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Marty’s nose knows

Gil Thorp, 3/31/10

Oh, look, it’s another Milford team failing to win a title! Yes, there’s been a championship basketball game going on while the red-hot fisticuffs happen elsewhere. The Mudlarks losing again is of course utterly unremarkable at this point — presumably the whole loss exists just to set up the drama of faithless Cassie being shunned by her teammates for abandoning them — but today’s strip manages to offer an intriguing counterpoint to the concept of the uncanny valley — the slopes of the uncanny mountain, perhaps? Panel one disturbs and unsettles with the absence of details on the crowd in the background, as it appears that a tribe of identically black-garbed faceless, hairless automata have shown up to cheer on either Milford or Tilden; but panel three shows us that more detail isn’t necessarily any better, as we are confronted with more of Marty Moon than we ever wanted — the shine of his greasy goatee, the hollowness of his cheekbones, his glassy eyes, each and every one of his molars. We can practically smell his breath (Mr. Boston gin mingled with coffee from the AM/PM, not quite masked by the cloud of Axe Body Spray that hovers around him at all times).

Family Circus, 3/31/10

Ha ha, yes, this is a cartoon about how having four kids and a husband who doesn’t know how to iron would lead any woman to murder, but the thing I find most interesting is the fact that Billy is apparently dressed in a nice shirt and tie, for some reason. Perhaps Mommy can fashion Big Daddy Keane’s mushy, vaguely bunny-fur-like shirt into a makeshift rabbit costume and send him to school in it, and neatly dressed Billy can go into the office. Both problems solved, and we can move on to the question of why Dolly is attempting to brush her hair into the soup.

Herb and Jamaal, 3/31/10

It appears that Jamaal hasn’t quite gotten this “cruising for anonymous gay sex” thing down yet.

249 responses to “Marty’s nose knows”

  1. LaziestManOnMars
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure today’s FC is a retread. Oh, And Gil Thorp: No matter how many “exclamation lines” you draw, comic-page basketball is still boring.

  2. Patrick
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    Good to see that Milford still has a core group of fans in JabbaWockeeZ from America’s Best Dance Crew!

  3. Perky Bird
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Mary notices the troubled state of her guests! Quick, raise the Impending Meddle Alert Level to “salmon”!

  4. Bootsy
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Oh, Phantom! These are the days I live for!

    *Sips coffee appreciatively and gazes at the striped butt*

    What? Y’all do it with June and Abby! Don’t judge me.

  5. McManx
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    M Worth — As her descent into senility increases, Mary’s attention to basic hygiene wanes. She has dribbled so much food down her chin that her napkin has stuck to it. No wonder her guests seem troubled.

    Family Circus — OMG! PJ pooped onto his high chair tray.

    Gill Thorp — “And Brenda Larkin dribbles an invisible ball down court… ” Jees, no wonder Milford always loses.

    Pearls before Swine — This is my vote for the next Curmudgeon t-shirt: “My Buttocks Shall Defeat You!!”

  6. Thelonious_Nick
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth has finally got her meddling tentacles into national politics as she continues to host Virginia Senator Jim Webb and his wife today.

  7. Hasty Penguin
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man continues to solidify himself as the most useless superhero, and he is, judging by the news headline, a detriment to New York more than anything else.

    But who can’t love his reaction? “Well, wait until Iron Man handily defeats a foe I ran across the country from! Then they’ll be sorry I left!”

  8. wossname
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    JP – “Sophie… Neddy and her boyfriend are not staying in the same room! Now quit asking, or I’ll decapitate you with this grape-jelly-smeared table knife.”

    MT – Mark, you moron! You were at the bad senator’s restaurant, what, a couple of weeks ago? And mention was made of the wild game on the menu. Try, Mark… try!

    MW – I hereby nominate for narration box of the year “Mary notices the troubled state of her guests.” Very helpful to readers who couldn’t figure out if their facial expressions indicated gastric distress, roboticism, or troubledness.

    OBH – I love Ruthie.

    S-M – Good headline on the Daily Bugle. But what I’m really wondering is, what is that rectangle saying “The Dallas Morning”? And in these troubled times for newspapers, how much did The Dallas Morning News (whose real flag is in that same Gothic font) pay for this product placement?

  9. Peripheral Visionary
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    9CL: COME NOW BROOKE THIS IS GETTING PRINTED IN FAMILY PAPERS

    A3G: Blessing? Margo only deals in curses.

    Dick Tracy: I have the really bad feeling that a ridiculous electric violin is about to make an appearance.

    Mark Trail: Say, I wonder who those customers could be. Who could possibly be buying all that illegal game meat? Who in this story line that we’ve possibly met before could be buying meat, like, say, for a restaurant? It’s an inscrutable mystery, and there is absolutely no way we will know the answer until Mark Trail applies his keen logic and indefatigable detective skills to the problem.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Toots is deeply alarmed by that deliberately vague “anything else” phrase. As well he should be . . . as well he should be.

    Spider-Man: The Daily Bugle hits the nail on the head. If only the rest of us were as fortunate as New York City.

  10. One-eyed Wolfdog
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    JP: Nothing will happen, because that goddamned sweater is bathing the entire house and surrounding hundred meter radius in such a drive-deadening asexuality field that it’s already caused the entire local rabbit population to take up pinocchle as an alternate pastime.

  11. Ichi
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Lucky for Jamaal his nose is still dry.

  12. Terry in Silver Spring
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Suggestions for Mom Keane:

    1- Make the damn lunches the night before
    2 – Tell your idiot daughter to remove ponytail before trying to brush hair
    3 – Ask Billy when he became a Mormon missionary and the bunny suit figures into it
    4 – Hook PJ up to a bungie cord that won’t stretch beyond the tray of his high chair
    5 – Husband, divorce his silly arse, give him custody of the children, and go to Paris and chase young men on the Left Bank.

  13. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    @Bootsy: Never let it be said that don’t appreciate a stripey butt as well. A firm, wet, slippery………………….

    Mmm? Oh, hi everyone.

  14. Chip Whittle
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: “Can we talk? It’s just an idea, mind you … I’ve run it by the media, and they love it! So no pressure, if you figure you don’t like it it’s not a matter of life-or-death. Aw, who am I kidding, it’ll probably get us all killed. Who’s up for it?” “Me!” “Me!” “Me too!” “Me first!”

    They’re going to totally master producing music from inside the blinking lights of Univac.

    Based on the meant-to-be-amusing poster that are actually sad and depressing, I’m guessing Gasoline Alley characters go to Batiuk Memorial Hospital. No, wait, they can’t, because they keep on living.

    Mark Trail: “I’m taking a photograph of things in unobstructed sunlight at 2 in the afternoon on a bright, clear day! I better make sure the flash is popped up!” I don’t know why but that little detail makes me so happy.

    Hey, the Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000 is taking its setups from yesterday’s Drabble! Somebody get the Maestro and the Ringtones out of its memory banks!

  15. Hibbleton
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    JP: I had almost this exact conversation when my young nephew and his girlfriend were to stay over our house while traveling. Me ranting about them staying in separate rooms and my wife and twenty-year old daughter looking at me and then looking at each other and smiling (they stayed in the same room).

    H&J: Isn’t Jamaal like 6’8″? How tall is that fence that he couldn’t look over it.

    Crock: It’s probably a good thing he’s no longer “mincing” being in the service and all.

  16. Jacquilynne
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    It appears that Jamaal hasn’t quite gotten the hang of this “cruising for anonymous gay sex” thing down quite yet.

    Given the way his nose is drawn, he wasn’t all that far off.

  17. Binder's Butter Beans
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    How is it that Dolly’s hair is already in the ponytail, but not brushed yet? Who gave that kid a brush and a hair tie, anyway? It’s a miracle she didn’t maim herself with one or the other. Or both. And I suppose we may safely assume that Jeffy isn’t wearing any pants.

  18. yellojkt
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    That is one tall glory hole, even for a former player on a Major Basketball League Franchise.

  19. Ray Jay
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    So Daddy Keane waxes his body hair…eww.

    And what is Barfy doing under the table?

  20. Jim C
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#5): “And Brenda Larkin dribbles an invisible ball down court… ”

    Maybe they only do this in the playdowns, but it looks like the Mudlarks have replaced their standard basketball with a block of text. Those are notoriously hard to pass cleanly, so it’s no wonder they lost possession.

    I don’t understand the art choice, though, of showing Marty Moon telling me what happened off-panel, rather than show the errant block of text/basketball and have Marty just narrate.

    I think that crowd at the game is just waiting for the Blue Man Group auditions taking place after the game.

  21. Saluki
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Wait a minute. Why does Mary Worth have a napkin hanging out of her mouth? Listen it’s easy enough to snark on this strip without Mr. Giella doing it for us.

  22. Dragon of Life
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    “Outta my way, expository text! I’ve got a game to play!” “She throws it away! Fouling the narrative forfeits the ball or something! Look how freaking brightly I glow!”

  23. Binder's Butter Beans
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Saluki (#21): Even Mary thinks the napkin tastes better than her cooking!

