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A note from Mr. Crankypants

Curtis, 9/6/06


Ahem. I find most of today’s comics unworthy of comment, but I do think you all need to see this. What we have here is three comic geniuses acting out a month’s worth of Mary Worth comics from 1998. The actors, portraying Mary, Ian, and Toby, are more or less frozen in the positions presumably held by the characters in the original comic strips as they recite the dialog for each panel. The gentleman playing Professor Cameron is particularly good: not only does he capture Ian’s massive level condescending bloviosity, but he went the extra mile and grew a chinbeard. The whole thing is filmed in grainy black-and-white and has eerie atonal music playing in the background, giving it the feel of one of those slightly cheesy but still awesome British horror movies from the early 1960s.

If anyone smarter than me can put this up on YouTube, I’ll be happy to post an embedded version here.

Update: Almost forgot to give credit where credit was due: this was pointed out to me by faithful reader/commentor Laura.

Upudate 2: The promised YouTube version, provided by faithful reader iburl:

Also, there are apparently four more parts! If anyone knows these people, please have them contact me! Though egotistically I’m sort of surprised that anyone who would go through the troubles of making those films isn’t already a reader of this site.

151 responses to “A note from Mr. Crankypants”

  1. amoosebitmysister
    September 6th, 2006 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Hilarious, yet creepy video. That woman playing Mary Worth looked like Eraserhead.

    By the way, did you know that you can buy jeans that are beaten up, and that they are often more expensive than ones that are more brand new? Someone should do a comic about that!

  2. cap’n underpants
    September 6th, 2006 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    Thanks Josh! That is frickin’ awsome!!

  3. Blueline
    September 6th, 2006 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    More information about overpriced yet ratty-looking jeans can be found on the internet.

  4. treedweller
    September 6th, 2006 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Hey, y’know what’s funny? If you go to a store today to buy pants, you can sometimes find some that look like they’ve already been worn for three years by a stuntman, but they cost more than the regular jeans! Oh, you heard that one?

    Okay, then what is it with these frikkin pluggers? They are supposed to be salt-of-the-earth, hard-workin’ types who keep on pluggin on no matter what, but half the time the joke in the paper has nothing to do with any of this. Like today, when the rhino plugger, who mows his grass even though he’s an unguent, now needs to find an icepick because he’s too fat to use the standard holes in his belt anymore. WTF makes that a plugger thing? Is it that he plugs on, looking and looking for that icepick till he finds it, because he’s by god gonna get a new hole in his belt? Is it that he’s such a plugger that he keeps on working and wearing his old, outsized belt because no matter how hard he works he can’t afford a new one? I mean, either of these expalnations makes more sense than why a plugger takes lots of prescription drugs, but it really isn’t that impressive or admirable. Plus, if he’s erally such a hard working plugger, shouldn’t he be staying pretty trim? I want to see the pluggers plugging! Dammit! Enough of this “I’m old and fat and I can make a joke about it” crap. More Plugging, Mule!

  5. Lore
    September 6th, 2006 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    Did you ever notice that Bob Keeshan looks like Captain Kangaroo?

  6. BigJoe
    September 6th, 2006 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    BB: “Do you want to go to the movies tonight?” “I don’t go to ‘R’ movies.” Killer’s response should have been, “Who the hell said anything about an ‘R’ movie?” What a weird response Miss B gave.

    SF: Okay, did I miss something? Now Hillary and Faye aren’t speaking because…..why? There was never an explanation. She says her dad isn’t speaking to Faye either because “she cost them the championship.” Uh, she did? We never even saw what happened at the end of the game. She was racing back for the ball, there were closeups of the ball and the mitt, with the ball appearing to go over the mitt, then Ted making his girly “augh” face for two days. How did she lose the game? I could see if she dropped an easy fly ball, but it looked like it was over her head.

    Plus if it wasn’t for her they would never have even won a game all season. And it was Hillary who served up that fat gopher ball in the first place.

    It seems that there parts of the story missing or something.

  7. treedweller
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    Big Joe, didn’t you see the fight scene? the one where HIllary accused Faye of slogging it on the way to that ball, and then Faye said she wouldn’t have had to run for it at all if the pitch hadn’t been a nice, high fat one, and they started slapping each other, and things escalated till HIll ripped Faye’s shirt off and Faye gave Hill a purple nurple? And then Ted popped a boner and Sally saw it at got mad at the girls for tempting him, and dragged them out of there and dumped Faye off at her house on the way to giving Hill a good spanking?

    Man, you really missed out. That was a good one.

  8. da
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    As someone who works with deliquent kids professionally I gotta say…far as I can tell, tattered jeans are not the style anyway right now, making these strips even more baffling.

  9. Dactyl
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Josh – not to send you (any further) over the edge, but I was puzzled a few weeks ago when you missed the chance to rail against the same joke yet-again in Zits. By a fun coincidence, it’s the same one that pops up on today’s delayed King Features site (the date on the comic was Aug 1, if you look tomorrow).

    Maybe it’s one of those intra-comics jokes, where the writers are really just talking in code to each other and have given up on having any impact on the rest of us. (Like last year’s “April Fools” jokes at PBS, Fox Trot, etc., or like the whole Dagwood anniversary thing). Or more likely it’s just proof that no comic strip artists can stand to read the comics.

  10. angry black woman
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    oh god, that mary worth video is genius! If someone does that for AldoMania I’ll give them $50.

    (not really, but someone might)

  11. CoffeeJedi
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    “Ain’t they a scream?”
    When did Curtis start talking like the dumb bombshell in a depression era musical?

  12. Eyeteeth
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    With his new hair, Raju looks like an Indian version of Harold Ramis as Egon in Ghostbusters. Kind of talks like him too.

  13. BigJoe
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    #7 – Oh yeah, that was so boring that I forgot all about it.

  14. Ambino
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    That video just made my night. And I love that it was an entire month’s worth of strips. You don’t realize just how slow MW goes (well, you do) until you see what little is said in the video. Anyway, brilliant catch. Hiliarious. And I’d love to see Aldomania done, too.

    Re: Jeans jokes. Maybe we’ve all missed something and we’re really in 1991 when people were wearing expensive beat-up jeans and complaining about it over and over.

  15. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    The Mary Worth film: Ok, forget my childhood memories of festive holiday gatherings surrounded by loving family members, game 7 of the 2004-05 Stanley Cup finals and the Captain America movie with Ned Beatty; THAT was the greatest thing I have ever seen!

  16. Dan
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:22 pm [Reply]


    Someone get this man a “YOU”!

