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Hello, my name’s Aldo, and I’m a stalkaholic

Mary Worth, 9/4/06

Let’s get my assessment of this out of the way right now: Lame. LAME. LAAAAAME. This is just typical of the touchy-feely logic of this strip’s southern California locale: they think they can talk Stalky McStalker out of his stalking ways. Well, some mustachioed monsters can’t be reasoned with, you liberal namby-pambies.

We can’t see Dr. Chinbeard’s hands in panel one, so there’s still an off chance that he’s holding on to a pillowcase full of doorknobs and is about to start wailing away at Aldo’s face and chest. I like the fact that Wilbur is standing there with his arms crossed, like he thinks it makes him look like a bad-ass. Nobody wearing that shirt looks like a badass, Wilbur.

Gil Thorp, 9/4/06

Gil Thorp, meanwhile, is the diametric opposite of lame, as unlame as a comic strip can possibly be. Clearly Sean Pettibone has stumbled upon some sort of avant-garde band from the 1980s attempting to refresh their cutting-edge creative efforts by working up a new chainsaw-based act out in the deep woods, which they’ll record for their new album, Clearcut Symphony. Either that or they’re chainsaw-handed cyborgs, sent back from the future to prevent Milford from winning the football championship this year. Either way: distinctly non-lame. The retro Moose Miller t-shirt is just icing on the cake.

Dick Tracy, 9/4/06

It’s always kind of hard to follow the jumbled Dick Tracy chronology, but I’m reasonably sure that Dick is either engaging in pre-sex tie removing or post-sex tie retying in panel three.

167 responses to “Hello, my name’s Aldo, and I’m a stalkaholic”

  1. Summerhouse
    September 4th, 2006 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s post-sex tie behavior. He looks relaxed.

  2. miss alexandra.
    September 4th, 2006 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    did you notice the pure horror on aldo’s face in the last panel in sunday’s strip? i was hoping mary’s apartment would be filled with snakes. or his late wive’s exhumed body.

  3. Uncle Lumpy
    September 4th, 2006 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Hello, Aldo!

  4. Doug Puthoff
    September 4th, 2006 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Who’s Wilbur?

  5. Mighty Sam
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Chinbeard + Aldo = a full complement of facial hair

  6. Sheila
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    I’m still hoping against hope that the “intervention” committee is REALLY planning on roughing Aldo up. Alas, I’ve been disappointed so often before…

  7. Derelict
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    I vote post-sex tie action. Just look at the palpable disappointment on the wife’s face there–it was over so quick, she thought maybe Dick Tracy was actually The Flash in disguise.

  8. Johan
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    As far as Gil Thorp goes, my first impression was that he was about to get mugged by blind people.

  9. treedweller
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    You know, just a little while ago in MW time, maybe last Monday in real time, Mary was telling a nurse she was afraid of what she would find when she got home (and flipping her off MW-style), implying that the stalker would be there and frighten her. Yet, we now know, all along she had C. Everett Koop and the gang waiting in her apartment for an intervention. So she was really hoping to find O Stalker Lad there so they could follow through on the idea that just might be a plan.

    So what was she afraid of finding? A three-way in progress that wouldn’t stop for her pathetic problems? Mr. Hooper standing over the disemboweled corpses of Koop and Ann Coulter? Broken swans? I wonder . . . .

  10. niccomm
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    It says a lot when the Moose Miller image on Sean Pettibone’s T-shirt is drawn with far more attention to detail than anything else in the entire Gil Thorp strip.

  11. Tycho
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    As for Dick Tracy, the message I”m getting is that the sex was distinctly unsatisfying.

    Hopefully Diet’s invention will be better than the sex.

  12. mooselet
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps she’s hoping the “major invention” will give her husband a bit more, er, stamina in the bedroom. Or something that makes Dick obsolete in that department…

  13. Freezer
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    Err… Don’t interventions involve friends of the person being the asshat?

    Granted, you probably couldn’t find enough real friends of Aldo’s to play Solitare, but still…

  14. 2fs
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    “Pillowcase full of doorknobs” is my new favorite phrase. If there were a site (formerly) called “I Read The Comics Curmudgeon So You Don’t Have To” which offered t-shirts, that’d be one I’d buy. #2: Snakes, you say? I’m trying to think of some joke related to some omnipresent media phenomenon…but I just can’t come up with it. “All Your Snakes Are Belong To Us”?

  15. Mighty Sam
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    There’s no denying that the collective response to MW, best articlated by Josh, is “LAAAAAME”. All this time we’ve been waiting for the thrilling finish, the surprise wrap-up, the transfiguration from lame comic to cult powerhouse, and when all is said and done we’re given a warmed-over plate of Mary’s shitty tuna casserole.

    I hope someone, anyone, at this interwankoffvention pulls out a piece and starts firing at random. It would be best if we only see the gun and assorted wounds for about two weeks to build the suspense, ultimately resolved when we get a full-sized color Sunday panel of Wilbur humping Mary’s bloody dead body.

  16. weiser
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    You’re so right Treedweller. Why would Mary waste her fear and loathing, not to mention a good finger wagging on the Janet-Reno nurse when she had this intervention planned all along?
    Could this be a rare case of “Chronic Comics Inconsistency?

  17. Tukla in Iowa
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT: Is that supposed to be a necktie, or has Moose’s severed head been perched atop a beer bottle?

  18. Len
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if “Pearls’s” Crocodile Fraternity is celebrating the death of Steve Irwin recently by sting-ray barb?

    Crikey! Leave that Zeeba alone!

  19. weiser
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    …can’t believe I neglected to close quotes….. “Chronic Comics Inconsistency”

    Margo would have my head

  20. Poteet
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    Looking at Aldo’s expression in panel two, I find myself glumly identifying with him, being as how the most likely fate for us now is the infliction of several days’ worth of platitudes, pontification, admonition, rebuke, and finger-wagging. How time will fly. He’s gonna wish he’d brought a hip flask.

  21. Steve S
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy is actually engaging in post-sex tie retying. Panel 2 is the entirety of their foreplay and intercourse.

  22. treedweller
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    It just occurred to me that “Koop and the Gang” might make a good band name.

  23. Steve S
    September 4th, 2006 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Sigh, I meant post-sex tie untying. Gah.

  24. wendell
    September 4th, 2006 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    You know what would’ve been cool? A TV crew from NBC’s Dateline… Stone Phillips asking “What did you come here for, Mr. Kelrast?”

    I’m thinking Chinbeard and Wilbur are going to take away Aldo’s Viagra and condoms (you KNOW he keeps them all in his pants pocket) and split it between themselves.

