Let the wild ruckus start
Apartment 3-G, 1/3/07
So, in case you weren’t paying attention, Eric Mills broke Margo’s heart by jetting out of town mysteriously, then just as suddenly set it aflame again by showing up on Apartment 3-G’s doorstep on Christmas in a particularly pointless bit of plotting whiplash. Margo must be getting inured to the pleasures of hot monkey sex romance and such, though, because it isn’t having the same softening effect on her personality as it did a few weeks ago. I love her completely pointless outrage in panel one. “Mr. Gibbs? How dare he have a WASPy, monosyllabic last name!”
Mr. Gibbs has been nothing but avuncular and pleasant to Lu Ann throughout the long Adventure of the Haunted Studio, but that facial expression in panel three pretty much screams, “Hello ladies! Looks like all those hidden cameras I installed throughout this firetrap are about to pay for themselves after all!”
Crankshaft, 1/3/07
You know, today’s Crankshaft is a good example of the strip’s subtle but fierce misanthropy. Because at first you’re grateful that they switched the expression around and didn’t actually show you the mangled corpse of a deer embedded into the hood of this car, but then you realize that he’s implying that somewhere there’s a terribly injured animal running around, with a huge chunk of metal and glass and plastic hanging out of a bloody wound in its side … well, Crankshaft is kind of mean-spirited, is what I’m trying to say.
Mary Worth, 1/3/07
Is this the bitchiest Mary Worth ever? “Yeah, Agent Orange, terribly moved, blah blah blah … but what about MEEEEEEEE????? What about MY NEEDS????”
Who is Mary talking to, exactly? Yesterday’s omniscient narration box noted only that she was calling “Cambodia.” Perhaps she was connected directly to King Norodom Sihamoni, who, being a constitutional monarch, has little better to do with his time than to take phone calls from agitated biddies.
Slylock Fox, 1/3/07
I’m not sure what’s funnier: The cheery, innocent look on the face of the megamagnet-wielding security goon, or the expression of sheer, heart-stopping terror on the face of our innocent traveller — perhaps literally heart-stopping, as his pacemaker slams into his sternum, drawn inexorably by this fiendish device. If I had to guess about the origin of this little drama, I’d wager that a certain cartoonist had his precious collection of gels and liquids confiscated by some jackbooted thug while he was traveling over the Thanksgiving holiday. Well, you crossed the wrong gel aficionado, Mr. TSA Man! I bet you felt pretty foolish when you opened up the paper and found that you had been named and shamed in today’s Slylock Fox!
One Big Happy, 1/3/07
The countdown to Ruthie’s inevitable stabbing frenzy and subsequent trip to juvie begins … now.
Joe
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I hope Dr. Cory comes back home in a wheelchair, like in Born on the Fourth of July. “Penis, Mary! Huge Fucking Erect Penis!”
monkeymail
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Um… wouldn’t the children affected by Agent Orange be, like, 40 by now? Sounds like Mary is getting taken for a ride. Oh, wait, Agent Orange causes spina bifida in the offspring of those exposed. I can’t wait to see the Moy and Giella illustrations of Cambodian children with spina bifida.
Genetic_Mishap
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:55 pm
Slylock Fox is hawking therapeutic magnets now?
That’s it. I’m calling James Randi.
Reading Mary Worth, a song popped into my head. A hip little Dead Kennedys tune…
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:57 pm
Of interest to us cardinals, at the Drink at Work site…
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:03 pm
Sure, you can affront me by starting a new thread moments after I post one of my trademarked “song parodies”(tm) – (see? It’s got a “tm” after it!) But you know, this time I was working with the golden words of Dion.
And when you insult Dion, you insult all of us.
Oh wait – I meant “Dondi.”
Rhekarid
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:07 pm
I didn’t even get to the text yet, but the expression on Mary’s face just says it all. “Ugghh…children. Apparently I didn’t apply enough Agent Orange back then.”
It’s no wonder that security guard looks so happy. I’m quite sure that humiliating impatient airport patrons with a tool of godlike magnetism would be the most fun job EVER.
Fred P.
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I bet Mr Happy McTraveller is sorry now, about buying that iron engagement ring! All the gold plating in the world won’t conceal your base desires now, you cad!
I’m unsure how the magnet (which- by the way- is totally awesome, and I’d totally buy one, if Josh could somehow get a working version up for sale on Cafepress, especially if it was less than, say, twenty bucks. I’d go higher- it really IS that awesome, but dude, I got bills and shit, and lets face it, a giant magnet (while undeniably awesome) isn’t really too practical day-to-day. Maybe if you got a lot of iron filings laying around or some shit, but really, who has problems like that?) managed to undo the belt buckle before drawing it inexorably towards its magnitude, but its sure worth it just to see the guy’s pants fall down.