  17. Ned Ryerson
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Put me down for $50 too. That was an inspired piece of filmmaking. “Trash talking delinquent” Dudley Ford could teach Kelrast a thing or two about creeping out the Charterstone crowd.

  18. Opus
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    That Mary Worth video is one of the best things I have ever seen. I’m still laughing (and after today’s WH shenanigans, that’s some kind of miracle). Thank you Laura and Josh. That’s easily $100 in therapy bills saved.

  19. ralelen
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    FBoFW:You know I still don’t understand why Lizardbreath moved back home. Its like shen just didnt want to comute the extra mile to the school.

  20. Doug Puthoff
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Several schools in Evansville now adopted school uniforms. At first I thought it was a bit fascistic. Having seen some girls wearing torn up jeans, however, I think it’s a great idea. We have to save these kids from themselves.

  21. elyse
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    that Mary Worth video was nearly as surreal as conversations i have with my grandparents. oh, what nostalgia it brings.

  22. johnw
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    The apparent raison d’etre of comics like Curtis, Herb & Jamaal, and Baldo, is to let the white folks know that blacks and Hispanics are real people just like them. The artists skilfully transmit this message by recycling the SAME DAMN TIRED COMICS JOKES used by white artists since the beginning of the funny pages. See, black folks aren’t scary; they have the same lousy jobs, family squabbles, and generational misunderstandings as Dagwood and Blondie. (I’m surprised that Curtis’ dad hasn’t found himself a greasy-spoon diner for his daily lunch.) Can I get a chorus of “It’s a Small World After All”?

  23. dryman
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    Just so everyone knows, that Mary Worth link was just to Part 1 of what looks like a total of five so far.

    Part 4 is da best.

    “Billionaire byte baby? Are you into computers?!?!”

  24. DA
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:36 pm [Reply]


    I had a similar thought, but I have no idea if given the success of stuff like “Idlewild”, it’s hip to talk that way now :-P I’m too old to be as hep as I once was, dig it daddy-o?

  25. dryman
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Actually, that MW film looks like the same story arc as this insightful bit of deconstruction:

  26. Rusty
    September 6th, 2006 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    #4: The entire premise of Pluggers is that they are good ol’ boys who bring a lunch pail to work, mop up spills with the socks they are still wearing, and get maximum usage out of their highly stressed belts by poking new holes in them when their enormous guts spill over the top of their pristine jeans. That’s it in a nutshell, Pluggers are too damn cheap to buy new clothing items. Oh yeah!

  27. SixFootJen
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:06 pm [Reply]

    Holy. Freaking. Shit.
    That. Film. Is. AWESOME.
    I want MORE!!!

  28. Citric
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    That is both creepy as hell and the greatest thing in the universe. Someone needs to get them onto Aldo right away!

  29. 2fs
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know what’s wrong with these pants these days!
    With the holes and the rips in the ass these days.
    Why can’t they wear what we wore?
    Plaid suits and greased DAs…
    And while we’re on the subject,
    Droopin’ to the knees and baggy bags
    I don’t want to see your boxers, nay!
    What’s the matter with pants…these…days!

    (Dammit, I knew the fact that our neighbors are promoting their kid’s appearance in a high-school production of “Bye Bye Birdie” would bring back unfortunate memories…)

  30. Bobchillingworth
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:12 pm [Reply]


    Actually, Curtis’s father has on more than one occasion complained that he has to eat at greasy-spoon joints, although it’s never seen. Hilarity ensues.

  31. Dave
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    I don’t buy that #5 is the real Lore. No way.

  32. Propaniac
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    The Mary Worth films are BRILLIANT. I just wanted to point out that there are actually five in the series; if you click on “Mary Worth” in the title screen, it shows you the others.

  33. 2fs
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t realize till clicking on the link that the folks responsible for those MW films are my M’wawkee homies! I don’t know any of them personally – but the names are familiar: local artsies…

  34. iburl
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    YouTube of Mary Worth 1: Part 1:
    Really funny!

  35. iburl
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    YouTube of Mary Worth 1, Part 1

    Really funny!

  36. iburl
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    YouTube of Mary Worth 1, Part 1

    Really funny!

  37. Other_Sally
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    The MW video is amazing! The lady playing Toby needed to sound a lot more angry to match the hand gestures, though.

    As for destroyed jeans, they ARE coming back into fashion, but among skinny hipsters and city fashionistas, not kids like Curtis.

  38. Propaniac
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    Dudley Ford reminds me a lot of GOB from Arrested Development.

  39. java-jon
    September 6th, 2006 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    That MW video is brilliant, yet disturbing. Just like with the strip I am repulsed by it yet attracted to it.
    Put me down for $50 if they come up with the Aldomania version.

  40. mumbles
    September 7th, 2006 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    FOOB: I officially hate myself. I am now eagerly awaiting tomorrow (or the next day, or the next) to figure out what Lizzardbreath did right. I mean, she did “do right” in that she did Doo-right, but I don’t think that’s what Officer Friendly is getting at.

    JP: Not only does Raju look like a young Ben Stein, he now spouts off stupid crap in high-falutin’ language to sound smarter than he is. Basically, he’s saying, “what goes in, must come out” but is tryin’ to sound all smart about it to get in Abby’s pants.

    A3G: Never thought of Tommy as a beer girl. Margo, I see with hard stuff – single-malt neat, maybe a vodka tonic and a cig. Lu Ann is a classic girl-drink drunk – $12 cosmos, mudslides, shots of sex on the beach while drunkenly explaining to a friend from work how her life is sooooo “Sex and the City.” Tommy is more, say, of a hot cup of cocoa watching Golden Girls reruns while her hotter roommates are getting wasted.

    And can I say, how much I love the title of Josh’s previous post? “Honky” is a funny-sounding word and it never really caught on, the efforts of George Jefferson notwithstanding.

  41. loudfan
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Those videos are like a Guy Maddin rendition of Mary Worth.

  42. flod logic
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:17 am [Reply]

    Today’s MW: Is it just me, or does Toby’s reflection not match the direction she’s facing at all?
    I’ve come to the conclusion that either the strip takes place in some sort of alternate funhouse-like dimension in which perspective has absolutely no meaning, or Mary enjoys hanging obsessively large photos of her friends on the wall…

  43. GodWithFire
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    Foob: Uh oh, has Paul the Mountie met an untimely demise?

    Spiderman: Now that is THE worst tripod I’ve ever seen. The legs are about a foot long, and are mounted to the vertical shaft at about eight inches. And a little bounce causes the camera to fall right off of the head… speaking of which, it seems to have no pan/tilt adjustment capabilities at all.

