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Unprecedented doom and gloom

Funky Winkerbean, 4/1/11

Ha ha, let’s all laugh at some privileged, sheltered high school student passing out after she had her nose rubbed in the grim reality of future life in Funkyworld. She was probably taken off guard because the promised horror was economic in nature rather than medical. I take issue with her teacher’s unqualified statement about these doomed post-Millennials or Gen Z-ers or whatever we’re calling them being “the first generation” to suffer an economic decline: I think Americans who came of age in, say, the 1930s might have something to say about that, or their grandparents who went through the now largely forgotten dramatic boom-bust cycles of economic panics that marked the second half of the 19th century. And then there are all the generations in earlier eras of history, who lived through actual civilizations collapsing completely! But, to be fair, if any more explanatory dialogue, like the phrase “since World War II,” had been added to that enormous word balloon in the second panel, there wouldn’t be any room for the drawings.

Momma, 4/1/11

Momma, don’t you read Funky Winkerbean? Francis is unemployed, unkempt, and sleeping in a pile of his own filth — this is the new mainstream of American life!

Mary Worth, 4/1/11

If you thought that the “Dawn is a desperate Internet junkie” plot was unrealistic, wait until we get into the “Dr. Drew is irresistible to women!” plot. The Dawn plot did end rather abruptly (by this strip’s standards — why, the static, boring rehash of how her problem was solved took less than a week!) and so I have to imagine that these two narrative strands will ultimately come together, hopefully in a manner that will once again result in Dawn smacking the crap out of the libidinous younger Corey.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/1/11

Our storyline’s villains, Flattop and the Mustache, are attempting to take an easily influenced Dex under their wing and reap his rightful share of the lottery winnings. Unfortunately for them, they don’t understand just how easily influenced he is. At the moment when he’s most in need of guidance, his eyes will settle on the waitress’s “Ask me about our pie” button and, like a baby duck imprinting on its mother, will decide that she has all the answers — about pie, and everything else. She’ll end up representing him in court, and her closing arguments will entirely consist of a description of the available desserts. The jury will award Dex the entire amount of the winnings, plus millions in damages, plus, just for good measure, free pie for life.

263 responses to “Unprecedented doom and gloom”

  1. commodorejohn
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Agnes – Now, now, mucus is a beautiful and vital part of nature! Why, without it, slugs would just grind themselves apart on the sidewalk!

    A3G – Ding ding ding! He’s a music producer. Now excuse me, I have to whimper incoherently with glee at the prospect of The Rise and Fall of Tommie Thompson and the Spiders from Margo.

    A&J – Note to self: react to someone in this way, without any explanation.

    Crankshaft – So…why am I getting a “more than just friends” vibe off of these two? I mean, I’m no Alfred E. Neuman, but for some reason this just strikes me that way.

    DT – Wow, I’m…still pretty shocked by the appearance of what looks to be a coherent and actually kind of thoughtful Dick Tracy storyline.

    Dilbert – STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT “THE CLOUD.” IT IS NOT A THING. IT IS NOT GOING TO BE A THING. PUT DOWN THE WIRED SUBSCRIPTION AND BACK AWAY.

    FC – Oh good! Now I have a scapegoat to blame for the fact that it just dumped more snow after a week of perfectly lovely early spring weather. Fuck you, Family Circus.

    FW – “The first generation who would grow up to find themselves not as financially well-off?” Jesus, Batiuk, are you trying to be a walking cliche of Boomer narcissism? HISTORY DID NOT START WHEN YOU WERE BORN.

    GT – It was nice of Derek to take his date to the space diner from Spaceballs! That can’t be cheap for a Milfordite.

    JP – Eee, look at her attacking that straw. For the love of God, nobody give her a real polearm. (Not that a pitchfork isn’t dangerous, but we want to keep the body count to a minimum Sam.)

    Luann – Bernice, you’d pretty much win by default, considering you’re not a bitchy Muppet.

    MT – “THE SHED – IT’S ON FIRE! QUICK, LET’S GO INVESTIGATE! I’M SURE THIS CAN’T POSSIBLY BE A RUSE, NOR ARE WE LIKELY TO FIND A DANGEROUS ARSONIST AT THE SCENE!”

    MW – oh god [*]

    Peanuts – Ooh. Cold.

    RMMD – Ooh, it’s Good Waitress, here to disrupt the sinister influences surrounding Dex with some good old-fashioned wholesomeness!

    SM – What, Morbius dreamed that he stopped his evil twin from attacking two teenagers? I find that a lot more plausible than that Spidey did it. Maybe this is the dream.

  2. Chyron HR
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    Okay, sweetie… what can I get you?

    Waitress a la mode.

    (Whew, it’s a good thing I only thought that instead of typing it and hitting post.)

  3. Anonymous
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    MT: “The drug shed…It’s on fire”
    Ha ha!

  4. zenvelo
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Francis’ room is decorated in Late 20th Century Skid Row.

  5. zenvelo
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Dr Drew practicing his racist ’50s cowboy show – “Medicine Man say ‘How!’ “

  6. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    non-post-jumped lol-snark & squee!