    Then it’s out to a meeting of CCCA (Creepy Comics Characters Anonymous). Think there’s a chapter in Mary’s town? Oh, silly question; that’s probably where it was founded.

  25. Marc
    September 4th, 2006 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh man, Stalkerman and Dr. Chinbeard are gonna duke it out! WASP style…verbally “YOUR INABILITY TO LISTEN IS WHY YOU ARE HERE!”

    H&L: What happened to the spittle on Lois’s boob? It’s gone in pane two.

  26. Lee
    September 4th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s post-sex tie behavior. He looks relaxed.

    As opposed to his pre-sex expression, which is … pretty much identical. I’m starting to think that Dick Tracy, alone among all humans, evolved from Gary Larson’s Irish setter cartoon.

  27. NotThatGuy
    September 4th, 2006 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    No wonder Aldo’s horrified. He’s not into polyamory.

  28. amoosebitmysister
    September 4th, 2006 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    I admit I never read Dick Tracy and may have missed earlier clues, but does anything in this strip make sense?

    In the first panel, who the hell is saying “But Tracy.”? The unfortunately named Diet? Are we to assume that Dick just ignored whoever said that? And why is that a whole sentence with a period, and not “But Tracy…”?

    In the second panel, what kind of retard greets his wife after not seeing her for some time by announcing that there is something better than love? He’s lucky she didn’t kick him in the crotch.

    In the third panel, either pre- or post-coitus Dick says he’s curious as to what it is that Diet found/invented. But isn’t Dick the one who mentioned it in the first place? So why didn’t he know what it was? Did Diet tell him he found something better than love, and then Dick responded “Let me call Trudy so I can get laid”, and the “But Tracy.” is meant to imply Dick decided to leave before hearing what it was? But if he left to get laid first, would that mean he wasn’t curious, but then decided to tell Trudy he was curious? Or did he leave without hearing what it was even though he was curious because he was extremely horny? ARRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

  29. J
    September 4th, 2006 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    I must admit I was watching Mary Worth with bated breath … thinking about it during the day and checking out WaPo at midnight. But what did I really expect? It’s Mary Worth for Christ’s sake. This has nothing to do with west coast-ness or liberalism, it’s just plain ole lame-ass comics.

    I say we petition Pastis to recreate this MW storyline and give it an ending we can all be proud of. Who’s with me?

  30. rsf
    September 4th, 2006 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    I’m a latecomer to Aldomania. I thought the three in the apartment were Ann Coulter (hinted), the Professor from A3G, and Klepfroth from FOOB.

  31. Richard Onley
    September 4th, 2006 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    http://www.threadbared.com/

    Sorry this is a bit convoluted–I’m no computer expert–but it will be worth it! Navigate over to “Categories,” click on “70′s,” and scroll down to May 16, 2005. It’s Tudor-jerkin, Kangaroo-courtin’ Disco Aldo, in happier days!
    He’s everywhere!

  32. NJP
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Agreed, Amoosebitmysister. The chronology of Dick Tracy has been really screwed up. He went from the Airport to Diet Smith’s, but left Smith’s so he could see Tess before finding out what Diet wanted. Now he’s going back to see Diet. Dick Tracy would have a lot more time for nookie if he was a more efficient trip planner.

  33. left of the pyle
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    So Mary’s friends show up at an intervention for Aldo to talk about his MW addiction? Isn’t that a bit like Mr. Coky and Mary Meth showing up to an intervention to talk to you about your heroin habit? What kind of freakin bizarro world is this?

  34. Ernesto _Chuck_Guevara
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    Wheee! Welcome to intervention dimension, Worthettes! Remember — you can’t spell “StALker DOrk and liKELy pedeRAST” without ALDO KELRAST!!

  35. amoosebitmysister
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    oops, yes it’s Tess Trueheart not Trudy.

  36. miss alexandra.
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    .9- perhaps her fingerwagging meant she was afraid of what would “go down” in her apartment.

  37. Ambino
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    Okay, so, the MW exciting cliffhanger was a letdown. But I think we’re missing the fact that the big story must have happened BEFORE Mary and Aldo entered the apartment. What were her three friends doing with all that time on their hands? We can only assume dirty, dirty things.

    Also, how did Aldo move so quickly between the second and third panel?

  38. amoosebitmysister
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    Ernesto that’s a lot of work considering Kelrast itself is an anagram of Stalker. Too bad “Load Stalker” doesn’t make any sense.

  39. J.P. Patches
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Tues: Wow, the GA artist draws a MUCH better Dick Tracy than the Dick Tracy artist does.

  40. Kenmore Mikita
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    That reminds me — anyone else here a fan of the Texas Chainsaw Orchestra?

  41. Uncle Lumpy
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    Poor Chinbeard stands there like James Stockdale (rest his soul) at the 1992 Vice-Presidential debates: “Why am I here? WHY AM I HERE?”

    Why, indeed, Mr. Prof. But your wife is making angry sounds – look stern!

  42. paddywhack
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    Clearcutting the local forest to make way for a mall? Not if a high-school football star has anything to say about it!

  43. ponzicar
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    You are curious, Tracy? Is that your excuse for Latte Lottie?

  44. Don
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    Aren’t the people at an intervention meant to be the friends of target/intervenee ? Maybe the intervention is really aimed at Mary, to help her kick her Aldo habit. Note that it’s been arranged “on her behalf,” suggesting she didn’t have anything to do with it

  45. Don
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    Richard Onley says:

    September 4th, 2006 at 11:53 pm
    … It’s Tudor-jerkin, Kangaroo-courtin’ Disco Aldo, in happier days!
    He’s everywhere!

    here’s a direct link to that. It is pretty awesome

    http://weirdbabe.typepad.com/threadbared/2005/05/jerkin_my_tudor.html

  46. Kevin Beabe
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    Remember that Aldo’s last words Sunday, upon seeing what was behind the door, was, “WHAT?!…MARY, HOW COULD YOU?””

    I guess he just figured from experience that they were plainclothes policemen.

  47. Teague
    September 5th, 2006 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    The expressions on both in panel three is post-sex, but the way he’s handling his tie is tottally for removing it.

    Therefore Dick Tracy MUST make a habit of keeping his die on DURING sex. Possibly to aid in some auto-asphixiation play.

  48. audient
    September 5th, 2006 at 4:51 am [Reply]

    Slap him around, Chinbeard!

  49. Erik
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    Did Sean Pettibone run onto the set of the next “Evil Dead” movie? Ash is totally kicking that tree’s ass.

