Run!
Dark foreshadowings in the Saturday strips – enhanced for your viewing pleasure!
Judge Parker, 2/3/07+
Inflatable vampire Neddy stumbles on a slice of Paris’s lively Canadian nightlife: some sort of book party, from the looks of it. But there’s a bad element about – and it looks like bristle-boy Hugo is in no position to help! Run, Neddy, run!
Apartment 3G, 2/3/07+
Everybody’s a critic. Run, Tommie, run!
Mary Worth, 2/3/07+
Mary joins June on the Dark Side. Run, Jeff, run!
Sally Forth, 2/3/07
No enhancement needed here – a single moment of lucid self-awareness for Ted, then back to the pit of despair. Run, Ted, run!
carla
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:08 am
What’s with all the shadow-blackened faces lately? Is it Emperor Palpatine’s birthday?
More importantly, are all cartoonists such big geeks that they must pay tribute on this occasion?
winky
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:09 am
what happens to the director’s mustache when he’s kissing? does it crawl up his nose and hide? please, i need to know.
wocket
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:10 am
Why is Tommie getting kissed? Has the strip shifted into some alternate universe? Because it’s kind of scary, and I don’t like it.
I don’t like it at all.
Plinko Commie
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:20 am
Memo to Ces, if he’s still out there: Make Ted’s job clucking like a hen. I think the reasons why are pretty self-explainatory.
Rhekarid
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:23 am
Good lord! Mary looks like the fake seer from Krull! Next her fingers will elongate into claws while she pushes them through Jeff’s sternum like someone cutting a baked potato in slow motion. Luckily for him, he knows that’s just Mary’s version of cuddling.
And how much do I love the giant shapeshifting butler who gains 50 pounds, sprouts two feet, and then crushes the shoulder of his stubbly friend with the leathery paw of an undead gorilla? Even more than I love it when people add “they’re Canadian” next to a topic that could not possibly need this information.
Mike P
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:34 am
Tommie is going to get almost raped, but the blonde guy is going to barge in and save the day and reap the “hero’s reward”.
Plasma
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:37 am
Yesterday’s Get Fuzzy was funny. I think Get Fuzzy is one of the few comics that frequently has a joke in the first panel. “I am the biggest tool you have ever seen” works on so many levels.
Boshek
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:39 am
JP-The “they’re Candian” might be a calculated decision. They look kind of evil and the author decided that for some reason he wanted Candian villains, not French ones. Just a thought.
RMMD-”Come home and clean my garage!!!?!?!?!”
RUN, NIKI, RUN! You are young, you are innocent, you must not let yourself enter the domain of June Morgan, Mistress of Pain!
Garfield- …
A3G- Tommie is kissed twice, tripling the amount of face she’s sucked in the last 35 years of this strip. Ladies and gentlemen, here we have it- the first ever MWTIGMTL – Moment When Tommie Is Getting More Than LuAnn. Wow.
FOOB- Puns. The novel. Ohhh, my brain.
MW- Over-the-top dramatic monologuing, proving that Mary speaks in that high-strung holier-than-thou voice… EVEN TO HERSELF! Oh, and her fgace falls into an evil crease of shadow. That, too.
Poteet
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:40 am
Speaking of running, the horrifying 2/3 Foob did a number on my entire digestive tract. Beware.
Boshek
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:42 am
Oh, and I forgot to mention it, but I want some raoyalties if a FOOB character ever visits and ethnic hamlet called Mwtigmtl. I’m just saying. Stranger things have happened. (The BOOK DEAL, for instance!)
Richard Onley
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:51 am
#8: Boshek says: “JP-The ‘they’re Canadian’ might be a calculated decision.”
No, they’re really Canadian–that’s clearly Becky, Weed, and Gerald in the first panel, and Jeremy Jones in the last two.
Mik Holmes
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:52 am
Mary Worth: I think that some kid, no doubt the artist’s great-grandchild, took a sharpie and drew all over Mary’s face like a high school student does to faces of the geeky kids in their yearbook.
The editors thought it was supposed to be like that.
A3G: Her eyes were closed the first kiss. THE EYES ARE ALWAYS CLOSED.
And I totally imagined the scene going like this.
“How can I thank you? MAOU!”
Sally Forth: In the first panel, Ted is looking at the bald guy’s weiner. On a completely unrelated topic, I’m 8.
AirForbes
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:55 am
My submission for the opening of Mike’s novel:
“Wait for me!” Harvey Rood had implored, as the train pulled out of the station, carrying Sheilaugh back to her teaching job in the tiny village in northern Scotland. She had stared back at him where he stood on the platform, with her eyes wide and vacant, shocked at his imperative. Harvey had always been part of her life, but since he married that awful, inexplicably jealous Frenchwoman, Beatrice, she had had to stay away from him. Sheilaugh had no shortage of suitors – she was currently dating Darragh, an exotic half-Irish/half-Aborigine MP, and there was still Sebastian, the dashing helicopter pilot, currently serving in Europe. No matter how attracted she was to his luxuriant mustache, she was no homewrecker, despite Harvey’s protestations that he had “no hoooome!”
Sheilaugh, had a lot of faith in fate, however, and somehow fate drew them together, reuniting them, bringing them to this moment, when a newly married Harvey and Sheilaugh set out for the wind-swept prairies of Alberta – or possibly Saskatchewan – with Harvey’s daughter from his first marriage, Pascaline, in tow.
Andhow
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:55 am
Get Fuzzy is so 2002. He coasts more than Rick Derringer did off of “Rock N Roll Hoochie Koo.”
Will Ransom
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:58 am
“Top”, Tommie. In sex, the director is called the “top”.
stewart
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:03 am
#6 — “Hero’s Reward”? Huh. In my high school, we called it “sloppy seconds.”
TB Tabby
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:19 am
9. I won’t beware. I no longer care. When I don’t like a show on TV, I stop watching. Thus, I’m going to stop looking at FOOB. One of the advantages of reading these online: no danger of accidentally reading it. Instead, I’ll ask a question about todays FC…
Who the [Margo] is “Tom?!”
edgeways
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:39 am
You know I generally like Get Fuzzy (no surprise), but today’s strip, the second panel to be precise, is the first time I’ve ever wanted a comic panel on a tee-shit.
http://www.comics.com/comics/getfuzzy/index.html
edgeways
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:40 am
er.. shirt even
sorry
lesles
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:40 am
last line of the patterson tome:
“eh.”
he wasn’t originally going to use it, but then it was pointed out to him that he probably should include something to justify the $15 000 arts development grant he got for projects that promote and deepen an understanding of canadian culture, history and identity. so he employed the same rigorous research methodology as lynn uses, and came up with this.
oh, lynn didn’t bother to actually put the grant thing in the strip because they’re such common things that heaps of artists get without any sweat, she just assumed everyone would take it for granted. she did mention it in a note left on the fridge, though.
Jym Dyer
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:55 am
=v= I’m finding this week’s Sally Forth intriguing. I can’t tell whether this is a “men will do everything wrong” theme or a “Ted is clueless” theme. Does Sally want a party? I sure don’t know. I’m clueless and do everything wrong.
moe99
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:56 am
I think the blonde guy in Apt 3G has some Granthony aspects to him. But Tommie’s heart will be SO broken by the director, she will be grateful for his intervention.
