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Cats, dogs, and terrorists

Marmaduke, 8/1/06

You ever think that maybe male poodles (who by my guess make up about half the poodle population) get tired of the poodle being the epitome of sexy cartoon dog femininity? It’s not their fault if they have to have the girly haircuts. On the other hand, how do I know that all these randy dogs lined up on the couch are boy dogs looking for some lady dog tail? This could be a big doggie buffet of canine polymorphous perversion. I saw a dog hump an ottoman once, so they can’t really be that discriminating.

Dick Tracy, 8/1/06

Al Kinda, who so far has proved to be al Qaeda’s most incompetent terrorist mastermind, manages to pull off something special in panel two: history’s longest-distance pistol-whipping. Seriously, I don’t think that Capitol cop got within ten feet of that gun. Maybe after the Cynthia McKinney incident, the Capitol Police are all just taking a dive whenever anyone swings something cell-phone sized at them, just to keep the media circus to a minimum. Or maybe Kinda’s wacky outfits have something to do with his abilities to work spooky Levantine magic.

Get Fuzzy, 8/1/06

Considering this is Bucky, he’s being remarkably thoughtful by doing it in the bathroom. More than I can say for some rubber-band eating cats I know and live with.

123 responses to “Cats, dogs, and terrorists”

  1. BEG
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    I love Get Fuzzy, but I’ll be damned if I can ever explain why…

    Anyone know of a good rss feed for A3G? I can’t seem to find any, particularly with the comics contained with them (not with a link to, that’s pointless, and too much clicking…I want it there in the reader)… I’ve searched high and low…??

  2. catastrophile
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    Catnip chic? And you’re just gonna let it go by that this is a heroin reference?

  3. treedweller
    August 1st, 2006 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    What’s funny about GF is that the bulemia/model connection was so automatic (and didn’t even warrant a curmudgeonly remark). A little sad, sure, but funny.

    What’s funny about DT is that Ronald Reagan is meeting Jerry Garcia (squinting because he forgot his glasses) for some nefarious purpose At the capitol.

    What’s funny about Marmaduke is . . . well, there’s nothing funny about Marmaduke. But why do these people allow any number of neighborhood dogs to come in and out of their house at will? And why are the dogs watching from the window quietly? My dog would be going apesh*t if he saw any dog, of any level of attractiveness, any time it was in front of my house. Put him with four other dogs inside looking out at an interloper, and they’d bust through the window in no time.

  4. Da Scrodfather
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Even a haphazard look at Al Kinda shows an eeerie resemblance to Lil Orphan Nonny’s protector, Punjab. Al musta used his inexplicable Oriental (sic) powers on that guard!

  5. catastrophile
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    Actually, my first thought on seeing al-Kinda above was “I didn’t know the Grinch was a Dick Tracy villain!”

  6. Deckard Canine
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Man. Years ago, there was a contest in the Washington Post for rewriting the final word/thought balloon in an otherwise untampered comic. One of the prizes went to an RMMD remix in which a guy said, “My super-short arm makes me the fastest draw in the West.” And his arm *was* drawn way too short. But I could suspend my disbelief for that well before I could believe in Al Kinda either using telekinesis or being gigantic compared to the guard.

    I wish the Post would hold that contest again. We could blow the previous winners away.

  7. yellojkt
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Catnip is weed for felines. If there were comics advocating marijuana use, there would be Congressional hearings, but make jokes about stoned pussies and you’re a comedy genius.

  8. treedweller
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    What’s funny about MT is that Kelly is 50 yards behind the bear, carefully jockeying for position to take a photo, she stumbles over a branch, and somehow ends up falling in front of the bear. I guess she went tumbling down the slope head over heels. Too bad we didn’t get to see that.

    What’s funny about MW is that, based on the look on her face, she’s thinking she needs a knight in shining armor to come kick O Stalker Lad’s ass, and she can clearly carry her own groceries.

    What’s funny about TDIET is that they haven’t even started dinner, and Mom already has ice cream dished up and sitting out on the counter.

    P.S. Okay, there’s nothing funny about TDIET, either. Oh, NO!

  9. Pansy
    August 1st, 2006 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    GF: Camera, eh? Maybe he oughta use the Plugger Camera Case!

    If there is a worse “comic” than Marmaduke, please advise. If I’m on a desert island and I have my choice, it’s Lockhorns over Marmaduke any day.

  10. Mike
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Anyone see BC, I had to look up just what the heck Macadam was, that’s just embarassing.

