The Comics Curmudgeon

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Red-hot Tommie-on-Tommie-lookalike action

Apartment 3-G, 2/4/07

So I just spent a good chunk of time catching up on the various comics I missed while I was away, and I have to say that nothing was so disturbing as the bizarre turn of events in Apartment 3-G that saw Tommie falling into the arms of a pencil-mustached lothario out of the ~~1970s~~ ~~1950s~~ ~~1890s~~ [Note: Historical records confirm that there has been no decade in recorded human history in which Neil's clothes, haircut, and mustache would be considered fashionable and attractive. --Eds] Less traumatizing than Neil, who will soon cast aside Tommie like a used tissue, is Gary, aka “Boy Tommie.” Clearly this lookalike duo is destined for romance, at which point all of time and space will collapse into a black hole of bland mopiness from which nothing, not even fun, can escape.

I really thought for a minute that Tommie was supposed to be wearing a bolo tie, but it turns out that it’s just a Victorian locket or something. Still, she is looking rather Old Western, and not in a good way.

Before I conclude, I do want to cast a look back at a couple of gems from last week. I certainly don’t mean this as a disparagement of Uncle Lumpy’s fine job filling in, but it’s just that he doesn’t necessarily share all of my incomprehensible comics obsessions, one of which is old people having sex.

Judge Parker and Crankshaft, 2/1/07

It was too slow-moving and pointless to cover here, but I always thought there was something a little odd in the interaction between Rachel and her regular butler (who now seems to be locked in his sickroom, totally forgotten) in the weeks leading up to Abbey and Neddy’s arrival in Paris. I don’t even want to know about the twisted power dynamics that go on in a sexual relationship between an old gazillionare biddy and her manservant. I do know that I love Rachel’s expression in panel two. It says, “Yeah, that’s right, you sexy young mulleted whippersnapper, I’m eighty years old and dying of cancer, but I’ve been gettin’ me some hot servant tail for decades, while you can’t even bed your own husband by wearing something low-cut and getting him boozed up!”

Crankshaft’s face, meanwhile, bears the ashen expression of a lonely widower who is suddenly reminded that he hasn’t felt the intimate touch of another human being in decades. That’s Crankshaft for you, which mainly serves to provide comic relief for Funky Winkerbean.

Finally, yesterday’s Watch Your Head had an amusing take on Curtis.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 5, 2007 at 02:08 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Crankshaft, Judge Parker.

120 responses to “Red-hot Tommie-on-Tommie-lookalike action”

Tukla in Iowa
February 5th, 2007 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

MT: Did Mark and whoever he’s speaking to momentarily dopple themselves into a pair of geese just to make a “bills” pun?
David the Plugger
February 5th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

I know the first two panels are meant to be disposable, but the doubling up of “Later at the tavern” tags makes it seem like Tommie is making out with Neil for most of the night. Fine. Gross, but fine. What’s really wonderful about it though, is that it gives the impression that Gina was just standing there staring at them the entire time. Too polite to say, “Uh, Tommie, I need that vest to play the part of great aunt Hilda in an upcoming play at the senior center.”
HBGlord
February 5th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

WHY: Now that’s Onion — instead of “Onion”!
HBGlord
February 5th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

I mean “WYH” — Just back from Jack Ass Acres myself, evidently.
Squeak
February 5th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Well, those folks at A-3G have raised the art of throwaway panels to a new level!
Aerin
February 5th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Nuts, David beat me to it. I do kind of like the idea of Tommie spending hours making out with this dude, though. It’s like she’s making up for twenty-to-thirty-some years of action in one marathon snogging session.
fizzy logic
February 5th, 2007 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

In 3G, everyone’s dressed as if they had a contest as to who could look the worst – Gina’s ponytails are horrific, and everyone’s clashing colors – blech! Not even Tommie’s head bobble can make up for the horror that is that comic. All that kissing with that horrible mustache makes me need the eye bleach.
Mr Froth
February 5th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

Gina likes to watch – Tommie is on roofies. The sad thing is that Tommie probably slipped herself a mickey. Just look at her head bobble!
Squawk
February 5th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft: The interrogation at the blood drive actually goes like this:

Nurse: Have you had sex with a man, even once, since 1977?

Crankshaft: No. Uh…1977? Um…let me think…yep, that’s a no.
SixFootJen
February 5th, 2007 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Tommie is definitely making up for lost time. She’s going to strip off that dowdy blouse and vest (vest!!!) and dance on the bar in her bra, then have up-against-the-wall sex with Arthur Dent in the men’s room while Tommie-lookalike watches, crest- (and otherwise-) fallen.
HBGlord
February 5th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

I so expected to see that after the kiss the ’stache would be transferred from Neil’s face to Tommie’s. They clearly make spirit gum hardier in whatever era A3G takes place in.
Mazeville
February 5th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

One minor good thing: the Sunday coloring gnomes were a little easier on Tommie’s wardrobe than the weekday ones are (ick).

