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And the lord of the snails is born

Beetle Bailey, 9/18/09

Wow, I’m not sure who reeks of desperation more here: Sgt. Snorkel, wandering despondently around Camp Swampy in the middle of the night because he can’t be with his true love Beetle, or Sgt. Lugg, who has given up on having Sarge acknowledge any kind of affection for her and is now just offering no-strings-attached sex. Sarge is sad and lonely enough to take her up on it, but obviously he needs to get himself good and drunk first.

Blondie, 9/18/09

I’m a 35-year-old who spends much of his time writing a blog about Mary Worth and Apartment 3-G, so obviously I’m not “hip” and “with it” when it comes to the kids today, but: really? I always thought of Crocs as being dorky and suburban, not the sort of thing the kids would use to drive teachers crazy and “push the buttons” of anyone in authority. (Thanks for using the quote marks there, Blondie, as otherwise I would have assumed that some literal button-pushing was going on.) I suppose upon reflection that Crocs have all the necessary attributes for being a punk rock accessory, seeing as they’re both ugly and uncomfortable.

Hi and Lois, 9/18/09

Speaking of punk rock, here’s one of those scary, crazy, anything-goes Webcomics artists! Man, they’re a bunch of angry radicals, aren’t they! And why wouldn’t they be, with their failure to make as much money as the 50 or so widely syndicated newspaper comics artists? Don’t worry, my pink-haired friend; someday your son will be smugly paying gag writers to churn out daily installments of the strip you created before heading out to the golf course, right up to the point when the medium in which its published goes bankrupt.

Family Circus, 9/18/09

“I’m diggin’ up all the pets we buried and piecing together bits of their corpses to make a Frankenstein animal monster! Should I reanimate the dead matter using dark magic or perverted science?”

Ziggy, 9/18/09

Ziggy thinks that his parrot should know something about Quetzalcoatl, the fearsome flying snake god of the Aztecs! That’s because Ziggy experienced a psychotic break from reality, many years ago.

Speaking of breaks, psychotic and otherwise … I’m takin’ the next week off! But don’t worry, your favorite Uncle Lumpy will be here to amuse you. See you next Saturday!

268 responses to “And the lord of the snails is born”

  1. Farley's Revenge
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    MC: Boy, Jamus the Bartender better freaking hope Cassandra Cat and Violet don’t meet in the LaMaze classes.

  2. Canaduck
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:21 am [Reply]

    Way to pick up on the Crocs trend, Blondie–and only 6 or 7 years after they started to really get popular.

    This is sort of making me nostalgic for TDIET and the filthy, threadbare jeans that are actually very expensive. Sigh.

  3. Roto13
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:22 am [Reply]

    I wonder what he’s burying? Maybe it’s PJ! I hope it’s PJ.

  4. Mars
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    Today! Josh makes a snide comment about lazy cartoonists who hand their work off to other people, then…..walks off and hands his work to another person.

  5. Farley's Revenge
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Even I know Crocs are no longer an “in”* thing.

    *At no time did I do the air quotation mark gesture because I am not Margo Magee.

  6. The Ghost of Jarrod
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:52 am [Reply]

    Wow. That’s the most topical Blondie I’ve ever read.

  7. Farley's Revenge
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:56 am [Reply]

    H&L: Is the thing dangling from beneath the pink-haired kid’s nose supposed to be a nose ring or a booger? Or both? It’s hard to tell.

    I like how Chip is eating a sandwich as his pal is scoping out his burgeoning web comic empire. Did Chip bring his own lunch or did he just make himself at home by laying waste to the friend’s kitchen? Either way, I find it especially telling that not only did Chip NOT make a sandwich for his friend but he’s flaunting the fact he didn’t make a second sandwich.

    Way to go, Chip! You have a future career as a politician or a banker ahead of you. Doesn’t matter which. People will still hate you.

  8. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    BB: Your remarks imply that this isn’t how a date typically proceeds. Am I missing something?

  9. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    FC: “Should I reanimate the dead matter using dark magic or perverted science?”

    Belt and suspenders, Jeffy.

  10. MolyBendum
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:53 am [Reply]

    Archie – Uhh….is that a feather flying out of Weatherbee’s mouth?

    Baldo - Jeez, talk about glossing over a life story. Anyone else notice the Debbies from The Oblongs in panel 1?

    Dinette Set - Ha! It’s funny because the hitchhiker slaughtered innocent people and stole all their stuff, then bent the “Do Not Pick Up Hichhikers” sign over so he can kill more people! Oh wait, that’s not funny (oh well, it never is). I suppose I’m supposed to nod knowingly at the implication suburbanites are so wrapped up in themselves they have a complete disregard for the perils of others and even the possiblity of their own peril. Then I’m supposed to spend 15 seconds looking for a shittily drawn armadillo. Yeah, whatever. What a load of crap.

    Jumble – Where’s my pun? “About an hour”? That’s the answer to a damn Jeopardy question. “I’ll take AMERICAN TRANSPORTATION for $200, Alex.” “How long it took the commuter to get to work.” “About an hour, Alex.” “Yes!”

    Marmaduke – Finally their tormenter was dead. And there was much rejoicing.

    Red&Rover - As much as I like to read evil into everything, that’s still cute. Even as I picture Rover pinning Red down and knotting up inside his big rumpus…’s still cute.

    PBS – A lot of fat jokes today.

    Pluggers – Oh….Pluggers are poor and they have no shame. Now I got it.

    6 Chix - I guess when it was Epstein’s turn this week (whichever one she is) she decided she wanted to draw a killer whale and work it in somehow, humor and context be damned.

    Ziggy – Yes, Zig. And in 2012 Quetzalcoatl will return and take you to a higher plane of existence…..maybe you’ll be human finally!

  11. M. Bouffant
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    Hokey Smokes, I haven’t seen (let alone read) Hi & Lois in yrs., but did Doofus the pubescent Flagstone (or are the Flagstones the drunk & his enabling wife who live next door in their suburban hell?) triplet there get himself a wack-a-doodle “punk rock” (Like Alexander, I use the quotations so you’ll know there’s no literal punk going on) pal, like Zit’s friend Pun or Pooze or whatever his name is?

  12. Hobbes Fan
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    Wait, so Crocs are supposed to be rebellious?? I thought they were just supposed to be cheap and easy to hose off after the redneck who wears them steps in dog crap while leaving Wal-Mart.

  13. MolyBendum
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    - Mary Worth –
    “C’mon guys, it’s our responsibility. It’s not all traffic tickets and donut shops. Well, mostly that’s what it is, but c’mon! This town is overrun by herons! We have to put a stop to these…..What?! Oh, well that’s even worse…..Heroin is bad! I mean, blue birds are a travesty, but heroin….I don’t know. Is this something we really want to do? This could be dangerous…..Show of hands, please…..two, three…Really, Scott, you want to go rile up these heroin dealers? Y’know they probably have guns…..Right, I thought not. So that’s it then, we’re in agreement. I swear that brochure said “Caramel Update”. I was really ready for some Dulce de Leche Caramel Cheesecake…..Heroin! As if…Cheesecake Factory everyone? Good! Scott, you might want to wash up before we go, you’ve got a little schmutz, you look like you’ve been blowing a squid…yeah, just go and wash up Scott. OK, let’s go to the Cheesecake Factory!”

    - Mark Trail –
    Bob you pussy. You’re going to get whapped with a stick too, you don’t see that coming? Then you and the “wildlife man” will be tied together and will escape and right your wrongs and all will be forgiven and you’ll get a job with the park ranger helping police the swamp and keep it free from poachers. Boring.
    Let’s see….Sideburns #1 and Sideburns #2 worked at the mill and got laid off. Now they kill and skin alligators in the middle of the night and don’t think twice about murder. But! They won’t shoot the guy, they’ll just leave him for the gators. I’d say this doesn’t happen in real life, but it’s gotta be the same kind of thing that leads to people escaping from serial killers and running naked down the street with ropes and shackles dangling from their wrists and ankles. I SAY: if you’re going to kill someone anyways, just kill them outright and get your sodomy in afterward. It might not be as much fun, but it’s safer. Blow your load in their dead asshole, eat the parts you want and toss the rest in a vat of acid. Problem solved. Take a tip, Mark Trail.

    - Gil Thorp –
    “I slow down like you says boss….”
    “Patience, Jackass….”
    **It’s a damn good thing they don’t discuss their strategy before the game. “Coach, no practice again? Are we really just going to shower for two hours again?” “Shutup, Brock, and hand me that soap I dropped. That’s a good boy…..”
    Two plays later……
    **Uh…two plays later and you’re ready to blow your secret weapon? Genius. What, is Thorp is on the sideline in a lawn chair, fishing for another beer in the cooler, scratching himself and watching the cheerleaders?
    “OK, Jammer. Light the fuze. Fire it up. Put the pedal to the metal. No holds barred. Strike a pose. You know what I’m saying.”
    “Man, I keeps tellin you, I’ms “The Ghost”!”
    “Shut up Kunta Kinte, Toby, whatever the fuck you wanna call yourself, just go run like there’s a lion chasing you.”

    - Dick Tracy –
    Good thing Agent Karenina didn’t mention this earlier. So: she teleports in from FBI headquarters while Dick has a leisurely, repetitive conversation with Ringo; the background checks come in from the police van; she already knows everything anyways. This is entirely pointless. I love it. I also love people who announce things before they snipe someone.

    - Rex Morgan –
    Ahhhhh yes. It’s a truck, not a van, but either way. At last we finally get to the Ted/Becka commiseration in a vehicle on a rainy night, looking for old people, somehow resulting in thoughts of adultery. “Becka, it’d help if you blew me while I carom down the cart paths of this golf course. You know what they say, two heads are better than one! Make that one small head and your mouth. Look, bitch, just get to work.” I’m so excited! Things are really cooking now!

  14. The Ridger
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:33 am [Reply]

    Hey, what’s with all the Crocs hating? Mostly the people I see wearing them are nurses – like my home health care provider sister who wouldn’t be without them. Not a dork, not a rebel, and sure as hell not redneck who walks in shit.

  15. Sheila Sternwell
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:40 am [Reply]

    I clicked on CC and as it was loading thought, nah, Josh never updates in the middle of the night. There won’t be a new post here. But there was! Hooray!

  16. mordock999
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:50 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann 09/18/09

    “At THIS point the ANGRY FRUSTRATED suspect, which goes by the alias of ‘mordock999′ threw a LIVE Grenade thru the Kitchen Window”. — (Excerpt from the Police report on the ‘Fragging’ Deaths of Brad DeGroot and some guy known only as ‘TJ’)


    DEATH to Brad and TJ!!!

  17. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:01 am [Reply]

    Hey, what’s with all the Crocs hating?

    Dunno. I also dunno what the hell “Crocs” are, so there ya go.