  50. GotFuzzy
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    MW–Agreed. Lamest. Intervention. Ever. We may be teased with the prospect of actual fisticuffs between Capn’t Stalkeroo and Professor Chinbeard (hey, let’s make our own version of Clue with MW character nicknames!), but we all know we are in for several weeks of tepid platituding.

    (DT)GT–I thought I had dropped acid in my morning coffee when I saw yesterday’s strip. I could make no sense of the images that my eyes were seeing. Today’s strip hardly helps. But the chainsaw-wielding punks are initially more interesting than Brick House from last year.

    DT–For those of you having trouble sorting out the events, don’t worry. They will be rehashed over and over again and beaten into your brain so relentlessly you will only be able to wish for ambiguity.

    Onto today’s stuff:

    BB–Mmmmmm, just what I want with breakfast–thoughts of blood-sucking parasites.

    Zits–How are Jeremy’s lips any different from the girls’ lips?

    FOOB–Aaaaaaaand here we go with Mtigawhantnow-style platituding. Gah!

  51. TheMagicMel
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Did anyone else notice the conference table crew in panel 3 of today’s FBOFW? What is the person on the left wearing…is that a turban, or ginormous hair? I realize in open minded Canadia, it could go either way.

    (It could go either way in America, too, but don’t tell Lynn that! It might burst her sainted bubble!)

  52. jake
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    dick tracy seems like it’s stuck in the episode of futurama with the chronotons. “…i don’t know how this was supposed to work!?!” classic.

  53. yellojkt
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow in Mary Worth everybody throws their keys in middle of the room to pair off. I predict Mary gets Toby, Aldo and the Professor win each other and Wilbur has to go back home to Dawn. Yet again.

  54. yellojkt
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    In (DT)GT, Pettibone is about to find out what the Blind Lumberjack Club really does on their outings.

  55. Sinig
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    Maybe the ‘intervention’ isn’t so lame. In today’s strip (5 Sep) the ‘intervention committee’ now has committed a crime: they are falsely imprisoning Aldo. Or is false imprisonment a crime in the US? Maybe the evening will end up in a sort of crime bargaining game where Aldo trades his crime for theirs…the bargain is just about done when someone mentions Aldo’s late wife…

  56. LittleGuy
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    MW: The Gorton’s Fisherman puts Cap’n Kangaroo in a verbal headlock and won’t let him go!

    It’s PopIcon Smackdown!

  57. Craigers
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    9/5…

    Today, on a very special FOOB, Lizardbreath spreads her white guilt around. Note the look on Mr. Pinstripe-Shirt-and-Pinstripe-Hair in panel five, who looks like someone shot his dog. Also, BC makes a vaudeville joke.

    FW : Have we entered into some sort of alternate reality where geeks are supposed to snub the jocks?

    Doonesbury : Honestly, the thought that I can’t even go to Iraq to escape the nagging is more depressing than the idea I might die there.

    MF : Jeez, that was scary… I think Tinsley actually made a funny.

    Marmaduke : That pose does nothing for me at all if you don’t add in texture and shading.

    A3G : SLOW DOWN, GIRL!!!!!!!

    Better Half : Lifted directly from an early Dilbert – possibly word-for-word if I remember correctly.

    PMP : I don’t think Sideburns McSweatervest cares about the stars… the hand on his ass telling him he’s gonna grab his bimonthly lovin’ tonight has already driven the charge card balance from his mind.

    Pluggers : I like the “some”. I guess other Pluggers dance naked around a bonfire with the rest of the coven. We’re an inclusive community, you know.

    And finally, Six Chix : if she slides her hand any lower she’s going to be extremely disappointed.

  58. Rob
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Anyone else find Tess hot in panel 2?

  59. Dennis Jimenez
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Remember, we’re dealing with stalkahol, cunning, baffling, powerful….

  60. andrew howzer
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    i think there are so much better ideas for MW here in the comments then IN THE ACTUAL STRIP. i wish someone could faithfully reproduce the drawing style and then sketch out some of these scenarios. (lets leave the three way to the imagination!) is there anywhere on the internet to go for an “alteternative” MW fix??

  61. EZ_e
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    They should have an intervention over that guy’s unfortunate beard. It would make a lovely hairpiece for the schlub to his left.

    “Sit down, Mr. Kelrast – my beard compels you!”

  62. Weasel Boy
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    MW: Did the professor just win the Masters?

  63. bonnach
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    Interventions do include cattle prods… don’t they? I mean… how’s the guy supposed to change his ways without cattle prods? PLEASE TELL ME THERE WILL BE CATTLE PRODS!!!

  64. Timothy Burke
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    I’m glad someone else noticed the “But Tracy”. I found that lots more distracting than the coital question in panels 2 and 3. Who said it? Why did they say it? But what? What a truly, truly weird way to “end” that panel.

    I’m really hoping the intervention is what trips Aldo over into homicidal stalking after they finally let him go.

  65. Adfella
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    REX MORGAN QUESTION….

    Does anyone know just when this never-ending “not-really-a-doctor” storyline began?

    It started with almost a month of Rex and Troy merely playing golf before the saga even got underway. When was that…back in late July?

    Anyone remember?

  66. Josh
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    #65 Adfella — July? July? Any kind of amateur soaper could keep a plot going for two months. In fact, this Rex Morgan got itself going way the hell back in February.

    Josh

  67. Bitter Scribe
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    I haven’t commented on Mary Worth, ever. But this Aldo thing is just wrong, So, so wrong. That anyone could consider Mary an object of lust is…is…*shudder*

    I’m sorry, I have to go bathe in bleach now.

  68. Frank Drackman
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    I love Wilburs stern facial expression in panel 1 along with the creepy crossed arms. I know Toby could easily bitch slap him into a pitiful sniveling mess if she so desired. I’d rather see Aldo ambushed at a local eatery, ala Jim Carrey in “The Cable Guy”, left beaten and bashed with his mouth sucking on the exhaust of a hot air hand dryer.

  69. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 5th, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    I haven’t been this disappointed since Firefly got cancelled.

  70. ahclem
    September 5th, 2006 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Too bad “Load Stalker” doesn’t make any sense.

    Wait, amoosebitmysister, are you saying Mary isn’t a “load”?

  71. Hector
    September 5th, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Maybe Diet has finally invented Woody Allen’s “Orgasmatron.”

