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Sympathy for the Ziggy

Ziggy, 9/15/10

Ziggy staring forlornly at the viewer and admitting that nobody likes or respects him, using language that was vaguely funny when deployed by Rodney Dangerfield 25 years ago, is nothing out of the ordinary. But I admit that my interest is piqued by the sour-looking man in the hat strolling behind our hapless misery-gnome. Was it an encounter with this sneering Babbitt that left Ziggy so forlorn? Did the bourgeois conformist glare at our hero and sneer “Put some pants on, freak,” before stalking off? Perhaps Ziggy’s sense of persecution has some basis in external reality after all.

Shoe, 9/15/10

Shoe seems to have abandoned his attempt to woo an uptight lady bird with Farah Fawcett hair and moved on to someone more his style: a busty, heavy-lidded fellow drunkard wearing something low-cut who likes to complain about things. “Dogs, am I right? Seriously, who do we have to blow to get some God-damned booze around here?”

Gil Thorp, 9/15/10

Oh, man, a whole year’s worth of boring and incomprehensible Gil Thorps is worth it if they’re necessary to frame the strip’s annual descent into fiery madness. This year’s ritual of cleansing flame features the newly elected co-captains placating the crazed torch-wielding mob by pledging to beat to death any Milford player who fails to adequately entertain the townsfolk.

Mary Worth, 9/15/10

“After all, the most important thing about my father is how he affected me, and since I cared about him less as a human being and more in terms of his failures to live up to some abstract ideal, once we made peace his continued presence in my life was frankly superfluous. His death was really more convenient than anything else. Am I right in assuming that this sensitive talk about my feelings is finishing the job of preparing you for sex with me that was started by the russet-colored meal I purchased for you and my orange suit/black shirt/wispy chest hair combo? I’ll bet I’m right! I’m a trained mental health practitioner!”

339 responses to “Sympathy for the Ziggy”

  1. Dood
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    That Tim Conway Hapless Ref act just slays ‘em in Milford.

  2. zenvelo
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    I find myself tolerating a lot from Mary Worth, but seeing Dr. Mike play stink-finger is just too much….

  3. TheDiva
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#y263): Shoot, if I’d only waited a couple more minutes….

    GT: I’m more concerned about the ref’s unnaturally stiff arm windmilling around in panel three. Is he an action figure? Is he doing a very rigid air guitar routine?

  4. 150
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    The key word is “due”, Ziggy. You’re getting all the respect you are due. Trust me.

  5. Gary
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    “Well, that and the Cialis I took just before dinner. We better hurry because it my finger stays in this position for more than 4 hours, I’m going to have to seek medical assistance.”

  6. Smokehouse
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    That ref is ready to party with his musical whistle and wicked windmill-arm dance move.

  7. Ned Ryerson
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Luann: “Oh yeah, you might not want to use that bathroom for a good thirty minutes or so. I had four chalupas and a sixpack of Mickey’s for lunch yesterday. Hey thanks again folks. Good to see you again, Burt. Give me a ring and we’ll go grab a beer sometime. ♫ Stick out your can, here comes the garbage man ♫”

  8. Scott Bot
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    If it weren’t Shoe, I’d say the first line was the opening for a very dirty joke. But then that would be funny, and it wouldn’t be Shoe.

  9. Dood
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    The bigger Ziggy question: Why is Dennis the Menace’s dad doing a walk-on appearance? Is Ziggy going to become pathetically menacing?

  10. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    GT: I hope the students are burning the tedious Gil Thorp summer strips in that bonfire.

  11. Old School Allie Cat
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    MW – If LuAnne from A3G put on Dr. Mike’s suit and stood next to a bowl of butterscotch pudding, she’d disappear totally. But what a waste of pudding.

  12. spike
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    MW: Yeah, yeah, yeah…
    “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
    I took the one less traveled by,”
    So, care to join me on my quest fro Cousin Richie’s killer, Jenna?

    Phantom: Ya gotta love those bi-lingual Rhodian newspapers–headline in English, reporting in local Rhodian tongue. Most efficient for a fascist regime.

  13. zenvelo
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    In Panel 2 of Mark Trail, why is he kneeling? that’s the only way he could be in that position.

  14. Unknown Eric
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MW: “After all, my father may be dead, but I’m ah-ah-ah-ah stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.”

  15. Ellie
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Whew, death sure gives you an appetite…Mike’s having 5 sandwiches and a side of grits for lunch.

  16. Dood
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    I like the way Dr. Mike points to his dialog balloon in a “See, see, huh, get it?” sort of way for even great emphasis during this all-important dinner discussion with Jenna.

  17. Robin
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    MW: “Two roads converged in a yellow wood. And I, I took the one less travelled by. And that has made all the difference.”

  18. Fountain Mountain Dew
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Ellie (#15): You order the Wilbur special, you get the Wilbur special.

  19. Robin
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Sorry Spike, it would seem I just repeated your joke. Didn’t know there were so many Robert Frost fans.

  20. Dood
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    I’m picturing Jenna’s opening line as “My dog never comes when I call.”

  21. AhClem
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    MW – “Jenna, the spiritual transformation I went through in reconnecting with my father, and then reconciling our differences before his death, has made me better understand the intricacies of life and love. I think I am finally ready to devote my life to a nurturing, loving relationship with a woman like you, and I’d like to prove it.

    “Here, pull my finger. No, really!”

  22. AhClem
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    MW – Jenna, I’d like to prove that I am worthy of your love by eating all five of these hot dogs in less than 60 seconds. Just give me a moment to pull this fork out of my chest first.

  23. Scott Bot
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    GT – Apparently Pete Townshend is now a football referee.

  24. Dood
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#23): Out here in the fields …

  25. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    GT: As Devil’s Night gets underway, Cody Exner vows to make the gods notice the Mudlarks again.

    Ziggy: Oh Ziggy. We take it as a given that you never get any.

    MT: Nice job, Mr. Tinyhands. If we go through another horribly misguided domestic violence storyline, her black eye will be on your head.

    A3G: Do you mean change clothes, Tommie? Because that did seem to take you a few days.

    Luann: “You can believe this: Bye.” Dirk is a walking Zen koan.

    Phantom: Thanks for another glimpse of what hillbillies look like in Africa. That guy’s next headline will involve his claims that he was anally probed by little green men.

    S4th: Of course Karl will continue to think of himself as Slytherin.

    Archie: Veronica’s got a butler who’s willing to serve liquor to minors. Jughead and his Plushie wiener just can’t compete.

    Blondie: Alexanderbot 3000 needs to be debugged.

    DtM: “Finally, we have proof that Mr. Wilson shaves down there, too.”

  26. Snowshoecat1
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    I can’t blame Tommie for bursting into tears. Well, okay, this is bland Tommie and the best she can manage is a leak rather than a burst. But who wouldn’t cry standing in front of all those blue people in a frilly nightgown? An old-fashioned baby doll number from the mid 20th Century at that.

  27. Will
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    I keep reading it as Ziggy lodging two separate complaints. “People always say “With all due respect!” and “I never get any!”

    And now I can’t unread it that way.

  28. Amateur
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    MW: Bad call on my part. Instead of Johnny Cash, we get Robert Frost.

  29. AndyL
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Shoe:
    Better Punchline : “You should get a bird-dog.”

    Gil Thorp:
    Wow, what a non-traditional statement coming from a Milford team. They’re going to work hard to win games! That’s pretty weird. Wouldn’t it be easier to pin their hopes and dreams on some newly arrived stranger with a mysterious background?

  30. spike
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Robin (#19): Not a problem! Great mind think alike.

    @Amateur (#28): On the bright side, you get to keep your life’s savings! :-)

  31. Chyron HR
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Doonesbury, 9/15/10 – Short people got no reason to live.

    Gil Thorp, 9/15/10 – It’s the traditional pre-season Sabbat. Marty Moon asks, “Can you win with Baphomet as quarterback?” And then, the spinning arms of THE WINDMILL!

    Ziggy, 1969 to 9/15/10 – Short people got no reason to live.

  32. Chip
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MW: Mike- it’ll all crumble to pieces when the waiter comes back and says your credit card has been declined!

  33. Unknown Eric
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    GT: And then, it’s Friday night. YMCA time!!!

    Man, what is it with me and disco jokes today?

  34. Thomas B.
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Ziggy- I think there should be a woman in the background when Ziggy says “I never get any.”

  35. Mustang
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MW- It looks like Mike is poised to fling his wad of glop at at his beloved. “I’m sorry about what happened.” “Don’t be. Without the burden of my father’s desertion looming over my psyche, I can now enjoy special, playful moments with you my darling! FOOD FIGHT!”

  36. AndyL
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    AAAHHH! WE’RE BEING CHASED BY AN OVERFLOWING TRASH CAN!

  37. teenchy
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#230): You’re shitting me. Margo = Joan Crawford? That goes a long way toward explaining the ‘Mudges’ Margo worship, which heretofore I found inexplicable. I apologize to the College of Cardinals as a whole, but fully expect the occasional snarky Crawford comparisons from the parade floaters.

  38. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    GT: The Milford team is finally shedding the pretense that the whole bonfire routine is for starting the football season, now being up front about the real scene — that they’re an angry mob ready to ritualistically burn the town to the ground and violently terrorize the citizenry with violent thuggery. Probably as a motorcycle gang. Yes, Gil Thorp is really a disturbing ’60s exploitation film!

  39. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#24): Yep, Milford High School is a “Teenage Wasteland”, alright.

    NS: Somebody please tell Wiley that the Reagan era is over?!

    BC…. wants to be “The Flintstones”.

    Cleats: It’s Don Martin communicating from the afterworld!

    ReFOOB: Lynn’s trying to make up for all the thinly-veiled anti-Rod strips.

    FW: Perfect Pathetic.

    JP: Bionic shoes?

  40. Amateur
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @spike (#30): You have a point.

  41. Amateur
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @teenchy (#37): If Margo was based on Joan Crawford, and she’s getting an update, then it’s obvious who she’s supposed to be now: Kate Winslet. She should have gotten the red rich brown hair.

  42. spike
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Brewster Rockit: Special guest appearance by Lonnie in Panel III today.

  43. Maggie
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    I’m glad you said something about Ziggy! I too was caught off guard by the random superfluous passerby. It makes me think that the guy who writes Ziggy (I refuse to look up his name) must be getting bored, or strung out, or something. “I can’t draw one more strip with Ziggy staring out at us from the blank nothingness! There’s got to be more in life!! I’ll… draw a background character. Ooh, and I’ll give him a little hat! Okay, I feel better.”

  44. Mela
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: Judging by that facial expression Tommie’s sporting, I’d say they turned her into Lighter-Haired Margo. (Everyone who was talking about what a load of wasted potential this makeover was & how things were more stylish in the 60s, I am in agreement.)

    Baldo: Well, it should be a pinata of someone everyone wants to hit, but it’d be confusing to show Gracie smashing one of herself.

    FW: Yes, now Batiuk can set up Susan as some tragic martyr for both love and The Great Creative Truths after she finally pulls off a successful suicide. Shame the author can’t do the same; half the time, this strip reads like a really pompous, overblown, pretentious suicide note in daily installments, so until it happens, I’ll keep hoping.

    GA: If this whole thing turns out to be a scathing indictment of helicopter parenting, I will forgive this strip for many of its sins.

    H&J: Ezekiel must be reading the manga adaptation. Whether it’s hentai or not, I’ll leave to other filthier minds.

    Luann: Someone needs to inform Evans that walk-in cameos don’t bring ratings spikes to comic strips.

    MW: Sensitive as always to the ways of human psychology, “Mary Worth”. At least you’re not wishing mental illness away this time, though.

    PBS: After this strip, I firmly believe that Goat is actually the biggest horse’s ass in the series; it’s the only way to explain his constant string of self-righteousness lately (it’s actually pretty realistic, since Goat’s attitude is just like that of someone who decides that they & they alone will be the “voice of reason” in the office/group/club/what-have-you). But so long as Rat is there to spotlight it, it’ll work.

    Speed: Toddler Grand is oddly cute.

    Zits: Not really – train wrecks usually aren’t this predictable.

  45. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    9CL:

    Sincere comment: Aaaaawwww.

    Snarky comment: TIM-BERRRRRRRRRRR!

    Pop culture reference comment: ~We are family…~

  46. Cooler King
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    I’d like to know what sort of restaurants the Mary Worth writers and artists frequent to serve as their inspiration for “Menu”, partly because it’d be fun to witness such ridiculous decor and insane diner interaction firsthand, but mostly because I want to know where I can get a giant basket of McDonald’s hash browns past 10:30am.