  11. Frank Drackman
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    I thought Al Kinda looked like a stoned Ronald Reagan

  12. bitsey
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    #9 Pansey, a comic worse than Marmaduke is
    They’ll Do It Every Time.

  13. Ted F.
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    What’s really impressive about Al Kinda is that he’s a two-fisted gun-holder, or he very quickly switched hands between the second and third panels.

  14. johnwhorfin
    August 1st, 2006 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Re: #1-Check out Comics Alert. It lets you pick your favorit ecomics for daily RSS feed.

  15. winterbear
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]


    the best way to tell if a dog is a male is to look between its legs… if it has dangly bits, its a boy.

  16. Malnurtured Snay
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    They still put out Dick Tracy? Does he still have his wristwatch-communicator thing, or does he just have a cell phone with a clock on it?

  17. ben
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    That’s why I’m always amused to see a ponced-up little french-cut poodle or something who is displaying quite a set of dangly bits. Bonus points for licking them.

  18. Lore
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    I think Al Kinda looks like Captain Kangaroo.

  19. Hippocrass
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile in Gil Thorp, we see the ugliest little girl ever.

    Seriously, that’s going to give me nightmares for a week.

  20. NotThatGuy
    August 1st, 2006 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Prior to Josh, I always thought Gil Thorpe was one of those comics that small-town papers ran because they couldn’t afford the high end, real comics like Peanuts. Or Blondie. Or Beetle Bailey or Mary Worth or even B.C.

    I am also hating that Josh has sucked me into reading Mary Worth and actually caring that Bob Keeshan has arising from the dead to stalk the corridors of Charterstone. Curse you, Josh!

  21. Hippocrass
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:38 am [Reply]


    It’s Keeshan’s pushment for his role in The Stupids.

  22. Edward
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    Wait, Johnny Hary used the term ‘macadam’? That hasn’t been current for over 100 years (being replaced by tarmac, or ‘tarred macadam’. Macadam roads are 19th century…EARLY 19th century. Either he’s 120 years old, or wants people to think he is.

  23. Prehumous
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Johnny Hart (or as I like to call him, the Most Venerable Lord Jonathan Hartius XII), is far beyond 120 years old, dear Edward. In fact, he is the ripe old age of 400, and is about to turn 401 next year. He has kept himself alive through the use of a potion comprised of equal parts Soylent Green and BC strips (which are usually found in abundance in your local dumpster). His advanced age has prevented him from taking an active role in his two identical comic strips, B.C. and the Wizard of Id, but I assure you that he works hard coming up with the screensaver for the primitive vacuum-tube-based computer that artificially assembles the jokes for the strip using a 1876 Webster’s dictionary. He is also an avid golfer and an amateur go-go dancer. These hobbies influence the strip in many ways, all of which are extremely boring.

    And that’s why he used the word ‘macadam’.

  24. catastrophile
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Sometimes I think it would be interesting to be able to get comics creators to explain what was going on in their heads when they put out crap like that BC and the like.

    Other times I think it wouldn’t.

  25. BES
    August 2nd, 2006 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    no rss feed but the houston chronicle has a build your own comics page that you can bookmark and get the day’s fix all on one page, most sunday strips aren’t available. It’s one of my home page tabs in firefox, so it comes right up as I’m checking the news and weather on

  26. Scumbaggioni
    August 2nd, 2006 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    Dink Tracy: Yes, that’s quite impressive – but it still doesn’t creep me out on the level that Dick’s own foot-long arm does.

    Tina’s Groove: From Betty-Boob cutie-pie to bladder-emptying monstrosity in the space of a panel! Huzzah!

    Gasoline Alley: (repeated from yesterday’s deleted post but cleaned up) Not satisfied with neglecting his grandson to the point the kid is carried off by animals, stealing, setting fire to a forest, and French-kissing a bear, Slim takes another dive into the conservative-values cesspool: lying and teaching a small child to lie. Slim, you a truly a human dung beetle.

    Aw, God no. Sinfest just totally ruined Peanuts for me. And weed.

    Sally Forth: Huh? Did something happen to Dagwood? Oh hell, I’d pay to see that.

    Oh, great…Pardon My Planet has ruined food for me.

    Judge Parker: I am going to hunt this new letterer down. I shall wear his guts for a hat. Or, if it’s just a new font in lettering software, I will…wear its…USB cables…for a necklace. Sh*t. I’ll get back to you on this.