Sam
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:19 pm
I am just completely [MARGO]ing gobsmacked that Mary Worth knows how to operate a cordless phone.
I’d also like to point out that she has no reflection. Make of that what you will.
Gabe
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:22 pm
So you’ve been in Charterstone
For a year or two
And you know meddled em all
In Aldo’s car
Driving to the bar
Didn’t see that big cliff fall
Give bad advice
To your parade of lice
From your rent controlled bungalo
Bitching you know
How the slopes feel cold
And Cordrey’s got so much soul
It’s time to taste what you most fear
Sanctomony will not help you here
Brace yourself, Worth dear
It’s a holiday in Cambodia
It’s tough, lady, but it’s life
It’s a holiday in Cambodia
Don’t forget to get a life
Gabe
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 pm
Ack. Hit send before preview. Stupid grammatical errors.
Kenny
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Yes hello, Operator?! Give me Cambodia!
Maura
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:30 pm
#3: Fret not, Mishap. As patently offensive as the notion of “therapeutic magnets” in a kid’s comic is, you’ll note that the strip only says they are *used* to treat jet lag. Nowhere does it say that they work. Randi would point out the same thing.
Kenny
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:32 pm
#3 Wow – I think that’d be the FIRST Randi reference on this board (that I’ve read anyhow)
Congrats on a CC first! Someone, contact the JREF!
Summerhouse
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Ruthie’s mother must sew. Mine did, and the idea that I might use her good scissors on construction paper or to cut a picture out of a magazine, or to give a doll a haircut, or whatever a kid might do just horrified her. If she heard the noise of scissor blades crossing, she was there. “You’re not using my good scissors are you?” She didn’t hide them. She preferred to terrorize anyone in the house who dared to cut anything. I have “good” scissors and “bad” scissors to this day. Huh. This isn’t really disproving the idea that Ruthie might go on a stabbing spree.
arto
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Reading Mary Worth, a song popped into my head. A hip little Dead Kennedys tune…
How could you? You know Aldo was crankin’ his all-”Too Drunk To Fuck” mixtape when he took that fateful ride and…*sob* IT’S TOO SOON! *sob*
reader-who-posts
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:38 pm
In tomorrow’s Funky Winkerbean, Batiuk will have one of his delightful Crankshaft/FW crossovers when four people are stomped to death by a crazed deer with a headlight sticking out of it’s ass. Then the deer will get cancer and die, and Funky will be sued after every other major character dies from ptomaine poisoning after eating venison pizza at Montoni’s.
Crankenstank
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:55 pm
OBH: “I Know Where Mom Hides the Good Scissors!” == next curmudgeon t-shirt? Please please please please please oh please!!!
Tukla in Iowa
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:57 pm
#16: Good.
Artist Formerly Known as Ben
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:02 pm
#16, At any point will John Darling come back and start munching on brains? ‘Cuz that would be the awesomest.
reader-who-posts
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:03 pm
MW: The phrase “terribly moved by their condition” can be translated as “Dr. Jeff Cory told us to make something up to explain why he hasn’t come back or even contacted you, and this shit is the best we could come up with. As a matter of fact Dr. Jeff Cory is in the next hut high on opium and getting a hummer from a tranny prostitute.”
Phantom: Why does the village have a hut on a 20 foot platform? Is this their idea of a castle for their leader? Is it a lookout tower? And if it is, why didn’t they see the evil securities brokers? And most importantly, why does it look like a penis?
reader-who-posts
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:07 pm
#19: It would be awesome if John Darling came back and starting eating Crankshaft’s daughter’s brain, and Crankshaft says “you just gave him a piece of your mind.”
Maritimer
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:09 pm
Are the words in yellow because Mary is talking to an Asian?
Trent
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 pm
Pop quiz. The Apartment 3G ghost storyline is moving towards a crossover with which of the following:
1) Scooby-Doo. The ghost is actually old man Gibbs trying to scare Luann away so he can find the treasure hidden on the property/protect his heroin trafficking racket.
2) Casper the Friendly Ghost. Who has inexplicably grown to adolescence despite being dead and is now looking to score.
3) Mary Worth. Ella is drawn to the ghost’s psychic energy and the ghost has a dreadful message for Mary about Doctor Jeffs… from beyond the grave!
4) James Randi. Margo isn’t drawn in by the supernatural romance, but she does know the potential payoff for the 1 million dollar challenge when she sees it. Unfortunately, when Randi shows up, its all shown to be an elaborate hoax for “Scaredmilfs.com” a voyeuristic hidden camera website. See #1.
5) Tragedy. Margo is involved. ‘Nuff said.
zeeba
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Luann 1/3: RUN LUANN!!! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!
Trent
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:19 pm
Upon posting my entry for the day, I notice that I am not the only one to have mentioned James Randi. Bizarre.
J.
