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Going down (SORRY THAT TITLE IS UNFORGIVABLE BUT I CAN’T THINK OF ANOTHER ONE RIGHT NOW)

Apartment 3-G, 2/26/11

Look at that sly smile on Margo’s face. There’s nothing that she likes better than to see a couple of elevator fetishists getting together to “take a ride,” if you know what I mean, and I think you do, and if you don’t, I’m talking about having sex in an elevator with a lot of great early 20th century iron work. Sure, Margo is sad to lose her new boyfriend, but the fact that Lu Ann will be losing hers more than makes up for it.

Dick Tracy, 2/26/11

“I can’t shoot the monster in cold blood”? Cripes, Dick is going soft. “Hey, are you trying to steal my watch?” “What? You took your watch off yourself, and you’re on the other side of th–” BLAM BLAM BLAM

Shoe, 2/26/11

I am not comfortable with the cheerful way that the Perfesser is patting his chest in panel one as he boasts of his weight loss. “Yep, I’ve lost twelve pounds on my diet — and it all came right off my man-boobs!”

171 responses to “Going down (SORRY THAT TITLE IS UNFORGIVABLE BUT I CAN’T THINK OF ANOTHER ONE RIGHT NOW)”

  1. The Divine O'F
    February 26th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    This is not an important comment, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been among the first commenters, and I just want to say that I am grossed out by Paul’s? Trey’s? anyway, Margo’s black-haired boyfriend’s really limp-looking handshake. Meanwhile, Luanne’s blond-headed boyfriend seems to have an arthritic thumb. Those are the kinds of things I obsess on after getting up too early due to insomnia.

  2. Mark55025
    February 26th, 2011 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    MT: why in the world doesn’t this woman get help for a man she thinks might be dieing????

    DT: Dick if you don’t want to shoot him, shoot me. Your strip makes me long for death.

  3. siamesesin
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Reading the second panel of 3G on its own is a lot of fun. “Well, she does look sweet. But be careful-she bucks like a demon!”

  4. Maggie the Cat
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Hahaha, you summed up A3G with perfection. Meanwhile, looks like Berna is kicking ass and taking names over at RMMD. Panel 2 is kind of scary. And we all thought it’d be June handing out the beatings.

  5. Chyron HR
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Trey admires the elevator for its fine classical ironwork, which serves as a reminder of a more genteel age of American society. Paul, on the other hand, is in awe of the “magic up-up box”.

    (Love in an elevatah, livin’ it up while your comic’s blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.)

  6. Maggie the Cat
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    I’m LOLing at the sad-sack face Dex has in the last panel of RMMD. It’s kind of a “Nice knowing you, old friend…you’re about to have your ass handed to you by my big sister… I know of what I speak”-kind of look.

  7. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    MW: I’d be worried too if I were Dawn. Imagine your father getting all touchy and wanting to go out on “dates.” That may work in Hootin’ Holler’ but it’s not going to fly in Santa Royale.

  8. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    A3G: I’ve been trying to ride Lu Ann for a while, but she’s too dumb to take even the broadest hint.

  9. Maggie the Cat
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MW- Wilbur is consoling himself over Dawn’s deadly internet addiction by shoving dirt clods in his mouth while Dawn is gazing at herself while drinking “cola” and holding her bar of Ivory soap. He IS worried, Dawn. He’s so worried that you’ve made contacts with the “outside” that he’s developed Pica.

  10. Dan S
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    My immediate reaction was one of confusion: Trey’s asking “wanna take her for a ride?” would SEEM to refer to Lu Ann, who Paul just mentioned, but Trey’s only in a position to offer Margo.

    A clear conflict between discourse/syntactic and pragmatic interpretation heuristics. … Oh. Sorry. Wait. This isn’t Language Log?

  11. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Anyone who didn’t see that coming, please go stand over by Lu Ann in the clues for the clueless line.

  12. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    GT: Wait, is that Jamaar actually in awe of someone other than himself? It’s a belated Festivus Miracle!

  13. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MT: I don’t recall “hide the soon to be corpse” being first aid for a gunshot wound.

  14. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    BB: I’m having a mayonaise sandwich and a glass of potato-aide from that new roadside restaurant Chez’ Wilbur.

  15. Flummoxicated
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT: “This MAN looks like he’s about to die! The last THING he needs is medical help! We have to wait until we know who he is, he might not have INSURANCE!

    FW: Oh good, another person to worship at the Moore shrine.

    MW: Wilbur stuffs another beige food item into his face. Maybe the real problem here is his compulsive overeating and unnatural interest in hanging out with his daughter.

    Get Fuzzy: Rob sitting on the can is the funniest thing this strip has showed us in months.

  16. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    A&J: kitty motor running. I lol’d at this one.

    CdS: *sigh* finding a partner that shares or at least accepts your geeky hobbies can be difficult.

    IP: “white mead spritzer.” *giggles*

    JS: nice shout-out to a horrid strip.

    Lio: and you thought *tugging* on it was a bad idea!

    NAoQV: heeeee! another notch on the Internets favorite butt monkey.

    F-: another failure to capture the essence of Calvin & Hobbes.

    FW: “no, they’re all outside, waiting to visit the Specialest Snowflake!” *hate*

    GF: brain bleach, seevoopleez?

    HotC: “Jar Jar” subtle play, very subtle.

    Jumble [*]

    MG&G: no one will believe that. Mary, sure, but not Khaki Kendoll.

    RwO: pairs well with Larson’s igloo strip.

    Zits: kids and their music, amirite? (also, I did not need to notice that the music also broke Connie’s bra.)

    standard snarpologies.

  17. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    It’s not really “in cold blood” if the perp is attacking you, Tracy.

    I’d berate Tracy for not keeping a tazer on him during a prisoner transfer, but considering I’ve seen a cell phone horribly burn a man to death in DT, a tazer would probably destroy the entire house.

  18. John C Fremont
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    A3G – Hooray! Another reason to once again have Paul Nicholas’ Heaven on the 7th Floor stuck in my head. Thank you, Universe.

    MW – Why is Wilbur sucking on that chicken nugget like a Saf-T-Pop?

    “But I do worry about my dad. He just keeps eating and eating. I can’t stand to be around him as he keeps cramming food-like substances into his comically large mouth.”

    MT – “Mommy, could you repeat that last part, ’cause what I thought you said doesn’t make a lick of sense?”

    SFx – Boy, Marcellus Wallace sure seems down on his luck these days.

