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Never trust an alliterative restaurant

Garfield, 1/13/10

I’m near-sighted in one eye and far-sighted in the other, which means that when I was growing up my eyes never really learned to work together properly, which in turn means that my depth perception is quite poor. This has had effects on my life large — I long ago gave up driving for the safety of myself and those around me — and small — 3-D movies generally don’t have the same impact on me as they do on other people. Whether the technology is what they use in Creature From The Black Lagoon or what they use in Avatar, to me it just basically looks like an ordinary movie — except for brief moments when something comes flying terrifyingly right at me.

Anyway, I don’t know about anyone else, but Odie’s tongue in panel two is providing me with just a nightmarish 3-D moment, with the leading edge of it appearing to be freakishly out of proportion to its apparent distance from the slobbering beast’s mouth. There are few things I want less when reading the comics in the morning than to even briefly worry that I’m about to be licked by some cartoon dog, and I resent the flash of panic that this induced in me.

Funky Winkerbean, 1/13/10

As you probably learned in your introductory English class, narrative is total snoresville if it doesn’t include conflict of some kind; but the inhabitants of Westview are generally far too morose to actually have competing goals or desires, so the only conflict comes when the doomed characters must do battle with their own cruel universe. Thus, I’m vaguely intrigued by the rivalry being implied here between the town’s only two vaguely ethnic downscale restaurants. I hope the Toxic Taco is a mirror image of Montoni’s, with the original Tacoteer having long since retired to Arizona, leaving the restaurant and its cast of regulars (including the zany UPS delivery guy and a single mom who overparents her only son) in charge of the manager, a bitter, burned-out recovering cocaine addict.

I’m not entirely sure what Mopey Pete’s sentence in the first panel is supposed to mean, actually. Is he saying that, since he’s not working on anything, he’ll have time to really focus on his favorite hobby, taco eating? Is he short of cash because of the lull in his work, and thus the only food he can afford is the Toxic Taco’s meat-style food substance topped with cheese byproducts? Or are the Toxic Taco’s wares literally poisonous, and his career failure is driving him to commit suicide in the most grotesque fashion he can imagine?

Mary Worth, 1/13/10

I love the look of mounting panic on Wilbur’s face as all his idle daydreams of what life with Abby would have been like are shattered by Kurt’s terrifying talk. Like all characters in Mary Worth, Wilbur values stability above all else, and if that means a life where the only “moving from place to place” happens when you move from the computer to the counter where you make your sandwiches, then so be it. Thank God he and his erstwhile lover broke it off when they did, or he might have been forced to grow as a person or experience joy.

139 responses to “Never trust an alliterative restaurant”

  1. Patrick
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    “Like me, she too had a restless spirit. There was a time when she moved us from place to place.”

    That sounds like what you’d get if you took dialogue from a Swedish art film, translated it into English using Babelfish, then asked an improv comedian to recite it in the character of a stereotypical Native American.

  2. ElkMeadow
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    MW Seriously, Abby worked in management for the Forest Service, a large school district, a big corporation, or some other high-stakes business that requires its employees to transfer to different locations, just like High School Musical’s Gabriella’s mom did? Wow! What a terrible thing to do to a child!

    While Kurt is whining about following his mom around the universe (no mention of Abby’s home town parents or siblings), Dawn is following in the footsteps of her mom–changing the locks on the door, emptying the bank account, and contacting a lawyer. She’ll be the third woman in Wilbur’s life to have officially dumped him.

  3. AndyL
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    HAHA! Look at Wilbur’s face! “A free spirit?!? Even *AFTER* college? That’s absolutely disgusting!”

  4. Fountain Mountain Dew
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MW: Kurt’s legs in panel one are either (a) straddled across Wilbur’s lap, (b) protruding through a hole in the dock, or (c) missing entirely. And, judging by panel two, in which Kurt appears, by perspective, to be hovering over the water, I’m concluding that the answer is . . . well, I still don’t know.

  5. EVE@HOME
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    OK, the exaggerated-perspective tongue is kind of freaky, but the weirdness that first caught my eye when this page came up was the hand-motions of the Funky Winkerbean characters. What’s up with THAT?

  6. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: No motorized vehicles on the lake, blah, blah, blah. Who cares? What really matters is figuring out who gets punched next. Facial hair augury is a tough business. Do Peter Gallagherian eyebrows and thick side burns count?

  7. AndyL
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    It’s a good thing Josh’s commentary mentioned it, because I did not realize that guy was supposed to be a mailman. I guess the colorists didn’t realize either.

  8. Chip Whittle
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    On the topic of Calvin and Hobbes imitators/successors, Lucas Turnbloom’s Imagine This works awfully hard to evoke Wattersonian memories, and this week has given in to open pastiche. (I don’t feel the strip’s good enough to carry off this kind of reference successfully, but tastes do vary.)

  9. Spunde
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Sooner or later, Kurt and Wilbur are going to have to let go. Otherwise they’ll be there all day trying to reel in their fishing lines, and they’ll get blood all over the reels.

  10. Krud
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    “The Toxic Taco” doesn’t sound like a good restaurant name; it sounds more like an ironic nightclub name, or possibly a villain from The Tick.

    So are you saying we shouldn’t trust Red Robin?

  11. Chyron HR
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean – Shoot, we wasted all that time on Loser Les and the Summer of Driving Lessons when we could have seen the story of how Mopey Pete got fired from writing Superman? I feel cheated.

  12. odinthor
    January 13th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G.

    But I don’t plan on being bored.

    She’s going to surf to the Comics Curmudgeon!

    Boffo. — Baby, in school, every day already is “snow” day.

    (The above sentiment was brought to you by 1960s Counterculture Forever Ltd. Our motto: “Turn on, tune in, drop out.”)

