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Aldomania 2006 continues unabated

Mary Worth, 8/20/06

When am I going to stop putting up Mary Worth every day, you might ask? Oh, right about the time it stops being so incredibly awesome. We’ve seen Mary P.O.’d before, but I think this is probably the first Mary Worth in the strip’s 70-year run that just features of panel after panel of entirely justified invective. Just seeing Mary say “capisce” would have been enough to allow me to die a happy man, but that’s just the beginning! AND STILL HE DOESN’T GET IT! I’m really looking forward to whatever it is Aldo has to show Mary that will assuage her fears. For Mary’s sake, I hope it’s not a scrapbook full of pictures of her with all the eyes carefully cut out. Or his genitals. HAND JIVING WON’T SAVE YOU, MARY WORTH.

This may be as good a time as any to note that Aldo appears to have a MySpace account. (WARNING: Loud, craptastic music plays when you open this page.)

Judge Parker, 8/20/06

Perhaps almost as awesome is the prospect Randy’s run for judge being derailed by a slanderous, homophobic whispering campaign. Will Randy call April out of CIA training and have her “work it like a claw” live on TV, proving his heterosexuality and thus his fitness for the bench? God, I love politics.

185 responses to “Aldomania 2006 continues unabated”

  1. Interceptorjg
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Capisce? Since whern did Mary get mobbed up?

  2. Interceptorjg
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Ah, my first post and I send a stupid typo!

    Since when did Mary get mobbed up?

  3. dadzilla
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    IN MW….bottom left panel…..that looks like mary’s left hand on the right side of her bod….i tried to do it and it hurts

  4. Islamorada Girl
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    I know a lot of judges and none of them play poker in the locker room at the country club! Who’d want to play cards in what essentially smells like a high school gym? Work it like a claw, Randy!

  5. King Dogmeat
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    “The guy’s in his late thirties and he’s not married. What does that tell you?”

    “That he’s smart?”

    Love it!

  6. DarkHorse02GT
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    I read Mary Worth this morning and have been checking this site every thirty minutes waiting for this update… thats the funniest thing I have ever seen on a comics page.

  7. TurtleBoy
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    You know what Aldo’s thinking now: “Those flashing eyes, those pouting lips, that radiating forehead…Mary, you are one HOT mama when you’re angry!”

  8. melissa
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

  9. Bigfoot
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Awesome find, Melissa! Someone other than Aldo thinks MW is a hot tamale.

    (And thanks, Josh, for the COTW honors. It greeted me as I got back from a non-exotic vacation.)

  10. finrod
    August 20th, 2006 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    This is how I thought today’s Marvin would unfold.

  11. Foolster41
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    I loved the cartoony aldo chasing mary movie you posted. Great stuff

    MW: I love the frustration lines she’s eminating in the last panel. I think she really needs to either kill the guy or call the police, he’s never going to give up.

    Marvin: “Chineese have squinty eyes”! Aha ha ha ha No.

  12. banana
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    In the last panel, mary has some serious rays emanating from her face…like a divine, pissed off aura or something.

  13. Frank Drackman
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    HAHA Cubs lost again…what are they, like 50 games out of first?

  14. Poteet
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Just two days ago, an older woman pointed out on network news that older men have never had it so good, what with Viagra and lots of senior females fighting over the few men who can still drive at night. “Condo cowboys,” she called them. Aldo, you too can get all the older action you could ever want, but you’ve really got to get over this lunatic obsession with…Aldo? Aldo?

  15. Von Zeppelin
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    OK, tomorrow she’s going to let him have it with that right hook.

    Meanwhile, we may enjoy, at artistic level, the surrealism of the backgrounds. Some sort of giant pineapple appears behind Aldo in panel 1. They are twenty feet from the door in that panel, but in panel 2 they are right in front of it. The two eleven-year-olds morph into teenagers between panels. The last three panels have instantanously changing foliage. Mary and Stalko apparently levitated in the last panel, since a balcony is at shoulder height behind Mary.

  16. Opus
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #3 –

    I agree, plus she looks like she’s touching him intimately on the chest.

    “Your mouth says ‘no,’ but your disembodied hand says ‘yes, yes’.”

    melissa, thanks for the link, though I can’t believe I’m happy I was able to catch up on Mary Worth. Apparently, I desperately need a life.

  17. Opus
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    BTW, is anyone worried that if this MW thing becomes too popular, Josh will stop featuring her? This is where the cool kids hang out, right?

    Of course, if that happens, we apparently will still have Judge Parker awesomeness. Please, please let them go with this storyline; it’s too delicious.

  18. BrianC
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    No means No Aldo!

  19. Freezer
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    I love the way the two co-eds in the first panel seem to have backed up to witness Mary’s meltdown.

  20. tullia
    August 20th, 2006 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I just ran into this video today:

    You’re a Stalker

    Heads up, Aldo, you filthy, perverted STALKER!

  21. Dingo
    August 20th, 2006 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    Can anyone who knows sign language tell us what Mary and Aldo are saying with their hands? I keep thinking there might be clues hidden in them.

    OMG, I’m looking for clues in Mary Worth.

  22. Dingo
    August 20th, 2006 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Also, which of Aldo’s nipples do you believe to be pierced: left, right, or both?

    More information about nipple piercing may be found on the internet.

  23. cletis
    August 20th, 2006 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    8: Wow. Someone who writes about the comics who can actually write!

  24. yudantaiteki
    August 20th, 2006 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been reading Mary Worth for over 15 years, and this is one of my favorite strips ever. That final panel of Mary with her fists balled up is priceless.

  25. RichM
    August 20th, 2006 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    I hope Mary calls him a goombah.

    JP: How can there be all this tense poker action without someone here mentioning Hutch Renfro!?

  26. rich
    August 20th, 2006 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    “Craptastic,” Josh? Humph — I have fond memories of the Rentals (whose members included Matt Sharp of Weezer and Petra Haden of That Dog). The song is called “Friends of P”, circa 1995. I’m not sure why that song would have a MW/AK connection, though.

  27. Doug Puthoff
    August 20th, 2006 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Kelrast–from the Elbonian meaning “King of the Idiots.”

    At first I loved Aldo, now he’s turning the dumbest character in comics. I’m hoping Jeff Cory comes back from Cambodia and gives Mr. K a good shot in his male reproductive organ.

  28. googoodoll
    August 20th, 2006 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Aldo: I…I get it!…..No wait, that’s new age music. And I’m still oblivious.

