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Metapost: New merch, old misery

Hey kids! Do you know where mom hides the good scissors? Are you waiting for the day when you’ll graduate from adorable malapropisms and overactive imaginary scenarios into full-on murder? Why not announce it to the world — in t-shirt form?

Yes, merchandise displaying the excellent graphic above, which was created by faithful reader Wille Thompson, is available for purchase at CafePress. As usual, I’ve put a few starter shirts in the store, but if you’d like to see this logo on some other product — shirts, hoodies, mugs, what have you — just e-mail me and let me know.

Also! Another fab blog for your delectation! Plugwatch 200X is another in the ever-growing roster of Blogs That Focus On One Comic Every Day. Blogger JLR takes every day’s Pluggers and transforms it into a little mini-short-story that brings the longing and loss of the cartoon out of the subtext and into the forefront. It’s as if you crossed Pluggers and Funky Winkerbean and put the result into textual form. I just discovered this blog this week, but it hasn’t been updated since November; however, there was a brief notice posted earlier this month that the blogger was struck by personal tragedy. Still, said blogger says that more are coming soon, and even if not, the archives are great.

179 responses to “Metapost: New merch, old misery”

  1. jules
    January 23rd, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    Wille Thompson! Do you ever sleep, or do you just turn out brilliant comic-related artwork? :)

  2. Underclassed
    January 23rd, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    Literary Pluggers, eh? What’s next, funny B.C. strips?

  3. Proteus
    January 23rd, 2007 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    Wille Thompson = genius! Way to take something out of context and send it around the block a few times. Whoa. No way am I wearing that shirt to the next Rotary meeting. First?

  4. What's wrong with Mallard Fillmore
    January 23rd, 2007 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Waa, I keep hoping that Josh will comment on my efforts on the front page and… nothing. Oh well, it forces me to keep up with commenting (I need to write better comments than this, though, to get people to read my blog regularly).

  5. Aerin
    January 23rd, 2007 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    Now I’m actually a little afraid, because I had assumed that if you crossed Pluggers and Funky Winkerbean, the resulting despair would form a black hole that would eventually wipe out all existence.

  6. Harry Paratestes
    January 23rd, 2007 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Uh oh, plot twist? Is the soldier looking for his birth-mother gonna find out that it’s Mrs. Degroot? My anus is so clenched with anticipation that I might end up spraining it and not being able to shit for two weeks.

  7. Charlotte
    January 23rd, 2007 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Saw an editorial cartoon today with GW reading the cover of Time and remarking how happy he was to be man of the year (don’t worry Josh – this is not political).
    This reminded me to ask – Have all of you added “Time’s Man of the Year” to your resumes yet?
    I am doing so tonight. :-)

  8. phil
    January 23rd, 2007 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    I was shocked at how quickly Mary Worth got to Nam – but now I realize she’ll spend the next 2 weeks walking through the lobby of the hospital and my faith is restored.

  9. True Fable
    January 23rd, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Just put willethompson on the CC payroll, Josh, because nearly everything he does is gold. Between your snarkin’ and his talented artwork, you’re sure to stay in the black!

    I’m trying to decide just what among the Curmudgeon Collection I can wear outside my house and not have mothers call in their children at my approach lest they, too, become snarkers. Maybe I’ll just stick with coffee mugs.

  10. willethompson
    January 23rd, 2007 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    CCers, it’s just my way of saying ‘thanks.’ gh, sheilagh, dingo, mole preener, remus, red g, squid countess, kate, kat, true fable, SPOI, harry pair, Mr. O, true fable, jules, proteus, yellowjkt, beavis, artist formerly known, lynngineering and eveyone else who makes me spit coffee on my monitor in snarky hilarity – muchas gracias.

    OK, back to the comics. C’mon people, we have crap to criticize!

  11. Red Greenback
    January 23rd, 2007 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Wille: Great work, as always! Also, thanks for the shoutout. Sorry I haven’t been around for a while, but I’m still trying to figure out the last panel in Mondays Mallard strip. Is that a steaming heap of goat custard?(?) ?

  12. Red Greenback
    January 23rd, 2007 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth, Mary Worth: Sign posted adjacent to “Intensive care”…”please refer personal release of aviation doves of paper or flaming speedy boat balloons or many celestial flowers like little tears in the assigned place of assignation”.

  13. Dingo
    January 23rd, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    Maybe it’s just burnout from watching Paula Abdul suck on her Coke like it was teenage latino cock but right now I’d really love for the only drag queen in Lost Forest to stumble upon Rusty, li’l black-eyed whorette, Theodore, and Castoria, thrust her arms out while holding a feather boa in her hands and scream at the top of her lungs “BEAV-ahs!” so loud that the whorette wets her pants.

    Yes, I’d pay good money for that… or some of Paula’s drink.

  14. Mike P
    January 23rd, 2007 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    “Plugwatch 200X” has actually been updating pretty steadily since November. JLR has been going and doing entires for comics past, in an effort to catch-up, instead of jumping right into the current comics.

  15. AwfulArt
    January 23rd, 2007 at 11:55 pm [Reply]

    Seeing Trump being bashed by Trudeau is terrific…!!! Keep it up Gary for the rest of the week..Wonder if Tinsley’s Duck is a fan of The Donald…!!!

  16. Red Greenback
    January 23rd, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Is that a ubiquiduck feather boa? Not that I care.

    You’ll be swell! You’ll be great!
    Gonna have Lost Forest on the plate!
    Starting here, starting now,
    honey, everything’s coming up beavers!

    Clear the ducks! Clear the lynx!
    You’ve got nothing to do but have drinks.
    Blow a kiss. Take a bow.

    Honey, everything’s coming up beavers!

    Now’s your stream. Piss off ol’ Dick, hear’im scream!
    Set it spinning! That’ll be just the beginning!
    Curtain up! Light the lights!
    You got nothing to hit but the heights!
    You’ll be swell. You’ll be great.
    I can tell. Just you wait.
    That lucky Ted I talk about is due!
    Honey, everything’s coming up beavers for me and for you!

    You can do it, all you need is a hand.
    We can do it, Mark is gonna see to it!
    Curtain up! Train the bears!
    We got nothing rule but the hares!
    I can tell, wait and see.
    There’s the quackl! Follow me!
    And nothing’s gonna stop us ’til we’re through!
    Honey, everything’s coming up fungi and daffodils!
    Everything’s coming up sunshine and county fairs!
    Everything’s gonna be Jackballs and polar bears!
    Everything’s coming up beavers for me and for you!

  17. Allie Cat
    January 23rd, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    #6 – Harry – I’m right there with you. Clenched.

    I say no way the soldier is spawn of Mama DeGroot.

    My theory is he’s the long lost sibling of either Bernice or Gunther…because of the glasses. A stretch, I’ll admit, but…

    If he is the long lost brother of one of the gang, we get to learn about the “consequences of unmarried sex”. And if he’s not related to Luann, she’s free to fawn and drool over him alienating either Bernice or Gunther. Or hell, both – because acting like a total idiot because of a guy is what Luann does best – it’s her paradigm much as Cathy’s paradigm is to try on swimsuits and shriek “aaack!”

  18. Red Greenback
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    Worst… Ethyl… Merman… ever…Goin’ back to lurqin’.

  19. Poteet
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    # 16 — Red, thanks for giving the beavers the starring roles they deserve:-).


