The Comics Curmudgeon

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ARE YOU READY FOR SOME TERRIBLE, HALF-ASSED FOOTBALL?

Gil Thorp, 9/15/09

Yes, Gil Thorp’s fall sports action is about to begin, and it looks like the coaching staff (including seldom seen non-Kaz Assistant Coach Beardy McBeardster) has already pretty much written the whole season off, because they’ll still be paid the same win or lose, so why bother? Sure, let’s put known snitch and killjoy Robb Larue in as running back, why not; after all, the offensive plan will mostly consist of the terrified quarterback hurling the ball downfield at random as he runs towards the sideline, shrieking in terror, so he can’t hurt anything. At least Robb will be able to impress some girls with his new starting position — girls who aren’t repulsed by DISLOYALTY, anyway.

When I saw the reference to a pass-happy offense, I assumed that the team would be going with the crazy Wing-T offense they used as a last-game bit of showmanship from the previous season, but it turns out the Wing-T storyline was from two years ago, and it’s actually a running offense, anyway. I’m much more embarrassed about my inability to instantly recall Gil Thorp narrative chronology than by my lack of football smarts.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/15/09

Not that I’ve seen either of these plays, but Broadway musicals generally have enormous casts and elaborate sets, and require musical accompaniment of some sort; they are, literally, huge productions, and would be an enormous pain in the ass for a high school drama department to put on. Pulitzer Award-winning drama, conversely, can generally be put on with minimalist staging, because it’s artier that way. But, you know, go ahead and defend your choices on the grounds of “cancer is awesome, embrace death before it embraces you,” if that’s what does it for you.

Mary Worth, 9/15/09

Oh, well, I guess serial fiancée Adrian Corey decided that she finally felt ready to merge in complete wholeness with Officer Scott after, what, a whole hour and a half of soul searching? Or maybe she just wanted to taunt or possibly blind Mary with the ring, who knows. Anyway, I sure hope she got around to telling Scott that she had decided to accept his rash, ill-thought-out proposal before he headed out for the inevitably botched “Operation H-Town,” because explaining things to his bullet-ridden corpse is going to be awkward and unsatisfying.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 15, 2009 at 02:55 pm and is filed under Funky Winkerbean, Gil Thorp, Mary Worth. |

335 responses to “ARE YOU READY FOR SOME TERRIBLE, HALF-ASSED FOOTBALL?”

Dragon of Life
September 15th, 2009 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

At last, proof that when confronted with a chance to meddle, Mary Worth can move faster than the speed of light. Adjust the angle of the second panel, and you’d see that there’s still an image of her at the end of the counter, Picard Maneuver-style.
Ed Dravecky
September 15th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

High schools routinely stage big musicals (we did “Bye Bye, Birdie” my senior year) albeit not at the same level of sophistication as on Broadway.
UncleJeff
September 15th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

MW: Please, Dr. Adrian. Use that ring the way the Phantom would and leave a big imprint of CrackerJack right in Mary’s meddlin’ forehead.
buckyswife
September 15th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

(Sorry to repost, but I wanted to say thanks…)
y223 Niall, re: your parenthetical comment at the end: Or, just being very, very nice? (I’m feeling a little less diminutive among everyone here already, thanks to you!)

1 Dragon of Life: Mary is like a moth drawn to the flame–the flame being an engagement ring and the promise of happiness on the finger of a woman marked with the foreshadow of doom.
Fizzle
September 15th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

I’ve seen Spamalot and I can say that I’m sure people would raise objections over the song “His name is Lancelot” which features Lancelot in a leather speedo and a tight fitting sleeveless shirt as knights around him sing about his sexuality.
zenvelo
September 15th, 2009 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

I wish Adrian would emulate Mother Packer in today’s Piranha Club and just smash the ring in Mary’s nose- make it a real blood diamond… http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/piranha/about.htm
Dean O'Carroll
September 15th, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Well on one hand, Spamalot isn’t yet available for amateur, regional, or school productions.

Conversely, Wit requires nudity.

So, yeah, both are great choices for a doomed high school production.
NSP
September 15th, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

“Yes, congratulations are in order! I just had this caterpillar surgically attached to my ring finger. And I decided to say no to Scott’s wedding proposal!”
Comcis Fan
September 15th, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

Oh good, we’re being lectured and having it explained to us thigh hams. It’s about cancer, and so much more. It’s about having the visage of the deceased accompany the bereaved on a date 10 years later. It’s about the girl who almost killed herself over her high school teacher-crush growing up and coming back to work alongside him at his school after his wife died of cancer and defend the school cancer play to the thigh hams, even though he’ll be attending it with another teacher as his date, possibly on a triple car date with the visage of his late wife.
bad wolf
September 15th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

I though “Wit” was a one-woman show. Someone really wants to be a prima donna here–besides Batiuk, that is.
Hopscotch Willie
September 15th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

Got to hand it to Mary Worth for not freaking out that Adrian Corey has a man’s name. Well done, old insane lady.
Chupper
September 15th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Upon comparing the “art” of Gil Thorp with the clean, crisp date imprinted in the bottom corner of the first panel, I’m forced to conclude that the entire strip is routinely drawn with a typewriter.
Patrick
September 15th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

What, exactly, transpired between Mary’s “Good night” and her appreciation of Adrian’s ring? She was all the way down the hall, but in the next breath, she’s holding onto Adrian’s hand! Mary’s ability to teleport herself may be the creepiest thing I’ve ever seein in the comics.
Calico
September 15th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Y #216 – Thank you for posting your story so far. : )
I hope you and your husband are both doing well.
hogenmogen
September 15th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

Les Moore: We can’t do Spamalot, because it’s not available. Our backup is “The Vagina Monologues”. Oh, “Wit” doesn’t sound too bad now? Yeah, we thought so, too. Good bye and have a nice cancer – I mean – er – life.
Farley's Revenge
September 15th, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

MW: Whoa. Is the rock in that stone radioactive? If so, please continue to wear it as much as possible and to shove it up Mary’s nose as much as possible.

I wonder if Det. Boyfriend, when offed during this “Operation H”*, will realize with the clarity of his dying breath that he has managed to avoid a different, possibly more horrifying, kind of bullet, one named “Adrian”?

*Wouldn’t it be more accurate to call this plan “Preparation H”? After all, the SRPD will be doing nothing more than dealing with the ongoing pain in the ass problem that is this plot line.
survivor
September 15th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Dear Scott Batiuk,

When we said that your strip needed “wit” this is not what we meant.

Thanks,
Readers
Larry Fine
September 15th, 2009 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

“Wit” won a Pulitzer Prize, which I’m sure is something Tom Batiuk won’t have to worry about.
zamros
September 15th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

I like Assistant Coach Will Riker’s white, empty eyes in the second panel of today’s GT. The prospect of putting known under-bus-thrower Robb LaRue drains the soul from men with weaker constitution than Gil.
zamros
September 15th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

The prospect of putting known under-bus-thrower Robb LaRue in a starting position. I really need to learn to make friends with the preview button.
Sed
September 15th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

At Westview, Wit is a light comedy.
mvg
September 15th, 2009 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

Dean O’Carroll (7) & bad wolf (10): Any bets on whether Bathos has any greater familiarity with W;t than can be provided by its Wikipedia entry?

GT: I’m with an earlier poster: I think the beardy guy is Cdr. William Riker. Guess the STNG residuals weren’t enough & he had to take a job assistant coaching the Mudlarks under Gil & probably putting kids to sleep with 1st-period algebra-trig on the side.
BigTed
September 15th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

Perhaps it will occur to someone that the HBO film of “Wit” and the Broadway production of “Spamalot” were both directed by Mike Nichols. Maybe they could round him up for a double feature? (Tag line for the poster: “See ‘em both and die laughing!”)
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 15th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Re: Funky Winkerbean and school plays. Actually high schools put on Broadway musicals on a pretty regular basis. They’ve got a school band to do the music, there’s lots of mangy old costumes in the storeroom. Subject matter aside, Wit is problematic because most serious contemporary plays are written for like 2-5 actors. The scores of kids who don’t have a chance to get cast won’t be happy. (Of course they’re in Funky Winkerbean, so that’s a given.)

DtM: A girl comes over to play and he says “Let’s get it over with”? Like father, like son.
commodorejohn
September 15th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

Y223 Niall – Those are just slanderous lies put forth by the anti-harpy establishment. Don’t listen to them!
Larry Fine
September 15th, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

FC — Billy’s bragging about his non-accomplishment suggests he has a promising future in politics.
AeroSquid
September 15th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

GT: Let’s see….Marty is alternate reality Spock and non-Kaz Assistant Coach Beardy McBeardster is Will Riker. Got it.
Farley's Revenge
September 15th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

SisterSestina YT#216: As someone who has had more than a few needles shoved into her pelvic bone* due to what I call The Beast, I’m sending much positive energy to both you and your spousal unit.

I also add, as someone who has spent time dancing with the dead, that a good sense of humor is one of the requirements for survival. Both of you appear to possess that requirement in buckets.

*I told my oncologist once** that my butt must look like one of those “tear across dotted lines” things. He didn’t disagree.

**This year marks my 7th birthday, post stem cell transplant. If I can do it, your spouse can.

Now, back to the snarking.
AeroSquid
September 15th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

19. zamros: Damn ! you beat me to the Will Rikerness. =D
Niall
September 15th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

4. buckyswife: I like being nice. It may be all I can be. There are worse things. :) (It’s often not enough, but considering the alternatives…)

17. survivor: float-worthy. It’s always the simplest that makes us go “Why didn’t I think of this one??” :)

…yeah, the comics aren’t speaking to me today. (Though if they were, a nice room with padded walls may not be far ahead…)
BigTed
September 15th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

Forget the ring — why is Adrian suddenly dressed as Don Johnson in “Miami Vice”? Maybe the whole engagement is just part of some undercover operation she and Scott have going. They discovered that all those Charterstone pool parties are really just a front for a major a prostitution ring, and they’re about to take down “Madam Mary” at last.
Madame Incognita
September 15th, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

You know, it’s possible that perhaps the citizens of Cancerville Ohio, or wherever they live are finally fed up with all the depression and death and cancer they are constantly live in, like a heavy smog on their souls, and so this sudden love of Monty Python is their uprising, which will eventually lead to the downfall of FW’s depressed main characters and the creation of a new, constantly happy strip filled with rainbows and flowers, in which anyone who even thinks a depressing thought will be whisked off “to the cornfield” to meet their doom.

Either that or Tom Batuik is sick of people complaining that all his strip is about is death and depression and cancer, and this is his way of telling us.
StrangeRover
September 15th, 2009 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

dtGT: Assistant coach Beardy sure has a lot of facial hair. That doesn’t bode well for when the Mudlarks go toe-to-toe next week with the Lost Forest Talking Squirrels!
Burrill
September 15th, 2009 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

“Awkward and unsatisfying” is the unwritten motto of Mary Worth.

Alternatively, “awkward and unsatisfying” would adorn Mary Worth’s tombstone…if she were a transient being.
Digger
September 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

No wonder people are objecting to a play called Wit. No one in Westview even knows what the word “wit” means. Now, if they were doing a play called Bad Pun with a Smirk the parents would most certainly give their unqualifed support.
Mac
September 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Beardy has a very important job. Who do you think runs the team when Gil and Kaz are off ~~having adventures~~ getting plastered at “Pub”? You can’t just rely upon some random fraud to show up at practice every year.
AeroSquid
September 15th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

GT: The role of Clambake will be performed by Patrick Stewart.
The Ridger
September 15th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

Isn’t FW ten years into the future? Maybe Spamalot is available by then?

And you’re supposed to do big shows in high school so everyone can get a part. We did South Pacific, Camelot, Guys and Dolls, and … and … oh, yeah. Pygmalion. The smallest show we ever did was Diary of Anne Frank.
Farley's Revenge
September 15th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

I had to go look again and dang! People who think Beardy looks like the guy who played Riker are on the money.

Wow. Jobs for second-in-commands on starships must be really hard to come by in this economy if he’s taking a part-time gig as a football coach to make ends meet.
The Ridger
September 15th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

Oh yeah: If Robbbbb is a running back, why is his name written under HB? Wouldn’t that mean half back? Or are they the same thing (I suppose I could look that up…)
buckyswife
September 15th, 2009 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

34 Burrill: And you know what? I’m okay with that. Because I really really don’t want to think of Mary Worth “smoothly satisfying” anyone.
Niall
September 15th, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

Okay, I’ll say one comics-related thing: anyone else think today’s My Cage looks a little different than usual? A little rushed, almost…
Niall
September 15th, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

41. buckyswife: the filters with the phrase “smoothly satisfying” and “Mary Worth” are definitely of the mental kind. (With the addition of Gravol, not Menthol.)
SF_Reader
September 15th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

I think today’s Funky Winkerbean is a shout out to us. I think we’re suppose to be that mob of angry parents complaining about cancer storylines.
So here’s to you Funkyland:

http://www.mirafiori.com/~danb/misc/forum-stuff/middle_finger.gif
Little Guy
September 15th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

Y229: The final scene will be replaced by a hoseaphonium solo on a cafeteria table.
ladadog
September 15th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

The Phantom: Diana is back in the city already? That was some quick booty call to the jungle, cut even shorter by Old Man Mozz.

MW: What is with Mary? Not only is she congratulating the bride as previously mentioned, but, she is wearing a white skirt or trousers well after Labor Day. Maybe she’s been paying one too many visits to H-town.

Sister Sistina & husband, and Farley’s Revenge, I join the other posters who clearly see the real wit you all possess…not to mention the class.

And, really OT, but, I thought perhaps Poteet, and bats:], and the other CC cat lovers might get a kick out of this link. My dearly, departed Smitty the Kitty, would drink from the faucet, but THIS cat is something else. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8jiP5GAQbE
Dr. Weird
September 15th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

I have to wonder if all the talking about bad coloring here has attracted that Billy vs. Snakemen ad, which features an Orihime lookalike with steel grey skin that is the exact same color as her shirt. If she’s wearing a shirt.
TheDiva
September 15th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

You’d think Spamalot would be right up Funkytown’s alley. After all, it does borrow “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” for its act 2 opener, a song which basically says “life stinks and we’re all going to die in the end anyway.” Then again, it says this with more genuine wit and humor than Funky Winkerbean has displayed in years, which may be the problem.
Baron Bizarre
September 15th, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

The high school musicals I was in included “Kiss Me, Mate”, “West Side Story” and “The Most Happy Fella”. The kids that could actually sing were given the lead roles, and everyone else that showed up was put in the chorus. we had some mighty big choruses for those shows…
Baron Bizarre
September 15th, 2009 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

That should read “Kiss Me, Kate”, although, if they were doing an Australian version…
Niall
September 15th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

50. Baron Bizarre: or a Modern Interpretation for Enlightened Times. :)
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 15th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

#42 – Niall – looks pretty much like usual except an unusual angle in the first panel (it’s the green bulletin board… as you’ve never seen it before!), oh, and the freaky empty eyes in the third panel which seem to be a new thing and made me go “Aaaaaagggghhh, what the hell!” in the wee hours this morning.

Hey! If it gets a response like that, I guess it’s called drawing.
Alan's Addiction
September 15th, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Ooh! I know what’s happening with Robb as a running back in “Gil Thorp!” We all know that Gil’s only means of discipline (or revenge – they’re the same in his mind) is to run his players’ asses off (as evidenced in spring’s memorable “The kids and their Youtubes sports goofs moments”). Presumably, Gil has joined the “Gil Thorp” readership in hating Robb Larue, and has made Robb into a running back, forcing him to run, perform quasi-dangerous tasks, and put the future of his physique at great risk with absolutely no pay-off for Robb.
Actually, I’m kind of interested in seeing the cast of “Funky Winkerbean” perform “Spamalot,” which I remember as a bright, quirky, and hilarious musical. Obviously, since none of those adjectives has any place in “Funky Winkerbean,” I can only assume that the production would eventually turn into a sort of cheerier version of “Wit,” but I’d still be interested in seeing if such a thing could be created.
It would be the most awesome thing in the universe if, instead of launching into a recap, Adrian told Mary Worth that she’d stolen the ring from a patient that died in order to stop other patients from hitting on her in the ER. It wouldn’t be far from what’s actually going to happen. I can only pray that when they finally bury Officer Scott, they bury all future plotlines involving Adrian’s love life.
Renee J
September 15th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

FW: We had a fall play and spring muscial. We couldn’t just replace the play with a musical because the musical was a bigger production.
Écureuil Écumant
September 15th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

46 ladadog: That’s really something, the way the cat figures out how to move her head so the water creates a trough in her fur that channels water straight down her nose. It makes the vid go from goofy to kinda eye-opening.
Meg
September 15th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

Wit is an incredibly heavy and very deep play that we did in college, and even for people on their early 20’s it was too much. It’s not a feel good play. I never cry- I cried, a lot, at Wit. Also, there’s nudity. A highschool production of Wit? Sounds like pretty much the worst idea even.
Mr.Death
September 15th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

Because the Spamalot rights haven’t been released yet! From now on, you’re name is Dummy McDumbass.
DaveyK
September 15th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

When Officer Scott is horribly mutilated during Operation H-Town, Diamond Lantern (aka Adrian Corey) will wreak her terribly bland vengeance.
David B
September 15th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

Running back is a pretty important position in a pass-happy offense, actually—the RB has to be smart enough to read the defense and know whether it’s better to swing out and provide another receiver for the quarterback, or step up and act as an extra offensive lineman.