Draktyr
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:28 am
MW- Mary looks kinda cool with the “no eyeballs and rad soul patch” thing goin on.
Stacia
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:19 am
FOOB: Michael’s gone completely female in the 3rd panel. Finally, the hot lesbian action we’ve been waiting for in a Lynn Patterson comic! Chicka-bow!
A3G: It’s clear that Tommie is eating the guy’s face off, starting with the ’stache. How unsanitary.
Get Fuzzy: What amuses me the most is Bucky actually taped some aspirin to himself after yesterday’s strip; you can see it flying off him as he’s pouncing like a superhero onto the counter.
Stacia
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:21 am
*I MEANT JOHNSTON oh hell, this strip’s eaten the part of my brain that differentiates between fact and fiction.
Len
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:32 am
“By loving me alone while I worked,” said St. Michael to his wife.
Cue the self-pleasuring scene.
Michael is obviously beloved of the gods. (The gods are named Lynn.) I predict further developments:
Little Wobin will miraculously be cured of his illness.
Gwampa will become lucid, ambulatory, and record a CD of his music.
The publishers, impressed by Momma Patterson’s editing on Sonny-boy’s work, will offer her a well-paying job as in-house editor. Ellie’s hot flashes will cease.
Dr. Patterson will win the lottery, retire, and start a minature trains appreciation group.
April’s friends with speech impediments and self-image problems will be cured, and April herself will shine as a performer and student.
Farley will be found alive. It was his clone that died.
Mrs Saltzman, impressed by the righteous Gentile Michael, will convert to Presbyterianism.
Lawrence will call Mike to explain the miracle — Lawrence has turned straight.
Just as Lizardbreath is ready to draw the razorblade across her wrist, Anthony will appear at the door, dressed in cloth of gold and riding a white stallion.
Sigh.
Dee will turn to Michael and squeal: “Darling, this is REALLY happening!”
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/2/3&name=For_Better_Or_Worse
Draktyr
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:36 am
something just occured to me. Other than realizing that the staff at MW allowed longtime fan Alice Cooper to sub for Mary today, why hasn’t Mary taken the time to call Dr. Jeff’s children? She managed to get a call in to Dr. Ling, but not Jeff’s kids? And as she is technically not even family, does Mary really have the right to dictate to Dr Tran as to how Jeff’s care will proceed.
Len
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:39 am
#24 — Dee and Michael are “homeless,” and staying and Mom and Pop Patterson’s, right?
How lucky for them that the ‘Rents had a spare double bed for the kids. Dee and Michael don’t have to share an uncomfortable convertable couch, or sleep on separate cots.
(Or did the parents give Michael their bed?)
Len
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:56 am
In “Piranha Club,” all this week Arnoldine has been working at her first job since graduating High School — as drone at “Grease Burger.”
PETA and Pamela Anderson should be amused. The emphasis is on artery-clogging, and not (yet) on chicken and cow torture. But there’s a guest shot by a favorite Scientologist…
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070203&name=Piranha
Marion Delgado
February 3rd, 2007 at 5:03 am
Jeff (emerging from coma): Mary … CAN WE WIN THIS TIME? CAN WE WIN!
Mary (crying, handing Jeff his old M-1): Of course we can, darling, we’ll win this time! They’ll let us win!
Yeahme2
February 3rd, 2007 at 5:13 am
A3G: This is for which audience exactly?
Young female readership? The message is: “Hey girls, a message from the Apt3g girls, just GO and kiss whomever right away, don’t worry, they like that kind of stuff, strangers invading their FACE and private sphere, strangers who they realize work in a field of theater, with all sorts of great people and sanitary habits, great, yeah, with probably, say, herpes, cold sores, and smokers bad breath, let alone who knows what else. It’s like, tres cool, just, like, do it. Yeah. ”
Margo-identify-with readership? Uh, is there anyone?
Lynngineering
February 3rd, 2007 at 5:17 am
FOOB: The coma-dream is brilliantly working out, it’s like the rest of the strip is going to write itself (”Michael, you are great!! Michael, its REALLY HAPPENING!! Michael, you are SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOUR SISTER LIZ. Michael, you’re MOM THINKS YOU ARE THE BEST, because you have adorable kids and a winner wife, and you HAVE A BOOK!”) ad infinitum until the horrible day he wakes up. Another alternate strip to write, like the hijack-April-Character-for-new-underground comic suggestion. Maybe April would change her name to avoid Lynn, it could be…JUNE!
Jamus The Bartender
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:01 am
29. I’m sure it’s all explained in the FOOB monthly letters blog. Liz’ letter is…simply put…a self-pitying rambling mess. I was gonna suggest everyone check it out, but I just didn’t have the heart to do it. See it at your own peril.
Coffeeclash
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:39 am
#31 – You forgot, make sure they whack you in the head first. And don’t forget to eat your cookies afterwards.
willethompson
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:57 am
Guess what? FW’s Les Moore found a grilled cheese sandwich with a burn mark in the shape of Michael Patterson and it CURED LISA’S CANCER!
willethompson
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:03 am
Uncle Lumpy – the rework on A3G was sheer brilliance! I think even G. E. CHENNUX will cut you some slack on that whole ‘electromagmacannon’ thing from yesterday.
Mr. Groovy
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:10 am
Today’s FOOB: “Thanks for loving me alone.” Are you thinking what I’m thinking…a couple of “D” batteries, a glass of merlot, and a Harlequin romance? Or, you know, maybe just an affair with her nerdy dentist father-in-law. Who cares, though, because MICHAEL GOT HIS BOOK PUBLISHED!
lesles
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:15 am
#36 willethompson – knew i knew the name from somewhere. g. e. chennux was part of the bloomsbury set, wasn’t it? the connection’s so obvious now that i think about it.
A3G: has tommie regained her composure, or is she too trapped in some coma dream after her head vs wall adventure?
GF: got to agree with all the happy about this strip. one of the things i really appreciate is that there’s often two or three punchlines/gags in the one strip. and quite good ones, too. and conley can draw.
True Fable
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:38 am
Where to begin, where to begin…. a snark festival is on the way!
DtM Hardy har har. You’re no menace, you’re just too cute for words, you little wuss.
C(MD) It’s official: Irving has turned into a woman just like Cathy. Now they both must die.
FWI’m not real up on the characters in FW so I’m not sure who she is, but is the blonde coming on to Les? AH! Cue the heartache; Lisa is in remission only to find her husband missin’!
JP Holy crap! Check out Cedric’s Claw of Doom there! Is Judge Parker going over into the realm of Spooky Stories? …. well all right!
MW Watch as Jeff wakes up and sees the mysterious Eyeless Mary put a curse on him! He’ll go into cardiac arrest and then his soul will belong to her!
True Fable
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:39 am
Why am I awash in exclamation points!
Frank Drackman
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:41 am
I’m not sure, but I think Sally Forth has the gayest Office in Comics Page history.