    RMMD — YES! Now THAT is the #@&*! spirit of meth abuse!

    MT — My confidence that Mark actually knows what the hell he’s doing re beaver management is rapidly waning. Fortunately, I know the Sacred JackBall protects cute protagonist animals.

    A3G — I’m not gonna touch this one.

    MW — Still less will I touch this one.

    FW — I’d like to touch this one with a large hypo of liquid Zoloft.

  20. MonkeyHawk
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    #18 — Red:

    “Ethyl” Merman?

    What a gas.

  21. Dingo
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    And now, Mark Trail foreshadows For Better or For Worse: lonely beavers, trapped in a cage.

  22. Holly
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    Dear God … Bernice popped that guy out? Is that what I’m reading?

  23. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:27 am [Reply]


    A3G: Whaaa?? That guy in the last panel could almost be Brak’s dad. It is practically Adult Swim as it is. And why is she going in that door? Read the furshlugginer sign, Tommie. Is she now as dumb as LuAnn?

    FOOB: April’s turn to open reeeeally wide. Hey, I meant her mouth! Sheesh! ;o)

    FC: It just keeps on getting darker, doesn’t it? The idiot rugrats now think a porto-potty is a playroom?!

    S-M: Yeah, Spidey’s playing rougher than usual. Just the thing for a whining jealous sexist: A heeping helping of ultra-macho.

  24. Dub Not Dubya
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    MethMangaMom lives, and she’s gonna be @#%$* okay!

  25. Red Greenback
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    #20 MonkeyHawk-Regular Merman has a much lower octane grade .

  26. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    More 1/24:

    RMMD: Sings, “Whoooo are you? Who-who, who-who! (I really wanna know)” etc., etc.

    MW: Once again, the whole purpose of reading a soap opera strip is to read the next day’s strip, whose single purpose is to read the next day’s, and so on, and so on…..

    MT: This begs the question of what our beaver couple is thinking… “What are those puzzling human’s doing now?”……… or “Killing us? What have we gotten ourselves into?!” …. or “You’ll pay, humans, mark my words, we’ll get you for this!” Most likely, though, this is what’s going through their minds: “…..”

    JP: Judge Parker, meet Funky Winkerbean. Funky Winkerbean, Judge Parker…

  27. Rhekarid
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    You think that’s threatening? I know where she keeps the bad scissors.

  28. Caged Tygre
    January 24th, 2007 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    Mutts: Mooch, beware you’ll incur the wrath of the duck!

    Apt. 3G: Let me guess, Tommie is going to pretend that she is a gay man dressed as a woman just so she can steal Gary’s role and finally have a little fun. Tommie/Tommy?

    RMMD: Nothing says love like a frizzy-haired, hurricane-escaping, bad-boyfriend-having, sausage-eating, cigarette-smoking,
    meth-lab-working, explosion-surviving, post-op-bandage-wearing, mother’s love.

  29. Ubiq
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    Considering that Joe is apparently delighted by the notion of causing birds pain and Ruthie is clearly insane, is there any chance at all these kids won’t turn out to be serial killers?


    Didn’t think so.

  30. Robert Whitaker Sirignano
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:42 am [Reply]

    Is PLUGGERS actually supposed to be trailer park trash humor? Can’t see it any other way, currently.

    Gil Thorpe’s crowd scene seems to be filled with the most apathetic faces I’ve ever seen gathered for a sport. Considering the tragic arc of the strip, the crowd is waiting for yet another broken leg or snapped spine, then ten months of GT explaining outlining and detailing recovery proceedures.

    Gil Thorpe might make a nice quad.

  31. Coffeeclash
    January 24th, 2007 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    MW and DT are locked in a dead heat for Most Panels Consumed Without Significant Plot Advancement – but extra points to DT for Most Innovative Use of Ellipses.

    More …buts, Mule!

  32. yellojkt
    January 24th, 2007 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    FW: “And nobody said it would hurt this much either” is about the most meta-self-referential statement ever made in a comic strip.

  33. yellojkt
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” subtext in Beetle Bailey is ruining the simple charms of Miss Buxley Wednesday.

  34. kilgore trout
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:08 am [Reply]

    is it just me, or are all the nurses & doctors in MW today severely jaundiced? and is that nurse in panel 2 almost finger quotin’?

  35. Allie Cat
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    FOOB – Aww, all the women of FOOB are having breakdowns. Tomorrow’s panel will show Deanna handing the kids to Elly (because Michael’s off at his daily toil or something) and getting into a car and screeching off to a bar to polish of a few dozen margaritas.

    Luann – I called this last night, but to be fair, they didn’t make it that cryptic, so it’s not like I’m some big genius or something, is it?

    Although, I am feeling pretty smart today – maybe I’ll go see if I can conquer Slylock Fox…

  36. Anonymous
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    MT – Theo and Castoria are in Gitmo! What a lovely surprise!
    “Daddy, can I make little orange jump suits for our little friends, out of the bigger one you used to have to wear?”

  37. Calico
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Darn computer ate my e-mail. #36 was me, the feline Northern beaver lover.

  38. Anonymous
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Frankly, I am pleased that June is getting yelled at. Perhaps it will entice her to roll in her neck. Am I the only one who noticed she looked like a preening peacock while interrogating the nurse’s station (1/20-1/22)?

  39. Charlotte
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Doh! #38 (RMMD) was me. Had to clean out those cookies and forgot to re-enter my information.

  40. Calico
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    #35 – yes, it’s time for Deanna to pull an Aldo, or to at least make a concerted effort.
    Chronic estrogen-based meltdowns, now on special at the FOOB castle. If I were the kitty I’d just pee on everything the bitch mother left for them-it’s probably all just useless crap anyway.

  41. Calico
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    #39 – Cookies? Where? What kind?
    Same thing happened to me – oooooh, is Ella playing with our computers?

    RM – cool, May is just out of surgery and she’s quotin’ Pete Townshend. Such chutzpah!

  42. jules
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Apparently Mike’s bad-writing disease is contagious, what with Lizardbreath being “condemned to live like an outcast in the dungeon of the house.” Also: she thinks she’s condemned until Mike finds a new apartment? So she can’t possibly get a life and find an apartment of her own? She’s gonna sit around, moping and petting her cat, until all the men around her make some decisions for her. Thanks for setting the women’s movement back seventy years, Liz! (End of rant. Thank you for your patience.)

    TDIET: Theo, you wacky financial expert! You ought to know about the recent weather-related trauma to the California citrus crops! If you found a place where oranges are 6 for 53 cents or 8 for 79 cents, you should either A) quit whining and buy them both, or B) run like hell, because brother, those ain’t oranges.

  43. Michael
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    TDIET: Why is Scaduto putting his financial columnist in a hovel, working on a typewriter under sketchy light. That’s no respected economist–it’s a crackpot! Cranking out mimeographs, sent to the last known addresses of his Ayn Rand Fan Club buddies. They’ll do it every time because they’re, y’know, mental. Scaduto has explained Larry Kudlow far better than I could have hoped.

  44. benro
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    #42 – Erm, that’s April, not Liz (ref panel 4). I like the way that every non-perfect thing (the mess in April’s room) is blamed on a non-Patterson (Deanna’s mother). Looks like it’s going to be a dull week in Foobville..

  45. Dennis Jimenez
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    MW – Please, PLEASE, let it be a cut-rate third world sex change operation.

    RMMD – I love comics page euphemistic F-bombs!

