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The name’s Trail—Mark Trail

Mark Trail, 3/5/11

Like classic James Bond films, each recent Mark Trail episode one-ups its predecessor with a more exotic location, nastier villain, and hotter babe. Lost Forest, deer-kickin’ Frank Johnson, and Cherry gave way to glamorous Sea Breeze Fishing Camp, stylishly sinister Ben Smith, and sultry Kelly Welly, only to be topped by the azure vistas of Balmy Palmy Isle, our mysterious — yet somehow fabulous — paranoid druglord, and Ms. Hotsie Highwaist here.

Where will it end, this relentless upward spiral of scenery, villainy, and babery? I suspect on the Moon, with Mark savagely beating Kim Jong-Il while remaining strangely indifferent to the charms of Olivia Wilde or somebody. Because Mark can best any villain anywhere, but he shrinks from female contact, as shown in panel two.

Mary Worth, 3/5/11

Driven mad by the Internet, Dawn Weston seeks comfort from her only true friend — that pregnant lady from her Dad’s eating-disorders support group who moved to Charterstone after her retirement and divorce last October. Aaack!

Marmaduke, 3/5/11

From the look of the leftovers, Marmaduke has eaten several sports teams, Mary Poppins, a NASCAR pit crew, neighbor Snyder, and the cop sent to investigate.

Spider-Man, 3/5/11

Yes, vampirism — the only possible explanation! Because seriously — it’s 4:45, and why else would Peter miss The View?

See how quickly Mary Jane rejects the obvious “My husband is a worthless layabout!” in favor of the dramatic “My husband has been overcome by the forces of darkness!” Acting has really honed her denial skills.

Hi! I’m sitting in this week while Josh is on vacation. If you have any site or comment trouble, contact me at Email sent to will still get to Josh, but he won’t read it, because, you know, vacation.

– Uncle Lumpy

182 responses to “The name’s Trail—Mark Trail”

  1. ElkMeadow
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    Hello, Uncle Lumpy!!!

    Uncle Lumpy, could I ask a question? well, two: Why does Cathy look like she’s Dawn’s twin? Why don’t we ever see anyone with pink hair, tattoos or piercings at Charterstone or the Bum Boat?

  2. KarMann
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Re-posted post-jumped:
    MT: The Jackelrod is going to try his take on Desperado?!? Sadly, that’s no Selma Hayek you have there.

    S-M: And here, I thought Mary Jane knew Peter. Boy, was I wrong!

    Better ½: Dammit, Glasbergen, that’s my joke!

    Curtis: How the hell is being struck by lightning and surviving “exhibit[ing] great strength under extreme stress,” you fool? [*]

    BTW, this may be a good time to ask, what number of posts are we shooting for here, with Josh gone?

    And who’s got the keys this time?

  3. ElkMeadow
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    And in the second panel, are those tears on Dexter’s glasses? Why is Berna so surprised? And did the colorist yesterday want to make sure that there were no pornstaches in this story line?

  4. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:03 am [Reply]

    He sat at his table, dregs of Victory Hunny unlicked on his cheeks. He sat very still, not even brushing away a fat fly that came to inspect the glistening stickiness on his face. He tried to hum a hum, but all he could think of was “Three fours are fifteen.” And sometimes it came out “Three fours is fifteen,” and he didn’t know which was which. Owl came by with a Very Important Message about the Progress in the War Against Heffalumps and he listened attentively to it.

    It didn’t matter. He knew that the Heffalumps would be defeated, just as he knew they would always be fighting them. It did not bother him a bit to hold both these thoughts fervently. He smiled slightly and hummed, “Three fours are fifteen.” He would do anything for Christopher Robin. He would give Eeyore over, just as Piglet had given him over, and for the same reason: love. The love of wonderful Christopher Robin, from whom all goodness flowed.

    A tear twinkled from one eye and slowly tickled its way down his cheek. Winston Pooh was happy, happier than he’d ever thought possible. He was a Silly Old Bear.

  5. KarMann
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    DT: Well, they’re walking it back from the colour today, but damn! those eyes! How can you resist?

    JP: Ominous copy of “The Tell-Tale Heart” on the background bookshelf. This can’t be a good sign.

    Phantom: Do you have to see him about a horse? Hero, or another horse? A horse of a different colour?

    S4th: Dammit, Ces! I told you not to do that!

    6C: So, if it’s so easy, why aren’t you doing it yourself?

    Aside to Poteet: This time, I put RMMD instead of JP in there myself, and it stayed that way until I went to put the next one in alphabetical order, and wondered why it didn’t fit in. See? Not just you!

  6. Lee
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Well, shoot. First post-jump for me…

    3/5 Apt. 3-G: Oh, so they *are* going to demo the house. Based on the previous day where “love hit him like a ton of bricks”, I hereby predict that Paul’s gonna get ‘em dropped on him during the demolition, literally. Should be fun! :P

  7. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#4): Damn it, dropped an italic. Last line should read:

    He was a Silly Old Bear.

  8. Comcis Fan
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh, that Wally Jr. I thought she meant the other Wally Jr., the one that wants to come out and play now that he’s home.

    MW: This is Dawn’s brain on Twitter.

  9. Poteet
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    MW — Once again, in Panel One, Dawn is doing an imitation of Susie as portrayed in the classic playing-doctor soap-style strip of CALVIN & HOBBES. Except that Dawn is obviously paranoid and completely nuts. But other than that, the resemblance to Susie is there.

  10. Sequitur
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    SM: Sure looks like Yampire to me. Must be a Swedish.

  11. Poteet
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    @KarMann (#5): Yep, I believe you now. It’s not just me. There has to be a reason. I would guess it’s because both strips are about men who are sexually indifferent to their wives, except that category would include a few other strips, such as MT.

  12. Chip Whittle
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Six Chix: Oooh! Invent the new billion-dollar Internet thingy instead of just using one. That’s what I was doing wrong. Thanks for the life planning, Saturday Chik!

    Apartment 3-G: Ah, falling out of the sky is the exact right amount of pure cocaine needed to match Trey’s mindset.

    I wonder if they know it’s snowing or if the colorizes just made their biggest blunder yet.

    Dick Tracy has clearly decided since they have a week left until Dick Tracy Of The Future takes over, they should leave as much total insanity as possible so we’re stocked up on things to stare at, slack-jawed and disbelieving at.

    I wonder how long it’ll be until Doctor Mordred, with the Moo-Goo-Googooly eyes, doesn’t appear in Barney Google.

    Mandrake: Wait, why are the residents of Dingburg trying to take out a mob boss? Did he rub out the local Moxie and Oh Henry distributor?

    Mark Trail: Ah, so the smuggling plot gives way to… a… smuggling plot. Um, are we going to get back to rescuing the talking squirrels sometime soon?

    It’s hard seeing Mark Trail with stubble. It’s like seeing Dick Tracy drawn as a recognizable human being.

    The Phantom: “Dad! Are we going home today?” “You, your mom, and your sister are, son! Me, I just realized I haven’t been neglectful and absent in hours! Time to go fight pirates off the Ryuku Islands! See you in eight months, kids!”

    Shoe: Why is the diner there speaking of her dog allergy in such apologetic, shamed tones? Is she worried about what the meat was made from?