True Fable
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:47 am
RMMD Geezus, June… you went to all this trouble just so Niki can clean your garage, what…? oh OH OH! I get it. “Clean your garage”, yeah. Don’t forget to have him “paint your shutters” and “oil your hinges”. You hussy. I love you.
MT The Jackelrod Ball would’ve gotten away, too, if it hadn’t been for that meddling squirrel.
(DT)GTSomebody PLEASE reassure me that Gil Thorp’s artist isn’t paid for drawing this strip.
PhantomOh great, now the Purple People Beater is going to get in on the mystic dreams gig.
Daktari
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:49 am
Dinette Set- 78 degrees in the house. No wonder she is topless…
eewwwww
Grue & Some
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:56 am
Gosh. Listen, no disregard intended, but when is Josh coming back?
True Fable
February 3rd, 2007 at 8:56 am
FBoFW “By loving me alone while I worked”? what the hell is that? I’m assuming he means she gave him bj’s while he tappity-tap-tap-tapped.
Whatever. This is just the capper on a truly unforgivable week. However, we have a clue as to how Mike’s book miraculously got read, accepted and gushed over: Magic. It has to be:
Check out panel 3: Michael has an ear shaped like a Keebler Elf’s.
Oh you never will believe where those Keebler cookies come from
They’re baked by little guys in a hollow tree
And what do you think makes those cookies uncommon
They’re baked in magic ovens and there’s no factory
Hey!
Sheilagh
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:06 am
What? Is Tommie going to DIE now? She just got the “kiss of death” and none of you are worried? Or is the dude going to die? Is this why Tommie never has relationships? I’m SO confused.
Lynngineering
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:08 am
FBOFW: No magic in Lynn’s world, just fantasy o.t.p. as in, Michael is in a coma, his dream fantasy is ongoing and apparently as far reaching as to “me me me” can be.
One can see the signs of the coma starting to affect his mind, look at his english usage, his authorial tools, his art: “by loving me alone while I worked”, is of course, utter crap.
And there is no Mary Worth by Michael’s bedside sending him mindwaves to get the hell up. He is dreaming away, planning sister Liz’s next debacle.
Sheilagh
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:13 am
Also, I got news for ol’ Dominatrix June: that kid isn’t going to be able to clean her garage. Trust me on that. I spent four years of my otherwise misspent life parenting a feral teenager, and guess what? Kids don’t know how to clean a garage or anything else if they haven’t been patiently taught how to go about it. Think Mae (May? WTF is her name) has put in the time? Nah — she’s been presented as exactly the kind of mom who doesn’t bother.
So June, prepare for an escalating mess and a lot of passive aggression, topped off by a major tantrum, and finally doing it yourself. (Though I suppose if your real motivation is an excuse to beat the kid black and blue, this will provide a lovely excuse…)
Yeahme2
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:18 am
A3G: Wait, this whole “theater” thing, he’s a “director”, and …why, of course, just look at him/her – A3G has recast Margo, as a man, an actor, playing a woman named Margo.
The role being played here is being a conservatively dressed groupie to a second-rate ham director who likes public sex with strangers.
That explains the frozen-wig hairstyling, the christian-businesswoman suit that covers up any signs of gender, but not why the hell this strip is being published at all.
IdolsofMud
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:33 am
MW: If any of you have seen Mystery Science Theater 3000, they once did a film called Soultaker. Joe Estevez (Martin’s brother) plays an angel of death who takes people’s souls by holding some plastic ring-thing over their midsections. This sucks the soul out.
If you haven’t seen it, Mary Worth is positioned just as a Soultaker should be. See, she hasn’t come to Vietnam to see Jeff — she’s come to take his spirit. We always knew Mary was a soul-sucking demon, and now we have proof.
FOOB: I get “you were loving me alone,” but Michael will have to ENUNCIATE to get that message across. “Deanna, you were loving me, ALONE. Above . . . ALL others. Take your clothes off, and let us CELEBRATE this contract with loud, angry lovemaking — I wish to remind Lizardbreath that I am both professionally successful, and SEXUALLY successful.”
I hope Mike’s book-contract nookie was good, and child #3 sucks up the advance.
willethompson
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:39 am
JP: Cedric goes from normal-sized and pretty Clarkkent-ish to the HULK in three panels. UUUUUURRGH! Zoot alors! Le Homme de Verde es on le Tower Eiffel!!
RMMD: And June is going to take Niki to ‘clean the garage?’ Isn’t that the Morgan’s code word for June’s turn to wear the leather as Rex services her orally while kneeling? Not that that’s out of the ordinary at Chateau Morgan…
FOOB: Michael Patterson, patron saint of whacking off. What, is halo out for dry-cleaning or can’t Lynn draw a margoing nimbus?
True Fable, Lynngineering and Sheilagh, thanks for the snorts this am…
Krazy Kat
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 am
SF-
I’m working on a Comics Curmudgeon Drinking Game© (pat pending) and one of the categories is Ted Forth making lucid comments about a) his bisexuality or b) his lack of real work.
Take a shot!
insolenttomato
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:47 am
Richard Onley — from yesterday –
>>#174: “When it comes to indignant, humourless, righteous outrage, NOTHING beats a fundamentalist Christian conservative who smells blasphemy (the Brooklyn museum, the play “Corpus Christiâ€) or a gay person being treated like a human being.â€
>I’ve never seen a gay person react with indignant, humourless, righteous outrage when treated like a human being . . .
{looks around shiftily} Dangling participle, what dangling participle?
lesles
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:52 am
fbofw: maybe michael is referring to some sort of web-cam thing they had going while he was radically redefining the nature of the novel.
oh, and welcome back abw. you were missed. we’ve had to make do with your occaisionally present curmudgeon-shop photo to help us get by in these dark times. were there pubs on your crawl? i find it somehow seems to take me longer to get anywhere if there’s a pub in the way. weird, time altering properties those places have.
Marion Delgado
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:59 am
True Fable:
Back in the Day Wally, Lisa, Les and Beckie played “car keys” with some other couples (remember Funky started in the swinging seventies). It was okay then to say “I’ll trade my weak but slender bald cancer wife for your one-armed waitress.”
But lately Wally’s been gone and also, frankly, we don’t really know how much longer Lisa’s a fair trade. Les, being a sensible teacher who’s banked all his unpaid leave and refinanced his mortgage, is sensible enough to look for new trade items.
The playground is going to reopen one way or another. Such is Funk.
Marion Delgado
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:01 am
In his other 8 lives, Batiuk, God of Funk, was a cat. Believe it, Lisa. You’ll have plenty of “remissions” before the final swat, I promise.
kdog630
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:03 am
RMMD – “Clean my garage.”
Is that some euphemism for “Take me to the Bucket”? I hope my wife tells me to do that!
jules
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:04 am
MT: AAAAAUGH! Giant talking chipmunk!!
FOOB: Gee honey, thanks for not expecting me to be an active part of our marriage while I was writing my bad novel! And for keeping those kids the [margo] out of my hair! Would you mind dressing up like Sheilagh tonight…?