  29. 12802 crackers
    August 20th, 2006 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    We need to examine this MW plot further, by way of anagrams, to see the truth. “Aldo Kelrast” has such anagrams as ‘slate LA dork’ , ‘all steak rod’, ‘dollar steak’, and ‘stalked oral’. So we see that Aldo works for Slate (whoa, he’s too cool), lives in LA, is a stalker, and his aim is to put his all steak rod (but only a dollar’s worth) in Mary Worth’s mouth. Mary, according to the anagrams, is ‘ram worthy’ (hence Aldo’s attention), her means of defense is the ‘army throw’, and her inner thought in the final panel is ‘ha worm try’. See her clenched fists in the last panel? She’s getting ready to do some Green Beret self defense moves on Aldo, the Bicentennial Biatch. (note the red, white and blue polyester with white leatherette shoes!) She’s gonna throw some testicular torque on him that could drop a wooly mammoth! Death to Aldo!

  30. Fuzzy
    August 20th, 2006 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    It seems that Mary has recently developed chameleon eyes.

  31. Minivet
    August 20th, 2006 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Wow, I wish my local paper carried the throwaway panels of Sunday Mary Worth.

    My God, what have I become?

  32. Daniel
    August 20th, 2006 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    It seems that Mary Worth has plenty to be afraid of, Aldo. :P

  33. Doug Puthoff
    August 20th, 2006 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    (Cont. from 27) If we’re lucky, maybe Dr. Cory can give Aldo a vesectomy–preferable without anestethic. We gotta keeping Kelrast from reproducing.

  34. Ben
    August 20th, 2006 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    “Craptastic”? I like the Rentals. Although Aldo wet and doughy visage will probably not gain them many new fans.

  35. EZ_e
    August 20th, 2006 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    Wow. The long weeks of following Mary-F’in-Worth is starting to pay off. The impotent shaking fists of rage, the halo of righteous anger. bravo

    What part of ‘not interested’ don’t you understand?
    The ‘not’ part.

  36. mooselet
    August 20th, 2006 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe my life has come to this – waiting daily for the latest stalker plotline of MW. It’s worse than those soaps on tv. I read the strip, then I come online to see what others have to say about it. I think I may need professional help.

  37. fillmoreeast
    August 20th, 2006 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    The most disturbing thing about the article about the Aldo/Mary plotline is that the current writer for MW is … “young.” God knows what that means, exactly, but it does shatter my perception that the only person who could write such glacial-paced, repetitive tone-deaffery must be approximately 182 years old.

    Also, nice to know the Cap K similarity is intentional. The ramifications of it being some sort of protracted Freudian slip would be alarming.

  38. Islamorada Girl
    August 20th, 2006 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    Feel the wrath of Mary Worth, you foob!

    When that sensible Footsmart white oxford hits Aldo in the balls, he’ll be stalking like Frankie Valli.

  39. mumbles
    August 20th, 2006 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: How could would it have been for the cop to say: “Patterson? I pulled your dad over a few months ago with a car full of teenage boys.”

  40. Chris
    August 20th, 2006 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    This thead is causing much laughter….bless you all!

  41. Typo
    August 20th, 2006 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    Have you noticed Aldo is Capt. Kangaroo’s clone?

  42. comics
    August 20th, 2006 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    OK, apologies to any Rentals-lovers whom I insulted by calling their music “Craptastic.” Personally, I just have a very strong aversion to any Web page that automatically produces noise of any sort without me doing anything — it startles the crap out of me. I didn’t have time to get over my anger and actually listen to what it was before I turned the volume off. DAMN YOU MYSPACE!!!

    Josh

  43. Steinbeck421
    August 20th, 2006 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    Just for the record: the hand positioning “Reg” is using in the last panel of Judge Parker is the Japanese equivalent of Americans flashing a limp wrist. It’s the national gesture signifying someone is gay. No lie.

    I wonder how long Wilson was in the Orient.

  44. Dingo
    August 20th, 2006 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    Can you imagine if they remade this Mary Worth plotline into a Spanish-language telenovela? Antonio Banderas as Dr. Jeff Cory, Yves Montand (yeah, yeah, I know) as Aldo Kelrast and… Maria Conchita Alonzo as Mary Worth. It’d be a hoot and a half.

  45. Mibbitmaker
    August 20th, 2006 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    Did you ever notice how Yves Montand looks like Capt. Kangaroo? (see #44)

    JP: I’m sure we’ll be reading the words “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” in a strip real soon. Reg, NO SOUP FOR YOU!

  46. NotThatGuy
    August 20th, 2006 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    yudantaiteki, this is not only the best Mary Worth plotline ever, it’s the best plotline ever ever. It even tops Gary Trudeau’s Nixon bricking up the White House, back in the day.

  47. Kenny
    August 20th, 2006 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    Josh, this is it: we all want a “I am not interested! Capisce?” shirt available in the store… please?

  48. weiser
    August 20th, 2006 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    I say there, # 20 tullia, send that video off to Mary so she can forward it to Aldo – I think it might speak to him…… don’t want to know how you got it though…..

  49. Mibbitmaker
    August 20th, 2006 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Stalking seems to be as rampant as golf in the funnies these days. Besides that lesbian couple in today’s MW, here’s what I imagine other comics characters are saying as they walk by the scene:

    Curtis: “Good work, man! Now get all angry and in-your-face with ‘er!…”

    Howard Erk (from FOOB): “Great! First some moustacheoed cretin stops me from nabbing Liz, now some moustacheoed cretin’s horning in on MY racket!”

    Eva (FOOB) (or maybe the old lady cited in #14): “Yep, there goes another one o’ them stupid cowboys!”

    Mallard: “See what the liberal permissive society produces? John Kerry causes stalking!”

    Danae’s dad: “See what George W. Bush’s Amerika produces? Dick Cheney causes stalking!”

    Spiderman: “Hmmm… no ‘Spidey sense’ tingling. Nope, nothin’ wrong here.” (walks away)

    Phantom: “Looks like Mary and Aldo are IN CONFLICT!”

    Either Lockhorn: “Oh, just surrender to the jerk! We’re all destined to be chained to some godawful loser all our lives, anyway!”

    BC: “See what Godless secularity produces? Satan causes stalking!”

    Zippy the Pinhead: “Bubble gum in Gomer Pyle’s hair. Pepsi Cola headache!”

    Margo: “Hmmmmm… I wonder if he’s single?…”

  50. Cobra
    August 20th, 2006 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Anybody else catch the Bill Cosby reference in Heart of the City today?
    “Oh, Junior Ba-arnes…you gunky!”