Obviously then, since Coach Gil is putting the slowest option out there on the field, he’s already placed a lot of heavy bets on the opposition, hoping to use the proceeds to fund his retirement in Buenos Aires after this season.
Baron Bizarre
September 15th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

“West Side Story” was fun – if nothing else, it was possible to get the odd surreptitious “cheap shot” in on folks to whom you objected during the “rumble” scenes.
Pozzo
September 15th, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

I honestly wasn’t sure if Gil was saying “bare cupboard” or “rare clipboard” in the first panel. Curse you, imprecise letterer, for making me think about Gil Thorp a moment longer than I actually have to!
Baron Bizarre
September 15th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

DaveyK @ 58 says:
When Officer Scott is horribly mutilated during Operation H-Town, Diamond Lantern (aka Adrian Corey) will wreak her terribly bland vengeance.

Wait, I know Green Lantern is courage, Blue Lantern is hope, Red Lantern is anger, and so on, but what’s Diamond Lantern? Stupidity?
Poteet
September 15th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

# 46 ladadog — I was able to see enough of that YouTube to get the (har!!) concept. Thanks!

MW — As pointed out earlier by Dingo, formal etiquette dictates that the bride-to-be is to be offered best wishes, never congratulations. But in Adrian’s case, what the heck. Congratulations, Adrian, and may your twenty minutes of anticipatory bliss, before Scott’s bullet-riddled body is wheeled into the ER, be very happy.
Poteet
September 15th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

FW — Looking on the bright side, at least we’re not going to have to see a musical adaptation of LISA’S STORY. Though I have to say the cancer songs proposed by various Mudges a couple of threads ago were quite, quite wonderful.
jvwalt
September 15th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

The bearded character in Gil Thorp is Coach Shaw, first name unknown to me. He is, next to the Thorp children (only seen in the Christmas strip), the most obscure supporting character. He makes a token appearance, usually in the background, once or twice per football season. This is his biggest speaking role in years.

As for the appropriateness of “Wit” as a high school production… for the rest of the world, it’s a serious tragedy. But to the residents of Funky Cancertown, trapped in their endless cycle of doom, despair, and baldness, it’d be as light and airy as “The Fantasticks.”
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 15th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

“I agree, Matt. It’s a bare cupboard at running back. Let’s try playing a potted ficus plant there. What? Robb who? No, that doesn’t seem like a good idea, actually.”
queek
September 15th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

40: half-back is indeed a running back position. Most teams now-a-days use an “I” formation with a fullback leading for the tailback, but the old “T” formation had two running backs, one to either side of the QB, known as halfbacks. The pros also have an “H-back” which is a hybrid fullback/TE/slot receiver sort of a position used in a spread offense.
Sequitur
September 15th, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

FW – I think Ol’ Thunderthighs thinks Spamalot is about sending out unsolicited emails. Hey! What fun!
David Schraub
September 15th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

I have to say that I sympathize with the angry townsfolk in Funky Winkerbean. Running a show about cancer in a town where seemingly two-thirds of the population is dead, dying, or soon will be dying of the disease is like running The Producers in Skokie — it’s guaranteed to set off the PTSD of the victims, relatives, and survivors.
februarymakeup
September 15th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

Minimalist staging? Sure.

But Wit is a one-woman show. In the words of my officemate: “I present to you now visions of a sixteen year old girl in a hospital bed with a bald cap on dying of cancer for 1 and a half hours”

So, y’know, it’s perfectly reasonable for ol’ Tom.
Gabacho
September 15th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Random notes about amateur musical theatre –

A friend who runs the theatre program at a small college told me this:

A student proposed “The Vagina Monologues” and the department chair replied, “No, I don’t care for ventriloquism.”

When I was in high school, an all male Catholic school, one of the teachers suggested an all male cast of “My Fair Lady” He was fired. However, that same year, an all male cast of “Dames at Sea” opened in the Village and my friends and I went to see it.

The funniest movie ever about HS age musicals is “Camp”. The sight and sound of all the misfits on the bus to theatre camp belting out Sondheim’s “Am I Losing My Mind?” sets the tone for the rest of the movie which includes the race blind casting of “Fiddler on the Roof.”

Reminded me of my days in the HS Drama Club, or as we called it, “The FHA – Future Homosexuals of America.”

I have a lot more of these but I’ll go now.

Oh, and “Spamalot”? Five times better than “Wit” which was viciously overwritten.
Anonymous
September 15th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

Wit sucks. Donne forever.

http://www.firstthings.com/article/2007/01/donne-undone-7
bup
September 15th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

Gunk from Curtis is in Funky Winkerbean panel 3. I hadn’t even heard he had cancer, but I guess it would explain the eyes.
Baron Bizarre
September 15th, 2009 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

Diamond Lantern Oath:

“Though skull be thick and brain be tiny,
I’ll always go kick evil’s hiney!
Let those who think I’m dull and whiny,
Beware – Hey look, there’s something shiny!”
fishmorgjp
September 15th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

Well if there’s nudity in Wit, the Funkies could just wear skin-tone body stockings with frizzy yarn pubic hair…
Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
September 15th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

Wow. If they’re leading off the season with “Wit”, you have to wonder what the plays will be the rest of the school year. “night, mother” for Christmas? “The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds” in March? And to wind up, in the Spring they’ll a rousing, high-energy production of “No Exit”!

- yeff
Sequitur
September 15th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

73. bup
Yeah, and I think thats “Onion” on the other side without his hood. (No need to hide his bald cancer head in this neighborhood.)
Paul1963
September 15th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

I was aware of Wit, but couldn’t remember the story, so I consulted our old friend Wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wit_(play)
Holy God, I cannot imagine anyone thinking that would be a dandy play for high-school kids to perform. I think it would be an absolute ordeal for both the lead actress and the audience.

How ’bout Calamity Jane, Les? How ’bout West Side Story? Or The Odd Couple? You know, plays normal people might be interested in seeing?
Sequitur
September 15th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

What a hoot. Curtis slowing taking over Funky Winkerbean!
bats :[
September 15th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

28. Farley’s Revenge: not so much to you, but hey, folks, Farley’s Revenge is a lady! (Thanks for clearing that up. :)
Best wishes for seven times seven more years of good, clean livin’.
Well, within reason ;) I mean, anyone who tussles with scropions on a regular basis…

Oh, and maybe the Drama Club at Westview is so small and pitiful that even getting a cast together for Wit (or Tru, of A Night with Mark Twain) is a challenge.
Sequitur
September 15th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

I think this should be the production the “Not Ready for Death Bed” players of Funkytown should perform.
bats :[
September 15th, 2009 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

46. ladadog: I’ve seen this video (thank you still!) and it took me about half the viewing time to realize that the drum accompaniment in the background jazz music was the water hitting the sides of the sink. I’m slow. That cat is nuts.

62. Baron Bizarre: that’s right…dumb as a rock. No matter how pretty or sparkly, it’s a rock. And it’s dumb.
DAS
September 15th, 2009 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

Anyway, I sure hope she got around to telling Scott that she had decided to accept his rash, ill-thought-out proposal

This reminds me of my own proposal of engagement. When I proposed to the now Mrs. DAS, she took the ring, put it on and then proceeded to finish up the sparkling wine I had poured (*) and head to the phone to call everyone she knew up to tell them the news. I had to stop her mid-way and inquire as to her answer, which was something to the effect of “well, obviously, yes, considering I accepted the ring”.

* I even made sure to have the same sparkling wine I brought to the wine tasting at which we met — Abarbanel Cremant D’Alsace. At the time, while it billed itself as brut, its dosage was such that it was really a very well balanced extra dry. But now it seems they’ve actually made it a brut and it’s too tart as a brut … oh well, c’est la vie …
bats :[
September 15th, 2009 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

“Funky Winkerbean’s Homecoming” was mentioned earlier. Has anyone ever seen this play? Has it ever been staged?

Well, I guess I answered the second question.
It’s interesting to note that the high school that performed this in 1990 no longer exists! OMG! Is cancer contagious? (The guy playing less in the 48:35 is pretty spot-on…whiney, the whole bit.)
worthinator
September 15th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

Ah, yes. Operation H-Town:

“Hah! Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen! Found ‘em.”

” Alive?”

“Unknown. But, it looks like all of them. Over at the processing station…sublevel ‘C’ under the south tower.”

“Forty meters in. Ramp on axial two-two. Access to sublevels.”

…

“What is it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Looks like some sort of secreted resin.”

“Hotter’n hell in here.”

“Yeah…but it’s a dry heat.”

“They’re right under the primary heat exchangers.”

“Gorman, if your men have to use their weapons in there, they’ll rupture the cooling system.”

“So?”

“So…then the fusion containment shuts down.”

“So? So?”

“We’re talking thermonuclear explosion.”

“Shit.”

“Apone, collect magazines from everybody. We can’t have any firing in there.”

“Flame-units only. I want rifles slung.”

…

“Any movement?”

“Sir!”

(Woman) “Please…God…kill me.”

“Flame thrower! Move!”

“Movement!”

“Position?”

“Can’t lock up…”

“Talk to me, Hudson.”

“Uh, seems to be in front and behind.”

“Pull you team out, Gorman.”

“Go to infrared. Looks sharp people!”

“Multiple signals. All round. Closing.”

“Let’s Rock.”

“Who’s firing? I ordered a hold fire, dammit!”

“Let’s get the f*** out of here!”

“Not that tunnel, the other one!”

“You sure? Watch it…behind you. F*** move, will you!”

“GET THEM OUT OF THERE! DO IT NOW!”

“Shut up. Just shut up!”

“Uh,…Apone, I want you to lay down a suppressing fire with the incinerators and all back by squads to the APC, over.”

“Say again?”

“I said…”

[SCREAM]

“Dietrich? Crowe? Sound off! Wierzbowski?”

“We’re getting juked! We’re gonna die in here!”

“Yeah. Right. Right! F*** the heat exchanger!”

“I told them to fall back…”

“They’re cut off! Do something!”

“Drake! He’s down!”

“He’s gone! Forget it, he’s gone!”

“No.. No, he’s not. He’s –”

“Get on the G**d*** door!”

[SCREAM]

Mary Worth as it has never been before!
Sequitur
September 15th, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

84 bats :[

Walnut High? Isn’t Westview High’s rival Big Walnut Tech? (You know, the place where Mark Trail’s squirrels go to get an education.)
Dingo
September 15th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

I still remember that my local high school, one year after my graduation, decided to present Mame. The highlight was the plantation scene. It seems that my north-central Illinois fellows saw in their scripts that the scene was set in the South. Not knowing what the phrase landed gentry meant, they played the plantation scene with straw in their teeth, bib overalls, and accents so thick they made cold molasses look like melted butter. It was intoxicatingly dreadful and I loved every horrible, awe-inducing moment of mediocrity. It was probably my retelling of this that made a friend introduce me to the word schadenfreude, my most favorite word in the entire world.

Words that rhyme with “cancer” in case you’re writing a musical:

dancer
prancer
lancer
romancer
second chancer
France or
pants whore
Fashion Police
September 15th, 2009 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

#46, ladadog:
We object not so much to Mrs. Worth wearing white trousers after Labour Day – after all, she lives in California, where the “rules” are different – as what she is wearing the white trousers with. She looks like boeuf Bourguignonne served with Chablis.
Violet
September 15th, 2009 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

Wow, the foreshadowing in Mary Worth is so powerful it’s actually emitting a radioactive glow.
DeathPie
September 15th, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Woah! Looks like today Mary revealed that she has a talent that isn’t meddling-related – teleportation; as shown by her one panel jump from hallway to Adrian’s side. That, or she’s suprisingly entergetic for a woman her age and vaulted over the nurses’ starion counter.
Ryan
September 15th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

Instead of Spamalot, may I suggest the school stage No Exit: four characters, one set, and everybody in it is already dead, so no problems with cancer. Death fully embraced.
bats :[
September 15th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

84. bats: Les, not less… Sheesh.
McPerson
September 15th, 2009 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

Oh the irony. Characters are offended by a play about cancer and death in a comic strip about cancer and death. It’s like the author reads this blog.
Niall
September 15th, 2009 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

87. Dingo: Wow. Oh wow. That is a scene of snarking heaven. Even in Canada we knew what a plantation was as kids…
The Ridger
September 15th, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

87: They thought those folks hunted foxes? Wow…
bats :[
September 15th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

95. The Ridger: hunted foxes….chained ‘em to a log…it’s all good…
Donald The Anarchist
September 15th, 2009 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

FW As a compromise, the school will be producing Smirk, which has nothing humorous in it per se, but every few lines one of the characters gives a sly smile as if they’ve said something ever so clever, even if it’s something banal like “I can see why you’ve got so many pizzas stored in the freezer,” or “This parking lot is full; I might use up half my tank just looking for a space.” Then of course Tom can show the audience with “How are we supposed to respond to this” expressions on their faces, until the big musical finale, “It’s Called WRITING!”

GT “Oh, Robb, a REAL running back? And here I thought I’d have to lose my virginity to a defensive tackle! You’ve just made my fantasies come true…”

MW “I don’t know, Mary. You know how good some men are at avoiding marriage; my dad’s kept out of your clutches for years, sometimes going to entirely different continents!”
Olz
September 15th, 2009 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

Doesn’t Batiuk sound like the name of an ancient Egyptian or Babalonian god of misery and dispare?
Katie
September 15th, 2009 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

Spamalot also hasn’t been released, so they’d get sued if they tried to put it on.
The Ridger
September 15th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

Ah, but Funky Winkerbean is not only high-larious, it’s in teh FUTURE!
Sequitur
September 15th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

99. Katie
And they killed off Lisa so she can’t defend them.
Good luck getting Sam Driver.
dale
September 15th, 2009 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth

I agree with all of the commenters about the congratulations / best wishes rule.

In this case, Mary is asking a question.

Shouldn’t the “best wishes” come a lot closer to handing over the wedding loot or at least knowing the situation?
Joe Blevins
September 15th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

FW: Instead of Wit, might I suggest the school consider staging the lesser-known-but-extremely-affordable drama Wilt? No, it’s not dramatization of the life of Mr. Chamberlain. It’s an exploration of what happens to the average resident of Westview sometime in his or her twenties.

MW, panel 1: Is Adrian the world’s blandest goth girl?

GT: Possible matches for Beardy McBeardster: George Lucas, Michael McDonald, Bob Vila.
Jamus the Bartender
September 15th, 2009 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean: Broadway Musicals are beloved by most big high schools BECAUSE they require big casts, elaborate sets and big musical numbers. See, it gives the kids who don’t play sports much something to do besides hang out in the parking lot drinking forties. Even the kids with no talent can hang out in the back with the chorus, or kids that don’t wanna act can help build sets or be stage dressers, and i’m pretty sure the high school band doesn’t do football and basketball games ALL the time. Also, if the musical makes it big, it can be the director’s big ticket to Broadway and out of this one horse town forever. If i’ve seen it once, i’ve seen it a million times…..
Also, the smaller plays are often done in the fall, so as not to piss off the football team.
Violet
September 15th, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

I understand they may not have the greatest opinion of Robb Larue, but writing his name on the mens room wall—no doubt followed by an outpouring of unspeakable filth—just seems malicious. And I don’t even want to think about the implications of “for what he’ll be doing, it doesn’t matter.”
Lesser Whark
September 15th, 2009 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

#18 Larry Fine: It could happen. This of course takes the “It won a Pulitzer Prize! It must be good!” defense straight into Mary Sue territory.

I’m also frustrated by the strawman’s implied “Do a musical! They’re lightweight and funny!”. Has Batiuk ever seen a high school production? Most of the popular ones are surprisingly heavy. The most common one in the comments here is ‘West Side Story’, which puts some 18th-century operatic tragedies to shame… as you’d expect for a retelling of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ with lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.

As Y114 suggested, Summer is inevitably getting the lead role, so I’m wondering what the other 50-odd drama students will do…
gnome de blog
September 15th, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

Mr. Pope Josh Your Holiness sir:

I would like to nominate 89 Violet for Comment of the Week.

Thank you.
mr 12 oz can
September 15th, 2009 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

hey maybe detective scott reads mark trail and if he hears any pows when he gets to htown he will jump back in the car fast so he hurts his back and can get disability and hopefully have queenie pay the rent. plus i dont think old joe could draw a shootout scene anyway.
Jamus the Bartender
September 15th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

62. I don’t know what Diamond Lantern is either, but Cassandra wants one.
gnome de blog
September 15th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

Is Mary’s meddle-strength more powerful than a speeding bullet aimed at Det. Mustard’s groin?
buckyswife
September 15th, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

If Batiuk’s goal is to inflict maximum death, why not just have the school put on Lt. of Inishmore?

Oh, wait—I know the answer: too much comedy.
buckyswife
September 15th, 2009 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

30 Niall: That’s fine—but you had me at the chocolate. =-)
buckyswife
September 15th, 2009 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

101 Sequitur: I don’t think it’s so hard getting Sam Driver; we already know his price: $20K.

The larger problem, I guess, is that the people he represents need to be, you know, pretty.
Cliff Arroyo
September 15th, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

The shame ….. I didn’t realize that “Wit” and “Spamalot” were real plays. I those were transparent comic strip style references to “Camelot” and …. I dunno …. some other play about cancer and death and Batiuk’s other favorite things.

And yeah, and what’s-her-face is totally using this to try to get into Les’s pants. I would express disapproval, but actually getting into Les’s pants will be punishment enough.
Kate
September 15th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

Big Broadway shows almost never release the rights for amateur performance until after their run and touring is over. Plus the royalties can be steep, which is why you don’t usually see high schools putting on current material.
The Ghost of Jarrod
September 15th, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

@38: And you’re supposed to do big shows in high school so everyone can get a part.