  47. Mela
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    “NS: Somebody please tell Wiley that the Reagan era is over?!”

    Wiley won’t believe those lies that they sell on that newfangled “cable” TV. And forget about that stupid Internet thingy – he know what’s what! That’s why his strip is such a staggering indictment of modern society.

    (Seriously, someone make the sarcasm font.)

  48. Marvin's mom
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    WHAT ABOUT COUSIN RICHIE?? FOR GOD’S SAKE, WHAT OF COUSIN RICHIE?

  49. foobar
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    #46: Exactly right. Mashed turnip, lima beans and a basket of hash browns.

  50. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Ziggy’s not the only comic strip character who invites our scorn. The maitre d’ in today’s Shoe showed his utter contempt for the title character by seating him at a table out back… by a garbage can!

  51. Larry Fine
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Check out the color version of today’s Spider-Man, and you’ll see Robbie’s skin and hair change color between panels 1 and 3. Apparently he was bitten by a radioactive chameleon.

  52. Larry Fine
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    FC — That looks like a cubicle Billy is standing in. I guess Daddy Keane decided open space is the devil’s tool.

  53. Larry Fine
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    DtM — Mr. Wilson has rabies! FINALLY this strip has a real menace!

  54. Bennui
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth meals: Soylet Orange is made of people (in cheap orange leisure suits)!

  55. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @Marvin’s mom (#48): And even more to the point — WHY ON EARTH WERE SOME PEOPLE DOING A GANGLAND DRIVE-BY ON THIS RANDOM KID IN ’60s/’70s/’80s (but like from the ’40s/’50s) IN THE FIRST PLACE???

    It’s an unsolved incongruency!

  56. But What Do I Know?
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    GT– Marcus and “I” will bust some heads, damn it! What the hell kind of grammar do they teach at that sorry excuse for a high school anyway?

    MW– Don’t be sorry that he’s dead, just be happy that’s he’s gone!

  57. Mibbitmaker
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#50): So Dirk can stalk him.

  58. Larry Fine
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    MT — “Frank, please don’t have this trapped animal hunt, or I’ll have to resort to my ultimate weapon.”
    “Oh my fucking god, Trail! You don’t mean–”
    “Yes. I’ll bring Rusty to visit next time.”
    “You win, Trail.”

  59. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Mela (#44): re H&J: well spotted, even more well snarked.

  60. Hasty Penguin
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Shoe tries to tell a joke today, but it’s betrayed by every piece of art in the strip. From the characters bored expressions that only become more tired and depressed when they become aware that it’s a crappy joke. If that weren’t enough, the one duck has pulled the garbage can closer to the table as if to say “This is where this material belongs.” “Cheers,” is the gesture, but look at the bubbles coming from that drink. He’s drugged himself with something. It’s a desperate cry for help, and if one ever even thought to laugh at the idea of a waiter being like a disobedient dog, all mirth would be crushed by the hopeless lives of the characters anyway. Funny pages indeed.

  61. Larry Fine
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Pluggers — What newspaper has an entire *section* devoted to obituaries? I mean, besides the one in Westview?

  62. Strangerover
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: “With all due respect, sir, PUT SOME PANTS ON, YA FREAK!”

  63. Joe Blevins
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    SHOE: You know what would make this Shoe great? Context. Imagine if “My dog never comes comes when I call” had been the first and only thing the anonymous bird lady had said after 10 agonizing minutes of uncomfortable silence. Imagine further that Shoe’s witty retort is followed by 10 more minutes of silence. Shoe is a (potentially) great comic. It just needs waaaaayyyy more panels.

    ZIGGY: Is Ziggy suffering from some kind of dementia? He can clearly see what “normal” humans look like in his world, yet he seems puzzled when he is shunned by them. Ziggy, let me spell it out for you: your head is the size of that man’s entire torso!

  64. Bryan
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Non Sequitur: The Reagan administration? Hell, somebody needs to tell Wiley that the Nixon administration is over.
    PS to Wiley: Hey, Matt Groening called and said he wants his Mr. Burns character model back.

  65. Larry Fine
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    MW — Dr. Mike’s upraised index finger indicates he is making an important point to the woman he loves. Either that or he’s been picking his nose.

  66. Steve the Pocket
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#39): Or the Clinton era, for that matter. According to an old chart I have, in 1995 the military accounted for fully 50% of the national budget. In 2009, even with two actual wars going on, it was only 23%. Although it was also three times as much, so make of that what you will.

  67. Strangerover
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MW: This is just to say that you’re eating the Milano cookies I was saving for myself. Still, there’s grits.

  68. Strangerover
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    MW: “Watch out! Imma bus’ some Rod Mckuen on yo’ ass!”

  69. Anonymous
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Yo, what happened to Dr. Mike’s eyes in panel 1? He get hit in the back of the head while crossing them for fun?

  70. Jake Morgendorffer
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    As someone who’s high school once burned the opposing team in effigy, i.e. a dummy in a jersey, I can attest that these Gil Thorp bonfire sequences are not nearly as far from reality as one might hope.

  71. Connie
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    FW: Please oh please let Suicide Susan show up at school tomorrow with her hair in dreadlocks.

  72. Dood
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    I think the non-traditional message from the captains is that an average teenager and a zombie teenager can co-exist in the same defensive backfield.

  73. Uncle Lumpy
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Cooler King (#46):

    Santa Royale has three restaurants:

    1) The Bum Boat — Mary’s and Jeff’s “old familiar.” Seafood.
    2) La Rosa — For special nights out, and hash browns after 10:30 AM. European food. Pricey!
    3) The Golden Corridor — When you want to make a great first impression. Oriental food.

  74. Will
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    MT: Now would you kindly grow a mustache so that I can punch you already?

    JP: Seriously? A Mac product placement?

  75. Pop Goes the Weasel
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    What interests me in today’s “Shoe” is the overflowing
    can of garbage that seems to be walking itself across
    the dining room.

  76. JB
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    GA: When someday I have a child, I hope I’ll be a good enough parent to lecture my kid on the proper use of the subjunctive mood immediately after he’s been through a life-threatening traffic accident. And I’ll definitely aspire to yell at him about the frugal use of cell phones at the same time. Look, kid, if you’re not halfway down a boa constrictor’s gullet, don’t use the damn phone.

  77. Shawn S.
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    MW: Who makes points while holding a finger up self-righteously? People who aren’t getting laid, that’s who! …Oh who am I kidding, Jenna will hop on anything that moves once she gets a bit of the drink in her.

    Ziggy: Ziggy breaks the fourth wall about twice a week. His life is depressing enough, but knowing that the twenty loyal Ziggy readers in the world are watching his every failure? How terrible that would be!

  78. cheech wizard
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann – “While I was in jail, I did a lot of thinking. Where can bullying, angry person who likes to hurt people and inflict his sense of morality on the world find a job? But with all the scandals, Blackwater isn’t hiring any more, so I thought I’d become a cop instead.”

    9CL – Awwww. Now that that nasty Bill is out of the way, we can finally be a family!

    GT – Looks like the Mudlark’s first opponent for their Civil War re-enactment team was Atlanta.

  79. Darkefang
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: I know it’s just a set-up for a bowling joke, but why are they concerned about Nikki’s well-being at all? Driving a school bus is essentially a volunteer position. If you’re that hard up for $30 a day, 180 days a year, there are always dishes to be washed and gas to be pumped, even in the worst job market. If Nikki was driving a school bus, she obviously had another source of income.

    Of course, why would a school district would even lay off a bus driver in the first place? Who lays off their cheapest labor first?

    I guess you can’t let the details get in the way if you’re attempting to create the bleakest comic strips of all time.

  80. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    MC: “Yes… but not for very much longer.”

  81. odinthor
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    MW. — Ladies and gentlemen, we would like to thank journalism superstar Mike Wallace for stepping in on short notice to play the part of Dr. Mike in panel two today when our Ken doll broke in panel one! And special thanks to Alec Baldwin for use of his chest hair!

  82. Stroker Ace
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    GT – According to this strip high school is still lame. That can’t possibly still be true in real life.

  83. Ed Dravecky
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Ha! It’s funny because dogs pee on things, such as fire hydrants in the middle of the North African desert, while Crock cartoonists Bill Rechin and Don Wilder take a daily dump on American newspaper comics pages.

    Note to self: go back in time and pick clever, anonymous nickname for use on this blog. also, while I have the time machine, kill Hitler.

  84. UncleJeff
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    MT: Dinner with Mikey and Jenna. She got the white wine with roofies and he got the Captain & Coke with amphetamines.

  85. Nekrotzar
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Jenna should explain to Mike that comestibles enter the stomach by being eaten and swallowed, not by being forced through the abdominal wall.

  86. spike
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#78): I refuse to get caught up in the warm-fuzzy atmosphere at 9CL. Kiesl is destined to die in his sleep tonight, or he’ll have to duel Thorax for the hand of Eva/Edith, or be denied US citenship because he’s a former Nazi, or…some variaton thereof.

  87. Ed Dravecky
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    “So? Don’t homeless people routinely give $1,000 bills to passing strangers? I bet that’s why they’re homeless.” Dick Tracy’s grip on economics is only slightly worse than his knowledge of due process, modern technology, or this thing the humans call “love”.

  88. Red Greenback
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: With all due respect, the proper punchline is: “He must be stapled to our waiter.”

    MW: Check it out, Dr. Mike is giving “props” to Cathy. What we don’t see off-panel is his flung fork lodged in the neck of the diner to his right.

  89. Uncle Lumpy
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (or should I say, “Timehawk”?) (#83):

    … also, while I have the time machine, kill Hitler.

    Not again. Dude, we’ve been over this!

  90. Icepick Jones
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Did the bird mutants from Shoe go to a classy restaurant that has it’s own folding chairs or did they bring thier own?

  91. Ed Dravecky
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    He is acquainted with the night. When two roads diverge in a yellow wood, he can take them both. Just quoting him to your date will put hair on your chest. Robert Frost is… the most interesting poet in the world!

  92. littlestevie
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Whaa, are Becka and June in some kind of chest thrusting display? Those two make partridges look like slackers. And just rememeber Becka, June is the master and don’t try to upstage her.

  93. Ed Dravecky
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    When did Robert Rodriguez take over writing duties on Baldo? (I approve.)

  94. littlestevie
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I was thinking that he looked a little more full in the chest hair region as well, maybe just his pent up testosterone level.

  95. littlestevie
    September 15th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @littlestevie (#94): Whoops that was is in reply to Ed @91

  96. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#y258):

    Thanks for the idea. I’ll try it sometime!

  97. cheech wizard
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Sorry Brad, but cop trumps firefighter on the macho uniform scale. If you want to have any chance of retaining Toni’s affections, you’re going to have to become an Army Ranger at the very least. I would say a Green Beret, but those guys dress like bums, with their shaggy beards and blend-in-with-the-locals rags.

    No matter anyway, because Dirk will always stay one step ahead of you. By the time you finish training, he’ll probably be qualifying for night ops in the F-18, so you’re still fucked anyway. You might as well just become a milkman – I hear they get lots of tail.

  98. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    It’s at the point with Luann where the “suspension of belief” has hit the fan.

    Evens will do whatever he wants to with Dirk, including making him a cop, the police chief and the city manager in charge of the fire department, and the mortgage holder for all of Frank’s properties. Toni will stand by his side, taunting Brad while using the pointy edge of her bra badge to keep Dirk under her control.

  99. wossname
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#89): Wonderful link! Thanks, Uncle Lumpy!

  100. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    “wiiling suspension of disbelief.”

    and it’s trope.

    Research first. ::headdesk::

  101. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    And it’s “its trope.” Not “it’s”. Gaugh. I’m going to get off the computer and fry up some brains.

  102. spike
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#101): There, there. I’m a spazz at the keyboard at times as well. [Just take a look at my earlier posts and you'll feel much better. :-)]

  103. Poteet
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#89): Thank you. Fantastic. I used to go through (okay, I still occasionally go through) strange little mental exercises in which half my brain creates a time-travel fantasy and the other half of my brain then grimly points out all the problems and demolishes it. This website is awesome.

  104. Seth B
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Where the heck does Gil Thorp coach? Nuremberg in 1937?

  105. Poteet
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    GT — I’m trying not to think about what the traditional message might be.

  106. Johnny Knuckles
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: Jenna is about to meet Dr. DRE.! Digital Rectal Examination for diagnosing an enlarged prostate. The digital refers to the finger, not binary code. Sure, girls don’t have prostate glands, but I doubt Jenna cares to know that.