  24. tb4000
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    HJ: Two “eyes” meet at the same “knothole.” Come on, you can do better than that, Herb and Jamaal. Come ON.

  25. spike
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Yeesh! Talk about a “death wish”…”I’m comin’ Diana!”

  26. Steve S
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    What’s with the provocative thrusting of rear ends at the reader? PJ and Jamaal are both doing it today. All I have to say is that they’d better not give Mary Worth any ideas.

  27. Push Trot
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MW: Am I the only one hearing “Mary notices the troubled state of her guests” being spoken by the voice of famed broadcaster and naturalist, David Attenborough?
    I’m guessing he’s doing a special on Californian, diurnal predators.
    “Having lured her prey into the trap with cunning imitations of friendliness and chicken casserole, Mary waits for the right moment to strike. For the untrained eye her movements seem almost instantaneous. Sadly for her victims, it may take only a fraction of a second for her to sink her incorporeal fangs into them, but it will take weeks, sometimes even months for her to suck out their spiritual essence.

    S-M: That is it! I am now officially rooting for Sabretooth to come kick Peter Parker in the opisthosoma.

    RMMD: Toots is damn right to look frightened. If I know what ‘painting the basement’ is a euphemism for, then ‘painting the garage’ is far worse than anything he has taken money for up until now. Will he go down that road? And will we dare follow him?

    Phantom: Are those his swimming trunks?

  28. Shawn S.
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    What store does Mommy Keane shop at where she can buy Bread, Flakes, and Peanut Butter? Is that Juice I see in the corner? Not that Daddy wouldn’t want to go shopping for non-branded products, it’s just that he can’t considering he isn’t able to dress himself.

    If you look at the apple on the table, it’s clearly breaking the laws of space-time.

  29. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    9CL – Positions 3, 11, 16, and 24 (out of 96) from the Palma Sutra.

    A3G – “Give us your blessing.”
    “Whatever.”
    I… promised myself… wasn’t going… to cry…

    Curtis – Don’t do it, Curtis! Trust me: you don’t want to know what your readers are thinking!

    Family – What a stroke of luck that Thel has a bunny costume that she wears for ‘special’ occasions! The ears will work as they are, and they can pull the tail off the teddy and stick it on Billy’s pajamas, and Ted’s your ‘uncle!’

  30. Push Trot
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Push Trot (#30):
    Aw dammit! I got the RMMD filth mixed up. Of course it’s the basement painting Toots should spend some time alone considering if he’s ready for.

  31. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Herb – You’re just lucky you didn’t get your damn eye poked out, Jamaal.

    Marm – “Remember, lady, if you screw your dog, don’t drive. If you drive, don’t screw your dog.”

    Marfield“How’d the study go, Gramps?”
    “I slept like a baby.”
    “How so?”
    “Wet the bed and woke up crying at 3 am.”[*]

    Mary“Oh, it was fabulous …really great! You’re such a wonderful chef, Mary!” Some letterers have a hard time showing sarcasm, but the finger down the throat helps convey the message almost as well as Mary’s inability to stop chewing on that rag.

  32. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Pluggers remember that St. Patrick’s Day party when Andy wore that lampshade on his head.

    Prickly – I missed the memo when private contractors became bad. Was there just one big memo in January of 2009 that said “We now hate everything we used to stand for, and stand for everything we used to hate”?

    Slylock – Elephant! NO! Those are Flyspeck Island Peanuts, and… wait… come to think of it, there are no thought balloons in your universe, so I guess you’re okay. Bon appétit!

  33. Push Trot
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Erm… # 30 was a comment on # 27. I think I’d better go lie down now.

  34. Ned Ryerson
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    For more information on Mary Worth, contact the Canadian Wildlife Service, in Ottawa.

  35. zerowolf
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    GT: Second panel: Did a track meet breakout during the basketball game?

  36. JupiterPluvius
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    It appears that Jamaal hasn’t quite gotten the hang of this “cruising for anonymous gay sex” thing down quite yet.

    Dude, it is not fair when you write the Comment Of The Week yourself. Leave something for us plebes!

  37. Comcis Fan
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Ernie finds himself overcome with erotic passion when Mary dabs her chin with the white napkin, so much as that he can’t help but find his hand where it shouldn’t be. A mortified Bonnie casts her eyes downward when she realizes that digging her fingernails into Ernie’s leg isn’t stopping him. Mary notices and decides to tease Ernie by chewing on her napkin while making mannequin hand gestures.

  38. Carlo
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    GT: The girl with the ball (Kinsella?) has her eyes closed. It’s no wonder she threw it away. Fundamentals, Mudlarks! You don’t deserve to be in the playdowns.

  39. Occipital Lobe
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    9CL: And now Brooke finally comes full circle. This is the same hand sex in which Edda and Amos were engaging back in … hm, was it even the 21st century? (And why are they sticking their hands up each others’ sleeves?)

    Bizarro: Don’t know exactly why, but … win.

    Curtis: In panel 3, Curtis is dodging traffic, yet he’s studiously ignoring what all those angry drivers are thinking about him. If Curtis gets to cherry-pick what he “overhears”, how dangerous could these peanuts be?

    Dinette Set: PLEASE GOD NO MAKE ME UNSEE IT PLEASE

    Edge City: We eat gefilte fish for Passover, because Jews are used to suffering.

    ReFOOB: Ha ha! It’s funny because men are jerks, get it? Men … hideous, horrible MEN

    FW: “Next year”? Summer baby, you probably won’t even be alive next year …

    GT: If you can’t successfully draw a basketball, maybe you shouldn’t, oh I dunno, BE DRAWING A SPORTS COMIC STRIP???

    Luann: “Can I just … your bow isn’t quite … Can I please touch your ass? Just for a second?”

    MW: “When are you having the napkin removed from your face?” “Thursday.”

  40. Anonymous
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

  41. Calico
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    What in heavens is PJ doing? He’s not quite on the table, not quite in his seat.

    Meanwhile, at Charterstone, Mary does a fine impression of Jerry Tarkenian.

  42. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    MW: Really I can only respect the Johnsons. It’s charitable work to visit a lonely old woman, choke back her hideous bland food without vomiting, and rise to the bait every time she fishes for compliments on the meal. Now they will endure an hour or so of her trying to elicit personal information to which she can apply platitudes, then flee, praising her insincerely for her great wisdom. Safe at home with the blinds drawn and door locked they will vow to restrict their future good works to disease-ridden refugee camps.

    H&J: There’s no way what Jamaal just saw was an eye. He’s even making the little <3 symbol with his fingers to show his reaction. I am in awe of the artist's audacity.

  43. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#40): No mention of punching or facial hair.

  44. Calico
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Ichi (#11):
    Yes, it’s a good thing that what he saw was actually an eyeball…

  45. UncleJeff
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    JP: Geez, Sam. Neddy just sexted me while she was giving Frenchy a hummer.

    You know you’ve been reading the Comics Curmudgeon too much when you’re watching the closing seconds of the Xavier/Stanford national quarterfinal game…two of the eight best teams in women’s college basketball…and you think “All this needs is Marty Moon on play-by-play.”

  46. Purple K
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    DT: I think we’re going to find out how the Trans Siberian Orchestra was created.

  47. Mariko
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    So, I just watched that Marmaduke trailer, and I have to wonder what they were thinking. Even if we were in dire need of another talking dog flick, you’d think they could search further than the one comic strip in which the dog doesn’t talk.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    A&J: naughty, naughty, naughty! I know what that scenario is a prelude to in the queekshouse. just sayin’.

  49. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    A3G – Oh, Margo. Don’t ever change.

    AS – Gee, haven’t seen this joke in every third church bulletin ever printed.

    Bizarro – This is even better if you picture Christopher Lee voicing Death.

    BR – Brewster Rockit pulls off a combination of two classic Internet perversions and gets it printed? Nice.

    Curtis – Yeah, nice try, Curtis. After two friggin’ weeks of nothing, I’m not about to believe that anything interesting is coming down the pipe unless I see it.

    DT – You have to get the media’s approval to start a band?

    FC – Congratulations, Keanes, you’re the perfect example of what population-control activists and declaredly “child-free” types think a four-child family is like. Nice job on the squalor, Jeff! You can practically hear the cacophony! Also why is Dolly giving a lecture to her hairbrush?

    FB – I assume from the phrasing that this fellow is supposed to be a minister, but he looks more like a Movie Scientist.

    FW – No, not likely.

    JP – I love this strip.

    Luann – I will not consider the implications of this. I will not consider the implications of this. I will not consider the implications of this. I will not ARGH

    MW – Gah! Don’t show weakness, you two! She’ll take it as an invitation! FOR GOD’S SAKE, RUN!!!

    NS – What.

    RMMD – Much simpler and less prone to complication than just kicking him out. But on the bright side, it does line him up for more hilarious abuse by Sarah.

    Shoe – Thank you for that image, Brookins.

    SM – Could Spider-Man get any better than this? I don’t think so!

  50. Nekrotzar
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    I’m a little concerned about the health of the GT artist. He seems to be having memory trouble as he goes from one panel to another. He starts out with some basketball and all is good. But by the second panel he has forgotten what sport he is drawing and instead shows a track meet. And be the last panel he has blanked out again and is now drawing – what? competitive yodeling? Can someone prescribe some Razadyne?

