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Love Angel Moron Baby

Spider-Man, 3/6/10

Oh, in case you were wondering, Spider-Man chose to adopt the costume of a minitunicked spirit being, which could have some amusing results, like an outburst of some of the most misdirected spirituality the world has ever seen. “And God so loved us that He sent us his Messenger, whose wings were golden and wondrous! And this Messenger did help us out once in a while, but often He would mope, or complain, or forget where He was or what He was doing. The disparity in earning power between Him and His wife was always a source of tension…”

Note that, in only his first rescue mission, Guardian Angel is already starting to molt. I certainly hope that Miami’s newest superhero just becomes more and more hilariously bedraggled as this silliness continues.

Beetle Bailey, 3/6/10

“Yes, sweet, sweet unconsciousness! It’s certainly preferable to anything the world has to offer, and it offers a glimpse of how awesome it will be to die and leave this vale of tears behind forever for nothingness’s sweet embrace!”

182 responses to “Love Angel Moron Baby”

  1. Len
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    When the movie concierge complained about bringing in one’s own snacks, I’m surprised Jughead didn’t say, “Me? I’m pregnant!” And then Archie faints.

  2. Chip
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    I’m just glad that the view up his tunic is blissfully obscured by shadows. I’d rather not know if Spidey prefers boxers or briefs.

  3. mr 12 oz can
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    mark trail- why does that duck follow mark whenever hes in a canoe
    maryworth – dawn now that kurys gone i just noticed you like to wear purple alot
    rex morgan- what kind of watchdog do they have my andy would have bitten off toots beard by now
    gil thorp – i wonder if steve keeps a condom hidden in his broom

  4. Aaron
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @Chip (#2):
    Bart: Dad, do you wear boxers or briefs?
    Homer: (looks into his pants) Nope.

  5. Warren
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    I can’t help but notice that Guardian Angel has the same token mask as Justice Guy. I fear that it won’t be long before some superhero-obsessed New Yorker puts two and two together and realizes that mild-mannered Peter Park is, in fact, exactly as incompetent and dorky as he appears.

  6. Andy L
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    So the plan is to just leave the spider web behind? Man, he’s stupid!

  7. Dr. Pill
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    Spidey’s not wearing shoes. Makes you wonder what else he’s not wearing. “Oh, Lord, we thank thee for the wondrous vision for us Earthbound believers.” Note he does have his spinnerets, whatever else he doesn’t have. Like a lick of sense, say.

  8. Andy L
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @Warren (#5): Yea, if this were real life there’d be an army of super-hero fans with Wiki’s and blogs and forums, and what have you. Ten seconds after that lady was rescued someone would have photo-shopped up a side by side comparison of Justice Guy and Guardian Angel with the word “COINCIDENCE?!?” under it it large white letters on a black background. At least one of the photos would be just blurry enough that you couldn’t tell for sure, but within ten minutes the image would be featured on five thousand blogs.

  9. FOOBed again
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    Attention Dawn Weston: Please stop with the purple now. Purple has always been one of my favorite colors. I have a purple jacket, several purple tops, even a purple handbag. I’ve always happily worn purple, and purple has always been popular where I live as purple is one of the colors of our local university’s sports teams. Dawn, you are giving purple a bad name. Soon the UW Huskies will have to change their colors to blue and gold, and all because of you, Dawn.

  10. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed again (#9): NO! Not blue and gold!!!!

    green and white, maybe.

  11. Farley's Revenge
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    @Chip (#2):

    Or that he might be going commando, to air the “boys”.


    That view would scar passers-by for life.

  12. Steve L
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Since newspaper Spider-Man requires mechanical devices to shoot webs, I have to ask an obvious question: where the hell did that web-line come from if he left his suit at home?

  13. Hank
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Steve L (#12): “where the hell did that web-line come from if he left his suit at home?” I was thinking the exact same thing.

  14. Farley's Revenge
    March 6th, 2010 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Does Toots think that buying off Sara is going to work? Does he think no one comes down into that dank, dark, cheaply-paneled basement? Who am I kidding? Of course he thinks that. What’s really disheartening is he thinks that because the strip’s writer thinks we, the poor brain-dead readers, will believe this little plot device.

    In our house, if Toots was in our basement, the cops would have been here within five minutes, hauling his ass off to jail. Of course, given that this is the Texas Hill Country and basements are mostly nonexistent due to the rocky land, if Toots really was in our basement, he’d be a body encased in the cement slab foundation. Try and palm off your skateboard now, ChinFuzz! I’ll just take it from your rigor-mortised fingers, thanks.

  15. Poteet
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Steve L (#12): Yeah, that’s exactly what I want to know. Aren’t people who write comics about superheroes supposed to follow the rules that supposedly govern their creations?

  16. Hibbleton
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Beetle has a bad night every night because his bed is apparently only three feet long. And why are they both hiding miniature western saddles under the covers?

  17. Écureuil Écumant
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: Those other envelopes that Dawn has been waving all week are the overdraft notices from their bank and credit cards. Uh, perhaps you should’ve opened those first…

  18. Poteet
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Farley’s Revenge (#11): The thought of it has already scarred my brain.

  19. 8th Man Fan
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    @Andy L (#8): As Mars pointed out a couple days back, our boy Peter is a repeat exhibitionist, so the forum posters and bloggers should have plenty of Peter upskirt shots to compare.

  20. Écureuil Écumant
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    @12, 13, 15: If you can catch up to those flying monkeys that were dragging the web-line behind them, I’m sure they’ll tell you where it originated.

  21. Poteet
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    BB — Wow, those beds are horrible. They look even more uncomfortable than the beds in the summer camp where I used to work. Suddenly I understand the bizarre behavior in Camp Swampy much better. They’re all insane from getting about three hours of sleep every night.

  22. Thomas K. Dye
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    #21: Yes, if their beds weren’t so absurdly short, they might have a better night.

  23. quirk
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Killer had a terrible night because of his post-traumatic stress, presumably from either committing some unspeakable war crime or from some repressed tree-fucking memory. It’s good to see Beetle Bailey addressing some relevant issues, and in such a clever and amusing manner no less.

  24. Poteet
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    3/7 PV — Nice story. Reminds me that I’ve always liked the song “Follow Me” from CAMELOT.

  25. Flamedrake
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Guardian Angel seems to have left his pants behind. Did he learn nothing from his adventures as Gown Man?!

  26. AbbeyRoad
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    How lucky for Spider-Man that his Guardian Angel costume seems to have come with a mask. Because you know, if there’s one thing that angels are known for, it’s their secret identity.

  27. tb4000
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    BB: Considering his history, I am assuming Killer’s bad night amounts to a nice little outbreak of chlamydia, along with a “the DNA test said it’s yours, motherfucker!” call from the latest filthy skank he’s wined and dined in town.