Still, this comie makes me immensely sad. From the expression on her face, Tommie is having less fun than Crankshaft. Or is it that she doesn’t actually have the ability to look happy? (A3G enthusiasts: does she?)
B
February 5th, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

The most important part of the Tommie/Neil fling is Tommie became infatuated with him after he gave her a concussion.
Spunde
February 5th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

Is “deja vu” French for “I even bore myself”?
Squawk
February 5th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

Addendum: The only thing I noticed about A3G was Glenda’s kelp-colored hair, which made me think she’s a mermaid. The fact that Tommie can’t compete successfully for a man’s affection with even a fish-tailed woman underscores just how pathetic her life is.
Coffeeclash
February 5th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Tommie, if you really want to continue the meaningless marathon mustache-meld with Neil, you must get yourself a sickly green wig. Or, just continue to dazzle Gary with your Margo-like rejoinders.
Saxman
February 5th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

A3G

Apparently what Tommy did all night in between her two Sunday tavern panels was, well, er… change clothes. Most of the evening she was waering a stunning blue jacket with a green blouse. (the jacket seems to flip from buttoned to the neck to flung wide open quite a bit come to think of it.)

In one or maybe two panels she also appears to be wearing a black sweater.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070126&name=Apartment_3-G

But Sunday she is clearly wearing a brown vest and a white blouse (see Josh’s rendition of the Sunday strip above).

My theory is that she went to the tavern, headed to a nearly loft, the blue and green ensemble was “ripped asunder” (as they are wont to say in the romances, and she had to borrow the brown and white stuff for a return trip to the tavern. This makes moustache-boy’s dumping her all the more poignant…

(the only problem with my scenario is that in Monday’s strip, the blue and green are back.)

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070205&name=Apartment_3-G
Reed
February 5th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

re: Judge Parker

I’m pretty sure “The Bentley” is a sexual act/position that has been declared illegal in 43 states.
Saxman
February 5th, 2007 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

A3G 2

BTW, Tommy’s emotional range also seems to be expanding. Look at her expressions in the three panels, especially panel 2. And not a bobbling head in any of them!
Alex Blase
February 5th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Yeah, I especially don’t know why that woman is asking Ed about his sexual activity of the past month considering that the slowest disease to show up in a blood test – HIV – takes, at its slowest, 6 months. And I don’t know any blood bank that’s concerned with sexual practices (as they should be), instead of what they are in reality concerned with: sexual orientation and sexual geography.

I like Tommie’s expression in the far left panel of the bottom row of completely unfiltered and uncouth disappointment, as if her last chance at reproduction is walking away. Considering he’s that slutty with the kissing, Tommie will always have something to remember him by: herpes.

And I have this week’s Qomics for Queers up, just click on my name.
Pelagius
February 5th, 2007 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

WYH: Yes! That strip made my (ludicrously hungover) weekend. Especially its intimation that Barry has fallen victim to some really extreme violence.
Donald The Anarchist
February 5th, 2007 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

A3G COME ON GARY!! No one is fooled. You and Neil do this all the time. Neil gets ‘em revved up, and then you swoop in. Next thing he’ll be saying is, “Wanna make Neil really jealous?” Of course, Neil doesn’t get jealous. By the time other men would be jealous, Neil’s already three chicks further down the queue.

Of course, if Tommie can’t stop mooning over Neil, then Gary has the perfect excuse to dump her. It’s a tidy little scam, I’ll give them that.
HBGlord
February 5th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

#21 — Dollars to donuts “Oogie” is involved. http://joshreads.com/?p=840
True Fable
February 5th, 2007 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

All I need to see now is Gary singing:

“I want a girl just like the girl who bobbled dear old Dad!”

And I bet his last name is really Worth.
True Fable
February 5th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Squawk: The green haired girl is actually She-Hulk, and playing an extra in Apartment 3-G is a long way from the heady days of being a Marvel Comics pin-up gal.

Lo, how the mighty have fallen.
SmartPeopleOnIce
February 5th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

Crikey… HEY GINA, TAKE A PICTURE IT’LL LAST LONGER!

And could that Neil really be this Neil?

Alas, the tragic side effects of industrial-grade theatre-community STDs…
PeteMoss
February 5th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

I’m not one to get too caught up on the wardrobe issues in A3G. I don’t spend a lot of time in Manhattan, so Iâ€™m not an expert or anything. Still, is Tommie wearing a vest or a blazer over her spinster blouse? Sunday itâ€™s a vest and then Monday itâ€™s a blazer. Did Neil Beast-Boy rip of her sleeves while kissing her and then she pinned them back on? Seriously, though, Glendaâ€™s hair is green. I think the coloring on this strip is outsourced to another one of CHENNUXâ€™s planetary conquests.
AppleGirl
February 5th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

A3G makes sense once you realize that everyone’s in eighth grade!
Lyman Returns
February 5th, 2007 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

Wow…She-Hulk (or is it the X-Man known as Polaris?) showing up in A3G, the X-Men’s Storm showing up in FBOFW…what’s next, Spider-Man showing up in the Spider-Man comic strip? Nah, never happen.

