The Comics Curmudgeon

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Tuesday quickies

Gasoline Alley, 3/9/10

In order to keep their iron grip on their last remaining pool of paying customers — old people — newspapers are spreading the lie that consuming print media sates your hunger because it supplies you with nutrients as well as information. You should totally be spending your money on the paper rather than cat food, seniors!

Mary Worth, 3/9/10

“I mean, she didn’t love you so much that she wasn’t sleeping with other people, but, uh, free spirit, yeah. Plus I imagine that her career as a Minnie Pearl impersonator was really taking off then, so she couldn’t afford to settle down.”

Crankshaft, 3/9/10

And that’s when Pan and Jeff knew for sure that Crankshaft’s rambling diatribe over dinner the previous week, in which the old man had vowed to “track down and murder each and every one of those mouse-eared bastards while they sleep,” was no idle boast. The police couldn’t stop him. The army couldn’t stop him. They would have to take care of this themselves.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 12:12 pm and is filed under Crankshaft, Gasoline Alley, Mary Worth. |

281 responses to “Tuesday quickies”

zenvelo
March 9th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

how is Abby in front of Wilbur, but her hat is behind him?
ElkMeadow
March 9th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

And once again, Abby has shapeshifted. We know it’s her by the hands, the pearls and the thing that’s glued to her head. Weird how Wally fits between her shoulder and her hat.

But sheesh, Abby’s eyes…. And she’s wearing the weirdest shade of purple I’ve seen.
TimSquare
March 9th, 2010 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

The name of the newspaper in Crankshaft-ville is “The Paper”. How creative.
Ed Dravecky
March 9th, 2010 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

Is that a giant black sombrero capable of defying the laws of physics and perspective or is Abby just being sucked into a hole ripped in spacetime? Either one works for me.
Cranky
March 9th, 2010 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

Hey, can anybody imagine how awesome a “TV dinner” joke would have been back when people still called frozen dinners “TV dinners”? Anybody? Is this thing even on?
Roto13
March 9th, 2010 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

“Condition”? Did I miss the strip where Abby was diagnosed with Polio?
Paul1963
March 9th, 2010 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

How much time do you suppose Tom Batiuk devoted to determining which group of sixtyish former celebrities he could use to derive maximum depression from the alleged punchline of that Crankshaft? “Hmmm, let’s see…poster babes from the ’70s? Teenagers from Hullabaloo? Extras from ’60s beach movies? …Wait! I’ve got it! Original Mouseketeers! Yeah! Young kids from the fifties who are now dying off! That’s perfect!”
Of course, I’m not aware of a recent rash of Mouseketeer deaths, but let’s not let that get in the way of a good downer.
Toots McMorgan
March 9th, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

MW: That ‘as goot to be th’ whitest white meal I ev’r laid me eyes on!
Krud
March 9th, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

I find it amazing that Pam can distinguish Jeff’s “Another Mouseketeer Died” face from his “I Just Read The Latest Family Circus” face.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
March 9th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

Take the wayback machine to the good old minutes of the last thread that I just helped kill.. Headgear like that more than deserves a double post.

MW: ” But the thing I miss most about her was how she’d sometimes balance a manhole cover on her head and then go all crosseyed….it was so beautif…*sob* I can’t go on…more baloney, quickly…AHHHHH.”
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2010 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

Agnes – This would be funny if the punchline weren’t so very true.

A3G – Really, she’s the most fascinating character Apartment 3-G has had in years.

BC – Eh? “Cotton swab” isn’t a trademark, it’s a description of the object. Could they not have gone with “Q-tip” and Unilever?

Crankshaft – I love how the only deaths worthy of note are the ones directly attached to Tom Batiuk’s youth. Friggin’ Rick Wright (you may have heard of him, he was in this weird little British group called Pink Floyd that did a few albums back in the day) died a year and a half ago, but he was only famous in the ’70s, after the Most Important Generation had made all the music that would ever be worth listening to, so who noticed? Not Batiuk, that’s for damn sure.

DT – I love how any time Dick Tracy tries to portray someone at a three-quarters angle, they just wind up with a face drawn from two different angles, split down the middle.

FB – No. I reject this. Start over; do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

FW – Yeah, it shouldn’t. SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE? Christ, the further he goes with this the less it makes any kind of sense.

HTH – Okay, see, this is what Hagar The Horrible should be doing more of. It’s funny, and it exploits the comic’s premise to its benefit.

Love Is… – ignoring your problems in hopes that they’ll go away.

Luann – Nobody actually looks like a normal human being in Luann, but I think the “sexy” women, with the clamshell lips and Mrs. deGroot’s ping-pong ball eyes, are the furthest into the Uncanny Valley. Brr. Also, Toni, that’s not a phone, that’s a file. Careful or you’ll grate your face off.

MT – “Wow, Mark, take a look at that!” “Yes, the common North American double-breasted female is a fixture in many parts of the country! They are a vital part of the country’s ecosystem! Many believe that the creature’s temperament can be determined by its coloration, but experts know this to be a myth. More information about the double-breasted female can be found on the Internet.”

MW – Oh, Dawn. Oh, Dawn. Could you possibly have phrased this in a more devastating way? “Yeah, dad, she realized you were a deluded naïf who was obsessed with his first college crush and couldn’t handle the unpretty realities of life like pregnancy, so she bailed on you. Looks like she was right, too!”

Momma – AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE YOU BITCH

Phantom – This strip is so awesome.

RMMD – What a heartwarming turn of phrase, June.

SM – …I…uh…I, um, this is…oh fjh;sadfjl;ghdsknbdfmfdovbfdgh FDSKJFGHKLGYORTBNVXMCB,DVCB FSDALKVBJCDKBVDFJGOTRY86EHV

Edison Lee – *thump thump thump thump thump*
Patrick
March 9th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

Wilbur is the one who coined the old saying, “You never forget your first love…that you brutally murdered with a trash can lid to the back of the head.”
Calico
March 9th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

@zenvelo (#1):
It’s another Non-Euclidean space warp experiment by Giella.

Appropriately enough, I found this little ad from 1985-this is for you, Wilbur:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cfR5GolMMc
(RIP Nancy)
norbizness
March 9th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

The contents of each Mr. Walt speech bubble should just be replaced with “I’m cold, and there are wolves after me.”

And who knew that Sam Waterston was a Cubby-fetishist?
Marion Delgado
March 9th, 2010 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

Awww … look how happy Abby looks in that picture! And by happy, I mean “crying out for help but too whacked out on heroin to be able to handle the razor blade or the bathtub faucet.”
Lou Shumaker
March 9th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

I don’t think that was Abby that Wilbur was tip-toeing through the tulips with, but a dressmaker’s dummy found abandoned behind the Free Store in Berkeley.
laurie
March 9th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

I see Wilbur’s plate has a new supply of sandwiches today. Baloney may not have the answer, but it helps forget the question. It also apparently throws your perspective out of whack when having delusions of grandeur. Or in Dawn’s case, just makes you tactless.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2010 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

@Lou Shumaker (#16): Thanks to you, I have a new favorite theory: Wilbur was never involved with Abby. Sure, he probably saw her around campus, maybe tried unsuccessfully to ask her out once or twice, but the “Abby” he took all his pictures with and, um…made it with was in fact a mannequin that he obsessively made up to look like the object of his obsessive, freaky affections. It makes so much more sense than the idea that more than two women would ever want to be involved with Wilbur.
bunivasal
March 9th, 2010 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

@zenvelo (#1):

Oh no, that’s not her hat. That’s a dark halo, the smoke upon the brow of the bilious Mother of the Antichrist. Even then, her shadowed eyes revealed the hell-horror in her womb.
JohnnyKnuckles
March 9th, 2010 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

How dare anyone mock the clip art goodness of Mary Worth. I’m ashamed for all of you.
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

@Brucker (#y4): Yes. 5 clubs is a reasonable pre-empt under the circumstances.
blammers66
March 9th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

“Gee, Jeff – you looked really sad – sadder than usual. Was it the news story about the earthquake victims? The teenage girls who have been killed in California? Perhaps the division of political might and the lack of cooperation in the Government? Was it the bleak outlook of the environment? The economy has you down? Which one of those real-world front-page stories has you this down?”
“None of those, Pam, because it’s worse – it’s a dead Mouseketeer. A DEAD MOUSEKETEER, FOR CHRISSAKES!”
Tim Cavanaugh
March 9th, 2010 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

It’s now clear what Wilbur and Kurt were up to during the happy days of frolicmania: re-enacting the erotically charged game of accidental touching Wilbur and Abby used to to play in the woods. Kurt took off when Wilbur’s instructions about how to drape the summer dress and how many bangles to wear became to creepily specific.
seismic-2
March 9th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

Since we spent last week being told repeatedly that Walt Wallet is fully 110 years old, and this week we see that he has uncharacteristically lost his appetite and now believes it is necessary to watch TV while eating a TV dinner, could lthis be the beginning of a “Walt exhibits signs of Alzheimer’s and finally dies” story arc? I could deal with that, so long as he doesn’t go down into the basement and play the trombone first.
Tim Cavanaugh
March 9th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

Doh! too I mean.
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

Cathy: Well, maybe if you’d “ping” even if your eyes are aren’t absolutely sexy or whatever your neurosis du jour is, maybe Irving’d “pop-up” for you instead of that iPhone.

Pluggers: Ha ha, Lady Plugger is going to rub her face where her cat’s big warm arse has been. From the squinty eyes, I’m saying Kitty has is squeezing out a massive silent but deadly surprise on that worn terrycloth.

Rose is Rose: Ha ha. Pasquale comes from hardy nerd stock.
Chyron HR
March 9th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

It’s a Gas, Gas, Gasoline Alley – “Mister Walt! Why haven’t you taken care of your basic needs, you senile, demented, 110-year-old man? Your family really ought to hire some kind of housekeeper for you!” “But you’re my housekeeper.” “You so crazy, Mister Walt. I’m going out the club, don’t wait up.”

9 Chickweed Lane – Yes, an octogenarian on her deathbed said, “He very adroitly started spreading the canard.” Brooke has so many talents, but I think the one I admire most is his ability to channel each character’s distinct voice.

(For some reason the geezer comics really got under my skin today.)