Well, that’s true, but given the mortality rate in the Winkervise, they’re probably concerned that they’ll have enough students to stage the planned spring production of I Am My Own Wife.
Islamorada Girl
September 15th, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

MW: I for one, cannot wait until Friday, when Aaaaadrian is bending over Det. Mustardy McMustard’s bullet-riddled body in the Knife and Gun Club, known to civilians as the ER, barking out orders to the nurses and techs. Mostly because her practice is OB-Gyn.

Bonus points if he dies on the table and she throws herself on the corpse.
buckyswife
September 15th, 2009 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

117 Islamorada Girl: Oh, please let there be a scene where she puts him in stirrups….. and then wonders where the speculum goes…..
cheyenne
September 15th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

actually, Batuik is probably thrilled at the response he’s getting, pretty soon we’ll be the only audience he has in mind when he writes the strip, just wait…
Alfred E. Neuman
September 15th, 2009 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

FW— Why was “Wit” chosen as the school play you ask? Remember that we are dealing with Suicidal Susan and Death Cat Les. They have no problem with the play because they see slow, excruciating death as a routine daily experience.
Jamus the Bartender
September 15th, 2009 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

The Cat And The Curmudgeon
Cat’s In The Cradle–A Visit To Mother

You know all those TV shows like Cheers and such that show Sam Malone spending all his time serving drinks and flirting with girls and sleeping with girls and getting into fights with Diane Chambers? Well, running a bar is pretty much like that. But….they don’t show Sam getting into arguments with his distributors over keg deliveries, with his accountants, with the health department….okay, they do, but it takes a back seat to whatever problems Cliffy Claven is having with his mother.
Anyway, things were getting a little stressed out between me and Cassandra…she was doing a good job balancing the books, and Ashley Bengal was kicking ass as the new head bartender. I had guessed….correctly…that her responsibilities at McGuffin Ink hadn’t been enough of a challenge, plus her recent breakup with her boyfriend and subsequent planned rebound into the arms of one Norman Platypus hadn’t gone as planned either, so….what else was she gonna do with her evenings?
All had gone pretty well until one busy Saturday night when Ashley and I accidentally brushed up against one another serving pitchers of cheap beer….which was fine, except Ash let out a throaty laugh and said something inappropriate in the workplace, which I honestly can’t remember now, because the next thing I could remember was Cassandra putting me into a chokehold, telling me to “ keep my hands off the whore help” if I knew what was good for me.
This wasn’t the only problem we were having….the new house was looking more and more like a money pit, what with the refitting of pipes predating the Second World War, not to mention we hadn’t even STARTED building the nursery, and the baby was due in November-ish.
Also, we were taking Lamaze classes….well, Cass was going, I could make it to every other class, which earned me the glares of a lot of the other couples. We were seeing Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes regularly, but he warned us that it could be bad news if we didn’t take it easy…perhaps hire more help at the tavern?
It was clear we were in need of a vacation.
Luckily, incidents far away on the island of Felonia, in it’s capital city of Santa Prisca, gave us the opportunity for one. Seems it’s titular ruler, one Princess Pussycat….yes, that was her name…..was the victim of a robbery gone sour, in which Slylock Fox and Max Mouse were instrumental in clearing up.
As a reward for their services, they were to be given some kind of reward. Felonia’s Medal Of Honor, or something. It would involve a lot of pomp and circumstance, and seeing as how our lives had become entwined with Slylock and Max, our benefactor, G. Davis Arbuckle (whom readers know better as the cat who likes to sleep in Mondays and torment Odie, who now served as his chauffer and bodyguard) presented us with tickets to the big shindig on the Isle Of Felonia, just off the coast of Cuba.
Naturally Cassandra was excited. “ How are we gonna get down there? No way Cass can fly in her condition. “ I pointed out.
“ That’s one of the nice things about being a billionaire, my boy. You haven’t seen my yacht, ‘Arlene’, haven’t you?”
So…it would be a party. Me, Cass, Mr. Arbuckle, Slylock, Max and Dr. Holmes, on a retainer, natch, would catch a train from Averytown, to Florida, where the “ Arlene” was docked, sail to Felonia, meet the Princess, the boys would get their rewards, and a grand old time would be had by all.
As Cass went to tell her girlfriends about the impending trip, Mr. Arbuckle took me aside, “ Do you recall the address Slylock gave you a few months back?”
Astute readers like Niall might recall, during a trip to the beach, Slylock and Max had presented me with the current whereabouts of Cassandra’s mother, now known as Sister Arlene, of Santa Prisca Abbey , located the capital city of the Democratic Republic Of Felonia, also called Santa Prisca.
I nodded to the big cat. “ So….we’re gonna go visit the same place Cassandra’s mother lives, who she hasn’t seen ever.”
“ Yes we are.” Arbuckle took a drink of dry sherry. “ Think she’ll mind?”
“ More than somewhat.”
He looked around a bit. “ I take it you haven’t had a chance to talk to Cassandra about her mother.”
I shook my head. “ There really hasn’t been a right time.”
The big cat twisted his paws….” Well, it’ll have to be a surprise then.”
I looked around the bar. “ You know Cassandra’s gonna kill us, right?”
Arbuckle nodded. “ If we’re lucky, my boy.”
Poteet
September 15th, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

# 87 Dingo — Hahahahaha!! Your tale reminded me of the time I saw MAN OF LA MANCHA put on by a theater club in a very small Iowa town. I’ve seen some good community theater in Iowa, but that production was truly awful.

It was that production that caused me to reflect that the only circumstances under which I could ever reasonably hope to portray certain characters onstage would be if there were a global catastrophe of such hideous proportions that only a few of us humans would be left alive, desperate for theatrical distraction. And even then, after what I endured, I’d vote against attempting LA MANCHA.
AeroSquid
September 15th, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

Today’s Non-Sequitor Mark Trail:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2426/3923938321_48bb4291ea_o.jpg
Sequitur
September 15th, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

113. buckyswife
Ya see, now there’s the rub.

Amateur productions: One of the finest quality live plays I have seen was actually a junior college production of A Flea In Her Ear at Tyler Jr. College in Tyler, Texas. Even though these were young college students, they sure put on a professional play.
bats :[
September 15th, 2009 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

117. Islamorada Girl: mega bonus points if he dies on the table, Adrian sets fire to him and then throws herself on top of the body.
Mary Worth Discussion Group
September 15th, 2009 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

MW…How Bitterweet… Mary has never gotten a ring from her decrepit beau, Jeff… Mary looks very very Butch in the last panel..she is either off her turbo charged estrogen patch or perhaps she and Terry Bryson have been spending some time in H-Town.
Écureuil Écumant
September 15th, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

98 Olz: “Doesn’t Batiuk sound like the name of an ancient Egyptian or Babalonian god of misery and dispare?”

I’m thinking more Chaldean and a bit less divine. A regional tyrant, let’s say. “Batiuk of Ur” sounds about right. Not quite Cimmerian in stature, more of an “Onan the Barbarian”.

124 Sequitur: A Flea In Her Ear? Wasn’t that the sequel to Prick Up Your Ears?
kkarenb
September 15th, 2009 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

FW – The angry parents are obviously supposed to be seen as narrow-minded know-nothings. Would such people even have heard of Spamalot? If they were familiar with it, they would have been so offended by it that they would never suggest it for the high school production. Another spectacular case of fail for Tom B.

Pluggers – Something is wrong – today’s Plugger is not morbidly obese.
Daveh
September 15th, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

I know someone must have said this, but in the Winkerverse, wouldn’t a play about dying from cancer be more of an orientation than entertainment?
Fashion Police
September 15th, 2009 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

#117 Islamorada Girl:
One hopes she walks out of the operating room, drives to Palm Springs, gets a full makeover and a new wardrobe with nothing salmon in it, and moves to Oysterback, Maryland.
buckyswife
September 15th, 2009 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

130 Fashion Police: Wait—don’t send her to our neck of the woods! I might need emergency care some day, and I don’t want the last face I see to be that one!
AnitaNomad
September 15th, 2009 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

FW: I can explain, as I’ve actually acted in a production of W;t. (Yes, it’s supposed to be spelled with a semicolon instead of an “i”. It’s an extreme grammar nerd sort of show. The semicolon is perhaps the most interesting character in the play…and I’m not sure whether that’s good or bad). It’s not exactly a one-woman show. It’s one woman who, for the story to make sense, has to be 50 years old, plus three not at all meaty supporting roles, and a slew of medical students/orderlies who are basically self-moving background furniture. Yes, I was playing the role of furniture. The most fun part of the play is that it involves baldness and nudity, both of which would be funny in cartoon form.
AnitaNomad
September 15th, 2009 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

To solve the problem in FW, I suggest they compromise and do the far more uplifting W;t: The Over-Punctuated Musical. There would be lots of tap dance numbers, of course, with catchy tunes like “Stage IV Metastatic,” “The Semicolon Is Your Friend,” and “DNR,”
ending with the big production number with lyrics based on John Donne’s “Death Be Not Proud.”
AeroSquid
September 15th, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

Anthropomorphic Party Pig:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2670/3924814790_101699cf1b_o.jpg
UncleJeff
September 15th, 2009 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

MW: Ah, you know you’ve been reading the CC too much when you’re watching “Dr. G: Medical Examiner” and giggling as Dr. G tosses around a just disconnected human heart before tossing it onto the scale. “That’s a biggie”, she says. You say: “Way to go, Adrian.”
MT: Meanwhile, Mark is looking at Rusty and humming Jerry Reed’s “Amos Moses”. “Toss a rope around his neck and throw him in the swamp!”
FW: My only experience in a high school play was as the Prime Minister in “The Mouse That Roared” (change all the characters to Iraqis and it’d be a pretty timely play today).
I had to run out on stage clanging a triangle and shouting. I was so nervous…I broke three knuckles on my left hand when I missed the triangle and slammed the metal clanger onto my fist. Blood dripping on stage while I said my lines through clenched teeth.
Is that a Winkerbean drama moment, or what?
Brian
September 15th, 2009 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

Gosh, do y’all think people writing in to newspapers, criticizing Funky Winkerbean for how depressing it was to see a funny strip character die slowly, has anything to do with FW’s current storyline?
Beatrice
September 15th, 2009 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

If Funky Winkerbean were a Fortune 500 company, its slogan would be “Death Is What We Live For”.
Mullagain
September 15th, 2009 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

Adrian is so happy, she’s gone off-model in panel two.
AeroSquid
September 15th, 2009 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

Oh, I’m bein’ followed by a Fore-Shadow, Fore-Shadow, Fore-Shadow !

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2440/3924097989_6d2b319755_o.jpg
Garradha
September 15th, 2009 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Wit would be an awesomely bad choice for a high school play: it requires almost no furniture (a bed and a plain desk and chair in the staging I saw); it has maybe three actors, one of whom is always on stage, has 95% of the lines because she’s usually alone on stage, and who has all of the good lines the rest of the time; it has almost no on-stage business, as the actors don’t move much; it has minimal make-up, if any, and no costume changes; it has no special effects, unless you count a single, occasional spotlight or dropping of the lights; there’s no music and certainly no singing or dancing; it turns on a point of grammar in John Donne; at one point, it quickly dismisses the youthful, naive stupidity of university students, whom most high-school students regard as sophisticates; and, while it’s as cheesy as a hunk of Roquefort, the lead role requires a lot of stage presence and confidence that could not be replaced by the theatrical making of faces denoting Happy, Angry, Sad, Thoughtful, Wistful, Worried, Scared, Hopeful, etc. and yelling. You could get around the nudity with a simple smock — it’s 15 seconds at the end, and it really should be there, but you could hint at it and it’d be just fine for high-school audiences.

No, the real problem is, as someone else pointed out, it not only doesn’t have many actors, there’s virtually no set-making, set-moving, make-up, costume, or AV work, little direction, no orchestra, no choreography, no extras padding the backgrounds. My two or three experiences with high school drama involved two leads, two or three “also starring”s, a pack of semi-principals, and up to a dozen stage-padding extras (“TOWNSPEOPLE stand behind McBlooterson”). And then there were the boy chorus and the girl chorus, which didn’t always correspond to the extras, who often could not sing or dance but could mill around more artfully than the chorus(es). Then the orchestra — our small one was 15 people — and the guys with the lights and the sound, the assistant directors, the set-makers, the set-movers, the backstage traffic directors, the artistic directors who chose and made the costumes and who selected the make-up and hairstyles, the artistic directors who selected backdrop and layout themes and colours, the many make-up people who had to be able to handle ten simultaneous make-over disasters, property managers, assistant sub-directors to shove people on stage (“you’re ON! GO!”) … I probably forgot some.

Yes, I’m being snotty, but the whole shebang was really important to the students involved, and parents came in proud, weepy droves. A few of the actors were really good and some of them kept with it after school. Most students learned an important lesson called “paying some goddamn attention before you end up screwing up something everyone cares about and you realize that this time it really is your fault.” The school of course liked involving many, many students because it taught such lessons as The Importance of Teamwork, The “Stars” Aren’t the Most Important Part, and There Are Many Valuable Things to Do That You Might Find Interesting in Life That You Have Not Yet Thought Of.

So: Wit. Terrible choice for the big high school play. Do it, Funky!
littlefox
September 15th, 2009 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

I just want to second the comments about how completely inappropriate it would be for a high school to perform Wit, not only because it includes nudity but also because it’s far too dramatically challenging for high schoolers. I realize that most high schools, including the extremely pretentious one that I attended, would interpret that as some sort of challenge … but upon reading the play, they would probably agree with my assertion that it’s just Too Damn Hard. You’d have to water it down and get rid of the nudity part, and if you have to water down a play just to perform it, then for god’s sake just pick something simpler and more within the dramatic range of the actors you have.

Why couldn’t Batiuk have found some other play about cancer to refer to in his comic? Surely there are others that would be more appropriate choices for high-school aged kids to perform. I find it hard to believe that Batiuk has even read or seen Wit, because if he had, how could he possibly think it was appropriate to refer to in this context?
AeroSquid
September 15th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

FW: We hoped you enjoyed Wit. We hope will you also enjoy next semesters offerings: Marley ! and Brian’s Song !Please check around your seats for used condoms. Thank you.
buckyswife
September 15th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

135 UncleJeff, re: MW—Another sign that you’ve been reading CC too much: Watching Grey Gardens (the documentary) and the thought flashes through your mind that it’s really funny to imagine the two Edie’s as Mary Worth and Toby.
FE
September 15th, 2009 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

FW: Susan is blowing her chance to score points with Les by saying that Wit is about a lot more than cancer. That’s like telling a Steelers fan that there’s more to the Super Bowl than football.
SandyH
September 15th, 2009 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

What. Is. Batiuk’s. Obsession. With. Cancer??
Rusty
September 15th, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

145: Batiuk is now a cancer survivor, which was his inspiration of resurrecting Lisa’s cancer and killing her dead. He, like possible good friend, (or at least kindred spirit) Brooke McEldowney, is using his forum to condescend to his audience and lecture them on the error of their ways.
bats :[
September 15th, 2009 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

135. UncleJeff: I was Countess Mountjoy (several male roles were rewritten for our female-heavy Drama Club) in “The Mouse That Roared”. I got to slap the general in the face. That was keen.
AeroSquid
September 15th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

OT: Managed to get ONE album from the newly released Beatles catalog..Rubber Soul….Sweet Jumpin’ Methusalah on a pogo stick ! It’s in 5.1 and….and…I have no words…I’m wordless…I am without words…
Farley's Revenge
September 15th, 2009 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

#80bats:[:

Farley’s Revenge: not so much to you, but hey, folks, Farley’s Revenge is a lady! (Thanks for clearing that up. :)
Best wishes for seven times seven more years of good, clean livin’.
Well, within reason ;) I mean, anyone who tussles with scropions on a regular basis…

Yep, I’m female, much to the relief of my gynecologist.

Haven’t seen a scorpion in a couple days but there were a couple deer hanging around in the road outside our house while we ate dinner yesterday and there are raccoon tracks on our back porch. Country living. Gotta love it or at least carry a baseball bat at all times.
NoahSnark
September 15th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

People complaining in Funky Winkerbean about a play that deals with death and cancer? The irony is so thick it almost passes for humor.
Johnny Knuckles
September 15th, 2009 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

GT: #40. I thought HB referred to the pencil used to draw the strip. But #12 is right about the strip drawn with a typewriter.
Poteet
September 15th, 2009 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

# 135 UncleJeff — Congratulations! You have now gone straight to the top of my admittedly-short list of High School Drama Injury Stories. Number Two is currently the friend who was playing the Teddy Roosevelt character in ARSENIC AND OLD LACE, yelled “Charge!” on the landing during a rehearsal, and fell through the landing and broke his ankle, the set having been built by a student’s father who wasn’t such a great carpenter.

But breaking three knuckles and dripping blood during an actual performance and still delivering your line — you totally win. Extremely-belated sympathies, because I bet it hurt like hell.
Farley's Revenge
September 15th, 2009 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

Jamus the Bartender: Y’know, considering how-um-”physical” Cassandra is, even whilst sporting a delicate condition, you’re in for a helluva time when she goes into labor. Hope you’ve enjoyed your hands because you may not be able to use them for a while afterwards if she grips them while in the throes of pushing.

I suggest that you take the doc aside and mention it might be smart to narc her before she rips off his upper lip and shoves it up his nostril.
bats :[
September 15th, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

132. AnitaNomad: baldness and nudity? I dunno. Funny? Eh. Then again, I’m not graced with Tom’s mad writing skilz.

Then again, this is just semi-nudity (don’t make me get out my PhotoShop eraser and do full frontal!)
commodorejohn
September 15th, 2009 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

I dunno. While you can engage in a reasoned, rational debate on the merits of Wit as a school play, you have to remember that Batiuk lives in his own little world where things like props, extras, sets, music, etc., instead of being tools for story-telling that may serve some plays better than others, are all degrading concessions to such proletarian notions as “entertainment.”