  28. HB Glord
    March 6th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @Steve L (#12): Reluctantly putting two and two together, i suppose that’s why he made a tunic his costume choice.


  29. Poteet
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @HB Glord (#28): Gaaaah! Time to break the glass and grab the emergency brain bleach jug!

  30. Farley's Revenge
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#27): A long time ago, I was in the waiting room of a medical clinic. A young guy comes in, recognizes another young guy, and they sit down to chat in the row of chairs behind me. The newcomer asks the other what brought him to the clinic. Speaking almost in a whisper, the other guy responded. I didn’t have to wonder what was said because the newcomer, in a loud and very shocked voice, announced to the entire waiting room: “What the fuck! She said she was clean!”

  31. Poteet
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

  32. Jonn
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Why does he need a costume? All you need to fight crime in Miami is a nice suit, shades, and fifteen years of espionage experience.

  33. 8th Man Fan
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    @Steve L (#12), others: Well, since Spidey’s pulled this webbing-without-web-spinner stunt at least once before, here’s my theory:

    Like a real spider, Peter actually generates the webs out of his butt, but his mind can’t deal with that, so he psychosomatically redirects the stream inside his body to his wrists. He still can’t deal with it being biological, so he convinces himself that he actually invented the webbing and has assembled what he thinks are web-shooters, though a close look would show they are actually channels for his natural webs. Every now and then, if it’s enough of a crisis situation, he will forget the delusion and shoot away, but the denial of the butt-webs is so strong that he will never think to ask himself where the web really came from.

    That, or the writer and artist are mailing it in. Where’s my No-Prize?

  34. Ed Dravecky
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Jonn (#32): Plus a C4-toting Irish gal-pal, a chain-smoking mom, and Bruce Campbell.

  35. Mardou Fox
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m not surprised Killer can’t sleep. He probably lies awake tormented by fears about the horrible STDs he may have contracted in his countless quick, cheap sexual encounters. Maybe, just maybe, he is even haunted by the emptiness of his sex-addict lifestyle. Or perhaps he just can’t sleep because he’s always worried about where his next pootang is coming from.

    March 6th, 2010 at 11:50 pm [Reply]


  37. Bryan Bryan
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    “What’s happening tomorrow that’s so bad, Killer? Well, I’m just a soldier so they don’t tell me much, but since they replaced all our beds with ones fit for five year olds, I’m pretty sure we’re going to be replaced with horrific soulless child soldiers sometime soon.”

  38. Taquelli
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    I imagine that Killer was out on the town and got hit on by a lot of dudes. He counts himself lucky to have gotten back to his own bed.

  39. Malethoth K
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    Guys it continues to blow my mind that the newspaper Spider-Man is written by Stan Lee. The man who freaking CREATED Spider-Man writes him as a total retard who becomes Gown Man and Guardian Angel.

    Maybe Josh is right, and this really IS all a hyper-elaborate exercise in just how lame a narrative can get. The flirtation with deliberate camp and self-awareness is all part of the game, as Lee tries to identify just how much dumb stuff you can put into a strip without turning it into something legitimately parodical. He’s spent over thirty years figuring out just how lame he can make Spider-Man, and soon everything will culminate in a storyline of such transcendental awfulness that it blows all our minds. At least it’ll have really good NEXT!: narration boxes.

  40. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    Great header? Or the greatest header?

  41. Isaac
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    Watch out Guardian Angel, there’s a new superhero in town- Firefighter With Enormous Hands Man!

  42. Johnny Knuckles
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    If Stan Lee’s bachelor pad ever burns, will the firefighters share a chuckle as they wait for the masked mental patient to save him?

  43. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    S-M — I’m going to mutter just once more that it makes no sense to me that it would take longer to raise the bleeping fire ladder to the fourth floor, which is not all that high, than for Arachnidork to find a costume shop, choose his gear, disrobe, rerobe, and get back to the scene. Bah, I say. Bah.

  44. Dentuck
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey:

    Killer: “What a night! Turned down by every dame in the joint! I’m so blue-balled I’ve somehow got TWO erections this morning!”

  45. Bizarro Stormy
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Peter Parker really should’ve gone with the tutu. A thirty-story plie would be less aggravating to comic nerds than Peter’s apparent lack of his usual mechanical spinnerets.

    March 7th, 2010 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#43): DON’T BE SHEEPISH!
    HEE, HEE, HEE!

  47. bats :[
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Sunday! Sunday! Bring your Snark!

    FC: huh? Is this the second verse for “Smoke on the Water”? “Pants on the Ground”?

    MT: YAY! Another Force o’ Nature Sunday!

    MW: “Maybe Kurt lied because he wanted to get to know someone who would’ve been a better father to him than his real one. It really sucks that he hooked up with you, though, Wilbur.”

    RMMD: another thrilling episode of Rex Without Rex!

    FOOBlite: and that’s why, boys and girls, Anthony was never able to get a really satisfying hand job from Elizabeth.

  48. fnord3125
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    @Isaac (#41): I also hear Biscuit-Dough-Hands-Man is on the loose again.

  49. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:35 am [Reply]


    FC — There really is a song called “Pants on the Ground,” and I found that out via Google because I read Family Circus. This would be a logical time to shoot myself.

    FW — Yeah, yeah, Batiuk, I think most of us get the point. Wally’s life is in the toilet, yeah, got it. I’m grateful the print is so small that I can’t read the words in that top panel.

    MW — “Maybe Kurt lied because he wanted to get to know someone who would’ve been a better father to him than his real one. I know the feeling.”

  50. Mars
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    I can picture Stan six days ago, eagerly beginning to write this week’s sequence. “I’ve got the GREATEST PUNCHLINE and no one will EVER GUESS IT!! Excelsior!”

  51. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    S-M — There have been two theories advanced on this thread regarding the true anatomical origin of Arachnidork’s webbing. I can’t decide which is more horrifying, but I’m going to bed now, before any further theories can be presented.

    Wait a minute. After rechecking the two theories, I think they might be one theory, and that the second theory might exist only in my extremely warped brain. Now I’m definitely going to bed.

  52. Alfred E. Neuman, Comics Minotaur
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man solved: Another fabulous AEN interview!
    OK, gang, I was able to interview Peter Parker to find out what was going on. Here is what he had to say:

    “After too much sun in Miami, I assumed an Icarus persona. It’s not easy being me, and you Knossos. Anyway, I was able to quickly negotiate the labyrinth of the locked costume shop’s ventilation system. Minos my Spidey-Duds, I knew that I could not ex-Crete my web, so I then went to a hardware store and demanded, ‘Give Merope!’. Using the flaxen thread, I was able to save the old woman, losing only a few feathers to melted wax. At this point, I feel confident that I can continue to keep my identity a secret and that I can go on to Pasiphae the bad guys of Miami.”