Popeye – Oh, thank goodness! I was afraid we’d have some sort of action-filled story in Popeye, but it’s just another series of shaggy dog stories that abruptly ends with no resolution. That’s the kind of writing that made Popeye one of the most beloved cartoon icons of the 20th century!
Canadian Seal Hunter
March 9th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

@Braniff (YY135): Contrary to popular belief, we club the seals not for entertainment nor to protect all mankind from the Rise of the Seals, but for the income we garner by selling their pelts. If you can promise a market for the skins of the melonheads we might look into it, but it will cost you extra, as the meat has no nutritious value.
Numbat
March 9th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

Poor Dawn. Still waiting for her dad to pull her finger.

I suppose one must find whatever dregs of humour one can in such a sandwich-driven interaction.
tb4000
March 9th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

What the fuck is a Mouseketeer?
Toots McMorgan
March 9th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

C’Shaft: Hoot mon. Wha’ twill th’ reaction be when the lad finds oot ‘at Pinky Lee, Soupy Sales and Sherry Lewis be all daid.
BRWombat
March 9th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

How many more days will pass before Dawn takes a bite of her sandwich? And why in the meantime is she posing like a little teapot?
Walker of Dog
March 9th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

GT: Wow, Kaz has an earring AND a wraparound bicep tattoo? Just when you think that guy can’t get any cooler…

Phan: Those folks on the speedboat – what objects are they holding up? Is this just a rowdy post-Oscars celebration that’s about to turn tragic? Best Sound Mixing co-winner Ray Beckett – nooo!

MT: That young female extra is lucky she was cast in Mark Trail and not Funky Winkerbean, where all swan dives end in paralysis.

S-M: I don’t get it: last week Peter took off his shoes (among other things), but this week he can climb a wall while fully shod. This strip’s apathy is profound, and perfectly illustrated in panel 2: the still-non-firefighting firefighters.

MW: At least we solved the mystery of Abby’s disappearance: a black hole fell on her.
Aviatrix
March 9th, 2010 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

MW Because pregnancy is ugly and unnatural, and prevents one from wearing hats, flowing dresses or hippy beads.

MT Kind of a shame Jan Harris’s dorsal area and not, say, her left breast is the attention seeker here.
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

Some itsy-bitsy piece of good news: when I heard Eduardo Barreto was ill, I sent him a short email wishing him well and a full recovery. I received a short email from him today, thanking me for the good wishes! I’m hoping that he’s on the mend, since he’s appears to be answering mail from fans. Yay!
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth, panel 2: Land shark!
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

@Toots McMorgan (#31):
SHERRI LEWIS BE DAID??!!
NO000000000000000000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mollificent
March 9th, 2010 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

Dilbert: Hmmm…is today’s strip a Mark Trail homage or a Red Green Show reference? I can’t decide.
sarahtheawesome
March 9th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

Can we all stop making fun of Abby for a minute and look at what geeky young Wilbur is wearing? The shirt is clearly button-down, since it splits in the middle, but it only has one button (or maybe there’s an additional one at the bottom, since the shirt appears to be closed, for which I am immensely grateful). I respectfully submit that, this detail considered, Wilbur actually looks stupider than the mannequin he is carrying.
Toots McMorgan
March 9th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#37): Aye, lad. Tis a better place she be.
Thomas B.
March 9th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

MW

Of course Abby loved Wilbur as shown by her throwing an olive loaf sandwich away from him in panel two. “you don’t need these darling.” Versus Dawn who feeds them to her Dad in an infinite loop as evidenced by the fact that a new, whole sandwich appears on Wilbur’s plate despite his eating it in the previous day’s strip.
skullcrusherjones
March 9th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

‘Shaft: Jeff is just jealous. “[sigh] When will that masked man dance me out of the hellhole?”

‘Worth: “Wilbur, remember me as I am. Forever young. Forever free. Forever in your spank bank.”

‘Alley: Panel two seems to suggest that “fix a nice TV dinner” is code for a prostate check. I’d shrink behind a newspaper, too, ready to fend off a those fingers with a magnifying glass.
Thomas B.
March 9th, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

@sarahtheawesome (#39): It’s a dagwood shirt!
Marion Delgado
March 9th, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

March 5 FW:

“Hmm, okay, Becky … I think I’ll give it to my cousin Wally, he’s pretty good with firearms.”

“Damn, I forgot where I was for a minute.”
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

@Toots McMorgan (#40): PITTSBURGH?!
Stroker Ace
March 9th, 2010 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley – Today’s 3rd panel sponsored by ‘Viagra’. It works – ask Walt!
Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
March 9th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

Yes, when the earthquake happens and they find my body beneath a pile of naked Chinese midget acrobats, I want them to refer to me as a “free spirit.”
Shawn S.
March 9th, 2010 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

How did Wilbur get a second sandwich on his plate between yesterday’s comic and today’s? It would appear Wilbur’s ability to create matter is limited to only sandwiches, and only for himself.
Carly
March 9th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

I see Abby’s part time job was as part of the Pirates of the Caribbean world at Disney World.

Meanwhile, in the first panel,Wilbur and Dawn engage in some illustrative shadow puppetry. Hint, guys: it works better if you turn down most of the lights.

…But in all seriousness, didn’t the artist actually live through…the 60s? The 70s? Whatever decade this is supposed to be. What is with that outfit? It looks like it was drawn by someone who’s heard vague things about the fashion of The Past but never actually experienced it, or even seen a couple of pictures.
Thomas B.
March 9th, 2010 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail is gay update (not that there is anything wrong with that)

Mark barely acknowledges comely blonde in bathing suit, but says “it’s good to see” Ben Harris in all his crotch shot glory. Boy, Elrod is making this too easy.
BigTed
March 9th, 2010 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

The original “Mickey Mouse Club” went off the air in 1959. How the hell old are these people?
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#50): MARK TRAIL IS GAY?!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wait. i can live with that
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

9CL: I seriously hope this is all leading up to the revelation that General Eisenhower is Juliette’s father.

MW: Dawn shows real promise as an apprentice meddler. She’s managed to drive Kurt away, damn Abby with faint praise and bolster Wilbur’s sense of inadequacy all at once. Mary herself couldn’t have done it better. Well played!

JP: The Washington Post label says “Judge Parker by Woody Wilson and Harold LeDoux.” In panel 2 it’s signed “Wilson and Barreto.” Shouldn’t Mr. Heebink get credit for his work?

JP again: Much as I’d like to follow the adventures of Stella Divito, amateur detective, I kind of like the idea of moving on to Neddy’s return without resolving whether the shady lawyer gets out of Rico’s basement alive, how much of the loot Stella made off with, and what happened to the rest of it.
Professor Fate
March 9th, 2010 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

FW: @commodorejohn (#11): I remember Rick’s passing – he was Founding Member of The Pink Floyd along with Nick Mason, Roger (I’m too much of a dick to talk to the others anymore) Waters and the late Syd Barrett (which Batuik also didnt’ mention) in 1966! And was an important part of their early sound.
I think Batuik didn’t use Rick becasue honestly Floyd could depress rings around him (See Dark Side of the Moon) and hell even their jokes are funnier (Have a cigar).
Sorry Floyd fan. i’ll stop. Need to get I pod out.

MW: So with a bun the oven, whose father was another man, she ditched you becasue back then you were an immature jerk who couldn’t even be relied on to make sandwhiches.

My Cage: a) a shot of vodka helps this sort of thing and b) hate to say it but this has a wiff of ‘phoning it in’ about it.
Mr. Majestyk
March 9th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

“Yeah, sure, Dawn, whatever. Are you gonna eat that sandwich or WHAT?”
odinthor
March 9th, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

FB. — Which is which?

Frazz. —

For the record, from Thomas Gray’s Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College:

“To each his sufferings: all are men,
Condemned alike to groan,
The tender for another’s pain;
The unfeeling for his own.
Yet ah! why should they know their fate?
Since sorrow never comes too late,
And happiness too swiftly flies.
Thought would destroy their paradise.
No more; where ignorance is bliss,
‘Tis folly to be wise.”

RMMD. — Let’s see… First take away their self-respect, then make them think that only you will take care of ‘em, distasteful though it be. Yes, well done—classic technique! Toots ain’t the only one who will be in the basement begging.

Spidey. — Looks like Spidey got that camera webbing at the They’ll Do It Every Time estate sale. Let’s see if he gets “the urge →” any time soon . . .

H&J. — And that concludes our special Herb and Jamaal adaptation of Ingmar Bergman’s Winter Light.
dyslexic dog
March 9th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

@TimSquare (#3):
That’s to distinguish it from “The Microfiche.”
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

@BigTed (#51): The oldest of the original Mouseketeers would be around 70.
Scott Blacula
March 9th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

Wilbur Jr. really meant to say, “See dad! Your infatuation with Abby was merely a thin veiled misogony! You claim to put women like Abby on a pedestal but you can’t bear to think of them as autonomous moral agents with human feelings. Your idealistic, retrograde view of women and womanhood in general led this person you supposedly cared about to recoil in shame from everyone she knew and loved due to her “condition”. And “condition”, dad? Really? Are you 110 years old? You disgust me.”
She adds: “Well, on the bright side, at least that unkempt young man adrift in the world who only yearned for affection from an father figure to fill the aching void left by the father he never knew is OUT OF OUR HAIR! Seriously, what a nuisance. You know he didn’t write a note on the fridge when he finished the orange juice even though I asked him twice? By the way, wasn’t that meddling crazy lady supposed to play some role in all of this?”
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#47): duly noted.
imperturbe
March 9th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

MW – I’m thinking Abby resembles nothing so much as Meg Ryan in a particularly excruciating movie – Sleepless in Santa Royale.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2010 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

@Professor Fate (#54): I’m right there with ya, man. But I guess my thought less about Rick specifically and more about the hilarious terrible way in which the ’60s (and the late ’50s) are the only decade that matters to Batiuk. Once you get past Let It Be, he pretty much doesn’t give a shit.
Thomas B.
March 9th, 2010 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

MT: On the plus side, there were no squirrels in MT today. Lucky Mark.
lovetoykilljoy
March 9th, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

I’ve got to believe there is a more successful athletic director out there I could be reading about. Maybe one where the team wins. Then again Marty Moon might not be following them. Hopefully they have a Darty Doom.
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

Gil Thorp: I truly did not know people with scoliosis could play basketball. Cassie in the last panel, that explains her odd stance, doesn’t it?
teddytoad
March 9th, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

If I understand the semiotics of Mary Worth correctly, “free spirit” decodes roughly to Toby Cameron in a patterned blouse and mariachi hat, who shrugs with one arm and tends to list to the side.