    Admit it, you would. (and related.)(and related to that.)(aaaaaaaand back to the first one!) (last one is for the yaoi fangirls, and is mildly naughty)

    semi-related memetic mutation.

    comics related.

    sad eyes are otterly heartbreaking.

    corgsqui overload.

  7. Esther Blodgett
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    A cute little April Fool’s Day joke is available to those who type “helvetica” into Google this morning…

  8. Currer Bell
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    If I wielded any sort of internet power, the meme “like a boss” would be replaced just for today with “like a Rhinestone Cowboy.”

  9. Comcis Fan
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    You mean Dawn’s old enough to be two-timed by a grownup doctor?

  10. TheDiva
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    FW: Ha-ha, The Kids These Days haven’t resigned themselves to a life of poverty and despair…

    MW: Jill got a haircut! Or Adrian got a dye job. Or Mary’s wearing a wig. Or…oh, damn these near-identical Santa Royale Wives!

    C’shaft: Is Batiuk making fun of The Useless Older Generation, or Those Rude Disrespectful Kids? His resentment for both is well established, so it’s hard to tell.

    Marvin: Marvin doesn’t like toilet training. He doesn’t like having his diaper changed. The solution, therefore, is to let Marvin sit in the backyard on a mound of his own filth.

    Pluggers are nostalgic about things we really shouldn’t be nostalgic about.

    SM: Okay, Spidey, let me spare you three weeks: Morbius is vamping in his sleep, probably as a result of post-hypnotic suggestion or something from Seemingly Innocent Fiancee on the right there. There, now you can go home and watch Conan.

  11. Tophat
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    I like watching Dr. Drew between panel one and two here. ‘Liza’ is checking him out in panel two, while Dr. Drew examines the medical chart of the orange suited man he just cheerily waved goodbye to, his grim expression clearly reading as “Oh shit, I probably shouldn’t have said ‘see you later’ to that guy. Ha ha! I’m a terrible doctor.”

  12. Austria
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Arch: I just realized we forgot to do an April Fool’s joke in this week’s newspaper. Sadness.

    Curtis: OH MY GOSH THERE’S A DEAD BODY IN THE VASE

    FW: The impact of Obligatory Snot Girl is lessened when you continually shove Obligatory Snot Girl in our faces. Actually, it kind of reverses the effect. We get it. Cut it out.

    Jumble: April Fool’s! ……..Right?

    reNuts: Love the face.

    RMMD: “Ask me about pie”?! I want one of those buttons.

  13. But What Do I Know?
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    RMMD — I’ll have the lawyer, but hold the crocodile. . .

    MW — So Dr. Drew Cory just drops in from halfway around the globe and starts making rounds at the hospital? I’ve heard of Doctors Without Borders, but this is ridiculous. . .

    MT — Wait, did Mark teleport back to the bush hiding place? The drug shed appears to be on the exact other side of the plane. . .

  14. Squeak
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    (Mary Worth panel 1) Dr Drew: “HIPPAA regulations prevent me from revealing patient information, but if I hold the clipboard like this, you can see all you wanted to know, Mr. Mustardsuit.”

    Mr. Mustardsuit: “Thanks, Dr Drew! You’re the best!”

  15. Tom Allen
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Josh, could you sell “Ask me about pie” buttons? PLEEEASE?

  16. Stripes55
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Panel 3 shows that their attempt to clone the Elrod-ball has gone just a bit wrong….

  17. Little Guy
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    MT: “The shed…. the shed…. the shed is on FIRE!”

    Dilbert: And they also said that talking to people that are thousands of miles away was a sign of mental illness. What has God wrought?

    RMMD: Jackelrodball cameo!

  18. Jessy
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    RMMD: . . . Later, at the lawyer’s office . . . “Yes, Mr. Delusional-and-Easily-Influenced, let me explain your rights in short sentences: Her ticket. Your share=0. And no, I don’t accept pie for my fees. Wait. Is that blueberry?”

  19. Gloom Raider
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Maybe the artists at MW don’t want to spend extra time drawing Drew—and who can blame them, really?— and will rely on the narrative from now on:
    ‘Is that Drew? More handsome than ever! Than tan! The beard that frames his face just so! I think he had his nose fixed! And is that an intricate Celtic knot tattoo on his arm?…”

  20. Esther Blodgett
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Don’t those buttons usually say “Ask me about our pie” or “Ask me about today’s pie” or some such? “Ask me about pie” seems pretty high-concept and certain to lead to long, abstract conversations about the nature of crust and meringue’s place in the universe.

  21. the grene kni3t
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    I’m a little disturbed by the attention lavished on the fainting scene in Panel 2 of today’s Funky Winkerbean. The dialogue would seem to call for a funny faint–the unfortunate teenager doing a wild take and suddenly falling backwards out of panel with a “popping bubble” glyph over her head, and maybe a slapstick “THUD!” sound effect. Instead, we see her vulnerable, slack-jawed expression as she slumps unconscious in the middle of the floor, the school nurse checking her vitals–how long has she been out? Papers and books lie around her where the other students dropped them as they moved their desks backwards in shock at this medical emergency; now, joined by faculty members, they can only look on in quiet, desperate concern for their classmate. This panel doesn’t look like a joke about someone being inordinately shocked–this panel looks like the beginning of a story that will lead to some sort of tragic and life-changing medical diagnosis for poor Mallory.