A3G-I like how Gina goes from looking intrigued in the first panel to out-and-out giddy in the third. Gee, Gina, if your pal starts making out with a dude who looks like Timothy Dalton circa Flash Gordon days, maybe you go get a drink instead of hanging around ogling. Standing around watching just makes the making out in public AWKWARD, girlfriend.
benro
February 5th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

MF – I guess I didn’t get the memo. Where’s this groundswell of support? And the footnote references the candidate’s e-mail address. Is this groundswell of support coming from Nigerian bankers?
Lyman Returns
February 5th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

#29-Even more awkward than the fact she’s a grown woman wearing her hair in pigtails. With a hot pink jacket on. It takes a special kind of person to pull that look off, and…hmm, I don’t know if ANYONE can pull that look off.
Dingo
February 5th, 2007 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

In casually browsing Apt. 3G in the past few days, it seems that Tommie Thompson has chosen her clothes not from the far back of the closet where the little hobgoblins of love live but from the title cards of Bonanza. Either that or Manhattan is the only community outside of Branson where one can still shop for saloon bartendress clothing without the use of a sense of irony.

Who’s Glenda in Apt. 3G? I remember the good witch being all white with blonde hair, not dressed in green with green hair to match. Does this make Tommie Dorothy or is she Toto? Lord knows, with that neck, Neil must be a tin man.
lascauxcaveman
February 5th, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

Look at the blonde kid in WYH, dude totally nailed Gunk from Flyspeck.
PeteMoss
February 5th, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

Tommie has her own mustache in the next to the last panel. That guy kissed his hormones into her. Wow.
kat
February 5th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

I like that Tommie’s risky behavior is less hardcore than most middle school parties. Lord, if Margo were in her place, this party would be a Studio 54 orgy, and Neil would be learning exactly what happens to “bad boys.”
Tukla in Iowa
February 5th, 2007 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

#31: Gina’s a grown woman? I thought she was maybe 15, making her current romantic relationship all the more disturbing and illegal.
Pozzo
February 5th, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

Does Gary mean “Deja vu” in the sense of “Fancy meeting you here?” If so, he needs to brush up on his French. From the look of the first couple of panels, Tommie may be able to help him there.
Saxman
February 5th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

35

At all the middle school parties I’ve ever been too, the redheads were showing about twice as much skin as Tommy.

And mind you, the last middle school party I attended was in 1970.
Kate
February 5th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

There’s this temple in India that shows the goddess Kali piercing the neck of the buffalo-demon with an arrow. Then there’s this panel of Apartment 3G showing Gina’s hairstyle. Then there’s me wondering if Gina is the buffalo demon.
Red
February 5th, 2007 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

26: I find it likely that, these days, Gina is by day an awkwardly dressed young actress, and by night Margo’s bitch. Naturally, therefore, Margo sends Gina out as an ambiguous voyeur so that she can report back to her mistress and all the world may better mock Tommie.
Dingo
February 5th, 2007 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

Gina, my love! You owe me a drink. Only one author in the world could write this crap: Michael Patterson.
migrainia scaduto
February 5th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

Now see here, Emperor Chin-nuts, don’t go pickin’ on my husband Buttplug, er, see, Lugbutt, just ’cause his same is funny, see? Get it? I have half a mind to tell this to Lugbutt’s brother Al, who writes this TDIET, see? It would go like this, get it? He-he. “Emperor Chin-nuts likes earthlings to dance in sequined thongs all day and night, but can he get as good as he gives? No-o-o-o-o-o-o. ‘Hey, little dog, put that curtain back, see? I’m the great and powerful Oz, er, Chennux, get it?’ See?” O-h-h-h-h, yea-h-h-h-h-h-h.
kat
February 5th, 2007 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

38: As a redhead myself, I can confirm this. Also, I was showing more skin with three layers on this afternoon.
SmartPeopleOnIce
February 5th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Margo would teach Neil “the Bentley”.
Coffeeclash
February 5th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

More information about Bentley can be found, where else. Me, I want to hear more about “the exciting thrust of a Continental body.”
Krazy Kat
February 5th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy bought us ice cream every day while you were gone.
winky
February 5th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

hey – the guy who draws Apt. 3-G must read this blog! i commented yesterday about the director’s mustache disappearing when he kissed tommie, now his mustache is right on his kisser where it’s supposed to be. hooray! our voices are being heard!
AhClem
February 5th, 2007 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

Gary is really Bill Gates in disguise. He occasionally wanders incognito among his subjects, hearing what the commonfolk are saying about Windows.

