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Metapost: Do over

Holy cow, Spider-Man and his wife just had spider-sex … the proportionate sex of a spider!

Er. Next week, this blog will feature lots more comics zaniness, and lots less whining and bellyaching. Promise. Until tomorrow, please enjoy the sophmoric humor above.

Oh, unrelated, but: those of you who enjoy Drink At Work may have noticed that they haven’t been updating this week either. In their case, this is not due to sheer laziness as with me, but rather is due to technical problems. Does anyone reading this consider themselves an expert with using Blogger with an external Web host? ‘Cause they sure could use your help. Here’s the contact info.

Oh, one more sophmoric jab before I give this week up as a bad job, blogging-wise:

Uh, yeah, “tongue thing.” Yeah. Ew.

41 responses to “Metapost: Do over”

  1. Howard Roark
    January 15th, 2006 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    How will “Unfit” find enough material going forward given the narrow topic of personal training?

  2. Bill Peschel
    January 15th, 2006 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Why am I hearing “wakka-chikka” music in that “Judge Parker” panel?

  3. 2fs
    January 15th, 2006 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    I read somewhere that among animals, there’s an inverse proportionate relationship re the size of the male sexual organs and the size of the brain. In which case, if size matters to MJ it’s no wonder she wants more of those “bicoastal reunions.” (Damn you Howard Roark!)

  4. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    January 16th, 2006 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    If they really had spider-sex, MJ would have devoured Mr. Parker by now.

  5. Barracuda
    January 16th, 2006 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    What’s wrong with that chick’s face in panel two?? Did she fall from heaven? Because man, her face is wicked screwed up from the fall.

  6. Malcolm
    January 16th, 2006 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    The “tongue thing” woman seems to know a lot about the other one’s kissing experience.

    I personally get off on the thought of women who look like they work with horses doing mouth to mouth combat.

    The blonde also looks like she was cut and pasted from a Jehovah’s Witness pamphlet.
    For her the rapture has come early.

  7. Mr. Othmar
    January 16th, 2006 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    I think the chick in the 2nd panel looks like Renee Zellweger wearing a sweet turtle neck.

  8. Hysterical Woman
    January 16th, 2006 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    From the Wikipedia article on Spiders:
    Sperm transmission is an indirect process. When a male is ready to mate, he will spin a web pad onto which the sperm is discharged. He then dips his palps (also known as ‘palpi’), the small, leg-like appendages on the front of his cephalothorax, into the sperm, picking it up by capillary attraction. Mature male spiders have swollen bulbs on the end of their palps for this purpose, and this is a useful way to identify the sex of a spider in the field. With his palps thus ‘charged’ he then goes off in search of a female. The act of copulation occurs when the male inserts one or both palps into the female’s genital opening, known as the epigyne. He transfers his sperm into the female by expanding the sinuses in his palp.

    Oh yeah, baby!

  9. Leo
    January 16th, 2006 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    So basically Peter just gratified himself in the bathroom and handed MJ a half-full dixie cup?

  10. Monkeys Uncle
    January 16th, 2006 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    It sounds more like peter has violated his wife with a hand that should have been more carefully washed. I’m not sure how expanding his sinuss’ is going to help in this situation. Anyway, whatever two consenting adults choose to do in the privacy of thier home, even if one of them was bitten by a radioactive spider and is now a super pervert, is thier own business.

  11. yellojkt
    January 16th, 2006 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    The “tongue thing” leads right into “Why do you always look so happy after a long afternoon of horseback riding?”

  12. Natural Medicine (of Humor) Man
    January 16th, 2006 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    My main question about the Parkers (Peter and MJ) in that panel is, why are they sleeping in a single-sized bed – circa a college dorm room?

    And in Judge Parker, I assume that second panel is supposed to be a youngish, teenaged girl? What’s upbeat and cheerful about a confused adolescent about to receive more “schoolyard” sex ed?

  13. Anon
    January 16th, 2006 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Have you people never heard of spidermanning?

  14. Sheila
    January 16th, 2006 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    What I wanna know is, why the heck are they wearing pajamas?

  15. csr
    January 16th, 2006 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    This doesn’t answer your question, Sheila, but it looks like they’re wearing the same pjs… she’s got the shirt, he’s got the pants.

  16. Daniel
    January 16th, 2006 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    This is completely unrelated, and moreover it has probably been pointed out before. But it just occurred to me that Hagar the Horrible would be much funnier if it showed Hagar and Eddie actually being eaten by dragons, and being killed by pursuing or castle-defending armies, and drowning after the boat sinks in midocean, and being tortured by tax collectors, and starving on desert islands. The strip could kill them off every Wednesday, spend every Thursday and Friday on the family’s mourning, and then back to normal on Saturday; I think that’s about how often they are killed off “offscreen” presently. Also, given how much time they spend in the bar, that angle is relatively unexplored; I don’t remember seeing them being cut off by the bartender, or conversely being pickpocketed while unconscious, and indeed we rarely see main or supporting characters being the worse for drink in any more interesting mode than lachrymose whining. (And on that note, it should be easy to extract a month worth of comics where Mrs Hagar is in a different bar complaining about her life.)

  17. golfwidow
    January 16th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    I’ve heard a lot of myths about tongue-kissing, but I never knew it could turn one’s hair purple.

  18. Frank Drackman
    January 16th, 2006 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    I want to see Wilbur “ask Wendy” wander into that creepy Pawn shop from Pulp Fiction and get whats comin to him. He’d look good with a ball gag in his mouth…

  19. philip
    January 16th, 2006 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    Sheila (#14), do you really want them to not be wearing pajamas?

    With great power, comes great sex. Apparently.

