writing or decent storytelling isn’t usually derived from that. Your mistake is in thinking that upping the ante and creating a massive shitstorm somehow makes your characters “epic,” or that showing their massive noble suffering makes your work “deep”. It merely makes it inaccessible, simply because no one can relate to it any more.

When the actual characters pale next to the suffering, when that depression becomes the main event, it’s time to change the name of the strip to “Batiuk’s Inferno” – and you better believe the motto is: Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here.
Baka Gaijin
August 16th, 2009 at 5:20 am [Reply]

Sunday’s Strips:

Apartment 3-G: Oh, that explains it. Tommy has a “wise and loving heart.” Most people have wise brains. That must mean LuAnn has a decidedly dim duodenum.

Better Half: OMG! I almost plotzed!!! An actual original joke! In Better Half! It’s the lower left panel.

Lockhorns: OMG! An actual original joke in The Lockhorns! It’s the lower right panel.

Mother Goose and Grimm: OMG! Another actual original joke! It’s funny, too! POW! I plotzed.

Drabble: OMG! Another actual original joke! No, just kidding. Same old tired recycled pap.

Blondie: Can you step over to Dick Tracy, please? There’s a clown waiting…scaryevilclown scaryevilclown scaryevilclown..just take him out Dagwood. Door slam to the puss or ridiculously huge sandwich shoved down his throat or davenport pillow stuffed into any available orifice, I don’t care.

One Big Happy: You go, Lucille! Tell that ~~car rental company~~ Avis what-for. By the way, while your Geritol is still bubbling away, how about taking a stroll over to Dick Tracy. There’s a clown over there you could pop in the kisser. With a coffee pot…scaryevilclown scaryevilclown scaryevilclown…Stop by Shadylane Avenue on your way. Dagwood could use some backup.

Curtis: A backhand across the chops would have worked, too, Mr. Curtis.

Dennis the Menace: Who butched up Joey?

Marvin: Simple solution: move night-chatty Granddaddy into room with buzz-saw Sally. Whoever wins the war of the somnolent sounds gets his own room.

Mary Worth: Today’s artist must have that lack of face recognition thing Wally has except for spatial cognition instead. Between each frame, Del, Larry, the furniture, and the walls change positions.

Mutts: It’s not related to the solitary sea gull on Saturday. IT’S ACTUALLY FUNNY!!!

Sally Forth: AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Ces is psyhic! What were we just talking about? He’s way better than that Nostradamus hack, that’s for sure. I can actually tell what he predicted without having to resort to inaccurate translations of vague Old French manuscripts.

Zits: I had that happen to me. I drive a minicar. A friend drives a lorry. Once he got right on my bumper. All I could see was the grill and the DAF logo. Luckily my car fits easily on the ~~pavement~~ sidewalk.

Cathy: BITCH! F-ING C-word!! As someone who spends her life unsuccessfully attempting to cover up her flaws, she should sympathize with her hubby. FANNY! (British meaning)

Dilbert: Scott, you hit one out the park today. Wally, you are truly the wind beneath my wings, not the wind beneath my sheets.

Luann: Bernice is channeling someone from another dimension…that dimension being The Comics Curmudgeon Comments!

Garfield: I laughed. What was in my Weetabix this morning???

Get Fuzzy: Two punchlines? Darb, you outdid yourself today. By the way, I’m stealing Bucky’s line in the next to last panel.

Lio: Full of win as usual.

Heart of the City: Stop her before she becomes Sharpay from High School Musical 2. Drama queen in training.

Pluggers: What? I call shenanigans again. Why would that Plugger be worried about getting a haircut on his bald landing strip. It might work better if it were the bear, assuming the barber could crowbar his cap off his head. That is, aside from this being a rerun and overused by almost every comic strip over 5 years old.

Slylock Fox, mystery: Slick is guilty because he got his tie at “Charterstone Men’s House of Everything Salmon.”
Doug Puthoff
August 16th, 2009 at 8:10 am [Reply]

Alt-FC balloons for 8-16:

“How long is this farked-up storyline gonna last? I’m hoping Charles Manson does come back and kill us all.”

“God just told me we need to sacrifice a female virgin to make the rain stop.”

“Who cut the cheese?”

“Maybe if Daddy didn’t spend all our money on booze, hookers, and blow, we could have afforded to stay at a hotel.”

“God is punishing us for the last 30+ years of lame humor.”

“Hey, it could be worse, Bush could still be President–Hey, Obama’s in charge, it is worse.”

“What’s ever worse, the paper around here doesn’t have ‘Gil Thorp,’ so we’re missing the always-goofy summer storyline.