I think Batiuk long ago crossed the event horizon from “comic strips don’t always have to be funny and should be allowed to deal with weightier subject matter” to “true Art is not entertaining.” He probably counts the apparent minimalism of Wit not as something that works for that play, but as an inherent good in and of itself, which is why he’s selected it as a suitable allegorical stand-in for his own work (well, that and the Pulitzer thing, anyway.)

He’s out to prove that Cancer Is Art, and if he made any concessions to the drooling, ignorant masses and their wish to be entertained, it would be an indelible taint on his very artistic integrity. Explains a lot, no?
Metz77
September 15th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

As a former high school theatre nerd, I can confirm that Spamalot would be pretty much impossible to do, but mainly because of the huge licensing fees involved. My school did a couple Broadway shows on a shoestring budget, including Chicago my freshman year.
mollificent
September 15th, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

Y216 Sister Sestina: Wow. What an amazing story…thanks so much for sharing. And thanks for showing so succinctly why Tom Batiuk can go suck eggs, as far as I’m concerned. Well said.

Since we’ve been talking about Spamalot, I have to post this video that’s been making the rounds on Facebook. Shamelessly OT, I know…but I dare you not to laugh your asses off. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luVjkTEIoJc

#49 Baron Bizarre: Now I really, really want to see “Kiss Me, Mate!”

#135, #152: During our high school’s production of “The Boy Friend” my senior year (I played the lead, mainly because I was the only soprano-from-hell who could hit the high notes) my friend Clinton fell and did something nasty to his hip one night during intermission. He actually WENT ONSTAGE AND DANCED THE CHARLESTON nonetheless. Idiot (said with great affection). He did say later that, as they loaded him into the ambulance afterward, it was somewhat heartening to see a circle of sobbing girls waving after him (myself among them). The Show Must Go On. *eyeroll*
Farley's Revenge
September 15th, 2009 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

He’s out to prove that Cancer Is Art,

Maybe his was. About the only artistic thing I could say happened was when…Nah. No one wants to hear that one, except perhaps the FW guy and I really don’t want to give him any ideas.

MC: What happened to Maureen’s eyes in the 3rd panel? Yeek. Has sitting next to Norm and being subjected to his constant complaining finally eaten what was left of her soul, leaving her an empty, mindless husk?
Jamus the Bartender
September 15th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

153. Yes, Farley, as you’ve already guessed, things are gonna be getting very ugly in the Cat/The Bartender household, and I haven’t even thought about the story where she goes into labor, but….yeah, already figured morphine would play a major part.
Mibbitmaker
September 15th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

W?t-a-lot — a play about Funky Winkerbean in 2009.

The scene: A comic-character straw-man is trying to convince Tom Batiuk that a Python-related musical isn’t that bad an idea….

TB: “Those internet snark-monkeys and their Monty Python. They would!”

C-C S-M* : “Tom, if you think a Monty Python musical is too frivolous for your cherished themes, let me say two words that’ll convince you that, if you want cancer and death -”

TB: “Death and cancer.”

C-C S-M: “Whatever. If you need those themes so badly: two words — Graham Chapman.

(pause)

TB (unintended Chris Elliott immitation): “I don’t know who that is.”

SCENE

*not to be confused with “Comics-Curmudgeon Spider-Man”.
Doug Puthoff
September 15th, 2009 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

#5–Fizzle–I agree. During my high school days (30 years ago), my alma mater did a production of “Promises, Promises.” A yahoo wrote to the paper saying it promoted imorality. Pray tell what they’d think of “Spamalot.”
Vince M
September 15th, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

141: I’m guessing he Googled “play – cancer”, “Wit” came up and he said “Hey! That’s ME! Eureka!”
Doug Puthoff
September 15th, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

Alt-FC caption for 9-15: “If Larry was here, we could clean this room twice as quick.”
Doug Puthoff
September 15th, 2009 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

6-15 Liberty Meadows: Things have been going slowly for the personification of death since the last “Bill and Ted” movie.
Doug Puthoff
September 15th, 2009 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

9-15 Pluggers–That Plugger looks disturbingly like Larry Winget.
Doug Puthoff
September 15th, 2009 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

6-15 Sally Forth–If Greg Howard were still writing this strip. I’d be wishing Jack Torrance were in the maze.
.303 Bookworm
September 15th, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

Yes, the suffocating pall of despair that is “Wit” will be a smash hit with the Westview audience. And next year, they can stage a production of Final Exit. With audience participation!
Comrade Denny
September 15th, 2009 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

MW: I probably missed it while skimming the threads, but has anyone suggested that Detective Fiance won’t get killed? I’m beginning to think that he will get shot, and Dr. Adrian will nurse – er, doctor – him back to health, and the story will end at a poolside wedding party with Toby and Mary talking about how romantic it is to be shot and almost killed. But if he is shot and killed, I hope we get two or three weeks of Adrian wandering around exclaiming, “It happened! It happened!”
sugarpie
September 15th, 2009 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

Great story and rant Sister Sestina. Thanks, indeed, and all good thoughts for a happy outcome!

I didn’t do the high school theater gig since it would have cut into my hoodlum-ing time. However, I have been involved in local warehouse theater scene during the last decade or so. For one production, Titus Andronicus, I was stage manager, stage hand, box office, and assorted minor players including Tamora’s first-killed son. We used gallons of stage blood made from Dollar Store hair gel packed into skinny balloon animal-type balloons for the final, grande guignol-esque dinner. (Which was pretty cool until a passing shower turned our outdoor stage into a giant slip and slide.) There’s lots of blood, rape, dismemberment, cannabalism, and endless profound oratory. It’s perfect! And I would be delighted to show Westview High how to do a rocking Titus A. for about 150 bucks.

Come on Batiuk, I can see you getting a little chubby! Although your lips say no, your eyes say yes, yes, YES!
Comcis Fan
September 15th, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

#87 Dingo, thanks for the LOL. Funny post.

Suddenly I’m remembering the dinner theater production I saw of “1776.” I actually enjoyed it, and it’s a fun way to learn your history. There was just sort of an effeminate tone to the show. “Rhode Island says yea!” as delivered in this production probably bore little resemblance to the actual dialogue in Independence Hall.
Muffaroo
September 15th, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

Poteet @152 – If you collect drama injury stories, here’s my best one. I was rehearsing a muleteer part in Man of La Mancha, carrying a long, thick stick with an octagonal cross-section a couple of inches in diameter that I used when losing a fight with the good guys. The set was rather cramped, and at one point, my foot got caught on some lumber, and I went down with the quarterstaff under me. Knocked the wind right out of me and hurt like hell. Our director-slash-star-slash-asshole was a doctor, and he didn’t see anything much wrong with me. My regular doctor didn’t find anything either, but a day or so after that, I noticed that when I pushed the hurt rib gently, there was a quiet sound inside like a couple of pieces of chalk being rubbed together, end to end. It was indeed a broken rib. I wore an Ace bandage for some months after that.

ps: Rehearsals for “Carousel” have started, and I’m working on singing and dancing my chorus-member heart out. There’s another musical that’s about death and depression (though they added an ending that’s not in the original play Liliom that makes it at least somewhat optimistic — and which pleased Ferenc Molnar when they showed it to him).
KashaPaw
September 16th, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

You have NO idea how much I would pay to see the high schoolers in Funky Winkerbean skip over a play about cancer and death to put on a play with two gay men getting happily married at the end. And singing about gayness while in a sequined leather speedo and fruit hats.
On the other hand, it’s also kind’ve scary thinking of the death-by-cancer rate in this area and wondering why it’s apparently so high.
Makes my inner conspiracy theorist all goosebumpy just contemplating it….
True Fable
September 16th, 2009 at 1:01 am [Reply]

My senior class’s play was one of those truly awful Samuel French For Teens kinds of plays, where the dialog is easy, the cast large, the jokes broad and at least one guy has to dress in drag during the course of the play.

I was not in the cast; I did not have that cooperative spirit that Senior Class Plays demand. I was assistant director, though, which meant I gave people their line notes and dealt with prima donas who apparently did not HAVE to be corrected! You can imagine how well that went over with me. >:D

We wouldn’t have known what the hell to do with a real live actual play. The rest of my class equated real plays with the ham-fisted Shakespeare readings we did in English class, and oh dear lord that was bad enough.
justvisiting
September 16th, 2009 at 1:02 am [Reply]

If there’s someone out there more versed in Funky Winterbean history, can they advise whether it’s somehow possible Batuik’s never heard of Our Town, or whether it’s just being retired after three decades at the high school no one can leave except by dying?
Poteet
September 16th, 2009 at 1:06 am [Reply]

# 157 mollificent — Yep, that definitely made my list. Owwch.

# 171 Muffaroo — And another (ow ow ow!) for the list! I do enjoy these theater stories.
Poteet
September 16th, 2009 at 1:08 am [Reply]

FW — I enjoyed (not exactly the right word, oh well) WIT when I read it and also when I saw it. I also respect the opinions of those who don’t like it and were not moved — one reason I come here is the fascinating diversity of intelligent opinions.

That was prologue to saying that whether one loves or hates WIT, I don’t think it deserves what the Westview High Players are gonna do to it.
Charles
September 16th, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

9/16 FW

Ok, Batuik can go fuck himself with a redwood tree, sideways.
Eaquae Legit
September 16th, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

16/09

I, uh….

How did today’s Get Fuzzy make it past the censors?

Colour me impressed.
bats :[
September 16th, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

Some humpday observations:

MW: time and space in Santa Royale have mystified me once again.

MT: at least I’m not the only one gobsmacked…
Madi
September 16th, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

But, you know, go ahead and defend your choices on the grounds of “cancer is awesome, embrace death before it embraces you,” if that’s what does it for you.
—

So three years ago, my mother had just returned home after three months of radiation therapy in time to see her youngest daughter’s school play production of “Our Town.” She went in not knowing what it was about (I just couldn’t tell her). Let’s just say that things did not end well, and that Spamalot would have been about a kajillion times better.
smoque
September 16th, 2009 at 1:37 am [Reply]

My but Mary zoomed in for the kill.
She zeroed in on that diamond like an Irish gossip.
Poteet
September 16th, 2009 at 1:39 am [Reply]

9/16

FW — Yeah, SPAMALOT is just a bunch of people mugging on stage. No ART *pause to genuflect* in that production whatsoever.

MW — Gaaaaah! Stay back, Adrian! I’ve got a head of garlic that shoots silver bullets!
sugarpie
September 16th, 2009 at 1:40 am [Reply]

Luann Oh Lord! I’m sorry I doubted your existence! I know that the rapture is truly and finally upon us: TJ has spoken the truth!

Take me now Lord!
Mibbitmaker
September 16th, 2009 at 2:19 am [Reply]

By the time I get this through, True Fable may’ve already done a more eloquent rant, but I still gotta get this in. Rant: on!

Oh, it’s called ART, now, is it? Eff you, Batiuk! Krazy Kat is art. Pogo is art. Peanuts is art. Calvin & Hobbes is art. Lio is art.Cul de Sac is art. We love that stuff! Confrontation? What about Doonesbury, which buries your ass on some of the same subjects? Pogo and Simple J. Malarkey?

Old “Funky Winkerbean”, as I said, was funny, whimsical, clever and fun — NOT “relaxing”, NOT a “diversion”. NOT “soothing”. I’ll say one thing for sure — your summer of 1994 psychological torture-fest (Les & Lisa Near-Miss-o-palooza) certainly wasn’t relaxing! And it wasn’t “art”, either; it was cheap manipulation! I made the mistake of giving a rat’s ass about your characters.

Batty, in a self-importance contest, you’d beat Brooke McEldowney handily. That’s NOT a compliment (and I feel justified in saying that during another Thorax week there).

Your 1972-1992 (or so) strip was funny and inventive at times. “Funky Winkerbean” (a name that mocks the old surrealist material while being stuck in “realism” land) NOW is crap.

I will give you props on the sequence where Lisa’s son “met” her as birth mother (a rare eloquence), which was really nice — which is more than you deserve from any of us.

I’ll leave you, Batty, to bathe in your smugness as you possibly read this and others here (Can’t wait for Truman!)./rant
Poteet
September 16th, 2009 at 2:43 am [Reply]

9/16 MW — So will Scott live long enough to see the ring on Adrian’s finger at last *sniff*? Or will he expire before he ever sees the ring on her finger, leaving Adrian to stagger about chewing the scenery in agony, not that she won’t anyway? Will it be a head wound, a bullet in the gut, or possibly a shot right through the heart? Bring it on, Operation H-Bomb!
Brent
September 16th, 2009 at 3:15 am [Reply]

Setting thoughts of cancer aside, if Mr. Flattop Polo-shirt wants the school to do Spamalot he will be willing to provide the do-re-mi dollars (and lots of them) to pay for the rights to do Spamalot.
Jack Parsons
September 16th, 2009 at 3:17 am [Reply]

GT: Beardy McBeardster is clearly a Russkie.

Cancer McIStopReadingThisStripForTwentyYearsAndLookWhatHappensCancerBean: If it was a girls’ school they could do the Underage Vagina Monologues.
MolyBendum
September 16th, 2009 at 3:22 am [Reply]

9/16 Mary – “Time heals all things….except these crazy eyes.”

Three weeks?! The hell? Why bother with further plot development when we can just skip all that on GET ON WITH THE KILLING! I totally agree. I suppose it’s possible that Mary has been standing there, staring at the ring for 3 weeks, too. Perhaps feeling Dingo’s call to etiquette (and who wouldn’t like to feel his “call to etiquette”?), she has been puzzling over her proper response and came up with “Is that an engagement ring?” Whereas any smartass (to me: normal person) would say “No, it’s a fucking Cracker Jack tattoo, what’s it look like”, Adrian just says “Yes”. And thanks for that, you unlucky schmuckette. If that goddamn ring keeps glowing her finger may rot off before Scott sees it. What’s going on in Mary Worth? Is it foreshadowing? Or is it the Scooby Doo episode “Make a Beeline Away from That Feeline!”???? Tune in and decide!
True Fable
September 16th, 2009 at 3:54 am [Reply]

ohhhh Batuik Batuik Batuik. All hail the great god Batuik. Since you are essentially responding to our commentary, then it’s Back Atcha time, Bubba:

When he Says – “Look, we come to the plays here at the high school to see our kids perform” and “and to be entertained by fun, relaxing diversions”
He’s reacting to:Our saying “We read the funnies to laugh and be amused”
But the deal is We are not opposed to something other than funny, but you need to give us characters we can invest emotion in. It’s hard to get behind Surly Winkerbean or Les The Creepy Clinging Father Moore. Or Cory “If anybody deserves to be Scared Straight it’s this little buttmuncher” Winkerbean. they would be interesting if they weren’t such one-trick ponies. YES I SAID ONE TRICK PONIES. Giving them a lot of straw problems does not flesh them out. No wonder everyone smirks in this strip, they haven’t had a laugh in years.

When he Says “we want to be soothed, not confronted”
He’s reacting to: Our bitching about the cancer cancer cancer bleak despair gloom doom hopeless helpless hapless cancer death frustration cancer death woe, as if we are too simple to understand the Deep Thoughts he has
But the deal is Put it in current story arc’s perspective, parents don’t want to be soothed by high school plays. Parents want to see their kids perform, not living out their teacher’s frustrations and recurring fears and regrets.
Put it in the strip outlook overall, I don’t care so much about being soothed as I do, not reading another “oh dear Les misses his wife” tale. Why the FUCK didn’t Les get confrontational and take a stand against the hospital staff that messed up his wife’s tests and possibly robbed her and him of more time together? Because that would not be Tragic and Confrontational? But Les DIDN’T confront anybody, you jackass. That’s my whole beef.

When he Says “Exactly! A high school stage is no place for art”
He’s reacting to: Those Plebian ‘Mudges who just don’t understand his Deep Thoughts and artsy-fartsy drive for that Pulitzer.
But the deal is A high school stage is a great place for art, but (again, if you bothered to actually go to a high school) students are not going to be interested in putting on what is essentially a one-woman play. The acting enthusiasts want to act, the singers want to perform and the dancers want to get out of fourth period class and move around. For Christ’s sake, Bubba, we like art. What we don’t much care for is a pompous ass who basks in his suffering for it.

When he Says “Right! if we want to see that, we’ll go to a museum.”
He’s reacting to: “If we want to see more death and cancer, we’d look at our own lives because we’ve all either had cancer, might have cancer, know someone who’s had cancer or have lost someone to cancer; we don’t need to have it hammered home in the Chron.”
But the deal is You’re a damn snob, Tom Batuik; you’ve established that fairly well. If you didn’t make cancer and death and despair and futility the entirety of your focus, you could have an enjoyable strip even WITH all that shit, but you’d need to bring back some whimsy. It’s the CONSTANT dread that gets to me, and life is not like that. Jesus, you telegraph each character’s faults so thoroughly, it’s hard to even tell if they even have a redeeming quality.

And since when do 46 year-olds look like they’re in their mid 60’s? Listen, I for one am 52 and I’ve still got more black in my hair than gray and not a line on my face. I know other people my age who are pretty much the same way. We’re not all a bunch of fat drunk whiny loser turdcicles who fell apart when they hit 39. No wonder you’re in such a bad state of mind if that’s how you see middle age.