Tommie, you’d better give him some good snoggin,or you’ll regret it the rest of your life.
HammerGirl
February 5th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

I’ve said it before, but I mean it more today than I ever have: Billy in Family Circus is freaking me out.
Seriously…check out how pissed the little man is!
MossMoses
February 5th, 2007 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

Joomba is the Phantom’s elephant. How is that runty little lampshade sidekick going to get up on him let alone ride him? I sure hope he’s wearing some tighty whities. Since when did the ghost who walks turn into the skintight spandex clad “spritual adviser who gossips”? The phantom typically utilizes the element of surprise when confronting evildoers (it helps that they never notice him in plain sight two feet away) rather than come stomping in on an elephant. Maybe this is the phantom’s shock and awe technique just for these evil day traders.
B
February 5th, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

46: Who are you, the kid who tells the regular teacher when the substitute forgot to assign homework?
Blynneda
February 5th, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

For some reason, I can’t get the thought out of my head that the dude in the background of Crankshaft there is taking a leak. I don’t know what else he would be doing back there.

Also, I think it would be neat if the native of Flyspeck Island was actually named Crunk.
PeteMoss
February 5th, 2007 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

49. HG Iâ€™ve said it before, but I mean it more today than I ever have: Billy in Family Circus is freaking me out. Seriouslyâ€¦check out how pissed the little man is!

True. He looks almost as angry as that chimpmunk from Saturday’s Mark Trail.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070203&name=Mark_Trail
MossMoses
February 5th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

53. PeteMoss, great observation of the chipmunk rage. He’s just looking for someone to bite. Is your moniker Moss Moses related, too?
SixFootJen
February 5th, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

46: ha ha ha ha ha! COTW!
Bucky Ripsnort
February 5th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

A3G:
I can suspend disbelief for a lot of things, but when theatre director w/ Neil’s mustache kisses Tommie after that “Speak, woman!” snit, he’s obviously gay; perhaps he mistook her for Gary?
JK9000
February 5th, 2007 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

I like how “Girl”-Tommie looks like a man, yet “Boy-Tommie” has this vague air of feminism. It goes to show what the true essence of being “Tommie” really isâ€”being sexually awkward to the point just shy of being interesting.

Also, bonus creepy points to Gina for hovering around like some kind of smirking vulture. Her positioning throughout the strip leads me to believe that she is indeed circling the group, waiting for the prime opportunity to swoop down and shove a foot in her mouth with one of her patented socially-inexcusable comments.
Poteet
February 5th, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

I know a community theater director, and I can hardly wait to tell him that if he moves to NYC, he’ll have license to grab random oddly-dressed strangers and snog them after knocking them into walls. If he turns himself into a vague homage to Hitler and Seventies porn stars, that is.
SmartPeopleOnIce
February 5th, 2007 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

Many a fat alley director had met his demise while staring point blank down the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine. Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator. Tommie the cat had many a story to tell, but it was a rare occasion such as this that she did…
Joe
February 5th, 2007 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

Crankshaft is a lot like those Taco Bell commercials where hip young late-twentysomethings talk about the latest disgusting food offering from Taco Bell in that I hate both of them. The similarities pretty much end there, but I needed to get that off my choice.
Sorcerer Mickey
February 5th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

No, you’ve got it all wrong. While Tommie’s “bolo tie/Victorian locket/something” is indeed a Victorian locket, more importantly, it’s proof that she one of the long lost Heterodyne family! [See Girl Genius: http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/cgi-bin/gg101.cgi?date=20050615 ]
Uncle Lumpy
February 5th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

WHO WANTS ICE CREAM?
HBGlord
February 5th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

#62 — Yaaaaaaaaay!!!!!
ObÃ©lix
February 5th, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

No. 9 – Squawk -

I think it may actually go more like this:

Nurse: Have you had sex with a man, even once, since 1977?

Crankshaft: Uhâ€¦What month in 1977?
PeteMoss
February 5th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

54. MossMoses – No, but I understand the confusion. Actually it’s an aka I used in H.S. while I was also doing some landscaping for spending money. (Is there another kind?) More information about Peat Moss can be found on the internet but, hopefully, very little information about PeteMoss. Thanks for asking.

That little critter’s gonna chew the hell out of that jacklelrod ball.
PeteMoss
February 5th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

Did someone say ice cream? LUMPYLUMPYLUMPYLUMPYLUMPY!!!!
Lynngineering
February 5th, 2007 at 6:28 pm [Reply]

A3G: “Hi Tommie, Remember Me?” … The question seems to be, does the A3G ‘artist’ remember any of the actual characters? I don’t mean just a wig either. This version of A3G is awfully close to clip-art, without being inside, ironic or hip in that way, unless the Michael Patterson level of character and plot thing moving forward stuff is supposed to be …

It is hard to keep up with todays A3G after looking at the link the other day at “classic” decades.

