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Rex and June through the looking glass

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/8/09

Uh-oh, it looks like the Morgan household has got a case of the squatters! And they’re slobs, too, and one of them is a busty blonde who looks capable of at least briefly experiencing joy — exactly the sort of person that June is most likely to skewer with one of her patented soul-freezing glares.

You know, sometimes when I return to my house, I have the strange, unbidden thought that perhaps I’ve passed into a parallel universe where I don’t exist, and someone else will be living there. I wonder if something like this has happened to the Morgans — if their cruise ship accidentally passed through the Bermuda Triangle or something, and now they’ve returned to a town exactly like the one they left, except nobody’s ever heard of them. This would guarantee hilariousness, as virtually everything this power couple does is based on an overwhelming sense of their own entitlement. The anger and befuddlement that will ensue when their increasingly plaintive cries of “But don’t you know who we are?” are met with honest “No”s will be delicious.

Archie, 12/8/09

A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, especially for an emergent cybernetic consciousness. It’s been long established that the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000, the massive computer that creates the Archie newspaper comic, is connected to the Internet and aware of this blog; but now it appears to have decided that I am its primary audience, and is specifically filling its strip with things that unsettle and amuse me, including people gazing lovingly at their own image on computer monitors and creepy furries whose deranged eyes glow out from the otherwise inky black maw of their fursuits.

Still, the AJGLU 3000 deserves credit for adding some character development to this strip. In most iterations of the Archie mythos, Reggie exists solely as an arrogant, egotistical foil and occasional romantic rival to Archie. However, as depicted by the AJGLU 3000, when he’s behind his (Reggie-themed-photo festooned) editorial desk, he does seem determined to do a halfway credible job of running the school newspaper, an attitude worthy of praise. Of course, this being Reggie, he’s probably only doing it because he believes that a career in print journalism is his ticket to power and influence; this is misguided, but not as misguided as Archie’s apparent belief that a career in print journalism is his ticket to sex with cheerleaders.

Hi and Lois, 12/8/09

Ever since the real-estate market imploded, Lois has had little to do with her time other than hang out at the mall with her fellow realtors and talk about which mood-altering pills are the most fun and which crooked doctors will prescribe them.

221 responses to “Rex and June through the looking glass”

  1. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Yeah, come December, a lot of the shops around town here soap up their windows so they can write “Holiday” and make a couple of rows of desultory asterisks.

  2. commodorejohn
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    A3G – Margo doesn’t care about her dead ex, film at 11.

    Archie – Hmm. Cammie’s moved up from “background extra” to “non-speaking role.” Keep it up, girl!

    AS – But…THEY’RE NOT TIPPING IT ONTO THEMSELVES!

    BC – “I burn traveling salesmen to death and smile as they scream.”

    BrS – Look, she’s even sending a “please God don’t leave me with these two!” message!

    FC – That’s a sharp knife, Grams, and nobody would mourn them.

    GT – You know, I’m usually the last person to suggest prematurely convicting teenagers just because they’re teenagers and therefore automatically guilty, but…Gil, you took him into your office and had him tell you all about it. You’re not his lawyer, you’re his coach; you’re not trying to prove him innocent, you’re trying to help him, right? Oh yeah, he’s your best player. Silly me. Never mind, then.

    Luann – His mom’s a nightclub singer…? Oh my God Quill’s a Burber!

    MT – I know this is eventually going to disappoint, but the prospect of the car becoming a Poe-esque death-trap in which Rusty is pinned down while his last moments pass fills me with even more glee.

    MW – Dear God, are they seriously trying to imply that Wilbur, of all people, has a sordid past? I’d sooner believe that Tobey used to be a party animal.

    Monty – Actually, it’s like Minority Report.

    RMMD – Mrs. D’vito? What are you doing here?

    SM – Nice armor. Real nice.

  3. parvomagnus
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Wow, she’s hanging out at the mall in a bathrobe? That’s rock-bottom. Also, they seem to have forgotten the punchline.

  4. Shave Ezra
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    9CL – Oh, those poor, homesick Nazis…

  5. Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Hmmm, almost an hour. Not quite thread-jumped, so instead of reprinting my comments, I’ll just link ‘em. Save space.

  6. jvwalt
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    One of the disturbing undercurrents of “Archie” is that, while the homely protagonist already enjoys the affections of two of Riverdale’s comeliest beauties, he is constantly horndogging after anything in a skirt. Archie is, indeed, a bigger hound than Tiger Woods.

    What is this supposed to say about the sexual mores of small-town America? And why (assuming that the drugstores in Riverdale are probably barred from selling birth control to the unmarried) isn’t the entire town overrun with horrifying freckle-faced little children?

  7. commodorejohn
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Josh, your vision for Rex Morgan is beautiful, and I will endorse any petition submitted to Wilson & Nolan in favor of its implementation.

  8. indrifan
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    H&L – So the punchline is that she’s suffering from a confusion of two distinct disorders? At least black-haired Realtor®is smiling. Looks like Lois could use some of whatever’s in the little orange bottle. (Spoiler: After reading it several times I realized that the punchline is supposed to be a play on “Holiday Season” and “Seasonal Affective Disorder” – but this disorder is already recognized and named, at least casually, as “Holiday Blues”. This PSA has been brought to you by the “Get the Depression-Like Syndrome Name Right, Dammit” Committee.)

  9. Little Guy
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s competing cleavage!”

    GT: Once again, Gil usurps the authority of the Principal to suit his athletes. I hear the Bengals and Raiders are making overtures to Coach Thorp.

  10. survivor
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Wilson and Nolan could have easily put their signatures on the lower right hand corner of the 2nd panel of Rex Morgan. Instead, they chose to write them in the vicinity of a boob to ensure that we see their names.

    It worked.

  11. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    A3G: At first, I was perplexed that Margo would vaguely refer to her “plans” while blowing off Luann’s lunch invitation. But then I realized that if she’d told Luann the truth, Luann would have wanted to hug and comfort her, and Margo’s human-warmth acceptance capacity probably reached “full” about 3 hours into her initial bonding with Luann; it’s all been flashing red lights and warning sirens since then.

  12. Bryan
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Ohh, that look of imperious rage in June’s eyes! I’ve missed that. You’re angry when you’re beautiful, June!

  13. Brick Bradford
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Archie: The Nazgul come to Riverdale.

    SM: Gee, who’d have thought that Sandy might be able to make his body rock hard and beat down the door…oh, why bother? If it weren’t for stupidity this strip wouldn’t exist. Good to see that Sandy has a purple ensemble as well as the green, though.

    MW: This is clearly a joke, as no one would ever have sex with Wilbur. His “daughter” just wandered into the house one day and they decided to keep her.

    Phantom: Women in Prison storyline! Thank you, Santa!

  14. tbiggs
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    The black-haired realtor is also trying to demonstrate ventriloquism while drinking from a cup, without much success.

  15. BRWombat
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Archie: I’m actually impressed with the depiction of the girl in panel 3. It captures perfectly both the soulless forced smile of a cheerleader and the purely instinctive leaning of her body as it is naturally repelled by the presence of Archie.

  16. Agent 07
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Waitaminnit, waitaminnit …. speaking of parallel universes and all…. Didn’t the kid say she couldn’t wait to see Abbey again?As in, the dog? Only now they get Abby? As in, Sam’s squeeze (as it were, don’t know that he ever actually squeezed her)?

    Looks like Abby to me, anyway. Where are my glasses?

  17. Darkefang
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Archie: I think I have to agree with the angry-eyed mascot in the background: Aren’t two girlfriends enough Archie? Do you have to monopolize the entire female population of Riverdale?

    MT: Is there something wrong with me? I found it upsetting when I thought the puppy was going to get smashed, but I find it hilarious that Rusty’s about to drown while trapped under a car.

  18. Écureuil Écumant
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    RMMIA: It had to happen. *blatant repost*

  19. Larry McAwful
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Since the mascot of Riverdale High is the bulldog (don’t ask me why I know this,) there’s little doubt that the person in the bird costume is evidence of Riverdale’s burgeoning Varsity Furry Club.

    Who is that furry, anyway? I suspect Dilton would be into that, but the build in the bird suit is all wrong. Same for Jughead. It appears to be a kind of large person. Is it Mr. Weatherbee, maybe? I’ve always suspected ol’ Waldo had his wild side.

  20. Poor Thompson
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    Aw, why does Archie get all the good assignments? When I was on the school paper, I had to write about our football team’s performance at a game where they got crushed, and there was low turnout, and it rained. Try putting a positive spin on that.

    On the plus side, at least I didn’t get the evil eye from any demonic bird creatures (which, by the way, would be a good alternate title for Shoe).

  21. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    13 Brick Bradford: So Dawn would be like Rusty? Maybe they’re separated orphan siblings…..which would make a strange kind of sense.

    17 Darkefang, re: MT—You and me both. Is it because we prefer puppies to humans (which yeah, I kind of do), because Sassy exhibits more human characteristics than Rusty, because the world could be a far better place with less Rusty, or simply because Rusty suffering a protracted, agonizing death equals comedy gold?

