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We love you, Margo! And also fear you. But mostly love!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/13/09

I present to you this Snuffy Smith not because it’s noteworthy (it isn’t) or funny (oh, definitely not) but because it gives me an opportunity to point you in the direction of the puzzlingly detailed Wikipedia article for “Old Time,” which concept our flatland tourister (tourister?) neatly exemplifies. “The archetypical Old Timey costume includes … vertically-striped fabric, straw hats … a vest, and sleeve garters of the type worn in the later half of the 19th century,” says the crowdsourced wisdom of the world’s largest online encyclopedia, and two out of four clearly ain’t bad. The question of why the flatland tourister is dressed all old-timey, when the strip has always at least half-heartedly attempted to pass itself off as taking place in some extremely rustic locale in the present, is perhaps a mystery too profound for Wikipedia to answer.

(And thanks to behind-the-scenes Rifftrax genius Conor Lastowka for pointing me in the direction of this particular bit of Wikiwhimsy.)

Marvin, 9/13/09

Considering the kinds of filth this strip routinely serves up as family entertainment, I’m actually kind of surprised that they’re apparently not allowed to use the word “snot.”

Panel from Mary Worth, 9/13/09

As Detective Hewlett drops his simple frontier bride back off at her rustic farmhouse, let’s take a moment to savor the deliciousness of “Operation H-Town.” I’m going to wager that, contrary to the Chief’s gruff commentary, it will be a party — the kind of party where a certain lovelorn police officer gets killed! Will it be Adrian’s fault, because Scott will be so busy figuring out how to diplomatically tell her that she needs to get a haircut that costs more than $8 for the wedding ceremony that he’ll walk right into an ambush set by crazed smack dealers? Probably!

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 9/13/09

“…and so that’s when I decided that I didn’t love them either! Yes, everyone in the world who had ever or would ever live was now officially my enemy. They’d pay. Oh, they’d pay.

157 responses to “We love you, Margo! And also fear you. But mostly love!”

  1. AeroSquid
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    BG&SS: Just take Mr.Flatland Tourister into the secluded woods on the promise of card winnin’s and corn squeezin’s, Snuffy. You know…like in the Oldy Tymes. His clothes look mighty snappy, don’t they Lukey ?

  2. rachel
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    the kind detective is definitely going to die, and i am actually sad about this.

  3. Anonymous
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    MW – Detective Hewlitt is going to join Aldo in the Great “Beyond Charterstone!”

  4. Joe Blevins
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    Oh no! Has Marvin found another orifice with which to plague the world?

    BG&SS: Why is the moneybags flatland tourister carpetbagging scallywag smiling with such serene contentment? Can’t he hear Snuffy and Lukey talking about him four feet away?

  5. Comrade Denny
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    A3G: My, my. Margo’s lips are especially round and luscious today. You’re so beautiful when you’re sad, my dark mistress.

    MW: Since this is a heroin ring they’re busting up, isn’t there a good chance that it will be a party? I hope Ray will be there.

  6. Charterstone
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    Anonymous #2 – Wait, that’s me!
    MT – Jack Elrod must have just finished reading “The Beak of the Finch.”

  7. Charterstone
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    MW – Anyway, Adrian will make off with a hefty sum when she sell the diamond ring. Unless she drops it and loses the thing whilst she’s waving “Toodle-oo!” to the doomed detective.

  8. Tazistan Jen
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    Can anyone direct me to a place where I can see the Sunday A3G in all its glory? All me sites just show me Saturday again.

  9. Buck Ripsnort
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    “H-Town” obviously stands for Heroin, right?

    As for Marvin, I took it as Armstrong’s answer to all us Curmudgeons who complain about the little poop-factory: “Hey, I’d get 500,000 hits in half a day on Youtube! Suck it, prudes!”

  10. Uncle Lumpy
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    #8 Jen –

    Here ya go.

  11. BigTed
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    I guess it doesn’t matter that Marvin is growing up too dumb and poorly cared for ever to get into a good college…. Since every time he applies for a job, the interviewer will just look at him and say, “Hey, weren’t you the Internet snot baby?”

  12. Lazy Media
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    I actually know the answer to the Snuffy Smif conundrum, being of Appalachian origin meself. The Flatlanders in the strip are not Yankees or other sophisticates from far away. They are the relatively prosperous, but still rusticated denizens of the actual flat (and arable) land in the valleys below the hillbilly heights. Urban sophisticates would call them hillbillies, too. You will occasionally see them touring the scenic vistas of Hootin’ Holler in Model Ts. Thus the snappy sleeve garters and bowler hat of a small-town saloon sharp, who thinks he’ll somehow make money off Snuffy and Lukey.

    People in the mountains invariably know of someone MORE rural and unlearned than they, who are the actual “rednecks.” (People in the Appalachians use the term hillbilly only in jest).

  13. Sequitur
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    It was the flatland tourister in the general store with a pool cue. Do I win Clue?

  14. Ant Baby Machete Squad
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    The original text of Marvin did not say “nose”.

  15. BigTed
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    The “moneybags flatland tourister” is dressed that way to convince the fashion-backward locals he’s a wealthy rube, and not a slick traveling pool hustler. The only question is whether he’ll be able to get out of town with the $4.50 in quarters that represents Snuffy’s life savings before he’s hung by his striped necktie from the town’s highest oak tree.

  16. Tazistan Jen
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Bless you, Uncle Lumpy.

    You all dump on Luann, but she is being an awfully good friend to Margo these last several strips.

  17. buckyswife
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    #16 Tazistan Jen: True. But remember that we’re not the ones who have, say, dumped on her a drug-addicted murdered boyfriend, hallucinations and possible fume-produced brain damage, a family who wants nothing to do with her…. Her own creators seem to hate her more than anyone else does!

  18. Talking Squirrel
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    MW: The plot sicke … er, thickens.

  19. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised that a video of Marvin suffering and crying would only get 50000 hits. I would watch it that many times just by myself.

  20. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    I don’t dump on Lu Ann, and in fact when she makes eyes like that I have a powerful urge to say “There, there”, ruffle her behind the ears, and allow her up on the sofa for a little while.

  21. AeroSquid
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    I KNOW I’ve seen that A3G panel before !

    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3509/3917600470_a3f2aa7057_o.jpg

  22. Greg
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    I’m sorry, but I don’t care how backwards and banjo-playing these hillbillies are–no one would ever spell “General Store” as “Gen’rul Store.”