  22. teenchy
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#1): Batiuk reminds me of those sports fans who think there were no sports before ESPN.

  23. Effluvius Erratus Nastius
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    A3G: Well, gosh, it looks like Young Stalin in Love is going to be a big, big hit!

    Mandrake: I like Johnny Root—I really do. He seems to be aware that he’s a bit-player in an obscure (but venerable) comic strip. “It could be Xanandu or the Ramada Inn. If da writer’s gonna kill me, he’s gonna kill me…”

    MW: Ah, the return for Sassy Sexpot, RN! Who’s up for six weeks of slut-shaming*?

    *Also the title of Tommie Thompson’s next musical.

  24. MikeP
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    FW: Yep! You’re the first generation whose entire employed lifetime will be taxed 15% from the first dollar of your first job for the sake of rich Boomers drawing Social Security and Medicare. Ha ha!

  25. The Big Swerve
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    Ya know, I’m pretty sure that back in the ’80s they said that MY generation was the first generation since WWII that would not be as well-off as their parents generation.

  26. pugfuggly
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    FW: “…well, it’s interesting to know what you were discussing in class at the time, but Mallory actually had a small seizure…”

    A3G: So Mr “Kenny ‘Santa’ Marx” is the greatest music producer in the known universe…? Some people might say this puts a hole in my ‘Dan Diller the Serial Killer’ theory, but I’ll just put forward the possibility that Dan is the A3G universe’s Phil Spector.

  27. Bonwah
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Is that Snoopy on the Westview High School sign in Funky? The Westview Beagles?

  28. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#26): petite Mal-lory, then?

  29. Esther Blodgett
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    FW: Either I’m 16, or Batiuk is full of shit.

    Pluggers: Ricky Nelson and Donny Osmond were teen idols to two different generations, which tells me more about the Plugger arranged-marriage dynamic than I want to know.

    GT: Does Milford play its baseball games at 10:00 on Saturday nights, or does Derek’s band mostly do gigs at nursing homes and kids’ birthday parties? Because I can’t really see a lot schedule conflicts otherwise.

    Blondie: Yeah, those secrets people know nothing about. Much better to keep all of your secrets out in the open.

    JP: Sophie, you have access to a stable full of horse poop. There’s got to be a way to leverage that into a publicly humiliating scene for your rival. You’re a smart girl; work on it.

  30. The Big Swerve
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Ha! I was close. Here’s an excerpt from a book published in 1993.
    “Since 1972, high-school-educated males have experienced a dramatic decrease in labor market earnings, making them the first generation since World War II to experience a lower standard of living than their fathers.”

    http://her.hepg.org/content/7585v420548725x0/

  31. Skeltometer
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Where in the universe is RMMD set?!?! That short order waitress is waaaaaayyy too clean and well-groomed to work at such an establishment. And wearing such a suggestive button? Ask me about pie? Really? What KIND of pie, sweetie?

  32. Tom Allen
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Pssst. Whatever you do today, don’t Google “Comic Sans”.

  33. Doctor Handsome
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    Give me a break, misogynistic diner owner. I’m sure this comely waitress gets sexually harassed quite enough without you forcing her to wear that degrading button.

  34. Dood
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    No, seriously, ask me about pie! Anything. About. Pie! Really. Pie!

    While we’re at at it, shouldn’t jaunty Dr. Drew Corey sport an “Ask me about die” button in keeping with his new hi-dee-ho-neighbor cheeriness?

  35. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Well, of course these two lowlifes would hang out at the sort of establishment where the waitresses dabble in prostitution through the use of carefully phrased double entendres. Although this one needs to significantly increase her “flair” if she doesn’t want to be labeled a discontent – specifically, a few more buttons referring to “melons,” “cheesecake” and “pudding” would be in order.

  36. pugfuggly
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#28): I simply must tell my wine club about that little jeu-de-mot!

    Blondie: is having a dozen affairs at the moment….give or take….

    MT So all the drugs in that shed are going up in flames. This won’t actually affect the supply of drugs on the streets of America, though, as all those bales were just the weekly delivery to Charlie Sheen’s house…………….ahem…Charlie Sheen, folks…ok Paul, who do we have on next…?

  37. Drew Funk
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    In fairness, can you blame Nurse Lisa for her extreme lust? Nobody can pull off the “awkward scowl typically used exclusively during particularly awful bouts of constipation” like Dr. Drew!

  38. terrapin
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    FW: Batiuk, I know you lived through the 70s. I remember reading your strip when it used to make sense. Inflation? Gas Gouging? Any of this ringing a bell? Or are you mixing a lame plot about how clueless teachers are these days into your lame story about how snotty rich girls are and look what happens to them when they snub Les Jr?

    MT: I predict Marks plan will work. The guards will be disracted long enough for him and his companions to board the plane and take off to safety. Sadly though, it will come to a crashing halt when hundreds of seagulls having a contact high are inexplicably drawn to the droning sound of the engine.