  51. Mahousu
    August 20th, 2006 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    #21 – Mary is spelling out (in American Sign Language) GSCAA. This apparently is a secret callout to the China Art Research Institute at http://www.gscaa.cn/. Perhaps their elite anti-stalker art unit will parachute in and perform a “rub out” (with kneadable eraser, of course) on Aldo.

  52. AwfulArt
    August 20th, 2006 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    A shocking Sunday as both “BC” & “Opus” were worth the read.. But I have been reading “Lio” for 5 minutes & will continue for a while longer after this blog….Totally unbelievable!! Awesome to say the least. Someone please run a link to it..I get it on e-mail.. Don’t know how to link it. It may be the greatest Sunday strip EVER…!!! It must be seen…!!!

  53. treedweller
    August 20th, 2006 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

  54. Treadwell
    August 20th, 2006 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: That final panel needs a box pointing to Mary reading “URGE TO SPURN ALDO TO THE MOON”.

    Oh, YEAH!

    Josh, I hate those autoplay music thingies, too. Here’s how to turn them off permanently:

    Click on ‘Home’.

    Click on ‘Account Settings’.

    Click on ‘Music Settings’.

    Check the box for ‘Disable my player from automatically starting’ and ‘Disable band songs from automatically starting’.

  55. Matt McIrvin
    August 20th, 2006 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    “Opus”… eh, the strip recycled a beaten-to-death observational-comic joke (don’t people who talk on cell phones sound like muttering lunatics?) and tried to save the humor in the last panel by acknowledging that it was a beaten-to-death observational-comic joke. Sorry, apologizing for your punchline doesn’t make it right.

  56. Tex LeBeauf
    August 20th, 2006 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    In that last panel old Mary looks like she’s experiencing an unexpected, spontaneous and very surprising orgasm.

  57. Dingo
    August 20th, 2006 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I believe Mary’s orgasm looks more like row 2, panel 3. One big “Hoo-yah!” and she’s done.

  58. Abraham
    August 20th, 2006 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Well I was going to complain about the characterization of The Rentals as “Craptastic,” but it looks like the case is closed. Bummer.

  59. James J. Matthews
    August 20th, 2006 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    Mary learned “capisce” from the 1986 story where a mafia wiseguy’s ex-wife moved into Charterstone. (Her bratty son soaked Mary by cannonballing into the swimming pool, producing a classic “Mary gets POed” moment.)

    #44–Dingo, this story actually WAS a Spanish film with Antonio Banderas! Back in 1990, in TIE ME UP, TIE ME DOWN, Banderas kidnapped a porn star he wanted to fall in love with him (Victoria Abril), kept her bound and gagged in his apartment, and in the end she did fall in love with him!

    Abril (speaking through taped mouth): I’ll never fall in love with you!

    Banderas: We’ll see.

    More comic characters passing by:

    Fearless Fosdick sees Mary menacingly waving her fists and leaves a huge, round bullet hole in her head.

  60. Doug Puthoff
    August 20th, 2006 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    I have an idea to keep Kerlastmania going after he leaves “Mary Worth.”

    King Features can publish puzzle books with huge crowd scenes, and the object is to find America’s favortie stalker.

    We can call it…

    …get ready now…

    “Where’s Aldo.”

  61. Marc
    August 20th, 2006 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary is using the interrobang again.

    MT: OH G-D THE BEAR IS GOING TO MOUNT THE GUY!

    TDIET: This happens to me all the time! It’s like he has a camera set up in my kitchen!

  62. Cornwhacker
    August 20th, 2006 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the Sunday Judge Parker. At least we get to savor halfway-decent lettering & coloring one day a week.

    Monday’s MT: Now Molly, if you read Gasoline Alley, you’d know exactly what to do in this situation!

  63. miss alexandra.
    August 20th, 2006 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    more mary worth, mule!

    anyway, monday’s mw shows aldo revealing his secret plot, just as he thinks mary’s done for.

  64. K. T.
    August 20th, 2006 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

    First time commenter, and what can bring me out of lurking? Oh please continue posting the Aldo storyline every day. I know I would forget to check in on Ms. Worth myself, but I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF THIS.

    Also: She could totally give lessons on “No means no!” She’s got it down.

  65. Doug Puthoff
    August 20th, 2006 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    I just read the 8-21 MW: Aldo has just passed creepy and into scary.

    Tank McNamara: What the Hayley Mills happened to Tank’s hair? He’s now looking like Jon Stewart on steroids.

  66. monkeyhawk
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    MW — *60 more days* of Aldo?

    That’s barely enough time to get them out of the parking lot.

  67. htr
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    in the last panel of mary worth i think aldo’s using the jedi mind trick.

  68. Dub Not Dubya
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    47 Kenny said:

    Josh, this is it: we all want a “I am not interested! Capisce?” shirt available in the store… please?

    And I second that! Or as is said in other quarters, “Oh yeah!” Or, “More ‘I am not interested! Capisce?’ shirts, mule!”

  69. Mibbitmaker
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    8/21:

    FC: How to make your own Chicago Cubs shirt: get a shirt with a giant copyright insignia, and just write “UBS” inside it. Voila!

    FOOB: “Giant syringe used on large animals, and —oh, what the hell, Apes, let’s jab an ant with that sucker!”

    Lockhorns: “…while inside, he makes me a hollow, hollow shell.” The outside laughter being insane bleatings, of course.

    Peanuts 1993: Missing 2nd panel…
    Marcie: “More zippers, mule!”
    Peppermint Patty: “What?”

    Spiderman: Oh, great, another comic strip stalker.

    (DT)GT: Every duck joke on Earth? Don’t bother, they’ll all come off like right-wing talking points, not actual jokes. Meanwhile, evil, evil Hayley is razzing the Doublemint twins.

    A3G: A strip existing just to tell us we’ll learn everything from another day’s installment. Tomorrow, Tommie grabs the note and silently reads it to herself. Wednesday, she takes a breath. Thursday, she says another character needs to see this! Friday, she says, hey, whoever, y’gotta read this. Saturday, (s)he reacts to the note without revealing anything to the reader. Sunday’s a replay of the week’s installments. Monday’s a “Meanwhile…”

    GF: The Doonesbury-eyed look on Rob means that Bucky’s finally sucked dry the soul of his owner. Way to go, Bucky!

    Garfield: Meanwhile, Jon’s soul got cat-sucked a long time ago. See what you’ve got to look forward to, Rob?

    BB: What, no “LOL”?

  70. Mibbitmaker
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    “BB” meaning Baby Blues, not Beetle Bailey.

  71. Dingo
    August 21st, 2006 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    #66 Monkeyhawk deserves to be CotW!