  51. lunarhalo
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe – It must be bleak Swedish cinema night at the Milford fieldhouse.

  52. mustang
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    FC – Poor Thel started drinking at about noon yesterday – just one to take the edge off – and the next thing she knows it’s 7:30 a.m. and she’s stuffing two pieces of bread into a fast food bag she found on the floor while she tries to remember where she hid the Xanax.

  53. Chyron HR
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Mariko (#47): Much like the so-called “Starship Troopers” so-called “film”, Owen Wilson’s Marmaduke began life as an unrelated project entitled “Hell Beast of Malebolgia: Slaughter in SoCal”, before the producers realized that there were potential copyright issues and licensed the Marmaduke name.

  54. spike
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Occipital Lobe (#39): Re: 9CL The “sleeve action” must have something to do with German spoken with a Viennese accent. (And Diane and Francis used those same hand motions during their honeymoon.)

    RE: FW With any luck Bull will be the dead one next year.

    A3G: Gabriella and Martin seek Margo’s blessing. They receive her scorn and damnation. Mission accomplished, Girl!

  55. Morndew
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Hey Mary, is that a napkin stuck to your chin or is it ectoplasm attempting to escape before being subjected to the salmon balls?

  56. Darkefang
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    It’s 2010 in Funky Winkerbean? Doesn’t that wreak havoc with the timeline? For instance, doesn’t it mean that Wally was captured in Afghanistan before the US even had troops there? Ditto Iraq. Doesn’t it also place Funky and Les in high school in the late 60s or early 70s?

  57. Calico
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#49):
    Maybe Dolly is pretending the brush is a microphone and she thinks she’s on American Idol, or she’s gearing up for a life as a TV preacher.

  58. Yohan
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Today’s Herb and Jamal reminds me of a dirty-minded coworker I had once. He used to ask people “What is the worst thing you can imagine could happen to a guy who stuck his penis in a glory hole” because he said the answer was always funny and bizarre. The funniest response I ever heard was “a bigger penis pushes his back out.” What would you do if that happened? What could you do?

  59. Calico
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    Oh, I forgot – shows like AI are banned in the Kompound, so preacher it is.

  60. Mibbitmaker
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    (1st 3 are repeats)

    BBailey: Code for a 3-way with Sarge.

    MW: Those two are giving it away! You FOOLS!!

    S-M: Yeah, whatever, ego boy.

    (and now… something newwww’s been added!)

    9CL: Oh, Lord, here we go again! This will on all the newsreels everyone’ll be watching, right?

    A3G: They are a family now, see? Margo’s the spoiled, Jeremy Duncan-esque teenage brat.

    ReFOOB: All men are Rod now, right, Lynn?

    GT: …As Brenda Larkin jumps straight into Giant Marty Moon’s mouth!

    Luann: Luann doesn’t ‘get’ analogies. Either lucky or unlucky for Gunther.

  61. AmazingThor
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD: June’s got herself a love slave!

  62. Bitter Scribe
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Baby Blues: I’m getting really confused by the oldest child in this strip. She’s barely bigger than her father’s nose, she still plays on swings, but she’s lobbying for her own credit card. How old is she supposed to be, anyway?

  63. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    H&J: I hear the vice squad has raided Construction Site three times already this year.

    MT: Well of course. Just jump on the back of a giant duck and follow the plane to its next stop.

    Lockhorns: The Hateeachothers remind you that reading is fundamental… ly a waste of time.

    GA: Is it true that coma patients can often still hear people talking around them? Poor, poor Walt.

    H&L: So does smug, dear.

    JP: Sophie is really going all out fighting Neddy’s battles for her. Either that or she thinks EuroStud is going to take her room and she just doesn’t like the couch.

    Baldo: Tia Carmen is pretty fetching in these realistic strips.

    S-M: Peter, they already have met up with him. Did you study illiteracy with Loretta Lockhorn?

    Luann: “I was up all night with this dress. If it feels a little stiff and crusty in places, pay it no mind.”

    Crock: Adding to the laff riot of a prep cook slicing into his hand, we have Poulet asking if he’ll be able to walk again. In fairness, this is Crock and it’s tough to tell one body part from another.

  64. Sue D. Nymme
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Boy, and today’s Bil’s big tryout at the male strip club, too!

  65. blammers66
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    FunkWink: I wonder how Summer and the rest of the team will be able to even lift the ball next year after the four or five months of chemotherapy that they will have inevitably gone through by then? But, I’m sure that the Batuik-o-matic will chunk out the “they’re all bald, weak and scar-ridden, but garner the respect of their opponents as they are carried off of the floor” plotline. Can’t wait! I just can’t zzzzzzzzzzz….

  66. Dan
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    I was kind of hoping today’s Family Circus would result in a malapropism-loaded, G-rated version of Donnie Darko, in which Jeffy is repeatedly haunted by Billy in a rabbit suit.

  67. Darkefang
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    JP: It might look like Sam’s just uncomfortable with this line of questioning. I think the real problem is that he’s just noticed that in addition to his becoming less handsome overnight, Sophie has been replaced by a Gelfling.

    MW: Mary knows that when guests appear troubled, it’s a perfect time to fish for compliments about her cooking. Bonnie might be overselling things a bit. Anyone with the title of “chef” generally wouldn’t serve meals consisting of nothing but mashes and pastes. And most chefs would probably go with a wine or possibly some sort of port instead of huge mismatched glasses of Tang.

  68. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    @Bitter Scribe (#62): As old as she needs to be, apparently. That’s a pretty good way to allow the cartoonist to make jokes about any age of child at any time, without requiring a full quiver, nor hatching a new baby when the old ones wear out, like reFOOB. Family Circle, by comparison, has gone with the belt and suspenders approach of having a large brood of children, all of indeterminate age.

  69. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#68): I can’t imagine any of the Family Circle brood having a credit card or even a cell phone, however. They have motorized forms of transport and telephones though. Are they trapped around 1950?

  70. Jamus The Bartender
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “Hey !! You!! With the gun!! Shoot them now !! With a gun !! That’s what the bullets are for, you twit !! Can you possibly imagine what is going to happen to you , your frame, outlook, way of life and everything, when they find out they’re having sex through the barbed wire??”

  71. Jamus The Bartender
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Well, Gunther seems to be doing his job, but the director had to pick up the slack on Tiffany not wearing the right colored panties. Ah well, baby steps, baby steps…

  72. Vince M
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#63): re. Luann – Ack…yeah, I immediately heard that Venture Bros. dialog:
    Dr. Girlfriend (holds up her old costume): I can’t believe you saved it! – what’re these hard chunks?
    Phantom Limb: …my tears.

  73. Walker of Dog
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary has stubbornly adhered to an imbalanced diet for too long, despite her doctor’s advice to cut back on the various pre-packaged goos and slurries. But the body’s requirement for dietary fiber eventually asserts itself, even at socially awkward moments. Cotton (or linen) may not be the best choice, but the bulking action should get the digestive production line running again soon.

    This also explains the short duration of the last pool party – the revelers quickly excused themselves when Mary started eating dirt from the landscape beds.

    RMMD: In panel 3, either Toots is a regular CC follower who understands the true meaning of June’s directive, or she’s standing with one foot on the coffee table, highlighting the specified areas with a laser pointer.

    JP: Sophie is a hobbit, yes?

    MT: If Mark has to scream himself hoarse to be heard over the seaplane, then by God that’s what he’s going to do!

    FC: Thelma, remember the plan – the gasoline? cash expenditures only? It’s not too late…

  74. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

  75. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Knothole. KNOThole!

    Though I suppose it could have been a knowhole in, well, the Biblical sense.

  76. MaryAnnTheRest
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Teasing, cosplay, cross-dressing, fetishism … God, Evans REALLY needs to age these kids up quick.

  77. Anonymous
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    The one who is called the Ghost, what is he doing? Doesn’t he even know how to breathe to the side when swimming?

    Fine Ernie stares dubiously at the glass full of Mary’s urine sample. I’m getting an orgy of Schadenfreude watching the Meddler try to work her dark arts on a couple that’s as forthcoming as a lawyered-up mafioso.

  78. Morndew
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Mmmmm. Wartime-barbed wire-hand sex while your real boyfriend is in combat. I might have turned my head away in disgust, but it sure beats the piano.

  79. gnome de blog
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    It’s still 2009 in the Funkyverse? Was this all a flashback and they’re about to start the tournament? Jeez, no wonder everybody’s messed up.

    Nonetheless, my prediction stands: Summer sinks the winning shot in next year’s championship game (whatever year that is). She realizes the her life is all downhill from there and spends the next 40 years washing dishes at Montoni’s with Wally.

    By that time Funky and Les will be as old as Walt Wallet and still moping around in the gloom.

  80. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    @Morndew (#78): I refuse to believe that 9CL can be as bad and as weird as the comments suggest. What is the start date of the current story arc? I’m going to read it for myself.