    Spider-Man: “If he’s asleep in the middle of the day I’ll bet it involves a certain would-be vampire! I just think it’s weird how there’s a would-be vampire for every day of the week!”

    I wonder what Peter tells her is his excuse for staying in bed all night too.

  13. Judas Peckerwood
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    Excellent kickoff, Tio Lumpy.

  14. Moth
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    Hey, look, there’s a Borrower on Mark’s chest!

  15. KarMann
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere: Looks like today’s Jumble is for you!

  16. TheTJ
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:26 am [Reply]

    I’d give quite a bit to see Dawn’s more recent Twitter posts. I imagine they’d be something along the lines of “Time slipping away. Losing sanity.”, “Checking my twitter responses. Nothing yet.”, and “Suppressing image of Dad eating, I’ve lost enough sleep as it is…”

  17. Mooch
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:36 am [Reply]

    I can identify with Dawn. If I woke up and found my walls that disturbing shade of Pepto Pink, I’d want to pull the covers over my head too

  18. CleverNameIsaac
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:44 am [Reply]

    “Peter, I’m home… to our MC Escher-esque apartment where the door swings open both ways and perspective is crazy and nothing is as it seems!”

  19. CleverNameIsaac
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:45 am [Reply]

    “Oh, and I forgot to mention, our home makes jackets disappear, as well!”

  20. Joe Btfsplk
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:47 am [Reply]

    I think Marmaduke just keeps eating all the trash collectors, and that’s the Winslows’ own garbage piling up.

  21. Joe Btfsplk
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan – It’s good to see Mr. Garrison from South Park finding work in the off-season.

  22. Jack Parsons
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    MT: “Welcome to Charlie Sheen’s Fantasy Island!

  23. TooMuchFreeTime
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    DT: The man-eating rats are just one huge goddam disappointment. They aren’t even pretending to try to bite anything; all they seem to be doing is vamping and voguing and taunting Tracy for the impotence of his big piece. Not that the latter isn’t entirely deserved and at least mildly satisfying, but how about at least a little chewing and tearing in Egad’s name? Jebus, this really is Waiting for Godot: nothing happens again and again.

  24. Hairhead
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    Luann – It’s bad enough that Greg Evans hates teenage girls, and makes every single one of these characters nasty, stupid bitches, but his portrays adult women are just as bad, viz. the cock-blocking Mama deGroot and the shriveled-up Miss Phelps. And now.

    And now.

    Miss Phelps in a bikini.

    Evans is, among his other perversions, a sadist.

    And if Miss Phelps turns out to have the biggest tits hiding under her 19th-century garb . . . . .


    He did it! He finally did it! God damn you to hell, Greg Evans! (I drop to my knees in the sand.) God damn you to hell!!

  25. dale
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:48 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail & The Drug Smugglers doesn’t surprise me at all. I also considered some type of paramilitary operation(*). Either way, the civilians aren’t allowed to have telephones or radio transmitters.

    The real and real life question is – where and when was the last time Mark took a crap? Stories never seem to address this pressing issue.

    (*) If this weren’t fiction, I would have believed a U.S. run training base for foreign dictators and drug smuggling was the most socially acceptible cover they could come up with.

  26. Mr. O'Malley
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:03 am [Reply]

    MT: Is this the first time Mark has left the borders of the US to fight foreign evildoers? No doubt the FOJ will be equally effective. Good luck on getting back into the US with no passport.

    I like how the stupid “smuggling diamonds in fishing lures” plot has been dumped without any resolution or even any explanation of how such a preposterous concept was even workable.

    No doubt the Isla de los Narcotraficantes Anglohablantes story will be equally convincing.

    MW: Too bad The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari was filmed before the Internet was available.

    @KarMann (#5): Cheatem House is not going to get ahead by reprinting Poe anthologies. They need to get to work promoting “Osipov on Art”.

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#4): I consider myself privileged to hang out with people who can create a work like this.

  27. Charlie the Bursted Carbunkle
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    MT: Can the Island of Drug Smugglers be located on a map? I mean, my God, seriously, how long and far did Mark drift in that boat? Is there a land of complete lawlessness ruled by a band of cutthroat drug smugglers who are nevertheless very respectful of women, like, five miles off shore? Is this what Arizonians think Mexico is like?

    Dick Tracy: Yes, it’s COMEDY HI-JINKS as Dick very foolishly empties his gun at the ending of 1971′s “Willard” to save a condemned murderer who has promised to kill him, what, 375 times so far? …HAW HAW googly eyes!!

    ReFOOB and Shaftcrank: Which family member deserves the harshest beating, Whiny Michael or Lawsuit Ratbag? Should be have a poll?

    Curtis: Well, it was just as lame as I thought it would be, but the incredible thing is that Billingsley has decided to milk it for a week or so. Wow.

  28. Charlie the Bursted Carbunkle
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    “Should WE have a poll,” I mean. DERP A DERP A DOO

  29. Mibbitmaker
    March 5th, 2011 at 6:34 am [Reply]

    @dale (#25): Marvin Takes Craps So Mark Trail Doesn’t Have To.

    BBlues: “You guys are Lockhorns, aren’t you, Mommy?”

    GT: “Well, not ‘like that’…”

    MT: Hey, strip, one smugglers* at a time there!
    (* bad grammar intentional)

    MW: “No, Cathy, not a bad dream — bad propaganda!”

    JP: Connie’s own book: The Telltale Heartless.

  30. Chyron HR
    March 5th, 2011 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    The Mary Worth players are proud to present: “Tweeter Madness”.

  31. Tim
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    And Marmaduke continues to replace subtext with text. That’s clearly a human-sized femur at lower left.

  32. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Nancy — Hey, it’s a commercial starring Snuggle the Fabric Softener Bear*! It seems even Aunt Fritzi can’t resist the lure of product placement money…

    *a/k/a “The Snuggle Bear”, previously voiced by the Monkees’ MICKY DOLENZ!

  33. Écureuil Écumant
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    MT: Methelina’s so good at mimicry. See how well she’s learned the tweaker technique of drawing back a corner of the curtain and peeping out. Mom! Who are all those others?

  34. Bill the Butcher
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    If I were Mary Jane, my first thought would be that Peter Parker was dead. But then, how could she differentiate?

  35. Swordsmith
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    A3G: They keep using this word, Demo. Short, one supposes, for Demolish. But do they say it “dem-oh” as in Demonstration, or “Dem-ah” as in Demolish? If the latter, shouldn’t there be some other spelling, since the author is trying to convey a made-up word which is pronounced differently than the one she keeps writing? If the former, then why hasn’t anyone yet said “you keep using that word, I do not mean what you think it means.” ? Nobody I know would be able to resist such an obvious setup!

    BG: This would make sense if hypochondriac meant “person who takes lots of pills” as opposed to “one who thinks he is sick” and if “pill”in this context meant medicine rather than irritating. AND if the strip hadn’t spent the past 70 years insisting that everyone in Hootin’ Hollar pronounces everything with an outrageous accent, even spelling oddly things that are actually pronounced normally. Why isn’t it a Hippocondrac and a Peel?

    Biz: This is a bit out of date but its nice to see the Rally to Restore Sanity is still getting coverage. The signs people carried were the best part.