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#16): “Kitty motor running. Head out on the highway…” (The opening lyrics from “Meow to be Wild.” By Steppenkitty, of course.)

  19. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#18): *gigglez*

    exactly. An excessively cutesy college gf of mine used the phrase in a very similar fashion when her cat was purring.

  20. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]

  21. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    GF: Id love to believe that this means Conley’s got his groove back.

  22. Comcis Fan
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    MW: Ha! Classic! Wilbur is so worried that he claws open a cabinet to get to his teething biscuits. Mary can do a double intervention: Dawn’s Internet addiction and Wilbur’s compulsive eating.

    FW: The expression on Cayla’s daughter’s face is a winner.

  23. AmyS
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    No, Wilbur’s not compulsively eating again; he’s playing blues kazoo.

    My daughter’s hooked on Twitter; me and her, we never talk.
    Oh, my daughter’s hooked on Twitter; and we just don’ ever talk.
    So I’m stuck here eating fish sticks, suck ‘em straight out the freezer box.

    (Seriously, I almost spat out my coffee at the sight of today’s Mary Worth. It’s like the artists read this blog but don’t understand it. “They really seem to like Wilbur eating, especially in socially and anatomically improbable ways. Let’s do more of that!”)

  24. commodorejohn
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    A3G – Just when I thought I was joking about Trey being an elevator obsessive, they went and had him bring a friend. How many newspaper strips will follow Apartment 3-G‘s lead and start delving into other Internet special-interest groups? [*]

    Crankshaft – Oh, he’ll say it, Rose. He’ll smugly rub it in your face that you should have listened to him because you’re too stupid and old to look after yourself, just like every motherfucking time we do this motherfucking storyline. The fact that the advice he gave you and you ignored was the right advice is purely coincidental. If you slipped arsenic in his…whatever it is that the pompous, self-righteous Boomers that give the rest a bad name drink, we’d all chip in for your defense fund.

    Curtis – WHAT. Just WHAT.

    DT – That’s some mighty nuanced thought for a floorboard. Too bad Dick isn’t so mentally adroit.

    FW – DON’T RUB IT IN, YOU SMUG DICKWAD.

    GT – Tip: attempting to depict the post-sentence reaction of one character to another’s utterance in the same panel results only in confusion, particularily when you already have trouble representing any kind of action in normal 3D space.

    Love Is… – drunken groupie groping. How does this get printed?

    Mandrake – “…and why is my windshield two inches from my head?”

    MT – <voice=”Crow T. Robot”>”Quick, move his spine around a lot!“</voice>

    MW – Dawn worries too. Specifically, she worries that she’s going to turn into her father as she ages. Look at the anxiety as she looks in the mirror, poor girl.

    Ripley’s – Parthenogenesis and a joke about missing out on the fun part, here in Ripley’s Believe It or Not. Fascinating.

    RMMD – Holy Jesus. Tony, say your prayers.

    SF – You know, if other grocery stores are anything like the one I worked at, it’s perfectly possible that there could be a package from 1976 tucked back on one of the shelves.

    SM – “And by ‘civvies’ I apparently mean the ridiculous future clothes Marty had to wear in Back to the Future II! Power laces, all right!”

    Edison Lee – Well, until you shits came along, it was completely devoid of loudmouth assholes. (And of course Calvin & Hobbes realized that when they did the storyline you’re probably ripping this from.)

  25. TheDiva
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    DT: Okay, guy in panel three, who are you and what have you done to Dick Tracy?

    C’shaft: Wait, wasn’t Lillian the one who thought Rose was making snow angels? Did she call 911 she wanted to join her but needed help getting out of her own driveway? Or is she just very, very slow?

    FW: “Actually, we’ve decided to close down the school until Summer is better, so she won’t miss a second of classwork. We also named her Most Valuable Player of the Century, Prom Queen for Life and Most Likely to Be a Goddess Amongst Us.”

    GT: It’s times like this that I’m sad Gil Thorp doesn’t appear in color. I can only imagine Lini’s outfit sports a collection of clashing, eye-searing hues that would put a Cirque du Soleil performer to shame.

    Luann: Greg Evans WILL find an excuse to get his female cast to parade around in swimsuits, no matter what!

    MT: “If he dies, we get to keep him! There’s good eatin’ on those!”

    MW: Is that Dawn’s reflection, or one of those “spot the differences” puzzles? (I’m not even going to comment on panel one. My brain refuses to acknowledge it in defense of my sanity.)

    SM: Is it really wise to ditch your clothes and a cell phone that can point the way to your secret identity just lying around a Manhattan dumpster? I’m just sayin’…

  26. commodorejohn
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @AmyS (#23): This right here is why we need a Song/Poem of the Week.

  27. Cheesy
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Love in an elevator, lovin’ it up while they’re going down…
    I’m really surprised that no-one beat me to the punch on that one.

  28. Lorne
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    In retrospect, Apartment 3-G’s slow transition into Gay Porn was the most obvious thing in the world…

  29. boojum
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Cheesy (#27): Please see #18.

  30. boojum
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @boojum (#29): Oops. Sorry – different song!

  31. CanuckDownSouth
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    So Paul and Trey meet cute over their mutual love of elevator architecture. Maybe now they can live happily ever after together rather than as A3G dates doomed to be status-quo-sacrifices!

    DT – you can’t!? So the other times were in what? lukewarm blood?

    (I suppose unless Mordred makes *some* kind of move, it’s not self-defense, but couldn’t Tracy shoot him in the legs [then bandage him] to incapacitate the guy?)

    Lio – Kryptonian Powers Do Not Work That Way

    Psst…@Baka Gaijin (#y44) … the key is to image-google “hubble law raisin bread”. It’s actually a very common explanatory image, although I can see why remembering to think of edgy “raisin bread” rather than “wonder bread” might be difficult after contemplating Wilbur :-)

  32. Sparkle Plenty
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    MT: How did she get him out of the boat?

    FW: Eeuuww.

  33. Joe Blevins
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    If you’re rooting for Ziggy to be eaten by birds, today just might be your lucky day.

  34. boojum
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    A3G: Say, you know — that is some seriously bitchin’ early-20th-century decorative iron work! And you say the ride is… jerky? Kind of slow-and-smooth, then suddenly a little tug…… maybe more of a lurch, with a sudden stop and then being pulled up again….?

    Y’all excuse me. I’m gonna go… lie down for a bit.