A3G: I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Does The Director think he’s a smooth operator? Worse yet, does Tommie think The Director is a smooth operator? Oy.
MW: If Mary looks like that when Jeff finally comes to, the shock may kill him.
RMMD: Ah! There’s the Taskmaster June we all know and love!
And to cleanse the palate: Bucky’s flying leap in panel 2 of Get Fuzzy cracked me up!
True Fable
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:10 am
#55 Marion Delgado, thanks for filling me in. I have been away from FW for years, I used to read it way back when (I learned to draw hands that did not look like wilting claws thanks to the strip) but I really didn’t follow the storylines well. Then I moved to where the local paper didn’t carry it, and not until I wandered into the Curmudgeon Zone did I see it again.
For that matter, until the Curmudgeon Zone, I did not appreciate the grandeur and majesty of MW, MT, JP, and RMMD and the accompanying snarkin’.
I did not appreciate (DT)GT either, but now that I know it is about the extracurricular activities of Vulcan youths and freakishly stiff Easter Island models, I rather enjoy it!
j
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:13 am
Judging by the hand on his shoulder, I think it’s some sort of gorilla.
And is MW beginning an exorcism? “The power Mary compells you!”
Calico
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 am
#248 Sax from “Indigestion” thread – my God, I think I need therapy after reading that interview.
I have never ever heard of anyone actually throwing their kid out in the snow at night. Or, “Then I would go find my father’s matches to burn the paper.”
Hell, that made for better reading than FOOB!
It’s like Mommy Dearest Canadian Style, ad infinitum.
Meanwhile, that extremely large chipmunk from MT is freaking me out.
Also, Cedric today in JP reminds me a bit of Henry from the book “The Secret History”, (which, BTW, received an unheard-of $75,000 USD as an advance in 1986-87-ish.)
Someone please, please help. The Canadians are hitting hard and fast, everywhere. I am under their spell officially now.
Mibbitmaker
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:17 am
No wonder it took Angry Black Woman so long to return; miss a daytime or two and it takes forever to catch up (”finally getting to end of thread… too late tonight… falling asleep… will catch up tomorrow………..Oh, crap I forgot! Gotta catch up after Conan… what? 3876 comments? Lumpy’s timing’s perfect, and still…. 4 AM? I…zzzzzzzzzz…)!
dreadedcandiru2
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:20 am
FBorFW: Today we see a romantic and touching moment between our Noble Scribe and the love of his life — HIMSELF!!! Well, back to the Lizthony shitstorm Monday, I guess.
Cobra
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 am
FOOB: #24, I think Michael has actually morphed into Legolas, the elf from the Lord of the Rings. He’s a pretty boy, but still a boy.
#43: You beat me to it. That DS panel was both politically and anatomically incorrect!
Professor Fate
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:28 am
MW: It looks like Mary has become a soultaker – if anyone remembers that MST3K show – she’s going to take Jeff’s soul and put it in a little glowing ring, go back to america and insert Jeff’s soul into a little dog – so he’ll never wander away again. The dog, named jeffy – throws itself out the window in an effort to kill itself but Mary lives on the first floor. Thus thwarted it settles down to live out its days as a snapy little bad tempered rat dog.
FOOB: I guess Michael didn’t find the constant whirr of Deana’s vibrator distracting while she was loving him alone.
God what a stupid flood of nitwit treacle this strip is – my teeth hurt, my intelligence is insulted on multiple layers and dull thud of the turgid plotting eats away at the soul. I have to go drink burbon out of the bottle watch Faster Pussycat Kill Kill! and listen to Motorhead so I can feel clean again.
Mibbitmaker
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:33 am
FOOB: Having missed the double-entendre when I first read it, there was only the intended horror-worthy cornball sentiment. Michael the exceptionally pretentious wordsmith – make that wordabuser – is the unreally luckiest author in human history. Lynn is loopier than Perot. Even Blanthony is less awful than St. Mike, Ellie’s Chosen!
Run; readers, newspapers, syndicate – RUN!!
Yeahme2
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:34 am
#50 Idols of Mud, your FOOB reads to me as if William Shatner as Kirk were acting it, now I can’t get that scene out of my mind!
Professor Fate
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:39 am
50 – sorry didn’t see your comment before I posted – bravo for thinking of it first.
Old Fogeyette
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:44 am
MT: After just informing us that baby beavers live with their parents for a couple of years, now Mark is already planning to take Theodore and Castoria’s babies away THIS spring, long before they are ready to leave, and thus breaking multiple beaver hearts? For shame, Elrod!
FOOB: Now that I am a member in good standing of the Foobloatharians, I want to know how you manage to get through the day after the massive amount of puke induced by today’s (Margo)ing strip. Seriously. The only way I can read it now is through the brilliant lens of Lyngineering’s coma theory.
RMMD: Hooray! Niki’s finally going to “clean the garage.” Will we get to watch, I hope? Also, whatever happened to his broken jaw?
JP: I’m just completely confused here. Is Clark Kent a good guy or a bad guy? Until the recent FOOB debacle I thought ALL Canadians were good guys, but now I know better.
CS (Crankshaft) This whole week’s blood drive strips were very, very funny, I don’t care what anyone says.
GF: And today’s strip made me LOL. Bucky reminds me of Google, one of our current cats (Oriental Shorthair, which is based on Siamese). He is very elegant looking and thinks he can do anything, but is the clumsiest cat I’ve ever known. He’ll elegantly walk across a shelf, avoiding knickknacks till he gets to the end, then suddenly trip over something and bring the whole shelf down, then shake himself and stand up as if to say, “Yes, I MEANT to do that.”
MW: Also very confusing. Why hasn’t the Vietnamese doctor killed Mary yet? Having once spent two weeks in an oriental hospital, I know that women are held in VERY low esteem by the doctors. Maybe that’s why Dr. Tran put the blackface curse on her.
Other strips: In GA, Corky is being evicted from his diner, that he has owned since the Eisenhower administration. Preteena has just started a story in which new people move in next door. so far it’s very promising. Those of you who have yet checked this strip out should do so. It is quite excellent.
Mibbitmaker
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:54 am
JP: Canada party? How’d Judge Parker rip off Veronica Mars so quickly?
A3G: Shouldn’t the last panel be the first? Tommie: “Gee, thanks alot, asshole!”
Director: “You are sub-Patterson scum! You aren’t worthy of Tinsley! You’d deserve Also Kelrast’s fate, but better I should beat you into a coma instead!”
Tommie: “Take me!!”
MW: “Cooome baaack tooooo meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Come baaaaaaack tooo meeeeeeeeeeeee!…” Mary finally reveals herself to be an evil overlord in dramatic shadow. Explains everything!
S-M: Yeah, right; show up one opportunistic egomaniac by helping another opportunistic egomaniac’s TV show? What, Trump too busy?
Curtis: Panel 3: “Trapping its victims in webs and sucking out their innards while still alive!”
Describes FOOB perfectly!