    Wow. What a piece of junk.

  44. AppleGirl
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth VIDEOS: The BEST THING I’VE SEEN ALL SUMMER! I will watch them over and over! I’ll even buy QuickTime Pro so I can download them to my computer. The soundtrack is brilliant. This should be a full-length movie. Shooting them in Milwaukee was an excellent decision. Creepy and absolutely perfect in every way.

  45. Sharkbait
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: Apparently spidey-sense doesn’t work on rocks either. But I have to grudgingly admire a villian who takes time for exposition as he plunges head first off a cliff.

    RMMD: I’ve heard of guys wanting to bed both mother and daughter, or twins, or their wife plus sister-in-law.

    But husband and wife? That’s just twisted, Rex.

  46. Dingo
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    It was Colette who wrote “the best lips to kiss are those that taste of tears.” All I can surmise from today’s Mary Worth is that Mary has gotten her phosine advice-giving neighbor, porcine academic, and posing succubus to gang up on Aldo to elicit said tears to make his eventual, sweet, jungle-fuck monkey lovefest with her all the more special. I can see it now: Mary on top of him in backwards cowgirl position pretending to be Jake Gyllenhall in Brokeback Mountain, twirling a pale lavendar summer jacket above her head like it was a lariat and screaming for him to “get those dogies home.” Just as he’s about to fill her cankered honeypot with a stalked load of Kangaroo Kreme©, she twists on top of his gnarled knob and faces him. As her breasts swing freely in front of his eyes like fleshy Swords of Damocles, she invokes her famous tuna casserole-making smile and says, “You know what we bbbbblack widows do with our mates once they’re done, don’t you?” and suffocates him with a pillow as he ejaculates. The following day, she and Toby discuss the benefits of crocheted doilies with strangers in Charterstone’s parking lot.

    Oh, and what’s up with Lizardbreath? In panel four she looks exactly like her mother but with smaller hips.

  47. Don
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Re:37′s comment. My guess (which is not at all based on having read this week’s comics in advance) regarding the police officer visiting Elizabeth is that it may have something to do with a certain creepy stalker dude who used to work at the garden centre until he took his harassment of Elizabeth a step too far.

    And one could only imagine that a potential story arc involving old Howard finally being brought to trial and various fbofw characters testifying against him, might somehow serve to bring back together a certain pair of high school sweethearts, who afterall, both played key roles in the aforementioned garden-centre incident. There’s nothing like the slowly grinding wheels of the Canadian justice system to rekindle lost love.

  48. Mibbitmaker
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:45 am [Reply]


    Zits and GF are in synchronicity today. Two Twisted tales.

    Foxtrot: Peter’s got an ape man as a teacher!

    Nancy: I have no idea what goop the lunchlady is spreading there, but I know what *Nancy* is spreading…

    (DT)GT: “Bill Ritter is CRUSHING people at tight end.” I don’t want to even contemplate what *that* really means!

    Spiderman: Is ANYBODY not a blithering idiot in this story?? Spidey had one wise move, but in a flurry of typical dumbguy stuff, LeMarr “saves” Spidey with a big rock, now the villian absentmindedly kills himself. It’s like the FC kids all grown up!

    FOOB: The next day’s strip…

    Liz: “Whew! For a minute there, I thought you guys finally found out about me and another woman beating up our cheating boyfriend 4 years ago! Well, that’s a relief, I-”

    Policeman (taking out notepad, writing in it): “Hmmm… assault…………annnnnnnd………battery…”

    Liz: “Aw, sh!t!”

    FC: ………re-education camp……

  49. Ubiq
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Future iterations of this same concept will include:

    Marmaduke mauling a mailman, thereby saving him $90.

    A kid coming aboard the bus informs Crankshaft that he paid $90 for the jeans that Ed thought were hand-me-downs. Crankshaft beats him to death in a fit of rage.

    Dick Tracy takes down a counterfeit distressed jeans operation. “Can you believe that they pay $90 for these things?”

    Roger debates paying that much for a pair of jeans in Get Fuzzy. Bucky calls him Pinky and offers to do it for half as much.

    Hil sports a pair in SF; Sally complains about her not taking care of her clothes. Ted owns up to paying for them because he hates confrontation.

    April shows off her new pants to Liz; Liz notes that $90 would have bought half of Mtigqwertyup new pants for the next thirty years.

    Alternately, April shows off her new pants to Shannon, who notes the nonsensical nature of it all, which sends the message that “EVEN A MENTALLY CHALLENGED PERSON UNDERSTANDS THE CONCEPT YOU STUPID TEENS”!

    Mark Trail demonstrates how to proper flog a dead horse, which is clad in pre-distressed jeans.

  50. Mibbitmaker
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    Oops, I almost forgot…

    MW: First panel: It looks like Aldo could be muttering, “p-p-please, Mr. G-Gorton Fisherman, don’t hit m-me! Not the face!”

    Well, so far, no platitudes, just browbeating. And alternate demension mirrors.

  51. Doug Puthoff
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:01 am [Reply]

    Good observations, 40 & 42. But both of you guys mispelled “Spider-Man.”

    But seriously folks. That has to be the lamest dialogue I’ve ever seen in a comic strip–not to mention the fact that Spidey, instead of beating the villain, lucks out via a deus ex machina.
    Any time I trip, my dialogue consists of “!” and–after I’ve hit the ground “@^*%.”

  52. m.w
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:03 am [Reply]

    ok.. that was some creepy fucked up clip there.. like zombie madness.. what was with that wind blowing sound and heavy hum tone in the background? man, that was like super creepy.

  53. JB
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:53 am [Reply]

    Josh, I think it’s time you added a “beat-up jeans” item to your curmudgeon gear shop. Maybe a t-shirt with the slogan “My other jeans are beaten-up and cost $90″ or something?

  54. Damian P.
    September 7th, 2006 at 5:45 am [Reply]

    I might be weeks behind the curve, but has anyone else seen this?

    Aldo stalks Mary Worth: video

  55. Von Zeppelin
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:10 am [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore: Searing Stories, Ripped from Today’s Headlines!! After dealing with the burning, controversial issue of Mel Gibson’s tequila consumption, he moves on to the other matter that has everyone in the nation buzzing: the reclassification of Pluto! And with the highly original, hilarious idea of including in the joke (wait for it) Mickey Mouse’s dog! Where does he get these great ideas? Maybe next he could do something about those overpriced, beat up blue jeans.