    Curtis: Yes, man lifts mighty oak would be another example of strength. However, getting struck by lightning exhibits only that the mom is taller than her child, something true of almost every parent (disclaimer, my son is now 6 inches taller than me and still growing, so there are exceptions). If it’s the “and survives” part that is supposed to exhibit strength, first off, we’re talking a different definition of strength than muscular prowess, but second and more importantly, the survival rate of being struck by lightning is 75%. It would be more amazing if she’d died than if she’d lived, she’s demonstrating at best “ordinary strength”.

    Dilbert: True story.

    MT: So Momjeans is either a drug smuggler, or related to one. She is not, however, the daughter of the kingpin, since he’d be willing to kill her for harboring a stranger. Meanwhile, it didn’t occur to her that the best course of action would be to report the stranger, so the smugglers could return him to the mainland, which action wouldn’t excite any suspicion, as opposed to keeping him, so as to keep the coast guard vessels and helicopters operating search patterns all over their ocean and shoreline. Worst of all, she’s got random shouting syndrome, so she’s going to be bringing the smugglers down on their heads anyway.

    MW: I’m glad to see that Dawn recognizes that her world is going crazy. That dresser and mirror were on her RIGHT just 15 minutes ago.

    NS: Getting in character is precisely what you need to do. Dressing up isn’t required, but to be honest I can’t see how it would hurt, either.

    OTF: I -want- that desk!

  36. Bill the Butcher
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Luann: Oh my god, please, no. I mean, I’m an outspoken atheist, and here I am begging a god in whom I don’t believe to spare me from this. Phelps in a beauty contest. Oh…my…god. No.

  37. Sequitur
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    @TooMuchFreeTime (#23):
    Vamping Rats! Is that a new Goth/Glam crossover rock group?

  38. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Momma — Ha ha… Sonja Hobbs is so tight, she squeaks when she walks!

    Dick Tracy — The sight of Mordred’s eyes spinning like pinwheels is ludicrous… even for this strip!

  39. Scott Bot
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    MW – Ok, I knew I’d seen images of Dawn’s breakdown somewhere:

    The internet is a terrible thing!

  40. Sequitur
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    Who knew Marvin would grow up to be so extravagant?

  41. Amateur
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#10): That made me *SNORK* out loud.

  42. Baka Gaijin
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#Y14): Harlequin mask. That’s what this thing is? Wham wham wham wham QLUNQ! Fling! Out into the Grand Canal for that. Damn, two more days of hiding in the room. Ignorance was bliss.

  43. Word-doctor
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    MT–I’d sure like to see this story in late 60s claymation. Also, it looks like Mark’s got the same condition as Big Daddy Keane.

  44. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    A&J: WIN! over easy. :-D (I’ve seen Emeril pull that pan-flip stunt off, no way I’d try it.)

    Lio: particularly Gorey today.

    NAoQV: another one returns from the bus! *lol*

    OtH: voice actor meta, day two.

    Blondie: I SOOOOOO would watch Dag on Next Food Network Star!!!!

    Jumble: too easy. funny, but too easy.

    MG&G: *blink* *blink* please tell me that I’m hallucinating. . . .


    OBH: implied geezer sex. Not nearly as bad as implied snail marathon sex.

    Zits: Jeremy, about to sleep with the fishes. Somewhere, Mela is gleeful.

    standard snarpologies.

  45. Baka Gaijin
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Zits: Connnie, do the right thing. Channel your inner Gotti.

    Pluggers: Ha ha. Pluggers won’t wear their off-brand Depends undergarments.

    Heart of the City: Somehow I thought this was going where Peanuts couldn’t with Peppermint Patty and Marcy.

    Luann: Miss Phelps. Beauty Contest. I understand the individual phrases but cannot parse them together.

  46. Baka Gaijin
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    One Big Happy: “Blow on my coffee and I’ll follow you anywhere.” Didn’t Bill Clinton get impeached for that?

  47. Doctor Handsome
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    I love how Mark’s expression of distraught confusion turns to one of grim satisfaction the instant he learns about The Guy He Can Punch In The Face To Fix Everything.

  48. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#45): re: HotC: yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

    re OBH @ #46: *snurk!*

  49. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . for a three-way.

  50. Baka Gaijin
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth, missing panel: “Cathy, the chewing. It won’t stop. The sloppy open-mouthed masticating. He started dinner at 5 o’clock and he’s still eating! It’s driving me crazy! It’s like a dripping faucet that ‘gobble smack glorps’ all night!”

  51. Baka Gaijin
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth, alternative missing panel: “Cathy Andrews Hillman, you remember my father’s chewing. It’s haunting me. It’s like when you give in to a box of chocolates, but it’s been going on for over 10 hours now.”

  52. But What Do I Know?
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    A3G — “Let me help you demo.” Is that what the kids are calling it these days in Magic Snowflakeland?

    MT — So where is this island exactly? The Bay of Implausibility? And sorry, but Mark’s mysterious benefactor has already been christened Senora MomJeans. . . .

    The Ghost Who Confuses Euphemisms — It’s “I’ve got to see a man about a horse,” not what you said.

  53. Adfella
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Will Mark be able to resist the tantalizing allure of Ms. Sexy McHighpants??

    Yeah, he will.

  54. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    I .gif yu a bebbeh sloth. *qlunc*

    and another one. *reqlunc*

    hover Toto haz a happy.

    If Tim Burton Made Harry Potter pretty much sums up the awesome.

    wolf vs fox.

    dual corgsqui.

  55. zenfrodo
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s writer has finally outed himself: he’s really Jack Chick in disguise, and we’re about to be subjected to a long evangelical rant from Mary about Twitter and the Intertubz being an evil Satanic plot…

  56. SideshowJon
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Pluggers crap all over town

  57. bats :[
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    RMMD: the next thing Dex needs to spend his money on is a new place to live. Kick his sorry ass out, Berna, or sell the current house if there’s an issue with who owns it, and part ways. If Dex wants to Live It Up, he can do it on his own in a swingin’ condo or a single wide. I’m guessing he’s even older than Dawn, so now’s a good time for him to be out on his own.

  58. UncleJeff
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    MW: The last panel of this story arc will be the sight (in shadows) of Dawn’s body swinging from a beam in her bedroom and her laptop screen showing “The Comics Curmudgeon.”

    Marmaduke: Kids, you don’t want to see what Marmy will be dragging out of his house.

    MT: Due to his head injury, all Mark can do is shout “WHAT?”. He doesn’t understand what Senorita MomJeans is saying. He just shouts “WHAT?”

  59. John C Fremont
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#4): Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!

    @Jack Parsons (#22): So maybe Mark can trade the old RFoJ in for some Fire Breathing Fists.

    Dick Tracy; “Which rat should I knock off?”
    Dr. Mordred; “Hoyvin-Glavin!

  60. Scott Bot
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – I’m not sure which is worse – the fact that someone would know where every public restroom in town is, or the fact that he’s proud of it.

  61. Roto13
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Aww, for a while there it looked like Mom Jeans was trying to keep Mark there Misery-style. I was really looking forward to the part where she breaks his legs using a board and a sledgehammer. “God, I love you….”