    JP – Even death turns on the Abbey bedroom eyes. Hubba hubba hospice.

    MT – Caged beaver action.

  46. benro
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I don’t want you to worry about Niki, he’s with me.. sitting in my car.. alone.. in front of the emergency room.. which is the first place Eightball and Elvis will look..

    Okay, well maybe you SHOULD be worried about Niki..

  47. Calico
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    #44 – but Benro, April IS stroking the pussy…
    And Deanna’s Mom is soooo much fun to blame!

  48. willethompson
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    JP – So, since we’re taking a break before Cedric reveals exactly what kind of eeeevil he is, can’t Aunt Rachel have an interesting cancer? Like prostate?

    RMMD – “And who the !&#$% are you?”

    Y’know, I’ve always wanted to say that to June. Always such a do-gooder, perfectly coifed, the model wife/mother/nurse/dominatrix. But haven’t we missed a panel? Wasn’t she supposed to be fighting her way through a line of cops at a velvet rope in front of the ICU, looking at clipboards and saying, “No, you’re not on Mr. Redford’s list”?

    And what is the proper cartoon spelling of F*CK? I know its other four letter counterpart is $#!† (™me 2003) but should it be F&¢%? Or F#¢%? Until they make the planet Saturn or a dagger part of the 101 character keyboard, comics will have to be hand-lettered.

  49. jules
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    #44 – But – she’s got the cat, for God’s sake! Honestly, a perfectly good rant wasted. All those daggone Foobs look alike. I stand by what I said about the bad writing, though. :)

    I guess I should have remembered that Warren and Liz are still having their romantic rendezvous in the Canadian wilderness…

  50. Coffeeclash
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    April is merely the first FOOB to flip out over having five extra people in the house. What are the odds the ‘Stache will offer Liz his extra room… Blecchh. It’s enough to make you read FW.

  51. TB Tabby
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Between Bucky and Olive Oyl, we have TWO comic characters runnning for president! (I’m really surprised the “Olive running for president” story arc has fallen through the cracks this completely.) There’s no telling who might throw their hat into the ring next:

    “Marmaduke in 2008: He can run with the big dogs!”

  52. willethompson
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Has anyone checked out Mallard Filmore? If there is a problem with oriental cartoon stereotypes, shouldn’t he be mocking MW? Or do we just turn away embarrassed and get him a designated artist?

  53. insolenttomato
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    #16: Fantastic Merman, actually. I’m having to struggle not to do “Rose’s Turn” as sung by the beavers in response otherwise I’ll never get to the gym.

  54. Allie Cat
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    #50 – That’s BRILLIANT! Liz can move in with Anthony to escape the overcrowding population, and one morning, over cinnamon rolls at the breakfast table, they realize they can’t live without each other, which is great, since they’re already living together. They go down to the basement together to release Francoise from her cage and tell her the good news.

    Fade to black.

  55. kilgore trout
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    Cartoonists should adopt the David Letterman shift-one-key-to-the-right spelling of “F*CK”, which is “givl.” And who the “givl” are you!!! Oh, djoy.

  56. andreavis
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    TDIET: why doesn’t Theo Topknot offer financial advice on squid futures? They’re so popular at the local restaurants, it’s a solid investment.

  57. Ran
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    In the first panel of Mary worth, look at the arms on the nurse to the left of Mary. Notice how all the asian people are taller then Mary? Do you know whats really happening in that hospital? Bizarre medical ‘stretching’ experiments! The oriental fiends have gottten tired of having to look up the long noses of round eyed hordes and after years of research have discovered a way to alter their DNA and become physically larger and stronger. There’s only one drawback, they need the DNA from a human donor. The american doctor is nearly used up, but what luck! His curious girlfriend has come looking for him.

    Lets hope she doesn’t notice the grotesque nurse in the lobby, an earlier failure.

  58. Axel Fusco
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s good news-bad news for Mary Worth (hope in fear – fear in hope, and all that crap): Mary learns that Doc Jeff has a terrible disease. The good news is that doctors have an experimental cure. The bad news is that they are located near Charterstone and dear old Jeff is too sick to travel – the trip would surely kill him. Next week, Mary meddles, insists that Jeff fly home with her. Toby, Ian, Wilbur, and Ella (notably absent from this tableau: the Cory kids) meet Mary – and Jeff’s corpse – at the airport.

  59. rich
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MW: Ohhh, I get it — Dr. Jeff is in there for a sex-change operation!

  60. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    #42 Jules

    Re TDIET, I’m going with B). They look like nerf balls to me.

    #48 willethompson

    Too funny! Trade-marked curse words. You must keep the patent office working overtime. And I expect split royalties on the T-shirt. I will of course donate the money to charity: Beaver Catch and Release Fund, Winkerbean Relief, etc.

    #49 Jules (again)

    I admit that one threw me at first too. I knew it had to be April, but she’s aged noticeably. Maybe Lynn wants to get her married off before Sept. too.

  61. cheech wizard
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Seeing that Luann debuted in 1985, it’s entirely possible that Bernice got knocked up and put the kid up for adoption before the strip started. See, they’re not really teenagers, they’re 30-something women who are so fixated upon themselves and shopping they’ve flunked every class they’ve taken over the past 20 years at the alternative education high school they attend. And where they mindlessly pursue their impossible dream of a G.E. D. like rats flinging themselves against a stone wall, along with the rest of the special ed types that populate their world.

  62. Pelagius
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    At least in Vietnam the exclamation points that Mary ends every sentence with finally make sense! As everyone knows, yelling at non-english speakers helps them understand you better! Especially when you’re a befuddled old lady!

  63. True Fable
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    MW This strip is just getting too coy about Dr. Jeff’s condition. Either (a) the writer hasn’t figured out just what kind of disease would be most meddlesomeworth, or (b) they are just now getting hit with the cartoonist’s jet lag from making the storyline fly so fast for the last couple of weeks. Now we’re in sloooooow moooootion, like visually watching Shannon from FOOB talk. And just as nauseating.
    speaking of which…
    FBoFW Panel 5: Great Googly-moogly, we have witnessed complete Elly Meltdown right before our eyes! She no longer has that classic long Tylenol shaped face; it’s melted into a generic old hag you would likely find anywhere in Foobville. Even if it’s apparently melting in the draft of April’s breath, it’s still shocking to see the Headmistress of Hell looking like any other old garden-variety biddy with no chin and a distinctive Beaker-like mouth.

  64. Ran
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    63; Headmistress of Hell, arf arf arf, that made me laugh.

  65. cheech wizard
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    MW- Mary is going to learn that Dr. Jeff isn’t really ill, but merely “unwell.” That his ideas, his thoughts have become…unsound. That when they innoculated a bunch of Vietnamese kids, he hacked off their arms and piled them in the middle of the village. She’ll go into his room and find him sitting cross-legged on the floor, bald, fat and sweating, and grotesquely munching on peanuts.

    Then he circles around behind her and drops Aldo’s head in her lap. Oh, the horror, the horror … though the actual strip will no doubt be much worse.

  66. True Fable
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    SF What does it say about me that I didn’t bother to read anything first, I just started right in looking for small bits of angry animal in the hippo’s mouth to figure out the Mystery of What Happened to Slylock and his Client?
    DtM Today, Dennis is revealed as the neighborhood peeper.
    BB Don’t sweat it, Zero. Apparently Beetle can’t do that to Miss Buxley either.

