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Metapost: Your commentary, and photos adorned with promotional items!

Hello kids! It’s that time of week again when we all give big ups to this week’s Comment Of The Week!

RMMD: Why do the children in this strip age so tragically early? Why are they deprived of normal childhoods with normal necks and normal hairstyles?” –Poteet

And the hilarity didn’t stop there:

“I can’t help but feel that Bil Keane lost a bet against a creepy middle-aged furry-loving pedophile and this cartoon was his side of the bargain.” –Zach

“Like his namesake, Peter Parker gained the ability to revolt and terrify women. His one weakness: brooms.” –paddywhack

“Speaking of Spider-Man, you have to at least give them credit for making sure a page where absolutely nothing happens is done in the most dramatic camera angles possible.” –Foolster41

“The Meddling Interloper is calling Clark Gable her ‘client,’ implying a financial transaction is required for her advice. Mary gives it away for free, so there’s no way to Ella can compete with that. It’s like trying to start a brothel next to a sorority house.” –yellojkt

“Injured in a freak meth lab accident, May has the comparative ferocity, inhuman strength, and incoherence of a tweaker. She can also cling to mullets.” –Marion Delgado

“Holy crap, my hate for Michael just gets deeper and deeper. ‘He was our mascot, our anti-hero, our futility symbol.’ Mike, you don’t need a futility symbol. Your life pretty much qualifies as being futile for real.” –Tak, the Hideous New Girl

“Sadly, I mistook the Judge Parker strip for Spider-Man. I saw the word ‘Parker’ and whoops! I mean, with no supervillains, no sight of the Spider-Man costume, meandering dialogue, goofy background characters, and a ‘this comic strip tackles serious modern issues’ brooding countenance on the square-jawed blue-hair in the last panel — well, I’m sure you can see why I made the mistake.” –Benicillin

“How awesome would it be to expose the Keane family as creepy perverts? (Answer: really awesome.)” –Chromium

“Now that the Ghost-Who-Walks killed the Doorman with an inspired game of hide-and-seek, it boggles the mind to think of how he’s going to kill the rest of the criminal network he apparently discovered by looking at the Doorman’s MySpace friend list. My bet is on either peek-a-boo or ‘got your nose.’” –reader-who-posts

“If the TV van is rockin’ don’t come Doc Ockin’.” –CarAlarm

“Dewey would do well to end his tirade quickly, now that he’s embarrassed himself with a demonstration of how hilariously impossible it is to throw paper in a fit of rage.” –Rhekarid

“Once again, They’ll Do It Every Time is a lot more like They’ll Do It Occasionally, If They’re In A Highly Specialized Field And Random Chance Conspires To Make Something Happen.” –jess a.

“Let that be a lesson to all you failed presidential candidates out there seeking advice in Charterstone from questionable women. I’m talking to you, Gary Hart.” –bitter law student

“There is no way that Molly would eat Theodore Beaver. She eats sunshine and cotton candy!” –Gal Friday

“Clearly, the folks in Phantom chose their president for his magnificent thighs specifically, and his ability to look great in a lycra tuxedo, generally. See? This is what you get when you vote for things you believe in instead of against things you don’t believe in. I’m talking to you, America. –Summerhouse

Also! This weekend I received a pair of charming photos from faithful reader MossMoses, formerly known as Sassy_Rocks. As a big Mark Trail fan, MossMoses was of course charmed by our Molly the Bear t-shirt. Here, he expresses a Molly-esque love for all things despite the incomprehensible hostility of an off-camera antagonist:

And here he contemplates the hostility of what I’m pretty sure is our bobbleheaded Commander-In-Chief for his commie hat:

More Molly the Bear and other Comics Curmudgeon merchandise is available at the Comics Curmudgeon store on CafePress! You can still get things delivered in time for Christmas! MossMoses says that his Molly the Bear shirt intrigues the ladies, so those of you looking to intrigue the ladies should keep that in mind.

And speaking of rampant commercialism, we must give our weekly thanks to those who have helped pay the bills by buying adspace.

Click here to find out more about advertising on this site.

107 responses to “Metapost: Your commentary, and photos adorned with promotional items!”

  1. Johan
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    He appears to be bleeding.

    No comic in the papers would EVER show blood.

  2. Uncle Lumpy
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Yay, Poteet!

  3. Mike P
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    I congratulate the lucky winners. Curse my identity crisis!

  4. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    I’m dancing in my chair, I’m dancing in my chair! Thank you, Josh.

    And thank you, Uncle Lumpy. And thank you too, RMMD. May your hapless young protagonists get the surgery, makeovers, and therapy they desperately need. And now it’s back to chair-dancing. I can’t even pretend to be calm and rational about this.

  5. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    Damn. Not even Mr. Congeniality.

  6. Summerhouse
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:49 am [Reply]

    You go, Poteet! I bowed to you earlier (in the manner of Conan O’Brien) over that post. One of your best.