  53. bats :[
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    I’m still on Team Heloise…

  54. seismic-2
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    Oh, the shark bites
    In a frenzy
    And the chewing
    Makes quite a sound,
    But MacHeath rapes
    Much more loudly
    As he shouts out,
    “Pants on the Ground!”

  55. Hi There
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    FW: Welcome to the nightmare that is the life of Wally Winkerbean. Conceived in a dumpster, Wally has stumbled over every push-button issue that comic strips have dared to acknowledge over the past decade. Teen sex…drunk driving…having sex with Lefty…Iraq…working at Montoni’s…buying t-shirts that emphatically do not have any style or patterns…becoming the focus of the latest FW douche-a-thon. Things just happen to Wally. Now a raggedy man living in a cockroach-ridden dump on the bad side of Funkytown, Wally is left to ponder his every decision of his life. He reaches over, grabs his borrowed trombone, and thinks to himself: “At least I’m groovy.”

    Blow, man with the dull-eyed stare, blow, and take comfort in the fact that someday this arc will end. Backache will realize there’s a recession out there and strike down one of his puppets with unemployement and foreclosure.

    Blow, man with a personality of a cube of tofu leaning against an ice cube, blow. Someday, Backache will recognize the healthcare crisis and strike down Lefty with a bad case of the cooties.

    Blow, man most likely to kick Les’ ass in the bathroom stall of the local dive bar, blow. Someday, Backache will see the Tea Partys and have Funky join the John Birch Society.

    Blow, man with the personality of the thimble in a game of Monolpoly, blow. For if you think you’re guilty, you probably are.

    Blow, Wally, blow, for you are a character in a comic strip that truly blows.

  56. Mars
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    @Steve L (#12): This has happened before. My assumption is that he just always has the web-shooters on, even in the shower.

  57. bats :[
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman, Comics Minotaur (#52): a well-reasoned Theseus on Peter Parker’s rationale, sir! And no doubt that old woman would’ve been Daedalus Peter’s quick actions hadn’t been around to save her.

  58. NoahSnark
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Masked vigilante gropes elderly citizen – next on Touched by an Angel!

  59. Digger
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    Hmmm, a superhero with no pants. Who could it be? Wait just a minute, Guardian Angel is in fact……Ziggy!

  60. seismic-2
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Looking up from the ground to the fourth floor, those firemen probably had a great view of the Moon over Miami.

  61. Steve S
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Ha! That lady thinks she’s maintaining proper diction despite her intense brush with death, but it should be “WHOM shall I say saved my life?” Look for Peter to correct her in his next guise as The Grammarian.

  62. KarMann
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    @Steve S (#61): No, since one would say, “I shall say [that] he saved my life,” it would indeed be “who” here.
    Now don’t let it happen again, or I’ll have to send the Didactic Duo to pay you a little visit next time!

  63. nomuse
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:51 am [Reply]

    A handy costume from a Christmas Pageant…isn’t that EXACTLY what happened to Warren Worthington the Third? Of course, Warren supplied his own wings (and as far as I know he doesn’t molt.)

  64. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#57): Thanks! Let’s be glad that Peter developed an Icarus complex. He could have developed an Erectheus complex. Then the interview would have been conducted by Dingo.

  65. He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Petey’s pretty flagrant with his web-slinging there, but good job to him for not blurting out, “IT WAS SPIDER-MAN AKA PETER PARKER.”

  66. Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:15 am [Reply]

    Has everyone seen Sunday’s Beetle? They want to explain how Korean War era Beetle is ‘younger’ than the AWOL Vietnam War conscriptee?

  67. The Ghost of Jarrod
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    @Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord (#66):

    I was too dazzled by the psychosexual significance of Beetle escaping Sarge by climbing into a dark, cramped tunnel.

  68. Slake31
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:42 am [Reply]

    Peter Parker is so clever, I’m surprised he didn’t call himself the Amazing Spider Angel.

  69. Jason1981
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:48 am [Reply]


    reFOOB: I’d say it’s surprising Liz survived to grow up. But since she never DID grow up, I’ll just say : Well, smElly, if you’d f**king WATCH your kid, this shit wouldn’t happen. …..No, wait, smElly’s so f*cking stupid that shit like that would happen anyway.

  70. Just some guy
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#59):
    Whoa… I think you’re onto something here.

  71. This Guy
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:28 am [Reply]

    S-M: So I’m hoping that after the spate of Marvel Universe hero cameos we got before Spidey left New York, this “Guardian Angel” bit will at least get us a strip of Warren Worthington busting a gut laughing when he sees this on the news, followed by his flying to Miami to smack ol’ Pete upside the head a few times for being, as the Brits say, a complete berk.

    Incidentally, although I’m not sure it can be applied to costumes, the fact that angels are constantly shedding feathers without their wings ever looking bare is well documented. Fair warning: the preceding link does go to TV Tropes.

  72. Lucky
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    Blondie – “I don’t have a punchline today. Let’s just muck around a bit and see if something funny happens.”

    Family Circus – If you look at it indirectly, it totally looks like Thel is putting a noose on Jeffy in the middle panel.

    My Cage – I just call it stonepunk, which is about ten times awesomer than steampunk.

    For Better of For Worse – I guess this strip must be what Batiuk has been ripping off all this time.

    March 7th, 2010 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    CURTIS: This is the healthy meal she fixes for her family — franks and and pork and beans?

    There’s no racial stereotyping in this strip whatsoever. Lot’s of different cultures eat crap like that.

    No racial stereotyping whatsoever. Of course Curtis wear over-large sneakers, wears his hat backwards all the time, likes rap music, video games…. nahh.

    How come nobody has invented a comic called Irving, in which the main character likes school, eats chicken soup all the time, wears a yarmukle, likes Mozart and Brahms music, does the Times crossword puzzle all the time, plays Scrabble, intends to become a lawyer or a rabbi when he grows up… wouldn’t that be funny?

    I’m trying to imagine how you would wear a yarmulke on backwards…

    March 7th, 2010 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    Curtis. Oh yeah. One of the repeating themes would be, Irving doesn’t get along too well with his yeshiva teacher, Mr. Ginsberg. He is an old overweight man in a too-large blue suit.

    And on Saturday, in shul, he and his brother make fun of the hats the women wear (over in the women’s section of course).

    And his lunch money is ripped off time and time again by the two yeshiva bullies, Melvin and “Kreplach.”

    Boy, that strip would be a scream.

    No racial stereotyping whatsoever.

    March 7th, 2010 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Oh yeah, in school, he daydreams all the time — he imagines himself as a superhero, MatzohMan!!!

    Enough, already.

    Just making a point.

  76. Chyron HR
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    FOOB – “Okay, Mrs. Patterson, let’s go over this again. Elizabeth put both of her hands in the door and then slammed it closed?”