  107. terrapin
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    Jenna must already be lit up like a Christmas tree. Her face does not have the expression of a woman who has been told by her date that his father died after a long and drunken search for his cousins’ killer has failed. It looks more like the waiter just told her that jugs of wine are half off.

  108. Push Trot
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    SF: Once again Hufflepuff is the butt of the joke. Entirely justified, too.

    SFx: Which of the sea creatures does not lay eggs or bear young in the water? Easy – it’s the dead one, bottom right. Duh.

  109. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#101): Actually, “it’s” as a contraction of “it is” fits, so you needn’t beat yourself up unless you enjoy it.

  110. seismic-2
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    MW: Lesson for the day: when, after many years of futile struggle, you finally do make peace with someone, as a reward for your nobility your head becomes en-wreathed in laurels that sprout forth from your ear canal. This does not bode well for the Israeli-Palestinian negotiations.

    FC: With his new mastery of the “times seven” tables, Billy can not only compute the pets’ ages in dog years, but he can also compute his own I.Q. in human points.

    FW: Les is white, Cayla is black, Susan is green, and my keyboard is rainbow-hued. I have got to stop reading this strip, at least during lunchtime.

    JP: “Dear Dad, The rich chick I’ve been shacking up with is dumping me for her old boyfriend, so now I’m going to have to ask for $6M from you instead. Sincerely, Your loser son, Shoe-boy.” Yep – that’s a short and sweet business plan, indeed.

  111. Just Call Me E
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    @Jake Morgendorffer (#70): Oh! You must be from TEXAS like me!

  112. ComixLovin'Cat
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    As a mental health practitioner, I hereby renounce any association my field has with “Dr.” Mike (probably as qualified as “Dr.” Laura). It’s kind of like being excommunicated, but with a big can of psychological whoopass thrown in. Now let’s see what he does with that finger!

    CD

    P.S. Josh, please stop reminding us he’s supposed to be some sort of psychologist or therapist. It makes me cringe each time.

  113. Norm Chucks
    September 15th, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#73): Those all sound like to sort of restaurants you’d find in The Village.

    “Where am I?”
    “Santa Royale.”
    “What do you want?”
    “Information.”
    “You won’t get it!”
    “By peddle or meddle, we will.”

  114. Tom Allen
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Despite the obvious math, “Ziggy” + “Dangerfield” + “folly” does not equal “Ziegfield Follies.” And yes, I am ancient enough that I think that mildly amusing.

  115. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Brooke, I understand that it can be aggravating trying to fit a vertically-oriented shot into space as compressed as that in a newspaper strip, but these Dutch angles just gotta stop. I keep expecting Cesar Romero to walk into the frame.

    A3G – What does that have to do with anything, Tommie? You’re not a person. You’re more a sort of interference pattern resulting from the actions of others.

    A.D. – Are you really sure B.C. needs to be more like The Flintstones, Mason?

    BB – “I’m lying, of course. I’m going to stare at your tits and attempt to surreptitiously jerk off. I mean, really, it’s my defining character trait in a universe where everybody is allowed only one defining character trait, did you really think something different was going to happen? God, is there any universe more fatalistic than that of a legacy comic strip?”

    Crankshaft – Well, if she’s lucky, she’ll simply drop out of existence altogether. If she’s not, she’ll have to keep living in the Winkerverse.

    Crock – …why.

    DT – …under what circumstances would a homeless person giving out large amounts of money be something for the police to handle?

    FW – AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH
    AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    AAAAAARRGGRRRGGGRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHRRRGGARRRRRRRGGGGHHH
    STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP

    GT – *shudder*

    JP – Okay, is there a single cartoonist who isn’t an avid Mac user? I swear, if I ever write a comic strip I’m going to have people using Kaypros and Tandys just to throw in a little variety.

    Lockhorns – “I can’t even set him to ‘vibrate’ anymore.”

    Luann – Didn’t react, didn’t mouth off, didn’t even have to snark because he just let his actions do the mocking. It’s official: Dirk is my new favorite Luann character.

    MT – Oh lordy, do I love Mark’s expression of blank earnestness.

    MW – Hellooo 1970.

    Phantom – What the hell? Did someone on Team Phantom forget to replace the placeholder article text with something sane, or what?

    RMMD – Rex Morgan, M.D.: solving HIPAA violations with the power of boobs!

    SM – Oof! Good to see Robbie got over his brief bout of Michael Jackson Syndrome.

  116. Scott Bot
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Ok, I have a quick question for y’all, because I live in the land of small towns and volunteer fire departments – do big city professional fire fighters wear the uniform with tie all the time? I mean, even the police around here don’t wear ties…

  117. Digger
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Doesn’t bird ownership of dogs violate the hierarchy of the animal kingdom? Or are all the Shoe characters Pluggers?

    GT: You would think the students of Milford would now better than to get all excited about their football team. Or maybe they just like having any excuse to burn stuff.

    MW: “Enough about my dad, let’s go back to what we talked about on her first date. Remember that idiot shopaholic that Mary forced upon us? Ha,ha,ha, what a loser!”

  118. Calico
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Please allow me to introduce myself
    I’m a man that has no shame
    Strutting around without my pants
    This is how I earned my fame.

    (Whooo whoooo!)

  119. LaziestManOnMars
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Hasn’t Ziggy’s fanbase been dead for a few decades now? I picture a yellowed, crumbly Ziggy comic from 1983 still scotch-taped to a refrigerator in one of those abandoned houses you see next to what used to be a stretch of old highway; the one that got a lot of use before they put the interstate in. The house has been boarded up ever since the old woman that lived there died under a stack of old magazines, and wasn’t found for a few weeks. You know, after the neighbors kept complaining about the smell. The son of the woman tried to sell the house, but he couldn’t afford one of those crime-scene cleaning places to come in and scoop up her various fluids. Now the son is dead of a drug overdose, and the property is in an endless limbo, until the day the whole plot is sold to a child-sized coffin company. Thanks Ziggy, you ruin everything.

  120. Dono
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    #81: Yes, Mike Wallace works. I was also thinking a young Bob Barker or William Schallert.

  121. wossname
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#116): In Atlanta, I’m quite sure they don’t wear ties except on extremely formal occasions. They have some kind of open-collared uniforms, I think, obviously with all kinds of gear added when a fire is involved.

    And Brad doesn’t even live in a big city, does he?

  122. Norm Chucks
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#115) re: MW: I had a similar thought. Dr. Mike looks like Generic Male Diner #3 from pretty much any episode of Love Boat.

  123. Calico
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @LaziestManOnMars (#119):
    Now THAT’S an opus (not of the penguin variety)!
    Did you happen to see the latest 2 eps of “Hoarders?”
    There’s not a dead lady, but bags and bags of years’ worth of…um…well, let’s just say that Marmaduke would wholeassedly approve.

  124. Carlo
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: I see Dr. Mike followed my sartorial advice from the other day. If only I could afford an orange blazer myself instead of living vicariously through Dr. Mike.

    Some etiquette notes:
    * It’s a fork, Dr. Mike, not a shovel.
    * Elbows on the table shows poor manners, Jenna. Dr. Mike should rap you on the elbows with the back of his butter knife.
    * Dr. Mike should have used one more button on his shirt.

  125. Josh
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#89): Ha ha, that’s great! I always sort of wanted to write a story where Hitler starts off as a normal, well-adjusted person, but becomes a deranged, paranoid anti-Semite when all these Jews from the future keep trying to kill him.

    Josh

  126. Walker of Dog
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    DT: Young Harry Carey receives a bonanza.

    MT: The ref’s imitation of Freddy Mercury imitating Pete Townshend is dead on. All part of the “non-traditional message”, I guess.

    JP: Jules is wearing one of those magnetic iron-filing beards. Looks good.

    Phan: Savarna quietly asks the waiter to dim the lights in the restaurant, so stupid Kit will stop pestering her with news articles and hounding her to scarf down her food like a dog. She’s suffering enough from the hemorrhoids, thank you very much.

    RMMD: I have enjoyed all the hyperdramatic poses and facial expressions this week. Next: Concerned Vogue-ing.

    S-M: Even the appalling color-monkey failure can’t diminish the pleasure of seeing Jonah elbowing aside Helen Thomas in his lust for a scoop.

    9CL: Someone’s about to break a hip…

  127. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Bryan (#64):

    Matt Groening must be apoplectic about the “Barney Pillsbury” character in Barney & Clyde!

  128. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#91): I see what you did there. And I have a sudden desire for a Dos Equis, how . . . interesting.

  129. LaziestManOnMars
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#123): As much as I love that whole train-wreck craziness, I can’t watch the show. I see too much of myself in the kooks they have on. I like to think the stuff I’m OCD about have redeeming qualities(DVDs, Music, Books, Porsche parts), but I realize it’s just semantics. Those people see their collections of crap as important too. And yes, sometimes it is literal crap. I’d never get that crazy. I hope! :)

  130. Norm Chucks
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#125): There was a sketch comedy show in the early nineties the featured a skit with a time-travelling Lincoln constantly trying to murder John Wilkes Booth at different points in his life. It ends with Booth just happening to see Lincoln in Ford’s Theater and assuming Lincoln’s making another go at it.

  131. Red Greenback
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: “Respect my semi-nuditah!”

  132. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#83):

    I’m afraid Crock creator Don Wilder isn’t doing much of anything these days. Wilder, who was the writer on Crock for over 30 years, died September 26, 2008.

  133. Poteet
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    MW — @ComixLovin’Cat (#112): I won’t make you answer for Doctor Mike if you don’t make me answer for Mark Trail.

  134. UncleJeff
    September 15th, 2010 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    Arlo & Janis: two strips about sagging breasts (and Arlo’s appreciation of them) and nobody here noticed?

  135. Little Guy
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    GT: …. can’t put it any better, Josh.

    Luann: As the meme goes,”Well…… bye!”

  136. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#134): I noticed, but failed to mention them in the morning snark. That sort of thing is one of my favorite parts of A&J.

  137. wagmore
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#85): A good point, but if food in the Maryworthiverse tastes anything like the way it looks, bypassing the taste buds is a sound idea.

  138. Virginia
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#97): I don’t know about that. My group of friends in middle and high school drooled over my firefighter dad more than my police officer uncle. Funny, though, the two forces do have some rivalries going on, like the Jets and Sharks, only saving lives instead of singing and leaping.

    Pardon My Planet: Any reason why we’re giving Patrick Henry’s words to Nathan Hale? Any? FAIL on the “comics of historical martyr” front.

  139. Laura Brown
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure that’s meant to be Morton Feldman in Ziggy.

  140. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#134): What queek said. Sexuality in Arlo ‘N Janis is so pleasantly frank that I just can’t think of anything funny to say about it, most days.

  141. bunivasal
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Hey, horrible bird lady, have you ever considered that your dog doesn’t come when you call because you live at the top of a sixty foot tall oak tree and he’s a dog?

  142. ilby
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    9cl: Am I the only one who is reading Gran as wall-eyed first glance?
    http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/6606/lazyeye.gif

    This is all I can see and it’s the first time in a long time that 9CL has made me laugh

  143. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @ilby (#142): That was my first impression as well. Funnier than anything I’ve ever seen in the actual 9 Chickweed Lane.

  144. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2010 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    bebeh big kitteh can haz cheezeburger?

    ahhhh, border collies.

    also, Acting Like Animals has an amazing little clip of a mimic octopus that has to be seen to be believed.

  145. nescio
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Josh has no comment on Marmaduke finally being put to sleep today?

  146. Braniff
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @Pop Goes the Weasel (#75): Actually, the heaps of paper were better on the Perfesser’s desks–before they were replaced with heaps of computers. Hasn’t Shoe ever heard of laptops, iPads(R), iPhones(R) or Droids(R)?

  147. cheech wizard
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @nescio (#145): Actually, I think that’s a suppository – he’s impacted from all the indigestible fiber in the football uniforms of those kids he devoured a few days ago.

  148. Austria
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#115): re JP: I’m only offical on campus, but…*raises hand*

    Blondie: I laughed.

    CtH: No. Stop. Just STOP.

    FW: That sounds so much like a non sequiter. “Yes, I’m green!” I know it’s green with envy, but still.

    Luann: What Brad doesn’t know, and what Dirk is totally aware of, is that those gloves are smothered in the filth of peoples’ daily lives. He’s gonna have a nasty trash handprint on that shirt. …Wait, does this guy ever unclench his teeth? He’s like Chad from Zits before they redesigned him.

    MW: Well, now that Cathy’s retiring, I guess someone has to take up the responsibility of pointing at nothing.

