Main content:

Soaps ’n’ teeth

Mark Trail, 4/13/10

I can’t remember what task it was that Mark assigned to Ranger Miller while he took on the more dangerous and exciting job of tracking the Parker Brothers to their sinister poaching lair, but I’m reasonably sure that it wasn’t romancing bathing beauty Jan Harris. (As you can see from that previous strip, whatever sort of encounter the two had was so shocking that it turned the good ranger’s hair white.) And we can tell from Miller’s besotted blather that Jan is in turn just using her nubile body to influence the politically powerful ranger corps and keep the lake open for float-planing business. And then Mark has the nerve to suggest “a solution that will make everyone happy!” These people all disgust me, and they make the Parker Brothers, who just want everyone to be able to enjoy a delicious moose steak without Big Government getting in the way, look like heroes.

Apartment 3-G, 4/13/10

Wow, this is some serious anti-climax right here; even as he gently eases the gun from her hand, Martin can’t believe that he’s going to survive only because his estranged pill-crazed wife has been briefly distracted by a cell phone call from her boyfriend. This is extremely weak, and, just as many U.S. state legislatures are making it illegal to talk on a handheld cell phone while driving, so too should deranged would-be murderers everywhere make a pact to set their own mobile phones to vibrate, lest they lose their focus on writing a tale of vengeance using the blood of their enemies as ink.

Panels from 9 Chickweed Lane, 4/12/10, and Spider-Man, 4/13/10

There was a certain buzz in yesterday’s comments on the gape-mouth toothy horror in yesterday’s 9 Chickweed Lane, but for my money the looming, gnashy teeth of J. Jonah Jameson are much, much more terrifying. Maybe it’s a contest among comics artists? Whose teeth are you keen on not seeing? June Morgan’s? Les Moore’s? TJ’s? OH OH GOD TJ’S TEETH OH GOD OH GOD

326 responses to “Soaps ’n’ teeth”

  1. Hogenmogen
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Don’t answer Bobbie! I love that song!

    The trio starts break dancing on the stairs, just like old times.

  2. Linty McDangle
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Roberta probably should have just taken the Ritalin instead of snorting it, and then she wouldn’t be so easily distracted.

  3. boojum
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    For my health, a joint team of cardiologists and theologians will not allow me to follow 9CL, so I honestly don’t know its conventions. Is Gape-Mouthed Starey Girl supposed to have her eyes open or shut in that panel? Either way lies horror, of course; but if she’s meant to be looking down, and hunching forward, while opening her mouth toothily like that… //shudder//

  4. Hogenmogen
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Capt. Savarna went from bold & beautiful to creepy & clingy in like, one sentence.

    Plugger education consists of learning how to spell “Diner” forwards instead of backwards. And by the looks of things, these four have failed.

    Shoe: Can’t understand why ugly Hawaiian shirts aren’t automatic babe magnets. Geez! Women! Amirite?

    Ziggy: Yes! I confess! I ate cookies before lunch in 4th grade… I used foul language to describe dog poop in fifth grade… (20 minutes later).. And later that afternoon, I again touched myself in an unclean manner… does it matter if it felt good, or doesn’t that count? Anyway, I peed on the street. Not wearing pants, I just let loose, you know?…

  5. Shawn S.
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    “Jingle Jangle Tinkle!” When did Bobbie record me taking a piss?

  6. sully
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    The harpy in 9 Dickweed Lane is just demonstrating that the pearl necklace is clearly in her mouth, before she appears to swallow, only to amaze her audience by pulling the same necklace out of her associate’s rear, uh, I mean ear.

  7. The TJ
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Yeah, Martin does seem reluctant. It’s almost as if he were thinking. “I’ll talk her down while easing the gun out of her and and then I’ll- Is that her cell phone? Seriously?… Guess I’ll just grab the gun then. Sigh.”

    Also, what have you got against my teeth Josh?

  8. boojum
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow. The slide of kindly old Aristotle Papa-For-Us into depravity and dickishness, largely accomplished during this plot line, has been swift indeed. He now appears to have adopted a ring-tone that manages (in three notes) to promise exquisitely painful spur-play and Golden Showers. “Jingle-Jangle-Tinkle!” No wonder Bobbie is distracted… and intrigued.

  9. Nate Fakes
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Man, those are some disgusting teeth! I don’t know who has the worse?

  10. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    If Lady Gaga doesn’t deliver Jingle Jangle Tinkle! (feat. Axl Rose) within a month then this world is not the world I wish to be living in.

  11. Jimbo
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Re: today’s Luann–Bernice has written what must be the worst poem ever, but you have to admit “Acid bile erupts/Tums fail” recalls the “I am gall, I am heartburn” line from G.M. Hopkins’ “I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day.”

  12. McManx
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Slylock — Am I mistaken, but is “Slylock Fox” increasingly macabre? It’s not even half way to Halloween, but we’re treated to a fishing skeleton. I think Bob Weber has gone seriously Goth.

    Spiderman — Besides Jameson’s obvious gingivitis, his moustache seems to have crept outside its normal Hitleresque borders. In senility, hygene and personal grooming are the first to go. Ah J. Jonah… we hardly knew ye.

    Apt 3-G — “Jingle, jangle… tinkle”? Roberta’s Pavlovian response to her cell phone ringtone is to piss herself?

    Mark Trail — Ranger Miller has put two-and-two together and realized that if he puts Jan’s father out of business, then there will be no hot sex by the shores of Lake Getsumnookie tonight. Ever the asexual, Mark can only offer vague optimism for a win-win climax.

    Barney Google — Snuffy seems concerned that the Smif-Barlow feud is petering out. Since Snuffy himself is a Smif, why doesn’t he just pick up Ol’ Betsy and waste the bastards?

    Get Fuzzy — Re: the previous posts about 9CL and SM’s toothy hijinks, I conclude with Bucky’s observation that if you looked the Trojan Horse in the mouth, you’d see a bunch of little Greekers with knives. Now that is dental dementia of the highest order.

  13. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    FC: “It looks good Billy, but there are two s’s in `reassignment’, and ‘serjurry’ is all wrong.”

  14. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:09 am [Reply]


  15. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    A3G – Actually, Mibbitmaker (@y14), it’s Ari, singing his favorite song, “I’ve got sperms that Jingle Jangle Tinkle.”

    Baby – Look at the bright side, kids. Parker Brothers has decided it’s too much work for game players to have to spell real words, so now it’s going to let you use trademarks and proper names. So basically, anything goes, you’ll be able to use up all your tiles on every turn, and nobody’ll have to leave blank squares on the board. Whoopee.

    “[Crankshaft says something.]”
    “[Somebody asks him a question about it.]”
    “[Crankshaft makes a weak pun-like statement.]”
    Oh, I forgot to say: SPOILER FOR CRANKSHAFT.

    Gil – Jeez, you elope with ONE lowlife on the day of a big game, and they never let you forget it.

  16. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:12 am [Reply]


    Marmaduke – “A-yep. Lotta crap.”

    Mary – Bonnie has to “pick up” a dress? Her kleptomania is so bad, she doesn’t even care if Mary’s watching.

    Momma – You just know this hideous little devil doll is going to end up preserved and sitting in a chair in the big house next to the creepy motel her surviving son will operate out by the old highway.

  17. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Hey! Start smiling!
    Stop being a snob!
    C’mon, Brook,
    You need this job!
    Go-o-o-o-o-o Brook! YAY!

  18. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Prickly – This is good news for the one that isn’t a canine. Up to now, she’s been paying out the gump stump for her Botox, and sometimes she runs out and finds herself able to change her facial expression.

    Zits – Uh-huh. Walt found the weed.

    @mbt shoes (#yy233): More spam crap yester-yesterthread.

  19. The TJ
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    Bobbie: “Hmm… That must be Ari… What should I do? Here, hold this gun while I ponder…”

  20. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#YY231):
    @Aviatrix (#Y17):
    And now it’s a double dead thread. So I dug it up with my blue or green dirt shovel and the answer is “yes.”

  21. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#20): Don’t you just love H&J type answers.

  22. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    It looks like Josh has revived my old “Maw of the Day!”
    I really thought I had gotten rid of that.

  23. Little Guy
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Great pickup, Pope Josh, on the dual open mouths. I was thinking the same thing.

    Mibbitmaker (@y14), [Old Man] Muffaroo (@15), A3G: That’s actually “Tarzana Nights”.

  24. UncleJeff
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    FW: I’m hoping the literary agent/publisher/retired bag lady will tell Les to fuck off so she can go drink herself to death in peace.
    JP: Oh, Sam. Just wait until you see Frenchy’s shoes. They’ll bring back memories of those days before the lobotomy/castration.
    The Duplex (yesterday): It’s rarely commented on in the CC because it’s just so damn bad but it’s particularly loathsome “gee we gotta pay taxes to the evil dadburn gummint” deserves a looksee.

  25. Spunde
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Jameson’s mouth is more directly threatening, but you get the sense you could punch it and have a chance of getting away.

    If you tried punching that Chickweek maw, your arm up to your elbow would pass through the portal into whatever dark dimension that is, where the only light comes from the gimmer of those teeth… those teeth….

  26. Nekrotzar
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Damn it, Bobbie was all set up as the proto-Margo, the female Titan who would be displaced by Margo-as-Zeus in an epic battle worthy of Homeric verse, and the whole thing falls apart because her damned cell phone rang? (Jingle jangle tinkle indeed!) The only way this could be more deflating is if Margo suddenly developed the capacity to love. The only way this can be even partially salvaged is if Martin accidentally kills himself and Ari with a single bullet.

  27. Krazy Kat
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Don’t think for one moment that Martin’s gotten off easy here. Have you ever seen a woman beat her estranged (and armed!) husband to death with a cellphone while her lover listens, horrified, on the other end of the line? No? Trust me, it’s gruesome.

    Mark my words: Bobbie is about to put Dick Tracy to shame.

  28. Ed Dravecky
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    If only Peter Parker had stayed in New York, Montoni’s would still be open.

  29. MS
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    I’ve been baffled by the blonde Mary in the 4/10 Mary Worth, but I think I’ve figured it out.

    Mary is like Buffalo Bob from “Silence of the Lambs:” the reason Abby REALLY disappeared from Wilbur’s life is because Mary killed her, and now wears her facial skin and hair as a gruesome Abby mask.

    In an upcoming strip, Dawn will go into Mary’s apartment/torture chamber looking for a sandwich for Wilbur. There she will be stalked by a night-vision goggles-wearing Mary who, mask made from Abby’s head draped askew on her own aged pate, will ask, “How does it feel to be beautiful?”

  30. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: Wow, I totally did not see that coming. I mean, who would have imagined that a pretty darned well-crafted plot, with subtle clues and accumulating suspense, would end with one of the most pathetic, weaselly whimpers jinglejangletinkles ever?

    SM: I’ve never lived in NY, but I go there regularly, and I’ve always had the impression that stuff, you know, happens. So I’m finding it a little difficult to believe that urbane, jaded New Yorkers actually pay money for a newspaper that features exactly the same picture of exactly the same guy at least three or four times a week.

    JJ’s newspaper must be only sold out of a kiosk just as the tourists get off the train in Penn Station.

    MW: Surely Mary knows that Bonnie is a shopaholic; she couldn’t be setting that hook any more skillfully if she tried. “Oh, Bonnie, look: a sale! Where you can buy things! Many, many things that you don’t need! Doesn’t that sound fun?”

    BB: Guest starring today as Beetle Bailey: Otto the Dog.

    MT: Well, I’m glad that Mark wants to influence legislation for all the right reasons: So Ranger Buzz can get laid.

    JP: Okay, okay—how many days until Brokeback Jules asks Abbey to invest in his business?

  31. wossname
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Congrats to gleeb and all the funny folks on the float! And sign me up for a Margostine Chapel ceiling T-shirt.

    A3G – Bobbie’s not a very effective homicidal maniac if the ringing of a phone is all it takes to make her absent-mindedly hand Martin the gun. I guess the emphasis should be on maniac.

    FOOB – Shut. Up.

    GT – I’m glad we haven’t seen the last of Cassie and her wacky adventures.

    Luann – That is actually funny. And adds support to the thesis that the Goth chick is the most likable character in this.

    JP – Memo to Manley: You are revealing a distinct lack of understanding of female hairstyles. Abbey’s hair needs some volume on top. It looks like crap lying flat to her head like that.

    RMMD – “I’ve never set foot in this sleazy, low-rent, blue-collar, trashy beauty shop. Now quit being a snob!”