  67. jules
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    #60 gh – how do I donate to Winkerbean Relief? I could use some serious relief from Funky Winkerbean. Especially Funky & Les, with their pity-party about getting old. What are they, 35? Time to get a LifeAlert button.

  68. Chris
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Mallard Fillmore comes especially far out of left field today:

  69. Dennis Jimenez
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    You’re a plugger if you’ve got a G.E.D. – a gud enuf deploma.

  70. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    #19 Poteet

    Nice setup on the FW line. Chuckle-icious in fact!

  71. Bill James
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    It’s one thing to pick on libruls and demycrats, but when the Fowl Foul starts abusing other comic characters – well, that’s what this site’s for, so back off, duck!

  72. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    #66 True Fable

    I’m bothered by SF too because I still can’t find the fish skeleton. It’s in there somewhere, I know it.

    #67 jules

    Or perhaps just a Get A Life button.

  73. Poteet
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    # 70 — Thanks, gh. And belated congratulations for making the List of Honor! And courage, in your case. You read (DT)GT so I don’t have to:-).

  74. jules
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    I don’t know how anyone can look away from Gil Thorp. It’s like a train wreck, which would explain how all those men’s heads keep ending up on women’s bodies, and vice versa.

  75. Mike
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    MW – My money goes on Jeff either having avian flu or SARS. Or, at least, that’s what I’m rooting for.

  76. Allie Cat
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    #75 – You’re probably right – because I don’t think chlamydia or the crabs ever put anyone into intensive care.

  77. MossMoses
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Doc Jeff is infected with avian influenza from choking an infected chicken. Let’s hope he infects Mary Worth with bird flu. I wonder if she would continue to spout empty platitudes while dying from bird flu.

  78. Holly
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    71: THAT Bill James?

    FBOFW: They all need Midol. Stat.

  79. queek
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    o my, where to start today.

    9CL, a shot at MW?

    PBS: don’t [Margo] with the duck!

    Speedbump: a non-Scaduto squid for the calimari counter!

  80. Calico
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    #57 soon on Ebay – the VHS (counterfeit) version of “Pilates Gone Bad.”

  81. Hogen Mogen
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    #4 – What’s Wrong With Mallard – I’d probably post on your blog, but you require me to register with Google or something, and you’d probably want me to register with the national registry of known sexual felons, too, just to be legit and all.

    I swear she said she was 18.

  82. SugarFemme23
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    I love that shirt! I want to buy one right now, but they don’t have my size. What’s up with that? Tubby folks need good, comic related clothing. I think that’s in the constitution…or the bible…

  83. scuppers
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    #75-#76–ManBehindtheCurtain thinks Dr.Jeff”s had a sex change operation. And that his new name will be Greta Weber.

    next story arc will be about how the denizens of Charterstone react to Mary’ s new best friend.

  84. Hogen Mogen
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    TDIET is “DIE” between two “T”s. Topknot is recommending convertible securities, which are really a relic. No one trades those much anymore. 6 oranges for 53 cents? That, too is a relic from some distant past, as is the old grocer who looks quite pained to be there, wearing a bowtie and funny hat. Rerun from the age when “Partridge Family” was the #1 show? Maybe.

  85. yellojkt
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    kilgore (#34, great alias btw), Those Vietnamese hospital workers are colored a nice shade of yellow peril but at least they aren’t nearly as jaundiced as the thugs that hang around in front of women’s shelters.

    You are probably disoriented by the breakneck speed with which Mary arrived at Hanoi Only Hospital where all the staff uniforms come from the Santa Royale Goodwill store.

  86. man behind the curtain
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — May better be careful. Any moment now, concerned citizen June may turn into DMV June and give May a whooping that will leave her longing for Elvis and his abuse.

  87. JLR
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Thanks a ton for the shout-out, Josh. You are verily my hero, even if now I’m addicted to way too many soap strips because of you.

  88. majolo
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    willethomson: awesome work. Yet another shirt I won’t be able to wear teaching.

    Speaking of OBH, I think Joe(?) is making one of the “Eeeks” in today’s strip, but it could well be interpreted as Ruthie hallucinating again. In fact, I think the last panel would do very nicely as a single panel, FC-style. Maybe I’ll try it.

    And I look forward to 3′s Company-level farce in A3G. No time to explain, Tommie, just get on that stage and act your lonely heart out!

    Oh, and #68, Chris: fun really doesn’t belong in that URL.

  89. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    I noticed that the signs in the hospital are hand-me-downs from St. Elsewhere, perhaps. Unless Viet Nam has adopted English as its official language.

  90. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    #84 Hogen Mogen

    More like Dobie Gillis, I’m thinking.

  91. Nyssa23
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    #89 Chet McCord–By gosh, I think you’re right. Come to think of it, the interior of the hospital kind of looks like that one St. Eligius hallway.

    So, does this mean that Mary Worth exists only in the mind of Tommy Westphall? Ye gods.

  92. Hogen Mogen
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: All that build up for Greta Weber and all we get is some white woman who gave directions. All CC predictions failed, because none of us has the complete absence of imagination demonstrated by Moy & Giella as they ceaselessly chronicle the mundane series of events that is Mary Worth’s life.

    Foob: Another “silent scream” punch line. I’m reading into it that Lynn Johnson is trying the subtle Pro-Life message.

    Beetle Bailey casually gives away his girlfriend. Zero, demonstrates his inferiority complex – ok, it’s not just a complex, he is inferior, which says a lot when you consider the substandard humanoids that inhabit Camp Swampy.

    Marmaduke: Still a big dog! Ha ha ha!

    A3G: Tommie is the “brains” of the A3G team, and yet can’t figure out that “stage door” is not what the patrons of a performance enter. Shouldn’t there be a ticket booth or something?

    Blandie: Dagwood looks shocked at a limp response to an obvious question. I thought that was Blandie’s job.

  93. Hogen Mogen
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    PhD is obviously inspired by Foob, except it’s funny.

  94. Hogen Mogen
    January 24th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    What’s with the Foob women?

    “We need new curtains… ”

    “How can you live in this clutter?”

    Simmer down, ladies. Are we going to be treated to Deanna freaking in the fourth degee tomorrow? She’s really been relegated to be nothing but a prop for St. Mike Patterson that she could really use some kind of character, even if it is some silent tounge-sticking-out anger met by a callous, inidifferent, deadpan stare.

  95. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Procul Harum (Live with the Hanoi Symphony Orchestra)

    We skipped the visa process
    Left Toeby at the door
    I was feeling kinda airsick
    But the crowd called out for pho
    The lobby seemed familiar
    As honkies led the way
    When we called out for another drink
    Vincent Price brought a tray

    And so it was that later
    As Greta told her tale
    That the faces in Peace Village
    Turned a whiter shade of pale

    She said, You need to hurry
    If Jeff Corey you’re to see
    But time crawled through the hallways
    Always happening to me
    One of Ella’s little playthings
    Who lives there on the coast
    And if meddlin’ doesn’t save him
    I swear that bitch is toast

    And so it was that later
    As Greta told her tale
    That the faces all around me
    Turned a whiter shade of pale

  96. Axel Fusco
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to Patrick McDonnell for his socially conscious Mutts today. And why is The Washington Post censoring Darby Conley’s Get Fuzzy this week?!?! Well, I know why, but WHY?!