Bottom Line, Tom Batuik: if you want to be recognized for your great noble calling called writing, then learn how to tell a story without resorting to cheap manipulation or self-aggrandizement.
/rant
Mr. O'Malley
September 16th, 2009 at 3:56 am [Reply]

A few weeks ago I came across a site called http://www.originaloldradio.com/

They sell old radio shows at very reasonable prices. With MP3 CDs you can get upwards of 20 hours on one CD for some shows. And talking about “writing”, the writing in some of those old radio dramas was pretty well done for something that was intended for entertainment and not “art”.

They have dramas, comedy (Bob and Ray!), documentaries and music shows, mostly from the late 1930s through the 1950s.

Though this might be of interest to some people, the main reason that I mention it here is that they carry a number of shows based on comic strips:

Blondie, Buck Rogers, Gasoline Alley, Mandrake the Magician, Popeye, Terry and the Pirates, etc.

I didn’t get any of these yet myself, although I got a lot of other stuff. I went to an old car show last weekend, so between that and my new radio shows it’s getting hard to keep track of what decade I’m living in.

There’s one more. If you’re familiar with the British strip Bristow, BBC-7 is currently running a radio version of it that you can listen to on-line. I haven’t been following it because to my taste Bristow is kind of like what you would get if Fred Bassett worked in an office, but it’s available, although they only archive the shows for a week.
Harpa
September 16th, 2009 at 4:27 am [Reply]

Ok. I keep seeing entries on CC about how Funky Winkerbean was once amusing/interesting/whatever back in the day. Can someone please provide an example of this alleged past glory? As far as I remember (back in the 70’s/80’s), FW was *never* particularly funny or original, but rather a trite and forgettable strip about teens.

Did I miss a meeting or something?
Ace
September 16th, 2009 at 4:54 am [Reply]

YO TOM BATUIK, I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, AND I’MMA LET YOU FINISH DEPRESSING THE MASSES ON A WEEKLY BASIS, BUT SPAMALOT IS ONE OF THE BEST MUSICALS OF ALL TIME.

OF ALL TIME.
twedding photographerx chelmsfordx
September 16th, 2009 at 5:30 am [Reply]

[Edited: Hi, I'm a spammer posting to boost my pagerank!]
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
September 16th, 2009 at 6:11 am [Reply]

MT: he must have been educated in The Bronx. And so were the poachers. It’s the middle of the night and the poachers are shooting alligators? So Mark decides to go out, in the pitch black darkness, with no flashlight, and no gun, to “see” what’s how going on? How can he see a fucking thing?

No trails, no lights, no brains.

At least he changed out of his pajamas first, that shows a little sense.

One of the first rules of camping: always dress properly in the middle of the night in a swamp when you have no idea what’s going on. Just in case.

I hope Rusty gets carried away by a bear.
True Fable
September 16th, 2009 at 6:34 am [Reply]

#191 Harpa – I used to like it whenever Les had to crawl up the gym rope, and when Crazy Harry did something to freak out Holly Budd. It had its moments; they weren’t brilliant pieces of work but they were charming and occasionally smile-inducing. The smirks were more like quiet smiles and less like sneers without the lip curl.

I guess the absurdity of Les sitting at a hall monitor’s station with sandbags and a machine gun wouldn’t fly so easily these days, as it is quite the WTF visual, but it was just that sort of absurdity – that and Crazy Harry’s pizza albums – that gave the strip its offbeat whimsy. Eventually the whimsy got buried under all the Very Special Episodes and died there.
John C Fremont
September 16th, 2009 at 6:38 am [Reply]

MT – Should owls really have sexy eyes? Not so much Bette Davis eyes, more like Maude Flanders eyes, but still…

“Seriously, folks. Give a hoot, read a book!”
True Fable
September 16th, 2009 at 6:43 am [Reply]

Then again, I guess Les with a machine gun at the hall monitor station isn’t any more absurd than Dagwood’s gravity-defying sandwiches or Zeebas living next door to stupid Crocs. Or Spider-man as an action hero, or Mary Worth.
Lolsworth
September 16th, 2009 at 6:55 am [Reply]

What high school did you go to? My one’s done a full-scale musical every year since at least 1990 and probably earlier. This year’s was Return to the Forbidden Planet. Last year was, inevitably, HSM. While I was there they did Godspell, Fame, Smokey Joe’s Café and others. Your high school is a GOD DAMNED PUSSY.
True Fable
September 16th, 2009 at 7:06 am [Reply]

Greater Metropolitan Roopville’s school orchestra consists of two trumpets, a harmonica and a cat that walks up and down an old keyboard. It’s not the end of civilization but it is on the chatterstrip.

So yeah, my old school HAS a God damned pussy. Good call.
MolyBendum
September 16th, 2009 at 7:11 am [Reply]

I quit reading Funky Winkerbean in ‘91 and never looked back. He could set a different character on fire each day, and I still wouldn’t care. You all can bitch about that, I’ll bitch about these:

Beetle – Hey everybody! They use acronyms in the Army! Generally these are used to make conversation shorter, easier to understand, and are usually catchy or slang in some way for what they represent. But, in the context of Beetle Bailey, they are just random letters used in the setup of a lame joke that isn’t funny.

Curtis – Is there any school where you can wear a ball cap around during the school day? Except maybe on “Crazy Hat Day” or something. I thought all they stopped that due to gangs. Hell, even when I was a kid in whitebread WNY we couldn’t wear hats in school. Whatever, I don’t wear hats anyway. Do bald people wear hats to cover it up or did wearing hats make their hair fall out in the first place? I say the latter, and I like my hair.

FC – Um….why is Thel so pissed-off looking? “Can’t you see I’m trying to cook eggs here, Jeffy?!” Thwack! Yeah, smack him with the spatula you hard bitch. At 5 or 6 you have the idea that eggs come out of a chicken’s butt. I guess this is the start of Jeffy’s bestiality fetish. Or descent into serial killer territory, as he goes thru the forest holding down small animals and inserting things into their tiny orifices.

Herb & The Other Herb – That doesn’t explain all the evil thought ballooning that’s been going on. “Sure, we SAY we hate each other, and we THINK we hate each other, but we don’t REALLY hate each other.”

Marmaduke – Once a week they would travel to the local pet shop to buy guinea pigs to feed to their dog, Satan Incarnate.

Mutts – Cut that mother fucker open! “Look, Mr. Frog…you were wrong! There’s vessels and ventricles and blood, too! Don’t die on me Frog, look at it! Look at your still-beating heart!” -Squish- Love my ass.

Shoe – Golf: I get frustrated, but eventually I get drunk. Dating: I get frustrated, but eventually I get laid. Meh, six of one….

Ziggy – Obviously, Tom Wilson has given up all pretense that this is ever funny.
Écureuil Écumant
September 16th, 2009 at 7:20 am [Reply]

195 True Fable: “I guess the absurdity of Les sitting at a hall monitor’s station with sandbags and a machine gun wouldn’t fly so easily these days…”

I give credit to TB (fortuitous choice of initials there, Momma B) for not recycling previous strips like so many of the legacy strips we’ve busted.

But in this case, he could rerun that one and it would fit right in to the current strip’s gestalt.. He’d just need to flip the MG around so Les is pointing it at his own head.
Écureuil Écumant
September 16th, 2009 at 7:20 am [Reply]

Or maybe at our heads…
Amateur
September 16th, 2009 at 7:27 am [Reply]

#192 for COTW!

MW: Never mind the ring, Adrian — the fact that you’ve apparently knocked yourself crosseyed will be more than enough of a surprise.
idathefossil
September 16th, 2009 at 7:58 am [Reply]

Hmmmm … “Inability to instantly recall Gil Thorp narrative chronology?” “Lack of football smarts?” This can only mean one thing. Congratulations, Josh, you’re in line to be the new Gil Thorp writer!
Richard
September 16th, 2009 at 7:58 am [Reply]

Wow the shoot out happens –in triage Adrian has to deal with saving the life of a junkie who offed her fiance–or better yet she has to make a choice as to who to gice CPR to and she chooses the junkie because she does not recognize her fiance in disguise or better yet she sees her fiance sans clothing and makes the wise choice
Whippersnapper
September 16th, 2009 at 8:10 am [Reply]

MT: And the best way to alert the shooters is to quietly skulk toward them in the dark. Good plan, Mark.

FW: Fine, we won’t put on Wit. Instead, we’ll do a performance of The Brilliant Cartoonist Ham-Handedly Schools the General Public on Why The Comics Are Too The Place To Depict Unrelenting Misery and Despair, And They Just Don’t Get My Genius. That one’s great!
Mooncattie
September 16th, 2009 at 8:18 am [Reply]

S-M – I need a backstory on The Sandman…has he appeared before? What does he do, deliberately muck up machines and stuff? What were his teenage years like? Did he have embarrassing outbreaks of ant hills?

MT – I’d love a crossover with Pearls Before Swine! “OK Larry, guy wiv feests is gone! Now we eat uggaly keed and puppy!”
Mela
September 16th, 2009 at 8:21 am [Reply]

I just wanna give a shout out for #74 and #192 as COTW nominees. #74 in particular made me snort hot tea through my nose.

I have a long, long reply about all that is wrong with today’s FW, but I’m gonna try to wait. Needless to say, I’m hoping Batiuk prostate cancer comes back with a vengeance.
Harold
September 16th, 2009 at 8:27 am [Reply]

Man, it’s going to suck when all of the suspects in “Operation H-Town” – namely, the resident clowns at Happytown Children’s Amusement Park – escape in a single, small vehicle.
Jude
September 16th, 2009 at 8:27 am [Reply]

What I like best about Batuik’s work is its subtly and nuance.
Brick Bradford
September 16th, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

Archie: What in the name of all that is holy is that hideous chipmunk/human hybrid beast standing behind Archie?

A3G: Ah, another subplot, the grief of Margo, goes way, only to be revived in six months or so when everyone has forgotten it.

MW: Oh, you just know that ring will be the last thing Scott ever sees, as he slips into death’s sweet embrace.
Mooncattie
September 16th, 2009 at 8:37 am [Reply]

S-M – So what’s The Sandman’s latest caper? Oh, I know! He can ruin major golf tournaments by running out to inappropriate spots near putting greens! Of course Peter Parker will be watching it on TV, and then he’ll swing into action…with his…er…web vaccuum…thingy….zzzz
Baron Bizarre
September 16th, 2009 at 8:45 am [Reply]

Mooncattie @ 207 says:
S-M – I need a backstory on The Sandman…has he appeared before? What does he do, deliberately muck up machines and stuff? What were his teenage years like? Did he have embarrassing outbreaks of ant hills?

The Sandman has been around since 1963 – he’s a thug that was exposed to radioactive sand (this was back in the days when radiation gave people super-powers instead of cancer) and gained the ability to turn in to a pile of sand. He fought Spider-Man for years, and then he joined the Frightful Four, then he reformed, and joined the Avengers. I think he’s evil again, but I’m not sure, I stopped reading Marvel Comics around then.
Baron Bizarre
September 16th, 2009 at 8:47 am [Reply]

Mooncattie @ 212 says:
S-M – So what’s The Sandman’s latest caper? Oh, I know! He can ruin major golf tournaments by running out to inappropriate spots near putting greens! Of course Peter Parker will be watching it on TV, and then he’ll swing into action…with his…er…web vaccuum…thingy….zzzz

Actually, I think there was an early Sandman where Spider-Man beat him by vacuuming him up…
Baron Bizarre
September 16th, 2009 at 8:49 am [Reply]

“early Sandman story“, Baron Dumbass!
Comcis Fan
September 16th, 2009 at 8:56 am [Reply]

Yeah, it didn’t even occur to me at first that Batiuk is knocking a major Broadway hit that’s been well-received and, while I haven’t seen it, by most accounts is quite funny and enjoyable. Are funny and enjoyable shows and comic strips all the works of no-talent hacks feeding the ignorant masses? Is that the point? Only deep intellectuals write and appreciate relentlessly depressing stories about terminal illness, death, loss of love through MIA status and general disappointment with life?

I hope the writer gets the therapy and antidepressants he may need so he may once again enjoy himself and his writing.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 16th, 2009 at 8:59 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Despite all these close parallels he’s drawing – and he makes a good case – I still think some things are probably a little bit different going to college now as compared to the sixties, say. It sure is an interesting point to ponder, though!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 16th, 2009 at 9:07 am [Reply]

Well now, let’s mosy on down ta th’ ol’ Chron an’ see if’n we cain’t rustle up ourselves some good ol’ country-style snark.

A3G: “‘Sick and old’? Shit, man, you look like a Funky Winkerbean character.”

Baldo: Baldo was a kid in 1969? That would make him almost 50 now. Most time-frozen strips have the sense to not acknowledge that their characters were the same age 40 years ago, but this strip has no excuse — it wasn’t even around in 1969. Maybe the artist is trying to build up some “comics cred” so it can fit in with the zombie strips like H&L and FC. Which is kind of like the new guy on the cell block talking up invented crimes so Charles Manson will like him.

BB: Synod study? The military is investigating ecclesiastical matters now? Perhaps Gen. Halftrack has been asked to help decide in exactly which circle of Hell Camp Swampy lies.

Bizarro: Of all the strips that should have had a stick of dynamite in the panel somewhere… (Plus: Are we to believe that there’s a smart way to blow up yourself and a bunch of innocent victims?)

Curtis: Curtis wants Mrs. Nelson to throw his lever. If you know what I mean.

(WT)DT: Man, it’s gonna take forever for the bad guys to find another assassin cross-trained as a circus acrobat. Too bad there aren’t more entry-level circus jobs, things that don’t require skills, like I dunno, DRESSING UP AS A CLOWN AND FIRING A GUN INTO THE AIR.

FC: Does Thel really have a griddle top on her stove, or did the artist realize too late that at this viewing angle, we wouldn’t be able to see inside a frying pan?

GA: Or maybe, since he’s gotten more successful, he’s found a younger, less chunky woman who doesn’t play hard-to-get, isn’t tied down to a job providing 24/7 home care to a decrepit centenarian, and doesn’t always smell like prunes, Vapo-Rub and death?

thorps. A great Milford High tradition: The annual race riots.

H&L: There is a flaw in the Matrix.

LC: Oh, come on. I thought of better Disney/Marvel jokes than that the first day. How about The X-Mice? Howard the Duck Tales? Dr. Goof? Walt Disney’s Avenger Babies?

Luann: As will those of countless readers of this strip.

Big Dog: Counter lady is not horrified by the implications of the kid’s question; she barely registers the children’s presence. That look on her face is one worn by those who have stared, for the first time, into the slavering maw of Death.

MW: Wait a minute, what? A few weeks ago? Didn’t they just have dinner last night? Maybe MW the strip doesn’t move as slow as we thought, but rather, Mary Worth the character and all around her do. “Charterstone” is not a condo development, but rather the name of a spaceship hurtling through the galaxy at a significant fraction of the speed of light, and a day of realtime passes between each word balloon. If Adrian keeps talking with ellipses, time might actually start moving backwards.

PmP: When did mop-top guy dye his hair green?

Shoe: Ha ha! It’s golf!

SFx: Lightning causes deviant interspecies sex. Got it.

WoI: Traditionally, this graffito has taken the format of, “THE KING IS A F__K.” I imagine the case today is the same.

Ziggy: “Because you’re a bird… you can Twitter! Ha ha, get it? Because it sounds like– OW! Hey! Leggo! AAAH MY EYE!”
MolyBendum
September 16th, 2009 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Mooncattie @ 212 – Hahaha…..All Spiderman comments should end like that. blahblah….err….thingy…..zzzzzz
Hank
September 16th, 2009 at 9:16 am [Reply]

RE: Apt 3G. Wow. Big guest star today. The role of Dr. Bryant is being played by Dustin Hoffman…in his Little Big Man makeup
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 9:18 am [Reply]

No man, short of a heart of stone, could read today’s Gil Thorp without laughing. “You’re loaded with receivers.” Hmm… must be why we don’t see Mrs. Thorp so much. Now just show me Beardy McBeardster in that position.
Comcis Fan
September 16th, 2009 at 9:20 am [Reply]

FC: Is Thel at her cracking point, so to speak? Is she wondering whether she can take back her own eggs and recycle Jeffy? I don’t want to think about what she may be contemplating as she stares at that hot spatula. Perhaps she’s out of sorts because her head-to-breast-size ratio is off, or because Bil is prone and despondent in bed — again — leaving her figuratively alone at the griddle with her ennui and her utensils.
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 9:21 am [Reply]

Oh, jeez, Adrian just started wearing the ring today? And then that big close-up on her puss in panel two? Cue the violins!
Comcis Fan
September 16th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

The Forths smirk a lot. I hope they don’t move to Westview, Ohio.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 16th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

#218 – Baldo’s having the usual characters play different roles for the current story, which is not a bad tactic to use for a little variety every once in a while.
MolyBendum
September 16th, 2009 at 9:28 am [Reply]

#218 The Spectacular Spider-Brick re Baldo – If you care (and I don’t see how you could, because we’re talking about Baldo), he’s doing the Jose Hernandez the Mexican Astronaut story this week. It’s the gripping tale of a poor immigrant who picks…i dunno, corn or grapes or something….becomes an engineer, makes boob-smashing machines, then gets on with NASA. Personally, I’d have rather seen the story of Alberto and Alejandro Jiménez, the Mexican midget wrestlers who were robbed and kllled by hookers this summer.
Doug Puthoff
September 16th, 2009 at 9:29 am [Reply]

Alt-FC caption for 9-16: Why don’t we ask Larry for breakfast again?
Baron Bizarre
September 16th, 2009 at 9:30 am [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: “How do I look?”