    I think we’re back to one of those “all of the above” situations.

  22. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    I’m new at posting here, so it makes sense that I’d get thread-jumped. So I will follow Muffaroo’s lead and link back to my post: http://joshreads.com/?p=5095#comment-762535 (if I was better at HTML I could hide the link, but …baby steps)

  23. Kibo
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    I keep fantasizing about “Archie” slowly turning into a “Tron” knockoff where it is revealed that the real Reggie is the one who’s trapped inside the computer screen. The one that’s pretending to typeset the school newspaper is just a hologram created by holding a piece of tinfoil over a flashlight, as was proven to work in a “Mythbusters” episode that for some reason was titled “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?”. So, anyway, Reggie is trapped inside the computer (and lucky for him, they still use CRTs back in the Never-Ending Decade Of Archie — if that were an LCD, he’d be squished.) In cyberspace, Reggie has to fight off hordes of digital Diltons, jaggy Jugheads, and the final boss, MegaMoose.

    Wait, I made a slight typo there. This isn’t my fantasy. It’s the AJGLU-3000′s. My fantasy is actually about ALL the characters getting trapped in a garbage disposal.

  24. Poor Thompson
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    # 17 Darkefang- Death involving the combined effects of a lot of water and a hunk of old metal? Its actually a pretty fitting demise, since his name is ,after all, “Rusty”.

  25. zillah
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Today’s guest author: Tom Batiuk.

  26. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Since Quill is from Australia, I assume a chemist means the same as in England, that is, a pharmacist. That’s all well and good but I imagine that Quill actually means that his dad is a meth and LSD producer. That’s how Quill’s dad met his mom.

  27. mvg
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    “Ever since the real-estate market imploded, Lois has had little to do with her time other than hang out at the mall with her fellow realtors and talk about which mood-altering pills are the most fun and which crooked doctors will prescribe them.”

    I’d imagine the name “Aristotle Baggadonuts” is probably near the top of that list.In fact, is it possible that Lois is actually just another cartoonist’s interpretation of A3G’s yellow-haired Bobbi? Prehaps Hi is the wandering husband she’s trying to get the sordid goods on. And Alec is some cellpnone-toting ne’er-do-well classmate of Chip’s. It’s all strating to add up…

    MT: Did Rusty undergo some sort of growth spurt in response to the car falling on him? He claimed the axle was on his legs, but judging by the 1st panel today, his legs would have to be about 6 feet long for that to be true.

    A3G: “Out on the busy street, Margo frowns.” What, this is news? That’s like saying, “The center of the sun is hot.”

    MW: This whole potential love-child story arc for Wilbur really blows my whole concept of him. Dawn notwithstanding, he’s always seemed more the sweaty-pasty-sex-tourist-paying-for-young-boys-in-Thailand type to me.

    JP: Where in blue blazes is Neddy’s damn PLANE?

  28. Fashion Police
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    We see, as #2 commodorejohn pointed out, that someone from Judge Parker has invaded the Morgan’s home. We doubt it is Mrs. DiVito – though it may be a close relative. Mrs. DiVito lounges about her own house all day wearing little black cocktail dresses and drinking martinis. She wouldn’t be caught dead in anything so déclassé as a spaghetti-strap tank top, and she wouldn’t soil her luscious lips with beer.

    Speaking of Judge Parker, we note that Miss Sanchez did not remain seated for long. She probably needed to stand up in order to breathe.

  29. Nekrotzar
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    So Becka is hanging out in Rex & June’s house — can Cue be far behind? We can only hope!!!

    And if we’re really lucky, Bobbie will join Lois at lunch and share tips on scoring pills.

  30. mvg
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Damn that’s a lotta typos in my post above.

  31. Nekrotzar
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Not only were my comments already covered, but by the two comments immediately preceding my own. I have to learn to type faster.

  32. TheDiva
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    C’shaft:: Christmas ornaments. They’ll use the cookies as Christmas ornaments. There, I saved you at least two days of reading “Crankshaft.”

    Curtis: Of course, Curtis only offered to aid his mom in the first place in order to determine if sheAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHBARRY’SEYESSTARINGINTOMYSOULKILLITWITHFIRE!!!

    FW: Sounds like it’s time for a wacky “Thelma and Louise” style escapade and flight from the law, complete with driving a car into the Grand Canyon.

    MW: Wilbur’s racking trying to remember if he wore a condom when he was with that hooker in Vegas. (I’m certain prostitution was involved, as the only other option–that more than one woman was willing to lie with Wilbur without getting paid in return–is unthinkable.)

  33. TheDiva
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Er, racking his brain, that is. Shoot.

  34. commodorejohn
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    #28 Fashion Police – Ah, good point.

  35. fishmorgjp
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    In Archie, the angry mascot (or whatever) is carrying a book; this might indicate that he is simply a student who happens to attend classes dressed up as a bird or porpoise. Wait, maybe it’s one of the teachers?

  36. tymime
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    I would assume the AJGLU is trying to depict students in mascot costumes, but either Riverdale High keeps changing the species (which would actually be kinda amusing) or AJGLU has no clue what the mascot is supposed to be.
    Oh, and apparently the cheerleader outfits haven’t been updated since the ’80s.

  37. Kibo
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    fishmorgjp: Someday, teenager will be slave to dolphin! From the makers of “Planet of the Apes”, it’s “High School of the Furries”! After the experiment of drawing the “Archie” comic digests in manga style, now they’ve decided to do dystopian furry porn.

    (Note: Dolphins are mammals and do have a small number of hairs, so technically, yes, dolphin people count as furries. SCIENCE PROVES THERE ARE MORE KINDS OF FURRIES EVERY DAY!)

  38. Poor Thompson
    December 8th, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    I think the guy in the bird suit is a rejected mascot applicant. Whereas most mascots entertain the crowds by doing some wacky dance or tossing prizes to people in the audience, this guy’s “Sit-and-read-a-book” routine just didn’t cut it, hence the angry look.

    Then again, he may be merely staring in revulsion, understandably, at the enourmous freakish 3rd ear that has sprouted from the side of Archie’s forehead.

  39. Uncle Lumpy
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#22) –

    HTML for comment links: <a href=”http://joshreads.com/?p=5095#comment-762535″>Link Text</a> This gives you: Link Text

    Protip: in the “open” tag, you can omit the text http://joshreads.com — the server defaults to it.

  40. gagott68
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    MT: They say that when a loved one is in peril such as being trapped under a vehicle, a parent can summon the strength of 10 men. Mark can’t because he simply doesn’t love Rusty enough. And who could blame him?

    GT: Ah, the life lesson Gil is trying to impart is that when a star athlete is caught wrong-doing, hide behind technicalities even when you know the truth.

  41. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Gil Throp is right, you know. If he was actually drunk or not, you need more proof than some neighbor of the principal happens to drive by a street corner at night and see the back of some guy’s head as he staggers a little, and that guy happens to look like a certain high school football guy. Did anyone give the driver a sobriety test, huh? Was the driver not also watching the road? Now if Duncan had gotten drunk and taken a cell phone picture of himself wearing nothing but a jock strap made of the empty beer case, I would insist that he is not only thrown off the team, but incarcerated with his low-life brother.

  42. Kibo
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Poor Thompson: That’s not an ear. His brain’s blowing bubbles. “Four floating hearts coming out of the scalp” means platonic love, “Four floating hearts plus a big bubble of blood coming out of the eustachian tube” means lust.

    You see, the AJGLU-3000 burns out its circuits when it tries to comprehend elementary human emotions like “mad stalkery lust”, so it assumes that humans similarly overload their circulatory circuits when they get hot.

  43. Zamboni_Rodeo
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    #7, commodorejohn

    I second that. I would pay good money to see Josh’s concept come to fruition.

  44. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur should do some reading here, by the way.

  45. towels
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G- I personally found it very useful to be notified that Margo was frowning, because I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference just by looking at her face. Perhaps there should be more narrative boxes describing the heart pounding action this strip brings to bear day after day.
    “Professor Poptartalus colors his beard and gazes at patients, undressing them in his mind”
    “Non-Margos look wistfully at a bulletin board”
    “Eric continues to be dead- the lucky bastard”

  46. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    June asks her intruder two of the W’s “Who are you and what are you doing in my house?” I wonder how long it will take before the raven haired vixen asks the blonde vixen “Will you go out with me tonight? How about just ‘go out’?”

  47. Steve S
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Hey, June’s already a third of the way to the 6 W’s! Now all we need for it to be Archie all over again is Rex putting on his bear suit.

  48. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Margo tomorrow: I’d rather be anywhere else than at the reading of Eric’s will. Eh, there might be some lawyer to hit on. I’ll go.

    It’ll be… uh… what Eric wanted. That’s it. He would want me to.

  49. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    17 – Darkfang: Does Archie not have enough trouble with the two girlfriends that he already has? Maybe he’s like Luann in that he can never get enough. Maybe if they dated each other, they could keep pretending that they are other people and have 50 first dates. All that awkward not-having-sex would fit them well.