Key Lime Pie
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:54 am
Dr. Jeff must have some sort of resistent designer herpes…One minute he’s lucid, the next he’s asking who Mary is…Why hasn’t Ella been called?…What happened to the angry mustachoied 30’s actor that was threatening her?…Who would have sat at Aldo’s bedside?…grrrr…I would like some continuity in the incontinent world that is Charterstone!
Lynngineering
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:04 am
FOOB: I am starting to have some trepidations about this Michael-coma fantasy as Valentines D-Day approaches.
Could that be the date where he slips past the point of no return, and free to hallucinate the ultimate of deranged fantasies against his sister Liz. I fear so.
Perhaps there will be a signal, some sound that will snap him out of it before that fateful day. Like an electric whrrrrring alongside Dee’s sounds as she “loves him alone”.
Chance
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 am
43: why did you pique my curiosity like that? now i can never unsee that sight.
ChefMike
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:29 am
FOOB: Michael just thanked Dee for not cheating on him while he was locked away in his writer’s hermitage.
(DT)GT: I don’t read this strip too often, but I looked today, and I realized, if you were to put a bolt through Gil’s neck, he’d look almost exactly like Herman Munster.
MW: They are going to draw out the death bed scene all the way to Feb 14 when the miracle occurs, Dr. Jeff sits bolt upright in bed and says “You know, Mary you’re right. This humanitarian stuff is for the birds, Let’s get married and head on back to Santa Royale”
Doonesbury: I suppose this is a testament to Gary Trudeau’s limited artistic ability, but Alex looks more like B D than Mike. Actually, all the adults look exactly the same in his world, so I guess that’s really a moot point.
Rusty
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:44 am
SF: Ted and company work behind the scenes at Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Hence the delight in putting together a birthday party for Sally. The bow-tie guy has to be an Ivy League grad.
Citric
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:45 am
MW- Ah, so Mary Worth is an undead demon and is harvesting the souls of the living for the dark lord of the underworld. I suppose that would explain a few things, wouldn’t it?
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:51 am
Old Fogeyette (#69)- RMMD- That had me me scratchin’ my head too. The kid’s obviously got a self-healing “hurt place”.
FOOB- Distilling the closing paragraph speculations re: Mike’s novel- my bet for the last two letters-”gh”
Tux Pendelton
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:57 am
I think that Sauron’s forces are invading all the serials in an effort to surround the Pattersons before the Final Battle, Just this once I’m rooting for the Nazgul.
GF – OK, it’s official now: I really, really want a Bucky action figure with utility belt. That second panel has made the strip fridge-worthy.
SF – It’s obvious now that when Hilary made the joke about not knowing what Ted does for a living, she wasn’t kidding. He doesn’t even know. His first day, the boss had gone on vacation, someone handed him the Penske file, and he’s been collecting paychecks ever since! Nice gig if you can get it.
JP – I see that Cedric has changed jackets again. This is now the third very different jacket that Cedric has worn during the same calendar day. On the upside, at least this is the first one that can be properly worn with a vest. (I admit it, I notice these things.)
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:58 am
(DT)GT- “buries oakwood”—Shwing!
topliff
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:03 pm
9CL – While I know this strip is often off-the-wall, with or without chins, today’s strip is off the universe. Dead possum, dogs, scented churches, adulterors, thieves, and all in two panels. I think the “joke” could be from a Carl Hiassen plotline.
Artist Formerly Known as Ben
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Okay, in A3G, did any of the first four panels actually happen?
cinephile
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Wow, that’s a heck of a book party Judge Parker is throwing for mike (it’s been several days since the contract was announced, so I’m assuming that, in Lynn time, the book has alredy been published, and hit #1 on the bestseller list). To the person who posted earlier about the Sally Forth drinking game– has there ever been a FOOB drinking game devised on this site? (Drink whenever mike alliterates, drink whenever John makes a bad pun, drink whenever elly scrunches her face in frusration, drink whenever Liz cries, etc.), or is there not enough alcohol in the world to play such a game?
Pretend2benormal
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:33 pm
MW – Is it just me or in the second panel has Marys soul, like, um…disappeared?
wanchob
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:34 pm
At the risk of being contrarian, perhaps LJ isn’t as rigid or dense as some FBOW watcher postulate. Maybe these double entendres are there on purpose. Maybe there are no “accidents”, and she’s been having fun slipping them by the editors for years or they are private jokes between her and someone she knows.
mumbles
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:42 pm
MW: “Stay gold, Dr. Jeff. Stay gold.”
Calico
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm
#82 – or, you could always do sort an inverted Shannon-based FOOB drinking game – the longer it takes for her to complete a sentence, the more you have to quaff.
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 12:51 pm
I guess that rules out Ted Forth and his colleagues working for a Borscht Belt hypnotist.
Calico
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:00 pm
Correction-I am so dense – The Secret History advance was actually for $450,000 USD.
JP-The party in Paris actually looks like a Tupperware event, however, from what I can see by looking at the purple people in front.
Drewbob
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:12 pm
RMMD: Yeah, Niki’s going to have to take care of all the junk in June’s trunk.
migellito
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm
MW – I still can’t get over the sheer pejorative balls of Mary, as she lets the doctor in Vietnam know, in no uncertain terms, that she’s getting a REAL doctor, one from the US, not you or any of the other ignorant quacks from your little two-bit country. So.. does the author really want that many people to hate Mary? Cause… there were a lot already, you know.
JP – I’m thrilled to see this strip taking a more adventurous direction. I was wondering ‘why Paris?’, and I’m very glad it was to bring the classic Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde into the cast. Personally, I would never have guessed that the mild mannered butler was actually Mr. Hyde, although I suspected all was not as it seemed when a special point was made about him being a temp. That way, they lady dying of follicoma (hair cancer) doesn’t really know who he is, or know anything about him. A perfect lead-in to wild adventures across Paris rooftops, in mad pursuit of the nefarious, and perhaps misunderstood, Dr. Jekyll. I can’t wait!
queek
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:18 pm
79: but the kid’s not much of a finisher.
Dick, the doorbell
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Hmmm. Spider-Man to appear on the Vampire Minelli Show! Is it one of those Springer-like ambush shows? Will he face down Gwen Stacey’s parents? Will Aunt May ‘out’ him?
What if it’s just some fluff-fest like Megan Mullally has, er, had? Ten awkward minutes between Sean Hayes and Cirque de Soleil.
Since no one asked, I’d like to see Spidey on Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy would taunt him for just long enough that after taping, he’d be found dangling upside-down from his dressing room ceiling, wrapped head-to-toe in webs. Oh-h-h yeah-h-h.
Poteet
February 3rd, 2007 at 1:56 pm
Foob — Lynngineering and Fogeyette, I’ve decided you make sense. At least from time to time, I’m going to go with the coma theory. Apart from the entertainment value, it will prevent my indignation circuits from burning out completely before September.
So while you’re lying there hallucinating, Michael, here’s an idea. Why stop with being the greatest novelist in history? With that wonderful line — “Loving me alone while I worked” — you can also become the greatest country songwriter in history! Using that line as the title of your first megahit CD! Cue the Branson backup band! Twang twang twang “LOVIN’ me a-LOOONE while I WOORRKED…”
DeannaPatterson
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Dear Diary,
“Loving me alone…”??? Oh, no! Does Michael suspect that all those nights he was typing in the attic that hot helicopter pilot Warren just happened to be in the neighborhood?