    FOOB: Jesus Christ, now she’s animating the curses. STOP IT.

    David Horsey really captures the man’s gibbering insanity, don’t you think?

  27. Mysterio
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    Cap’n Stalker from MW also resembles Andy “Airbag” Soames from the comic series Top Ten. Sadly, that’s the first thing that came to mind when I saw him.

  28. Scumbaggioni
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    PBF (not to be confused with PBS) has finally moved! Clickee!

    Be warned: the strip wouldn’t show up on my Mozilla/Firefox browser. Works on IE, though. Until this problem is fixed, then…

    Oh, yes! Almost forgot! Family Circus parody! KILLER Family Circus parody! You’re ****ing welcome!!

  29. Jeff Coleman
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    I like how the gag about “catnip chic” uses satire to viciously skewer the cutting edge of the pop culture of 1991.

  30. Howard Erk
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:30 am [Reply]

    We are told that GF is cutting and edgy so we laugh.

    ha ha ha

  31. Paul James
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Aldo Kelrast! I have been following the exploits of one Aldo Kelrast for weeks, and it’s a pleasure to find this blog! Mary Worth has always been something I read as a last resort of being bored, and the previous plot of her neighbor trying to lose weight was simply awful. But now here comes Aldo, drawing us all in! I wish I could know whether the look of Aldo is a depiction of a “dashing black widower” or a total creep in the mind of the artist.

  32. Vu42
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:39 am [Reply]

    “You ever think that maybe male poodles get tired of the poodle being the epitome of sexy cartoon dog femininity?”
    #15 the best way to tell if a dog is a male is to look between its legs… if it has dangly bits, its a boy.

    The answer’s in the name – it’s because theyre French. As such, doesn’t do any good to “look between it’s legs” – as I said, they’re French -

  33. Len
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Gloves in the summertime — IT’S A BAD IDEA!

    (No socks, either, thank you!)

  34. TheMagicMel
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Bless you, Lore , for the fit of giggles you have my sleepy self.

    I find myself morbidly curious about what swear is implied by the blinking symbols of FOOB. In my mind, I’m reaching for the most ridiculous, but I’m coming up blank. Again, sleepy self.

  35. ez_E
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    today’s tdiet is great. The doctor’s actually wearing one of those circular reflector thingies on his head, which pushes the tdiet time-frame from the Depression back to around the jubilee of Queen Victoria

  36. D.A. Pennington
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    Tbe swears for the song title are:

    The fucking song.

    That fucking cocktease who came back from MittRomneygittawaki song

    Don’t be a friggin pantywaist like some shit smelling cinnamon buns/car salesmen we know song.

  37. Laura
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    #34: It can’t be “damn”–too tame for blinky symbols– but that’s the only one that makes sense, isn’t it?

    Spider-man: *if* I ever needed you? Cold, MJ. Cold.

  38. TheNewGuy
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    9CL – You think they might make mention or comparisson to the greatest comics meddler of all time? it seems this storyline may be in homage of sorts.

  39. Dennis Jimenez
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    The lettering On JP sucks. I want tO help and I wOn’t take nO for an answer. That’s what they’re afraid Of.

  40. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    What’s up with today’s Pluggers? There are bad movies on TV all the time, but two good movies are always on opposite each other? What’s that got to do with Pluggers, eh?

    “That irreverence, that wit, I’d recognize it anywhere. Some charlatan has stolen a ‘They’ll Do it Every Time’ and passed it off as his own!”

  41. Ellie
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Today’s MW: “It’s your turn, Mary. It’s your turn to be chained up in my basement and be made to wear a dog collar as I beat you with a rubber hose. Mwa ha haha!”

  42. Bigfoot
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Maybe much bigger?” I think Margo’s lusting for some action.

  43. Bigfoot
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    #35: J’ever notice…today’s TDIET is a rip off on one from last week. They’ll do it every time!

    Oh, Yeah!

  44. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Re: 41 – Don’t forget swallowing the Aldo Load.

  45. Bitter Scribe
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    I think Dick Locher better find another writer, quick. Ever since Michael Killian died, he’s just been floundering with DT.

  46. Glenn
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Ryan North, one of my favorite webcomics artists artisans, has put up a newspost under his comic today that comments on the creepy foobian blinking on the online FBOFW strips. While belated, his comments reflect perfectly what I think–it makes it seem like the characters are paralyzed, crying out for help as if an oblivious coroner is about to perform an autopsy on them.