    Besides, he even gets it wrong. Pluto was classified as a “dwarf planet,” not a “pluton.” But the wingnuts on the right create their own reality, I suppose.

  56. compass rose
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    The policeman visiting Liz is there on his own time to rat on Dudley DoWright and his two-timing ways. What she did “right” was to leave Mitigitiwibbit.
    Or don’t policemen tell on each other?


  57. Anonymous
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    #4, Treedweller, not to be persnickety or anything, but I believe you meant “ungulate”, not “unguent”.

  58. sephohnek
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:11 am [Reply]

    i just did the whole convocation thing here at macalester college. our president made a ripped jeans joke in the middle of his address. i cringed for you josh.

  59. Richard Onley
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    #47: “Well, so far, no platitudes, just browbeating. And alternate dimension mirrors.”

    That’s not a mirror — that’s Toby’s heretofore unseen psychiatrist twin sister, who was called in to observe the proceedings . . .

  60. Richard Onley
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    #46: And meanwhile, all the other strips will be running variations on deciding whether to fill up the gas tank or take a round-the-world cruise . . .

  61. pelagius
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    And Molly just doesn’t understand…. the kids with their ripped jeans! What’s up with that?

  62. peep
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    that mw vid was a scream!
    thats it, i’m changing my username to B B Shell on everything!

  63. confused
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    Tell me what they were smoking so that I can buy a K of it!

  64. Maughta
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    I hate this, but I find myself feeling really freakin’ bad for Molly the bear. Everywhere she turns there are giant squirrels, mutant moose, and deadly ducks. Poor Molly. Of course, I couldn’t give a monkey’s red rear end for is-he-dead-or-only-injured Buck. And obviously Jack Elrod feels the same way.

  65. Ran
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    Hey, is that Dabney Coleman in FOOB?

    I think Also is laughing into his hands, he’s finally got them all together in one place, and is thinking of how he ‘arrange’ their corpses after he is finished. Lets see what the cops and their pet head-shrinker think of this one.

    As for the ripped jeans, okay that was a fad about thirty years ago, so in twenty five more years we can expect to see a bunch of gags about kids wearing loose pants with their boxer shorts showing.

  66. Skip
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Perhaps someday comic strip creators will go to the next level of comedy and have a teenager with holes in their jeans helping a 40-something program their VCR. I can’t wait. Combining two timeless comedy bit classics like that is animated dynamite!

  67. EZ_e
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    As much as I disliked him, Aldo’s collapse from “I will not be denied” stalker into ‘weeping into his hands on the couch’ guy is a real letdown. I mean, not that expected anything else from MW, but God, talk about going out with a whimper

  68. Justafoob
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    The officer is not bringing bad news, but the fact that Officer Dooitright is transferring to their statation and that are thrilled to death to get Canada’s finest on their staff. Plus Paul’s wife makes great cookies for the boys.

    What’s that Liz, you didn’t know Paul got married.

    Ooops, I guess I do have bad news for you.

  69. april in scotland
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:28 am [Reply]

    That Mary Worth video was amazing! The minds of the folks who put that little prize together must be precious gems to behold. The level of creepiness was balanced just right with the level of hilarity. Good times ensued for all.

    Over at fbofw – Oh who am I kidding! I love the foob! My computer was down for 6 weeks and I actually had to go back into their archives to see what I had missed. It might be syrupy, preachy and ridciulous, but I gotta see what happens to them all!

    One thing though – if they decide Lizardbreath is gonna end up with Anthony then they gotta get rid of that mustache they’ve got growin on him at the moment. Blech, that ain’t a good look for anyone. Almost as bad as that blouse Josh likes to wear sometimes…hee hee hee…

  70. MotoMike
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Maughta (63): I found myself feeling the same way and realized that this strip wouldn’t be so ridiculous if it were the 50′s – the whole Mark Trail thing and all of the things (well, almost all) we poke fun at it about are really because it’s kind of an old-fashioned relic. (This assumes that one was alive during the 50′s – whoops – “guess your age for 50 cents”). Which I don’t really mind – it’s interesting that Elrod manages to come up with stories without trying to put in any of this newfangled stuff like the Internet or even hair styles that don’t rely on Brilcreem (“a little dab’ll do ya”).
    treedweller (4): the deal with pluggers that gets me is that every one of them – every animal refugee from the Comic Strip of Dr. Moreau – is overweight to the point of obesity.

  71. Bombcar
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:41 am [Reply]

  72. Craigers
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    DT : Let me guess… “Dr. Froid” has invented a box with a hinged door, approximately five feet by three feet by three feet high, in which food can be preserved, without spoilage or deterioration, for months at a time. It’ll take the world by storm.

    FOOBoids : That’s the worst-looking stripper “policeman” I’ve ever seen. When he starts his act, though, April is going to catch serious Canadian heck for this stunt.

    MF : I will cut Tinsley any amount of slack (and this one is pretty damn slack) if he stays away from politics. Sort of like with Trudeau.

    MW : In panel three, which has been (shockingly) censored in every newspaper in America, Kelrast grabs that pointing finger of Prof. Beardo and bites it clean off as Toby looks on, with a mixed expression of terror and arousal on her face.

    Pirhana Club : You know, the ladies always complain that calling me “Dr. Pork” is so formal too, but I don’t like being on a first-name basis with clients.

    Pluggers : HA HA HA, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

  73. J
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    …can’t. stop. watching!

  74. cheech wizard
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    The output correlates directly to the input! Freakin’ brilliant, Raju – no wonder you guys are taking our jobs, with profound insights like that.

    So what to make of Abby’s expression? Is she:

    A – Smitten with lust for this brilliant, rakish Hindu with the large bony protrubence

    B- Dreamily calculating the increased profit she can realize by canning her foreman and replacing him with this illegal alien.

    C- Mute with terror as she realizes Raju’s totally batshit insane and she’s trapped alone with him.

    D- Not hearing a word he says as the acid kicks in.

    (Answer: Raju’s thesis is a direct corallary to Fudd’s First Law of Opposition (It goes in, it must come out) and subsequent application to the motor operated pushover, therefore the answer must be A.)

  75. Jimmy
    September 7th, 2006 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    OH MY GOD, I’m late for work watching these Mary Worth movies… TOTALLY fascinating! And I love one of the filmmakers’ names: NAOMI WYOMING. That’s going to be my new drag name.

  76. Tommyp
    September 7th, 2006 at 9:22 am [Reply]


    Go up to #9 and click the link to “Zits”. Has anyone else noticed the Charlie Brown lamp? What’s up widat? Is it supposed to be some sort of cryptic tribute? It jumped off the page at me when I saw it a month ago.