    BB: Ha ha. It’s funny ‘cuz Otto’s a racist.

    RMMD: Now I want pie. And one of those buttons.

  39. Doctor Handsome
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    In the Funkyverse, do word balloons actually exist in physical space? Or do those two students in the corner just enjoy craning their necks around?

  40. Effluvius Erratus Nastius
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#9): Little-known fact—like her father, Dawn wrote an advice column, but for her school newspaper. It was called “Jailbait sez…”

  41. Dood
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @cheech wizard (#35): It’s funny how from the first panel to the last panel, simply by donning the “Ask me about pie” button, the waitress is transformed from zombie background laborer to perky cheerleader for the wonders of crusted desserts. “Ask me about pie”? Hell, yeah!

  42. Red Greenback
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    It had to be done.

  43. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @Skeltometer (#31): She may just be new on the job. She obviously hasn’t learned that waitresses in soap-opera-comic-strip greasy spoons must first approach patrons with one hand on the hip and the other flouncing her hair.

  44. Esther Blodgett
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#42): Uh…Cherry pie?

  45. Liam
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan-That last panel is a come on if I have ever seen one.
    Mary Worth-What is up with that doctor’s expression in the last panel? It looks he can’t figure out he has been given. It reminds me of the Kids in the Hall skit where Dave Foley confesses to being a very bad doctor.

  46. CanuckDownSouth
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#7): … maybe not every browser setup works. Mine doesn’t, but I’ve seen the screenshots :-)

  47. Dood
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Waitress: You want answers about pie?
    Dex: I think I’m entitled to them.
    Waitress: You want answers?
    Dex: I want the truth!
    Waitress: You can’t handle the truth! We live in a world that has pie. And these pies have to be served. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, mustache-guy? You, flattop? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for pie and you curse the bakers and servers. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that pie enriches people’s lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, is to serve pie. You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that pie crust. You need me on that pie crust…

  48. Liam
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    That response is far better than any I could think of.

  49. Sgt. Saunders
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    I hate to jump onto the Latest Gossipy Fad That Has Now Faded, but in RMMD, Flattop has got a bit o’ the Charlie Sheen in him.

  50. Doctor Handsome
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Francis, you don’t need a pair of trunks to end this pathetic estrangement from normal society. Momma’s corpse would probably fit in a single valise.

  51. NoahSnark
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Dr. Drew works in a hospital where ex-cheerleaders are hired as nurses the medicine cabinet is left unlocked. If it wasn’t for the fact that Mary Worth stops by on occasion, I would call that the ideal workplace.

  52. OKStan
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Okay, sweetie, what ABOUT pie?

  53. Effluvius Erratus Nastius
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Have you accepted pie as your personal lard and savor?

  54. Randy
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    “What about pie?”

    “I don’t know anything about it. But thanks for asking!”

  55. Doctor Handsome
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    In panel 2, Nurse Liza admires Dr. Drew’s new assless chaps.

  56. Mel aka Mel
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

  57. mvg
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    GA; Oh yeah, earthquakes are just a laugh riot right now…

    BB: And so are savage dogs being sicced onto black men…

    Ha ha, April Fool’s! No syndicate would ever run such egregiously awful — oh, wait…

  58. feraljane
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Apparently Charlie Sheen, after losing half a season’s work on Two and a Half Men, was forced by desperation to take the role of “Flattop the Lawyer” in Rex Morgan, M.D. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

  59. Effluvius Erratus Grammaticus
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @feraljane (#58): Man, if Charlie Sheen ever got all up on Rex Morgan’s face, he’d crap his pants.

    Yes, the antecedent is intentionally ambiguous.

  60. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    darn. I have a mash-up, but not a place to host it. bats :[, Sequitur, or any of the other mashup folks, can anyone lend a hand?

  61. Liam
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    FW-The student has fainted because she has CANCER!
    MT-I am missing somethings from here. How was Mark Trail able to get those people and get near the airplane before the fire became noticable? How big is the island?

  62. commodorejohn
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#2): Get in line, my friend. Get in line.

  63. Scott Bot
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Pluggers – Ok, so Mr. Plugger here is telling us that his teen hearthrob was Ricky Nelson? That tells me lots more than I want to know about him.

  64. Dennis Jimenez
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    FW – Um, don’t follow the strip, but I guess it’s the Westview HS Ram-Hounds, right?

    Momma – April Fools, Francis! Momma doesn’t really think you’ll ever give up your lucrative career in masterbation….

    MW – I like the way nurse Goodbody swoons over Dr. Drew, just after he tosses his little lover’s salute to Ronald Colman in panel one – that woman loves a challenge!

    RMMD – Where’s that “WINNING!” smile in panel one, Charlie? On the other hand, in panel two, “She’s my cherry pie!”

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  65. Walker of Dog
    April 1st, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Tophat (#11): Ha! Maybe after reading that chart, Drew will catch up to the orange patient: “It says here that I’m going to kill you! Hee hee ha ha!… Oh no, wait, you’re just dying. Rats.”

    @Austria (#12): I want a button that says “Ask me about buttons”.