“Why don’t we sit around in a circle and tell stories about the old days, when the strip was funny, and us kids didn’t look like circus freaks.”

“Look on the bright side–school starts in two weeks.”

If Richard Dawkins is right and there is no God, then our suffering is pointless. We should all blow our brains out–you first, Dolly.”
MolyBendum
August 16th, 2009 at 8:17 am [Reply]

Slylock. What an asshole. Poor Slick passes a lie detector test and is still getting railroaded by the man. It probably won’t be hard to get a conviction with a sleeping elephant and a bored bear joining the other utterly confused looking jurors.
I also get the feeling the cop just finished picking his nose and is about to suck it off his finger. Mmmmm, tasty.
I swear that bull forced Slylock to do this. “Look mother fucker, I will ass-rape your pal the mouse if you don’t put Slick-goddamn-Smitty away. That sum bitch STOLE from ME!” Imagine the bull is channeling Ving Rhames and it’s even better.
It’s also irritating that one week, Slylock is a detective, the next a lawyer, the next an artist, the next riding in the Tour de France, the next authoring the only successful Health Care Reform bill. I totally blame Slylock Fox for making me insecure as a child, never feeling I could live up to the ideals he set. Oh to be a man like Slylock Fox. Pssshhhht.
migellito
August 16th, 2009 at 8:49 am [Reply]

Yikes.. I’ve just kind of scanned the above today, due to the large number of posts, and I’ve come away with an overwhelming feeling of anger and hate.

“Ted, have you tried de-caf?”
Les of the Jungle Patrol
August 16th, 2009 at 9:10 am [Reply]

I’m just going to assume that PBS is a reference to the Harvard professor who got arrested, and therefore, I must rant.

The Harvard guy was breaking into his own house, because the door got stuck and somebody saw this and called the cops. The professor had ID to show he was a Harvard prof and the cop should have gone home. But n, the cop asked him to step outside and he refused. Why? Because a different black Harvard professor got asked to step outside by cops so they could arrest him without a warrant a few years ago. You have way more rights in your house than you do on the sidewalk. The prof asked for the officer’s badge number and the cop arrested him. I mean, so we really believe that a Harvard prof is going to be making “your mama” comments? And even if he did, making lame comments to a cop is hardly against the law. The cop knew there was no crime and arrested the guy anyway because cops get on power trips and this black guy didn’t know his place.

Which is almost EXACTLY the same as a white professor breaking into your house and smashing your stuff, because Obama is in office and racism is over forever.

Everybody who had never been on the receiving end of an asshole cop is very lucky and I hope they stay lucky. But sheesh, we all know that cops can behave thuggishly sometimes.
queek
August 16th, 2009 at 9:12 am [Reply]

SundaySundaySunday!

Lio: o so much win.

PV: “but Mom!” just gotta love Queen Aletta.

OtH: buh?

NS: nice. especially liked the meta comment about the raptosaur not realizing it was supposed to be extinct.

Pickles: and you thought salmon was bad in Mary Worth?!?

AS: “The Most Dangerous Game” ref?
cheap.
College mascots as the heads on the wall?
moderately funny.
The frikken Notre Dame leprechaun possibly joining them?
*hopes*
A potentially funny situation in the hands of an unspeakably talentless HACK!?
worthless. Utterly worthless. Hilburn, you suck.
John C Fremont
August 16th, 2009 at 9:30 am [Reply]

MT – Pluggers know a lot about fire prevention.

Let’s take up a collection and buy Smokey a “Fist ‘o Justice” T-shirt. Anything to cover up those horrible, horrible man-boobs. Bear-man-boobs. Man-bear-boobs. Oh. Boar-boobs.

He looks like one of those shirtless guys being arrested in a trailer park on Cops! Probably hangs out with Reeky Rat and Shady Shrew.
anty a
August 16th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

FW on Sunday: So all Becky can think is, “Me, me, me.” Not a single thought about what it must be like for Wally, what he’s been through, how it feels to come home to a wife whose face is the only one he can recognize who says, “And don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Just, “Me, me, me.”
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 10:01 am [Reply]

FW: Like MVG (#76) said early on in this post: Wally would have been a national sensation. His face would have been on the cover on Time/Newsweek. The President would be awarding him his SECOND POW (adding a cluster to the first) medal at the White House. Someone at FOX/CNN/MSNBC would have compiled a video retrospective of his service to this country. Then they would focus on Becky….yeah….Becky. The video crew would have been on the front lawn as Wally returned home….escorted by Uncle Funky….NOT Becky. Then after a few minutes of awkward reunion and a tight shot of Comicbook guy staring out the window with a look of terror and confusion on his face (WHO IS JOHN ?), they would chase after Wally as he walked down the road with his fucking school property trombone. Cue single,eligible female celebs who want take Wally in and discuss a made-for-tv movie deal. Suddenly; John and Becky become national pariahs (NO JOINT CUSTODY FOR HERO). You all know where this could have gone in real life.
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
August 16th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Dear Les: We’re supposed to LEAVE POLITICS OUT OF HERE, although of course it is hard to discuss certain strips without it.