    PBS: This is just begging for an edit. AAAAAALWAYS I WANNA BEEEEEE WITH YOU AND MAKE BELIEEEEEEEVE WITH YOU AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY OH LOOOOOOVE

    SF: I’unno, Blondie, you look like more of a Hufflepuff to me. And I wouldn’t put it past Glasses Man to be Slytherin.

    SlF: The dead one.

    Zits: HE’S BECOME SELF-AWARE EVERYBODY RUN

  149. Buck Ripsnort
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: Bad enough they’re eating something canned; Shoe seems to be edging away from the pretty (?) bird lady and towards the garbage.

    Zig: Despite the efforts of many mudges, I really, REALLY don’t want to picture Ziggy “getting any”, particularly from fedora-wearing male prostitute.

  150. Guy Neeto
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Once again assuring its near-death readers that no matter how bad a parent they may have been, their adult sons will find nice girls and settle down.

  151. Mustang
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#140): I really like Arlo and Janis. That little “Huh? Oh NOW I get it!” thing is really hard to do day after day, I would imagine. It’s unique and clever, and it brightens my day.

  152. ComcisFan
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    MW: I didn’t think Mike and Jenna were Jewish, it’s not Chanukah, and yet they’re eating latkes and applesauce. Latkes and Sephardic lima beans for Jenna, applesauce for Mike , and the fern, this one with shape-shifting leaves, that’s present beside every restaurant table in Santa Royale.

  153. ComcisFan
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    S4th: I’m thinking that Sally has become the pointy-haired boss and the people she’s infantilizing are the ones without whom the firm would fizzle.

  154. Uncle Lumpy
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mustang (#151):

    I’ve got the Arlo and Janis link bookmarked; when I see it and realize I haven’t yet checked it that day, I smile even before I click. It’s pretty remarkable. And the soap stuff that alternates with the joke-a-day is pretty sweet, too. I don’t care much for the cat jokes, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

  155. zerowolf
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    A3G: How long does it take to eat biege food like subtances? Mike looks like he aged twenty years between bites.

  156. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#134): A&J is one of the strips that I read at lunch, so it’s not generally in my morning snark bin. But I noticed, and my hat* is off to Jimmy Johnson.

    *My Jimmy hat?

  157. zerowolf
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie looks almost ready to join the army of blue Kitty Klones. You have been assimilated.

  158. zerowolf
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    MT: Frank is quicker on the uptake than Mayor Stu. He figured out his wife was the leak in one panel.

  159. Norm Chucks
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    @spike re: Phantom(#12): That way, the tourist see the headline and assume there’s a free and unfettered press, while the Rhodians who read the story will learn that there was no jailbreak, that Rhodia has no jails—only reeducational institutions, the man who shot at the escaped “prisoner” is a notorious Sterno-addict, and that he’s currently receiving his free reeducation thanks to the generous mercy of the State.

  160. zerowolf
    September 15th, 2010 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    GT: Burn Witch Burn!

  161. Little Guy
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    @ComcisFan (#153): I wouldn’t put it past Ces to do a Dilbert riff.

    And yeah, Hufflepuff is pretty much the Jan Brady of Gryffindor.

  162. Norm Chucks
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#161): Gryffindor! Gryffindor! GRYFFINDOR!

  163. cheech wizard
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    GT – So, today we find out that one of Milford’s co-captains is actually Johnny Storm, the Human Torch – suggesting that a Spiderman crossover in the works, which would make the strip even more pointless and confusing that usual. Maybe we’ll get to see the quarterback hiding behind a Gatorade cooler while rampaging defensive lineman trash everything in sight in their efforts to find and sack him.

  164. Uncle Lumpy
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been listening to WQXR’s new-music channel “Q2“, and they ran an ad that said, “Every day needs a score.” Who knew junkies had their own music?

  165. ComixLovin'Cat
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet Deal! You can meddle with your politician friends all you like. :-)

    CLC

  166. yaoi huntress earth
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Connie (#71): Nah, if anything, it’ll look like Lisa’s.

  167. Charterstoned
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    MW – Is that cow’s udder on the table next to Jenna supposed to be an item on the menu? Is it a beverage? An entree? A decoration???

  168. littlestevie
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#167): It seems as if Sandra Lee of Semi Homemade fame has ended up in Santa Royale. That would also explain the salmon squares and the potato aide.

  169. zerowolf
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Charterstoned (#167): The answer to all four of your questins is: Yes.

  170. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Archie – “Nothing”? That’s a fair thought to lie between maids’ legs.

    Dennis – Can Joey really be so heartless as to leave Wilson all a-tremble in a towel, his face and mouth smeared with white goo, just so Dennis can snap an embarrassing photo? The answer, sadly, is “Yeth.”

    Smirky – Just tell me Les doesn’t spend his nights furiously “reading” that Crumb story where the white woman and the black woman are fighting over some worthless jerk.

    Herb – Don’t expect your jarhead brother to be impressed with your Dodie Smith book when he’s reading Jules Verne in Hebrew.

  171. mr 12 oz can
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    mary worth- did giella draw mike to look like a young hugh hefner on purpose in panal 2 . will her hair scungie be around her ankle by saturdays strip???

  172. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Does anybody get this in color? I have the distinct feeling that Dirk’s skin is blue or green, or maybe silver.

    Phantom – “Avworie diostec… Wj0jsdfgeijver…” Who knew the Rhodiar tongue was so similar to randomly banging on a QWERTY keyboard?

    Ziggy gets no respect from 1980s Robert Crumb, who used to work for his cartoonist. He might at least say hi, or wave, but no: the callous bastard just keeps on truckin’.[*]

  173. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2010 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Larry Fine (#65): Dr. Mike’s upraised index finger indicates he is making an important point to the woman he loves.
    Or he’s been taking ack-ting lessons from Cathy.[*]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#132): Wilder, who was the writer on Crock for over 30 years, died September 26, 2008.
    Shouldn’t they have replaced him?

  174. Shiai
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    Rather than have Dr. Mike briefly recap for Jenna the story of his not-Batman father, the syndicate ought to just rerun the last few weeks’ worth of strips, so we can all enjoy them again. Plus, bonus, Joe Giella will get to rest his drawing hand for a spell.

  175. Violet
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m trying to imagine exactly what kind of remarks people would be making to Ziggy prefaced by “With all due respect.” I’m leaning toward “what the fuck are you?”

  176. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @ComcisFan (#152):

    and the fern, this one with shape-shifting leaves,

    Um, I’d be getting out of there before the plant starts drawing DNA for its pod people.

  177. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    Mike, just get back in the closet. Maybe Charlie can join you there.

  178. Ed Dravecky
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Dirk, having set right what once went wrong, bids farewell… hoping that this time will be the leap home. (Next week, look for a disoriented Dolly Keane to say “Oh boy!”)

  179. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#173):

    Rechin is Wilder’s “replacement” — and no, I don’t have any idea whether or not his new job (if you want to call it that) came with a bump in pay!

  180. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#176): Actually, I think that’s how reproduction works in Mary Worth: a couple falls in love, gets married, goes to a restaurant, and has genetic material from loose skin or hair land on a nearby fern, which then produces pods containing clones of the two. This is why nearly everybody in Mary Worth looks identical. (Aberrations like Ted Confey probably come about when rogue pollinators get involved in the process.)

  181. Jamus The Bartender
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    9CL: HEY, BEHIND THE BUSHES, IT’S YAKOV LIEBERMANN !!….Ha. Made you look.

  182. Jamus The Bartender
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Great. Dirk wants to become a cop. Same thing happened to the gangsters in Clockwork Orange. They couldn’t reform them, so they became cops instead. Maybe he and Dick Tracy can perform screen tests together.

  183. Zla'od
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Okay, we know that Toni is waiting outside with the car while Brad gets his coat. In the name of all the gods of drama, how can Dirk not see her? This should give enough material for a week’s worth of strips.

    On the other hand, Dirk seems to be leaving the strip. Do you suppose Brad will open the door to see Toni and Dirk zooming off into the sunset together? And then his mother will give him a lecture about falling in love with bad girls…? Since Dirk’s not going to rape anybody, I guess this would be the next-best thing.

  184. Carlo
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Norm Chucks (#130): Are you referring to this sketch starring Joe Flaherty (with Dave Foley playing the adult John Wilkes Booth)?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AATDhGrhyjU

  185. Poteet
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#180): That’s actually a rather lovely story compared to some of the possible alternatives that have shown up in my nightmares. Just for the sake of my mental health, however, I’m going to further surmise that the process can also happen if the couple walks near a fern in a park. I find MW parks much easier to look at and contemplate than the *shudder* restaurants.

  186. NyteTyger
    September 15th, 2010 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#164):

    Thank you for that link; moved from NYC 4 years ago… miss my WQXR… ok, admittedly while IN NY I missed my WNCN, but let’s not bring up long dead classical stations. :D

    And to keep it somewhat on topic… I get the feeling the Plugger soundtrack would be something from HeeHaw… or just discordant animal yowling; no wait, the discordant animal yowling is the soundtrack in my head as I read Funky Cancerdeath…. but I digress…

  187. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#185): True, but are we sure ferns exist outside of restaurants in MW?

  188. Adele Gepotchkit, II
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#181): Jokes about The Holocaust are not funny.

  189. Vince M
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @Virginia (#138): PMP: Like Shakespeare said to Nathan Hale, ‘I always get my man’. Doesn’t answer your question, but I needed to use that sometime.

  190. MWDG
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: Jenna is the type of “gal” that would do anything to be popular in high school. Yeah (I am trying to keep this comment somewhat family friendly) Jenna is no stranger to an VD clinic (she probably has their number on speed dial.) Why would Dr. Mike want to see this alcoholic NJ housewife wanna be for more than a quick pounding behind a dumpster? Wilbur had her over five years ago.

    To Jenna’s credit she probably scammed that plus-sized Bonnie Johnson for half her retirment savings. When Ernie finds out that Bonnie gave Jenna Power of Attorney for their credit line he will beat his sack of rotten potatoes wife until she is senseless. Now that would make a good Sunday strip.

    I wonder if Mary got involved in ripping off the Johnsons by hacking into their computer with Terry Bryson? I hope they planted child porn on Ernies hardrive and then called the cops on that milquetoast.

  191. Vince M
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Buck Ripsnort (#149): ZGY – oh geez, is that Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute?

  192. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Adele Gepotchkit, II (#188):

    How is a fictional Nazi hunter coming after Kiesl a joke about the Holocaust?

  193. It's time to pay the price
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy, baby, consider yourself lucky that you’re not being pelted with feces out of doo respect.

  194. idathefossil
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    I thought Freddie Mercury was only dead, but it’s much worse than that! He’s been doomed to an eternal damnation of refereeing Milford football games while doing one of his signature dance moves and tweeting “Radio Gaga” on his ref’s whistle.

  195. Joe Blevins
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    GT: “And then… it’s Friday night, when Milford’s out and proud jingle their change to the thumping sounds of Gloria Gaynor at the town’s sports-themed gay bar, The Playdowns.” (That is what the last panel is depicting, right?)

    MW: Mike apparently feels obligated to point to his own word balloon, lest his date become distracted. “Yes, I know, you’re transfixed by my manly chest hair, but please, Jenna, try to keep your focus up here, mmmkay?” Doesn’t Mike look almost Hefner-esque in panel 2? Downright Hefnarian, I’d say.

  196. Rana
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:39 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure what I think about 9CL lately. Mostly it’s Juliette’s behavior that’s been puzzling, though her daughter’s runs a close second. I was initially offput by Juliette’s rudeness to her father, but then I realized that she’s probably the one who bore the brunt of Eva and Bill’s f*cked up marriage, and blaming Kiesl for not marrying Eva is reasonable – I mean, she could have been raised by parents who loved each other, in *gasp* Vienna! instead of by people who begrudged each other’s existence in Omaha. So her current whiplash into being fully supporting is strange.

    Edda, meanwhile, really should just butt out entirely, both because chiding your mother and grandmother isn’t really a nice thing to do, especially when they’re dealing with a lot of buried crap coming to light, and because it doesn’t have anything directly to do with her. Yeah, she’s learned she has a new grandfather, but that’s nothing compared to what her mother and grandmother are going through.

    But, then, this is Brooke-land, where obnoxious nosy-parkering and overwrought sentimentality go hand in hand.