    FC.

    How did my wisdom teeth get smarter than the others?

    The others dropped out (see previous jape).

    GT.

    Make something happen!

    Yeah, like start talking about the Dead Sea!

    FB. — For those who want to start their day looking at canine butts.

  13. Chip Whittle
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Wee Pals: “I’ll bet you guys are glad that my ancestors discovered America! I mean, if not for them your ancestors wouldn’t have had nearly so big a chance of being attacked, kidnapped, sold into chattel slavery, dragged across the ocean in the Middle Passage, brutally forced to lifetimes of labor for themselves and for their children for centuries, only to finally be belatedly freed as long as they didn’t try to make use of any of that freedom for another century on top of that! And you pesky Indians would’ve gone on with your lives, property, and societies intact, as if you were as almost good as us white folks are!”

    This is the kind of strip that would produce letters to the editor, if anyone read it, and if anyone edited it.

  14. Calico
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Wilbur, stop looking at me like that! Someone hand him a sandwich!

    Josh – is this fairly common (one eye myopic and the other hyperopic)?
    I’ve been seriously myopic since I was about 7-8 years old. These days I’m something like -8.5 in one eye, -7.5 in the other, and wear bifocals.
    I drive, but I swear I couldn’t walk across the street to get my mail or climb the stairs without my glasses, let alone get behind the wheel (I have a restricted license and could never drive without the specs).

  15. Mustang
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    “Or are the Toxic Taco’s wares literally poisonous, and his career failure is driving him to commit suicide in the most grotesque fashion he can imagine?”

    Maybe that’s what he means by “kickin’ it”. Because I’ve never heard that phrase, and I can’t imagine what it has to do with eating nothing but cheap Mexican food for days on end.

    BTW — Doesn’t this declaration of Pete’s intention to relocate his lazy ass to the Toxic Taco indicate that he has rethought his pedophilic pursuit of Summer?

  16. Red Greenback
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Those 2 Guys with the Comic Strip: “Bang-Up” business. Clever.
    If today’s T2GwtCS was Funky Winkerbean, Herb would be using the hot gumbo to cauterize the stumpage and the cornbread to sop up the blood.

  17. Calico
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Y #135 – Heeeeyyyy!
    Welcome back Moss!
    I always enjoy your pithy comments on Mary and the Charterstone gang.

  18. bup
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FB – So the guy in Montoni’s is a delivery person of some kind, and not a civil war reenactor (with beard cancer)?

  19. Paul1963
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FW: Alas, poor Pete, fallen victim to the fickle whims of DC Comics Editorial, who would rather have Superman written by award-winning writers Greg Rucka, James Robinson and Geoff Johns than by Mopey Pete Who Lives In A Hovel and Can Only Manage One Assignment at a Time.

  20. Paul1963
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Chip Whittle @13: Man, that’s the first time I’ve looked at Wee Pals in many, many years. The art has really deteriorated and whoever told Morrie Turner that that was a good font to use needs to be beaten with…well, something painful.

  21. Jacob
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: Funky appears to have adopted Wilbur’s habit of making surprised expressions and touching his face.

  22. Laocoon
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Marmaduke: Marmaduke suffers the pain teenagers know too well, of having your mom catch you speaking to a phone-sex worker

    Family Circus:…..*stares*…*holds head in hands*….yeah, I got nothin’

    H&J: Haha, Herb makes a profit from the misfortunes of others! Capitalism at its best.

  23. bats :[
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Y177. Little Guy: strangely enough, JP didn’t make an impression on me. Now, as to other people…

  24. Digger
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Oh no, you wouldn’t want to destroy the Montoni’s Karma. Doing so might put an end to all the cancer, alcoholism and general misery. And then what would these people do, start feeling good about themselves? No, we don’t want that.

  25. corinthian
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Hey, look! A Garfield comic that produced a reaction other than disdain!

  26. Muffaroo
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    You can get anything you want
    At Alliterative Restaurant.

  27. Laocoon
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Micah..Huang? I didn’t know there were any Chinese Jews. Alive ones, at least

  28. Jumper
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    I never thought of reading burritos instead of books. Text spelled out in bits of chopped onion, salsa, pico de gallo, etc. Like reading the back of a box of cereal.

    No doubt the taco text is, however, something about cancer.

  29. Calico
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    FC – With no help from you, Dolly,
    Oh, and stop picking your nose.

  30. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    LUJBEM FEJF #206 yt: I set it up to be either “meat” or “team.” Either will get you “mop top.” I have to ask, how did your cartoonist get access to my family photo albums? Almost all of the women drawn in your Jumbles look like either my Aunt Judy or my maternal grandmother. There are days that I open the comics page, see your Jumble, and scream like a frightened child. All that’s missing is them standing at the door, holding ambrosia and taco salads in their fleshy paws.

  31. un_malpaso
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    “Do something before he totally destroys the karma of this place” is the lamest attempt at hippie-speak I have ever heard since the heyday of Jack Webb.
    Or is that the point? Is the bearded guy making fun of Funky in a subtle, highly meta-ironic manner? I realize he is being sarcastically over-dramatic, but… Please advise… no, on second thought, never mind. *Slips back into standard level of Funky-related anomie and existential nausea* Ugh. There, that’s better.

    That feeling of anomie and alienation is always helped by a nice bland spoonful of Mary Worth’s bitter medicine. God help those poor, lost souls who have “restless spirits” and “move from place to place” when they could be finding true peace in Santa Romano, or whatever it’s called, with Mary and her non-Euclidean Prisoner Village of meddling zombies.

  32. Tiako
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    If I’m understanding Kurt correctly, Abby was a total whore, which nicely explains how Wilbur was able to knock her up.