There should be a comic readers union, the C.R.U. and when a comic author and artist retires or things change, the C.R.U. has at least some say as to who has the right to continue it. Even design by committee has better chances for creative work than this.

Imagine the possibilities, I mean, if they want a clip-art version of A3G, then join forces with GYWO at least…Yes, “Get Your Apt 3 G On”, not bad….
PeteMoss
February 5th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

50. MM Maybe this is the phantomâ€™s shock and awe technique just for these evil day traders.

Possibly, but I get the feeling the Ghost-who-ruminates is waiting for the sanctions to work.
Craigers
February 5th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

Did someone say ice cream? LUMPYLUMPYLUMPYLUMPYLUMPY!!!!

Unfortunately, Lumpy’s also been to Jack Ass Acres, and today’s ice cream flavor is Jerky.
Ribinin
February 5th, 2007 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

Maybe a little ice cream would be good. I am still tasting cheese log.
Frank Drackman
February 5th, 2007 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

Wow Josh, that looks like the place the Griswolds stayed at in that “Vacation” movie..
PeteMoss
February 5th, 2007 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

69. Craigers- I’ll pass on the jerky n’ cream…and the vienna hotdog nuttycrunch. The only safe things on that menu are the hats & more and maybe the automotive supplies
Dji
February 5th, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

Wow. I think the old lady from Judge Parker on German TV at Christmas. Abbey Uber Alles!
Dji
February 5th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

“I think I saw,” that is. Jeez. I suck.
Baby Dâ€™oh
February 5th, 2007 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

Somehow or other, my eye went straight from “collapse into a black hole” to “old people having sex”. You know, I’m going to be out of eyeballs soon if I have to keep gouging them like this.
Tukla in Iowa
February 5th, 2007 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

#69: todayâ€™s ice cream flavor is Jerky.

It could have been much worse.
Stacia
February 5th, 2007 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

A3G – I can’t be the only one disturbed at Gina’s creepy ever-smiling stare throughout the strip. Maybe her face is stuck that way from her ponytails being pulled back too tightly.

Neil’s girlfriend must be living in a 1970s sitcom. Just prior to the party, she confessed to her best friend that Neil didn’t seem to be paying as much attention to her as he used to. She and her best friend attempted to dye her hair a hot sexy blonde, to get Neil’s attention, but it all went wrong! The dye turned her hair green! And she had to go to the party anyway! The epilogue before the closing credits will show her at the salon with her hair back to normal, while she shells out a stack of twenties to a quippy, bubble-gum chewing stylist.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
February 5th, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! STOP WITH THE DANCING FOR A PARSEC! CHENNUX SPEAKS! OR MORE TECHNICALLY, SINGS!

ON ZYNEX, WE HAD COMPOSERS CALLED GILBREX AND SOLLIVAN. THEY WROTE LIGHT OPERA UNTIL THEIR HANDS BLED AND THEIR FINGERS FELL OFF! CHENNUX SINGS MUSIC WRITTEN SPECIFICIALLY FOR HIM! YOU WILL LISTEN AND OBEDIENTLY OVATE!

FROM THE OPERETTA, THE PIRATES OF PENZXTGPLINA!

I AM THE VERY MODEL OF AN EMPEROR GALACTICAL!
I SEEK TO CONQUER CLASS M WORLDS WHENEVER IT IS PRACTICAL!
Iâ€™LL THREATEN YOUR DESTRUCTION WITH BOTH MAJESTY AND SPECTACLE!
MY CANNON FIRES BOLTS THAT REEK OF MAGMA THATâ€™S ELECTRICAL!

I READ YOUR COMICS DAILY AND ADMIT THAT I AM QUIZZICAL!
WHY LIZZIE P. HAS YET TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND THAT GETS PHYSICAL?
WHY MIKE CAN WRITE A BOOK THAT NETS A CHEQUE THAT IS ADVANCIBLE?
IT MAKES ME WANT TO SHOD YOU ALL IN TAP SHOES HIGHLY DANCE-ABLE!

(WE MAKE HIM WANT TO SHOD US ALL IN TAP SHOES HIGHLY DANCE-ABLE!)

AUNT RACHEL HAS A CANCER THAT SEEMS QUITE THE TYPE INOPâ€™RABLE,
BUT ABBEY SEEMS TO HOPE THAT IT WILL SPREAD AND IS UNSTOPPABLE?
WHY CEDRIC SEEMS SO EVIL YET HEâ€™S ONLY A CANADIAN?
AND GROVES WILL GET A BENTLEY FOR SEX SERVICING THIS HARRIDAN?