  72. aaron dumin
    September 5th, 2006 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    11. Exactly! If we take a cue from the time elapsed between the first and second panel we can roughly say that there’s about a twenty minute gap between each panel. If we extend that same time frame between panels two and three then the abrupt change in mood is made clearer. Notice, Tess brushes off the idea that any invention could possibly be “better than [making] love” as laughable in panel two. However, twenty minutes later, in panel three we find Tess rethinking her initial reaction to Diet’s boast. What transpired in that twenty minutes between panels to so change her attitude? The pictures tell us everything we need to know: Dick is shown refastening his tie, while Tess’ hair is obviously parted to the opposite side. Dick looks quite satisfied, but Tess seem much more troubled. From such telltale signs, you don’t have to be a psychoanalyst to see that Dick and Tess’ little tussel was less than spectacular, leading Tess to consider other alternatives, even if that includes the crackpot inventions of Diet Smith.

  73. mfdshan
    September 5th, 2006 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MW 9/5:
    The saddest part is that the most dangerous person in the room is a power-walking, tae bo-ing trophy wife – unless Mary grabs a knife and shanks Aldo in the back.

  74. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 5th, 2006 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Perhaps this Amish fellow Mary has rounded up is going to berate Aldo for his use of buttons.

    Or, given the little Aldo tufts peeking out from the top of his Sears polyweave in panel 2, perhaps the Amish will make an exception in this case.

  75. tefflan
    September 5th, 2006 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorpe: I agree with Paddywhack. Some evil millionaire has decided to wreck nature’s beauty and develop his land. Imagine the poor joggers and picknickers who will have to go to a *gasp* CITY PARK to jog and picnic. Soon, we’ll have Darryl Hannah climbing up trees and daring the police to take her in. Oh, the humanity!

  76. Harry Mirth
    September 5th, 2006 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Mary is a GILF if I ever saw one.

    Hubba Hubba

  77. Adfella
    September 5th, 2006 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    THANKS, JOSH

    Holy Cow….the RMMD story began in FEBRUARY?!?!?!

    I’m relatively new to Rex Morgan….can I therefore assume that the fine folks who bring us this likewise fine feature only offer up two story arcs within any particular calendar year?

  78. java-jon
    September 5th, 2006 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    MW: looks like a battle of the captains, Ahab vs. Kangaroo. Come on, somebody had to say it.

  79. BrianC
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    This is an intervention, Mr. Kelrast.

    Aldo, admit it: You’re a sexaholic.

  80. MrP
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Sean Pattibone is taking a weekend run, when… HE COMES ACROSS A SECRET EVIL CHAINSAW GANG MEETING AND THEY CUT OFF BOTH HIS LEGS!

    Come on. You all thought it.

    Anyway, Mary Worth would have been awesome if Mary had actually just put a ton of pictures of Kelrast’s dead wife in her apartment. “She sees you, Aldo. From up there.”

  81. band geek
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #57 Craigers,
    As a long-time geek, I can tell you we have always snubbed the jocks. We can’t help it if they generally fail to notice.

    (DT)GT: those punks probably did not intend to chop down that tree, but they couldn’t see what they were doing because they were wearing welding goggles. What I want to know is, what possible progression of events could have led to that saw in the foreground with the tip of the blade pointing straight up? Is the saw excited by welder chicks? I’m assuming that’s a chick–it’s always hard to tell in this strip.

  82. Lee
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    I move that “I repeat, sir, SIT!” be selected for the next Comics Curmudgeon T-shirt.

  83. TD
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Wow, I’ve got that “Aldo is everywhere” thing going. In today’s Lio I’d have sworn at first that O Stalker Lad was a kid buying ice cream (or vice versa).

  84. Mibbitmaker
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    While a seeming confrontation over clear-cutting nature turns into just more boring small talk in GT, Mark Trail will cross over and give the Blues Brothers of chainsaws a righteous punch for justice.

    I agree that Dick Tracy seems to be “bi-curious” (back off, Margo), while Tess does want a different sex partner for a change. She’s sick and tired of having her face cut up by his razor-sharp nose and chin during intercourse!

    MW: (Above): Aw, crap!!
    MW: (Today): Awwrrrriiight!!
    MW: (Tomorrow, plus): Aw, crap!!

  85. Angie
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    I’m not convinced that Mary isn’t collapsing against the door–every bit as shocked and dismayed as Aldo about the intervention arranged on her behalf. Dr. Chinbeard, after all, doesn’t say Mary had anything to do with the arranging.

  86. John
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    An intervention?! Bah! I was hoping they’d have to remove Mr. Kelrast’s remains from the apartment with a Shop-Vac. The disappointment!

  87. Tukla in Iowa
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    #82: “I repeat, sir, SIT!”

    So it’s not an intervention, it’s obedience training?

  88. Craigers
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    As a long-time geek, I can tell you we have always snubbed the jocks. We can’t help it if they generally fail to notice.

    Wow, that’s amazing. As both a card-carrying geek and duffel-carrying jock, I must remember to snub myself the next time I see myself.

    Sadly, I already know that the eventual result will be me beating the #### out of myself, but I seem to be powerless to stop it.

  89. frippy
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    27: I disagree. My theory is that Aldo’s into group “conversations” but, wait, there’s 2 gals and 3 guys? That’s one dude too many. No wonder he was so upset on Sunday.

    Aldo should have told Mary, “I’m game, but only if the weenie with the glasses goes.”

  90. frippy
    September 5th, 2006 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    As for the not-quite-apt anagram produced by Aldo’s full name, I have one theory. Unbeknownst to us all, Aldo’s middle name is Crown. His full name thus anagrams to An Old Crow Stalker.

  91. tefflan
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I’ve seen the MW strip for 09/05/06. So far, we have Aldo doing NOTHING illegal (yes, he’s bugged Mary a few times, but so what?) throughout this whole sordid storyline. The Charterstone gang, in the last two strips alone, have committed false imprisonment (Aldo said “I’m out of here” and they are preventing him from leaving) and assault and battery (the professor approaching him and grabbing him is an assault with a battery. I’m not kidding). Now, who are the REAL criminals here, I ask you? Aldo should grab his cellphone and call the cops and have them all arrested. He was invited to Mary’s apartment, so he’s not trespassing. He may be a fat, stupid pain in the ass who looks like Captain Kangaroo and whose name unscrambles to “Load Stalker,” or “A pagan train cook,” or some other nonsense, and maybe he won’t take no for an answer, but he’s done absolutely nothing wrong up to this point. WHO THE HELL IS THE VICTIM HERE, FOLKS? Aldo Kelrast, that’s who. I feel for the man, being surrounded by Mary and her sycophantic myrmadons. I’m starting to think his life may be in danger. He really either needs to call for help or start yelling at the top of his lungs or run for his life or something. Who knows how many people these “interveners” have killed? Or convinced to commit suicide?