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:24 pm
First time poster, but I’ve been reading for a while, and Josh, how could you miss the (very) obvious Apartment 3G reference in Get Fuzzy today? Also, thanks to #24 for pointing out how frightening Luann is; Gunther sewed Luann a princess dress that would fit a five year old…
holli
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:25 pm
“Reading Mary Worth, a song popped into my head. A hip little Dead Kennedys tune…”
‘I am emperor Ronald Regan’? I don’t think that really goes.
Da Scrodfather
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:25 pm
Summerhouse, did anybody’s mom ever explain the difference between good and bad scissors? I’m pondering the moral implications to this day.
23: Wait, James Randi is going to beat the crap out of Ella? Presumably w/ a therapeutic magnet? That’s the most exciting thing ever in a MW comic!
Tabby Lavalamp
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 pm
Is it just me, or does the security guy appear to be leering? “(The pants are down, now to see what I’ve got in my stash of gels and liquids! Ah ha!) Hey buddy, it’s full-body cavity search time!”
Slylock and friends then appear, reveal themselves to be furries, and a good time is had by all.
Well, except for the poor, traumatized traveller.
Atomic Bird
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 pm
In other news, today in Get Fuzzy it looks like either Satchel or Rob has been reading this site.
John
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:43 pm
No mention of today’s Get Fuzzy?
rsf
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:45 pm
We had a recent crossover with FW and Crankshaft that didn’t seem to have a conclusion. I was also a bit puzzled by the funkywinkerbean strip a couple weeks ago, where John the comic store guy runs out of the hospital after Becky’s family shows up. I see it now as sort of a metaphor for the whole strip: instead of exploring an emotion, or a relationship, the strip runs away by having extreme things happen, like losing a limb, getting really sick, throwing up, etc.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:46 pm
#11 Kenny: Give you Cambodia? I swear the clinic said I was okay!
Angie
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:46 pm
Regarding “One Big Happy”: Take a look at the kids’ eyes in panels 2 & 3…I’m afraid Ruthie may have already started putting those scissors to use.
reader-who-posts
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:47 pm
Anyone care to start a pool on how many people are going to ask why Josh didn’t mention Get Fuzzy? I’m taking 27.
Derelict
January 4th, 2007 at 12:02 am
FAQ for 1-3-07: “Why didn’t Josh mention Get Fuzzy’s reference to A3G?”
Answer: Because it’s his damn Web site and he will post about whatever strikes/pleases/enrages him. Just because he did not post about DOES NOT MEAN he has not noticed it.
holli
January 4th, 2007 at 12:04 am
I’m going to posit that Get Fuzzy isn’t really inane enough to merit a mention.
Virginia
January 4th, 2007 at 12:11 am
The question is, could Mr. Gibbs describe the ruckus? Because it seems he believes he clearly hears one.
Ned Ryerson
January 4th, 2007 at 12:31 am
Two words stand out in 1/4’s A3G: hammering and banging.
Johnny Q
January 4th, 2007 at 12:38 am
JUDGE PARKER: Why does Neddy’s mother consider it more important to be with her in Paris than to be with the younger girl back home? (My guess: she wants to get laid.)
TB Tabby
January 4th, 2007 at 12:43 am
MW: All we know about this mystery person Mary is talking to is the yellow voice balloons. Now, let’s think…who else speaks in yellow voice balloons?
BewaretheCreeper
January 4th, 2007 at 12:49 am
#22 THAT was awesome Martimer and I’m 1/2 Asian! Could have finished it up by swapping the R’s and L’s though.
MW I thought we Agent Oranged the Vietnamese Clapping trees and Napalmed the children. I guess I wasn’t watching enough Cronkite.
Draktyr
January 4th, 2007 at 12:55 am
oh, Mary, Mary, Mary…
*shakes head*
I do like how, in Panel One, Mary’s head seems to be surrounded by darkness, almost as if it is eminating from her very body. And I’m impressed how perfectly her ensemble, including the tasteful pearls match the draperies.
Notice how the facial lines are supposed to indicate concern on Mary’s part, however her words say the exact opposite. The only thing she cares about is herself, and her position.
Mumblix Grumph
January 4th, 2007 at 1:07 am
OMG! I just realized that Ruthie is the secret love child of Jughead Jones and Big Ethel!
Randy S
January 4th, 2007 at 1:20 am
Ok, I have an off-topic question for anyone cares to answer it.
I vaguely remember Funky Winkerbean from back in the 70s. IIRC, Funky was the name of an average teenager of that era. (Somewhat comparable to Jeremy in the Zits comic strip of today)
Only in the past couple years have I even been aware that the strip still existed.
So what exactly happened? Does the original Funky character still exist in that strip? (Presumably grown-up)
Ignatz
January 4th, 2007 at 1:21 am
FBOFW – Don’t be a doofus yourself, Awpril. First you say yes and when you get there you say “Oh God!”