    They would spell it “Jinrl.”

    Or “jonRwull.”

    “Juhnerr1u ‘ lwe”?

  23. Reeseman
    September 13th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Detective Hewett is coming to Houston?

  24. feraljane
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Flat-lander Tourist also seems to be sporting either a bowler or possibly beaver hat; whilst not meeting the strictest definition of old time, bowlers have been out of style in this country for damned near a century.

    I too am afraid that Officer Scott will be killed; meaning that Jeff (and the rest of us) will be stuck with Adrian that much longer. However, I’m willing to bet it’s not the cheap, $8 haircut that haunts poor Scott Hewlitt, but the fact that Adrian almost turned into a gorgon when he proposed. I’m sure he’s dreading a honeymoon where ‘rock hard’ means something less pleasant, more fatal, than hours of sexual pleasure.

    Then again – I haven’t seen anything about Adrian that would equate with any sort of pleasure, much less the sexual kind. I think Scott would have had a better time in Apt 3-G; maybe it’s not too late for him to transfer to a job in NYC.

  25. bats :[
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Maybe there can be a buddy-cop spinoff television series, set in the afterlife and featuring Scott and Aldo, something like “Dead and Deader”…

  26. Calico
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    We <3 you, Margo.
    That's right.

  27. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    The Marvin title panel is pretty good if you allow yourself the luxury of imagining that below the frame they’re all stuck to an enormous glue trap.

  28. Comrade Denny
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    #25 – Bats: The chase scenes through hell would be pretty sweet.

  29. buckyswife
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    24 feraljane: Then again, there’s nothing that will kill you faster than hooking up with one of those A3G gals.

  30. Poteet
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    # 16 Tazistan Jen — I don’t dump on Lu Ann. Okay, maybe occasionally just a little bit. But I used to yell a formal hello to her once a month on this site when she was in South Dakota, and I really hoped aloud that she would actually have a chance to paint prairie wildflowers, which was her purported reason for going out there. (If she did paint them, we were never shown.) I can name the apparently late great organization that sponsored her trip to South Dakota (The Prairie Conservancy!) and I always remember that her name is Lu Ann, not Luann. As Golde said in FIDDLER ON THE ROOF, if that’s not love, what is?

  31. Chyron HR
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    From the Record of the Flatlander Tourist:

    It was the thirteenth day of September of the 2009th year of our era. Having amused myself till a late hour with my favorite recreation of billiards, I had retired to rest with an unsolved problem in my mind. In the night I had a dream.

    I saw before me a vast multitude of disheveled creatures (which I naturally assumed to be goblins or gnomes). A noise of confused gibbering almost–but not entirely–unlike the King’s English issued from them at intervals.

  32. AeroSquid
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    25. bats :[ I dunno….sounds kinda creepy…

    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3610/3917752012_7878fcdcc8_o.jpg

  33. David B
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Someone’s gotta ask it:

    Why is Detective Hewlett offering farewells by means of a Sieg Heil salute?

  34. Patrick
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    In whatever time warp Snuffy Smith takes place, are pool tables generally made with hand grenades for pockets?

  35. Brent
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    #4, Joe Blevins:

    He’s smiling because he’s planning to con everybody in this town out of what little they have. Dressing up like what the locals perceive a rich rube would look like explains that outfit perfectly.

  36. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Sunday JP: “…I wouldn’t have tried to kill him. Oh, I would have chased him down, yes! But I am a lov-air, not a fight-air.”

  37. Charlie
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois; It’s funny because Ditto gets raped everyday at school!

  38. Comrade Denny
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and their streetwise sidekick informant would be named Virgil.

  39. Sheila Sternwell
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    MW: If we were wagering on this — and I don’t know why we AREN’T, but whatevs — I’d bet that Scott won’t die but will be serious injured. Adrian will learn the valuable lesson that she doesn’t deserve to have time to heal or think about serious life decisions, that she should marry Scott immediately. Because she’s a woman and should just do what the men in her life think is right life is too short.

    Oh, there might be a brief side-plot where Adrian thinks she doesn’t want to marry a man who can get killed at any moment, but Mary will meddle just enough for Adrian to realize that was only a foolish, improper, female emotion and will change her mind.

  40. Sheila Sternwell
    September 13th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Haha “serious injured”. My typo makes me sound like Henchman 21 in “The Venture Bros.”

  41. Anonymous
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    #34, Patrick:

    Although I’m sure your question is purely rhetorical, and is therefore a stab at the “artistry” of the strip, some pool tables do in fact have netting for pockets, as evidenced here:

    http://his1k.com/wp-content/uploads/the-executive-pool-table.jpg

    Usually they’re made of leather and are featured, to my knowledge, on more expensive tables, which doesn’t explain how such a nice executive table would find its way to the Hootin’ Holler Gen’ral Store.

    So maybe you’re right about the grenades.

  42. Uncle Lumpy
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    #39 Sheila –

    Mary will meddle just enough for Adrian to realize that was only a foolish, improper, female emotion and will change her mind.

    I think you’re on to something — after all, Mary’s mission is to rescue her blinkered neighbors from the false consciousness that will lead them down the path to independent thought, pursuit of personal satisfaction, and other crippling afflictions.

  43. Poteet
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    Monday Spoilers

    Luann — In which we are reminded that there just can’t ever be enough discussion of the Brad/Toni maybe perhaps sort of kind of relationship.

    ReFoob — In which we are reminded that other people keep poor Elly’s life a living hell.

  44. bats :[
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    39. Sheila Sternwell: aha! Scott is seriously injured (his weenus is shot off or something), so that he and Adrian, if they marry cannot have children. Knowing her desire for kids, Scott encourages her to take a lover so that she can be impregnated.
    Enter Charley Smith, as Dr. Adrian’s Lover. Mary assumes the role of Mrs. Bolton, consoling Scott when he realizes that it’s taking an awfully long time, and many, many, many attempts for Charley to do the deed with/for/to Adrian. Even when Drew Cory returns from ‘Nam and tells Adrian she might consider adopting one of the orphans from Peace Village, Adrian politely refuses, continually drawn back to Charley’s humble bachelor condo and its crude art, Brand X potato chips, and Charley sprawned provocatively on the hide-a-bed.