*My* neighborhood?
Drat that nosy Lovey!
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Oh yeah, and more (DT)GT: If you turn the last panel upside-down, it is oddly reminiscent of Lloyd Bridges in Airplane! after he falls off the glue huffin’ wagon.
Crankenstank
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Now we know why Ted was so desperate to get a new job some months back, and also why his job skills were so deteriorated that he was unable to do so.
ColoZ
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:45 pm
What the hell is going on with Drabble? Is this autism awareness week or something?
Islamorada Girl
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Wandering back to a previous topic here. I think the reason Mallard Fillmore and all his clones fail so miserably is their inability to carry a story in a bucket, let alone down to the Bucket.
They fail to deliver the most basic skill of good storytelling. They tell, rather than show. So all you get is some drawings and a lot of talk, talk, preach, preach, tell, tell, with absolutely no action.
That’s why Trudeau is so good. His art could be done on a Xerox, but he knows how to show a story.
Remember kids, the adage is “Show, don’t tell”.
Now I’m going to lie down and take care of my headache. That Emperor Chennux sure knows how to show a girl an intergalatic good time. . . those ten Sednas on the rocks sure went down easy, but the ends of my hair hurt today. . .
reader-who-posts
February 3rd, 2007 at 2:58 pm
RMMD: Forget the fact that Nike have a broken jaw, his mother almost died in a meth lab explosion, and her boyfriend is actively trying to kill him. That is nowhere nearly as important than Niki paying June back for stealing her purse! No wonder Rex turned gay.
Hagar: Obviously this comic is set before global warming.
FBOFW: Today’s strip just proved how unrealistic the book publishing is. No one who comes up with a line as crappy as “by loving me alone as I worked” could possibly write a novel that would be accepted by a publisher.
Luann: Does Bernice have a crush on her new brother? Ick!
Curtis: You think Curtis’ dad’s day has gone badly? Just think about mine – I was unable to avoid reading Curtis today!
Pluggers: Christ! We get it already, pluggers are poor. F&$%!
GT: I can’t wait until next week when Peggy goes on a bender and staggers onto the court while drunk, causing the team to get a technical. Then they can win the state play-downs while she is drying out in the hospital.
SF: That office is so gay that Mark Trail and Rex Morgan have applied to work there.
Drabble: By now that is officially the most disgusting chicken nugget in the world.
reader-who-posts
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:00 pm
umm, Niki not Nike.
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:12 pm
#99 reader-who-posts-Can we be sure that is the same nugget being chucked to and fro, and can we be sure said nugget actually contains chicken?…Maybe it’s a squid nugget…Oh, Yeeeaaahhh!
Poteet
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:20 pm
# 98 — Islamorada Girl, thanks for making Chennux happy and keeping his mind off the rest of us. You are a true CC heroine, Sednas and all.
Foob — And continuing Michael’s coma hallucination, per Lynngineering, now he’s making his big debut in Branson to thundering acclaim, playin’ and singin’ his new hit country single!
LOVIN’ me a-LONE while I WOORRKED…
I knew that you were watchin’ over meee…
Watchin’ while I typed
Watchin’ while I griped
You’re such a loyal woman, yessirreeeee…
LOVIN’ me a-LONE while I WOORRKED…
And now I’m gonna get what I de-SERRVE…
Here comes lotsa fame!
And ’cause you took mah name,
You’ll have a famous author-man to SERRRVE!
Booper
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:23 pm
#102 Poteet — When will that be coming out on CD?
Trotzenbonnie
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:27 pm
102 – Brilliant.
Branson – a FOOB’s paradise. It’s Las Vegas without the sin.
Richard Onley
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:37 pm
NOW IT CAN BE TOLD:
While browsing at the local library, I ran across several FOOB collections, and (Quo vado? Quo vado?!) checked some out.
From The Lives Behind the Lines, a book devoted to sketches of FOOB characters major and minor, p. 188:
“Agnes Dingle [the landlady of Mike's collegiate rooming house] grew up in the south of England. Poor and uneducated, she left her family and moved to Canada at the age of eighteen. She married a Saskatchewan farmer, a man she had met through correspondence. They had three children and lived a hard life, working the land . . . Bobby Dingle was a drinker who . . . often came home minus the money he’d kept for supplies. She ran the household and much of the farm on her own. Her children . . . managed the heavy work . . .”
And it goes on in that vein for three more paragraphs.
As far as I can see, the entire novel is essentially right there, except for the climactic accident and predictable tag line. So much for “Where do you get your ideas?”
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:38 pm
What with Josh returning tomorrow, I just gotta say…(cue Jerry Lewis Telethon Tender Moment Stringsâ„¢)…Uncle Lumpy, you have done a top notch Comics Curmudeon Community service in your capacity as Pope Pro Tem! Kudos Sir, and Huzzah!
Lynngineering
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:40 pm
FOOB: Michael may just be in a stupor, and not a full out and out coma. But then, the amount of fantasy really is too far out there and giving everything to me-me-me-mi-chael, so that really still confirms the Michael-fire-and-in-coma theory.
Still….according to wiki, “The difference between coma and stupor is that a patient with coma cannot give a suitable response to either noxious or verbal stimuli, whereas a patient in a stupor can give a crude response, such as screaming, to an unpleasant stimulus.”
Heh, sort of writes itself doesn’t it.
Old Fogeyette
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Poteet–I think you have a career in Nashville to look forward to.
And now a mini-rant about RMMD. This has been bothering me for weeks. Not only WTF about Niki’s broken jaw, but also WTF about May’s eye patch. There should not be miraculous healing in this strip! This is a MEDICAL strip! It’s about a DOCTOR, for Margo’s sake. It even has GOLF!
End of rant.
Lynngineering
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:48 pm
#93 Poteet – I am flattered for your partial convert to the coma-theory (even time to time) but you hope optimistically it supports your indignation through September, I am afraid of what happens already on the Valentines D-Day. After that, it may just be the life-support!
Jack Parsons
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:52 pm
61: “The Secret History”.
This led me to Procopius of Caesaria: The Secret History. Skip forward to Chapter 9: not safe for work or play.
Bill James
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Today, Stormy Hicks goes to the Rack.
MonkeyHawk
February 3rd, 2007 at 3:57 pm
No, no, no.
Branson, Missouri is what Las Vegas would have been if Hitler had won the war.
Trotzenbonnie
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:04 pm
112- Silver Deutsch Mark City and the Brown Shirt Stampede?
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:06 pm
The miracle healing cure in RMMD: June found the Holy Prime Rib from FOOB that transcended the time/space/comics continuum glowing with it’s miraculous powers in the dumpster next to where she parked by Mrs. Green’s building, and has been applying it to Niki and May’s “hurt places”…Where’s my 25K?
Trotzenbonnie
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:07 pm
I went to Branson MO and all I got was Lawrence Welk’s baton.