There are plenty of places to extress what you just expressed.

Josh has flexible rules. Nothing wrong with that.

Let’s just keep on snarking good-naturedly, or nastily in a good-natured manner, about the comics, if we can.
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
August 16th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

And even prominent Harvard Professors may act like arrogant assholes once in a while. But none of us were there, we were home reading the papers and the comics. All we know about what happened is what we read in the paper. Or on the internet.
Les of the Jungle Patrol
August 16th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

Fortunately for me and for Rat, being an arrogant asshole is not against the law.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 10:37 am [Reply]

JOSH ! We have mission-creep ! NEW THREAD PLEEZ !
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

FW: I had a dream. A dream of Wally in an AMEX ad, french kissing Megan Fox and flipping the bird. “Screw you, Becky. Megan got my credit rating back AND I’m in TRANSFORMERS V: FALL OF BECKY BITCH !” BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHA!”
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

FW: “Oh…..and Becky ? I sure as FUCK remember Megan Fox’s face !”
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

FW: “Oh…..and Becky ? Tell Harry ‘Thanx’ for the community band offer, but CYPRESS HILL needs a TROMBONE section and I SEEM TO BE AVAILABLE !”
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

FW: “Oh….and Becky ? Tell John that I purchased #1 issues of Spiderman AND Fantastic Four. I will will be using them to light my Cuban cigars from JFK’s personal humidor tonight at the ‘community bandstand’ while Megan Fox sucks my toes..”
TheDiva
August 16th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

reFOOB: I’d just like to point out that, if the speech balloon positioning is accurate, that is Connie speaking in the final panel. Ain’t irony grand?

FW: “Now he’s a broken shell of a man and I don’t give a damn anymore. Funny how life works out, isn’t it?”

Also, is it just me or does “taught me how to shift while he drove…fast” sound like something other than learning how to work a manual transmission? Was Wally “distracted” on top of being drunk the night of that crash? Was ministering to the original “Wally Jr.” the last thing Becky’s left hand did before it was amputated? Inquiring minds want to know.

Lio: Don’t get mad, Lio, get even. No jury alive would convict you.

MW: So Delilah is shocked–shocked!–to discover that by coming out and saying what her problem is instead of just throwing a hissy fit and running of to Charley’s Den O’ Porn, Booze, and Classic Musicals on a whim, her husband is more than willing to accommodate her! No offense, Del honey, but–and I say this as someone who has her own problems articulating her feelings when she’s not in front of a keyboard–you really are dumber than a plate of salmon squares.
Mooncattie
August 16th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

Depressing comics…oh well, at least I have nice goat and cat stories to read. Jane the Maine Coon cat approves this thread!

FW – Keep on walking, soldier. Don’t look back. Nothing in this burg worth remembering, or getting to know.
Many on this and previous threads have written far more eloquently and passionately than I am able to in reference to this storyline. If I cannot add to the quality of the snarks on this strip, I will at least add to the quantity of commenters who are aghast at the goings-on here. Good luck to Wally. He’s got a decade of back-pay coming, along with Hero Status (in the real world of course, not in the rancid bubble of anti-life depicted here), and a future of generous publishing rights, Hollywood adaptations, and a comfortable and well-earned early retirement in a nice place far, far away from Winkerbeanville.

Oh well, at least most other comics avoid the utter misery of this so-called “writing”. And, to me, it bears no resemblence whatsoever to the America that I love to visit so often.