  45. Black Drazon
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    Our tourister seems so out of place because Hootin’ Holler was actually destroyed in a horrible moonshinin’ fire at the turn of the last century and their ghosts have lingered on, telling jokes to one another with their tongues lolling out with the unnaturally loose jaws of the quick and the dead ever since.

  46. Black Drazon
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Also, I love Lu Ann’s face there. “No one loved me!” and she’s thinking: “You know what, when I get home, I’m gonna make me a pastrami on rye. Yeah… that’ll be awesome.”

  47. Mibbitmaker
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    (BG&)SS: The Flatlander, etc. (thinking): “These people actually spell general “gen’rul”, have their tongues hanging out sometimes, and put that boob on their money. This’ll be a really easy griftin’!”

    Marvin: The main strip continuity here is patently impossible. See the close-up in the throw-away panels? Marvin HAS NO NOSTRILS!! And I don’t want to even consider where on his nose the stuff is coming from. YECCH!

  48. zerowolf
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    #33 David B — Someone’s gotta ask it:

    Why is Detective Hewlett offering farewells by means of a Sieg Heil salute?”

    Hmmmm…. and he is wearing a brown shirt… Maybe H-town is code for White Supremacy meeting?

  49. buckyswife
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ “aha! Scott is seriously injured (his weenus is shot off or something), so that he and Adrian, if they marry cannot have children. Knowing her desire for kids, Scott encourages her to take a lover so that she can be impregnated.”

    That’s so Sun Also Rises—poor, tortured, impotent Scott, forever tied to the unstable sex-magnet Lady Adrian as she seeks to satisfy herself with a series of short-term affairs. Her liaison with the glamorous bullshit-artist Charley nearly dooms her, but she can’t resist the way he looks in his stripey shirts. Scott tries to console himself with potato-ade and salmon fishing, seeking redemption in the Santa Royale ex-urbs, to no avail; he’s continually drawn back into the aimless, hedonistic Charterstone life, with its pool parties and cherry Kool-Aid-fueled Bum Boat orgies of excess.

  50. buckyswife
    September 13th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    33 David B and 48 zerowolf: The police captain also had a certain Fuhrer-esque look…. One could make the argument that Santa Royale is an Aryan enclave, with a twist: it’s a matriarchal Aryan enclave, in which Mary must approve all breeding matches for eugenic purposes.

  51. skullcrusherjones
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    H-Town? Houston is filled with snot-nosed kids, loveless shrews and sits on sea-level flat land. So, I’ve been living in the comics all this time? Sure explains why the Texans play like Batiuk is writing them.

  52. AeroSquid
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    44. bats :[ . How about this scenario: Rather than taking an Aryan lover (as Scott requested through Craigslist), Adrian goes to the Sperm-O-Mart ™ and selects a random discount baster. The label reads: ALDO KELRAST……

  53. Digger
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure why Jenny is complaining. Snot is the least offensive of the many excretions that Marvin produces.

    MW: When you’re planning an undercover sting operation, it’s always a good idea to stand on your girlfriend’s driveway, shouting your plans into a cell phone, all while wearing the ugliest suit known to humanity. That’s some good police work right there.

  54. Carly
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Marvin’s rattling the fourth wall this week, and I think that’s Josh making a guest appearance as Jenny.

    Sorry, Marvin, I don’t care how many readers you have; you’re still gross.

  55. DumbBlone
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @49 buckyswife MW: Thanks to you, from now on whenever I read The Sun Also Rises I will picture Jack Barnes wearing a horrible burnt orange jacket. Actually, MW gives Hemingway a run for his money in the barely-concealed misogyny behind the female characterizations. Women fall into two camps: either they are saintly ditzes, or scheming manipulative ball-busters (hello, Mary!)

    Then again, Scott strikes me as the type of guy who might not notice the injury. I mean, some folks are superficially bland but have hidden depths, but Detective Orange Jacket strikes me as being the kind of bland that goes all the way to the bone. (ahem.)

    P.S. @YYT 350 buckyswife: On a serious note, I hope your stinkbug problem is resolved. Our office was once infested with them, and when the air conditioning would turn off for the evening they would fall out of the grates onto your keyboard making an uncanny clicking noise (thinking about it still makes me shiver!)

  56. DumbBlone
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    P.P.S @YYT 351 Poteet: I’d say welcome to the “biophilia bordering on misanthropy” affiliation group, except that, well, we just kind of tolerate each other don’t we?

    Margo was going to be a member, but then she realizes that she has a bitter hatred for animals as well. Apparently, even her childhood dog didn’t love her.

  57. parvomagnus
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    ok, Marvin, if your punchline involves technology, and you letter the name of said technology differently from every other word in your comic, you are officially a fogey. I like to imagine that the lame strips of yore switched to a poor imitation of Courier whenever the punchline involved a typewriter.

  58. mr 12 oz can
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    on most tv shows when they show drug dealers there usually people of color .a person of color in a mary worth strip will make headlines .

  59. zamros
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Man, good ol’ Herb & Jamaal is absolutely starved for filler panels today. I can understand filler like the second panel, which just reiterates the excitement from the first, or the fifth panel where Jamaal tells Herb to hurry up with the snacks already, or lazily stretching Herb’s dialogue between the last two panels. But is it so essential to include a panel involving Herb politely paying Jamaal his share of the food and pay-per-view boxing costs? I’d take a Countee Cullen poem with Herb’s mother in law looking wistfully at her granddaughter over this crap. This whole thing could easily, and probably more effectively, fit in to the traditional 4 panels. Hell, it could even fit in to 3. Or maybe zero, so we never have to see Herb & Jamaal again.

    One last thing: Jamaal’s head is shaped like a dick and balls.

  60. Kibo
    September 13th, 2009 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Number of people who read “Marvin” in the newspaper: 13,047.

    Number of imaginary people who watched the imaginary “Marvin” video on YouTube: 500,000.

    Number of people who saw Josh comment on the strip here: 501,000.

    JOSH WINS!

    – K.

    (Number of people who saw this comment: 4.)

  61. Flummoxicated
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wow, this unfolding plot has all the subtlety of a horny water buffalo.