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:22 pm
The World Accordion to Welk.(apologies and thankyew)
Jack Parsons
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:28 pm
102: Poteet, watch out for the Song-Poem industry.
I Was A Teen-Age Song Poet
True Fable
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:31 pm
FBoFW Idea Whose Time Has Come re: “By loving me alone as I worked”
Mike Patterson might have meant something else, but Deanna interpreted it as, “Because you and I know that you prefer it when I go off to myself to tappity tap, rather than put up with me sitting around pretending to be noble and self-sacrificing when really all I want is constant attention and adoration. You know you love it when I get the hell out of your hair, so I may as well type all hours of the night. Oh, and the extra batteries for your Manhandler 2000 vibrator are in the right kitchen drawer next to the stove.”
And she interpreted it correctly.
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:33 pm
JP: Seeing the stink lines emanating there; I’d say the Canuck expatriates are really immersed in the French experience.
Red Greenback
February 3rd, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Hey…. I kid the French! My point being: That’s why the Riviera cops couldn’t tie Cary Grant as being “le chat” in “To Catch a Thief”
Krazy Kat
February 3rd, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Richard Onley
You got it! Actually, if you had been staring at this trainwreck since the days when Michael and Weed were roomies together in Agnes Dingles house, you would recall that Michael interviewed her.
War Bride of the Canadian Prairie is her story.
She had a stroke a a few years ago and is in pretty bad shape.
Maybe we will be treated to a heartwarming scene where Michael goes to visit her, tells her the great news and then we see a thought balloon coming our of her head (”I want half!”) Unabale to speak, though, she will only be able to say “Dah!” to which Michael will reply, “You’re welcome!” and leave.
Islamorada Girl
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Or maybe, she’ll sue him!
Oh, I live to see the day!
Mrs. Dingle, you are righteous and beautiful in your anti-Foob wrath!
Michael’s in a coma, and the rest of us in a stupor.
Funny how that can happen.
Trotzenbonnie
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Does Lynn/Michael Johnston/Patterson moonlight as the scriptwriter for the Lifetime Network’s “Moment of Truth” movies?
(C’mon. Admit it. They’re like trainwrecks. You’re channel surfing, you stumble upon them and then you just can’t turn away.)
Jamus The Bartender
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:35 pm
I hope you’re all happy. Now i’ve got visions of Deanna Patterson giving William Shatner a bj with Motorhead playing in the background.
jules
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Trotzenbonnie, I totally admit that I have a Lifetime Moment of Truth Movie problem. I’m not convinced that I want treatment, though. I like the one about the teenage girl who drove drunk and killed her best friend, and also the one about the teenage girl who became addicted to gambling. The gambling one was a Canadian production. Coincidence? I think not!
jules
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Jamus: Ew! I’ll take a whiskey sour, please, in an effort to erase that image from my mind.
Tux Pendelton
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:40 pm
Poteet:
Wonderful work, as always. I would fully support Michael moving to Branson as long as his encore is “How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?”
Uncle Lumpy
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:44 pm
#124
We’ve all been there, Jamus. We’ve all been there.
True Fable
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:49 pm
#123 Trotzenbonnie!
You have it on the nose with those Lifetime movies, omg. I was trapped into watching one of those. I silentely snarked it by making up alternate dialogue in my head
The Hallmark Channel usually turns out some pretty decent stuff like the recent Robert Duvall western. However, it is responsible for all those icky drecky Love’s Eternal Crapfest movie series or as I call it, heartburn/ gas/ that burning sensation.
FREE HOWARD NOW
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Uncle Lumpy, before you take off tomorrow (?) I’d like to say in a most heartfelt way that you’ve done a magnificent job as guest host this week. Seriously! No really, I mean it.
Vince M.
February 3rd, 2007 at 6:53 pm
#17: Yeah, I quit reading the strip long ago, getting all I need to know from this board – it’s the mirror I use to indirectly view the Medusa that is For Better or Worse.
Richard Onley
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:03 pm
#121, 123: With all this talk of trainwrecks, maybe it’s John who’s in the coma . . .
True Fable
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:13 pm
Since I Fell For a Foob (Anthony’s Lament)
(”Since I Fell for You” by Lenny Welch)
If you grow big hips
And with them, big lips
That’s all it takes for my heart
I know it’s dumb
So am I, to some
I can’t get Liz out of my mind
Fo-o-o-oob You know I don’t have a ho-o-o-ome
You took a chopper; you were gone
I am such a to-ool
Fo-o-o-oobs bring such misery and pain
Like Funky Winkerbean again
Since I fell for a Foob
I’ve a basement
And a fenced pen
And I’m in love with you!
Thought you loved me
But you snubbed me
What’m I gonna do after I’m done creeping up on you?
Well I-i-i-i, guess you’ll never see daylight
From my dark basement every night
Since I fell for a Foob
Since I fell for a Foob
Galactic Emperor Chennux
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:34 pm
ATTENTION EARTHERS! LOOSEN YOUR SPHINCTERS IN AWE OF CHENNUX!
#98 ISLAMORADA GIRL! CHENNUX PROMISES TO CALL IN THE MORNING! REALLY!
#102 POTEET – YOU HAVE TAKEN TIME FROM TAPDANCING AT THE THRONE OF CHENNUX TO WRITE A COUNTRY SONG? CHENNUX SUGGESTS A MODULATION FOR THE SECOND VERSE LIKE THE ONE YOU CALL BARRY MANILOW! IT’LL GO PLATINUM AND CHENNUX WILL GET A WRITING CREDIT AND A CHECK FROM ASCAP! HAHA!
UNCLE LUMPY! YOU HAVE PERFORMED ADEQUATELY! REMEMBER TO RE-ADJUST JOSH’S REAR VIEW AND LEFT SIDE MIRRORS BEFORE YOU HAND HIM BACK THE KEYS!
END TRANSMISSION!
Cornwhacker
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:44 pm
Hi, everybody. I haven’t had much time to join in on comments, but rest assured, I’ve been digging what I’ve been able to catch of Uncle Lumpy week.
117 Jack Parsons: If you posted that “I Was A Teenage Song Poet” link to get me to comment, it worked. In case you had no idea, I’m the one who wrote Insomniac Man. Yes, really. I’m much better now and so is my hair.
Donald The Anarchist
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:47 pm
A3G Don’t you listen, Tommie. You keep your eyes open if you want! My theory is, if it’s such a big deal to someone, they’ve probably got their eyes closed anyway, so they won’t know. My usual impression of girls who ALWAYS close their eyes during a kiss is that they’ve got a severe case of tryingtooharditis, and have gotten their ideas of how to kiss from too many bad movies and TV shows. Makes me wonder if they expect to hear a “Whooooo!!!” in the background, like we’re in an episode of “Head Of the Class.”
Dennis Jimenez
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:49 pm
SF – G. Gordon Liddy, Tony Snow and Fred Barnes – I’ve figured it out – Ted Forth works for Fox News.