  35. dougrogers
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    @Dan S (#10): Yeah, it made me laugh.

  36. JP (not Judge Parker)
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    My fantasy third panel for A3G would be Paul saying, “Yes, and I’d love to go in the elevator too!”

  37. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    (I’m lying low and avoiding my moth-to-flame attraction to the comments and commenting because I’m overwhelmed with paper grading, but I’ve just been wondering a couple things the last few days.)

    MT: Who in her right mind would find a dying man and decide that the best plan is to tuck him away until she can learn his name? Once again, we have the classic Elrodian Stoopid Female: “I am woman. Hear me spout idiotic ideas.”

    I also wonder what Mark will think when he awakes to see Beach-Mom in all her brunette and bare-armed glory. Will he become enflamed like some Kabul modesty cop, torn between his desires to fuck her or flog her? Or will he simply be confused: “Cherry, I like your new hairstyle, but where are your clothes?”

    Either way, I suspect his first waking word will be “Pancakes?

    JP: I’ve also wondered what Sam has been thinking the last few days, as he sits there with a blank look on his face as Constance the Wonder Intern and the Judge talk business. “People know me, too. People give me money. I like money. Abbey gives me money. Constance is just an intern, so she probably can’t give me any money. Maybe the Judge will give me some money.”

    MW: Man, Wilbur is just goin’ to town on that chicken nugget! And is Dawn pondering how to set up her new sexy sexy Facebook profile picture? “I’ll just undo this top button. . . . Oh, dear, a stray hair! Where’s my shellac?”

    A3G: GAH! Unclear pronoun antecedent! Unclear pronoun antecedent!

  38. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    lol-potter.

    floof and dinos.

    art history win.

    too much time and 420,000 matchsticks = win.

    The Evolution of Famous Dogs.

    Wonder Woman lol.

    canine contest on Daily Squee: wolves vs foxes.

    crafty otter is crafty.

    corgis are studious and intellectual.

    epic kewt is epic.

  39. Scott Bot
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    Curtis – I don’t follow this strip, and don’t know too much of what’s going on, but I see a mother taking her injured child to a doctor. Is there something going on that I should think Tutu Boy is dumbfounded for no real reason?

    DT – ‘Chief, we’re handcuffed. We can’t do a thing.’ I’m sorry, gentlemen, but your sexual activities are completely irrelevant to the problem at hand.

    FW – We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! We suck!

    MW – The first panel of today’s strip is, without a doubt, the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.

    Pluggers – Yeah, you gotta be careful. That polyester from the seventies doesn’t stretch nearly as much as you’d think it does.

  40. Weaselboy
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    GT: “But as usual, Lini rebounds.” Hey, “rebounds” has two meanings! Well, if I can’t count on Gil Thorp for compelling storylines, accurate depictions of sports action, or anything remotely related to the 21st century, I can at least count on it for cunning wordplay.

  41. Amateur
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: “I do worry, Dawn . . . but not enough to lose my appetite, thank God.”

  42. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#38): I think that otter is doing his best Montgomery Burns impression: “Exccccellllent!”

  43. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#42): my thoughts exactly.

    I thought of you for the intellectual corgi pic as well. :-)

  44. John C Fremont
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Wait, they are talking about the elevator in that last panel, aren’t they?

    SF – I’m certainly old enough, but I have absolutely no memory of Lipton Giggle Noodle Soup. But I would totally buy it.

  45. Sequitur
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

  46. ArchieNemesis
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman’s cellphone has more spidey-sense than he does.

  47. Josh
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#24): Re: your pop-up footnote: has your brother ever read The Intuitionist? Possibly the only truly great novel ever written about elevators. A racially charged noir detective novel in a parallel world where elevator inspectors are an incredibly important and elite group, and riven by deep philosophical battles.

    Josh

  48. Sequitur
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Josh (#47): Sounds like a Monty Python sketch.

  49. Jim North
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    9CL: The beefwit lout disappeared! Or was he ever really there at all?

    A3G: This is gonna sound just like that Geico commercial with the little piggy, isn’t it?

    Crank: Just then, a nurse pops her head in the door. “I’m afraid we can only allow two visitors at a time!” she says. Crankshaft creakily turns his head in her direction, puts on his most crankiest scowl, and growls, “Oh, we’re not visitors . . . we’re GET THE FUCK OUT YOU STUPID NURSE BITCH.”

    DT: Eeeeewwwwww . . . Dick peed himself. Like, a lot, judging by the puddle spreading out on the floor.

    MW: Wilbur has finally become a quantum singularity of shameful eating from which nothing can escape, especially that . . . whatever the hell that round thing he’s cramming in his mouth is.

    Pluggers: My first thought upon viewing this installment of Pluggers was “Oh, wow, Pluggers put their cap on before any of the rest of their clothes?” My second thought was “Oh, right, of course they do.”

    RMMD: OH SHIT SON YOU BETTER RUN

    S-M: So Spidey keeps his civvies in piles of rotten, filthy garbage while he’s out webswinging. I . . . I swear I’m not even surprised at anything he does anymore. I’ve finally achieved a state of Spideyvana.

    Ziggy: Somebody needs a Twirl-A-Squirrel!

    Zits: When my brother and I were still teenagers living at home, our mom was always keen to know what we young folks were into those days. Not in a weird, creepy, obsessive way like your standard sitcom mom, but in a genuinely curious way that we would happily oblige. One day, she wanted to know what kind of music we listened to, so we brought one of our stereos into the living room and put on a few CDs for her to hear. Her verdict?

    “Ugh, you boys listen to such soft music! Where’s the hard stuff? Don’t you have anything like Black Sabbath or Alice Cooper?”

    The moral of this story is that we have the coolest mom in the world.

  50. Johnny Q
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Margo’s expression reminds me of Paris Hilton.

  51. Jim North
    February 26th, 2011 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#48) & @Josh (#47): I can’t wait for the sequel where the bicycle repairmen and the elevator inspectors have to join together despite their differences to face off against a common foe . . . the telephone sanitizers.

  52. Spunde
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    This weekend only, the cast of A3G presents the Graham Greene classic, “May We Borrow Your Husband?”

  53. Scott Bot
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#49): Pluggers: My first thought upon viewing this installment of Pluggers was “Oh, wow, Pluggers put their cap on before any of the rest of their clothes?” My second thought was “Oh, right, of course they do.”

    Pluggers don’t remove their caps for any reason.