  62. Perky Bird
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think of rural rustics as being particularly skilled in the game of billiards. Moonshine making, possum-skinning, and cousin-loving, however, a definite yes. So unless the “city slicker” is challenging Snuffy to any of those things, I’d say he has a pretty good chance of keeping his money. Unless said “city slicker” is from, say, Yazoo City, Mississippi. Then I’d say the chances of his winning are about 50-50.

  63. Steve S
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    Considering his outfit and hair, it looks like the detective may be going undercover as Mr. Rogers.

  64. ladadog
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: I must have missed something. I didn’t realize that Adrian lived with her Aunt Eller.

  65. bats :[
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    52. AeroSquid: is that located next to Wal-Mart, or INSIDE Wal-Mart, like the hearing aid and eyeglass places?

  66. Alan's Addiction
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the cheerful malevolence of today’s “Snuffy Smith.” We see the hillbillies’ innate dislike of the “flat landers” on display today, minutes before they decide to reenact “Deliverance.”
    I have to commend today’s “Marvin.” Yes, it continues the strip’s disgusting obsession with the substances that infants secrete, but at least today’s substances come from the top end.
    About today’s “Mary Worth,” I must say that “Operation H-town” sounds like some stupid frat boy lingo for “drinking” to avoid upsetting the dorm’s RA. I also have to wonder about the order to “finalize the plans” before whatever it is they’re doing… If something is unplanned for, wouldn’t one plan it out before going into a situation in which there will be automatic weapons? If not, I think we can agree that it might be a case of “improving the gene pool.”
    I think that what I like most about today’s “Apartment 3G” is Margo’s admission that, “No one ever loved me,” as if it were some sort of news. Next, she’ll be telling us that water is wet. On the other hand, that sort of observation is remarkably introspective for a heartless, unstoppable killing machine sent from the future to destroy humanity, so maybe I have to give Margo some credit.

  67. AeroSquid
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    65. bats :[ Actually it’s in Sams ™, Wal-Marts bulky cousin. You can get a 55 Gallon tub ‘o sock babies there on the cheap. It’s located between the life-size Mrs Butterworth ™ decanters and the Frozen Fillet of Goat pallets.

  68. Poteet
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    # 56 DumbBlone — It’s true, what you say. But the humor on this site does tend to help me temporarily forget my dark, suspicious nature.

  69. Jumper
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    I had the dim notion that detective Scott was himself a heroin addict, like Harvey Keitel in 1992′s Bad Lieutenant. He was, after all, staring at the floor, not making eye contact, during the Big Briefing. After some thought, however, I realize that this is entirely out of line for a family strip, and indeed the very notion of an addict cop is doubleplusungood to the authors of 3G.

    Speaking of haircuts, has anyone pointed out that maybe 98% of all cops in the USA now have shaved heads? 3G seems completely unaware of this fact.

  70. Poteet
    September 13th, 2009 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    # 64 ladadog — Compared to Adrian, Laurie was a keen, sophisticated observer of the subtler aspects of human nature. And she had much better taste in clothes.

    I’d like to think that if Aunt Eller had ever been stuck with Adrian for more than 24 hours, she would have found some way to help her die in a tragic farm accident, like maybe falling onto a pitchfork.

  71. Charles
    September 13th, 2009 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Re: Marvin

    Now Josh, what makes you so sure that the “yucky stuff” coming out of Marvin’s nose is snot?

  72. Jumper
    September 13th, 2009 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Also, the authors seem unfamiliar with the one of the main telltale signs of heroin use: confusing Mary Worth with Apartment 3G.

  73. BryanBryan
    September 13th, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    Nothing but Marvin screaming and “yucky stuff” coming out of his head? Sounds kind of like an exorcism to me. God, please of let it have been an exorcism.

  74. Ed Dravecky
    September 13th, 2009 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    parvomagnus @57: I like to imagine that the lame strips of yore switched to a poor imitation of Courier whenever the punchline involved a typewriter.

    You mean like every single time we saw Snoopy on top of his doghouse working on the Great American Novel? Yeah, that’s been a comics tradition since before most of us here were born.

  75. fishmorgjp
    September 13th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    I keep getting the impression that Marvin is produced by aliens. Aliens whose birth cycle involves laying eggs in excrement, to hatch and wriggle in excrement and mucus as growing larvae… ick. Never mind.

  76. Red Greenback
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    MW: The cops originally wanted to use another code name for their sting, but they were warned that Jesse Jackson got in some hot water back in ’84 for using that name. So they shortened it to “Operation H-Town”.

    BTW, I just want to go on record and say that I like Adrian’s haircut.

  77. Donkey Hotey
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    #41 Anonymous – That is the ugliiest pool table I’ve ever seen. I hope I didn’t just insult a piece of your furniture.

    #60 Kibo – Make that 5.

    Today’s Arlo & Janis: Huh?
    B.C.: I’m one of the few who actually liked B.C. back in the day (before the late Johnny Hart got all Bible-thumpy) and I have to say I think Mason Unspellablelastname has been doing a pretty good job of bringing new ideas to the strip while remaining true to its traditions. Today’s strip is a good example. I don’t recall Hart ever drawing any vehicle other than a single wheel (with accessories such as pinstripes, bug screen, etc.), but having Peter use it as a new way to romance the Cute Chick is definitely appropriate for the character.
    Two Non-Specific Guys: I agree with #59 zamros that this should have been a daily, not a Sunday.
    Luann: I’m a high school English teacher, and today’s strip was dead-on accurate.
    Spiderbrick: Christ, what an asshole.
    Blondie: Ditto Spiderbrick comment.
    ‘Shaft: Crankshaft must be dying.
    DtM: Misogyny is not menacing.
    Family Inner Circle of Hell: “Can Larry…shower with me?”
    JP: “So you chase the guy down and try to kill him? Are you insane?” “Rocky SMASH!!!!”
    MC: Touching. Now let’s get back to gut-bustingly funny.
    Retail: I like this strip. Lunker cracks me up.
    RMMD: Isn’t this guy the son of Henry’s girlfriend? Why the hell isn’t he out looking for his mom?
    6C: Honest to God…STOP with the unfunny Twitter jokes! Just STOP.
    FOOB: Elly finally finds an intellectual equal.
    Garfield: Actually made me laugh today.

  78. Poteet
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    9/14 MW — Ah, all becomes clear. Scott is gonna get pumped fulla lead tonight and will be brought into the emergency room to be treated by a devastated Adrian.