  72. Pinback65
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:35 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does Mary in panel 5 turn into Heaven’s Gate-era Christopher Walken? I want to see Joe Giella’s swipe file!

  73. GotFuzzy
    August 21st, 2006 at 6:37 am [Reply]

    Melissa, thanks for the link to the article. The thought of enlarging the illustration of Mary beyond its already imposing hugeness scared me, though.

    And here’s a big second to Dingo’s nomination of Monkeyhawk’s comment. I got plenty of laughs on this thread so far, but that just killed.

    Was it just me, or is FOOB extra-lame today? I mean, the syringes are not that huge. When I think of horse needles, I think of something as big as an arm. And not a Jimmy-the-dwarf-from-(DT)GT-sized arm, mind you, but a regular human arm.

  74. Zorba the Geek
    August 21st, 2006 at 7:07 am [Reply]

    GotFuzzy, I used to inject our cattle when they were ill; large-animal syringes are not as big as an arm- they’re about the size of the one in the strip. What’s more impressive are veterinary large-animal latex examination gloves. Blow them up (unused, I hope), and they’re almost a yard long.

  75. Sheila
    August 21st, 2006 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    Ooh, the plot thickens! The rumors are TRUE? He DID off his wife? Goody!

  76. Sheila
    August 21st, 2006 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    I just can’t get my brain around all this lust for ol’ Mary. Dr. Jeff was weird enough, and now Aldo… There’s something about her HAIR that just radiates “asexual” to me. It’s not that it’s white, exactly… it’s the ‘do.

    Does anyone have any idea what I’m talking about?

  77. drm
    August 21st, 2006 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    i have laughed so much with this thread
    68 beat me to it, i wanted to second the MW tshirt idea. the sunday strip finally hooked me. i think it was the “capisce”.
    69 the FOOB comment killed me
    66 has to be cotw, i agree with dingo,
    and i know i’m a day late, but did anyone else laugh over bucky’s indignant/enraged/insane look on sunday? i had a flashback in class today and started giggling during the lecture.

    and thanks for the lio link, i’d never seen it before!

  78. the angry black woman
    August 21st, 2006 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    omg…. did Mary Worth just give Aldo the “Talk to the Hand” sign? Or is that the Barbara Bush “I’m through with you”?

    This strip gets better every day.

  79. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    I’ve posted before about how I posess the super-power ability to blind my eyes to Phantom’s striped briefs and actually enjoy the story (I wanted x-ray vision, but it was taken). However, when he piddles around in a falling copter for three or four days, it gets weak. How long does it take to actually leave the copter and hit the conveniently placed pond? Let’s see, he got a running start last Wednesday, actually jumped on Thursday, and hit the water at least twice since then. What’s worse than “weak”? “Lame”? “Bad”? “Time Waster”? “Mary Worth pacing”?

    Speaking of “Lame time water”, today’s Family Fiasco is so bad that I don’t even understand it. Billy and Jeffy are half asleep, but still interested in seeing some of the actual sights in Chicago, a town that has seen an army of mobsters, riots, a devestating fire, countless blown opportunities to win a World Series, and now has the misfortune of playing host to two ignoramus parents and four insufferable mellon heads, one of whom makes a habit of leaving black skid marks in a trail behind him. Is it supposed to be funny that they have learned of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre even though they’re only like 8-10 years old? That’s great. Yeah, my sides are splitting on that one. I’d rather tune in to Gil Thorp to hear more duck jokes.

    #54 – Treadwell – Here’s the plugger way to get rid of unexpected web site noise: Turn off your speakers.

    #55 – Matt – Especially when it was Opus (and other Breathead strips) that participated heavily in the beating to death of said joke.

    A3G: Alan’s note will explain everything. Listen, there’s not enough space in my entire Sunday newspaper to properly explain A3G.

  80. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Make that “Lame Time Waster” in the second paragraph. Sorry.

  81. GotFuzzy
    August 21st, 2006 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Thanks Zorba! I have learned more from this site than anywhere else, including four years of college. And I gotta get me some of those large animal exam gloves. But I still stand by the lameness of FOOB.

    I think the attraction between Dr. Jeff and Mary is explained by their deep love of platitudes and beige food. Why Cap’n Stalkeroo zeroed right in on her is hard to imagine. And you’re right, Sheila, he does radiate powerful asexuality. The bowl haircut, the moustache that’s too full to indicate child molester and not bushy enough for a porn star, the chunky build and the wardrobe fit for an educable mentally handicapped 10-year-old just scream “I’m innocuous!”

  82. Frank Drackman
    August 21st, 2006 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    Please let Toby, or better yet, Rita come into the picture to distract Aldo..he could def be doin the nasty with Rita by tuesday. With Toby we could at least enjoy a hot chick givin Aldo the brush off instead of the disturbing display we saw this weekend. I think Toby’s ripe for the takin with that pig Ian she married,, I don’t buy the health reasons she gives for her power walking…shes lookin to hook up. You know the scene with Mary, the Swans, and her dead hubbys pic is coming…

  83. EZ_e
    August 21st, 2006 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    tdiet – anyone see the ‘kid opening the door – air conditioner” one the other day? Stupidest tdiet ever. When there’s no AC it’s best to keep the door open, but when you have AC it’s best to keep the door closed? Wacky!

  84. Aldo Kelrast
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Hey folks…..ok that Rentals song was on there because I heard it a few weeks back and I forgot how catchy it was! Want to read some wierd ruminations check out the Head Rental’s diary… http://www.therentals.com/return/
    New song should be much more Aldo-centric.
    And anyone that was denied, sorry I didn’t know the reason for the spike in requests(thought it was just hookers and musicians)….I’ll add you for sure next time!

  85. yellojkt
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    I think the whisper campaign will get Randy Rex Morgan’s vote.

  86. Rob
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Did anyone else notice the tires of the cars in FBOFW never touched the pavement? I had no idea the Pattersons invented the Star Wars Land Cruiser.
    Rex Morgan is actually pretty interesting lately, although why does the spiky haired femme fatale keep dissing Rex with parting shots, then turn right around and start a new conversation?
    Mary Worth is just too good. I am loving it!

  87. scott
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    I’ll tell you waht Aldo intends to show Mary:

    “If things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!”

  88. Mr Froth
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    I hate to admit this, but I think the last panel is actually Alpo reenacting the “Splat-dow” scence from Silence of the Lambs, when Starling walks past Migs… I am hanging my head in shame…

  89. bootsybooks
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Hogenmogen: don’t be hatin’ on the Phantom. I am powerfully attracted to that stripey ass o’ his. His swan dive-turned-cannonball that lasted 3 days after he scampered from side to side of the doomed heliocopter to figure out which door from which to plunge was pure comic strip gold.