MW – Lawrence, Lawrence! Every motivational speaker knows that it’s vitally important to shag your intended before getting to the “We Need To Talk” speech! And, like, we’re gonna get another week of this L & Del business, aren’t we? *sigh*

Luann – No Bernice, it’s not an ironic comment. Only your natural urges. Just let it happen, dear. Off come the flats, and then turn around, remove the glasses…
(yes, I am disgusting, as a matter of fact!)
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 11:15 am [Reply]

And now….a nice pallet cleansing pic of a Chinch taking a bath:

http://media.newsadvance.com/newsadvance/images/snap/Sleepy_Chinchilla_medium.JPG
Mooncattie
August 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am [Reply]

…….and….YIKES! My newbie attempt at linking to the lamest blog on Earth has succeeded! Happy napping, everyone!
gleeb
August 16th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

A3-G: You do have a wise and loving heart, right, Tommie? Because otherwise, you’re going to put your foot right in it.
Bryan
August 16th, 2009 at 11:27 am [Reply]

My Cage is awesome today. I chuckled over that one for awhile. Try being unemployed, Norm.

Family Circus: I was surprised to learn that there doesn’t seem to be a Patron Saint of Nice Weather:
http://www.americancatholic.org/features/saints/Patrons.aspx?letter=%
buckyswife
August 16th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

341 Talking Squirrel: That made me laugh out loud.

361 Poteet: I’m not any kind of expert on forests, but yeah, I thought the same thing when I read today’s strip. (In fact, a local state park just did a big controlled burn to eliminate invasives, jump-start rare natural plants, etc.–and it apparently worked wonders.) Elrod has this weird retrograde conservationism; his values and principles about nature seem to arise from the same era as his values about, say, domestic abuse.

What an odd guy. Luckily almost no one reads him but us.

373 queek: Ooooohhhh, those were football mascots. Thanks—I’m even more sports-illiterate than I thought.
buckyswife
August 16th, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

332 anty a: Is it on his own page, or on his Fans of Lio group page:
Crankshafs funky smelling corpse
August 16th, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

FW: What. A. Nasty. Dumb. Crack. She. Is.

What Mooncattie said. Get out of that fucking town, soldier.
Calico
August 16th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

#342 – They could also be Doobie Brothers fans.
Tim O\'Shenko
August 16th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

MW: Today’s final panel, in which Del ponders, with great effort, a single solitary question mark, almost makes up for the fact that the “Lawrence Goes Roadside” subplot has been sidestepped. “You, you mean by talking about our problems, we can actually resolve them? …I should call Charley, see if he’d be willing to replace his pin-up girls with some nice Impressionist paintings…”

RMMD: Anyone else imagining Mr. Howard to be a stand in for Batiuk, trolling the retirement homes for more material? “What kind of a writer are you?” “Oh, I write comics. Soul-crushing, woefully inaccurate, unfunny, unrealistic slice-of-life comics. Why, do you have an award for me?”
odinthor
August 16th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

SlFx. — Actually, Slick Smitty is much slicker than anyone realizes. Three weeks ago, under the pseudonym of Honest André (”Certainement, Monsieur the Officer, I am a professeur of Technologie Criminologique at zee Institute!”), Smitty sold the police department a lie detector which had its indicator arrow painted to always show “telling the truth.”

MW. — Now, Del, my sweet, best to stop with the talk, drop ‘em, and get on with it; otherwise, you’re going to force him to say he goes on his trips just to get away from the bitch at home, which will prove somewhat retrograde to everyone’s aspirations.

H&L. — “What do you mean, Lois? You see Ditto’s coonskin cap here? That was made from an albino coon!”
mollificent
August 16th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

Both One Big Happy and My Cage made me giggle like mad today. Absolutely brilliant.

I do have to say, though…I think My Cage’s Norm is actually an incredibly poignant and realistically drawn character (metaphorically speaking!). I truly feel for him, and I applaud Ed & Melissa for creating such a likeable yet flawed Everyman. Batiuk, take note: you could learn something from this strip, like how to be funny and meaningful. Well, zero out of two ain’t…oops.

(Yes, today’s FW made me foam at the mouth too. I don’t blame Becky for choosing the life she has built…but does she have to be such a cold, callous, indifferent bitch about it? Her behavior (Batiuk’s, really) is pretty much inexcusable. And I know I’m not saying anything that hasn’t been ranted about at great length by other Mudgeons–but we all need to get it off our chest sometime.)
Calico
August 16th, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

MW – And so, Lawrence discovers the power of the Webinar.

Sally, you read my mind! And Buckywife’s as well.
I do love Fall, though. Our neighborhood becomes absolutely flourescent with leaf color.
Lou Shumaker
August 16th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

Regarding Funky, it takes genius to create a crappy story that enrages readers. The comics pages are full of strips that we ignore because they’re not good enough to praise, yet not bad enough to snark on. But Tom has found the magical happy place, of creating a strip with characters we can bond with, being forced into potentially interesting stories that are paced with the rhythm and grace of a load of Nerf balls dropped down a coal chute.