  97. cheech wizard
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    JP – Rachel has an incurable, highly aggressive cancer that doctors say gives her only a few weeks to live. Which means we can expect her to be around until about 2017.

    Why do things take so long in JP? All I can figure is that they’re shape-shifting aliens traveling at near the speed of light. That would also account for the changing artwork.

  98. Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    GH, this is for you and the late great Danny Whitten (whose fine work I have also been enjoying on said disc.) Fascinating to note that Neil copied someone for that stabbing guitar style, I always thought it was his! Anyhoooooo….

    “Margo/Abby/Lynn In The Hand”

    Hello Margo and your “hand”
    Is this place
    at your command?
    Can I lay here
    for a while
    Peephole reveals your
    secret smile
    You’re mad enough now
    to change your hair
    When so many love you
    why can’t you care?
    It’s the dildo in you
    that makes you want
    to play unfair.

    Hello Abby in Par-us
    Hope those seams
    begin to bust
    After all
    the sin we’ve had
    I was hopin’ that
    we’d turn Ned
    She’s old enough now
    to chase your fame
    With so many artists
    is it the same
    It’s Barretto in you
    that makes you want
    to play this game.

    Hi Lynn Johnston of my dreams
    Life is not
    the way yours seems
    Lack of thought
    on a bland background
    To be a woman
    and to be turned down
    Foob’s old enough now
    to abuse its name
    When so many hate you
    is it the same
    It’s the Quaker in you
    that makes you want
    to play this game.

    Cowgirl in the sand, people.

  99. Calico
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    # 94 – Once she almost threw a sandwich at Mike – actually Dee tossed all the food off the counter instead of directly at him. One of my all-time fave FOOB scenes.

    I think April, frustrated and horny, will now move out and stow away along with her “band” mates on a boat to Vietnam, where they will live and perform endlessly at Peace Village and change their name to “Pho-Evah.”

  100. Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    I just had to step up – very nice Procol Harum, tho, sir. My parents got married to that tune in 1971. Lasted 7 years. I came along in 1974, so I guess that was a good thing.

  101. Trotzenbonnie
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    #65 – Dr. Jeff has been donating his services to the Peace Village. The kids are sent there because they don’t have any arms. Or eyes. Or they’re mentally retarded. The Peace Village is in Vietnam. They don’t speak English there either. Really.

  102. willethompson
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    #95 gh / #98 Remus – OK, OK, evidently you guys went to Bucky Katt’s campaign quarters for a luncheon smoker. “But the crowd called out for pho” “It’s the dildo in you that makes you want to play unfair.” Veddynice.

  103. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    #98 Remus – (A Tater Tot Man)

    Wait. Let me catch my breath. Oh, crap. I’ll even applaud the Lynn verse, which I entered with trepidation. Bravo! The nice thing was I got to supply 12 minutes of fresh instrumental pyrotechnics in my head.

    And I kinda got that idea about the guitar pollenization listening to the album yesterday. Makes you think.

    Oh, and everyone: I highly recommend cruising over to Randomly Selected Post O’ Mystery on occasion. The one I clicked on few minutes ago – and man, has Josh come a long way – was from Aug. 5, 2004. Eleven comments, the first of which came on Nov. 8, three months later. Then one in December, #s 3-10 in January-April, 2005. The last one: July 23, 2006. [Slow news day, Prehumous?]. So those of you who whine about the vacations, be thankful Josh stuck it out through the dark days when he couldn’t garner a dozen comments in two years, unlike the 50+ that come roaring in during the first hour of a new post now.

  104. HBGlord
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    Wille, that’s an incredible barely non-copyright-infringing design! Thank you for revealing your superpower to us.

    #11 — And Red, i haven’t been posting much these days either. This is the one week of the month where i do just enough of my job to maintain it.

  105. Gatormom
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    #99: Calico — LOVE Pho-Evah.

  106. Saxman
    January 24th, 2007 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    GF & a sad sad story… MT and a good story

    I saw a couple emails yesterday about how “GF” was censored in some papers. So I spent about 20 minutes comparing various publications to see what was going on. And I couldn’t figure it out! There was no difference. I got little sleep last night wondering if this was some “can you find the differences” puzzle like, well, like SF.

    I only just this minute learned that the comic in question was “Get Fuzzy” and not “Garfield.”

    On the positive side, I bought a copy of “Mark Trail’s Guide to North American mammals” circa 1950s (and yes, via one of the links from Josh’s ads.

    They describe beavers in detail, although they offer little assistance on how to relocate them. They do however show a beaver being chased by a lynx. Hmmmm. They also note that male beavers court female beavers by giving them a pad of mud infused with “their special scent.” We saw the lynx attack but were fortunately spared the scented mud paddy routine.

  107. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    #94 Hogen Mogen

    Can we change the name of the strip to For YEAAAAHHGGHHH!!!! or For WWAAAAAHHHH!!!?

  108. AppleGirl
    January 24th, 2007 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    MF – Whoa, that’s freaky: Beach-Ball-Body-Rex-Morgan. Like Old-Lady-Trixie-The-Baby or Family-Circus-Mom-With-Giraffe-Body. Bad before coffee. Better to click those links late at night.

  109. TB Tabby
    January 24th, 2007 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    How much you want to bet Tinsley wanted to draw a picture of Chop-Chop?

  110. AppleGirl
    January 24th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Glad to see MethMangaMom is all right and up to her usual charms. @#$%&!!! You GO, girl.

    Meanwhile, what’s Niki/Molly up to, left alone in June’s car? Many meth head hijinks will ensue.

  111. kilgore trout
    January 24th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    #84 Hogen Mogen: Other lovely touches in today’s TDIET which suggest that the setting predates the Partridge Family by quite a few years:

    1) Theo is purchasing “Bread” brand bread in panel 2. “Bread” bread has not been sold in America since 1946.
    2) He is typing his newsletter on what appears to be a 1940s vintage Smith Corona.
    3) The light-fixture-dangling-by-a-bare-wire was banned from the workplace by OSHA in 1972.
    4) he put on a suit to go to the grocery store, a practice which fell out of favor in the late 1950s.
    5) No one actually has spoken the word “annuitant” since 1963.

    Who says Slylock Fox has the market on clever details cornered?

  112. AppleGirl
    January 24th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    109 – Totally. You can see his desire to draw Chop-Chop just oozing from that strip. The Mr. Spock ears he put on Rex are especially fascinating.

  113. Saxman
    January 24th, 2007 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    SF & the Swimming Hippos

    Young hippos are buoyant and more often move by swimming, propelling themselves with kicks of their back legs. One hippo calf survived after being pushed out to sea during the tsunami generated by the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and was rescued on a nearby island.

  114. dimestore lipstick
    January 24th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    This is an ultra-quickie, and could be better. But I have to get it out of my head.

    Take a look at my boyfriend
    He’s the only one I got
    Not much of a boyfriend,
    And now he’s dying of the Jungle Rot!

    Took a jumbo cross the water
    Cause I had a stupid dream
    (Look for him in Southeast Asia)
    Don’t know if it’s going to come true,
    But at least it’s easy to do…

    Have you been diddling my doctor,
    Greta Dear, Greta Dear?
    He must be getting it somewhere,
    Cos he’s never gonna
    get it here

    I’m a whiner, I’m a meddler
    do you
    Know where Jeff is at?
    I’m a busy-body biddy
    I’m going to meddle with you
    And there’s not a thing you can do

    Don’t you look at my boyfriend
    He’s the only one I got
    Not much of a boyfriend
    He’s never gonna get a lot

    I will drag him cross the water
    Back to our America–
    Charterstone in California
    He’ll realize he’s a fool, and
    Recuperate by the pool…

    (Supertramp’s Breakfast in America)

  115. MossMoses
    January 24th, 2007 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    114. Dimestore Lipstick: Nice lyrics but shouldn’t that be “special friend”, as in “Take a look at my special friend”?