  32. TheDiva
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Now I know why I don’t read 9CL. What the Hell is the thing from the “Animal I Have Become” video doing there, anyway?

    C’shaft: Thankfully the sqickiness of Pam offering to give her elderly father a foot rub distracts from the awful pun.

    Curtis: Unemployment is at an all-time high? Mr. Billingsley, the survivors of the Great Depression would like a word with you…

    FW: I don’t know what’s sadder: that Les feels the need to explain an idiom that everyone over the age of six understands, or that Batiuk thinks it’s funny.

    reFOOB: Even when Elly’s right, she’s such a bitch about it that I want to disagree with her on general principle.

    Luann: Is she reading a poem or a letter from a reader?

    MW: Where is that escalator coming from? Judging by the grade and the background it originates somewhere in the mall ceiling.

  33. Chip Whittle
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: “Not actually IN my backyard! I mean, the only thing in my backyard is Lisa’s skeleton dressed in her wedding gown and every afternoon I put on my moth-worn tuxedo and stand next to her for hours while weeping, and there wouldn’t be room for a whole winery next to that! Heh-heh. I mean, there’s no reason to call the police and check what’s in the tool shed!”

    Is Les rubbing his beard in unbridled childish glee? This is the sort of thing that makes me agree with Mark Trail, and I like my beard.

    Shoes? The story is about forty pairs of shoes? Judge Parker turned into Cathy so cleverly during the artist change I never even noticed.

    I wonder if they mean they have the carcasses of freakish bird-human newspaper-creatures in there.

    Momma: “After ten years of marriage Tina and I have had our first fight! Apart from the hundreds of other first fights that we’ve had that we’re pretending never happened because the welcome-home sign was too good a joke to pass up!”

    If the bedroom weren’t creepy it wouldn’t be Momma.

    I love One Big Happy, but somehow I’m disappointed that Buggy is only wearing the costume for a school project. I just expected he’d wear it because it’s One Big Happy and they live in that kind of universe, you know? I mean, name all the comic strips where someone dressed as a ladybug would be normal and you pretty much have this.

    Oh, isn’t that adorable? Pluggers think they’re part of an economy! Don’t spoil it for them, it’s cute to watch.

    What do you suppose Pluggerville’s town motto is? “The Westview Of A Somehow More Depressing State Than Ohio”? Leading industries include pawning television sets and weeping into the pillows at night.

  34. Charles
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    So in today’s strip Mark Trail seems to be asking if there can be a “happy ending”? I’m not sure that you can show that in a newspaper strip.

  35. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#31):

    I guess the emphasis should be on maniac.

    Except that unfortunately, her behavior here doesn’t rise to the level of “maniacal.” She’s more of a “homicidal ditz.”

  36. Mibbitmaker
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    S-M: Uh-oh, Petey — I’d be careful — HIS MUSTACHE IS GROWING!! It’s going from a Hitler to a Stalin!

    RMMD: It’s never okay to throw your daughter down the stairs — but I’m beginning to rethink that idea when it comes to Brook.

    Phantom: God, she never gives up, does she? Savarna, you’re too good at battling pirates. Please do womanhood a favor and stay doing that.

    Cranky: Oh, he’s a toad, alright!

    Blondie: I love those things… out of NOSTALGIA, you stupid, outdated strip!

    DT: Shouldn’t this be starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore?

    Doonesbury: Talking hair???

    ReFOOB: Oh, great! Make the guy a self-pitying 2-year-old now, Lynn! (and, no, him quoting philosophy doesn’t make it better, either)

    PBS: Well, he did come with a recommendation from some guy named Lord Julius…

    6C: Hey, if it’s good enough for Mr. Rogers…

    SFx: From the world of Craig Ferguson’s sidekick.

    The Wacky World of Edison Lee (or, The Kid Who Hated People): Tex Avery did this basic idea MUCH, MUCH better!

  37. Professor Fate
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    3G – Another pistol goes unfired – one hopes this trend doesn’t spread to Dick Tracy.

    FW: “it’s part of an anthology of bad writing for use in classes that teach editing. There’s this awful novel from Canada they’re thinking about”

  38. Big Sims
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    Apt 3-G
    With a sudden clarity that belied her Bene Gesserit training, Margo watched the scene unfold with detached precision. Roberta, manic and insane, her breath still heavy with the scent of the physio-mento narcotic, responded precisely to the deep conditioning of the auto-aural reflex, “Jingle Jangle Tinkle!” The momentary distraction, the relaxation of the muscles and mental focus gave Martin time to ease the weapon from Roberta’s hands. “Great Mother”, thought Margo “Did she ever even stand a chance?”
    As Margo observed this, another corner of her mind was still occupied with the other pressing issues; had Luann been successful in moving the Blaze family shields and atomics? Is Jack a hat man?

  39. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    JP: Ah, the game’s AFOOT. (AG)LET me tell you, that Jules had better TOE the line. If he turns out to be a HEEL, I’ll become his ARCH enemy. If that LOAFER lets Neddy down he won’t have a SOLE SUPPORTER in this house, I say.

  40. commodorejohn
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    A3G – Is it me, or is it really, really stupid to try and snatch away a gun that’s pointed directly at your head? I swear, I hope he accidentally engages the trigger while pulling it away and blows his own face off.

    Blondie – Eh, I prefer this version.

    Curtis – Gee, yeah, you’re right, Gunk. It’s clearly better to live in a country with literal thought police than an economically troubled country without. The fourth and fifth amendments are overrated, anyway.

    DT – Whoa. Look, Tracy, I’m not really an expert on marriage or anything, but I think maybe rubbing it in your wife’s face that you’re the only one in the household with a job might not be a good idea. “Dick,” indeed.

    FW – Gee, and just when you thought Funky Winkerbean couldn’t be more obviously a platform for Tom Batiuk to shill for himself and troll for awards for his Insight and Awareness. Fuck this strip.

    Luann – Hey, how about that! Crystal reads Luann, too!

    MT – Define “everyone,” Mark.

    MW – Don’t do it, Bonnie! Once you invite her into your home you’re completely under her power!

    MC – Oh man, Bridget looks overpoweringly cute like that.

    Phantom – Wow, she’s…uh, she’s really desperate. Lady, there’s a lot of other fish in the sea, if you know what I mean, and odds are there are even a few who get their jollies killing pirates.

    RMMD – I don’t think June does her hair anywhere. I think it stays that way through sheer force of will.

    SM – I beg to differ, Josh. JJ here is just doing a standard-issue Uncomfortable Soap-Strip Closeup. Edie, on the other hand, displays a gaping black maw that leads straight into the bowels of Hell. No contest, 9 Chickweed Lane is creepier.

  41. mumbles
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    reFOOB: John asks who said, “To be born is to suffer.” answer’s easy, John: Tom Batiuk.

  42. AndyL
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    I’m glad that my phone’s ringtone isn’t “Jingle Jangle Tinkle”.

  43. AndyL
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Did you say “Moose Steak” or “Goose Steak”?

  44. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    I know I don’t want to see Shoe’s teeth. Although I might be interested in a biological thesis as to why he has them.

    A3G: Unfortunately the “jingle jingle jingle” ringtone is a little bit of an anticlimax. It would have been nice if Bobbie had set Miami Sound Machine’s “Conga” as her ringtone. Then she would have started dancing, and Martin and Margo would have started dancing too, and soon it would just be one big party, with Bobbie shooting her .22 into the air. That would be sweet.

    FW: Les assumes that his literary agent is too stupid to grasp basic figures of speech. I can only imagine how much respect he has for his prospective readers.

    Garfield: There is probably at least one time in my life when I wore underwear that was too tight. I don’t remember it causing hair loss. Is there something going on here that I don’t want to know?

    MC: Oh my, the Bridget tail-shot is going to make the furries faint, I tell you what.

    Phantom: Lull. Boring. Cut to the Diana Walker prison shower knife fights.

    SSmith: If 65-year-olds are referred to as “this generation coming up”, I can only conclude the feud isn’t the only thing dying out.

    JP: They really want the input of the mint-green v-neck crowd. (Full disclosure. I’d wear that baby with pride myself.)

    Luann: This is kind of funny, actually. Being a tertiary character, Crystal doesn’t usually get a chance to do anything Goth beyond wear black.

    RMMD: What I love here is June’s horrified reaction, roundly defeating her own point. “Me? Get my hair done here? Oh God no! Never in a million years! Oh, and stop being a snob. Snobbery is bad. Very, very bad.”

    Crock: I don’t know what that thing around the two officers is called, but it’s just about perfect. It won’t protect them from bullets and shells at all, but it will keep them from evasive maneuvers.

    SFx: For extra credit, identify the following quote. “When there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth.”

    WofI: It also reads, “PS, I’m not jailbait anymore. LOL”

  45. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Ritzy Fritz (#39): And before this story line’s over they’ll be wanting to SHOE him out of there. If this were Dick Tracy he would get a STILETTO in him.

  46. Chip Whittle
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Aw, Dog Eat Doug being all cute and fuzzy and there’s a hungry little bunny and aww who can be curmudgeonly from all that?

    Flo and Friends: Well, actually, escalators can be broken and un-usable as stairs if, for example, the brakes that keep them from sliding downhill aren’t reliable, since it’s generally bad to have people who are elderly or weighed down with packages stepping on surfaces liable to suddenly drop a couple inches mid-step. Just saying.

    Soup To Nutz: “I don’t wanna get sued! That’s why I’m singing a parody of the jingle for a cartoon that went off the air 44 years ago! Remember, kids, comic strips are too a relevant medium! What’s a Squarepant and why should I sponge its Bob?”

  47. Steve S
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Martin played it cool because he knew, even if the phone didn’t ring, all he had to do was wave a shiny object in front of Bobby, and she’d trade the gun for it. That or more drugs.

  48. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:12 am [Reply]

  49. TimSquare
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Linty McDangle (#2): Snorting Ritalin TM would just make it kick in faster.

  50. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @mibbitmaker (#36): In the Blondie team’s defense, I have seen that “Let’s go out to the lobby” cartoon at the Avon, which is an arthouse cinema here in Providence. So maybe Dagwood and Blondie are getting their Michael Haneke on.

  51. commodorejohn
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#44) re: FW: True. …you know, for all the bad things you can say about Brooke McEldowney, at least he shows open contempt for the masses and his audience, rather than this passive-aggressive crap that Batiuk pulls.

  52. The Ghost of Jarrod
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I got phones that jingle jangle tinkle
    As I threaten my husband with a gun
    And it sings, “This is a lame plot wrinkle,”
    And that song ain’t so very far from wrong.

    Oh Doc Ari, oh Doc Ari
    Thanks for giving me the pills, alas, our love can never be

    I got phones that jingle jangle tinkle
    As I threaten my husband with a gun
    And it sings, “This is a lame plot wrinkle,”
    And that song ain’t so very far from wrong.

    My dear Margo, my dear Margo
    Sure, I hate you and I’ll kill you, right after I get the phone

    I got phones that jingle jangle tinkle
    As I threaten my husband with a gun
    And it sings, “This is a lame plot wrinkle,”
    And that song ain’t so very far from wrong.

    Oh Martin M., oh Martin M.
    I’ve risked everything to murder you, here’s the gun, now be a friend

    I got phones that jingle jangle tinkle
    As I threaten my husband with a gun
    And it sings, “This is a lame plot wrinkle,”
    And that song ain’t so very far from wrong.

    So I’ll go jingling, a-jangling a-tinkling along

  53. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    I’m so ashamed.
    In a local runoff election for a County Judge, I couldn’t decide which one to choose. One had facial hair. One did not. I made my decision on that basis. I chose the one with facial hair.
    I want to see Mark Trail punch a judge.

  54. Ed Dravecky
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Elly is whining about her can opener sacrifice when we saw her blow $143 on other crap? If only her husband read this strip.

  55. Uncle Lumpy
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    I know it’s really a flotation vest, but it’s a great look for him, and could give that snooty Sam Driver a run for his money if Mark were so inclined.

  56. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Oh, and belated COTW congratulations. Had to go back and catch the funny.

  57. The Grandstander
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Sally 4th: So, now Sally has to worry about her sister banging Ralph. Not a bad storyline here, but I think we need more of Ted’s office dalliance with Ariel as well. That was a great storyline and it made for GREAT comments in the Curmudgeon!

  58. Écureuil Écumant
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    RMMRSA: Lipstick: Flesh! It’s the new red! (Don’t believe me? Just ask the Blondie color monkeys.)