    But that just puts us IN CONFLICT!

  90. Craigers
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Archie Exegesis for 8/21… I had a great deal of difficulty with today’s Archie at first, not being able to identify anything within it that would indicate its religio-political subtext. I even began to wonder if its message was concealed via some steganographic technique when I realized the cleverly disguised contents of panel 3.

    If you look immediately above the “La Boutique” sign, you see another sign that reads (the writing is deliberately obscured, but still readable) “IWALSR”. This word, meaningless to most people, is instantly recognizable in Moldavian as a compound of “walsr”, meaning “fountain”, and the prefix “i”, meaning “to the”. The obvious inference is that Archie (the representative of Christ) and Veronica (the representative of Satan) who are always a symbol of violent conflict when they are together, are intended to do battle at a fountain. The obvious choice is the central fountain in Sofia, Bulgaria, a place of extreme importance to the Moldavian Church. It may be that today’s Archie is intended as a signal to the faithful to gather in Bulgaria to wreak horrible violence. More I cannot say; hopefully matters will become clear this week in further instalments from Riverdale…

  91. Zinco
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Today’s Non Sequitur is pushing itself to the limit with both its ham-fisted attempt at topical humor and its rendering of “sugar tits” as “sugar t!ts.”

  92. Fence Post Frank
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    It seems that the detective in Rex “I am GOD” Morgan is related to country club lawyer Reggie in Judge Parker. Maybe a crossover could happen.

  93. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    I don’t know what Wiley is saying here in Sunday’s Non Sequitur. The Bush/Iraq thing comparison is obvious. However, is the left-leaning Wiley suggesting that if they turn tail, they’d be eaten also? So maybe I just answered my own question – Iraq is screwing this country either way. Either that’s the message, or Wiley is trying to convince me that barracudas don’t like to eat fish heads.

    Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads
    Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!

  94. Poteet
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    I would like to thank the person (sorry, couldn’t find your comment again when I skimmed) who pointed out that in the 8/20 Family Circus, Thel’s left breast appears to be asking a question. That really adds a lot to the panel for me.

  95. Morokiane
    August 21st, 2006 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Sundays Lio rocked.

  96. BigJoe
    August 21st, 2006 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    94 – I noticed that yesterday too. (It’s amazing the stupid things I notice now that I’m a regular reader of this site.) But I’m surprised that nobody has mentioned that her ass is asking a question as well. In fact hubby’s rear is asking the first question, but that I find a lot more disturbing for some reason.

  97. atheist
    August 21st, 2006 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    So it seems the Houston Chron is afraid its readers would be offended by Mel-Gibson-hates-Jews jokes. Or everyone else is afraid readers would be offended by hare-races-tortoise jokes. I’m not sure which.

  98. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 21st, 2006 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Curse you Craigers (90) for making me face the sad truth that I have wasted my life studing this engineering and math stuff. It’s useless for comic interpretation!

    Although I have been working on a Mary Worth joke that involves Laplace transforms. I won’t post the whole thing but the punchline goes: Sandwich? I thought you said Bromwich.

    See? It’s because the Bromwich is the inverse transform of the…oh never mind. I suck.

    PS: Ditto on Monkeyhawk (66) as COTW.

  99. Minivet
    August 21st, 2006 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    COTW! Wooo!

  100. Deckard Canine
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Monday, 8/21:

    NS: I might have let this lamer pass if only Gibson jokes were still in vogue. I expect better from Wiley.

    MG&G: This joke was handled better by “Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” among other sources.

    JP: I’m curious about the panel layout here. The second is imposed onto the first. What exactly does that complexity accomplish?

    Curtis: This kid really has a mental disorder. When will he ever learn? Is he hoping to be the first person of color in “They’ll Do It Every Time”?

    MW: I’m wondering (1) if he actually knows what they’re whispering and (2) what he hopes to achieve by this confession. “I killed my wife; will you be my next one?”

    BH: Ah, if only. They seem awfully unperturbed….

  101. pelagius
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    91: The fact that Non Sequitur is still beating the dead horse of Mel Gibson anti-semitism is nothing compared to the fact that they snuck “TITS” onto the comics page.

  102. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    “When am I going to stop putting up Mary Worth every day, you might ask? Oh, right about the time it stops being so incredibly awesome.”

    Josh, Aldo is on a roll, that’s true. Especially today with his statement that could be a confessional about killing his wife. Tomorrow he will no doubt confess to being present when Jean Benet Ramsey died, too.

    But you can’t go on like this. You just can’t. Aldo Kelrast is no “finger quotin’ Margo” if you know what I mean. I could go for a taste of the exquisite Ms. Macgee every day for a month (and in my dreams I do – I do!). That fat loser Aldo only fills me with revulsion.

  103. monkeyhawk
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    It’s an honor just to be nominated.

    But it’s Monday, fer cryin’ out loud.

    MamaHawk taught me, “Don’t burn your bridges before they’re hatched.”

  104. Cornwhacker
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    To Aldo’s credit, his hair, weight, and facial features have remained more or less consistent from panel to panel, which is more than can be said for Mary’s last little project.

    Now, if we could only do something about his gender-shifting hands…

  105. Mibbitmaker
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    #86: Looking back at RMMD for the last week’s strips (and Pinter-style at that!) last night, I think the reason the femme fatale keeps coming back to add more conversation all the time is because she knows the police plan to get her (maybe with bullets!) as soon as she walks away from Rex.

    Therefore, she plans to repeat that move in perpetuity for the rest of her natural life. Even if Rex finally collapses dead from old age before she does, she’ll continue to insult, turn away from, and come back to his rotting corpse hurling more snark for as long as it takes.

    I’d just wonder how long it’ll take before Rex just says, “Oh, the hell with this!”, and walks away himself, her loaded gun be damned.

  106. MCMikeNamara
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    8/21 MW:

    What’s does Mary’s reaction “?!” actually sound like? I thought maybe “Whaaaa?” a la Jon Stewart. Or maybe it’s just a short version of punctuation symbols used to shorten swearing like @#$!%&!

    WTF, Aldo, WTF

  107. Craigers
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    I’d just wonder how long it’ll take before Rex just says, “Oh, the hell with this!”, and walks away himself, her loaded gun be damned.

    I don’t see why not, since he’s already flagrantly violating Rule #1 to be observed when people are waving loaded guns around threatening to shoot your unarmed ass… DON’T DISAGREE WITH THE B#$%H WITH THE GUN.