    Reader Who Posts – Didn’t see your post the first time around. Too funny!

    My leg hind leg thumps the floor with pleasure to see myself on the list.

  7. Mr. O’Malley
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    27 from previous thread. Poteet, here is some information about couché-couché dancing. Although I suspect there may be some additional pun involved as well.

    And congrats on hitting the top.

  8. Mr. O’Malley
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    BC: Is he talking about the Gulf of Tonkin incident or the USS Pueblo?

    I know that comics have a lead time but is it usually measured in decades?

    What’s surprising about this, which leads me to wonder if BC en Español has any readers at all, is that they left the “Ching!” in the second panel even though it sounds very much like a common Spanish obscenity.

    Patito de hule, tu estás el uno …

  9. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    GIRLS AND SPORTS ads? Well, they pay the bills, and you’re not responsible for the limp writing and worse drawing (COMICS JOURNAL calls they style “Cathybert”), and the fact that it takes two people to do something this inane.

    The only dating advice I would give the guys responsible for GIRLS AND SPORTS is you probably can’t score bragging about this as an accomplishment.

  10. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:30 am [Reply]

    Perhaps there’s room in the cartoon universe for JUDGE PETER PARKER, the web slinging judgement maker who resides in courts of law by day, and makes super hero judgements by night?

    Just a thought.

    Easier to bear than THE ZIPPY FAMILY CIRCUS.

  11. Mr. O’Malley
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:20 am [Reply]

    10. Judge Peter Parker … I like the idea. But I’d rather see Rex Ock, MD. June equipped with physics-defying tentacles would be awesome!

  12. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    Normally, I save comments like this for little cachorros such as Gadge Cubic, the Assmonkey of Milwaukee but:

    abridge – abridgment
    acknowledge – acknowledgment
    judge – judgment

    Are they hero judgments which are super or are they superhero judgments?

    I now shall crawl back to the shadows from which I came.

  13. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:23 am [Reply]

    Mr. O’Malley, June equipped with physics-defying breasts would be even more awesome!

  14. yellojkt
    December 11th, 2006 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    Once again a bridesmaid, but its an honor just to be nominated. Congrats, Poteet! But the van-rockin’ Doc Ock makes me snort orange juice everytime I read it.

  15. yellojkt
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    A few days back someone asked a few questions about the history of the College of Comics Cardinals. I happened way back in May of 2005 when Josh posted and went on some long crazy vacation without warning anybody. About five days later in Comment 237, Anne Nonymous was the first person to propose a College of Comics Cardinals to rule in the absence of Pope Josh (this was all very topical then). Being a Cardinal is purely ceremonial and completely self-appointing. Other current commenters there at the founding included Islamorada Girl, J. Po, adouble, flasshe, 2fs (now Gadge Cubit, Mole Preener) and yours truly. Cardinals we don’t see as much any more include daChipster (song parodyist extraordinaire), RBF, and fluffytufts. Forgive me if I left anybody out.

  16. yellojkt
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    The earliest reference I could find to “Death to Gil Thorp” was by Isamorada (sic) Girl on May 2, 2005. The first use of parentheses around “(Death to) Gil Thorp” was a few days later in the same post as the founding of the Comics Cardinals and it caught on.

    btw, Smitty Smedlap as also there at the beginning. We need to have Josh add all 683 comments from that post to the required reading list.

  17. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    #8 – O’Malley – I think it was a reference to the Lusitania.

  18. blacknosugar
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    Luann: “Santa doesn’t bring presents to dogs?” If I were Puddles, I’d be thinking “What the fuck are presents? I’m going to hump your leg, now, if that’s okay…oops, too late, here I go!”

  19. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Did this guy just set the record for head bobbles in A3G? There must be some kind of seismic activity in NYC to cause Mr. Powder-Blue-Tie man to bash his head agaist his monitor.

    The Albert Ryder guy got the building declared a landmark 70 years ago. But he’s dead now? What a shocker! Even a moron like Luann could grasp the math involved and she can’t take simple instructions and doesn’t know what a library is despite being there before.

  20. Dennis Jimenez
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    FBOFW – Where TF is that prime rib?
    MT – Nice way to objectify one of our furry friends, Mark.
    MW – Now we see the incisive legal mind that made Snyder the handyman at Bonnie Franklin’s apartment complex.
    RMMD – And if she doesn’t call, she’ll be toast (the irony).
    JP – You go girl!
    FC – Keane misses a chance to plug Dominos. Double you pleasure, double your fun, shill for two masters instead of just one.

  21. King Folderol
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    12/11
    FC – Is Billy an idiot? Even when I was two years old, I knew that Big Bird was a person in a suit and not a real bird. Did Billy really come away from his latest Disneyland trip thinking that there are six feet mice walking around this planet of ours? If this guy’s head wasn’t sticking out of the pizza costume, would Billy go, “mmmm, pizza”, and try to take a bite? Have Bil and Thel already enrolled Billy in the “special school”, or are they just going to sweep him under the rug when company comes?