  50. hogenmogen
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    Say what you will about Reggie, at least he doesn’t have to handcuff the cheerleader just to get an interview.

  51. Dr. Novakaine
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    The first and second panels of today’s Rex Morgan could be switched around and it would make just as much sense. Nothing would make Rex Morgan want to meekly scamper away more than the opposite sex.

  52. Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Larry McAwful @19 – But birds aren’t furry! Except in Shoe, and I’m not 100% certain that they’re real birds. It could be Dilton in there, though. Feathers really bulk you up fast.

    Miss Othmar @22 – In addition to Uncle Lumpy’s assistance, there’s a little list of HTML things you can use just above the box you post in here, and it includes linking. Also, google “HTML cheat sheet” for several useful guides. I use Webmonkey when I have an issue.

    Kibo @23 – Your comment reminds me of the Korn episode of South Park, where the band members drive around in a van, solving groovy mysteries. At the end, we learned that realistic pirate ghosts can be created by using a candle, two Q-tips, and a squirrel.

    Sequitur @26 – You did way more with the UK meaning of ‘chemist’ than I was going to. Good on ya.

    mvg @27 – Rusty has already used his superhuman squirming power to get out from under the axle. Now he’s just watching to see how long Mark will screw around before making a serious effort to get him out. Kids have to test grownups every so often.

  53. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    50. hogenmogen
    If Archie handcuffed the cheerleader, apparently she likes it!

  54. bats :[
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    12. Bryan (and all): variations on a theme, or, Yay! They’re home!

  55. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    #39 Uncle Lumpy: I appreciate your help! I’ve previewed this, and while it shows the text as underlined (not blue), it won’t let me click on it. So I will cross my fingers and hope that the link works….

  56. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Phooey! I pasted what Unc’ typed: but changed the URL and my text

    So why did it work this time???

  57. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    And by “worked” I mean “sending you to the indicated URL”. The fact that the P-I site is down right now has no bearing on the success of my mad HTML skillz….

  58. mvg
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    RMMD:
    Blonde: “Good afternoon, Dr. Morgan. I think you might be my father.”

    Let’s have an all-bastards holiday thread in ALL the comics!

    Sarge could discover his sex-toy Beetle is actually his love child. Quill could turn out to be Luann’s half-brother via a long-ago Daddy DeGroot conference down in Oz. The Flagston kids are all dead-ringers for alcoholic neighbor Thirsty Thurston. God knows WHAT sort of sexual indiscretions &/or inbreeding might have resulted in the grub-headed Keane kids — not to mention the Snuffy Smith clan. It’s a prty & everyone’s invited!

  59. Dingo
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Out on the busy street, Margo frowns. And… this is news?

  60. Calico
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    I personally am looking forward to the insanity of the annual Kwaanza-fest in Curtis.

    I don’t think I need drugs or alcohol to be totally blown away every year by this theme and ensuing tripped-out parables.

    Oh, and by the way, Happy Hanukkah a few days early!
    (So much funukkah!)

  61. Stroker Ace
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    H & L – Thought seeing Lois tea-bagging would be more of a turn-on.

  62. Calico
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #59 – Dingo, she’s frowning because it IS lunch time, she’s hypoglycemic, and she’s craving human flesh.

  63. Buck Ripsnort
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Two strips Josh didn’t bother with:
    Spidey: A state-of-the-art armored car that can be wiped out by hitting it w/ a big rock. CUTTING-EDGE, NYC!

    Beetle: If that four-legged, polka-dotted, talking THING is a dog, wtf is Otto? Proof that he’s really a very short furry in a sick relationship w/ Sarge. Beetle must be sooooo jealous.

  64. Tim O'Shenko the Perpetual Lurker
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    I sense a Hi & Lois/Apt. 3G crossover in the works

  65. Uncle Lumpy
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#56) –

    I suspect my operating system or browser (or yours), or possibly WordPress itself, has helpfully converted a quote or two to “smart” format, baffling the HTML parser. Thank you, helpful code!

    All will be made well by the site redesign. I’m just sure of it.

  66. The Waz
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    #1 – One-eyed Wolfdog

    Also, apparently the unemployment rate is so high that the shops can afford to have someone repaint the windows constantly.

    And boy, does the guy in front of the tree looked pissed about it.

  67. bats :[
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    40. gagott68 re MT: *sniff* elegantly put!

    29. Nekrotzar re RMMD: maybe the Morgans’ house is serving as the illicit love nest for Becka and her new friend Tim. She can’t entertain him at her house, and his house is likely one massive shrine to his mother.

  68. m3h1t1bl3
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    H&L I think those asterisks aren’t on the windows of the shops. Black haired Realtor has the hiccoughs — why else would she be trying to drink out of the wrong side of her glass…of course she’s forgotten the most important part of that cure — so things are about to get very messy.

  69. tb4000
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Archibald: Obviously the kid in the mascot costume is saying to himself, “I swear to God if she goes out with him, imma take a cafeteria knife and shank that ginger motherfucker. She’s only my girlfriend in my own deranged mind, but that’s neither here nor there.”

  70. NoVan
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    I love how blasé the squatter is about these people unexpectedly entering her house. “Well, you don’t look like my golf instructor. I think you must be after the putting range; it’s outside and to the left if I recall correctly.”

  71. Lucky
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus – Seriously now, what’s the deal with Thel’s parents? They never seem to go away, they’ve lately been fixing stuff, playing horsie and now cutting oranges, and they never look the least bit happy. Are they some kind of house slaves to the Keane larvae?

    Marmaduke – It’s about time the authorities did something about Marmaduke’s slaughterous rampage.

    Pluggers – Slavery is alive and well not only in Keane compound, but also in Pluggerverse.

  72. Digger
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    It looks like June is all set to mark her territory. If this involves her peeing all over Rex then I’m all for it.

  73. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 8th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    Okay, Josh. I was thinking this young blonde busty thang was just a new friend for Niki and his diki, and that they’d spent the Morgans’ cruise emptying the liquor cabinet and riding each other on the Barcalounger. But your theory is cooler. Niki might disagree.

  74. bats :[
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    You think the Donut Kid could fit into one of the Morgans’ bags? Just wondering…

  75. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Artificial insemination Artificial insemination. I BELIEVE IN ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION! La la lalala…I can’t hear yoooooo lala la lalalalala…

    Mary Worth, second look: I can believe Wilbur getting lucky with a specimen cup. Wilburrrrrr getting lucky with a woman, not believing it without a big bowl of Cunt Crispies, Cherry Pops and Sugar Titties washed down with few gallons of Potato-ade.

  76. Uncle Lumpy
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Maybe this is a replay of the “interlopers in my crib” story, with Blondie as interlopers Pearl ‘n’ Henry, and Rex, June, and Sarah as trespassing-victim Cue.

    We’ll see who rides off in the paddy wagon this time!

  77. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, last panel: If she were drawn better, that could be Mrs. Luann’s Mom. They both have that same sand in the vagina Über Bitch™ expression.

  78. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Dennis the Menace: I guess good ol’ Margaret becomes a cardiologist after her pre-med fling with Peppermint Patty cools. Just sayin.

  79. Farley's Revenge
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Baka Gaijin: You better hope Wilbur didn’t get it on with a lady you-know-what or you’ll need to filter out the images again.

    H&L: Man. Lois looks like she could use some of those pills her own self.

    RMMD: Their house has been trashed. Rex is going to call the cops. Yet June still has the presence of mind to pose like she’s getting ready to strut down the catwalk in Paris. WTG, June!

  80. Pozzo
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    The thing about Archie that I get the biggest kick out of is the knowledge, gleaned from talking to Craig Boldman at a party, that he and the artist work separately, and that he (Craig) had never heard of the AJGLU 3000. Thus, Fernando Ruiz (if I’m reading the signature correctly) goes his merry way, peopling his strip with Curmudgeon shout-outs, while Boldman (the real-life AJGLU, I suppose) has no knowledge of what’s being done with his snappy little jokes.

  81. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    #79 Farley’s Revenge: Immaculate Conception. Artificial Insemination. Recreational Cuckolding. Premature ejaculation. It’s not working. IT’S NOT WORKING! I can’t get that image out of my mind. I summon the gods of hysterical amnesia and magma cannons! [dances around naked, throws DSM-IV's, potatoes, and maple syrup ]

  82. Batman Beatles
    December 8th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Like, can I help you? You’re like, totally breaking into my house. Fer sure!”

  83. Poteet
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    ARCHIE — As I view the absence of piercings, tats, and purple hair in this strip, I wonder if it should be called THE STEPFORD TEENS.

  84. Cyranetta
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: Perhaps it’s just blissful amnesia, but I don’t remember Dawn looking like Mrs. Danvers before…

  85. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    74. bats :[
    Do you really want to see Donut Kid again?
    Oh, wait. He was great for mashups. Bring him on!

  86. Farley's Revenge
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Something that’s bothered me for, oh, about five minutes is how all the women in the Mary Worth strip look like middle-aged frumps. Doesn’t matter what age the women are, they all look like they shop at Dowdy Duds and get their hair done at the Dull ‘Do’s Salon and Potato-ade Bar.