  18. John C Fremont
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    Wow! Just the other day I was thinking about that horrible Family Circus with the “good ol’ pets” being buried in the back yard. So this is Instant Kharma…

    Hey, Unca Lumpy! We’ll be good this time!

    FW – You know, I’ve endured a lot of really stupid stuff in this strip – Masky McDeath, the “Ten Year Jump,” and solo car dates just to name a few, but this storyline is the stupidest one ever. Ever. Way to raise the effing bar, Batiuk.

    MC – Thank you, Ed and Melissa! You made my day. Again.

  19. John E.
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    Hey Batuik, take a look at the newspaper section in which your work is published.

    Is it labeled “Deep and Meaningful Work”? No, it is not.

    Is it labeled “Serious Art”? No, it is not.

    It is, in fact, labeled “Comics”, so start being funny, dammit, and lose all this cancer crap.

    And bring back the computer that liked Star Trek – that shit was funny.

  20. Brent
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    FW: Yeah, you’ve already said all that clichéd stuff. You’ve attacked your critics (and no good can ever come from that, you can only lose face)… you’ve explained your art (if you have to explain why what you did is art, you’re probably doing it wrong)… so just get to the bloody standing ovation already. Really, this is the worst speech since Shan…non’s in Foob, I’m surprised she hasn’t climbed up on the table in all this righteousness.

  21. John E.
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    #19 – Jeeze, I was ranting at the wrong guy all that time –

    Hey Batiuk, were you paying attention to all that stuff I yelled at that other guy ? Well get on all that!

    And bring that school computer back – you’ve got twenty-five years worth of Star Trek movie and new series jokes to catch up on, so get cracking!

  22. Little Guy
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    FW: Both can be done. Pick up a copy of “Classic Peanuts”.

    9CL, Luann: Best. Strips. EVER! — oh wait, I have to register…..

  23. Patrick
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    Jeffy finally realized that the only way he’s going to get attention from his parents was to bury his siblings alive.

  24. lightglobe
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    Ziggy assumes that his parrot will know the name of the feathered serpent because all those feathered creatures know each other right? With their, um, feathers, and their, um… they’ve got so much in common, they understand each other, right? I mean, they’re not really like us.

  25. Mela
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    FW – I can only see two outcomes to this. The one that Batiuk will no doubt use involves a tearful, apologetic standing ovation. Or Susan will get fired and actually get the suicide thing right this time. Personally, I’m hoping for a more meta outcome – enough people/editors get sick of being treated like simpletons by this strip and drop it, leaving Batiuk destitute. But that’s probably a pipe dream at this point.

    Pluggers – Junior pluggers are mocked mercilessly by their peers for their stained, outdated clothing. Among many other things.

    #14 – A few years ago, EVERYONE wore Crocs. They were meant for nurses & doctors (being clean & easy on the feet), but for some reason, they became a fashion thing. They looked cute on little kids, but when a grown woman in a track suit is wearing them, it’s another story. Eventually, people realized how ugly they looked for everyday wear, and they left enough on their shelves for the original target market. I always thought of them as a hideous child of the Jelly Shoe.

  26. Brave Little Toaster
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan WTF! Did Becka just say she’s got a really good fleshlight in her car?!?

  27. Pozzo
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    I think the most disturbing thing about today’s Beetle Bailey is that Sarge actually carries a “Good Time Guarantee” around with him. Does Beetle have to sign one before each of their encounters, or is it a lifetime guarantee?

  28. yellojkt
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Beer and sex? Best Army recruitment ad ever!

  29. gnemec
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    It was also helpful for the creators of Blondie to put “crocs” in quotes, so that nobody would think that people wear actual carnivorous reptiles on their feet.

  30. C. Havoc
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:56 am [Reply]

    Wow, Josh, The Blond and I will be on vacation, too!

    Going to be anywhere near San Fransisco?

  31. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    FW: “Sometimes it should get to the heart of things.”

    Yeah, and the spleen, liver, colon, lungs, bones, lymphatics, brain. Everything in the morgue drawer, in fact.

    This is getting more Alan Shermanesque by the moment. “Ya gotta have skin … Just ta keep your tumors in …”

  32. Brick Bradford
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    I hope Josh takes the key to the liquor cabinet with him this time.

    MW: Is this an alternative origin for Rorschach? (sp?)

    Blondie: I haven’t noticed the hip kids in these parts wearing crocs. I do know they are totally dorky looking, and I wouldn’t trade mine for anything because they make my tendinitis feel sooooooo much better. It’s a geezer thing.

    MT: If Sassy’s pathetic yapping drives off the gators it would be totally unrealistic. Imagine, Mark Trail being unrealistic.

    RM: I’m still bored!

    BB: You think it’s disturbing now? Wait ’till Sgt. Luggs breaks out the leather bustier. FOR SARGE!!!!!!!! AUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

  33. Dingo
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    It’s early here and I’ll have more to comment on later but I just noticed that the Santa Royale Police Department employs no minorities. Interesting.

  34. DPR
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    Crocs may be ugly, but the ones I have are rather comfortable. Tip: the Crocs made in Mexico have better cushioning and arch support than the ones made in China.

  35. Amanda M
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Why is Scott’s identical twin standing behind him in MW today? Why do they both have ink on their faces?
    I get it, they’ll both be shot, one will die, and due to the identical genes and the ink, he’ll be mistaken for the one who lives. This storyline will end with Scott waking from the coma and showing up at his own funeral, or better yet bursting into Adrian’s room when she’s being “comforted” by another man. Maybe I should write this strip.

  36. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Stripey Butt: I must say, Abraham Lincoln looks a lot nattier this time around, especially with that slicked-back hair and Don Johnson ponytail. Pity he’s gone over to the dark side.

    I’m looking forward to Python vs. the UN. Ban Ki-Moon will hand Python his ass (or atrophied hipbones anyway, since he’s an ophidian). He’ll end up on a lifetime diet of moldy kim chi and confinement loaf, forced to listen to “Arirang” at 120db 24/7. May his slither pain him at the end of each mile.

  37. willethompson
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    MT: I plan to incorporate, “He may be a wildlife man and I don’t want to go to jail!” into my everyday lexicon.

    “Wille, why did you crack that bagboy with that can of lima beans??” “He may be a wildlife man and I don’t want to go to jail!”

    “Dude, WTF? You just clonked your wife’s divorce attorney with a tire iron!” “He may be a wildlife man and I don’t want to go to jail!”

    See? It works everywhere. Tee shirts anyone?

  38. Amateur
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    #37 — Bonus points if you can work that phrase and “That will make it easier to chain to a log” into the same sentence!

  39. TheMagicMel(anie)
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Yes, Batuik, we get it. WE are the pinheaded simpletons questioning your fine art, and we should hang our heads in shame for not realizing life is bleak and death, death, DEATH!!!!!!!!!

  40. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    MW: This warehouse floor plan keeps changing more frequently and goofily than the positions of Adrian’s eyes on her face. The chief defective has only spoken a few sentences since yesterday, but they’ve already had to issue new raid brochures. And neither of the plans therein are anything like the original set of wall-sized diagrams from a couple weeks ago.

    I’d suggest they may want to postpone their bust until the universe settles down a bit, or at least until this specific warehouse decides to quit shapeshifting. If Scott gets scissored in a collapsing interdimensional wormhole, Adrian’s gonna need a shitload of duct tape.

  41. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Blondie: True story: I recently went to a doctor appointment with my wife. The regular doctor was unavailable, so another substituted. (Dr. Papagoras, is that you?) He wore a pair of Crocs with pins on them, which was unsettling enough, but what was worse, he was also wearing socks. It was so weird I could barely focus on what he was saying. After we left, I told my wife, “I do not grok a doc who rocks the Crocs with socks.” She replied, “Heinlein would be proud.”

    (WT)DT: Is it really necessary to have multiple hired killers infiltrate the workplace of a target whose very job brings him into close contact with the public every day? Couldn’t someone just bring a silenced sniper rifle to the show, sit in the nosebleed seats, and pick him off during the elephant act? I know, I shouldn’t expect a Dick Tracy plot to make sense, but once in a while I would like to see a plot that doesn’t seem like it was written by a committee of eight-year-olds. “Anden… the trapeze lady gets shot! An’ the clown goes ‘I didn’t do it!’ Anden the ringmaster goes ‘It happened!’” “Anden Dick finds a note that says ‘YOU’RE GONNA DIE!’ An’ the ringmaster is a secret spy and the Mafia is gonna kill him an’ Dick is all like ‘OH NO!’” “Anden this FBI lady says the trapeze lady was really a KILLER! An’ there’s another killer hidin’ in the circus too! An’ the ringmaster is all like ‘OH NO!’” “Anden…”

    Luann: “No, TJ, I got circumsized! Toni said, ‘I’m not sliding down your fire pole until you take off the helmet.’”

    Marvin: What does “whoodle” mean?

    MW: How foresightful of the captain to give each officer a diagram of the warehouse’s box-stacking plan!

    NS: Where, then, is the ambiguity? It’s over there, in a box. With the humor for this strip.

    PmP: Mervin wasn’t sure whether he enjoyed “fantasy night” with his twin brother Irvin more or less when it was Irvin’s turn to play the woman.

    RMMD: Look out, Nursy McBlonderson! It’s just a plot to get you in his truck! Those chains on the passenger side floor aren’t for traction!

  42. Straw
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Reviewing all the Mary Worth strips this week, I have become convinced that the artist is a fan of this site and is deliberately making at least one panel per strip look completely ludicrous.

  43. Judah Maccabbee
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    So does Sgt. Lugg’s “Good Time Guarantee” come with a prescription for Valtrex ? And will we see Dagwood with a tramp stamp and a pierced nose next week?

  44. Charlene
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Crocs aren’t in. They are, however, really, really, really comfortable, as in “more comfortable than going barefoot”.

  45. tb4000
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: See, I assume feathered serpent is some kind of sex toy and Mr. Zigman is trying to coax his obviously disturbed parrot into some weekend frolic.

  46. Steve the Pocket
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Blondie: No, they “push the buttons” of anyone with the requisite fashion sense to know brightly-colored holey galoshes look more like toys than shoes and are horribly ugly.

    And you don’t have to be the kind of snob who would put down the Pluggers kids to know that.

    Crock: The Guru speaks the truth!

    My Cage: Wow, how’d they sneak that one past the editors?! Dude must be the Goatse guy of the animal world.

  47. Dragon of Life
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Alarming sight of the day: Ziggy’s boogers double as question marks. I did not need to know that.

    If Dagwood crashed into the postman due to grinding down a railing with SOAP shoes, I think I would forgive the strip a lot of its sins.