  66. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    FW:

    Quite unexpectedly, as Vasserot
    The armless ambidextrian was lighting
    A match between his great and second toe,
    (The only ones he has; the remaining row
    Was lost to toenail tumors long ago)
    And the Death Cat was engaged in biting
    The neck of big Bull Bushka while the drum
    Pointed, and Wally was about to cough
    In waltz-time swinging Becky by the thumb—
    When warningless he farted — what a bum!

    And there, there overhead, there, there hung over
    Those thousands of white faces, those dazed eyes,
    There in the starless dark the poise, the hover,
    There with one arm across the cancered skies,
    There in the sodden blackness a black pall …
    When suddenly Mallory fainted. That is all.

  67. mvg
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    FW: I think the school’s teams are the — wait for it — Scapegoats. No, really.

  68. Katy
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#66): You are my sun, my moon, my stars, my surrey with the fringe on top srslyd00d

  69. Pseudo3D
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    MW: Whoa! A Rex Morgan crossover for April Fool’s day? No?

  70. commodorejohn
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:16 am [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#66): I’m hearing that in classic Jethro Tull.

  71. jvwalt
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    I was going to write something witty, sarcastic and insightful about the comics and what they say about American life today, but then I saw that button, and… mmmm, pie.

    Pie, mmmmmmm.

    Mmmmmmmmmm, pie.

  72. Pseudo3D
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    FW: Of course Batiuk hates teenagers, he was a teacher for a high school for crying out loud, and either they drove him nuts, or he’s one of the sadist teachers you hope you never get.

  73. timmy the dying boy
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MW: My first thought upon seeing Dr. Cory today: It’s Otto from “Airplane!” He’s lost weight!

  74. Anonymous
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    @Pseudo3D (#72): I didn’t know Batiuk used to teach. It makes me more sympathetic towards him.

    Okay, that’s over with now.

  75. Iconoclast
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    “Liza” may think she has a shot at some illicit extramarital sex with Dr. Corey, but she’ll have to take a number. The brown-suited fellow waving seductively from the doorway obviously has the good doctor quite smitten.

  76. Backup
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    FW: I vote for she’s pregnant.

  77. Scott Bot
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I think in all the discussion of the waitress and her ‘ask me about pie’ button, an important event in show business history has been missed – the triumphant return of Charile Sheen in panel one.

  78. Katy
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I’m adding my voice to the chorus of “Ask me about pie” requesters. A t-shirt with a big circle on the left pectoral area. I would *sleep* in that shirt.

  79. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    MW: Well, Lini may have the Green Wave, but Dr. Drew sure has his Lavender Wave down.

    RMMD, panel 1: And speaking of colorful sights, I thought the last of the purple tits would’ve migrated back north by now.

  80. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#42):
    “Okay, Sweetie, what can I get you?”
    “Not Jack Elrod, that’s for sure!”

  81. Iconoclast
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    Meanwhile, while all the medical personnel are busy eyeing Dr. Corey, a desperate man is committing suicide, King-of-Hearts-style, by shoving a pointy object directly into his temple. If only the doctor weren’t so damn sexy, maybe they could have helped this poor man.

  82. Frank Lee MeiDere
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Oops. That was me at #74.

    But I also wanted to add that I really like that arrow pointing to the guy in panel one of Mary Worth. It’s like it’s saying, “See this guy with his back to you? He’s the most interesting character in the strip — and you’re never going to see him again.”

  83. commodorejohn
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Backup (#76): oh god oh god oh GOD no. Please, please do not let Smarmy McDouchebag have pulled that off…

  84. Little Guy
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Backup (#76): Pregnant…. with CANCER!

  85. Frank Lee MeiDere
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Iconoclast (#81): Ha! What are the odds we both notice that at the same time? Well, I guess after searching the comic for hours to find anything of even remote interest, that arrow is bound to stand out.

    Not that I did that. Searching the comic for hours. Not me.

  86. Poor Thompson
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @the grene kni3t (#21): Now that you mention it, the level of detail is such that this would also make a great Slylock Fox mystery, if we just gave all the people animal faces and added some creepy birds in the background. “Solution: Slylock knows the teacher is lying, because actually this is not the first generation expected to be worse off then their parents.”

  87. bats :[
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Oh, Drew, you arrogant a-hole! How I’ve missed you!

  88. Chip
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    So help me out here- Dr. Corey stops home from Viet Nam and just shows up at the hospital and goes to work? What does he do there? (Besides looking all doctor-y.)

    Hey- I’m a mechanic, I just flew in to visit my parents. I’m going to go put in a shift at the Jiffy Lube!

  89. Filthy Assistant
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Doom and gloom and doom and gloom, hounds of hell are howling at the moon, and we’re visiting Joe Biden’s tomb, and the eternal sands of time will run their course, just like a headless horseman without a horse.

  90. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Okay, Connie or whatever your name is, how many digits can you name after the three and the decimal point? What? Wrong flavor of pi?

    MW: I know nurses, and none that I know have much time to dawdle in the halls and swoon over a generic Eisenhower-era man. Nurse Pixiecut needs more work and/or higher standards.