  54. Jim North
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#53): I’m beginning to suspect that they don’t actually wear caps at all, and those are actually natural protuberances that grow directly from their scalps when they hit plugger puberty.

  55. Scott Bot
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#54): That would explain the cap Curtis wears.

  56. Pseudo3D
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    What’s with COTW recently? More and more, it seems like COTW has turned into “Comments of the Last Day or So”, with comments seemingly only from Friday or maybe Thursday. The list of “floaters” seems to have shrunk recently, too. Next time you do COTW, why can’t it be “of the week” which goes all the way back to the last COTW post?

    [/rant]

  57. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Is it possible for two white guys to be on the Down Low?

  58. This Guy
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Dilbert: All together now–”That’s what she said!” A tribute to Michael Scott.

    FC: He feeds the dog’s other end… ewwwwrurrurrgrgrgghh.

    S-M: “A human vampire”? As opposed to what? Are there chimp vampires? Goldfish vampires?

  59. Dave White
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    All I can say is, I’m glad Dick is referring to his watch and not his underwear.

  60. Jym Dyer
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    =37= MW (@bourbon babe, unbuckled): I had nearly the same thought, except that it would be Craigslist and she’s wondering whether she’s androgynous enough for the “lobbyist” who sent her that beefcake pic.

    =47= A3G (@Josh): Incredible book. This strip could use more Colson Whitehead. Sadly, instead it seems to be veering into a slash version of 9 1/2 Weeks.

  61. But What Do I Know?
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    A3G — I need to think about how we’re supposed to interpret that offer. Does Trey want to take Paul for a ride? Or is he talking about Luann, and if so, why would Paul need permission from Trey? Or is he referring to Margo, who is, after all, standing right there? Looks like my weekend is filling up!

    MT — We have to keep him out of sight until we find out who he is. . .

    Why? Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyy????????

    SM — Why was Peter Parker wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costume?

  62. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @This Guy (#58): Vampire pumpkins and watermelons are cases of fiction being stranger than… errr… fiction.

  63. Joe
    February 26th, 2011 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    FG&C: How many ping pong balls can Stacy actually fit in her mouth? Apparently not enough.

    DEL: Mark has never heard of the three shells! Eww. Gross.

    PB: This is precisely the reason why I never go mattress shopping with my parents.

    YD@K: Bobo finally gets phenomenological hermeneutics. How long has been in 7th grade?

  64. kkarenb
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Rose is Rose – Are these the squirrels or the cats? Or maybe the mouse? Every hideous-nosed creature in this comic looks the same.

    Mark Trail – Is it a requirement that everyone in this strip must have an IQ below 50?

    @Jim North (#49):
    I loved what you said about your mom.

  65. Scott Bot
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    MW – Today, the role of Wilbur is being played by Herbie Popnecker.

  66. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#57):

    Being on the Down Low (from Wikipedia):

    “Rejecting a gay culture they perceive as white and effeminate, many black men have settled on a new identity, with its own vocabulary and customs and its own name: Down Low. There have always been men – black and white – who have had secret sexual lives with men. But the creation of an organized, underground subculture largely made up of black men who otherwise live straight lives is a phenomenon of the last decade… Most date or marry women and engage sexually with men they meet only in anonymous settings like bathhouses and parks or through the Internet. Many of these men are young and from the inner city, where they live in a hypermasculine thug culture. Other DL men form romantic relationships with men and may even be peripheral participants in mainstream gay culture, all unknown to their colleagues and families. Most DL men identify themselves not as gay or bisexual but first and foremost as black. To them, as to many blacks, that equates to being inherently masculine.”

  67. Professor Fate
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    FW: the folks as school are having a party as all the smug assholes are gone.ANd as long as they are all in one room, here’s hoping for a freak meteor strike.

    MW: I worry where are my white food squares. I have a daughter? Really? So that’s the woman i hassle because she isn’t feeding me.

  68. DrBob
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Wow, this Shoe strip is shockingly accurate- birds actually do store fat in their chests.

  69. Austria
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Good heavens, that fake Archie trailer. I may never be able to take off my Slash Goggles again.

    BC: Hey, that’s actually pretty clever. Kudos.

    FW: OH FOR

    RMMD: This strip has provided us with quality facial expressions all week, and I hope it doesn’t end now.

  70. Swordsmith
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    I want to be fair to the talentless hacks writers of SM. There are vampire bats, there are no human vampires. Therefore, if there -was- a “human vampire” it would make a tiny amount of sense to refer to him/her as such, particularly in the presence of some of said bat vampires. Comparisons to the nonexistant chimp vampires, goldfish vampires and so forth aren’t really relevant, since there is one kind of real non human vampire.

    Also the amazingly boring spider man is evidence that, in this world, it is possible to become something by being bitten by it, although it is also apparent that if you are a boring layabout, getting the proportional powers of that thing don’t actually make you interesting. Presumably if Parker had been bitten by one of those vampire bats, he still wouldn’t dress well or stalk the night or become really good at seducing women (hmm, come to think of it, those aren’t bat powers any more than “spidey sense” is a spider power…)

    Instead, he’d simply lie about in a coffin, instead of on the couch.

    That said, no, the vampire myth is sufficiently embedded in our culture that “human vampire” sounds nothing but clumsy, particularly since the only kind of actual vampire is not a “bat vampire” but a “vampire bat”.

  71. Calico
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    Oh, come on, you kidz, I was waiting for someone to post this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3Yrhv33Zb8

  72. Calico
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    MT – I really cannot suspend my judgment this time.
    “Instead of calling 911, let’s hide him, and I’ll stuff that gaping head wound with some of your Play-Doh, ok, honey?”

  73. terrapin
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    MT: Or you could call the police or an ambulance or something. No, on second thought, just continue to nuzzle his head into your warm, soft bosom. JEEEEEZ!

    RMMD: Put 3-D glasses on Berna in panel two and you’re looking at the Mole Man!

  74. Uncle Lumpy
    February 26th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @Jym Dyer (#60):

    … instead it seems to be veering into a slash version of 9 1/2 Weeks.

    You say that like it’s a bad thing.

  75. The Ridger
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    @Weaselboy (#40): But I thought part of Lini’s problem was that he can’t play under the basket, only shoot from the perimeter. Has … has he actually been learning how to play basketball while all this is going on?

  76. Calico
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#72):
    I should have said “Suspension of disbelief” – it’s been many years since I read Husserl…

  77. Pseudo3D
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Mr. McEldowney, I couldn’t help but notice a total lack of background characters in your comic strip.