    BB – Yes, folks, Beetle is throwing a grenade at dirty trash can today, since that’s the only possible logical solution to this problem. One can only imagine how Beetle will ever handle getting the clap.

  22. yellojkt
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    I jus can’t wait for the hentai-tinged Mark Trail spin-off titled Randy And His Pet Beaver.

  23. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    A3G — Okay, A3G, now you are treading on MY TURF. Decades ago when I was a geeky junior high student, I decided that Albert Pinkham Ryder was my very favorite artist, based on paintings of his in a big book on our coffee table at home. I bought several posters and postcards of his paintings and put them up in my room, wrote a school report on him, and made a point of trying to find his work whenever I visited an art museum. Still do.

    Ryder had some issues (shyness and disorganization being two), but (or should it be “and”) his paintings are amazing. I refuse to believe he’s wasting his afterlife slamming doors, jamming locks, and kissing the hand of someone who barely knows what a library is!

  24. jules
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    #10: I would pay to see the Zippy Family Circus. Imagine PJ’s existential dwellings about Hello Kitty! But only if you’ve got a couple of beers in you!

    Also, in today’s TDIET, at least Scaduto is finally admitting that all his characters are Buttbrains. Ohhh yea-a-a-h-h! (I’d just like to say I’ve never paid $125 for my son’s inhaler… but maybe I’ve been lucky. I would certainly never smoke around my asthmatic child, though. Buttbrain.)

  25. Blissful Ignoramus
    December 11th, 2006 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth, 11Dec2006: What is going on in Charterstone? We have Professor Chinbeard in a green camelhair sportcoat and orange sansabelt slacks, Ella is in some kind of canary yellow Easter parade get-up, Mary, of course, is dressed in magenta, and Dewey’s cyan pants and sportcoat are so blindingly bright that it’s reflecting off his pomade. Are they on their way to perform in The Lawrence Welk Show?

  26. Marion_Delgado
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    dingo:

    UK, Oz, Canada, most of NZ – judgement, etc.

    US – judgment, etc.

  27. Cornwhacker
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Wow, Poteet, Ij ust assumed the name Albert Pinkham Ryder was made-up for the comic, but upon further investigation, I know I’ve seen his stuff before. Like you, hope his ghost is not haunting LuAnn. His ghost would do much better subbing on Judge Parker this month, potraying Celeste’s drunken rage. Either him or Bil Keane.

  28. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    #6 — Thank you, Summerhouse, and congratulations! My hind leg thumps in unison with yours at your excellent comment and listing.

    #7 — Thanks, Mr. O’Malley. I should have figured that hootchy-kootchy was the new term. And if June had tentacles, she’d be unstoppable. She’d be FAR more effective than Doc Ock.

    #15 & 16 — Yelljkt, thank you, and congratulations on your comment! And your history is much appreciated. All hail and genuflections, founders and Cardinals! Before the deluge, there were you.

  29. Cornwhacker
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    “I just”
    “I hope”

    Jeez, Ah shoulda seed it before I sayed it.

  30. bitter law student
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Apparently jokes that end in “I’m talking to you, (insert here)” are comment gold!

    But seriously, making the cut made my morning and I’m taking it as a sign that I’m getting an ‘A’ on my final this afternoon. Estate planning is on the house for Pluggers!

  31. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    #27 — Cornwhacker, thanks for the link. I seem to recall that Ryder is one of the most-forged artists of all time. So maybe he could travel around setting the hundreds of forgeries on fire or punching holes in them. I don’t know the rules of the afterlife, but if he’s actually stuck in that studio with Lu Ann as his only human contact, that would give new meaning to the word Hell.

  32. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    JP — Okay, do we think the shape-shifting reporter looks better as a blonde or a brownette? I’m partial to the blonde young-Susan-Hampshire version, but am open to persuasion.

    MW — I’m a relative newbie, so if there has been a better pointer than Mr. Dent in the recent history of this strip, I’d like to know. His hand action mesmorizes me. I think I’m getting sleepy.

  33. Old Fogeyette
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Poteet, congratulations on COTW! Well deserved-honor. And by the way, thanks for the Mexican ferris wheel vomit story on an earlier thread, long ago.

    Josh: what is with this hyperactivity, posting four new threads while I was asleep? I had to skip all the earlier comments for the sake of work and life, alas.

    #15 yellojkt: re Cardinals. How far back do we have to go? I was posting as Old Fogey about a year ago. Got a COTW last March (beginner’s luck).

  34. Murgatroyd
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    So, just a quick question…can anyone explain today’s Mother Goose and Grimm? Is it anything other than overtly anti-semitic? Is it because of the “blood libel” that us jews actually drink the blood of Christian babies? Seriously, am I missing something?