This still makes more sense than Apartment 3-G, in which “free spirit” means some old blue guy who makes Luann paint til she dies.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#63): WHAT?! THAT CANNOT BE!
HOLD IT. THIRD PANEL. TALLEST PINE TREE. ON TOP.
SQUIRREL!!!!
the crock
March 9th, 2010 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

i’m impressed that pan can detect what tragedy has befallen based solely on jeff’s sighs of desperation.
mvg
March 9th, 2010 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

laurie (17): “Baloney may not have the answer, but it helps forget the question.”

I have to agree w/Thomas B. (41) that Wilbur is not a baloney man, but an olive loaf man (I’m sure he rationalizes it by claiming that the aged tidbits of pimento are vegetables & thus nutritious).

GT: Don’t worry, Steve. Now that he’s all sweaty & lubed up, Kaz will show you ways to forget all about “kind of liking it” that a nubile high school girl kissed you.

Phantom: Man, don’t you hate it when they start talking “relationship” in the middle of a gun battle? Chicks, am-i-right?

S-M: Likely outcomes:
1) Peter’s camera, set on auto, clicked off all its shots while he was still deciding between the ballerina tutu & the angel’s robe.
2) Dead battery.
3) One of his now-well-fed pigeons decided to roost a while on the ledge right in front of the camera as an aid to digestion.
4) Lens cap.
Sue D. Nymme
March 9th, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Zombie Walt scares me.
Iconoclast
March 9th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

Wilbur, the food fetishist, loved Abby not for her good looks or charming personality, but for the giant Oreo Cookie she wore on top of her head.
Calico
March 9th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

@tb4000 (#30):
They were members of Disney’s Mickey Mouse Club TV show in the 50’s.
Annette Funicello, of beach movie fame, was a MT.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOBlXZyKC6A&feature=PlayList&p=131C95E9695175ED&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=24
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annette_Funicello
BeamStalk
March 9th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Did Ranger Buzz Killer just show up? Because he sure shot down anything possibly remotely good from that first panel of MT.
Fashion Police
March 9th, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

@Carly (#49):
We must give credit where it’s due. young Mr. Weston’s displays nerd-wear that spanned a couple of decades. We charitably assume that seeing only a single button represents an artistic short-cut, or perhaps and oversight.

Long dresses like Miss Evans appears to be wearing were quite fashionable among aspirational flower children in the the early 1970s. The hat, however, is horribly wrong.

The dissonant note throughout has been Mr. Evans’ apparent age. He ought to be pushing forty, but he was portrayed as in his twenties.
Calico
March 9th, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

Here’s a reprise of the theme song from the 50’s:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNK5KzI48mM
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

@Iconoclast (#71): Damn, why didn’t I see that? It’s so obvious.
Toots McMorgan
March 9th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

Hoold it now. Din th’ editors evr’ questoon dat the angle o’ da photos coome from th’ middle o’ buildings where no window be? Can day be that daft?
Spiderman sooks. Sooks rottn’ haggis.
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

@Thomas B. (#63): that’s EXACTLY what the squirrels want you to think…
Black Drazon
March 9th, 2010 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

This is a nice sentiment from Dawn, but the flashback reveals the truth, in that Abby was plucked away from Wilbur’s very arms by a looming UFO, which Wilbur explained away immediately as bad gas from his pastrami on rye. (He then immediately went to get another, it was weeks before he realized she was gone.)
Tom
March 9th, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

Today’s Fred Bassett, an example of the height of artistic laziness. I like it. Please do more of that.
Darkefang
March 9th, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

A3G: Gabriela might be Margo’s real mother, but Bobbie was clearly the mother figure who taught Margo how to express herself.

JP: It isn’t difficult to see how Sam melted Stella’s gold-digging heart. Whether it’s six-figure book deals, million-dollar horse sales or $100,000 legal retainers, Sam always gets paid. Plus, he’s cold, detached and treats his spouse exactly the same as he does his legal partners.

MT: If Buzz had known that this fine young jailbait was here, he’d have clamped down on the Parker Brothers’ reign of terror months ago.

Marvin: I’ve always wondered what the story of Peter Pan would be like if instead of featuring a group of fun-loving children flying around a magical land having amazing adventures, it featured a gang of bitter infants sitting around pooping in their pants.

MW: Karen Moy writes “beautiful free spirit” on the script and this is the illustration that we get?

Phantom: There’s something hilarious about sorting out the details of your romantic relationship while you shoot a grenade launcher at pirates.
Edgy DC
March 9th, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

Man, life with the Westons is like being on one of those magic planets on Star Trek, where you eat one sammich and another one immediately appears on your plate.
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Be careful, Walker!* Captain Savarna’s first name is probably Margo.

*in the Bandar tongue.
Sans Sense
March 9th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Mary has apparently imparted an important life lesson to Dawn. There is no shame in separating the weak from the herd, bringing them to their knees then continuing to surgically pick them apart until they beg for death, or Vietnam, or an indifferent meal at the Bum Boat.
Anonymous
March 9th, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

@Edgy DC (#82): Maybe Wilbur doesn’t actually know how to eat sandwiches ! Or maybe he has performance anxiety.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 9th, 2010 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

MW: “She wanted you to remember her as you always have. As a woman with a damaged inner ear and severely compromised balance.”

A3G: You just can’t talk to Bobbie when her eyes get flesh-colored.

DtM: Henry continues to send Dennis at Alice when she’s in the middle of a cold rage, hoping one will finish off the other. Henry Mitchell has no plans to ever need a divorce lawyer.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2010 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#83): I doubt it. If Margo had a rocket launcher, New York would be a smoldering ruin and we would know her name was the LORD.
The Scientist
March 9th, 2010 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

Apparently Wilbur missed Abby so much he made a cardboard cut-out version of her which he carried around on adventures… or so one must assume given the impossible Escheresque geometric puzzles found in his memories.
Toots McMorgan
March 9th, 2010 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

@TimSquare (#3): Aye, Tim. Did ye notice th’ name oof Walt’s paper is “The Gasette”? Soonds like a wee dancer wit’ flatulence.
Brian
March 9th, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Walt’s magnifying glass raises the question: why haven’t newspapers developed a large type edition for their stalwart readership yet? And why do they print the obituaries in that tiny agate?
cj
March 9th, 2010 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

Galley:
me, commenting on this strip – it’ll never happen again, I’m sure.
“Mr. Walt, you must eat something! Sit down, stuff your foodhole, become offensive stereotype like me!”

Worth:
Someone should tell past-Abby that her eyeliner is running. Past-Wilbur is a dweeb, albeit one with a nice head of strawberry blonde hair.
anyway, the anti-Mary moral of the story is: you don’t set free the ones you love, people who love you don’t abandon your sorry ass at the first opportunity!
Calico
March 9th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#87):
If Margo had a rocket launcher:
She’d make somebody pay
Some SOB would die
(Apologies to BC)
Toots McMorgan
March 9th, 2010 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

@Brian (#90): So ye don’t know ye be gone when ye can’t read yur obit.
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Ah, but Capt. Savarna, even with the rocket launcher, is Margo lite instead of the real thing. Just don’t toy with her delusions.
honeypot
March 9th, 2010 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

@BigTed (#51):

Re: the age of the Mousketeers

My dad worked for Disney in the 50’s at the Burbank studio. I was even born in the hospital right across the street. As Disney employee kids, we were all “honorary” members of the Mouseketeers and got to go to the big Christmas party where we were entertained by the real ones. They were all mostly late teens early 20s, so I’d guess that now they would be in their 60s and 70s. Not exactly ripe for dropping from old age, but that Hollywood lifestyle does have its consequences.
ElkMeadow
March 9th, 2010 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#37):

Shari Lewis died the same week as Mother Theresa and Lady Diana. Our family misses her the most.

But the world goes on.

Now as for Abby, Wilbur never does ask how she died, where some of her artworks might be found, where she’s buried or scattered at, any memorials. It’s like she never lived.
ElkMeadow
March 9th, 2010 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#45):

PITTSBURGH?!

No, Philadelphia.
spike
March 9th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#45): Thank you for the Calvin and Hobbes memory!

Ghost-Who-Isn’t-a Widower: I dunno. This could get interesting, as some of those pirates seem to resemble Diana’s abductors.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#96): Well, obviously. Facing the fact that Abbey was a mortal human being whose shit stank would destroy his illusory ever-young flower child. As hilariously cruel as Dawn’s making it, she’s exactly on the money as to what Wilbur’s problem in this situation is.
ElkMeadow
March 9th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

@Carly (#49):

Whatever decade this is supposed to be. What is with that outfit? It looks like it was drawn by someone who’s heard vague things about the fashion of The Past but never actually experienced it, or even seen a couple of pictures.

It’s called the Lynn Johnston School of Research.
mvg
March 9th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

Toots McMorgan (89): “Did ye notice th’ name oof Walt’s paper is “The Gasette”? Soonds like a wee dancer wit’ flatulence.”

You don’t wanna be sitting in the front row when the Gasettes chorus line performs their high kick.

MW: Perhaps young Wilbur shopped from the same catalog where Dagwood gets all his shirts: Acme Single-Button Apparel for Oddly Shaped Men.
ElkMeadow
March 9th, 2010 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#99):

You’re right, and it’s just as well. Otherwise Dawn might soon find Abby enshrined in the apartment.
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

With all the languid sandwich-eating going on, what are the odds that we’re schlepping toward a Sunday Charterstone pool party? Six days and counting…
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

And no, I can’t count…that’s my uncle, The Count on Sesame Street.
odinthor
March 9th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

#81. Darkefang. –

Phantom: There’s something hilarious about sorting out the details of your romantic relationship while you shoot a grenade launcher at pirates.