    Also, today’s FOOB–setting aside the curse word characters flashing, why is there only three of them? I can think of no three-letter curse word that works in that context. “Too ‘ass’ loud”? “Too ‘tit’ loud”?

  47. mere cog in the machine
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    #22: Burning heretics at the stake is also several centuries out of date but does anyone doubt that Johnny Hart still thinks it’s a real neat idea?

    FOOB: I see we’re back to the utterly lame teenage band shit. Why can’t these kids do some bong hits or have oral sex like normal teenagers? Does Lynn Johnston think she’s Beverly-frigging-Cleary?

  48. MaryAnnTheRest
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    #43: There are apparently only a limited number of things they’ll do every time. Read this comic for a month and you’ll know them all. I don’t understand why this painfully acquired knowledge about human psychology isn’t helping me get ahead, though.

  49. rich
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Is Aldo heading off to his job at the ice cream parlor?

  50. Smokin Grassroots
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    TDIET – newsflash: TV portrays thing differently than how they are in real life. man, doesn’t that really annoy you? doesn’t it?

    Mallard Fillmore: Is he implying kids should stick to using actual racial slurs?

  51. Brian Schlosser
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Damn you #50, you took both my comments right out of my head!

  52. Bootsybooks
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Plugger alert today! Both pluggers seem to be dogs. I think this is the first intraspecies couple I’ve seen there. And no, neither is a French poodle.

    Mallard Fillmore has spent the last two days bashing teachers. What does he have against teachers? Don’t say he’s making fun of politically correct school board-type decisions, cuz all he’s doing is making teachers look like idiots.

    Disclosure: I am not a teacher, mostly because I don’t like children. But I know teachers, and they work hard most of the time to educate ungrateful little snots and their whiny parents.

    Please no comments on not liking kids. I like a few, usually the ones I’m related to, but as a general demographic group, I think they are highly overrated.

  53. Paul James
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Has anyone considered that maybe Aldo is just special? The haircut, the odd finger pointing, the bowtie. Perhaps he is the Mary Worth version of Forrest Gump.

  54. Pozzo
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    The whole “male poodles being mistaken for females” reminds me of the ladybug in “A Bug’s Life” — male and really starting to get tired of being thought otherwise.

    As for “Macadam” being an outdated reference…these are CAVEMEN, people! To them, it’s futuristic technology.

  55. Paul James
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore: “Teachers are a waste of tax payer money! The middle and lower class don’t need to learn how to read and write….Just how to point a gun and drive a tank when we send them to Iraq!” Har Har Har!!!!

  56. Joan
    August 2nd, 2006 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    I am loving Mark Trail’s CYA strategy today. He says, “That old bear will” very quietly and then yells, “TEAR HER APART!”

    It’s like watching a street fight and saying, “(oh please don’t) RIP HIS F*$@#%! HEAD OFF!”

  57. Ginger
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Probably some Canadian swear word.
    “too hosin’ loud”?
    “too uncle-fuckin’ loud”?

  58. Bitter Scribe
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    #52: Teachers (specifically, their unions) have been a reliable source of funding and other support for the Democrats for years. This is only natural, since Republicans have historically resented having to pay for the education of children they consider inferior.

  59. brendan
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    FOOB: as I mentioned at the foobiverse, (anonymously, since I don’t have a Live Journal), when I was a kid my folks made the mistake of encouraging my musical talent, only to end up with hardcore and metal bands in their basement for the next 4 years.

    Speaking as a musician, no one counts “1-2-3-4 give ‘er!” Those extra two syllables throw off the count, unless (as someone responded) they’re playing a waltz, and what kind of sense does THAT make for a garage band?

    Lynn’s presentation of April’s band is similar to her presentation of Michael as a writer (which I happen to do for a living). For some reason, Lynn believes that writers use big, three-syllable, flowery words all over the place, but that just isn’t so: the only ones who write like that are BAD WRITERS.

    From Mike’s letter this month: By the time we were done, we had a sizeable cache of saleable items which we priced reasonably. Books were the hardest things to part with. I have too many, but each one has touched me or taught me, and putting a price on a good book was like putting a price on friendship. Who the fuck writes like that???
    From July’s letter: As I write, the images solidify as if I were seeing a photographic sheet lowered into the developer. I shift the image in the liquid of my imagination and a tiny farmhouse, partly buried to protect it from the elements, begins to emerge. I drift inside like a spectre and I see the world an English girl from Devon must call home.
    No. No, you did NOT just write that. I have to go claw out my eyes now.