  77. BigJoe
    September 7th, 2006 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    MW: Now we’re talking an interesting intervention! Who is punching Aldo in the face in the second panel? It would be cool if it was Mary who crawled up and slugged him.

    RMMD: His “friend” turned out to be an imposter, he was involved in an extortion plot, he was held at gunpoint, the person with the gun on him was shot, his “friend” ran off…”I’ll tell you later. No sense boring you with uninteresting details.”

    A3G: That Ted sure knows how to show a girl a good time. “Check out the fire escape.” “Wait, it gets better. Beer!” What are they, 15 years old?

    SM: Just when you thought it couldn’t get any stupider they raise the bar:

    Pluggers: So now the definition of a Plugger has changed to, “someone who’s really old?”:

    W&E: Somebody explain this one please:

  78. Mainspark
    September 7th, 2006 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Foob: I bet the cop’s visit traces back to Howard Erck.

  79. johnw
    September 7th, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    This Spider-Man story… aside from the fact that everyone in it is terminally stupid and deserves to be removed from the gene pool immediately… reminds me of the very early years of Superman (and the George Reeve TV show), before they started coming up with super-villains. He was constantly battling run-of-the-mill hoodlums and gangs. Every story was the same: evildoers stage a crime… Superman flies to their (not so) secret hideout… rams down the door… stands still as the bullets bounce off his chest (silly criminals!)… punches the baddies on the jaw… and carries them off to the hoosegow. Got boring after a while. But at least none of them was defeated by a tripod. Yeesh.

  80. EZ_e
    September 7th, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    78 – you forget the best part of Superman. He would stand there calmly while bullets bounced off his chest. Then when the gun was out of bullets the crook would throw the gun at him, and he would duck.

  81. Devil in the Drain
    September 7th, 2006 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    MW — The True Anagram: All that “Load Stalker” was just to throw us off the trail. Aldo’s name truly foreshadows the limp ending to this story, ALDO KELRAST = RE-LOAD TALKS.

    A3G: Don’t look too closely (I looked too closely, so you wouldn’t have to), or you will notice in the third panel that the “shady and cool” fire escape has given Tommy nipples. I sure hope she has a good time, even though the artist has also aged her ten years in that panel.

    (DT)GT: Can someone please, please explain this to me? How many people are in this scene in the forest, or do they keep changing their appearance? Are these folks the running-football-guy’s friends, or are they about to turn on him with a chainsaw for losing that game last season?

    Pluggers: This was lame enough when it was a bland series of riffs on “Working-Class (white) Americans are The Salt Of The Earth”. Has it now devolved into the even less clever “Some people are sick. Or old.”?

  82. Abbey the Wonderdog
    September 7th, 2006 at 10:15 am [Reply]


    Somebody remembered widdle Sawah.

    Hopefully she hasn’t drown in the bathtub.

    Unless this is the seque into the new story arc, boom.


  83. B B Shell
    September 7th, 2006 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    obviously in the comic universe people (or pluggers) don’t have access to the internet

    do it your own damn self and stop whining about it

  84. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 7th, 2006 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    In other news (9/7):

    TDIET: Miss Hettie, public school teacher, berates a young Bruce Tinsley. Years later, he shall have sweet, sweet revenge.

    MT: So that’s it? Poor Molly, no longer red in tooth and claw, wanders aimlessly until she starves? Crikey, even Shamoo didn’t forget how to eat.

    MW: Faced with confrontation, Aldo has retreated into his own private Aldoland. “Got your nose, got your nose…”

    A3G: Holy Cow! Tommie’s, um, high beams are on. It must be cold in there.

  85. GotFuzzy
    September 7th, 2006 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Devil in the Drain, love the anagram. I’m afraid it truly does foreshadow the end of Cap’n Stalkeroo–not with a bang (whether a naughty bang or a violent bang) but with a whimper. But as far as helping you with (DT)GT, I think that is beyond any of us. There are two guys (one guy, one manly girl? So hard to tell in this strip) with chainsaws and one running-football-guy in the forest, and the best guess is that the scene will not result in bloodshed. At least not intentional. The last panel of today’s strip heaves us into a related storyline with Coach Wolverine and Mr. (DT)GT himself. And a random football player. Might it be Bill Ritter with the crushing tight end?

    Speaking of explaining something, can anyone explain why Jeremy and Sara are holding hands in Zits? Are they back together? Did we miss the touching un-breakup?

    Keeping with the Twister theme, I can’t wait to see the outcome of Bucky’s day with the ferret. I’m betting Bucky does something really, really stupid.

    I close with a letter to the editor in yesterday’s Chicago Tribune, from one M. Norma O’Rourke, who seems unconcerned with bringing the wrath of Finger-Quotin’ Margo down upon her:

    Orland Park — I can’t believe it! I just saw a stack of faded jeans with worn-looking holes in them, on sale for $50 a pair. The clerk said they were so popular that she couldn’t keep enough in stock.

    Am I the only senior who remembers using “press-on patches” to try to preserve my sons’ pants and disguise the worn spots?

  86. Ned Ryerson
    September 7th, 2006 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    I think Aldo is in the process of launching a snot rocket in the Camerons’ direction.

  87. Gracie287
    September 7th, 2006 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    My G-d, Aldo Stalkeroo’s hand positioning in panel 2 of today’s MW is awkward. Try it yourself: Left hand, palm facing right, to right face, elbow down. Not un-possible, but not comfortable either.

  88. R
    September 7th, 2006 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Cool! Now all we need is somebody to Youtube those old Carol Burnett ‘Mary Worthless’ skits!

  89. tefflan
    September 7th, 2006 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    #74 Jimmy: Way cool with the drag name. I used to race a little myself down up at Bristol. I almost qualified at pole position in one race, but then my parachute deployed prematurely.

  90. Sylko
    September 7th, 2006 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    That video is GREAT! SO funny. I love Chinbeard and the weird positions they have to get into to match the panels.

    DId you see A3G today? I’ve never seen a man so happy to leave his wife and children.

  91. jpj
    September 7th, 2006 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    And the sad thing is, DOONSBURY made the ultimate beat-up jeans joke probably 35 years ago.

    You see children (he began), you used to not be able to buy beat-up jeans at the store. It true! Jeans were considered “workwear” and traditionally had only been worn by construction workers and farmers and folks like that. Now those folks wanted their jeans to last. So when you bought jeans they were very sturdy and stiff. Go ask someone older than 40 about this and you will be endlessly amused by tales of being a small child and getting a new pair of jeans and how hard it was to bend your legs and sit down. Good times, good times.

