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Sibling revelry

For Better Or For Worse, 9/16/06

You know, usually, when a woman pours her heart out to her big brother about her relationship worries, the appropriate response is to say something vague but reassuring, not, “Well, you know what they say: infidelity in this situation is essentially inevitable!” The final panel of the typical FBOFW includes some sort of play on words, but since Michael gets that out of the way with his devastating commentary, instead, our parting shot here is Lizardbreath looking at him with barely contained rage as he wanders smugly off. Michael Patterson: worst comics brother since Momma’s Francis.

Incidentally, what the hell is Liz wearing? Is she making up for her frumpy work clothes by changing into some kind of leopard-print leotard as soon as she gets home? And I like the way Deanna and Robin sort of aimlessly wander through the strip, just as a reminder that “hey, we still exist! And little Robin hasn’t succumbed to his mysterious illness! Yet! Stay tuned!”

For more excellent foobish hate, check out faithful reader yellojkt’s latest blog post, “The End Of The Foobiverse.

Spider-Man, 9/16/06

Hey, what the hell is this? Some kind of … evil individual … intent of committing crimes … a villain, one might say … except he has powers and abilities beyond those of ordinary humans … super powers, one might say … and he’s intent on fighting Spider-Man? This sort of storyline has no place in this feature! Isn’t there some drama to be wrung from, say, the mutual funds in the Parkers’ 401k plan not performing as well as they’d like?

I like the fact that one of Dr. Octopus’ wayward tentacles is holding what appears to be a cool, refreshing beverage of some kind. Hey, his powers aren’t used for evil all the time, OK?

Apartment 3-G, 9/16/06

You had your chance and you blew it, Ted. Your third-panel leer is both too late and counterproductive.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/16/06

You know, I’ve been following this strip again for more than a year, and I still haven’t caught up with all of its characters. I’m reasonably sure that this is the first time I’ve met Linda, the wife of the high school football coach. I was going to make some crack about the fact that her weird facial expression in the second panel makes her look like she’s suffered some sort of crippling stroke, but then I realized that this is Funky Winkerbean, and she probably has.

59 responses to “Sibling revelry”

  1. pelagius
    September 18th, 2006 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, a “supervillain” who is squatting in some lousy studio apartment with a crappy little TV and a warm six-pack of Rainier. Looks like he should be right up Spidey’s alley…

  2. Adfella
    September 18th, 2006 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    Judging from her expression in panel two, for just one brief, fleeting moment it looks like Tommie is truly angry at Ted for not being man enough to end her long love drought.

  3. ralelen
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    What! No Mary Worth? Aldo is falling off the wagon and nothing? Oh well, at least we have Foobville; the land of non-toned people.

  4. treedweller
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Is Liz actually in a long-distance relationship as she claims? Does one have to visit the web site now to keep up? Because I have not seen the mountie in the strip since she moved home, and I haven’t even seen her mention him before now. It’s more like “absence makes time stand still until the lazy artist decides to bring a wayward plotline back into the picture.”

  5. Frank Drackman
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    I think Lindas got Bell’s Palsy, an idiopathic paralyis of the 7th cranial nerve which controls the muscles used for making facial expressions. She also has a case of torticollis as evidenced by her head position. I really like the dimwitted expression on the guy shes talking to, along with his sloping forehead, he looks like that creeepy marriage counselor from the lockhorns

  6. B
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    I take Linda’s odd expression and comment to mean she’ll be home knocking boots with four-eyes while her husband is at the game on friday nights.

  7. Billy Bunny
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    I hope Aldo doesn’t wind up in a women’s shelter after becoming too drunk to function in the world. Because you know what happens at women’s shelters, don’t you? That’s right.

    Even Aldo doesn’t deserve to have to consort with those people.