    Or is that observation trampling on Fashion Police’s turf?

  87. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    86 Farley’s Revenge: It kind of makes sense, though, in the context of the Worthocracy in which they live. Much like certain other autocratic states, the Santa Royale/Charterstone municipal area is governed by the idiosyncratic dictates of She Who May Not Be Countermanded. So if the Supreme Meddler dictates that women will wear only wear lilac, salmon, or orange polyester, so be it, and if their hair must be flat and skull-hugging (in contrast to Mary’s own fluffy white locks), then who’s brave enough to attempt a kicky, modern ‘do?

    Really, they’re all pretty lucky to not all be consigned to some kind of Five-Year Salmon Square Development Plan or something.

  88. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    87. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    Wow, you make it sound kind of like The Stepford Wives. Only instead of a man’s point of view the gals are made into Mary’s point of view.
    Ewwww.

  89. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    88 Sequitur: Oh, I think the men are just as subject to her edicts; how else to explain a grown man willingly and repeatedly wearing a lime-green sport coat?

    She’s a cruel, cruel mistress, that Glorious Leader.

  90. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    Come to think of it, how else to explain a grown man with at least some of his faculties dating Mary Worth?

  91. Farley's Revenge
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    bourbonbabe, unbuckled: Good point. None shall outshine Mary so the bar is set pretty low right from the start. They’ve learned from unpleasant experience to blend in so they don’t attract the old bat’s attention. There’s no worse nightmare for a Charterstone woman than to hear that fingernails-on-a-balloon voice say, in a tone dripping with faux civility, “My, don’t you look nice today, dear.”

    Just the thought has the women waking in the middle of the night, screaming incoherently about meddling salmon polyester.

  92. LP2004
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    90 bourbon babe, unbuckled – Well, it may have something to do with the fact that every other adult female in the Worthiverse is a complete idiot.

  93. Little Guy
    December 8th, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    54: bats:[ You owe me a new keyboard.

  94. Bryan
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    93, Little Guy: 54: bats:[ You owe me a new keyboard.

    Indeed, that was classic.

  95. Nekrotzar
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    #76 Uncle Lumpy -

    I think it would be even better if it turned out that the whole Morgan family had Alzheimer’s, and had wandered off from a rest home, and then Rex started babbling incoherently about being a medical professional, and asking if Ms. Busty Blonde is his next patient. Then Ms. Busty Blonde removed her wig and ‘she’ is really Cue!

  96. Alan's Addiction
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    I have a few comments on today’s “Rex Morgan” strip. First of all, it would be the greatest thing in the world if, tomorrow, we see that Cue is one of the squatters. The next storyline could be “revenge of the clueless, impoverished drug dealers,” which I foresee as having many, many Benny Hill-style chase scenes and other madness. I would also like to point out that June is so devoted to “The People’s Eyebrow” facial expression that she appears to have actually lifted her entire left eye and eyebrow up on her face, which is a truly remarkable achievement. Either that or the strip’s artists have decided to add random homages to Picasso.
    I like an editor to display their competence as Reggie does in today’s “Archie,” in which he forgets one of the cornerstones of good journalism. Also, I think that Archie’s angle of seducing the cheerleading squad to access “privileged information” is a valid journalistic angle. How else will the school find out the answers to such burning questions as, “which cheerleaders are cheap drunks,” or, “who’s been stealing the school’s footballs,” or, most importantly, “why is the school’s mascot a massive, mutant-looking, hungry baby robin?”
    I congratulate “Hi and Lois” for developing newer and better euphemisms than “Mother’s Little Helper,” while earning its creators a small bonus from the pharmaceutical companies for pushing lifestyle drugs on its readership.

  97. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    89, 90. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    The lime green jacket can be explained that many of us guys have no fashion sense. But your second point does have its merits. Especially when it comes to Wilber who apparently had a life before becoming a CHARTERSTONE DRONE!

  98. Calico
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    #92 – Every other?
    You’re being rather generous, but then again it is the Holiday season.

  99. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    Apropos of nothing in particular: all those young things were simply helping Tiger Woods with his putz. That’s all there is to the story.

    (Yes yes I know this is an old joke, particularly on the Van Cortlandt golf course, Bronx, New York.)

  100. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    His putz needed to be straightened out in order to get into the holes.

  101. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    Well, the whole story is a comic strip, is why I bring it up here, worthy of two weeks in GT or 8 weeks in MT or 5 strips in Luann….

  102. BowToTheBard
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    In real life, dolphins kill. In Archie, they just haunt your nightmares.

  103. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    97 Sequitur: Oh dear—please don’t tell me that you wear a lime-green sport coat! Because that would make me sad, and a little worried. (It’s a short, slippery, salmon-scented slope from “lime-green sport coat” to “cavorting with white-haired meddlebiddies.”)

  104. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    103.bourbon babe, unbuckled
    I was speaking of my gender in general, not myself. I would not now or in the past or future wear a lime green anything. When I wear a sports coat it is either tan or dark blue and tends toward the Italian cut.
    I also avoid cavorting with white-haired meddlebiddies with a passion. Thank you very much. (I also avoid anything with salmon in it).
    Charterstone would not be a pleasant place for me to hang around.

  105. Jason1981
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Excuse me, can I help you?”

    “You bet! You can start by cleaning my garage.”

    “Hey, that’s MY job!”

    “Don’t worry, Nikki, you can help me break..er, I mean, make, my bed.”

  106. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    104 Sequitur: Phew! (Although I suspected that you had higher standards than lime green and meddlebiddies.)

    And now I’m going to try to wrap my mind around the notion that Charterstone would be a pleasant place for anyone to hang around.

  107. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    106. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    You know, “Meddlebiddies” sounds like a cute name for a small child television show.
    But it would destroy those poor children. (Show it to the Keane kids!)

  108. Jamus The Bartender
    December 8th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Wow, that’s a good trick, Grandma Burber. How did you understand what all those scared German soldiers were saying all at once?
    Archie: Oh, my….hot cheerleader.
    FOOB: Okay, has anyone seen the site ” Sketchy Santas”? Because I think we might have an entry.
    http://sketchysantas.com/
    Luann: I bet Quill’s mom is really hot. :)

  109. Stij
    December 8th, 2009 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    FC: I’m sure this has probably been mentioned before, but good lord, what is wrong with the Keane’s grandmother? She looks more like a pudgy 50-year old man in drag then a kindly old grandma.

  110. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    109. Stij
    Ed Asner plays “Grandma.”
    I hate spunk!

  111. pyano
    December 8th, 2009 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

    The judicious placement of the desk in the first panel of Archie seems to suggest (at least to a sick mind like mine) that whatever Reggie has been doing while he gazes at pictures of himself, it has been in a less-than-fully-clothed state.

  112. Fashion Police
    December 8th, 2009 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    #86, Farley’s Revenge, et. seq:

    #86, Farley’s Revenge, said:

    …is that observation trampling on Fashion Police’s turf?

    Not at all, Mr. or Ms. Revenge. The more of us who are aware of fashion travesties and are willing to point them out, the better.

  113. gleeb
    December 8th, 2009 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    A&J: I’m sure “bore” is the word that was compromised on after this was sent to the editor.

    Gil: Coach Thorpe’s hand needs more structure, too.

    ‘bean: So now it’s a month that that Batiuk has left Wally twisting in the wind, this week, so we can hear two teeners scheme to scrape up enough money to buy a deathtrap used car.

  114. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    113. gleeb
    DEATHTRAP USED CAR
    Great name for a band.

  115. queek
    December 8th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    108: brain bleach, plonx. The only thing that I hate more than Baka Gaijin hates clowns is squalling children, and you linked to a whole site filled with pictures of them!

    (I’m sure your upcoming offspawn will be naught but cute mewlings and purring. . . . .)

  116. AhClem
    December 8th, 2009 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    #106 bourbon babe, unbuckled
    On the other hand, attending a Charterstone pool party populated by lime green meddlebiddies might actually be a fun experience. As long as copious quantities of alcohol were involved.

  117. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Our friend at Comic Riffs is offering the Wildly Random Five-Question Quiz to test your comic strip tastes. No prizes, unfortunately….

  118. Baka Gaijin
    December 8th, 2009 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    #115 queek: What? What? Oh. Squalling children. After speaking to a few pediatricians, I found out that random unprovoked squealing and screaming are normal milestones for small children. Damnit!

  119. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    116 AhClem: “Copious,” indeed. I’m thinking of how one could be cornered by a sloppy-drunk and maudlin Wilbur, regaling his listener with the saga of his latest romantic failure. Or the moment when a half-crocked Ian, belly proceeding him by a full five seconds, moves in for the “friendly” hug/grope.

  120. cliky
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Love the idea of a Bermuda triangle RMMD. Would be great if at a key moment Rex and June become aware that the name of the strip is now “Becka, RN” or “Cue’s crib”, and has apparently always been so.

  121. James
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    That cheerleader’s hair looks like it was drawn by someone who has only had pigtails described to them but has never actually seen them.