  77. Écureuil Écumant
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:48 am [Reply]


    I’m trying to imagine how you would wear a yarmulke on backwards…

    Well, inside-out would be real thug 4 life. Especially if it was cotton and linen mixed, cuz, like, then you could really see the different kinds of threads.

  78. Écureuil Écumant
    March 7th, 2010 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Man, there’s really an echo in here this morning. Must be the connection.

  79. Harry F
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    I dunno Killer. If you think you had a bad night, wait until the MPs, the Keystone cops and cowboys find Miss Buxley’s breasts in your bunk.

  80. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    posting before reading, so my apologies for any Sunday oversnark.

    PBS: o man. Breaking the 4th wall, your doing in pretty well!

    CdS: wow. Cubism meets the Kite Eating Tree! another 3-panel batch of win.

    Lio: and the Oscar for best Oscar strip goes to M. Tatulli! Awesome beyond words.

    PV: wow! Merlin getting frisky flashbacks! O, and the arm candy is his daughter. oops.

    Frazz: trying to do a Pastis, and failing.

    9CL: not entirely sure if I agree with Edda or not.

    MC: WIN! O, well done!

    MT: complete with flying cow. Nicely done, informative.

    SFx: Naruto and a fish skeleton. nice!

  81. True Fable
    March 7th, 2010 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Sunday snark with the Fables

    Fist O Justice Theater Sunday Matinee But where are the GOATS, dammit?!?

    WallyWorld Wally plays the blues as he ponders the hell that has been his life so far. Sadly, that bit of snark is probably what Batiuk seriously thought as the theme. Gah.

    Sam Driver’s Pretty People Posse! What’s this, Henry? What’s this? – Geez, Sam, you’re the hotshot lawyer who solves cases off-panel and saves celebrity marriages, YOU figure it out!

    Mary Worth’s Destroyed Lives of Parade Wilber Weston: Denial King.

    9 Dickweed Lane That’s pretty odd coming from someone who fucked her boyfriend in full view of a Belguim television camera and somehow got it broadcast all over the world.

    Arlo Guthrie and Janice Dickerson Wow, this is the first A&J I have ever yawned at.

    I, Platypus FOR THE WIN!

    Canadian Zombie Oh, dear Elly… there isn’t a one of us who DOESN’T hope the next bad thing will happen to you. We wish it every single day.

    Blatant self-promotion Oh Christ did we really look that bad, or were we just drawn that way?

  82. John C Fremont
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Digger (#59): That is correct. We would also have accepted Zippy.

    Wally Winkerbean

    MC – Gooble, gobble, etc.

    DT – Y’know, I have this strange feeling that this Maestro guy might want to kill his son.

    Perhaps he had better do it, and y’know, like, decrease the surplus population and stuff.

  83. Rusty
    March 7th, 2010 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    SM: The upskirt shots may let us know if being hung like a spider is a good or bad thing.

  84. gleeb
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Brenda: I give her a hard time, but in her defense, the cafe sign is in Spanish.

    Slylock: Sure, tides. Meanwhile, Max tries to remember what he can of the diet of frigate birds. Max should be more like the melting snowmen, who have made peace with their mortality.

    Rex: Red with fury, June announces that she believes the story that confirms her own already-stated bias! Another triumph for anger over calm reasoning!

    ‘bean: Wally Winkerbean blows the Plaything of a Sadist Blues.

    ‘shaft: And by losers, he means his daughter and her wife, investing interest in a televised award show. Or maybe that’s just me.

    Blondie: The lamp, invested by the Evil One who made it, seeks a weak mind to take it in, so it can spread its wickedness.

    Beetle: “Vietnam? Is that in Korea?”

    A 3-G: She’s expecting a tax-lecture, but she doesn’t expect it to be about money? At least she was right about not needing an appointment.

    Dick: Finally a sensible entry in the Crimestopper’s Textbook! By not committing crimes, I reduce the number of crimes committed. Brilliant!

  85. catty
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    “Yes, sweet, sweet unconsciousness! It’s certainly preferable to anything the world has to offer, and it offers a glimpse of how awesome it will be to die and leave this vale of tears behind forever for nothingness’s sweet embrace!”

    Wow. You just summed up my day. On a lighter note, I just realized my daughter’s scout leader has a MRKTRAIL vanity plate. I can’t convince my daughter to ask how they earn their Mighty Fist ‘O’ Justice Badge.

  86. Calico
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#81):
    True, am I a baaaad bad girl for laughing at today’s FOOB?
    The 3 panels of Widdle Wizzie almost pulling a Cliff and Jerry Garcia gag on eight fingers was priceless, along with the full red-face and wall of tears.
    Fucking Patterfoobs.

  87. Calico
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @catty (#85):
    I’m wondering if Josh was also referring to Funky Winkerbean.
    Yes, sweet, sweet unconciousness. Aaaaahhh.

  88. teddytoad
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Strangely enough, Peter Parker has hit upon the perfect costume for a Miami super-hero: “Raving at an all-night beach circuit party in an angel costume, mild-mannered Rafi Aguilar was transformed into the Amazing Guardian Angel when he took ecstasy laced with radioactive ketamine!!”

  89. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Hi There (#55): Wow. Nice work.

  90. Buck Ripsnort
    March 7th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Jonn (#32): And three days beard-growth. Hmmm, maybe that’s where Kurt went.

  91. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    S-M — Come to think of it, Dead Grandpa in FC at least has the decency to cover his junk with his robe and keep it covered. It’s a sad day when S-M makes FC look better.

  92. TheDiva
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    C’shaft: Why are they so surprised by Cranky’s schadenfreude? You’d think they’d be used to it by now… (I know it’s not much of a comment, but I just wanted to use the word schadenfreude today.)

    reFOOB: So now she’ll drown saving April instead of Farley? Good.

    FW: I was trying to make out what sentimental nonsense Becky and Wally had playing at their wedding, when I realized deciphering it would involve more time than I ever want to spend on Funky Winkerbean. So I’ll just say it’s impressive Wally can remember being cooed over in his cradle.

    Lio: Poor Secret of Kells didn’t even get invited to the party…not that I’m surprised, really.

    Luann: Said the comic strip that presents a woman as the exclusive property of whatever “Nice Guy” pines over her the most.

    MW: “But since you didn’t pan out either, he’s probably directed his search elsewhere.”

  93. Peanut Gallery
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Today’s comics as action movies:

    Mark Trail – Revenge of the Squirrels!

    Rex Morgan – Avatar II redefines filmmaking once again! Because, um, this time the aliens are red?

  94. Calico
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Bill Mauldin is getting his own postage stamp. Much deserved.
    Reading this brought tears to my eyes.

  95. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#94): I love his work. I’ve got “Up Front”, its a very good read.

  96. commodorejohn
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G – I love this woman.