  48. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Crocs ™ = Disposable hospital shoes

  49. mvg
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Poteet (y173): “MW — *Staggers back with hands upraised* Behold! Never have I seen the Mark of Impending Death writ so clearly on a countenance, at least not since I saw that Twilight Zone episode where the soldier could tell who was about to die because the faces of the doomed were illuminated with special effects.”

    Argh, ya beat me to it. I instantly thought of that episode, “The Purple Testament,” too. One of my favorite TZs.

    I’m also assuming all that ink is the mark of looming death since there is no possible arrangement of lighting that could create such shadows.

    And “the exchange”? What happened to “the shakedown”? I’m thinking the precinct captain may actually be an impostor who just loaded up on jargon from the “Starsky & Hutch” boxed DVD set. Maybe he’s Ted C’s brother & this is just a huge scam to get all the cops out of the building so he can spring his bro.

    9CL: What happened to Mary Rosenzweig’s imminent arrival? Is she on the same plane as JP’s Neddy, meaning neither of them will land for another 6 months?

    I realize this probably isn’t an original observation, but is “Cathy Guisewhite” just a pen name for some insanely misogynist GUY?

    DT: Uhm, wouldn’t the FBI have run those background checks BEFORE placing their big star witness into the circus…?

    FW: “Art can’t always be trying to please …sometimes it should try to get at the heart of things.” Or it could be like this strip & miss on both counts.

  50. quix
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    MW – Is this a Rorschach test or does Scott have John Holmes tattooed on his face?

  51. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

    FC: “Gonna visit Grandpa !”

  52. Poppinjay
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    #14 The Ridger – It’s not that crocs were meant to be rednecky or trashy, it’s that it’s another example of utility footwear crossing over to people looking for an about town shoe that doesn’t require much work. It was meant for medical folks (and prisoners) because of the ease of decontamination and comfort. Now we have rednecks wearing their “dress” crocs to Wal Mart and stepping in easy-to-clean dog shit.

    Like the ER scrubs that were so popular back in the 80′s.

  53. Muffaroo
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    A3G – Bobbie Merrill? Isn’t she a publishing company?

    Bizarro – First Herman, and now this. Must be a trend — these kids today with their hippin’ and hoppin’ and leg amputatin’…

    Dick – “Hitt Mann? But… I thought you were just a guy who cleans up after the elephant, like Moffy Oso!”

    Fred – You were forewarned, Fred. The Driver distinctly thought to himself, “Hullo, here’s a bump.”

    Smirky Schadenfreude“But art can’t always be trying to please. Sometimes it should try to get at the heart of things.” Especially if that heart is cancerous! Because nothing symbolizes the essential awfulness of the universe like good ol’ Cancer. It’s like we say (me me me…*):

    “C is for the Crummy ways life hates you,
    A is for the Anguish that it brings!
    N is for the Nothing that awaits you,
    C is for the Crap that fortune flings.
    E is for Emergency-type treatment,
    R is for the Rest beyond the grave.
    Put them all together, they spell CANCER.
    Which, daily, in your faces we shall wave!”

    * Note: Some singers warm up with “mi mi mi.” They are not Batiuk.

    Gil“I’m not ‘Jammer.’ I’m ‘The Ghost’!” “And tomorrow, I’ll be the Walrus. Goo goo g’joo!”

    Marmaduke – Funnier if you only read the first line.

    Mary – “Oh, and Scott? You got some shit on your face, there.”
    “Damn it, Sarge! Don’t you know about foreshadowing?”

    My Cage – Chekov was right. I you should a coffee machine in the first panel, it’d better be up someone’s keester by the end of the strip.

  54. Muffaroo
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Laziestmanonmars @y164 – Haw!

    True Fable @y169 – And if Sandman doesn’t sift himself right away, would they call him Uncle Lum… no, I don’t like where this is going.

    Spider-Brick @41 – Crocs with socks? Our game is done, sir. Thank you for a lot of fun, sir.

    Your Dick Tracy plot was the origin of Deadman, by the way.

    AeroSquid @51 – Good one!

    The Coming Convergence – Dagwood, wearing Crocs, gets lost in Lost Forest, where a nearsighted ex-factory worker with a stick confuses crocs and alligators. Meanwhile, a lost group of French Foreign Legionnaires, led by their cruel commander… (to be continued, maybe)

  55. Lanfranc
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    FW: Mr Batiuk, Ayn Rand called. She’d like her Author Filibuster generator back now. (TvTropes warning)

    MW: No, no, no. The Black Spot goes on a piece of paper, not in the doomed guy’s face. Sheesh.

    RMMD: Okay. The last story line featured June in a bikini. This one has a bunch of boring people yakking on about maps and bus schedules. I think there must be some sort of karmic payback involved here.

  56. Lesser Whark
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    #22 Little Guy - Do you mean the new subscription notice at If so, I agree – it’s funnier than anything you’ll see if you actually subscribe.

    #33 Dingo - On the other hand, the criminal classes of Santa Royale are 100% pasty-white, just like the cops.

    #46 Steve the Pocket - I think there are no editors on the comics page any more. Otherwise, how would so much offensively unfunny material get through?

  57. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Spectacular Spider-Brick: One of the funniest comments I have read in a long time. Thanks for brightening my day.!

    Eveybody, read this out loud!! —-

    “Anden… the trapeze lady gets shot! An’ the clown goes ‘I didn’t do it!’ Anden the ringmaster goes ‘It happened!’” “Anden Dick finds a note that says ‘YOU’RE GONNA DIE!’ An’ the ringmaster is a secret spy and the Mafia is gonna kill him an’ Dick is all like ‘OH NO!’” “Anden this FBI lady says the trapeze lady was really a KILLER! An’ there’s another killer hidin’ in the circus too! An’ the ringmaster is all like ‘OH NO!’” “Anden…”

  58. Teenage Bamm-Bamm
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    I’m less concerned with the behind-the-times mention of Crocs than I am with the fact that Alexander and Cookie so blithely divulge the secrets of teenage life. “It’s true, dad – we ride around in our dropout friend’s car and smoke crystal meth, then shiv homeless people for fun.”

  59. Professor Fate
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh shut up you pompus ass.

  60. Islamorada Girl
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy! Good times!

  61. Brian
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Yeah Hi and Lois, those Penny Arcade, Megatokyo, and Sluggy Freelance creators are barely scraping by. 60,000 people at the PAX convention? What a lonely empty room THAT must have been.

  62. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy is gonna monitor our Potato Ade ™ consumption. =D

  63. Phred22
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    No longer is Blondie twenty years behind the time as it was in the fifties. Now it’s just seven years back.

  64. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    5. Farley’s Revenge

    …because I am not Margo Magee.

    Okay. I’ll cross you off the list.

  65. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy in charge?!

    I’m gonna get me some “Crocs.”

  66. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Hoooo! Uncle Lumpy’s back in charge! Time to get sugared-up and stay up until three A.M.!

    Crankshaft – changes its complaint from “OH MY GOD THE COLLEGE EXPERIENCE HAS CHANGED” to “OH MY GOD THINGS GROW OVER TIME.” If it keeps going on this path to generalization, it’s going to just straight-up turn into Pluggers.

    DT – Ah, the climax! After only several weeks of absolutely nothing other than repetition of the information we already knew or could deduce on our own! Well, it’s still better writing than Funky Winkerbean, and I mean that in all honesty.

    F- – Tony Carrillo draws very nice, shapely-but-subtle women, like Baretto with restraint. It’s just a shame that they have exactly the same creepy face as 90% of the other characters in this strip.

    FW – Aaaaand that’s a complete Talentless Hack Bingo! What do I win?

    Garfield – I. Do. Not. Want. To. Know.

    H&L – Fun fact! Since Studio Foglio switched Girl Genius from print-only to webcomic format, they have quadrupled their readership and tripled their sales! Just thought you might like to know.

    Luann – When Brad said “something missing,” I honestly thought he’d just gone ahead and cut his weiner off because he realized that he would never, ever, ever get around to using it.

    MT – “I dunno, guys, I’ll have to check with my wife and see if she’s okay with the idea.”

    MW – My God! Scott was Rorschach all along! Who says Mary Worth is predictable?

    MC – My Cage knows when to rely on the power of the imagination.

    Pluggers – Hey, Pluggers finally found out about distressed clothing! It’s only been like eight years or so! This is a new record turnaround time!

    RMMD – For a minute there I thought that was the set-up to a joke. “Gee, I dunno, Sharon, how do you search a golf course in the rain?”

    TMNT – So, uh, I’ve been reading the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles strip for the past couple of weeks now, and I just have to ask: is the franchise normally this insane? I never really got acquainted with it back in the day, but…this is like Earthworm Jim levels of weird.

    Edison Lee – Edison lives in a nightmare world where non-tangible things can take physical form on the condition that they find someone and lecture them incessantly about stuff.

  67. GarrisonSkunk
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Not sure if it was discussed here, but found this Family Circus based editorial cartoon from last week.

  68. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    66. commodorejohn
    And Uncle Lumpy always leaves the liquor cabinet unlocked.

  69. fillmoreeast
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    “I, Louise Lugg (hereafter called ‘the entertainer’), promise to provide a good time for Sergeant Snorkel (hereafter called ‘the entertainee’), as follows:

    “The entertainer will don the fatigues of a private in the U.S. Army, circa 1955.

    “The entertainer will enact an assortment of lazy acts, such as napping and pretending to work while actually slacking off.

    “When confronted by the entertainee, the entertainer will provide snappy backtalk that is almost, but not quite, funny.

    “The entertainer will submit to regular violent beatings and stompings, leaving him/her a broken, toothless mound on the ground.

    “Following these beatings, the entertainee will REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED in his/her hand REDACTED REDACTED pumping REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED in the ear REDACTED dangling bits REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED Otto the dog watches REDACTED REDACTED no fewer than three chickens REDACTED grapefruit REDACTED REDACTED burning sensation stops.”

  70. TheDiva
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Oh, just change the name of the strip to “Getting Old Sucks” and have done with it.

    FW: Yes, but what exactly does that have to do with convoluted, wangst-ridden storylines about cancer and PTSD-riddled veterans?

    Of all the many, many things wrong with this particular Author Tract, I think the false dichotomy Batiuk presents here is the worst. There is no rule that says art cannot be both insightful and entertaining (appropriate that the Straw Parents should have brought up Spamalot, as I would argue Monty Python–even second-generation, pop-culture synthesized Monty Python–is more observant, intellectual, in short more “artistic” than Funky Winkerbean, on top of being infinitely funnier), or that “entertainment” in and of itself has no inherent value. There’s a wonderful picture book called The Clown of God by Tomie de Paola, about a poor street performer who gives the only gift he possesses–his talent for juggling–to the Christ Child and ends up causing a miracle. It’s a beautiful story (one of the first books that ever made me cry) retold and illustrated by one of the great talents in children’s literature. Art that argues in favor of entertainment? Imagine that.

