The Comics Curmudgeon

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Can Sam deal with a rush of so-called “emotions”?

Dick Tracy, 7/28/10

I have to admit that I enjoy Dick’s second panel dialogue: “His movies can be viewed in 3-D without glasses — thus his riches.” Part of it is that I of course wish that someone would use “thus his riches” to end a sentence outlining one of my achievements (“He created the #1 Mary Worth fan site on the Internet — thus his riches”). But I also just like the rhythm of it. I’d call it poetry, but poetry and the decadent so-called “artists” who produce it are loathed by Dick with a righteous passion.

I am a little disappointed by panel three, though; traditionally the strip never misses a chance to translate police jargon like “lifted” for the civilians in the audience.

Judge Parker, 7/28/10

At last we learn why Sam is so fond of Jules, despite his previous outrage over the young man having the sex relations with his adult daughter: he recognizes in him a kindred spirit, an artiste crushed by parental disapproval! The fact that Sam was forced into law when his true passion lay elsewhere might explains his overall emotional numbness and inability to love. He pushed his musical past down so deeply into his soul that this is apparently the first his own wife has heard about it, and he’s apparently required two beers just to work up the nerve to broach the subject.

Luann, 7/28/10

Oh, look, Brad and Toni are going to a restaurant called Something Stone, or perhaps the Stone Somethingry, so named because the building that houses it is of stone construction. See, these are the things you focus on, to avoid thinking about the sex banter. Maybe all the food on the menu is made of stones! Ha ha! Then they’ll eat them and die, and the banter will stop.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 at 09:06 am and is filed under Dick Tracy, Judge Parker, Luann. |

296 responses to “Can Sam deal with a rush of so-called “emotions”?”

LUJBEM FEJF
July 28th, 2010 at 9:07 am [Reply]

MT- I believe that this experience has aged Lil’ Rusty. I could swear that the cop was gonna bust cap in that perp,. No fights? Very weak.
LUJBEM FEJF
July 28th, 2010 at 9:15 am [Reply]

correction-”bust A cap”. I knew I should of asked my kids what the road vernacular was before trying to get schnizzle with it.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2010 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Josh, are you implying that Sam Driver is ready for a session on the green floaty-couch with one ~~Doctor~~ ~~qualified psychiatric professional~~ Meddler-in-Chief Mary Worth?

She should set up a specialty practice: “Got Daddy issues? Let Mary meddle ‘em away.”
Anonymous
July 28th, 2010 at 9:19 am [Reply]

Toni has gone all Ziggy in panel one
Écureuil Écumant
July 28th, 2010 at 9:21 am [Reply]

@Y185 Rocky Stoneaxe

Hi & Lois — There’s nothing quite like the feel of scorching hot asphalt on your hands and knees… GAAAHHH! (So Mrs. Thurston doesn’t keep a spare pair for just such an emergency?)

I’d have thought it’d be Mrs. Flagston rather than Mrs. Thurston who’d need a spare pair in the circumstances you describe. Oh wait! It’s the contacts you’re talking about, aren’t you.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]

Hey, wossname: Have a snarkalicious, grammatically correct birthday!
zenvelo
July 28th, 2010 at 9:30 am [Reply]

so Abbey is just finding out that Sam really blows?
zenvelo
July 28th, 2010 at 9:32 am [Reply]

@Anonymous (#4): so I see you spotted Toni camel-toe….
Patrick
July 28th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

Why doesn’t it surprise me that Sam’s favorite game is, “Want a beer? Can’t have a beer! No, really, want it? Nope! Can’t have it!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2010 at 9:35 am [Reply]

JP: You can tell a man’s nostalgic for his youth when he needs to slam two beers at once.

Luann: Brad and Toni are dining at Bedrock’s finest restaurant. I can repress too.

DT: 3D technology? I’m calling it now. D’Buckworth was abducted by angry filmgoers who hold him responsible for The Last Airbender.

Crock: There’s really no place where I want to go and read pedophile humor. And if there were Crock would not be that place.

OBH: Is this “The Solitary Death of Avis”? Whatever it is, Detorie isn’t Tom Batiuk, so it won’t take six weeks to get through.

RMMD: “Might as well. Blabbing about this case seems to be my purpose in life.”

HtH: Meanwhile, Hagar remains passed out, blissfully unaware that he’s even shackled to a wall. The advantages of binge drinking.

MW: Is there any interpretation for the first panel that won’t make my brain want to fall out?

MT: “There’s no law against collecting a reward for returning a lost animal.”
“There is if you stole the animal.”
“There is? Maybe I do need a lawyer, then.”

M-Dawg: “But I guess if one dog is smaller and has been drained of blood, that means the dispute is over.”

PBS: The third panel made me look back at the first two a couple of times, but it was totally worth it. Nicely done.

Popeye: When they open the door, they’ll find out the professor had a fatal aneurysm three months ago and his head has been crushing the button since then.

S-M: Wow. Stark Industries security sucks. If Peter’s photos of his own spandex-covered crotch stop selling, he should get a job there.
Meriweather
July 28th, 2010 at 9:36 am [Reply]

I thought that it nearly had to be a Coldstone Creamery and that cleverly disguised it because they feared a lawsuit. The idea that Brad and Toni might be in your local Coldstone would almost certainly drive down business.
Aitherion
July 28th, 2010 at 9:39 am [Reply]

I’m incredibly disappointed that we can see that “ry” in the final panel of Luann, because without it I could pretend the restaurant was named Stone Season and there was finally a theme restaurant based around Michael Patterson’s godawful novel. Presumably it would have been a relatively modern restaurant but then suddenly become a crappy 1970s dive, which would actually suit Brad and Toni on their date better anyway.
wossname
July 28th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#6): Thank you, my dear bb,u!
teenchy
July 28th, 2010 at 9:46 am [Reply]

@zenvelo (#8): Not very subtle in panels 1 and 3, is it? Eww.
TheDiva
July 28th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

C’shaft: Cranky projects his fear and hatred of others onto his pet.

FW: I wonder what it says about Funky’s spiritual views that he looks at a church and sees death and despair. Of course, I’m probably reading too much into this–he sees death and despair everywhere else, after all.

Luann: Ew ew brain bleach ew.

MW: In panel one, Mary looks eerily like a vampire about to go for the jugular. Make of that what you will.
UncleJeff
July 28th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

JP: “Required two beers”? What are those, Josh? Two Foster’s Lager quarts?

Also, Brad still hasn’t gotten to see Toni nekkid?
Carly
July 28th, 2010 at 9:51 am [Reply]

I just mistook Judge Parker for Spiderman, on account of the main characters look somewhat alike. Then I realized there’s really no difference anyway, except Sam might take slightly fewer naps. Argh.

I heard a comment once in law school (in a legal book I read?) that lawyers are all people who secretly wanted to be something else but didn’t think they could make any money at it. So Sam’s kinda par for the course there.
Shawn S.
July 28th, 2010 at 9:51 am [Reply]

Luann: They should just rename this strip “Horny Brad”.

Dick Tracy: So this guy invented the new Nintendo 3DS? Thus, his riches.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 9:52 am [Reply]

Dick Tracy — But does David Dierdork D’MrsButtersworth make 3-D glasses for squinty-eyed detectives?

Luann — This is news to Brad… since he’s never been around Toni right after she’s taken a shower!
Shawn S.
July 28th, 2010 at 9:55 am [Reply]

@UncleJeff (#16):

Of course not, Brad reeks of desperation. As I continue to predict, Dirk will come back and Toni will fall for him.
cheech wizard
July 28th, 2010 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Sam used to be a jazz musician? Then why was he so outraged about the elderly neighbors growing pot? You’d think he would’ve been hanging out there every night.
Hi There
July 28th, 2010 at 9:56 am [Reply]

Old Funky stares ahead blankly. Sweat loosens the giant band-aid on his forehead. He starts to panic.

The hag sitting to his right refused to explain anything before leaving the house this morning. Instead, she shoved him out the door and down the front steps. They drove across town in silence. Old Funky didn’t have time for this – he had a pizzeria to run, workers to harass, Mad Dog to chug-a-lug. Yet there they were, sitting in the parking lot of his dad’s old church.

After ten agonizing minutes, Old Funky cannot hold back any longer. “Why are we doing this?” he blurts.

Mrs. Winkerbean glares at Old Funky, her righteous fury barely suppressed. She spits out her words: “Because your physical therapist wants you to get back behind the wheel of a car right away.”

Old Funky gulps. More trouble from that damn therapist. He regretted kicking her dog in the gut twice and then chasing it down the hallway. It wasn’t really his fault, though. He hadn’t had a drink in nearly 24 hours and the d.t.’s were coming on strong. Since when does a dog walk freely around a hospital anyway? Old Funky thought it had been another hallucination and had acted accordingly.

Companion dog my hairy asshole, he thinks. The only companion dog I need comes wrapped in a brown paper bag.

Old Funky lashes out at his wife. “I assume there’s no significance to the parking lot you picked.”

Mrs. Winkerbean winces. All those bad memories come flooding back to her. She begins to weep.

Direct hit, thinks Old Funky. He smirks.
Andrusi
July 28th, 2010 at 10:00 am [Reply]

See? SEE?
Helen Clark
July 28th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

Y’know, my dear, sainted mother used to say, “Goddam it, Helen, stay away from a whiny man. Hell, there’s nothing worse than listening to some bitch of a male yammer on about his goddam miserable childhood. You’ll get more satisfaction (hic) out of a stiff drink.”

If Mary knew what’s good for her, she’d sneak off while this Mike character is still whining (“Oh poor me! Oh it’s no use!” Oh my god, someone oughta just put the poor bastard out of his misery) and find that other doctor friend of hers and (hic) get him on a couch.
Dude...wait...what?
July 28th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

at this rate, Margo is going to punch Kat before Mark even thinks about punching someone. Has he gone soft with all this affection wanting to make Rusty happy and reunite him with his dog? BAD FORM SIR
ms. docweasel
July 28th, 2010 at 10:05 am [Reply]

That’s funny, the latest Straight Dope is about why you DO need glasses for 3-D
http://www.straightdope.com/
Brian
July 28th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Sam is clutching those beers so tightly to avoid breaking out into spontaneous “jazz hands.” He’s got the music in him!
Nekrotzar
July 28th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

Sam wanted to be a jazz musician? This is the whitest guy on the entire comic page! By white, I don’t just mean skin color; I mean he has as much swing as Saint Patrick’s Cathedral.
spike
July 28th, 2010 at 10:08 am [Reply]

@TheDiva (#15): RE: FW
Most people wake up and say, “Thank God, I’m alive! Another day full of possibilities and things to do!” Batiuk arises and mumbles, “Great! Another day closer to Death!”

MW: I like Puppermaster Mary–note how she gets Dr. Mike to raise both hands while moving only one of her own.
Karen
July 28th, 2010 at 10:15 am [Reply]

I’m findiing myself mercifully distracted by Brad’s shirt, which looks like a faux bowling shirt borrowed from TJ. Brad normally schlubs around in white or black t shirts; obviously he’s getting some metrosexual fashion advice from TJ, which can only mean…Oh, crap, there goes my repression. NNGHHHHH.
AndyL
July 28th, 2010 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Pardon me while I nitpick like a nerd :

@Shawn S. (#18): Actually, the 3ds uses a lenticular display. (like a greeting card) That wouldn’t work in a movie theater except, perhaps, for the people sitting in the exact center of the row. Everyone else would just see an ordinary 2d movie.