    When did Johnny Hart start writing MG&G?

  35. Dan Coyle
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Oh, wherever Augusto Pinochet is, I hope he is forced to read the lame-ass, in-bad-tase joke of grandpa “speechless” (because, y’know, he had a STROKE, fnar!) over and over and over again.

  36. Adam Stephanides
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    34: The reason they get invited to so many Bat Mitzvahs is because they’re vampires and vampires are associated with bats, get it?

    In other words, it’s just a lame pun.

  37. Murgatroyd
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    Umm…oh.

    As God is my witness, I stared at the funny page for twenty minutes this morning.

  38. bootsybooks
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Sometimes a lame pun is just a lame pun. If ya stare at them too long, you’ll go blind.

  39. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    # 33 — Thanks, Old Fogeyette. Wow, you probably were around when it was a lot easier to keep up. And which strip were you mocking when you made COTW?

    Years ago, my sister’s family and I spent a long car trip relating every barf story we’d ever heard or witnessed or participated in. My young nieces were utterly enthralled and still remember that car trip as a wonderful experience. Disney, eat your heart out.

  40. MossMoses
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Poteet: Congrats on COTW. Did you notice Little Nicky’s hairstyle is a total Sideshow Bob ripoff? Prediction – MangaMom is fine but Elvis and 8 Ball are in for a world of hurt from June “Marvela” Morgan.

  41. AhClem
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Cathy – I haven’t read this strip for a couple of years, ever since the local newspaper (mercifully) dropped it from their comics lineup. However, for some unexplained reson, I was compelled to view it online today, and was startled to learn, through it’s groundbreaking humor, that women carry heavy purses.

    Who knew?

  42. Blissful Ignoramus
    December 11th, 2006 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    I just saw Josh’s comment from yesterday about Chinbeard’s astroturf jacket. I wonder if he won the equivalent of the Masters’ for putt-putt golf.

  43. Proteus
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Dingo: thanks for judge – judgment et ali. I cut and pasted it into my “Things I Get Wrong Al lthe Time” file. Now can you help me with ones like maintain – maintenance?

    Next in RMMD, June wanders over to the hospital for some doctory reason and comes across Niki’s charbroiled mom. “You!” she’ll shout “Do you know what your damn son did? You’re gonna pay, lady!”

    Seriously, when did June go all OTR? ‘Cause she’s like Margo without Margo’s nice side. Hmm… I mean, without any of Margo’s endearing qualities. Umm… No, what I mean is… OK, you’re right, she is Margo. But with better hair and bigger thingies.

  44. SmartPeopleOnIce
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    I’m saddened by a glaring absence of beaver-pun related comments in the runners. We all know that “beaver” is comics gold (running a distant second, I believe, is the phrase “sock monkey”).

    And by “we” I mean “me”.

    I will now join in the celebratory back-leg disdiadochokinesia.

  45. Allie Cat
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    First of all – congrats, Poteet – well deserved.

    Now then:

    Funky Wellbutrin – Let me get this straight – they have Becky, who is ginormously pregnant taking a group of school kids to Chicago.

    In so doing, she’s ruining her chances of being taken to the hospital to have the baby in Montoni’s Pizza Delivery truck – several women have had that honor — Lisa (when she was preggers with Darrin Fairgood, and I think Summer too) and Donna (Crazy’s wife). It seems a shame that Becky will not annoint the Pizza Wagon as well.

    But since she’s in Chicago, maybe she’ll give birth on an elevator. That would be fresh and innovative.

  46. Axel Fusco
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    I think I understand the hostility being directed toward MossMoses. I’m sure it’s because he does not respect America’s freedom.

  47. Anon
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    In re to post #15: College of Comics Cardinals would be funnier if it were Kollege of Komics Kardinals.

    Plus, the initials wouldn’t be so depressing.

  48. Basil Wrathbone
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to today’s TDIET, I’m seriously considering legally changing my name to Hekkie Buttbrain. I will then throw away my inhaler, buy some exorbitantly priced cigarettes and clothes that were out of style thirty years ago. I will subsequently parade my ignorance in front of anyone patient enough to stand still. Then my life will be complete.

  49. TB Tabby
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: I know why Slylock isn’t worried. Because this will only result in Count Wierdly and the guy whose name isn’t even woth remembering being shipped to Gitmo. He’s just amusing himself with thoughts of these two being sodomized with broomsticks and assaulted by rabid German Shepherds.

    …Just who do they plan on spying on, anyway?

  50. True Fable
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    There are several cotw-worthy quotes from Poteet, I find it incredible Josh was able to pick only one from them all.

    But yeah, the Doc Ock-rockin’ post of CarAlarm was a hoot and a half. I called it for the win but hey, honorable mention is still honorable, right?