Duh.
K.K.
January 4th, 2007 at 1:29 am
FC – With hooters like hers you mean to tell me that Thel doesn’t breast feed? Or would that make daddy jealous.
Randy S
January 4th, 2007 at 2:02 am
MT: Thursday last panel is a slightly blown-up version of Moday’s last panel — the same beaver with the same rock formation behind it — but with a different background.
Also, monday’s first panel is almost identical to the previous Saturday’s last panel, except that the little girl is in a different position.
Ed Minchau
January 4th, 2007 at 3:02 am
MW: an “interesting condition” is a euphemism for being pregnant. I’m thinking that the doc being “moved” by their “conditions” means that he’s busy knocking up half of “Vietnam”.
I “wonder” what the “record” is for “meaningless” “finger” “quotes” in a comics “curmudgeon” “comment”.
Shannon
January 4th, 2007 at 6:01 am
According to the Vietnam war memoir, Dispatches, the deforestation crews that sprayed Agent Orange had a motto: “Only We Can Prevent Forests.”
Nothing to add about Mary Worth’s privilege-induced solipsism, but I think Crankshaft would approve of that motto.
Marion Delgado
January 4th, 2007 at 6:15 am
Ruthie Rules! And if the strip had only let her grow up she’d be the awesomest girl in the funnies.
Who wouldn’t want a Ruthie?
bup
January 4th, 2007 at 7:33 am
…and the tie-clip that wouldn’t let go strangled the luckless traveler while the halfwit agent vacantly watched.
Pozzo
January 4th, 2007 at 7:39 am
As least Ruthie didn’t propose drawing a comic strip on proper use of the toilet, which where I assumed this strip would be heading.
Ran
January 4th, 2007 at 8:00 am
In the Phantom the natives speak Llongo. Hmm, didn’t I see something on the llongo tribe on the discovery channel…no, wait, that was a porn movie I rented!
smacky
January 4th, 2007 at 8:07 am
FOOB: We know Liz will take the helicopter ride (literally), get there a day early, and find Paul “playing mountee” with the new teacher (his “cousin” with the shapely butt?), and Liz will return, crying and dejected, into the noodly arms of Blandthony. The end is near.
Allie Cat
January 4th, 2007 at 8:38 am
#55 – There’s always a chance Warren will be there to pick up the pieces, but either way, poke a fork in the Mountie – he’s DONE! Oooooh – I can’t WAIT for the devestation to begin!
Squawk
January 4th, 2007 at 8:57 am
Whaddya know, Ed “Asshole” Crankshaft making a lame joke about somebody else’s misfortune. How unlike him.
blacknosugar
January 4th, 2007 at 9:14 am
Apparently the “man” in Slylock Fox was either wearing a diamond engagement ring or is getting ready to propose when he is finished being ravaged at the airport. Of course, if it’s the latter, now that she’s seen this panel, she’s probably ready to throw her gold-painted five-cent (nickel) ring away. Of course, that’s a HUGE ring. Maybe he’s proposing to an ape.
jules
January 4th, 2007 at 9:19 am
MT: Is it wrong that this breaks my heart? Poor Lucky!
TDIET: What the hell is that chef complaining about? Plain broiled squid is a lot easier to make than breaded sauteed squid with butter, garlic, onion and fennel. Look at all the breading, chopping and stirring the chef won’t have to do now; just pop that dead cephalopod in the broiler for a few minutes and get back to cooking regular food for the normal people who come into your restaurant!
FOOB: I know it’s already been said, but it’s so true: this signals the end of the Mountie’s free ride to Foobville. The only question is, will Lizardbreath run straight into Warren’s arms, because they’re there? Or will she have Warren fly her home to the strangely comforting clammy embrace of Anthony?
Hogen Mogen
January 4th, 2007 at 9:20 am
Slylock: Explosive gels aren’t magnetic
jules
January 4th, 2007 at 9:21 am
I meant UNDER the broiler, of course. See it before you say it. Tee hee!
Archivalist
January 4th, 2007 at 9:21 am
Today’s GT — What’s Peter Parker doing in Milford? I’m so confused.
Dean Booth
January 4th, 2007 at 9:29 am
MW: Here’s Mary as the Snow White Queen, in case you missed it yesterday.
Krazy Kat
January 4th, 2007 at 9:30 am
Mary Worth-Mary decides to go to Vietnam to find Dr Jeff:
Mary: “Could we, uh, talk to Dr. Jeff?”
Unidentified man: “Hey, man, you don’t talk to the Dr. You listen to him. The man’s enlarged my mind. He’s a poet-doctor in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he’ll, uh, well, you’ll say hello to him, right? And he’ll just walk right by you, and he won’t even notice you. And suddenly he’ll grab you, and he’ll throw you in a corner, and he’ll say do you know that if is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you — I mean I’m no, I can’t — I’m a little man, I’m a little man, he’s, he’s a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas — I mean –”
Mary: Oh, my!