But that’d work find for me. I always arrive early so that I can sit in the exact mathematical center of the theater.
Weaselboy
July 28th, 2010 at 10:20 am [Reply]

Luann: Brad, if you’re going to picture a comic strip character naked, you’re better off going with Blondie. Not that I’m an expert or anything.
Carlo
July 28th, 2010 at 10:25 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#3): That’s a great business card for Mary Worth. I wonder what taglines would work for other characters or artists? “Have creepy girl issues? Read Evans.”
Howard
July 28th, 2010 at 10:29 am [Reply]

When I first started snarking about the convergence of Funky Winkerbean and Crankshaft, I thought that it was just a funny coincidence –a few errant jokes in the Crankster, a few extra-dark moments in Funky.

But then I began to see the pattern.

Sunday Funky complained God likes to crap on him. But… when has God crapped on him? He was in a car accident? Guess what: I’ve known people who were in MUCH WORSE car accidents. God crapping on you? Compared to the people around him, Funky is in great shape. Most folks would be counting the blessings; if the other driver had gone head-on with him, Funky might be DEAD.

But he whines.

What big, cataclysmic, earth-shaking tragedy has befallen Funky? NONE. All his friends have a lot more to whine about.

Which brings me to the Shaft.

Reading his bio the other day brought a tear to my eye. A widower. Lost a child in infancy. Fought in a war.

Now look how they face adversity.

Today’s Funky: Trying to get back on the horse, he whines and complains. He can’t see a bright silver lining–maybe he was married in this church. Who knows? All he sees in it is a funeral. A reason to growl angrily at the woman beside him.

Today’s Crankshaft: The old guy is worried about his cat, and moreso because he knows how hard it is for the cat to make friends. But that’s a projection. Cats have no problem with new friends; it’s Crankshaft who can’t seem to make a new friend. And here we see the dramatic heart of this storyline. Crankshaft’s cat has found a person more loving than him… and perhaps with more need. Crankshaft’s cat won’t want to come home. Will he come looking? Will he find the cat? Will be given the dilemma of serving what’s best for himself or what’s best for the cat? Will he be angry and bitter at this poor old lady who needed a new friend so badly? Or will he bond with her over their shared love? I actually care about the answer, even knowing Crankshaft is an embittered hate-encrusted shell.

The more I read Crankshaft, the more I hate Funky.

The more I read Funky, the more I like Crankshaft.

…Batiuk must have my number…
Ned Ryerson
July 28th, 2010 at 10:33 am [Reply]

JP: If we have to look at a character standing around shaking their cans for two weeks, why does it have to be Sam? (And for God’s sake, man, Jules is dying for that Fresca.)

Luann: So she says “shower” and he gets a woody on the way into Stoney McStone. I want to weep.
Walker of Dog
July 28th, 2010 at 10:34 am [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#Y167): I misread the “PT” in your post as referring to the PT Cruiser. And you know what – it still worked.

Phan: Vincent was startled to find a half-dressed stranger in his bed. And that’s why Vincent doesn’t come out for 2-for-1 mojitos night anymore.

9CL: Hey, the Hand-sex Lady has a pair of antennae on her head. Well, that certainly explains… nothing.

FW: Maybe today’s strip is intended as an homage to the finale of Lost, which would mean all the characters are dead. Fingers crossed…
The Insufferable Sulk
July 28th, 2010 at 10:35 am [Reply]

A3G: Margo’s first lover was a lovely Romanian gent by the name of Vlad ?epe?, thus her fondness for turtlenecks.

Mary Worth: Mary hasn’t had any sort of sexual experience—ever—thus her trying to suck Dr. Mike’s nipples before removing his shirt.

Nancy: Humans have been replaced with rubber-based replicants powered by dark matter, thus everybody’s souless, all-black eyes and gaping, stygian maws.

Popeye: “Thinking” is the Perferssor’s codeword for cooking up the PCP with which Popeye laces his spinach. He likes to sample the product, thus his being awake day and night for three months.

S-M: The Puppetmaster’s real name is Wilber Whately, thus his faun-like goatee and maniacal eyebrows. Oh, and he’s going to impregnate Tony Stark with the seed of Yog Sothoth.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 10:35 am [Reply]

Judge Parker — Forgetaboutit, Sam… your “rusty trombone” is ancient history!

B.C. — The text says: “Take two stone tablets and call me in the morning!”

The Argyle Sweater — Will the Phantom’s Captain Savarna rescue Cap’n Crunch before his corporate owner is forced to pay ransom?

La Cucaracha — Harvey Pekar? He’s still dead… and so are the other two guys!
John E.
July 28th, 2010 at 10:36 am [Reply]

Luann – I thought they were going to a Firestone dealership to shop for tires; that being Brad’s idea of a romantic evening…
Mibbitmaker
July 28th, 2010 at 10:36 am [Reply]

Josh, re: Luann: “I like Quarry ’cause it’s crunchy!” — Quarry cereal ad, SN(L), 1976

9CL: Now, that was a good, subtle, touching moment… but with this story dragging on so badly as Gran tells it, I really wish she didn’t remember him.

A3G: I imagine the next panel animated, as, while everything else remains as seen in the previous panel, Margo instantly whips out her fist, punching Kat square in the face, just as instantly snapping it back in place, as Kat falls over backwards. End scene.

FOOB: Make noise, Mikey! Maybe we won’t have to put up with that stupid book later!

H&L: Regression, Trixie.

MT: Rusty needed the return of Sassy so that he could become a grown man — instantly, of course.

MW: Mary is a witch — she made Dr. Mike and his couch levitate! Scary!

NS: Then, Joe left to sign up with a nice, normal cartoonist and that artist’s strip.

OBH: Aw, c’mon — scaring poor Phyllis Diller like that! That cat’s gone too far!

Edison Lee: Yep, you’re a real Ken Nordine there with the explanation, Eddy!

ZtP: It worked! Like with all the Dingburg strips, I’m bored.

Zits: Mama Duncan and Mama DeGroot must be sisters!
AndyL
July 28th, 2010 at 10:42 am [Reply]

I think the invisible fourth panel in A3g today probably says something like “Good, because I don’t ever dress like this. Your makeup crew made me wear this.”

I have a feeling the this “makeover” will just end up with a justification for the clothes they already wear.
Ellie
July 28th, 2010 at 10:44 am [Reply]

I like Mary’s therapy technique -stand behind your cringing patient and shout at him- very effective.
fishmorgjp
July 28th, 2010 at 10:46 am [Reply]

D’Buckworth’s 3-D process will turn out to damage the viewer’s eyeballs so that the lenses are permanently changes into 3-D lenses, and thus can’t see properly outside the theater. (Worse yet, the damage will be in old-style 3-D with blue and red lenses.)
Howard
July 28th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Queek, Yesterday, 176: “…I question the ability to hide a ticket on a learners permit from ‘rents,…” http://www.seattlepi.com/fun/comic.asp?feature_id=Zits&feature_date=2010-07-22 Jeremy has his driver’s license now. Which makes him more than adult enough to have a life, really… :)
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 10:49 am [Reply]

BB: It’s been established that Mort Walker actually likes golf, but I wonder if there are cartoonists out there who have never played the sport, yet feel obligated by the genre to do golf gags. I envision a cargo cult like distortion as generations of comics feature jokes about a game they only know from reading older comics.
T. Chicana
July 28th, 2010 at 10:52 am [Reply]

MW: Um, Mary, did it ever occur to you that it may not be best to “patch things up” with an absentee father? Maybe he was an abusive alcoholic. This is why you’re not a real psychiatrist. Why would this be the best course of action? ARRRGHH MARY, YOU SUCK!
jvwalt
July 28th, 2010 at 10:52 am [Reply]

DT: So, the police headquarters is in a faux-retro diner?
Larry Fine
July 28th, 2010 at 10:54 am [Reply]

S-M — “Oh hi, Dr. Smith. Say, didn’t I see you and your brother on a box of cough drops?”
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 10:55 am [Reply]

DT: Do Dick Tracy villians and victims change their names to reflect their proclivities, or does the curse of their unwieldy names inspire them to the paths they follow?
Cranky
July 28th, 2010 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Yes Brad, and my signature light body spray is called “Eau d’not gettinany.”
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]

Doonesbury: I like Doonesbury. I really do. I just bought the complete works on CD-ROM and am reading through all the way from the 1970s. And I’m no fan of Palin. But this Palin-in-the-toybox theme is unfunny, mean and off-topic.

Funky: On first reading I simply assumed Funky had parked at a graveyard, but on closer inspection, all we see is a church. That’s not a tombstone but a marquee board, to display the service times and a pithy motto, like GOD SNT U A TXT MSG: IT’S CALLED THE BIBLE. What if Batiuk is trying to do a heartwarming strip about Funky turning to prayer in time of hardship? How would we know? Strip readers are so trained to depression that we see a church and think “funeral! graveyard!”
Larry Fine
July 28th, 2010 at 11:03 am [Reply]

DtM — Refusing to eat carrots? Wow, you’re really pushing the menace envelope now, Dennis.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

A3G – The poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s poor man’s …abbreviated… Don Rickles, ladies and gentlemen.

Archie – Poor Cammie. They keep giving her single camera shots and the occasional speaking role, and they keep denying her any real chance of career advancement. See if you can’t get a guest role in a Woody Wilson strip, Cammie. That‘ll make ‘em respect you.

DT – It’s amusing that Dick Tracy should be discussing 3D film as it’s coming back into vogue. Purely coincidental, obviously, since the strip has barely gotten around to acknowledging the existence of cell phones, but an amusing coincidence.

FC – This is both hilariously retarded in a modern context and perfect fodder for Angry Kem’s take on PJ as nascent medieval hero figure. Emptying the ocean? All in a day’s work for the Bear’s Son!

FW – Ha ha!

GT – You know, the last time we watched a golf game in a soap strip, a player got shot and then we had a storyline with a schizophrenic stripper and a detective who went around in a figure-hugging black cocktail dress. I’m not saying that would be a much better direction for this storyline, but oh wait, yeah, turns out that’s exactly what I’m saying.

HOTC – “Star Wars, hell! This is a lost Dr. Who serial!”

JP – Abbey, he’s obviously drunk. The truth is that he was actually the kid in charge of wheeling the percussion equipment into and out of the storage closet.

Lockhorns – Gee, I don’t know. Maybe because one is 365 times simpler than the other?

Luann – I swear, Greg Evans, if you ruin thinking about naked women for me, I will find you and make you pay.

MT – “Dude,” Sassy thinks. “Dude, is your face melting for you, too? Wait, no, you’re just turning into Mark. God, I can see for miles.”

MW – At some point just now the world dissolved and suddenly all I could see was this strip only the text was Cyrillic characters arranged in a blasphemous parody of intercourse. I may need to take a break from Mary Worth.