Well, it’s o.k. at first, not so much after a while. But ymmv.
Perky Bird
March 9th, 2010 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#103): Salmon squares can be minced and mixed with mayo for a delightful sandwich! And a little color in his sandwiches might do Wilbur some good.
Dr. Weird
March 9th, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

@Scott Blacula (#59):

MW: What if Mary’s role is to meddle DAWN in this seedy affair? “Your father was happy and you went and ruined it… why, exactly?”
ElkMeadow
March 9th, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#47):

So we can forget the “beautiful” part…. So you’ll be in China, at the Kingdom of the Dwarfs?
ElkMeadow
March 9th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

So Kurt’s gone. Uh, how do we know that he isn’t “missing”. Like Helen Clark got Dawn’s land-line number from *69, and looked it up on reverse phone look-up, and got someone there to bag Kurt and now he’s with Aldo.

Someone go check Facebook and see if he’s still posting.
Steve L
March 9th, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

Considering that Walt Wallet is about 115, isn’t it about time for him to kick the bucket?
Krazy Kat
March 9th, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

No wonder Kurt was such a good frolicker: it appears frolicking runs in the family!

And by that I mean Dawn’s family, of course.
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2010 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#102): Now that I think of it, compare this Mary Worth storyline with the recent Prince Valiant strips. Besides the obvious differences (the masterful art, better writing, believable dialogue, and faster pacing,) PV is telling a bittersweet story about two lovers facing their own mortality; sure, there’s artfully-rendered nymph goodness* in the first panel, but the images of Merlin and Nimue growing old together are just as affectionate and lovingly drawn, because life doesn’t stop being sweet once you start to go gray. Even now, years later, with his wife long gone, Merlin still remembers her with love.

Wilbur, by contrast, knew a girl in college for a few months, allegedly had sex with her, got in a bunch of fights, and finally had a falling-out after which she disappeared from his life entirely. Decades later, he still obsesses over the romanticized ideal of her he’s been carrying around in his head all these years, an Abby who’s always smiling vacantly (except in their fights, which I guess he just can’t block out,) always in her late teens, and always dressed like what a Mormon from the ’70s thought the ’60s looked like; he’s so attached to his imaginary ethereal lover that he can’t even bring himself to talk about her being pregnant without resorting to euphemisms that were falling out of favor around the time he was born.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, feh.

* Although I’m not really sure what she’s supposed to be doing there. Looks like she’s prepping for the “crane kick” from The Karate Kid. Merlin better look out.
Écureuil Écumant
March 9th, 2010 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

S-M: Photos shot from a block away, using a camera he bought from behind the counter at CVS, and with the digital zoom set to 10. Yessirree, definitely front page material.
DAS
March 9th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

the old man had vowed to “track down and murder each and every one of those mouse-eared bastards while they sleep,” was no idle boast. The police couldn’t stop him. The army couldn’t stop him. They would have to take care of this themselves.

Not necessarily. Marmaduke may very well have eaten them all before Crankshaft even got to them.
kkarenb
March 9th, 2010 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

@honeypot (#95):
I envy you! Some of my earliest memories are of watching the original Mickey Mouse Club. I had the hat with the ears and the shirt with my name on it. My favorite part of the show was the serials, especially “Spin and Marty” and “Corky and White Shadow.”
I do recall reading in the newspaper around a year ago that Cheryl Holdridge had passed away. I don’t remember any other obituaries since then.
Écureuil Écumant
March 9th, 2010 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

MT: Mark is so appalled at the sight of a partially-undressed female that he’s suffered a run of premature labicular contractions. We better hope the senator’s nitro pills fell out into the bottom of the canoe.
Baron Bizarre
March 9th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

@Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#47): Was that you under there? Geez, I would’ve said ‘Hello’ if I’d've known.
seismic-2
March 9th, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

MW: From Dawn’s choreography in Panel 1, it appears that the Muzak that’s being piped into Charterstone today is one of the Bangle’s lesser-known singles, Eat like an Egyptian.
Red Greenback
March 9th, 2010 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Cranky: I would have liked to have seen that a-hole Ed featured in the strip today. He’d probably be cracking wise about “Mousecadavers”.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

@Red Greenback (#119): LET’S PLAY ZIPPY!!
A-HOLE ED! A-HOLE ED! A-HOLE ED! A-HOLE ED! A-HOLE ED!
MOUSECADAVERS! MOUSECADAVERS! MOUSECADAVERS! MOUSECADAVERS!
A-HOLE ED!
are we having fun yet?
Kevin Moore
March 9th, 2010 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

Augh. Crankshaft made me google. The most recent Mouseketeer to die was Cheryl Holdridge at 65, according to this LA Times obit from a year ago. Maybe Jeff is one of those guys who insist on reading the entire paper, cover to cover, no matter how long it takes, and dammit he will not start a new one until this one is finished. I like the image of piles of year-old newspapers forming an obstacle course around their house, forcing Crankshaft to shift direction on his aging, stiff ankles, incurring further damage to his joints and hastening him to the grave. It beats the prospect that this was just another lame Batuik attempt at gallows humor.
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

@Scott Blacula (#y70): It’s always worth mentioning again, Scott. I think the last time I pointed at it was because somebody thought Muffaroo was a female name.

@BigTed (#51): I watched it in the 60s, through the miracle of syndication, whereby the original shows were recut some and some new segments involving an oleaginous local host (“…and tell ‘em old Dick Lewis sent ya!”) were laid in. They had freaking pie-eating contests. In the new stuff, I mean.

@kkarenb (#115): My family lived in southern California when the Mickey Mouse Club was in its first run. On a trip to Disneyland (when I was either not born or too young to remember), my sister was so excited to see Spin and Marty that she ran past the barrier and got to meet them. They thought she was cute.
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

@mvg (#101): “You don’t wanna be sitting in the front row when the Gasettes chorus line performs their high kick.” Though much worse than sitting in the front row of a Gallagher gig from an audience-participation standpoint, the visages of 24 synchronized anuses flapping is certainly a sight you’ll never forget.
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

@kkarenb (#115): “Spin and Marty?” Wasn’t one of those a horse? I’m remembering it was Marty because Spin is too obvious a horse’s name.
kkarenb
March 9th, 2010 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

@Muffaroo (#122):
Now I envy your sister! I remember asking my mother to make me a sling out of a man’s handkerchief so I could emulate Marty when he broke his arm.
A few years ago there was an updated tv movie remake of “Spin and Marty,” and the orignal Marty, David Stollery, made a cameo appearance. I tried to watch it, but it was hideous.
kkarenb
March 9th, 2010 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#124):
No, Spin (Tim Considine) and Marty (Daivid Stollery) were two boys at the Triple-R Ranch. Marty’s horse was a palomino named Skyrocket. I don’t remember Spin’s horse’s name. J. Pat O”Malley was also in it; he played Marty’s butler, Perkins.
Paladin
March 9th, 2010 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

I’m surprised that Crankshaft’s paper is called “The Paper” when they could have really cut to the chase and called it “The Obits.” It probably contains nothing but statistics about how many people died of a particular cause the previous day, with longer spotlights for celebrities or truly heartbreaking stories that would tempt readers to add themselves to the next day’s body count.
Master Softheart
March 9th, 2010 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

JP: You know, perhaps it’s actually a good thing that Sam’s apathy, pettiness, and casual, indulgent contempt for others prevents him from doing much. If a couple strips in which he rouses himself from sleepwalking through an upper class dreamworld to do some sloppy, casual, grossly unethical ~~lawyering~~ non-contextual talking to people can result in other people unraveling of a massive international white collar crime, then he would probably qualify as a superhero by comics page standards if he actually focused on accomplishing something. It’s a bold decision to take the strip more in this direction, and an unusual challenge for both writer and illustrator. So Sam “Unintended Consequences” Driver (or we might even add a touch of class and call him “The Éminence Grise”) stumbles on some crisis or crime and makes a few bored, distracted, inept attempts to figure out what is gong on. Then, of course, he sets all that aside to deal with cheerleading tryouts or the marital problems of the rich and famous, then looks on in puzzlement and surprise when someone comes back a few days later and credits him with solving the problem by the work of others put in motion by the butterfly effect of his by then half-forgotten actions. And I must say, Sam’s expression in panel 3 of today’s strip does convey the haunted look of a man whose conscience torments him because he has no clue how someone could justify thanking him and giving him a check for $100k based on what he’s actually done – which reflects better on Sam’s character and ethics than anything we’ve seen in the last few months.

Some writers would be tempted to either have their hero actually solve the problem or, Mary Worth-like, actually use the strip to follow the adventures of the other people and only bring on their star for critical moments. Woody Wilson has a different artistic vision.

Phantom: Recently, I admit that I don’t even need the Narration Box to love this strip. If they want to maximize superheroic action, newspapers should just drop Spider Man and run each day’s Phantom twice.

9CL: There comes a point in every 9CL storyline where you just shrug, say “whatever,” and go try to figure out what’s happening in “Crock” until a new storyline starts. The nth wall of pretentious text spouted by the unicorn. The global popularity of Bosendorfer sex via viral Youtube and international news in Belgium. Any given strip showing Thorax. Whatever. While the exact moment when this happens probably differs for each person (as, I hope, does the nature of their displacement activity), I submit that today was that moment for “Edie Boinks Austrians and Wins WWII.”