    Then, in the 1960s, “hippies” began wearing jeans and wanted them to look worn and beat up. So they bought new jeans and bleached them and washed them and dried them a bunch of times. WHich leads us to Doonsbury.

    Mark, the hippie is sitting in the basement by the washer and drier reading a paper. His traditionalist, Bill O’ Reilly-type father enters and they have this conversation:

    Dad: What are you doing?

    Mark: Aging my jeans so they are faded and torn.

    Dad: You damn hippies! Take a perfectly good item of clothing and ruining it!

    Mark: C’mon Dad….

    Dad: What you kids do to your jeans you are doing to the fabric of this country!

    Mark: (incredously): What?!?!

    Dad: Don’t laugh! That is a darn good metaphor!

  92. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 7th, 2006 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    #84 (GotFuzzy) I’m betting Bucky does something really, really stupid.

    Like the time he tried to food the monkey at the zoo?

    “Advancing on me only brings you closer to the cold wrath that is my spork!”

    Words to live by.

  93. dimestore lipstick
    September 7th, 2006 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    I’m a little late with this one, but did anyone notice Sunday’s “Bizarro”?

    All those little extras he hides in the cartoon were in keeping with his theme. Very cute.
    (But I had to look up “canned hunt”.)

  94. tefflan
    September 7th, 2006 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    You can almost see the wheels turning dully in Abbey’s mind in today’s “Judge Parker.” She is probably thinking, “How can I get this geek to do my inventory for me without having to blow him?”

  95. treedweller
    September 7th, 2006 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    #56 Of course–thanks for the correction. Though I wouldn’t mind seeing a few pluggers turned into unguent. “Rhino Creem cures all ills!” Think how much you could get out of jsut one plugger!

    #54 Cut Tinsley some slack. When he actually wrote this one, it was still looking like they were going with “pluton”. They didn’t change that until about a week or two ago. Tinsley will make a joke next month to reveal that the liberals were responsible for the change, and what morons they were to do it!

    #44 Now, Spidey is great and all, but even Spidey-sense would never predict that a woman that size could launch a 100-pound rock at his head that way. I thought she was an actress, but apparently this woman really is a superhero.

  96. tefflan
    September 7th, 2006 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    I especially like the second panel in today’s “Curtis.” No one would use a simile that involves being hit and dragged by a bus and then having their pants stolen unless they lived in “da hood.” Brava, Ma Curtis, brava.

  97. treedweller
    September 7th, 2006 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    If Curtis would just advance a few years toward trends of the 90′s and 00′s, he would start wearing his pants so baggy that everyone could see his underpants all the time and spare us this interminable repetition of the dressing-room gag.

  98. Canaduck
    September 7th, 2006 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    #11–you nailed it.

    And Josh, thank you for your response to yet another “haha wacky kids with their ripped jeans” comic–you screamed so I didn’t have to!

    Wow, those videos are awesome and terrifying. Anyone know where we can get the original strips they’re acting out?

  99. Anonymous
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    #45 “Oh, and what’s up with Lizardbreath? In panel four she looks exactly like her mother but with smaller hips.”

    what’s up? Genetics.

  100. GotFuzzy
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    I don’t think we noted yet another instance of ripped jeans hilarity from Big Nate a couple of weeks ago:

    And those MW videos are great! I especially had to laugh when Prof. Chinbeard goes on and on about how you can’t take action against someone who has done nothing illegal and so on and so on, considering that’s exactly what they are doing with Cap’n Stalkeroo. Oh, the delicious irony!

    So when the live-action MW movie is made (hey, if Garfield gets two, she should get at least one), I see Olympia Dukakis playing Mary, Angela Kinsey (the uptight blonde from NBC’s The Office) as Toby, Will Ferrell as Ian and Andrea Martin as Ritzilla. I’m still having trouble with Aldo, though.

    SPoI, thanks for the big laugh with your Bucky quote. Much like any strip in which he points, any time he says “spork” is comedy gold.

  101. Chromium
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Oh my God. Those movies deserve a theatrical release.

    Toby’s “thinking” voice is especially disturbing.

  102. lesles
    September 7th, 2006 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    hey, people, don’t be fooled by aldo’s tears. they’re just cover while he works out who he takes out first, and what he’s going to do with the bodies. and how he’s going to get rid of them.

  103. ChristianPinko
    September 7th, 2006 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    #94 – I think what happened is, Spider-Man’s spider-sense told him, “You’re gonna get hit with a rock, but don’t worry ’cause the bad guy’s gonna trip and fall to his death in a minute.” Seriously, I wonder if Spider-Man is prevented from actually hitting anybody by some comics anti-violence code. Like “Super Friends” in the early 1970s, when they would NEVER hit a bad guy: instead they just gave them a good talking-to at the end of each episode.

    MW: Speaking of giving bad guys a good talking-to — Aldo is totally thinking, “I’m getting my ass chewed out by Ann Coulter & C. Everett Koop! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!!?”

    A3G: What style Ted has! Old Milwaukee — works every time.

    MT: Okay, we get it. Raised in captivity, Molly the bear is unsuited for fending for herself in the wild. It’s neither a new concept, nor a particularly hard one to grasp. Move on.

  104. King Dogmeat
    September 7th, 2006 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the heads-up on the Mary Worth films. They are utterly sublime.

  105. Jonas Cord
    September 7th, 2006 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    If these folks aren’t going to make a movie of the Aldo story arc, I don’t think I can help doing so myself.

  106. DaveKan
    September 7th, 2006 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Is there anyway to see the strips that the video is based on?

  107. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 7th, 2006 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    And in still other news…

    Actually got a chuckle out of today’s FC because it looks like little Preston or Harold (or whatever his name is) just backhanded Billy, probably to get him to STFU about the his trip to Chicago. (Silence mule! I spent the summer camping…)

    And the Ragu/Abbey thing – is she swooning or rebooting? Sure, chicks are suckers for talk about inventory control, but you got to say it with the appropriate Carl Hungus accent: Ya, I am expert mit der inventory control…


  108. The Peeb
    September 7th, 2006 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    I have to say I really enjoyed the Mary Worth Theater. I especially like the dystopic and barren wind that constantly whistles through Mary’s apartment complex.

  109. Davis
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Fantastic. Mesmerizing. Sinister.

    They must do Aldo!