  122. AhClem
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    #119 bb,u -

    Or even worse, an approaching white-haired biddy carrying a tray fill of salmon squares and saying, “Let me tell you a story…”

    I’m thinking emergency jet pack. They are expensive, noisy, cumbersome and often fatal, but desperate situations call for desperate measures.

  123. mcc
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    “the massive computer that creates the Archie newspaper comic… appears to have decided that I am its primary audience”

    You realize, it’s entirely possible you actually are.

  124. It's time to pay the price
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    I love that the horrifying mascot appears to be carrying books to class. At least he’s trying to better himself. Either that or he’s planning to finally strike Arch down in Geometry class.

  125. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    122 AhClem: Potato-Ade fueled, of course—because one would want something highly volatile in that situation.

  126. Poteet
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    A random thought as I watch a potential foot of snow pile up outside…which comics best portray cold snowy northern winters, of the comics that do so? Of course some don’t. MW doesn’t show cold winters because Charterstone is located in the nethermost bowels of the infernal regions southern California. CALVIN AND HOBBES was wonderful at portraying snowy winters. Before it ended. *pause for brief sniffle* But which comics are best at it now?

    I am definitely not claiming that cold snowy winters are better than warmer ones. (I want that on the record in case my rural power goes out and my frozen body is found later this week.) I’m just curious as to Mudge opinions on this subject.

  127. Joe Blevins
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    Archie already has two insanely hot girlfriends, and now he’s macking on a third?!? And you can tell from the look on the cheerleader’s face that she’s going to say yes to him. Archie gets more ‘tang than an astronaut, and his best feature is the convenient tic-tac-toe board permanently etched on his head. No wonder Dolphin Boy is pissed.

  128. bats :[
    December 8th, 2009 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    126. Poteet: I always liked the Twilight Zone winter of Family Circus. Growing up in Phoenix, EVERYBODY knew that Bil Keane lived in hoity-toity Paradise Valley (now one of the continuously-linked burbs of Phoenix –there used to be a good amount of desert between the two when I was growing up, though), and FC was supposedly a reflection of his family, but dang if there wasn’t snow every year!
    Maybe the Keane Compound was merely a giant snowglobe or something like Biosphere, in which it snowed only on the Keane property.
    Okay. I got nothing.

  129. mr 12 oz can
    December 8th, 2009 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    #86 and everyone who commented on his remarks . joe giella is like 80 years old so he remembers how people looked in his heyday when he draws .moy was raised like a veal so why would she reject his art . they both own black n white tvs and have phones with dials and will be exchanging typewriters and cb radio for christmas gifts .

  130. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    #126 Poteet: Frazz does a pretty good job of showing the way kids really feel about winter playtime. Foxtrot also had quite a few good bits with snowmen and such. And I reluctantly admit that FC captures the nostalgia factor (winters of snowsuits and mittens). But Mutts is the only one that really shows the magic of winter the way C&H did.

  131. Sequitur
    December 8th, 2009 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    126. Poteet
    I guess that Dennis the Menace has some kids in the snow scenes.
    Back in the day (1960s – 90s) when Apartment 3G was a real art fest, they had some great winter in New York City scenes.
    Places you’d think you would see more outdoor winter scenes is FOOB and Snuffy Smith (good ol’ mountain scenes). Oh and {shudder} Funky and Crankenstein.
    I think I remember Blondie having some outdoor winter snow shots. But there are also times you think they’re in Southern California or Florida.

    But let’s face it. Calvin & Hobbes was the best. Calvin’s snow people situations were some of the funniest stuff ever put in the comics.

  132. Josh
    December 8th, 2009 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    #128 bats :[ — Having grown up in snowy Buffalo and then lived in (Northern) California for 6 years, I have always been intrigued by the extent to which winter (and Christmastime in particular) was always linked in the popular mind and popular culture to snowfall even in parts of the country where it never, ever snowed. Seriously, every Christmas window display in San Francisco featured faux snow drifts and folks bundled up, even though in the area the actual weather was generally in the 50s with spitting rain. I have to assume that even today most people in California or Arizona are only a generation or so removed from snowier climes. Or perhaps it’s a combination of the cultural hegemony of the Northeast and the role the Midwest plays as the idealized “real America,” or even the N. European origins of much of US culture.

  133. DamienBixlan
    December 8th, 2009 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    ” Mr. Weatherbee’s anger masks his shame at almost being caught surfing for Mr. Weatherbee porn while at work. ”

    Can be altered for the purpose into:

    Reggie’s curiosity masks his shame at being caught surfing for Reggie porn while at school.

    Jughead don’t seem to mind much, tough. But then again, he’s probably spending his evening looking at hamburger porn.

  134. True Fable
    December 8th, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Greater Metropolitan Roopville’s winter weather consists of freezing rain and slush. Yes, it falls from the sky as slush, not bold enough to be honest snowfall. It’s as if the snowflakes looked down and said “oh fuck it, it’s just GMR” and aimed for the underside of car bumpers.

  135. Rain
    December 8th, 2009 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    That emboldened speech of June’s reminds me a bit of Mark Trail’s random shoutings, but “Who are you and what are you doing in my house?” is actually making me hope for a completely different comic cross-reference –

    “Oh, I think I’m Rex’s daughter! He didn’t have a Facebook page, so I just decided to move in!”

    ….sooooooo much confusion would reign. Rex would look shocked! …then pensive…then…confused…then June would do some glaring…..

  136. Rain
    December 8th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    ….Then Rex would look kinda hungry….

  137. Farley's Revenge
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    I am not a snow-type person. I like snow, but I like it when I choose to expose myself to it. I don’t like it when it blankets my world, willy-nilly, thereby forcing me to drive in the stuff.

    For the most part, we’ve lived in places where snow does not fall in the winter(and if it does, it’s cause for the entire area to take a day off), yet every Christmas scene involves snow…Wait. The one in Turkey involved Santa on a camel. Christmas in Turkey was a tad surreal.

    I think the idea of snow being synonymous with the holiday season goes back to the movies, where all Christmas movies seem to take place in snowy climes. When TV came about, all the holiday specials involved snowy locales. Thus, we’re led to believe that real holidays always have snow.

    Except for the Corona commercials. I could so be on that beach for the holidays.

  138. zerowolf
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

    MT: Let’s see, long pipe like object in the back ground. Tire as a fulcrum. Lever, check. Sorry Mark, I don’t see how you can get out of this one.

  139. zerowolf
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: And doggie style is his favorite position.

  140. Mr. O'Malley
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    128. bats :[ The climate, topography, location of exterior features and presence or absence of surrounding houses is so variable in FC‘s house that I believe it to be a cross between a Tardis and one of those houses with feet that they have in Russia.

    126. Poteet. I still like Peanuts for winter scenes. Schulz lived in California but he grew up in snow country.

    132. Josh. Snow in California is mostly a matter of elevation. This last storm on Sunday had snow down to about 300 feet, which turned the mountains into a festive seasonal backdrop and closed a few roads. It’s been a few years since it was that low. Last time the Bay Area had snow at sea level was 1975. But you’re right about the decorations.

    The place where things are really mixed up is in Australia. Any imported stuff is going with the wintry theme while the locally produced stuff is summery–Santa in shorts on a motorbike, etc. They also have a lot of “Christmas in July” events where they get to sing carols when the weather is actually cold (but like here, snow depends on elevation).

  141. Mr. O'Malley
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Google logo pays tribute to E.C. Segar, the creator of Popeye, who was born on this date back in 1894.

  142. Stij
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @127: “More ‘tang than an astronaut…”

    Oh man, that’s perfect. :D I have to use that sometime.

  143. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    #140 Mr O’Malley: I left out Peanuts. Forgive me, Linus…. (hangs head in shame)

  144. NoahSnark
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

    The squatters are the only hope that “Party at the Morgan house” was ever uttered in a non-ironic way.

  145. zerowolf
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    FW: She needs to earn money for a car. This being Funkyverse that means one thing. She becomes a prostitute, contracts HIV, and dies.

  146. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 8th, 2009 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    145 zerowolf: Well, not just “one thing”: She could try to sell a kidney and die during the botched extraction.

    I’m sure there must be other options for financially inspired death?

  147. bats :[
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    132. Josh: I think it goes back to your idea of the northeastern or Midwestern U.S. as the “ideal U.S.”. It’s a big marketing do for malls here to bring in a “snow machine,” or for trucks to cart snow down from Mt. Lemmon so that people can get in the holiday spirit (and shop). And the plethora of seasonal songs that emphasize snow and stupidly cold weather doesn’t hurt, either. (I don’t know if Jimmy Buffett ever did a Christmas in Margaritaville carol.)
    Me? It’s not really Christmas until I see the Corona commercial with the lighting of the palm tree.

  148. queek
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    146: tag-teaming Cory after his latest theft? May not end in death, but would still be fun to see. . . . .

    117: ok, I’m going to answer those here, since I really don’t feel the Urge to register anywhere atm.