  33. commodorejohn
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Paul1963 (#19): What I really like about this is the fact that supposedly Pete is a good enough writer to where DC actually bought him off of Marvel (exclusively, no less,) yet apparently they don’t actually have anything for him to do. Maybe this is part of a new Very Special Episode, “Mopey Pete Gets Downsized.”

  34. Cornwhacker
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @Krud (#10):

    So are you saying we shouldn’t trust Red Robin?

    I guess we can no longer trust the Bum Boat either.

  35. T. Chicana
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    FW: Maybe you could use your time off to get some SLEEP, Mopey Pete!

  36. Gary
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    The look of surprise on Wilbur’s face suggests that he’s just discovered that Abby had actually slept with someone other than Wilbur. We know that because it’s actually making his head shrink, causing his hat to slip down even further on his forehead. I imagine that once he learns that Abby’s premature death was caused by a surgeon’s error during her sex change operation, the hat will sink all the way to his chin.

  37. McManx
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    MWorth — “Like me, she too had a restless spirit.” Wha’ th’?? Children usually develop the attributes of their parents, not the other way around. What other affectations did Abby pick up from baby Kurt? Pooping in her panties? No wonder Wilbur looks horrified.

    Funky W — “Toxic Taco” may just be a pet name for a treasured local hangout. In my hometown, we had a joint called “Mexico Tampico” which we dubbed the “Mexican Tampon.” Ah… memories. Of course, the Toxic Taco may have gotten its name from the town’s closed uranium mine, which would account for all the incidents of cancer in this strip.

  38. Fershlugginer Potrzebie
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    “Bearded guy”??? Don’t you guys recognize Crazy, Funky’s “crazy” pal from high school? Me neither, but I seem to recall that’s who this is supposed to be, in the new, “everyone-gets-an-alarming-new-physiognomy” Winkerdimension.

    I’m still trying to figure out what year it is in Funkyfield. If the 20-year jump is now, why can’t I get a hovercraft to drive around in?

  39. Miss Othmar
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Tiako (#32): It also suggests that any number of other men could be Kurt’s actual father.
    DNA test! DNA test! DNA test!!!! Where is Meddlin’ Mary when we need her?

  40. Black Drazon
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Since this Funky storyline, plus the Summer one from earlier, seems to be a lead-in to Funky hiring Mopey Pete part-time, this comic’s all the more hilarious, because despite that you and he both know he’ll be hiring Pete in the end, Funky has decided to make this as hard for Pete as physically possible. “Toxic Taco? Maggot, did you just mention the enemy in my presense? Look at me while I’m talking to you! Where you from, boy? Westview?! The only things in Westview are cows and the emotionally despondent! Why I have half a mind to make you drop and give me fifty! …Fifty pizzas you worm!”

  41. Old School Allie Cat
    January 13th, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#26):

    Excepting Alice.

    I made good use of my 10th year of life memorizing Alice’s Restaurant. As you can imagine, that made me quite the popular young lady back in 1984.

    Several years later, when I became obsessed with all things Charlie Chaplin, I was the kind of girl who could make a party, just by showing up.

    Now it’s my exhaustive knowledge of decade-old Mary Worth and Funky Winkerbean plotlines that get me into all the hottest nightclubs.

    Ah, life is good.

  42. TruthOfAngels
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    So let me get this straight.

    If I am a character in the Winkerverse and I don’t die pointlessly from cancer or have my arm shorn off in a tragic (yet hilarious!) driving accident or have my tongue chopped out by elves – in other words, if I manage to beat the odds to a degree that makes a million-dollar lottery win look mundane – then my reward is to be forced to eat food wherein the fact that said food is poisonous is a selling point?

    Have you no decency, Batiuk? At long last, sir, have you no sense of decency?

  43. Master Softheart
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    9CL: The Young Edie Ernst Chronicles: Oh, for the love of… Congratulations, Mr. McWhatsit, you’ve watched “The Sound of Music” and are fully qualified to fail European History. Please pardon me while I rant for a moment.

    Having lived in both Austria and Germany (My own accent is a charming Lower Austrian with the very occasional soft Vienese consonant) and taught courses on the Nazi state and the Holocaust, my experience is that Austrians tended to be more convinced Nazis than the Germans. While postwar Austrians have romanticized their past and each of them proudly carries their own copy of the Declaration of Moscow proclaiming Austria to have been “the first victim of Nazi aggression,” it is worthwhile to review a few facts.

    First, inter-war Austria only existed because the Treaty of St. Germain specifically forbade what was in 1918 called “German Austria” from union with the Weimar Republic. Though accurate public opinion polls do not exist, evidence suggests that supermajorities in both countries favored such a union after the Dual Monarchy was dissolved – to the point where the First Republic’s founders had drawn up a tentative treaty with the German provisional government detailing the terms of union (including the fairly unique provision for a rotation of the capital city between Berlin and Vienna). The Austrian Republic was widely viewed as the illegitimate product of an unjust peace treaty imposed by the French, who felt that allowing Anschluss would make the new German Republic even more powerful than had been Bismarck’s empire – by the way, if anyone has the slightest interest in these questions, I recommend A. P. Taylor’s biography of Bismarck for a review of the politics that created the German Empire and laid many of the foundations for its 20th century crises. Austria was felt to be politically nonsensical, economically nonviable, and militarily indefensible – inevitably becoming a vassal state of Germany or Italy. During its brief and tragic life, the First Republic suffered political instability and two economic crises that nearly destroyed the country (hyperinflation similar to the more famous German case and the collapse of the Rothschild-founded Kreditanstalt bank, which was arguably the triggering event for the global extension of the Great Depression. Finally, the First Republic collapsed as the Austrian Parliament literally deadlocked and ceased functioning entirely in the face of ideological conflict and procedural confusion. Engelbert Dolfuß and his Austro-Fascist party took power essentially without opposition and began ruling by decree until a romantic but doomed uprising by the Austrian Social Democrats led to a brief, comic-opera civil war that extinguished all pretense of democracy in Austria. From 1934, the Austrian First Republic ceased to exist and the country became what historians call a Catholic fascist state modeled vaguely on Mussolini’s Italy.