MT: This storyline is introducing way more complexity on the path to cathartic violence than is justifiable. Gay politicians? A ranger? Some guy’s hot daughter? Mark, two random mooks almost killed the Senator and beat you like a little girl stampeded buying Backstreet Boys tickets. They need punching, and putting it off by wading through these random B-plotlines will not change that fact.
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

@kkarenb (#126): kkarenb, thanks for saving me a trip to Googleland. I knew there was a horse in there somewhere.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#123): COTWII
Red Greenback
March 9th, 2010 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#120): Yes.
Here Come ole Flattop
March 9th, 2010 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

FW: Jesus F’n Christ on a Harley. Tom Batiuk (apparently a man who was never in the service; he only knows about the service by watching the wildly accurate movies made in Hollywood) is now going to attack the VA? Has he ever been in a VA hospital? Probably not. I’ve seen the insides of lots of them and I preemptively call “BS” on the next two weeks of inane, inaccurate, and incoherent storylining. Yep, that’s some mighty fine writing there Batiuk. . .
Howland Al
March 9th, 2010 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

Even just looking at Gasoline Alley gives me the twitches. We need Bruce Campbell and a 12 gauge to put an end to this zombie toot sweet.
Steve the Pocket
March 9th, 2010 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

@Kevin Moore (#121): “Augh. Crankshaft made me google.” Because lord knows it hasn’t made anyone giggle in years. ;)

Also, man… Walt’s got the most pitiful expression I think I’ve ever seen in a comic strip. Even compared to the guy who discovered that another one of his childhood idols just died. I never thought that one of the Funkiverse’s most gratuitously depressing installments yet would be one-upped the same day by Gasoline Alley of all things.
Comcis Fan
March 9th, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

Dawn is twisted and cruel in paying Daddy back for abandoning her after the divorce. She’s pulling this stuff out of thin air, as if she knew Abby and her motives, and wants to make Wilbur believe that if only … if ONLY … Abby could have trusted him, they could have stayed together and he could have raised Kurt as his own and never married the now-ex-wife who gave him this vengeful, wanne-be-Dr. Phil offspring. I mean, she got all this from one brief conversation with a drunken Helen Clark? Helen Clark told Dawn than Abby left town because she was particularly embarrassed that Wilbur would learn of her pregnancy?

Meanwhile, I see many, many more sandwiches in Wilbur’s future. That is, unless Abby is alive and Kurt disappeared just long enough to fetch her.
Ktrout
March 9th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

TV dinners: if you ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
Thomas B.
March 9th, 2010 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#78): Just the response I would expect from a bat, or should I say a winged squirrel!
B. Racoon
March 9th, 2010 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley Update

Well, many of you may remember that we had tried to destroy Gasoline Alley from within by planting a specially trained cat agent whom, I think, they called “Boogie”. We had hoped that this would work or at least cause much confusion. Alas, the worst possible scenario occurred. “Boogie” was assimilated into the strip! Not only did we lose a crack agent, the strip continues as if nothing had happened. Unfortunately, we must consider this endeavor a failure.

I apologize that we were unable to remove this strip. We dare not send in another agent, it’s just too dangerous.
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

@Comcis Fan (#135): Obviously, 100 years from now when Mary turns 70 and opts for retirement to meddler emeritus status, Dawn will be ready to take over for her.
Aviatrix
March 9th, 2010 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

@ElkMeadow (#109): That’s freaking brilliant. Tabasco-swilling grannie has to be good for more than just that one cameo.
Ed Dravecky
March 9th, 2010 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

After reading the meta-post I went to Wikipedia only to discover there was no article on “Morning Funnies” cereal. So I fixed it.
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

@B. Racoon (#138): We assume that, lacking opposable thumbs, you don’t have any snipers with high-powered rifles on staff?
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
March 9th, 2010 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

@tb4000 (#30): see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mouseketeer
B. Racoon
March 9th, 2010 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#142): Unfortunately, you can’t shoot to kill a strip born to hang.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
March 9th, 2010 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#142): Hmmm…. If not, then how does the Racoon Patrol perform their Delta-Force-style operations?
Aviatrix
March 9th, 2010 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#145): Rabid bites?
Écureuil Écumant
March 9th, 2010 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

GT: “Part of me liked it.” And what part would that be, Steve?
B. Racoon
March 9th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#146): Madam, I must remind you that Racoons are not rabid. There is medication to prevent such things. I do believe that Bourbon Babe has had some of that medication.
Sue D. Nymme
March 9th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

Walt’s paper has no obituary section, because nobody in Gasoline Alley ever dies.
Thomas B.
March 9th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

MW- So a pregant unwed woman has to hide her “condition?” But a computer addicted, overwieght, compulsive olive loaf sandwich eater, with a three hair comb over gets to prance about in a one size fits most polo shirt with white shorts? Oooookaaaaay.
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#130): After all, didn’t René Descartes say, “When in doubt, go for the flapping anuses.”? Or am I getting my 17th century rationalists all mixed up again?

PS-Didactic Duo, I wasn’t sure where to put the question mark in the sentence with the quotation. Please don’t jab me with a sharp #2.5 pencil.
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

Dear Mr. Scancarelli,
A couple of years ago Walt paid a visit to the Old Comics Home to see some of his old friends, including such worthies and Moon Mullins, Smokey Stover, and Jiggs. Some of us hoped that Walt would be taking up residence. It’s still a good idea. Obviously, you’re reluctant to kill him off. Sending him to the Old Comics Home would be a graceful way to write him out of the script with a little dignity. Please consider this. His continued presence in Gasoline Alley has strained the credibility of a once-great slice-of-life strip beyond the breaking point.

The lady who takes care of him could move on to Skeezix and Nina. Skeezix is pushing 90 and both he and Nina would probably appreciate a little help.

If Walt could live quietly and comfortably forever among his old colleagues I could start reading GA again. All the more so if he takes Rufus and Joel with him.

Respectfully yours,

gnome de blog
Curmudgeon
Bryan
March 9th, 2010 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

If anyone is curious, here’s a list of who’s alive and who’s dead of the original Mousketeers:
http://www.whosaliveandwhosdead.com/l_mouse.asp
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#145):
I have every confidence in the Racoon Patrol’s genius for innovation.
Joe Blevins
March 9th, 2010 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

A little research turns up the fact that the nine kids who were original Mouseketeers and who stayed with the show through its entire run are all, in fact, alive. Two “one season wonders” from Season 1 and two replacement-keteers from Season 2 have died. That’s four out of 39 kids. And again, the famous ones are all alive.

Translation: the ’shaft has his work cut out for him.
Anonymous
March 9th, 2010 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#141): That’s just wrong that anyone person know so much about a breakfast cereal. What’s next, scans from the coupons to buy it?
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#151): EH, I THINK IT WAS DESCARTES!
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#157): NO! WAIT! I THINK IT MAY HAVE BEEN SPINOZA!
NO, MAYBE ROUSSEAU…HUME?…KANT?
phooey. those 17th century rationalists all look alike
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#158): HAMMY, it’s easy. Look for the one with the flapping anus.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#159):
FLAPPING ANUS WAS THE NAME OF MY SHORT-LIVED ROCK GROUP!!
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

@kkarenb (#126): Yeah, “Spin & Marty” was basically the favorite sub-series in the MMC. I had hopes for the Hardy Boys, but “The Tower Treasure” just seemed to be the same episode, and nothing much happened in it. It didn’t help that for many of those years, we didn’t have a working TV, so what I saw depended on what was showing at the Quintanas’ house. I have four LPs worth of Mickey Mouse Club songs on my iPod, including “The Triple R Song,” which I think was probably the last episode of the original series. I don’t mean it was on the episode, I mean it was the episode. It goes on forever. My own verse goes, “Though the days grow short / and the years grow long / we’ll still be singing / this *#&$@ song!”

I smile crookedly to myself when they sing: “Mister Morgan is the boss (Yippee yay, etc.) / And he’s never mean and he’s never cross (etc) / He must like boys and like ‘em well / Or he just couldn’t be so dog-gone swell!” It may be my imagination, but I think I can hear the kid cringing inwardly as he sings that line.

@Écureuil Écumant (#147): That could be punctuated a little differently: “And what part would that be? Little Steve?”

@Sue D. Nymme (#149): Except Mrs. Walt.
Baka Gaijin
March 9th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#160): Sounds like a charming quartet. Did you play the harpsichord?
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#162): NO!!! I PLAYED THE BUTT-FLUTE!!
seismic-2
March 9th, 2010 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#151): Yes, I believe it was in fact Descartes who said, “When in doubt, go for the flapping anuses.” As evidence, I would offer today’s Brewster Rockit, which introduces us to a new alien character, “O-Dor of Uranus”. Clearly, this character adheres to Descartes’ best-known teaching, “I stink, therefore I am.”
These Strange Worlds
March 9th, 2010 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#11):
Phantom:
My Daddy may not have given me much practical advice on women, but I’m pretty sure he menthioned in passing something along the lines of “In matters of love, be very very careful when there is a misunderstanding with a woman holding a bazooka.”
Ed Dravecky
March 9th, 2010 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

@Anonymous (#156): Before Josh mentioned it yesterday, it was a vague memory at best. I wrote the article based on published articles I found with Google and its cousin Google News, not anything I “knew” ahead of time.

Sometimes while looking for one thing you find other stuff of interest, too:

THAT KID: WHAT A GUY! A YOUNG YUPPIE STARS IN THE NEW COMIC STRIP BY THE CREATOR OF THE LOCKHORNS
Miami Herald – March 28, 1987

“Cartoonist Bill Hoest noticed a little boy cropping up in his gag cartoons, repeating things the boy had heard from his young, professional parents but didn’t fully understand. After decades of cartooning, including drawing the popular The Lockhorns, Hoest knew he was on to something funny — and timely. Sure enough, the little boy evolved into Guy Wellington Frothmore, star of What a Guy. The new strip, Hoest’s sixth cartoon, starts Sunday in The Herald.”
Jimmyleg Jehosephat
March 9th, 2010 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

Walt: “NO, you lazy BITCH, you’ll damned well give me steak and potatoes, or I’ll beat you within an inch of your life with my walker!” But no. Poor old geezer. I see he won’t be raging against the dying of the light. TV dinner. I’m going to cry now.
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#152): I agree with you. Seeing little old turtle-man Walt is very sad. If his wife was allowed to die, perhaps he should go, too (and that would be very sad as well). The Old Comics Home is a nice alternative, not as “real” as death (of which Tom B. has made a mockery on so many levels), but writing out a character from a fairly-logical script who’s made the script thin and less-than-credible.

I like Rufus and Joel. Well, Rufus. Because of Kitty and Boogie.
Foolkiller
March 9th, 2010 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Ripley’s Believe It Or Not is reduced to some guy who listened to the same album for 524 days? He obviously doesn’t have a classic rock or Top 40 station in his town or else he could listen to the same songs 5-6 times a day.
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

@seismic-2 (#164): Fragro ergo sum.
Walker of Dog
March 9th, 2010 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

@dyslexic dog (Metapost#33): Goofy Texas newspaper contests must have been all the rage back in the day. As a kid, I solved an Encyclopedia Brown mystery contest in the Dallas Times-Herald – as I recall, the fake pawprints the perp created had the wrong number of toes for a cat. Eat nerd justice, punk!