Randy
January 4th, 2007 at 9:43 am
FW–When did Geraldo Rivera join the cast of this strip? I mean, he’s a good fit, but don’t you think there should have been some warning?
Concerned Citizen
January 4th, 2007 at 9:57 am
That’s the guy in charge of Cambodia and all things Cambodian. His name is Mr. Cambodia. Having dispatched Kurtz, Jeff’s making his way back to Nam. I’m sure his bloody machete will make a nice souvenir for Mary.
Professor Fate
January 4th, 2007 at 10:11 am
Lord do I hate FBOFW – hate hate hate hate. Deep hatred. Of all this stupid, predictable, gadawful see it coming from miles away plotlines. A box turtle with brain injuries would do better. And the blinking just makes it worse.
Argggggggggg.
Craigers
January 4th, 2007 at 10:15 am
I am just completely [MARGO]ing gobsmacked that Mary Worth knows how to operate a cordless phone.
I call bullshit. That’s a corded phone that’s not plugged in. Mary’s diazepam and blood pressure medications have interacted again and she’s whacked out of her gourd, talking to the walls.
cheech wizard
January 4th, 2007 at 10:20 am
Josh – I wouldn’t say Crankshaft’s deer-crash gag is meanspirited – just a fact of life in the Toledo-Detroit region. In these parts, deer are a close runner-up to bugs in getting squashed on your front grill. In fact, I hit a big one on New Year’s Eve. I’m lucky it only took out my rear view mirror, since a direct hit could have totaled my car and sent it flying through the front windshield into my lap.
420
January 4th, 2007 at 10:27 am
#45….Don’t hold your breath for an answer.
psst…down here…
Funky is a co-owner of Montoni’s Pizza. He and the rest of the 70’s/80’s clan are grown and appear regularly in the strip to this day.
Don’t tell the others that we had direct communication on this site.
Craigers
January 4th, 2007 at 10:28 am
1/4 MW : “What could be holding Jeff up in Vietnam?” I’m guessing the mud floor of the bamboo cage he’s been thrown in by the Customs police is keeping him from plunging to the centre of the earth. That’s probably a good guess to start off with. The next time he tries to smuggle 30 kilos of black tar disguised as “medical supplies” he should remember to bring along enough U.S. currency to bribe his way out of trouble, sweetheart.
Meanwhile
January 4th, 2007 at 10:36 am
I think we’ve failed to grasp the enormity of Mary’s phone call. She is actually on the phone with Cambodia. The country. Yes, she’s speaking to a country. On the phone. Our Mary has amassed enough biddy points and homespun experience that she can actually pick up the phone and call an abstract political aggregation.
That being said, I can see why the nation of Cambodia is a little annoyed at her for bothering it with such petty inquiries.
Craigers
January 4th, 2007 at 10:37 am
1/4 Sally Forth – It’s almost too easy to read Sally’s sarcastic putdown as being aimed at Ted’s being queerer than a three-dollar bill. Ted Forth makes straight people’s gaydar beep like a teenager’s cellphone.
Edward
January 4th, 2007 at 10:50 am
We don’t see Crankshaft’s face in this panel because he is WEEPING!
Len
January 4th, 2007 at 10:59 am
And then Lio comes into the restaurant, laser-guns blazing, screaming: “Ishmael was my FRIEND!”
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070104&name=TDIE
Len
January 4th, 2007 at 11:11 am
#63 — If Mary is the Evil Queen, her missing boyfriend is Doc, Ian is Grumpy, Toby is Dopey, Wilbur is Bashful… But who is Snow White?
Aldo, of course, is Dead.
Randy S
January 4th, 2007 at 11:15 am
70: Mum’s the word
Randy S
January 4th, 2007 at 11:22 am
MW: Personally, I think this whole thing is part of some twisted, sadistic game by Ella, who knew that Mary would never get through to Jeff, and the only reason she gave her this “advice” was that she enjoys the emotional stress it’s causing her.
Either that, or she really is trying to get into Mary’s pants, which the current frustration could only make it that much easier.
Baby D’oh
January 4th, 2007 at 11:27 am
Mary Worth is like diarrhea. It’s relentless, and, and…and…uh…okay, so the analogy sort of peters out after that. But I really just wanted to say how it’s like diarrhea, so I’m happy.
Deanbooth
January 4th, 2007 at 11:50 am
#76. Each and every child in Cambodia is Snow White, and Mary will send them each a poison apple. …or one big poison tuna casserole.
jules
January 4th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Hey, the January letters are up at the Foobsite, and it appears they’re the same ones we read a couple of weeks ago! I thought for sure some changes would be made after the beatings those letters took in these here comments (see “pumped adrenalyne like a syringe” and “place of toil”). I guess Lynn doesn’t care what we think, and really she’s probably much happier that way. Also it means I get to continue making fun of the phrase “place of toil.”