    This new entity enjoyed more popular support than had the Republic – based largely on the legitimacy conferred by association with the Church – but was at least as unstable and crisis-prone. Domestic Nazi groups funded and encouraged by Hitler worked to undermine the Dolfuß government, as did underground movements of Communists, Social Democrats, unaffiliated annexationists, and a collection of others. Dolfuß himself was assassinated by Austrian Nazis and Anschluss with Germany only prevented by the threat of Italian military intervention in 1934. Succeeded as dictator by Kurt Schuschnigg, the Austrofascist regime staggered on, despised by nearly everyone, until 1938.

    As part of Hitler’s “New Order,” Austrians tended to be more enthusiastic Nazis than their German counterparts. Hitler’s own ideology was largely a product of his years in Vienna prior to the First World War, and in Mein Kampf he credited the two greatest influences on his political life as the anti-Semitism of Vienna’s turn of the century mayor Dr. Karl Lueger and the organization and campaign techniques of the Austrian Social Democrats, whose style of electoral politics he consciously copied. Austrians integrated extensively into the government and military of the Third Reich, with some distasteful areas of dramatic over-representation. A large portion of the planners and executors of the Final Solution, for example, were Austrian. Austrians were viewed as especially suited to this task because a.) they tended to be virulently anti-Semitic in the Viennese, Karl Lueger tradition, b.) many spoke the languages or even came from the territories being administered, and c.) some had even been involved in government of these territories prior to 1918.

    So what does this history tell us about today’s episode of “Nazi Uniforms Look Sexy?” Well, it tells us first that the plot and characterizations are implausible (though of course far from impossible – Captain von Trapp there might very well have been a convinced Catholic Fascist who objected strongly to Hitler). The last panel, specifically, borders on meaninglessness. First, our badly shaded Wehrmacht friend asserts his own moral superiority to Ms. Ernst (the highest crime possible in this strip generally). The denial of his own responsibility for participating in a criminal war of aggression as an officer is morally offensive and logically indefensible. Would the government have imprisoned you had you refused your commission? Would your family have suffered social stigma? You may be an armchair critic of the Nazi regime, but if you are leading that regime’s soldiers in battle, then you are far more morally implicated by that regime than is some teenage girl who (assuming that you do not realize she is nominally gathering information for the allies) relieves the boredom and depression of clueless enlisted men trapped in a P.O.W. camp by singing to them and treating them as human beings.

    Of course, I may be giving the Oberleutenant less credit than he deserves. His presence in the P.O.W. camp might well indicate that his noble attempt to oppose an unjust regime involved deliberate military incompetence and immediate surrender in battle; after all, it did take talent for a German officer to be captured by the British prior to the Normandy invasion.

    Second, he accuses our heroine of the crime of singing to Germans without “a sense of heritage or loyalty.” What does this mean, exactly? That it would be better if she were a committed Nazi? Is he even talking about ideology or does he just hate ethnic Germans and believe they should not have access to live music? What the hell does this wispy, hunched-over, melted-faced twat know about the politics of some teenage American? Is he accusing her of being ignorant and naive? Would she be less morally culpable if she acted from a sense of heritage and loyalty to Germany? Does her Viennese accent imply that she should act on “heritage and loyalty” to Austria? Is he saying that his own “heritage and loyalty” compel his behavior and excuse his moral complicity in Nazism?

    Oh well, human motivation and loyalty often make little sense, and logic and consistency are frequently strangers to political beliefs. I guess this is like The English Patient, where the tormented Austrian aristocrat, left adrift and disillusioned after the fall of the Hapsburg monarchy, despises all politics and just wants to have rough sex with the American chick. Play on.

    Phantom: See, even repetitive exposition is excusable if it takes place while under artillery fire. I wonder if the Jungle Patrol has a coast guard division…

    GT(e): I am actually so accustomed to this strip now that the jump cut to panel 3 caused me no confusion at all.

    Sally Forth: I propose a trade. Brook from Rex Morgan moves in with the Forths, where Ted spends the next several months passive-aggressively whining about her personal habits, and Jackie moves in with Rex and June, who learn to love life from her irreverent energy and impulsiveness. Everyone wins.

  44. Lolsworth
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    I have literally almost no spatial awareness at all, so things like Odie’s enormous prehensile slobber-drenched mouth proboscis don’t bother me that much since I often can’t tell anything’s wrong.

  45. TheDiva
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    FW: Funky’s ban on even mentioning other businesses would explain why everybody in this strip acts like Montoni’s is the only place to eat, socialize, and trade smirks in town.

    HotC: You’ve obviously never seen Christmas Vacation, then.

    Luann: ….was?

    MW: Abby also had trouble finding good hiding places for the bodies.

    Pluggers: I’m sure this is meant to indicate that Mr. Plugger lives in a rural area with a bit of property and thus the mailbox really is that far from his front door, but since Pluggers don’t really have the money to own any sort of property I’m going to assume he’s just that lazy.

  46. Iconoclast
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap, what kind of vicious hell-fish are Kurt and Wilbur fishing for? Whatever it is has already bitten off Kurt’s legs and left him just an uneasy, restless torso tied on the dock by a rope around the neck.

  47. Enchilada
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

  48. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Garfield: Why does Odie have cloven hooves?