    Mary Worth has never referred to Doc Jeff as her boyfriend and the distinction is important. Boyfriend implies gender which might imply intimacy beyond the frigid exchange of empty platitudes and boring Bumboat dinners that constitute their meaningless relationship.

  116. Herro!
    January 24th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    “Say herro to my special friend”?

  117. Hogen Mogen
    January 24th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    #111 – Kilgore – I work for a College in the finance dept. We deal with annuities from donors, and we are an annuitant of other’s annuities, we actually use the word a few times per week. I didn’t catch the manual typewriter in panel 1. I’d assumed that Theo (now there’s a strange name. Why isn’t he named something normal like Lardbutt, Barfo or Skullturf?) was wearing a suit because he was on his way home from work. But upon further review, he’s more dressed up at the grocery store than he is at the desk. Whaaa?? Ooh yeahhh!!

  118. Gal Friday
    January 24th, 2007 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Wow–great lyrics today!

    FW: have we now got to the point where “lugubrious, bathetic” Funky Winkerbean has been around longer than the original “funny” Funky Winkerbean of two decades ago?

    JP: Aunt Rachel looks like EC’s:

    a) Old Witch
    b) Vault-Keeper
    c) Crypt-Keeper
    d) all of the above?

  119. Poteet
    January 24th, 2007 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    JP — Well, the cancer helps explain why Aunt Rachel looks so terrible, I guess. I had assumed that the artist had serious hatred for old women, most of whom do not look like decaying potatoes with hair. My question now is why Aunt Rachel bothers with the bun. A nice short cut would be easier to manage in her state of health, and would look just as, um, attractive.

  120. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Okay. Dead pool. I’ll lay odds of 100:1 that Lisa in FW dies before Rachel in JP. Sure, she’s younger and stronger, but she doesn’t have JP’s super slo-mo development going for her. Takers? I thought not.

    Oh, and, Poteet: “decaying potatoes with hair”? I thought you were trying to stay out of the running.

  121. Old Fogeyette
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Jackelrod doesn’t know Margo about beavers if he thinks that a little chicken wire (which probably isn’t even staked down on the pond bottom) is going to inconvenience Mr. and Mrs. Theodore. They’re beavers, for heaven’s sake! Rodents! With sharp teeth that can chew down TREES! I have rabbits and pack rats in my garden that would laugh at Mark Trail’s enclosure. Laugh, and gnaw it to ribbons in about five minutes.

    Although to be fair, rabbits are not rodents.

  122. Calico
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    #114 – Great, great! I’m an old ST fan.
    I also like GH’s ref to “Whiter Shade of Pale” as Mary traipses through Vietnam. Nice and topical/accurate indeed.

  123. Dingo
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    A basketball game in Gil Thorp is like watching Dreamgirls: for all the screamin’, emotin’, and yellin’, once it’s done all you can do is sit back and say, “Eh?”

    Would’ve loved to hear Mrs. Wyche’s “And I’m Telling You I Am Not Going (Coach).”

  124. majolo
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Saxman, I can’t believe I’m not the only one who fact-checked Slylock Fox. Well, Ok, I can totally believe it.
    Also, I just caught up on Get Fuzzy, since Axel Fusco had mentioned some paper dropping it. My only comment is that Bucky is a surprisingly competent artist!

  125. Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    114 – dimestore – don’t act like you just knocked that one off, sir. If you did, you’re more talented than us all (‘cept maybe Wille) . Like to see what you produce when you put your mind to it.

  126. gh
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    #117 Hogen Mogen

    I wonder how many of us work for colleges (count me in). Must say something about a) higher education productivity and b) broadband access.

  127. TB Tabby
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    PC: This stem cell research-condemning story has been going on for three days, and I have to ask: would someone please tell Winslow that since he is NOT an embryo, he will not be destroyed if someone decides to collect stem cells from him? And even if it did, all he has to do is move to one of the 12 states where coyotes are a protected species and he’d be safe.

    But to be fair, Scott Stantis probably didn’t have time to do research and make sure his facts were completely straight. After all, it took me a whole MINUTE to look it up on Wikipedia.

  128. queek
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    121: lagomorphs. A favorite word. Mustilids is my all-time favorite, however.

    loved the MW parodies, wonderful stuff.

  129. Ham Gravy
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

  130. cheech wizard
    January 24th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    So, what would happen if Abbey and Neddy went to see the McEldowney production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream? How long would that take?

  131. Dennis Jimenez
    January 24th, 2007 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Re: 129 – At least it’s not Dag and Herb – now that would give me nightmares.

  132. phil
    January 24th, 2007 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Cathy – (god I hate her) made me laugh today – well, at least the first panel – who knew she gave handjobs?

  133. kilgore trout
    January 24th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    #117 Hogen Mogen

    I bow to your superior finance vocabulary and rescind my point #5. I too work at a university and although I have never been an annuitant (as far as I’ve noticed) I have often suffered from ennui.

  134. PeteMoss
    January 24th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G- Panel 3, I hope this is the right door…? What an odd question. Is she’s questioning her motive for opening the door? Panel 4 – Freddie Mecury wants to know what Tommie has done with TV’s Gary Collins, star of “The Stone House,” a Quinn Martin Production, Dinner Theatre Division.

    DT – This strip is out to prove Tracy does, in fact, have both a left and right thumb. He often chooses not to use them when grasping his cell phone.

    MT – Dick’s last name is Morgan…possible crossover when, Dick’s brother Rex drops in to re-attach his…nevermind…Lucky doesn’t understand the hostility he’s feeling towards the Morgans.

    MF – Is Tinsley concerned because Mary Worth’s writers have gotten some criticism over the jaundiced folks dipicted in the current story line?

  135. Dingo
    January 24th, 2007 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood and Herb? No.

    Herb and the Mailman? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

  136. Concerned Citizen
    January 24th, 2007 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    MW – Judging by the receptionist’s manner, Dr. Jeff is either suffering from a STD or his cock has been stuck in a vacuum cleaner hose. Either way Mary had better get her maddling ass back home; maybe Ella will comfort her.

    A3G – Apparently Tommie cannot seem to find the door to the theatre and enters through the back door. Speaking of which, this has thrown off the gay gentleman inside. Maybe they were looking for thespians and Tommie misunderstood. I do wish Tommie would get more involved in the strip but each time she does she looks like an idiot.

  137. Concerned Citizen
    January 24th, 2007 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    136 – I meant “meddling”. Or did I mean paddling? Must…not…think…of…Mary’s…ass…

  138. AwfulArt
    January 24th, 2007 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    # 51 TB Tabby-
    Regarding cartoon caricatures running for president.. Can’t forget Queen Umpa from “Alley Oop” running for the ruler of Moo.. And we have Hillary now running… I’d take Tinsley’s duck over her…!!!