Me: How’d it go at your place of toil today, honey?
Husband: Will you knock it off?!
anonymous
January 4th, 2007 at 11:57 am
I’ve never read “One Big Happy” and don’t know anything about it other than seeing a picture from a strip here. I can say, though, that the sight of this ugly little Ruthie person fills me with the same rage that the sight of Marmaduke’s fat-assed owner with pencil thin ankles does.
Bitter Scribe
January 4th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
Today’s FC: OK, that’s just weird. Thel caught the baby chewing on her shoes, so it’s OK not to sterilize his bottle?
I’ve never been responsible for baby care, so someone help me out: Is sterlizing the bottle routine and expected, or is it a fussy-grandma thing?
Also, someone should tell Grandma and Dad that miracle lens materials are now available that actually make it possible for your eyes to show while you’re wearing glasses.
Cowboy Dave
January 4th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Slylock Fox, via #3 and #12: I call foul! Go to any therapeutic-magnet website, and you’ll see that magnets are prescribed (or, more accurately, “prescribed”) for general pain, minor to chronic—especially arthritis. Not even hucksters tend to claim that they do anything for fatigue or “jet lag,” as claimed here. (Admittedly, I only looked at six websites and checked the back of the box at my local Duane Reade. Then I realized I was spending way too much time on this. But I stand by my results!)
In other words, even a therapeutic-magnet salesman would point at that cartoon and cry, “False! Fie on you, deceptive vulpine! Your rampant magnet-mongering sullies the reputations of those of us who like our pseudoscience to look scientific!” Or some such.
fimbulvetr
January 4th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
#55 into the noodly arms of Blandthony
Oh man, that description makes me laugh.
Mibbitmaker
January 4th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Above:
Crankshaft: Every time Cranky makes lame wordplay, Walt Kelly’s spirit weeps.
Actually, the deer from this strip meets up with the MT bear with the arrow up its ass. The bear says, “I feel your pain.” The deer replies, “No, you don’t.”
OBH: I guess it’s going to be a gruesome horror comic. Just pray Dr. Wertham doesn’t return from the grave, Ruthie.
Mibbitmaker
January 4th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Btw, who in heck is James Randi? Honestly, with all the sometimes arcane references here, it’s like posting with a bunch of Dennis Millers (before he went conservative, that is)!
…says the guy who just referenced Frederick Wertham!
lefthanger
January 4th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
I was going to get on here a few days ago.or maybe a few weeks by now, i have trouble keeping track of reglar time let alone comic stricpt time.
I was going to tell every body how excited i was that Judge Parker was back in his comic stricpt.
Well i never did and now i wouldn’t reckonize him if he did show up again. The new artist is so different in stye i have to look at the title to make sure i am reading the JP stricpt
I dont like it , I dont like it one bit.
Jeff
January 4th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
#84 You might want to take a look at this link. For $79.98 You can have and wear your very own magnetic bracelet to ward off jet lag. And if it is cold, I’ll know you stole the beaver’s wallet.
http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:dODLa7kvJ_AJ:www.magnetictherapymagnets.com/goldwristband.html+therapeutic-magnetic+jet+lag&hl=en&gl=us&ct=clnk&cd=1
holli
January 4th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Damn it! Can’t anyone step in and stop the Lizard-Foob trainwreck? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!
I am just sitting here on the floor with all my fingers crossed, rocking back and forth and PRAYING that the stupid plane goes down.
Marion Delgado
January 4th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
holli, your “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!” makes me visualize April walling Lizz up in the basement.
holli
January 4th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
‘holli, your “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!†makes me visualize April walling Lizz up in the basement. ‘
That would work OK too.
Mountain Mama
January 4th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
#82—It’s OK, anon. OBH is one of the few strips that I refuse to read. It’s not funny and is occasionally mean-spirited. However, I seem to recall my mom having rules about which scissors to use for certain tasks.
I also refuse to read Zippy because it makes no sense and I’m not wealthy enough to buy the kind of drugs I would have to take for that mess to make sense.
Gil Thorpe, OTOH, is just plain wretched. No excuses necessary.
LittleGuy
January 4th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Slylock Fox: Why do cartoon men always wear red poker-dot undies, and why can’t we see Neddy, Margo, or Edda go through the TSA Therapeutic Magnets?