    BB – Vietnam! Ha ha…ha?

    Bizarro – Really, I think the caption kind of diminishes the effect.

    BlC – This was always a classic Bloom County, but twenty years later it all makes sense: they shipped him to Westview, which explains both the screw-up and the fact that the hospital staff think it unremarkable. Just be glad you’re getting out of there before the cancer gets ya, Steve.

    BrS – Is it too much to hope for a tribe of scantily-clad Amazon chicks? Probably. This ain’t The Phantom, after all.

    Curtis – Oh hey, Curtis, I didn’t realize you were actually an eighty-year-old man.

    DT – I’d say something, but I’m too morbidly fascinated by that penultimate panel. It’s like a finely-crafted symphony of awful. Oh, and nice of Crimestoppers Textbook to remind us that no place on Earth is truly private in this day and age. Enjoy your panopticon police state, folks!

    FC – Mostly this was unworthy of remark, but I was rather captivated by Jeffy belting out “PANTS ON THE GROUND…” to music. I assumed it must’ve been a mondegreen of some song that was popular back when Bil was young that inadvertently took a turn for the obscene, but it turns out it’s some number about You Damn Kids Today from some American Idol contestant or something. I like my explanation better.

    FW – Boy, it’s almost like Batiuk actually thinks of Wally as a person, instead of a plaything to be tormented endlessly. If it weren’t for the entire rest of his history in the strip, I’d almost be convinced.

    JP – Yes, Sam earned that money – by, um, muscling his way into the case, stealing evidence from a crime scene, and comitting insurance fraud. Justice triumphs!

    Lio – I love it. But seriously, don’t fuck with Ed Asner.

    Luann – In all fairness, it’s good to see someone in the mainstream noting that “smart” and “attractive” are no more mutually exclusive in women than they are in men. The only real problem with this strip is what the hell these yahoos think they’re doing placing themselves up there with Ellen goddamn Ripley.

    MW – Oh man, Dawn is playing this one for all it’s worth. Mary will be proud.

    MC – Give in, Maureen. Resistance is futile.

    NAOQV – Probably someone will make fun of this for having used a meme that was old when it first ran, but…you know what? This one will never die. There, I said it. AYB will continue to be funny until the heat-death of the universe, and after.

    PBS – Luckily for Snuffy, generations of inbreeding have reconfigured his internal organs so that nothing valuable was pierced.

    Phantom – So, uh, what exactly is the ladies’ equivalent of “blueballed?” Because it seems to happen a lot in this strip.

    PV – A wizard, a bittersweet love story, and breasts not very hidden by reeds. What more could you possibly want out of Prince Valiant?

    RMMD – Oh. My. God. Yes.

    SF – If it makes you feel better, Hil, you never stood a chance either way.

    SM – “A murderous masked menace or a modern-day crusader?” Neither, really.

    Edison Lee – I was going to make some smart remark about how Dean Booth’s Sunday linker more appropriately places Edison Lee next to The Family Circus, but as the the previous week has shown that there was, in the dark mists of history, a time when FC used to be pretty funny (as opposed to Edison Lee, which has been stiflingly unfunny from Day One,) I feel that would be a gravely unfair thing to say.

  97. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Give in or don’t give in, just keep bending over like that.

  98. kkarenb
    March 7th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    FW – That flashback with whats-her-name in the wedding dress with the empty short sleeve – wow. Words fail me. Although it would probably be worse to have a long-sleeved dress with the empty sleeve pinned up. Gaah!

    PV – The art in this strip is just beautiful.

  99. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    MT: Not to get all Darrin Bell on you or anything, Elrod, but “past experience” is redundant.

    I do kind of love the direct advice to mobile-home occupants; if nothing else, Elrod knows his core audience.

    A3G: Stay tuned tomorrow sometime in the next six to eight weeks, when Bobbie learns that Martin Magee is divorcing her.

    JP: Why is that corrections officer so alarmed? Have flimsy paper shivs become a problem at Pretty People Prison?

    And I bet Abbey would pay more than $100K to get Sam to look at her the way he’s looking at that check in the final panel.

  100. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Steve S (#61) & @KarMann (#62): Indeed, KarMann is correct. Grammatica and Precisiona are more perturbed, however, by any attempt to make Peter Parker part of our superhero posse.

  101. John C Fremont
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FW – Hey, it’s just like Gene Hackman at the end of The Conversation, except that The Conversation was, you know, good.

  102. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96): That is indeed a funny AYB riff.

    having wandered over to gocomics, I took the time to look at a few Yenny strips. Good lord, talk about Miss Fanservice!

  103. mollificent
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: OK, call in the men with the white coats and the good drugs. Today’s “Mary Worth” actually made me get a little verklempt. Clearly I’ve lost whatever edge I had.

    Phantom: Good God, ol’ Stripeybutt is getting hit on AGAIN? That guy’s got more screaming fangirls than Rob Pattinson.

    Lio and MC: Haha, utter and complete win.

    Prince Valiant: Hmmm, I wonder what today’s strip will–BOIOIOIOIOINGGG!!!

    Calvin & Hobbes: One of my favorite strips ever. I’ve always wanted to use Susie’s “If it wasn’t for gravity, you probably couldn’t even hit the ground!” line, and have never had the chance. Sigh.

  104. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#103): re: MW: Phew. I thought it was just a week’s worth of insomnia talking, but I thought that Wilbur’s reasoning—that Kurt is the son of the woman he loved—was rather sweet.

  105. JupiterPluvius
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL (#73): Little A, are you accusing Ray Billingsley of Tomming it up for the comics pages? Because it seems to me like lots of black comedians turn to the same Bill-Cosby-ca.-1970 vein for humor, from “ladies come to church wearing wacky hats” to “barbershop populated by hilarious characters” to “kids sharing beds with siblings”–I just thought of it as the same thing that “Family Circus” does for white people.

    OTOH, I much prefer “Jump Start,” which features black people living in a world that has some resemblance to today’s reality.

    Speaking of “Family Circus” and “today’s reality,” JESUS GOD WHY IS BILLY SINGING “PANTS ON THE GROUND?” Is the schoolyard infested by brazen pedophiles with horrible musical taste? Also, how did a 2010 song make it into the eternal 1962 of “Family Circus”?

  106. bats :[
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#92): over at, Mark T. posted an apology for missing The Secret of Kells — this was his ahead-of-the-nominations best guess at the nominations (he did a pretty good job, too!).

  107. mr 12 oz can
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    irving- wheres he get the nerve to ask for a discount on a candy bar
    maryworth- every sunday they show the outside of the place where the people are talking but this doesnt look like wilbers building
    mark trail-when i get new glasses maybe i can read the type on the sunday strip
    rex morgan- toots talks like hes gonna live there a couple years

  108. bats :[
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Can someone explain today’s Bizarro to me? Not that I don’t mind not getting it — today is a red-letter (or red-cheeked day) day in the comics, with both a naked man AND a just-about-naked-Nimue-nymph in PV! Woooooo!