    DT: I believe that puddle IS urine. After all, even in-universe, he’s been stuck there a few days.

    FW: Sorry, Tom, but a student having a torn ACL doesn’t exclude them from school. Weren’t you an HS teacher once? Shouldn’t you know?

    GT: What an idiot.

    Marv: When a baby consciously empties out cereal on the floor, it’s time to scream and bash the little monster’s head in.

    MT: Is his head shot that dark circle on his forehead?

    SF: I have to hand it to you, Ted, even though you’re a loser, you do tend to agree with my interests. Does anyone remember when “SunnyD” was just called “Sunny Delight”? I miss those days.

  78. Jim North
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#64): D’aaaaw, shucks. :D I only say it ’cause it’s absolutely true.

    When we were youngun’s, my brother and I wanted swords, like any little boy might. Our mom told us that when we grew up, she’d be more than happy to buy us some swords. Which, y’know, sounds like a standard Parent Promise used just to shut the kiddies up, right? Well, fast forward to around a decade and a half later, and my brother calls me up out of the blue one day and says, “Hey, man, you need to stop by Mom and Dad’s and pick up your swords.” To which I replied “Hubbah-whaaaaa?” because I had completely forgotten all about the promise she had made even though she obviously hadn’t. I now have a katana, shortsword, swordcane, and tant? sitting in my bedroom.

    Coolest mom. Ever.

  79. Jim North
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#77): RE SF: I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t yet mentioned how all sodas used to come in glass bottles.

    My (then) wife and I went into a Coca-Cola store once, where they had all sortsa Coca-Cola merchandise and all the Coke came in glass bottles. We bought a couple of drinks, and while we sat outside slurpin’ ‘em down, I asked wifey if she remembered when all sodas used to come in glass bottles. She looked at me like I’d grown a third head or something. Turns out that since she’s approximately three years younger than I am, she doesn’t remember any such thing because she was too young when the switchover happened. I personally remember it all too clearly because my dad used to send me into the store all the time to grab us some drinks, and he’d always specify “-and don’t get me anything in those damn plastic bottles!”

    . . . I seem to be full of stories today.

  80. Jason D.
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised today’s “Kit ‘N’ Carlyle” made it past the censors, what with the implied inter-species sex acts:

    http://comics.com/kit_n_carlyle/2011-02-26/

  81. Jim North
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#79): . . . I seem to be full of stories today.

    OH GAWD I’M TURNING INTO A PLUGGER AREN’T I

  82. AndyL
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    ““Yep, I’ve lost twelve pounds on my diet — and it all came right off my enlarged avian pectoral muscles. They’re only really necessary for flight, and why would a bird ever need to fly?”

  83. bats :[
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

  84. Mibbitmaker
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “Oh, give me a break!” sounds way too trite for referencing such superlative artistes as they, leaving, in this space, nothing at all to say (barring a massively pretentious way of saying it, but of course).

    A3G: “…then the elevator!” *rimshot!*

    DT: Dick, if you can’t shoot a deformed criminal in cold blood, then you are in trouble!

    FW: Just the Three Wise Men, Les.

  85. jms
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Dick is going soft

    Josh, please don’t do that again.

  86. Comcis Fan
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    FW: Let’s play Interpret Les’ Emotions. He’s:

    A) Falsely humbled that so many school friends have shown up for Summer
    B) Nervous because he must again pretend to be dating and not dating both Susan and Cayla
    C) Nervous because he’s afraid of and for Susan and doesn’t know how to get her to stop popping up everywhere he is
    D) Thinking: I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it even Bull Bushka likes me.

    I’d like to think it’s “C,” although it’s likely something far snarkier that someone else here will contribute.

  87. Mibbitmaker
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    ECity: And a plastic surgeon who typed, “Is that your nose or are you eating a banana? — Seriously, it actually looks like the end of a banana! Its very shape! Call me at….”

    S-M: A. C. Nielson?

    H&L: But it’s going to backfire — he’s named the pins after himself!

  88. Old School Allie Cat
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Ok, I just watched the Archie trailer from yesterthread. Twice. I would actually pay a lot of money to see that in the theatre.

    That is all.

  89. Mibbitmaker
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    MW: Chowing down cookies right out of the cupboard? That’s it — clearly, Wilbur is already his own insensitive fat joke.

    OBH: SO close!

    Popeye: Here come th’ judge! Here come th’ judge! Here come th’ judge!…
    (No, Parker, I was just referencing “Laugh-In” again. Sorry for the misunderstanding. You can get back to your own strip now…)

  90. NoVan
    February 26th, 2011 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    “Dick is going soft” nyuck nyuck

  91. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 26th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    A3G: “As a matter of fact I would like to take Lu Ann for a ride. But she keeps getting headaches.”

    BB: Dagwood sits two feet away from his wife on the couch, playing pocket pool. This makes him hungry for weiners. What more needs to be said?

    GF: Wow, I uh, never would have asked to see Rob Wilco straining at #2. My one comfort here is that I’m not Rob or his landlord.

    S-M: Peter regularly drops his street clothes into the dumpster when he’s Spider-Man. Though it’s not useful for much, I hope his spider sense at least tells him when a garbage truck is on its way.

    Crock: Crock gets a little saucy and goes for a clap joke. As to what the first D stands for, I’m guessing the full-Batiuk answer of “deadly.”

    MT: How long has Mark been out there? Long enough to waste away into a 50-pound ragdoll that a lady can drag one-handed, apparently.

    MW: You may ask yourself what on earth Wilbur is shoving into his mouth in the first panel. The answer is “A sign that Joe Giella isn’t about to make him dignified.”

    S4th: Ted speaks the truth!

    GA: It’s gotta be a bringdown to learn that Cashmere Wallet was just an 18th century Slim.

    SFx: I’m confused. Is the game “find six differences” or “count the health code violations”?

  92. jesse
    February 26th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    Elevators, handcuffs, man boobs…have you been reading my diary?

  93. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 26th, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @jms (#85):

    Dick is going soft

    Josh, please don’t do that again.

    And in the “Going down” thread, no less.

  94. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 26th, 2011 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

  95. Nekrotzar
    February 26th, 2011 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    When Trey said, “want to take her for a ride?” I thought her referred to his scarf, because seriously, what the hell is that beastly thing? I know A3G has been a trailblazer in men’s neck-wear, but holy shit that thing is sentient.