    It’s just so annoying and amaterish to have to read plotlines when the writer doesn’t know fuck-all about what’s she’s talking about.

    Blogwhoring: .

  60. brendan
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    sorry, the link disappeared.
    foobity fun here.

  61. rich
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    First the Phantom gets rid of all the parachutes, then stands by passively as Chatu kicks his fellow bad guy off the plane, sending him plunging to his death. Doesn’t the Phantom have some kind of code against killing? And whatever happened to that old jungle saying, “Phantom moves faster than lightning” [when he feels like it]?

    Nope, he just stands by and watches, then strains for an extremely lame quip (which hardly matches the hyper-grim expression on his face):

    “Not much of a severence package in Chatu’s organization!”

    (Of course, he doesn’t say it out loud, he thinks it to himself. Maybe he’s practicing for a new trash-talking persona he’s thinking of adopting. Or maybe he’s hoping to get a laugh out of Guran when he repeats it later, back at the Phantom Cave.)

  62. Bigfoot
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    #46: Maybe it’s not one symbol per letter but one symbol per curse. Like “Too God Damn F*cking Loud!” Maybe the blinking curses are meant to be stuttered…

    Sorry, that was waaaay too much benefit of the doubt. I’m starting to morph into a foob.

  63. BigJoe
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Phantom: I did enjoy the commentary in the strip today. “One parachute, two terrorists. Chatu does the math,” as he karate kicks the dude out the open door. Hee.

    Phantom watches the dude plummet through yet another open doorway. How many open doors are on this thing anyway? And at that point there is no pilot behind the Phantom, so what’s Chatu waiting for? Fire away. Oh wait, first he has to give the obligatory “evil guy makes speech before firing to give good guy time to surprise him” mistake.

    And actually despite his bravado about being “ready to pull the trigger”, actually he isn’t because he is only holding the parachute, not wearing it. Despite the other problem we’ve mentioned all along, they aren’t high enough to be able to deploy the parachute anyway!

    Spider-Man: Wait a minute, how did she fall out of the elevator? It obviously doesn’t have an open window on the thing, the glass wall just disappeared?

  64. Harry Worth
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    “It is your turn, Mary.”

    And you sick bastards are turning this into something perverse in your head. It is acutally Mary’s turn to put on the green jeans and go with Alpo to the library to read to the kids and put on a puppet show.

    You people are sick.

    Mallard Fillmore should do a weekly screed about you.

  65. tefflan
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Hey pal. Just some advice. If you would stop using LSD, you would notice that your pets would quit talking, acting like people who are passive-aggressive, and vomiting in your bathroom. They would bark and meow, act like dogs and cats, and vomit all over your brand new wall to wall carpeting, on your bed, or in your shoes.

    Don’t ask.

  66. rich
    August 2nd, 2006 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    JP: The lettering that’s driving everyone crazy appears to be an attempt to return to the style of the old Harold LeDoux lettering of the past. Compare today’s with that of one year ago. Apparently there are Judge Parker purists out there [I just felt a sudden chill] who must have complained about the new artist’s tighter lettering.

    MT: What is he talking about?? That old bear isn’t going to “tear her apart.” Doesn’t he read Gasoline Alley? The bear will construct a splint for Kelly’s injured ankle, bandage her up and nurse her back to health. Sheesh.

  67. luluchappel
    August 2nd, 2006 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    And in Funky Winkerbean, we may be treated to more off-panel vomiting, as the entire wedding party gets food poisoning from bad ranch dressing that went on a pizza(?). Who in the @#$* puts ranch dressing on a pizza? Anyway, like we’ve laughed uproariously at breast cancer and alcoholism, let’s now get ready for the ensuing yuks that come from ptomaine.

  68. Cornwhacker
    August 2nd, 2006 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Ah, your JP lettering theory makes sense, rich. Still: ick. ick. ick.ick. ick. And that would explain why we’ve slipped back into all-the-men-look-alike mode, too. But now Randy has black hair, so I can’t tell him and Sam apart by color anymore.

    Well, I guess this gives us a clue as to how Raju’s makeover will turn out. ick. ick. ick.

  69. rich
    August 2nd, 2006 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    67: If you look at the August 1 “Funky,” the girl making the pizza sniffs the jar of ranch dressing. Why bother sniffing it if you’re just going to shrug and pour it on anyway? Or is this another case of disgruntled restaurant workers getting even?