Momma – What. I could probably diagram these sentences in an effort to derive some kind of coherent meaning from them, but that would be too great a waste of time even for me.

OBH – Am I a bad person for finding this absolutely hilarious?

SM – Every time I try to think of something to say, I keep getting distracted by that hair/beard ensemble. Good God.
Jonn
July 28th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

Two beers simultaneously, no less.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2010 at 11:14 am [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#51): Doonesbury is a good comic, but it’s not what it once was. Over the years Garry Trudeau has written less and less about his characters and more and more about what he finds floating around in the media. It’s why I don’t like all the stories about saintly young veterans like Leo/Toggle and whatsername over in Afghanistan. These are pretty clearly based on people he’s read about, not people he knows. Contrast BD, who’s based on a star football player who Trudeau met at Yale. The result is the difference between perfect and real.
Dan
July 28th, 2010 at 11:16 am [Reply]

You gotta give Evans credit. Not every cartoonist would take his most unappealing character, and devote a full week of strips to that character smelling his girlfriend.

Not every cartoonist is a visionary like Greg Evans.
Laura
July 28th, 2010 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Jeeze, I mean Luann is already pant-less in today’s panel. How hard is it to get that mental image?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 11:22 am [Reply]

One Big Happy — Tonight on Smackdown… it’s Phyllis Diller vs. Fang!

Baldo — Your dad’s playing with you, Baldo… those are actually garbage bags full of raw sewage from Tia Carmen’s bathroom!

Momma — Why don’t you tell Francis he’s the “mutt”… and he can bite himself!

Wizard of Id — Hey, it really is Quasimodo Wednesday! (see also: The Flying McCoys)

Mark Trail — “The part of Rusty in panel three will be played by Wil Wheaton’s Ensign Crusher!”
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 11:24 am [Reply]

I’m enjoying the double threat in the Phantom. Who will get to Diana first, the guards, or Vincent and his boyfriend? Will Vincent beat the tar out of her for trespassing or will he pretend she is his wife, in order to deflect the guards’ attention from the highly-illegal-in-most-of-Africa homosexual relationship? Or can I just not discern the artwork and the second person in that bed is a women, heavily muscled from her undercover life as a superhero?
Hank
July 28th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

RE: Judge Parker. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t Sam a cop for years before doing to law school? Were his parents nagging during all that time too?
Perky Bird
July 28th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

Sam just can’t get the music out of his soul. He’s clearly using those beer cans as maracas, much to the dismay of the unsuspecting person who will later open them.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2010 at 11:30 am [Reply]

#60 Hank,
“All right, kid. I’ll let you off with a warning this time. But you’ve gotta hear me wail on this solo.”
Hank
July 28th, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#51), @Artist formerly known as Ben (#55): As much as I want to complain about Trudeau I think we should all hold our comments (pro or con) for the same reasons we aren’t allowed to talk about “the duck.”
rembrandt36
July 28th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

Luann – Uh, Josh? Your “I’m so sick of Brad and Toni’s horny romance” remarks are getting old. Why not focus on 9CL the Keisl has FINALLY left the apartment!

A-G3: Never has Margo seemed so wimpy. What the hell? The stone cold bitch turns out NOT to have any guts. That or the writer currently sucks with this whole storyline.

SF: WTF? Someone bitch slap Hilary.

ZITS: Usually I am on the side of Jeremy’s parents (Jeremy is an asshole) but the whole scoping out his facebook page is them opening Pandora’s Box. They get what they deserve.
The Insufferable Sulk
July 28th, 2010 at 11:34 am [Reply]

@Hank (#63): What? Is Howard the Duck banned here too? Is it the implications of bestiality, ’cause if that’s the case, Pluggers and Slylock gotta go too!
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2010 at 11:38 am [Reply]

One Big Happy: Poor Miss Avis. Seeing her lying on the ground with that pained expression on her face, her friends are going to assume she’s just resting, not in excruciating pain.

Mark Trail: Sassy’s glazed eyes, the lolling tongue. That closet’s a portal to Hootin’ Holler!

Heart of the City: “Holey Shamoley! It’s the rumored lost Mary Worth cameltoe porn flick!” BLEARGH!

Cathy: This iPhone love is getting pervous. Is Apple Inc. sponsoring Cathy or is Cathy blowing Steve Jobs?

Zits: Oh, like Jeremy didn’t plant a fake Facebook page to entrap his snooping parents. Didn’t Moesha plant a bunch of fake diary pages on Moeha in 1999? Didn’t Mallory do this on Family Ties in 1986? Ditto Marcia on The Brady Bunch in 1972? And Patty Lane on The Patty Duke Show in 1964? And Princess on Father Knows Best in 1955…

Rose is Rose: Garlic breath my ass. The kids are about to puke from Pasquale’s sickly sweetness.
Hank
July 28th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

@The Insufferable Sulk (#65): No, no. Donald. It’s the refusal to wear pants and the whole charade that they are his nephews.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 11:51 am [Reply]

@Hank (#67): There’s at least one other “duck” strip currently running — W.T. Duck by Aaron Johnson. It’s so obscure even Wikipedia doesn’t have an entry under that name!
Joe Blevins
July 28th, 2010 at 11:57 am [Reply]

DT: You may be disappointed by panel 3, but I am glad the police have used public funds to make their station look like a retro diner. Just the thing to lure in unsuspecting hipsters as part of their sinister “Operation: Spinach Chin.”
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#68): Maybe the Guard Duck on PBS can have a spinoff strip. Are there comic strip spin offs?
Anonymous
July 28th, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

MT: it’s said that taking care of a pet keeps you young, but getting his little mutt back has aged Rusty about 18 years in one day. In fact he even looks nearly human.
Stroker Ace
July 28th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

Luann – C’mon Brad, Toni is hinting that she wants you to buy her the expensive after-shower light body spray called ‘C*ck Tease’.
Little A. from Da Bronx
July 28th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

MT: it’s said that taking care of a pet keeps you young, but getting his little mutt back has aged Rusty about 18 years in one day. In fact he even looks nearly human.

What happened to my Nom Da Blog?
Little A. from Da Bronx
July 28th, 2010 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

OBH: I still think that Detorie is either farming out the art, or dashing it off in five minutes or less, a la Mell Lazarus.
The Insufferable Sulk
July 28th, 2010 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#70): There are. Hi and Lois, for example, is a spinoff of Beetle Bailey. (Lois is Beetle’s sister.)
Peripheral Visionary
July 28th, 2010 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

Apartment 3-G: Margo gets called a “spinster aunt” by a woman with bobbed hair, no makeup, a white blouse buttoned up to the neckline, and a lime-green suit? What, really?

I want to say that I am enjoying the “makeover” storyline, but I am not optimistic about the results. While Tommie could certainly use some help, both Luann and Margo already have relatively attractive outfits that work well with their complexions (spring and winter, respectively). And I am not exactly confident in the makeover abilities of the fashion designers, who appear to be shopping exclusively out of the bargain bin at discount retailers and getting their haircuts at $10 chop shops – no offense intended to any readers here who may patronize those otherwise fine establishments.
Mibbitmaker
July 28th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

OBH: That cat attacking Avis! That really Hertz!

*ducks and covers*
Howard
July 28th, 2010 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

@The Insufferable Sulk (#75): And Crankshaft is a spinoff of Funky Winkerbean…

And Popeye, which was a spin-off from Thimble Theater… (do a search and read some articles about the evolution of the character… fun stuff! Which makes the crack-brained stuff we read today… wellllll, you couldn’t make it MORE surreal, could you? But knowing that all that wackiness came from a much less wacky beginning…….)
cheech wizard
July 28th, 2010 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

9CL – So Kiesl just slinks away and won’t fight for the woman he loves? Then again, he wouldn’t fight for his own side during the war, so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised.
Push Trot
July 28th, 2010 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

Hi everybody, I’m back from vacation! Have you lost some weight? You look great!

B.C.: I remember not so long ago when B. C. was considered the most Christian of all the daily comics, and now look at it. That must be the crappiest reinterpretation of the Book of Exodus ever.

Crankshaft: No, Crankshaft, Pickles doesn’t take to ‘new people’ – apparently Pickles takes to old people! [ducks]

Curtis I know one of the two must be prostituting themself … but for the life of me I can’t tell which.

Fred Basset: I just googled ‘doolally’. I want 8,7 seconds of my life back, you worthless sack of fleas.

Hi and Lois: Er, so go get a new contact. Seriously, how bad is the recession in the Flagstons’ America?

MW: Mary has overstayed her allotted time in our dimension, and as her powers weaken she begins to morph into her natural form. Soon the mandibles will burst through her rubberlike skin.
Hamburdracula
July 28th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

Brad and Toni are heading to Stone Brewery to sample fine beers from the source.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

@Larry Fine (#48): Oh ha ha ha HA!

@Cranky (#50): Oh ha ha ha HA! part 2.

@commodorejohn (#53) on Dick Tracy: 3D is passe again. Tracy must be re-running a 1954 storyline.
Rachel211
July 28th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

Wow – that guy who spent all that time inventing a 3D movie that doesn’t need glasses is gonna be really pissed when he finds out a ‘play’ has already been invented.
Sed
July 28th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

Clearly, Brad and Toni have reached the gates of Charterstone – heralding a Mary Worth – LuAnn crossover! PREPARE YE FOR THE MEDDLE-OCALYPSE!
Dark Corner
July 28th, 2010 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#55): Reportedly, Trudeau spends much of his time visiting army hospitals and listening to the vets’ stories. (True!) So his saintly grunts and army techs may be based on people he’s actually met. Unfortunately, his natural empathy lends itself to idealization = unfunniness.
Cranky
July 28th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Multiple posters have suggested Toni is pantsless in panel one; I prefer to think Evans is just taking the extra care to properly ink in her Tight White Pants Camel Toe. The same inking care that went into depicting the wall of the Stone Stonery Stone Bar and Grille.
TheDiva
July 28th, 2010 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#53) re: DT: Maybe the strip is finally getting around to acknowledging the previous 3-D boom of the early 80s.
ThursdayNext
July 28th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

@Howard (#34): I don’t think Funky is worrying about a funeral, I think this whole plot has gone in a “Funky gets good with God” afterschool special direction. And his wife, Whatsername, is going to make it happen. But will there be redemption? I doubt it. Next to Lynn Johnson, I want Tom Batuik gone, gone, gone from the comics. He’s not as lazy an artist, but the plots are just too awful and depressing.
Buck Ripsnort
July 28th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

Luann: Toni’s auditioning later for Love Is< but hasn't got all the nuances down yet.

MW: Dammit, will somebody make up their mind whether Dr. Mike is sitting or lying down?

RMMD: Well, yes — EVERY straight guy walks funny after a prostate exam.
spike
July 28th, 2010 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

@cheech wizard (#79): I’m hoping Kiesl gets run over by a bus as he leaves the building. Yeah–like that’s gonna happen…

OtH: I really like this week’s installment.