  49. Chuck
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Did the curmudgeon miss today’s (1/13) Zits? How did Walt’s desire to “make an international call” on his phone by unzipping his pants and doing god-knows-what to make an international call go without commenting from everyone’s favorite comics critic? Jeremy appears to have some idea of Walt’s plans, and quickly leaves the room with a shocked expression, suggesting that he’s not just unzipping his pants. Also, is there some disturbing anti-foreigner symbolism worth examining, that the character in question takes off his pants to “make an international call” as opposed to harmlessly crossing his legs or putting his feet up or anything else involving legs like in panels 1 and 2? I’d almost put that as equivalent to farting and seeing if that calls Mexico.

  50. Baka Gaijin
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Krud (#10): Before Red Robin expanded eastward, the eponymous Red Robin looked totally baked. On the menus, on the walls, on the “Employees Must Wash…” placards was this goofy droopy-lidded bird.

  51. littlestevie
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    MW: I am still having a lot of trouble with this whole story arc. Am I supposed to believe that Wilbur, even a young hormone laced Wilbur, had unprotected sexual relations with a woman outside of the bounds of holy matrimony? I find most of Mary Worth’s storys to be implausable, but this one geesh! Not only would this go against the moral standards of the major characters in this strip, only the minor or guest characters can be subject to such depravity, That girl would of had to been blind or blind drunk for Wilbur to get “lucky” with her.

  52. Fashion Police
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    We have to hand it to Mrs. Merrill. Pepto-Bismol pink is not for the faint of heart, or for those afflicted with good taste. One sincerely hopes that jacket is not part of a suit, as the overload would induce nausea, not quell it. We are suddenly longing for Dr. Cory’s collection of salmon dresses.

  53. Baka Gaijin
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Little does Dr. Spaniel know, Big Dogman has a mail slot in the front door of his 30 foot singlewide. Fifteen minutes to get from the brown herculon LaZBoy…and sometimes he has to get out the Hoveround? Three-toed sloths are marathon runners next to him.

  54. ksilver
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    I don’t care if he is the title character, I just would not ask someone named “Funky” to “do something” before he “destroys the karma” of a place.

  55. Fashion Police
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    We tend to place Miss Evans in the early Nineteen-Seventies, although her appearance in a cropped top in one or two of Mrs. Weston’s reveries indicates either his memory is faulty or she was quite the fashion forerunner. That puts young Mr. Evans in his mid-to-late thirties, a bit long in the tooth for a “restless spirit,” which more often than not is a euphemism for “can’t hold a steady job.” No doubt he intends to lean on his putative father’s stolid respectability. One wonders how he will react when Mr. Weston reveals that his other name is Wendy.

  56. cj
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Funkytown:
    Funky’s paranoia has been piqued: has a customer finally discovered he uses runoff from the local coal plant in lieu of authentic liquid ingredients?
    Of Mopey Pete’s possible sidestories, the third is the grimmest, though it will of course not be seen. If the strip’s author has learned anything, it is “Never please your audience”.
    Meanwhile, the postman appears to be drinking coffee, violating the sacred pizzeria convention of SODA or BEER.

  57. AhClem
    January 13th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Chuck (#49): Jeremy’s horrified expression comes from the fact that, in the Duncan household, “making an international call” is a code phrase for “masturbating into the potato-ade.”

  58. Chuck
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#57):
    Hahahaha nice Ahclem.

  59. Muffaroo
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#41): We should start… I dunno, some kind of Movement!

  60. ElkMeadow
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#43): Wow, thanks for the essay! Hope you don’t mind, but I’m posting it over at http://community.livejournal.com/calvinsdad/ , where we’ve been destroying our computer monitors trying to make sense out of this 9CWL arc.

    So far, the best we’ve had is that Gran’s on drugs and strung out of her mind.

  61. Sans Sense
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: If I saw two guys on a pier having a conversation and displaying the facial expressions Kurt and Wilbur are sporting, I’d stay far far away.

  62. Bootsy
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    Who serves cornbread with gumbo, Herb and Jamaal?

  63. Buck Ripsnort
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    On hearing lines like, “She too, had a restless spirit”, Wilbur realizes w/ horror that he’s helped spawn Michael Patterson from FOOB. Shame and suicide will follow soon after.

    Toxic Taco– worst name for a dining establishment since Dead Goat Bar&Grill.

  64. dale
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Funky

    The guy is USPS not UPS. You can see the eagle patch on his right shoulder in panel 1.

  65. Lurker Steve
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t that Odie’s cape laying on the ground and not his tongue?

  66. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Laocoon (#27) wrote:

    Gil Thorp: Micah..Huang? I didn’t know there were any Chinese Jews. Alive ones, at least

    How about Zoe Weizenbaum?

  67. Pozzo
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I too have depth perception issues, due to being blind in one eye, following a series of FW-worthy circumstances. Nonetheless, now that you’ve pointed it out, panel two does bring back memories of the avalanche scene in “It Came From Outer Space,” where boulders seemed to bounce into the audience’s collective lap. And who can forget the ping-pong paddle scene in “House of Wax?”

  68. LUJBEM FEJF
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#30): We must be related then. I just use family photo albums to draw from. Say “Hi!” to Aunt Judy for me.

  69. bats :[
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    From the mind of Dean Booth, the definitive case study of Uneasy Restlessness. As someone already mentioned, consult your doctor.

    Dean Booth is Da Man.

  70. Violet
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m intrigued by the fluidity of language in Mary Worth. Apparently the phrase “restless spirit” can interchangeably connote “colossal whore” or “big fat whiny crybaby.”