    (mr. bats :[ commented that I now have guy-butt to add to my PhotoChopping stash. While it’s a sweet thought, I think I’ll give this a miss…)

  109. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 7th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Was today some kind of Pun Day in the comics? There are a few in the WashPost print comics–more than usual.

  110. Uncle Lumpy
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @mr 12 oz can (#107):

    Try the “Zoom” feature at the Time-Union.

  111. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#108): instead of Figure Drawing, they are Figure Knitting.


  112. Uncle Lumpy
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail may be stuck in the ’50′s, but it’s the only strip that’s delivered a flying car.

    Eat your heart out, Ted Forth!

  113. Hank
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one who can’t ever understand what the hell’s going on in Pipgorn? Other than Brooke indulging in fetish art that is?

  114. mollificent
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#106): Speaking of which…what freakin’ planet have I been living on that I haven’t even really heard about “Secret of Kells” before now? I mean, if someone set out to write an animated film specifically to make me happy, it couldn’t get much better than this. Gotta rent it.

    (P.S. For those who are interested in this sort of thing, a wonderful book by Pat O’Shea called “The Hounds of the Morrigan” is in a similar line, with children following a quest that takes them through mythological Ireland. Now THAT would make a truly wonderful animated film!)

  115. Calico
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Yes, in MT there’s also an animal flying through the air. I think it is a bovine.
    I’ve heard a story or two about cows being picked up by tornadoes, spun around, and put back on the ground with no (physical) harm.

  116. Red Greenback
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#115): ..and that’s how whipped cream was invented. Ouch! sorry about that, I’ll just go quietly sit in the corner now.

  117. seismic-2
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Frazz goes for the rare double pun. Mallett and Pastis must have a bet hinging on who can first execute a triple.

    Cul de Sac proves that comics art is indeed art, in the form of a kite-eating tree.

    RMMD: June is so livid that not only has she turned scarlet with anger, she’s shouted Rex’s head off.

    MT: I love the expression of delight on the squirrels’ and woodpecker’s faces as they witness what they perceive to be the wrath of God against mankind for humanity’s arrogance in exploiting nature. Little do they realize, however, that it is merely God’s way of trying to eradicate one of His own greatest mistakes, in the form of Rusty.

    GA: So Crankshaft has moved strips and become a minister now? I so hope God has at least one more tornado of vengeance still left today.

    MW: “Being with Kurt brought me great joy every time I saw him, since he reminded me so much of the woman I once loved so deeply. Now guess what it is that I feel every single time I see a certain someone who reminds me of the heartless bitch shrew who made my life a living hell until we divorced 15 years ago?”

  118. commodorejohn
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    I just realized: Wilbur has a college lover, and ex-wife, and a girlfriend. Mary Worth is asking us to believe that not one, not two, but three women have all at one time deemed Master Combover here to be a suitable hole-filler.

    I ain’t buyin’ it.

  119. QuietDave
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Peter Parker should stick with this Guardian Angel persona. The new costume is basically a bath robe with wings which is perfect for his mope-around-watching-TV lifestyle. Just don’t make us look at his junk.

  120. Anonymous
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Pearls Before Swine: Snuffles is a bodacious-seeking rocket.

    Mary Worth: In the last panel, that look of contemplation is Wilbur deliberating what the minimum length of post-dumped mourning he has to put in before he moves on to his next relationship, Facebook and a plate of delicious sandwiches.

    Apartment 3-G: Oh, please oh please, Bobbie go all Mark Trail on Arnie. He’s got facial hair, even if just barely.

    Lockhorns: If you squint real hard at the last panel, you’ll see a squadron of swine taxiing for takeoff. Four out of 5 panels with detailed backgrounds? It’s the beginning of the rapture.

    Luann: Shouldn’t people as deluded as Luann be locked up or under heavy medication? Or be shaving sheets and devouring butter tarts messily?

    Blondie: We thought Dag’s hat the other day was ludicrous? Just wait until the next smoker at JC Dithers.

  121. kippetje2000
    March 7th, 2010 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Great Gabriel’s Sword! It seems to me that big Peter Parker isn’t the only one swinging free down south. He and Ziggy must have the same (un)dress sense. “Who shall you say saved you ma’am? Just you’re friendly neighborhood swinging dick, Pantless Angel!”

  122. seismic-2
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    It’s too bad that Peter Parker’s angel costume didn’t come with a breastplate of armor and a flaming sword, because then he could have called himself Cherubim Commando. Anyway, he’s apparently an overnight sensation, since Billy Keane is already singing his theme song, “Pants on the Ground”.

  123. bats :[
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#112): AND a flying cow!
    I think this is the first time I’ve seen squirrels in MT that weren’t smug little bastards, in on everything. But hey, if it takes a flying cow to catch them unawares, so be it.

    (I *will* be keeping the flying cow “for later”. Oh, and mr. bats :[, after reading today’s comics at the breakfast table, asked me, “Will Funky Winkerbean ever be funny again?”. In the words of Bob Wheeler, “Never.”)

  124. Steve S
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    62-Well, that’s what I get for drunk posting.

  125. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#96): I had to smile at the PV image of Merlin and Nimue growing old together. The CAMELOT version, with Nimue’s song (which I do like), kinda made it sound as if their entire life together would be sex, sex, and more sex. This version is more interesting.

  126. Chip
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    OK- NOW he has pant’s ON!?! Not only that, but those aren’t the clothes he was wearing when he found his angel suit! What- did he roll a bum in that alley?

  127. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    @Steve S (#124): Thank you for deliberately making that mistake in order to evoke a correction that would help me learn, because the entire who/whom thing drives me crazy. It was kind of you.

  128. P
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Rerun Place: The reason why Jeffy is singing “Pants on the Ground” is because the Krazy Keane Klan put the ol’ guillotine on General Larry the day before in a public execution for:

    1: Being a non-Aryan
    2: Cooperating with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

    Before his head flew into space, he sang POTG 10 times, making it stuck into the people’s heads.

    (Remember, this is the same town that had flags down at half-staff for a week when Bull Conner died.)

  129. seismic-2
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Ah, making the correct choice between the nominative and objective cases. In the immortal words of Casey Stengel, “Whom knows?”

  130. Poteet
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    S-M — Not to carp, but apart from the new mystery outfit Peter is sporting, the elderly woman he rescued on Saturday doesn’t look like the one who’s thanking him on Sunday.

  131. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#113): early days on a new arc. And yes, its very confusing so far. On the plus side, Thorax got told to shut his pie hole, so at least something good has happened so far.