@Sed (#84): Well played!
The Insufferable Sulk
July 28th, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

@Sed (#84): I’m looking forward to Mary’s advice of ‘Hold still while I shoot both of you reprehensible people in the face.’ Shortly thereafter, all of Charterstone is raving about Mary’s latest batch of unusually delicious salmon squares.
MS
July 28th, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#10): I don’t see it in PBS – can someone at least give me a clue? (Yes, I need someone to explain the comics to me…)
Pop Goes the Weasel
July 28th, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

MW: It looks like the zero gravity BJ wasn’t all that enjoyable for either party.
Then in panel 2, Dr. Mike thrashes about ineffectually while Mary morphs
into George Kennedy! On the writing side, Dr. Mike has been through
years of psychology courses, and still wasn’t able to figure out that his
inability to love stems from abandonment issues? Guess who probably
wasn’t at the top of his class.

MT: As previously pointed out, the reunion with Sassy has rocketed Rusty
through puberty in a few seconds. On the plus side, he’s finally showing
a familial resemblance to Mark.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

@The Insufferable Sulk (#91): I’ll take the shotgun shell to the face over the salmon square to the stomach any day.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

@MS (#92): The comic artist in the final panel is surrounded by empty coffee cups. In the olden days, Sanka commercials would call this “coffee nerves,” causing PBS’ shaky drawing today.
The Insufferable Sulk
July 28th, 2010 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#94): Tomato, tomahto.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

#65 The Insufferable Sulk,
Blasphemy! There is no Howard the Duck without Steve Gerber!
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

@The Insufferable Sulk (#96): I’ll willingly eat a tomato or a tomahto. Especially if it sits on a Ritz. But not if it sits on a salmon square.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2010 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

@The Insufferable Sulk (#91): I think Mary’s methods might be more subtle than the direct-to-the-face gun blast. No, Mary lures the victims with her soft platitudes, making them think she’s a harmless, kindly old woman. And then, as she pries open their emotions with her gnarled, manicured claws, they slowly begin to spill their secrets: daddy issues, mommy woes, the ingratitudes of their children, the spite of siblings, the spousal neglect and slights—all seeping out into an oily, viscous pool into which Mary dips her scaly tongue, lapping up the human misery, gorging herself on the pain, the pathos, until she can sit back, pinkly sated, glowingly, smugly satisfied.

Having drained another human of his will to live, transforming him into her minion who must now, for the rest of his horrifying life, look to Mary for marching orders, unable to act without the proper platitude to steer his course, Mary can turn to her next project: Pool Party!
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#99): It’s working. I’ve already lost my will to read it. The only thing that’s sustaining my interest in this story arc is the bizarre colours and perspectives.
mgm
July 28th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

The big reveal of the D’Buckworth storyline? He is a fraud: all his high-tech, expensive “3d” movies which you could view without glasses were, in fact, amateur stage theater. Everyone was too fascinated by the “no-glasses 3d” to notice. Secret technology indeed!
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

For True Fable. lots of cute goat stuff. :-)
BenBen
July 28th, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail may have his Double Fists O’ Justice, but Sam has his Double Fisting O’ I Require Alcohol to Open Up Emotionally to Even the Slightest Degree.
Dude...wait...what?
July 28th, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

@Sed (#84): will that be anywhere as entertaining as Metalocalypse?
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2010 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

Love Is . . . .furless Pluggers.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2010 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

lookin’ for bourbon. (or a nice merlew.)
Écureuil Écumant
July 28th, 2010 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

@21 cheech wizard said:

Sam used to be a jazz musician? Then why was he so outraged about the elderly neighbors growing pot? You’d think he would’ve been hanging out there every night.

It wasn’t so much the herb, it was the fact that they were also chicken farmers and their brand of chickenshit made his look positively lame.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 28th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

#85 Dark Corner,
That’s a little better than what I pictured, certainly. The results are still flat, though.

…earlier, Hank,
I do generally have a rule against commenting of political strips. Partly this is because if I read them, it will be at lunch reading the dead tree paper. And very rarely can they compare with the surreal horror of Curtis asking Michelle to “come back to my place.”
littlestevie
July 28th, 2010 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

@Hamburdracula (#81): Since Greg Evans lives in San Diego county just a proverbial stones throw from Stone Brewery, I would guess thats where they are headed.
Sed
July 28th, 2010 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

@Dude…wait…what? (#104):

At least – probably more so. At any rate, it’ll be brutal!
mollificent
July 28th, 2010 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

@Rachel211 (#83): Hah! Well played, madam.
Walker of Dog
July 28th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

@TheDiva (#87): Ah, Friday the 13th Part 3 in 3-D, such fond memories…
Écureuil Écumant
July 28th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

A3G: Margo needs that “floppy” turtleneck. It gives her ample room to expand her throat sac.
Dude...wait...what?
July 28th, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

@Sed (#110): I’ll just throw up the horns and crank up the Dethklok while I read the comics in the morning
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

@littlestevie (#109): Dear God, does that mean we’re in for a “Brad and Toni get movie-drunk and do sexy, sexy things that don’t actually lead to sex but that they’re both horribly ashamed by later, tee hee hee” storyline? *searches around for ritual suicide implement*
gnemec
July 28th, 2010 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

Panel 2 of today’s Dick Tracy: Decent dialogue and fine artwork. How did this slip through, people?
Uncle Lumpy
July 28th, 2010 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

“Thus his riches”? Hmm. More likely this:

“He created the #1 Mary Worth fan site on the Internet — he had all the ingredients to make people hate him.”
Fata Morgana
July 28th, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Hay guyz, did you know there was a Phantom movie? I didn’t. The Nostalgia Critic just reviewed it to much hilarity.
Some Random Travis
July 28th, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Judging from the partial restaurant name Brad and Toni seem to have somehow traveled to the Flintstones universe.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#115): Ritual suicide implement you say? Try the salmon squares of scourge. They’re delish. If they don’t do the trick, the seafood scampi of suffering with a side of e coli slaw will.
kkarenb
July 28th, 2010 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft – I see this storyline going in one of two directions – Crankshaft meets the woman who found Pickles and becomes romantically involved with her, or he discovers that she has the cat and a custody battle ensues. I have absolutley no interest in following either story.

A3G – The turtleneck isn’t as outdated as that 1953 hairdo.

FW – Should Funky really be driving while he is wearing that collar? Wouldn’t it restrict his movement and make it more likely that he would get into another accident? On second thought, drive on, Funky.
the crock
July 28th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

Why does she keep calling it a “fragrance”? Maybe it sounds better than “Love Stink”

If you knew a man had a “signature fragrance” would you still want to date him?
littlestevie
July 28th, 2010 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#120): Ohhh, Commodorejohn is going to commit suicide. I was hoping it was going to be Toni, after she wakes up from a drunken stupor and realizes she did the big nasty with Brad.
Fata Morgana
July 28th, 2010 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

I actually prefer that men NOT wear cologne. Just bathe appropriately and wear deodorant and you’ll be good.

Also: Hurr, hurr, Brad is picturing Toni in the nude! SMEXY AMIRITE LOL.
BigTed
July 28th, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

Wait till Brad finds out that the body spray Toni uses is Axe for Men. Suddenly, their entire relationship will begin to make sense.
Bootsy
July 28th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

@Rachel211 (#83):

Nice one!
Taquelli
July 28th, 2010 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

I like that Sam’s whitebread parents made him refuse the music scholarship. “We will not have our son taking money for something he is talented in. We will pay for every minute of his eight years of unwanted education so that he will never escape our web of agony. Ahahaha!”
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2010 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

@littlestevie (#123): “…realizes she did the big nasty with Brad.” With Brad I’m sure “little nasty” would be a generous description, with “micro~~penis~~scopic nasty” being legally accurate. I’m not Brad’s doctor nor do I play one on television but it just seems right for him somehow.
Jasper Jinks
July 28th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

Could Brad and Toni be going to dinner at CHARTERstone!? Has one of them decided that what they need to take their relationship to another level (ANY other level) is a consultation with Mary Worth?

As for Sam Driver, I doubt that those are beers, and I doubt his tale about the jazz combo. I think he still hasn’t found the courage to confess his REAL ambition… to join a marimba band. Ole!

By the way, did anyone notice that a couple of months ago (yesterday in strip time), Sam suggested getting “Dr. Morgan” to look at Jules’s back? Rex and June once did a “Phantom” cameo — now it appears that both strips and JP all take place in the same universe. Call me a dreamer — but wouldn’t Jules be just right for Captain Savarna?
Girl Reporter
July 28th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

@the crock (#122): Hell no!
Randy
July 28th, 2010 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

OBH: Satanic Cat has injected its venom into Goth Senior Citizen. She will now turn into a horrifying, human-flesh eating feline with a huge, toothy grin. Things certainly are looking up.

MT: Mark has no reason to punch the dognapper, but he still has to deck someone. Rusty or the cop? Any bets?
Girl Reporter
July 28th, 2010 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

@Dark Corner (#85): I like the Iraq/Afghanistan + aftermath Doonesburys, and do find the characters “real” (I wasn’t there, but Mr. Girl Reporter was). For me, Doonesbury rings true. Maybe it isn’t laugh-out-loud funny, but there sure is some slice-of-life funny stuff. Plus, I am delighted that Toggle gets to be a whole person, not a disability.

Don’t get me started on Wally Winkerbean.
Girl Reporter
July 28th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

However, Rapmaster Ronnie: A Partisan Review was pretty lame.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

@Jasper Jinks (#129): I do recall someone in Judge Parker mentioning a “Doc Morgan” in passing, but I think it was further back than the current Jules/Neddy storyline. Also, Mandrake the Magician was at the wedding of the Phantom and Diana Palmer, so we know those characters live the same universe.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2010 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#128): Eh, I’d think it probably has less to do with the measurements and more to do with the fact that Nancy has very thoroughly destroyed any hope of it ever functioning.
Jasper Jinks
July 28th, 2010 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#134): Aren’t Mandrake and the Phantom both Lee Falk creations? And don’t JP and RMMD share a creator, along with A3G?
Uncle Lumpy
July 28th, 2010 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

@Jasper Jinks (#129):

… but wouldn’t Jules be just right for Captain Savarna?

Captain Savarna is in New York for a “chance” meeting with her soulmate Margo Magee, followed by a long, slow voyage of discovery into the lush southern tropics.
Shawn S.
July 28th, 2010 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

@littlestevie (#123):

Can anyone remind me why we’re rooting for Brad to succeed?

Even though he’s not as horrible of a person as his sister, he’s annoyingly horny 24/7 and is only playing the role of a “good guy” to Toni. He’s been a dick to everyone else: his parents, his sister, T.J., even Shannon for Christ’s sake. He only likes Toni because he wants in her pants…which is why he alludes to it at all possible chances. In fact, 80% of Brad’s appearances with Tori have the supposed punchline of “Haha, Brad is so horny!”

I want him to fail. I want Toni to realize she’s with a guy who, when not at work, has no hobbies or goals except for sitting on the couch and berating his roommate. Please end this horrible relationship that would never happen in the real world.
bats :[
July 28th, 2010 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

Y189. Rimpy: huh. I thought I enabled comments at my blog. Guess not; I’ll have mr. bats :[ look into it.
Yeah, the sidebar floats. If you want to see a whole mashup, click your right mouse button and then click on “View image.” Forunately, any associated deathless prose flows around the sidebar.
Free website — ya gets what ya pays for. :)
Uncle Lumpy
July 28th, 2010 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

@Shawn S. (#138):

Please end this horrible relationship that would never happen in the real world.