There’s so much missing here it’s difficult to know where to begin, but let’s try a list:

* No joy in Wally’s resurrection. No marveling at how life changes. No happiness expressed to him, for him, at him. This guy comes back from a decade in Iraq, a prisoner, to find that his family and friends wish he was still dead, not because of anything he’s done, but because it upsets their little, weak, pathetic lives, to the point of showing him his grave. That’s some cold s**t, man.

* Did Becky and Comic Book Dufus even talk about what this might mean for their marriage? Or for Wally Jr.? Or anybody? Have they ever expressed any affection for each other? Are they really married? Perhaps they occupy the same wing at the asylum.

* What Tom seems to have missed the most is that this storyline — nothing less than a major reintroduction of a character and his effect on the dynamics of a town — could have been played out for months. There could have been a lot of tension as Becky reflects on her past, talks to her husband, sees the other characters reacting to Wally, trying to decide what is the right thing to do. We could see Wally wondering what’s right for him. Perhaps he still loves Becky. Perhaps not. Perhaps he’s created a memory of her that doesn’t jibe with reality, and he could spend time getting to know her better and realize that they’ve become different people.

But, no. In a genre where stretching storylines out over six months or more are common, it’s all resolved in a week. Wham Bam Thank you Wally. Typical male.

So, unlike the other curmudgeons, I’m not mad at Tom. I’m not angry at the strip. I used to be disgusted but now I try to stay amused, and Tom’s continual Debbie-downer of a strip makes me laugh instead, because I understand his plotting mind. If there’s a hope of fun, it’ll be crushed. If there’s any joy, it will be ignored. If two guys sitting in lawn chairs are talking, it’ll be about lost youth, the hopelessness of the present, told as bleakly as possible.

There have been masters of bleakness and despair in the past — Bergman, Beckett, Woody Allen — but it takes a particular sort of genius to create this sort of existential despair out of a comic strip and do it incompetently. For that, I take my hat off to you.
dreadedcandiru2
August 16th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

Canadian Zombie Monday: It’s a single-panel effort that has Mike shouting, “Just when I’m havin’ a good time, we’ve gotta leave!!” The premise Lynn wants to convey is that Mike is messed up because he’d rather play in the rain than go home; too bad the previous week showed us that this was the only time he could get his parents’ attention and actually enjoy himself.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

399: Lou Shumaker: I’m thinking that FW will, without warning, suddenly end and reveal that the whole strip was just the Lithium-induced musings of an incarcerated madman by the name of Ed.
queek
August 16th, 2009 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Poteet: here is what is getting Solange through the current 9CL arc:

391: UGA the bulldog from the U of Ga was pretty obvious, as was Ralphie from Colorado and Bevo the Texas Longhorn. Reveille I’m assuming is from West Point (a quick google reveals that it is actually Texas A&M’s mascot), and I have no clue about the bird.
Dr. Weird
August 16th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

FW

“My mom always said he was bad for me, and maybe she was right.”

MAYBE?! Wasn’t he the person who caused the drunk driving accident that caused her lose her arm, her dreams and her future as a pianist?
queek
August 16th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

402: a slightly longer google turned up that Nova is the name of the current Auburn War Eagle, something that my first foray did not turn up. (War Eagle was my first guess at the bird, just took a bit better google-fu to prove it!)

and, before the ‘clones do it first:

“War-mudgeon!!!”
bats :[
August 16th, 2009 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

388. Mooncattie: wow, Jane the Maine could score her own Sunday Mark Trail Fascinating Fauna Facts strip! What a beauty!
TheDiva
August 16th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Luann: Bernice, honey, if you don’t understand the distinction between what a person does in their own private space and what they do in a public area, try running through the park naked sometime.
bats :[
August 16th, 2009 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

363. Poteet: rather than seeing That Which Should Never Be Seen, I’d prefer something like WWMS (along with other Charterstone denizens) about the denouement:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3827291156/sizes/o/in/photostream/
buckyswife
August 16th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

407 bats :[ —I guess it DOES take a village… or, at least a gated community. (And very funny/creepy!)

A3G: I’m beginning to suspect that there’s some sort of homogenizing vortex at work in this strip. Didn’t the Professor used to look older—more Ian Cameron, less slightly weathered, goatee’ed Alan? It would be hell to lose someone in the A3G world; everywhere you looked, you’d see his face. Literally.