  62. Esther Blodgett
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    JP: Constance “Darling” is actually Constance Thornton or, alternatively, Constance Cheatam. BAM!

    H&L: “Quoosh” would make a great T-shirt. Just sayin.

    MT: Really, Elrod? You thought we wouldn’t notice that today’s panel 1 is copy-pasted from yesterday’s panel 2? You underestimate how much time we have on our hands, my friend.

    (And will somebody please mashup Mark as Number 6 punching a giant Rover/Elrod ball? Plllleeeeaaaaassssseeeee?)

    GT: Cue “Love Is a Many Splendored Thing.”

    DT: I’m going to miss these goddam rats, I really am.

  63. Hibbleton
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    A3G: Snow out of a clear blue sky? A love smitten Margo is having trouble containing her demonic powers. Next, we’ll see Lu Ann solving simple math problems.

  64. Esther Blodgett
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#63): I think it’s asbestos. They should really prepare proper containment before they demo an old house like that.

  65. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Luann: Miss Phelps…… a bikini. I can only guess what Evans will pull next. Toni will jump in (YES!!), then Mrs. DeGroot (NOOO!!!), then TJ in a bikini (AAAAAUGHHH!!!!)

    Funk the Stupid Bean: Things in the Funkyverse are simply going *too damn well*. Expect something *really* bad to happen soon.

    MT: It’s nearly impossible for me to say anything about this story arc without making a reference to a certain movie starring Kathy Bates… we’ll just skip it.

  66. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    Add Dexter from RMMD to the polling list for that beating!!

  67. Esther Blodgett
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#4): Yay! *claps* Read it again, Uncle Muffaroo!

  68. mr 12 oz can
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    mark trail-can this story get anymore wacky? what a great idea to put a drugsmuggling island next to a fishing camp where some gallagher lookalike was smuggling diamonds. now that the diamond guy is caught i guess the coast guard will bumble into this place when mark sends some smoke signals.why does every female in mark trail where a red shirt except the secretary at that guy bens office they sometimes show.
    maryworth-maybe dawn has to read every tweet lady gaga and the people who follow her write to look that haggard. or else shes pounding down a 12 pack of steel reserve a day when no ones looking.

  69. John C Fremont
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    9CL – “Oh my god! I’m cured! I want girls!”*

    (* Paraphrasing Tara from the best Buffy episode ever.

    GT – “Holding ha-aands,
    Making all kinds of plans,
    While the jukebox plays our favorite s-o-o-oooong…”

  70. TheDiva
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    MT: Do drug cartel heads really keep their mistresses and love children in mid-priced hotel rooms?

    MW: Note that even when it’s three in the morning and she’s in severe distress, Dawn doesn’t want to be anywhere near her father. No doubt the sight of him inhaling burgers in his sleep is one she will go to any lengths to avoid.

    SM: Although I have no experience in this, I would have to believe it’s hard to sleep comfortably in a bodysuit and full face mask. Therefore I can only assume this is a decoy set up by Peter, who is now well on the way to living out his dream of living in the 3D hi-def demonstration area at Best Buy.

    9CL: Why does Brooke insist on the panel break? It’s not like a full-strip spread is unheard of in comics.

    BR: On the plus side, he’d make a killing on Celebrity Jeopardy.

    C’shaft: …And Rose is supposed to be the mean, hateful one why, again?

    FW: They look so beaten down together…

    Luann: *headdesk*

    Pluggers: Is this a subset of “Pluggers are old and out-of-shape” or “Pluggers are just so gosh-darn down-to-earth an unpretentious”?

  71. Esther Blodgett
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#70): Is this a subset of “Pluggers are old and out-of-shape” or “Pluggers are just so gosh-darn down-to-earth an unpretentious”?

    Or “Pluggers are incontinent.”

  72. Baka Gaijin
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#71): Maybe it’s “Pluggers are dying but are to stupid to just walk into the light.”

  73. Illustrator Steve
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MK: I looked for “SMUGGLER’S ISLAND” on Google Earth, but to no avail, except for one near Orlando but it was made of fiberglass and had fake palm trees and robotic animals, (Oh, that one was in Disneyworld). I also looked for any mention of a “Lost Forest” but all I found was an ad for a GPS unit that claims will NOT allow you to get LOST in the FOREST. After all that I’m begining to think this whole Mark Trail thing is just a bunch of hooey!
    And in today’s Mark Trail strip I’ve noticed that the new sexy female caracter, “Senora Momjeans”, appears to be drawn cross-eyed in the same fashion as all other female caracters in Mark Trail have usually been drawn. What’s with THAT? Does Elrod have some attraction to cross-eyed women, or just can’t draw human profiles correctly? Afterall, he NEVER draws his giant animals as being cross-eyed!!
    And WHAT about this stupid downward spiraling storyline?! Not long ago we watched as curupt senator Frank Johnson ended up being abandoned in a hospital after Mark’s pet deer ran him off a cliff. Then Mark went off to play, “James Bond goes fishing” as we watched Ben “ascot” Smith dissapear into a floating helicopter-boat-thingy never to be seen again.
    CLOSURE DAMMIT! WE THE READERS, (along with Frank Johnson and Ben Smith), DEMAND CLOSURE!!

    *Tisk* Now Mark is shacking up with this hot babe in momjeans on SMUGGLER’S ISLAND while tramatizing her little girl, who may turn out to be one of the kingpin’s drug mules.
    I think it’s time for a giant pelican with a word ballon to swoop down, punch out the beaded druglord, rescue Mark and drop him over Lost Forest RIGHT DOWN HIS CABIN’S CHIMNEY! THAT way Andy’s incessant barking should be enough to wake Doc and Rusty up from hibernation!

  74. Riff Chick
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MW: I was in dawn’s situation the first time I “wiki-walked” through Encyclopædia Dramatica.

    But seriously? She wouldn’t last a week as a freelance web and graphic designer. Or as a college student under 35.

  75. Joe Blevins
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

  76. Jim North
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Argh, have to rush out the door, no time to read comments, super apologies if I step on anybody else’s snark!


    Archie: Their words say, “We are so happy together!” Their body language says, “I can’t believe I’m touching/being touched by this disgusting excuse for human garbage!”

    DT: Wait, those eyes, making all those weird changes . . . Dr. Mordred is Judge Doom!

    FW: “Mmm . . . um, why do you taste like band geek?”

    Jumble: The beaver’s dam was this when it was blown away: DAMN DAMN the DAMN

    MT: Okay, after reading today’s Mark Trail, I feel like I’ve been shot in the head.

    Marvin: Y’know, with his stubby little legs and a diaper full of shit weighing him down, how far away could Marvin really have gotten anyway?

    MW: Okay, to be honest, sometimes I feel like this myself whenever I’ve spent too long sitting and staring at the computer screen. You know what I do? I get the fuck up and I go outside for a while. And after I do that . . . I come back inside and sit back at the computer, ’cause by that point I’m refreshed and ready for at least another three weeks of being a reclusive shut-in.

    A Plugger of the Future knows where the suicide booth is in every store in town.

  77. Sequitur
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    AS: Wait. Can eggs have sex with eggs? Is there a female egg and a male egg? How can… what th’… this is… ghaaa!