AND MARY WORTH CALLS DR. LING TO GET ADVICE THATâ€™S MEDICAL?
AND TOMMIE GETS HER TONSILS LICKED BY SCUMBAGS WITH LIP FOLLICLE?
WHILE BEAVERS MOIST AND SLIPPERY CAVORT AROUND THE ELRODBALL
ARE MANY OF THE STUPID THINGS THAT I JUST DO NOT GET AT ALL!

(ARE MANY OF THE STUPID THINGS THAT HE JUST DOES NOT GET AT ALL!)

THIS TORQUES ME! SO KEEP DANCING â€˜TIL WE COME UP TO THE MADIGRAL!
Iâ€™LL SLIP OFF WITH THE LIFEFORM WHO IS CALLED ISLA MORADIGAL!
SQUID COUNTESS AND POTEET WILL ACT AS BRIDESMAIDS AND AS CATERERS
JUST BRING THE SCOTCH AND HAGGIS, WONâ€™T NEED CUCUMBERS OR â€˜TATOERS!

TRUE FABLE, DANCE WITH PREENER, AND GH TEAMS WITH OLD FOGEYETTE!
PETEMOSS AND LITTLE APPLEGIRL WILL DANCE A MOSH PIT MINUET!
LUMPY IS MIXOLOGIST! SPOI THE MINISTER!
RED GREENBACK WILL HELP LYNNGINEERING DOING SOMETHING SINISTER!

NO CHORUS HERE, Iâ€™VE GOT TO GO â€˜CAUSE Iâ€™M AN EVIL EMPEROR
Iâ€™M LATE TO BLOW UP RIGEL SIX AND THEN GO TO THE LIQUOR STORE!
I LOVE MY JOB, ITâ€™S WHAT I DO, I KNOW Iâ€™M HAPPY TO REPORT!
AND I NOW HAVE A RHYMING WORD FOR MY EXPANDING SKXCRITORT!

END TRANSMISSION!
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 5th, 2007 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

A local place that serves ice cream and sandwiches (called, naturally, The Chocolate Factory – not to be confused with the Cheesecake Factory – not to be confused with 9CL) has a “double-dare ice cream flavor of the month.” Currently it’s “Key West Style Lemon, Basil, and Thyme” – which actually makes sense, compared to, uh, garlic ice cream, which is one I remember from the past. If you’re curious, you can check it out here.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 5th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

I see Galactic Emperors are just as ignorant as our earthly variety: Your Great Dudeness, begging your enormous and flatulent pardon, but a “parsec” is not a unit of time. If you’d bothered to look it up in Wikxqrtipedrtyxa or the local equivalent, you’d know that. Oh – and that flight suit you’re wearing? It’s on backwards.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 5th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

Catchy tune, though. Someone should sing it on American Idol – that’d wow ‘em.
booper
February 5th, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

#78 – Emperor Chennux, if I may be so bold as to address your Galactic Greatness, your music is as brilliant as the three blazing suns on S;[ja Vrmyisat. Beautiful, just beautiful.

#62 – Uncle Lumpy, could I have a Popsicle instead? I’m lactose intolerant.
Techinin
February 5th, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Our Uncle Lumpy is the neatest! He held a bake sale, we had political discussions, learned all about unrealistic book publishing contracts and begged intergalactic emperors for mercy.

Now we’re getting ice cream! Make mine chocolate fudge brownie and rocky road with whipped cream in one of those flat bottomed cones (the ones that have the texture of styrofoam). Yum Yum!
Caged Tygre
February 5th, 2007 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

#26, SPOI, Damn it, and I was just going to say, I would have been happier if Gary said, “Dinosaur Neil,” and not “Asteroid Neil.” I am…the ticked.
More at myself really.
Techinin
February 5th, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

Oh holy shit.

I’m doomed again.

HRM Chennux neglected my Sycophantic Salsa, my Butt-kissing Bump-n-Grind, my Ballet of Brown Nosing…
Joemanji
February 5th, 2007 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

I think I know where 3-G is going:
Be prepared for Neil and Gary doing more than just Bro-Hugs and Bro-Grabs… much more.
It will be banned in most states.
gnome de blog
February 5th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

Tommie’s outfit is hot…if she’s wearing a skirt with a bustle and high-button shoes and it’s 1892.

Not only that, she’s been kissed twice in the last 6 months, which is more action than she’s gotten since the ’60s when she ran around in lingerie half that time and really was hot.
Craigers
February 5th, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

#76 Tukla in IA : It could have been much worse.

I’ll say. Tomorrow’s ice cream flavor is “Cookies ‘n’ Old People Having Sex”.
MonkeyHawk
February 5th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

Islamorada Girl:

I think Galactic Emperor Chenuxx has just revealed, due to his affection for show tunes, that Plan A might not work.

Plan B: DINGO!
Lyman Returns
February 5th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

#78-Truly awesome, your eminence! I bow down before your cosmic composing skills.