  139. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 24th, 2007 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    MW hospital + corkbord = third-world hospital

  140. SmartPeopleOnIce
    January 24th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    …and corkbord + spellcheck = corkboard


  141. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    A3G reminds me not so much of “Three’s Company” as it does “I Love Lucy”. That type of misunderstanding seems par for the course for Lucy Ricardo. Le’ssee… Tommie was originally based on Lucille Ball. Hmmmmm…….

    Tommie’s reverting back to her origins!

    Still drawn the same, though.

  142. Dingo
    January 24th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    Concerned Citizen: if I really wanted to snark, I’d create a song parody of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Down in Mary’s Land” and call it “Down in Mary’s Ass” but even I — yes, I — could not go that far. I like Carpenter too much for that.


    Who are you? Where is Gary?

    Maybe I’ve been drinking too much tequila but is Tommie Thompson really that much of a shit for brains? Is she the Shannon of Manhattan?

    I… see… a door… marked… WARNING NO ENTRANCE. Who… is… Ing… and why… must I warn… her… against… entrancing… men?

    Unless the city codes for Manhattan buildings has changed, normally theatres have entrances for patrons and a stage door for starlets and johnnies. Tommie has entered into the back of the theatre and either raised the gay man’s wrath (yeah, we all had our gaydar go off) because Gary was supposed to be guarding the door to keep would-be starlets and johnnies out of the backstage area or Tommie has been mistaken for Shelley Long and the troupe’s homage to The Brady Bunch movies will not be deemed a success unless both she and Gary Cole are there in the audience.

    Based on that trenchcoat that Tommie Thompson is wearing, I’m hoping that the stage production has an actor in it named Miles Long.

  143. MossMoses
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Thank you for not shooting the beaver, Dick Morgan. Doesn’t that have kind of a “More Park snausages Mom….please” type ring to it?

  144. True Fable
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    # 96 gh – I sang it aloud. Brilliant work!

    And I think SF squeezed the fish skeleton in between the hippo’s molars. It has to be there, I agree there can’t possibly be a Slylock Fox without one.

  145. ohgrl
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    59/rich: That’s what I thought as well. But now I believe the MW writers are just doing this to read our witty and urbane comments about their shitty and mundane strip.

  146. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Hmm. April and Elly both seemed to have rolled over into another age category in today’s FOOB.

    Seriously, I think that’s how it works. Sure, so they do technically age, but they do so in a highly unnatural fashion – one minute April will be Early Teens April, and the next she’s Liz From A Few Years Ago April.

  147. willethompson
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker. You sentence me to 30 days, but it feels like 30 years.

    Lotsa parodies out there tonight, pretty funny stuff (I noticed that Dimestore chimed in). Nice, very nice.

    But back to JP…If i were Abbey, I’m thinking “I’m beat, Rachel’s going Hamlet on me, Neddy’s running around Paris with a domestic TEMP! Why am I HERE?”

    cue the piano and Robbie Robertson…

    (sung to the tune of The Band’s ‘The Weight’)

    Flew into Orly, the time was ‘bout half past one
    Miss Anger Management said “Let’s go have some fun!
    I wanna have some espresso, wanna try on a beret.
    Wanna drink vin ordinaire – and smoke a Gaullousie!”

    Had enough of Neddy
    And this damn Paree
    Had enough of Neddy
    And – and – aaaaand the stupid old stupid old Champs ‘lysee!

    Took a ride with ol’ Cedric (he’s evil, you can tell)
    He drove that German taxi cab like a bat straight out of Hell!
    When we got to Aunt Rachel’s, dawn was still an hour away
    He fed me Cheez-Itâ„¢ crackers – but he called them canapé.

    Had enough of Cedric
    And this damn Paree
    Had enough of Cedric
    And – and – aaaaand the stupid old stupid old Champs ‘lysee!

    Aunt Rachel stared at me – she was old as Noah’s dog
    Face wrinkled like Madonna’s sheets, a voice just like a frog!
    “I’m so glad that you could make it, let’s chat, just me and you…
    Abbey, I’ve got the cancer! And halitosis, too!”

    Had enough of Rachel
    And this damn Paree
    Had enough of Rachel
    And – and – aaaaand the stupid old stupid old Champs ‘lysee!

    I’m tired and I’m hungry and I’m about bored to tears
    An hour of vapid dialog will feel like seven years!
    Maybe Cedric kidnaps Neddy – I know I don’t give a rip!
    I’ve filed my resignation – and screw this stupid strip!

    Had enough of Judge Parker
    And this damn Paree
    Had enough of Judge Parker
    And – and – aaaaand the stupid old stupid old Champs ‘lysee!

    Gonna visit other strips, I do believe it’s time
    Gonna go to Toronto and make little Lizard mine!
    Gonna buy a strap-on, gonna have a little fun!
    She’ll forget about Pornstache and his doughy cinnabuns.

    Had enough of this story
    And this damn Paree
    Had enough of this story
    And – and – aaaaand the stupid old stupid old Champs ‘lysee!

  148. Gal Friday
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    By the Way Dept:

    The Toronto Star poll asking who should wind up with Liz ended with Warren at top.

  149. PeteMoss
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    #149. GOT IT. Take that you Firsters!

  150. Trotzenbonnie
    January 24th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Hey everybody! More information about beavers can be found on the telly tonight. The History Channel – Modern Marvels. Check your local listings for show times.

  151. Shannon
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    It appears that Jughead wants to lick Archie’s eyeballs.

  152. True Fable
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    #147 – Another triumph for willethompson! Robbie Robertson would be proud.

  153. Citric
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dear God, if Dr. Cory is drowning in hot Vietnamese nurses and that’s why nobody wants Mary in there I’ll start believing in you again. I’ll go to church and everything.

    It’s probably something boring though, and we’ll get a week of doctorly exposition, but a man can dream.

  154. Caged Tygre
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    I wish I hadn’t put Peace Village Hospital in the Google Images search. Though it would be interesting if Mary Worth actually dealt with some of the real issues these children have. Or maybe not, maybe it’s best Mary just keeps focused on Dr. Jeff Corey, oblivious to what goes on around her.

  155. Trotzenbonnie
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    #154 – I’m with you. Mary Worth’s Peace Village looks like the orphanage in “Cider House Rules”. Why bother to introduce the subject at all if the only affect of Agent Orange exposure you have the balls to draw is blue hair?

  156. Obélix
    January 24th, 2007 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    #141 – Mibbitmaker – Tommie, you got a lot of ‘splaining to do.

  157. that girl
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    MT- okay Mark Trail is suposed to be this fairly accurate account of wildlife right? so why hasn’t anyone noticed that BEAVERS DON’T EAT TREES! they eat fish. hence the damming. more infromation about beavers can be found on the internet.

  158. kilgore trout
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    Since this thread is petering out (no posts in 25 minutes?) let me ask a question. I read this blog for months before ever venturing to post a comment, only to discover afterwards that I had in fact been “lurking”. I feel that I would have enjoyed it a lot more had I known that I was “lurking” rather than just reading. (Actually I would have preferred to “skulk,” but this violates several municipal ordinances and a restraining order.) So my question is, can one regain one’s lurker status, having commented a few times? If there is a new post and I refrain from commenting, can I be said to be lurking, or am I just a reader who happened to not comment this time? Is lurking like NCAA eligibility – lose it once and it’s gone forever?

  159. Poteet
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    # 95, 98, 147 — BWAHAHAHAHA! gh, Remus, and wille, thank you so much. Y’all write excellent classic rock parodies so I don’t have to. And thanks, gh, but as the snark quality keeps rising, I am happy to be here on the side laughing and clapping madly.