  81. Perky Bird
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Josh:
    Oh, dear God, have you seen the Tom Toles editorial cartoon in today’s WaPo? I just opened up the paper, and the sight of a poorly-drawn Michael Steele in a dominatrix costume, whipping a tied-up elephant, nearly made me lose my lunch! If this comic appears in your Wonkette column on Friday, PLEASE include a giant warning sign that graphic content is included! For the love of God, won’t someone think of the children?!

  82. Anonymous
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Jamal panics after coming face to face with the infamous one-eyed trouser snake.

  83. Anonymous
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Curtis – I called this one last week sometime. He’s going to see his not-girlfriend. Hilarity ensues.

  84. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#80): Found it. Day before Halowe’en.

  85. Jamus The Bartender
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#80): That would be Nov 16 of 2009.

  86. gnome de blog
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    Gunther’s should have tried out for Maria instead of Tony. Still, if he plays his cards right he could talk Tiffany out of her red frilly panties.

  87. hogenmogen
    March 31st, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    #83 was me, sorry

  88. ElkMeadow
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#80):

    To understand the piano comment, you are going to have to go even further back than the current arc.

    Will you like one or two gallons of brain bleach? We do have the Chickweed special, three for the price of two.

  89. Baka Gaijin
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Luann: BLEARGH! Ick ick ick! Autogynephilia isn’t pretty, especially in that dress.

    Mary Worth: “I hope you liked my cooking!…How was it?”
    Bonnie says: “Oh, it was fabulous…really GREAT! You’re such a wonderful chef, Mary!”
    Bonnie thinks: “Fabulous…compared to the tasty morsels in the catbox.”

    Pearls Before Swine: Thank goodness Pig is saying this instead of, say, Cathy.
    That’s a definite wang shriveler.

    Cathy: That outfit is a wang shriveler.

    Archie: Is Jughead eating a gefilte fish sandwich?

  90. Calico
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @blammers66 (#65):
    “Batuik-O-Matic” – props to you.
    Do you possibly have a name for Lynn’s ReFoob as well? If so, I’d love to see it.
    My lame name would be “Desperate Canadian females in the suburbs who despise all men, past, present, and future.”

  91. Super King
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Johnathan Frakes: High school basketball announcer.

  92. Alex Blaze
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    In FC, I’m guessing the family’s getting ready for church, which is why Billy’s all dolled up. Isn’t that a scene from every American home – everyone getting ready for church together, and there’s no way they’ll make it there on time! The stress!

  93. wossname
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#80): Now wait, you are proposing to sit down and at one sitting read five months’ worth of this insane and infuriating dreck? Aviatrix, please, don’t do this to yourself! I rue the day I ever laid eyes on 9CL (around the start of this story line, and also because of comments in here) — and I only read an average of three panels per day.

  94. Chip Whittle
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#80):

    I refuse to believe that 9CL can be as bad and as weird as the comments suggest. What is the start date of the current story arc? I’m going to read it for myself.

    Time does not go back far enough to encompass the start of a Brooke McEldowney story arc.

  95. Jamus The Bartender
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#93): Aww, it’s not so bad. Just relax and think of Christmas. And England.

  96. Poteet
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#Y221): I lost it when I got to “nom nom nom.” Thank you.

  97. Poteet
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    GT — Josh, you can hammer on Marty Moon all you want, but he still looks to me like the best-drawn alleged human in the strip. As long as I don’t have to smell him or date him, he causes me less mental pain than the others. And I kinda like his Princess Leia earpiece.

  98. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @ Vince M. (#72): Yeah, I felt kind of bad about that one, but once I had the image in my head I had to share it. Am always up for a Venture Bros reference though.
    Jonas Venture: Brock, am I a bad person?
    Brock Samson: Eeeh…

  99. Poteet
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    9CL — And with a little help from Thorax, the fundamental laws of human biology were broken and Juliette was conceived. Eewwww.

  100. Hogan
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Get out now, Toots. Through the window if you have to. Then run like you’re never run before, and thank whatever gods you worship that you didn’t lose anything more than your skateboard.

    FC: Huh. Looks like they finally got Li’l Antichrist into a Catholic school. I look forward to Barfy the Hellhound and many decapitations.

  101. Poteet
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#80): You brave, mad fool. Here, take my taser.

  102. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#93): I read it. If you go quickly you don’t have as much time to be distracted by the plot holes and improbability, but the repetitive nature of her innocently wowing all within blast radius with her feminine wiles is more obvious. All I need to know now is whether the strip author is male or female, i.e. whether young Edie is a virgin slut Mary-Sue, or a virgin slut fantasy girl.

  103. Hogan
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    Cathy: That outfit is a wang shriveler.

    Are you kidding? Reading Cathy makes me wish I didn’t have a wang.

  104. Poteet
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    FC — That is the ugliest baby-butt I’ve ever seen. On the other hand, it means I don’t have to see what eating a cookie while drooling has done to his mouth.

    And I like the catchy name of the cereal, and the way the apple is magically suspended in space.

  105. cheech wizard
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Since we know that handplay is Brooke’s way of signaling a couple is having sex, can we assume that Lt. Kiesel is simply banging her right through the barbed wire? And that their British guard isn’t interfering because he sort of enjoys that kind of thing?

    Archie – “You know what they put on french fries in Tin Tin? Mayonnaise. I seen ‘em do it, man, they fuckin’ drown ‘em in that shit!”

    Phantom – You’d think that if the helicopter had the range to make it to the nearest landfall, some of the pirates would have taken it instead of chancing it in an open lifeboat. Now Kit’s running around a sinking ship trying to find fuel, rather than simply having Savarna drop him off at the next port. Just how have these guys survived for 400 years?

    FC – Nice to see a return to a classic, highly detailed and chaotic FC scene here. Jeff Keane must have lost his day job, so he’s got more time to doodle.

  106. Poteet
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#102): The author is a guy named Brooke.

  107. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#102): Brooke is male, so it’s probably the latter, but sometimes you have to wonder…

  108. Yr Obt Servt
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Part of me wishes jealousy would finally overwhelm Tiffany, so she’d jump all over Gunther for some revenge sex. But whenever I think that, the other part of me slaps me silly. Then, that other part of me wonders when Luann will realize that Quinn is TJ in disguise, and the first part slaps me silly too. It has been a very unpleasant couple of weeks.

  109. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106): I’m guessing his garage is in need of painting.

  110. TheDiva
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    FW: “Barring car crashes, cancer, and Wally shooting up the school, of course…”

    Luann: Several mental images popped into my head, all of them very wrong and sanity-crushing.

    MW: You can just hear the taut, insincere smile in Bonnie’s words, can’t you?

    PBS: Best. Catch Phrase. EVER.

  111. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#109): That’s the weird part. He’s married and has two kids (one of whom was supposedly the inspiration for Edda,) so you’d think he’d be getting some and wouldn’t be so obviously writing from frustration. Even if that’s not the case, you’d think he’d at least have some understanding of sex and sexiness, just from personal experience. But no, he pretty much doesn’t. Hell, I’m a 24-year-old virgin and I know more about how “sexy” works than Brooke.

  112. John
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: The perspective on that sink wall is way the hell off. Very distracting.

  113. Connie
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: I’m confused. What school’s gymnasium are we in? Who hangs championship banners from every year, regardless of which team wins?

  114. Judas Peckerwood
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Marty Moon = long-lost 5th Baldwin brother?

  115. Baka Gaijin
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#24): To be fair, Jamaal looked right into a brown eye.

  116. Josh
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#111): He’s married and has two kids (one of whom was supposedly the inspiration for Edda,)

    Oh, God, as if the Edda-centered sex/sexiness storylines/endless leg drawings didn’t make me uncomfortable enough…

    Josh

  117. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    9CL: could be worse. Could be Pibgorn.

    “8″

  118. Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    “more of Marty Moon than we ever wanted”

    Um, Josh, isn’t Marty basically a better-looking version of, you know, you?

  119. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#111): I totally would have believed the strip was written by a still-virgin spinster who lived with her cat.

    My favourite strip during the arc was an unrelated one depicting a man memorizing his wife in a minidress and smirking about it fifty years later.

  120. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#116): A-yup.

  121. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    Look at the hair on the Milford basketball women. After an hour (how long is a basketball game?) of play they look like they’re in a shampoo commercial. The fact that their hair isn’t matted with sweat suggests to me that they are hardly exerting themselves. And they might have a better chance of completing passes and evading interceptions if they all tied their hair back like Ms. Larkin.

  122. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#116): Sure, it’s based on his daughter because:
    1. she can sing
    2. he believes she’s a virgin
    What were you thinking?

  123. gnome de blog
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#102):

    … i.e. whether young Edie is a virgin slut Mary-Sue, or a virgin slut fantasy girl.

    Both.

  124. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#122): Uh, no, that’s Edie, Edda’s grandma. Edda is the one who repeatedly boffed her boyfriend on top of a piano in Belgium, which was filmed by passing voyeurs and became a world-wide Youtube/TV sensation, after which they played a piano/cello duet that inspired a concert-wide orgy.

    Really.