FC: Okay, this is just dumb. Unless their car has been carried away in the deluge, why the hell are they still sitting there?
a) stubbornness
b) masochism
c) sheer stupidity
d) despair and hatred of life past the point of all caring or even moving
e) all of the above
bats :[
August 16th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

390. Bryan: St. John the Baptist is invoked for rain (his feast day in late June is a Big Deal for us in the arid southwest). Maybe he’s torqued off because with four freakish little spawn, Big Daddy Bil and Thel couldn’t have been bothered to name one of them “John”…

(I think P.J. stands for Pyjamas.)
spike
August 16th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

curlyfries @ 367: Let’s not demean Dante. How about “Batiuk’s Hell Hole” instead?

I’ve already emailed my views on the current FW “plot” to the comics editor at the Plain Dealer.
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

# 402 queek — Thanks. I always knew Solange was the smartest one in the strip.

# 407 bats:[ — Har! For once, I agree with Mary.

A3G — Apparently Tommie’s memory doesn’t function any better than the rest of her brain.
commodorejohn
August 16th, 2009 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

A3G – I like his smirk in the last panel; even he can’t take Tommie seriously.

AS – Uh…wouldnt this make more sense if those were, you know, other similarly mythological creatures? Or were we just supposed to go “oh hey, this is sort of like that Far Side with all the cartoon animals stuffed and mounted! Ha ha ha!”

Crankshaft – Please enjoy a bunch of obsessing over the dog that was brought to Death’s door for bathos value two weeks ago. Isn’t she cuuuute! But oh so manipulative! Not at all like the guy who visited improbable rattlesnakey misery on the innocent widdle puppy!

FG – Hey, bird-people, did you ever stop to consider that this might be your fault for, you know, designing something so that if one out of five supports breaks the entire thing is doomed beyond all hope of repair?

FW – Hate!

MT – I know it’s already been said, but man, Smokey’s really let himself go.

MW – Yep. Did we call it or did we BLEARGHFRARGHL *violent emesis*

MC – Ha ha, that Norm! He’s such a slob! Not at all like some of us! *whistles innocently*

NS – See, Wiley? You can be funny and enjoyable!

PV – And thus ends the very best Prince Valiant storyline ever.

RMMD – “Henry wants to give everyone golf lessons! If you get what I mean!”

SM – “Let there be BATTLE?” Does the narration box even read the strip?
Talking Squirrel
August 16th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

Sunday MW: The bowl of fruit (or bouquet of bladderwort?) is stalking Del around the room.

Lately, the architecture and furnishings in this strip have begun to take on a rather alarming self-awareness. I’m getting nervous that we’re headed straight for an episode of “When Pluots Attack”.
Talking Squirrel
August 16th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

Crunkshaft: In fact, Crunk only spotted the Emily Dickinson quote on the internet because the section for “Dickinson, Emily” was directly underneath his own section, “Dickhead”.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

MT: No Mark. The current budget does not allow for a ‘State Fire Patrol Plane’. That’s a dirty bomb terrorist heading for the ‘Misplaced Forest’ on the other side of the mountain. Not your jurisdiction. Let Douglas Fir and his ‘Bitch slap of righteousness’ handle it.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

MT: Why does Smokey have ‘Moobs’ ?
bats :[
August 16th, 2009 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

416. AeroSquid: Google up some older illustrations of Smokey — he’s always had Moobs. (This fact has never bothered me until about five minutes ago.)
Maybe he’s more than a bear…you know…a Bear…nudge nudge wink wink…
bats :[
August 16th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

…and while this is wrong on so many levels, check out the comic book cover here:
http://www.fortressofbaileytude.com/?p=621
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

417 bats;[ What would bother me even more is if it were a bear suit containing Rusty.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

Here’s a Smokey PSA I did a few years for a Fark PS contest:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3449/3826831409_0754e3598f_o.jpg
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

and this one:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2446/3827639516_d688293fa2_o.jpg
Talking Squirrel
August 16th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

OK look, so Smokey was buff when Dell comics were 10 cents. That was, like, fifty years ago, dood. Now he belts his jeans up under his armpits and lets his moobs flop down over his belt just like the rest of us geezers. Now show some respect or I’m not getting your damn frisbee off the roof next time.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

422: It was the steady diet of woodchucks and Cub Scouts that did him in. I blame the weed left by all those tree-huggin’ hippies. He had muchies that nuts and berries could not satisfy.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

….’munchies’…..not ‘muchies’
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

I’d like to see Smokey using a drip torch next to a mowed firebreak, accompanied by one wolf holding a flapper and another wearing a waterpack. That would be progress.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

425 Poteet: Why would the wolf be holding a 1920’s good time girl ? Huh ? *Googling* Oh. I get it.
B. Racoon
August 16th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