    1: Danae. Agnes sucks, and Peanuts is so over.
    2: More. Argyle Suckitude SUCKS, and Hilburn should be turning over most if not all of his paycheck to Larson.
    3: ‘Shaft. no doubt about.
    4: o MAN!, tough Q. Frazz. As much as I like GF on a good day, the obvious Conley burn-out factor makes the good days few and far between. Frazz, currently, is a better, more consistent strip, even though GF hits a higher note every month or so. ‘lo, the mighty have fallen, and all that jazz. GF has jumped the shark, and I don’t see it recovering.
    5: prefer? Dilbert actually involves drawing. Xkcd may be smarter, but it’s still stick figures.

  149. queek
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    147: it used to be the Norelco Santa commercial here, but that commercial is really quite wonderful.

  150. bats :[
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    149. queek: Oh, yeah! Christmas was Just Around the Corner when Santa came skimming over the snow-covered hills on that Norelco shaver (when those were first shown, I had no idea what a Norelco shaver was, but it didn’t matter — there’s Santa Claus! Gad, back in the day when the Christmas season probably didn’t start until after Thanksgiving!).

    I consider it the holiday season (I don’t care if it’s just to shill products or not) when I see the Corona/lit palm tree ad (ah, a kindred spirit in Farley’s Revenge), and the bell chorus of Hershey’s kisses arranged in the pattern of a Christmas tree and ringing out “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”

    (Then again, it’s nearly Easter and Spring and all that good stuff when the clucking Cadbury bunny appears…)

  151. queek
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    150: back when I spent more time listening to the radio, TSO’s Carol of the Bells (and/or Cheech & Chong’s Santa Claus and His Old Lady) were also bellweathers for the season.

  152. queek
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    118: and that is why I have pets. ;-)

  153. Muffaroo
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    Corky Quackenbush did one of his insane stop-motion animations for MAD TV that was a take-off on APOCALYPSE NOW with the Rankin-Bass ‘Rudolph’ characters. They had to journey north and take out Santa, who had gone renegade. One of the characters was a gonzo elf who rode behind the rest of the gang on a shaver. Presumably Norelco.

    Somebody should collect all those segments he did onto a DVD. It would be so worth it.

  154. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

  155. Miss Othmar
    December 8th, 2009 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

  156. Vince M
    December 9th, 2009 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    Cul de Sac does some amusing takes on winter – I like Old Mount Soot, the pile of blackened snow in the Val-U-Less parking lot. Then there’s mitten juice…

  157. queek
    December 9th, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    best “Carol of the Bells” take?

    1: TSO

    2: Claymation Special

    3: Garmin.com (and for goodness sakes, don’t let Baka Gaijan see the Nutcracker version!!!

  158. Farley's Revenge
    December 9th, 2009 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    #157queek: I thought of the good Baka Gaijin when I saw that commercial as well. That creepy you-know-what made me think of King’s “It”.

    I suppose it says something about how much time I spend here that I see a commercial and think of a CC poster.

  159. Poteet
    December 9th, 2009 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    Thank you, Mudges, for all the entertaining/informative answers to my question about winter in the comics. I feel warm inside now, regardless of what it’s doing outdoors.

  160. sugarpie
    December 9th, 2009 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy Castellblanch Cava Rosada & Newman’s Own popcorn=dinner tonight. Thanks for the tip! I wish you were the sommelier at the Angelika theater here.

  161. gnome de blog
    December 9th, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    If the tire in the lower left-hand corner of panel #1 (12/8, Tuesday for you East Coasters) came off Mark’s car how -and why – did he remove it from the rim???

    The solution is obvious. Mark just has to give Rusty mouth-to-mouth for oh, maybe six hours until the tide recedes again. It will probably scour out enough sand to free Rusty…or bring in enough new sand and debris to bury him completely. Either way, problem solved.

    Free Rusty? What am I saying? Free Cue instead.

  162. Poteet
    December 9th, 2009 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    12/9

    A3G — Huhh?

    DtM — Ah, the old cliche returns. And why is it always “pizza” in this situation? Why is it never some other kind of deliverable food, like Chinese?

    MT — I know a number of people who do outdoor/conservation work, including a few outdoor writers, and they all have cell phones. They depend on their cell phones. Didn’t it ever occur to Mark to get…oh, never mind. See Mark run! Run, Mark, run!

    MW — Wilbur in college. Naked. The mental images just keep getting worse.

    And for cryin’ out loud, another Abby in the comics? They’ve gotta be doing this on purpose.

  163. bats :[
    December 9th, 2009 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    Yep, I’m sick of yet another Abby. Hey, writers, there are 25 other letters…why not skip to the “B”s in your baby name book?

    Oh, and you know? I *did* seem to see a family resemblance.

  164. The Sheriff
    December 9th, 2009 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    I’ll handle those this.

  165. Sarah
    December 9th, 2009 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Serious question… when did blond lawyer man in Judge Parker start walking, again? Wasn’t he in a wheel chair?!

  166. Uncle Lumpy
    December 9th, 2009 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    @ sugarpie (#160)

    Enjoy! It’s a natural pairing.

    I think I’d enjoy being a sommelier at a movie theater cum tapas bar. Could it be in Buenos Aires?

  167. Uncle Lumpy
    December 9th, 2009 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Sarah –

    Steve has artificial legs he was just trying out when we met him. I think it was his Mom in the wheelchair during the whole Mom–Gloria–Steve–jihadi interlude, tucked in the odd spaces before Dixie Julep.

    Here’s a pic.

  168. Birthmark Hal
    December 9th, 2009 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    I’m not even entirely sure that’s a mascot. Sure it’s vaguely fish or bird shaped but It’s just a likely to be some sort of cultist’s shroud with a circular arcane symbol inscribed on the upper right hand side. If the book he’s carrying is a tome of occult chants and rituals it actually makes more sense than if it were a mascot.

  169. Mibbitmaker
    December 9th, 2009 at 3:38 am [Reply]

    12/9:

    A3G: How can you tell, Maggie?

    BC: Letterman’s stage manager can’t help you now, fish.

    Blondie: Daisy: “Well, if my company isn’t good enough for you, Zany-Hair, then I’ll just lie here and ignore you!”

    Curtis: “Mom, Curtis is taking his report away from the cereal I was gonna pour on it FOR NO GOOD REASON!”

    Edge City: With program directors like her, it’s no wonder music radio is a dying art!

    ReFOOB: As usual, Lynn is onomatopoeing all over her comic strip. (eeeewwwww!!)

    FW: “Help Wanted”? I see Batiuk is doing a fantasy strip today.

    GF: ……and an intellectual property lawsuit.

    GT: Coach: “Hey, Duncan, I don’t make up the rules here — oh, wait… Yes, I do!”

    JP: “What a bunch of crooks and shysters! But enough about us…”

    Luann: Gee, I wonder where she gets THAT from…?”

    OBH: “Whatever you do, don’t bring up Topo Gigio!”

  170. Sheila Sternwell
    December 9th, 2009 at 4:36 am [Reply]

    Weather: We got a satisfying 12 inches of snow today, followed by 40 MPH gusts and a wind chill of -17 F. The older I get, the more I hate winter.

    DT: I’m in love with the hottie in panel 2. A bald head and cupids-bow lips, he’s like Clara Bow and Yul Brynner put together. Hubba hubba!

    MW: Either this is a particularly sneaky scammer who did a few weeks’ worth of research before emailing Wilbur, or Wilbur had naughty naked sexy times in college with a girl named Abby. I should note my dad’s name was Wilbur, so there’s a whole extra level of *GACK!* to this story for me.

    Phantom: Kit is too busy wearing sweatpants and sulking in front of Adult Swim reruns all night to come rescue you. It’s a superhero thing. Ask Spider-Man, he’ll explain it to you.

    RMMD: Speaking of sulking, Rex’s bottom lip is positively a-quiver with confusion.

  171. Just some guy
    December 9th, 2009 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    “but now it appears to have decided that I am its primary audience”

    You are probably its only audience.

  172. True Fable
    December 9th, 2009 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie Gee, it’s a good thing Lynn lets us know what her characters are doing in these non-dialog panels, otherwise I’d think that (panel 1) Elly is tying John down, literally. (panel 2) Elly is sadly reading the Braille on the package that says she’s an angry hateful character whose comic is hemorrhaging subscribing papers (panel 3) Elly is hiding John’s body parts (panel 4) Looking at the children from the point of view of Elly’s uvula.

    Scenes from Suburban Hell A comic strip in search for a decent daily joke with an actual punchline.

    Sam Driver’s Pretty People Posse! Sam’s either got a lot of gall in Panel one, or he’s talking about his own law firm.

    Fist O Justice Theater “I’ll be okay, Mark… My leg is getting sort of numb now… and it’s not as gangrene as much as it is, falling off… but don’t worry about me!

    Marmadick Pardon me but your pencil lines are showing.

    Meddle Eyre OMG are we really going to have a Wilbur Weston flashback?! CHRISTMAS COMES EARLY!!

    I, Platypus I lost a sister in a parachuting mishap, so today’s subject strikes a little too close to home for me to enjoy.