  125. Uncle Lumpy
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#124):

    Is “boff” the feminine verb form of “boink”, or are they interchangeable? I try to keep up, but o teh kidz…

  126. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    As far as I know they’re interchangeable. Really pretty much any suitably plosive monosyllable can be used, as long as it’s not already taken. Boff, boink, shtup, etc.

  127. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Wait, “shtup” isn’t plosive. Substitute “bone,” I guess.

    I need to brush up on my phonetic terminology…

  128. DAS
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    we can move on to the question of why Dolly is attempting to brush her hair into the soup.

    Actually this is pretty typical behavior for girls ages 3-5. I keep telling my wife that we should just get our daughter’s hair cut (since the main function of her hair as far as my daughter is concerned is mopping floors and then transferring the dust she picks up into our food and our faces … the secondary function of my daughter’s hair as far as she is concerned is having something to complain about — “I don’t want braids/pony tail/etc”) … but for some reason my wife wants to keep my daughter’s hair long …

  129. Howland Al
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106): I’d bet that he was actually born with a name like “Horace” or “Carl.”

  130. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#124): I assumed Edie was a diminutive of Edda, but it appears the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree, anyway.

  131. Ichi
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    “And good luck Savarna – you’ll be just fine along in the middle of the ocean with six guys who just tried to you kill you and who you just royally pissed off. See ya!”

    - Ghost-who-is-really-just-a-dick-who-abandons-his-own-children-and-anyone-else-when-they-most-need-him (somehow more catchy in the Bandar tongue)

  132. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

  133. Red Greenback
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Bösendorfing has a nice ring to it.

  134. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @ commodorejohn (#124): Is it officially known that Amos–said boyfriend–is an author stand-in for Brooke himself? If it is, brain bleach won’t do it. I’ll have to trade this brain in for one that isn’t soiled.

  135. Mr. O'Malley
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#130): Cardinal rule of character creation–make sure that all main characters have easily distinguishable names, preferably starting with different letters.

    Perhaps he’s thinking “Tolkien didn’t have to do it, so why should I?”

    Luckily he hasn’t yet taking to imitating Russian novels where a character is called “Kolya” on one page, “Nikolai” on the next and “Gregorovich” on the one after that.

  136. Ms.X
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or did Jamaal just try to glory hole his nose?

  137. A. Weldon Berger
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: The body language of our two young malefactors suggests they’ve criminally underestimated the advanced creepiness of their soon-to-be hosts and overlords.

  138. Baka Gaijin
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#132): MY BUTTOCKS WILL DEFEAT YOU!!!!

  139. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#134): Not officially, but enough so that even Wikipedia, that most anal-retentive of Internet references, admits that “…though he claims that Juliette of 9 Chickweed Lane best reflects him, Amos appears to be the character who mirrors his experience by studying at Juilliard.”

    Brain bleach is in the custodial closet. Watch out for Steve and Cassie.

  140. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 31st, 2010 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    FC — Nice to know that the Keane family is supporting well known brand-names like “Bread”, “Flakes”, “Peanut Butter”, and “Juice”.

    And something must be going on with said “Juice”, ’cause there is an apple clearly levitating over the jug!

  141. Shawn S.
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#140):

    Yikes, we think exactly alike. Which, when talking about FC, is always a good thing. @Shawn S. (#28):

  142. gnome de blog
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#139) quotes Wikipedia:

    “…though he claims that Juliette of 9 Chickweed Lane best reflects him,…”

    Could be. She’s certainly supercilious enough, and there’s the jungle-print lingerie…

  143. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#135): It doesn’t matter what they’re called when the characters are interchangeable anyway. Oh, and a free six-pack of brain bleach to the first person to find Sauron/Saruman slashfic.

  144. Push Trot
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Shawn S. (#141):
    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#140):

    Did you happen to catch the different route chosen by Hi & Lois today?
    Look at those satisfied grins in panel one! Marvel at that spotless floor!
    Am I wrong to infer that at some point in the last couple of weeks there was an exchange involving a large burlap sack with a huge dollar sign on it?

  145. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

  146. Sans Sense
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    GT: Panel 3 shows us that Marty actually “sings” the game in what is, no doubt, a perfectly serviceable operatic tenor.

  147. Sans Sense
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sans Sense (#146): I should add: “when sober.” When not sober it is maudlin Irish ballads in an oily baritone.

  148. Calico
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#63):
    Re: JP: Or the horse stable.

  149. Dr. Weird
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @LaziestManOnMars (#1):

    You are correct, FC is a retread. Look at Mom Keane’s right cheek, how it just ends… clearly where the line of her old hairstyle was whited out. Jeffy isn’t even trying.

  150. El Diablo Sombrero
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    So this recent explanation that Edda is based off Brooke’s own daughter has given me a tremendous insight into the genius of what Brooke has done here.

    Stay with me now.

    Edda is his daughter…therefore we extrapolate that her mom (who’s name I refuse to look up) can be thought of as Brooke’s wife.

    Therefore Edde (or whatever) could be viewed as being Brooke’s wife’s mother. More commonly refered to as “his mother-in-law”.

    And thus what Brooke has done here is to craft a five month long (and deadly boring) snorefest of a story that culminates in what can be summed up with…

    “My mother-in-law slutted it up with Nazi’s.”

    Genius I tells ya!

  151. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

  152. AirForbes
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    It’s a good thing that Jeff Keane left Dolly’s hair in her trademark ponytail, despite it being incongruous to the situation. Otherwise, we might not have been able to tell her apart from her sister…oh wait, she doesn’t have one. I mean, we might not have been able to tell her apart from her brothers…oh wait, they don’t have long hair at all. OK, we might not have been able to tell her apart from her parents…oh wait, they’re like 5 times her height. OK, Jeff is just nuts.

    What would really complete Thel’s morning chaos would be Barfy living up to his name.

  153. Austria
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “We only ask for your blessing!” “Fine, Dad. Whatever.” Glorious…simply glorious.

    Arch: I AM ANGRY AND THEREFORE AM HUGE! AND ON FIRE! KETCHUP KETCHUP KETCHUP KETCHUP KETCHUP AAAAAAAGH KETCHUP *rampage*

    BC: Heaven help me, I lol’d. Now all we need to wait for is the inevitable rush of angry letters.

    MC: Carl the monkey? Monkey Carl? I’m POSITIVE there was a character named Monkey Carl on a pilot episode for some cartoon years ago that didn’t win the Pick-Our-New-Cartoon contest or whatever it was.

    PBS: New shirt, yes, I agree.

    RiR: Rose is a tentacled hell-beast.

    SF: “Your father’s not a master of subtext, is he?” I take it this girl’s never read RMMD.

  154. odinthor
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Baldo. — Heaven forbid that any funny story be shared with the strip’s readers!

    GT. — Good to see the crowd extras from the chariot race in Francis X. Bushman’s “Ben-Hur” getting another gig!

    H&J. — And just exactly why would that be, Jamaal?

    JP. — “Well, all the fucking might ruin the mattress springs.”

    OBH.

    …one day he stuck a Marvy Marker™ up his nose, and it turned his snot purple. And, well, after that, the magic was gone!

    Damn. So that’s what happened with my last three gfs. Sigh. [throws away his Marvy Marker™ collection]

    Retail. — Ha ha! Expecting sales clerks to have some expertise concerning their merchandise! Oh, teh funny!

    RMMD. — And that’s how Toots started Club Voyeur!

  155. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#151): Rule 34 in thirty minutes or less! I was only aiming for the milk nose moment at the idea. I’m terrified to click your link because of the threat of lines like “thrust his tower into deep into the crack of doom.”

  156. Anonymous
    March 31st, 2010 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#80): I once did that with 9CL and also Gasoline Alley and now I don’t have a name. I be like zombie or ghost who walks.

  157. Aviatrix
    March 31st, 2010 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#156): There’s no way I’d try that with Gasoline Alley. And I’m really glad that your “did that” referred to archive binging and not searching for porn of.

  158. Citric
    March 31st, 2010 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    I like how Mary Worth has turned into “Polite people who hate each other, sitting at a table not willing to admit that fact.”

  159. bats :[
    March 31st, 2010 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    A pirate’s life for me! (Not necessarily the Herb and Jamaal kind of pirates…)

  160. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 31st, 2010 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#155): it’s nothing like that, honestly. The Very Secret Diaries have their own series of running gags, but they are merely implied naughtiness for the most part. “pervy hobbit fancier” is one of the classic bits.

  161. ElkMeadow
    March 31st, 2010 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

    @Ichi (#131):

    I saw in last month’s National Geographic that “Dus” means “I’ve been other places, this here is pretty good; I stay here.” So I’m sure that it’s a quiet shorter name someplace.

  162. Mooncattie
    March 31st, 2010 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    MW – Ernie and Bonnie exchanged a brief glance, and then the purging began and Mary suddenly remembered something Professor Cameron said at the last pool party about how one must never invite the Johnsons to tea.

    RMMD – “Dear Rex Morgan Production Team; Sometimes your artwork is a little awkward, but dang how do you manage to peg us SK8RBOYZ so accurately? ‘Cause I know there’s nothing I’d rather do than travel from place to place doing pointless manual labour for The Man so’s I can pay back loans from my chick and enjoy a precious Sunday afternoon with my homies stylin’ down the staircase railings over at the Art Museum. It’s like you are inside my mind! Yours truly, Youth With Unbelievable Nickname.”