    Slam Bam in the pan eggs and spam wham wham wham

    Do not read Argyle Sweater.
    Do not read Argyle Sweater.
    Do not read Argyle Sweater.
    Do not read Argyle Sweater.
    Do not read Argyle Sweater.
    I repeat…
    Do not read Argyle Sweater.

  78. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#77): my mental state is much better now that I don’t.

  79. Johnny Q
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail will be declared dead and Cherry will marry Kelly Welly. When Mark returns from the dead, he’ll say “I always wanted to try a threesome!”

    I can dream, can’t I?

  80. A Mindful Webworker
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    A big boldfaced THANK YOU, Doctor Handsome! (Is it too early in the week to nominate a COTW?) I had noticed Mark’s slight grin in panel 3 and thought maybe Elrod’s pen had slipped (ridiculous, I know). Now I realize the full implications of that subtly nuanced expression. “The Guy He Can Punch In The Face To Fix Everything” made my wife laugh, and all she knows about Mark Trail is what I read her from here. (TMI in any case, of course.)

  81. At the intersection of Lonesome Roads and Mark Trail
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    MT – In today’s panel #3 the mom jean’s daughter, Ava, is peering thru those old dusty dull-colored sixty year-old curtains while looking out the cabin window. Elrod must have forgot to place the word balloon over the litle girl’s head which most likely said, “LOOK mommy, it’s the drug lord’s cute little boy again! He want’s me to play smuggler with him again! Is it okay mommy? can I? CAN I?!!!”
    Her shouted remarks cause six more tiny bubbles to appear floating in front of Mark’s beard-stubbled face while his hands begin to clench into fists of fury!

  82. Ducky
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    And naturally, Spidey is sleeping with the clock facing away… just for kicks..

  83. Maggie the Cat
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MT- An island exclusively for drug smugglers? With electricity and houses and picnic baskets and everything? Okay.

    A3G- The huge buildup of the whole showing-Trey-the-junky-house story had finally come to a head. The house is going to be destroyed. Whew! I was on pins and needles wondering how this would end.

    MW- The internet does make me paranoid sometimes, but Dawn is really losing it. Maybe her problems are more than just twitter and social networking. Like maybe that she’s pushing 30, has flat hair, and lives with her mayonnaise mainlining dad?

  84. Red Greenback
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]


  85. Wave Man
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Uh… wasn’t Mark shot in the head? Doesn’t being shot in the head require more medical attention than a cartoonish bandage?

  86. your father isn't mr. cohen
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    In Family Circus, Mama Keane dresses hastily as she leaves the generic hotel room, making idle small talk while avoiding looking at the weeping, drunken clown she has just had sex with.

  87. Sequitur
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Wave Man (#85): For fictional first aid, go here.

  88. Karen Sue
    March 5th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    I notice that Dennis the Menace has become politically correct. Years ago he was always drawn with a slingshot halfway out of his pocket.

  89. commodorejohn
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    6Chix – So you want your boyfriend to invent the next “the Internet for stupid people” that’s actually just a front to collect their personal information and sell it to advertisers, and occasionally make every last bit of it visible to the entire world just for shits and giggles? Go to hell.

    A3G – Who the what what? Snow? Huh?

    BBlue – Easy, Zoë: just wait five to seven years, and then you will have absolutely no difficulty in…oh right, you kids stopped aging a year or two after Wren. Never mind.

    BS – Is it weird that this makes perfect sense to me?

    DT – Yeah, given the way the entire world is melting and contorting, I’m standing by my “the storm is actually the end of the world” theory. Let’s just hope this apocalypse wraps up in time for the new team to recreate things from scratch.

    FW – Wait, what? Is this…happiness? On-panel!? Okay, which planets are aligned today and how can we keep them there?

    MT – Oh my God does this ever keep getting better. Ten bucks says Mark steps blinking into the sunlight and the camera pulls back to reveal…a whole city of bearded men!

    MW – Yeah, somehow this doesn’t say “Internet addiction” to me quite so much as “Dawn is beginning to suspect the full extent of Mary’s surveillance and control in everyone’s life.”

    OBH – Eeyargh. (Kudos on getting this printed, though.)

    Pluggers – Pluggers have to pee a lot. No, seriously, that’s pretty much the joke here.

    Ripley’s – induces immature giggling with a perfectly-detailed picture of a phallaceae-family mushroom.

    SF – Not that we’d know, since we pretty much only see her from the waist up.

    SM – That middle panel is priceless. Mary-Jane’s expression of deadpan un-surprise transitioning into feeble rationalization is one for the books.

  90. Sequitur
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Karen Sue (#88): He’s given up the slingshot in favor of a zip gun.

  91. The Modesto Kid
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    A question in Marmaduke that begs to be asked: How come Mary Poppins’ brolly continues to stand upright after its owner has been eaten? Has it developed sentience? Was it the core of Mary Poppins’ super powers? Perhaps Ms. Poppins was bitten by a radioactive umbrella.

  92. Mikey
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    I’m doing the Uncle Lumpy Happy Dance™–it’s what all the kids are doing!

  93. greghousesgf
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Olivia Wilde has charms? I thought she was just an untalented actress with an eating disorder.

  94. Red Greenback
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#84): …and speaking of Mark Trail gems; how about this one?

  95. Sequitur
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#89): Love that MT scenario.

  96. Hank
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    RE: Mary Worth. This guy is the spitting image of Wilbur. Sadly, why am I not surprised at the nature of his pending charges?

  97. Lisa
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    MT: Oddly, “What?” is exactly the response the colorist had when it was suggested that there were hair colors other than blue/black.

    FW: Wow! Buddy really seems to be helping Wally a lot, he is making a great recovery from his PTSD! Too bad he is a Funky Winkerbean character and cancer is the leading cause of death for golden retrievers.

  98. Mustang
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Funny stuff Uncle Lumpy. And, son of a gun, it’s the internet that’s making people crazy! Now I can stop wondering.

  99. Jillierate
    March 5th, 2011 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    In the midst of writing my Master’s thesis against the scapegoating of technology by people who find it threatens their objective worldview, I find the latest Mary Worth storyline to be absolutely infuriating. This was exactly what I was fighting against! Completely uneducated scare tactics by people who had no actual experience with what they were criticizing! My God! What a perfect example! I should include a whole chapter on Mary Worth!

    Then I realized that the number of people reading Mary Worth without the use of a computer reaches about three. Three and a half, if you consider the fact that old Mrs. Jensen tells her husband about today’s story and he pretends to listen. I heaved a sigh of relief. The secret of our evil, mind-warping technology would stay safe with us technophiles on the Internets.

  100. Jillierate
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    @Jillierate (#99): Damn failure to close the HTML tag! Now I look like a buffoon!

  101. Maggie the Cat
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Jillierate (#100):

    See, that evil internet got you!

  102. Digger
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    SM: Wow, Peter Parker is getting even lazier. Now he can’t even be bothered to take off the costume when he takes a nap.

    MT: “What is this strange substance on my face? Hair! Aaaack! Quick, woman, fetch me a razor! And don’t you dare look at me!”

  103. Amateur
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @The Modesto Kid (#91): And yet it still couldn’t save her from Marmaduke.