Yeah, but it happens to Jim Belushi all the time.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2010 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#106): I’d share my bourbon with that cutie-pie.
Baka Gaijin
July 28th, 2010 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy (#137): “…a long, slow voyage of discovery into the lush southern tropics.” Will The Indigo Girls be on the boat’s Muzak? Just sayin’.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

@Jasper Jinks (#136):

You’re correct about the creator of Judge Parker, Rex Morgan M.D. and Apt. 3-G being the same person — Nicholas P. Dallis, the Johnny Appleseed of soap opera strips! Also, Leopold “Lee” Falk created Mandrake and the Phantom. (I know they were created by two different people in two different mediums, but wouldn’t it be cool if ERB’s Tarzan met Falk’s Phantom?)
bats :[
July 28th, 2010 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

@Andrusi (#23): since Jennifer Aniston has just released a signature fragrance called “Jennifer Aniston,” it does make sense that Toni’s S.F. would be “Toni.”
It’s just a less-stupid name. Kudos, Toni!

@Some Random Travis (#119): that’s my thought, too. If they order ribs, we’ll know for sure.

@Shawn S. (#138): I must’ve missed that memo. At this point, I hope both Luann and Brad die partnerless, and the DeGroot family tree withers and perishes.
Jasper Jinks
July 28th, 2010 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#143): Yes — it could be a JLA (Jungle League of America). Tarzan! Korak! Ka-Zar! Mowgli! Phantom! Sheena! Jungle Jim! Catman and Kitten! And even Bwana Beast!
Actually, it sounds like the “Fables” series by Willingham.
ArchieNemesis
July 28th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

In Mark Trail, there’s still time left for Bristles McDognapper to make a dash for it, right? I can’t believe he’s going to surrender peacefully. Maybe his wife will emerge, packing heat.
Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
July 28th, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

Phantom — 2 guys in the same bed? Not that there’s anything wrong with that…
This Guy
July 28th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#82): Woot! Victory is finally within our reach.

@ms. docweasel (#26): For a given value of “latest,” since that question is dated from 1983.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 28th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Hunh—I didn’t know that Funky Winkerbean was visiting the DC Metro area.
bats :[
July 28th, 2010 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

Testify, Jazzman!
Walker of Dog
July 28th, 2010 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#144): Concerning the eponymous Jennifer Aniston perfume, is there a significant market segment of women who want to repel Brad Pitt?

Sounds like someone could use a business plan…
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#150): o great, now I have Lisa Simpson singing in my brain!
dhkendall
July 28th, 2010 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

traditionally the strip never misses a chance to translate police jargon like “lifted” for the civilians in the audience.

But Josh, that’s what all three panels of tomorrow’s (and possibly Friday’s) Dick Tracy will be!
Dark Corner
July 28th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

@Girl Reporter (#132): I agree w/ what you say; the characters strike me as “real” as well, but I’m a little disturbed by how the tone of the strip changes abruptly whenever soldiers or vets appear. Trudeau’s sardonic eye gets misted over and he doesn’t subject them to the same satirical jabs that everyone else gets; as if they’re a higher order of humanity. It becomes a Maudlin-like “tribute,” drained of Maudlin’s barbed humor (as if he’s afraid to poke fun, not being a vet himself).
Dark Corner
July 28th, 2010 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

I mean “Mauldin” *ahem*
littlestevie
July 28th, 2010 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#150): I thought Sam was the expert with the skin flute, not Abby.
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#Y160): I like your version. Actually, I’d vote for BETWEEN FRIENDS as the comic that most often makes my second “X” chromosome want to hide in shame. I do not identify with these women. Mostly I want to throw rotten fruit at them.
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

LUANN — Today, after finding an old container, I changed my signature fragrance to “Deep Woods Off.” Talk about irresistible.
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

His website fanned the flames of Aldomania — thus his riches.
Roman Fingers
July 28th, 2010 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

@AndyL (#31): Do you use seating charts and a protractor, or am I the only one?

Please, tell me I’m not the only one…
Uncle Lumpy
July 28th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

He revived interest in declining comics like Funky Winkerbean and 9 Chickweed Lane — all the ingredients to make people hate him.
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

JP — And because of his crushed dreams and broken heart, Sam decided never ever to listen to jazz again. Now he sticks to Muzak versions of Jackson Five songs.
Buck Ripsnort
July 28th, 2010 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Just saw the Dinner For Schmucks commercial, w/ the line about “Sexy sex and boring death.” IMMEDIATELY thought of FW and Luann, but I’m not sure which adjective applies to which strip.
cheech wizard
July 28th, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

He decided to pursue a career as a free-lance writer – thus his riches.

Hah! Just kidding!
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

He played Zeus in the city of Baile an Tí Mhóir — thus his riches.
Jasper Jinks
July 28th, 2010 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

@Dark Corner (#154): Read through the Doonesbury collections, or through the two shorter books on B.D.’s coping with the loss of a leg, and see how the arcs and the characters proceed. I don’t think he gives the soldiers (and most notably B.D.) a pass. Perhaps though here is some sense that they (unlike most of the characters) are in a situation not entirely of their own making. But Melissa, Ray, and Melissa’s friend (can’t recall her name) certainly don’t come off “clean.” And Toggle suffered a grave head wound because he was zoning out on his tunes, and didn’t respond to his sergeant’s command.
Bootsy
July 28th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

@the crock (#122):

If you knew a man had a “signature fragrance” would you still want to date him?

No. A thousand times no. I do not like man perfume at all. In fact 99% of the people who wear fragrance frikkin’ marinate in it. i quit wearing perfume years ago.
Ed Dravecky
July 28th, 2010 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#68): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_the_Duck
bats :[
July 28th, 2010 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

I think Poteet mentioned hurling at the weird angles in today’s MW. Me? I’m just not keen on it treading into the realm of Gil Thorpian time, space and dimension…

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#152): one of my favorite episodes (particularly the gathering clouds…)!

@Poteet (#159): *snert*
Doctor Handsome
July 28th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

So while the other kids were listening to rock & roll and shooting heroin, Sam was into jazz, and shooting heroin.
Steve the Pocket
July 28th, 2010 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Cathy: If there was any doubt Guisewite is getting kickbacks from Apple, today’s strip, which awkwardly name-drops their new phone in a context where it makes no sense to mention any specific model, settles it. Willingness to enter into such an agreement, of course, reflects far worse on Apple than it does on Cathy.

Doonesbury: Speaking of being unnecessarily specific, I haven’t seen Toy Story 3 yet, but wouldn’t the original movie have been a more appropriate comparison? Or is Trudeau banking on the “no one remembers more than 10 years ago” thing?

Funky Winkerbean: Yes, there is. The significance is that after they finish driving practice, she’s arranged to have him exorcised.

Prickly City: I’ve heard about Republicans being behind the times, but yeesh, Stantis — the world population has been over 6 billion since 1999!

Zits: Why do I get the feeling this isn’t going to result in them connecting better with their son, and instead just them throwing the book at him for keeping such dirty secrets as having a girlfriend and liking jazz from them?
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#168): Thanks for the correction — and I can see why Aaron Johnson’s syndicate insisted on using the initials “W.T.”! (Too bad… I think “What the Duck” is an inspired name for a strip about a duck!)
Flummoxicated
July 28th, 2010 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

MW: how exactly will looking up the father that abandoned him help? Unless his father is Wilbur Weston! Now that would be a twist that would make me overlook this whole “Mary is so awesome she can counsel professional counselors” thing.
Alfred E. Neuman
July 28th, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

@John E. (#39) said: “Luann – I thought they were going to a Firestone dealership to shop for tires; that being Brad’s idea of a romantic evening…”

Remember, Toni is also car nut. They’re probably there to pick up a bottle of her favorite scent for guys, “Pneu Nouveau”.
The Insufferable Sulk
July 28th, 2010 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

@Flummoxicated (#173): Mary is a proponent of the theory that nothing heals old wounds like ripping them open again and rubbing them with salt.
Alfred E. Neuman
July 28th, 2010 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

@Alfred E. Neuman (#174): …a car nut.
Nuts!
Violet
July 28th, 2010 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

As agonizing as Brad and Toni’s would-be flirtatious banter is, I appreciate the fact that neither of them shows the slightest indication of enjoyment of their repulsive exchange. Brad looks frightened and confused and Toni looks like a zombie they use to test mascara.
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#142): Who said anything about a boat? Maybe a little man in a canoe.
Alfred E. Neuman
July 28th, 2010 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

Here’s a 9CL slant on the phrase-of-the-day:

Amos van Hoesen’s musical talent was enough to overcome his wretched personality and his peculiar appearance — thus his bitches.
Government Cheese
July 28th, 2010 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

Luann: It appears that Toni has taken Brad to a restaurant themed stone “quarry” where they will sit at a table and chip away at rocks as punishment for their lusty thoughts (hence Brad’s expression in the third panel).
jth90c
July 28th, 2010 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

Sam’s second beer is his pocket beer, he just forgot to wear his cargo shorts.
Zla'od
July 28th, 2010 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

I haven’t been reading Luanne lately. My assumption from the art was that Brad and Toni had rented a room in Motel Six.
Violet
July 28th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

So I imagine we will be following Dr. Mike through several tedious months of seeking out and reconciling with his deadbeat father before we are finally rewarded with an unbelievably awesome “Meanwhile, Jenna hits rock bottom” narration box and numerous panels of her wandering listlessly about her condo, weeks unshowered, in a tattered, Bacardi-151-stained wedding gown. At this juncture Dr. Mike will burst in shouting “Jenna! Thanks to Mary Worth I’ve resolved my crippling emotional issues and now I’m ready to—GAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!”
Ian C.
July 28th, 2010 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

I, for one, can’t way to see a 9CL-esque “story” consisting of three or four weeks of nothing but Brad and Toni engaged in screaming monkey sex.
Jeff R.
July 28th, 2010 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

“Stone by Stone” would fit both of the signs we see, and almost make sense as a name for a restaurant of such bedrockian construction.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

Oh, Brother! — Bud dies a thousand deaths!

Scary Gary — I wonder if that would work with Broom Hilda?

Between Friends/Bizarro — Someone’s confusing Hump Day with Casual Friday!

Frazz/Soup to Nutz — Do these two qualify as “fartoons” or does there have to be actual farting?
Farley's Revenge
July 28th, 2010 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

The spouse and I have been married for 33 years(God. Has it really been that long?) and there are still things I don’t know about him. Like earlier this year, he came home and informed me he had signed up for braces(those invisible things that have to be changed out every few weeks). I was quite surprised because after almost thirty-three years of marriage I had had no clue that he wasn’t satisfied with his teeth.