  70. ranger dick
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Well, now we have an explanation for why we couldn’t see the arrow in the bear’s ass. He’s clearly been to a first aid station somewhere, where he had the arrow removed and a “Jack Elrod” brand bandage applied. But he’s still angry. Must just be an asshole bear. Shoot him, Mark, shoot him!

  71. The Paradox
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Re. #52- “Bootsy”, what’s with the link to the New Orleans Catholic Diocese in you screen name? Are you the Archbishop? Trying to proselytize? Hell, I’m a Mormon but I don’t have a link to…

    And I’m not a Catholic, mostly because I don’t like Catholics!

  72. pelagius
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    DT: Doesn’t Al Kinda know that DC has a handgun ban?

    MT: Yes, yes! TEAR HER APART!

    MW: “It’s your turn… to be treated like the queen you are!”

  73. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    #40 it’s a plugger because they haven’t figured out how to work the VCR. “You mean we can do something besides play tapes from the blockbuster with that thing?”

  74. Mibbitmaker
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Above: Al Kinda looks like a reworked Khaddafi caricature. Uh, Locher, he’s not an enemy anymore, and wasn’t worth dropping bombs on in ’86 (unlike bin Laden and his cronies) for that matter.


    FW: See how Les is looking in panel 2 after Bull barfed? The vomit is actually Batiuk’s signature! I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Spiderman: MJ’s going to fall for about two weeks, thusly slow enough to remain unhurt as she “lands”. Forget Spidey; soap/adventure strip time itself will save her.

    FOOB: The one garage band Little Steven won’t play on the “Underground Garage”. The man knows his music.

    (DT)GT: Whaddayaknow? I was right the first time: she DID go Mark Trail all over Hayley’s ass.

    A3G: Much bigger, Margo? Like your ego? Or your meglomaniac fantasy world? Or your self-centered cluelessness? Or Kelrast’s resemblance to Capt. Kangaroo?

    Garfield: After the Jon Stops Being a Loser storyline, the Jon’s a Big Loser Jokes continue once again. Didn’t George Tenet say that the end of Jon-the-loser co-opting this strip was a “slam dunk”??

    …Or maybe that was Trixie in today’s H&L (which I just saw after I typed the above. Weird.)

    Rhymes with Orange: At least the jeans weren’t ripped!

  75. tefflan
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    #71 Paradox: For those of us who ARE Catholics, I ain’t real thrilled with Mormons, either.

    So there.

  76. paddywhack69
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW was bad in so many ways today. Lynn Johnson is getting reeeeally old and out of touch. In all seriousness, who says “giv’er”? My mom used to say that as a teenager… in the early 70s.
    The strip was so bad, I can’t even add anything to it.

  77. The Paradox
    August 2nd, 2006 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Re. #75- tefflan, I was just trying to yank Bootsy’s chain because of his/her comment about not liking kids. I was raised catholic as was my wife and most of our relatives are catholic. We converted to the LDS church as adults and we really have nothing against catholics…you’re wrong, theologically speaking, but I still like you!

  78. tefflan
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    #77 Paradox: Won’t get into theology with you, but will say rosary for you, and hey, I like you too.

  79. big_old_geek
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G today? Clearly a dick joke.

  80. atheist
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    please take the religious screeds to the cockpit.

  81. justpassingby
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    I know who Alpo Stalker is.
    He is Junior from the Problem Child movies.

    Another case of a ex-child actor gone bad.

  82. rich
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    I confess, I haven’t read Marmaduke for months. I’m so far behind in the storyline that I would need to scroll through endless archived strips just to get up to speed with all the latest plot developments.

    79: Sure, that’s how I read it. And notice how talk of male genitalia makes Tommie so uncomfortable that she quickly hustles herself out of the room.

  83. MossMoses
    August 2nd, 2006 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Josh, the “most incompetent terr’rist mastermind” title belongs to Chatu, or at least the “most incompetent terr’ism assistants”. Turban terr’ist assistant who just got kicked out of the chopper, had been standing there the past several days, point blank range from the Phantom, automatic weapon in hand, afraid to fire because he might hit the pilot. Now Chatu plans to bail out with a parachute from 100 feet up. They must have gone to the Romper Room School of Jihad Training Camp. Hopefully, they issue Chatu a shirt in prison.

  84. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2006 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    #50- OK, today’s Fillmore is just baffling. Teachers are stupid for punishing kids who use racial slurs? What?