  51. Wisconsin
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    I know Josh believes that Curtis is usually channeling an octogenarian with his antiquated speech patterns, but today it’s certainly Oscar Wilde, complete with speech pattern and jauntily angled hat. My newspaper doesn’t color the comics, but if it did, I don’t doubt those pajamas would be a deep, luxurious purple.

  52. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    #49 – Tabby – Yeah, I saw that this morning and came to the conclusion that the nefarious plot would fail not because the balloon would rupture, but that surrendering a camera to the winds of chance is an impossibly stupid idea. I reasoned that since so many Slylock mysteries are solved with evidence not visible to the reader that the breeze must have been blowing in the wrong direction.

  53. cheech wizard
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Totally awesome JP on Sunday with Celeste the Rampaging She-Elephant.

    What’s also significant, though, is the suggestion that Sam Driver was somehow involved in leaking the info about her trip to detox. Historically, Sam has always been a total Boy Scout who fought fire with clean, distilled and very soft water, and would never bend to do anything even slightly sneaky. Following last month’s wine-drinking episode with Abby, these represent a major shift in character – who knows, this could even be followed by implications that he’s having sex with his wife.

  54. cheech wizard
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    MT- It’s a very special moment in a boy’s life when he gets his first beaver..,

  55. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    #40 – Moss – more than likely Elvis & 8Ball are headed to a world of hurt, but it will happen largely off the strip. It will just probably end with a couple of cops showing up and that’s it don’t bother checking up on things or going to the trial because the cops are here and that’s all you need to know so on to the next adventure and let us never speak of it again.

    Speaking of RMMD: Did June bother treating Niki’s broken jaw? Did she even look at it? If it may be broken, she reall ought to make sure. The last laugh that Niki will have is suing June for gross negligence. She’s a health care professional who abandons a minor in need of medical assistance. I don’t know the law, but that sounds like enough for a sympathetic jury to award damages.

    Rex, on the other hand, sadly walks the streets, still lonely for his golfing buddy Troy. He is secretly relieved that his own sham of a career has not yet been exposed as he slowly repeats the mantra “There but for the grace of God go I…”

  56. MGArchitect
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    In Monday’s JP, I’m confused why the cartoonist Eduardo / Graham Nolan (or whoever is drawing this) would feel that the last panel of the strip should show boring, mindless election paperwork filing versus a fat lady cramming a microphone down a reporter’s various orifice.

  57. MossMoses
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    46. Good one, Axel. Of course you can profile evildoers who hate America’s freedom just by looking at them (or a picture of them). That’s how you figure out who your enemies are in the global war on terr’r.

  58. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    If she’s pregnant in Chicago, the best place for her to have the baby would be in the creche at the Kristkindlmarket in Daley Plaza. Just had a first date there two weeks ago (we’re now at fourth date and, yes, he knows of my obsession with Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener). Nice place for a first date, an anniversary, or to knock out a baby like shoving a piano through a transem.

  59. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Such a big deal was made about “Dick the Doorbell”, and I haven’t heard anything today about “Dick, somebody stole our package!

  60. True Fable
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Hogenmogen – Yeah, the “our” part got me. That woman OWNS him for sure!

    Quick, Dick! Look down and check it out! Make sure your package is still in place!

  61. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    Gee whilickers! Get a load of that shadow on Ian Cameron’s trousers in today’s Mary Worth. That man is packin’ heat!

    If only there were one solitary gay man in the Charterstone complex to Garanimal-tag Ian’s clothing so that he would know which shirt and jacket went with which pair of slacks. We’ve all wondered how he landed Toeby. Must’ve run over her seeing-eye dog.

  62. gh
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    GAH!

    *comes up for air*

  63. Luna
    December 11th, 2006 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I don’t believe that Gran’pa Chinnuts is functioning as nicely as Lynn would like us to think. He clearly is walker-ing into the wall in panel #2.

  64. Redundant Beaver
    December 11th, 2006 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Save for some shading across the bottom, the first panel in today’s Mark Trail is the same as the last panel from Saturday’s.
    Which is no surprise; I just wanted to thank Elrod for giving me a good band name.
    Now, if I only had a band…

  65. gh
    December 11th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Well, that was fun.

    I’ve been released by the all-benevolent Josh from 4 days of being trapped lik a piece of lint in the Spam Filter. Sorta like being Vincent Price in the last 30 seconds of The Fly, except it lasts FOREVER. I mean, everybody’s lurked at some early point, am I right? Right? No? Well, never mind. One you’ve bee in the pool and get kicked out of the pool, voyeurism loses its panache. You fill up legal pads with comments you can’t post. Scary.

    Anyway, first things first: Congrats,Poteet! Now calm down, before you hurt yourself.