Yes.
queek
August 16th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

412, re ArgylfulSuckitude, see 373-391-402. for why its a leprechaun and a bunch of animal heads. Doesn’t make it funny, of course.
Dr. Weird
August 16th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

422 Talking Squirrel –

Does that mean Smokey is a Plugger!?
Dr. Weird
August 16th, 2009 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

425 Poteet -

“Flapper” to me first brings to mind the 1920s party girl, so a wolf holding a flapper doesn’t seem appropriate for a message about fires. Attention-grabbing though!
Talking Squirrel
August 16th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

429 — Would a Plugger come after you with a stick if he caught you playing with matches in his yard? I think there’s your answer.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

Pluggers have a lot of ‘Souveniers’ left over from ‘nam and WILL use them to keep their lawn neat and orderly.
cocky
August 16th, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

“My first Frnch kiss”? Is Batuik too lame for her to say she lost her virginity to him?
gleeb
August 16th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

”One would have to have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell without laughing.”

Wilde sums up my feelings about Funky Winkerbean. It’s turned into camp.
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

# 425 — Flapper. They are more interesting-looking when they’ve been melted a little.

http://www.atlasfse.com/images/FireFlapper.JPG
Islamorada Girl
August 16th, 2009 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

OMG, Smokey has become a plugger! He needs the Bro!

Confidential to Poteet: Recently, a controlled burn in a wetland preserve near me not only got rid of a lot of invasive plants, it also revealed a lot of native growth, including two rare orchid species everyone thought had been wiped out. A little fire can be a good thing. It gets rid of the tourists.
Jamus The Bartender
August 16th, 2009 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

FOOB: No….Lawrence will be playing volleyball on Fire Island, which we’ll never see, because it’ll be the coolest single thing to happen to anyone in FOOB since April left home to date that cowboy.
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

# 436 Islamorada Girl — You are so right. A prescribed burn on my land revealed a plant species that hadn’t been documented in my county since the 1940s. Similar results have occurred elsewhere in the Midwest. Prescribed fire, when wisely used, is way cool.
commodorejohn
August 16th, 2009 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

#361 Poteet – Just read this, and I have to say: damn straight. We up here in Minnesota have been getting jumpy every dry summer for the past decade because the DNR has let metric assloads of dead wood pile up in the Boundary Waters and can’t bring itself to say “sorry guys, park’s closed for the summer while we BURN IT ALL” to all the campers. Gah.
anty a
August 16th, 2009 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

#392 buckyswife:
It’s on his own personal page. You have to be his “friend.” Not too hard to do….he loves everybody.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2009 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

My apologies; that should have been #332 buckyswife.
anty a
August 16th, 2009 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

AND…441 was me. Sheesh, it’s hot in Ohio right now..
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

While we are waiting for the next thread, here’s Garfield minus Garfield plus Rat:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3582/3828459860_a05e1a06ff_o.jpg
buckyswife
August 16th, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

436 Islamadora Girl: Do you live near me? See me at #391.

440 anty a: Thanks—yes, I have friended Tatulli. And the video is funny—and was it the picture of Pastis in the tux you were referring to? He cleans up nice.
Poteet
August 16th, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

# 391 buckyswife — Yeah, I don’t understand it. The strip wanders into and out of current thinking in an almost random manner, and sometimes wanders all the way back to the 1950s. Oh well. I’m hooked anyway.

DT — After years of coulrophobia caused by Pennywise in the TV version of “IT,” I think this DT clown is helping me to recover. In that last panel, he looks as bored as I am.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

Because I’m bored on a Sunday night and all the FOX cartoons are repeats, here’s Garfield minus Garfield plus Squishy:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2603/3827807589_140e96202c_o.jpg
Kajjansiblackmamba
August 16th, 2009 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

Nice Aerosquid!
treedweller
August 16th, 2009 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

Here’s a bit of barely-on-topic trivia that I know because I work with someone who decided it would be fun to use Smokey patches on our uniforms: Where he used to ask us to prevent forest fires, he now says we should prevent wildfires.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Thanx Kajjansiblackmamba !
buckyswife
August 16th, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

446 AeroSquid: Bored? Two words: Mad Men. I’m gonna get me some Don Draper action in just, oh, 20 minutes. (Yeah, non-comics talk—but this is, I think, a fading thread.)
bats :[
August 16th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

AeroSquid: it’s always about the hands, isn’t it? Lawrence’s kind of freak me out. Maybe there’s a hidden message:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3828759558/
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

451 bats :[ I’m imagining follow up panels…..and…..Oh My God !!
bats :[
August 16th, 2009 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

452. AeroSquid: did someone say “follow-up panels”?!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3827992991/sizes/o/
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

okay bats….It just got creepier. Am I expected to PS a turky baster into the panel while Larry says “Happy Thankgiving ! Gobble Gobble !” I’m getting sleepy.
Mr. O'Malley
August 16th, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

435. O Poteet. I think that the FireFlapper would be a great spokeperson to replace Smokey the Bear (as I remember there was always a “the”).