    Seriously: what? What the hell is Tinsley talking about!? Is there some huge epidemic of kids making up racial slurs? Or teachers seeing racism in everything? Are we supposed to look at this strip and go, “Oh those dumb liberals and their anti-racism”? WHAT IS THIS STRIP ABOUT!!!?

  85. Chromium
    August 2nd, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Whoops, HTML disaster. Sorry about that.

  86. Bootsybooks
    August 2nd, 2006 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    #71 – Paradox, you must be outta your mind. Does ANYTHING I’ve written look like it’s pro religion? If so, sorry. The Catholic church also employs regular people, like in social services. Some of my favorite lapsed Jewish atheists and Wiccans worked for the Catholics.

    New Orleans historically is a really Catholic town, more so even than say, Boston. So services for homeless, the elderly, families in crisis, battered women, kids in trouble, etc are in many instances provided by church affiliated agencies.

    That’s why I’m in this racket. Thanks for asking.

    Back to the comics…

  87. Bootsybooks
    August 2nd, 2006 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    I wrote the above before I saw the witty repartee of Tefflan and Paradox. For the record, I like both of you, as long as you’re not children.

    Oh, I crack myself up sometimes!

  88. Bootsybooks
    August 2nd, 2006 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and #80, atheist:

    Amen to that!

  89. Scumbaggioni
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    #67: Whoa there, sonny jim. Me likey ranch dressing on pizza. Ain’t just for wings.

  90. gnome de blog
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    #83: Nope. When he gets to prison, they’ll take away his pants. And they won’t call him the Python any more, either.

  91. ez_E
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    #1 –

    “Anyone know of a good rss feed for A3G? I can’t seem to find any, particularly with the comics contained with them (not with a link to, that’s pointless, and too much clicking…I want it there in the reader)… I’ve searched high and low…??”

    My god, listen to yourself, just listen to what you’re saying. Admitting it’s a sickness is the first step towards recovery

  92. rich
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Anyone notice that “Aldo Kelrast” is an anagram for “Adam Rich”?

  93. Chromium
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    That was me in #84, too. I guess I was so enraged by Mallard Fillmore I couldn’t even think straight.

  94. catastrophile
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    89 — Know what else it’s good on? Salad.

  95. Anonymous
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    Please don’t say Aldo Load.

  96. Library Cat
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    #81 Yes, that’s it! I was wondering who Stalkeraldo reminded me of besides…oh, what is that guy’s name…in the old kiddie show…eh, I forget.

    Doonesbury: Is anyone else excited that Mike’s Mom is making a return? I loved her back in the day, she always cracked me up.

  97. tefflan
    August 2nd, 2006 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    #87 Bootsy: I don’t know about Paradox, but I’m so old, my children ain’t children anymore. Let’s just say that I remember Eisenhower being reelected to a second term. Paradox sounds like a parent with some mileage on the clock, too, so you needn’t worry about us being kids. Back to the comics. Have a good one.

  98. Scumbaggioni
    August 2nd, 2006 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    “Verily, what manner of beast wouldst place cheese upon meat, and subsequently do anything other than hurl the resulting abomination onto the ground for flies to vomit upon?”
    –One of luluchappel’s ancestors

    …Just kidding, just kidding. Seriously, different strokes and all that. I also like spreading filling from Hostess Fruit Pies on hot sandwiches (cherry goes with ham and swiss, blackberry goes with roast beef and cheddar, mmmmmmomma), and this girl I’m totally into digs marshmallows on hot dogs.

  99. Marion Delgado
    August 2nd, 2006 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    All I am going to say, you foolish, foolish people, is that I HOPE for your sake you are NOT pronouncing (attempting to pronounce, rather) the name “Aldo Kelrast.”

    That “comic strip” has set off alarms on more planes than this one in the psychic/occult community. Someone has been very, very negligent and you are all in danger.

  100. TheMagicMel
    August 2nd, 2006 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Oral sex, mere cog? That’s so roadside!

  101. catastrophile
    August 2nd, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Marion: That “comic strip” has set off alarms on more planes than this one in the psychic/occult community.

    There is no Aldo, only Zuul?

  102. Chris
    August 2nd, 2006 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Scumbaggioni: “this girl I’m totally into digs marshmallows on hot dogs.”

    Why, oh why is that not a line from Zits or FOOB or any of the kids strips…what fun we could have had with it!!

  103. MossMoses
    August 2nd, 2006 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Is the word “and” really contracted to an’ in Canandian slang? If so, why don’t adults talk that way in the Foobiverse, too? Lynn Johnston seems just as out of touch with modern popular culture as Jack Elrod.