  59. Joe Blevins
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    “Rat?” “Lousy?” Have Martin and Roberta by any chance been chewing Orbit gum this whole time? “Roberta, I realize I’ve been a lint-licker, but there’s no need to be such a cootie queen about this.” USE SOME FULL-TILT PROFANITY, PEOPLE. The situation definitely calls for it.

  60. Dan
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    9CL: I haven’t seen a jaw that unhingable since the mummy unhinged its jaw in that movie, The Mummy.

  61. Écureuil Écumant
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: Forget your Mace, ninja stars, telescoping batons, 130-db purse sirens and all those other so-last-millennium self-preservation devices. I’ll make my millions by marketing crimestopper fake cellphones that befuddle muggers with “Jingle! Jangle! Tinkle!”

  62. odinthor
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Grin and Bear It. — Please, Fashion Police, tell us that a pastel raspberry sports coat with black shirt and slacks is not appropriate court attire, particularly for the defendant. Otherwise it will be necessary for me to get some legislation passed.

  63. UncleJeff
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#52): Lovely. It’s got Gene Autry written all over it.

  64. Écureuil Écumant
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    9CL: Dunno, Josh, I think that was plagiarized.

  65. Darkefang
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    GT: Ha Ha! Mimi says to go fuck yourself, Cassie!

    JP: Sam was shocked and surprised for so long I was beginning to get worried. I’m glad to see him back at the top of his game. Whichever game it is that requires him to be a smug dick.

    MW: I’ll assume Maisie’s is where she bought that neon green jacket and ruffled shirt. That’s what happens when a women’s fashions department store is run by Mr. Furley and the Marquis de Sade.

    MC: My Cage is really ruffling the feathers of societal norms today. Norm and Bridget slept in the same house last night! Scandalous!

    Phantom: Savarna, you need to ramp it down about a million percent. If you’re worried about coming on too strong, and want him to come back at some point, you might want to not blurt out things like “I’d be a wonderful mother to your children” into the radio as he’s leaving.

  66. Len
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    #33 (Chip Whittle) — Buggy is dressed as a ladybug for a school project. He’s NORMALLY dressed as a stink bug. (Yes, it’s strange that his name isn’t Stinky.)

  67. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    APG: Jingle Jangle Tinkle
    It’s not a cell phone. Some drunk wandered in with keys and is taking a leak in the corner.

  68. Foobaphobe
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Non-believers in Hell and eternal damnation have much to think about due to the continued existence of this comic. Those who believe in a beneficent Creator must also be given pause, though perhaps they can see it as purifying punishment in this Vale of Tears.

  69. Walker of Dog
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: When its built-in sensors detect usage, the new Depends HeadsUp® disposable undergarment notifies the wearer with a jaunty tune that mimics a ringing cellphone. (The “Tinkle” melody indicates urination.) Bystanders are none the wiser as the wearer, perpetrating the harmless deception, uses the opportunity to withdraw from any social setting, in order to “answer the call”.

    Poor Bobbie sure has a lot of issues to deal with. On top of everything else, I hope doesn’t have Ziggy’s problems with twosies.

    GT: Hurray, Cassie’s still around! Hopefully this is the set-up for weeks of abuse and humiliation to be heaped upon our failed elopist. Of course the story will be ruined at the end with redemption and reconciliation, but in the meantime – beanballs!

    JP: Come on, Sam, you’ve been lurking at that window for days now. This is why you can’t keep a gardener for more than a week.
    MT: If that’s Buzz Miller’s crooked elbow in the third panel, no problem. If it’s his ass sticking out next to Mark’s paddle, very much problem.

    Phan: Big Red Circle of Off-panel Communication, pull yourself together. Repeatedly throwing yourself at the Ghost With Schizoid Personality Disorder isn’t healthy. Let me refer you to someone who can help – his name is Dr. Papagoras, and really knows his way around a cellphone.

  70. Crankenstank
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to point out that it’s legal to open carry your sidearms, including while driving, while it’s becoming illegal in more and more places to similarly brandish your cell phone. So perhaps Roberta was simply trying to text her boyfriend in the first place, or take a cell phone video of her husband for future use in court, and got the phone and gun mixed up.

  71. Crankenstank
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    YOW! At first I thought the two panels from Chickweed and Spiderman were from one strip, and I thought: what a stunning cut away, not unlike seeing a Francis Bacon painting. I’d scream back, too.

  72. bats :[
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t think today’s MT was all that out of the ordinary, but I felt the need to help it along. Maybe Mark spent a little too much time out in the hemp, feeling honor-bound to sex up the plants.

  73. Christi
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: Wow, that’s, ah… Um, shouldn’t you imagine the children looking a little less malnourished when you imagine being a good mother for them?

  74. Écureuil Écumant
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    MT: You’d think Mark, being the steersman, would try a little harder to stay well clear of those rafts of floating giant-goose crap in panel 1.

  75. Buck Ripsnort
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Garfoul: “When there’s no more loose undies in Hell, the Dead will walk the Earth!”

    OBH: I can’t wait for little Crispino to start threatening evil-doers as. . . DOOM Buggy!

    FW: I’ll give this all the thought and wit Batiuk put into it: Fuck Batiuk.

  76. AndyL
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Look how she’s holding that gun! We can still hope for an accidental shooting!

  77. Revenge of Chesnut
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, Jan’s worried about her dad’s “camp” going out of business, by which of course she means her lucrative drug trafficking and/or prostitution ring.

  78. yahtzee
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Now that Ranger Miller’s hair has gone silver, he’s reminding me a lot of Roger Sterling from “Mad Men.” Which makes me want to cast Mark Trail with Don Draper, if only it were possible to see Jon Hamm as weirdly asexual. Thank God it isn’t.

  79. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Revenge of Chesnut (#77):

    drugs and hookers, drugs and hookers,
    goes together like bourbon babe and Bookers [*]

  80. UncleJeff
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @yahtzee (#78): What a great idea! With Christina Hendricks as Cherry!

  81. UncleJeff
    April 13th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Robert Morse as Doc and Vincent Kartheiser as Rusty.

  82. Revenge of Chesnut
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    I would totally read the Mark Trail spinoff series “Ranger Buzz Gets Laid,” in which Ranger Buzz travels to remote locations that are always fortuitously populated by young, attractive single ladies. He introduces himself as the improbably named “Ranger Buzz,” they are inevitably smitten, and then they do it. While the local woodland creatures watch.

  83. Aviatrix
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#21): It’s okay. In Klingon, the colours “blue,” “green” and “yellow,” are covered by the same word. Hey, I think I just figured out where they hire colorists for the dailies.

    @Sequitur (#53): When I have to vote for a minor official and have no other information to go on, I select the one with the silliest name.

  84. Revenge of Chesnut
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @bourbonbabe, unbuckled (#30), BTWs

  85. Chip
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    Since the “action” in Mark trail has all taken place in the span of one afternoon, and they’re just now on the way back, I’m guessing he “got to know her” only in his mind. He’s got some sickly sweet domestic fantasy that will bear no resemblence to the actual human intercourse that’s coming.

  86. Ned Ryerson
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Is the A3G ringtone one of those recorded by that guy from Doonesbury, y’know Jimmy Fudpucker or something? Maybe (despite the musical notes) it’s not a tune at all, just the words “Jingle Jangle Tinkle” being spoken in sonorous tones by Morgan Freeman.

    I still have a ringtone on my phone that I downloaded for free when I first got it and the provider was doing some promotional tie in with the Johnny Cash biopic that was out at the time. The ringtone has like one guitar chord and then (presumably) Joaquin Phoenix says “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash.” I don’t use this one but it would have been funny if Bobbie had it in today’s A3G: Phone rings. Martin says, “Hey look it’s Johnny Cash!” Bobbie looks. Martin YOINKS the gun away!

  87. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I nominate JIngle Jangle Tinkle for Comment of the Week.

  88. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Hey everyone! It’s the flying ant version of Rex Morgan!
    Even used the word “Brook.”

  89. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#83): Hmmm. Klingons coloring our daily strips. I think if that were true we would see more things the color of prune juice. It is, after all, A Warrior’s Drink!

  90. Fashion Police
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Maisie’s is having a sale? Isn’t Maisie’s always having a sale? Someone should do Mrs. Johnson a favor and revoke her Maisie’s charge card. Clearly, her conflict with Mr. Fine Ernie Johnson revolves around a wardrobe that falls somewhere on the scale between Miss Abigail Thompson and a Rhino Plugger. Even Miss Dawn Weston looks chic by comparison. Oh, dear. Just saying that may force us to retire to a quiet room for the afternoon.

    Speaking of Miss Thompson, the yesterthread rendering of the Sistine Chapel ceiling shows that Signor Buonaroti designed far more attractive clothing five hundred years ago than anything seen around Apartment 3-G lately.

  91. Walker of Dog
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    @Christi (#73): Especially when she’s carrying around an engorged right breast that could nourish both kids for a week.

  92. Kanomi
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed: I find these intermittent jumpcuts to a thinly-disguised Yoda puppet somewhat disconcerting.

    Dick Tracy: Dick Tracy has a house? And a wife? Maybe even a car? Why? On the spectrum of well-rounded comic strip personalities, I had this guy a rung or two below Slylock Fox.

    Gil Thorp: “How dare you put your own happiness and future ahead of a high school basketball game, you selfish beast!”

    Lockhorns: Yeah, sitting.

    Mandrake the Magician: Woot! King Feature Syndicates is printing my homemade web comic! I get .01 cents every time someone clicks on the mandrake herbal supplement ad.

    Mary Worth: Good thing Maisie’s takes Viisaa credit cards, or Mary Worth might be slapped with a coupyriight infringeement suuiiitt.

    Phantom: “Please don’t press your voluptuous bosom against my prepubescent son’s joyful face, even if it’s happening in a peculiarly-shaped daydream of uncertain attribution.”

  93. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Wait. Is Walker wearing a skirt?

  94. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @yahtzee (#78):

    Which makes me want to cast Mark Trail with Don Draper, if only it were possible to see Jon Hamm as weirdly asexual.

    Thank god, indeed. That idea actually made me shudder in horror.

  95. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @Kanomi (#92): Phantom: the shota tales of Captain Savarna. NEXT! [*]

  96. bman
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    The panel from 9CL is by far more terrifying… to me, at least. If someone used it for one of those “screamer” pranks, I’d crap myself.

  97. Canaduck
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Dear God. when did 9 Chickweed Lane turn into the Grudge?

  98. Comcis Fan
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    FW: Don’t let the unfunny joke distract from the more salient point, that Batiuk decided to have Les’ book published by a university whose name, unfortunately, became synonymous with a tragic and infamous event.

  99. Darkefang
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#93):

    Denim kilts are all the rage in Mawitaan.

  100. littlestevie
    April 13th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#94): and playing the part of Cherry Trail would be Christina Hendricks.

  101. Comcis Fan
    April 13th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Not being a regular “Baldo” reader, while looking often enough to have some sense of it, what the heck is going on with Tia Carmen?

  102. Comcis Fan
    April 13th, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    BB: Did one of the soldiers trip over a blade of grass and require help getting up?

  103. Tintin LaChance
    April 13th, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Either Jan sucked away all Ranger Miller’s blond hair colouring to supplement her own, or she has the mystifying power to turn hapless men into Anderson Cooper. Either way, I bow to her immense power.

  104. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

  105. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 13th, 2010 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#100): Like Jon Hamm, maybe too much smoldering sexuality for an Elrod character. Maybe Christina Hendricks could be Kelly Welly? Kelly’s more blundering sexuality than smoldering, but it’s something….

  106. Anonymous
    April 13th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Canaduck (#97):
    Great. Now I can hear the creepy sound when I read the strip.

  107. Baka Gaijin
    April 13th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#33): Don’t despair. True, Buggy’s wearing a ladybug costume for a school project. It’s just a break from his everyday mosquito ensemble. Damn you, @Len (#66)!

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#35): “Homicidal ditz?” Ha ha ho ho ha ha ha HA!

    @commodorejohn (#40) on Curtis: How many other active message boards have posters who know the amendments to the Constitution and aren’t afraid to use them? I mean other than

    @The Ghost of Jarrod (#52): Also posters who whip out a 5 stanza song WITH choruses incorporating a fictitious ring tone.

    @Sequitur (#53): Console yourself with this fact: At least you had a valid criterion upon which to cast this vote. Many of your fellow voters probably used something stupid like who has the dreamiest blue eyes or who probably doesn’t smell like the devil licked his brain.

    @Walker of Dog (#69) on Mary Worth: Now that’s a “call of nature!”