All the winning entries were put into a drawing, and I won second prize – a cassette tape recorder and microphone. While this wasn’t the Fifties, I took it as an encouragement to start monitoring and informing on my family and other members of the community. The worst part: when my folks took me downtown to claim my espionage equipment, the first thing I saw was the top prize – a shiny new bicycle – leaned up against the wall, just waiting for its new stupid, lucky, nerd owner. Cruel Times-Herald… on the other hand, the paper’s dead and I’m not, so I guess we’ll call it even.
Jason1981
March 9th, 2010 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

Curtis: Part of that message must’ve accidentally been deleted: “I also heard your youngest is a little f*cking asshole, and that’s why you gave him away to that Wilkins family”

S-M: Spidey, with the “luck” you’ve been having lately, the only pics you’ll have will be of some obese dude in a g-string.
wossname
March 9th, 2010 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

@kkarenb (#126): Tim Considine was also a Mouseketeer, wasn’t he? I seem to recall thinking he was dreamy, right around the time it first crossed my mind that boys could be dreamy. But I don’t see him on Bryan’s list at #153 so maybe it was in Spin and Marty that I noticed his dreaminess.

#151 Baka Gaijin – There will be no jabbing, good sir. The question mark goes outside the quotes in this case, but you don’t need the period inside them. The rule is (at least on the journalistic side) that periods and commas always go inside, but with all other punctuation, it stays inside if it’s part of the quoted material and goes outside if it’s not.
Anonymous
March 9th, 2010 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

@Paladin (#127): When passing through a small town in West Virginia and searching desperately for something on the radio, we were once treated to an entire news program detailing who was in the hospital and who had died.
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

@wossname (#173):
Tim Considine played Spin and Frank Hardy and appeared in many Disney movies and features, but he was never an official Mouseketeer.
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

@wossname (#173): Sort of an adjunct Mouseketeer. He didn’t sing and dance and do regular sketches, but I suppose he could wear the ears if he wanted to. (As it happens, I read a sort of official history of the Mouseketeers fairly recently, having spotted it on display at the library, so I’m a little clearer on his status than I would have been if this had come up six months ago.)
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

jinx!
blackgoat
March 9th, 2010 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

MW: Dawn – (nibbling on potholder) “maybe she wanted you to remember her as you always have, you poor delusional moron… a beautiful free spirit who loved you… and not as a two timing slut who dumped you for some shallow, rich turd.”

CRANKSHAFT: Hey there, hi there, ho there, Mr. Batiuk. Good news. The Original Mickey Mouse Club website reports that all nine of the original Mouseketeers are still alive. Oh, sorry. That’s probably bad news in your world.
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
March 9th, 2010 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#168): I also have a fondness for Uncle Walt and his housekeeper. I think they get picked on a little to much in this blog. There are far more vulnerable targets than this strip, to crab at.
Jamus The Bartender
March 9th, 2010 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: Gertie, Walt’s 109 years old. He don’t GOT to do anything. Especially eat a tv dinner that’s something like 75 % sodium.
Violet
March 9th, 2010 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

I always assumed Wilbur was pretty straight but if that’s his idealized conception of Abby as filtered through the mists of time I’d imagine he must have gotten into some pretty hardcore shit at some point.
Jamus The Bartender
March 9th, 2010 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

9CL” Hey….General Eisenhower wants to see me…and he wants to ‘ hear Caesar sing’ . I don’t know what that means.”
Jamus The Bartender
March 9th, 2010 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

reFoob: Because you wished for something awful to happen to you when Liz got her finners caught in the drawer, remember? You asked God and everything. “Next time something awful happens, let it be me.” Something along those lines. Don’t say God doesn’t answer prayer, Elly.
cheech wizard
March 9th, 2010 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

MW – Free spirit = whore*

* in the Medlar tongue
Melch Melch
March 9th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#4): The hole is not in the space/time continuum of reality, per say, but rather in the space/time continuum of Wilbur’s memory. Tomorrow’s strip will look almost exactly like the second panel of today’s, only the hole will have consumed the whole of Abbey’s forehead. By Thursday, her eyebrows will be gone. By Friday, the nostrils embedded in her face. And by the end of the month there will just be one giant panel of black. It will be the most action-packed Mary Worth arc in years.
GarrisonS
March 9th, 2010 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

I think “What a Guy” came out around the time of Hoest’s other non -Lockhorns/Howard Huge strip “Agatha Crumb” who’s title character was more or less a combination of a female Donald Trump crossed with the personallity of Slappy Squirrell

With all due respect to the late Mr Hoest, I think the little boy he noticed was one Alex P. Keaton and made him into a 10 year old.
Jamus The Bartender
March 9th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

Spider Man: “Hi, welcome to Good Morning, Miami. Today’s Topic : Guardian Angel, threat or menace. We MUST stop Guardian Angel from fighting crime in our fair city. Children will try to imitate his fantastic feats. Plus, he’ll bring down the tourist trade….”And so on and so forth….haven’t you learned anything, Peter?
gnome de blog
March 9th, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

@LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL (#179):
I like Walt and Gertie too. Walt’s a Hall of Famer, and deserves to go out with quiet dignity. Seeing him now is a little like watching Stan Musial try to play baseball. As I said (#152), if Walt goes to the Old Comics Home Gertie could go take care of Skeezix’ and Nina. Skeezix is about the same age as Stan the Man.
Jamus The Bartender
March 9th, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

Sally Forth: Ces, if you can swing it, i’d love to see Ralph crusing the girls of Old Town from Sin City….
KarMann
March 9th, 2010 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

@tb4000 (#30): “What the fuck is a Mouseketeer?”
Am I the only one who read this and thought, “oh dear lord no, I’m a Plugger!”?
Jamus The Bartender
March 9th, 2010 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

RMMD: Yeah, go ahead, kick Brook a little more, June. Oh, you don’t know the best part. She’s got her loser boyfriend in the basement. I don’t think she can get any lower than that.
KarMann
March 9th, 2010 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Oops, almost forgot: And get off my lawn, you young whippersnappers!
Violet
March 9th, 2010 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

Are Pam and Jeff actually old enough for the original mouseketeers to have any particular significance for them or is this just another example of Crankshaft’s insistence on everyone being cripplingly depressed by everything, always? Jeff will next spiral further into despair on reading that the road construction on Main has been successfully completed, then just utterly lose his shit and weep openly when he sees the 2-for-1 special on Egg McMuffins.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

OOOOHH! I THINK I’M GETTING SICK.
I JUST THREW UP MY NUTS!
Bryan
March 9th, 2010 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

Gasoline Alley: Didn’t Skeezix fire Gertie when she stuck Mr. Walt in a dumpster while she went off and banged some bluesman?
cheech wizard
March 9th, 2010 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

@KarMann (#190):
You know you’re a Plugger if you think Annette Funicello is hot.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW!!
I JUST WATCHED MY FAVORITE STAR TREK!!
commodorejohn
March 9th, 2010 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

So we’ve seen before what happens when Batiuk gets wind of the fact that people dislike his approach to writing “comic” strips. What I want to know is what he would do if someone approached him at…I dunno, does he do conventions? and shook his hand and said, with perfect sincerity, “I love your work, sir. Funky Winkerbean is hands-down the funniest strip in the paper.” I’d pay good money to witness that reaction.
Alfred E. Neuman
March 9th, 2010 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#196): When I was 13, my contemporary, Annette Funicello was a woman among little girls. She was the hottest teen of the mid-’50s, and every guy I knew had the jones for her, at least until Tuesday Weld came along. If that makes me a Plugger, I’m cool with that.
Fashion Police
March 9th, 2010 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

The dress Mrs. Sally Forth is wearing today is unquestionably the least unattractive thing she’s worn in years.
cheech wizard
March 9th, 2010 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

@Alfred E. Neuman (#199):
You’ll note I was referencing KarMann’s remark at 190. As for the divine Ms. F, I had a crush on her as well, even though she was a bit old for me – being a preschooler at the time. So by that definition, I’d be a Plugger too, as much as I hate to admit it.
Sylocat
March 9th, 2010 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

@KarMann (#190): If it helps, I’m 23 and I know what it is. It could be that I’m a premature plugger, or that tb4000 is just a moron…
Bryan
March 9th, 2010 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

Shoot, I was born in 1973 and I think Annette was smokin’ in those old Beach Movies. Frankie knew the score!
Man, now I want to watch a beach movie and almost all of my collection is lost. All I’ve got left is “How to Stuff a Wild Bikini” and that is a sub-par entry in the series. Dammit!
Buck Ripsnort
March 9th, 2010 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

Skeezix’ face in that last GA panel is sadder than a year’s worth of Batiuk. If the writers of this strip have any souls, LET THIS MAN DIE!
Buck Ripsnort
March 9th, 2010 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: Ha-ha, when that bear-woman uses that towel, she’ll get hair all over her- – oh, wait.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

@Buck Ripsnort (#205):
PLUGGERS HAVE HAIR WHERE OTHERS WOULDN’T DARE!
kkarenb
March 9th, 2010 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

@wossname (#173):
also 175, gnome do blog – You are right, Tim Considine was not a Mouseketeer. An interesting bit of trivia – he played the soldier that George C. Scott slapped in “Patton.”
@wossname (#173): I was always partial to Marty myself. The only thing I remember about the Hardy Boys story was “Gold doubloons and pieces of eight/All belong to Applegate.”
Anonymous
March 9th, 2010 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

FW: You’d be smiling too, Funky, if you just shit yourself in Wally’s car.
cheech wizard
March 9th, 2010 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#197): That is one of the most disturbing things I’ve seen in some time.
Anonymous
March 9th, 2010 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

RMMD: June’s compassion makes Nurse Ratched look like Mother Theresa
Charterstoned
March 9th, 2010 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

MW – Those sandwiches that Wilbur and Dawn are waving around but not actually eating look like they’re made of two pieces of bread with a plastic sandwich bag in between. So, maybe those glasses of milk are really just solid white cylinders. Maybe the potted plant and the flowers are fake, too. Maybe this whole story arc about fake offspring has been a metaphor for Dawn and Wilbur and the plastic lives they lead in a seedy, Salmon Square-colored Charterstone apartment.