  96. ElkMeadow
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#62):

    I think Wikipedia got pranked. But I hope that stays up indefinitely.

  97. ElkMeadow
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    Once again, I call that Dexter already cashed in the ticket, and has more sense than the rest of the cast put together. And Anthony, it’s been fun, but you are no Cue. Thankfully, you’re not a Crane, either.

  98. ElkMeadow
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    ***waits for Prince Valiant to toss the thug out the window while Aleta sleeps through the whole thing***

  99. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Arlo & Janis — Dream a Little Dream of Me!

    Rabbits Against Magic — Saturday Smutty Goodness!

  100. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Hey, Hey, It’s Fat Albert Elvis in the Buff! (Love is…)

  101. black butterfly
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#96): Surprisingly, I heard the same story from a friend who has a degree in folklore and specializes in Eastern Europe, although I admit it sounded much saner coming from her.

  102. Word-doctor
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    Zits–If you think Beyonce got in trouble, just wait till you see the reaction to Jeremy’s dad gettin Tex Averied.

  103. Scott Bot
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#88): I watched it, too. All I know is that I will never look at Betty and Veronica the same again.

    Nor anyone else in the comic, either.

  104. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    3G – “Elevator? Pfffffft! Listen, there are Art Deco radiators in this building that make that elevator look like a tin box!”

    Crankshaft – SomethingoddabouttheletteringtodayIcan’tquiteputmyfingeronit.

    Curtis – Aha! Called it first. That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen mentioned obliquely right after it happened off-panel.

  105. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    Gil – Panel three makes me wonder. Is Swish wearing a flower on his lapel, or did the last people he told that joke to throw balled-up sticky notes at him?

    Hi – This raises a host of questions about Thirsty’s relations with “Irma” that I don’t even want asked, let alone answered.

    Luann – Ar ar. “Speling bee.” It’s joke-shaped!

  106. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Mary – Looks like Mirror Dawn worries, too. Time for an intervention, with Wilbur, Mirror Dawn, and Little Guy who Lives in the TV.

    Phantom – And now, as a service to our pen pals, here’s today’s strip interpreted for convicts: “Yadda yadda! I’m the stupid Phantom! Blah blah blah! I wanna see the warden!!”

    Prickly – Verdict? Does this mean I won’t be able to look forward to any more weeks of that door and the three of them sitting at that table saying things that are presumably funny to somebody?

  107. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    R=R – The first panel by itself is the funniest thing this strip has done in years. Well, unless there was a panel of Rose or Pasquale getting hit in the head that I’ve forgotten about, but how could I forget that?

    Zits – There was no need to unplug the earbud. I’m sure they could hear the music clearly each time he opened his mouth to put the spoon in.

    CoTW – I had to skip some of the week, so I’ll assume the comments I don’t remember are from that. I do remember reading TheTJ, though, and nodding in satisfaction. Another good week! And yeah, I’d watch that Archie movie.

  108. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    @Moon Mullins (#y55): Something I haven’t seen mentioned here yet is that in the 1960s, Jughead was shown singing a love song of his own composition to a raccoon who he addressed as “Darling.”

    @Lenoxus (#y71): Why does EVery!?
    Movie TRAILer?
    Movie TRAILer?
    Use-the-same-damn-piece-of-music-to-mean-DRA-ma…

    Because “O Fortuna” had a headache and had to stay home?

  109. dale
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Sparkle Plenty (#32):

    MT – she careened the boat.

    But even dragging Mark would be a problem.
    A 180 pound man weighs just a score of pounds less than 1/10 of a short ton.

  110. dyslexic dog
    February 26th, 2011 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#39):
    And did you happen to spot the sad little green Gandalf looking down from Wilbur’s top shelf?

  111. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 26th, 2011 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    Diamond Lil — Elwyn is eulogized Lilogized!

    Dick Tracy — Get thee to a nunnery granary, Liz/Ophelia!

  112. Aviatrix
    February 26th, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    I want to thank Josh for the dual role his blog plays. When I had vast swathes of spare time it was an endlessly amusing time sink. And now that I literally don’t have time to read the comics, it is a one stop quick peek at the best of the day.

  113. Small Squeaky Middle-aged Person
    February 26th, 2011 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    Shoe actually kind of makes sense— bird crops (their stomach-equivalent) are anatomically right where man-boobs would be, and they puff out when full.

    Are we going to see a more avian-centered strip from now on? Let’s hope not. My vision is panel one: “Skyler! Would your little friend like to stay for lunch?”; panel two: a spray of blood from where the illustrator blew his own brains out rather than draw the logical implications of a bird feeding chicks.

  114. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 26th, 2011 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#104):

    That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen mentioned obliquely right after it happened off-panel.

    More amazing: That she didn’t seize the opportunity to leave the little shit under the car and do the full “Mark Trail”: wander the neighborhood in search of a hardware store selling luxury jacks while Barry “Maaaaaaaa”ed his way into suffocating in the snow.

  115. Comcis Fan
    February 26th, 2011 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy/DtM: Bird-feeder day in Comicsland?

  116. Vince M
    February 26th, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#70): No chimp vampires? Aww, and I always assumed Dr. Strangemind was one…

  117. Pseudo3D
    February 26th, 2011 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#88): Some have theorized that they introduced an openly gay character to prevent Archie/Jughead slash. Doesn’t get rid of Betty/Veronica, though.

  118. Joshua
    February 26th, 2011 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#39): In Curtis, note the first panel narration. Barry was trapped under a car, and, apparently, Diane (his mom) lifted up the car to pull him out, although that would have been much more interesting to see drawn than just implied.

    (The “tutu” is just the shirttail of Curtis, Barry’s older brother.)

  119. mollificent
    February 26th, 2011 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#71): Man, they just don’t make music videos like they used to. ;)

  120. zerowolf
    February 26th, 2011 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#96): Are you questioning the veracityof the information in Wikipedia?

  121. Écureuil Écumant
    February 26th, 2011 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Know how mom got so strong, Curtis? Must be from whoopin’ yo’ sorry ass.

  122. Old School Allie Cat
    February 26th, 2011 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#117): The new gay character’s name is Kevin. I know, I know….

    I’m not sure how Kevin makes me want to think less about Archie and Jughead in that way. I remember when they came out with the news about a new gay character, I really wanted it to be either Jughead or Dilton.