Well, sort of like John Hurt in the “interrogation” scenes in Nineteen Eighty-Four.
Doug Puthoff
September 16th, 2009 at 9:31 am [Reply]

6-19 Funky–Great idea Batiuk: Alienate whatever audience still reads this strip. And it’s the same whining you did back in ‘96, when Lisa was hurt during an attack on the post office.
Bryan
September 16th, 2009 at 9:32 am [Reply]

You can recycle egg shells by mixing them in with chicken feed. Chickens will frequently eat unfertilized eggs – shells and all – if you don’t pick them up quick enough. They don’t want the nutrients to go to waste.

Speaking of high school musicals, I played the Big Bad Wolf in our high school production of Into The Woods opposite this exquisite little goth chick as Little Red who I loved with all my heart. For a nerd like me, it was a memorable experience. Now she’s married with a couple of kids. Ah well, (singing) sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset.
Camwyn
September 16th, 2009 at 9:34 am [Reply]

Dear Mr. Batiuk:

If I wanted to have the blatant evidence of a creator’s massive depression and psychological breakdown flung in my face without pausing, week after week after week, I’d watch Neon Genesis Evangelion. At least it’s *pretty* when it’s killing everybody in the world. And, hey, it’s got a bearded guy in glasses who just can’t let go of the fact that MY WIFE IS DEEEEEEEEEEEEAD.

‘m just sayin’.
mvg
September 16th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

What is Bill Clinton doing in panel three of Dick Tracy?

MT: I can’t wait to see that gigantic owl scarf down Mark now that it’s coughed up a compressed pellet of Jack Elrod bones & hair.

H&J: Why does this put me in mind of Congress?

GT: Who knew Milford subscribed to druidic wicker-man traditions? Maybe Robb Larue was the one chosen as the “star” of the ritual, which is why it “didn’t matter” that he was so slow in drills.

JP: Well, Godiva, slamming an icepack onto your head like that when you could potentially have a concussion would bring the word “idiot” to mind, yes…

MW: Hey, Adrian, if you wanna surprise Scott, just give him that cross-eyed, ventriloquist’s-dummy look from panel one when he looks up from his blood-soaked gurney. He’ll code for sure. And you’ll still have the ring.
kkarenb
September 16th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

148 Aerosquid – Rubber Soul would be my choice, too, but I want the set. When I checked last Wednesday it was sold out already. I can’t wait to hear the remastered Norwegian Wood.

Cathy – Speaking as someone who has worn the same style of LL Bean jeans for the past 10+ years, I can’t relate to this at all.

MW – In that second panel all that is missing is an ice cream cone on Adrian’s forehead.
Baron Bizarre
September 16th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

“Neon Genesis Funkiwinkerbion”?
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

So, I’m not sure why, but yesterday’s Mary Worth reminded me of childhood. My mother always had to put her own spin on the fairy tales. Her version of Cinderella involved the girl eating nothing but sauerkraut. It’s all her evil stepmother would give her and it’s all she cared to eat. The fairy godmother comes to give her entrance to the ball but all she has is a pair of old rollerskates. Cinderella goes to the ball and the prince wants to meet her. But, thanks to the sauerkraut, she’s filled with gas. As the prince approaches her she – BWARRRRP! – passes gas and rolls to the other side of the ballroom. The prince again goes to meet her and – BWARRRRRP! – she flies back. All night long she passes gas, flinging back and forth, and leaving horrible sauerkraut stenches. In the end, the prince marries a princess from two countries over and Cinderella spends the rest of her life being called “Stinkerella” by her stepsisters.

So, when you wonder where I get my sense of humor, blame Mom.
Sequitur
September 16th, 2009 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Bizarro Is he implying that there are smart suicide bombers?

MT Even the owl can’t believe this story line. She’s just sitting there with her beak hanging open. Kind of like the AFLAC duck after he heard Yogi Berra speak.
Sequitur
September 16th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

235. Dingo
Good thing Archie Campbell wasn’t your Dad. We’d have to be deciphering your spoonerisms.
buckyswife
September 16th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

SForth: Which child? Ooh! Ooh! I know! Rusty!

MW: Ah, the longed-for emergency room scene is taking shape: Adrian, hopped up on random pills she found on a patient’s bedside table, will not immediately try to save Detective Done-For’s life when he’s wheeled in. Instead, she’ll slap his cheeks wildly, waving her left hand in front of his eyes and screaming, “Surprise! Surprise! Look at it! Look. At. It.” His eyelids fluttering open, he’ll gasp, “Help…. me…..you crazy bitch….” A nearby orderly will push Adrian aside and try to administer CPR, but it will be too late.

Later, a sobered-up Adrian will board the inevitable flight to Vietnam, where she’ll give the cursed ring to a cute orphan that she’ll nickname Queenie.

JP: Hang on—Rocky wasn’t in a violent rage but was acting? Because he thought a violent rage would impress Sam and Abbey? And then he paid Sam an extra $20K for the horse? Godiva’s on to something: he is an idiot.

Garfield: By those standards, in this contest the readers are the real ~~winners~~ ~~losers~~ ones who don’t give a crap.

A3G: I know people say, “Physician, heal thyself,” but from the looks of Dr. Bryant, he needs to back off on the self-head-shrinking just a bit.

FC: How many of you out there leave the eggshells lying out on the counter? Uh-huh….. Okay, and how many fry the eggs directly on the stove? Mmm-hmmm…. Yeah. That’s what I thought: The Keane males have never actually seen someone make breakfast.
Muffaroo
September 16th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

A3G – Why do I feel like I’m still reading Dean Booth?

Crankshaft – People put the stupidest things in their photo albums.

Smirky Schadenfreude – “And if we want to see someone’s self pity acted out, we’ll go to the comics page!”

Luann – Brad’s right to hesitate. An anal tear is serious business.

Pearls – Don’t forget Spinal Tap!

Pluggers – I’ve never seen the plugger bee before.

Rose – Caption left off at the end: “Wading pool drainers often squeeze the air out of wading pool foot dunkers’ last remnants of summer joy. Twitter!”

Spidey – Radio Officer Ditko to bring the sandcuffs!
Muffaroo
September 16th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

Mr. O’Malley @190 – I’ve gotten radio shows from OTRCAT as well, for something like $5 or $7 per mp3 CD, which (as you note) can hold a lot of shows. There’s also the ‘free’ route, going to archive.org (among other places) and sifting through the alphabetic listings. Among other things, I’ve found a Mercury Theater version of Liliom (on which Carousel is based), with Orson Welles in the lead, of course.

Mela @208 – Wishing for a character to get cancer: no problem. Wishing it on a living person: not so cool.

Comcis Fan @216 – Batiuk is probably chiding Monty Python for losing their edge. Back in the 70s, there was an animated fairy tale about a prince who ignored a black spot on his face and died of cancer. But where’s the cancer now? How can you be socially relevant without any form of -oma?

Spider-Brick @218 – Crud-ola! Nailed my Id comment a half hour before I could even hit Preview.
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 9:49 am [Reply]

buckyswife, my demented harlot of snark, that’s gold! Especially the orphan.

I like to think of it more like the ending to Body Heat. Adrian lies on a chaise longue on a tropical beach. An elderly woman and her husband walk by and she exclaims, “Goodness! Look at that rock! I’d die for something like that!” Adrian lowers her sunglasses and says, “He did.” Music up, fade black.
buckyswife
September 16th, 2009 at 9:49 am [Reply]

200 MolyBendum, re: BB—I know it’s gibberish, but I do have to give Walker this: When the buckyhusband and his colleagues talk, it sounds to me just like the nonsense in panel 1. (The problem, of course, is that Walker is supposed to know what goes on in the military—but he demonstrated long ago that he doesn’t.)

208 Mela: No, please don’t wish that on him.
Sequitur
September 16th, 2009 at 9:51 am [Reply]

239. Muffaroo
Pluggers – Plugger bee? Are you looking at the same Pluggers that I’m seeing?
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 16th, 2009 at 9:52 am [Reply]

“Hi, we are camping in this area! Your rifle shots may wake a friend of mine, who is Rusty!”
buckyswife
September 16th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

243 Sequitur: I don’t usually read Pluggers, but I just looked at the one you linked, and ohmygodmyhusbandisaplugger.
Doug Puthoff
September 16th, 2009 at 9:55 am [Reply]

9-16 Gil Thorp–A great Mildford tradition–polluting the air for the start of stupid sports season.
Doug Puthoff
September 16th, 2009 at 10:02 am [Reply]

9-16 Pearl Before Swine–Ringo Starr is still alive. Pastis.
Doug Puthoff
September 16th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

9-16 Snuffy Smith–Cute strip, but I was hoping for more on the Hootin’ Holler I.O.U. thief. That’s the most excite in this strip since, like, ever.
MolyBendum
September 16th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Diiiiiiiiiiiick – So, she was a hitlady. Not that this is particularly shocking information, but at least it’s something. If I’m following (and I don’t see how I couldn’t be as slow as this is going), Ringo killed a guy who tried to kill him and now someone else who was there to kill him is dead. Really think it’s the best cop strategy to keep him in the loop, Dick? “Say…is that a new piece of evidence laying over there in the corner? Grab that for me Ringo.” “Sure, Dick. Oh dear, it’s all smudged, let me clean that up for you…….there you go.” Brilliant.
Oh, and hi again Sally Forth’s mom.

Gil – Fire! Doubts! Football! Thank god the buildup is done. It’s like one of those damn logic puzzles. So far we know: Duncan is reformed from something into something and is a good tackle; Robb is better than somebody at running back; Jamaar is fast, but for some reason isn’t the running back nor is he good enough for tall girls; Brock wanted to drink beer. Now let me draw my matrix and try to work that shit out. Yeah, good enough character development…get to the football and hope the people who give a fuck are too drunk to pay attention. Hell, it’s still moving at Warp 9 compared to Dick Tracy.

Mark – “Doo-de-doo…..walkin’ thru the swamp at night…..the alligator infested swamp….doo-de-doo….gunshots ringing out…. Good thing I don’t have any particular knowledge of animals and their habits or I might be worried that alligators hunt at night…. Good thing I’m wearing my khaki outfit so I blend right in tonight, nobody can see me as I wander into their line of sight. Doo-de-doo…”

A3G – Most people don’t know Dr. Bryant is Jewish until he starts talking.

#242 buckyswife – Right, the “I-make-a-strip-about-the-army-but-don’t-try-very-hard” I think is what I found irritating.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 16th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

Adrian: If you want it to be a pleasant surprise, you’d better don’t do that thing you’re doing with your eyes in the first panel. I grant you, it is surprising. But still.
Sequitur
September 16th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

245. buckyswife
A wise man once told me many years ago not to use coupons on a romantic evening. So, I’ve kept to that principle. On my last wedding anniversary I suggested a restaraunt to my bride of many years and she said, “Oh, great! I think I have a coupon for that place!”
Lorem Ipsum
September 16th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

A3G- when I saw the phrase “how do I look” It seemed as though he knew he chose the wrong outfit to wear to the office that day. Stacy London would be all over him about his choice.
One-eyed Wolfdog
September 16th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

And advice to Jimbo: Since you’ve already started, you might as well go ahead and squeeze the air out of the beachball, too. And that annoying noisemaker in the chair.
commodorejohn
September 16th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

A3G – Bing Crosby? You look like hell, man.

Crankshaft – Yes, Jeff, look on in despair and distress that your child won’t have to suffer through the same shit you did. That’s a charming sentiment.

DT – The CIA assassinated the assassin to protect the witness. Case closed. Can we get on to finding out what that pig-on-wheels is for?

FC – This is pretty gruesome and all, but I can’t tear my eyes away from the fact that Thel is frying eggs directly on the stovetop. What the hell, Jeff?

FW – Ah, and here’s the “my critics just hate Art” argument. Keep it up, Batiuk, I’m halfway to a bingo.

GT – Another year, another terrifically dark bonfire scene. There’s no Gil exulting the students to new heights of Bacchanalian revelry this time, but I’m pleased to see that the kids in the front line are carrying pitchforks. Are they going to assault each other in their frenzied stupor? Or are they preparing to confront the demon lord that will step forth from the fire at the height of the proceedings? Hopefully we’ll find out next time.

H&L – And in one day Hi & Lois turned from “a strip about more-or-less modern suburban life” to “a nightmarish Lynchian surrealist social commentary.” Whether this is an improvement remains to be seen.

JP – Oh, don’t worry, Godiva. They seem to be totally okay with the idea of assault and battery, as long as their friends are on the giving end.

Luann – Look, when TJ of all people can offer accurate and insightful criticisms of your life, you should really just shoot yourself and get it over with.

MT – Yes, Mark. Go towards the gunman. In the dark. Wearing brown. That couldn’t possibly end badly.

MW – Whoa. I think Adrian’s been dipping into the hospital medicine cabinet.

MC – Ashley looks depressed. I think it’s probably because Maureen spoiled the moment before she could.

NS – So Non Sequitur is making the standard Woodstock joke, but at least it’s making it well. I particularily like Kate and Danae’s reactions in the final panel.

PBS – Counterpoint: Carl Palmer and Bill Bruford are still alive and well.

SM – Wouldn’t cops in the Marvel Universe be trained to deal with these things?
Doug Puthoff
September 16th, 2009 at 10:14 am [Reply]

247 (me)–But since this Pearls Before Swine, Ringo might have died and undied,
Uncle Lumpy
September 16th, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

In today’s One Big Happy, Ruthie takes down Funky Winkerbean.
hogenmogen
September 16th, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

MW: “He gave it to me a few weeks ago… ”
Yeah, so how did ol’ Operation H-Town go? It ended with no consequences? To predict what will happen in MW is like brainstorming for the dullest, most banal, bereft of action trajectory possible. I’ve done it for many unrewarding hours, and I still manage to overshoot the mark.
Doug Puthoff
September 16th, 2009 at 10:17 am [Reply]

254 (commodore john)–Palmer and Bruford may have died and undied, too.
Niall
September 16th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Humping the comics:

Apt 3G: “How do I look?” …like no other male has looked in this strip before. Wow. I think I need to sit down.

Archie: Now they’re just baiting us on purpose. Well, I can speak with authority that whatever that thing is in panel 1, it’s neither a sports mascot suit nor a fursuit. Looks more like someone had the wrong idea about a marionette.

BC: Good thing I know what presidents are on US currency or this would make no sense.

Ms Buxley: I was going to make fun of the use of “synod”, but upon looking it up in the dictionary, I realise there indeed is a non-religious use of the term applicable in this circumstance. …I learned something from Beetle Bailey today. I feel nauseous.

Blondie: And this is a passable joke, if a little obvious? Wow. The use of “Listen, don’t jump to conclusions” is actually a great setup; I’m sure mudgeons can finish the punchline with something much funnier, though.

Curtis: What kind of lever could Curtis possibly possess… okay, I think my brain is now officially Sick.

Dennis the Tame: Is it just me, or does that boy on the right look both asian and african? (It can happen, it’s just unusual.) And does he not look more like he’s trying to get our attention along the lines of “help, help, I’m trapped here and they finally let a non-white out from the bowels of Off-Panel”? Well, kid, touch luck; but it could be worse, they could have trapped you in Family Circus, and then you’d never get any air time.

Dick: So what was she going to do? Fall on the ring~~olo~~master? Suicide mission!

Gil Thorp: The great annual Milford tradition of the sacrifical orgy? Where last year’s poor performers are burned and this year’s new performers are given… incentive to do well?

Hägär: Uh, was there ever a ~~Peanuts rip-off~~ Dirty Dirk in here before??

Suburban horror: The giant WTF of panel 1 (TVs don’t work that way!) manages to actually get topped by the enormous WTF of panel 2. Good job, Walker-Browne LLC, you managed to get completely unpredictable. Still not funny, but it’s one step away from the usual mediocrity.

Mary Worth: Weeks? Weeks passed without a word from the Narration Box? …okay, everyone, grab your searchlights and rope coils, fan out to cover more ground. We got ourselves a kidnap victim, and we need to rescue it now!

My Cage: Maureen’s days are counted. Meanwhile, Norm and Ashley are wanting to just crawl away from Ground Zero into a safe broom closet and.. wait, no, that drawing isn’t canon-possible anymore. Drat.

Ghost-who-doubts-wise-old-magical-negroes-to-his-peril: Wait a second, wait a second.. Lignante??? That’s not even remotely Italian – or French for that matter! Just because they’re in Africa somewhere doesn’t mean someone can invent a name out of whole cloth to make an Italian restaurant.

Pluggers: Andy Bear, that woman is NOT looking like she wants to celebrate. She’s considering more how best to make it look like an accident at last. At very long last.

Sly: The violence and noise and primal fear and adrenaline rush a thunderstorm can indeed turn acrimony to a form of partnering against a common fear. It’s also a great environment to heighten already-strong emotions, the eletric feeling in the air able to make a caress or touch of lips even more sensual, leading to heights of passions and ripped clothings that… … damn. (I so need a girlfriend…)
commodorejohn
September 16th, 2009 at 10:21 am [Reply]

#247, #258 Doug Puthoff – I dunno, Palmer and Bruford are both looking pretty lively. And the only undead Beatle is Paul McCartney, I think.
Doug Puthoff
September 16th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

Pluggers–Show the wife you love been by treating her to a discount meal. Sort of Al Bundy giving up a can of motor oil for her birthday.
Sequitur
September 16th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

260. commodorejohn
And I bet you remember the old “Paul is dead” rumors from the ’60s.
Chip Whittle
September 16th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

Old-time radio’s a great entertainment source, particularly the comedies where you can learn where the Warner Brothers cartoons stole their best lines from. Also there were a lot of comic strips adapted to radio, like Terry and the Pirates, Little Orphan Annie, Dick Tracy, and Popeye (where he eats Wheateana instead of spinach)(!), and a lot of those are serialized so you can hear what it sounds like when they’re really trying to get three minutes of plot padded out to fifteen minutes of program. It’s faster than Dick Tracy moves today.