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 4th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
The only therapeutic magnet for jet lag that I know of is the one securing your thimble of scotch to the fold-down tray in front of you. You know, the one you bought for $19.50 from the flight attendant who looks like Ernest Borgnine with colon polyps while you’re stuffed six-abreast in steerage for four hours, the stinky guy beside you demanding to discuss his lust for Civil war battle reenactments and the couple behind you taking their quintuplets to the projectile-vomiting specialist in Boise, and everytime you almost drift off to sleep the pilot spelunks a wake pocket from the A-300 your’re trailing because your departure was delayed by the jackass in front of you who wouldn’t shut off his fucking cellphone, and you’re trying to remember whether its the 737-100 or the 737-200 that has the design flaw that causes it to cartwheel into a mach 4 impact crater when it hits turbulence on days containing the letter “r” and if the airline took time out from it’s weekly hostile takeover meeting to roust the mechanics out of their alcoholic slumber to upgrade the tail linkage.
Man, I gotta quit flying…
HBGlord
January 4th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
#3, 13, 23 — Genetic, Kenny, Trent: I’m a (literal) card-carrying member of the JREF — i even stopped by the Ft. Lauderdale HQ and met James Randi himself, who did a bit of sleight-of-hand on my wristwatch. Wow, there must be some sort of paranormal phenomenon that brought us all here!
treedwelller
January 4th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
I enjoy the skewering here as much as anyone, but come on, folks. Good scissors are set aside for people who want a sharp pair for precision cutting, like when one is sewing. Bad scissors are tossed in a drawer and are used for clipping coupons and wrapping gifts. Not everything foreign to you is insane.
Just ask Gunther. I bet he has good scissors and pinking shears.
Ran
January 4th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Gunther is dressing up Luann as a princess. I’ll bet he has a lot of outfits for her, special outfits.
Jobiska
January 4th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
#83: 12 years ago when my baby was a baby, it was recommended that you sterilize bottles for an infant (if I recall correctly, the first few months of life, maybe up till 6 months–certainly not a baby as old as PJ), but a dishwasher would do the job, or boiling the bottles in a pot of water. I can’t believe Thelma doesn’t own a dishwasher.
#82, 93: Oh, I am so glad I am not the only person who is filled with rage by Ruthie. The rest of her family too, a bit, especially when they are as mean-spirited as you say (why do they think they are so superior to social-services-fodder James and plastic-surgery-lady Avis? Argh!) but Ruthie’s contorted, unbelievable misunderstandings that could never happen just make me want to stab the paper. Which scares me.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
January 4th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
More information about James Randi is available at the world-renowned New York Public Library. (Dodged a bullet there.)
Plus: where does Mom keep the morally ambiguous scissors?
essephreak
January 4th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Foob – c’mon, Warren is just a typically lazy plot device to get Liz up north a day early, where she will “surprise” what’s-his-name-the-cop by discovering him shacking up with his high school “friend”, the teacher who replaced Liz. Thereby clearing the way for Mealy-Mouthed Mustached Milquetoast Moron Maggot Man to inch his greasy way into her heart while she’s on the rebound. Pretty much as predicted by Josh a couple weeks back…
Ol’Froth
January 4th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
#55 into the noodly arms of Blandthony
Anthony is a Pastafarian??
rdale
January 4th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
MW: Either Mary Worth is going to find out that Dr. Cory has been on a Rush Limbaugh adventure with a bottle of Viagra, or–and this is what I’m really, really hoping for–that she’ll find out his been kidnapped and set off on a rescue mission. Mary Worth, wearing a red headband, with an M-60 and ammo belts draped around her shoulders, rising slowly from the swamp, pumping out rounds BLAM BLAM BLAM. That would be something to see.
Deanbooth
January 4th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
My wife won’t let me use the good scissors. She mentioned the other day that she wants to be buried with them to prevent me from using them after her death. The cruelest cut of all.
Deanbooth
January 4th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
#103. Without a shirt, like Rambo? If so, there’d be no need to fire a shot.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
smacky says: “FOOB: We know Liz will take the helicopter ride (literally), get there a day early, and find Paul “playing mountee†with the new teacher (his “cousin†with the shapely butt?), and Liz will return, crying and dejected, into the noodly arms of Blandthony. The end is near. ”
No, no, I’m holding out that somehow, Warren reappearing is an omen of a more interesting life ahead for Liz.
Genetic_Mishap
January 4th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
#96 — Somebody get the Jealous stamp, and stamp me jealous. Why can’t there be any cool figures of the skeptical movement living near me?
Deanbooth
January 4th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
#103. rdale, Here is your Mary Worth / Rambo fantasy come true!
Islamorada Girl
January 4th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
105—Rambo’s manboobs make Mary’s matronly chest look flat.
Granthony has forever touched us with his cold, sweaty appendage. Better he should touch the third rail. Put your head down on the track, you can hear the train wreck a-comin’! I give it a month to tie itself up all neatly in rotting rubber bands.