    The trailer just feels like a really, really great high budget version of Degrassi High (80′s version, please – this next generation crap is bollocks).

    Between the Archie trailer and Melanie Hutsell’s Paula Deen impersonation, The You Tubes have had my attention this week. I’m as addicted as Dawn Weston.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRveZFodSUU

    Seriously, if you love Paula or love to hate Paula, seek it out. I’ve watched it easily a dozen times. It hasn’t gotten old.

  123. Hank
    February 26th, 2011 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#31): Lio is overrated **** and its death shall be rejoiced.

  124. The Ridger
    February 26th, 2011 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Hank (#123): Indeed. Sometimes it’s funny, and his dad is cool, but I remember when it started they made this huge fuss about how there would be no words. Tatulli himself bragged “Nothing will be lost in translation…because there is no translation! Heck, you don’t even have to know how to read! Truly a comic for all peoples of the earth!” Except of course for all the times you have to read the book title, box label, etc…

  125. Richard Riis
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    Wait — Are Paul and Trey talking about taking the elevator for a ride, or Lu Ann?

  126. kkarenb
    February 26th, 2011 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#81):
    You’re a Plugger only if you repeat the stories over and over and over in a monotone.

  127. KarMann
    February 26th, 2011 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#104) on Crankshaft: Yes, I actually went to the trouble, when making my rather obvious mash-up, of squeezing the letters together a bit closer, to match. Annoyinginnit?

  128. Poteet
    February 27th, 2011 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#Y41): You and me both. This bizarre woman and her bizarre comment have infected my brain. I can hardly wait to see what she does on Monday. It’s embarrassing.

  129. Jim North
    February 27th, 2011 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#126): Just caught myself about to do that. Close one!

  130. Jason1981
    February 27th, 2011 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Curtis wasn’t surprised by his ma lifting the car off Barry. He’s horrified because he saw where she hid her spinach can, and he can’t unsee it.

  131. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2011 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Scary Gary — Leopold lends rends a hand!

    @Hank (#123): You might find SG more to your liking!

  132. Anonymous
    February 27th, 2011 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @Joshua (#118): Ah, thanks, that does explain it. Actually, the way everyone talked about Barry, I thought maybe Curtis was flabbergasted that his mom didn’t leave him for dead…

    And I kinda figured that was his shirttail, but I still think it looks like a tutu.

  133. Scott Bot
    February 27th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#132): And this was me.

  134. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2011 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    Sunday Funnies:

    Blondie — There are tough negotiators… and then there’s Dagwood!

    Curtis — Culture is wasted on this kid! (Although it was nice to see the Alvin Ailey Dancers get their due!)

  135. bunivasal
    February 27th, 2011 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#37): I like the idea that Mark Trail has no idea there are women other than Cherry, and only calls Kelly by her name thanks to the same wandering speech impediment that peppers his speech with bold text.

  136. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2011 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man — “He thinks he’s talking to Peter Parker! Little does he know he’s actually talking to a masked schlub who lurks in back alleys!”

  137. Sylocat
    February 27th, 2011 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    I wonder why we didn’t see the google-eyes-of-horror at the punchline in Shoe. Could it be they’ve been replaced with the half-lidded eyes of resignation?

  138. ElkMeadow
    February 27th, 2011 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Okay, it’s next Sunday that Prince Valiat puts the thug out the window. just the regulation axe-v.-chair fight this week.

    Berna shows everyone who’s the boss. As if there had been any doubt. Ya know, Berna, Anthony would make a great accessory for that sport car you’ve been dreaming about. An escort and bodyguard for you, perhaps?

    Wilbur, I’d be more worried that since Kurt left, you haven’t gone frolicking. You’ve been sitting there, compulsively eating day in and day out. Get a life, man. Dawn gets out, goes to school. Or she was, until you basically showed her how little her real life mattered compared to the what-may-have-been.

    Does anyone eat fruit or vegetables in the Worthverse?

  139. ElkMeadow
    February 27th, 2011 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    I call that Mark Trail has amnesia. And that mom and daughter are so isolated from society, that he stays there with them for a long time, and the story line shifts over to Cherry and Rusty’s never-ending search for him. Like when Steve Canyon kept looking for his missing wife. Or was that Judge Parker?

  140. Uncle Lumpy
    February 27th, 2011 at 2:37 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#139):

    Steve Canyon went looking for Judge Parker? Sounds more like something Rex Morgan would do.

  141. ElkMeadow
    February 27th, 2011 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    I would like to see an on-going story arc where Wilbur or The Professor or both decide to lose weight by diet and exercise. In between Mary’s cases of meddling, there could be a “look, Wilbur lost ten pounds, and Prof. C. went down a shirt size. Today they’re taking part in a charity run for the hospital! Prof. C. twisted his knee! Oh, no! is this the end of his exercise? No! He’s doing physical therapy! Meanwhile, Wilbur is tempted by a cheezburger special! Added bonus: Dr. Jeff explains about the danger of mercury in tuna v. omega-3 benefits.”

  142. Bill Thompson
    February 27th, 2011 at 2:42 am [Reply]

    Funky Wankerbean: The concept of nanotechnology has been around since the mid-Eighties. So has that punchline.

  143. Maggie the Cat
    February 27th, 2011 at 2:44 am [Reply]

    A3G- This is the weirdest A3G I’ve read yet. Is Margo being nice, or smartassed? Why is LuAnn laughing so much. And this: “They look CUTE together”??? I don’t even know what to mock here.

    MW- What is Dawn doing? Internet addiction makes you stare at your reflection?? I thought it made you stare at your monitor screen….

    RMMD- LOLs all around!!! Dex’s “Uh, duh, I’m a hapless idiot-face” is too much! And Berna is one hard bitch! Whew-wee! And Dex might as well have “I’m a pussy” tattooed on his forehead in the 6th panel.

  144. ElkMeadow
    February 27th, 2011 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#140):

    That’s what it looks like. But when I was a kid, I thought that both strips had missing wives in them, and maybe there were a couple more, including Buz Sawyer. It was, like, “is that what husbands do in comic strips? Lose their wives?”
    And eventually the wives would show up, having had a case of amnesia, no diseases or extra kids or new husbands in tow. And it was before credit cards, so how did they live?

  145. JB
    February 27th, 2011 at 3:06 am [Reply]

    A3G: In “want to take her for a ride”, I believe the clearest antecedent to “her” would be Luann. “Seriously, could you just take Luann in the elevator and bang her? Margo and I have been trying to make out for like two weeks now, but Iris keeps waking up.”