    9CL – And then, Dear Reader, we fucked. Right there, with the Tommy watching us and everything. But then Bill came back from Normandy and the war ended and Lt. Kiesl went back to Vienna and opened an Audi dealership and got rich, and I got older and my chin disappeared. The End.

    GT – Fear not, Milford! As long as you have The Blue Man Group in your grandstand, you’ll never really be losers!

  163. KarMann
    March 31st, 2010 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#133): @gnome de blog (#79): Well, that says it’s 2009 (unless this was their third win, but the banner’s not hung yet?), but this from January says it was 2010 a couple of months ago. So, yeah.

    @Queek: Dammit, those are supposed to be Very Secret!

  164. Austria
    March 31st, 2010 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @myself (#153): Found the aforementioned cartoon. There is definitely a Monkey Carl. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvQPn48Ss2U

  165. cheech wizard
    March 31st, 2010 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    MW – I don’t see the drama here. Isn’t this the kind of awkwardness that inevitably ensues when you realize the kind old lady who invited you to dinner is actually an escaped mental patient, so you simply mark time until you can make a graceful exit at the earliest opportunity? This could be the shortest Mary Worth ever.

    I’m down with that. I’d rather get back to Toby and Chinbeard’s marital difficulties, such as the latter’s irrational exuberance upon discovering Viagara and his wife’s mute horror. Yeah, that would be much, much better.

  166. Digger
    March 31st, 2010 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    FC: Notice Jeffy’s forlorn expression, like he can’t believe he’s trapped in this horrendous family. Is it any wonder that he acts out with frequent displays of public nudity?

  167. JB
    March 31st, 2010 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    In case you want to check out the Mike Manley process of drawing Judge Parker in his second Sunday strip go here:

    http://drawman.blogspot.com/2010/03/judge-parker-process.html

    Pretty cool. Also, you can post a comment/question if you have a gmail account.

  168. gnome de blog
    March 31st, 2010 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#111):
    He may be a married 57-year-old-guy with two reasonably grown kids, but his outlook as expressed in his narratives is totally junior high school.

  169. commodorejohn
    March 31st, 2010 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @JB (#167): There’s more of a gulf between the steps than your typical Slylock Fox “how to draw,” but still, neat. I note that even he expressly says he’s trying to keep the style close to Baretto’s; I look forward to him gradually making the strip his own, as Baretto did in his run.

    @gnome de blog (#168): Indeed.

  170. M.B. Mellay
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#99): Wait, Edie is Juliette’s mother? I thought she was her grandmother…that would put Juliette in her 60s and mean she had Edda when she was well into her 40s (because, if I remember correctly, Edda is about 20 y.o.). I thought this one strip where the characters aged normally, but maybe not.

  171. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    JP: Go ahead, Sam: Cut her. You’ll just have to do it once, and she’ll never question your patriarchal authority again.

    MW: I’m actually pleased by the suggestion of normalcy at Mary’s dinner table: If someone seems emotionally troubled, pretend nothing’s amiss! Bonus points for the compliment-fishing. (What, you all weren’t raised in the same dysfunctional family that I was?)

    DtM: On your knees, asking your Lord for forgiveness? Pretty damned menacing.

    HtH: Speaking of menacing…. I think that rather than harass someone for jelly beans, a real Viking would celebrate Easter by, say, crucifying the guy.

    SM: I love the headline’s suggestion that NYC is better off without Spider-man—because how often do you see such pinpoint accuracy in newspaper headlines?

  172. Gabe
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Yep, the FC is a redrawn retread (as pointed out, they’ve at least redrawn Mama Keane’s hair to the modern style). I remember this gag disinctly from one of my childhood paperbacks. They may have changed the object of the gag (easter bunny suit), but definitely not the premise. Amazingly lazy.

  173. Poteet
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @M.B. Mellay (#170): Someone, or possibly more than one someone, discussed the ages of the 9CL women awhile back. I was impressed by the reasoning and analysis that went into the discussion, but my brain refused to retain the content.

  174. gnome de blog
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @M.B. Mellay (#170):
    Well, so far there’s been a lot of teasing but nothing of any substance. We know that Edna/Edie’s married name was O’Malley and she refers to Lt. O’Malley to Juliette as “your father,” but that doesn’t mean that this is Juliette’s conception story.

    You know what would really be great? If it turns out somehow that Wilbur Weston is Juliette’s biological father.

  175. Poteet
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @Gabe (#172): Yeah, but while you and I post on CC in our spare moments, I’m guessing the perpetrators of FC spend a lot of their time strolling around golf courses. Not that I golf or want to, but in the case of FC, it seems that laziness pays.

  176. M.B. Mellay
    March 31st, 2010 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#106): Wait, Brooke is a guy?! I had always pictured the author as a former nun, someone who’d left the religious life but never found love, a woman full of repressed longing but with no real understanding of male/female relationships. It certainly explained a lot about the strip. And, not to be mean, but his signature’s kind of girlie.

  177. M.B. Mellay
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @M.B. Mellay (#176): Okay, the crack about Brooke’s signature was mean. I take it back.

  178. Why?Eff.
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    I see the illustrators over at The Family Circus are taking a page straight out of Mary Worth’s school of perspective. Let’s all take a moment to marvel at that floating apple.

  179. zerowolf
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Relax, Toots, in a couple of weeks Stockholm Syndrome should set in.

  180. Andy L
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:27 pm [Reply]

    Man, that PoW camp guard is all talk! SHOOT HIM ALREADY!

  181. Yasmin
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    FC: Delicious cereal. “FLAKES” collected right from Dolly’s head, it appears.

  182. zerowolf
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur’s mayo on whitebread sandwiches are the only realistically drawn food in this strip.

  183. AMC
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    MW – the Johnsons suddenly break into song: “We’re bad, bad company. . . and I can’t deny.”

  184. Red Greenback
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    When two eyes meet at the same knothole… Not embarrassing.
    When two eyes meet at the same eye socket… Now that’s something to be embarrassed about, J-Man.

  185. ScienceGiant
    March 31st, 2010 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    “>@Why?Eff. (#178): Yes, I was just admiring how Barfy’s relative size. Either he had shrunk three sizes to fit under that table. Or he was really far away.

  186. gumbeaux
    March 31st, 2010 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    FC: I find the entire tableau intriguing. Why *is* Billy wearing a tie, especially since he’s just going to school to don a rabbit costume? Is Dolly gesticulating wildly (and futilely) to make everyone aware of some impending doom? Is Bil being forced to dance with an invisible evil apparition wearing a shirt? Is PJ cradling a rabid squirrel he found in the yard? Why is Jeffy staring with an expression of existential dread at the back of the cereal box — which to my eyes appears to be called “god flakes”? Madness lies in pondering these questions. Of course, I can only image the sort of quotes from Sartre would go on the back of a cereal called god flakes, so I really can’t blame Jeffy.

  187. Old School Allie Cat
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    You know, I used to like reading the comics because they amused me.

    Now I love reading the comics because I know there are hundreds of people who, like me, hope that Luann doesn’t mention that the dress seems to be sticky in a few places (near the bust, mainly).

    And I know that when Mary’s napkin is levitating from her chin, others will notice long before I can get to the site to weigh in.

    In other words, I spend more time analyzing the funnies than I spent considering biblical symbolism in the Grapes of Wrath back when a grade depended on it.

    Time well spent, my friends. Time. Well. Spent.

  188. dyslexic dog
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    Dolly’s got a finger in her ear, Jeffy’s got a spear in his ear, PJ has a dog in his rear, Pop Keane has a smear on his gear, and Billy’s got a refreshing mug of Buzz Beer.

  189. nil zed
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    As badly as she needs coffee, you’d think Thel would have bought a better/faster coffeemaker than the one back there on the counter: http://www.chemexcoffeemaker.com/Coffeemakers.htm
    (yes, I know there are websties that will tell me, again, how to be cool and embed that link. too bad.)

  190. Red Greenback
    March 31st, 2010 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    FC: Questions, questions, questions.

  191. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 1st, 2010 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @gumbeaux (#186): I don’t know about god flakes, but thanks to kind, jolly merchants in Korea, we were able to purchase tasty “Two Cops” multi-grain snack — now with god!

    But you know, god is just dog spelled dyslexically, which logically makes him funnier than hell. I mean, judging from the evidence above. I think I’m going to bed now. You kids just chat among yourselves, and stay the hell out of my yard with your boom boxes and the twitterin’ and the hippin’ and the hoppin’.

  192. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 1st, 2010 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    (I mean dyslexic dog, not god.)

    God night.

  193. True Fable
    April 1st, 2010 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Fist O Justice Theater Mark Trail, you are an observer of nature, are you not? If so, then why in the blue hell are you climbing a tree with branches so dead and broken that could likely snap off trying to hold your weight? And anyway, what kind of tree has greenery in the first panel, bare dead Tunguska-like branches in the second, and greenery again in the third if you are still climbing up?