  110. Library Cat
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    MT: I still feel sorry for Molly and her trials and tribulations in the wilderness. Sure, there’s plenty of food around but where the hell is the silverware? And the tablecloth and the candlelight? And Buck gazing deeply into her eyes?

  111. johnw
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    “The output relates directly to the input” is as close as a technogeek gets to talking dirty.

    Quite close enough, I say.

    Meanwhile, Abbey is wondering what kind of input it would take to maximize her output…

  112. Bitter Scribe
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    PBS: I cannot tell what those creatures in the third panel are supposed to be. Moles? Is the joke that the bookies are taking bets “underground”? PBS is one of the best new strips, but this one was over my head (or under my feet).

  113. Deckard Canine
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    The saddest thing about the ripped jeans strips is that the first one noted in CC is from TDIET. Stuck half a century in the past and it’s still a trendsetter among comics!

    #6 – Hilary and Faye stopped being friends when they got frustrated by creative differences in their effort to become a band. As for Faye being blamed for losing the game, that’s just Ted sucking more than the two girls combined.

    #19 – The other given reason was that she got homesick. But for the most part, we theorize that she acts on a subconscious, fatalistic urge to be back with her first boyfriend.

    #47 – Not only are “Zits” and GF in sync, but “Pickles” and “Rhymes with Orange” are both about grandmas spoiling grandsons. That joke theme has been around longer than ripped jeans or Twister. Also, I think every human in “Foxtrot” looks like an ape.

    #48 – The GF guy is Rob, not Roger.

    #57 – Recycled lamers are much more forgivable for college presidents than for paid humorists.

    #60 – LOL!

    #70 – Agh, that makes me itch! If only those fingers didn’t look like claws.

    #79 – LOL, how did I forget that?

    #84 – The relationship between Jeremy and Sara is one of those things that perpetually resets itself in the comics. It’s like Dagwood getting fired and returning to work as tho nothing had happened. As for today’s GF, I don’t know whether to hate it or love it.

    #99 – Well, it involves expensive ripped jeans, but it’s not quite the same punchline, so I’d let it slide.

  114. GotFuzzy
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Bitter Scribe, you have to refer to yesterday’s strip where we met the meerkats. I had no idea those cute little buggers were so into bootlegging and bookmaking!

  115. yellojkt
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    GotFuzzy (#84),

    The strip where Jeremy and Sara had the wild make-up make-out sesion was deemed too risque for a family newspaper and was substituted with a gag about how kids spend a lot of money on jeans that are already ripped.

    Sorry you missed it.

  116. Bill James
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    #73 – Cheech Wizard says: “Raju’s thesis is a direct corallary to Fudd’s First Law of Opposition (It goes in, it must come out) and subsequent application to the motor operated pushover, therefore the answer must be A.”

    If memory serves the motor operated pushover was called a “Nancy”.

  117. cheech wizard
    September 7th, 2006 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    111 – Yes, Abbey is clearly yearning for some input from Raju so he can give her his output as well.

  118. Saepe Peccate
    September 7th, 2006 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    #102 I think Spidey’s spider-sense abandoned him a long time ago. I mean the guy just got his arse kicked by a rock wielding butler. And not just any butler either, but a butler who was subsequently defeated by an inanimate piece of machinery. What’s next? Are we going to see Spider-man descend into drunken madness when his wife is captured by garden gnomes and he is unable to save her?

  119. cheech wizard
    September 7th, 2006 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    116 – Actually, I am in error – Fudd’s First Law of Opposition is “If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.” “It goes in, it must come out” is a testlicle deviant to this law.

    And yes, the pushover was called Nancy – because that’s what she does! Although in the modern era, the “Fritzi” might be more appropriate.

  120. GotFuzzy
    September 7th, 2006 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Gee, yellojkt, I’m sorry I missed it too. But how nice of my newspaper to look out for my purity, and goodness knows I appreciate ripped jeans humor! Now if someone could just take on the unmined motherlode that is how oldsters can’t cotton to the newfangled technology while teenagers have an almost inborn ability to programs VCRs and download ringtones. That stuff just writes itself–oh, yeah!

  121. Maughta
    September 7th, 2006 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Josh, for posting the movies. I especially love how psychotic and unending Toby’s harping is when said aloud. I think I may start reading Mary Worth aloud in monthly installments just to get an idea of how many times the characters repeat themselves. Naaaaahhhh.

  122. Blueline
    September 7th, 2006 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    MT- all Molly needs to do is get to a computer.

    More information about surviving in the wild can be found on the internet.

  123. compass rose
    September 7th, 2006 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    I’m unable to run the other 4 episodes of the MW video. If someone could put them on YouTube, it would be so very awesome…..(smiley face goes here)

  124. Colleen
    September 7th, 2006 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Am I a bad, uncaring person if I admit I completely forgot Sarah was sick in RMMD?

  125. Mushuweasel
    September 7th, 2006 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or do the elegent wisps of hair on “the guys” in the last panel of today’s Gil Thorp make their discussion of who’s crushing who at tight end seem more homosexually tinged than humanly possible?

  126. MossMoses
    September 7th, 2006 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    I read Raju’s input/output line as scatalogical. They are talking about stables and horse feed, after all.

    That is obviously one of those mirror mirror on the wall mirrors projecting Toby’s image. It’s either that or a wall mounted decapitation bubble, a recurring theme in Mary Worth.

    Molly , Buck Jones’ pet bear is in a world that is completely strange to her and in her new wolrd she doesn’t know what to do or where to find her next meal. After having been petted and fed by her trainer, she can’t understand the hostility towards her and she can’t understand the anger against her.


  127. Dingo
    September 7th, 2006 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps Molly the Bear and Aldo (the bear) can walk blissfully off into the sunset together.

  128. The Paradox
    September 7th, 2006 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    The Mary Worth movie is eight years old according to the end credits, so I doubt that we’ll be seeing any new productions. Judging by the accents it appears to have been made by a bunch of Canadians, perhaps some sort of Hoser college film production project?

  129. dramashoes
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:16 pm [Reply]

    That Mary Worth movie might be the most terrifying thing I have ever seen. Do you know why nobody knows the people who made it? Because it’s just like that video in the “The Ring” movie. Now that I’ve watched it, I expect Mary Worth to show up at my house in seven days and platitude me to death. Either that or she’ll just come to life, crawling naked from the comics page and forcing me to look at her verminous face until the smell crushes my spirit.

  130. amoosebitmysister
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Maybe #9 is right – the ratty pants joke could be the comic strip version of “The Aristocrats” (the joke stand ups tell each other). Except without the disgusting sex, feces, vomit, etc. Oh, and without the humor.