  8. pedant
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    If she’s the wife of the coach, wouldn’t she be sitting alone on football game nights? Since the coach is busy with the game and all? I mean, she can go to the games (though I doubt Coach would notice) and there will be people there, but “alone on a Friday night” implies no date, doesn’t it? And her date is clearly going to be occupied on Fridays. Maybe she’s going to the games to keep an eye out for slutty cheerleaders making a move on her hubby, so it’s true she won’t be sitting at home alone.

  9. Old Fogeyette
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure Linda is one of the teachers from the high school. She and the coach recently married, and as far as I know neither has any sort of disgusting disease.

    And btw, I LOVE Funky. It is one of my favorite strips. It seems very much like life to me: humor and angst, mixed randomly and more or less equally.

  10. Krazy Kat
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    I thought it was
    “Abstinence makes the hard grow firmer”

  11. april glaspie
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    I believe Liz Patterson is wearing leopard skin.

    Actually, the comics development screaming for comment is the somewhat revolutionary resort to product placement in Mary Worth, and for seriously upscale gin, at that.

    And isn’t that a really good price for what appears to be a half-gallon (or whatever they are in metric) of Bombay? And is there a lot of call for that particular brand and packaging in a seedy neighborhood down by the women’s shelter? And aren’t there police alerts with Aldo’s picture on them at women’t shelters, oh, everywhere?

    Then ther’s the very curious No Parking 7AM-7PM sign, in the samehome-made, hand-lettered format as the liquor come-on. Must be hell on merchants trying to draw the suburban crowd with specials on designer gin.

    Will an influx of subliminal advertising money mean that Mary and her Interventionist Gang won’t be wearing different color clothes from frame to frame now that there’s cash to hire a continuityeditor?

  12. messy
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Lynn Johnston’s been rather ill for a while now, and she’s failed to get herself a replacement. He two kids don’t want to do it, so if she does retire in a year or so, it’ll be interesting what’s going to happen.

    I remember reading that her first husband left her when her son was born. that would be interesting to stick in there, or maybe they could get hit by that meteorite from 9 Chickweed lane.

  13. Chris
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap, anybody see friggin’ BC today?

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/9/18&name=BC

    (not html savvy)

  14. Zikar
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    And Aldomania continues unabated, with that most ubiquitous of social facilitators, alcohol. Of course, maybe Aldo isn’t getting the liquor for him…goodness knows, Mary, what with having second thoughts and all, only needs a little shot or two to get her riding the moustache…

    Tommie needs to be shot, and unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Molly’s going to be shot, either. *sigh*

    Finally, I didn’t know TDIET did big Sunday spreads until today. Too bad I have to copy and resize the graphic to read them…

    OH YEAH!

  15. Hogenmogen
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Panel 4 – “That’s not funny!!!”

    Oh, so true, Liz.

  16. Analyzer
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    her weird facial expression in the second panel makes her look like she’s suffered some sort of crippling stroke

    To me, she just looks like Bing Crosby.

  17. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    #1 (Pelagius) Yeah, a “supervillain” who is squatting in some lousy studio apartment with a crappy little TV and a warm six-pack of Rainier.

    I think you mean: warm four-pack of mocha frappuccino.

    He’s evil, not a plugger…

  18. GotFuzzy
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    In Friday’s FOOB, where we just saw Liz sitting at the table, I thought she was in pajamas. Does she have anything in her wardrobe that doesn’t make her look frumpy and shapeless? I can only speculate on what a nightmare her wedding dress will be. Of course, anything she wears will still not be horrible enough to drown out the sad ‘stache on the groom.

    Sure, Linda looks disfigured and all, but at least she has not been whipped with the ugly stick that (DT)GT characters are subjected to. It was so nice to see the return of Horse-Faced Marjie today!

    Going way back to Saturday, can anyone explain why Broom Hilda would make a lame joke about a summer reading list in September? http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?file=20060916csbhl-a-p.jpg&refresh_content=1&component_id=3&custid=69&catid=1148&dir=%2Fbroomhilda

    Or is it set in the southern hemisphere?