    Amusingly, enough, when I first typed this out I used the word “fragrantly” instead of “flagrantly”. I hope Rex doesn’t have Fear Stink.

  108. bootsybooks
    August 21st, 2006 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    # 93, that brings back memories of when I was in high school, on Sunday nights I’d lie on the floor of the library at home (yes, yes, we had a library) and listen to Dr. Demento. “Fish Heads” was one of my faves as was Ole Olsen and the Singing Swedes’ rendition of “Who Hid the Halibut on the Poop Deck?”

    Good times.

  109. angry black woman
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    What’s does Mary’s reaction “?!” actually sound like?

    I could make it into a sound file for you, but that would be bordering on Kelrast-level obsession.

    It sounds kind of like “huuuh-UH!?”

    Maybe.

  110. comics
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    106, 109 — believe it or not, I have debated this elsewhere:

    joshreads.com/?p=84

    Josh

  111. Frank Drackman
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    I don’t get todays FC. So Billy wants to see Al Capones house, the Valentine Masaacre site, and Eliot Ness’s headquarters???whats the joke??? I’d rather see the bridge the Blues Brothers jumped in their 74 Dodge Monaco, but thats just me.

  112. Sheila
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Well, I guess GotFuzzy is telling me that nobody DOES know what I’m talking about. Not Aldo’s asexuality, GF, but MARY’S!

    Maybe it’s the Barbara Bush ‘do.

  113. Library Cat
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    #110 Yes, and I thought we all agreed the Scooby Doo noise won.

  114. Treadwell
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    “#54 – Treadwell – Here’s the plugger way to get rid of unexpected web site noise: Turn off your speakers.”

    …by which time I’ve already been annoyed by craptastic music.

  115. BigJoe
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    106 – I think in today’s strip the sound is more like this: http://simplythebest.net/sounds/WAV/sound_effects_WAV/sound_effect_WAV_files/boing_1.wav

  116. Widdle Jeffy
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    The “joke” behind today’s FC is that Billy can read.

  117. Anonymous
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Sheila, #112, I understood you. Mary has, how shall we put this, lesbian hair. Granted, lesbian hair of a woman of a certain age. How else to explain the Barbara Stanwyck-esque countenance in panel 2? This also may be why Dr. Jefferson Cory hasn’t had a rock to splash the smegma tide against for quite some time.

  118. Dingo
    August 21st, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Damn. I didn’t mean to be anonymous on that post. Yes, ’tis I, Dingo, who believes Mary Worth to have lesbian hair.

  119. GotFuzzy
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Good googly moogly, my proofreading cred is going straight to hell. Sheila, it’s all on me. You clearly typed “her hair” and I blew right over it in my rush to hate on Cap’n Stalkeroo.

    I wouldn’t say Mary is asexual as much as she is beyond sexual, with no need for the pleasures of this world, save for tuna casserole. Her hair is tightly combed into place and pointed like the prow of a ship, going full steam ahead with a ballast of platitudes and condescension. Her other-worldly nature is belied by her periodic glowing saintly aura.

  120. Sara B.
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Wow, I would have never guessed that the word “smegma” would appear in an online discussion of Mary Worth… but then, I never could have predicted the amount of time I’d devote to reading and thinking about Mary Worth.

    Josh, don’t stop posting about it every day, please. This storyline promises to get more and more awesome.

  121. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    #108 – Bootsy – You never see roly-poly fish heads drinking cappucino in Italian restaurants with Oriental Women….

    … yeah.

    I remember Dr. Demento on Sunday nights. Somehow by the end of the 80′s, I wound up with a vinyl record of Dr. Demento’s fave’s. If you pushed “Fish Heads” slower than the required 33 rpm, you heard two very normal people speaking “Fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads… ” The artists were Barnes & Barnes, but I could never tell which was which.

  122. Frank Drackman
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    you know “Smegma” is just “SM game” reaarranged

  123. Islamorada Girl
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Mary has a bad case of country club Republican matron helmet hair, teased and sprayed so tighly it can withstand a force 5 hurricane without moving one single white strand.

    And I think Aldomania 2006 would be a great tee shirt.

  124. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Rhymes with Orange makes pretty much the point that Mallard was trying to all of last week. Orange pulled it off, Mallard – well, I’d use the word “Godawful”, but Mallard thinks that anyone who doesn’t agree with his brand of zealotry must not believe in God. So Mallard must merely be referred to as “awful in the secular humanist non-religious sense”.

  125. bootsybooks
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Around here that’s known as “helmet hair”.

    Whereas lesbian hair is the female mullet, think Billie Jean King circa when she beat Bobby Riggs. Actaully think Billy Jean King circa any old time.

  126. brendan
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    #121: one of “Barnes and Barnes” was actually actor Billy Mumy, from”Lost in Space”.

  127. Q.N. Jones
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    Just wanted to thank you for the shout-out–I’m the writer of the Common Sense: Mary Worth blog. I was about to give it up because I didn’t realize there was any interest in it. You’ve inspired me to continue. Thanks! There’s a new entry today.

  128. Craigers
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    The artists were Barnes & Barnes, but I could never tell which was which.

    This one is easy. Barnes is the one on the left.

  129. Cornwhacker
    August 21st, 2006 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    84, 127: Whoa! Aldo and Mary, posting in the same thread? This might get interesting!

  130. Ed Minchau
    August 21st, 2006 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    #84: If you want an Aldo-centric song, I suggest “Can’t Stand Losing You” by the Police.

  131. dale
    August 21st, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Why is the fool in Judge Parker drawing 4 cards? Is it possible to be a really, really, very stupid fool?

  132. Evey
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    #115 I really really like picturing that sound coming out of Mary. I just….really appreciate it.

  133. Dennis Jimenez
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Re: 84 and 130 – It’s hard to beat “Every Breath You Take” for a stalking theme song.

  134. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    I’m lookin’ at Mary’s head in that last panel.

    Two words: Darryl Revok

  135. MossMoses
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Lesbian hair? Wouldn’t that be the flat-top deisel dyke doo of Skanketta the kidnapper in Rex Morgan, MD?

    Speaking of women’s (facial) hair, maybe Regedit in JP should dig up some dirt about April’s facial hair and how she works that mustache like a claw.

    Mary Worth’s stiff hairstyle is a power helmet. I like the old hag looking fat and wrinkled MW from years past way better than the plastique, wrinkle free, codfish croquette eating botoxed version.

  136. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and, aside to Bruce Tinsley:

    Jhe-zus! Hey Bruce, it’s called the FUNNY pages. What the HELL is wrong with you?