  197. Jamus The Bartender
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Tales Of Goldberg’s
    You’re A Disgusting Pervert, Charlie Brown

    “Yeah, my dog never comes when I call, I don’t know what to do.”
    “Maybe he’s part WAITER. Hey, speaking of which, hiya Jamus, didn’t keep you from anything important, did I?”
    I brought Shoe and his girlfriend a gin and tonic, and a Cosmo, respectively. ” I was feeding my daughter, Shoe. I’m a single parent now, haven’t you heard?”
    “Aw, hell, yeah, I forgot about that….”
    I was off to change a keg while Ashley Bengal played with the baby. Ashley had been a BIG help since Cassandra Cat went up north…for a rest. She was real sweet about the whole thing, actually. Ever since she and the rest of the bunch from MacGuffin, Inc. got the news that their days were numbered, they were feeling pretty…well, they were feeling their mortality, let me put it that way.
    Every day, it was…
    “Jamus, where do you think comic strip characters go when they die? Is there a heaven?”
    I don’t know, Ashley…
    ” Jamus, will I still see Norm after Oct. 31.? I’ll miss him soo much..”
    Yes, i’m sure you will, Bridget…
    “Jamus, do these shorts make me look fat? Be honest now.”
    No, they do not, Maureen.
    Anyway, Maureen, Norm and Bridget were seated at a booth in the corner, wondering what was going to happen to them, their plans after October, whether they would HAVE plans….I kinda felt sorry for them…I figured i’d better go cheer them up.
    “Listen….guys….just because the strip is going under come Halloween, doesn’t mean you guys have to. Ashley, you’ve still got a job here if you want it…you’ve been doing great work here ever since Cassandra left…”
    Ashley smiled and I thought I saw a tear out of the corner of her eye. ” Thank you, Jamus…”
    Maureen piped up, “Jamus, can I have a job here?”
    I had to think a minute. ” Well…what is it you do..tech support or something? I suppose I can use that, my puter is always on the fritz…”
    Maureen smacked me in the shoulder. ” Stop downloading porn, that should help.”
    Bitch.
    Norm looked a little depressed. ” I’ve been discussing our situation with Jeff…you know Jeff, right Jamus? ” Oh yeah. The shark guy. Nice, but kind of depressing.
    “Anyway….well….how do I put it….Jamus, you’ve worked here a long time, you’ve seen cancelled characters come and go…..how do they live? How do they work? DO they even live?”
    I had to think about that one. “Well, yeah, Norm. I mean, the Peanuts ( tm) crowd comes in here every now and again, although not as much as they used to, but I think the reruns keep them going.”
    “Same thing for Little Orphan Annie, even though her strip went under in the seventies, the musical started up and she actually LOST fifty years. She still comes in when there’s a Broadway revival, but now that her strip’s gone for good, I dunno…”
    Maureen and Bridget burst into tears.
    “Oh, hell, girls…i’m sorry…Jesus, everything I say makes it worse….”
    While getting some tissue for the girls and the stink eye from various customers, I had an idea.
    “Listen, I just had an idea. I gotta call him to make sure it’s okay, but how about this weekend, we all go over to Charlie Brown’s house? I’m sure he’s got some ideas on what happens to comic strip characters when the strip is cancelled. I mean, he’s been around forever.”
    Maureen and Bridget made squeaky girly noises. ” YAAYY!! That sounds fun, Jamus.”
    Ashley raised a claw. ” I dunno….I heard he’s got severe depression issues…. won’t so many visitors freak him out? ”
    Bridget nodded. ” Mm hmm. He might have heart problems, too. ”
    Maureen pouted a bit. ” I can see him, poor guy, on the pitchers mound, with a baseball cap and his old bathrobe…so sad….”
    I reassured them. ” I don’t think he’s QUITE as depressed as you remember him…”
    ************************************************************
    The following Saturday, after leaving the baby with Gertie, we all piled into Norm’s car….Norm and Bridget in front, me, Ashley, and Maureen in the back seat.
    I’d had worse times.
    Maureen was sitting closer to me than she really needed to. “Jamus, you be good.” She giggled. “There’s not much space back here, so watch your hands.”
    I grinned. ” I’ll be good.”
    I thought I heard Ashley whisper ” dammit”, but i’m not sure.
    We pulled in front of the biggest McMansion Averytown boasted. Fact is, it was the ONLY mansion in town. Certainly the only one painted yellow with the iconic zigzag black stripe The Round-Headed Kid ( tm) wore for decades.
    Bridget pointed. “THAT’s his house?”
    I nodded. “That’s his house.”
    We drove up to the main house. On the way, we saw a half dozen or so barely-dressed women doing light gardening work, playing volleyball, swimming by the pool. We could hear music by Vince Guaraldi piped in on a PA. I think it was a jazz version of “Linus And Lucy”.
    ” I cannot believe this….Jamus, watch your hand…”
    “That’s not my hand..”
    “EWW!”
    ” Sorry, that’s my tail…” Ashley blushed…
    Finally, we got to the house itself. We were met by a six foot tall redhead, dressed….if you could call it that….in a yellow belly top….with the zigzag stripe….and a thong.
    And an oversize baseball cap.
    “HI, you must be Bro’s friends. I’m Candee. That’s with two ‘e’ ‘s.”
    I made a point of looking straight into her eyes. “I’m Jamus. That’s Jamus with one…um…..this is Norm, Bridget, Ashley, and Maureen.”
    “Walk this way.” Candee said with a wink and a nod.
    Ashley raised her eyebrows. ” If I could walk that way…”
    I elbowed her in the ribs. ” Be good.”
    Never was there a more obvious testament to lust and the guiltiest of pleasures than there at Charlie Brown’s Mansion. Some of the girls were in the standard zigzag top, some…I shit you not…were dressed with replicas of Snoopy’s ears, WW1 flight helmet and ….yes, dog collar. Some of the short blonde girls had feathery yellow bikinis, that were meant to represent Woodstock, Snoopy’s little bird friend, not the “brown acid” Woodstock.
    “I’m gonna have a place like this when I grow up.” Norm grinned, looking around a LITTLE too much.
    “Sure you are, Norm.” Maureen said, rolling here eyes in disgust.
    Then, at the top of the stairs, arm in arm with….i’m pretty sure they were quadruplets. Red-haired quadruplets, probably between 20 and 22, in babydoll undies. The red-headed little girl. Of course.
    Anyway, there was the man. Fifty years of comic strip activity had aged him only a little, and except for the huge Thomas Magnum mustache and cuban cigar that stuck out of his teeth, he looked pretty much the same.
    Oh, and he had a purple silk robe…yes, with the zigzag stripe, this time in gold, if it matters….also, Maureen and Ashley told me later he had his robe open the whole time…and he had neither boxers NOR briefs.
    I had noticed that too, but tried not to.
    “JAMUS!!! Great to see ya, you sonofabitch, how ya been? These the bunch you told me about?? ” Charlie Brown said as one of the girls handed me a mimosa.
    To Be Continued

  198. Jamus The Bartender
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#192): Ahh, she might be right. Sorry, folks…

  199. Grant
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    So Shoe is basically dating Faye Dunaway’s character from Barfly. I welcome the strip’s imminent continuity shift into a Bukowskian nightmare of booze and meaningless sex.

  200. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    a “Tales of Goldberg’s” makes any day better.

  201. Jamus The Bartender
    September 15th, 2010 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

  202. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Zla’od (#183):

    On the other hand, Dirk seems to be leaving the strip.

    I would like to think that that’s what the last panel means, that Evans is throwing a bone to we who have been waiting for his return, but given that he has lied to Nancy, I’m more inclined to believe that that last grin and wave was also a lie.

  203. Ktrout
    September 15th, 2010 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    Hey, the part in Doctor Mike’s hair changed between panels one and two! I’m going to have to call “bullshit” on this entire story.

  204. Riff Chick
    September 15th, 2010 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#39): regarding the FW comment: masterful.

  205. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    @Darkefang (#79):

    Crankshaft: I know it’s just a set-up for a bowling joke, but why are they concerned about Nikki’s well-being at all? Driving a school bus is essentially a volunteer position. If you’re that hard up for $30 a day, 180 days a year, there are always dishes to be washed and gas to be pumped, even in the worst job market. If Nikki was driving a school bus, she obviously had another source of income.

    Health insurance. Here, when a substitute gets a permanent route, she (and her family) can get health and dental. Yeah, she has to pay into it, but there’s no health insurance for pumping gas or washing dishes, and her spouse is likely to be self-employed or have a pumping gas job that has no health insurance.

  206. Riff Chick
    September 15th, 2010 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    All the FW comments that have been made are in fact great and on the money. Allow me to add one more.

    Have we all come to the consensus that Les is Tom Batiuk’s Canon Sue Author Avatar? Because I know *I* have. And I can’t begin to tell you how awkward it will be to watch him choose from these two cases.

    Seriously, Tom, this is the fantasy you’ve set up for yourself? Oh and look how humble and hapless you are, blissfully “unaware” that these two broads are fawning over you. What a class act. “Can I help it,” Les seems to ask us, “If women throw themselves at me?”

  207. commodorejohn
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Riff Chick (#206): I can’t decide which is more pathetic: that Batiuk has unashamedly written a storyline about just how much the ladies want his in-strip avatar, or that his in-strip avatar is Les. At least the half-literate Naruto obsessives on fanfiction.net can come up with self-inserts that a normal human being (well, a normal human being with standard teenage emotional issues) might conceivably want to picture themselves as.

  208. Anonymous
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Can someone who’s been in prison even become a cop?

  209. The Poster with No Name
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Late snark. It’s just to give more volume to the page, you understand:

    Nancy: Today, we have head shots of Aunt Fritzi and a full length shot of Nancy in nothing but her skivvies. I think that the Gilchrists might be a little bit mixed up on this “fanservice” concept.

    Gil Thorp: Man, that Disco Ref is outta sight! With those slick moves and that referee getup, maybe he could be part of a rebooted, twenty-first century version of the Village People. The characters could be “The Referee,” “The Junior Senator,” “The Skate Punk,” “The Blogger,” “The Scuba Diver,” and “Dirk.”

    Speaking of Dirk …

    Luann: I’m not sure where Evans is going with this storyline, but if it ends with Brad and Dirk in a desperate fight to the death on the roof of the DeGroot home in the middle of the night during the worst thunderstorm of the century, then that entire “Hey Boy” ordeal will be forgiven!

    … Okay, so it would take a lot more than a rain-soaked, rooftop showdown to broker total “Hey Boy” absolution. Perhaps Evans could lead up to it by making Dirk a vengeance-driven monster who carries out the following dastardly deeds in his quest for Brad DeGroot’s utter destruction:

    – Steals Brad’s identity online and gets him wrongfully accused of being a child predator
    – Gets Brad kicked out of the fire department
    – Convinces Toni to dump Brad and accept Dirk’s marriage proposal
    – Seduces both Nancy and Luann (possibly simultaneously, although separate seductions would be just fine as well)
    – Causes T.J. to “disappear” after T.J. discovers Dirk’s machinations
    – Replaces Brad’s regular coffee with Folgers crystals

  210. wagmore
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @Riff Chick (#206): A lot of us thought the 10-year time jump was sort of nonsensical, but if it got us out of having to watch 10 long years of sad women throwing themselves at Les, then Amen.

  211. Girl Reporter
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#36): You made me look! But it’s one of those fancy schmancy tableside ice buckets. They’ve polished off the whole bottle of fine champ-pag-nee and shoved it neck down in the ice. Because they’re classy, classy birds. Pity the poor waiter.

  212. Riff Chick
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    @wagmore (#210): Amen.

    @commodorejohn (#207): good point. I mean, it’s one thing when the author avatar is a pathetic schmo who serves as a foil or something obviously non-self-serious. (Think Tina Fey in just about anything she’s written herself into. The woman is a master at skillfully humiliating her character on screen.) It’s quite another when your avatar serves the purpose of a Gary Stu without any of the idealized characteristics.

  213. Walker of Dog
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#172): Those Rhodians are pretty serious about their word jumbles. It’s not just a fun and diverting challenge for them; given their totalitarian regime, word-scrambling is one of the few ways for dissidents to express their forbidden ideas. LUJBEM FEJF writes samizdat?

  214. sugarpie
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#197): I cried, then I laughed. Good job!

  215. Uncle Lumpy
    September 15th, 2010 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#213):

    No, you’re thinking of Adam Zits.

  216. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#179): Rechin is Wilder’s “replacement”
    You mean there’s actually somebody writing that thing? I was cutting it some slack, because I’d assumed that nobody was telling the artist what to do any more, and so he was sort of helplessly flailing about as he waited for instructions.

    Come to think of it, your explanation doesn’t preclude that.
    Hell, it’s awful to think of anybody doing that strip on purpose.

  217. Jamus The Bartender
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Thanks sugarpie :)

  218. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    I call:

    Thursday strip will have Brad throwing a tantrum and his parents continuing to defend themselves and Dirk.