  19. Wally Bean
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Linda was tragically crippled when she ate a extremely hot slice from Montoni’s.

    Fortunately for the pizzeria, she hired an attorney who was in the throws of cancer and could not really defend her client well.

  20. yudantaiteki
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    #12 – I believe that Lynn Johnston has maintained for several years now that the strip will end in 2007 when her current contract with the syndicate runs out. It’s a shame, because despite all the negative comments towards FBoFW here, it’s always been one of my favorite comic strips. But I guess it will be nice to see it have a conclusion (assuming it does!) rather than just go on forever.

  21. Zikar
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    The Mobius strip that is the Foobiverse…profound…

  22. Debt On
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Dr. Octopus uses his arm for all kinds of non-evil things. In the movie, they were great for lighting cigars.

    Judging by Spider-Man’s continued ineptness at crimefighting in this strip, this may very well be the end of him. I mean, he’s having trouble taking down the evil butler, what’s he gonna do against his worst enemy? Die, I suspect.

  23. J Shiggity
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    Loved the Spiderman commentary – so true!

    I wonder if supervillains generally like to watch tv to get themselves all riled up about superheroes. Are we to assume that he was wreaking havoc all over LA for a long time now and the cops have been powerless to stop him, yet there has been no mention of this in the news and all he has done with his power is watch tv in a crappy apartment? Schmuck! Think wine, women and song!

  24. Krazy Kat
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    Thanks Chris for bringing up BC,.
    When I tuned in this morning I expected that to be the first thing I saw.
    When Christian Cavemen are lookin’ up “Friggin’” in the dictionary and no one comments, it is a sad world indeed. Where can I find some good gin for about $38 bucks?

    Can’t wait to see what Jason at Better BC does with this!

  25. Mibbitmaker
    September 18th, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: Why is Paul, Sr., going bald, speaking like Zonker, and offering to do Nubby’s job?

    FC: These kids are dumber than a pillowcase/bag/sack full of doorknobs!

    Spiderman: Spidey’s finally gonna tangle with a real villian!… a real dopey villian. This is why I read *indy* comic books.

    H&L: I DIDN’T love this strip!

    Crankshaft: He retiring?? YAAAAAAYYYY-! …wait, he DID say from the comics page, right? Right???….

  26. Hogenmogen
    September 18th, 2006 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    #23 – Shiggity – “Think wine women & song”? Um, Doc Oc isn’t the type to just hob-nob at the local gin joint and kick it with the locals. Look at his flummoxed rage when he’s only home alone watching the news. Imagine his unfettered rage when some drunken slob spills beer on Oc’s pants and says “What’s with th’ spider legs, dawg?”
    “Spider?? SPIDER??”
    Yeah, that kind of scene is the sort of thing that keeps Doc Oc’s shrink saying things like “It’s ok if you just want to be alone and cry sometimes. Here’s another double prescription for Zoloft.”

  27. Poteet
    September 18th, 2006 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    FOOB — I tend to follow the Foobiverse carefully, heaven help me, but I don’t remember Liz actually breaking up with Warren The Helicopter Hunk. I remember a few untender comments between them, but was there an actual final parting scene that I’ve blocked from my mind?

    One reason I’m glad the strip will end in 2007 is that I don’t want to have to watch yet another man drooling after Liz. I know and have known a lot of single women, and VERY few of us, however attractive, had guy after guy swooning over us like they swoon over Lizardbreath. Not that I’m bitter.

  28. Desoto
    September 18th, 2006 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    FW: I still stand by my prediction that Batiuk blows up Wally sometime in late October, just before the mid-term elections.

    P.S. Although if the Democratic party needs FW to help capture the House & Senate, this country is in one sad state of affairs.