    GT: I love Mimi’s exasperation in the last panel. How long has she been listening to Gil play jock Hamlet?

    S-M: “Was there an intricate group dance number and spoken word by Vincent Price? Cuz those were in my dream too.”

    GA: Turning the panel upside down won’t help. We need a giant cartoonist hand with an eraser.

    DtM: Would have had a chance of being funny back when parents used to spank their kids.

    DT: “I called it ‘Thor’s Hammer’, but the government thought that sounded ‘too Nazi.’ Then my right hand started saluting by itself. It was awful.”

    EC: Len agrees to keep his eyes closed while driving, thus bringing Edge City to its dramatic, fiery conclusion.

    A3G: Tommie! You’re not allowed to say “music producer”! Haven’t you ever played Taboo before?

  91. Dood
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    “Looking better than ever…I must say.” Is Ed Grimley ghostwriting the dialogue for Mary Worth?

  92. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#84): Pregnant with a baby that has cancer! Batiuk needs to outdo himself in tasteless misery.

  93. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    MT: I’ve been watching the usual Eulerization of Trailian space as the scenery shifts around the plane, the shed, the secluded copse, etc. And noting with glee that they’d have a damn hard time getting that Cessna airborne without a skyhook, since there didn’t seem to be sufficient runway anywhere in sight.

    Oh, purblind me! Now it’s as clear as the fuzz on Mark’s face. His fire will burn a jungle clearing just big enough for his takeoff.

    But they’ll have to leave li’l Lambyjeans behind…

    Rusty will never forgive them.

  94. Monty Python's Family Circus
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    FC
    In the frozen land of Nador they were forced to eat Robin’s melonheaded minstrels.

    And there was much rejoicing.

  95. word-doctor
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Archie-Sadly, this is less inept current commentary than most editorial cartoons.
    Cranky-I’m not getting a “more than friends” vibe, but it IS weird that the roommate looks like a “friend” of “Girl with Pearl Earring.”
    DtM-I think that “it hurts me more” only works with actual licks. As anachronistic as it is, at least the strip recognizes that a razor strop is no longer socially acceptable as a corrective measure.
    H&L-”… Native American shedding lone tear…”
    Tiger-I haven’t read this in thirty years, and while it hasn’t changed, it’s at least moderately creative, and certainly not creepy.

    And Luann-While we’re supposed to line up against shallowness, and while Delta and Bernice show us the way… Luann’s expression is designed to pull us back into “awww–what’s a little exploitation among friends?”

  96. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    FW – “So, after she fainted, the classroom was cleared and the students were sent to the school cafeteria while the paramedics worked on her. Later, the students announced to the teacher that they had decided to forfit the rest of the course in solidarity and accept an ‘F’ grade. The teacher concurred, and also refused to accept her salary for the rest of the semester.”

    RMMD – “Sooooo …. pi …. yeah …. what’s up with that?”
    “Well, it is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to it’s diameter. An irrational number. 3.14159262…..”
    “Yeah, y’know, forget I ever asked.”

    If we really were the product of Intelligent Design, wouldn’t universal constants be rational?

  97. Little Guy
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Terry in Maryland (#y257): I’m still betting that Heloise takes over.

  98. Tagged
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Doonesbury: I think the ex-President-for-Life of Berzkistan has gone past denial & into outright schizophrenia.

  99. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#77): Nice try, but that’s not Charlie Sheen. It’s the seedy hoodlum who was talking Dex up on investing in a strip joint, then totally undressed June with his eyes.

    On second thought, you were right the first time.

  100. Little Guy
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#92): Pregnant with a thalidomide baby that has cancer and can give cancer, and when the cancer baby is born, shoots bees that have cancer out of its…

    Okay, this is getting too silly.

  101. bats :[
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#42): very, very nice :)

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#60): leave me a note at my blog, and I’ll tumble post for you.

    @Dood (#91): no. Ed Grimley IS Liza! (don’t I wish!)

  102. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    GA: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
    (you’re welcome, Japan)

    GT: Nice shot there, Kaz!

    JP:
    “I know — teen girls, amiright?”
    “STOP ADDRESSING THE AUDIENCE!!”

    Luann: What the hell’s that? Not even Charlie Sheen would call that a winner!
    (I originally wrote that before the man took over this thread!)
    Charlie Sheen!!!!

  103. commodorejohn
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#96): If we really were the product of Intelligent Design, wouldn’t universal constants be rational?
    Haha, no. Admit it: if you had the chance to design a world where crucial numbers went on forever and particle physicists could spend a hundred-plus years trying to figure out how things worked and still find evidence to disagree with their newest models, you totally would.

  104. Lawyerbob
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    MW: Dr. Drew is acting like he’s just some college kid pretending to be a doctor. “Oh, I better wave at that guy like I know him! Hmmm. I should look at this chart even though I have no idea what it says!! Hah, my plan is working–the nurses are all staring at me!”

    RMMD: Actually, the diner has a retro-baseball theme, where each of the waitresses is an expert on a pre–WWII Hall of Fame player. Our waitress is an authority on Pirates 3d baseman Pie Traynor, hence the button: http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/t/traynpi01.shtml

  105. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    Zippy: “Charlie Sheen! Charlie Sheen! Charlie Sheen! Charlie Sheen!! CHARLIE SHEEN!!!