    Friday, Brad storms out of the house, his torn jacket clentched in his fist, his parents continuing their blatherments and

    Saturday we see Toni and Dirk in a major lip-lock with Brad looking shocked–SHOCKED!

    Are you shocked?

    And his parents will be standing right behind him, as they were when they saw his high school girl crush Diane lip-locking with Aaron Hill.

  219. ElkMeadow
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    Column jump count down starting…now……

    Ground Control to Major Tom, Ground Control to Major Tom….

  220. Ed Dravecky
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#132): Thanks for the info. When I went to the Wikipedia last night to double check the names of those responsible for Crock, I found only a stub article for Rechin and no article for Wilder. I began gathering sources for the Rechin article but the latest I found was from 2006 so Wilder’s death was news to me. It’s also news to the Syndicate since the official site still has them both hard at work crapping cranking out new strips.

  221. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @The Poster with No Name (#209):

    (re: Nancy) Actually, I don’t get the joke in today’s strip. Nancy’s been wearing essentially the same outfit since 1933: a black blouse with white sleeves and a plaid dress. Are the Gilchrists saying that she doesn’t have a closet filled with dozens of black-and-white blouse/plaid skirt combinations?

  222. AhClem
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#180): My next band is going to be called “Rogue Pollinators.”

  223. Ed Dravecky
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Not to worry, J. Jonah Jameson! The way Larry Lieber writes the strip, nobody thinks Spider-Man’s a hero to begin with.

  224. Anonymous
    September 15th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#218): This could not have happened. Everyone agrees Aaron Hill is gay.

  225. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#224): yeah, he was supposed to be, but Evans chickened out, leaving it to Lynn Johnston to be the comics page “coming out character arc” hero.

  226. bats :[
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:10 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#189): May I quote you?

  227. Riff Chick
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

  228. Crankenstank
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Hey! Looka who’s making a cameo in Gil Thorp! It’s the Referee from the Village People!!

  229. Lael
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    In Shoe, the female bird’s hair changes from one panel to the next! It has the feel of being shorter and more heavily styled/a wig in the second. Mind you, this doesn’t seem to be intentional–looks like extreme laziness! Her face also looks older and more crushed by life. Or, on the other hand, maybe it’s just that Shoe is so horrible to spend time with she has aged years just by hearing his response to her boring story.

  230. Red Greenback
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

    R-E-S-P-E-C-T
    I ain’t got no pants on me
    R-E-S-P-E-C-T
    Nutsack, hangin’ free
    Oh (rock a tunic, rock a tunic,
    rock a tunic, rock a tunic
    rock a tunic, rock a tunic,
    rock a tunic, rock a tunic)

  231. carbunicle
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    @Lael (#229): We have no idea how many subjective centuries pass from frame to frame. I am guessing many, many subjective centuries, each one worse than the previous.

  232. Girl Reporter
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#230): Well, thanks. Now, like oh Bwuhnhilda, you are so wov-wy and toreador ah, don’t spit on the floor ah and there’s a back room on the right and I was hot buttered, check it and see, you’ve succeeded in permanently replacing lyrics to the classics in my head. No way I’m not going to hear rock a tunic and giggle for the rest of my natural life.

  233. seismic-2
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#220): About the only thing I know about Bill Rechin is that he lives in the D.C. area (specifically Woodbridge VA, I think it is). For about a year leading up to the USA bicentennial of 1976 he drew (and maybe wrote? I don’t remember) the comic strip “Pluribus” for the (now extinct) “Washington Star” newspaper. It was a strip about a bald eagle that was a mascot / soldier in the Colonial Army during the American Revolution, and the strip was really, really bad. The punch lines (such as they were) were on a par with “Crock’s”, and the art work was almost always punctuated by using tightly squinted eyes and a squiggly line for a character’s mouth, an expression that was supposed to represent emotions of anger, surprise, disgust, amusement, and who knows what else. Practically every episode ended with one or another character showing that expression, which pretty well summarized the readers’ feelings about it too. “Pluribus” didn’t last long, since few if any other newspapers picked up on it. I believe it was shortly after the demise of “Pluribus” when Rechin teamed up with the “Wizard of Id” creators to produce “Crock”.

  234. Sgt. Stoned
    September 15th, 2010 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: Look at Dr. Mike’s crazy eyes in the first panel. I’m betting that he was the one who gunned down Ritchie and probably euthanized poor old Lonnie, too. Run, Jenna, run was fast as you can.

  235. Poteet
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#232): I second that emotion.

  236. Roman Fingers
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:10 am [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#232): ” ‘Scuse me, while I kiss this guy”

  237. Poteet
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    9/16

    A3G — I see we’re back to post-plastic-surgery Tommie. It may take several more days for New Tommie to decide on her permanent face.

    FW — I don’t know how to draw full lips, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t the right way.

    MT — It’s a really boring idea, of course, but Mark could check the canned hunting regulations in his state. Some states have partial or total bans on it.

  238. This Guy
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    9/15
    9CL: Well gosh there, Brookie, that’s just so darn sweet that I almost wish I gave a damn about these people, whi-hi-hich I don’t. And do ya wanna know why? Well, Sandra, it’s because they’re unlikeable. Every last one. They’re unlikeable with every cell in their bodies. Stalin and Pol Pot took one look and wanted to know why you made these people so unlikeable. Their unlikeability blots out the sun. They’re so unlikeable that I have less empathy for them than I have for Hugh Jackman, and that, newbie, is pretty damned unlikeable. Better luck next time.

    [A million utterly worthless bonus points to any reader who hears that in the right voice.]

  239. Walker of Dog
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#238): Lighten up, Perry.

  240. Black Drazon
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Hey, would you believe I still remember when this Mary Worth storyline started and I said that I thought it was going – gasp! – too fast? Now instead of fading to black after all the subplots were resolved, they’re going to hammer in the lesson over a course of steamed cheese served with the largest peas in the world. I mean, good god you two, do you have any idea how quickly that body is decaying in Mike’s bed while you spend your week at the restaurant? Well you’re about to.

  241. Czaerana
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    IIRC, Margo was based on Joan Collins not Joan Crawford.

  242. Walker of Dog
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    9/16 strips:

    A3G: “And as beautiful as I am on the outside, on the inside I’m even more… uh, wait… I feel… no, scratch that. I’m still an empty husk. But pretty clothes!”

    FC: “Yep, it’s a regular Cave of Ali-F**kin’ Baba in there. C’mon, let’s go have a beer.”

    RMMD: “Followed the biopsy through the lab”? So, cancer groupies? I can picture Funky and the gang taking the grand tour, cameras clicking away, buzzing with anticipation over the acrylic squamous-cell paperweights available in the gift shop.

    JP: Steve Jobs weeps, as his attorneys plot a terrible vengeance.

    MT: Can’t you two see that your bold-faced arguing is upsetting the animals?

    MW: Jenna is really hitting it off with her gin and tonic. Could this be the one?

    Phan panel 3: “And… action!”

    S-M: Iron Man in iron lung: iron-ic.

  243. Margaret
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @This Guy (#238): YES. Dr. COX!!

    I’m pretty impressed at how effectively you captured dr. cox. it was the “wh-hi-hich” that settled it for me, which I thought was a very subtle touch. But seriously, nice.

  244. bats :[
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    Just a little too trusting, Rex

  245. This Guy
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    @Margaret (#243): I really enjoyed that show. It’s a good thing they gave it a proper send-off at the end of season 8 and didn’t try to continue it. Anyway, Dr. Cox stands as my favorite character. Very much the Knight in Sour Armor.

  246. Government Cheese
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    New comics posted!

    A3G: In tomorrow’s strip, Tommie pops out. At least she feels herself again so someone may feel her too.

    Luann: Dirk Diggler seems to be going through a lot of career changes in their collective minds.

    MW: Eh this meddling plotline is done. Someone bring in Mary so she can start a new plotline with Dr. Mike’s waiter.

  247. Roman Fingers
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    A3G: Hmmm. Kat appears to have had a mild stroke in panel 1. And in panel 3, it’s pretty obvious why Tommie likes herself again–that girl is faced!

    BaBlu: So, exactly how many cameras are on you now?

    DT: Nice ChiSox product placement

    FC: And that’s because Jeffy has the memory of a banana slug.

    Keisha: C’mon Keisha–do it anyway. You know you want to, and God knows, so do we.

    GT: Is Jamarr really wearing a one-bar facemask? One-bar mask, wearing number 7–Jamarr Gaddis IS Joe Theismann. And we know how that turned out.

    JP: What kind of dumb-ass advice he giving by saying he doesn’t need a cover letter?

    MT: Because as we all know, state and federal laws don’t apply on someone’s property. BTW, if the cops ever come to arrest you, start punching them. Then they’ll know you’re serious, and they’ll let you go.

    MW: “And yet, Mike, I can’t look at you. I must stare blankly into space. Man, I’m so faced!”

    RMMD: Obviously Rex has figured out the answer far faster than June or Becka, and is getting pissed that they’re stuck on the “slow train”.

    Zits: You laugh, but at the wedding of one of my relatives, his bride-to-be’s family insisted that they handle all the food. 200 guests, and they brought 1 9X13 pan of tri-tip and 1 jar of olives.

  248. KT
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Uff da! Today’s “Piranha Club” makes no sense if ya know anyt’ing about lutefisk, and by “know anyt’ing” I mean “even so much as look it up on de Vikipedia vhile doin’ a fake Norvegian accent based on vhat ya can remember from moofies and Da Yoopers songs ya vunce heard on de Dr. Demento Show”.

    Anyvay, lutefisk is not a species of fish, but a met’od uf preparing fish by soaking it in lye. It takes about two veeks, so it couldn’ta been “svimming in de fjord” dis morning!

  249. ElkMeadow
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#224):

    He did. They had the hots for each other, but there was a big “Diane is too old for Aaron” arc ending and she moved away. Aaron had an Hawaiian girl visiting him when Luann stopped by on the big island, so he still is considered by the strip to straight. So may as well watch Luann continue to angst over him. (The music here makes some decent brain bleach if that “other clip” is still in your head.)

    Also, Gary Trudeau was the first to openly and sympathetically include a gay character, Andy Lippincott, who had to gently tell Joanne, who had a big crush on him. “Well, I’m pretty cheerful myself!” she answered as her heart started to break. (It was thirty years before I found out my Aaron Hill in high school was gay. I spent so much time whining, “What’s wrong with me, why doesn’t he like meeee?” Fortunately I didn’t marry him.)

    Andy died of AIDS, becoming one of the first comic characters to have a peaceful death and a nice memorial service. He still shows up in rare times as a dream figure, but he is no Lisa Moore.

  250. bats :[
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#246): re Luann: no no no no no will not mash that will not mash that will not mash that…

    @KT (#248): “svimming in de fjord” fresh as in “belly up and food for small scavengers” fresh.

  251. ElkMeadow
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    And here’s Luann. Looks like Nancy is starting to look at Dirk in a whole new light.

    And not one of the idiots were summoned to Dirk’s parole meeting, or notified he was being released. Often with early release there is a restraining order, which would mean he stays off of their street. But everyone is too petrified with fear (or whatever with Nancy) to make the phone call.

    Okay, now for the column leap….

  252. ElkMeadow
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#250):
    ,i.
    @KT (#248): “svimming in de fjord” fresh as in “belly up and food for small scavengers” fresh.

    You mean like that dead guy in Florida (Bernie? Bob?) who wanted a re-do on his burial at sea? He got the best Newsvine posts evah!

  253. Government Cheese
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#250):

    Sure you can mash it – and listen to the “Chips” music in the background.

  254. KT
    September 16th, 2010 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    And by “today’s Piranha Club” I meant “Tuesday’s”. Uff da!

  255. Sheila Sternwell
    September 16th, 2010 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    Please, Tommie, stop looking at me.

  256. ElkMeadow
    September 16th, 2010 at 2:35 am [Reply]

    Just read this elsewhere–the artist who put out the “Draw Mohammed” Day (and recinded it) now has a death threat issued against her by some so-called cleric (who happens to be an American citizen living in Yemen), and has, with the FBI’s help, gone into hiding.

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39203336/ns/us_news-security

  257. Mr. O'Malley
    September 16th, 2010 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    I only read Brenda Starr in sprints, so it wasn’t until just now that I saw this interesting strip:
    http://www.gocomics.com/brendastarr/2010/09/09/

    I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to reading Dostoyevsky’s War and Peace.

  258. Mordock999
    September 16th, 2010 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 09/16/10

    Oh, so NOW the DeGroot Parental units TALK.