JP-What’s with all the extreme close-ups? Did the artist use up all his or her background-drawing skills for the week on that first panel? Man, they couldn’t even be bothered to squeeze that redhead’s entire face into that last panel.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
February 5th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY YOU, MOLE PREENER!

CHENNUX NAVIGATES SPACE THE WAY YOU NAVIGATE A STEIN OF OLD MILWAUKEE! CHENNUX KNOWS THAT PARSEC, LIKE LIGHT YEAR, IS A MEASUREMENT OF DISTANCE! AND THE VEILED REFERENCE TO OTHER ‘EMPERORS?’ MOLEY, YOU’RE DOING A HECK OF A JOB! HAHA!

AND THE FLIGHT SUIT IS NOT ON BACKWARDS, WHICH YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU WERE NOT UNISKXCRITORTED!

TECHININ! THE DROP SHIP IS COMING FOR YOU! LOOK LIVELY! BRING THE SYCOPHANT BOOPER WITH YOU!

END TRANSMISSION!
Air Forbes
February 5th, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

#87 – Exactly. So everybody stop dissing Tommie’s outfit. This is a look that’s working for her.

JP: Is “the Bentley” like “going to the Bucket”? Don’t answer that.
commodorejohn
February 5th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

#1 – Do I espy an Overdrawn At The Memory Bank reference?

I’ve decided that I like FOOB’s Sundays more than its dailies. Not for the art or anything (it’s just more FOOB art, only with slightly larger panels and oh-so-predicatble coloring,) but because nobody talks until the last panel.
Poteet
February 5th, 2007 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

# 61 — Thank you, Sorcerer Mickey. I don’t really understand the comic, but the website background made me realize that something wonderful and important has been missing from my life — flying trilobites. Wow.

# 62 — I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! Well, some of us. Chocolate, please, thanks very much.

# 78 — Your Amazingness, I am impressed! This is a talent of Your Imperial Self that you have not revealed to us earthlings before.

I’ve never been a bridesmaid, so this will be new. I didn’t know Scotch was part of the tradition, but I’ll be happy to bring some Islay. (And based on her previous recipe, perhaps a six-pack of Bud for your bride-to-be?) I can’t do heels, but any other adornment appropriate to an intergalactic ceremony is fine with me if it’s okay with your betrothed and Squid Countess.

And um, please don’t fry me to a crisp for mentioning this, but on our planet, the general custom is one wife at a time. Of course whatever works for you and your intended is fine, totally fine, just fine (backing away quickly).
Canaduck
February 5th, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

#93– At least he’s not a lousy, stupid anteater.
Trotzenbonnie
February 5th, 2007 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

Funky Winkerbean reminds me of the times my mother would say having a bird poop on your head meant good luck.
TB Tabby
February 5th, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

96: What an ironic coincidence! Have you read today’s Safe Havens?
Ned Ryerson
February 5th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

When the fuck did we get ice cream?
Red Greenback
February 5th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

Oh Mighty Emperor Chennux. Thanks a twenty five thousand for freeing me from your Solid Gold Dance Squadron. You don’t shoot horses, do you?
cyberpersephone
February 5th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

Baldo: So, when you ask your teenagers why they’re late they …. become zombies? Not having children myself I was unaware of that.
True Fable
February 5th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

And just why am I to dance with Gadge Cubic? Not that I wouldn’t like to converse and learn the finer aspects of boat wrestling or mole preening, mind you, but… who leads?

Be gentle with me. I’m stupid.
Techinin
February 5th, 2007 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

Poteet, be a dear and turn up the boom box.

True Fable, drop the corn chips and join me. I’m starting a conga line to these old Miami Sound Machine hits…

Did anybody else notice that Tommie’s sure got a purty pout? It seems that she’s a mouth breather. That takes at least 70 IQ points right off the top.
deeeeeeeeelightful
February 5th, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

I was unaware of this ice cream….
Jym Dyer
February 5th, 2007 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

=v= A3G: Gary ought to grow himself a ’stache. It works for Neil. it even works for Granthony.
Mickey Dugan
February 6th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

I’d like to offer a possible explanation for the porn-star moustaches that have puzzled so many of us. Once artists of a certain calibre have drawn their little picture stories, and realized that everyone, male and female, looks exactly alike, they have to add moustaches to some of them so that you can tell the characters apart. Only then can they hit the absinthe.
Jack Parsons
February 6th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

18: Iâ€™m pretty sure â€œThe Bentleyâ€ is a sexual act/position that has been declared illegal in 43 states.