Islamorada Girl
January 4th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
And I’m telling you, that guy im 3G is the ghost of Mark Rothko:
http://www.nga.gov/feature/rothko/intro1.shtm
Donald The Anarchist
January 4th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
MW “Well, you just tell Dr. Jeff that if he wants to help people, he can do what I do, give them a bit of advice and move on!! Leg broken? ‘Favor the other one for a while, dear.’ Lose an eye? ‘Now, don’t you drive until you get used to having no depth perception!’ Hideously burned and scarred? ‘Just remember, it’s what’s on the INSIDE that counts, dear.’ Hand out the occasional tuna casserole to go along with it and you’ll be humanitarian of the year!! All this free medical care just screams ‘trying too hard’.”
HBGlord
January 4th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
#104 — Just a few days ago, my wife wouldn’t let me use the good scissors — which, like you, i suppose, was when i was introduced to the concept of scissor morality.
The Good Scissors — Why does that read like a Lifetime Movie of the Week title?
#107 — Genetic Mishap, you can be that cool neighborhood skeptic yourself (i notice you sport the evolving fish pendant). And I traveled from the Northeast, well, not expressly to visit the JREF, but as long as i was in South Florida, it made sense to pop in. (And they do welcome the pop-ins there — did i mention the magic trick?) I’m also a (need i say card-carrying?) member of CSICOP, which i assume you’re familiar with. They’d probably be a useful source for finding other skeptics in your area. (And women, like us members of minority groups, are woefully underrepresented in the skeptic ranks, so i offer you hearty encouragement.)
Deanbooth
January 4th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Islamorada Girl, I can get away with creating manboob Mary here at work, but the risk of adding matronly boobies was too great. It would be hard enough to explain as is.
Loppie Scaduto
January 4th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
67 Professor Fate: “Argggggggggg.”
Try saying “Bah! Awk-k!” instead.
You’ll feel better.
Chinbeard Nutz
January 4th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
#59 “Comforting clammy embrace” is right up there with #55’s “noodly arms of Blandthony.” Thanks to both of you
jules
January 4th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
I knit, crochet, and cross-stitch, and let me tell you nobody fools with my good scissors!
Of course, the fact that my good scissors are about 3 inches in total length makes them useless for cutting anything but yarn or DMC floss, so I don’t have to issue too many threats as regards the scissors. But I’m just sayin, I understand the “good scissors” concept.
jules
January 4th, 2007 at 6:35 pm
#115 I think it’s interesting how many of us think Anthony’s embrace would be clammy, or noodly, and let’s face it, noodles are clammy once they cool off a bit. I’m starting to think this analogy could be extended in ways I don’t even want to consider. *shudder*
Marion Delgado
January 4th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Well, Lizardbreath drunken, wearing a jester’s outfit, entombed forever in chains in the dark part of Anthony’s basement, with her vengeful sister repeating, “yes, yes, Lizardbreath! For the Love of God!” is, you must admit, an interesting development in her life.
She should have stayed in Mtigwataka or whatever.
Patterson family crest motto:
“Sumus gens insanum interficiens et incestum” -
“We’re murderous, incestuous nutcases!”
Hey, it’s not much but does your family even HAVE a family crest?
Murphorama
January 4th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Maybe Warren will crash somewhere in the northern wilderness, and with his last dying breath he’ll give Lizardbreath permission to eat his flesh so she can stay alive until she’s rescued by her cop boyfriend, but then she’ll kill him as well because she’s become one of the walking dead, a zombie with fashion sense, all because she went for the brains first.
As for A3G and the “Who?” comment by Margo, he needs to paint his face brown and tell her with righteous indignation, “They call me Mr. Gibbs!”
Kelsey
January 4th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
Too bad he’s not Dr. Gibbs. A Doctor Who joke would have been fantastic.
Poteet
January 4th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
# 118 — Kewl, Marion! Great crest! That sounds like the family motto for the happy clan featured in I CLAUDIUS. Which makes me wonder what Margo and Livia would think of each other.
Baby D’oh
January 4th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
120: Gah! Beat me to it!
zeeba
January 4th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
FOOB: what could happen is Liz will end up with either Warren or Paul and Anthony will go on worshipping her from afar for ever after, a la FW.
Booper
January 4th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
#99 — Feel free to stab the newspaper. Just don’t use the good scissors.
alsoReallySheila
January 5th, 2007 at 12:46 am
#14: My mother didn’t sew, but I experienced the same thing. The good scissors were more off limits than dad’s porn.
Elizabeth
January 5th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Thank you for the “Where the Wild Things Are” reference in the title, Josh.
Draktyr
January 6th, 2007 at 12:02 am
it was ok to walk on the good sofa with dirty sneakers, but WOE to whoever so much as touched the good scissors…
kilgore trout
January 6th, 2007 at 11:32 am
#126, The correct quote is “let the wild rumpus start!”