    My God, people of Charterstone, have you no decency? As many lives as Mary Worth has ruined over the last seventy years with her incessant buttinski behavior and “bore you to death” platitudes, and the minute a hipster doofus like Aldo Kelrast shows up and REQUESTS, and I mean REQUESTS, a piece of ass from her, and they’re all over his hiney like stink on shit.

    You know what Mary’s problem is? She can’t take it as well as she can dish it out.

  92. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:02 pm [Reply]


    Diet thinks he discovered something better than love.

    That crazy scientist.

    Um, as a public service to Tracy and Tess (and/or their current puppet master Dick Locher), I’ll point out that love is pretty far down on any given scientist’s daily thoughts (it more or less gets beaten out of you by the time you get to your comps).

    If you REALLY want to show how unhinged Diet has become, you should be telling us he thinks he’s found something more important than grant money.

    Just sayin…

  93. Ouish
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Let’s get my assessment of this out of the way right now: Lame. LAME. LAAAAAME.

    I agree. What an anti-climax. When I saw Aldo’s horrified face at the end of Sunday’s strip, I thought for sure that Mary had stolen his bow tie and stomped it into an irreparable mess, destroying his virility forever.

  94. Mibbitmaker
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    9/5:

    BBailey: I think the marching mishap began with Sarge’s orders at the start: “Follow the trees, men!”

    Spiderman: For one, single, brief, shining moment, Spidey was smart. Savor the moment, we won’t see the likes of that again.

    Cathy: Another way to tell if your purse is overweight: It keeps trying on bathing suits and whining about it.

    FW: Someone’s missing the big picture here: A *football player* talked to *him*. A nerd. Instead of beating him up and stuffing him into a locker. Savor the moment…

    Zits: It’s called “colagin” (sp?), ladies. And you. Don’t. Need. It. Do they actually think Angelina Joli is a GOOD look?

    FC: And with that irony from her still-at-home kids, Thel goes into the bathroom and empties the entire medicine cabinet into herself.

    FOOB: Is Lynn reading too much MF lately?

  95. ScottR.
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    #91- You are absolutely right. Any attempt to keep Aldo at Mary’s home is, at this point, kidnapping. He has made it clear he does not want to be there, yet they will not let him leave. He should, in “self-defense,” kill all of them.

  96. Mibbitmaker
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Eva’s Cowboy Watch for Sept. 5, 2006

    Marvin: You mean the cellphone will be all his. I dunno what all this remote business has to do with cowboys and their…..What?….. You’re kidding! TV REMOTES are the guy thing? Really?

    EPIPHANY! Men are like cowboys, and TV REMOTES are their shootin’ irons! Thanks, Tom Armstrong, for helping me see the light.

    BBailey: Typical men, never asking for directions!

    Garfield: You’ll go to her veterinary lecture, Jon, and you’ll LIKE it! You GOT that, Cowcat??

    -Eva the Foob

  97. Noll
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    “Well, some mustachioed monsters can’t be reasoned with, you liberal namby-pambies.”
    I just like the multipurpose nature of this line. From World War II, to the leadup to the Iraq war, to Mary Worth comics, there will always be mustachioed monsters, and liberal namby-pambys to appease them.

  98. mplsjack
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    I choose to believe that Mary stabbed Aldo in the neck with her pruning shears in the final panel of Sunday’s strip, and everything we see now is the Sartrean No-Exit style of damnation that poor Aldo has been condemned to suffer for all eternity for his Deadly Sin of lust. The moral: Hell is other Charterstone residents.

  99. EZ_e
    September 5th, 2006 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    tdiet is good today – I love the 50 cent tip on $7.95. Does anyone in this day tip less than a buck for anything?
    And wear do waiters wear white suits with epaulettes? I can guarantee you if you’re in a restaurant wear the waiters are wearing formal suits of some kind, you’re not getting a cup of coffee for 7.95

  100. Deckard Canine
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been away a few days, folks, so please bear with a few dated notes. Let me just say that I would’ve liked the MW Monday surprise to be a wall trophy of Mr. Moose. (Hey, this is the same woman who said “Capisce?” two weeks ago.) I can’t rightly say that the truth is a letdown, because I had a feeling it wouldn’t be any cooler than this.

    #91 – Aldo has done something wrong, but you’re right that he hasn’t broken any laws, AFAIK. But maybe Toby won’t let the rumor regarding his wife die just yet.

    Curtis: Once again, this joke was done long ago and better on “The Simpsons.” But I hadn’t noticed before how close Ms. Wilkins can look to Michelle. How unsettling.

    Garfield: On Sunday, I suppose I should’ve been glad that Jon was becoming slightly less of a loser (further along than me, in fact, but I’m not jealous). What bothered me was his smile extending beyond his scalp. Hard to look away from that freak show. Too bad Liz doesn’t doctor humans.

    JP: These girls should transfer to GT if they think that’s not ugly.

    MT: I feel sorry for the cute bear, but this is getting puerile. Even a tame one should have enough instinct to understand a squirrel’s reluctance to befriend her.

    MG&G: There was absolutely no need to bring the Lone Ranger and Tonto into this. I guess some bigot (Peters doesn’t write these jokes himself) thought an “Ugh” coming from someone who doesn’t look like an Injun would improve the lame punchline.

    Prickly City: I never noticed before how much their appearances change between panels. Perhaps they’re not fully recovered from melting in the heat.

    Spider-Man: It seems like overkill to repeat that Hugo is more senseless than Kingpin ever was, but if he wasn’t even going to say anything flowery, why did he wait so long to fire?

    And a very late comment that I missed for some reason: Did anyone else notice last week’s coincidence between “Big Nate” and “Baby Blues”? Both Nate and Wanda started hallucinating their most immediate fear onto the most immediate persons. So much drama among those faced with common annoyances.

  101. bubujin
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    And in today’s MW, ya gotta love how the door seen in the first panel disappears in the second panel and all the art on the wall behind Aldo’s head completely changes. I guess that’s reality in the Charterstone dimension!

  102. EZ_e
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    make that “where do waiters wear white suits with epaulettes? I can guarantee you if you’re in a restaurant where” – sorry, long boozy weekend

  103. Max
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    At #77, Adfella asked:

    I’m relatively new to Rex Morgan….can I therefore assume that the fine folks who bring us this likewise fine feature only offer up two story arcs within any particular calendar year?

    And it’s not even over yet … they’re going back to find that Troy’s waiting for them at home, he’s decided to and turm himself in so he can be with the Woman He Loves and Do The Right Thing For The Kids and all that …

    There, now you don’t have to read RMMD again till Thanksgiving!