  146. No_Snark
    February 27th, 2011 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    LOL great job today!!!

  147. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    Sunday Comics

    Apartment 3-G: “Yeah, like brothers from different planets.” Yeah, like Trey is from Mars, Paul is from Venus.

  148. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 4:38 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: Huh. I’d always expected their role-playing to involve masters and slaves, not lazy and lazy.

  149. Jack Parsons
    February 27th, 2011 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    MT: Mommy, is he our new daddy? All the other ones were shot, too!

  150. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    Marvin: Even the teeny, tiny puppy dog is better toilet trained than Marvin. Quelle surprise.

  151. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Dawn, I feel like inducing vomiting after reading Crankshaft, too.

    Mary Worth, second thought: Wilbur is a moka person? I always thought of him as a Starbucks Mint Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino® blended creme with Chocolate Whipped Cream kind of guy. [*]

    Mary Worth, third time’s a winner: Wilbur, is “rift” that cute nickname for your belly because that’s what’s growing between you two. STOP EATING EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE!

  152. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 5:24 am [Reply]

    One Big Happy: You could append that last panel to so many comics…

  153. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 5:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: “I want you to get me a photo of that vampire!! Preferably when he’s feasting on Spider-Man!” So do we Triple J, so do we.

    One Big Happy Classics: “I’m still scared of one thing. That this isn’t a dream.” Ruthie dear, I have the same fear every time I read Mary Worth.

    Raising Duncan Classics: “I’d like an Amaretto Sour and a tranquilizer gun, please.” What I need to read Funky Winkerbean.

  154. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 5:34 am [Reply]

    Baby Blues: Kirkman & Scott, I laughed at that joke. About 50 years ago.

    Oh, Brother: Yeah, Bud, keep your filthy grubby mitts out of the produce. Don’t you know that’s how cooties are spread? And cancer in Westview, Ohio.

    The Better Half: Don’t give Kaiser Permanente any ideas, Stanley.

    Bizarro: Both disgusting and icky at the same time.

    Curtis: The title panel is disturbing. Disturbing!

    The Lockhorns: I laughed at the pasta.

    Pluggers: Pluggers are walking punch lines to stale hackneyed jokes.

    Luann: Nancy’s looking pretty hot in that dress. When she’s not hysterically cock blocking her son.

  155. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 5:40 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox Mystery: I’ve tried but I can’t pin this on Reeky Rat. I’ve run every angle through that smart computer that won on Jeopardy and it couldn’t find a way to pin it on Reeky either. It must not be the Rat Man this time.

  156. Doctor Handsome
    February 27th, 2011 at 6:52 am [Reply]

    The Perfesser’s weight-loss program consists of having both of his six-pound drumsticks chainsawed off by mobbed-up bookies he’s stiffed.

  157. KarMann
    February 27th, 2011 at 7:03 am [Reply]

    2/27 Phantom: Worubu thinks there’s no way the Unknown Commander could possibly have more than one disguise? Boy, they sure know how to pick their officers in Bengalla, don’t they?

  158. Flummoxicated
    February 27th, 2011 at 7:57 am [Reply]

    MW: “Could Dawn be spending all her time on the Internet because I’m constantly shoveling food into my maw while making intrusive demands on her? Could the Internet be showing her that most fathers are not mayonnaise-addicted creepers?”

  159. Baka Gaijin
    February 27th, 2011 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    Flummoxicated @ 157: Yes, yes, YES! Exactly!

  160. zerowolf
    February 27th, 2011 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Oh, look, Margo. They’re frolicking.”

  161. zerowolf
    February 27th, 2011 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    BGSS: 6 women, 12 knockers, and not a single bra between them.

  162. zerowolf
    February 27th, 2011 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    HLGS: I know all about Jesus. He’s my illegal Guatamalian gardner. He works for less than minimum wage. Errr wrong Jesus?

  163. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 27th, 2011 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Pickles — BRAuhaha!

    Judge Parker — Jackie, We Hardly Knew Ye!

  164. Braniff
    February 27th, 2011 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    FC: Wouldn’t it be better for the FC to salute the Razzies (for worst picture, worst actor, etc.) rather than the Oscars? Wait a minute–for the FC to salute the Razzies is redundant! lol

  165. Vince M
    February 27th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#150): Holy crap, that Starbucks concoction is real? I’d gain five pounds just saying that.
    A3G: I’m having uncomfortable flashbacks to the scene in “What’s New, Pussycat?” where Peter O’Toole and Capucine make use of a fancy elevator. He assures her “It’s the safest place in the world, provided the combined weight of the couple does not exceed 1500 pounds!”

  166. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 27th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#161): reminds me of a favorite Paul Rodriguez joke. [*]

  167. Anonymous
    February 27th, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Wow. The John Galt brown-haired boyfriend and the John Galt blond boyfriend. Maybe this portends Margo and Luann action. Sadly, probably not in this century. Whatever, let’s take this thing for a ride, see what happens.

  168. Tom Allen
    February 28th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Oh, I get it now! Back in the ’70s my gay forebears (well, bears) had a hanky code: red for anal, left for bottom, right for top, and so on. In the modern Apartment 3G world, the architects use ascots, or whatever that is. Thank goodness for the update. Though, um, yellow? You’re into that too, eh, Trey?

  169. kevinbapp.com
    February 28th, 2011 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    I had always assumed that the birds of Shoe were bird-sized. But if the Perfessor lost twelve pounds, that must not be the case at all. They’re people-sized. And they live in tree branches. WTF, Josh? WTF?

  170. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 28th, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose & Grimm — “I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter Mary Worth and the Moor Judge are now making the beast with two backs.”

    (How long do we have to wait before MW starts putting the moves on Popeye, Dick Tracy, Prince Valiant, Alley Oop and Peter Parker?)

  171. whiskers1965
    February 28th, 2011 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    APT3G-I think Trey needs to take Margo in the elevator and have a menage a trois with Paul. Then maybe Luann will get banged too later on

    MT – Always a drawn out boring story with people who look like hillbillies from deliverance.

    Luann- Same ol Same ol – stuck up bitch Tiffany in a beauty contest for snobs. So like why does Crystal hang with her ?

    Marvin – Would someone off the grandparents and their stupid little yappy dog already.

    Drabble – Same goes for honeybunch – will they please just have Ralph shoot her or run her bitchy ass over.

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