    Damn you, Jackelrod, for making me think about these things.

  194. Why?Eff.
    April 1st, 2010 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    FC: Now that I’ve taken a closer look, I believe this week’s Family Circus is actually insight into those ‘Mommy dreams’ that Jeffy mentioned a while back. “Sorry, Mommy. I didn’t dream about you last night…I was too busy fantasizing about Daddy with his shirt off.”

  195. dyslexic dog
    April 1st, 2010 at 12:22 am [Reply]

  196. Poteet
    April 1st, 2010 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    4/1 MW — Please tell me this storyline won’t end with Bonnie and Ernie in matching side-by-side bathtubs looking at a sunset.

  197. Poteet
    April 1st, 2010 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#193): Sir Fable MTK, now you’ve got me wondering about the damn tree as well. I was already wondering about the odd bird, which looks kind of like an exotic vulture. Most of all, I’m wondering if all the blows Mark has taken to the head over the years are finally catching up with him. A bare tree is no place to hide, and forgetting Senator Bonehead’s Wild Game Good-Eatin’ Emporium so soon is not a good sign.

  198. Obi-Haiv
    April 1st, 2010 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    GT: With so many losses, Milford should just change their name to the Washington Generals.

  199. KarMann
    April 1st, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    4/2 (April Fool’s!):

    A3G: Yes, home is dark and cold, Martin, since that’s where the heart is, in this case Margo’s heart.

    Beetle Bailey: Ewwww.

    Bizarro: Depending on the convention, it may be very well received indeed!

    Curtis may be doing even more damage to people’s conceptions of relationships than Luann today.

    DtM: I think I see a little glimmer of actual menace today!

    GA: Enough, already!

    JP: Aww, Sam isn’t mature enough to handle reality yet. Isn’t that cute?

    Love Is: Oh god no, I just know what’s in that dish there, if he’s holding it like that there!

    MT: “And wheres that terrible odor coming from?”

    MW: Let the wild MeddleFest begin!

    (BG&)SS: Heck, I wouldn’t have believed either of them could even spell “went”!

    S-M: Hey Peter, the sign says “walk”, not “run”! (Has Lieber ever seen an actual walk/don’t walk signal in his life?)

  200. Chip Whittle
    April 1st, 2010 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @ScienceGiant (#185):

    Yes, I was just admiring how Barfy’s relative size. Either he had shrunk three sizes to fit under that table. Or he was really far away.

    “Now concentrate this time, Jeffy…these doggies are very small, but the doggies out there are far away… Small … far away … do you get it?”

    “Ah … ah … ah … … no.”

  201. spacemika
    April 1st, 2010 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    9CL: Seriously, does Brooke have a hand-fetish or something? I can say with authority that weird hand gestures is not what kids are calling “it” these days.

  202. lost all sense
    April 1st, 2010 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#199): Dick in a crock 1: “Cut a hole in a crock”, 2: “Put your junk in that crock”, 3: “Make her open the crock… and that’s the way you do it!”

  203. Jake Morgendorffer
    April 1st, 2010 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    Jamaal’s the only guy in the world who, when confronted with a glory hole, sticks his nose into it.

  204. dale
    April 1st, 2010 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    Not only is Mark in the wrong tree in panel 2, why is he hanging from the middle of a branch with his foot stuck to the tree trunk? With some effort, you could get into that position for the duration of a photo exposure. The next sound would be, “Oh, shiiiiii…”

  205. worthwatcher
    April 1st, 2010 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    4/1 Mary Worth:

    Ayn Rand is this story’s special guest star!

  206. True Fable
    April 1st, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#199):

    re: The Amazing Old Lady – In Spiderman’s New York, the signs read “Fail” and “Don’t Fail Quite As Hard”.

  207. This Guy
    April 1st, 2010 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    @dyslexic dog (#188): Buzz Beer: Stay up and get drunk all over again!

  208. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2010 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    A3G: Since today is officially Thursday, I can say this….

    It’s tomorrow!!

    ~no joke

    (I hope I’m not building it up too much. I like the way they(‘ll) do it)

  209. Christi
    April 1st, 2010 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    S-M: In which Peter Parker gropes an old lady on a public street. The old lady appears to enjoy the attention.

  210. moodring54
    April 1st, 2010 at 6:03 am [Reply]

    …It appears that a tribe of identically black-garbed faceless, hairless automata have shown up to cheer on either Milford or Tilden…

    Who knew Anonymous had a stake in high school basketball games?

  211. John C Fremont
    April 1st, 2010 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    MW – Boy, Bonnie’s really put on some pounds since she first showed up at Mary’s door. That girl must really like herself some beige glop. And “roast chicken.”

  212. mojo
    April 1st, 2010 at 7:10 am [Reply]

    4/1 MW: Wife-beater. Wife-beater. Wife-beater. Even if it’s not true, Mary wants it to be true sooo badly she can taste it like last week’s salmon squares.

  213. Mela
    April 1st, 2010 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Thursday’s daily dose of… something.

    9CL: I’m sure hand fetishists everywhere appreciate this second day of brazen hand-jive sex.

    A3G: The shooting is gonna start tomorrow, I can taste it.

    Baldo: Hey, what happened to the more realistic illustrating? Is that only reserved for the adults?

    Edge: The entire class just owned Bratty McJuniorBitch here at being better Jews and having more respect for Passover? Yes! (Oh, and it’s not “bread”, Bratty. It’s “bread products, bread products, bread products”. Hasn’t your horrible mother’s constant repetition of the phrase reached you at all?)

    ReFOOB: Why not just save time and write “All men are my ex, and thus they are scum” over and over in the word balloons?

    FW: Okay, place your bets – which one will have a heart attack & die during the trophy-space fight?

    GA: To quote the great Tom Servo: “END! ENNNNNNNNDDD!!!” This gag, the strip, I don’t care. Just make it stop already!

    Luann: “And also that you have to dress like a filthy non-WASP.” I guess this week proves that we can now add “xenophobia” to Greg Evans’ list of unaddressed psychological problems that seep into this strip like sewage from a leaky septic tank.

    MT: “There was a legendary Roc just now, but no geese.”

    MW: Yes, a strip conceived when it was perfectly acceptible to beat your wife with the household appliances will now attempt to address abusive marriages. This is gonna be fun.

    NS: People who live in rusty shacks lined with industrial-strength aluminum foil (shiny side out) to keep the spy satellites at bay and refuse to use any technology that isn’t powered by a goat in a giant wheel (because otherwise they can follow you) should really, REALLY not be doing op-ed strips. Just saying, Wiley.

    OBH: Sigh. This is going to happen to me one day, isn’t it?

    Pluggers: Lil’ pluggers have Marty Feldman eyes.

    R&R: Comic strips about people reading comic strips are NOT FUNNY.

    Snuffy: Is it possible that he’s actually frighteningly brilliant but keeps his intellect hidden to remain in his beloved Holler without intimidating his neighbors? Or am I reading too much into this? (We all know the right one.)

  214. Little Guy
    April 1st, 2010 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    JP: Just an observation that MikeM is getting Abbey’s facial features better.

    SpideyHulk: *Now* he has anger management issues.

    yGT: John Havlicek and Larry Bird frown on your giving-up shenanigans, Milford.

  215. Linty McDangle
    April 1st, 2010 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Can someone possibly tell me what’s going on in the Lockhorns? The only way that it makes sense to me, given what’s-her-name’s position to the car and the yellowish puddle, is that “missed a spot” refers to her peeing on the car.

  216. Married Agnostic Woman
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Maybe your girlfriend dumped you because she wasn’t important enough to you to appear in the strip anytime in living memory. Seriously, did anyone have any idea that anyone would date Crankshaft?

  217. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    S-M: Spidey’ll show you, ol’ lady! He’ll not only chase that car, but he’ll catch it, too — and then he’ll bite the tires to MAKE it stop speeding!

    Spider-Man … with the proportional powers of a pissed-off Pomeranian.

  218. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary moves in for the kill, only to be disappointed when she learns that Bonnie and Fine Ernie’s troubled state stems from Bonnie’s nearly thalidomide-length arms. With much regret, she’ll turn Bonnie over to Jeff for some time in his “hobby lab.”

    JP: I get it: For April Fools, Wilson has been pretending that the strip is a befuddled-dad sitcom. Tomorrow: Sam refuses to call a plumber; high water and hijinks ensue!

    BB: Wait, that’s shoulder hair? I’d always assumed that Cookie had some kind of a frayed sleeves—not nature’s furry epaulets. Gah.

    SM: Spidey continues his habit of leaving helpless old ladies in the middle of traffic. Hey, Aunt May survived it, didn’t she?

    MT: 4/1/10: The day that Mark Trail’s auditory hallucinations begin; Cherry’s poisoned-pancake-syrup plan finally starts to come to fruition, as her secret lover, Jonny Malotte, waits with anticipation. (We know, though, that of course Andy is already developing the antidote. Good dog!)

  219. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    @True Fable (#193): I wondered what variety of weird tree that is, too. But here’s my guess: It’s the variety that Elrod drew the last time Mark had to climb down a tree, and Elrod’s just recycling, again.