  104. J.P. Patches
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    I swear I copied and pasted the following sentence off the official FBOBW website:

    The Pattersons have never exactly been all “sweetness and light”.

  105. GotFuzzy
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    tefflan, you are dead on with your analysis, but so far off in calling Aldo a hipster doofus. Sad sack man-child, yes. Creepy, doughy close-talker, yes. But hipster doofus, oh no. That title is reserved for the likes of Hutch Renfro or the unnamed beatnik that pops up in the background of A3G.

  106. James Schend
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Woot, my Gil Thorp joke got used. Or at least close enough. I said 80s rap group.

  107. Fuzzy
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    It’s too late Aldo…Mary’s locked the door…and no one will find your remains…mwuahahahaha.

  108. Justafoob
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Just looked over September’s letters, and I get a real sense of doom. Things are going oh so well for everyone that you know something big is going to happen. Just a hunch, but the way John and Elly keep going on and on about retirement, I think that John is going to have a massive heart attack and be laid up. I don’t think he will croak, but will need constant nursing from his loving family. The rest of us will need constant barf bags handy to get through the drivel.

    Plus, we find out from Deanna’s letter, that she and Mike get “couple time” (her quotes, not mine, or Margo’s). I guess there is going to be one more rugrat keeping the Kelpfroths up all night.

  109. Junior Tracy
    September 5th, 2006 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Either the “C. Everett Koop” spotters are correct, or Mary is now hanging out with some bizarre species of Amish doctor. In any case, this couldn’t possibly be lamer, as Josh correctly notes (although why anyone thought the denouement would be inteeresting is beyond me; it’s MW, after all).

    By the way, “Dick Tracy” characters don’t have sex. Ever. That’s all anyone needs, or should want, to know.

  110. Summerhouse
    September 5th, 2006 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    Sept 5th Mark Trail synopsis- “Falling back on the only skills she knows, Molly tries to french a moose, and it goes poorly.”

  111. BewaretheCreeper
    September 5th, 2006 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    I always thought Michelle was Curtis’ mom’s sister.

    A Old Stalker can’t work with an audience? I guess that eliminates porn star as his former place of employment.

    Gil Thorp is so unbelievably bad that it’s actually good. Do you laugh at the drawings or at the “drama”. I miss the Gymnastic team though. Dont report me to homeland security pleez.

    TDIET is lovable for the 40′s and 50′s mind set. It’s like Al Scaduto went into the Time Tunnel and reappeared in 2006. Howzat???

  112. Summerhouse
    September 5th, 2006 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Lilly tells Rex that her sister always found Troy/Adam “creepy,” and Rex’s head nearly snaps right off – “OH NO SHE DITN’T!!” his head says.

  113. maggot
    September 5th, 2006 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    #110 — “Falling back on the only skills she knows, Molly tries to french a moose, and it goes poorly.”

    COTW!

  114. Richard Onley
    September 5th, 2006 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    #45: Thanx, Don, for doing what I couldn’t figure out how to. I suppose I owe an apology to all those who went through the whole tedious process before getting to your single-click improvement. (It was worth it, though, wasn’t it, folks?)

  115. Biblio
    September 5th, 2006 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Way back up in comment number 5:
    Chinbeard + Aldo = a full complement of facial hair

    That image has been haunting me all day, so may I present: The Ianaldo Hair Club for Men

  116. Justin
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    Naughty Naught Tracy.

  117. fahrenheit451
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    I’m new here-and I have a really stupid question: is there a link where one can read MW (DT)GT and others online?

    I wish I could come up with something original and witty about MW and (DT)GT that no one else said…

  118. DaveyK
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    I’m a bit confused when you put Sunday and Monday’s panels together in sequence, actually.

    Upon entering the room on Sunday, Aldo exclaimed “What!?… Mary how could you?” That clearly implies he instantly recognizes the import of what he sees in her apartment. (Unless he is in the habit of massively over-reacting to people standing in a room, which, I admit, is a possibility.)

    On Monday, the first words out of Aldo’s mouth are “What?…What’s this? Who are you?” Clearly indicating he has no idea why those people are in the room.

    As far as I’m concerned, that’s reason enough to bash him with the bag of doorknobs.

    Also, I nominate Sunday’s “!?…” for the title of Most Overwrought Yet Non-Existant Punctuation Mark.

  119. Uncle Lumpy
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Fahrenheit -

    Welcome! I’m sure you’ll be posting at maximum wit in no time at all.

    All the cool kids hang out at the chron: http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComics.mpl

    I, alas, do not.

  120. yellojkt
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    Since MW and DT(GT) are never witty or original, we have to pick up the slack.

    The Houston Chronicle carries both online. They even let you set up custom pages. Just don’t blame me when you are wretching on a daily basis.

  121. Uncle Lumpy
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Hmm. Please excuse the fully-unjustified full justification.

  122. MossMoses
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    49. Erik – We are the things that were and shall be again. We want what is yours – life.

  123. Marion Delgado
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    He wants to give Mary his Stalker Load

  124. Tukla in Iowa
    September 5th, 2006 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Unless I’m missing something, though, the Houston Chronicle doesn’t seem to carry Sunday comics online.

  125. comic femme
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Intervention…damn.

    I tried out for that program.

    They claimed I was too normal.

    Aldo you are my bane.

    second panel dick tracy got me…wow i should use it as an avitar…yum

  126. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    #110 (Summerhouse) Sept 5th Mark Trail synopsis- “Falling back on the only skills she knows, Molly tries to french a moose, and it goes poorly.”

    Ya know, take the narration boxes out of today’s MT and it’s just like one of those weird-ass Calvin Klein ads…

    #99 (EZ_e) I can guarantee you if you’re in a restaurant were [sic] the waiters are wearing formal suits of some kind, you’re not getting a cup of coffee for 7.95

    And it’s probably not a joint that has catsup bottles on all the tables….

    #89 (frippy) 27: I disagree. My theory is that Aldo’s into group “conversations” but, wait, there’s 2 gals and 3 guys? That’s one dude too many.

    Um, I think you mean: That’s two dudes too many. :-p

  127. AppleGirl
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    MW – I’m so BORED. Bored, bored, BORED!

  128. fillmoreeast
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    Spidey: “Moving sideways won’t save you!” may become my new mantra. I love how the huge conundrum set up in Saturday’s strip is solved by just a quick step to the right. Now watch Spidey’s pelvic thrust drive Otto insa-a-a-ane.

    Foob: Ah, yes, Liz Patterson, the White Guilt Fairy, begins her reign of terror at Who Cares High with tales of the poor, noble savages of Mtigwakkawakka. God help the other teachers.