  106. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#101): drat. I’m not seeing any way to forward a pic to you.

  107. Mr. Magoo
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MW: Dr Drew might be “looking better than ever” if the artist had the ability to draw a human face.

  108. Poteet
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#90): Nurse Pixiecut! We have a winner! I am totally going to steal and use that name. Thank you.

  109. Janette
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean-Next Month. Evey one laughs at Mallory’s selfish ways but then a whole storyline about the struggle to diagnose why Mallory keeps fainting/having seizures (too many of my seizures have been dismissed as fainting) and as she is put through all uncomfortable and humiliating tests to find what is wrong, only to find she has a life-threatening disease. She miraculously pulls through, but it drains all of her parents account.

    She then, like many other characters, will have a existence reduced to moping about how she was better off dead. And everyone will smile to themselves everytime to mopes about hating being alive.

  110. Chyron HR
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Luann – Oh, gosh, girls, thanks so much for signing up to be in the pageant even though you think it’s stupid and don’t give a crap. I’m sure your positive attitudes will make the event so much more enjoyable for everyone else participating in it!

  111. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    OBH: Being very careful in lettering “me at” here!

    Popeye: “lick Goon fuzz”?! EEEWWW!!!

    RMMD: Suddenly, the strip turns interactive for no descernable reason, and slightly out of storyline!

    6C: Okay, I’m borrowing a few dozen “?” balloons from Popeye for this one!

  112. Calico
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

  113. Poteet
    April 1st, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    MW — It appears that three of the characters in today’s strip are doing variations on an interesting dance step that might once have been performed in a disco by incompetent dancers such as myself. I think I can master this. Raise one hand…other hand down…step forward…think a stupid thought…

  114. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Uh, Amos… explain why you always wanted to be her boyfriend again……?

    Bet. Fr.: I dunno, nobody cares anyway…..

    Ghost-Who-Gets-Sarcastic: “Gee, thanks alot, flashback! Way to boost my self-confidence there!”

  115. pugfuggly
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#112): That is an amazing match.

    Well, in lieu of a serial killer story, I would also accept a story in which Dan sets up Tommie as a guest vocalist on the new Slayer album….

  116. Mike
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know why you assume what the teacher is saying has anything to do with the (probably dead) student, or that a joke is even being made. This is the Funkyverse. A young person with a whole life to look forward to randomly dies, and oh by the way everybody who’s still alive will die poor after a long, pointless, misery-filled life. That’s pretty standard fare for the wrist slasher who draws this thing. Why does it have to be ABOUT anything?

  117. commodorejohn
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#108): Yes, absolutely. Definitely more interesting than whatever her Moy & Giella name is going to be.

  118. commodorejohn
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#113): It looks like a line dance minus the line, to me…

  119. Jim North
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    A3G: So much awesomeness today! First we’ve got this French foreign exchange student pretending to be Tommie in the first panel. Then we’ve got a mystery hand reaching up between Iris and Dan, gesturing lewdly at Not Tommie’s non-existent rack. And then finally we have OMG IRIS’ HEAD EXPLODED!

    FC: That can’t be April Fool’s snow, Dolly, because the world of Family Circus now resides in the Day After Tomorrow! Which, y’know, would mean it’s April 3rd snow for you.

    FW: You have to give Funky Winkerbean props for making sure its readers are fully aware at every moment that every single one of its characters are irredeemable dipshits. Wait, did I say “props”? I meant “severe beatings with a tire iron”.

    GT: Go ahead, Coach Gil. Admit to the love that dare not speak its name.

    JP: Man, look at Abbey just stone cold reminiscing about all the girls in high school she made invisible.

    Jumble: And I reiterate from yesterthread . . . you leevrc ratdabs!

    Pluggers: Pfft, whatever. If pluggers are nostalgic for any of the Osmonds, it’s Wayne, Merrill, and Jay! Trust me, I know. I live in Branson.

    S-M: “So it looks like we have a 2, and here we have another 2! Now if only we knew what to do with them!”

  120. Amateur
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    MW: Honey, it doesn’t matter how sexy a pose you can strike behind his back — if you can’t even spell his name correctly in your thought balloons, he’s not going to give you the time of day.

  121. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    FW: Ask me about cry.

    Smilin’ Jack: Ask me about fly.

    Doonesbury: Zonker: Ask me about high.

    MW: Dawn: Ask me about Ki(t)e.

    Crankshaft: Ask me about lye.

    JP: Sam: Ask me about my.

    MW: Ask me about pry.

    MW: Wilbur: Ask me about rye.

    Peanuts: Charlie Sheen Brown: Ask me about sigh.

    Bob Weber, Jr.: Ask me about Sly.

    Dilbert: Ask me about tie.

    Gil Thorp: Ask me about vie.

    Ziggy: Ask me about Why.

    Little Orphan Annie: Ask me about “yi!”

    FW: Les: Ask me about I.

  122. bats :[
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#106): just attach a comment for me on the latest entry…operators are standing by.