    Non Seq Polar bears are better spellers than Chic-fil-A cows.

    Rex Morgan, OCD How did June Gale Morgan get a cousin named Brooke Bradford? And why couldn’t we follow the Gales or Bradfords or Morgans last month instead of that bullshit we endured?

    RoseRoseRoseRose Yeah, nobody’s EVER told THAT joke before in the comics! *eyeroll*

  173. Baka Gaijin
    December 9th, 2009 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    #157 queek and #158 Farley’s Revenge: You’ve discovered my secret shame: I’m no longer in the US due to unexpected evilscaryclowns on TV.

  174. mkilby
    December 9th, 2009 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    15. BRWombat – that cheerleader’s look doesn’t appear to be revulsion at all. No, that look clearly means “come hither, you redhead, if you want to get laid”, and If she happens to be wearing handcuffs (see 50 & 53), she probably put them on herself. Her outfit (see 36) may be standard for Riverdale High, but long sleeves and short midriff is exactly the opposite from what used to be the “real world” standard).

  175. Baka Gaijin
    December 9th, 2009 at 6:26 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Oh gawd. Abby Evans’ married name better be “Abbie the Wonder Dog!” That would be a twist worthy of…never mind. It’s Mary Worth.

  176. Anonymous
    December 9th, 2009 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    Some Christmas songs:

    Wanda Jackson
    Elvis. Probably lucky it ends when it does.
    Charles Brown
    Darlene Love (No, not that same one.)
    Shane McGowan and Kirsty MacColl

    and

    John Lennon murdered Dec. 8, 1980.

  177. Mr. O'Malley
    December 9th, 2009 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Darn these computers, the last one was mine!

  178. Mela
    December 9th, 2009 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Wednesday funnies:

    ‘Shaft: Y’know, this was actually a cute idea, but the dumb pseudo-pun derailed it. Nice going.

    Curtis: Did someone switch out Curtis’ tongue with a Saint Bernard’s?

    ReFOOB: I think we should start calling this “description of the action as a sound effect” thing that Lynn’s so fond of something like Foobomotopoeia. No one does it more bizarrely.

    FW: Oh, joy! Now father & daughter can get laid off together or, even better, killed together during a botched robbery!

    Luann: Again, Australia, if you want to use this strip to justify declaring war against us, I understand. Just start the bombing at Greg Evans’ house. The women of the world will support you.

    OBH: That is one long-ass way to go for an obscure pop culture reference.

    Pluggers: Pluggers mourn the day that banks stopped giving out free calendars.

    Zits: … What?

  179. Pozzo
    December 9th, 2009 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    “Well, if there’s any way I can help you by taking my top off, you just be sure to let me know.”

  180. True Fable
    December 9th, 2009 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    Y’all, Ed Power just wrote me a very kind letter to apologize in response to my comment in post #172. He didn’t have to do that.

    Comics writers and artists have no way of knowing what goes on in every individual’s life who read the comics, and he had nothing for which to apologize. Stuff just happens and nobody’s a mind reader.

    Still, it is the mark of a good soul to make such a thoughtful gesture, and I appreciate it. Ed Power, you are a prince among men and a noble among ruffians.

  181. nerowolfgal
    December 9th, 2009 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    MT – Does Mark not have a cell phone? Even one made out of tree bark?

    If he did, he could call 911 like normal people.

  182. Mardou Fox
    December 9th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    #181 Mark and Sassy are in cahoots. When Mark leaves, Sassy will finally attack and destroy Rusty! It was all a set-up.

    I read the comics before coffee this morning. Combover McTouchface reeling back to his wild college days was way too much to take without being braced by a cup of coffee first. But how fantastic if MW is going to give us an extended Combover flashback!

  183. Bryan
    December 9th, 2009 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Edge City: “Why, don’t you think they’d like Prussian Blue?”

    Mary Worth: “Betty-Joe Bialofski! I hadn’t heard that name since college! Everybody knew her as Nancy!”

    Phantom: Holy shit! They shaved Diana’s head! “We’re going to send your hair to Locks of Love! We’re not monsters, you know.”

    172, True Fable: How did June Gale Morgan get a cousin named Brooke Bradford?

    June’s aunt married a man whose last name is Bradford.

  184. Mardou Fox
    December 9th, 2009 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    You know, Mark Trail, instead of taking all the time to run to that store up the road, maybe you should build a little fire and send some smoke signals! Yeah, that’s the ticket! Or, you could find some driftwood and spell out “SOS” on the beach with it really large and wait for a plane passing overhead to notice it. Or, hey, is there an old bottle in your car? You could put a distress note into it and cast it into the sea. While you’re waiting for somebody to come to the rescue, you could try digging around in the sand right next to Rusty’s crushed little legs. I’m pretty sure you could get him out if you did that. Just sayin’.

    Meanwhile, BOY is that Rusty a plucky little fella, eh? “It’s better now because it’s numb! I’m cool!”

    Maybe Mark is so repulsed by the idea of human physical contact (except for fist-to-chin contact) that he cannot bring himself to dig right next to Rusty, or otherwise do anything that might cause him to touch Rusty. In which case, he should punch the car and the tide right in the face and be done with this!

  185. Brick Bradford
    December 9th, 2009 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    RMMD: June’s cousin? Sounds like she’s “my” cousin!

    9CL: There were POW camps here in Nebraska. German POWs actually worked on farms and interacted with the locals in many ways. The people who hired them or spent time with them were not considered traitors. Read some history, Brooke.

    Phantom: Can’t wait for the first fight in the shower!

  186. gleeb
    December 9th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    145 (Zerowolf, re ‘bean): Contracts HIV <i?from Creepy Les, and dies.

    A&J: Yep, “bore” is a euphemism here. His little candy can is the main reason Janis left that guy.

    ‘bean: Summer is sucked into the Pizza Joint of the Damned! IA CTHULU!

    Mary: All the sights and sound of Pig Night come flooding back like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist.

    Ziggy: I never imagined Zig as a nativist.

  187. queek
    December 9th, 2009 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Zits: oooooo, mollificent is gonna be mad!

  188. Bryan
    December 9th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Unfortunately, Wilbur is no Nick Danger.

  189. hogenmogen
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Mark: HELP ME! RUSTY IS TRAPPED UNDER MY CAR!

    Store clerk: Jack the car up.

    Mark: THE JACK IS BROKEN AND IT WILL ONLY SINK INTO THE SAND.

    Store clerk: Dig him out.

    Mark: I TRIED, BUT THE SAND KEPT FILLING IN THE HOLE.

    Store clerk: Well, I’m out of options. You should go somewhere for help.

    Mark: I’M HERE TRYING TO GET HELP.

    Store clerk: I don’t know what to do and I can’t leave the store. Do you know any super-outdoorsy losers?

    Mark: I AM A SUPER OUTDOORSY LOSER.

    Store clerk: You’re S.O.L. in more than one way, bro.

  190. Miss Othmar
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    S4th: Ted has brothers???

  191. Tom
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Charterstone must be like “The Village”

  192. ignatz
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: the criminal masterminds are so clever that they can ignore the laws of physics, and squeeze two million dollars (that you can COUNT) into a lunchbox.

  193. hogenmogen
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    How is it that June doesn’t even recognize her cousin who feels comfortable enough with June as to drop in unannounced when they’re not home?

    She should have contacted the Morgans online, claiming to be their illigitimate daughter or something. Works every time.

    Funky: It’s a Christmas miracle that Montoni’s is hiring for minimum wage? Ha ha! They abuse and underpay the help so much that they can’t get anyone to work there. Haw haw!

    The first ten times that I looked at the final panel of re-Foob, I thought I was looking at the Patterson progeny from the vantage point of a horrible beast’s gullet, past its menacing teeth into their unsuspecting faces. That horror-movie scene enacted on to these deserving brats would truly make my Christmas holiday season.

    My complaints with Red & Rover usually stem from the fact that it’s sort-of-set in the mid 60s, and frequently drops in a current technology reference. Oh, and it’s not ever funny. But today’s gripe stems from the fact that Rover ate Red’s homework, a fact which pleases Red. But the tiresome cliche “dog ate homework” exists because the child did not actually do the homework. What the hell is the point of doing it and then allowing your pet do shred it? You suck, R&R.

  194. Baron Bizarre
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    gleeb @ 186 says: “Ziggy: I never imagined Zig as a nativist.”

    You know, if you read up on their lives, alot of the top Nazis – especially der Fuehrer – started out as hateful little losers that no one would’ve imagined amounting to much. What I mean to say is, don’t be surpised if, in ten years’ time we’re all wearing brown shirts (but no pants) and chanting “Heil Ziggy!”

  195. ignatz
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    [[9CL: There were POW camps here in Nebraska. German POWs actually worked on farms and interacted with the locals in many ways]]

    Those were the days when America behaved like a great nation. Brooke is thinking of today, when it would be considered UnAmerican to not torture them.