    Mallard: I’m sure Tinsley will be mollified when Katie has Lord Limbaugh on. (Incidentally, and don’t ask me why, but I discovered today that “limbaug” in Sindarin appears to mean “he who is moist and tyrannical.” Seriously.)

  129. Monkey's Paw
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    What Mary and her crones are doing to poor Aldo qualifies as kidnapping, a federal offense. This strip is going to result in Mary giving relationship advice to prision wardens.

    Also now that Mary has taken to beatings to keep Chatterstone residents in line I think that her posse needs a gang sign.

  130. Von Zeppelin
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    On the matter of interventions being conducted by family and friends of the intervenee–what if all these people ARE Stalkeraldo’s family? In a truly Dickensian denouement, Beardo, Ann Coulter, and Pudgy McCombover are the long lost friends and relatives. Actually, they don’t give a shit about Mary (tedious old busybody), but they’ve been waiting for years to confront him with the Dead Wife incident. They all contrived to be at Charterstone just to close in on him, like all those train passengers in “Murder on the Orient Express.” Chinwhiskers was her dad, Ann the Colt was her dearest friend (like a sister, really), and the little fat guy was her accountant or something.

    “I repeat, sir, SIT! We have come together to confront you with the consequences of your craven drunkenness! Mary, why don’t you go out and get pizza or something. We don’t really need you here right now.”

  131. Richard Onley
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    #118: The artist didn’t include it, but along one wall is a huge banner reading

    ALDO KELRAST INTERVENTION 2006
    “From Gentle Talk No Need to Stalk”

  132. Von Zeppelin
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    128 Fillmoreeast–Would that be in Doriathrin, Falathrin, or North Sindarin? Which one had right-wing talk radio in the First Age? Many thanks for this wonderful piece of information. I bet Isildur called Sauron “moist and tyrannical” right before he whacked that finger off.

  133. Heckler123
    September 5th, 2006 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    This may be a stupid question – or one that someone has already addressed – but if Mary Worth and her posse want to do an intervention, shouldn’t Aldo’s cousin, Hal Kane, be there?

    To me, an intervention by people you hardly know could also be called an ambush. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  134. compass rose
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    #124 Tukla – you can see the Sunday strip at Houston Chronicle – open the strip you want at any date that will work, go up to the URL and change the date there to Sunday’s date. Click Go and there you are, basking in the delights of feature length Mary Worth, Mark Trail and Phantom. You can also see archived strips that way. Furthermore, if you take advantage of their “build your own comics page” feature, you can see Sunday’s strips by opening Saturday’s page and clicking “next day”.

  135. dramashoes
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    I gave up on comics a long time ago but this blog has made me realize how vital it is for us to mock and belittle them. Is that really Dr. Chinbeard in Mary Worth, or has Kenny Rogers gotten sober and moved into “Meddlesome Valley” with the rest of the geezers? Just wondering.

  136. Pendragon
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Tess is attractive in both panels 2 and 3. Alas, Dick may not have anything left after the strip of
    August 26 when Diet told him he had something hot that only Dick could handle. Unless I am misinterpreting again.

  137. Pendragon
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    Dang it — “August 26″ was supposed to be a link to http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/8/26&name=Dick_Tracy

    Thanks for your support.

  138. Adam
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    This intervention is clearly targeted at Mary.
    “Mary – we have known you for years – we have pandered to your whims and tolerated your holier-than-thou nonsense. Enough is enough. You have a problem – a problem that can only be solved by a husky creep like Aldo to slap you around so you learn to have true empathy for your fellow womankind.

  139. Kenny
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Garfield – Anyone notice the GIGANTIC grammatical error that our good friend, Jim Davis had today in panel three. Garfield says, “A sincere look of feigned interest” – indicating that, his “feigned interest” must look sincere. Where it should have read, “A feigned look of sincere interest” – indicating that he would have had to feign the look of sincerity as opposed to LOOKING like he was trying, but obviously feigning it.

    Come on, Davis get with the program!

  140. Tukla in Iowa
    September 5th, 2006 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the tips, Compass Rose.

  141. Dingo
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    Hey, all. Believe it or not, this story arc of Mary Worth is bringing on a feeling of melancholia for me. Back in the eighth grade, twenty-nine years ago, I was good friends with Brenda. She and I got along great. I was that 13-year-old kid who already knew he was gay and Brenda was one trailer in a tornado away from appearing on Jerry Springer. In other words, a perfect match. We were working on a project together for class and Bren’ and two other girls said for us to get together that night to finish it. When I got to Brenda’s house that night, instead of the group for the project, I was confronted by a room of ten girls all wanting to know whether I “liked” her or not. Even at that age, “as a friend” didn’t cut it. So they started taunting me, asking me if I was a “fag.” This went on for about ten minutes, right in front of her. Finally, I blurted out that she was too fat for me. Actually, this was true; her lacking a penis was something I left out. But even after almost thirty years, I remember how horrible those girls were for putting me in that situation. In order to save myself, I hurt my friend. After that night, she and I never really talked again.

    Up until Sunday, I was really geared for Mary to open the door, Aldo to walk in, and Toby hit him upside the head with a bag filled with doorknobs while shrieking some phrase taken from her husband’s Latin notebooks. My other guess was that his wife was not dead but had faked it to get away from him. Mrs. Kelrast would be found sitting on Mary’s couch, holding a glass of Chablis in one hand and a Lucky Strike in the other, exhaling cigarette smoke through her nostrils before uttering, “Hello, Sack of Shit.” in Aldo’s direction. I imagined Aldo running from Mary’s apartment, shrieking like a 12-year-old girl at an N*Sync concert circa 1998. But now…

    My God, they are actually making me sympathize Aldo Kelrast. End this, Mary. Give him a platitude in a take-home bag and send the man on his way.

  142. Citric
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    There’s the slim chance that Chinbeard is going to kick some stalker ass. I’m clinging to that chance with everything I’ve got.

  143. Von Zeppelin
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    141 Dingo–Good idea, the platitude in the take-home bag. “We have some lovely parting gifts for our contestants. . .”

    I am talking to my tailor about having a jacket made up of Kelly green blotting paper covered in cat hair.

  144. iburl
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    From the King Features syndicate page:
    “The reader is asked to remember that Mary Worth stories are not about Mary. They are about a continuing parade of people who enter Mary’s life. If you look closely, you may recognize one of your neighbors — or even yourself”
    Woah! King Features Syndicate just blew my mind! What if my neighbor is C. Everett Koop or like Aldo Freaking Kelrast? Or…what if I am? I’m freakin’ out, man!