  71. Shave Ezra
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Josh – I think you want to fix “daydreams of what life with Abby would have been life are shattered”

  72. Fashion Police
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Clean-Cut Fisherman in Mark Trail, with his powder-blue windbreaker and flannel shirt straight out of L.L. Bean reminds us of those ladies in Nineteen-Sixties menthol cigarette commercials, picnicking in summer dresses and high heels. Oh-so-romantic and très chic if one could pull it off, but sadly, practicality does intrude on occasion. We’d love to see gentlemen on the golf course in plus-fours and neckties too, but we cannot recommend it.

  73. Anonymous
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @EVE@HOME (#5): They have all contracted Cerebral Palsy or Parkinson’s, hey it is Funky Winkerbean this is common.

  74. BeamStalk
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#73): That was me, I forgot to sign in…

  75. perchingpath
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    Kurt’s legs really ought to be visible in MW’s 1st panel. I reckon both he and Wilbur have fallen through the rotted-out pier they chose to fish from. They’re hashing over the past in a vain attempt to find the motivation to lever themselves out. Meanwhile, Kurt’s stubble continues to grow, further alienating him from his waxy padre.

  76. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#51): I think your “rule” about the moral rectitude of MW regulars still holds true here. After all, Wilbur simply acted like a healthy young man; Abby, on the other hand, was the depraved slut who couldn’t keep her legs closed.

  77. Little Guy
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    60: I’ll chime in that Gran fell asleep watching “The Sound of Music” and “Auto Focus”, and leave it at that.

  78. junk science
    January 13th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Well, there are less fulfilling hobbies than taco eating. And this guy looks like he needs some.

  79. Little Guy
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    23: He just draws, and you are ready to ‘shop…..

  80. Baka Gaijin
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Mary, you useless waste of wrinkly skin. Your meddledar is about as useful as Mr. Parker’s spidey sense. I wouldn’t go standing around loose bricks if I were you, bitch. Yeah, I went there. Bitch, beyotch, BEEEyotch!

    There is not one, not two, but three, count ‘em, THREE bland, weak-willed lumps of flesh who’s business needs butting into in a big way. Get off your salmon-square stuffed duff and start barging in like a penis in a Dingo narritive, pushing harder and pushing longer than anyone expects. Shove a decent hairdo onto Dawn, plunge a Dagwood sandwich into Wilbur’s gaping maw, and thrust Kurt into your “garage” for a “cleaning.” That’s the least you could do. No, staying out of the picture since Thanksgiving, that’s the least you can do. Bitch.

  81. Miss Othmar
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#59): I’m just waiting for the song to come around on the guitar….

  82. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#80): Now, now, to be fair, what reasonable person would ever suspect that Wilbur found two women to have sex with him? I mean, it defies logic, credulity, and even copious faith in the powers of Potato-Ade.

  83. Thomas B.
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    So last week I made note of Mopey Pete’s hitting on Summer. A few days later, I said things were going a bit too well for Summer, and Batiuk would derail all of that via a plus sign on a clear blue easy. So what happens this week? Mopey Pete shows up at Summer’s job with time to spare. It’s all coming together.

  84. Sophie
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    I just realized what image Wilbur and his bastard progeny fishing in their respective matching hat/jacket combo really brings to mind: A somber Dennis the Menace and Mr. Wilson, ten years down the line, battling several forms of substance abuse and excitement of any sort.

  85. Baka Gaijin
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#82): Babe, my point exactly. Mary should be all up in his face, calling his lies to all his friends. Wilbur, with a woman? Bitch please. Next thing he’s gonna tell us is that Dr. Ian can actually see his own willy.

  86. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Kommando
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    43: North Africa? Perhaps our Oberleutenant is another of the Desert Foxes of the Afrika Korps?

  87. Roger
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    Pete’s nickname for his mother, “The Toxic Taco”, manages to be cruel and oedipal at the same time.

  88. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#85): Well, in that case, please allow me join you on the bee-yatch bandwagon. In fact, Mary should bitch-slap that hat right off Wilbur’s combover, screaming, “I’m gonna make you into a peanut-butter n ‘playa’ sandwich, fool!”

  89. Grandstanding Oddball
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    I guess there’s always the possibility that Toxic Taco is the reason that everyone keeps dies of cancer.

  90. Thomas B.
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Who is going to eat at a place called “Toxic Taco”? Is there a drive thru burger place called “Crap in the Box”? How about “Kentucky Fried Dead Bird”, or an Asian eatery called “Moo Goo Bed Pan”? Is anything in this town allowed to be happy? What am I saying, of course not?

  91. Thomas B.
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    MW
    Kurt: “…she moved us from place to place.”
    Wilbur: “Funny, she wouldn’t move at all in bed.”

  92. Thomas B.
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#85):

    Is it cheating if you use a mirror?

  93. Lou Shumaker
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    FW: Funky’s hand-waving makes sense if you knew that Mopey Pete’s been eating burritos since the beginning of the year. But before he could disperse the fumes, Pete’s karma done peeled the vinyl off the stools.

  94. KarMann
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @McManx (#37): Regarding Abby’s inheritance of restlessness from her son, see my explanation of Worthian genetics (YY#140). This is also why a DNA test is out of the question.

    @commodorejohn (#Y193): “The Death Of Rationality”: Hmm, this could be the reason I came up with a word in search of a use, a while back: “The Disenlightenment”.

  95. Thomas B.
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Jacob (#21): Might as well, he already has the hair cut and the figure. Just swap mousepad meals for alcohol and there you go.

  96. UncleJeff
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Miss Othmar (#81): Did you catch Arlo’s live album from Australia? (The story about his son and daughter?)

  97. G. Bob
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    “kickin’ it with a burrito at the toxic taco” is obviously a code word for male prostitution, the only career open for a failed comic writer.