  132. FOOBed again
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#131): Oh no, is Thorax in Pibgorn too? That does it, I’m never ever reading Pibgorn. He’s bad enough in 9CL.

  133. Calico
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#116):
    Haha, I like it!
    Veal, tip, waitress…
    So would that mean that if chickens flew through a tornado, we would have omelets and meringue?

  134. Melch Melch
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    What if it turns out that Peter Parker was, in fact, recently BITTEN BY AN ANGEL!!! That those wings are actually real. That he is ACTUALLY FLYING! And that that suspicious stringy looking thing in the corner is NOT web-line, but the scorched remnants of Peter’s undoubtedly cheap thong. How do I know Peter Parker wears a thong? No pantie lines in the spider suit.
    Problems solved.

  135. Baka Gaijin
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#120): My post. Damn Cookie Monster is loose in my computer again.

  136. Eric the baker
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:58 pm [Reply]


    Curtis/Irving: and of course there’s the yearly series for Hanukkah, where the artist and writer tells one truly bat-shit crazy story for two whole weeks worth of strips.

  137. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 7th, 2010 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#99) said:
    “MT: Not to get all Darrin Bell on you or anything, Elrod, but “past experience” is redundant.”

    My favorite, usually spoken by sports announcers: “He has a great future in front of him.”

  138. wossname
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    FC – For one brief, shining moment, I looked at that central panel and thought, “Thel is hanging Jeffy.” There he stands on the footstool, his hands tied behind his back, as she places the noose around his neck, and — Oh wait, that’s a phone, isn’t it.

    MW – This is just the biggest frickin’ letdown. We didn’t get the delightful twist of finding out that Wilbur really was the father – and now we don’t even get Wilbur throwing a hissy fit because Dawn knew he wasn’t but didn’t tell him. Moy squanders yet another opportunity to be mildly entertaining.

  139. Andy L
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Look at Sunday’s Spiderman. The coloring makes it clear that he’s wearing skin-tight pants (suspiciously similar to his Spiderman costume).

    I guess the fleshy legs we’ve been seeing all week are just a coloring error.

  140. dale
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]


    Slylock realizes that Max’s new toy was not found, but stolen. Max will have to return it after being chastised, but not given the severe beating and public humiliation that he deserves.

  141. Mordock999
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Today’s – Luann – 03/07/10

    Meanwhile, at the “ALL You can Eat” Night at Weenie World…,

    “We are WOMEN, see us GORE!”
    “In pants size too BIG to IGNORE”
    “And we’ve ATE too much to go back an’ PRETEND”
    ” ’cause we’ve EATEN it before”
    “Until we PASSED out on the floor”
    “And No guy’s EVER going to LOOK at us agaiiiiiiiin!”

    “Ooooh, YES! We are WIDE!”
    “And in a LOT of PAIN!
    “Yes, Hot Fudge is NICE!”
    “But Look how MUCH We’ve Gained!”
    “If it moves, We’ll eat ANYTHING!”
    “We’re sorta strong (strong)”
    “We’re dimensional (dimensional)”
    “We’re chubby, teenage, womeeeeen!” -Luann, Delta, Bernice

    DEATH to TJ!!!

  142. Alfred E. Neuman
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    JP— (In real life.) “It’s a check for $100,000! That’s chump change, Henry! My fee for recovering clients’ money is 50%. That will be another $4,900,000, please.”

    MT— Elrod assumes that all of his readers are Pluggers, as he advises them to evacuate their mobile homes if a storm is imminent. On the other hand, he also assumes that they know the meaning of “imminent.”

    SlyFox— The lesson for little Billy: Beware the tides of March.

  143. commodorejohn
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Melch Melch (#134): Wouldn’t be the goofiest retcon ever done.

  144. JupiterPluvius
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    @Melch Melch (#134):

    A radioactive angel.

  145. Thomas B.
    March 7th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Peter changes out of the Guardian Angel costume but not back into the brown buttoned shirt he wore early, rather he puts on a green jacket with black tee shirt. It seems Guardian Angel has the power to travel to 1994 and dress like Doug and Steve Butabi’s long lost brother. What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more.

  146. Thomas B.
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:00 pm [Reply]


    Anybody else think Wally is playing “Taps”?

  147. Joe Btfsplk
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man – NEXT: Curtis Sliwa files defamation lawsuit!

  148. bats :[
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm, maybe with today’s crossovers in PBS (with SS) and Frazz (with PBS), maybe FC’s Jeffy singing “Pants on the Ground” is a cross-over/homage to Peter Parker’s new pantless superhero outfit.

    March 7th, 2010 at 5:04 pm [Reply]


    March 7th, 2010 at 5:05 pm [Reply]


  151. Aviatrix
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps the team down at Mary Worth caught wind of talk about legacy strips retiring, but were unclear on the concept. So they’re having Mary herself retire, to be replaced by her protegé, Dawn Westin. Out with Salmon Pink; in with purple. Out with salmon squares; in with sandwiches.

  152. Thomas B.
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:19 pm [Reply]


    Guardian Angel: “Lady, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

    Lady: “Your robe was open on your way up here. Trust me, you in no way remind me of a horse.”

  153. seismic-2
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    What are the odds that two different strips (Frazz and Brewster Rockit) would attempt puns on the same one of Aesop’s Fables on the same day? I sense a conspiracy here.

  154. Len
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s My Cage: The Nerdification of Maureen! (I look forward to seeing her in a Klingon costume at the next Comics Con.)

  155. Mibbitmaker
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Cranky: Look into the mirror, Smilin’ Ed!

    Curtis: I feel his pain. I don’t think I indulged in “awesome” much at all in the ’80s, but I say it all the time now. I blame the great “How I Met Your Mother” for the indignity.

    RMMD: Yeah, June, you don’t have to get any redder to make your point.

    MW: Too bad that didn’t happen.

    Zits: Just your standard Borgman-wanted-to-draw-a-messy-room strip today.

    H&L: Message: You can’t control the kids, but you can control the husband. However, the kids give Hi some measure of Lockhornsian victory in his overall defeat today.

    DtM: Alice’s dictum: We need to put an important to-do list on the fridge so I may sport a look of puzzling, counterintuitive disdain when one of you (esp. Hi) actually follows it.

  156. Mibbitmaker
    March 7th, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    CdS, Lio, NS, PCity, PBS: Awesome!

  157. Mibbitmaker
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#155): In the DtM bit, I meant “Henry”, not “Hi”. Getting my oppressed husbands confused.

  158. Baka Gaijin
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    So what’s this “Pants on the Ground” I’m hearing so much about in this thread? Is it some TV thingy? Am I a Plugger Junior Grade because I don’t know what it is? Hey you kids, get off my lawn!

    @bats :[ (#123): You forgot to mark that link. It has a SCARYEVILCLOWN in COLOR!!! That’s the scariest kind other than the one STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!