    Number 2: Dingo, I did post how I fell down laughing at your Days Of Our Foobs script, and the Latvian whore/Murphy bed thing cracked me up too — but I don’t think you saw it because, apparently, if the Filter thinks you’re Spam it actually ges back and erases comments you’ve already posted. Absolutely chilling when you discover this. It’s like you never existed.

    C: Yes, “Alone Again, Naturally” is the biggest boo-hoo baby song ever. It was also the #1 song of the year on my local AM radio station the year it came out. We’re not born curmudgeons. We have our reasons.

    Fourth: Thank you, Skullpants! I never would have seen the chimp without your detailed instructions. I was actually trying to look at the upside down squirrel upside down.

    Plus too many more to count. On with the show!

  66. True Fable
    December 11th, 2006 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW While I know that Lynn means Grampa is speechless about his remarkable progress, I would not put it past her to use that last panel as a reminder that OH BY THE WAY, FOLKS, GRAMPA NUTCHIN CAN’T TALK! Because you know us; we have to get beaten over the head with the obvious several times a week by her.
    MT If I was that trapper, I’d be getting my money back for that lousy trap. Scratched up?!?! That’s It?!?! wtf, it says on the box, “guaranteed to maim!” why I oughta…
    RM I stared at panel #3 for a while, trying to figure out what in the world kind of hat June had on her head, it looked like a cross between one of A3G Tommie’s old nurse caps and something out of Brewster Rockit. Then I realized no, it’s just a well-lit tenement wall. It’s the going thing now in run-down buildings to have all the holes in the wall spotlit.

  67. gh
    December 11th, 2006 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Skullpants being shorthand, of course.

  68. MossMoses
    December 11th, 2006 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail is the patron saint of wounded animals. They can sense his (and Andy’s) good intentions instantly and are immediately turned into loving pets once they reach the nurturing confines of Lost Forest. Normally a ferral beaver might object to being picked up and even bite the person attempting to hold him (it) but Beav realizes he is in good hands and lies there submissively, waiting to be nursed back to health and for Rusty to come up with a cute name for him. By the way, you can tell Doc is quite the renowned veterinary scientist by his “scratched foot” diagnosis. At least he didn’t say footbone… One of the Lost Forest naming conventions is that people and animals who live there have names that end in the “ee” sound, i.e. Cherry, Rusty, Andy, Lucky, Tabby, Molly, etc. There are a few exceptions but the beav is going to end up with an “ee” name for sure, maybe something like Bucky or Bobby that goes well with the surname Beaver.

  69. King Folderol
    December 11th, 2006 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    #66 – I was going to say something about that, too, but I’m scared that Granthony will lock me in the basement if I darest speak up.

  70. AppleGirl
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    JP – Celeste: hungover, or still drunk?
    Discuss.

  71. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to AppleGirl for being lucky #69.

    Celeste: hungover?
    Ian: overhung?

    gh, thank you and I actually did see your posts.

    I swear, I’m fascinated by how many of the writers on this site have advanced degrees, have written books, can chew gum and walk simultaneously… it’s a talented bunch! I always feel like the kid down the block from the Family Circus house.

  72. Old Fogeyette
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    #39 Poteet–Yes, it was so much easier to keep up way back then a year ago. I actually did keep up, mostly. My beginners-luck COTW wasn’t even snarky. I merely remarked that I had once had a cat like Bucky (in GF), and that I had also once had a boyfriend like Bucky. Both true.

  73. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Okay… AppleGirl WAS #69 until a moment ago.

  74. AppleGirl
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, I think the spam filter is making comments disappear and reappear. The comment numbers are crazy.

    JP – The other night, we all went out after work. The next day, we couldn’t figure out if we were hungover or still drunk. Nobody barfed, but quite a few of my colleagues wanted to ram microphones up peoples’ …um… whatevers.

  75. Tak, the Hideous New Girl
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    OMG, I am so honored to be chosen!

    I’m going to see if the FOOB monthly letters are up for December, so I can write more about my hatred of Mike Patterson, and hopefully attain “Comment of the Week.”

    Is it healthy to hate a fictional character this much?

  76. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    #68 – Moss – No harm may come to any living being in Lost Forest. It is the law. Elrod spared us the the side “adventure” after Mark introduced Rusty to the beav – Mark notices a wilting fern and decides to water it with nourishing fertilizer. Unfortunately, he didn’t notice the poison ivy back in those bushes. For the next few weeks, every time we do not see Mark or his hands, we may safely assume that he is madly scratching his balls.

    Rusty: Look on the side of the road, it’s an injured animal!
    Molly: Oh, good, I’m hungry.
    Mark: It’s a young beaver! A car must have hit it!
    Molly: Hey, I’ll take it if its still moving.
    Rusty: If its still alive, maybe Doc can help it!
    Molly: What? What about me?!
    Mark: He’s still breathing, but his leg is all scratched up.
    Molly: Hell-oooo!
    Mark: His foot may be broken!
    Molly: Remember me? You came to rescue ME!
    Mark: We’ll take it home and let Doc check it out.
    Molly: Yeah, you do that, Mark. But remember I’m a carnivore. If I don’t get grilled beaver with parsley STAT, you and Randomly-Aging-Rusty are the next two on the food chain. Geez. I honestly don’t understand your hostility towards me.