On the other side, he will tell anyone who asks that he has no clue how I think. I rather like that level of mystery in our relationship.
Fashion Police
July 28th, 2010 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

@Peripheral Visionary (#76) said:

Apartment 3-G: Margo gets called a “spinster aunt” by a woman with bobbed hair, no makeup, a white blouse buttoned up to the neckline, and a lime-green suit? What, really?

We were going to suggest that Miss Magee’s ought to reply, “and no one under sixty ought to do the Mary Worth look,” but you have summed up the situation quite nicely, thank you.
Écureuil Écumant
July 28th, 2010 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

Mary’s apprenticeship as a shrink seems to be going well, but now it’s time to see whether she’s gonna make the cut…
cheech wizard
July 28th, 2010 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

MT – Rusty must have aged about eighta years – he looks about 16. So I guess Mark really did let the legal system run its course this time. Meanwhile, the decrepit and incontinent Sassy is so happy to finally see him again, she craps all over his shirt.

Phantom – “Hmmmm…so Diana’s in prison? No wonder Kit said she was dead – must be horribly embarrassing for someone whose family has pursued justice for 400 years. Can’t say I really blame him. Best just to keep it quiet – no need to let him know I’m aware of his secret. Go ahead and rot, you hussy!”
Donna C
July 28th, 2010 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

Know this,Billingsley.The next time one of your characters uses the phrase “pizza pie”,I will find you,you idiot,I WILL FIND YOU.
UnclGhost
July 28th, 2010 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Is Dick Tracy looking forward to the very near future, with double-pixel displays such as in the upcoming Nintendo 3DS, or the very far past, when they invented “theater”?
gnome de blog
July 28th, 2010 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

Why do I suspect that Sam’s idea of a jazz musician is Lawrence Welk?
gnome de blog
July 28th, 2010 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

Hamsters? HAMSTERS!? MORE FISH-SLAPPING BEARS, MULE!!
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

@Zla’od (#182): I would totally forgive everything this strip has ever done to my brain if Brad and Toni did rent a room in a Motel 6 and woke up covered with bed bug bites. In fact, I might be willing to contribute to a fund to make that happen.
ms. docweasel
July 28th, 2010 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

re:148

It was the latest update on the site. It’s at the top of the column of “Recent Additions:”

Someone get the sand out of This Guy’s vagina.

sheesh
Emily K [Riff Chick]
July 28th, 2010 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

So, looking at the characters in Luann (and Toni in particular) I have to ask: Is it 1983?
bats :[
July 28th, 2010 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

@Écureuil Écumant (#189): aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

I’ve been re-reading ancient archival postings and Josh’s continued flow of funny is marred only by the spambots. Seeing as comments here pertain to the day they are posted and not to any particular post, how hard would it be to simply close each entry to new comments as the new post goes up? That would all but eliminate getting postjumped and preserve the the witty mudgeons’ brilliance from being diluted by purveyors of hats and those wanting to firm up your hat rack.
Alison
July 28th, 2010 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

At first I thought the “Judge Parker” strip was a Spider-Man strip and the redhead was M.J. talking to Peter, but then I realized Spider-Man is far too lazy to learn to play the trumpet.

Toni and Brad are GROSSING ME OUT with all their GROSS conversations about smelling each other.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

@gnome de blog (#193): I was going to say Guy Lombardo, but Lawrence Welk works, too!
Occipital Lobe
July 28th, 2010 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

9CL: Nobody else seems to have noticed that Kiesl called her “Eva” upon leaving. Her name is Edie. Did I miss a plot point some months back (while this storyline was trudging endlessly along) where Kiesl anointed her with that moniker, or is this tale about to get reeeeeal interesting?
(Oh wait, Brooke McD is telling the story. “Interesting.” What the hell was I thinking?)</p?
jayjaybear
July 28th, 2010 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

I just had a horrible, disgusting thought…do you think Crankshaft is setting us up for old Ed to find LOVE?!

*YACK*
Austria
July 28th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

BC: Horrible technology joke aside, I gotta wonder — why is Rock-Sittin’ Dude suddenly talking in mafia-speak?

FW: Ha ha! Funky’s going to go to church! See, it’s funny ’cause everyone’s gonna get their panties in a bunch and write angry letters to Tom Batuik because HOW DARE YOU FORCE RELIGION ON THE MASSES BLAH BLAH BLAH.

H&L: Because your sphere of influence reaches far and wide, you miserable little $#!^.
Seriously, though, this doesn’t make much sense. Who is Mrs. Thurston talking to? Everyone’s already on the ground looking. It would have been better if one person had been standing, wondering what was going on. Then at least it would actually make sense.

MW: Whoa, our favorite meddler’s looking a bit manly in that second panel.

SF: Wait, weren’t these two just fighting like two weeks ago?
gnome de blog
July 28th, 2010 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

@Occipital Lobe (#202):
Old Gran is Edna, but young Gran was Eva. It has never been explained.
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2010 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

@Occipital Lobe (#202): “Eva” is just part of the elaborate Third Reich roleplay that’s going on just beyond the borders of all those hand panels.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 28th, 2010 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#199): I don’t agree. Sometimes I like to post a reply to comments that were made on a so-called “dead thread” — and I’ve noticed other folks doing the same thing! Not everyone has the time (or inclination) to visit this site several times a day, so why would you want to limit their ability to leave comments to the current thread only?
Buck Ripsnort
July 28th, 2010 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

FW: Funky CAN’T go to church. He’d burst into flame.
Bill Murray
July 28th, 2010 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

Luann: Brad and Toni are going to Cold Stone Creamery, because Brad has heard nothing gets Toni in the mood like and All Lovin’ No Oven signature creation. It even comes with whipped topping, just like Brad did a few minutes ago
Snapdragon
July 28th, 2010 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

Luann: Going to a restaurant named -STONE is the closest Brad will come to getting his rocks off while on a date with Toni Daytona.
Roman Fingers
July 28th, 2010 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#206): NOTE: Insert “Battle of the Bulge” joke here
Paddy
July 28th, 2010 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

I do believe today’s Luann is the first time the daily comics has featured such an unbashed display of camel toe. In related news: GAH, MY EYES! MY EYES!
commodorejohn
July 28th, 2010 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

@Roman Fingers (#211): I understand the Nazis knew a lot about rocketry…
Ed Dravecky
July 28th, 2010 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

@Occipital Lobe (#202): Bill told Edie she would now be called “Eva” way back on December 2nd to increase her appeal to German prisoners, but only after determining she was untouched and pure.

If you’d asked me on November 16th if I thought this 9CL plot would still be squicking along more than 8 months later with no end in sight (where’s Bill?) I would have laughed and said “you must have this confused with Judge Parker.” And that would have been the last time that 9CL would have ever made me laugh.
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

@Occipital Lobe (#202): I’ve lost track of her name. Gran, Eva, Edna, Edie, Echidna, That Nasty Old Burber Bag In Room 257 Who Never Shuts Up, they’re all one to me now. I can’t believe I’m hooked on this strip. It’s like trying cigarettes one time on a dare and groveling for butts in an ashtray six months later.
tb4000
July 28th, 2010 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

Luann: Since yesterday’s mention of Brad basically having Toni’s stank all over him from whatever completely clothed necking session they recently had, I would figure she’d have no desire to get rid of it, lest another blonde, half-lidded expression having cocktease try to steal her man.
Bill Murray
July 28th, 2010 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

@tb4000 (#216): but that scenario leads to incest, and Brad is no Lord Byron
zerowolf
July 28th, 2010 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

MT: @Poteet (#158): You’re a Plugger if your signature fragrance is “Deep Woods Off”
This Guy
July 28th, 2010 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

@Poteet (#215): We could just call her Incredibly-Eazy-E.
Marion Delgado
July 28th, 2010 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Sam had better get used to them if he’s going to land Brent Spiner to play him in “Judge Parker: All Rise” in 2013.
zerowolf
July 28th, 2010 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

A3G: Funny you should mention sad and shapeless because that’s what you will be when Margo is done with you.
yellojkt
July 28th, 2010 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

I can smell Brad’s blue balls from here and it isn’t pretty.
Thomas B.
July 28th, 2010 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

FW

So the church parking lot is empty in the town where prayers are never answered. Gee, what a surprise.

MW

If Mike has such issues transience you’d think he could settle on a hair color or the position of the furniture in his office.
—-
A counselor with abandonment issues falls for an alcoholic stalker. Perhaps Moy and Giella should stop lifting plots from the recycle bin behind Fox Searchlight Studios.
—
Oh here is a great new party game for you its called Mary Worth’s Six degrees of Meddling. Mary is just six people or fewer from meddling in the lives of anyone in Santa Royal. Today’s subject is Mike Robert’s dad. Okay, Mary meddled in Bonnie’s financial affairs, by introducing her to Jenna. Mary meddled in Jenna’s love life, then introduced Jenna to Mike. Mary then used the lone date with Jenna to meddle in Mike’s family history so she could meet Mike’s dad and meddle in his affairs.
Farley's Revenge
July 28th, 2010 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

@Ed Dravecky (#214):

where’s Bill?

Bill is still up on those parallel bars. Don’t worry. The cartoonist won’t drop him…Unfortunately.
Farley's Revenge
July 28th, 2010 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

@yellojkt (#222): Thank you so damn much for that image. Is there such a thing as nose bleach? If not, there should be.
JAChicago
July 28th, 2010 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

Brad reminds me more and more of Johnny Drama every day.
cheech wizard
July 28th, 2010 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

JP – Sam really relates to Jules – as a young man who’s terrified of sex and obsessed with designing women’s fashions. But one who faced his fears and romanced a gorgeous rich babe so he’d never have to do any real work in his life.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
July 28th, 2010 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

Fisher kittehs ;-)
Thomas B.
July 28th, 2010 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

@zerowolf (#218): I would think a Plugger would use Advantix.
Black Drazon
July 28th, 2010 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

Wow, I’d never have known new JP artist Mike Manley had a history in comic books until today, when I took one glance at today’s strip and assumed I was looking at Spider-Man. I guess it helps that Peter lurching about the kitchen, rambling to his wife while piss-drunk just fits too well with the established canon.
bmrr
July 28th, 2010 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

I haven’t noticed it mentioned but A&J is having a 25th anniversary retrospective this week with extra strips and commentary on http://www.arloandjanis.com. With all the commentary this past week or so about the sexiness of certain comic characters I kind of liked Jimmy Johnson’s ending comment on today’s (7/28/10) post “…you can depict women naked in newspaper comics if you don’t draw nipples.” Should we be encouraging other artists to follow his lead?
ElkMeadow
July 28th, 2010 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

Just posted this under my other alias at calvinsdad:

There will be no living with Batiuk now. Not that there was in the first place.

Remember the story line, about saving the first issue of whatever comic book he was holding when he was a kid? The one that comic book store owner was thumbing through with his greasy fingers at the dirty pizza counter? The one that got coffee stains on it two days from now? Or that Crazy Harry already flooded the market with HIS first issue copies?

“Superman rescues family from foreclosure”

http://realestate.msn.com/blogs/listed.aspx?feat=1786978&gt1=35000
ElkMeadow
July 28th, 2010 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

Is there a possibility that Mike Robert’s dad is dead? That he was also Kurt’s father? That Wilbur would do far more good being Mike’s dad, feeding him white bread and mayo sandwiches, frolicking with him. Maybe Dr. Roberts might be better off with Dawn? She’s still in college, but she’s been in this strip for the past three decades; she should have her fourth Ph.D. by now.