    @Fashion Police (#90): Gentle One, I don’t mean to cause embarrassment but Bonnie doesn’t have a charge card with Maisie’s anymore. She had a charge plate which? whose numbers are worn off. Looking at the name on the MasterDischarge card she “borrowed” from her new SantaRoyMyFaceSpace friend, Bonnie’s playing the part of “Chanah Goldblatt,” who needs something to wear to visit her son Schymko at Yeshiva Torah Vodaath of Santa Royale for a nosh.

  108. Mela
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#101): About Tia Carmen’s story: Gregorio is a guy who uses their chance meetings at the local grocer’s to woo her; the strip usually shifts to a more realistic “soap” style of art for their meetings, and as far as I can tell, this is the first time we’ve seen him rendered in the more typical cartoony style. That’s usually the most notable thing about her meetings with Gregorio – that and discovering that she believes God killed her nephew’s wife so she could meet him. Really.

    Right now, they’re having their first “official” date, and he’s taken the opportunity to propose marriage. Why he’s whisking her off on a plane now, no one knows. Personally, I think it’s to kill her after the ceremony for insurance money. Why Tia Carmen isn’t asking why she’s on a plane now, again, no one knows, but remember that con artists can smell her gullibility a mile away.

  109. Marthas Rolling Pin
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#108):
    Just to push the point of Tia Carmen’s gullibility, probably to set this one up, they reran an old story about her almost falling victim to a lottery ticket scam a few weeks ago.

  110. scott
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    GT-Oh, snap, coach (BTW, if this strip can’t make the lineup here at the CC, what do they have to do over at Mudlark High?).

  111. Baka Gaijin
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Heart of the City: Heart, girlfriend, take it from me. Shriek and continue shrieking like a banshee, wake up the entire west side of Philly if needed, until your mother drags both you and that evil doll down to the Iron Mountain facility on North 57th and personally tosses that godforsaken monstrous totem into the hard drive shredder. You need to witness it yourself.

    You don’t want the shock of unexpectedly confronting that leering staring face when you’re digging around your mother’s closet in December snooping for Christmas presents. She said she destroyed it back in April, she lied! All Lies! Who lies to a crying sensitive 8 year old? LIAR! Fracking lying cuntwaffle. LIAR liar, pants on fire, stick a telephone pole up your butt. Liar!

    Where were we? Right, then flash your big cutesy girly eyes at the shredder operator so he’ll sack up the pestiferous clown shards for you. Take it to the all-night crematorium and lawnmower repair service on the corner of West Jefferson. It’s just a block up the street. “Ripe Tony” will take care of the rest. Personal experience speaking.

    The Gates of Heaven Church is right across the street. Tell the officiant “Baka sent you.” Father Contemno-Fossor [*] is a specialist in clown exorcisms. You know how they [*] bless you against bones sticking in your throat by crossing two candles against your neck while praying? Father CF sprays you with a seltzer bottle of holy water during his incantation. It may burn a little but that’s how you know it’s working. You surely don’t want any microscopic demonic clown debris on your skin, burrowing in and invading your blood stream. That’s what caused Crankshaft to be the massive dick he is.

    Do it. DO IT NOW!!!!

  112. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#105): Well, we all know who would play Rusty.

    @Baka Gaijin (#107): You bring up an interesting question. Does having one’s brain licked by Satan leave a distinctive odor? Would it be the same odor as a brain fart?

  113. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

  114. Hogenmogen
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Mrs. Thorp: Until some other lowlife asks you to elope on the day of a big game?

    Cassie: No, Coach. He’ll ask sooner than that.

  115. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#112): Again, too much smoldering sexuality for an Elrod character.

  116. Satan, but call me S'tan
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#112): I keep telling ya. I don’t lick brains.

    Ice cream, yum.
    Lolipops, yum.
    Your Mama’s pussy, yum.

  117. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Satan, but call me S’tan (#116): Well, someone or something who looks like you is going around lickin’ brains. Look at poor Baka Gaijin @111.

  118. Hogenmogen
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: Shouldn’t Bonnie Johnson be shopping for a neck?

  119. Hogenmogen
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    She bugs me. It’s just a straight line from ear to shoulder.

  120. Jeff Soesbe (yeff)
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    There are only two things that can turn a man’s hair white like that: sheer terror, or absolute pleasure.

    Obviously Ranger Miller, on his date with Jan Harris, experienced both.

    - yeff

  121. Comcis Fan
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#108):

    Thanks, Mela.

  122. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#115): Hey! Look what Andy did!

    Could this be classified as squee?

  123. Baka Gaijin
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#112): Yes. +10 Brain Fart.

    @Sequitur (#113): Yeah, now I’m fine. Unlike Bobbie Merrill, I didn’t have cell phone to “tinkle” my attention away from the task at hand. Traumatize me as a kid will you? Hah! Who’s laughing now? Ha ha ha ha hee hee hee ho ho ho!

    On second thought, maybe not so fine. Where’s I put those Zyprexa pills? Hey you! Shoo! Get away from my pill box you giant overalls-and-gimme-cap-wearing dog! Shoo! Scat! Who let Pluggers in here?

  124. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#115): Hey! Look what Andy did!

    Could this be classified as squee?

  125. Satan, but call me S'tan
    April 13th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#117): Sometimes bad comics have a similar effect. I particularly love inflicting humanity with Spider “maddeningly stupid” man or Judge “timesuck” Parker. And don’t even get me started talking about that duck of which we do not speak. Ha ha, humans, go and frivilously waste your precious, remaining seconds in your mortal coils before you perish and become MINE. And from then I shall force you to read an eternity of the collected works of Marvin.

  126. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#124): Well, I always assumed that Andy had a far more successful “social life” than Mark.

    As for squee: If that isn’t, then I just don’t know what is!

  127. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

  128. Satan, but call me S\'tan
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Roberta: I’ll kill you Martin! You’ve been screwing our maid!
    Jingle Jangle Tinkle!
    Martin: Who’s that?
    Roberta: The shrink that I’ve been screwing. … oh, that sort of puts us in the same boat.

    Then the gun accidentally fires and blows Martin’s toupe clean off.

  129. Hogenmogen
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Brook: Please tell me you don’t do your hair here.
    June: I’ve never set foot in this hellhole. And Vulcans get our hair cut by some blue guy.

  130. Hogenmogen
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    His name is Mr. Mott. Live long & prosper, Brook. Now get your fine ass in there before I do that stupid neck pinch thing.

  131. Professor Fate
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Now I remember what she looks like to me – one of the bad guys at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when their flesh melted off.

  132. Hogenmogen
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Funky: I initially thought KSU was Kansas State University. I used to work at Kentucky State University. Kent State University Press makes sense, I guess, which makes me think that it will be revealed later that it isn’t really Kent State. None of them sound like a winery, though.

  133. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#132): In Funky KSU is Kadaver State University.
    Yeah, they can’t spell either.

  134. TimSquare
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: The last panel “You’re weird” is a trope in Peanuts Patty/Marcie strips

    MW: Mary seems to be thinking about Bonnie constantly and is eager to come over to her place now that Ernie is away. Not to be catty but Bonnie may not find her size at Masies, maybe Lain Brian.

    GT: Mimi is letting Cassie know the facts of life concerning women’s softball: no eloping with boys; marriage is pretty much out of the picture – unless California repeals Prop. 8.

  135. markytom
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    MT: I could understand Mark and Ranger Miller yelling at each other if they were in a cranked up motorboat – why do they need to yell at each other in a canoe?

  136. UncleJeff
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    JP: Tomorrow, June discovers the beauty parlor is really a front for a brothel.
    “Get in there, Brook. You need a job!”

  137. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @markytom (#135):

    a cranked up motorboat

    Is that a motorboat with Crankshaft in it?

  138. Joshua
    April 13th, 2010 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#98): Batiuk himself is a Kent State graduate, and so it’s not that surprising that he would publish a real-life book through its press, nor that he would have one of his characters do so too.

    Batiuk graduated in 1969, which means that he had already left the university almost a year before the shootings.

  139. Fashion Police
    April 13th, 2010 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Forty pairs of shoes? Is that all? Seems a bit skimpy for an entire fall line.

    On the other hand, it is hardly beyond reason that Miss Spencer requires forty pairs of shoes for trip back to the old home town. She may be able to make do with half that number, but a girl has to be prepared, especially when facing an uncertain social schedule.

  140. Buck Ripsnort
    April 13th, 2010 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Pick the REAL zombie — that gape-mawed thing from 9CL (so happy I stopped reading during Be-Kind-To-Nazis month) or Jon Arbuckle from today’s Garfield?

  141. Écureuil Écumant
    April 13th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    GT: Calling the guy that bakes pizzas at the only pizzeria in town a “lowlife” is a clever way to win yourself a free extra topping or two on your next pizza.

  142. commodorejohn
    April 13th, 2010 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#138): Batiuk graduated in 1969, which means that he had already left the university almost a year before the shootings.
    Not that he ever let little things like facts get in the way of his attention-whoring Writing.

    @Fashion Police (#139): It’s a limited-edition thing.

  143. Écureuil Écumant
    April 13th, 2010 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    @138 Joshua said:

    Batiuk graduated in 1969, which means that he had already left the university almost a year before the shootings.

    Ah, if only the Guard’s halftracks hadn’t broken down on the way to the ’68 protests…

  144. Fashion Police
    April 13th, 2010 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#107):
    While your theory is most intriguing, we are concerned less with Mrs. Johnson’s wherewithal than her sense of style. She could take fashion lessons from Mrs. Ted Forth.

  145. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

  146. Uncle Lumpy
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    “I hope we can come up with a solution that will make everyone happy.”

    Tuning out his partner’s prattle, Mark muses about getting into the pharmaceuticals business.

  147. spike
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#139): Perhaps Miss Spencer loaned the rest of her fall line to Imelda Marcos…?

  148. Marion Delgado
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

    The TJ: My favorite part will be when Martin hands Roberta the gun back after she finishes her call and then yells. NO! DON’T DO IT! FOR GOD’S SAKE, ROBERTA!

  149. Marion Delgado
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    Comcis Fan: A stroke, is my guess.

  150. Len
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    In Hi and Lois, baby Trixie bemoans the rain that obscures her view of her best buddy Sunbeam. But in panel two, she’s haloed by quite an impressive sun-disc herself. Is the tyke perhaps the illegitimate offspring of the sun-god? (The mythological implications of Lois’ affair with Helios, or Surya, or Shamash, or Ra, well, whomever, are mind-boggling…)

  151. Len
    April 13th, 2010 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    The Sistine Chapel ceiling, Margot Decending a Staircase, P.J.’s World…

    The Curmudgeon is a hide-out for over-educated Art History Majors!

    You guys will never pass muster as Pluggers.

  152. Poteet
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I’ve seen teeth much worse than Jameson’s. I’m far more creeped out by his hairy knuckles. Unless his fingers really are transparent. Gaaah.

  153. Sequitur
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#152): That’s not hair. Those are scars. He hates Spider Man so much that every time he thinks about the web crawler he chews his knuckles.

  154. Master Softheart
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#44): “Phantom: Lull. Boring. Cut to the Diana Walker prison shower knife fights.” I think I have found my new generic comment on comics that do not otherwise merit any kind of notice. Let’s try… Lockhorns, Fred Basset, Pluggers… yes, all of these strips would indeed be vastly improved by cutting to Diana in a prison shower knife fight. If it could be worked into their respective continuities, so much the better, but the basic principle remains sound. Thank you, AFKAB!

  155. DaveyK
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Whose teeth am I keen on not seeing? Margo McGee. Because they might show her vagina dentata instead. And I would never sleep again.

  156. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @DaveyK (#155): vagina dentata what a wonderful phrase. . . .

  157. zerowolf
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    MW: The first panel’s converstation makes me think the name of this strip should be “Mary L-Word”

  158. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @Fashion Police (#139): Only forty pairs of shoes? Amateur.

    @Uncle Lumpy (#146): In partnership with Dr. Ari and his Happy Happy Go to Sleep Now Pill business?

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#156): Hee!

  159. zerowolf
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    BG: Thanks to all the inbreeding the next generation has the sweet disposition of a golden retriever and the intelligence of a goldfish.

  160. zerowolf
    April 13th, 2010 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Brook is the snob, but you are the one vehemently denying ever setting foot in the place. I smell hypocricsy, or is that Ed’s feet?

  161. Austria
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    BB: Y’know…I think I must just have some vendetta against thought-ballooning animals in general. Interesting, that. Really, though, I just wish Otto would die. Sarge, feed him some chocolate or something, will you?

    reFOOB: Boys hate-flabby-BUTTS and they cannot lie! You otha brothas can’t deNY! That when an Elly walks in with a fleshy lumpy waist and her flab jiggling in your face you throw UP!