Or maybe the colorist just forgot to tint the bologna.
Perky Bird
March 9th, 2010 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

So a “beautiful free spirit” is a woman who wears odd, unflattering clothing and goes around with a dazed look of incomprehension on her face? Hmmm…then I guess I better start referring to that homeless drug addict by the Metro station as the “beautiful free spirit” by the Metro station.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#209): AND IT’S EVEN BETTER IN HI-DEF!!
seismic-2
March 9th, 2010 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

I realize that I’ve posted this link herein once before, but I’ll repost it now anyway, since it seems particularly appropriate. Say what you will about the Mickey Mouse them as sung by Annette, Cubby, Darlene, Bobby, etc., my favorite rendition is definitely this one.

Being a Plugger, I remember little Annette from when her T-shirt had simply the name “Annette” emblazoned across her chest, instead of the later version “Annette Funicello, Mouseketeer and Heart Throb to Millions of Adolescent Lads All Across America – a Walt Disney Presentation” (and still had plenty of room left over).
Aviatrix
March 9th, 2010 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

@KarMann (#190): I assumed tb4000 was kidding. But the idea that s/he wasn’t gives me hope that when the boomers finally set their last trend, that a new generation will have a culture that is all their own, and not dictated by the nostalgia of the previous ones.
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

MICKEY MOUSE?!
I LIKE NEW ZOO REVUE!!
Alfred E. Neuman
March 9th, 2010 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#201): I think that the true Pluggers are those who liked listening to Jimmie Dodd’s songs more than watching Annette.
Alfred E. Neuman
March 9th, 2010 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#201): I think that the true Pluggers are those who liked listening to Jimmie Dodd’s songs more than watching Annette. As bad as those songs were, however, nothing approaches the Pluggerski awfulness of HAMMY’s (#197) “Trolololo”.
Alfred E. Neuman
March 9th, 2010 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

Sorry for the accidental post @217. Ida know, someone pushed the wrong button, not me!
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
March 9th, 2010 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

@Alfred E. Neuman (#218):
IT’S MORE FUN IF YOU DRINK LOTS OF JACK DANIELS FIRST!!!
seismic-2
March 9th, 2010 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

I was going to suggest some sort of merciful euthanasia for Walt Wallet. After seeing the film from #197, however, I am seriously considering it for myself.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 9th, 2010 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

It was ten days short of a year ago that I last had to endure that most awful vigil, of an aged pet obviously in their last days. I’ve been rather surprised that Dewce has made it through the past few, but I will be utterly shocked if she survives the night. She’s lived far beyond what a ferret should, especially one of commercial breeding, and she isn’t in any pain, just fading away slowly. Tomorrow may be the first time in almost 15 years that I don’t have a fuzzy carpet shark in my home.

Sorry for the Batuik, but I don’t really have anywhere else to share this currently.
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

@blackgoat (#178): I get it now. He didn’t mean that one of the TV Mouseketeers had died, just that some kid who used to sit at home wearing a pair of those ears had passed on. I wonder what paper he subscribes to to find out things like that? In Batiuk’s world, there’s probably a journal devoted to telling who all has died on any given day.

@Fashion Police (#200): I could just about hear Eddie Haskell saying that. “And if I may say so, Mrs. Cleaver, that dress you’re wearing is just about the least unattractive thing I’ve seen you wear in years.”

@seismic-2 (#214): You don’t think I’d disagree with that, do you? Oh, Julie!
cheech wizard
March 9th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

@Alfred E. Neuman (#218): I think the true Pluggers are the ones who enjoyed watching Rin Tin Tin more than Annette. After all, most of them are dogs anyway.
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
March 9th, 2010 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

GA: Not only do I like this strip and Walt and Gertie, I really like the way it is drawn. Today’s strip, for instance. Beautifully drawn. I am not kidding: each box is composed, balanced. Obviously some time was taken with each drawing.
I think Scancarelli is a fine comic artist.

Many of today’s strips are not drawn, they are scribbled and scrawled.
Fashion Police
March 9th, 2010 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

@Muffaroo (#223):
Oh dear. When you put it that way, we sound rather arch. We do have hope that Mrs. Forth, like Miss Abigail Thompson, is taking the first small steps toward a more invigorating sense of style.
Numbat
March 9th, 2010 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222):

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. But I am glad that she isn’t in any pain and that she is with someone who obviously loves her.
Mr. O'Malley
March 9th, 2010 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#215): My culture and that of many of my friends owes a lot to the popular culture of the 1920s and 1930s, decades before our birth. However, my parents’ popular culture doesn’t go back much earlier than that.

I was recently trying to listen to The Pickwick Papers—a great favorite of my grandfather’s, and well before his time too— as an audiobook and I was unable to make it through. I recognize the fact that it is supposed to be funny, but I didn’t find any humor in it and all of the characters seem very unlikeable. (I like Sketches by Boz, though.)

Certain decades just have better popular culture than others, so they last a lot longer. But eventually they will all become the realm of the specialist, like the 14th century is now.
bats :[
March 9th, 2010 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): I am so sorry to hear this! Fuzzy buddies love us (and chew on us, if they’re ferrets) unconditionally, and even as she leaves you, you know that you provided Dewce a good, long and happy life. This is a tough time for you, but you’re there for her and things will eventually get better.
Miss Othmar
March 9th, 2010 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): I haven’t been around to snark, but I have been reading — so sorry to hear about your ferret friend. We have had ferrets and they really wriggle their way into your heart. I hope she has a peaceful passing under your loving care.
Walker of Dog
March 9th, 2010 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): Sorry to hear your news – losing a pet sure is miserable. I hope it’s some comfort knowing that you’ll have so many years of memories to keep with you.
Jamus The Bartender
March 9th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): Share away, queek. I’m really sorry for your loss.
mollificent
March 9th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): **hugs**
Muffaroo
March 9th, 2010 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): I wish I could somehow help. I’m sorry about your furry friend, and I’ll give my cat some extra pets when she shows up to watch me do my exercises here in a few minutes. You take care.
papa
March 9th, 2010 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

@Tim Cavanaugh (#23): Santa Royale Vertigo. Wilbur is Jimmy Stewart and Kurt is Kim Novak.
JupiterPluvius
March 9th, 2010 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

Abby’s “condition” is that she’s a blow-up doll, apparently.

Wilbur has one hell of a walleye in that flashback. Jesus Christ, he’s like Emily Dickinson in drag or something.
Durf
March 10th, 2010 at 12:10 am [Reply]

DtM: Next month he’ll be carrying a prophylactic and a can of Planters.
BigTed
March 10th, 2010 at 12:27 am [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#58): @honeypot (#95): @Muffaroo (#122):
Sorry, I was obviously unclear in my comment. What I should have said was:
The original “Mickey Mouse Club” went off the air in 1959. How the hell old are “Crankshaft” ’s Jeff and Pam?
Poteet
March 10th, 2010 at 12:31 am [Reply]

MT — Don’t try to placate me with a threadbare hint of sexual banter, Elrodball. The fact remains that you spent just one day going through Devil’s Pass, whereas this trip to Parkerland is taking ferkin’ forever, and is being explained again and again, for no good reason. The traditional canoe song moves briskly along, thusly: “My paddle’s keen and bright, flashing with silver, follow the wild goose flight, dip dip and swing.” It does not go “Eh, whatever.”
Poteet
March 10th, 2010 at 12:38 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): I am so sorry. It’s been two years for me, but I know and understand the feeling. Hugs indeed, and sympathy.
Poteet
March 10th, 2010 at 12:41 am [Reply]

MW — Long ago I used to occasionally fantasize about being a beautiful free spirit. The dream is dead.
bats :[
March 10th, 2010 at 12:52 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#239):
Dip dip and swing her back
Flashing with silver
Follow the wild goose flight
Dip dip and swing

Then again, there might be a completely different version of this song in Lost Forest, Poteet:

My fists are strong and hard
Flashing with knuckles
Land on a hairy face
Punch punch and swing
Hi There
March 10th, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

So now we enter the world of Wally – and we find that everything is printed on its side. Nothing makes sense. It’s a total strain. No wonder Wally comes across as such a clueless SOB. Still, that’s no excuse for stinking up Funky’s car with his terrible farts and body odor. And vomiting up last night’s Busch beer in the dumpster to the rear of the VA was totally out of line.

Funky’s starting to get mad and homicidal. Good, thinks Wally, good. My plan is coming together. Soon, I will entrusted with all the Charlie-work at Montoni’s. No more dishwashing for me.
Donkey Hotey
March 10th, 2010 at 1:17 am [Reply]

@HAMMY THE SQUIRREL! (#197): Hammy, does the name “James Lileks” mean anything to you? Just curious.
Donkey Hotey
March 10th, 2010 at 1:25 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): I’m so sorry, Queek. This is the only — and I mean ONLY — down side of bringing pets into our lives.
ElkMeadow
March 10th, 2010 at 1:38 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222):

I’m sorry for your loss.
ElkMeadow
March 10th, 2010 at 1:47 am [Reply]

MW is now up.

For whatever mean things Dawn may have done, we now understand her pain. Wilbur still loves Abby after all the years, and would have done anything for her.

He probably pulled an Anthony Caine, marrying one woman while longing for another, and spending his whole married time sulking that she wasn’t the one he loved until his wife finally buried herself in her career, found a man who loved her, gave him his divorce papers and left the kid with him.

And now he writes an advice column. Every day his kid faithfully stays with him, hoping that he will see that she’s there, and devistated when the child-he-never-had-with-Abby comes whining into life. Now she has to pick up the pieces.

Sheesh, how depressing. Pass the mayo.
Poteet
March 10th, 2010 at 1:55 am [Reply]

@bats :[ (#242): BWAHAHA!
Steve the Pocket
March 10th, 2010 at 2:18 am [Reply]

Baby Blues: Ha ha! Women, am I right, folks?

Curtis: Ha ha! Kids, am I right, folks?