  159. Baka Gaijin
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: So this inspired the current storyline, minus the “FLOOOOOOOM!” of course.

  160. Darby Snails
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Wait.. So with Spider Man, they never resolved that whole Sabertooth thing right? So he’s still rampaging through Manhattan destroying buildings and feasting on joggers in Central Park while Spider Man enjoys a nice little vacation in Florida?

  161. Steve L
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Darby Snails (#160): It’s more like Spider-Man is running around Miami flashing little old ladies and firefighters while Sabretooth homoerotically stalks Daredevil around New York City.

  162. Mibbitmaker
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    MC: Psssst… don’t tell her about BC…

    (emphasis, intros, quasi-bolding, interludes, titles of things, immitations of singing, whispering — is there anything italics can’t do?)

    S-M: No! Comicdom is already lousy with superheroes! Plus, there’s alot of them.

    The Sleaze-Filled Mind of Edison Lee: Nope, still a less embarrassing history than Pawnee.

    9CL: Another perfectly good romantic moment reduced to squick by good ol’ Brooke McE.

    A3G: “Bobbie, I really wanted to interview you on TV. You try being the host of ‘The Actor’s Studio’ when all the actors of note are at the Oscars!”

    “Yes. Ended around ’75 or so.”
    “So there’s no wars at the moment?”
    “Well…. let’s just say I found the wrong bearded man hiding in a cave!”

    A3G (continued from above): “…It’s not like I can do a crazy appearence on a Conan O’Brien show right now or anything, y’know!”

  163. Muffaroo
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    Dick – “I’ll kill him!” “I swiped the violin!” “Your plan is brilliant, boss!” “I sold the violin!” “I’ll kill him!” “I’m gonna play rock!” “I’m gonna rig the violin!” “I’ll kill him!” “It’s gonna go boom!” “We’re gonna rock!” “I don’t want to hear long-hair music!” “I’ll kill him!” “Put on your suit.” “There’ll be an explosion!” “This violin’s heavy.” “I’ll kill him!” “It’s gonna blow!” “FLOOOOOOMMM!” “That was loud!” “My violin!” “He’s gonna be dead!” “I’ll kill him!” “We didn’t get to playl!” “Come over and bring a camera!” “Let’s look at the damage.” “It exploded!” “It’s that guy! Call the police!” “I’ll kill him!”

    So what’s the real ratio between things that a character says have happened or will happen to things that actually happen? 100 to 1? 200 to 1? I’ll kill him!

    Fuzzy – “…in her PANTS.”

    AD – Wrong reaction in the last panel. That’s getting hit by a line drive, that is. Their second choice was probably going to be a spit take.

    My Cage – Actually, I learned in college that the neolithic era was the modern stone age, and that’s when I realized that these were the cave men who mocked religion and brought the flood upon themselves with their overweening pride and materialistic ways — all those dinosaur-based appliances!

  164. Muffaroo
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    Smirky – That’s it? A goddamn clip show?

    Beetle – Whoa! It’s the REAL Beetle Bailey!

    @Hi There (#55): I applauds by snapping my groovy fingerbones.

    @Calico (#94): Three prolonged cheers for Bill Mauldin! queek, I love everything of his that I’ve read. Back Home was where he started turning into a great political cartoonist. Bill Mauldin’s Army has a lot of great cartoons that aren’t in Up Front that show how his style developed from looking like Robert McCloskey to being his own man. His autobiography and his political collections are all worth the reading. (The Shorter: “I agree!”)

  165. 150
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    There better be some biker shorts on under there, Peter Parker. I don’t really want to see your “web”.

  166. Buck Ripsnort
    March 7th, 2010 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    *stares at PBS for 3 solid minutes*
    How. . . how the hell does someone even THINK of something like that? Hilarious, but how?

  167. Walker of Dog
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#130): Geez – look, he grabbed some old lady from somewhere, and now she’s safe, OK? It’s this kind of nitpicking that’s driving good men and women out of the American superhero industry. I bet you’re one of those people who won’t even care when all our freaks-with-abandonment-issues are imported from China.

  168. Jamus The Bartender
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: “Camp Swampy….shit. I’m still only in Camp Swampy….”

  169. Mibbitmaker
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#163): re: My Cage: …and car insurance so easy, even they could do it!

  170. Jamus The Bartender
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    FC: While i’m amazed that Jeffy probably knows “Pants On The Ground” better than I do right now, ” Baby Got Back” would have been a lot more appropriate, given he’s talking to his Grandma….

  171. Jamus The Bartender
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    JP: Way to go, Sam. I’m sure Abbey and the girls will enjoy spending every cent of it.

  172. Jamus The Bartender
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Aw, Sarah has a slave now. That’s nice.

  173. Jamus The Bartender
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    ReFOOB: Dammit, Elly, your daughter got her hand slammed in the drawer, why does everything gotta be about YOU, YOU, YOU??? By the way….Lord, on behalf of the other ‘Mudges, i’d like to second that prayer proposal….

  174. TheDiva
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#106): Yeah, I kind of figured that might be the case–I think the SoK nomination surprised a lot of people, especially with as many good animated films as there were last year.

  175. Jamus The Bartender
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Yeah…so, half naked elf girls getting their jugulars pierced by vampires is acceptable, but a married ( i think) couple making love in the snow is DIRTY?? Yeah, I know the Burbers can be unbearable, but…..Doctor Juliette Burber’s got it goin’ ON!

  176. Jamus The Bartender
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I got one….
    Wings On His Back…
    Wings On His Back…
    Lookin’ really wack
    With those wings on his back

  177. Walker of Dog
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Thomas B. (#146): In keeping with the spirit of the strip, he should be using a plunger head as a mute, to get that classic ‘wa-waaa’ sound.

  178. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 7th, 2010 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#175): I think that it was more the fact it was Edda’s mom gettin’ busy that prompted Edda not to want to think too much about it. Although, judging by most of the 9CL Rule 34 out there. . . . .

  179. Rhogerro
    March 8th, 2010 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    I don’t think “guardian angel” is wearing any drawers under that robe.

  180. Anonymous
    March 8th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Peter in Miami made me start thinking about other fictional universes that take place in Miami. Specifically, Dexter. (My money’s on him in the Peter/Dexter throwdown, incidentally.) But then I noticed how much Peter kind of looks like Dexter in the second panel, which would make a much more interesting crossover. Certainly more interesting than the “let’s throw every Marvel character into the next week’s worth of strips!” that they’ve been doing.

  181. Terry in Silver Spring
    March 8th, 2010 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Honestly, I’m not worried about the wings on that Guardian Angel costume molting. From that look on his face, it’s likely that he’s going commando under the toga.

  182. I am Jack's username
    March 10th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#116):

    Red Greenback… best username ever! I think we’re all bozos on this bus.

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