AwfulArt
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:51 pm
# 12 Mik Holmes:: On a completely unrelated topic, I’m 8.
Also unrelated is I heard Lizard breath went from 7 to 9 without being ate…!!!
tussilago
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:52 pm
I’m no good at this song parody stuff, but god help me if I don’t hear Kyrie Eliason in my head everytime I read about Sheilaighiagh. I invite others to do it better…
(apologies to Mr Mister and the readers’ eyes)
The wind blows hard across Albertan prairie
Across the grain into my womb
From whence my hearty babes were birthed in pain
Wolves threaten to take us to our doom
My heart is old and yet I lust for more
Dreams burn a Granthony-like flame
Fenced in the basement with a creepy ‘stache
Is where I long to be again
Sheilagh-ilagh-ilagh
Down the road that I must travel
Sheilagh-ilagh-ilagh
Through the darkness of the night
Sheilagh-ilagh-ilagh
Where I’m going only sorrow
Sheilagh-ilagh-ilagh
In the Arctic’s northern lights
When I was young I thought of growing old
Of what my life would mean to me
Now Liz must follow down my chosen road
And marry the psychopath-to-be…
Poteet
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Foob — Here’s another song that Michael hallucinated for his triumphal Branson appearance –
Five minutes a day for my kiddies,
‘Cause there’s so much work to be done
I’d rather be with my kiddies
‘Cause writing is not much fun.
I have to sit in an attic room
Alone with my bottle of booze.
Each character wants me to be him or her
It’s so damn hard to choose.
I type and I think and I think and I type
And meanwhile I have to ignore
The screaming, fighting, and angry wails
Down there on the second floor
Five minutes a day for my kiddies,
And when my hard day is through
I won’t forget that I’ve promised, dear
Five minutes a day to you.
Bucky Ripsnort
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Hey! How’d he know her eyes were open if his eyes were closed?
cinephile
February 3rd, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Sorry if anyone’s already posted this, but it was a thread on the FOOBIverse’s Journal page, and I thought it should be passed on:
http://community.livejournal.com/binky_betsy/205612.html?thread=11404588#t11404588
(You might have to scroll down a bit, to the heading that says “From the free Urban Weekly, Toronto Seen, circa 2008″). Anyway, it’s a very funny mock review of Mike’s magnum opus.
lugbutt scaduto
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:39 pm
Emperor Chin-nuts, does this mean you’ll be leaving us now?
doug rogers
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Hmmmm….lesseee. Canadians partying in Paris. This could only be true if they are French-Canadians, meaning they are from Quebec, and would be insulted to be called Canadians…. English Canadians do not party, and definitely do not party in Paris… which means Cedric is a fake.
fred p.
February 3rd, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Uncle Lumpy, allow me to express my gratitude to you for sitting in for Josh these past many days. Us comic aficionados, we need our daily dose of comicorificality, and I believe I speak for many when I say this: Uncle Lumpy, Job Well Done. You have been lumperiffic, and if I may dare to say so, lumptastic as well.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:28 pm
So I wonder if Josh safely escaped from Homeland Security with that cache of weapons-grade snarkonium? I guess we’ll find out – when Canada protests that his sarcastic attacks against a Canadian national constitute an act of war and has all its foremost hockey players form a line ready to launch pucks toward American cities at a moment’s notice.
Dr. Y. Zowl
February 3rd, 2007 at 11:41 pm
I realize I’m getting in on the tail end of the thread here, but:
“The backed-up water caused by the beaver dam gave the rangers the water supply they needed for their pumps”!!!!
Has Jackelrod had a stroke or something that makes him incapable of constructing an idiomatic English sentence? Or has he hired Michael Patterson to write the strip for him? What the hell?
Ribinin
February 4th, 2007 at 12:39 am
Our time with Uncle Lumpy as a mentor, a guide and a friend comes to an end. Tomorrow he will step down to humbly rejoin the crowd of snarkegenarians gathered to greet him.
Jack Parsons
February 4th, 2007 at 12:50 am
SF: Mr. Clean is missing his earring. And has tinted his eyebrows.
Jack Parsons
February 4th, 2007 at 12:56 am
63: “dreaded candiru” – Now I’m really curious: how many William S. Burroughs fans among us? I have a special CD-R mp3 archive of a few hours of the master reading his stuff; it’s a fine way to drive to work…
NotGodot
February 4th, 2007 at 1:02 am
#144
The actual French don’t have much tolerance for French Canadians. The reasons are many, including the fact that the French spoken by the French Canadians split off hundreds of years ago, and has been barraged by American and Canadian culture ever since.
The point is, a French Canadian in Paris is unlikely to have much to party about, what with being all bloodied from being beaten for speaking what’s regarded as unintelligible pidgin French.
Jack Parsons
February 4th, 2007 at 1:32 am
All this talk of vibrators and batteries is not spot on. The real queen of the vibes is the Hitachi Magic Wand.
NOTE: This is an explicit adult video. This is not a “how to” video, but an amatuer video of Giovanna pleasuring herself with the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator. For North American use only, on 110 – 120 volts. Do not use with a voltage converter. Ummmm, use the not-a-”how-to”-video? use Giovanna?
And why is a giant Japanese conglomerate shipping a venerable flagship product with an amateur video?
willethompson
February 4th, 2007 at 8:25 am
ATTENTION EARTHERS! COVER YOUR EARS LEST THE RESONANCE OF MY BROADCAST CAUSE OTOIC BLEEDING!
CHENNUX RESPONDS TO #143 LUGBUTT! IN YOUR DREAMS, FEEBLE EARTHER!
END TRANSMISSION!
doug rogers
February 4th, 2007 at 11:27 am
Well, if they’re not English Canadians, and they aren’t French Canadians, they must be Israelis holding fake Canadian passports.
Remus - (A Tater Tot Man)
February 4th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
So, Chennux, were we told we could stop dancing at some point? B/c I would have died from snarkhaustion had I not had the presence of mind to inject myself with this recombobulatory ambidection beforehand…then, just at the limits of human endurance was re-revived by the Sunday comics.
S-M: No. No – you got me. I am a gal on steroids…/>
Snuffy Smith: Fried Chicken and Butterscotch Pie! That sounds frickin’ awesome! Unfortunately, more information about it cannot be found on the internet…
Blondie: Where’s the joke? What’s that again?
FW: WTF is that Montoni-like ‘character’ in the FW logo? Is Batuik trying to fool unsuspecting first time readers into thinking this is just another happy-go-lucky strip?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 4th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Uh-oh – G.E. Chennux has COMPLETELY TAKEN OVER THE HUSK OF WILLETHOMPSON and STOLEN HIS IDENTITY!!
Mibbitmaker
February 4th, 2007 at 6:00 pm
#146: The Canadian Intifada.
#153: Oops.
Dennis Jimenez
February 5th, 2007 at 9:02 am
DM – Yeah, Joey, and absolutely not the cuddly little porkers we saw at the petting zoo.
MW – Beautiful? Clearly Dr. Jeff is still delusional.
RMMD – Tuna taco box lunch – now were talking!
JP – Cedric is fixing breakfast – is that what you kids call it these – oh never mind.
nedpfmrw hebza
June 23rd, 2007 at 4:01 pm
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