Speaking of Dick Tracy, so the ringmaster is a circus newbie in the Witless Protection Program, the trapeze artist is from the Glittered Spandex Mafia, is there anyone at this traveling circus who’s actually a circus performer? Or does the Tracyverse just figure any collection of two dozen freaks qualifies as a circus and a crime syndicate?

And are we sure the trapeze artist from the Glittered Spandex Mafia wasn’t actually trying to take out Tom Batiuk?

Archie takes time to whack himself in the presence of someone dressed like a giant squirrel. AJGLU: there are perfectly good scary web sites where stuff like this is supposed to go instead.

Crankshaft: Oh, those miserable youth living in an age where college is much more convenient, comfortable, and accessible than back in the 70s when we were getting gunned down instead!

Hooray for the annual Gil Thorp Traditional besieging of Frankenstein’s Monster and start of a brilliant campaign directly away from the playdowns!

Momma: You know, one of Albert Einstein’s papers in his anno mirabilis of 1905 was about Brownian motion, and how the movement of particles in a fluid, like dust motes in the air, could be used to actually measure the size of molecules. With this work he not only resolved the controversy about how big molecules could be, but also introduced important techniques in statistical mechanics that still underly the most powerful tools modern physics has, and also ended once and for all the still-lingering doubts about the existence of atoms and molecules as anything more than a computational convenience. While he wouldn’t have been a household name if that were all he’d done, there’s an excellent chance he would have won the Nobel Prize just for that work. Just saying.

Snuffy Smith: So it turns out that Pluggers are worse people than Loweezy.

The Spectacular Spider-Sand: “Don’t move! I’m taking you in! The charge is…uh…being out in public on a beach! Wait, that doesn’t make sense. You’re wanted for breaking and entering to Baby Blues? Does that make sense? Well, I’ll think of something.”
commodorejohn
September 16th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

#262 Sequitur – I’m not old enough to have been there, but I’ve heard the tapes ;) I was referring more to how the man looks, though. He’s not Keith Richards bad, but man does he look rough.
hogenmogen
September 16th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

Tomorrow’s Crankshaft -
Mindy: I’m going to tweet this trip to my friends.
Sepia Flashback – Mindy’s parents speaking loudly to everyone in earshot -

I’M GOING TO MY CHEMISTRY CLASS RIGHT NOW. EL-OH-EL!

I HATE IT WHEN IT RAINS AND THE BUS IS LATE. SIDEWAYS FROWNY FACE.

IT IS RUSTY.
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 10:34 am [Reply]

Crankershaften: Okay, as some of you know, I taught university students until last year when I landed a great corporate gig. One rule that I had that all the students hated was I refused to put my class lectures on the web. My standard line was “Just because your parents accept your laziness doesn’t mean I have to also.” Boo to Crankshaft for making lackadaisical indolence acceptable! Boo!
Comcis Fan
September 16th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

#254 commodorejohn: re FC, it’s one of the newfangled glass cooktop stoves.

http://www.us-appliance.com/devi30elraco.html
Chip Whittle
September 16th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

Re: #259 Niall on The Phantom:

Wait a second, wait a second.. Lignante??? That’s not even remotely Italian – or French for that matter! Just because they’re in Africa somewhere doesn’t mean someone can invent a name out of whole cloth to make an Italian restaurant.

Ah, but a Bill Lignante drew The Phantom comic books for a long while, so it’s probably a deliberate choice of name. (And it sounds fair enough for a restaurant name to me, but I’m generous in these things. I might be skeptical of Fritzy’s Fine Indian Cuisine, but probably something like that exists.)

Also a snark I overlooked:

Apartment 3-G: “Dr. Bryant, come on in! How are you?” “How do I look?” “Uncannily like a thumb. Is there something we should know?”
Camwyn
September 16th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

#234, Baron-

“Damn, I miss my wife.”
“Me too.”
“I’d do anything to get her back.”
“Me too.”
“I inflicted plays about cancer, death, and dying on an unsuspecting town in order to give everyone the same horrible feeling of not having the person they loved as me.”
“I brought about the end of the world so that I’d see her again.”
“…”
(Gendo gives a flat little smile and does that creepy shiny glasses expression before walking off, having won forever)
Mela
September 16th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

9/16 Pluggers reminds me of my father. Sadly. Very, very sadly.
Baron Bizarre
September 16th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Luann: I suppose someone’s already pointed out that TJ is the long-lost son of The Leader?

http://marvel.com/universe/Leader_(Samuel_Sterns)
TheDiva
September 16th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

Curtis: All the kids in panel two have the resigned, depressed looks of those who know they’ll be stuck at this grade level and with this teacher forever, as the great god Status Quo has commanded.

(Speaking of which, can assume the divine SQ has already eliminated any and all consequences resulting from Curtis’ texting spree? I suppose they could only take that plot line so far before the inevitable snap-back.)

DT: Hey, if my job involved being eye-level with the crotch of a guy in a leopard print onesie, I’d probably be pretty put out with my co-workers too.

FW: “I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.” ~Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel, whose work has more artistic merit than anything Batiuk has come up with in years, if ever.

My dad is a firm believer in escapism–give him the choice between a hard-hitting drama and a fun but dumb action movie, he’ll chose the latter every time. He’s also happier, more well-adjusted, and better looking than anyone in Funkytown, even after spending the past month and a half recovering from open heart surgery. I know which philosophy I’m going to lean towards.

Luann: Whoa, did TJ start channeling Mary Worth in panel 2 there?

MW: I’m sure Scott will be very surprised when the ring gets lost in his chest cavity while Adrian is operating to remove three bullets from his body.
buckyswife
September 16th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

259 Niall, re: Dennis—Are you saying that DtM is trying to belatedly jump on the Tiger Woods bandwagon?

267 Comcis Fan: I sort of figured that, too—but I still don’t think you’re supposed to cook directly on it, right? Unless—and this frightens me a little—FC is using cutting-edge technology here.
hogenmogen
September 16th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

Phantom: Diana, you’re in danger. You’d better leave this easily defensible cave that no one knows about and go out into a city in a tropical country dressed like a tourist in a bright outfit where there are an infinite number of variables. Meanwhile, I’m going to disappear on secret Phantom business so I can’t defend you, either. Make sure you send the kids a post card every couple of weeks. Have a good one!
Bing Crosby
September 16th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

254 Commodorejohn: Well, yeah I look like hell. Waddya expect—I’ve been dead for years. I can’t believe they hauled me out for this bit part; bastards told me there’d be golf, and what do I get? Two-bit dialogue with some stock shrink character.
Baron Bizarre
September 16th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Oh, and in panel three of today’s “Archie”, Betty looks as though she’s just had the realization, “Veronica and I have been fighting over this for all these years?”
CanuckDownSouth
September 16th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

266-Dingo. Heh. I just do about 90% chalkboard and haven’t even been asked for class notes.

Haven’t students been told that writing notes is a key *part* of how their brains retain the material?
Comcis Fan
September 16th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

buckywife #273: You’re right. I see what you two are saying now. It makes the tableau all the more disturbing.
Muffaroo
September 16th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Sequitur @243 – Let’s see. Ovoid body, broad horizontal stripe. Yup, that’s the one!

Niall @259 – re AD: Good thing you didn’t look at the coins. The odds there are 25-to-1.
re Hägar: He might be a new character. They tend to refer to someone by his full name the first thousand times he’s in the strip.
Muffaroo
September 16th, 2009 at 10:59 am [Reply]

…stripes, plural. Good old Preview always shows me these things just as I hit the button.
buckyswife
September 16th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

277 CanuckDownSouth: They have been told that, I think—and they can parrot back that information. But they’ve also gotten the message that people do things for them—although to be fair, my students have never asked me to give them the class notes, either (one benefit, perhaps, of being kind of mean and scary).
Sequitur
September 16th, 2009 at 11:01 am [Reply]

271. Baron Bizarre
Actually, I thought TJ was a son of this.

And here’s Mark Trail’s Pop.
Sequitur
September 16th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

279. Muffaroo
Well, I’ll bee damned. Erk! Erk! (choking sounds).
Niall
September 16th, 2009 at 11:20 am [Reply]

112. buckyswife: I freely admit I wouldn’t mind at all having someone with the chocolate.. (ahem)

117. Islamorada Girl: I don’t take sucker bets. :) The crying on the corpe scene I can totally see; I call it on Sep 25.

118. buckyswife: It’s a shame we don’t have more artists here, or that’d be such a great scene to illustrate… (Then again, having few artists on here is probably one reason we have not been in much hot water. KT notwithstanding, as his Sly parody got us the great attention of Mr Weber. :)

121. Jamus: actually, I didn’t recall that detail until you mentioned it… and though I know where this is going, I know it’ll be entertaining and poignant somewhere. Which makes you different than most strip writers we snark. :)

157. mollificent: magnificent! I take it the “I have to pus the pram a lot” was the inspiration and everything done around it, because it was the sublime moment. And that boy named Clinton who liked to see women clamour in sobbing attention at him… coincidence? :) :)

158. Farley’s Revenge: Maureen’s empty eyes is one of the few times I can say that My Cage went the Manga Route, as it’s a fairly common Japanese comics trope to portray shock.
Mibbitmaker
September 16th, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

9CL: He has nothing going for him!

A3G: Yeah, thanks for brightening our day.

Archie: Keep going, Arch.

BBlues: Especially Sandman from Spider-Man.
Disingenuous Penguin
September 16th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

What’s Commander Riker doing in Gil Thorp? It must be one of those “time travel” episodes. God damnit Q, don’t you know messing with the comic strip continuum is dangerous?!?!
queek
September 16th, 2009 at 11:31 am [Reply]

Dirty Dirk has been a secondary character in Hagar for a small slice of forever. Tough fighter, which is why people put up with his atrocious hygiene.

Niall, don’t give up the ’ship! *waves Normley flag*
UncleJeff
September 16th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

152 poteet: You’re right. It hurt like hell. I thought I had just cut myself but by the time the 3rd act rolled around….
But I got applause when I made my entrance the next two nights with a cast on my hand. I still had the triangle but they wouldn’t give me the clanger. No sense taking any more chances.
Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
September 16th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

Molybendum: that doo be doo business — are you old enough to have remembered that from one of the Mad comic parodies? I do, but I don’t have the time to look it up. Funny. a better take on the daily MT idiocy than mine, for sure. COTW!!
Mibbitmaker
September 16th, 2009 at 11:40 am [Reply]

DT: Gee, I can’t imagine why!

JP: If they don’t, we sure do!

Luann(’s brother): Yeah, Brad, if you don’t risk not being with her, you won’t ever be with her.

GAH!! STOP MAKING SENSE, ENAMEL-FACE!!!
Dr. Shrinker
September 16th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

What language is native for the Gil Thorp writer? We’ve all decried the incomprehensible art, but the dialogue sounds like it was sent back and forth through a translation program a couple of times.

“It’s a bare cupboard at running back,” while a grammatically correct sentence, uses a metaphor that’s never been uttered by an English speaker in recorded history. I literally had no idea what idea he was trying to communicate. My first thought was of an animated piece of furniture running down the field, a la Beauty and the Beast.
Mibbitmaker
September 16th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

MT: Owl: “Ain’t he a dope, folks?”

Marvin: Don’t tell Thorax!

Sherman’s Lagoon: Stay out of Westview, Fillmore.

S-M: Okay, that’s disturbing!

The UnPunk-like Mind of Edison Lee: I like Pat Oliphant’s ‘Great Weasel Insurance Company’ concept much better.
mollificent
September 16th, 2009 at 11:51 am [Reply]

Luann continues its disturbing trend: TJ as the voice of reason. *shudder*

MW: What the…!! This strip time-jumps more than Funky Winkerbean!

Bizarro: I like this strip, but…poor taste. Especially since at least one person on 9/11 (a firefighter, IIRC) was actually killed by one of the falling jumpers from the higher floors.

FW: May I join the general chorus and say “Fuck you, Tom Batiuk”? Unoriginal, I know, but satisfying nonetheless.

#192: Dammit! *going to get towel to wipe off laptop AGAIN*
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 11:52 am [Reply]

“Say, Mr. Owl, how many shots does it take to kill Mark Trail?”

“Hmm…”

BAM! “One.”

BAM! “Two.”

BAM! “Three. It takes three.”
odinthor
September 16th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

156. Uncle Lumpy.

In today’s One Big Happy, Ruthie takes down Funky Winkerbean.

Bravo! You da man, U.L.!
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

Back when I was in high school, a comic with a guitar came to my school for a show. I don’t remember his name after twenty-five years but I remember one of his songs. It started “You know it’s gonna be a bad day when you go to the zoo and the monkeys burst into flames.” As the song progressed, the man was questioned by zoo officials as to what happened and, when they escort him to his car, his uncle’s anti-monkey literature is strewn across the back seat.

Adrian Cory, welcome to your Flaming Monkey Day!
Rachel
September 16th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

Oh, Batiuk, you and your cancer plotlines always force me to delurk.

Stop being so smug and self-righteous about how everyone reacted to Lisa dying. Lisa’s first bout with cancer was handled with grace, heartbreak, and humor. Her second was handled with self-righteous back patting.

And no high school, no matter how depressed, would ever touch WIT, because, in the hands of a high school (surely to be played by Summer in this universe), it would be akin to watching the Warden’s play from ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT.

If he wanted to have at least a hint of realism, he should have used THE LARAMIE PROJECT. A heartbreaking, tragic story with a wonderful message and it makes a helluva lot more sense for it be controversial in a small-town high school and for some upstart English department to want to perform it. Problem solved- he can still comment in his heavy-handed way about the uproar that happened when he killed off Lisa and actually retain something resembling subtlety.

Sheesh.
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Dang! Dang! My Baby Shot. Me Down.

At thirty-five, I’d dated hicks
Little boys with man-sized sticks
He wore badge and I wore white
Me: doctor. Him: shining knight.

Bang bang, he shot. me down.
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that cry, no mirth
Bang bang, my life and Mary Worth

Three weeks time and I wore bling
On my hand, I placed the ring
Shining bright, what was the chance
Wearing it would doom romance?

Bang bang, he shot. me down.
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that cry, no mirth
Bang bang, my life and Mary Worth

Music played, and people sang
Just for me, the church bells rang.
Yeah, you fuckers, you heard me right
Just for me! Just for me!

Now he’s gone, I don’t know why
And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn’t even say goodbye
H-town now is in the sky

Bang bang, he shot. me down.
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that cry, no mirth
Bang bang, my life and Mary Worth
LUJBEM FEJF
September 16th, 2009 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

SM- The Sandman does seem to have a weakness! I see that he is really squinting to read the Stan Lee and Larry Lieber sign behind the officer. Hopefully Spidey can use his poor eyesight to his advantage and capture this Son of a Beach.
Niall
September 16th, 2009 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

231. Camwyn: You nearly made me lose it (laughing) by giving the fantastically amusing parallels between Funky Winkerbean and Neon Genesis Evangelion. What’s really amusing is that NGE’s nihilism was what made it popular – with teenage kids and young adults over here. Why? Because the nihilism was portrayed by teenage kids. The weird bearded adult with issues over his dead wife was the weirdo, not the star. Rightly so, because is is weird. So, Camwyn, good eye there. :)

235. Dingo: …that explains a lot, actually. And, frankly, your mother RULES.

242. buckyswife: well, if the buckyhusband and colleagues talk within work context, work-specific jargon and abbreviations make perfect sense; it happens in a fast-food franchise, restaurant or retail outlet, much less any level of business of government. But if they do it on every subject, that gets painfully old fast…

245. buckyswife: …and my most sincere condolences… I like deals as much as the next person, but not on anniversaries. (Okay, so the two I had with a girlfriend didn’t go as planned, but she was never big on things like that anyway, and I did ask, so at least I tried.)

250. One-eyed wolfdog: I can do something surprising with my eyes, but only as a party trick, as it grosses most people out.

251. Sequitur: is that “last wedding anniversary” as in the most recent, or the end of a string of them?..

256. Uncle Lumpy: …and THAT was the clincher. I’m adding One Big Happy to my Chron lineup.

268. Chip Whittle: Ahhh, that was a shout-out in-joke! Okay, that definitely gives it a pass then.

273. buckyswife: I honestly did not know Tiger Woods had asian as well as african roots. (Thank you Wikipedia.) And you’re right about induction stove tops – I think there was confusion between the look of such a stove top with that of a grill.

287. queek: I’m not sure which ’ship would be worse to root for, Normley or Nialley… *grins with anime sweat bead*

288. UncleJeff: Well, if you could support the whole cast on your broken hand, it’s definitely worthy of applause! *grins and ducks*

293. mollificent: I seriously get the feeling I’m missing a reference in 192. Ace’s all-caps FW comment…

298. Dingo: I don’t know the musical reference but I definitely get the joke this time. :)
Big Sims
September 16th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

Synod study? Is Ms Buxley letting us know that she works for the Salvation Army?
That would explain oh so much.
Calico
September 16th, 2009 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

#200 Re: FC – Let’s see him try that with a porcupine.
Jeffy, you are truly one dizzy little bitch.
Kinghasnoclothes
September 16th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

Funky Waybackmachine–Is this ten years in the future, or was everything pushed ten years back and it’s 2009?
This strip would be so much more entertaining if there were random cheeky monkeys running around in the background.
Subway Duck
September 16th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

#263, Chip Whittle, re: Momma and Einstein: I would bear your children for that snark.