    AFTER knowingly and CHEERFULLY letting a vindictive, abusive ex-con IN Your house, NOW, YOU want to get in TOUCH with Your “FEELINGS”.

    DAMNED DeGroots. You bunch of WHINEY, “Couldn’t get elected dog-catcher if they were the ONLY ones running” Libertarian PUSSIES…..,

    _____________
    DEATH to TJ!!!

  259. Aleit
    September 16th, 2010 at 4:56 am [Reply]

    @9CL – Oh no, they started talking! “When you were young and fetching”, really, because don’t think I’ll let you forget that you’re old, and since he’s the only one who would care so much about you now (being slightly delusional and all), and we, strong and amazing Burber women, obviously can’t live without men, so don’t hesitate.
    Brooke. Don’t write dialogue.

  260. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 16th, 2010 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    B.C. — Creme de cretin!

    La Cucaracha — Today is Independence Day in Mexico!

    Gasoline Alley — Think with your head, Rover… no, not that head… the OTHER one! You’re a happily married man… and didn’t Clovia warn you about women like Chris?

    A3G… Starring Julie Andrews as Tommie!

    Kat & Kitty: Men say it’s criminal what women’ll do
    What they’re forgetting is

    TMT*: This is 1922!

    *Throughly Modern Tommie

  261. John C Fremont
    September 16th, 2010 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    JP – So will he send the file? Ooh, I’m on tenterhooks. No, really. I have a very specific fetish.

  262. Ed Dravecky
    September 16th, 2010 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#257): I suppose it could be White Nights or A Writer’s Diary with a critical typo on the cover… (but probably not).

  263. Charterstoned
    September 16th, 2010 at 6:54 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#237): MT – More information on canned hunting can be found on the internet.

  264. tb4000
    September 16th, 2010 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Luann: So far as I can tell, Brad is afraid of Dirk doing a gangbang with Toni and his new “cop buddies”, Frank is afraid of Dirk finding the receipt from his credit card showcasing all the internet porn, and Diane is wondering what it would be like for the new naughty policeman to find her alone at home and how he would “punish” her.

  265. Lucky
    September 16th, 2010 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane – That’s right. If a woman dumps and leaves you for another guy without saying a word, be sure to obsess over her for decades and turn your apartment into a creepy shrine. That’ll help you get her in the end.

    Family Circus – Look at that line on the floor. That’s no doorway, that’s a mirror. Also, Jeffy and PJ are vampires.

    Garfield – I miss the old days of Garfield.

    Mark Trail – …I don’t think those bears are stuffed.

    Marvin – Tired of all those poop jokes in Marvin? Well here’s a pee joke instead!

  266. CanuckDownSouth
    September 16th, 2010 at 7:50 am [Reply]

    I don’t follow Gasoline Alley, but having been watching the school / bus arc; as far as I can tell, the bus went off the road by a store and the kid called his dad. For a great deal of “calling every 5 minutes” time, the driver didn’t ask the kid to use the phone (until the battery had run out), and nobody’s thought of getting everyone away from the ravine – or to go to the store and get help. Is this the usual level of stupid for this strip?

  267. Vince M
    September 16th, 2010 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#226): Quote Groucho – credit where it’s due and all.

  268. Terry in Maryland
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:05 am [Reply]

    I’m getting a terrible feeling that Mark Trail is about to get his nice neighbor lady beaten up by her husband.

  269. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    MW: Oooh, Jenna, now confront Mike and tell him about your anger and pain! But make sure you get good and sloppy drunk first!

    BB: How much does it cost to maintain a long-stale U.S. legacy comic strip? Be sure to factor in the endless boredom-hours and the trees who sacrificed their lives for this dreck.

    A3G: And all the boys down at Miss Kitty’s Saloon are gonna like ya, too, Tommie!

    DtM: Joey talks?

    FC: Holy crapping pancakes, that’s a big room. How did that kid score the Melonhead Suite?

    MT: “I’m making it my business“? Mark is now officially the woodlands Mary Worth. Substitute pancakes for salmon squares, coffee for Potato-Ade, and punchin’ for platitudes, and I think you have yourself a parallel!

  270. Shawn S.
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    The DeGroot’s have already given up trying to beat Dirk and are now imagining how bad the consequences are going to be.

    Hey Brad, Dirk will be a cop soon. He won’t have to hide behind a wall to look at Toni, he’ll be hitting that in the locker room.

    Hey Frank, putting the bank statement right on top of the trash pile is asking any trashman to steal your info. Stop being a moron.

    Hey Diane, Dirk’s not interested in you sexually. Well, unless you convince him that it would make Brad really pissed, then maybe.

  271. wossname
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    A3G – hmmm… this suggests that there was a time in the past when Tommie liked herself. Any longtime reader have any light to shed on this?

    FC – So Jeffy has a room the size of a gymnasium, with nothing in ¾ of it? Or is this just a representation of the space-time continuum warping?

    MT – I don’t think Mark is even going to need to do any punching here, once that zombie bear on the right in panel 2 gets hold of Frank. Especially if it’s a zombie fish-slapping bear.

    MW *ggggaaaaaggggg*

    OBH – Uhhhh… that big puffy thing is not an English muffin. An English muffin is small and flat and does not improve by being nuked, but rather by being toasted. But why let reality ruin a good labored joke?

    Phan – waita waita waita… panel 2 certainly implies that Rhodia has a pretty independent press for a fascist dictatorship.

    BrS – I don’t suppose Tap’s father just moved in with him after revealing that he was a lowlife wino because he’d spent his life trying to find Richie’s killer…

    LuAnn – Dirk said he was going to work as a garbageman until he heads off to the police academy to begin training to be a cop. So if you call the cops today, he is probably not the cop who will arrive.

  272. wossname
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#197): Bravo!! *wild applause*

  273. Brick Bradford
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G Don’t worry Tommie, Margo will beat that out of you just as soon as she gets you home.

    MT As Mark leaves his furry minions close in and take a terrible vengeance.

    SM So, they send one fat cop to collar one of the most powerful super beings in the world? Have the budget cuts gotten that bad?

    MW Gag.

  274. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Shawn S. (#271) and @tb4000 (#265): et. al.

    Little ditty, ’bout Frank and Diane. Two clueless parents,with a daughter named Luanne!

    But seriously, isn’t the mom’s name “Nancy”?

  275. The Talented Mr. Dirk
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    A3G – I didn’t realise that updating the A3G girls would bring them all the way up to the Roaring Twenties in terms of a time skip.

    FW – Oh, Tom, penning in a small lip outline on a black girl totally doesn’t look she needs to wax. Please, stop. Not just for the black girl, but for all the thirteen year old El Salvadorean boys that you just mocked in their moustache growing endeavours.

    Luann – That’s right, Mrs. DeGroot, I’m gonna be looking fine for you in that cop’s uniform. Then after I get some of my corrupt buddies to send Brad to Sing Sing, the only sex you’ll have to worry about stopping is your own raging needs.

  276. Rocky Stoneaxe
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp in the 25th Century:

    It’s a special sci-fi themed strip when Team “Alpha” Oakwood is pitted against Team “Beta” Milford for possession of the all-powerful Cosmic Cube… now inexplicably shaped like a football! The entire galaxy listens with bated breath while Marty Moon reports on their epic battle from a space platform orbiting high above the planet!

    Tomorrow: The Mirror Universe’s Flash, Dale and Dr. Zarkov prepare to swoop in and steal the Cosmic Cube to use against Ming the Merciful!

  277. Tom
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Luann:
    What police department would take, I assume, an ex-felon who went to jail for assault? Also, now that they know he is around, why don’t they call the county probation office to tell them that he is “stalking” the victim and his family?

  278. Dood
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#270): Doesn’t Mark realize that electoral politics is a bare-knuckle business? Oh, wait.

  279. TheDiva
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    9CL: Nothing I’ve seen in this storyline has been right or good or wise so far, so why start now?

    Cathy: More proof, as if we needed it, that Cathy should be sterilized for the good of all humanity.

    DT: I think the kid’s just impressed he could get the bill out without opening the envelope.

    reFOOB: Ah, I knew this had to tie back into ‘Jon is an evil male pig’ somehow.

    FW: “Well now that you mention it, he doesn’t like it all that much. In fact, I’m pretty sure the word ‘wog’ crept up when he described it. I’d still give him that beatdown if I were you–while I’m watching, of course.”

    Luann: You know Frank, they have these things called “paper shredders” that are very useful for sensitive documents. You might want to look into one. [*]

    MW: Well, that was easy. Dr. Mike and Jenna reconciled in time for their dessert of river rocks.

  280. Krazy Kat
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    I know disorienting jumps in space and time is sort of Gil Thorp’s “thing,” but this strip is really extreme. “And then… it’s Friday night! And the Village People cover band rocked the town’s lone gay disco club!” I can’t figure out what that has to do with sports or pep rallies or setting fire to things at all, unless this strip is going for the “flaming” angle. I look forward to tomorrow’s strip, where the captains “bust some moves” on the dance floor!

  281. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    9/16

    A3G: No, Tommie. Best of all is the potential for nip slips.

    S-M: Officer Bill O’Reilly will be havin’ none o’ your shenanigans, Adolf.

    MT: But Mark never saw Frank again, as the aspiring politician was tickled to death by an allegedly stuffed bear.

    MW: Jenna’s all, “I loved it. It was much better than Cats. I’m going to see it again and again.” She’s got all the sales resistance of a sea cucumber.

    GA: Okay, so his helicopter dad… His still married helicopter dad is flirting with the bus driver and calling himself by his son’s name, all while his hard-on is clearly visible. Wonder if it’s too late for Boog to transfer to another state.

    C-Shaft: So now it’s official school district policy that Crankshaft gets to be an asshole and ditch the kids. Christmas came early for him.

    S4th: Don’t ask questions if you don’t want answers, Sally. One of these days Ralph may give them to you.

    Luann: Nancy pictures Dirk in his police uniform and feels a strange, half-remembered moistness in her thighs.

    FC: Missing, and what’s more, PJ’s ALF doll is next. That baby will bring a fortune on eBay.

    Archie: Why is there a bone in Archie’s locker? Is he doing crime scene cleanup for Marmaduke?

  282. gleeb
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    A&J: Hat trick!

    Luann: Ohhhh, Mom has a thing for guys in uniform. That’s why she’s against Toni; she’s saving Brad for herself.

    ‘bean: Who needs a reason? Do it anyway.

  283. Bootsy
    September 16th, 2010 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Hey! I’m a little late to this snark-party, so sorry of someone has already pointed this out. Re yesterday’s Shoe, that’s not an overflowing trash can next to the table. It’s a ice bucket with the empty champagne bottle upside down in it, still somewhat wrapped in the white napkin the waiter has put around it to pour. And the waiter, despite the Shoe bird’s ostentatious dsiplay of said empty bottle, will not bring them a fresh one.

  284. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#277): Not bad, but it makes slightly too much sense to be a Gil Thorp game.

  285. Baron Bizarre
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Dagwood’s complaining about his first white whisker? Isn’t he a hundred years old? He shouldn’t complain, I saw my first white whisker when I was 42!

  286. Just Call Me E
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MT: Wow – looks like Frank is about to get a big old bear hug…. those stuffed bears look angry….and hungry!

  287. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#272):

    OBH – Uhhhh… that big puffy thing is not an English muffin. An English muffin is small and flat and does not improve by being nuked, but rather by being toasted. But why let reality ruin a good labored joke?

    Maybe it’s Detorie’s roundabout way of showing his contempt for English cuisine.

  288. Just Call Me E
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Just Call Me E (#287): On second thought….the bears actually look kind of frisky! Maybe Frank is gonna soon be eating some bear steaks…if you know what I mean and I think you do!

  289. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#270):

    Mark is now officially the woodlands Mary Worth. Substitute pancakes for salmon squares, coffee for Potato-Ade, and punchin’ for platitudes, and I think you have yourself a parallel!

    A more palatable parallel, all around.

  290. Weaselboy
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    FW: The fact that there’s even the possibility of Les receiving a beatdown makes me want to keep reading this strip. It may take days, weeks, or even months, but I want to be there when it happens.

  291. Gertrude
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Phantom: “I don’t remember inviting guests to dinner.”

  292. Carlo
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Comments on today’s strips?

    Archie: The subtext in today’s strip is just creepy. “Guess who else has a crush on you Archie? Yep, the janitor.”

    PBS: I feel your pain, Pastis. I had an epiphany the other day when I was complaining about the Hippity Hoppity “music” they were playing at the gym.

  293. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    spam @ 258

  294. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2010 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    FW: Summer thinks, “if anyone in this family gets a licking from you, it’ll be ME!”