  220. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    @Linty McDangle (#215):

    Judging by the usual tone of this strip — and the absence of any actual car-washing accoutrements — my guess is that he’s mocking her for kicking the shit out of all the other body panel on their car, but forgetting the hood.

    Prediction for tomorrow: she rips his head off, knocks a couple dings in the hood with it, then smashes it through the windshield. Bleu, bleu, l’amour est bleu.

  221. hogenmogen
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    MW: Something is wrong Mary. Fine Ernie and I are just not compatible. We’re just so… different from each other. I have irritable bowel syndrome, while Ernie has been constipated since 1972. *farts* Excuse me! And so long as I’m baring my soul, your vaguely-resembling-food-fare is not helping, either.

    Spidufusman: Of course I can catch the car! Watch as I shoot webbing and use my super strength to stop it! *thinks: Oh gosh! This lady might think that I’m SPIDERMAN! Now I’ll have to kill her!

    Old Lady: I ask you to help me cross the street, and you almost shove me out in to traffic, then you tackle me. Now instead of asking if I’m ok, you go running away. Kids these days! No respect for the elderly!

  222. hogenmogen
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#199): Love is… cooking naked!

  223. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#219):

    Clearly that’s no ordinary tree, but the world-tree Yggdrasil. The bird is none other than the giant eagle that nests therein, and a couple of strips ago we had a nice cameo of my cousin Ratatoskr.

    When Mark reaches the top, of course, Ragnarök ensues.

  224. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2010 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @221 hogenmogen said:

    Old Lady: I ask you to help me cross the street, and you almost shove me out in to traffic, then you tackle me. Now instead of asking if I’m ok, you go running away. Kids these days! No respect for the elderly!

    This sudden burst of manic energy alarms me. Looks like Spidey didn’t realize that the coke he’s used to tooting in NYC has been stepped on a lot heavier than what you get in Miami. We better hope those incompetent firefighters at least know how to use the defibrillator on their rig … or not.

  225. Little Guy
    April 1st, 2010 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @JB (#167):
    Quite cool. Although it is unfortunate to have TV’s Blossom in a cameo in the third panel, he’s working out the features well. Now if he can only incorporate Jenny Vay Oy’s “attributes”*….

    *GIS in non-safe

  226. Linty McDangle
    April 1st, 2010 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#220): Thanks! I was kinda thinking that that might be the case, but it’s hard to tell. I dunno, I just kinda figured, based on everything else that they own, that they’d own what looks like Christine’s lesser-known cousin Jake. Because whatever’s going on in that panel, the car looks far more angry about it then the guy.

  227. Hibbleton
    April 1st, 2010 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    MT: “may be ‘just’ a distribution place for illegal game!”. ‘Just’? with an exclamation point? What else was he expecting? A raccoon fighting syndicate? An underground missile silo? An ashram filled with bearded, long-haired hippies?

  228. Bootsy
    April 1st, 2010 at 9:21 am [Reply]

  229. gleeb
    April 1st, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    A 3-G: What, she should go through the window?

    F-: Silly, cartoonist. Ninjas can’t be seen.

    ‘bean: Battle of the doughy white guys, coming up!

    Zippy: It doesn’t count as an April Fool’s gag because you never have a punch line, Griffy.

  230. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    April 1st, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    MT: So there are no geese visible? The Parker brothers have the largest illegal pate factory in the state?

  231. Chip Whittle
    April 1st, 2010 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Uh-oh. The Between Friends unit has become self-aware and will shortly begin to question the madness of the world which created it and seek to eliminate the humanity which could produce such a thing. I’ll be hiding in the basement, thank you.

    Uh-oh. The Herb and Jamaal unit has become self-aware and is striking out at the very concept of semantic content in words; soon it will reduce all language to a jabbering series of incoherent syllables, like 24-hour news channels. I’ll be hiding in the attic since the house is too low-lying to merit a basement.

    Mark Trail: “I keep hearing geese, but there are none flying over! I wonder if that 30-foot-tall fuschia goose with a narrative box coming out of its patootie could explain this to me!”

  232. spike
    April 1st, 2010 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    @Mela (#213): Re: FW
    Gee, whiz, Mela! This is the Batiukverse–can’t they both have heart attacks???

  233. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2010 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Lockhorns Explanation:

    Because, see, Loretta doesn’t drive well. Huh-huh-huh-huh. Dames, amirite?

  234. TheDiva
    April 1st, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    BR: Best Noodle Incident since the Trope Namer.

    C’shaft: Well, she said he was a piece of something, but alas her actual statement is unprintable.

    DT: Oh please, please tell me we’ll get to see the geriatric conductor attempting to “rock out” with The Kids These Days…

    FW: Ya know, in my school the band and the athletics department had separate trophy cases. I suppose this just goes to show the perpetual loser-ness of Funkytown, as does Harry’s mooning over the dust-gathering awards of seasons gone by in his spare time.

    Luann: Yeah, what’s the one thing people always talk about after they’ve seen Les Miserables, Next to Normal or Sweeney Todd? The leggy showgirls, of course!

    MW: Bonnie must have terminal cancer. She dropped about twenty pounds between panels!

  235. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 1st, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    9CL – Later on, she has to explain the ongoing swelling at the base of her thumb.

    Crankshaft – What a piece of work is Crank. Ignoble in reason. What infinite fatuity. In form and features how regressed and regrettable. In speaking how like a moron. In understanding how like a clod. The booty of the world; the paranoid of animals.

    Curtis – Her speech balloon says no no, but her thought balloon says yes yes. It’s going to be one hell of a rape trial. “But your honor, she was asking for it! Let me eat some more peanuts and I’ll tell you what number you’re thinking of.”

    Gasoline – Whose bright idea was it to build a hospital in the Alamo, anyway? It doesn’t even have a basement!

  236. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 1st, 2010 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke – Not qualified? Hey, lady, how many cats have you eaten?

    Mary – “Oh, Mary, I just know Ernie is sneaking out behind my back to visit (sob) Bert!”

    Grimm
    Superman, Superman,
    Does whatever the Super can.
    Views the tube. There’s no doubt
    Peter Parker’d best watch out.

    Pluggers“You’re the best grandma in the whole, wide world!PSYCH! APRIL FOOL!! Little pluggers run fast.

  237. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 1st, 2010 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Snuffy – The remedial-sized hillbilly scrabble set reminds me of “Smess,” aka “The Ninny’s Chess.” A friend had a set. It was this dumbed-down version of chess. I’m surprised I haven’t seen it brought back under a name that doesn’t give itself away.

    By the way – I was saved the effort of searching out the VHS tape it’s on and trying to make my dying computer convert this to iPod format when Mark Evanier pointed out this YouTube of Albert Brooks doing his ventriloquist bit. The one I have is from his first Ed Sullivan appearance, and this one is from Flip Wilson, but other than that, it’s substantially the same. After watching this, it’s entirely appropriate to proceed to his other ventriloquist bit, where Al presents another component of his Home Comedy Kit, Buddy the Electronic Dummy.

    @dyslexic dog (#195): The link is 403′d, but I have that album and it’ll be the next Firesign vinyl I convert to mp3s. Maybe today.

  238. Hank
    April 1st, 2010 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    RE:Mary Worth. Poor doomed Bonnie. She doesn’t realize that being asked “is everything all right” by Mary Worth is about the same as being invited to check out the crawl space at John Wayne Gacy’s house.

  239. wossname
    April 1st, 2010 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MT – As pointed out by True Fable #193 and others, the tree has full foliage in panels 1 & 3, but it’s dead and bereft of pine needles (or whatever they are) in panel 2. I’m with bourbon babe #219 — I bet Elrod is using leftover panels from two different stories. He probably figured “I’ll trace a giant condor-hawk [consult Poteet for name of real bird species] and nobody will notice the tree.”

    MW – The sparkling dialogue and the portraits worthy of da Vinci make this a stunning exemplar of the comic strip arts. Ha. Ha. April fool.

    #187 Old School Allie Cat – I agree. When I read the comics now, I often start snickering, not because the comic is funny, but because I’m anticipating what various Mudges are going to post about it.

  240. Beetle Bumstead
    April 1st, 2010 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    #186 & #188, the tableaux of Dining with the Keanes has many intriguing mysteries. I’m particularly perplexed by the puddle that appears to be urine. Is it underneath the table, between Billy and the dog, or on a container between Billy and PJ? The way that Billy’s legs are wrapped in an Escher-like transformation into a squib further distorts the perspective. As for the rabbit suit, I can only think it will be a knock-off of the model worn in Donnie Darko.

  241. Disingenuous Penguin
    April 2nd, 2010 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    I thought the joke in Herb & Jamaal was, “Haha, his nose looks like a penis.”

  242. nerowolfgal
    April 2nd, 2010 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    MW – “Talk you bitch! Talk! Tell me, a comparative stranger, all your deepest secrets and marital troubles!”…slap… “Talk!”

    Mary is getting desperate for a good meddle.

  243. glasscat
    April 5th, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Given Marty’s strangely penile nose, I was expecting the last panel to read something like “Why was somebody sucking on my schnoz?!”

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