Anyway, Kurt’s bio dad, whose first name I do not recall, took the last plane to Clarksville. If he’d taken the last train there, he’d be here.

What would Helen say?

(Forgive me, fellow mudgeons, if this has been suggested before. Due to having my college students home for a few weeks, I haven’t been reading the entries, as I have to look like I’m doing something productive, like finding a cure for cancer.)
Aviatrix
July 28th, 2010 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#207): Most people seem to resent it when they discover they have just posted to a “dead thread.” I suppose I do it now and again on purpose when I don’t think my comment has enough merit to carry through to a new day, but I didn’t expect people wanted it badly. Do people leave notes on threads over a week old?

It’s just a shame to see all that spam on old threads.
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

@zerowolf (#218): *heavy sigh* Well, so be it. It’s better than having clouds of mosquitoes dancing around my torso. And I’m certain that Deep Woods Off smells better than Eau de Brad.
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

@This Guy (#219): Works for me.
Poteet
July 28th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#228): Awww…
Poteet
July 29th, 2010 at 12:00 am [Reply]

LUANN — Apart from the other reasons today’s strip is annoying, Brad’s head in the first panel looks like a deformed lima bean. Eww. C’mon, Greg, that’s adding insult to injury.
Uncle Lumpy
July 29th, 2010 at 12:08 am [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#234):

… all that spam on old threads.

Spam also seems to accrete to certain posts and leave others alone — “Death Fart”, for example, was a huge spam magnet, while some of the earliest and therefore longest-exposed threads are untouched. Strange are the ways of spam!
Poteet
July 29th, 2010 at 12:10 am [Reply]

7/29 MW — I want to know what’s going on with that bird in the first panel. It’s too small to be a pigeon, and it’s too white to be a passerine, and it appears to be weirdly levitating with its head hung down. I think it must have been flying by when Mary was meddling someone, so it got an accidental blast of full-strength meddle-force. Now it’s trying to commit suicide.
SenatorPoopyDrawers
July 29th, 2010 at 12:23 am [Reply]

You know Josh, I just don’t think you’re funny anymore. You used to be. Somewhere along the way, you just lost it. You should retire before you really start embarassing yourself.
Occipital Lobe
July 29th, 2010 at 12:27 am [Reply]

@SenatorPoopyDrawers (#241): Umm … how much are you paying Josh to get in here?
Felix
July 29th, 2010 at 12:37 am [Reply]

http://www.seattlepi.com/fun/comic.asp?feature_id=Hagar_The_Horrible&feature_date=2010-07-28

Here’s Lucky Eddie being a smart-ass complaining about his wrists. This guard isn’t one to fool around. Just a few feet over, Hagar remains composed, saving his energy for any opportunity to break free. His second-in-command won’t be included in the escape this time. Poor Lucky Eddie’s arms are broken and he’s left to hang from what little can support his weight.
Red Greenback
July 29th, 2010 at 12:39 am [Reply]

Shake those funky jazz-cans, white boy.
Zla'od
July 29th, 2010 at 1:07 am [Reply]

Dick Tracy: I think it’s safe to say that this new 3-D technology involves cross-hatching.
Walker of Dog
July 29th, 2010 at 1:07 am [Reply]

7/29 strips:

FC: Dolly comes up with a fib to hide her growing obsession with Devils Tower.

JP: Abbey wonders how long she’ll have to wait for someone to hold her warm cans.

MT: Unless Miss Sally is skinning cougars or has forgotten to wax her upper lip, this storyline may turn out to be a disappointment, violence-wise.

MW: One thing we know about Mike’s dad – based on those bullet paths, he’s not a great shot. Meanwhile, Mary tents her fingers and makes the Face of Professional Concern that she learned from watching Dr. Phil.

Phan: The steep charges for international calls are a source of aggravation in Rhodia.

S-M:

”…or whatever name I have chosen for my new identity.”

The crushing ennui of this strip is even starting to affect the villains. “Yep. Doctor Smith, that’s me. Now time to ruin Tony Stark for some reason. Whatever.”

FW: When the central organizing principle of one’s life is the renunciation of all pleasure and happiness, only bland foods are safe to eat. That’s why all spice racks in Westview are covered with dust; they were received as wedding or housewarming gifts from uninformed well-wishers from out of town.
ElkMeadow
July 29th, 2010 at 1:13 am [Reply]

Saw the Luann strip for tomorrow: Toni said Dirk’s name!

Yeah, I know, I was stunned too.
Poteet
July 29th, 2010 at 1:14 am [Reply]

7/29

9CL — This is like waiting for someone to shoot herself in the leg with a staple gun on purpose.

LUANN — Where’s a heavy falling chandelier when you need one?

GA — I suppose the Pye family just peed randomly in the attic.
Poteet
July 29th, 2010 at 1:18 am [Reply]

@Walker of Dog (#246): Thank you. I didn’t understand S-M. Now you’ve sort of explained it to me, and I can lapse back into not caring anyway. Crushing ennui is right.
Poteet
July 29th, 2010 at 1:21 am [Reply]

7/29 MT — No punching? NO PUNCHING?? NO PUNCHING???
Farley's Revenge
July 29th, 2010 at 1:28 am [Reply]

MT: WHAT!?!?! The storyline is finished and all we get is a squirrel talking out of its butt? Okay, while that’s rather funny, I WANT PUNCHING! Dammit, Mark, this lack of punching-C’mon, the moderately bad guy has facial hair! That demands punching! It’s in your DNA!-is going to go on your record and will reflect in your annual job review. I wouldn’t look for any bonus this year and for extra punishment, your travel budget is cut and you’ll have to stay home with Cherry now. Yeah, that’s right, bubba. You’ll have to spend time with the creature you call “wife”. Think about that the next time you’re tempted to forego using the Fist O’Justice.
bats :[
July 29th, 2010 at 1:33 am [Reply]

7/29

Crankshaft: awwww, what a happy poosy gato! Love it when they smile.

MW: “I tried to meet my dad a few times over the years, but he never showed up. I even brought him a freakin’ white pigeon! The bastard!”
Farley's Revenge
July 29th, 2010 at 1:40 am [Reply]

MW: What is up with that bird? Was it the rejected bird from the Monty Python “Dead Parrot” sketch?

FW: I’ve required the skills of a PT in the past and not once have they had me rearranging my spice cabinet. Learning to stand upright and walk again, yeah. Having the spouse remove all the throw rugs so I didn’t stumble and fall, yeah. Contemplating where to put the cinnamon? Not so much.

A3G: I can’t imagine anyone being stupid enough to wave sharp objects around Margo’s head, especially when she’s hung over and surly. On the other hand, this could be great fun to watch!
Farley's Revenge
July 29th, 2010 at 1:42 am [Reply]

9CL: Four days to say goodbye. Jeez. I’ve had pimples that didn’t take that long to go away.
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 2:07 am [Reply]

MW: We’ve been focusing on Mary practising medicine without a licence, without closely scrutinizing Mike’s qualifications. Someone has already pointed out the unusual–and randomly shifting–dimensions of the so-called doctor’s diplomas. You don’t get to work as a psychotherapist until the basic issues in your own life are under sufficient control that an old biddy who wanders into your office cannot reduce to to weeping in the fœtal position by asking a few nosy questions.

The continuing story arc will involve him finding out his various patients’ worst fears, then acting them out for them before burying them–the patients, not their fears–beneath Mary’s roses. The ones in her flowerbeds, I mean.
Aviatrix
July 29th, 2010 at 2:15 am [Reply]

Why didn’t anyone tell me? Crankshaft is funny. I read the last two weeks archive and laughed out loud several times. You guys have been holding out on me, pretending it’s lame.
This Guy
July 29th, 2010 at 2:28 am [Reply]

7/28
9CL: And then a full day’s comic devoted to each of the floors Operanazi visits on his way down (not that the doors open, every panel is just identical), followed by a full-on 24 frames per second (1 frame = 1 panel) simulation of the doors opening on the last floor, followed by a high-speed camera version (3,000 fps) of Incredibly Easy E shedding a single tear… and then another… and then another. But don’t worry–on the 20th anniversary of this story arc, things will really pick up.

H&L: Hi stands in mute horror as he contemplates his kids having good self-esteem. “Now I won’t be able to use their self-loathing to manipulate them!”

MW: I can’t even think of anything that would make this any goofier than it already is. A silent-movie villain would think it’s too melodramatic.

OBH: Hey, cat… there’s a grilled salmon fillet in it for you if you finish the job.
This Guy
July 29th, 2010 at 2:34 am [Reply]

@This Guy (#257): Sorry, those are for 7/29.
Roman Fingers
July 29th, 2010 at 3:21 am [Reply]

BaBlu: Mom always says don’t use super soakers in the house

DtM: Looking at Joey’s arms and legs, I can only conclude that at some point, he was a refugee from a third-world country, smuggled into the US in a packing crate.

The Funktacular Winkerbean: Panel 2-You would think English words would be used to construct an English sentence. Sadly, you’d be mistaken. Even Funky looks askance at the grammatical carnage.

Lockhorns: If her vacuum is only 10 years old, why are they shopping for ones with color schemes right out of the Eisenhower administration? Seriously. My vacuum is a 1960 Electrolux, and it’s that same shade of bluish green.

MW: One of MT’s drunk birds has gotten loose, and sits next to the doctor in the cold, cold rain. And, am I to understand that his speech bubble is now capable of its own thoughts?

GT: Way to go, Mister “Win at all Cost”. Flout Rule 8.1(b). If someone hears you, and is as big a yutz as you, you just cost your kid the hole.

Luann: Totally un-snark-related, but I’ve noticed that the way Brad’s hair is drawn sometimes doesn’t completely cover his scalp. Since the color monkeys don’t take care of it, it looks like Brad’s got the Eli Whiteside thing going on.
Roman Fingers
July 29th, 2010 at 3:28 am [Reply]

Damn, damn, damn. The Baby Blues snark works better, I think, like this: (Bobby Brady voice) Mom always says don’t use super soakers in the house (/Bobby Brady voice)
Ed Dravecky
July 29th, 2010 at 4:37 am [Reply]

Lio for the win! (Although I do wish the art in panel two was more on-model…)
Dr. Weird
July 29th, 2010 at 5:11 am [Reply]

@bmrr (#231):

“…you can depict women naked in newspaper comics if you don’t draw nipples.”

Hmmm, this looks like a job for Ken Akamatsu (Love Hina, Negima).
Anonymous
July 29th, 2010 at 5:41 am [Reply]

@littlestevie (#109):

Yes, Stone Brewery is very well known in San Diego, and it’s clearly what he’s drawing in the background. It’s actually a really great date spot.

So stop making fun, Brad (or Toni?) has good taste in beer!
Lucky
July 29th, 2010 at 6:31 am [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean – And next Funky finds out that he has developed asthma.