    MC: Well holy crap, Bridget’s got “Tanzania Nights” hair.


  162. Perky Bird
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    I think Bobbie’s ringtone is actually the spoken words “jingle jangle tinkle.” I’d be distracted, too, if the deep, sonorous voice of Sean Connery, or maybe James Earl Jones, suddenly issued from my ass.

  163. Comcis Fan
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#138):

    OK, I stand better informed now. My apologies to Batiuk on this one.

  164. Comcis Fan
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    MW: Maisie’s, isn’t that in the same mall as Gindle’s, Hershel Field’s and Max Sixth Avenue?

  165. NoahSnark
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Margo would never be distracted by her cell phone urinating in her pocket.

  166. Perky Bird
    April 13th, 2010 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#164): And don’t forget CineBun, the combination arthouse theater and bakery.

  167. The Ghost of Jarrod
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#161):

    Sarge would much rather feed Beetle chocolate…if you know what I mean.

    That’s right. I went there.

  168. Poteet
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

  169. Jamus The Bartender
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Oh, I know what this is. Yeah, this is a shoutout to DC Comic’s latest action figure selling event, Blackest Night. (Spoiler Alert) See, it’s eight issues and assorted crossovers of the dead coming back to life , wearing black power rings and telling the good guys they’re fighting how worthless they are. Really. But instead of that, Bob has taken the high road and just has a skeleton fishing. Which is good. :)

  170. Jamus The Bartender
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB:Hey. John. Elly telling you how to spend your money. That’s right. You gonna take that? I thought you was a man. Guess not. Only punks live in Milborough. Remember that.

  171. Jamus The Bartender
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Revenge of Chesnut (#77): Now THAT would be the best storyline in Mark Trail since what’s-his-name the dumb kid got buried up to his neck in sand under that car.

  172. Jamus The Bartender
    April 13th, 2010 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dammit, the signs are everywhere. First panel. That plant? Weed, folks. Bonnie and Clyde…I mean, Ernie are totally growing weed. Am I the only one seeing the subliminals?

  173. Nekrotzar
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    @Big Sims (#38): Is ‘Margo’ the female form of ‘Muad’Dib’?

  174. commodorejohn
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#170): I keep trying not to make cracks about Lynn and Rod’s marriage, but god damn, if the way she portrays their fictional counterparts is any indication, it’s a wonder the man didn’t up and bail decades ago.

    @(#172): I would love for that to be true, but this is Mary Worth; respectable middle-class people don’t manufacture drugs in this universe, only weirdos with long hair, like Tommy, and Dr. Venture.

  175. Jamus The Bartender
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#174): Lynn and Rod: I know, right? Yeah, John should’ve mentioned the stereo idea, but….dude’s a dentist, man. There’s a reason hookers call it “dentist money”.
    And as far as Mary Worth goes, I bet we see her first introduction to the boo since Apple Mary had to compete with Reefer Charley back in the thirties.

  176. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#173): She is the Kwisatz Hadebitch!

  177. Poteet
    April 13th, 2010 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to that ModCloth ad lineup, I now realize that shoes are far more attractive without feet in them. I wonder how often JP will remind me of that in the months ahead.

  178. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    4/14 Preview:

    MW: Knockout drugs, binding for hands and feet, and Mary’s Secret Police.

    A3G: Thus it ends, not with a “bang”, but with a whimper — ours!

    FW: And now, the REAL pain begins! (dread, dread…)

    Remember the Michael Patterson Impossible Book Deal? Well, here comes the Les Moore Impossible Book Everything!!

  179. Poteet
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:40 am [Reply]


    A3G — You are kidding me.

    MT — “By ‘snooping around,’ I’m referring to trespassing, of course. But hey, it’s Mark’s strip and Mark’s rules. Which reminds me — time for you to grow a quick beard.”

    MW — My congratulations to the Mudges who first predicted “shopping addiction” as the problem. Though at the rate Bonnie has been expanding for the past few days, “getting through doorways” may soon replace it.

    PHANTOM — The smart time to make those declarations, Savarna, would have been when you were holding a gun and Stripey-Butt wasn’t.

  180. ElkMeadow
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Okay, Doonesbury time. When we first met Melissa, she was state-side, recovering from sexual assault and the aftermath crap that came with reporting it. She chose to go back to her work back at the war. She’s a fantastic helicopter repair person and she and her female teammate helped rescue the USO visitors.

    Now she’s been called into an office by herself (first and told by a male Captain Seabrook: “I need you here in ops. You will be working directly under me.” Her alarms went off. And now Wednesday’s strip is up. Is she over-reacting? Or is it going to be the same as before, but with us as the helpless and unwilling witnesses?

    Sorry, I’m not HTML savy, and I don’t know how to do the links.

  181. bats :[
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:55 am [Reply]


    FC: don’t go there don’t go there don’t go there

  182. ElkMeadow
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    Mike Patterson alert at Rex Morgan. Brook walks in empty-handed, sans diploma, license, references, although she SAYS she has them. There might even be a recession going on and double-diget unemployment. Thousands of beauty school graduates roaming the city, unable to find a place that’s hiring.

    And. She.*headdesk* Gets. *headdesk* The. *headdesk* Job……….

    …………..the only reason why I could see her getting it is so that beauty parlor lady can have someone on the inside swipe the doctor’s prescription pad.

    And as for Mary Worth, I’m guessing if I were be in the strip, I’d be a six inches taller than Bonnie, and even though I am over-weight, unlike her, I have a neck, boobs and a waist and hips. How is it that she can find dresses (plural) at the mall on sale, and I can’t find even one that fits?

  183. Farley's Revenge
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#180):

    I don’t think Melissa is overreacting, given what happened to her before, but I sure hope Trudeau isn’t going to have her be traumatized again.

  184. Farley's Revenge
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#182):

    Perhaps Maisie’s specializes in clothing for the misshapen quasi-humans who lurk around Mary. It’s a niche market and probably not that lucrative but there is a demand.

    Plus, Mary gets a referral fee for every new customer she drags into the store.

  185. Oregonian
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#180): Thanks for the link to Doonesbury on the Yahoo site. I just got on my computer for the sole reason of seeing tomorrow’s strip, and I was bummed to find that it wasn’t up yet at the Houston Chronicle.

    Obviously Mel has some issue with Seabrook and it somehow ties in with her previous history. I don’t think we’re going to see a repeat of the sexual assault story, though. Just to take a guess at it, I’d say she’s going to go AWOL to escape the assignment, and she’ll end up meeting Jeff Redfern (the CIA intern) while they’re both on the run in Afghanistan. I have absolutely no idea how they’ll both get back to the U.S..

  186. bats :[
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:11 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#182): re MW: I agree with you. I hate shopping, but maybe they’re making ultra-stylish duffel bags these days — I think something like that would fit Bonnie just fine.

  187. Comcis Fan
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    Subtlety, thy name is not “Mary Worth” (the strip, in this case, although it probably applies to the character too).

  188. Mr. O'Malley
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Too bad Ari missed all the fun. Will this be the end of it or will there be more to the story?

    ReFoob: Stop wasting your time and go try out your new stereo! She’ll come around when she gets a chance to appreciate the midrange clarity and the warm bass response.

    I thought a Plugger’s favorite meal was greasy fast food and reheated canned glop, and he has a constant diet of it. What other kind of food would a Plugger want? A nice leather bone to chew?

  189. Walker of Dog
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    So Jeffy thinks people like him, a ringing cellphone derails Bobbie’s rampage, Savarna debases herself further, and Bonnie’s problem appears to be as boring as we feared.

    Except for the miniature Mary Jane cheesecake shot and Jeffy’s apparently dislocated shoulder, a disappointing day in the funny pages. Please tell me I missed something good.

  190. Kanomi
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:34 am [Reply]


    First, Brewster & Broom Hilda (gasp!) actually made me smile today.

    Beetle Bailey: No faulting sweatshop colorists this time — the blame lies squarely on a one o’clock tee time.

    Brenda Starr: What’s this comic supposed to be about again? There’s a Victorian tea lady with a cellphone, who in one sentence goes from Lady Gaga to the Keystone Kops. I think she’s a Timelord.

    Crankshaft: “High water?” Come on, given the high cancer rates and morbid disposition of most local residents, it’s pretty obvious Monsanto has been dumping spoiled Zoloft into your water supply for years.

    Crock: According to Crock, women are witches covered in the filth of their Satanic ensemble. Also the word you were looking for is “guano”, not “bat doo.”

    Family Circus: My, Jeffy’s looking mighty pudgy. Good thing mom slotted him into a water diet and running-away-from-bullies workout regime.

  191. Mibbitmaker
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    early 4/14:

    Curtis: Barry… have you ever heard of a Canadian guy named….. Anthony?

    BBailey: A parody of Jack Elrod, Walkers?

    R&R: Lick it for $10?

    Other Coast: “Eww, what did you do to that Kindle?!?”

  192. papa
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: What? 190 comments and not a single quip about Dr. PapaDonJuanMalpracticeShrink just phoning it in????!!!! Margo!Boxcar!Saturn! I’ll just have to do it myself.

  193. Lisa
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    MW Tuesday: First it was Marcy’s and now it’s Maisie’s? Can’t they even agree which stupid pun name to use for Macy’s??

  194. The Ghost of Jarrod
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    A3G – This can only be redeemed if Margo, free from the threat of being shot, takes the opportunity to tear Bobbie limb-from-limb with her bare hands. Don’t tell me she doesn’t want to. And don’t tell me you don’t want her to.

  195. Marion Delgado
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Jeff “Fan Service” Keane draws himself with something dribbling down his chin and yelling to his mother that he has to go back so his friends can “enjoy” him. When most of your audience is involved in parodies, you have to give a little back.

  196. KarMann
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    As Walker of Dog (#189) mentioned, a rather disappointing day.
    Crock: Celibate with women, specifically. Crock starts to do for the Foreign Legion what Beetle Bailey has done for the US Army.

    FC: Unspeakable filth!

    JP: That’s right, Sam! The two decisions are just exactly the same!

    MT: At last! We finally know where the color from Ranger Buzz’s hair went!

    Marmaduke: You mean the last doggy orgy at Hitler’s place? More unspeakable filth!

    MW: “. . .such a high!” Yep, I think the addiction metaphor is all geared up for this one.

    Pardon My Planet: Umm. . . . I suppose there are certainly bars where that would, indeed, help you pick up guys.

    Peanuts: Sally’s been hanging around Dot and Ditto from Hi & Lois, hasn’t she?

    Pluggers: Much like the water in Westview is high due to the drugs in it, the water downstream from readers of Pluggers (who are not themselves Pluggers) will be extra sparkling clean due to all the brain bleach that works its way into the watershed after they use it to recover from this.

    6C: I rather like this one today. (You know it’s probably not a good comics day when 6 Chix is in the running for the highlight.)

    Edison Lee: The kind of lab assistant who’s been reading Girl Genius and knows just what lab assistants are in for, that’s what kind of lab assistant he is.

  197. papa
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: After Martin’s gambit in panel 1, I wager 5 quatloos Margo grabs the gun and shoots him for betraying Gabriella yet again.

  198. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Okay, which of you magnificent bastards sent in the flirty, honeydew-chores-inspired garage cleaning gag? Because you, sir or madam, are my hero!

    Or maybe Brookins is a stealth Curmudgeon and therefore himself a bit of a magnificent bastard. Who knew? Not me!


    Stop wasting your time and go try out your new stereo! She’ll come around when she gets a chance to appreciate the midrange clarity and the warm bass response.

    Indeed! Hey John, @Mr. O’Malley (#188) is right! Just slap on some Jimmy Buffet or Pablo Cruise, and watch Elly come around.

  199. Lucky
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:53 am [Reply]

    Heart of the City – EEK!!!

    Prickly City – “And if you don’t pay fine two, you get the death squad.”

    Safe Havens – Oh, so you just killed off the most likeable character in this entire comic? Thanks a lot.

  200. The Ridger
    April 14th, 2010 at 5:44 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#182): I don’t have the energy to go back and look, but didn’t Sam set this job up for her? Isn’t the boss his friend or secretary or something?

  201. The Ridger
    April 14th, 2010 at 5:46 am [Reply]

    And by “Sam” I mean “Rex” …

  202. monsieurjohn
    April 14th, 2010 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    It’s a Mary Worth/Pluggers crossover today!!