  29. Gracie287
    September 18th, 2006 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    27- To be honest, I don’t remember Liz ever really dating Warren the Helicopter Hunk. From what I recall, they flirted on the bus back to school, and had a few helicopter rides, but she kept saying that it was too soon after Eric the roommate had cheated on her. The highlight of the whole affair was when he buzzed her graduation, but I don’t think he was seen again except for 1 or 2 days last December, when she was already dating Paul. If I’m wrong, though, feel free to let me know.

  30. rich
    September 18th, 2006 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Foobsville: Lynn may have thought she’d already met her joke quota on that strip, but the last panel is still inexcusable. That was the best she could come up with, Mike staggering off, looking punchdrunk and saying “sorry”? Foob Lesson #1, Lynn: Lame puns — you’re always supposed to end with a lame pun!

    Also — I’ve always hated the way she draws noses head-on. What the hell is that thing Mike’s sporting in the last panel, a giant apostrophe? A Nike swoosh?

    Re Doc Ock: Hey, his powers aren’t used for evil all the time, OK?

    That’s right…as Mitch Albom explored in his touching and thoughtful “In How Many Ways Would You Pleasure Yourself If You Had Eight Arms In Heaven?”

  31. Blueline
    September 18th, 2006 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Didn’t Dr. Octopus die in Spider-Man 2?

  32. Cornwhacker
    September 18th, 2006 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    And I like the way Deanna and Robin sort of aimlessly wander through the strip, just as a reminder that “hey, we still exist!”

    Not to mention, a reminder that “Hey! If this thing with Paul doesn’t work out, there’s a single dad with a small child Liz can go to!”

  33. saint ruby
    September 18th, 2006 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    I think the reason that women in Foobville all look frumpy is that they all wear shirts tucked into their too-high jeans. I’m sorry, but no hip twentysomethings wear their pants that high, much less high school students.

  34. zeeba
    September 18th, 2006 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: Linda Lopez is a teacher at Westview High, and was a single mother for some time. Her daughter has not appeared in the strip for awhile, so maybe she actually graduated, but who knows? Anyway, the courtship between Linda and Coach Bull was soooo booorrrinnnggg, culminating with their tainted wedding pizza at Montoni’s –bleah! As for her crooked mouth, that’s Batiuk’s way of letting us all know that the character is saying something witty!

  35. Binky Betsy
    September 18th, 2006 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    #4: Liz sent an email to Paul right after she was magically hired at her current school a few weeks ago. In Thursday’s strip, she was hanging up the phone after presumably talking to him.

    As for Warren, his changing status was never made entirely clear, but back in December, he called Liz out of no-freakin’-where to offer her a heli ride home. Somehow, she felt obligated to let him take her halfway. He saw Paul dropping her off and was madly jealous, despite admitting to dating other women (“But I always think about you!”) and Liz primly reminded him that “Seeing is believing.” So somehow they had an ending without a beginning.

    Re: Mike’s “sorry”: I think it wasn’t so much a joke as a foreshadowing. “Sorry, but it’s true.” Paul will never be seen again; bet you a bag of Timbits.

  36. Hysterical Woman
    September 18th, 2006 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    I like that Doc Oc thinks Spidey came out west just for him. How romantic.

  37. Poteet
    September 18th, 2006 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    29 & 35 — Gracie and Binky Betsy, thanks for bringing it all back to me, such as it was. Warren, we hardly knew ye. And I bet we didn’t miss much. As for Paul, I’m desperately hoping to see Liz walk in on such a passionate embrace between Chipper and Suds that her heart is smashed like a rotten pumpkin. If that happens, I’ll happily spring for the Timbits.

  38. Dramashoes
    September 18th, 2006 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    I figured out what the deal is with Funky WInkerbean. Years ago, Funky was cursed by a family of gypsies after he drunkenly burned their pizza or something. Now if anyone in the Winkerverse ever experiences a moment of true happiness, Funky will lose his soul and become Funkelus, a creature of pure evil whose greatest pleasure lies in torturing those around him. That’s why the strip is so bleak and hopeless. Of course, soul or no soul, it’s still OK for Funky and his gang to torture their readers; just not each other.