JP: Ya know, I keep waiting for Godiva to pass out unconscious and end up dead from a subdural hematoma and swelling of the brain after all of this, in some sort of “ripped from the headlines six months ago” plot twist.
Rob
September 16th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

No wonder Dick Tracey always has to kill the bad guy, its his only option because by the time he figured out who did the statute of limitations has already passed.
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 16th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

9/16

OBH: Do you realize how much the comics page would be improved if every cartoonist had a little Ruthie on their shoulders?

H&J: The Flagstons apparently live in the Matrix. This explains why the garbageman looks exactly like Thirsty.

S-M: Go back and read the APB again, Mr. Police Officer. You’ll find that the Sandman has powers beyond a tight perm and ability to rock a Bert and Ernie shirt.

FC: Next week: The family’s farm visit is cut short when Jeffy gets mauled while trying to shove an egg up a rooster’s ass.

GT: I guess we can infer the Autumn tradition of an anxious Gil being fellated while driving.

DT: “Hey, an assassin named Trapeze being sent to the circus. What are the odds, right?”

A3G: “Ah, for the days when I was young and healthy. And pretty much indistinguishable from all the other whiteys in New York.”
Sequitur
September 16th, 2009 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

300. Niall
Wedding anniversary was the latest. Still going strong. 35 and counting. Should be more unless I choke on my bad puns.

I spoke about a week ago of my college buddies and I sitting around in the dorm eating Doretos and hot sauce, drinking beer and solving world problems. That was usually 6 of us. I just realized we’re all still married to our first wives except one fellow who became a widower. He wife died of a brain tumor. Ohmygosh. I just realized that he had moved to Ohio!
MolyBendum
September 16th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

#300 Niall re #192 – It’s what Kanye-dizzle said at the VMAs. Basically. When he was keepin’ it real. ‘N shizz.
Professor Fate
September 16th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

Art – Batiuk you pompous ass. Do you actually think you are bringing art and the way to the unwilling philistines who read your strip in the morning? (And remember Tom, they’re the reason you’re not working as the assistant night manger at the local Denny’)

If you complain about how the world doesn’t get the importance of what they are doing, it’s a good sign you’ve gone off the rails into self important hackdom.

I’m not even going to bother to repeat that it’s not the topics that make folks upset here, its that they are handled in such melodramatic ham handed Victorian three decker novel fashion that wouldn’t pass muster in Brenda Starr. (Well I did but…well you know).

I’m in a band and we do strange, sometimes sick (and hopefully funny songs) about brain eating small dogs, mental illness and sexual problems – we do it mostly because it amuses the hell out of us. The fans we have get it and the people that don’t like it, well don’t show up. It’s not an exact analogy of course after all we’re not in the morning paper where Batuik’s ham fisted despair is like a sharp stick in the eye with your morning coffee.

Anyway this was all to lead up to a chorus that we’ve never been able to use – the frame is everything – but it seems right here.

Go fuck yourself
Go fuck yourself
Go fuck yourself
From the bottom of my heart
Sister Sestina
September 16th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

First off, let me say I’m truly overwhelmed by the love, ya’ll. Thank you for your shoutbacks and wishes (and Farley’s Revenge baring her pock-marked pelvic bone–I didn’t know!) in reply.

My husband suggests a compromise for the high school play : Neil Simon’s “Chapter Two”. Ya got yer laffs, ya got yer wife-dead-of-cancer, EVRYBODY wins!

The status of Batiuk as cancer survivor having being explained, I can understand his oncocentrism a bit more, but it some ways it makes me even more annoyed at the strip. Early on my then-boyfriend was steered by his doctor to a cancer support online group. He was stunned to realize that many were people who’d had their cancers cured 5, 11, up to 18 years ago – surprised not that they survived their diseases, but that they WOULD NOT SHUT UP about it. He swore then and there that he would never become A Professional Cancer Survivor TM, reasoning that if you’re all-consumed about your recovery, aren’t you, psychically, as possessed by the cancer as ever? Like Farley’s Revenge, he refuses to be defined by the disease.

My husband hasn’t been guiltless of wringing work out of his cancer experience, though. He’s delivered some scathingly funny monologues about it on stage – but only one performance of each, and done while he was in smack the belly of what Farley’s Revenge called the Beast. The last one I had to recite for him because it was scheduled so soon after his hospital release that he couldn’t be allowed out in a crowd yet, what with his immune system knocked out cold. Knowing that, we jiggered the text so it sounded as if he left it off with some unfinished notes….the last one being “I know she’d hate it, but wouldn’t it be cool if I used this opportunity to propose to her on stage?”

Now between you and me and all curmudgeons that be, he never truly proposed. He didn’t have to. Some years back I had asked, just curious-like, would he marry me if ever I wished it? And he said yes with the flat calmness of observing the ocean is wet and silk is smooth. So it was never a question of asking, it was one of me considering the issue. And Lord, did I have issues. My parent’s relationship was not exactly an advertisement for marital bliss.

A colorful example — At 18 I was subpoenaed to give testimony about when my father beat my mother on the day he received the divorce papers, so she could get an order of exclusion against him. They were still living in the same house, and ever since then she had locked herself in an upstairs room before he came home from the office, pissing in a bucket she could empty after he went to work in the morning. My mother hated having to make me testify but I was the only witness — hell, had literally been in the middle of it, thrusting my body between so his blows needed to curve around me and lose some of their force. After my turn on the stand, as he was leaving the court he said to me with bitter sarcasm “Thank you, Brutus”. I hadn’t lied, he couldn’t accuse me of that — but I had been “disloyal”, you see. Small wonder that I never went husband-hunting.

But by the time my then-boyfriend went into the hospital I had decided I would marry him. And the monologue gave me the chance — after the shocked gasps of the audience on hearing me “stumble” over the quasi-proposal — of telling a little story of my own.

See, before the hospitalization he was ordered to get three months of outpatient chemo, a sort of softening-up process I guess. To facilitate the treatment he underwent an operation to install a couple of catheters, one in an arm and one in his chest. A couple of nights later, the chest sutures started bleeding. A lot. I offered to drive him to the ER but he wouldn’t hear of it: it so happened that that very day I had wrenched my ankle badly and had been icing and elevating it since, and he didn’t want me to risk injuring it further. Off he drove, clutching a roll of Bounty paper towels to his bosom. And got lost. He did eventually find the hospital and got rebandaged, but still…

The next night the sutures open again. This time, DAMN, I’m not letting him drive off by himself! But I still hadn’t seen a doctor about my own minor medical issue, because I hadn’t wanted to try hobbling over to the office until I had iced and rested the ankle for the full recommended 24 hrs. And he didn’t want me to risk, etc., etc. We compromise: since my HMO’s urgent care would close at 11pm and his ER would close…well, never, we’d go see about my ankle then deal with his bleeding.

So there we are in my HMO’s waiting room, me leafing distractedly through a magazine, he pressing a fresh roll of Bounty to his chest. A guy in a wheelchair rolls up to the door wanting to ask the nurse something, but the door is closed. And my beloved — still clutching his sodden paper towels, I’ll have you know — gets up without a word, opens the door and holds it while the wheelchair-bound patient says what he needs to say.

I swear, I heard a still, small voice in my head declare “You need to be married to this man.” In the exact same flat calm tone I once heard when he said “yes” about being willing to be married to me.

It wasn’t about him sacrificing himself for my sake. He’d always been wonderful and giving towards me and I appreciated it rightly, don’t get me wrong! But in and of itself that couldn’t convince me to marry. How could it, after all the tales of how my father had pursued and wooed my mother, how after years of reluctance she concluded that surely no one would ever love her as much as he? And how after the wedding she learned that the behavior of persuasion can, with a little band of gold and a few words, mutate and mutilate into the behavior of possession.

But here he was in the depths of his own shit and still he instinctively gave a kindness to a complete stranger…

And I knew that whatever might happen to us in the future, I would never have to fear. Because I knew his kindness wasn’t dependent on his affections. It wasn’t dependent on his fortunes. He WAS kindness, he WAS love. And always would be, world without end. And I wanted to live in that world.

========================

Oh Adrian, with your Diamond Lantern of a ring! I never wanted a diamond. My father was a watchmaker working in the jewelry district and could get great bargains (sometimes of, um, questionable origin), so Mother did acquire a fair amount of fine jewelry in the form of presents over the years. But when the divorce came, oh nooooo, they weren’t meant to be “presents” claimed Father, they were “investments” and thus community property! That’s what diamonds mean to me: not proofs of love but things to be squabbled over, symbols of the shattering of marriage while they themselves remained perfect and whole locked away in a safe deposit box for ages and ages. I chose instead a little silver replica of a 17th century poesy ring. “Faithles to non, yet faithfull to one” it read within, for I wanted to assert that in gaining one tie I would not abandon others — like the tie to the stroke-crippled mother dependent on me, fearful for me, fearful for herself, fearful that marriage might be for me what it was to her. Besides, I had always thought, why should the ENGAGEMENT ring be the expensive one when it was the marriage that was the far more important thing?

The wedding ring, now, that would take some effort. Do you know when I first met my now-husband? He had just rented a room from a longtime friend whom I had become friends with just recently, on the same performing tour where her longtime boyfriend proposed for the nth time and finally, finally, finally was accepted. They were having their wedding rings custom made; they asked me to create the designs to be etched on them. I came over to the apartment to deliver the artwork and…

[OK, was the FUCKING ENTIRE UNIVERSE EVEN THEN trying to tell me I was supposed to marry the guy?]

So I was adamant that would design my own wedding ring, with a fancy etched design not unlike the one I produced all those years ago. His desires were much simpler: all he wanted was a basic band that had a tasteful small engraving on the front. A circle between two bars. Something that only when the light would rake across it a certain way would be able to be perceived as the symbol of the Green Lantern. (Call it the “chic geek” look.) I incorporated the symbol into my own ring design, though camouflaged amongst flowers and whatnot — I still have to point it out, even though one would think the green stone set therein would be the giveaway! After all, I too joined in the vow: for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, in brightest day, in blackest night…

Yes, I recited a fragment of the Green Lantern oath at my wedding.

Which is a very , very, VERY longabout way of getting to my point : Damn it, Baron Bizarre@74, you made me near split in two laughing about your Diamond Lantern Oath !
queek
September 16th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

303: I think that the time-jump was only the characters. Its still set in the “comics present time” but the characters are a decade older, two decades feebler, and riddled with various diseases, syndromes and issues.

it’s called writing, doncha’know?
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
September 16th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

MT: “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille!”
buckyswife
September 16th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

308 MolyBendum (and Niall)—Thanks–I didn’t get the reference, either; I heard of the Kanye incident but didn’t see it.
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 16th, 2009 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

#259 Niall,
The name “Lignante” is one that apparently has great significance in Phantom history. Are you sure it’s not Italian? French maybe?
queek
September 16th, 2009 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

310: Sister Sestina, that was beautiful.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 16th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

A song for Tom “It’s called ~~typing~~ writing” Batiuk, courtesy of Lily Allen:

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don’t stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
‘Cause your words don’t translate
And it’s getting quite late
So please don’t stay in touch
Baron Bizarre
September 16th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

Sister Sestina @ 310 says:
Which is a very , very, VERY longabout way of getting to my point : Damn it, Baron Bizarre@74, you made me near split in two laughing about your Diamond Lantern Oath !

Glad you liked it. What a great story you shared there, even moreso because it was real.
TheDiva
September 16th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Sister Sestina: Thank you for sharing your story with us (your husband sounds like a rare, remarkable person) and for proving once again that Batiuk’s problem is not his subject matter, but his way of handling it. Attitude makes a big difference–this is true not only in fiction but in life as well.
Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
September 16th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

#46 ladadog: Oh, geez, ka-yewt! I tend to be hard to impress in the cute pet video department. Cute, cute, cute!

#37 AeroSquid:

The role of Clambake will be performed by Patrick Stewart.

Ha ha ha! Who should HWill HWheaton play?
Calico
September 16th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

Yes, Thank you for sharing, Sister Sestina.
You are truly blessed with an awesome partner.
imperturbe
September 16th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

#297 Rachel

I agree, no high school would do this, no matter how good it would look on college applications. What 17 year old girl could play the lead in that?

It reminds me of a Saturday Night Live bit from the 70’s where they did mock promos for new NBC shows. One of them was an all child version of Death of a Salesman.

Tom Batiuk is making his point a statement with all the fun of a chemo drip.
Niall
September 16th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

307. Sequitur: I figured it was the latest, but my inner grammarian keeps running off with my inner prankster and making little grammar joke babies. It’s annoying at times.

308. MolyBendum: it gives me great pleasure to say that I have never seen any of the VMAs. Or heard any word from Kanye West in any form. So I shall let other mudgeons be amused by the reference, I’ll just smile and nod.

310. Sister Sestina: you made me smile a lot and cry a little – the good kind. Thank you. Thank you very much. The simple words of “the behaviour of persuasion turned into the behaviour of possession” explains so, so much what I feel wrong about the whole concept of “dating” and why I’m saddened yet not surprised about the emotional problems, now and for a long time, in North American culture of wooing and still vieweing women as possessions… I never could do that. I can’t “date”. I’ll happily share a moment with someone who shares the same thing, be it a play, a concert, a game, whatever. And I figure I ever find someone sharing more than a couple of these interests, well, let’s talk… but beyond that vague possibility, I don’t know how people “connect” – but I do know, without a doubt, that the selflessness you described is important to the glue of love. (I don’t think I have enough, which may explain my lack of SO through my life.)

My longest friend had, from her first husband, an engagement present of.. a purebred Abyssinian kitten (well, he asked first). Something he knew she loved and could care for, some tangible proof of his caring, and something that could give something back to her. As it was, like most Abbys, it bonded with her and not him. He’d swat (clawlessly) at him in the corridor even when purring in her arms. (Amusingly, he immediately accepted me – to a degree – and would even purr for me, which nearly disgusted the husband.) And yet he was always happy about it, because it brought her joy. So I very early on got confirmation that jewelry was nothing, it was the emotion behind it that counted, and it could manifest as anything.

And you are the geek girl that geek boys dream of. If there’s one, there has to be others. I’m not giving out hope yet. :) PLEASE, never hesitate to be longabout! You lift my (and undoubtebly many others’) spirits considerably, make me laugh and make me feel hope and bring light into our little corner of the world. When people like you are in this world, it’s worth standing up to keep making it better.

314. Artist FKA Ben: I’ve been corrected, yes. :) Lignante seems half-French and half-Italian to me… “Ligante” would be Italian, and “Lignant” would be more French…
Poteet
September 16th, 2009 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

# 310 Sister — Wonderful story. Thank you.
Poteet
September 16th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

S-M — He turns into a pile of sand? So is he, like, at all bitter about having gotten what sounds like the very last bedraggled super-power left under the Christmas tree?

Come to think of it, I have four cats. Look out, Sandman.
Écureuil Écumant
September 16th, 2009 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

322 Niall: “Lignante seems half-French and half-Italian to me… “Ligante” would be Italian, and “Lignant” would be more French…”

I suspect the sign-painter just didn’t know how to spell “Lignite”. After all, their bartenders are named “Peat” and “Repeat”.
Dingo
September 16th, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

Niall, that’s Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) by Nancy Sinatra. It was used at the beginning of Kill Bill, vol. 1
Niall
September 16th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

325. Écureuil Écumant: “Pète et Répète s’en vont en bateau…” Thank you so much for reminding me of this horridly stupid kid’s joke. (I’m sure it exists in English. Probably came from there too.)
Chip Whittle
September 16th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

#310 Sister Sestina …

That’s a lovely tale. Thank you for telling it.
Alex
September 16th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

Supposing “Funky Winkerbean” goes through with depicting the school production of “Wit,” do you think whichever student winds up with the lead will shave her head for the role? And that will lead to a wacky mix-up in which people believe she’s actually sick and shave their heads in sympathy? I’m saying that “Funky” could benefit from taking a few pages from past “Gil Thorpe” storylines. Come to think of it, so could “Gil Thorpe.”
Mollie
September 16th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

Here’s what this FW storyline is telling me: Batiuk hasn’t bothered to read Wit, or even to read past the first line of the Wikipedia entry about Wit; he just searched for “play about cancer” and that’s what he came up with. Unfortunately for him, for reasons you all have covered here, it actually is an indefensibly bad idea to put on a high-school production of Wit.

I’m looking forward to a few years from now, when FW has a storyline transparently lashing out at the small-minded philistines (like me!) who expect Batiuk to know anything at all about the pop-culture references he makes.
Emily K
September 16th, 2009 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

FW has gotten so tiring for me that I started devoting a blog to it. I have a couple comics blogs but this one is just me swapping dialog from FW comics with the dialog from stuff like Mary Worth and Rex Morgan MD. There is startlingly little difference in either.

Today’s post has a special shout-out to Josh and the awesome comments made in response to Batuik’s meta-story-arc. Thanks for keeping up with it, Josh! You have a new reader (I know that’s so special, considering you already have thousands.)
Danny Lilithborne
September 16th, 2009 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

Tom Batiuk needs to just get it over with and announce that he is, in fact, having sex with cancer.
anonnn
September 16th, 2009 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

Another COTW vote here for #192!
(and #308 MolyBendum, your explanation cracked me up too)
jogiff
September 18th, 2009 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Why would the parents prefer “Spamalot” to “Wit?” Wit has death, but the dying protagonist is all valiant and stuff. Spamalot has “You Won’t Succeed On Broadway (If You Don’t Have Any Jews).” Did Funky Winkerbean assume that because Spamalot isn’t arty it’s good for the highschool stage?
Luke
September 19th, 2009 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

Assistant Coach Commander Will Riker really needs to stop Gil from carving names onto the whiteboard with a phaser. However, I have my doubts that it’s really him, as he’s not neck deep in alien tail. Gil needs to put him in his place… “LaRue is the new running back, Number One! Now make it so!”

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