  203. Karmyn
    April 14th, 2010 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    Seems the new Mary Worth story will be about complusive shopping or something. how dreadfuly boring.
    Which makes it no different from any other Marty Worth storyline. Except maybe the death of Aldo.

  204. Ruth
    April 14th, 2010 at 7:02 am [Reply]

    So I’m itching to know….will you be taking on this week’s FBoFW rerun? I remember it from reading the comic collections when I was young (we learned to read on our parents’ comic collections, it was happy).

  205. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 14th, 2010 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    JP: Psst, you forgot to close the <small> tag.

  206. idathefossil
    April 14th, 2010 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Scoff if you must, but I for one am glad to finally learn the true story of the Parker Brothers, and what led them to leave behind a life of sideburns, mullets, fur trapping and general public-menacing to inflict greater damage on the world with their best-selling bored–I mean, board–games.

  207. Mela
    April 14th, 2010 at 7:33 am [Reply]


    9CL: Well, this confirms it – McEldowney’s women aren’t just hyper-sexed Mary Sues, they’re also some sort of ageless succubi.

    A3G: Who was it who called Bobbie a “homicidal ditz”? You hit the nail on the head, sir or madam.

    Ballard: I’ve reached the conclusion that this strip doesn’t actually try for laughs. It tries for that vague feeling of unease & disbelief you get when you’re hit by a warm, dead fish across the face by someone you’ve never met.

    ‘Shaft: “So our hopes for Dad dying of an accidental painkiller overdose increase if we dump more in the toilet. Quick, flush all the Vicodin!”

    Curtis: Oh, good, we’re done with “Curtis & Gunk: Hardball” and back to the sitcommy stuff.

    Edge: I feel dirty – this made me laugh.

    ReFOOB: Tell me Rod presented these as evidence of “emotional hardship” in court during the divorce.

    FW: And she whips off the mask… and she’s Lisa!

    Garfield: Every time you see a strip that seems taylor-made for “Garfield Minus Garfield”, take a drink.

    Luann: Or just kill everyone else (‘cept the Goth Girl). I’m down with that.

    MW: Yep, everyone who said “compulsive shopping/hoarding” got it right. Frankly, I’m glad we dodged the obesity lecture bullet.

    NS: More proof that people who are anal about using their full name and snotty about nicknames are heartless, horrible people. If that’s what Wiley is actually showing us here, then I actually agree with him.

    OBH: I think I like Buggy more than the vacuum-cleaner kid.

    PBS: Holy crap, it’s my mother!

    Pluggers: Didn’t this exact picture horrify us once before with the prospect of Pluggers’ garage cleaning?

    6Chix: Oh, just let them eat the paintings. They’ll be fine.

    Slylock: Why did someone shave the lion?

    Speed: Okay, this made me laugh.

    Argyle: The odds of this winding up on my office’s bulletin board are pretty good; it’s rare you get a good joke about our field (no, it’s not delousing).

  208. Buck Ripsnort
    April 14th, 2010 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: Dammit, can somebody at least get pushed down the stairs? “And the crowd is sickened at the sight of no blood!

  209. Amateur
    April 14th, 2010 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Suggestions? The Champion Meddler needs suggestions?? Oh, Mary, how are the mighty fallen.

  210. Hogenmogen
    April 14th, 2010 at 8:30 am [Reply]

    Archie: 2 x 25lb dumbells? When I did my lifting, I used 110s, and I stink at the benchpress. And when was the last time a teen boy said “Pretty vigorous workout!” to another in the gym. Dilton overheard that and thought “What a geek!”

    For an example of appropriate gym dialogue, I once saw a friend of mine bench 500. I said “Fucking awesome, man!”
    He told me that since the 45lb plates were really 20kg, which is slightly less than 45lbs, he was really only in the 490s.

    So I told him “Oh. 490s. Pshhh. My grandma could do that.”

    An hour later when I woke up impaled against the squat rack that I realized that I could have handled that situation better.

  211. Hogenmogen
    April 14th, 2010 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Gunther: We can form a company, Tiff.
    Tiff: A company?
    Gunth: Two’s company, three’s a crowd.
    Tiff: You’re a geek.
    Gunth: If I turn you diagonally, our shirts will match.
    Tiff: You’re a brainy geek.
    Gunth: Oh, I can teach you all kinds of things, Tiff, like how to count to 70 instead of always stopping at 69.

  212. Christi
    April 14th, 2010 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    @Mela (#207): Nah. The succubi he draws are more sexed than this, even. And slightly more nekkers. His 9CWL women are more like his faries, I think.

    …Wait, and I the only one in here who reads Pibgorn? o_O

  213. Hogenmogen
    April 14th, 2010 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Ghost Who Abandons His Kids When They Need Him The Most: Gee-zeus, Savarna! You were sexy and cool and then you let loose with your crazy desperate plea over the radio. Let me tell you from my dating experience, in which I sank quite low: Never, ever, ever beg “LOVE ME! LOOOVEE MEEE!” over the phone, email, hand written letter, text or any form of electronic communication. In person is questionable, too, but at least then you’ve got your looks going for you.

  214. Hogenmogen
    April 14th, 2010 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    I have a sister-in-law who makes bad life decisions. She’s 37. My job is cubicle flim flam. My co-workers hate me. I have slender wrists. Lord help me, I AM Ted Forth.

  215. wossname
    April 14th, 2010 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    A3G – BOOOO!! We wuz robbed!

    Dick – OK, I can’t draw, but I could do better than that first panel.

    Mary – My God, Bonnie just gets heftier every time we see her! When we first laid eyes on her on March 24, she was practically sylph-like compared to today. I guess she likes shopping so much that it inflates her.

    Brenda – At first I thought Momma Mayor had found an accessory more edgy than the Elrodball – the Ping Rectangle. But then I realized it was actually a mobile device more edgy than the “jingle jangle tinkle” phone.

    Sally – Yesterday she was neurotically ordering Ralph not to date Jackie; today she’s acting completely rational. I wish I knew how this transformation happened so I could suggest it to a few people I know.

    Sly – Now this is the mark of great art: It raises more questions than it answers. Why is the lion walking on his back feet? Why does he have a mouse on his tail a la Slylock/Max? Is the python about to attack the leopard? And most of all, why is the bird on the tiger’s tail emitting nervousness drops? If the tiger makes him nervous, why doesn’t he just fly away? Excuse me, I have to lie down with a cold compress on my head.

  216. Hogenmogen
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Crock: Unless that sand cave comes with it’s own sanitary rest room, frequently cleaned and inspected, I’m thinking the bat doo isn’t the only doo in the dune.

    I also think the sage may be an avatar for the “artist”, who toils for lonley hours in a small room and hangs his hope for makin’ it with the ladies on a pickup line like “Hey, babe, I write ‘Crock’.”

  217. Hogenmogen
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#215): Sly: Why doesn’t the bird fly away? Because the safest place to be is on the tail of the tiger. What is the tiger going to do? Pounce his own tail?

  218. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    True Fable will NOT be pleased.

    For the Didactic Duo.

    Baka Gaijan, do NOT look at today’s HotC. you DO NOT WANT!!!!!

    MG&G: *facepalm*

    RwO: better than a p-mail joke, I guess.

    Lio: clever concept.

    SB: now THAT is funny.

    IP: you must know a different Spider-Man than the one in our papers, Cap.

    OTH: guest-starring Myoga.

  219. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Funny, he doesn’t look like an Oriole.

  220. One-eyed Wolfdog
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    SlyFox: And don’t forget (5) My breakdance routine was a huge hit at MFF.

  221. ignatz
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Gasoline Alley: Scancarelli is drawing on autopilot. That’s Skeezix in the hospital bed, not Walt.

  222. TheDiva
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Curtis: It’s not often I agree with Curtis, but

    FW: Les doesn’t recognize her because he cannot fathom the idea of someone becoming happier and more successful as time progresses.

    Luann: “Please? I’m not getting anywhere with Luann and I hear you put out!”

    MW: Please, please don’t let any of Bonnie’s suggestions involve physical restraint. The last thing I need is Mary Worth bondage.

    April 14th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    MT- “when WE were snooping around…” That must be the same “WE” that my wife knows. “WE need to take the car in….WE need to cut the grass…..WE need to clean the garage.” The only thing I remember Buzz snooping around was Jan.

  224. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#181): I assume you were trying to convince yourself not to touch FC.
    I, on the other hand, couldn’t stop myself.

  225. Chip Whittle
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Archie embarrasses me today because I’ve forgotten sometimes to take my ankle weights off when I was weighing in on the WiiFit after the exercise session. Who expected the AJGLU-3000 to correctly observe comical human behavior?

    Dick Tracy: “He’s an actor! He’s a guest! He’s part of the troupe! He’s the most tip-top, Top Cat!” Wait, why is Headquarters written in a crude, TRAZ-Rish imitation of text-speak?

    Funky Winkerbean: “Other than earlier this year…had we met before? I ask because I had the sudden urge for an implausibly-remembered tale of agonizing implausibility and Monty knows Brooke McEldowney’s never going to finish his. There’s nothing creepy my asking, by the way, because you didn’t see what’s in my tool shed behind the wedding arch with Lisa’s skeleton clad in her bridal gown yet that keeps that winery out of my backyard! Ha, ha-ha, ha?”

    Gasoline Alley: Whew, Walt isn’t dying, an outcome that shocks everyone who lacks the ability to follow a narrative or to predict obvious consequences from commonplace events. So Slim’s surprised, at least.

    Mark Trail: “What’s this?” “Pictures that Mark took when we were snooping around the Parkers’ camp!” “Why, this is incriminating! It looks like the Parker Brothers are hosting some lovely outdoor weddings! Mark, what do you charge for photographing a First Communion? I’ve got a twenty-foot-tall ground squirrel whose big day is coming up!”

  226. Mimi
    April 14th, 2010 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    A3G – Can we add ADD to the list of Bobbie’s mental disorders?

  227. Hank
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    For the love of God, this 9CL plot is going to last longer than the actual war, isn’t it?

  228. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#218): I don’t think you can keep Baka Gaijan out of HotC any more that you could keep that goat out of where it shouldn’t go either.

  229. Motorposus
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Brenda Starr Destroyer: Your lovely artwork makes an excellent desktop background.

  230. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    I’m glad it was Ditto who walked in on Chip and not Dot. She may have practiced giving herself a Brazilian.

  231. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Granted, I don’t know how it would seem in a newspaper that only prints black-and-white, but based on his wife’s green outfit to go with her orange hair, I’ll dare say that that man is the greatest heterosexual the world has ever known.

  232. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    9CL – Is this the first time Edna ever ripped someone’s heart out and showed it to him?

    Dick – Don’t rush into anything, Dick. Better discuss this first, with your family, friends, boss, fellow employees, newsdealer, clergyman, Wilbur Weston, and ‘Ask Marvin’. About a week from each should add to the atmosphere of suspense you’re so carefully nurturing here.

    Family – Just keep those lips moist, Jeffy, for your ‘entertaining’. Better take the glass along.

    Smirky – Les is going to learn the horrible truth — that his book actually improved someone’s life instead of driving them toward suicide.

  233. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Oops. I left out in #231 that I was talking about Mary Worth.

  234. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Luann – Don’t sit next to each other with those shirts, you two. They can cause fits, even in people with no history of epilepsy.

    Marmaduke – I seem to remember the last time this caption was used, too. Is the cycle of reuse getting shorter and shorter, hastening the day when Marmaduke will be the same every day? “Christ, what a big dog!”

    Momma – Why is Francis being interviewed by Momma in a wig and fake nose? Does she feel she doesn’t have enough control over all aspects of his life already?


  235. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:15 am [Reply]


    6 – “This gallery is rated PG for extreme Fauvism and some mild Dada.”

    @KarMann (#196): There’s an explanation for Six Chix being in the running for most humorous: every Wednesday, it’s Rene Piccolo’s turn, and she’s a cut above the other five.

    @One-eyed Wolfdog (#205): I’m hoping somebody points it out to them soon, and we get back to a readable type size in Judge Parker. I still don’t understand why comics on the web have to be the size of a preview. Do they think they’re paying for paper, or is the compulsive need to cheapen the product so firmly ingrained now?

    @Mela (#207): 6Chix: Oh, just let them eat the paintings. They’ll be fine. Kids don’t know much about art, but they know what they like.

    @wossname (#215): The ‘nervousness drops’ are called ‘plewds.’ Seriously, this is information I love to dispense. It’s like you pressed a button.

  236. mustang
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed (#198): Maybe it’s my imagination, but I’m starting to wonder, as Josh’s blog gets more and more well known, if there’s a bit of the tail wagging the Plugger, if you get my drift.