    If I’m right, I thank Moy and Giella in advance for moving this sucker along. After that two-week palaver between Mary and Delilah, we deserve some real action, dammit.

  79. Poteet
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    9/14 FW — Arrrrrrrrgh, bats:[ was right. (But I know it’s not your fault, bats:[. Unless the students are going to perform WIT, which seems highly unlikely for a high school, they are going to perform an original play based on *pause for really extended shudder interspersed with sobbing* LISA’S STORY. Shoot me! Shoot me now!

  80. Poteet
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    9/14 S-M — BWAHAHAHA! Um, sorry. I’m sure that’s not the reaction I’m supposed to have at the sight of this terrifying *snicker* new S-M villain. I’m supposed to recoil in terror, right? Oh please, Sandman, don’t get in my shoes! No, no, not my shoes! Please! Hahahaha!

  81. Caphi
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    I think today’s Marvin is the product of some twisted, misdirected envy. “Babies doing disgusting things on camera getting a trillion hits overnight? I have a comic strip about a baby that does new, freshly horrifying things every single day! WHERE’S MY FAME, WORLD?!”

  82. Red Greenback
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    @#78: I do believe you’re right about the ER scenario, Poteet. After all, Scott did do some foreshadowing when he mentioned that he’s a “patient” man.
    *rimshot*vealweekwaitress.

  83. Poteet
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    # 82 Red — HAR!!

    SLYLOCK — Woo-hoo. I wonder what Cassandra thinks of Princess Pussycat.

  84. True Fable
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Flaky Writerbean Do I hear a shot being fired over our Curmudgeony bow? Bring it, Tommy. Bring. It.

    Mary, Bringer of Meddle Why is it that people never seem to open their mouths when they speak in Serial Dramic Land, but today Adrian feels the need to pop her mouth open wide in order to think what’s on her mind?

    Fist O Justice theater It’s hard to say whether Rusty wants to be awakened if an alligator came into camp, or not.

    Scenes from Suburban Hell So right now it’s costing her time out of her day to do laundry. Fair enough. But hey, why not constantly have to buy clothing because the biodegradable stuff doesn’t last! Brilliant!

    Sam Driver of the Pretty People Posse I thought Rocky only added another $10K? Well, maybe it’ll just keep growing until they get it to the bank, which considering Judge Parker time, is going to cost Rocky a hell of a lot after the average of six or seven months.

  85. Gnoll
    September 14th, 2009 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    A3G: I knew those tears were fake, Margo finally slipped up and started smiling at the thought of telling everyone Eric is dead. Now she can have the wedding she always wanted all by herself, and no one else is invited because nobody ever loved Margo and fuck if any of them ever will, because she’s not going to let that happen.

  86. MolyBendum
    September 14th, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    9/14 Mary – Good thing Adrian has never watched cop shows. Or hospital dramas. Or soap operas. Hell, or Scrubs, for that matter. I can’t decide if the shootout in H-Town (oy-vey) is going to take all week or will get about 3 days of lip service. Either way this is the only serial strip that made any progress today. I guess we all know basically what will transpire. I wish they’d go all out and have Scott get shot in the face becoming horribly disfigured, have him lose his job and his semi-love Adrian, and then he can drive off a cliff while sucking on a bottle of scotch. Haven’t done that yet this year.

  87. True Fable
    September 14th, 2009 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    9 Dickweed Lane Oh great. Thorax rears his ugly little misshapen head.

    I, Platypus LOL!

    SFx Why, any Southerner can tell you the answer to this: All he has to do is get a Moon Pie and he’ll figure out which one is the Royal Crown. Week! Waitress! Veal!

  88. Mibbitmaker
    September 14th, 2009 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    9/14:

    FW: I think we’re being satirized — badly.

    A3G: “I just contacted his spirit from the Great Beyond, aaaaaaaaaaaand………… no, he wouldn’t.”

    FW: (Okay, I’ll bite) But the old play was funny, whimsical, clever and fun. I don’t blame them for being pissed off.

    Other Coast: Do you get the feeling Raeside just read the last scene in the 1st chapter (originally, issue) of Bone?

    BBlues: Six of one, half dozen of the other, crybaby.

    HotC: He’s a black cat; he’s going out to find Lio.

    Luann: You know Brad’s being ridiculous when that idiot is the voice of reason!

    MT (middle panel): Looks like Elrod finally discovered a new facial expression. He has so few.

    S-M: “…That’d be too redundant!”

    9CL: Oh gawd, not that creep again! Let’s see him outta there faster than the real-life guy. This twit’s got to have an offensive theory about 9/11. It’s just fate with that blob.

  89. Sister Sestina
    September 14th, 2009 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    MW – So Adrian was dating a crook who was caught by a cop who proposed to her but who’s now is slouching towards extermination…what next, will she get engaged to the CSI tech who works on the cop’s corpse? Adrian’s love life more and more resembles the stages of one of those parasites who have to go through several species in the most Rube Goldbergian fashion in order to complete their life cycle.

    parvomagnus @57 – I think the letterer isn’t trying to imitate another typeface per se but mirror how “YouTube” is a name mixing uppercase with lowercase letters, whereas the text in the word balloons is all uppercase according to standard procedure. Still looks stupid though.

  90. Mibbitmaker
    September 14th, 2009 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    9/14FW: “It’s called playwriting!” (this is going to be fun!)

  91. Donkey Hotey
    September 14th, 2009 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    #77 Me – By “today” I meant Sunday. I forgot the time stamp is four hours ahead of my Seattle clock.

  92. Mr. O'Malley
    September 14th, 2009 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: So he is 61 and he has a daughter who’s 20. (I assume she did two years at junior college if she’s going to graduate in ’11.) I guess this strip didn’t time-jump like FW, so if they read FW it would be like reading their future.

    NS: Everyone’s getting into the Woodstock granny concept. Everyone who can do arithmetic, anyway. Because if you went to Woodstock you would be about 60 years old right now.

    ReFoob: Those children picked up their disgusting eating habits early in life, it appears.

    Lockhorns: People are selling those gigantic TVs on Craigslist for about $40. Except that they have wires connected to them.

    MT: Alligators are reptiles. Wouldn’t they be less active at night when it’s cooler?

    Peanuts: Note the dial telephone and old-fashioned grammar.