The Duesenberg and the Packard are still on the books in most states, but no longer enforced.
Jack Parsons
February 6th, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

48: Melinda (the Gates-wife) would put out a hit on Tommie. The woman who perpetrated Bob is capable of anything.
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 6th, 2007 at 12:49 am [Reply]

Re Transmission 91 from Galactic Emperor Ruxpin: Begging your imperious pardon sir – but as Old Milwaukee is like making love in a canoe – actually, like making love in a canoe directly beneath the effluent pipes of the Cleveland Millworks – are you suggesting that you navigate space by avoiding it or, when it is presented to you as a gift, surreptitiously pouring it onto the floor where your pet dxogzs can lick it up and hopefully not suffer the dreaded “Mynztexymza’s Revenge” all over the carpeted portions of the Galactico-Imperial Palace? Or have you been a victim of a foul earther plotz to persuade you that “Old Milwaukee” is a desired beverage on this planet? (Even the bargain brand “Jonny Gold wisky” (not “whiskey”) – which is barely distinguishable from another “Jonny” product, namely “Jonny Cat” catbox liner – is superior.)
skulking on the outskirts
February 6th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

Oh, Most Exalted and Dreaded Galactic Emperor Chennux, Your sublime composition is truly a superlative work, which I, in my lowly, unworthy fashion, took much delight in. But I must beg Your pardon and plead for my paltry, valueless life, for though I am but Your most humble of subjects, I cannot hide from You that I have had (oh, the shame! the mortification!) a certain subversive thought enter my foolish mind, all unbidden. Most Puissant and Terrible of Overlords, please do not strike this unworthy mortal dead for daring to speak aloud this mutinous and even disrespectful query. Please, I entreat You, remember that I am only dust beneath Your mighty Feet, and not deserving of the effort it would take You to annihilate me. Oh, Omnipotent One…..are You in fact…Uncle Lumpy???
(scurries for cover)
P.S.- btw, Uncle Lumpy, I really, really like Ben & Jerry’s ‘Vermonty Python’ flavor, please?
Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
February 6th, 2007 at 12:54 am [Reply]

101 True Fable: Regarding Galaxative Emptier Niptux’s dancing partnering – among my many talents, dancing cannot be numbered even in the most charitable view of things. For several moments after waking in fact, walking is a serious challenge. In fact, if I dance, I’m likely to get so confused that I will swoon onto the nearest cushy sofa where I can be revived only by Poteet and AppleGirl’s simultaneous ministrations…

So yep I’ve got my dancing shoes on.
Dub Not Dubya
February 6th, 2007 at 3:04 am [Reply]

Damn it, all that talk of ice cream made me hungry for it, so I went out to buy some–even though it’s something like 8 degrees here!
Marion Delgado
February 6th, 2007 at 5:21 am [Reply]

Squawk says:
February 5th, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Crankshaft: The interrogation at the blood drive actually goes like this:

Nurse: Have you had sex with a man, even once, since 1977?

Crankshaft: No. Uhâ€¦1977? Umâ€¦let me thinkâ€¦yep, thatâ€™s a no.

Let’s just say when Crankshaft was young and irresponsible – up until his early 40s – he was young and irresponsible.
Galactic Emperor Chennux
February 6th, 2007 at 6:18 am [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS AND #109 SKULKING!

NO! I AM GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX! WHAT PART OF “GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX” DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?

NO ICE CREAM FOR YOU!

AND PREENER! YOU WILL READJUST YOUR SNARK DETECTOR PRIOR TO COMMUNICATION WITH MY GRAND EXALTEDNESS! CHENNUX KNOWS OF THE POORNESS OF OLD MILWAUKEE AND THE CANOE ALLUSION THAT YOU BELABOR RE: BEER BEING MARGOING CLOSE TO WATER! HAHA! ON TO THE NEXT THREAD!

END TRANSMISSION!
Scott
February 6th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

I’m sorry, but the description of Neil cracked me up so much, I had to combine it with the look of a Vytoren commercial.

Hopefully clicking here works.
Buck Ripsnort
February 6th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

Well, if Neil’s mustache, haircut and clothing can’t be called fashionable, then my analysis was wrong, and he really IS straight; he’s just very, very bad at it.
No, WAIT! Kissing Tommie is just cover! He’s mistaken her for a fellow Agent, and he’s trying to jam a coded message into a socket in her back teeth! Run Tommie!
ItAintEazy
February 6th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

Uh, Crankshaft does currently have a girlfriend named Lois, whom we used to regularly see coming out of the bedroom together in the strips back during the new millenium. I know, I threw up a little in my mouth when I was witness to that spectacle myself.
Poteet
February 6th, 2007 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

# 106 — True, Jack. And I once saw three people doing the Edsel in a dark bedroom at a Halloween party, and am still recovering.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

Darn it, I can’t help but feel slighted …I came up with the Tommie-boy comment 5 or 6 metaposts ago. Alas. At least I now know the true identity of Chennux – it revealed its secret identity with the use of a showtune.
King Folderol
February 7th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

A3G – I can’t even make a funny comment about the moustache, seeing as how it forced my testicles to shrivel up and die.

JP – Same really goes here, too. Just an all around lousy post for my testes, Josh.
Doodee
February 1st, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

Thanks for sharing

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