  196. Calico
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    …And so, Mark left the beach toward the little store, and never returned.
    THE END

  197. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Because I’ve been teaching college freshmen for some time now, I can get a pretty good picture of just what kind of kid Wilbur was back then; I have those boys in my classes: doughy, pasty, near-sighted, oily-skinned/haired, with too-tight striped polo shirts that their moms picked out for them—earnest, fumbling, clammy creatures.

    And I can say with pretty near 100% certainty that despite what Moy & Giella want us to believe, Wilbur never got laid in college.

    JP: I can see why Sam doesn’t have to worry about earning any money with some revenue-producing legal work, given his Spencer-dependent lifestyle, but what about Gloria and Steve? Or are they still surviving on the sweet nectar of amputee love?

    MT: “And with any luck, Mark, the sharp, protruding undercarriage will simply sever the leg completely, and then the sand can staunch the blood flow so I don’t bleed out, plus eventually the tide will come in and cauterize the wound—so you just take your time!”

    BB: Gah—wiggly Killer erection hat! Too early for that! Gah!

  198. ignatz
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: If June doesn’t know her own cousin well enough to recognize her, how come she has keys to the house?

    Gasoline Alley: Scancarelli has done away with Kitty. It’s HIS strip now, and he’ll have his own cat, dammit.

  199. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    160 sugarpie: Cava and popcorn….mmmmmm……

    I believe I’ve just discovered my Pathetic Solitary New Year’s Eve treat! Although I think I’ll toss some peanut M&Ms into the popcorn, too.

  200. hogenmogen
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Abby Evans. That takes me back. It was 1979, the Summer of Malaise. We were both in one of those monster lines at the gas station. She had a turquoise VW Bug, and I had a tricked-out microbus with fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview. Well, it was hot and we were bored and the line wasn’t moving – but the van was.

  201. Muffaroo
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    A3G“TIM?!” “No, sorry.” “Eric? Bob? Jeff? … Ted? … Alex?? … Can you give me a hint?”

    Crankshaft – Can I snark on this? Shuriken!

    Family – “It’s okay, Billy. I don’t even want to see your test paper. I just want you to take this paper in, since Grandma is in such a signing mood. Have her sign at the X here and here. If she looks at it and gets upset, just dumb it out and give us the sign and we’ll send Dolly in to say ‘fridgitator.’”

    Judge – “Nice work, Sam! And of course you showed it to the police so it would be of value as evidence and not just some piece of paper we showed up with, right? Right, Sam?”

    Marmaduke – I caught an error! The giant turd should be at the end of the couch where Marmaduke’s butt is.

    Mary“Abby Evans! I haven’t heard that name since my college days!…” “…Everyone knew her as Nancy! And then it all came rushing back like a good belt of Scotch. It was Pig Night at the Om Mane Padme Sigma house, and we stood, trembling, under a line of dwarf maples…” (Hello to Bryan @183. I just knew I wouldn’t be the only one to say that. Left in for solidarity. And hi, gleeb.)

  202. hogenmogen
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    DT: “I trust you.” You’d better, like you’re going to count twenty thousand bills right there on the street.

    That’s about 44lbs of money, by the way, assuming it’s all in $100 bills.

    My bet is that he’s pawning his Stradivarius. Other than that, I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

  203. Muffaroo
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Non Seq – Wiley’s really into the people getting killed by animals thing. Is his last name Coyote?

    1Big – Ha!!

    Phantom – Diane, or Natalie, or whatever, if you don’t talk out loud, Phantom can’t interpret for the hard-of-hearing.

    R=R – You know, Punch had this pretty well covered by about 1900.

    ignatz @192 – Inside the lunchbox is a check for two mil. BUT… it’s made out to “cash.”

  204. mvg
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Brick Bradford (185): “9CL: There were POW camps here in Nebraska. German POWs actually worked on farms and interacted with the locals in many ways. The people who hired them or spent time with them were not considered traitors. Read some history, Brooke.”

    True. Also, as these scenes in 9CL are apparently set in England, plenty of POWs had been put to work on English farms because of the manpower shortage caused by mobilization. The whole “traitor” vibe here is painfully contrived.

    A3G: Waitaminnit. Margo turns leftward at a call from behind her in panel 1, then in panel 2 she turns right to find Tim in front of her. Is Tim a skilled ventriloquist who’s effin’ w/her?

    MT: Yeah, right — a store. Sure. Mark just doesn’t want to have to stay there to witness Rusty’s protracted but ever-more-feeble struggles as the tide washes over him, filling his lungs with wet sand & settling the station wagon even deeper into the beach. And then the crabs come out to feed…

  205. hogenmogen
    December 9th, 2009 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Wilbur: I just didn’t realize I could get her pregnant by a half an hour of fruitless begging, then sulking back to my dorm room with a stack of Penthouse magazines. Who knew? Should I have used protection? Do they even sell condoms for one?

  206. Sequitur
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    197. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    Ah, cm’on, bb,u. You got to have had geeky girls in your classes too. You know, the mousey straight limpy hair, big glasses with points on the end, would snort when they laugh, always holding a notebook over their chest, sensible shoes, shave nicks on their legs, looks at the floor when they talk to you, type of gal. They might hook up with Wilber. Maybe. Once in a blue moon. In a fumble-fingered sort of way.

  207. Dr. Mabuse
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    reFOOB: What’s with Elly’s expression in frame 2? I think they must have omitted the “FART FART FART FART” one.

  208. Sequitur
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: HEY! That’s my birthday!

  209. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    12/9 (And what happened to Jumble?)

    Phantom: As Kit watches from his upper-right corner cubbyhole, the Phantom thinks, “Is that my wife? No, my mistake, it’s just Natalie Portman in that Vendetta movie.”

    MT: Mark at the store: “Okay, I bought some bait, a pack of gum, brown shoe polish. I feel like there’s something I’m forgetting, though. Oh well, it couldn’t be that important.”

    SFx: Apparently you can get orange, blue, and Caucasian fleshtones out of one can of black paint. I’ve got to try this sometime.

    BB: Actually Killer has all the pictures he needs from the last time Miss Buxley got out of the shower. He just needs her to sign the model release.

    Cathy: Gift cards don’t have hidden fees, asshole. That’s credit cards. Jeez, you’d think a full-time conspicuous consumer would have picked up on the difference.

    FW: See, Summer? All you have to do to afford the car you want is work after school with your creepy dad. Ever think about building a Go Kart?

    Luann: “Has anyone told you that you disregard personal space in a way that’s supposed to be endearing but is mostly just irritating?”

    RMMD: “Oh, um, I’m running a prostitution/dope ring. I figured you’d be cool with it, us being family and all.”

    Ziggy: The Zigster is mad as hell about unrestricted immigration, and he’s not gonna take it anymore. America used to be a country for pantsless dwarves with four thumbs on each hand, dammit!

  210. One-eyed Wolfdog
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    “I’ve got to get back before the tide comes back in! I’ve got to get back before the tide comes back in! I’ve got to… ooh! Is that a new species of rhododendron?”

  211. Bryan
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    201, Muffaroo: Left in for solidarity.

    Hey, no problem! There just can’t be enough Firesign Theater references in daily usage, as far as I’m concerned. That’s why I chuckle whenever I see Ah, Clem post.

  212. Sequitur
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Garfield: Just curious. Does anyone still have fuses instead of circuit breakers in their homes?
    I know people must still have them because I’ve seen them in the hardware store. (And it is a hardware store, not a “Home Center.” I have not seen fuses in the “Home Center.”)

  213. Bryan
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    212, Sequiter: When we first moved into our house 12 years ago, there was a 60 amp box with screw-in fuses. And, yes, one of them had a penny jammed into it. I tried using a floor sander and damn near burned the house down, so that was a priority fix.

  214. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    #185 brick bradford,
    I’m pretty sure what Brooke is aiming for is a leggier re-write of Vonnegut’s Mother Night. Of course the hero of that novel was a double agent propaganda broadcaster for the Nazis, so he actually would have been considered a traitor. Edna’s singing gigs don’t really compare, and the point gets lost.

  215. Uncle Lumpy
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Bryan, et seq. (hee!)

    As a half- measure, you can get mini circuit breakers that screw into fuse receptacles. The same Chinese outfit sells “brided wire”, possibly to overcome marital service interruptions.

  216. Sequitur
    December 9th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    215. Uncle Lumpy
    Interesting idea. I bet Pluggers bought many of them so if one blew out they could replace it.
    However, you can still defeat it with a penny.

  217. AhClem
    December 9th, 2009 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    #211 brian -
    Shoes for industry, compadre!

  218. bunivasal
    December 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    I’m always confused as to how Archie draws any woman’s interest. He’s an obvious and continuous philanderer who evidentially gets his haircut from a waffle iron, yet two women are routinely crazy about him, even while he dates pretty much every other girl in Riverdale.

  219. Brick Bradford
    December 11th, 2009 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    MT For some strange reason this all reminds me of the 1966 “Batman” movie, where Bats is trying to throw away a bomb that is seconds from exploding.
    Every time he thinks he’s found a place to toss it he sees some obstacle–baby ducks, cute children etc. He finally finds a spot and then says, “Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb”. Some days you just can’t get the goofy looking yard ape out from under the car.

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