Red & Rover – I’m… not saying anything.
True Fable
July 29th, 2010 at 6:52 am [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#102): GOAT!!!! goat knicknacks! Goat crafts! Goat wine! Goats wearing crowns!!

Looks like my living room.
Écureuil Écumant
July 29th, 2010 at 6:52 am [Reply]

@Uncle Lumpy (#239) said:

Spam also seems to accrete to certain posts and leave others alone — “Death Fart”, for example, was a huge spam magnet

This is an illustration of the hypothesis that “like attracts like”.
Écureuil Écumant
July 29th, 2010 at 6:58 am [Reply]

MW: If I was his dad, I wouldn’t have shown up either. Damn fool kid doesn’t even have the sense to come in out of the rain.

Also, if someone deserts you and then stands you up for a reunion, technically that doesn’t count as deserting you again.
True Fable
July 29th, 2010 at 7:05 am [Reply]

I always suspected Sam Driver of having a secret desire to be something or other.
Écureuil Écumant
July 29th, 2010 at 7:08 am [Reply]

MT: We’re supposed to believe, after all that angst, that they didn’t even bring Sassy’s collar — and a proof-chain leash — in the car with them. I guess the jack took up too much room.

Now they’re gonna walk next door and give Ms. Sally a big “thankee”, not even offer her the $500 so she can pay some attorney a retainer to fight the zoning change, and whoopee! it’s off to LoFo. Andy, time for some Cujo action.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 7:34 am [Reply]

Apt. 3-G — Sample dialogue from tomorrow’s strip: “You’ll love your new buzz cut, Lu Ann… I guaran-damn-tee it!”

Oh, Brother! — You can’t say that in a comic strip! (What my seven-year-old calls the “uck word”!)

Funky Winkerbean — Holly finally gets her husband to do some work around the house!

The Pajama Diaries — Kids love to play the blame game… and it’s never their fault!
smacky
July 29th, 2010 at 7:39 am [Reply]

Phantom: I’m going to assume he missed with that blast, but it’s certainly colored as if he just took out the back of her head and splattered her brains all over the door! That would certainly be a dark(er) turn to this story.
Amateur
July 29th, 2010 at 7:40 am [Reply]

MW: Wow, Dr. Mike is so upset that his speech balloons are leaking. Now that, my friends, is upset.
Ned Ryerson
July 29th, 2010 at 7:51 am [Reply]

Phantom: Diana Walker in Black Snake Moan II: Caged Heat
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 29th, 2010 at 8:06 am [Reply]

JP: “Jules and I are ~~on a roll~~ having a roll in the hay.” There, Sam—fixed it for you.

SM: Whatever name? You don’t know? Then let me suggest the somewhat oxymoronic–but accurate–”Baldy McBeardster.”

A3G: That’s a full day’s taping? Perhaps tomorrow they’ll go stand outside a store, and then the next day they can try on some clothes. Of course, that will take all day, so purchasing them will have to wait for the day after…. Does I Dressed in the Dark produce one show per year? (And also logistically: Don’t these women have jobs?)

BB: Don’t worry, Doc—Beetle’s not hurt. He’s just doing his Mike Roberts impersonation.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 8:10 am [Reply]

DtM — And Mr. Wilson spells relief R-O-L-A-I-D-S!

Crock — The joke doesn’t work… because Rechin forgot to draw giant ants following the giant footsteps to the giant picnic!

Edge City — Why does everyone in this strip have a face like a ferret? Is it the lack of bread and bread products?

Blondie — Carrying on two affairs at once (Herb and the mailman) has caused Blondie to neglect her wifely duties!
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 29th, 2010 at 8:16 am [Reply]

Dear Mr. Elrod:
You provide two important services to the comics-reading community: pictures of Mark Trail punching people, and Andy. I would like to note that your performance in both areas has, as of late, been inadequate. Stachey McPupnapper offers you the opportunity to excel in both your strengths: He’s a facial-haired, puppy-stealing extortionist, and the canine angle of his crime would argue for Andy’s involvement. And yet here we are, with our hirsute villain being led away by the Law—the Law, for heaven’s sake—with not a punching in sight and with Andy still sequestered in LoFo.

Now, one might hope that this “Health Board” wears some form of facial hair—a goatee, perhaps, or at least some good-sized sideburns—but I fear that such hope would be in vain. And I fear that the once-mighty Fist O’ Justice is withering away, bound like Chinese feet in societal conventions and its creator’s ennui, until all it can do is wave airily, Ted-Forth-like, for help. And that will be a sad, sad day.
DairyStateDad
July 29th, 2010 at 8:21 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#276): COTW!
gleeb
July 29th, 2010 at 8:27 am [Reply]

Barney & Clyde: Wow, a rich guy isolated from the world of regular working folks. What a breakthrough in humor!

A 3-G: You must be given the Mama Kat-Soccer Mom bob!

’shaft: I think this is all about Pickles escaping from Ed and starting a happy life.

Mary: Poor Dr Mike. He never realized his father had turned into a pigeon.

Pluggers: …are hairy because they are dogs.
Chyron HR
July 29th, 2010 at 8:42 am [Reply]

Dudes, has your fine lady spent the past three days telling you that you should buy some cologne? Take this tip from the Loooooove Meister: That may be a sign that you stink.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 8:50 am [Reply]

Brenda Starr — Gabby and Hank bicker like an old married couple! (Wait… what?)

Soup to Nutz — I think Andrew’s mother is confusing butterflies with kittens!

Scary Gary — Leopold enjoys an ant-flavored donut for breakfast! (NOM NOM NOM)

Gil Thorp — Why is Kemper wearing a grass plug on his head?
wossname
July 29th, 2010 at 8:53 am [Reply]

DtM – WTF happened to Joey’s legs? They’re like little shriveled starving-orphan UNICEF-poster-child legs! Has Dennis been sucking out the lifeforce, starting at his feet?

Curtis – Now that’s one of the most awkward fourth-wall-breaches I’ve seen in a while.

FboFW – They put the dog in an enclosed trailer attached by a flimsy trailer hitch? Somebody obviously attended the Mark Trail School of Irresponsible Dog Stewardship.

FW – Ha ha – it’s funny because their house is filthy.

JP – Holy shit – Sam and Abbey are channeling us! Every line of dialogue in today’s strip appeared practically verbatim in yesterday’s CC.

SF – awwww.

CdS – Pure win, as usual.
MS
July 29th, 2010 at 8:56 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#95): Thanks!
Snapdragon
July 29th, 2010 at 9:05 am [Reply]

@Farley’s Revenge (#254): Now we’ll have 4 days of staring at the elevator.
Howard
July 29th, 2010 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Today’s Funky-Crank, or Cranky-Funk:

Today the two sister-ships pause and take a parallel path; both are about people in distress seeking comfort from the women closest to them, women they have previously insulted and snarled at.

How does that work out for them?

Crankshaft, again, shows up people to whom real wrongs have been done, people with genuine grievances, working around them. Ed’s lost that which is most dear to him, but so has his daughter. He took it out on her, and she has every right to hate him more than any other human being on earth.

Instead, seeing him in pain, she attempts to reassure him. “Cats are survivors, dad. Don’t worry. She’s FINE.”

Her smile in the middle panel is a little off; it costs her real effort to try to be nice to the old man who has been so hateful. But she’s a human being, and she knows–knows!–that this is the right thing to do. To just pour salt in his wounds while he is suffering would make her worse than he has ever been. It would make her a hateful bitch.

Meanwhile, in Funky, while the ingrate-who-has-never-had-to-endure-a-fraction-of-what-Ed-went-through is whining and sulking and moaning at having to through some hardship… a woman close to him starts rubbing salt in his wounds. In this case, perhaps literally. Although she’s never suffered as much from him as Crankshaft’s daughter suffered from the Crankster, she sees this opportunity for petty revenge, and she takes it, smirking.
wossname
July 29th, 2010 at 9:18 am [Reply]

@Aviatrix (#234): The way I’m imagining this working (and I like the idea): Once the new thread is published, you wouldn’t be able to add new comments on the old one, but you could click on “reply” to a comment there, and you would get a link in the comments field at the bottom of the new thread, including the “Y” designation.
Whether this is technically possible, I have no idea.
PGuy
July 29th, 2010 at 9:21 am [Reply]

I suppose Brad and Toni’s Mormon-style sexual-tension-with-no-release dating will go on until Brad gets arrested at Victoria’s Secret for fondling one of the mannequins.
Roman Fingers
July 29th, 2010 at 9:26 am [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#270): That A3G dialogue ties in with my idea that Kat is really R. Lee Ermey in a dress.
Bootsy
July 29th, 2010 at 9:29 am [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#276):

Beautiful!
bourbon babe, unbuckled
July 29th, 2010 at 9:38 am [Reply]

@wossname (#281): re: DtM: That image of Dennis sucking on Joey’s toes? Do. Not. Want.
Écureuil Écumant
July 29th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

CdS: Yay!! Mr. Danders is back!
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2010 at 9:48 am [Reply]

7/29

MW: While waiting for his father who never comes, young Mike communed with doves? Honestly, I never saw the St. Francis thing coming.

WofI: “They have us surrounded! What do we do now?”
“Ignore them. They obviously can’t hit the side of a barn.”

9CL: Kiesl gets on the elevator and silently weeps, for Lio has cast someone else in its recurring creepy European role. Will he never appear in a better comic strip?

Baldo: Pretty funny. You never see Jeremy Zits outsmarting his parents like this.

BB: Ah yes. Those first nipple growth stimulating treatments always hurt like a mofo.

Phantom: Dodging bullets now? You gotta admit, Wife-Who-Walks is scaling the badass ladder.

S4th: Um, don’t they know any teenagers?

Popeye: That’s Professor OG? Ridiculous. He looks nothing like Ice-T.

S-M: The Puppet Master can’t even be bothered to remember what fake name he’s using. With that level of indifference, he must know what comic he’s in.

H&L: Hi is easily shocked for a man wearing a pro-lupus t-shirt.

H&J: How did Jamaal guess “golf”? I would have gone with “clown college.”

Momma: Oh goodie. We haven’t had a good Oedipal nightmare in here for a couple of months.

Cathy: No mention of the model glue Irving seems to have been inhaling. Maybe it doesn’t count as a couple thing.

DT: “I said, Mrs D’Buckworth is in a state of shock! Hello? Dammit, people, learn your cues!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 29th, 2010 at 10:01 am [Reply]

@smacky (#271): I guess that would mean Kit wasn’t wrong about his wife being dead. Just premature.
cheech wizard
July 29th, 2010 at 11:43 am [Reply]

@smacky (#271): You’re right. I haven’t seen a pink cloud like that since the Zapruder film.
Rocky Stoneaxe
July 29th, 2010 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#143): Leon (Lee) Falk created the Phantom and Mandrake the Magician. I said “Leopold” — and that’s incorrect!
Bolt Upright
August 2nd, 2010 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

JP: I hope Abbey has been to the dermatologist to check out those cancerous growths on her lips in panel 2.
kay
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

As much as it pains me to admit, I’m curious what Brad’s “mental image” of post-shower Toni is like — because I think we all know he’s never seen a woman naked before.

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