    As for April’s animal loving beastial urges, maybe she should skip the farm animals and just go roadside with people until she’s a few years older. Lizardbreath could teach her some lessons about oral sex in cars an’ stuff.

  104. Thermaleye
    August 2nd, 2006 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think Al Kinda really did anything so impressive as a 10′ pistol-whipping, I’m pretty sure he just pistol-whipped a 12″-tall security guard.

  105. Hank Kimble
    August 2nd, 2006 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    I just wanted to ask all the FOOB heads from Canada, WTF is Civic Day? I saw it on my calendar and I have no clue. Is it where everyone in Canuckland spout FOOB platitudes?

  106. Monkey's Paw
    August 2nd, 2006 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    #101 Wait does that make Aldo the Key Master? ‘Cause then Mary is the Gate Keeper and no one wants to think about that.

    On the other hand I wouldn’t mind seeing their gated community ravaged by the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man

  107. paddywhack69
    August 2nd, 2006 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    Civic Day? I live in Canada, and I have no clue WTF it is.

  108. Frank Drackman
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    I just realized the town in “Gil Thorpe” is named “”Milford”!..get it? MILF-ORD..has anyone else noticed??

  109. Lucien
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    Perry Bible Fellowship on Fam Cir

    their take on the Family Circus. Don’t Miss It.

  110. billy out there
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else think Captain Kangaroo looks like Captain Hook?

  111. catastrophile
    August 2nd, 2006 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    106 — I think that it would technically make Stalkeroo the gatekeeper. Hopefully, the keymaster will be his new roommate when he moves from Charterstone to Pleasant Valley.

    And if that’s put a terrible image in your head, then my work here is done.

  112. Fred P.
    August 2nd, 2006 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    74- Jon’s being a loser again? I’m not so sure that’s the real story going on here. See, the door slamming behind Jon was not the front door but was in fact the door to the closet. And the blurted “GARFIELD, I’M HOM-” was the truncated version of what Jon had intended to say, “GARFIELD,I’M HOMOSEXU– well, you get the drift. I mean, not to say that he’s not still a loser or anything, but after this revelation I will await with anticipation upcoming episodes of “Garfield”.

  113. 2fs
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    #80: Yes, take the religious screeds to the Cockpit. And, all you discussing poodle bits: take the cock screeds to the Cockpit.

  114. Matt McIrvin
    August 2nd, 2006 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Next week on Dick Tracy: Mark McKinney crushes a man’s head!

  115. Scumbaggioni
    August 3rd, 2006 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Oh, did somebody mention ranch dressing?

  116. Scumbaggioni
    August 3rd, 2006 at 5:07 am [Reply]

    #105: Will not ye invoke the name of the great lord Google?

  117. pelagius
    August 3rd, 2006 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    MT: “Get! Get outa here! Can’t you see I’m eating?”

  118. pelagius
    August 3rd, 2006 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    Also – is it just me, or is the bear ‘vogueing’ in the first panel? Bucky isn’t the only one who can strike a pose.

  119. Dancing Bear
    August 3rd, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    I love a bear that can vogue with an arrow in its butt!

  120. Sigivald
    August 3rd, 2006 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    What terrible gun safety lessons that teaches! His finger shouldn’t be in the trigger guard unless he’s about to shoot, especially when pistol-whipping some poor bastard.

    Besides, you should use the end of the grip or at least the end of the slide, not the barrel.

    (And that’s a terrible rendering of a P-38, too. Disgraceful.)

  121. Craigers
    August 3rd, 2006 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    I just wanted to ask all the FOOB heads from Canada, WTF is Civic Day?

    Not really “Civic Day”, but “Civic Holiday”. Most Canadian provinces have the first Monday in August as a holiday that gets different names in different places. In Halifax, where I’m from, it’s called “Natal Day” to commemorate the first landing of British Troops at what would become Halifax in 1749. In Ontario, it’s called “Civic Holiday” and some cities give it a different name.

    It’s another excuse for a summer long weekend.

  122. Hank Kimble
    August 3rd, 2006 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    121–Thanks for the info! Good day to drink Molson’s, eh?

  123. Notebooked
    December 21st, 2010 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    I always thought Al Kinda was pulling out the gun, shooting, and getting recoil, all in one swift motion. But then there’d be blood, of course, and it wouldn’t be drawn so vaguely and confusingly.

    Alright, so maybe it’s not a perfect explanation.

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