  98. Baka Gaijin
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Thomas B. (#92): Yes. It’s also cheating if he’s using the reflection in his wife’s vapid eyes. Why hasn’t Mary interventioned Ian into a gastric bypass? Bitch is falling down on the job again. Hey Mare. You think you’re invulnerable in your Meddledome (Charterstone)? Two words: Ella Byrd. She outbiddied you before, she can do it again.

  99. Gatordile
    January 13th, 2010 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Wilbur’s expression of horror is less because of Kurt’s mother’s restless spirit and more because Kurt keeps talking. How would you feel if you were responsible for the exstence of someone who sounded like that?

    (If I look at the name “Kurt” for long enough without seeing the comic itself, I can almost convince myself that Wilbur’s son is Nightcrawler. This simultaneously makes Wilbur cooler and makes every single X-Man lamer.)

  100. UncleJeff
    January 13th, 2010 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    94 KarMann: I like “The Disenlightenment”. I think it might be a way of defining that segment of society that gets its view of America by watching “Glenn Beck” and “Jersey Shore”

  101. Miss Othmar
    January 13th, 2010 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#96): I’ve heard about it, haven’t heard it — but I’ve seen him many times in concert so I can imagine that the song’s up to about 45 minutes by now, given that his kids and grandkids are playing with him now….

  102. AmazingThor
    January 13th, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @Chuck (#49): Masturbation. There’s an app for that!

  103. Nyuszi
    January 13th, 2010 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#51): I suspect Wilbur still doesn’t actually know where babies come from. There’s been no explanation about how Abby got pregnant without Wilbur knowing – so I think we go with Occam’s Razor here and assume he wasn’t aware because he had nothing to do with it. This would also explain why he has expressed no concern that Kurt’s paternity claims might be untrue – after all, if children come via some mysterious means such as spontaneous generation, why wouldn’t one just pop up one day from the *dun dun dunn* internet

  104. bats :[
    January 13th, 2010 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Roger (#87): well done!

    @Thomas B. (#90): well, mr. bats :[ and I refer to them as Jack in the Crack, Kentucky Fried Rat, and Carl Marx, Jr., but those are pretty casual references. I don’t think the guys in the head office would consider changing the names…

    @Gatordile (#99): no no no! Nightcrawler is quite possibly my favorite X-Man. Kurt is way, way, way down there as my favorite Mary Worth character. (Now, if Charley Smith’s alter ego were Nightcrawler, I’d consider it.)

  105. Écureuil Écumant
    January 13th, 2010 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    FW: I won’t name the town, because some members of our cohort hail from there. But I went down there on spring break to visit a high school buddy because I didn’t have the scrilla to go all the way back to Hawaii. In fact I was pretty much impoverished, as was he, so we copped most of our meals at the El Taco a couple blocks from the College Inn, where at the time burritos were 6 / $1. Late one night we were coming back from a concert and suffered a munchies attack. Arriving on the scene from a different direction, we approached via the back alley and noticed a head-high stack of empty Alpo cartons just outside the back door.

    Needless to say, we had Chinese that night. I’ll never forget those two weeks in that hoppin’ town just across the border from Nogales.

  106. mr 12 oz can
    January 13th, 2010 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    maryworth- second panal is too creepy reminds me of some twilight zone as kurt gives that restless look and wilber waits to float away

  107. dreadedcandiru2
    January 13th, 2010 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Master Softheart (#43):

    Well said; it’s too bad that McEldowney is so set on being wrong. I mean, the man had a whiny little post defending his misspelling ‘way station’ as ‘WEIGH station’ on his blog for a while;)

  108. Joshua
    January 13th, 2010 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    #2 @ElkMeadow (#2): What school districts are large enough to require their employees to have to transfer to different locations?

  109. illyanadmc
    January 13th, 2010 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    MW: wow, i know that spencer pratt hasn’t been on any magazine covers in recent memory, but he must be super hard-up for publicity to make an appearance in a newspaper comic strip! what’s next, heidi montag slutting up judge parker?

  110. Ed Dravecky
    January 13th, 2010 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    “Do something before he totally destroys the karma of this place” is the tagline for next summer’s 3-D epic, James Cameron’s Avatar 2: Earl Hickey on Pandora.

  111. zerowolf
    January 13th, 2010 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    MW: Maybe it’s just me, but every time I read Kurt saying, “uneasiness, “restless spirit,” and the like one word comes to mind: Grifters.

  112. Dr. Pill
    January 13th, 2010 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    FW: The hand-waving here is an effort to keep flies out of the faces. Flies in winter? Sure, they breed year-round in the back rooms of Montoni’s Pizza, where the old and moldy food scraps tossed behind the pizza ovens provide plenty of sustenance for the young maggots in a warm and humid breeding ground. And for Pete’s sake don’t look in the bathrooms …

  113. zerowolf
    January 13th, 2010 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Because once she has access to your prescription pad, she intends to be stoned off her gourd.

  114. zerowolf
    January 13th, 2010 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Ed’s sick, not dead. Damn the bad luck.

  115. zerowolf
    January 13th, 2010 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Is that a talking suitcase or is this June’s version of Vagina Monologues?

  116. zerowolf
    January 13th, 2010 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#98): If you loved her in “Full Meddle Jacket,” you’ll be unable to wait until the premiere of “Mary Worth: Beyond Meddledom.”

  117. Joe Blevins
    January 13th, 2010 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    GARFIELD: Is it possible that Odie is taking his name all too literally and that “Odieboy” simply refers to a boy who OD’s? He certainly seems to be on the nod in that last panel. Perhaps his “power” is to serve as a chilling reminder to smack-addicted criminals. His all-too-quick transition from overwhelming enthusiasm to unconscious stupor suggests that Garfield’s sidekick may have a substance abuse problem.