  104. TheNate
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Hey Mary Jane, George Clooney called. He wants his chin back.

  105. Buck Ripsnort
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Wave Man (#85):MT’s shellacced hair repels all but the highest caliber bullets; you’ll have to use an elephant gun to get through that mousse.

  106. Red Greenback
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:30 pm [Reply]


    For a…
    Spoonful of Poppins helps the NASCAR crew go down
    The NASCAR crew down-wown
    The NASCAR crew go down
    Just a spoonful of Poppins helps the NASCAR crew go down
    In a most delightful way

  107. Buck Ripsnort
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    SM: Peter’s just reliving his childhood, when he slept in footie pajamas w/ a plastic bag over his face to stop his snoring.

  108. Sequitur
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Jillierate (#100): Join the club.

  109. terrapin
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    MT: “An island of drug smugglers! Zombie drug smugglers! With bazookas and stuff! You can’t leave this room. You have to stay here. With me.”

    MW: Is this something that actually happens? I have to admit, I spend a limited amount of time on-line so I don’t know if hallucinations are common among heavy users. Is it like sleep deprivation? That I’ve had.

    Luaan: Nope. Not gonna read this strip anymore.

    FC: A night of wild sex has left Bil exhausted and Thel unsatisfied.

  110. Écureuil Écumant
    March 5th, 2011 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    @60 Scott Bot said:

    Pluggers – I’m not sure which is worse – the fact that someone would know where every public restroom in town is, or the fact that he’s proud of it.

    Look, in DC that certifies you as a superhero(ine).

  111. Braniff
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    FC: Today’s circle of horror is an obvious reference to the Valentine’s Day Family Circus special in which Mommy says after the kids kiss Daddy and complain that he’s wiping them off, “No he’s not, dears, he’s just rubbing them in!”
    No wonder Daddy appears to be under the weather!

  112. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#106): I’m not much on the whole Race Queen thing, but it’s a lot better than the mental picture of a NASCAR pit-crew orgy. . . . .

  113. Rixter
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#39): Tweeter Madness!
    Gosh, 3:15! Nothing decent can take place at that time of the morning, just Dawn’s lonely depravity.

  114. mollificent
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Hehe…I actually laughed at this, as I’ve recently tried my hand at fame whorin’ myself. (In a fit of insanity I auditioned for “America’s Got Talent” a few weeks ago. It was fruitless but fun. Don’t ask me what I was thinking, because I wasn’t. ;))

    MT: Um. Um…wow. Well done, Elrod. I’m speechless.

    MW: Yup. I forget who called it yesterday, but Aronofsky is definitely directing this one.

    OBH: Oh, Rick Detorie, how I love thee. This strip is everything the zombie strips aren’t. :)

    P.S. I’m off to Emerald City ComiCon today to stalk David Willis and any other webcomic artists I can find (and Brent Spiner…this is all your fault, queek!).

  115. Robin
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    This is the best Mary Worth plotline ever. I want to take it home and cuddle it.

  116. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#114): say hi to Jeph from QC!

    convention sketches of you hugging Hannalore optional. ;-)

  117. Dr. Weird
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:50 pm [Reply]


    While there are clearly going to be crimes against fashion, taste and decency in the upcoming pageant, don’t forget the fraud! Tiffany has previously run a charity scheme to enrich herself (Meals for firefighters) and that cost her her chamber of commerce beauty queen crown. She’s already tried to get a piece of the action on this plan… I’ll bet she’ll win and then have her scam uncovered and her title stripped, letting Luann as runner up be the winner. Then nothing of it will be spoken of again, and we’ll be in swimsuit season anyway.

  118. Randrew \"freakin\' the deal\" Cox
    March 5th, 2011 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Ho ho. whats this now, Trail? Drug smuggling? Exotic women wearing slut clothes? So many deals, so little time for freakin’em.

  119. Randrew"freakin' the deal" Cox
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    you got drug smuggling
    you slut juggling
    No computer
    makes mind struggling
    get off yer ass
    and kick yer heals
    im gonna go
    and freak some deals.

  120. Mark Trail's Smarter Brother
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe this crap. I told Mark not to go into the wildlife writing business. But would he listen? NOOOO! He had a perfectly good job testing water beds in our Dad’s business. But was he satisfied? NOOOO! Would he listen to his brother? NOOOO! So now he’s got his hiney in a swampload of trouble.
    I’m out of here. You’re on your own this time Mark.

  121. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @SideshowJon (#56): Well, it’s how they mark their territory.

  122. Black Drazon
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    But the real question is, why isn’t Dawn tweeting about this?

    Between steaming hot setting, drug smuggling and characters best described by their pants, I can’t help but hope that this Mark Trail is leading up to the long-awaited pugilistic crossover: Trail Meets Phantom! Mark will certainly be taken in by a man that wears full-body spandex, except for the chin and sideburn area. Together they will overthrow the chaos of drug smuggling, the abuse of the rare Drug Smuggling Condor, and perhaps even fall in platonic, thug-smashing man love.

  123. Mollificent
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#116): I sure intend to! I’m also going to find Mulholland from SP and pimp-slap him for what he perpetrated on QC’s Marten and Dora yesterday. ;)

  124. Mark Trail's Smarter, Smartass Brother
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    You always pull this. You know Mark’s an idiot and needs constant watching. Weren’t you supposed to be watching him this time?

  125. Mark Trail's Smarter Brother
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mark Trail’s Smarter, Smartass Brother (#124): Hey? Whatcha want? You know how hard it is to keep watching a turd? Get’s pretty sickening after awhile. Besides, you’re the one who said he needed his wings to fly a bit.

  126. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Well, kudos to Karen Moy on trying to sell us on the idea that social media addiction leads to hallucinations and insanity. She won’t succeed, but may weaken the fabric of reality a little.

    MT: More and more it seems like we’re hearing Mark’s elaborate on-the-fly cover story for why he missed curfew. “Yeah, I was on the high seas chasing this um… diamond smuggler. And he shot me in the head, but you know that isn’t enough to keep ol Ironman Mark down. Then I washed up on an island run by a different smuggler a drug smuggler. Then I wrestled a demon.”

    S4th: No fair, Ces. You and Craig haven’t given us any good shots of Sally from behind.

    Garfield: What on earth constitutes a “lame joke” in the context of Garfield’s world? We’re talking beyond the impossible here.

    Popeye: Squiggly steel tracks. Interesting choice.

    A3G: Demo? All right! Trey and Paul are forming a band! Bill and Ted still own “Wyld Stallions”, so these two can call themselves “Geldid Horzes.”

  127. Jason1981
    March 5th, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Jillierate (#99):

    Oh no…Jillierate’s computer has been infected with the Mark Trail virus!

  128. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @Mollificent (#123): *gigglez*

    that was interesting, esp the side bit about a certain missing character . . .

  129. Mark Trail's Smarter Brother
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

    @Jason1981 (#127): See. There’s another thing. Take your eye off of him for a minute and the next thing you know he’s got a virus named after him. I tell ya…

    Hold it. I just thought of something. Everyone in our family has blonde or red hair. What’s with the black hair thing with Mark? Hmmmm….