  39. GoBobbyGo
    September 18th, 2006 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    I get my FBOFW from http://www.mycomicspage.com and it’s always in color. I was stunned when I went to the “official” page and saw that the strips were black and white. Really, I think I get the best of both worlds. In color? Check. No creepier-than-Marty-Moon blinking? Check.

    I don’t know if this link will work without a subscription to mcp, but if you look here, you’ll see the colorized version of the strip, which makes it look more like an 80s paisley pattern than a leopard print.

    But after I read your blog, I was curious to see the blinkies and went to fbofw.com. Boy did they blow it – why the hell wasn’t Liz blinking in the last panel? Or spitting nails or something?

    And, yes, Mike is a dick.

    While we’re at it, the color version brings into much sharper contrast the line in panel 1 that goes down from Liz’s ear. What the hell is that? Did LJ accidentally reveal the secret hinge where Liz’s face just folds up? What’s the purpose? Are the Pattersons walking, talking Pez dispensers? Waste receptacles? Are they like the guy in Men In Black who was two inches tall and controlled a human robot so he could fit in?

  40. jimbo
    September 18th, 2006 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    mmmm, Timbits!

  41. Chris
    September 18th, 2006 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    #38, Dramashoes, nice way to bring the Jossverse into Josh’s world!

  42. Sean-o
    September 18th, 2006 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Foobs…Josh claims there is “wordplay” in that mephitic last panel of the strip; “Sorry”? That’s wordplay? Perhaps LJ is a Strict Deconstructionist (or hardcore Dadaist).

    (note, too, how much Liz resembles her lumpy harridan mother in the final frame…)

    Funky…so before her husband became coach she sat home alone every Friday night? Wotta hoot! Did the couch dent her head?

    Certainly, FW is the strip most likely to cause suicidal depression; though, to be fair, at least there is some skin in it occssionally…

  43. Sixpence
    September 18th, 2006 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    The thing that amazes me is that Liz doesn’t know for sure whether Paul has applied for his transfer. “He keeps talking about it” — talking about doing it or talking about having done it?

    I have my heart set on Anthony taking Liz’ self-righteous “people like Howard Bunt/Erk don’t belong on the planet” and exercising a little vigilante justice . . . and then Liz’ life is ruined by having to ask for yet another day off work to testify at his trial. However this iffiness about the transfer presumably means that I am doomed to disappointment.

  44. Binky Betsy
    September 18th, 2006 at 10:05 pm [Reply]

    I think “He keeps talking about it” means she occasionally asks him when or if he’ll be transferred, and he says “I’m working on it,” or words to that effect, to shut her up. Remember, when she sprung it on him that she would not be returning to Mtig, she suggested he ask for a *different* transfer (to Toronto, instead of to Spruce Narrows, as originally planned) and he thought, but didn’t say, “I’ll ask…I don’t know how seriously.” So he’s probably not working on any kind of transfer, but Liz is passive enough to think that vague, mumbled promises are a done deal.

  45. Rusty
    September 18th, 2006 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    The coaches’ wife in GW had a teenage daughter, but Batiuk probably sent her off to be killed in Iraq.

  46. skulking on the outskirts
    September 19th, 2006 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    # 35, Binky Betsy: What are Timbits?

  47. Burbanked
    September 19th, 2006 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    I saw the Spider-Man comic on Sunday and this occurred to me, and then seeing the next day’s strip here confirms this subtle, but interesting bit of daily-strip-revisionism:

    Don’t Dr. Octopus’ mechanical arms traditionally come through the long coats he traditionally – however irrationally, given that one has arms attached to the small of one’s back – wears? Notice how the arms are all snaking underneath his coat; it’s as if, on his most recent coat-shopping trip, he thought, “Mercy, I am so very tired of having all of my coats tailored to compensate for my Evil Mechanical Arms. Can’t a super villain ever buy off the rack?”