    MW:Interesting? Here in Santa Royale, we call that the ‘I-word,’ son.”

  118. Milfordian
    January 13th, 2010 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Starring Dick Van Patten as Wilbur and Macauley Culkin as Kurt.
    (I’m a newbie….forgive me if this has been pointed out already)

  119. commodorejohn
    January 13th, 2010 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @KarMann (#94): There we go. All the meaning, in one convenient, easy-to-use word. Filing that one away.

  120. Thomas B.
    January 13th, 2010 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm based on Kurt’s eyebrows I am not sure he is a natural blonde. There is one way to find out, but since Kurt lost everything below the waist on the way to the docks I guess we’ll never know.

  121. Thomas B.
    January 13th, 2010 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    Kurt: she moved us from place to place.
    Wilbur: Abby moved a lot in school too. I never liked it because my sandwiches kept falling off the back of her head.

  122. Brad
    January 13th, 2010 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    Summer works at Montoni’s… Les works at Montoni’s… If Mopey Pete were to also work at Montoni’s, imagine the zany madcap possibilities for sex crimes, homicide, AND some whodunit! It could be a topic for the first-ever cross over of all three Law & Order shows!

  123. Mr. E.Z. Mark
    January 13th, 2010 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Re: Funky Winkerbean, Pete’s nose changes dramatically between panels 1 and 3.

    I’m guessing it’s cancer.

  124. ElkMeadow
    January 13th, 2010 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#108): A couple of decades ago, the larger school districts in Oregon, Portland being one of them, Eugene 4-J and the smaller city of Bend moved their principals around from one school to another every so many years.

  125. Dr. Pill
    January 13th, 2010 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#117): That may be true, but where the heck did that tongue go when Odie fell on his back?

  126. Thomas B.
    January 13th, 2010 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    Mary learns more than she bargained for.
    Panel 1
    Mary: Wilbur are you sure this young man is your son?
    Wilbur: Well, no Mary I’m not.
    Panel 2
    Mary: Tell me why.
    Wilbur: Mary, this is very personal.
    Mary: Wilbur you must come clean. Be honest with yourself and with me.
    Panel 3
    Wilbur: Well Kurt’s has blonde hair and that must come from his father because Abby wasn’t a natural blonde. Trust me Mary, I know.
    Panel 4
    Mary: Whoa! (hand slaps face)

  127. James
    January 13th, 2010 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    No comment on the horribly disturbing Beetle Bailey today?

  128. Donkey Hotey
    January 14th, 2010 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#13): Great googly moogly…I had no idea “Wee Pals” was still around! Now, that being said, I’m going to go another 20 years without looking at it.

    @Baka Gaijin (#50): According to my dad, who attended the University of Washington in the 1950s, the original Red Robin (still there, with a panic-inducing parking lot sloping steeply down toward Portage Bay) was a total dive bar and it wasn’t just the bird who was crocked.

    @Joshua (#108): Hawaii, perhaps. I read somewhere that the entire state has but one school district. (More information on Hawaiian schools can probably be found on the Internet, but I’m not that motivated.)

  129. Mischief Maker
    January 14th, 2010 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Actually I think the horrible first panel in the funkyverse refers to Mopey Pete’s lack of reading material in the bathroom. With nothing to pass the time, he’s turning to Montezuma’s Revenge to expedite matters on the toilet. This, of course, will result in colon cancer.

  130. Tabby
    January 14th, 2010 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Yaay Josh! Let’s hear it for the nearsighted/farsighted! I use one eye for things up close & one eye for things far away. It has made me a rather good reader, and as the years go by, I can still do tiny detailed work with jewelry. I can drive (thankfully), but I do loose some depth perception at night in the rain. Glasses give me a headache to wear for long periods, but I can use them to clear things up enough to get home. It’s mostly worked out fine, but I must admit, that tounge is truly disturbing!

  131. bunivasal
    January 14th, 2010 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    Yeah, Odie! Diabetic comas are Garfield’s superpower!

  132. Ukulele Ike
    January 14th, 2010 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    FW: You keep using that word, “karma.” I do not think it means what you think it means.

    RMMD: June’s rage is deflated, along with her breasts.

    Phantom: Oh for God’s sake, of course we remember the India Voyager II. I just don’t remember it being loaded to the gunwales with heavy artillery.

  133. Anonymous
    January 14th, 2010 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    A better title would have been

    “Avoid alliterative restaurants”

  134. Ed Dravecky
    January 14th, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#133): …or “Always avoid abusively alliterative automats” .

  135. Cheryl
    January 14th, 2010 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#14) & @Tabby (#130): I’m the same way as Josh. Nearsighted in my left eye and farsighted in my right. I asked my eye doctor how common this was and he said about 4% of the population is that way. So no, not too common. I sometimes have people who don’t believe me when I tell them. Then I let them try my glasses. Ha!

    I’ve also had problems with depth perception, and even when wearing glasses or contacts, my brain never really learned how to do the depth perception thing. Ping pong is awful!

  136. JC
    January 15th, 2010 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    Actually, it should be like in _Shortpacked_ where the rival business is super happy. Toxic Taco’s should be the complete inversion of Montoni’s, where everyone is happy and not dying of cancer.

  137. jwright
    January 15th, 2010 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    I present to you The Toxic Taco!

  138. dale
    January 15th, 2010 at 4:37 am [Reply]

    I’m no Gordon Ramsey, but I can see the problem with that taco place: no bleeping windows.

  139. Notebooked
    July 1st, 2010 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Near-sighted in one eye and far-sighted in the other?

    This is the perfect reason to get a monocle.

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