    GT: He’s not the Ghost, he’s Harry Plopper!

    MW: Not that it makes a difference in your case, Scott, but shouldn’t you change into something more unobtrusive before the drug bust? That bright orange blazer you’re so fond of just screams “HERE I AM DRUG LORDS, SHOOT ME PLEASE!”

    Pluggers are obese, broken-down creatures well before they even hit puberty.

  71. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Oh no, we’re going to have one of those weird scary times when the site is updated frequently and regularly.

  72. StoutHearted
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Ah, Mary Worth. Where suspense and subtlety means putting an actual Black Mark of Death on a doomed character’s face.

  73. El Diablo Sombrero
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    I’m going to try something a little different here. I mean I think FW is arrogant, boring, and unfunny, but I’m going to give Batiuk the benefit of a doubt for a moment. He hasn’t earned it, but I’m doing it anyway.

    Let’s pretend he actually did read up on W;t before chosing it. I mean I was able to learn everything about it with a quick google search and five minutes on wikipedia. And he has a plan.

    So clearly Summer will be the star (ignoring the obvious, “so Drama teacher can try to score Les” subtext”) and the actual play will heavily feature Les watching both his daughter and Dead Lisa going through the acceptance of cancer and blah blah blah. It could conceivably even be a moving and beautiful moment.

    Then at the end of the play, his dead wife will go into the light (as will Summer, though with less poignancy) and then Les will actually experience emotional growth, move on from Dead Wife, and maybe have some goddamn personal happiness.

    I apologize for the unfunny here, but really, FW doesn’t inspire humour anymore.

  74. Alan's Addiction
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Sarge’s final line in today’s “Beetle Bailey” made me realize that he’s intelligent enough to know that there is no joy to be found in Camp Swampy, merely temporary chemical escape.
    I’m intrigued by the discussion of Crocs in today’s “Blondie.” Previously, I’d believed that the only people who wore Crocs were either blind and without feeling in their feet, or had lost a bet.
    The writers of “Hi and Lois” are jealous that webcomics artists make more than they do per week, when you work through the stipulations of the syndicate’s contract.
    I can only pray that, by “exploring,” Jeffy really means, “burying the remains of Billy, Dolly and PJ.”
    The worst part about Ziggy begging a bird for a complex historical allusion-related word is that it will be the high point of the week for his dignity.

  75. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    FW – We’re in an economic down time right now. During those times people don’t want to see “art” they want to be entertained, laugh a bit and forget their troubles. That’s why there were so many glitzy and happy movies with rich people back in the 1930s.

    Besides, Wit is a very sophisticated play that takes actors with exceptional skill and experience to pull off and needs a director with keen insight. Becky is no Orson Welles. Otherwise she wouldn’t be a High School teacher in Deathview but working in Hollywood.

  76. NoahSnark
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    I know it’s unlikely, but when I see Jeffy with a shovel I can’t help but hope he ends up digging in the wrong spot and falling into a septic tank.

  77. Mela
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    #73 – That’s giving Batiuk entirely too much credit, since he doesn’t seem to think stuff like “happiness” and “acceptance” are valuable parts of the human experience.

  78. Dr. Novakaine
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Ziggy is desperate and knows that his parrot is smarter than he is. Why shouldn’t he ask? I mean, besides the obvious “gone off his rocker” explanation. Whatever he does, though, he shouldn’t ask who still reads Family Circus, lest he break the poor creature’s brain.

    Speaking of desperate, seems Mr. Batuik has completely abandoned any semblance of allegory in today’s FW author tract. Even more disturbing is that he seems to think death and cancer are “at the heart of things.” No wonder the Funkyverse people are so miserable, their god thinks death and suffering are what the world should revolve around.

    News flash, Tom: some people don’t like being bombarded with constant reminders of their own mortality. I know, you’re shocked at the mere suggestion, but it’s true.

  79. p
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Corrollary to Clarke’s third law:
    Any sufficiently perverted science is indistinguishable from dark magic.

  80. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    MT: Yes, but the frogs know. One of them is leaping into action now !

    “Brrrrp !”
    “What’s that, Croaky ? Mark’s been eaten by Stink Bugs ?”
    “Oh. YOU want to eat Stink Bugs.”
    “BRRRP ! BRRRP !”

  81. Slylock Foxy
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Strips like today’s are why I can say that I am genuinely fond of Beetle Bailey. There is absolutely no way that strip can be construed as being anything other than insanely bleak. Look at Sarge’s face. He’s not kidding, he’s sincerely miserable.

    I’m beginning to think he really does only beat Beetle because he isn’t allowed to express his yearnings any other way.

  82. Niall
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Fail Friday

    Blondie Fails at the whole “Croc” concept. WHen parents buy them for their little children, and nurses wear them all day long, there’s no way you can possibly invent this tidbit of an invention that’s been around for ten years and which has never, ever been viewed as rebellious.

    Gil THorp fails as usual at acknowledging how human beings utter sounds in sequence for the purpose of communicating ideas. It fails at those ideas as well.

    Hägär fäils ät the very core concept of word pläy.

    Judge Parker fails at being poignant. It never fails, however, at being pleasing to the eyes.

    Mary Worth succeeds at being even more ridiculous than the previous day – for a whole week in a row. Defective Scott now has the Inkstain of Death. His fate is sealed.

    My Cage fails at convincing men to actually be honest with their spouses.

    Rex Morgan fails at being the least bit exciting right now.

    Hillary Forth succeeds at finally asking the question I have been asking others around town when I’m accused of being a “traitor” for not encouraging the local professional sports teams. I’d go on, but that’s a rant for a different place. So, thank you, Ces.

  83. Niall
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Also: YAY, our favourite Uncle is here!

    Okay everyone, get ready for middle-of-the-night new threads for a week! :)

  84. Lou Shumaker
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    “FW doesn’t inspire humour anymore.”

    I don’t know, El D. We’re having a pretty good time making fun of it.

  85. CanuckDownSouth
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Cancerbean is about to hit its “Standing ovation for Shannon” moment. It’s reached the FOOBian level: everything must revolve around Les and his thwarted love, and the entire town must applaud it.

    “Return of Lisa” – more or less unbelievable than the Milborough Outpouring of Goods for the Golden Foob’s wedding?

  86. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    And a tip ‘o th’ hat to NoahSnark @76

  87. fishmorgjp
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    The crowning touch for the FW enlighten-the-philistines strips would be a sound clip that plays (to slowly rising crescendo) an easy-listening version of “America the Beautiful.” Or “Battle Hymn of the Republic.”

  88. Calico
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    MC – Never having given birth but having witnessed the mood swings of someone who was pregnant, I did find today’s installment quite amusing.

    Re: Crocs, they are funny and clunky and a total fashion faux pas but are very comfortable.
    I believe the prototype was simply a solid rubber clog used primarily by ER doctors and nurses, as it was easy to wash all the gangland gore off.

    Crocs was a Quebec based Co., but they sold it and it went out of business-I think?

    (Hint to Dr. Adrian-you’ better have yours on right now, sweetie.)

  89. CanuckDownSouth
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Oh, and Between Friends? There are entire chapters if not entire cookbooks dedicated to differences in pancakes (wheatgerm, buttermilk, extra-fluffy… let alone oven recipes, potato, …). If I were that mom, I’d have assumed I was being outdone by a from-scratch recipe. The contrast in finding out it was the “sides” Emma liked might have been amusing then.

  90. Lawyerbob
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    FC: “Explorin’” is one of those “Dollyisms” meaning “diggin’ my own grave.” And thus her plan swings into action.

  91. Calico
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Oh, and speaking of soapy, bubbly things – today CBS will feature the last episode evah of The Guiding Light. It is on at 3 PM EST.
    It had a run (radio and TV combined) of 72 years.

    I haven’t watched GL since 1995, when I did Visiting Nurse Association-based home health care for 8 months for an 85-year old woman who became a good friend. During and after lunch we’d sit and watch GL, ATWT, Y & R, and B & B, and completely rip the shows apart – she had (yes, here it comes) cancer, but damn if she couldn’t snark with the best of them. She never lost her sense of humor.

    RIP Ella.
    RIP Guiding Light.

  92. Comcis Fan
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    S4th: I know the economy is tough. I hope, however, that Ted and Hilary haven’t resorted to storing acorns in their cheeks.

  93. Comcis Fan
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    Today’s Pickles is sure to upset the anti-immigration crowd. Tortillas are so mainstream now that old comic-strip anglos buy them and their dogs play with them.

  94. Comcis Fan
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    As Louie B. Mayer or someone else said, if you want to send a message, call Western Union. If your audience isn’t engaged with your art, if they’re turned off, how will they hear the message, feel the humanity?

  95. queek
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    74: you forgot to mention Iron Chef Mario Batali.

  96. queek
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    preview helps, as does site loading properly. >.<,default,pg.html

  97. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    #87 (fishmorgjp): Omigod, Tom Batiuk is Oliver Wendell Douglas!

    an aside: (’70s/’80s-era Batty would ‘get’ the concept of Arnold Ziffel)

  98. odinthor
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Even everybody’s favorite heavyweight Shakespeare knows that enough is enough about woefulness:

    [T]o persever
    In obstinate condolement is a course
    Of impious stubbornness; ’tis unmanly grief;
    It shows a will most incorrect to heaven,
    A heart unfortified, a mind impatient,
    An understanding simple and unschool’d:
    For what we know must be and is as common
    As any the most vulgar thing to sense,
    Why should we in our peevish opposition
    Take it to heart? Fie! ’tis a fault to heaven,
    A fault against the dead, a fault to nature,
    To reason most absurd: whose common theme
    Is death of fathers, and who still hath cried,
    From the first corse till he that died to-day,
    ‘This must be so.’ We pray you, throw to earth
    This unprevailing woe [...]

    (from Hamlet I:2)

    Please note: “An understanding simple and unschool’d.” It might be nice if FW would manage to profit from the ideas in the Art it claims to espouse and not be like Prince Hamlet doing nothing but moping around.

  99. mkilby
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    In his eminently justified indignation over the perverseness in Hi & Lois, the Curmudgeon forgot an apostrophe (in “it’s“). That’s OK, we’ll all get over that, too.

  100. JH Pants
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    I first read today’s Blondie as “‘push the bottoms’ of anyone in authority,” and spent way too much time thinking about what that might entail. I amused myself with the mental image of Dagwood gently prodding Mr Dither’s bum with his Croc clad feet.

  101. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    #91 (Calico):

    SEE, Batiuk? THAT’S how you do it.

    Oh, why try to convince Batty, Mibbit? He’d probably defend the soap operas.

  102. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood was proud of his rebellion based on his choice of footwear. That is, until said footwear started plotting to get some “zee-bah”.