  131. peep
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    more information about the people in the creepy mary worth vid can be found on the internet…

    specifically, comment #33

  132. Minivet
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    My. God.

    At first today I could only read the comments, not watch the videos, because, y’know, work. I was impressed at their idea and figured it was passing weird. But I never imagined it could possibly be so bowel-janglingly creepy.

    I’ve watched the first three, and I believe I am physically incapable of watching the rest until tomorrow.

  133. yudantaiteki
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    I know that if I were trying to run away, and instead started to fall off a cliff, my last words would be “NO! I forgot the camera was here!”

    For JP, Raju is continuing his pickup lines — look at Abbey’s dreamy expression as he explains how he’s going to input some of his data into her.

    GT: I agree with the confusion; what are these people doing out here and how many are there? There’s even one guy who has the football makeup under his eyes — what the heck is he doing?

  134. The Paradox
    September 7th, 2006 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    Re. #131: By golly, you’re right, I overlooked post # 33. Being from Milwaukee would explain the neo-Canadian accents…

  135. anonymous
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    #124 – Yes.

  136. anon #2
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:08 pm [Reply]

    #124 – Sarah who?

  137. Marion Delgado
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    Whyisit a kid wouldn’t want a playstation or a car that was all beaten up or dinged – and would gripe if Momma Bear bought him a used pair of sneakers – but when it comes to shopping for clothes – especially blue jeans – they want the most used-looking clothing possible. i’d say it was the punk rockers but my brother says they did that in the Sixties, too. Kids!

    Josh is right, they just won’t listen to grownups when it comes to clothes and common sense. And maybe skateboards. You can’t say anything to a kid who skateboards and they love a beaten up skateboard too – even though it cost Daddy $700! Skateboards should be banned, period.

    I think working people like me could make a mint selling our high school wardrobe – by now it’s “faded” and “pre-shrunk” and “stone-washed” enough for the hoity toity stores.

  138. Marion Delgado
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    He used to have the apartment across from hers and he liked how she never shuts bathroom doors or windows.

    I leave the rest of his pitch to the imagination of the reader.

    But bear in mind my “sexually abusive Daddy Foob” theory. April and Lizz have an appointment with tragedy that’s an hour before Lisa Leswife.

  139. Len
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Ah, here Lio takes time to feed the small creatures of Nature… well, I THINK the hunch-backed slimey warty things are natural, but he might have constructed them from recombinent DNA scraps in his lab.

    Where DO you get a big box o’ entrails, these days?

    It strikes me that Lio is what Dennis the Menace would be like, if Henry Mitchell had married Morticia Addams. The tow-head hair has been brushed away from his eyes, the color changed, and the cowlick moved from back to front. One wonders what happened to Lio’s Mom? Or… is that nurturing one-eyed squid thingy a female? Oooh, Lio’s Dad is even kinkier than Rex Morgan!

  140. Von Zeppelin
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    The MW videos, justly acclaimed by all, are magnificent. I am hoping that the snotty, flaxen-haired beauty starring as “Toby Cameron” is, in reality, Naomi Wyoming.

    The amazing thing is that these videos also speak to the other earth-shaking controversy now roiling the waters of Curmudgeonville. If you study Dudley’s “physique” in Episodes 4 and 5, you will see that he is wearing neat, non-ripped jeans. They appear to be right off the J.C. Penney rack, in the deep indigo color that all jeans used to come in back in the day. It took about three washings in a heavy Clorox solution to get the beginnings of the desireable faded look back then.

    Dudley–he may be an asshole, but the man knows pants. Sadly, he shares a taste for cruddy polo shirts with our other favorite Charterstone tenant.

  141. Von Zeppelin
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Also–the eerie, wind-whistling sound effect just adds to the creepitude of the videos.

  142. MossMoses
    September 7th, 2006 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    Dud should be getting out of jail soon. We can only hope he returns to Charterstone to stalk BB_Shell (and Dawn Weston). The Dud Ford – Sammy fight was great theater but it did seem a bit inane fighting over Dawn Weston…

  143. LittleGuy
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    # 6 – Faye let the ball threw her legs, allowing the runner on second to score. What? You think the ball is up the air and falling? THE BALL BOUNCED BETWEEN HER LEGS! How many times do we have to say that? Didn’t you see Charlie Brown missing the kick?

    Curtis: Don’t they have locks on those doors?

  144. phil
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    I had to watch the Mary Worth Video one more time before going to bed. After seeing that great gothic interpretation I realized that there is an awful lot of hand pointing in this strip.

  145. Summerhouse
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes you feel that there isn’t any real joy in life anymore, and then you’re reminded about Bucky the cat saying, “the cold wrath that is my spork, ” and all is well. Thanks, Smart People on Ice!

    Do any of you folks ever go to It can be fun, if he updates regularly. Basically, people send in comics they don’t understand, and other folks try to explain them. You should check it out.

  146. 2fs
    September 7th, 2006 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Firesign Theatre references and Milwaukee goofballs in the same comments? (BTW: I think there’s probably a market for MILWAUKEE: IT’S NOT NEO-CANADA t-shirts…) Also, #113: “Ted sucking more than the two girls combined” – that’s just rude.

  147. Von Zeppelin
    September 7th, 2006 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    The credits on the MW videos list a certain “Colin Powell” among the cast and crew. I was wondering what he was up to while he was out of government service.

  148. 2fs
    September 7th, 2006 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    This page lists an e-mail link, if you wanted to contact them…

  149. skulking on the outskirts
    September 8th, 2006 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    @#%&*%ing Mary Worthless piece of festering,
    moldy %#@&!!! GAAAHH!!! Aldo’s going to mend
    his ways just like THAT because Bloody Mary’s brought in backup platitudeneers?? HE’S A FREAKING STALKER, PEOPLE, GET A $#@#ING CLUE!! *sigh* Please note, everyone, that when I say “PEOPLE” I mean the so-called creative team of this so-called comic strip, not you fine fellow Curmudgeonites. I know you all share this pain with me. The banality will never cease. ‘Scuse me, I gotta go get drunk now.

  150. Occam
    September 8th, 2006 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    #145 Summerhouse: Thanks for mentioning I went there and had a good laugh, particularly at some of the comics/comments on the “Arlo” page.

  151. Occam
    September 8th, 2006 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    #145 Summerhouse: Thanks for mentioning I went there and had a good laugh, particularly at some of the comics/comments on the “Arlo” page.

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