  137. SmartPeopleOnIce
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    #133 (Dennis) Re: 84 and 130 – It’s hard to beat “Every Breath You Take” for a stalking theme song.

    Sorry for the repost, but I beg to difffer:

    Ce que j’ai fais, ce soir la
    Ce qu’elle a dit, ce soir la
    Realisant mon espoir
    Je me lance, vers la gloire …

    Oh yes Mary, you are vain and you are blind.

  138. Dingo
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Y’know, if Mary Worth had superhuman powers I would like to believe MossMoses has inspired the name for her.

    Look! Out in the parking lot! Throwing platitudes with aplomb! It’s… Codfish Croquette!

  139. Renee
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Mary looks like she’s rolling her eyes in the last panel. It’s as if she’s saying, “Okay, you killed your wife! Will you please let me go, now?”

  140. ohgrl
    August 21st, 2006 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    First panel of today’s MW: That’s a classic Golden Girls’ Bea Arthur brushoff (minus the kicky scarf). But It’ll take more than that to stop Aldo, since in panel 2 he’s clearly attempting to scent-mark her. She’s so shocked that her shirt’s gone as white as her face.

  141. MissKitty
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been reading this post for a while and always find it a good break during the day. I’ve noticed a recurring abbreviation for Gil Thorpe that is (DT)GT. What is the (DT) for? Does it indicate the way you feel when you look at the bad illustration? Thanks to whomever responds to this for enlightening me.

    BTW the Zippy the Pinhead option (#49) made me do the Chinese Fan with my tea. Thanks for that.

  142. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    May I point out to all observant and faithful readers that Mary Worth is as flat as the state of Kansas? Look at panel 3. The artist didn’t even try to draw a slope. Architects calibrate their straight edges off of her chest.

    Fat Boy Kelrast has bigger knockers than ol’ Mary. Well, that doesn’t say a lot, since his are probably bigger than Mary’s friend Barbie, and Barbie’s are silicon enhanced no doubt. I think Cap’n Stalkeraldo and the ever-bloated Ian Cameron should go head to head for the much coveted “biggest boobs in Charterstone” title. It’s quite prestigious, as I understand.

  143. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    DT=”Death To”

  144. Alex
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Wow, craptastic, what a good word. I have to say I’ve never heard that one before.

  145. MossMoses
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    Charterstone condominium association presents wet t shirt night, tonight at the pool featuring Professor Ian “Harumph” Cameron, PhD vs Aldo “Roo-Doo” Kelrast. Let’s get ready to rumble!

  146. Dingo
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Worst yet, you know that both Aldo and Ian will both be sporting Speedos at the Charterstone pool.

    As I was typing this next set of sentences, I realized how well it worked as a TDIET and had to revise:

    That man with washboard abs and a package that looks like a Quarterhorse kielbasa? He’s the one who wears baggy shorts that reach to the knees.

    The man with a body like a burlap sack filled with doorknobs? He’s the one in the Speedo. Oh, yeah!

  147. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    #53 – Tree – you are so right! Sunday’s Lio is awesome. Who is in line at the bottom? From left to right: Jeremy, Wally, Sgt. Snorkel, Ted Forth (sorry, Ted, it’s a woman in a bath tub – you should have saved your money), and who is the kid supposed to represent? Calvin?

    In Lio’s Word Fracus, I found the word “leg” and “over”. I thought I found “Kelrast”, except it was misspelled “Fruhqal”. Just a typo, I assume.

  148. fillmoreeast
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    The best detail of Sunday’s Lio is the snippet of Cathy at the upper right. Aaack, indeed.

  149. Ohyes
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    127 – Q. N. Jones – Thank you for that blog site! Keep it going!

    76, 112 – Sheila – Since you asked, I think that hairstyle is at the core of Aldo’s obsession with Mary. I think he’s craving a substantially older, matronly, judgmental woman who wears a severe, old-fashioned hairstyle, to take him over her knee, scold him about proper behavior in platitudes that are transparently hypocritical under the circumstances and spank him long and hard.

    And in Sunday’s paper, he looks to have goaded Mary to the verge of grabbing him by the earlobe, marching him indoors and doing just that.

  150. 12802 crackers
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    As to #142, Mary isn’t normally flat, she just went braless for the day and her pendulous breasts have flattened out like sweatsocks as they sagged down.
    Q: What do you call the area between the tips of an old woman’s breasts?
    A: Her knees.
    As for RMMD, what’s up with the 6th panel? Is that a blind golf pro that I see feeling his way along the lockers? Why is he blue, are he and the other guy descended from Smurfs?

  151. bobby
    August 21st, 2006 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    #150,
    That’s Dale Gribble from King of the Hill. He probably sprayed some blue chemical on himself and the other guy by mistake.

  152. Jordon
    August 21st, 2006 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    Hogenmogen, Mary is just modest. In the June 29, 2005 strip, she revealed her “June Morgan” class rack for a brief, sweet instant. I would link to it if I could.

  153. Jordon
    August 21st, 2006 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Correction, Mary shows off her figure in the September 29, 2005 strip. September.

  154. ohgrl
    August 21st, 2006 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Actually, I couldn’t imagine the MW Bea Arthur brushoff without the kicky scarf.

    And suddenly, the COTW has personal relevance: My God, what have I become?

  155. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Jordon: Do you mean This one? Yeah, she’s stuffed her bra there. And who gets to dive between those twin mounds of tissue paper? Ritzilla, of course, clinically subdued for your viewing pleasure.

  156. Jordon
    August 21st, 2006 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    Oh yeah, Hogenmogen, that’s it. Rita isn’t smashed (except against Mary’s ample bosom). Her melodramatic hug is due to her “dry drunk” status.

  157. Hogenmogen
    August 21st, 2006 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Oh, just so everyone is on the same page with RMMD, remember like six months ago when Adam “Dr. Troy” long waved a pistol in front of his ex-cell-mate-now-dead-guy’s face? I expect that weapon to make a reappearance quite soon.

    Talking of death, remember when little Foob girl was deathly ill? Rex and June’s kid also had a bad touch of some disease that seems to have been dropped, postponed, waylaid, misplaced. It was as if the artists realized they were doing each other’s story lines, then decided to wait to see what the other would do first.
    “Excuse me.”
    “No, excuse ME.”
    “Please, go ahead.”
    “Ladies first.”
    “No, you first.”
    “Oh, heaven forbid. Go right on.”
    “Age before beauty.”
    “No, I insist.”
    “Do your strip!”
    “Listen, you do your story line first!”
    “Make me!”
    “No, you make ME!”
    “Plagiarist!”
    “Evil fornicator!”
    “Canuk!”
    Pow! Whap! Smack!