    GT: the Ghost who . . .could . . . go . . .all. . . the. . . way!

    Ghost-who-home-invades iz invading.

    Tank: wtf week continues. Perhaps Cleats is mirroring Hind’s state of health from a few weeks back?

    A&J: I’ve had that conversation.

    Lio: utter and complete WIN! (don’t look, Baka Gaijin!)

  295. Amateur
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Girl Reporter (#232): I thought it was “There’s a bathroom on the right.”

    (Sorry.)

  296. Weaselboy
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    I’m thinking the Mary Worth comment is from an SNL sketch from a few years ago, but I can’t place it. Little help?

  297. Weaselboy
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Whoops, I thought I hit reply on #297. That was directed at Ben @ #282.

  298. Mibbitmaker
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    9CL: The Burbers, in a nutshell. Obvious additional punchline reconsidered.

    A3G: “……whoever that is.”

    NS:
    Aide: “Also… cartoonist Wiley has abandoned his anvil, and is going back to one-panel gags and Danae imagination pieces without the blatant ideological allegories!”
    Obama: “This is NOT good!”

    Phantom: Hey! Psst! You two! You’re on! ….Hey!….. (stupid actors!)

  299. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    Other Peoples Kids.

    If pangolins were pink.

    Itti-bitti-rikki-tiki-tavi committeh.

  300. Mibbitmaker
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Weaselboy (#297): It is. It was from an ad parody in the late ’90s for a stage show with a hypnotist (played by Jon Lovitz)

  301. Artist formerly known as Ben
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Weaselboy (#298): You are correct! It was a fake ad for a stage hypnotist, I think played by a still photo of Jon Lovitz.

    I’ve found recently that if the HTML doesn’t appear when you hit reply, you can scroll up and hit the button again, and then you have it.

  302. Mibbitmaker
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#301): I meant late ’80s. And you are correct, sir (AFKA Ben).

  303. Pseudo3D
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Wow, so the bonfire must have been a riot! Look at those poor, bloodied souls in the second panel!

  304. Robin
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    I will never understand Gil Thorp. I thought the last panel, with “It’s Friday night!” featured some kind of weird jailbird dancing at a kegger. I stared at it for way longer than I should have before I realized it was a ref.

  305. Baboon on the Rhine
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:26 am [Reply]

  306. Ignatz
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Today’s Blondie made me realize that I’m older than Dagwood Bumstead.

    I can’t tell you how depressing that is.

  307. commodorejohn
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    9CL – I like to think that my suspension of disbelief is a pretty generous faculty. I mean, I’ve never gotten worked up about faster-than-light travel or how vampires could have survived as a species when they have so many serious weaknesses to common things. And I’ve even been giving this latest chunk of the Giant-Ass Edie Storyline a little further slack, since it’s just nice to see 9 Chickweed Lane be about love rather than comically-elitist snubbery of those not engaged in the fine arts on a professional level. But dammit, Brooke, if you’re going to explicitly raise the issue of Kiesl being obsessed with a fifty-years-idealized version of someone he’s going to have to get to know as a real human being again, you do not get to leave it at “well, yay for idolization!”

    A3G – I tried to think of something to say, but all I could come up with was a prolonged snorting noise.

    AS – I’m not even going to try and figure this out, because I’m pretty sure Scott Hillburn didn’t.

    BrS – “Sorry, Father isn’t quite himself today.”

    Crankshaft – Someone’s going to die for this.

    FC – Jeffy is stupid.

    FW – Looking at panel two, are we sure either of them is actually a girl?

    GT – I’d like to offer an alternative interpretation of today’s strip.

    Liō – I love this strip.

    Love Is… – not actually the youngest pregnancy on record, but uncomfortably close.

    Luann – Someone care to explain to me why Nancy is picturing a linebacker version of the T-1000?

    MT – Mark cares not for privacy concerns!

    MW – Ah, nothing like a glass of water and a nice basket of rocks to have a reconciliation over, eh?

    NAOQV – Zork reference FTW!

    OB – I do like the snarky nature of this strip. It’s like a less cynical You Damn Kid!

    PBS – There, there.

    SF – I swear, I am going to find a way to work “well, it’s 3 o’clock and I hate you” into my daily conversation.

  308. Pop Goes the Weasel
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

  309. Scott Bot
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Robin (#305): Actually, with Gil Thorp, ‘weird jailbird dancing at a kegger’ is always a possibility.

  310. bats :[
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#300): that’s not a pangolin, but darned if I can remember what it is (kyooot aside)…a stranger species of anteater? Marlin Perkins! Mark Trail! Where are you when we need you?
    (Wouldn’t Marlin and Mark make a great team? “I’m standing over here out of danger while Mark punches the crap out of those poachers. You’ll be out of danger, too, with a policy from Mutual of Olofo…”)

    A&J: FTW!

  311. Shawn S.
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#275):

    Haha, it is Nancy. I read the previous comment and just assumed it was Diane without even thinking about it. This reflects how little I care about the DeGroot family as a whole.

  312. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    September 16th, 2010 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail is much more fun if you imagine the missing balloons:
    Bear on left: “Hey, you two, keep it down; some of us are trying to work around here!”
    Bear on right: “Aw, c’mere, Frankie—who needs a hug?”

    Of course, as always, the water buffalo just looks on, inscrutably.

  313. Mela
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Thursday:

    A3G: My overall thoughts on the makeunder storyline are here, now devoid of random Harry Potter references courtesy of one of LJ’s growing Russian bride population.

    BB: “Let’s do the patriotic thing and frag his ass.”

    Edge: No one is ever happy to see anyone else in this strip, especially in your family. Why would this surprise you?

    FC: What the hell kind of toy is that?!

    FW: I said it elsewhere, but I’ll repeat it – I wholeheartedly approve of any storyline that could feature Les getting pummelled. Sadly, the only person who wouldn’t want that is Batiuk.

    GA: Go for it! Her name is normal!

    Luann: Only if your local police department has decided not to run criminal background checks on applicants. But given how disconnected from the modern world this strip is, odds are good that Evans doesn’t even know what a criminal background check is.

    MT: Prelude to punching? Please?

    NS: Today, Wiley reluctantly acknowledges that the current president isn’t a doughy Nixon clone, at least visually.

    RiR: Surprisingly not-sappy sentiment from the kitten today.

    Argyle: Anyone care to enlighten me what the joke might be here? Anyone?

    Zits: Come now, Jeremy, you know the most important snacks will be the batches & batches of special brownies.

  314. Nick@Nite
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    SHOE:
    After reading panel one, I honestly thought the punch line in panel two would be, “Maybe you should use a more seductive voice.”

    MARY WORTH:
    She uses her hands instead of her silverware. He puts his elbows on the table. They both talk about dead people while eating. It’s Jenna and Mike, the rudest dinner guests in the universe!

  315. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Love Is. . . . .Rex Morgan, M.D. (the early years)

  316. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#310): Pink Fairy Digger, some sort of armadillo, according to the poster on Daily Squee.

  317. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

  318. ComcisFan
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: Not to offend anyone’s religious sensibilities, I think there could be a market, albeit a small one, for a “What Would Jenna Drink?” T-shirt. Heartbreak after one date and obsessive, unreturned texting? Mogen David wine. Second date/love rekindling at the Santa royale fern bar? Milk.

    FW: Speaking of hair, Summer’s managed to grow, and de-spike, between panels one and two. That is Summer, right, and not one of the many comics-drawing boys in this strip? We can’t let Summer show any sign of womanhood, apparently, other than her forgotten wish to go on a car date. Car dates seem to be reserved for the mopey high school teacher who triple dates with a desperate colleague and his wife’s ghost.

    S4th: Classically funny.

    Zits: Pierce, my favorite teen character in this strip.

  319. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    a veggie burger truck runs into a PETA HQ. yup could have been worse, could have been a truck full of tasty meat! *rolls eyes*

    Hilburn, you suck.

  320. Virginia
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @Vince M (#189): Well, I emailed the crator, Vic Lee, about it, and he answered right away explaining he combined the two for comedic value. A very nice email, and a load off my mind because now I can get back to picking on Mary Worth and Luann.

  321. This Guy
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#319): And it’s another near-direct ripoff of a particular Far Side panel in which a meat delivery truck crashes into a parking meter outside a vegetarian cafe.

  322. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    September 16th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#321): not surprising. I made a crack about Hilburn’s fondness for using Far Side bits on CIDU, and the post “disappeared” soon after. Hadn’t noticed the link to AS on the CIDU frontpage, so can’t say that I was that surprised about it, either.

  323. Poteet
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — So apparently the only three people in the world who are unable to figure out that Dirk is, right now, chatting up Toni just outside the house are Mr. Stupid, Mrs. Stupid, and Stupid Son. And it appears that Stupid Son has actually sat down to have this inane discussion, thereby giving Dirk even more time with Toni. Yep, it’s called writing.

  324. Poteet
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    9CL — So if Gran had only felt chatty enough to tell this story years ago, she and Kiesl could have had lots of extra time together and I could have been spared their story. Damn you, Gran.

    DT — This would be SO much more impressive if current U.S. currency denominations actually included thousand-dollar bills.

    MW — If it hadn’t been so long ago, I could have sworn I once saw Doctor Mike singing and dancing in Up With People, with his index finger extended toward heaven.

  325. Walker of Dog
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#310): Mutual of Olofo: The people you can count on when the punching’s rough.

  326. Poteet
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    SF — I still don’t understand this. Apparently it’s mutual love, there is no abuse or dysfunction evident, and now Sister has someone else to give, er, loan her money. Sally, with all due respect, you look to me like an idiot.

  327. Poteet
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    BETWEEN FRIENDS — For women who are supposed to be so incredibly busy, these characters certainly spend a lot of time chatting and drinking coffee.

  328. Poteet
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    GA — On one hand, this is completely ridiculous on about six different levels. On the other hand, adultery in GA might actually be interesting.

  329. Cliff Arroyo
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    MW: Jenna gazes at her true love – a big never-ending glass of vodka.

  330. Buck Ripsnort
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    FW: Wait, we coulda seen. . . and she DIDN’T. . . .Batiuk, you total JERK!

  331. Gulielma
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Here’s an idea, Frank and Nancy: call the sanitation department and report Dirk’s antics.

    PBS: Pastis, you’re 12 years and 4 days younger than I am. Quit whining about being old.

    Apt. 3G: Margo can go back to her old look just by putting her hair in a bun again. Tommie can just put on scrubs. Poor Lu Ann got the short end of the stick.

    Non-Sequitor: I’d forgotten about this plotline. Didn’t miss it at all.

    Rex Morgan, MD: I call a week or so of Rex and company speculating on who could have spread the news about the mayor’s cancer. Everyone from the lab techs to the mail carrier. Snooze.

    Overboard: Enough with the mouse jokes.

  332. ElkMeadow
    September 16th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#327):

    We also see the same gag at FOOB.

  333. ElkMeadow
    September 16th, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#266):

    You’re right on almost all counts. I would have the kids on the other side of the road, away from the bus. However, the store is closed, and the pay phone would have been removed.

    First things first, as the bus radio is inaccessible, I would have asked the kids for their cell phones. Kids without cell phones are rarer than kids with, especially as a phone can cost less than $10 to buy and you don’t need airtime to call 911.

  334. Buck Ripsnort
    September 16th, 2010 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    AaackY: O dear lord, I just realized how this damn strip will end: Cathy’s Pregnancy. Just two panels for the last strip (thank heavens Guisewhite doesn’t have time for the whole nine months): a shot of the EPT w/ a big “+” sign, and one last “AAAAACCCK!” Then, blessed blankness forever.

  335. LogopolisMike
    September 16th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Oops, I posted this on the wrong day.
    A3G:
    You know Tommie’s hair IS fabulous. I was unable to see this the first few days since I felt slightly let down by the reveal. But it really is quite a change and quite a good one.

    However, I’m concerned about how skinny they are drawing Tommie in that ridiculous dress. I’m worried about what those in the world who read soap opera strips with an uncritical eye might think. Is this really the message we want to be sending to women in their 90s?

  336. Dennis
    September 16th, 2010 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Seriously Bust our tails? No high school guy talks like that. Grow some cajones and say asses or at least butts. Even Disney can say butts.

  337. Girl Reporter
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Amateur (#295): See, I can’t even hear wrong right.

  338. Vince M
    September 16th, 2010 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @Gulielma (#331): re. Overboard: Oh, good luck with that. It quit being about scuzzy pirates ages ago. I miss Boof and the Crows Nest Guys.

  339. Deelightful
    September 17th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    the first time I read that Ziggy I could have sworn he said “with due rapist”.

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