    Pluggers using a remote control and unable to recall the Steve Allen years? What Plugger who gets around using a roadmap from Eisenhower’s first term would get so modern? Vicki Mahayni, you need to work harder on your Pluggerhood.

    SFx: This place is a despotic monarchy? I guess that explains the lack of due process we’ve observed. And with a cat in charge of everything. On the other hand, a government that spends most of its time snoozing has something to recommend it.

    ZtP: Th’ vernacular architecture strips are th’ best.

  93. Hobbes Fan
    September 14th, 2009 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    FW: Ah, cancer! What won’t it do for a storyline??

  94. Dr. Weird
    September 14th, 2009 at 3:48 am [Reply]

    FW:

    Bats :[ called it… Lisa’s Story: The Musical Play.

    This isn’t a third grade class production though… other popular high school plays involve death and lots of it! Hamlet (and many Shakespeare plays) and Arsenic & Old Lace are perennial favorites with a high body count.

  95. Alfred E. Neuman
    September 14th, 2009 at 4:04 am [Reply]

    Archie— I hear ya’, Archie. Back when I was in academia, I liked to ease into April, too. Unfortunately, Mrs. Neuman objected.
    *padumpum*

  96. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 14th, 2009 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    FW: “It’s tired, Moore! It’s old hat! We’ve seen it! We want leprosy and dismemberment.”

  97. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 14th, 2009 at 5:39 am [Reply]

    FC: “When the cold weather gets here, Jeffy, wolves will eat you.”

  98. MolyBendum
    September 14th, 2009 at 5:50 am [Reply]

    Beetle – How many times does Sarge have to remind him? No bedroom names in public.

    Baldo – A Mexican astronaut? What?! Next thing you know, they’ll put a Mexican on the Supreme Court.

    Curtis – Those inner-city kids are….tough? Is that even bullying? “I wrote new snaps!” “No! Oh god, no, not new snaps! I can’t handle you saying mean things that aren’t based in reality about my mom!”

    Pluggers – No, you’re just old. You’re old, you don’t know who Conan O’Brien is anyway, and you should take your medication and just go to bed. Or die. Either way.

    Zits – Ah…the angst-ridden days of being a solitary teenager, put upon by your parents, left with only your guitar and a tune for comfort as you while away the hours. Alone with your texting. And iphone. And Twitter. And Facebook. And MySpace. Sooooooo alone.

    Ziggy – Hey, it’s Charlie Brown. There ya go, Chuck, ol’ Zig makes you look like you had the world by the balls all along.

  99. Just some guy
    September 14th, 2009 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    Is it wrong that I find Marvin’s mom kind of hot in this strip today?
    No need to reply, I already know the answer.

  100. under_score
    September 14th, 2009 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    FW Oh Batiuk, you hack, it’s not the just cancer that your critics have issues with. It’s the cancer, plus double-MIA, amnesia, lost limbs, infertility, NICU babies (had forgotten about that one, thanks for the recent reminder), Afgani orphans, hearing loss, *collapses in despair, crawls back to lurking mode*

  101. Talking Squirrel
    September 14th, 2009 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    FW: “All the world’s a stage” — true dat, and Shakey had enough street smarts that he wouldn’t get any on the groundlings while he was whacking off to his Muse.

    Maybe Batiuk figured he was safe from us now that the tomatoes are all off the vines. Perhaps he doesn’t realize that rotten eggs are always in season.

  102. Lolsworth
    September 14th, 2009 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    So apparently Hootin’ Holler houses a dimensional portal wherein creatures existing in only two dimensions can interact with those in three. And lose to them at pool. Ethical question: is it actually justifiable for Snuffy to look down on the Flatlanders, given that they genuinely are inferior, or is he just a dick? Alright, so that’s not an either\or question.

  103. Bryan
    September 14th, 2009 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    MW: Yeah, I’m betting of Scott’s bullet-riddled corpse being wheeled in before the night is over.

    La Cucaracha: Hey both this strip and its ideological mirror image did Disney/Marvel jokes today! Do they call each other or something?

  104. buckyswife
    September 14th, 2009 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    MT: “I don’t think so”? I’m sorry, but that wouldn’t be enough reassurance to allow me to get any sleep, either.

    “I don’t think any alligators will come into our camp and eat your little dog, Rusty. And I can’t be certain, but I don’t think that they will come and eat you, too. Nor do I think that they will maim you—at least, not so anyone would notice, given your current deformities.”

    JP: “I didn’t refuse the money because he would have gone and spent it anyway, and he might as well spend it on fabulously wealthy people like us, right?”

    BB: Geez, I did not need to be confronted with Sarge and Beetle’s little incest game first thing in the morning.

    MW: I’d wondered how Adrian, who seems to be as dumb as a box of hair, could be a doctor, but today it all becomes clear: Because she’s the “slow” daughter of the beloved Dr. Jeff Cory, the hospital lets her play “hospital person,” even giving her a blank clipboard and a white coat. Her simple delight brings joy to all.

    A3G: Gabriella, do not get between Margo and the opportunity to be the bearer of bad news.

  105. Panthea
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    I may be looking for sense where none has ever existed, but why is Flatland Tourister over there behind the counter? Has he drifted into town to sell his collection of unnamed but colorfully labeled bottles?

  106. Panthea
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:03 am [Reply]

    Wow, never mind, that’s the pool table. And those bottles are going to be introduced to the pool cue in a shattering display of old-timey feng shui. “Where should we put this rack of glass bottles? Behind the pool table, of course!”

    Could be I’m just overthinking this.

  107. A Box of Hair
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    104, buckyswife: I’d wondered how Adrian, who seems to be as dumb as a box of hair…

    I find that joke insulting.

  108. buckyswife
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    55 DumbBlone: But the parallels don’t stop there!

    Sun Also Rises is an important 20th-century literary work, with compelling characters and an infamous homoerotic subtext. Down to its very structure, it argues for the necessity of the shift from romanticism to realism because of the depths of post-WWI disenchantment and malaise.

    Mary Worth is a mediocre 20th-century comic strip, with shallow characters and no subtext, save what we here impose upon it. AND it seems to have been around since WWI!

    Yes, isn’t it pretty to think so?

  109. buckyswife
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    107: I hereby apologize to all the boxes of hair who will find my comparison insulting; I did not mean to cast aspersions.

    Do I have to go on Oprah now?