    April 14th, 2010 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Dick- Maybe it’s just me, but I keep dropping my phone when I try to hold it using only my knuckles like Dick is.

  238. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    MW: Why does that guy have his arm up to his elbow in Bonnie’s bag. What could he possibly want that could be in there?

  239. shermy glamrocker
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Where does Gap-Toothed Starey Hoo Guy fit in the mouth montage?

  240. Weaselboy
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: It damn well better mean cooking, cuz the idea of bear-on-kangaroo sex makes me nauseous.

  241. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:25 am [Reply]


    DtM: Man am I not touching this one.

    FC: “Enjoying’ is the same as “beating the crap out of”, right?

    A3G: Ever have one of those days when you know you meant to do something, but you can’t remember what it was, and you’re handing your ex a loaded gun? I guess we all have.

    Phantom: Captain? You know that spot on the map marked “desperate”? You passed it about three hours ago.

    MW: Ah. So this is “Confessions of a Shopaholic, Except We Couldn’t Get Isla Fisher.”

    WofI: Human chess was done better on The Prisoner, not to mention every Ren Fest in existence. Also for your purposes it should be more of a setup than a punchline and… You’re not taking my advice, are you?

    Luann: Now in addition to having a spacy goth sidekick, Tiffany is also befriending Geek Who Sews, making her social circle not particularly exclusive. I wonder if Evans knows that he’s making the alleged mean girl more sympathetic than his heroine.

    Crock: “I’m celibate with women.” You know, that qualifier opens doors that really should remain closed.

    OBH: Ellen keeps a flyswatter handy, Buggie.

    SFx: These animals can’t talk, of course, on advice of counsel. All are being targeted by an overzealous vulpine detective.

    BB: “Mr. Walker? Hi, it’s Lt Peachfuzz. Listen, there seems to have been a mistake here on set. Looks like I got Zero’s script.”

    GT: Oh Cassie. As your verbal comprehension skills seem to be lagging, let me point out that Mimi was not blaming Ray, she was blaming you. Luckily you won’t flunk out, because the word “academics” is largely unknown in Milford.

    GA: Hey, I like strippers dressed up in 50s nurse outfits as much as the next guy, but shouldn’t someone get an opinion from the actual hospital staff?

  242. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Sherm’s Lagoon: That’s more information about knights then I wanted to know.

  243. Marion Delgado
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Comics Payola Dept.: The adjoining “Archie” strip paid A3G to incorporate “Jingle Jangle,” the B-side to the Archies’ hit “Sugar, Sugar,” into the exciting climax.

  244. ElkMeadow
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#185):

    she’ll end up meeting Jeff Redfern (the CIA intern) while they’re both on the run in Afghanistan. I have absolutely no idea how they’ll both get back to the U.S..

    My daughter and I are reading Voltaire’s Candide: It’ll probably be the same incredible route. I am hoping that the term “serving directly under me” was never meant as usually interpreted at this and other sites, and that Seabrook is either chaste or gay.

    @The Ridger (#200):

    I don’t know. The indexes of who’s who at aren’t up to date.

  245. Professor Fate
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Luann: And the creepy ‘nice guy’ senses weakness and swoops in to feed.

    FW: “It was back just after my wife died. You know my wife died. Oh no, I have plenty of time. My Friend’s waiting in the bar at the corner.”

  246. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#241): FC: “Enjoying’ is the same as “beating the crap out of”, right? Not always, but with Jeffy, yes. Perhaps we’ll meet Jeffy’s new imaginary playmate “Not the Face!”

  247. wossname
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#217):

    What is the tiger going to do? Pounce his own tail?

    Yes! I have a cat who goes nuts attacking her own tail — growling, snarling, ears back. I’ve never figured out if she’s playing a game, or if she thinks it’s an alien attacking her butt. Her daughter has started to show signs of the same behavior.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#218): “Synanym” is particularly good since it’s being used to show the alleged spelling prowess of the writer. (The letter placer?) If only that picture had a few lemurs, it would be perfect.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#235): Plewds, huh? Wow, next time I’ll know. I was going to call them sweat drops but I decided, no, they’re a particular cartoon trope indicating nervousness, but they’re not exactly sweat.

  248. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#230): Sir, I applaud you. Now that I’ve picked my jaw off the floor.

  249. Vince M
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#215): re. MW – yeah, I’m expecting Bonnie to say “Ohh, SpongeBob – whyyy?”

  250. Chip Whittle
    April 14th, 2010 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    Brenda Starr: “Oh, my! And this proves the point! What are you kids doing bringing gum in without enough for all the comic strips on the page?”

    Daddy’s Home has decided to read Dick Tracy for some reason. Or just to have a hallucinatory nightmare, if anyone can tell the difference.

    Ronaldinho Gaucho: Even admitting that this is a strip about soccer I have no idea what’s going on here.

    Sylvia runs this strip a day late. Well, perils of putting specifics into your word balloons, I guess. Still, it’s a better explanation of the financial crisis than Cathy is giving. Of course it’s also a better explanation of how to buy swimsuits and shoes than Cathy is.

  251. Hogenmogen
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    A3G: Shoot her now, Martin! Shoot her now!

  252. Poteet
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#182): Yes. When I referred earlier to Bonnie “expanding,” I should have clarified that I meant “inhumanly expanding in the shape of a rapidly-swelling eggplant.” If this continues, she’s going to have to shop at Ginormous Veggies R Us.

  253. Hogenmogen
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#250): Brenda Starr:
    “Have you have no cultural references beyond Lady Gaga?”

    “Of course we do. We know the classics. Like the Backstreet Boys, for instance.”

  254. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    plewds vs Anime Sweat Drops.

    Research indicates that those are indeed plewds. ASDs might show up in MyCage, but would be expected to be rare in other strips lacking anime influence.

    information, available on the internet.

  255. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Mela (#207): I think you’re right on the money on Ballard St. It’s sort of like Zippy but with 50% less pretension.

  256. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#252): Maybe she’s like Blueberry Girl from Willy Wonka.

  257. wossname
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#254): This is extremely educational (and more important, entertaining). So the other day, when I was proposing that Maoby was the result of a colorist mistaking mirror lines for hair and coloring them blond, I should have called them dites.

  258. Poteet
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#256): HAR! Except that Blueberry Girl is a looker, compared to Bonnie.

  259. AhClem
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#230):
    “I’m glad it was Ditto who walked in on Chip and not Dot. She may have practiced giving herself a Brazilian.”

    I have no idea what a Brazilian is, but I suspect it’s something I don’t want to Google from work.

  260. Poteet
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#254): WOW That site is an exciting source of potential names for unfortunate cats. And the way things are going these days, unfortunate babies as well.

  261. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    #259 AhClem,
    Since Google oft gives you Image results without being asked, that’s a good precaution. But as a hint, think “landing strip.”

  262. Bill
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Sorry if I’m late to this, but has anyone else made the closet girl from “The Ring” comparison with the 9CL “gape shot”?

  263. mollificent
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    A3G: Sigh…we knew the batshit insanity was too awesome to last.

    JP: I’m planning on getting my hair colored red as a birthday present to myself next week. All I can say is, I pray to God my hairdresser isn’t a Judge Parker fan.

  264. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    A3G – NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD DAMMIT!

    BB – Coloring errors are one thing, but when you can’t even get the word baloon right, you’ve got a problem.

    BrS – If Brenda Starr were to start a new spin-off strip about an old lady who spends all her time berating people who have no knowledge of things that happened before they were born, I for one would be okay with that.

    DT – Dear God, is Dick Tracy doing a storyline about LARPers? This can only end in a bloodbath. Well actually, that’s true of any Dick Tracy storyline.

    FC – *insert cruel mockery here*

    FW – Worst pickup line ever.

    GT – Christ, what an asshole.

    JP – Oh goody, I can’t wait to see Sam sulk his way through every single step of Neddy’s visit. “Would you like some coffee, Ned? Or would you rather go boink that boyfriend of yours? Oh, don’t mind me, I’m not angry or anything.”

    Luann – How cute, they’re wearing matching inexplicably-unified grid shirts. I can only pray to God that they’ll wind up having angry, angry double-revenge sex and put an end to this fucking “Gunther pines for Luann because she hasn’t thrown herself at him yet and he totally deserves her for being a Nice Guy™” shit.

    MT – Things I Learned Today: in Mark Trail, law enforcement is handled by the state legislature.

    MW – Oh great, Mary Worth has decided to skip all the unnecessary parts of the storyline. Expect future storylines like “Mary’s new neighbor openly admits to being an alcoholic, Mary tells him to stop, and he does so, curtain.”

    Phantom – “Diana! Not that I have any reason at all to suspect that she isn’t dead, but still!”

    Pluggers – Pluggers may talk about “cleaning the garage,” but they never actually have sex anymore.

    RMMD – Random strangers handing Brook whatever she happens to need for no discernible reason? Wow, you’d think she was a Patterson or something.

    SF – Oh sure, keep telling yourself that, Sal. We all know the real reason is that you want to inflict Jackie upon your boss.

    SM – So Sabretooth’s plan is to just drive around Miami aimlessly until he bumps into Spider-Man? How retarded are these people!?

    Edison Lee – The Brilliant Mind Of Edison Lee: aggressively not doing anything interesting since 2006!

    WoI – So did someone at Parker-Hart Industries Inc. catch a rerun of “Plato’s Stepchildren?”

  265. odinthor
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    H&J. — Don’t you mean, “Some of my need’s have changed”? Consistency, bud, consistuncey!

    Love Is . . . — Getting someone else to pay the check!


    I think “group” means more than two, Gunth

    Quite correct. A “group” with only two is called a “grope.”

    #230. Dingo, EPVI.

    She may have practiced giving herself a Brazilian.

    His name is João.

  266. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Pickles – Earl, it’s one thing to call your wife “the organ grinder” in the bedroom, but not around the grandkids.

  267. Fashion Police
    April 14th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

  268. ElkMeadow
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#252):

    If this continues, she’s going to have to shop at Ginormous Veggies R Us.

    Even there, I doubt if I’d be able to find anything that fits.

  269. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#263): !!! I’d like to see the results. Abby related tableau optional. ;-)

  270. spike
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @Lisa (#193): It’s probably a brand thing–”Marcy’s west of the mississippi, “Maisie’s” on the east side. Or Karen just “forgot”.

    FW: Nuthin’ gets past Inspector Les! He’s about to bust Annie for his “missing” manuscript.

    9CL: Yeah, this is just the perfect time to execute a West Coast dance move. What’s keepng Bill away? Or is he about to walk in on these two? By the time this story line is finished, poor Diane will have already given birth to Monty’s cockroach-with-racing-stripes space alien.

    A3G: I feel so…cheated…

  271. Sister Sestina
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    MW: Looks like Bonnie suffers from Rapid Body Fluctuation Syndrome. No wonder she needs to shop for clothes all the time!

  272. UncleJeff
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    215 wossname: Sally – Yesterday she was neurotically ordering Ralph not to date Jackie; today she’s acting completely rational. I wish I knew how this transformation happened so I could suggest it to a few people I know.

    The wonders of Prozac!

  273. MaryAnnTheRest
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#214):

    Great, now I think I’m Ted Forth too.

  274. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#264): I took the instant, no-interview hire as a further sign that the place was lowbrow, and evidence of June’s power in the community. They want to suck up to her.

    @spike (#270): Yeah, there wasn’t even a “no one gets shot because Bobbie passively hands over the gun when her phone rings” option in the pool, was there. I guess it’s not too late for an AD when the rest of the family fights over what to do with the gun and whether to call the police.

  275. MaryAnnTheRest
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    And thanks everyone for the Doonesbury info. I missed Melissa’s backstory (whenever it ran) and I had no idea what was going on.

    As for today’s Crankshaft, prescription drugs in their water supply explains a lot. Maybe if you drink enough of it, this strip seems amusing.

  276. Aviatrix
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Professor Fate (#131): You are so right. Perhaps her eyeballs will melt next. I couldn’t watch that scene the first time. I took Indy’s advice and covered my eyes until it was over. I still won’t watch the backing into a propeller scene. Pilot’s nightmare.

  277. Anonymous
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    PBS: This week’s Cavalcade of Teeth continue.

    9CL: So, this will explain why Dr Julii isn’t 65. BTW, please no ‘shopping that hand any lower. I’m looking at you, bats:[

    Curtis: Is it Monday already with a new plot?

  278. FafMor
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    AG3: Next week, a surprise twist as Bobbie pulls out another gun and pumps the rat full of lead while gleefully yelling “Psych!”