  130. Jamus The Bartender
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: Michael? The USA Olympic Hockey team, who kicked Russia’s ass back in 1980? They just sent a telegram. They say you cry like a little girl and to put on your man panties.
    Oh. We were supposed to make him feel BETTER?

  131. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    A round-up of current Real ‘n Boring Life vs. Wacky World of Comics Plots:

    Real ‘n Boring Life: Dawn spends time online to get away from her clingy and annoying sandwich-gorging dad.
    Wacky World of Comics Plots: In a matter of hours, Dawn has gone from “kinda distracted and distant” to “oh god the walls are crawling with Angry Birds,” all because of the Evil Powers of the Internet.
    MW? Win!

    Real ‘n Boring Life: Shot by a smuggler, Mark drifts in a small boat to a nearby key, where a local mother finds him, notes his condition, and dials for help on the cell phone she carries with her. Mark has been only grazed by the bullet, so after a short time in a Miami hospital, he returns home to Lost Forest.
    Wacky World of Comics Plots: Shot by a smuggler, Mark drifts in a small boat to nearby Drug Smugglers’ Island, which, despite being close to the U.S. mainland, manages to exist as an independent and autocratic state in which everyone works for the common goal of drug smuggling.
    MT? Win!

    Real ‘n Boring Life: Eager intern Constance Darling realizes that she has the opportunity of a lifetime in her mentor’s unexpected, but purely accidental, demise, and she attempts to take over the valued Judge Account. But her long-time friend Angel realizes that she’s not ready for something this big, and he counsels her against pursuing it.
    Wacky World of Comics Plots: Eager intern Constance Darling realizes that she has the opportunity of a lifetime in her mentor’s unexpected, but purely accidental, demise, and she attempts to take over the valued Judge Account. But her long-time friend Angel realizes that she’s not ready for something this big, and he counsels her against pursuing it.
    JP? Fail!

  132. Jamus The Bartender
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    Dennis The Menace: I bet Dennis has to give back that calendar with Miss May 1957 too.

  133. Jamus The Bartender
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Hairhead (#24): Um….well, think of it this way…
    Ms. Phelps in a bikini is sure to draw focus and make everyone forget about the dozens of tight, teenage bodies milling about the stage for the next few weeks….
    Yeah, I didn’t believe it either.

  134. Jessy
    March 5th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dawn is clearly not addicted to the Internet. If she were, she’d be tweeting or posting, not calling up a friend (On the phone? Really?) in the middle of the night.

  135. Peanut Gallery
    March 5th, 2011 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#10):

    SM: Sure looks like Yampire to me.

    Gee, that’s how Popeye pronounces it too.

    Meanwhile, Mark Trail clearly has the DTs. Look up the symptoms in the Comic Strip Medical Handbook: He’s got beard stubble, drunkenness bubbles, shake lines, the whole bit!

  136. teemchy
    March 5th, 2011 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    Is MW trying to do for the Internet what Reefer Madness did for marijuana?

  137. Aviatrix
    March 5th, 2011 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @Karen Sue (#88): Even better would be if they swapped Dennis’ slingshot out for a handgun.

  138. Pseudo3D
    March 5th, 2011 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    A3-G: Say what? What is that? Snow? Rain drops? Trey’s dandruff?

    Curtis: News flash, Billingsley, more people survive lightning than die from it.

    DT: Man, when the new team takes over, rats will look like rats! By the way, the strip looked better back in 2001 because it was still Lochner drawing it. Brozman is the artist, and been that way since 2009. Brozman can’t draw anything well, apparently.

    FC: Ronald McDonald–the later years. I don’t know, it’d make a great mash-up.

    FW: “Yes, I do love much more than my female friend! Totally!”

    MT: This is the best practical joke ever!

    MW: Insanity is fun, isn’t it?

    RMMD: Props for the great face!

    S4: I once knew of a couple (never met them) who called each other “bunny”, even if they were angry at each other.

    S-M: He’s asleep and not just staring at the ceiling?

    Zits: So, Walt and Connie got fed up with their son and decide to do him in? Interesting.

  139. Pseudo3D
    March 5th, 2011 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (138): whoops, should be “I love you more than my non-wife female friend! Really!”

  140. aloria
    March 5th, 2011 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Look at the last two days of Mary Worth and TELL me Dawn wasn’t up all night watching 2 girls 1 cup.

  141. dreadedcandiru2
    March 5th, 2011 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    I’m surfacing again to warn you about tomorrow’s Luann; it’s the annual “Oh, Luann! You haven’t got any gooooooooooooooals so you’re WORTHLESS!!!” thing Evans does to remind us that his main character is weak, lazy and stupid because she doesn’t have her life mapped out for the next fifty years right the Hell now.

  142. Kaleidic
    March 5th, 2011 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#73):
    Ruben Bolling in his Tom The Dancing Bug Strip wrote many episodes of Billy Dare and Smuggler’s Cove

  143. zerowolf
    March 5th, 2011 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    MT: I can’t wait to see Mark look in a mirror and his facial hair punch reflex activates.

  144. Shrug
    March 5th, 2011 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#26):

    “MT: Is this the first time Mark has left the borders of the US to fight foreign evildoers?”

    He’s had a couple of adventures in Canada, while visiting Frenchy Le Frenchgarcon, but I don’t recall him fighting foreign evildoers there the last time as he was too busy battling starvation and frostbite. (Unfortunately he won.)

  145. Riff Chick
    March 5th, 2011 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    @Jillierate (#99): I agree Jillierate, and I’m glad an educated person has spoken up.

  146. Jake Morgendorffer
    March 5th, 2011 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    I know Peter Parker’s freaky Spider Man mask makes it look like his eyes are open all the time, but the blank-eyed stare combined with his decision to sleep flat on his back with his arms crossed over his chest… well, frankly, it just makes him look like he’s dead.

  147. demoncat
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    dawn has finaly come to the realization that not only is she an online addict but she will soon be subject to Mary worth trying to help her quit. Marmaduke expression is one of oh let miss master come and finaly see my work in my dog house for its not me who is next but her.

  148. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    9 – Eventually we’ll reach perfect stasis, and then the camera will slowly pull back, back, until we realize that all we have seen takes place in a giant navel. Then we’ll pull back, back…

    3G – Is anybody else getting snow when you try to read this strip?
    (This joke is for us oldsters who can remember what that means.)

  149. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Beetle – Have the Walkers muscled in on Scancarelli’s turf?

    Dick – I like the new direction this strip has taken; sort of a rat turn into pure vaudeville.

    Gil – Number 23 is… the shop teacher?

  150. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    Momma – The window she looks out of when she’s expecting her children needs cleaning. I’m going to guess there’s a solid line of nose-print shmutz about two inches from the sill all the way across.

    Phantom – Today the Python is joined by his two finger puppet hippo pals, “Hippy” and “Lippy.” They’re so understatedly droll, you won’t even mind that his mouth moves slightly when they talk.

  151. dale
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail could be lying on an island a mile off the U.S. mainland.

    Are people really that puzzled by the concept of a privately owned island with buildings on it and an electrical generator? Aren’t there resorts on islands?
    Would it make a difference if the owner’s business card said Reclusive Novelist rather than Drug Smuggler?