  110. mkilby
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Why does a general store have a pool table? Don’t they have a bar out there in Hickville? Assuming that Silas found the table at the local dump, it’s not all that surprising that he took an old one with conventional pockets, since he’d never to be able to get a coin-op table in working order. And how long has it been since anyone has seen a coin-op pool table that let you play a game for just one quarter?

  111. mordock999
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Barney Goggle and Snuffy Smith – 0913/09 -

    Take a GOOD LOOK at THAT “SNUFFY BUCK” in Panel One Folks, because, the way the US economy is going, THATS the currency We’ll be USING before long. Be SURE to CUT and PASTE.

    LUANN – 09/14/09 -

    ARGGGGGH!!! Look what You’ve DONE, Greg Evans! You’ve got me ACTUALLY AGREEING today with THAT @#$%, #@!%^&*, TJ!!!

    DARN You, Greg Evans! DARN You ALL to HECK!!!!

    ______________________

    DEATH to TJ and some SLIGHT DISCOMFORT to Evans!!!

  112. Mooncattie
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    FW – No matter how one feels about death and cancer as subject matter for a school play, you have to admit that it takes pretty big balls to take on Les and the Westview Drama Department.

  113. mvg
    September 14th, 2009 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    zerowolf (48): “Hmmmm…. and he is wearing a brown shirt… Maybe H-town is code for White Supremacy meeting?”

    Or Hitlertown. Who knew Charterstone was in Cincinnati?

    mibbitmaker (88): “FW: (Okay, I’ll bite) But the old play was funny, whimsical, clever and fun. I don’t blame them for being pissed off.”

    And here I’d been expecting it to be “Equus” or somesuch.

    under_score (100): “FW Oh Batiuk, you hack, it’s not the just cancer that your critics have issues with. It’s the cancer, plus double-MIA, amnesia, lost limbs, infertility, NICU babies (had forgotten about that one, thanks for the recent reminder), Afgani orphans, hearing loss…”

    Tell it! Amen! You wanna get schooled, Bathos? You’re gonna go down like an ape-faced paparazzi to a Rocky Ledge haymaker.

    True Fable (84): “Flaky Writerbean Do I hear a shot being fired over our Curmudgeony bow? Bring it, Tommy. Bring. It.”

    It’s on. It is so on.

  114. sugarpie
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    RMMD

    Dear Mr. Wilson and Mr. Nolan,

    I just wanted to say how sorry I am for being so childish and hateful in my comments during the ‘Summer of Love’ cruise story line. If I promise to never do it again, will you please wrap up the current strip by Friday? You can even bring back Guido, Scary Drunky Lady, or heck, even Li’l Willie.

    Really, it doesn’t matter what the next story is. Please, please, just end this current one soon since I’m too lazy to go through my chron.com lineup and delete Rex Morgan. If you do, I promise to be your best friend forever!

    love you,

    sugarpie

  115. Sequitur
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    Touché , Tom Batiuk. Let the games begin.

  116. Lost in Dryden
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    What the hell kind of play are they doing over in the Funkyverse? Our Town????

  117. John E
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Monday FunkCancerBean – looks like Batuik is going to give all of us Don’t-Like-Cancer-Death-Or-Misery-In-The-Funnypapers a good talking to…

    It will probably be very grim and depressing…

  118. kevinbapp.com
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Looks like Adrian’s going to have to activate her eHarmony account again soon. Though it’s clear that Whatsisname Hewlett was her Adrian — too loving and kind, and desperate to marry her, and Whatsisname Grifter — who she probably has been visiting in jail ever since his incarceration, is her Mr. Big, and much more to her liking.

  119. Sequitur
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Maw of the day. Joe or Rat.
    You decide.

  120. Muffaroo
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Dick – “Ringo, you are in the witness protection program, as you and I know — and now as everybody within earshot of us knows, too. I guess we should have used the Tent of Silence.”
    “Oh, Dick! Not the Tent of Silence!”

    GilFinger pull on the 30! Ten-yard penalty on both teams!

    Mark – But would you be able to hear Sassy barking inside the alligator?

    Momma – Ah, the hell that is Momma’s life! One of her sons isn’t married and the other one is!

    Piranha – It’s funny because there’s a vestibule in your ear.

    Popeye – Blozo’s back.

    R=R – Another goddamn day, another goddamn caption of goddamn explanation. I suggest saving time and lettering work by just renaming the strip “bunch of morons.”

    Snuffy – What happens in Hootin’ Holler is funny to Hootin’ Holler.

    Ziggy – I hate to ask, but if the one on the right is Charlie Brown, who’s the other one? Dennis the Menace?

    Donkey Hotey @77 – Classic BC included a couple of rather complex log-and-wheel vehicles that Thor made. They didn’t stick around long. I think they were mostly for one brief sequence of escalating gags.

    Lost in Dryden @116 – I called that last week. “With real ghosts.”

  121. Talking Squirrel
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    FW: 112 Mooncattie says: “No matter how one feels about death and cancer as subject matter for a school play, you have to admit that it takes pretty big balls to take on Les and the Westview Drama Department.”

    If you’re referring to the third panel — and I think you are — no doubt Batiuk intended that to be disgusting thigh flab, a transparent ploy to prejudice us against a “physically unattractive” character. He assiduously works both sides of this particular street — giving his characters disabilities so readers feel for them, or making them ugly so readers will despise them. (Evidently he didn’t witness our recent outpouring of sympathy for JP’s “Simeon the Punched-Out Paparazzo”…)

    This is such an epic-fail tactic on his part, I can only attribute it to raging masochism. Or hyperemic ballocks.

  122. Sequitur
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    JP – “He adds another $20,000… he would’ve paid that in legal fees!”
    “That’s why I didn’t refuse the extra money!”

    This makes no sense at all, accounting wise.

  123. MolyBendum
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Mark – Oh Rusty. Rusty…you droopy-eyed sot of a lad. I’ve lost fights where I don’t look at bad as you do in panel 2. I’ve spent 6 hours drinking soju in Korea and woke up in a turtle ditch not looking as bad as you in panel 2. I was roused by the Polezei at 7am in the middle of an intersection after drinking hefeweizen and smoking weed all night at Rock-am-Ring and didn’t look as bad as you in panel 2. You are one fucked up, poorly-drawn child. Make a BIG fire, Mark, to keep the villagers with their pointy pitchforks away.