  48. Archivalist
    September 19th, 2006 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s pretty clear that Linda is being portrayed by Edward Norton, a al The Score.

  49. Wirrrn
    September 19th, 2006 at 7:47 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: Doc Ock pauses in his megalomaniacal tirade against Spidey to put on his emerald-green smoking jacket… *How*?! Every time he gets dressed, I can see him tearing several new orifices in his wardrobe. “And now to defeat that web-crawling wonder once and for a- :riii-iip: -awww man, that was my Bowling Shirt!”

    Either that, or he’s found a tailor that doesn’t ask questions…

  50. d.rosenfeld
    September 19th, 2006 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    i’m pretty sure the guy in the blue shirt has ‘angst in his pants’ in that first panel of fw.

  51. Jeanne
    September 19th, 2006 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Timbits are donut holes from Tim Horton’s, a big Canadian chain that’s now in the US

  52. MrP
    September 19th, 2006 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Doc Ock’s laid-back style suggests that he’s indeed left the supervillain business, and he’s now living in an L.A. apartment like a normal man. No doubt, this is the apartment right next to Spidey’s. Do you see where this is going? They’re going to do the age-old Neighbor Fight.

    Doc Ock, being the aggressor, will start the whole thing by playing his old Megadeth records on full volume at 3PM. Spider man’ll retaliate by sticking a bit of stinky cheese through Ock’s mail slot during the w orkday, leaving it to stink up his entire apartment. Doc Ock answers this by hammering nails into Spidey’s door so that they spell out “PEDO”. At this point, things go overboard as Spidey chokes Ock’s cat with a bit of webbing. At this point, Ock decides that enough is enough, and reports it to the police. Mary Worth catches word of this through the police radio she keeps in her livingroom, and through some proper pensionist driving, she manages to slow down the police enough to get to Spidey and Ock’s place before them. She sits them down, and manages to reconcile things between them, and Doc Ock drops his charges. Whew.

  53. Burbanked
    September 19th, 2006 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MrP, I both admire and fear you.

  54. Tukla in Iowa
    September 19th, 2006 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    #52: That’s way too much excitement for the Spider-Man strip. I’m pretty sure the Doctor Octopus storyline has already peaked.

  55. SmartPeopleOnIce
    September 19th, 2006 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Ok, having gotten burned on this once already: Can someone ‘splain why Dr. Octopus is called Doc Ock and not Doc Oct?

    Also, I’m countin’ six appendages not eight. Why not Doc Sex? Seems like that might help bring in more viewers. Or not. (next week: Spidey takes on Ruth Westheimer!).

  56. Burbanked
    September 19th, 2006 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    SmartPeopleOnIce: for the same reason that you’d like someone to “splain” instead of “xplain”.

  57. Tukla in Iowa
    September 19th, 2006 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    #55: Maybe his two regular arms count?

  58. Jen
    September 20th, 2006 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    At least Aldo is buckled up for safety!!!

  59. Patrick
    September 23rd, 2006 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    You know, I also sit in my crappy studio apartment shouting things at the TV. And I also have a Ph.D. I’m beginning to think that, perhaps, I’m a supervillain.

    Unfortunately, I have the usual number of arms and legs for my species, and my Ph.D. is in literature. So perhaps I’m Doc Speedreader. I read really, really fast. And I use that power to . . . no. That won’t work.

    Doc Allusion? I confuse my enemies by making obscure references to early 20th Century British literature. “Sure, Superman, you may have the ability to fly and super strength, but you, like Stephen Daedalus, are in search of a surrogate father!” Hmm. No. Plus, people might think I have the power of “illusion,” and that would just piss me off all the time.

    Doc Grammar? No. Just no.

    Doc Hasn’t Been Laid in a Very Long Time? No, that’s both painfully true and not very intimidating.

    I knew I should have studied Physics. Or Chemistry. Biology? What the hell did Doc Ock actually have his Ph.D. in, anyway?

    Probably psychology. They’re all nuts.

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