  103. Burrill
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Two years ago I covered a high school football game featuring a player named Quetzalcaoatl Carrasco. I don’t know how he did it, but the announcer got it right every time without hesitating or stumbling over it.

  104. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Little Known Fact – CROCS™ are especially good for stomping out stink bugs.

  105. kwt
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    MW: You know, I’ll be impressed if, after the end of all this blatant foreshadowing about Scott’s bullet-ridden corpse ending up in Adrian’s emergency room when the drug bust goes bad, it turns out that Scott does not get shot up at all. Maybe he will survive unscathed… now THAT would shock me.

  106. Lanfranc
    September 18th, 2009 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: I don’t know why Ziggy would expect his parrot to know anything about feathered serpents (Is it a very treacherous parrot?), but if I owned a parrot, I’d immediately teach it to say “Quetzalcoatl – the feathered serpent. BWAAK!!”

    Because that would be sort of awesome.

  107. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Can Potatoade™ be made out of this?

  108. AMC
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – What a horrible tragedy! The gingerbread man ran in front of Scott’s head, just as the atomic bomb was going off, leaving his pitiful outline burned on Officer Perfect’s face.

  109. BigTed
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    How hilarious that the webcomic artist defines “success” as creative satisfaction, not money. Although from the posters on the wall, it looks as if his comic has something to do with superheroes and aliens — which means Hollywood will come calling to bastardize his work, in exchange for a boatload of cash and major T-shirt royalties, any day now.

  110. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Salmon Squares have become blasé. Mary Worth is now supplying snacks such as PotatoToads®.

  111. Bootsy
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, I mean it when I say that you should not, under any circumstances, allow Red Greenback and me near the tequila.

    The M & Ms are a different story.

  112. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: When did ‘foreshadowing’ become a debilitating skin condition ?

  113. Novil
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois

    Because money is the only way to measure success.

    Because money is the only thing you want in return for creating a comic.

    Because only communist hippies would create a comic to share their thoughts with their readers, to make them happy for some moments or to make them think about some issues of life.

  114. Uncle Lumpy
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    #111 Bootsy –

    . . . Red Greenback and me near the tequila.

    Don’t worry, Boots — nobody forgot what happened last time. Except, of course, you and Red.

  115. Soccerhead
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Cathy: Irving is a “36″?
    How tall is he? 4’7″?
    GT: That’s right, in the crucial moments of the game, let’s clear up what my nickname is this week.
    Anyhow the Big E starts today. Gotta get me a Craz-E donut burger.

  116. bats :[
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Crocs are extraordinarily comfortable! I can stand non-stop for a minimum of four hours in mine when I’m at the Friends of the Library warehouse, and only now I’m waiting for my blue-like-Elmo’s pair to finally wear through so they can be recycled (yes, Crocs has a recycling program). mr. bats :[ has pairs the color of Alex’s and Cookie’s, plus about a dozen other colors.

    The worst thing about them is that while Crocs is an American company, its product is too damned good. They last forever, which is driving the company into bankruptcy (good lord, has it not heard of planned obsolescence?). God bless George Clooney, who is trying to help them financially stay afloat. And lest you poo-poo Crocs, its the company that sponsors A LOT of beach volleyball…you know, the Baretto-come-to-life sports event.

  117. Anonymous
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    I like how Dagwood has only noticed the shoes on the neighbor kid’s feet. And not on the feet of the kids he actually produced and lives with. Unless all three went shopping together, and just put them on.

    #115: Big E! Yay~ once was on the edge of a drug bust at 8:30 at night near the rides when I was about 13 and there with my parents. Went last year, though and had a fantastic, arrest-free day.

  118. Thursday Next
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Sorry anonymous was me.

  119. Professor Fate
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    98 – not to disagree about FW but in the case of Hamlet, the person talking here is Hamlet’s uncle the man who killed Hamlet’s father so there’s a bit of ironic subtext here (I offed your dad get over it) – of course at this point neither we nor Hamlet know there is something reallly wrong with uncle creepy who just married Hamlet’s mother. He sees things as dreadfully wrong but can not see the cause nor know what kind of action to take – hence the depression.

    If you remember when the Ghost names Hamlet’s uncle as his killer Hamlet says “O my prophetic soul!!” He suspected Caldius was rotten but had no proof (and later starts to worry if perhaps the word of ghost is really something to base killing someone one).

    Yes I was an english Major

    but the point for FW remains true – you know its not like anybody Tom knew died of cancer – He had cancer. So Les, Tom’s alter ego in the strip is morning Tom’s loss of perfect health? The hell – this is more twisted than I want to think about.

  120. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Up until this conversation, I’ve never heard anyone complain that crocs are uncomfortable. Ugly, yes (true); plus crocs devotees are annoying (also true). But they are truly comfortable. (Personally I do not wear mine out in public, except to the beach.)

    But here is what I really wanted to say: crocs are no longer especially “in”, and complaining about crocs is likewise no longer especially “in”, so it only stands to reason they have made it to Blondie.

  121. Perky Bird
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    112 AeroSquid– Seriously, it’s more like “forehead shadowing”!

  122. junk science
    September 18th, 2009 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, Sarge, no amount of booze is going to make your sex partner’s genitals turn into the kind you like. I’ve tried that way, and it just makes the problem worse.

  123. Perky Bird
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    “Incredibly Obvious Tragic Plot Twist! Apply directly to the forehead! Incredibly Obvious Tragic Plot Twist! Apply directly to the forehead!”

  124. Calico
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    In 50 years, the Blondie Crocs strip will be recycled / republished like the Dagwood-hanging-out-of-bathroom-window-with-only-a-towel has been, and the Curmudgeons of the Future will both laugh and groan.

  125. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    122. junk science: That’s why Sarge misses Pvt. Herme, the tragic, yet brief character with a sampling of all known human genitalia. S/He seems to have been the only Walker/Browne creation to ever escape Camp Swampy.

  126. Yaoi Huntress Earth
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    FW: Actually I’m predicting that there will be a huge protest by the parents that will make the tea parties look like nothing. Which will eventually lead to a riot where the school will burn down (and maybe kill that Black woman whose name I can’t remember) thanks to a moltov cocktail. Susan will get all the blame and try to commit suicide again. Just think of all the angst: Kay doesn’t have a mother, Les loses a second woman in his life, the school is gone and Susan commits suicide again.

  127. bup
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    Kudos to Dik Browne for knowing, or having on staff somebody who knows, the word webcomic.

  128. Baron Bizarre
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    FW: Maybe Batiuk could introduce as sort of Westview “Kenny McCormick” who could die of cancer over and over and over again…

  129. Poteet
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    # 49 mvg — I agree about “the exchange.” For one wild moment I thought that the snooty drug cartels of Santa Royale had set up a heroin version of a stock exchange where they could trade on black tar, white powder, etc.

  130. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    BB: So the army hasn’t tumbled to the fact that some NCOs are prostituting themselves to other NCOs? Someone at the Pentagon must be getting a piece.

    MC: Funny as all hell, but how cheap is Max anyway? This is really the point where you need to get a new coffee maker.

    A3G: “Bobbie Merrill?!? I never touched that lying nympho bitch! Um, er, I mean how is the young lady?”

    SFx: For the “how to draw people in the shower” instructions to really be worth your while, you have to buy the Slylock Fox Premium Graphic Novel for Grown-Ups.

    Phantom: Van Dyke hear is out to prove that just because he’s an over-the-top stage villain, that doesn’t mean he can’t be a good doorman as well. Testify, brother!

    Agnes: This week’s award for Comic Strip Filth We Really Hope is Inadvertant goes to “gargle hummers.”

    Crock: The lesson here is that if you can’t think of a punchline for your stock loser joke, just make sure you have an old People magazine lying around.

  131. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    #69 fillmoreeast,
    Now that is standing ovation-worthy. I’m still chortling.

  132. Poteet
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    # 53 Muffaroo — Thanks a lot. Like I’m ever, ever going to be able to forget that song.

  133. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Close To Home: It’s perfectly understandable that National Mushroom Day would be on the frequent flier blackout days listing. After all, on that particular day, everybody’s flyin’.

  134. cj
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:40 pm [Reply]


    Crocs are specifically designed to outgas the horrible toe sweat-grime of people who don’t wear socks, in order to better annoy and offend their supervisors.

  135. queek
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    123: *ding!* We have a winner!

    130: re: SFx: *snerk* I’d so buy that. We won’t even get into the Tiajuana Bible Bonnie issues, lest Mudtallica be overcome.

  136. Bootsy
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Wait, is that FC melonhead holding the shovel that clonked Mark Trail on the head yesterday? And is Mark lying senseless in the backyard of the Keane Kompound?

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Word to that.

  138. carbunicle
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @70: wangst!

    So awesome.

  139. Niall
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    41. Spider-Brick: your Dick Tracy scenario feels so realistic it’s frightening. Maybe Locher sub-contracted – to his nephews.

    66. Commodorejohn: the TMNT comic strip (as per Wikipedia, they’re reruns from 1990-1997) was written and drawn by a number of artists who worked on the Archie series based on the cartoon, a series which got cancelled because the editors were getting antsy about the religious tolerances, interspecies/interracial romances, environmental/social messages and other various insidiousness being portrayed in the book. The only gory deaths were editor-mandated, and were done with real emotional impact. (I’m still missing the last issue of Moon Eyes, dammit.) This run of Archie books is, I think, being reprinted soon, and makes for actually very fun reading, and I’d put it in a child’s hand any day. But yes, the writer Dean Clarrain (alias of Stephen Murphy) and cartoonist Steve Lavigne came up with “Cudley the CowLick” – a disembodied cow head – who transported the turtles interdimensionally by licking them in his mouth, to a giant wrestling arena managed by a tree stump with money appearing on its branches. Several Mirage staff artists contributed to the syndicated strip who also worked on the early issues of the cartoon comic. The levels of insanity are not new. :)

    102. Mibbitmaker: I’m aghast it took over 100 replies (plus yesterthread) to have someone make a PBS-Blondie joke. (My excuse? I’m working.. well, technically, I’m at work.)

    111. Bootsy: that’s okay, I can bring the Balvennie single cask whisky…

    116. bats :[ : as was said, Crocs started as a Canadian company. And hey, shoes made of rubber, with a design making them darn near impossible to rip and need replacing? Whodathunk?

    130. Artist FKA Ben on SlyFox: does that include examples of Cassandra and Ashley? If so, Jamus’ days may be counted, as he probably swore to each that the photos were just for his personal enjoyment. Maybe the house bills went really high and one never knows what desperation might drive them to.

    (I’m a little worried about myself that I post less when buckyswife is not here…)

  140. Poteet
    September 18th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    So Uncle Lumpy will oversee The Woeful Week In Which Detective Wonderful Wonderboy Is Whacked. I hope we’ll get to see Adrian faint.