    Gil – Duncan Daley is more focused this year, praise Jeebus! Let’s hope he can find a running back worthy of his tackle……

    Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick – In the last month, a trapeze chick died and Dick talked about it. That’s it. This makes Rex Morgan look like Tranformers II.

  124. Lost in Dryden
    September 14th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    muffaroo@120. Dang, you’re fast. I’m sorry I missed your earlier comment. Can I add: The stage manager costumed in black robe and a scythe, and a massacree in the graveyard as the final scene?

  125. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    #123 – I think I get where you’re going with the villagers and pitchforks, but Rusty’s creation story was probably less “Modern Prometheus” and more sort of “Inebriated Loki Having a Laugh”.

  126. John C Fremont
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    FW – Man, oh, man, I was having a crap-crap-crappy day until I read Funky Winkerbean a few moments ago. Hoo!

    I hope this doesn’t mean that I’m starting to like Tom Batiuk, ’cause, like, ew and stuff.

  127. queek
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    FW: *headdesk* why am I not surprised.

    SFx: Mr. Weber Jr. is just playing with us now. (also, Archimedes wants his EUREKA moment mentioned in the solution.)

  128. Sequitur
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    FW – Les’ answer. “It’s okay. It’s a musical!”

  129. AeroSquid
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    FW: “No…it’s NOT about ‘death and cancer’. It’s about ‘cancer and death !’ There’s a difference.”

  130. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    Today on Cooking with Gil, it’s Gil’s own recipe for stuffed halfback, served with a tasty sage and onion dressing. You’ll love washing this down with a crisp lager as you sit back and watch your young charges run themselves to the brink of heat exhaustion.

  131. Talking Squirrel
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    120 Muffaroo: “Mark – But would you be able to hear Sassy barking inside the alligator?”

    If years of inappropriately-emanating balloons are any indication, the answer to that would be an unqualified “yes” — unless the gator tightened up his sphincter.

  132. AeroSquid
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MT: OMG ! Rusty is a pyro !

  133. Professor Fate
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    FW: BATUIK you self absorbed twit – it’s not the [curses deleted] subject matter – it’s that you handle them like a hack soap opera writer who has given up even trying and uses the same plot twist over and over again – Doctor screws up Lisa’s records, the Army screws up Wally’s records – and then gets insulted when the ploting problems are pointed out. You write Cheap vulgar melodrama that would get a laugh out of Bulwer-Lytton.

    Doonesbury has handled subjects like Aids, the war, alzhimers, mental health and the like with ease style and grace – I find BD’s politics appalling and yet I was shocked by his injury and rooted for his recovery.

    Calivn and Hobbes handled death more than once with out banging it’s chest like a howler monkey gone spare (no insult to howler monkeys intended) yelling ‘OOK OOK LOOK AT ME IT’S CALLED WRITING! OOK OOK IT’S ART’

    Schmuck.

  134. Jason
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Batuik can totally redeem himself if he makes fat angry buzzcut anti-Cancer play guy one of the main characters. He has become the hero of the strip for me. He stands for all that is right, good, and true. I want to start a fan site for fat angry buzzcut anti-Cancer play guy (FABACPG). Go FABACPG Go! You speak for us all!

  135. fishmorgjp
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    100 under_score: Ah, but you left out the most important element of Funkyworld: the never ending, heavy-lidded smirk-smirk-smirk.

  136. Whippersnapper
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    FW: Usually, I would argue that the school should put on whatever play they want. But this is the Winkerverse. These kids have two, maybe three healthy, unmaimed years left. Why remind them of that fact by putting on a play filled with misery, suffering, and death, and that undoubtedly ends with the line “Welcome to your future, bitches!”?

  137. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Death was truly innovative and grew steadily (and rapidly) in sophistication and complexity over the span of their discography. Cancer was almost entirely unremarkable and had really only a single somewhat-above-average album to their credit. I think people are rightly incensed about the apparently equal billing the two are receiving.

  138. Dingo
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Finally, on September 14, 2009, we hear Beetle Bailey utter the word toward Sarge we’ve all pondered: “Daddy.” Now we know how it is in their family.

    GT: I don’t know who the assistant coach with the beard is but if he permanently joins the strip, I’ll be a loyal reader. Booyah!

    MT: If Sassy sees one, she’ll remain silent and quietly laugh as it tears you limb from limb.

    MW: Oy vey. Momma’s gonna plotz. Defective Scott gets shot. Ambulance to hospital. Adrian on ER duty. Sees Scott. Plotzylvania. Scott dies in her cold, steely arms. Mary and Jeff dine at the Bum Boat.

  139. Perky Bird
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    I don’t see any pool cues or billiard balls on that pool table. Does that mean that rural pool is instead played with hedgehogs and flamingos?

  140. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I kind of like the idea of the two of them as a spry, anthropomorphised team, jaunting from place to place and generally gadding about, in between spates of self-referential dialogue.

    Death: Do you want to play melodrama?
    Cancer: How do you play that?
    Death: You just need a pen and a heavy hand.
    Cancer: Ah, so it’s some kind of writing.
    Death: Unnecessarily underscoring your own point with a crude typographical device! First blood — ah-ha-ha — one-love.
    Cancer: [cracks knuckles, gestures malignantly in the direction of attractive young passerby.]

  141. NoahSnark
    September 14th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    What Snuffy doesn’t know yet is that tourist is actually there to study the local gene pool. It’s not often a geneticist finds a true closed loop system.

  142. tomorrow
    September 14th, 2009 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    I would TOTALLY buy a “No one loved me” t-shirt.

  143. Ev
    September 15th, 2009 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Margo: “Tommy, your fiancee may have died, but . . . NO ONE LOVED ME.”
    Tommie: “You’re right, Margo. We should definitely be talking about you right now. Screw my grief.”

  144. StaticStevil
    September 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    I keep thinking that’s “Preparation H-Town”

  145. Anonymous
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    …on the Marvin strip – the “kinds of filth” the strip serves up??? Perhaps I’m misunderstanding you, and you are simply referring to the dirty diapers? I know the artist and am always trying to give him new ideas for his strip. He’s always very concerned and worried to not offend anyone or rub someone the wrong way. Unfortunately, this P.C. world that we try to live in requires us to work within dull parameters.

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