  158. Sheila
    August 21st, 2006 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    “plastique, wrinkle free, codfish croquette eating botoxed version” ooooh, I like that!

  159. Biblio
    August 21st, 2006 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    I have discovered something VERRRRY interesting about our friend Aldo, and placed it on my blog for all to see.

  160. Cornwhacker
    August 21st, 2006 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    Look! Out in the parking lot! Throwing platitudes with aplomb! It’s… Codfish Croquette!

    Only in Aldo’s eyes, she’s a Codfish Coquette.

    Life is just a fantasy, Aldo. Can you live this fantasy life?

  161. Len
    August 21st, 2006 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    #117 — Dr. Cory is a DOCTOR, for heaven’s sake! His personal higiene is immaculate. No smegma tide on this physician, I assure you! That foreskin is clean and fresh as a summer’s breeze. And untouched by Ms. Worth, of course.

    I couldn’t vouch for Professor Ian, of course. The old chinbeard might well benefit from remedial instruction from the good doctor on smegma removal. Or am I confusing him with Doctor Morgan? Well, SOMEBODY would appreciate a little elbow grease applied to to Ian’s Caledonian crankshaft. (Whoops! There’s another source of smegmatic tide.)

  162. AeroSquid
    August 21st, 2006 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    I have been reborn in Mary Worth’s life giving light !

  163. Dingo
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    I fully realize that there is a special place in Purgatory for me (well, perhaps in Santa Rosa) for coining the phrase smegma tide so I figured I may as well finish it out. For everyone who read Sunday’s Mary Worth and though, “What… what am I really seeing here?” I’ve removed the Freudian veil. Oh, and Cornwhacker, a croquette is a type of food that one could make from codfish.

    Please do not view with children or sensitive Red Staters in proximity of the screen. Ladies and gentlemen, Sunday’s Mary Worth.

  164. mon-ma-tron
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Re: 123 Islamorada Girl:

    I live to serve

  165. 12802 crackers
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Check out Aldo in today’s episode of MW, see the expression on his face in the second panel? Where else have you seen that expression? In ‘Silence of the Lambs’ where Dr. Lecter kills on guard in the cage and trips out on Glenn Gould’s piano while getting ready to whack the other guard. Yeah, MW better be on guard, lest her chitlins become the main course in Aldo’s kitchen.

  166. Meander
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    You all can talk about that freak Aldo, but Sunday’s “Lio” makes me glad to be alive!

    “Family from Gehenna”. Heh.

  167. 12802 crackers
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    OMG Dingo, my eyes!…must… not… look. Mary should have a pick-up line like “The crib’s packed away, but the playpen’s still warm”

  168. Anonymous
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    164: That’s beautiful, mon-ma-tron!

    163: That’s… er, something, Dingo!

  169. mon-ma-tron
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    oh, forgot to add, if his Joshness deems it worthy, the art’s all his.

  170. Anonymous
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and Cornwhacker, a croquette is a type of food that one could make from codfish.

    Ha, yeah; I know all that, I just wanted to make a (admittedly not very clever) croquette/coquette pun.

    You have to give me the Aldo Nova reference, though.

  171. Cornwhacker
    August 21st, 2006 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    That was me on 169, of course. Nice MW remix by the way. I think now I have something to be afraid of.

  172. Deb
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Am I the only one irritated by the obvious misspelling in “Archie” today? Is “navigation” so terribly difficult to spell?

  173. Heckler123
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    From the first time I saw his effeminate face and read his hideous-sounding moniker, something has really bugged me about Aldo Kelrast. I finally figured out what it was – they make him look like my childhood hero, Captain Kangaroo.

    Disturbing….so very, very disturbing.

  174. ohgrl
    August 21st, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    163/Dingo, that’s great! Mmmm–there’s something about Also’s chest hair that feels so right…
    You know, your Bea Arthur Mary from a few days ago was the inspiration for mine today (#140& 154). Thanks!

    164/mon-ma-tron: that’s really kickass–you a graphic designer?

  175. Marc
    August 21st, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    TDIET – What’s the joke..? The fact that the dietician is a fatass? Only you, Mr. Scaduto.

    H&L: Great job using jokes from several months ago!

    MW – Mary has a knack for acquainting herself with booze-hounds. Maybe Aldo and Rita will get married? I would laugh so hard!

  176. Mibbitmaker
    August 22nd, 2006 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    The real Bea Arthur-as-MW would be her response to Kelrast in either Monday’s or Tuesday’s strip:

    “God’ll get you for that, Aldo!”

  177. BigJoe
    August 22nd, 2006 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    133 – Dennis, I have to agree with you, mainly because of this:

    http://joshreads.com/?p=701#comment-47136

    (I’ll take any excuse to relink to it.)

  178. Library Cat
    August 22nd, 2006 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    #177 Thanks for linking back to that BigJoe; I was just skimming comments earlier this month and didn’t realize your full genius. I am very impressed and amused, my favorite combo.

  179. BigJoe
    August 22nd, 2006 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    178 – …and didn’t realize your full genius. My nomination for COTW!

    I appreciate it. And after all, it did cost me an hour or so of my workday. Wonder if my employer appreciates it as much?

  180. Anonymous
    August 22nd, 2006 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    #172 (Deb) Am I the only one irritated by the obvious misspelling in “Archie” today?

    Shhhhh! Next thing you know, Craigers will show up with 2000 words on how the misspelling is really symbolic of the time Lord Fenwick of Ashenberry went pontooning or something….

    (Just kidding Craigers, you know we all love you).

  181. Poteet
    August 22nd, 2006 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    #43 — Steinbeck421, belated thanks for the quick international education. I emailed my relatives in Japan and they were interested to see that hand gesture show up in RM. Now I wonder if other subtle examples of Japanese influence may also show up. Great, just when I’d finally convinced myself that RM was one comic I could skip reading…

  182. Fuzzy
    August 22nd, 2006 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    # 8- I read that interview and found this:

    “Q: Have Mary and Dr. Cory even had sex?

    A: I’ll leave that to the readers’ imagination.”

    FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, PLEASE GET THESE IMAGES OUT OF MY HEAD.

  183. Craigers
    August 22nd, 2006 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Craigers, you know we all love you

    Yes, but one at a time, please. I am under strict instruction from my doctors not to become overstimulated.

  184. Joanne
    August 24th, 2006 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    I feel as if all of the former Judge Parker characters are now dead. What happened to the original artist?

  185. rich
    August 25th, 2006 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    184: He (Harold LeDoux) retired at age 80 after 50 years on the strip…oh, I guess we can allow that.

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