  141. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    107 Sequitur: “Can Potatoade™ be made out of this?”

    Yeah, you leave the skins in the mash for awhile and it gives you a nice fruity rosé that goes great with, like, Vienna sausage or Spam. That leaves your regular white for your sardines or salmon squares.

  142. UncleJeff
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    A little grab ass humor going on today in “Arlo & Janis”.
    ((Hey, better it’s Arlo grabbing a little piece of Janis than Snorkel and Lugg))

  143. Ed Power, Cage writer
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    My Cage: Yeah. I kind of forgot about today’s 3rd panel. I’m surpirsed they ran it the way I wrote it. Max holds the record for rejected ‘My Cage’ strips. He’d be the most evil chracter in fiction if more of his strips had been allowed to run.

    Ah, the rub of being a newbie ‘toonist! Judging how funny you want to be vs how my papers you want to keep. :D

    Well, no “You’ve scarred my child for life” e-mails yet, but I do see why I ran this one on a Friday. :)

  144. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    The last time Uncle Lumpy took over, Cheryl Ladd showed up with a goat. I hope we can expect such great things again.

    Ed Power, Cage writer
    So, will Rex now be known as “Coffee Ass?”

  145. kkarenb
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Y173 Poteet, 49 mvg – “The Purple Testament” was the first thing I thought of, too. The light on the faces of the doomed soldiers was really eerie. The splotch on Scott’s face – not so much.

    Rex Morgan – I know someone else mentioned this several weeks ago when the patients first went missing – but why hasn’t the facility alerted the media and the police? Two Alzheimers patients are wandering around at night in the rain, and the director thinks that it is more efficient to have a couple of people with flashlights look for them?

  146. Niall
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    143. Ed Power: Ooo! Ooo! Can we get to see the rejected strips? Or at least dialogue? Pleaaaaaase? :)

  147. Poteet
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    MC — I like it. Especially since I hate coffee anyway.

  148. Bryan
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Hey True Fable, here are some pics I took of a goat at the 138th Tunbridge World’s Fair. I thought you’d like them. He was a very friendly little chap who enjoyed looking at all the people going by.

  149. MolyBendum
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    #145 re Rex – They did, they just didn’t show it. Ted says he told them the old people would go to a golf course in the rain, but nobody (facility director implied, as well) would listen, and they (authorities) insist on searching shopping malls. So he and Becka are going to drive willy-nilly through golf courses and, hopefully, mow down the old people while exchanging handjobs in the front seat. Hopefully.

    #147 – Ass makes everything taste better.

  150. mvg
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Sequitur (144) “So, will Rex now be known as “Coffee Ass?”

    …or how ’bout “Java Jammed,” “Hole o’ Joe,” or “Cheekolator”?

    (Juan Valdez must be pissed he spent all that time out in the sun picking those beans just for THAT.)

  151. Little Guy
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    144: “His ass is soaking wet” – Walter Bishop

  152. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    126 — rerun city… they’ve already burned the school down, had a suicide attempt, and killed an English teacher’s love. Been there, done that.

    What they REALLY need is a machine-gun toting hall monitor and a school computer that really loves Star Trek. THAT would be humo… wait…

  153. Little Guy
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    …er, “anus”….

  154. kkarenb
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    149 MolyBendum – Thanks for the reminder; I had forgotten. However, my local tv stations have aired reports when elderly dementia-affected people wander off, asking viewers to be on the lookout for them. It bothers me that there isn’t more of this in Rex Morgan.
    I”m bothered by something in RMMD – gah!!!

  155. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    150. mvg
    Kind of like that “Hole o’ Joe”. I’m sure it’s good to the last drop.

    I once had a friend of mine tell another friend of mine that he walked like he had a cob up his butt. I’m sure Rex walked like he had a whole cornfield.

  156. Lorem Ipsum
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    I love when Ed Power, Cage Writer shows up!!! It is like a brush with greatness!!!! Plus it gives me a chance to tell him I <3 his(and Melissa) strip!!!

  157. Lorem Ipsum
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    !!!!!!!!!!! I went back and reread my post…a little heavy on the shift 1 key.

  158. Donkey Hotey
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Since I’ve dropped Cathy from my daily reader pages, I only check in when the snark gets unusually heavy (like today). And not only do I agree with the comment above that Cathy seems to be written by a male who’s also a misogynist, but I must draw the attention of everyone with an IQ over 34 to the unbelievable inanity of the Cathy comments on the site. Who ARE these people, and who taught them how to access the Internet?

  159. Niall
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Ed Power of My Cage: If this strip does not get clipped to the fridges of pregnant women, there is NO justice. :)

  160. Jumper
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    I did enjoy Dagwood’s “stick it to the man” face as he confronts Dithers. I wonder if he holds that rebellious smirk on his face all day long. Hoping against hope that Dithers will say something.

    Then Dag can bore in on Dithers with an unblinking stare and say “I’d be very careful who I talk to about this. Someone could come in here with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and coworkers.”

    And then laugh at Dithers expression.

  161. MolyBendum
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    #158 – Ha! (!!!!) I love to read Cathy because it’s so horrible (unlike Funky W, which I despise on a deeper level, and which I actually cover with my hand in the newspaper so I don’t even accidentally read it).
    How ’bout these gems from the Cathy burb:

    “personifies the young career woman and her typical daily obstacles”
    “is the Everywoman”
    “Everyone can identify with her shopping, bills, taxes, planning for the future and coping with her husband’s incessant computer golf games”

    If that were true, I’d have turned to the nearest guy long ago and said, “Hey, you want a blowjob?” I do appreciate the Cathy-lovers fanatacism because it allows me to peg them right off. Cathy comic on your desk? Yep, we have nothing in common, I’ll move on.
    I’ve seen Cathy Guisewite before, so I know she’s real. My mom likes Cathy, but my mom also wears purple hand-knitted sweaters with puffy cats embroidered on them. I don’t know exactly what that means, but there’s something not quite right there…..

  162. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    161. MolyBendum

    Nothing in particular, just a big ACK! on general principle.

  163. Jason D.
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    127 – Dik Browne died twenty years ago. I think one of his sons does the strip now, and another son does Hagar. So Hi & Lois only SEEMS like it’s being made by a dead guy.

    In other news, Smirky Cancerbean just gets better and better, doesn’t it? It’s quickly jumping into crappy fanfic territory. Even FOOB was never quite this bad.

  164. David B
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Cornered: That joke was actually somewhat amusing when Gary Larson did it decades ago. Larson didn’t show any nipple on Eve, though, and so I guess you’ve got that advantage.

  165. Anonymous
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @ #10 MolyBendum

    re: Jumble, Alex would not, in fact, say “yes”, he would remain quiet until either the timer ran out or the contestant rephrased it in the form of a question ie. “What is: about an hour, Alex?” :P

  166. Anonymous
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    FW: In Quantum Winkerworld, Schrödinger’s cat is dead every time.

  167. CanuckDownSouth
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    163-Jason … true, but the official bios and Stone Season excerpts on the FOOB site were worse, so it remains to be seen whether FW can one-up the FOOBs by getting ultraviolet prose onto the regular comics page…

  168. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    ??? 166 was me. The site has been acting strange lately. Lots of server timeouts and 404s for the past couple days, a hard allocation error earlier today, and just now my PCa black screen o’ death and hard reboot. No problem with other sites. Hmm.

  169. Johnny Knuckles
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    The Friday before Kurt Cobain killed himself, Hi & Lois featured a “grunge” gag.

    The week before 9-11, Family Circus was set in New York with the Keanes touring around the Twin Towers.

    Now Blondie has put the Spotlight of Doom on Crocs. Sell your shares now. (They’re higher than Pfizer. Don’t be greedy.) And do not wear them for at least a fortnight, especially around the pool.

  170. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    FC – Up above, Josh referenced an old FC where you see where all the pets are buried. It’s interesting to note they had a stinkbug named “Bailey”.

  171. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    168. Écureuil Écumant
    I think it’s called Batiuk’s Revenge!

  172. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    #164 David B – I didn’t know that Eve, First Woman In The World, mother to all of humanity, was created by the hand of God as a pudgy 40-something suburbanite with vision problems…

    #166 Écureuil Écumant – In Quantum Winkerworld, Schrödinger’s cat wishes it were definitively dead.

  173. MolyBendum
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    #165 – Yeah, I don’t like to post corrections, it’s a little too ‘look at me’. At least someone reads the garbage I comment on. But really….nobody comments on ass-raping a dead guy and eating him? Sheesh.

  174. Poteet
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    # 163 Jason D. — I have to concur with Canuck. (Hmm, that’s kinda catchy.) The prose on the official Foobsite was worse than anything I’ve seen in FW so far, though FW is trying hard. If FW starts being as bad on the actual comic page as Foob was on the Foobsite, FW will indeed set a new record for utter awfulness. And my head may explode.

  175. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    174. Poteet
    One method to keep your head from exploding.

  176. TheDiva
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    163 Jason D.: I’ve been waiting all week for Batiuk to pull out the “Let’s see YOU write a better story!” and “If you don’t like it, don’t read it!” arguments–always the last refuges of writers whose egos far outstrip their abilities. No luck so far, but the week ain’t over yet.

  177. mollificent
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Josh: Have fun! We’ll try to behave while you’re gone. I’m sure Uncle Lumpy will go all Mark Trail on us if we don’t. ;)

    Phlegmy Friday (dratted cold):

    DT: What’s this? Action in Dick Tracy? I may need smelling salts!

    FW: Blah blah blah. I’m going to go read “Calvin & Hobbes” now, thank you.

    H&J: This actually gave me a good giggle. I like the facial expressions in the last panel. They’re on to you, ladies!

    MT: Apparently, in the Trailiverse, facial hair and brainwave activity are mutually exclusive.

    MW: Idiots! Don’t shoot him in the face yet! (When did Dick Cheney arrive?)

    MC: Hahahaha…ewwwwwww! :D

    Non Sequitur: I have one observation and one question.

    1) I love this.

    2) Who would win in a cage match, Danae or Lucy Van Pelt?

    Spidey: When did Shaggy from “Scooby-Doo” join the police force?

    Lio: I know a woman who, as part of one of her performances, fires an arrow from the strings of her harp. :)

    Shortpacked: Awwww…congrats David Willis! (I confess when I first saw the comic I kinda thought it was a Harry/Ginny wedding scene. *blush*)

    Addendum: Beetle Bailey: I hate Sarge. I really do. Bastard.

    Great comments today, everyone!

  178. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    175 Sequitur: My! You have a certain … er … unexpected gravitas.