Funky Winkerbean: Ha ha! Bureaucracy, am I right, folks?
KarMann
March 10th, 2010 at 2:29 am [Reply]

3/10 Marvin: Lord help me, when I was reading the second panel, saw that the fellow at the window was Wee Willy Winkie, so of course, when I read “I’m here to make sure you stop playing with your. . .”, my mind filled in the blank with his name. Two pints of brain bleach, stat!
Poteet
March 10th, 2010 at 2:33 am [Reply]

3/10

A3G — Gee, Bobbie, nothing wrong with you.

MT — Jan, I live in a rural area myself, but if I ever think a lame remark like that is “interesting,” I’ll know it’s time to leave. And why the hell do you say “wildlife ranger”? That title is used in Australia, not here.

STONE SOUP — No it isn’t.
Mike
March 10th, 2010 at 2:36 am [Reply]

MW: Given the giant bald spot that Dawn is sporting today, I don’t think we’ll be seeing a story arc wondering who her father really is.
Jason1981
March 10th, 2010 at 2:49 am [Reply]

3/10

Curtis: Hey, Greg, remember when Curtis tricked you into stopping smoking..and you actually had a little more money than usual ? You COULD always do that again. Oh and you could tell your lazy wife to get a job…she can’t be cooking fried chicken ALL day and she sends Curtis out to do errands, so she’s got time.

S-M: For once, Peter and I agree on something. He DOES look like some clown in a sheet with fake wings. (although I would use a more…colorful… description of him than “clown”)

MT: “Problems” yeah, right. You just wanted to see her wet while up close.
Master Softheart
March 10th, 2010 at 2:57 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222): Very sincere Softhearted sympathy; I wish you happiness from all the memories of joy in times that you have shared.
Anonymous
March 10th, 2010 at 3:06 am [Reply]

Billy while they do make that perfume, http://www.demeterfragrance.com/Product.aspx?ProductID=1035 , Stable http://www.demeterfragrance.com/Product.aspx?ProductID=953 would be much better for wooing your sister.
Alfred E. Neuman
March 10th, 2010 at 3:43 am [Reply]

Wednesday 3-10 rant
It was my annoyance at FW that brought me to this site, and today, I’m really pissed. Batiuk has created such a hideous, oppressive atmosphere surrounding Wally’s return that I am compelled to abandon (temporarily) my usual pun-filled inanities, and spew some venom. I apologize to anyone who may be offended by the following comment.

FW— In the real world, everyone in the local VA likely would be familiar with a soldier who had been a P.O.W. for 10 years, and he would receive special treatment. But in the Batiukian world of indifference and cruelty, the bilge we see in today’s strip is standard operating procedure. Since Batiuk is going down this putrid road, I expect him to take this story to its grim logical conclusion. In tomorrow’s strip, Funky will say, “I hope you can help him, Dr. Hasan.”

Hey, it’s called “writing.”
Mr. O'Malley
March 10th, 2010 at 4:15 am [Reply]

JP: I take it they weren’t sure about having an artist so they planned several weeks of nothing but dialogue balloons.

I hope they hold off with Neddy for a while. I would hate to see something like this:

Gloria: How are things at home, Sam?
Sam: Neddy just came back from Paris. You should see her new outfits. Ooh la la!
Gloria: What does Abby think of that?
Sam: I think she was a little bit jealous, because she went shopping and bought herself a few gowns as well. She makes the Oscars look like Cherry Trail’s high school reunion!
Gloria: Oh, by the way, the widow D’Vito left a message that she wants you to come over for a drink.
Sam: Get her on the phone and see what she wants to tell me.
J.D. Everett
March 10th, 2010 at 4:19 am [Reply]

Mouseketeer Charley Laney died today 3/9 – However the lead time on comics probably means Batik was referring to Cheryl Holdridge who died Jan 6th. I find the timing on that to be sort of creepy.
J.D. Everett
March 10th, 2010 at 4:24 am [Reply]

Nevermind, it was 3/9/97.. still kinda creepy
dale
March 10th, 2010 at 4:25 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#251):

* Aren’t/weren’t there finishing schools where young ladies were taught to say insipid things like that just to keep the guy talking?

* If it were Texas, wouldn’t just “ranger” have people thinking of Broderick Crawford?
J.D. Everett
March 10th, 2010 at 4:25 am [Reply]

Doh! And C.H. died in ‘09… So I don’t know what the hell he is saying then…
Ed Dravecky
March 10th, 2010 at 6:25 am [Reply]

@Anonymous (#174): They’re called “sick call” programs and they’re still common on small town radio stations, especially in the South.
Just some guy
March 10th, 2010 at 7:00 am [Reply]

I predict Walt dies in the next year and they advertise it as a big event.
Lucky
March 10th, 2010 at 7:39 am [Reply]

Crankshaft – Much like reading Batiuk comics then.

Funky Winkerbean – I tilted my head 90 degrees for this crap!?

Mark Trail – I’m pretty sure there’s a porn flick that starts exactly like this.
John C Fremont
March 10th, 2010 at 7:42 am [Reply]

Wait, there’s a canoe paddling song?!

Trololololo, indeed.
gleeb
March 10th, 2010 at 7:46 am [Reply]

@Alfred E. Neuman (#256):
What he said. Plus, why is Batiuk against testing? Does he want physicians to grope blindly in the dark, as he does when trying to understand anything beyond pizza and death?

Phantom: Too soon, Captain, too soon.

June Morgan, inquisitor: Finally, after all this time, we may learn whether she really is a licensed manicurist.
LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
March 10th, 2010 at 8:05 am [Reply]

Comic strips used to be comical.
Chip Whittle
March 10th, 2010 at 9:28 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#222):
I’m sorry.
Mordock999
March 10th, 2010 at 9:31 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann – 03/10/10

Meanwhile on the phone at Brad’s House…,

Nancy – “Mr. DeGroot? This is SHYSTER Bank. We’re calling to let You know YOU are LATE on Your credit card payments and WE are about to UNLEASE the Lawyers!!”

Brad – “WHAT?!? Wait! I don’t even HAVE a credit card…”

Nancy – “Just Kiddin’, Honey! Its me ‘MOM! Is Toni there?”

Brad – “Uh, no…,”

Nancy – “GOOD!!!”

____________________

DEATH to TJ!!!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
March 10th, 2010 at 9:58 am [Reply]

Fuzzy update. Dewce is still breathing, but is obviously very frail. The QG said she had episodes of discomfort overnight, and if they start back up again, then we’ll take her to the vet. Other than that, she’s got her favorite toys next to her, and is tucked into a blanket. I spent some time wandering through old LJ posts, and realized that its been 14 years since I got my first fuzzy, and that Dewce isn’t as old as I had been thinking she was. Still, 8 is a pretty good age for a store-ferret, all things considered. The only one that lasted longer than that was from private breeding stock, and Freda was 9 and then some when she finally crossed the Rainbow Bridge. 5 to 7 is a more usual lifespan.
ignatz
March 10th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

225: Scancarelli IS a very good comic artist. I used to criticize his writing, but I’ve noticed that it’s considerably better when dealing with his own characters, like Gertie, instead of characters he inherited.
ignatz
March 10th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

RMMD: A three-way with Rex, June and Brooke would really pick things up.
Écureuil Écumant
March 10th, 2010 at 10:10 am [Reply]

@90 Brian said:

Walt’s magnifying glass raises the question: why haven’t newspapers developed a large type edition for their stalwart readership yet? And why do they print the obituaries in that tiny agate?

Single-character answer: $

And I see this strip as a poignant rebuke of — and reminder to — newspaper publishers who continue to shrink their type fonts and comic strips to save newsprint and paper. Very soon now, they’ll lose the bulk of their remaining readership, those in the Gasoline Alley demographic who already require a +4 diopter magnifier to read their dailies. Publishers are at grave risk of forgetting which side their Wonder Bread is mayonnaised on.
One-eyed Wolfdog
March 10th, 2010 at 10:22 am [Reply]

Funky: Too perpendicular, didn’t read.
Labdad
March 10th, 2010 at 10:39 am [Reply]

@Charterstoned (#211): These sandwiches are MUCH more interesting than Dawn’s and Wilbur’s conversation! Let’s review:

March 8 – In panel 1, Wilbur takes half a sandwich and moves it in the direction of his mouth. In panel 2, he actually seems to take a bite of it, although we can’t be sure. He may just be wiping his lips with it.
March 9 – Whoops! Both halves of Wibur’s sandwich are still on the plate! Yesterday’s “bite” was a false alarm!
March 10 – Wilbur uses BOTH hands today to move the sandwich toward his mouth! And no wonder! The two halves have been magically reunited! Is Wilbur taking with his mouth full in panel two?

Meanwhile, Dawn, has a whole sandwich, which she uses as a prop, waving it around.

Who gives a rat’s ass about Abby? The burning question is who cut Wilbur’s sandwich in two? Why isn’t Dawn’s sandwich cut in two? And how the hell did Wilbur’s two halves become whole again???

Tune in tomorrow when perhaps we’ll learn whether Wilbur has actually taken a bite of his sandwich!
Buck Ripsnort
March 10th, 2010 at 10:39 am [Reply]

3/10 9CL: THE GERMANS WERE NOT “OUR BOYS”, GODDAMMIT!

Deep breath. OK, maybe I misread something, and these were the Brits or Yanks. Calm again.
Aviatrix
March 10th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

@John C Fremont (#265): Gad, I think half the traditional songs in Canada started as canoe paddling songs. Rocks and trees and lakes.
bats :[
March 10th, 2010 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#277): Or songs about punching.
A New Day
March 11th, 2010 at 5:16 am [Reply]

What I love about Josh’s commentary on this Crankshaft is that his interpretation is much more cheerful than the actual strip. Call me a romantic, but I’ll take a murderous rampage over pointless, heartbreakingly slow mortality any day of the week.
DavidMac
March 12th, 2010 at 9:36 am [Reply]

@zenvelo (#1): Escher would know . . .
Gulielma
March 12th, 2010 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

Chiming in late:

MW: “She wanted you to remember her as a beautiful free spirit who loved you. By which I mean a moderately attractive baglady in training who had a few pity shags with you and couldn’t get rid of you afterwards.”

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