  20. beans
    January 16th, 2006 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    call me naive (pause), but i really thought they were just waking up. the thought of “spidey sex” never entered my mind!

  21. Malcolm
    January 16th, 2006 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Beans, god bless your little cotton socks, of COURSE it’s about sex.

    “Reunions”?

    You’ve heard of sexual union? Well re-union is sex time and time again.
    You’ve heard of coastal?
    well, bi-coastal is doing it two different ways.

    That little spidey wife minx….

  22. Hank Kimble
    January 16th, 2006 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Looks like there’s something “funky” in the air at Judge Parker. And I don’t mean Funky Winkerbean.

  23. Hank Kimble
    January 16th, 2006 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Was it an “unpleasant surprise” in RMMD or is Rex getting “tired” of June?

  24. gnome de blog
    January 16th, 2006 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Wait a minute here. If Spidey’s wife is permanently enthroned in LA, what’s he doing moping around Back East? What’s he got to go back to? His crummy job as a free-lance photog for a smarmy tabloid, and he doesn’t even have HEALTH INSURANCE? If he had a brain bigger than what God gave a tarantula he’d be exploiting his celebrity in Hollywood, taking meetings and livin’ large. After all, it worked for Paris Hilton, and she can’t even crawl up a wall.

    Not to change the subject, but if MJ did make like Mama Spider and have Petey for a post-coital snack, would she inherit his spider-powers? She’d know how to take advantage, and it would make a much better strip. She could lure all sorts of villains into her larder. Imagine what a time she’d have with the Rhino.

  25. Marc
    January 16th, 2006 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    You go get GET FUZZY!!! haha. Ubiq, like your comment of the week!

  26. Don
    January 16th, 2006 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    What’s up with Marmaduke in Monday’s comic? He looks like Cerberus, that three-headed underworld dog. Very strange. Last year there was a comic where Marmaduke turned into some kind of cyclops dog with one eye in the middle of his forehead, and now this.

    Anyhow, I used Marmaduke in this photoshop contest entry http://img73.imageshack.us/img73/6300/helldog3wz.jpg

    http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/marmaduke/

  27. Slobberchops
    January 16th, 2006 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Ok, I give up — where can one find Spiderman online? My paper doesn’t carry it, I checked about ten others, and the official site only carries a few strips from last month. I REALLY want to see what happens in the last frame, you know, Mary Anne biting off Peter Parker’s head and all that…

  28. Dub Not Dubya
    January 16th, 2006 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Don, loved the photoshop!

    Slobberchops, you can find current daily Spider-man here:

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComics.mpl

  29. Marc
    January 16th, 2006 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Not only in Marm three headed, Dottie also has puffy chipmunk cheeks. Why must Brad draw all these characters to look like they have mental disabilities? Is that a fetish of his? Drawing people who look like they have down-syndrome?!

  30. thelonious_nick
    January 16th, 2006 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    The way the younger sister is drawn in Judge Parker, she appears to be either 12 or 74, I can’t decide which.

    And maybe after her older sister shows her about kissing with tongue, she can show her how to work it like a claw.

  31. cjcasa
    January 16th, 2006 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    You actually read Marmaduke?

  32. anon
    January 16th, 2006 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    sophomoric, not sophmoric.

    i love this blog. believe me.

  33. BigJoe
    January 16th, 2006 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    MT – This is getting too bizarre for words. I assumed this backwoods family was inbred, but in panel 2 it’s revealed to be even worse than I thought. The dognappers have a squirrel for a half-brother!

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20060116&name=Mark_Trail

  34. Braniff
    January 16th, 2006 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke looked much better years ago. It began to go downhill about the year 2000 or so. Before then, Marmaduke and his family were carefully drawn. I think that it’s gotten so bad now that it’s time to pull the plug on the cartoon panel.

    If you want to see some great Marmaduke cartoons, look at the collection of 50 years of Marmaduke cartoons which came out a few years back. There’s a bonus–some of the earliest Marmaduke cartoons, in which Marmaduke does not resemble a Great Dane are included.

  35. Sheila
    January 16th, 2006 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    I love how Wilbur’s email window looks like Workaholic’s Wife wrote on it with crayons.

  36. Marc
    January 16th, 2006 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps “Tickle Me Pink” is the choice crayon of waspy SoCal women who make lawsuits against the media..

    Ohh this is fun! Think of a Mary Worth color!

    “Meddling” maroon…

    “Sexless yacht talk” white

    “Bum Boat” brown

    “Broken swan” sunflower yellow

    “Platitude” pink

    Think of some others! haha

  37. Don
    January 17th, 2006 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    At least the declining quality of the art work as Brad Anderson gets older and older provides some evidence that he actually still draws Marmaduke himself, unlike some other cartoonists

  38. edgeways
    January 17th, 2006 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    there seems to be a disortiante amount of lust going on in the funnies nowadays… Luann, JP(multiple fronts), 9CWL, … more?

  39. cjcasa
    January 17th, 2006 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke is so bad, I have to admit that I really have no interest in looking at older strips when it was “good”. I have heard that when newspapers select comics to print, they are forced to buy them in blocks, so that for every good strip (Mutts, Zits, etc.) they are stuck with some dogs (Marmaduke, Ziggy, Blondie, etc.). Too bad.

  40. Uncle Lumpy
    November 2nd, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker – remarkably, Sophie has used that “lips are sealed” line beforeafter spilling the beans on Neddy’s chaste dalliance.

  41. Phred22
    January 25th, 2010 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    S-M: It looks like Sabretooth’s got creepier superpowers than I realized. When he feels the need for more than his normal vision, he grows a second face! I wonder if it’s any more dependable than Spidey’s spider-sense has been.

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