  77. Axel Fusco
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Has grandpa FOOB’s chin ever been any “nuttier” than today?!

  78. hogenmogen
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    #71 – Dingo – Advanced degree – check. However, lest we not forget, the creator of Rex had a doctorate. My wife who is a big Foobfan has an advanced degree. I rue the day, which is coming, in which she will compare me with one of the Patterson men and I will light my hair on fire and swim naked in a pool of crushed glass.

  79. MossMoses
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    75. Tak, your healthy hatred is not misplaced at all and it is way better than hating real people. I hate every one of the Saintly Pattersons, including their pets and friends. I really wish ScrotumChin would hurry up and quit breathing. His heart warming rehab is going on for way too long…

  80. Axel Fusco
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    # 76 – hogenmogen: Be careful about not understanding the hostility directed toward you. You may end up like MossMoses….

  81. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    I can only read so much MW at once, so it wasn’t until today that I realized M&G missed a golden opportunity to show “Bucky” Dent doing something other than gesticulating like one of the Raelettes. Where was the furiously-paging-through-the-Charterstone-rules-and-regulations scene that we all crave? Especially as it could have ended with Bucky triumphantly pointing at the relevant subparagraph – “Ha! Who’s the bitch now?”

  82. GoBobbyGo
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been away for a week and a half, and I just don’t have time to sift through all the comments. But did anybody else chime in to say that the issue with last Thursday’s FC isn’t that Daddy has anorexia. It’s that for some reason Daddy’s head is on Mommy’s body!

    Who knows why Bil decided it would be a better strip that way, but DAMN that’s lazy!

  83. Red Greenback
    December 11th, 2006 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Judge P: If the cop combed his hair forward Moe Howard-style he’d look like…well,you know.

  84. AppleGirl
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    75 – Tak, please DO hate Michael Patterson! And please write volumes describing your loathing of all the FBOFW characters. That’s the sign of a healthy mind.

  85. AppleGirl
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    82 – GoBobbyGo – Yes, the FC Daddy’s female body was noted during your absence, but I for one never tire of reading additional comments about it!

  86. Concerned Citizen
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Now that Pinochet is dead, he is eligible to appear in MW and A3G. LuAnn better watch out but I’m sure Ella could channel him into the Charterstone board. He is also available as a cameo in Gil Thorp. A tour in GT is a fitting punishment for him.

  87. MossMoses
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    80. Axel, it really doesn’t get any worse than that until you buy the t shirt and then that hostility gets even harder to understand…It’s turning me into a cynical hater.

  88. SmartPeopleOnIce
    December 11th, 2006 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    #45 (AllieCat) Just wanted to say I chuckled at Funky Wellbutrin

    That is all.

  89. Dingo
    December 11th, 2006 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    Gadge Cubic, I actually had one of the Raelettes as a student in my course at Columbia College (Chicago). She was this incredibly shy, soft-spoken woman. The day that she had to do her PowerPoint presentation (yes, shudder all of you) on herself, we discovered she was a Raelette. The highlight was seeing a photo of her in costume behind Ray. Imagine Tina Turner as the Acid Queen.

    In a way, it might be an apt simile to Ella Byrd or Gadge Cubic. Ella portrays herself as an aging “helper” when she’s really a migrant con artist probably ‘baking money’ with that Miss Jane Hathaway crone. Gadge Cubic is a male siren luring innocent passersby to this site to their demise… a Sheilaugh Shaugnessy with a penis.

  90. Allie Cat
    December 11th, 2006 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    #88 – SPOI – that you enjoyed it makes my day!

  91. Dactyl
    December 11th, 2006 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    First, Congratulations to Poteet and all the runners-up. And I promise I’m not just trying to get on next week’s list (oh, who am I kidding, of course I am!) when I say…

    Stop the presses, Lu Ann has found her mate! No two people can bobblehead like that and not be meant for one another! Poor Alan – with his normal range of neck motion, he just doesn’t have a chance.

  92. Poteet
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    # 40 — Thanks, MossMoses! I just found out who Sideshow Bob is via Google, and you are so right. And am I allowed to say that you look cute when you’re bludgeoned?

    # 45 — Thank you, Allie Cat. And I gotta say it’s scary for a FW newbie to see how you FW veterans matter-of-factly rattle off past events that range from weird to jaw-dropping. But if you are brave enough to keep reading, I’ll do it too.