I’m picturing a production of Die Walküre set in the 1920s. Cloche hats with wings on the side, knee length skirts with a tin brassiere (a la Ruby Keeler in Gold Diggers of 1933). You could have campaigns with slogans like “23 skidoo to invasive species”, “Controlled burns are the cat’s pajamas”, “Give global warming the icy mitt”, etc.
AeroSquid
August 16th, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

Fine Bats :[ Here ya go !

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3486/3828837714_8672bee969_o.jpg
bats :[
August 16th, 2009 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

455. Mr. O’Malley: of course it’s Smokey the Bear. Otherwise that old fourth-grader riddle wouldn’t make any sense:

Q: What’s Smokey the Bear’s middle name?
A: “The”.

This was a genuine riddle that made the rounds from my schooldays. I always liked Smokey, too, because he came from New Mexico, just one state over (how cool is that, when so many people visualize the Southwestern U.S. as one vast desert?).
Kahootz
August 16th, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Too many comments to sort through, so I’m going to assume no one else mentioned the strange aluminum children used in the Gil Thorp strip.

Why else would they go “PING” when hit with a hurtling projectile?
buckyswife
August 16th, 2009 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

bats :[ & AeroSquid: Okay, those variations on Del & Larry’s procreativity are delightfully creepy—but not nearly so creepy as they’d be if they actually did involve Larry’s naughty bits in any way. For this couple, I’d much prefer the mechanical to the biological.
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 16th, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

8/16

FOOB: Elly, stop putting those ideas in the girl’s head. One of them is her brother, the other one will turn out to be gay. Either one is still a better prospect than the guy she’ll end up with, but that just shows how much damage remains to be undone.

WofI: Yeah, that Bernie Madoff joke was totally worth waiting eight months.

BrewRo: Pure gold.

H&J: This isn’t a funny observation, but it’s the second Sunday in a row when I’ve seen Herb’s head a different shape than during the week. I smell assistant.

SFx: You’re out on a pretty thin branch, Sly. “Um, yeah, he could have come back and stolen the same stuff he bought before” is not a convincing prima facie case. Especially if Buford Bull isn’t missing two of everything on the receipt. I predict Judge Owl is going to dismiss the case and head to his chambers for a Tootsie Pop break.

MW: “Face it. My job is just peddling bullshit to desperate suckers. Fuck, I could do that out of our garage.”
MolyBendum
August 16th, 2009 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Damn. How did I miss that the owl looks JUST LIKE the 70’s Tootsie Pop owl? Nice.
It’s like the dude who posted with the name “Ned Ryerson” – took me 5 minutes to remember where I knew that name from. (You can’t google everything.)
Poteet
August 17th, 2009 at 12:15 am [Reply]

# 455 Mr. O’Malley — I like it, I like it. I don’t know if Wagner would like it, but I do.
Poteet
August 17th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

8/17

Crankshaft — I’m trying to decide whether I’m mildly offended on behalf of garden clubs, Ohio (where I’ve spent considerable time), or the human race.

MW — Uh…what did Del consume when we weren’t looking? Uppers? A few cans of Red Bull?

MT — LOST! CRAZY! WON’T!

A3G — I like Lu Ann, which is why I’ve been yelling hello to her every month she’s been in South Dakota. But honestly, what is there to miss? It’s not that hard to find people who like peach cobbler.

FW — Bye, Wally!We’re through with you now! Have a dreadfully depressing life!
Poteet
August 17th, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

8/17

RMMD — Oh, NO. Oh, no no no. I refuse to accept this. One bizarre comic-strip outdoor writer is enough. Change professions, Tim! That spot’s been taken!

JP — Anyone who doesn’t know what’s going to happen next, raise your hand. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

S-M — Hasn’t Spidey fought Octogoof a bazillion times? What is he still surprised by anything Octogoof can do?
Artist formerly known as Ben
August 17th, 2009 at 12:36 am [Reply]

#461 Mollybendum,
Thanks for the heads up on Ned Ryerson. It rang a bell, but I couldn’t place it.

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