    # 157 — that girl, though I find the prospect unappetizing myself, beavers really do eat tree bark and soft wood as well as other herbaceous stuff.

  160. Saxman
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    SmartPeopleOnIce (MW cork boards)

    As soon as I saw those cork boards, I knew I had to send a scan to some UFOlogist friends to enhance. You know, the stuff they use to see that face on Mars and enlarge the telegram in the Roswell press conference.

    Turns out one of the notes pinned up says: “Nevermore List: Mary Worth”

  161. Saxman
    January 24th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    158 kilgore trout

    More information on the meaning of the term “lurk” is available on the Internet.

    Back in the early 80s I helped run one of the first on-line Chats (16 users including the sysop could log on simultaneously. We used 16 linked Trash 80s and 15 analog telephone lines). We had “lurkers” even back then, and we had “unlurkers” and “relurkers” so I guess there are a lot of possibilities.

  162. yellojkt
    January 24th, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure if de-lurking is permanant. You can be in an ambiguous state between lurking and commenting, like Schroedinger’s cat or Lizardbreath’s virginity.

    I often am too busy to comment and just lurk for a day or two.

  163. Charlotte
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

    Ah yellojkt – you said it better than I ever could. BTW – I am a lurker on your blog (thus I post here) and I REALLY enjoy all that you have to say (I too was a dorm room cooker).

  164. zeeba
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Just sent an e-mail to the Dallas Morning News asking why they are LYING about the reruns of Get Fuzzy. They are currently stating that Darby Conley is on vacation, which we know is not true. I’ll be interested to see if I get a response.

  165. Herro!
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    On the bright side, Mary Worth appears to have kept the same magenta pantsuit on once she entered the hospital. Outdoors, it was blue, but she either changed it to her “indoor meddling suit,” or else there is something in the air that makes things change colors. Something that makes Asians appear jaundiced. Maybe it’s the Agent Orange residues in the air; maybe it makes everything appear closer to its hue.

  166. Dean Booth
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    MT: Poor Theodore and Castoria are fenced in. But their fate could have been worse. Oh, the horror!

  167. reader-who-posts
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    I’m enjoying the symmetry of Mary Worth. First Aldo dies due to his despair at being told Mary doesn’t want him. Now Dr. Cory is by all appearances at death’s door due to his desire to stay as far away from Mary’s vagina as possible.

  168. Dingo
    January 24th, 2007 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Thank you, Dean Booth, for bringing my previous comment to life.

  169. Poteet
    January 25th, 2007 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    # 166 — BWAHAHA! Thanks, Dean, and thanks, Dingo.

    1/25 –

    MT — Oh (Margo), NOW what? I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain, I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end, I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that appealing animals were SAFE in LoFo, and this storyline damn well better not be the exception.

    RMMD — Wow, talk about mood swings!

    FW — Okay, I confess I used to think you CC snarkers were exaggerating about this strip. But you WEREN’T. Dear God, you weren’t.

    MW — So what the (Margo) is actually wrong with Dr. Jeff? Does he have Being-In-Mary’s-Really-Loony-Dream Disease?

  170. Mibbitmaker
    January 25th, 2007 at 12:59 am [Reply]


    Forced, belabored, barely-even-a pun.

    But, mainly, Liz storms in all cry-baby. What she should’ve said in panel 4 was, “LYNN ASSASSINATED PAUL’S CHARACTER TO MAKE HIM MORE LIKE ERIC!!”

    Nothing about Warren yet.

  171. Mibbitmaker
    January 25th, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]


    RMMD: “I’ve ruined our lives!” “Uh, yeeeaaaaah… just how is the hospital food here?…” June will have ruined their lives worse if leaving Nikki in the car comes to no good.

    MW: “He’s no longer contageous, but he may not recognize you” …if he’s lucky.

    MT: Aw, I want a dry humus floor! Other people get to have a dry humus floor! I don’t get to have anything!

  172. Poteet
    January 25th, 2007 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    # 170 — Thanks, Mibbitmaker. I just checked out the new Foob (blech), and I am SO hoping some talented Curmudgeon will apply Photoshop to that fourth panel.

    Also, what a very weird way to lament. In all the conversations that Liz presumably had with her loving family, whom she was absolutely desperate to move back to be near, didn’t she ever mention Susan, the teacher who replaced her and whom, as I recall, she spent time training? And/or did she never mention the coincidence that Paul and Susan turned out to be childhood friends? If nothing else, she could have said “dumped me for the current teacher up there!” or something. But why do I bother? It’s Foob. It’s Foob. It’s Foob.

  173. Loppie Scaduto
    January 25th, 2007 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    157 that girl says: “BEAVERS DON’T EAT TREES! they eat fish. hence the damming. more infromation about beavers can be found on the internet.”

    Coincidentally, earlier this evening I was watching this venerable BBC documentary, and it happened to be the episode about rodents, including beavers. [And yes, of course I was thinking of Mark Trail all the way thru, how could I not?] It showed beavers storing large tree branches for food later in the winter. There was a close-up of a beaver very plainly holding a chunk of wood in its forepaws, chewing away the tip, swallowing it, and doing it again. Narrator David Attenborough [whom one ought not to mess with] said “Beavers eat wood.”

    And on the aforementioned internet, I find:

    “The dam is constructed using sections of deciduous trees, especially birch, aspen, willow and poplar. This vegetation is also an important part of the beaver’s diet. [emphasis added] The trees are cut down using their strong incisor teeth. Their front paws are used for digging and carrying and placing materials.

    During the summer, beavers also eat grasses, cattails, water lilies and other aquatic plants.”


  174. Trotzenbonnie
    January 25th, 2007 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    DTM – A pink coat and tights is no way for a kid with fragile feelings to dress.

    MW – If Dr. Hunh? doesn’t know about Dr. Jeff’s condition, how does he know he’s not contagious???

    MT – I don’t know about y’all, but I would not want to be in water surrounded by wire in a lightning storm. Mark Trail is an ass.

    FW – Why hang a frozen garden hose lengthwise from nails in the garage? If it wasn’t Funky Winkerbean I’d think they were trying to be funny.

    Gone are the days when the funny papers shed light on the mysteries of life. Now, there are only questions. Sigh.

  175. Mr. O’Malley
    January 25th, 2007 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    174. MW Perhaps he has a concussion. (The patient, I mean, although it could work the other way too.)

  176. Calico
    January 25th, 2007 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    And Apwil thinks “Yeah, Water Works…too damn bad Liz didn’t finally get her plumbing flushed up North.” What a hellpit!

  177. Richard Onley
    January 25th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    #170: Mibbitmaker says:
    Forced, belabored, barely-even-a pun.

    The subject is showers; the character’s name is April.
    I think LJ deserves credit for resisting . . .

  178. PurpleMartin
    January 25th, 2007 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Foob: I dont think I can get much more disgusted by Lizbreath. She is so immature. Yeah Paul dumped you for a “WOMAN”, you are a little girl! She’s acting younger then April running to Mom, like she is still in high school…crying about being dissed for the prom or something.

  179. that girl
    January 25th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    i stand corrected!
    thank you loppie and poteet. i was misinformed by the ever unreliable wikipedia. trees just seem like an icky thing to eat. especially if you are building all that realestate to trap nummy squishy critters.

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