  279. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#276):

    I still won’t watch the backing into a propeller

    When I was a teen there was a deaf person who did that at our local airport. I was a cadet in the Civil Air Patrol at the time and we all got lectures on watching and not just listening when we were on the airstrip. I don’t know why. None of us were deaf.

  280. Kanomi
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed (#198): “Pluggers: Okay, which of you magnificent bastards sent in the flirty, honeydew-chores-inspired garage cleaning gag? Because you, sir or madam, are my hero!”

    I just realized, Pluggers rarely prints its AOL email address anymore.

    My guess is too many sarcastic (“You’re a plugger if you submit a caption to Pluggers”), spammy (“You’re a plugger if you PROMOTE ALL-NATURAL HEALTHNESS VEGEPILLS http://www.anhvp.tinyisland“), or perhaps just insane (“You’re a plugger if U KNO TEH UFOZ R SATANZ PPL”) entries were plugging up the ole inner tubes.

    My suggestions certainly went unanswered and unacknowledged. :)

  281. wossname
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Kanomi (#280): Today I remembered to click on your name, and had the pleasures of (a) seeing the graffiti on the FC house and (b) learning all about Scott meets FC. Thanks once again!

  282. Kanomi
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#281): Oh gosh thanks! Great Tokyo Sun newspaper conglomerate appreciates international patronage!

  283. Kanomi
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Oops sounded sarcastic. Perils of the blogging trade! :o

  284. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#264): re Luann… please, God, NO! That would only result in “A Very Special Episode (TM)” where Tiff gives birth to Gunth’s love-child. ServInt Internet Services would crash from the smirk-load we would put on it, and they would be forced to sue Josh. It would be worse than Foobpocalypse (c), even, and I doubt even Uncle Lumpy could keep Josh from going to debtor’s prison.

  285. wossname
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Kanomi (#283): You didn’t sound sarcastic – you sounded like the voice of the Tokyo Sun. :)

  286. commodorejohn
    April 14th, 2010 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#284): I know, I know, but…it would be a worthwhile sacrifice if we could just end this thing right here and now.

  287. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#279):

    And if you were deaf, then the lecture wouldn’t do you much good anyway, would it?

  288. cheech wizard
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    9CL – So Juliette’s dad was actually a Nazi? I must admit, this makes a lot of sense.

    GA – Walt, Skeezix and Corky are all dead. That’s the only way I can figure out that they’d encounter a young nurse wearing a uniform and using phrases like “sound as a dollar.”

    Marm – It’s not a sleepover he’s planning, it’s a banquet. But you already opened the door…

    Peanuts – Wow, Sally is really ahead of her time – an original Teabagger.

    A3G – “Ari, would you come over and get me? Oh, and bring my spare gun. Thanks, babe.”

    FC – Oh. I guess that’s why he ran inside to ask his mom for a plastic cup of corn oil.

  289. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#177): I am in constant shoe lust as a result of those ads. Really, it’s all I can do at any given moment to not whip out my credit card and start buying. Those of you with a hankering for the ModCloth dress models—well, you got nothin’ on my longing for those shoes.

  290. Calico
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#274):
    Oh, don’t worry – Margo will eat the bullets for a snack and her steely gaze will melt the gun.

    Meanwhile, in MW, Mary is salivating at the prospect of keeping shopaholic Bonnie chained up in one of Charterstone’s maintenance sheds for a long, long time untill she’s “cured.” (Take “cured” as you will.)

  291. Calico
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#101):
    I think this may be a dream sequence, like so many other comic writers use when they are bereft of other ideas.
    (Calls to mind nighttime comedies and soaps of the past)

  292. Push Trot
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Nice work on the boobs in today’s first panel of Spider-Man. Yup. All three of ‘em.

  293. ignatz
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: From Martin’s reaction, I get the feeling that this has happened before, like once a week or so.

  294. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#214): “I have a sister-in-law who makes bad life decisions. She’s 37. My job is cubicle flim flam. My co-workers hate me. I have slender wrists. Lord help me, I AM Ted Forth.” How are your Jazz Hands?

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (Y218): Thanks. I pretty much guessed that would happen. That’s why I gave Heart such a specific and detailed plan on how to prevent this exact scenario from happening. But did she listen to me? No. Now the bint’s gone all clown-in-the-head.

    @Sequitur (#228): Before reading Heart, I took a double dose of Harlequex™, the anti-coulrophobia drug from Pfizer. Side effects include restless sleep and anal leakage, both of which can come in handy if an actual clown appears withing squirting distance at 2am.

  295. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    “an actual clown appears withing squirting distance at 2am.” Fixed! You can put the pointy red pencil away, Didactic Duo.

  296. Darkefang
    April 14th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Making us read this entire story is kind of a long-winded way of telling the reader that Edna was a bit of a whore and has no idea who the father of her daughter is.

    BB: Today’s Beetle Bailey doesn’t make any sense any way you read it.

    MT: It’s really difficult keeping up with Mark Trail when everyone’s hair keeps changing color every time I see them. Buzz’s hair went from blonde to white. Now there is a brown-haired senator, but the two senators we saw earlier in the story were both white-haired. Is this a new character, or did one of the old senators buy some Grecian Formula?

    Phantom: Well, Sarvarna certainly turned from a strong, independent woman to a desperate, sniveling whiner pretty quickly. I’m sure writing like that isn’t offensive at all to women.

  297. SF_Reader
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    “…whatever sort of encounter the two had was so shocking that it turned the good ranger’s hair white.”
    - Maybe now the carpet matches the drapes.

  298. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: The deal Bonnie got on those dresses made her chest swell with pride. Her neck and cheeks are even prouder.

    Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if you’d take a greasy chicken fried steak dinner over a blowjob as a reward from your wife for cleaning the garage.

    Pluggers, second look: You’re a Plugger if you take a greasy chicken fried steak dinner over sex with your wife because your diabetes, hyperlipidemia, and hypertension meds make your wee willie winkie as firm as a windsock and no amount of Cialis coladas with Viagra chasers can do anything about it.

    Cow and Boy: The stuff repressed memories and embarrassing Dr. Phil confessions are made of.

    One Big Happy: Buggy, you da playa! Six years old and mackin on the MILF.

    Mark Trail: Ranger Miller, “…when we were snooping around the Parkers’ camp.” I think you mean, “when Mark was snooping around the Parkers’ camp and I was human target practice for them.”

    Drabble: I’m no Fashion Police, but those cargo pants make you look like Cathy. Or Bonnie in a few days if her current rate of expansion holds.

  299. James
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Family Circus: Well it looks like mom and dad finally moved to the next logical step, walling up the doorway. That’ll keep the outside world from corrupting their children. It’s nice that they put a window there though so the kids can still feel like their friends “enjoy” them, but we’ll see how long that lasts.

  300. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, I got thinkin’ about it this afternoon and I believe The Brazilian would make a great name for a superhero. They’d be smooth, of course, and one of their skills would be throwing an adhesive strip at the criminal and ripping the item (jewels, gun, babe) out of their hands.

  301. James
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Also, nice thought ballooning, Greg and Mort Walker. Pretty sure Ms. Buxley is supposed to be saying that

  302. ignatz
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    288. Cheech Wizard: Not to mention the fact that Walt, in the hospital bed, has turned into Skeezix, and the nurse is Clovia.

  303. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

  304. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

  305. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#294): I’ll have to remember not to accidently wander into your room at night.

  306. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    9CL: I have been enjoying this long long tale. I kind of hope these two get together again and….

    As has been said many times before, the strips are wonderfully drawn (most of the time, if you don’t mind occasional views into open mouths, and itty-bitty chins).

    It’s obvious that they are carefully drawn AND NOT SCRAWLED IN ONE MINUTE.

    It’s not carrired in New York City papers; I am glad I get the strips from The Houston Chronical (although I look at only about 8 of them).

    I suppose many folks may diagree with me about what I have just said, but, what the heck, I’m from The Bronx.

  307. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    April 14th, 2010 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    As is obvious from my inept spelling.

  308. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#305): As long as you’re not wearing your Pagliacci costume you’ll be fine.

    Family Circus: Jeffy’s being used as a piñata. Being suspended from a tree limb and beaten by sticks is the only way he can be popular. I mean, he’s Jeffy, dammit!

  309. FafMor
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    SF: I had really hoped the conversation between Sal and Ted was going to go like this
    Sal: “Ralph said my sister has soft lips”
    Ted: “She does, and her nipples get really hard like pencil erasers.”

  310. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    BB: Can’t blame the General for banning Lt. Fuzz. Hasn’t Fuzz ever heard of the Chain of Command? He a Lieutenant for crying out loud. A 2nd Lieutenant at that. If he’s got a problem or idea he should take it to his Captain. If the Captain can’t decide the Captain takes it to the Major. The Major would go to the Colonel and if the Colonel needs to he’ll go to the General. I doubt the vast majority of the crap Fuzz comes up with would make it past the Captain.

  311. Old School Allie Cat
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    As a woman shaped a little like Bonnie (although, really, a little less fire-hydrant and a little more exagerated Coke bottle – plus, I have a discernible neck), I can tell you it’s highly improbable that she was able to find a full bag’s worth of usable clothing in one department store – amazing though both Maisie’s and Marcy’s are, they’re no match for Fjordstrum’s and Lard and Tiler – to say nothing of places like Dullard’s and Balks.

    God, maybe I’m a compulsive shopper, too!

  312. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#308): I only wear the Pagliacci costume when I’m stalking clowns and I try to blend in.

  313. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#312): Um, yeah, I’ll just forget I read that comment.

  314. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#311): Lard and Tiler sounds like Bonnie’s kind of place.

  315. Chyron HR
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Can… can we have a new post soon? I’m getting really creeped out seeing the cover of “In the Court of the Scarlet Spider” every time I reload.

  316. Sequitur
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#314): What comment?

  317. Lance
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Dammit. Has Shulock never heard about Checkov’s gun?!? She showed us a gun. The damn thing was loaded. It’s gotta go off! I demand a cap be popped into somebody’s ass!

  318. ignatz
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    306. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball :”It’s not carrired in New York City papers; I am glad I get the strips from The Houston Chronical (although I look at only about 8 of them)”

    Really? It used to be in a New York paper. Newsday, maybe? But I don’t red them anymore.

    Yes, Brooke is a great artist, but lately, much of the writing has seemed to come from his inner sexual adolescent.

  319. Poteet
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#289): There’s no way I could ever walk in those shoes, but I have brief wild fantasies about buying the lineup and putting them on a shelf to look at. Which may put me in some company I don’t want to think about.

  320. cheech wizard
    April 14th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#207): Guess you don’t read Pibgorn – that one’s got an actual succubus in it. And she’s a much more interesting character than anyone in 9CL.

  321. Baka Gaijin
    April 14th, 2010 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Aren’t we overdue for a thread jump? Did that evilscaryclown in Heart get Josh?

  322. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 14th, 2010 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    folks, I think that Ces may have just written the best Lu Ann (and Tommy?) A3G strip ever over at Medium Large.

  323. Spotted HØrse, Jungle Steed
    April 14th, 2010 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @mustang (#236):

    I’m starting to wonder, as Josh’s blog gets more and more well known, if there’s a bit of the tail wagging the Plugger, if you get my drift.

    I wonder! I remember the sick thrillz many of us experienced the day the AJGLU-3000 became self aware.

    @Kanomi (#280):

    I just realized, Pluggers rarely prints its AOL email address anymore.

    I like the notion that Brookins’s inbox is just running over with unopened suggestions. Overwhelmed by the whole e-mail thing, Brookins now refuses to open any e-mail at all.

    Oh wait, that’s me.

  324. bats :[
    April 14th, 2010 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

  325. Ranchoth
    April 16th, 2010 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Aw, it’s clear to me that the Chickweed panel is merely an affectionate homage to the classic Doctor Who episode, “Fury from the Deep.”

    …specifically, the one shot that the BBC had cut out because it was too scary looking. (Check wikipedia.)

    That or the artist was just a big ol’ David Lynch fan.

  326. Nick@Nite
    April 19th, 2010 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    “It’s not too late for both of us to find happiness, Roberta. And by ‘both of us,’ I clearly mean me, what with my new, mentally stable wife-to-be and all. You, on the other hand, are holding your husband and step-daughter hostage at gunpoint while strung out on pills supplied by your dealer-boyfriend who’s now calling you on a cell phone that vibrates and urinates. So, the happiness ship may have already sailed for you, is what I mean.”

Comments are closed for this post.