  145. Opus
    September 5th, 2006 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    This intervention isn’t actually going to work is it?? That would be…no. No. They try the intervention, but then Aldo keeps stalking, and eventually Mary has to stab him with a large kitchen knife. Right? Right??

  146. Fred P.
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    What I want to know, is who exactly is in charge of the styling of the male contingent of the MW cast? Whereas Mary and her female friends are always smartly turned out, the menfolk seem to have gotten the short end of the stick vis-a-vis the attentions of the Wardrobe Department, MW Enterprises Incorporated. Just look at this sad tableau. We have Wilbur (the Combover King) Weston complete in his stylish salmon colored slacks and Wendy’s Frycook shirt (which bizarrely complements Aldo’s get-up, but that’s another story), Aldo “free mustache rides” McBowl-i-cutty about whose sartorial choices comments aplenty have already been made, and as for Ian? Well, all I can say is that if he’d grow that damn mustache out for a change, there’d be that much less of his pasty face there that I’d have to look at. And he really shouldn’t dye his eyebrows like that. Ian, sweetie, EVERBODY know you’re brows have gone gray. Just accept it, mmmkay?. And lets not even talk about that horrible horrible green jacket

  147. Chris
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    Dingo 141, whoa.

    We all have tough tales of adolescence, but yours sounds tough indeed.

    Whenever I’ve been able to make amend for having been a jackass back in the day, I try…it’d be nice if this girl and you could maybe figure a way to make things right…could be Pollyannaish on my part, but….

  148. MossMoses
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s neighbors have few if any redeeming characteristics, to wit:

    1. Chinbeard – harumphing old blowhard p.o.s.
    2. Wilbur Weston – pathetic little pudgy combover excuse for an advice columnist
    3. Toby – airhead bimbo gossip with too much time on her hands married to worthless fat, old blowhard p.os.
    4. Dawn Weston – meaningless dull life of quiet waspy desperation.
    5. Carlos Alora – Clumsy attempt at “ethnicity” – uptight gay gardener with Scooby Dooesque krevatte on neck.

    Am I leaving anyone out?

  149. Len
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    We all know that Lio’s baby-sitter is the eldritch Ancient One, Cthulhu of the many tentacles. Here, Lio allows his caretaker to observe the sort of treatment children receive in modern schools. Cthulhu is shown grabbing his favorite snack — schoolboy a la mode.

    http://www.gocomics.com/lio/2006/09/05/

  150. juggernaut
    September 5th, 2006 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    and as for gil thorp……. how f***ing cool is it that The Weirdos are finally back to rock the world?!?!

  151. Anonymous
    September 5th, 2006 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    #144 iburl If you get to be Aldo, I wanna be the side-ponytail asian nurse

  152. AppleGirl
    September 5th, 2006 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    141 – “Brenda was one trailer in a tornado away from appearing on Jerry Springer.”

    Dingo, you’re the BEST.

  153. Squeak
    September 6th, 2006 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp is the ultimate cliffhanger!

    “Sean Pettibone is taking a weekend run, when…”

    When what??? I keep looking at it, but I still have no idea what Rubin was trying to draw in that last panel. What the hell is that supposed to be? Welders with chainsaws? Blind psycho killers? Eco-terrorists? Some guy with a mutated foam finger and his buddy, the son of Flash Gordan?

    Huh?

  154. Laura
    September 6th, 2006 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    dude – have you seen this? it’s crazy! thought you might enjoy it. if you’ve already found it – sorry to waste your time!

    http://www.zerotv.com/content/info.cfm?ContentID=980

  155. Pozzo
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Following the Moose Miller link, I find that the son of the MM cartoonist is the brains (such as they are) behind Slylock Fox. Wow, lame cartooning runs in the family (as if the Keanes, Wilsons, Youngs, etc. weren’t already ample evidence).

  156. Tukla in Iowa
    September 6th, 2006 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Glad you’re back, Dingo.

  157. Dennis Jimenez
    September 6th, 2006 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    Maybe the babies ate your dingo.

  158. Victor Von
    September 6th, 2006 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    My reaction to ‘Gil Thorpe’ was almost identical to Johan’s. I thought Sean was about to be attacked by blind people wearing oversized foam hands.

  159. Dingo
    September 6th, 2006 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    #152 Applegirl: Thank you. That’s sweet.

    #156 Tukla: Thanks. I’ve just been really stressed for the last week. This past month, I’ve been sending out resumes as though I were a parade queen throwing Tootsie Rolls from atop a float. One week ago I was interviewed via telephone for a job at a college on Long Island (I live near Chicago). The wait to hear their decision is getting to me, mainly because I’m broke. Josh’s server problems just got the best of me and I’m sorry that I let it show.

    #157 Dennis Jimenez: GOT GOT GOT GOT GOT GOT GOT! Maybe the babies GOT my dingo would go along with “a dingo got my baby!” My main area of study in graduate school was media studies but all of my papers could be described as falling into the category of rhetorical identity. Hell, my masters thesis was based on one sentence uttered by a mayor in relation to farmland (and 42 pages!). Lindy Chamberlain told the press that a dingo “got her baby.” This was picked up by popular culture and used for years. Then, in an episode of Seinfeld, Elaine is conversing with a woman who annoys her at a party. When the woman can’t find her fiancee, Elaine says, “Maybe a dingo ate your baby.” And — tada! — a phrase in popular culture was transubstantiated into something new. On most web sites I use the name DingoGotMyBaby but here I shortened it to Dingo. It’s amazing how many times other Americans will send me a private message to state that I’m using the wrong name and that it’s “ate.” Here’s a few audio samples of the phrase: Dingo’s Audio Clips

    Another example: I’ll ask people who played Frankenstein in the 1931 classic. Almost every person will respond, excitedly because they know the answer, that it was Boris Karloff. It wasn’t; it was Colin Clive. Boris Karloff played the Creature. I won’t go into more detail here but the entire point of that book was how a woman in 1810 viewed modern medicine’s ability to play God with areas of life and death formerly not in its realm. Even the 1931 movie, in the introduction, makes it clear that the movie is about the scientist. It was sometime after the movie’s release that the public came to see the monster of the film as being the Creature instead of the man who created it.

    Okay, class, lecture time is over. For tomorrow, please bring me a 5-page essay on the river systems of Canada. Dismissed.

  160. Dennis Jimenez
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    More information about dingos and babies is available on the internets….

  161. comic femme
    September 7th, 2006 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    I am so upset that this is OVER….

    I really wanted to see the crime scene.

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  166. Cass
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    I love the Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery for bringing me back here, so I can reread this post knowing what’s to come.

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