    # 50 — True Fable, you are so kind. And I loved #60.

    # 65 — gh, I appreciate your good wishes, and I’m so glad you are free. Your tale is terrifying, especially the part where you are screaming in a very tiny voice “Help me! Help me!” I hope the Spam Filter will get psychiatric assistance.

    # 75 — Tak, congratulations! And yes, the December letters are up. But Michael’s is far worse than anything the normal human brain can imagine. You have been warned.

  93. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    December 11th, 2006 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    #89: “Demise”? Hey, just because I put that catfood out on that fragile tree limb over the cliff, it’s not my fault if the poor little kitties try to eat it. (Note: I would never hurt a cute little kitten.)

    Also: are we sure that Shillelagh Shaggnasty does not have a penis? Maybe that’s the big (or not so big) secret she carries with her across the windswept, mawkish, gack-encrusted, and overwritten Canadian prairies. Or maybe it’s going to be all Pale Fire: we find out Shillelagh’s really a poor deluded dupe gnawing her own fingers off and drooling for meth, living in a dumpster somewhere in Edmonton, threatening passersby with blowjobs from her terrifying, Yellow-Kid-like visage unless they give her ten bucks (Canadian) to go away. And then Michael’s stand-in hero will swoop in and saintlily save her from her own tragic Albertan demise.

  94. topliff
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    Sally Forth – My gosh, if Sally is thinking about selling her hair for a stinking Christmas present for Ted, she really needs a new job, or Ted should have jumped at the career change when he had a chance. For crying out loud, they have one stinking kid who never will get old enough or smart enough to go to college so what are they doing with their money? Cashmere v-necks for Ted and lavish dinner parties for Ralph no doubt.

  95. Audible Sigh
    December 11th, 2006 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    #10 Do you remember that Family Circus panel from a few years back, too? The one where young Jeffy was dreaming about Zippy with a pleasant smile on his face? The one that made me have my own unpleasant dreams as at that time my only exposure to Zippy the Pinhead was through a comic book by Yow Comics, which included Zippy pleasuring some extremely buxom ladies with his titular pinhead? Oh young Jeffy, his innocence lost, instead of therapy he uses his Dad’s old comic as a forum to vent. No wonder there are so many images of dead animals, teddy bears with head injuries, of mom and dad having their innards slowly crushed by padlocked iron girdles hidden under their clothes that Jeffy tightens half an inch each day to remind them of the suffering his soul has endured.

  96. willowbarcelona
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Poteet rules. Congratulations!

  97. Poteet
    December 12th, 2006 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    # 96 — Thank you, willowbarcelona. And since she helped to boost me to this high honor, I will hope that the Morgans are remembering to feed and water Widdle Sawah occasionally:-).

  98. Craig Shergold
    December 12th, 2006 at 3:03 am [Reply]

    52: The last person to successfully surrender her cameras to the winds of chance was Leni Riefenstahl.

    She also invented ingenious staging techniques – like tying helium balloons to dozens of cameras during the Berlin Olympics to get overhead shots of the games. Attached to the cameras were notes directing the finder to return the camera for a cash award – she didn’t lose a single camera.

    Y’know, camera could be construed as…

  99. Craig Shergold
    December 12th, 2006 at 3:07 am [Reply]

  100. Craig Shergold
    December 12th, 2006 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    Tak, the Hideous New Girl:

    FInally, a humorous name referring to brilliant comedy less than 30 years old.

  101. Uncle Lumpy
    December 12th, 2006 at 3:43 am [Reply]

    You young whippersnappers, you!

    Just try to get your baseball back! Hahahaha!

  102. Axel Fusco
    December 12th, 2006 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Re # 68 and “Lucky” the beaver’s new name. This was too obvious a choice (as if “too anything” is possible in MT). Harry would have been much better.

  103. Adam Stephanides
    December 12th, 2006 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    95: Yeah, back in the days when Zippy the Pinhead (as he was then known as) appeared in underground comics, there was a somewhat seedy air about him: he was an actual freakshow attraction, not a free-floating character who just happens to be microcephalic, as he is today. And he got involved in adventures, instead of just uttering satirical non sequiturs. I liked the old Zippy better.

  104. Tedlick
    December 12th, 2006 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    In comic strip creator news, Mallard Filmore’s creator has been charged with DUI, apparently his second in the last 4 months.

    The story at Indystar.com

    The duck did seem a bit sauced since the midterm elections…

  105. TB Tabby
    December 12th, 2006 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    You know, I’d heard that somewhere…people really need to start reading the previous comments more often.

  106. Foolster41
    December 13th, 2006 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Wow. I hadn’t been checking this for a while. I’m glad you liked my quote Josh. I’m exited to be up on your list. :)

    What is that bobble-head he is holding? is that the Trailman(tm) himself?

  107. Bob Ball
    December 13th, 2006 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    What happened to Miss Buxley Sunday is the result of a twisted mind treating a woman as an object for far too long.

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