    The purpose of the place could stay secret as long as they don’t have large unregistered ships docking or lots of small high speed ones in the middle of the night.

  152. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    I keep getting some weird message about some URL with “cigarettes” in the name. Anybody else see this? It’s when I try to send my comment in. I get it instead of any recognizable form of the Comics Curmudgeon, and when I refresh to see if it gets me out of it, I get a “Whoa, there, Little Buddy! You’ve already published this comment!” message. It makes me wonder, you bet.

  153. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    And here’s what the message says (I got it when I sent #152):

    Regex ID: 179461 ( appears to be an invalid regex string! Please fix it in the Blacklist control panel.

    Pretty mysterious, but when I use my decoder ring, it says to meet Orphan Annie at the old dam at 8:15 tonight.

  154. Uncle Lumpy
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#152):

    Oh crap I hosed up the spam filter. Gimme a minute.

  155. Cloudbuster
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: This plotline comes amazingly close to fulfilling Josh’s wish from 9/25/04

    “Personally, I was hoping that the fishing expedition was actually a front for drug running. But I guess I have to turn to Mary Worth if I want narcotics action.”

    (Meanwhile, on MW, we have the internet-as-narcotics plotline!)

  156. Uncle Lumpy
    March 5th, 2011 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#153):

    Should be fixed now. Does this mean our date at the dam is off?

    Boring backstory: a particularly annoying stream of spam has been hosing up old comment threads, spoofing the IP addresses so a simple smack with the banhammer doesn’t work. So I tried a new approach, and screwed up. F’n spam.

  157. carbunicle
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Back in the day, Dick Tracy ended up on the moon in exactly the manner Professor Lumpy describes above.

  158. Trillian
    March 5th, 2011 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dawn’s got #tigerblood. #WINNING

  159. Rocky Stoneaxe
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers… take a “wide stance” in every men’s restroom in town!

    The Lockhorns — When it comes to a war of wits, Loretta, your husband is half-armed at best!

  160. mdblanche
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Trey, finally realizing what kind of an idiot he’s been dealing with, gives Paul a snow job about how the house he’s bought in good condition is in fact falling down. Having successfully completed the first part of his scheme, Trey moves on to the next phase, talking Paul into paying him to do the unnecessary demolition job.

  161. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

    Uncle L, I’m ready any dam time, and I appreciate your swift attention to the problem.

  162. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @mdblanche (#160): My first thought was that the house was chock full of antique fixtures and architectural details that Trey would salvage from the place and sell for more than the thing was worth in the first place. (A house we looked at when we moved to Massachusetts was like that — the fittings could have been sold for more than we would have paid for the house. I liked the place, but it was old enough to have huge and expensive problems, plus it was on a corner lot and I didn’t fancy shoveling that much snow. The place even had a servant stairway with a tiny room at the top of it!)

  163. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    By the way, I’d have said something up there if the problem hadn’t been fixed, and… wait, why is my name not on the same line with the number? UNCLE LUMPYYYY!

  164. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 5th, 2011 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    Oh, hell, now it’s on the same line, and I look like a chump. UNCLE!!!

  165. Trillian
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    Apologies if anyone has posted this before me, but I thought you guys would enjoy this: Charlie Sheen Invades Beloved Comics.

  166. Esther Blodgett
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    I have no snark right now, but I’m just dying to see if I can have the same kind of hallucinogenic experience that [Old Man] Muffaroo has been having.

  167. Sgt. Stoned
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: Well, now we know that it’s not only demon rum that will destroy your soul, both here and in the hereafter, but also them new-fangled computer thingys.

    MT: What th’??? What’s this about drug smuggling? I thought that this story line was about diamond smuggling.

  168. Esther Blodgett
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    Nope. Crap. That stuff never does anything for me.

  169. Carlo
    March 5th, 2011 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    FW: Coming Home? Fuck You, Batiuk. Seriously.

  170. zerowolf
    March 6th, 2011 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    H&J: Water? Isn’t that a little too specific? Shouldn’t it be, “a liquid containing hydrogen and oxygen molecules?”

  171. Poteet
    March 6th, 2011 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    MT — Poor Mark. He’d be better off on the Island of Misfit Toys.

  172. Kwuest
    March 6th, 2011 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    I wish Mary Worth would stop pussyfooting around and just admit that Dawn is hopelessly addicted to internet pornography. We would be so much more bemusedly judgemental sympathetic, and it might explain some of Dawn’s off-the-wall symptoms- the disheveled appearance, the excessive lotion use, the phantom in the mirror, the night-sweats…

    “The penises, Cathy! They’re everywhere! So.Many.Penises!”

  173. Poteet
    March 6th, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    @Sgt. Stoned (#167): This story is a crime triathlon intended to prove that Mark is the most kickass outdoor writer ever. After a month of drug smuggling, the story will move on to The Island Of Sex Trafficking.

  174. ElkMeadow
    March 6th, 2011 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mary Worth is up, and I see that Saturday’s strip was just two different pictures of Dawn, and that Cathy is a blond and I see–holy Toledo! What photographic studio, what parent, what child would ever have a picture portrait like that one in the last panel? No wonder Dawn’s cracking up!

    Dexter tells June off! Dexter is now officially my favorite character in the comics.

    So the thug didn’t go out the window. I’m looking forward to seeing what spell Aleta will cast, when she “returns him to sender,” and what’s going to happen now that Alteta’s potion/spell casting ingredients got accidentally mixed up. Will Prince Valiant turn blue with that stuff on him? Or will he duplicate himself? Or will it reverse the youth potion he took last whenever?

  175. ElkMeadow
    March 6th, 2011 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    How did I miss this earlier?

    Google celebrates Will Eisner’s 94th birthday!

    (My apologies if someone posted about it already.)

  176. CanuckDownSouth
    March 6th, 2011 at 1:46 am [Reply]

    Sunday Crankshaft: Hate hate hateHateHATEHATE… arrgh Does this kind of passive-aggressive crap *ever* work IRL?

    I may need to declare all of Batiuk’s work Dead To Me…

  177. Poteet
    March 6th, 2011 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    3/6 MW — This is much, much worse than “Wimpole Street.” At least Edward didn’t force Ba to keep a huge exceedingly-creepy portrait of the two of them in her room.

  178. boojum
    March 6th, 2011 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#176): Join usssssss………..

  179. Rhekarid
    March 6th, 2011 at 4:50 am [Reply]

    Is this cautionary tale against the addictive, family-destroying evils of modern technology going to be the one that finally ends in the big reveal that Charterstone is The Village? People saw that, right? About as many people as read Mary Worth?

  180. Jordan Levells
    March 6th, 2011 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Come on, Uncle Lumpy! There’s a great possibility that Peter is overcome by the forces of darkness… he’s just to lazy to fight it.

  181. BethB
    March 7th, 2011 at 6:03 am [Reply]

    Oooh gossip! I’m torn between wanting to know more about the forces of darkness that Dawn has been tweeting with and the revelation in Spiderman panel one that Mary Jane is a transvestite.

  182. Tom Allen
    March 7th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    It’s a good thing I know Mark Trail is Cherry-sexual, or I imagine that when she told him his presence would get “both of us killed,” he didn’t immediately think that “both of us” meant the boobs he was staring at.

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