  179. Angry Kem
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    *Ducks in to shake the Fist of Rage at legacy cartoonists who smugly make fun of webcartoonists and the pitiful living they eke from the three T-shirts per week they sell to trendsters (though admittedly, it just may be possible that some of us who have webcomics would be happy to sell three T-shirts a year and are actually feeling envious of Spiky Pink Guy right now) while they dig about in discarded Kraft Dinner boxes, hoping to find stray bits of pasta so that they can cover them with leftover scrapings of cheese rescued from the dumpster behind some slum apartment or other and feast on their bounteous one meal a day.*

    *Ducks out.*

  180. Kallista
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    God damn you, Dinette Set. How many people have hands that end at their waists? God damn you to hell.

  181. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    176 TheDiva says: I’ve been waiting all week for Batiuk to pull out the “Let’s see YOU write a better story!” and “If you don’t like it, don’t read it!” arguments–always the last refuges of writers whose egos far outstrip their abilities.

    You may wait fruitlessly, since your logic presumes that he considers us worthy of those sorts of challenges — which I doubt. That’s fine with me, sometimes the unworthy opponents are the ones that gitcha anyway.

  182. queek
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    142: That’s one of the things that I like about A&J. Arlo isn’t afraid to demonstrate that Janis still rocks his socks. There was another example recently on his blog that was very cute.

    139: sorry, mate, it’s way too early in the evening to be putting on a bodice just to keep you posting. :-P

    177: I vote Lucy. She punches folks that annoy her.

  183. mollificent
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    P.S. Dammit! Why is it every time I visit I end up an hour later with about six browser tabs open and my head spinning?

  184. queek
    September 18th, 2009 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    183: ROFL! That happened to me today as well.

  185. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    170. Sequitur: ‘Butterball’ met with a horrible Thanksgiving death. Thanks Grandma ! It wasn’t ‘Squab’ !

  186. Bryan
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    TvTropes is what’s going to destroy our civilization. That and wearing lounge pants in public.

  187. Violet
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    It never occurred to me that what TJ’s been missing all these years was a wee serape but now I can’t imagine how I ever lived without it.

  188. queek
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    187: If had a tenth of the photoshop skillz of bats :[, I would so put TJ’s face on a “Man with No Name” still and demonstrate just how wrong of a concept that could be.

    *eerie flute music*

  189. CanuckDownSouth
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    #176, 181 Doesn’t matter to me whether he pulls the “see if YOU can do better” argument. Been there, done that. Didn’t bother to make the T-shirt.

    (Maybe I need a No, I will NOT fix your cartoonverse for you shirt :)

  190. True Fable
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    #148 Bryan – GOAT! Goat at a fair!

    Oh, you have warmed the cockles and the sub-cockles of my heart, my friend! Many thanks!

  191. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    Now that all the GOOD snarks have been taken:

    BB: “And I’ll be as quick as crack whore with a stomach virus.”

    Blondie: That’s right, Dag. Don’t wear your good goat-leather shoes when visiting the back alley crackle-barrel whore.

    DtM: “Well, Mom. I could say the same thing about YOUR toys. Especially that Mr. Buzzy-Bee Deluxe ™.”

    FW: Just cold, obsidian darkness here. Move along.

    H&L: Honestly. Would you let YOUR kid hang out with emaciated, meth-addled, 30 year man with a pink Mohawk and pieced genitalia? What’s in that sandwich, Chip ?

    Lockhorns: Two words, Leroy: Direct Deposit.

    MT: ‘Wildlife Man’ ? Is that a state employment agency listing ?

    MT: HAHAHA!!! Guess who fell for the old ‘Check out these new night vision goggles’ trick ?

    MC: HAHAHA!!! She looks like Chancellor Gowron in panel 2. Yes…yes it WAS a DS-9 reference.

  192. Alison
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    The smile on Dagwood’s face makes me sad. He is just so, so happy to be wearing a pair of shoes that were popular four years ago.

    Is Chip’s friend wearing glasses? And not an edgy pair, but a pair that looks something like a grandmother would wear? That really takes away from his “big bad punk” image.

  193. Jason D.
    September 18th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    167 & 174 – I’ll have to take your words for it, as I could never bring myself to check out the FOOB site. Just reading the comic itself was bad enough!

    I’m sure others have mentioned this before, but there are a few similarities between FOOB and FW…both have characters who age, both killed off beloved cast members, and both started out as decent comics (I’d go so far as to say that FW was actually often quite funny before the first time jump) before getting waaaay too full of themselves…in both cases, around the time said characters were killed off.

    Also, I’m jealous of that H&L webcomic punk. That SOB’s sold at least a couple t-shirts more than I have! Of course, we just do it as a hobby, which apparently makes us HORRIBLE PEOPLE! It’s all about the Benjamins, yo!

  194. Jason D.
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    176, 181, 189 – I’m surprised Batiuk didn’t make one of the protesters a webcomicker. I’d say it would’ve been too obvious, but his intentions are pretty thinly veiled already.

  195. Jamus the Bartender
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    Welcome Back, Uncle Lumpy. Now then…
    My Cage/Farley’s Revenge: They DO know each other. I’m thinking it might be time to get a private lamaze tutor as I can’t see the class that would abide having Cassandra AND Violet in the same room….and on that subject…
    Rex, Rex, Rex. What have you learned? Always hold your lady and tell her she’s more beautiful than ever and you’ll always love her and the rest of the Hallmark stuff. See, if you’d come to me, you wouldn’t be wondering if your HMO covers a Mr. Coffee shoved up your ass.

  196. bats :[
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    187., 188.: I never quite imagined TJ like this. Then again, I try not to imagine TJ at all.
    Funny thing is, one of my first photo mashups (pre CC) involved the Man With No Name.

  197. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    190. True Fable
    You got sub-cockles?

  198. bats :[
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    197. Sequitur: I’m sure they have medication for that…

  199. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    196. bats :[
    The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly all rolled into one.
    Better get those ass-pads on quick.

  200. queek
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    196: bats :[, you rock. That is exactly what I was imagining. *applause*

  201. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    H&L Webcomicguy will show up soon in FW as a graphic novelist who doesn’t do superheroes.

  202. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    <178. Écureuil Écumant
    I hope you don’t think that’s me.
    But just this once I will share of photo taken of me in a recording studio in 1973.
    I’m not joking. This is really me.

  203. Écureuil Écumant
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois: I’m not sure who that punk character is supposed to be. But he sure as hell looks like Mr. Foofram’s love child.

  204. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2009 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Fearsome flying Aztec snake god: Quetzalcoatl

    Furshlugginer flying Mexican salamander god: Axolotl

  205. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    202. Sequitur: WOW ! That’s so Nixon era ! You were obviously a member of the Young Republicans Club. I was 12.

  206. Emily K [RiffChick]
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    I should have posted this here but accidentally posted it in yesterday’s comments, sorry.. I promise I’m not trying to obnoxiously promote myself. Anyway, I swapped out today’s FW with a MW speech. Both work quite well for one another.

    the Trope that FW reminds me of most is “What Do You Mean It’s Not Didactic?”

    Just because something is supposed to be “high art” doesn’t mean it’s also enjoyable. And sometimes said thing is not really “high art” anyway.

  207. Kallista
    September 18th, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Sequitur, very handsome! And are your trousers channeling Freddie Mercury?

  208. Digger
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann: “You’re a perfect heal?” Good Lord, TJ. Even Lynn Johnston thinks that’s a bad pun.

  209. sugarpie
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    Oh hi Uncle Lumpy! Dont you look handsome tonight! Kind of like George Cloony.

    Umm, look, the thing is, Josh said it would be OK if we took the car for a spin while he’s gone. To like, you know, cruise over to Milford and check out ‘Jammer the Ghost’ busting it during the opener. He also said it was OK to buzz the Sonic on the way home. No really! He did too say it.

    Oh maaaaan…well then can we borrow the scooter to go toilet paper ‘Butterbean’ Batiuk’s house? Why? Because it’d be funny, thats why. Oh come on Uncle Lumpy, he likes it when people dump all over him. Really! He said so, like a bazillion million times.

    On maaaan… well then, can I just look at the key to the liquor cabinet? Oh come on, I just want to see what it looks like. Oh, you do too know where it is. Jeeeeze Uncle Lumpy, don’t be such a Sally Forth. Hey, why are you taking off your belt Uncle Lumpy?

  210. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    #205 (AeroSquid): Late in 1973, I turned 12.

  211. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    210. Mibbitmaker: Ahhhhhh: 1973. Sequitur listened to Motovoni’s Greatest Selections while we rocked out to:

  212. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

  213. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    205. AeroSquid
    Actually, at that time I was pretty much apolitical. One interesting thing. The year I turned 21 they changed the minimum voting age from 21 to 18.

    207. Kallista
    Freddy Mercury was very much alive at that time so if I my trousers needed information they could have just telephoned him. The trousers were that wonderful invention, double knit. A horrible fabric that could catch on a bowling ball.

  214. Poteet
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    # 175 Sequitur — Hmm, interesting idea. Perhaps if I used a strong scarf…

    And if I had visited that studio in 1973, I would have stared at you shyly and admiringly from a dark corner.

  215. LaziestManOnMars
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    I never read HI and Lois growing up. The closest our newspaper had were the mannequins that inhabit “Sally Forth.”

    Is that the older kid of Hi and Lois? Or is it a young Zero from Beetle Bailey. How is this kid not involved with illicit psychotropics? Look at the dude he’s hanging out with. And we all know webcomic artists are meth addicts. Conversely, he could just be one of those “Punks for Jesus” punks. Bleeding Pieta instead of GG Allen, but you get the idea.

  216. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    212. AeroSquid
    While I didn’t actually hate Mantovoni, I certainly did not enjoy it. Actually I was then and still today quite into jazz of all sorts. And I was no stranger to the rock scene either. But jazz is my chosen preference of music genre. Roberta Flack is one sweet singer. I like her style, it makes me smile.
    To quote a well worn phrase of that time era, “keep on truckin’.”

    214. Poteet
    Oh, that was you in the corner?!

  217. KarMann
    September 18th, 2009 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @fillmoreeast #69: I laughed to, especially at the redacted bits. It sounds like Sarge might be in for some blackmail!

    @True Fable #190: Well, I don’t know about the sub-cockles themselves, but certainly at least the sub-cockle area.

  218. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    216. Sequitur: Confession time: My grandfather had the ENTIRE Mantovoni collection. I listened to them ALL ! *SOB* Thank God Brasil ’66 and Herb Albert and the TJ Brass (Taste of Honey) came along and cleansed my pallet. I have a very unusual I-Tunes collection.

  219. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    *ahem* Herb Alpert Whipped Cream & Other Delights…..I have the original LP

  220. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Mysterious and best left to the imagination. Kind of like Toni Daytona.

  221. agony
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    115 Soccerhead “Anyhow the Big E starts today. Gotta get me a Craz-E donut burger”

    Ha! THAT’S the way to break your Ramadan fast! Ummm – by “Big E” you did mean Eid Al-Fitr, right?

  222. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    I played my first professional gig back when I was 14 in a Herb Alpert wannabe band. We started out as the “Sons of the Palms” changed to “The Tradewinds” changed to a more rock genre and became “The Electric Chords” (Ugh! Not my choice.) But I still listen to ol’ Herb once in a while. If you want to hear some good Sergio Mendes, find some old recordings before Brazil 66. He had a latin jazz piano trio.

  223. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    222. Sequitor: I fell in love with Sergio Mendes all over again just recently RUSTY EATEN BY STINK BUGS !!!! and people in the office want to copy my 60′s collection !

  224. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    223. AeroSquid
    Was there something subliminal in your last STINKBUGS RIPPED MY FLESH!!! message?

  225. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    221. agony: I spent a week in the UAE during Ramadan ! AAAAAHHH! Here’s a PS I did just before I retired regarding Ramadan fast:

  226. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    224: Sequitor: What ever do you SUSAN IS A CUTTER ! by that ?

  227. Niall
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    179: ANGRY KEM!! She liiiiives! *yaayyy* Nice to see your impression of the Davies Dean… :)

    182. queek: Some would argue it’s never too early for a bodice, but then there’s the question of whether one can carry a bodice look or not… :)

    202. Sequitur: you just jumped up twenty coolness points. (And I was 6.)

    225. AeroSquid: You are evil.

  228. Muffaroo
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Soccerhead @115 – Well, that’s one thing I miss, having moved out of West Springfield. We were about ten minutes from the Big E. Okay, ten minutes from parking, and twenty-five minutes from the Big E.

    LaziestManOnMars @215 – Back around 1981-2, when I was at the campus radio station in Statesboro, Georgia, a promotional copy of an LP came through that was described as some sort of Christian New Wave, and it had a cover version of “Kicks” (a hit for the Raiders) with an extra verse to make it explicitly pro-Jesus. I keep thinking the artist’s name was Christopher or Chris something. Every year or so I make a concerted effort to find the name, but so far, nothing.

    Sorry, the “Punks for Jesus” mention set that off.

  229. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    227. Niall: But a GOOD, diverse kind of evil. Oh, gimme a break….I just watched the directors cut of Donnie Darko !

  230. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    And now I listening to Bobby Gentry’s Ode to Billie Joe……How diverse is that ?

  231. Vernacular
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    In my school, wearing crocs is like asking to get your ass beaten into a small, bloody pulp.

  232. Angry Kem
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    *Ducks in again.*


    *Ducks out again.*

    *Ducks back in as herself.*

    It’s actually interesting how seldom newspaper comics acknowledge the existence of webcomics. Cartoonists delight in commenting, usually without understanding, on other newfangled phenomena (such as Twitter…or, you know, the internal combustion engine), but they somehow pass webcomics by. Is it scorn? Jealousy? Contemptuous indifference? Ignorance? Fear? Only time will tell.

    *Ducks out yet again.*

  233. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    231. Vernacular: Good thing Crocs have those patented ‘Blood Draining’ holes.

  234. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    And I show this with humble apologies to the late, great Frank Zappa. Mia Culpa.

  235. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    234. Sequitur: Hey I’m the Central Scrutinizer around here !!! =D Thanks….now I have to play ‘Valley Girl’ several times……MMMMM…Moon Unit….don’t shoot me in the foxhole !

  236. KarMann
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    @Angry Kem: More Japes! More Japes!

    Pretty please?

  237. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Hold on….switching to Brasil 66:

    Oariá raiô
    Obá Obá Obá
    Mas que nada
    Sai da minha frente
    Eu quero passar
    Pois o samba está animado
    O que eu quero é sambar
    Este samba
    Que é misto de maracatu
    É samba de preto velho
    Samba de preto tu
    Mas que nada
    Um samba como esse tão legal
    Você não vai querer
    Que eu chegue no final

  238. Doug Puthoff
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Alt-FC caption for 9-18: “I’m going to Larry’s house and digging up Jimmy Hoffa.”

  239. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    238. Doug Puthoff: Friggin’ Larry. Larry can’t even talk and he’s passing himself around town like bad paper in a Bronx Bodega.

  240. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    The new spokesperson for CROCS™.

  241. commodorejohn
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    #219 AeroSquid – As do I. That one’s a classic, and not just for the cover art ;)

  242. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    241. commodorejohn
    Ah, but have you seen comedian Pat Cooper’s version?

  243. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    240. Sequitur: Mrs Crock will prolly say something like: “Great ! How will disposable IC Ward shoes feed our family ?”

    “Ummmm…..You shut face ! Make stink bug cakes !”

  244. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

  245. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    AeroSquid – 244
    Do not start licking! I repeat, DO NOT START LICKING!!!
    Hey! Is one of those gals Mary Worth?

  246. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    245: Sequitur: MORE SOUR CREAM ! AS MUCH AS THE LAW ALLOWS!!!!!!

  247. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    246 AS – I think the law allows an unlimited supply. KEEP THAT SOUR CREAM COMING!!!

  248. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    Cardinals Win !!!! Oh…..sorry….Mary Worth….foreshadowing……..FW: cancer…..BB: Toss that salad…..

  249. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    As anyone read today’s Flight Deck?
    Of course not. This was done as a public service so you won’t ever have to look again.

  250. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    247. Sequitur: Every time I go to the picture show, I tell the zit-faced mini-wage dude that I want as much butter on my pop-corn as the law allows and in return I get a Mark Trail owl face. I weep for our youth.

  251. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    Unca Lumpy ! We are approaching the Potato Ade ™ waterline ! Time to pack us up and move on !

  252. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    250 AS – I went into Whataburger the other day and ordered a Whataburger without cheese. And what did the airhead behind the counter as me? She said, “Do you want cheese on that?” I didn’t say a thing but just looked at her. Suddenly a light came on in her eyes as she proclaimed, “OH! You said ‘no cheese’ didn’t you?!”
    (By the way, “No cheese” is something you’ll never hear Wallace say to Gromet.)

  253. Sequitur
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    me @252 …behind the counter ask me…

    Sigh. It’s time for bed. ‘Nite all.

  254. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    252. Sequitur: I have many Whataburger tales as a Naval Aircrewman….but now is not the time…I was in New Orleans at a place called Salvo’s…..I ordered a Clam Sandwich and ‘Flo’ asked me if I wanted it ‘dressed’… a state of confusion, I responded: ‘No need to go through the whole ‘Streetcar’ wardrobe…..vinegar and cocktail sauce will suffice.’

  255. AeroSquid
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Sequitur ! Wake UP !!!! Dammit ! =D

  256. Dee
    September 18th, 2009 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    If I didn’t know better, Blondie would feel like some sort of marketing ploy meant to make Crocs appeal to all the rebellious teens who look to Dagwood for fashion advice.

  257. Poteet
    September 19th, 2009 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    9/19 S-M — So when Sandman reassembles himself, will he be wearing the same outfit? A different outfit? Does he have a “stark nekkid” option? Can he change the size of his body parts? Could he provide himself with a unusually ginormous…


    …never mind. *sidles away*

  258. Poteet
    September 19th, 2009 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    # 257 — Make that “an unusually.” Sorry. I was a bit distracted.

  259. Poteet
    September 19th, 2009 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    9/19 MW — I am trying hard not to think that Scott carries around a large photo of Adrian’s face in his boot as a masturbatory aid. I am trying, but not succeeding.

  260. Mibbitmaker
    September 19th, 2009 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    Alittle late, but…

    As a kid, I loved the Tijuana Brass. The albums we had (and I still do) were SRO, and especially Going Places. You know how kids love to spin around ’til dizzy? I did that to “Zorba the Greek” — in time to the slow down/speed up tempos of that song.

  261. Poteet
    September 19th, 2009 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    9/19 DT — Okay, I confess. The hand holding the gun is mine. I intend to kill every character I possibly can, starting with Dick, and end this strip once and for all. Bwahahaha!

  262. Mibbitmaker
    September 19th, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    9/19 Re-FOOB: STRAW-MEN! (Rod doppelganger, that is)

  263. Just some guy
    September 19th, 2009 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Oh, Ziggy.
    Will you ever win!

  264. boojum
    September 19th, 2009 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Sequitur @ 216: Roberta Flack is one of the most underrated performers of the century. I’ve got her First Take and Quiet Fire in my car CD changer now.

    Oh, and I heard Sergio Mendes at the Blue Room in New Orleans, round ’76. We also caught Ella Fitzgerald there, and Marion Williams on campus. And Joni Mitchell, with Jackson Browne as her (unbilled) opening act.

    Damn. I’m old. What am I doing up this late?

  265. mumbles
    September 19th, 2009 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    FW: Prediction – some time during this storyline, Batiuk will demonstrate his trademark light touch and sly subtlety and reveal that this storyline is all about wagging a finger at this website and us fans thereof by naming two of the town riff-raff “Josh” and “Uncle Lumpy.”

  266. MolyBendum
    September 19th, 2009 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    Ha! Papagoras got took by the hot transexual. Who’da thunk it. I really hope we stay with this story line next week, screw Margo. Or maybe a “day in the life of the high-end pill popper” as she loads the kids in the BMW, tosses back a few pills and drives into a light pole. That’d be fun, too. Anyways, for some inexplicable reason, as I was reading A3G it brought to mind the following:

    9/19 Bill and Ted 3G

    Bryant: “Bobbie Merrill? Dude, I don’t know that chick. Was she, like, hot?”
    Papi: “Oh, dude, she was one beautiful, smokin’ hot babe. She was all, like, dressed nice and totally down to earth and, like, whoa, y’know?”
    Bryant: “Man, alllllll the chicks that come to me are like that. I am one. Excellent. Doctor.”
    Papi: “Whatever. Totally.”
    [dueling air guitars]

    9/19 Scarface 3G

    Bryant: “Dat chica ju talkin’ about, I don’ thin I know her.”
    Papi: “Dis piece of pussy wa’ nice, mang. Lil’ old, you know, but nice titties, you know. I giver some Quaaaaaaaludes, mang.”
    Bryant: “Yeah, this place is like a big pussy, just waitin’ to get fucked.”
    Papi: “I got ears, ju know, fuck you.”
    Bryant: “Fuck me. Fuck me? No, fuck you, mang.”

  267. PVNK
    September 19th, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Better than just “ugly and uncomfortable’, crocs are also moderately dangerous footwear.

  268. aquaponic system
    January 14th, 2014 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    An Aquaponics garden could be set up indoors or outdoors within the backyard.
    And you are going to know they come from the clean organic source.

    Growing fish that could easily catch diseases and parasites
    may be disheartening.

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