  123. Sequitur
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Ask this guy about pie.

  124. Spunde
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    FW: Ladies and gentlemen, the part of yo mamma will be played by Mallory.

    “Yo mamma’s such a stuck-up bitch she’ll drop a class if she has to talk to a nerd.”

    “Yo mamma’s such a stuck-up bitch she has to approve every picture taken of her.”

    “Yo mamma’s such a stuck-up bitch she faints at the thought that she might not do better than her parents.”

    Knee-slappers all.

  125. StoutHearted
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    I think that the reason the “Dawn is hooked on the The Twitter!!!” story wrapped up so quickly was because it was only meant to impart to readers that Mary Worth writers are very aware of the hip things kids like these days, such as The Facebook, The Wikipedia, and The 4-Chan. The whole series could have been wrapped up with a smug Mary breaking the fourth wall saying, “So there!”

  126. Bryan
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I’m no law-talking guy, so maybe someone could slap me on the face with the trout of knowledge: Dex and his sister have an informal, verbal agreement to split the money from any potential lottery win. The only people who were there when this agreement was made was Dex and his sister. How is he going to sue her?
    Personally, I don’t know who is dumber: the sister who still hasn’t gone to the lottery office or the brother who is spending all the money before the winning ticket has been verified.

  127. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    @Jim North (#119): re: Jumble: ‘Leevrc Ratdabs’ was the real name of Moredread from the last Dick Tracy storyline.

  128. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#122): D’OH!

    itz did.

  129. twg
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Momma: No? Nothing about how her HEAD IS ON BACKWARDS?!?

  130. odinthor
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    GT. — Ze rrreal issue iss Gil’s rrrepressed veelings of guilt about not having zeen, fed, or asked about hiss own children in zeveral years. Zis zubconscious angst attempts to find rrresssolution by directing ze patient to take an unusually ztrong interest in young proxy jildren zuch as ze moosikal Jung, er, young ztudent zportzman ze Mr. Derek Chance. In zuch cases, ve normally prezcribe a pint of cream, ein dossen eggz, und a half-gallon uff whole milk.

    MW. — Oh, Liza, best to deal with this right away: He’ll never look at you with as much delight as he does at Men’s Workout!

    Zits. — Because Tolerance is a one-way street!

  131. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Unofficial Calvin sticker: Ask me about pee.

    Marvin: Ask me about poo.

    Mark Trail: Ask me about POW!

    Garfield: Ask me about purrrrr.

    Olive Oyl: Ask me about Popeye.

    FC: Ask me about pious.

    Mibbit: Ask me about pi(ling on a joke).

  132. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Ask me about Li(za).

  133. Mibbitmaker
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#132): Oops!

    MW: Ask me about Li(za).

  134. True Fable
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Do I have this right: Dr. Drew can just pick up and leave the hospital to go work at a clinic in Vietnam, be gone for a year or so, and then come back for his sister’s wedding and just drop in at the hospital to work for a while? Is it really that hard to get anyone other than a Geriatrics doctors to work in Santa Royale?

    By the same token, Mark Trail can commit arson and get away with it? Well of course he can but… damn, let ME live in the comic strip world. Let’s see, today I… today I want to be a heart surgeon and sleep with Busty Duncan! Oh, and win the lottery! You can bet it’s not going to take me four weeks to cash in the ticket, either.

  135. Not Just Any Dipstick
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#93): Exactly. Mark can magically get across whatever passes for a runway or taxiway, and the two guards just magically never see, oh wait, was that the Phantom? Nah, just a speck in my eye. The guards did notice that the number of wing struts changed from one to two. But why worry.

  136. Push Trot
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    MT: Noticed how Mark since he began to sprout facial hair has not only planned grand theft, but also just committed arson? How will he be able to look himself in the mirror after his journey into the darkness? I foresee him evoking Oppenheimer’s quote from the Bhagavad Gita: “Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of sheds”.

    Phantom: That scraping sound you hear? Chekov rolling in his grave.

  137. Not Just Any Dipstick
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    and now… MW: The artistic license extends it capable hands, and we have a blank clipboard that grows its own paper, changes color from brown to black, and has a clip on it that belongs in a desk drawer.

  138. Calico
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    Foob animated, replete with farting and puking noises. Clueless unhelpful idiots are merely a bonus.
    Thanks Lynn!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgLjrUpQMXs

  139. gleeb
    April 1st, 2011 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    ‘bean: Makes sense. The Crankshafts that come out to vote for the school budget every November continually refuse to buy new textbooks, and the teaching staff are too incompetent to realize that what was a true statement in the textbook they have* is no longer true.

    *The Dismal Science for Secondary Schools, Bicentennial Edition. Westview, OH: Wiley Miller and Sons, 1976**

    **In the Bandar tongue.

  140. Red Greenback
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    FW: She’s no fun, she fell right over!

  141. Jeremiah
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So the chances that this Seth/Fernanda storyline will end with a murder/suicide are dwindling, but I can still hope. There’s always hope.

    A3G: I’d say he’s there to look at the woman with freakish hair and cheekbones.

  142. That Library Nut
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    The reason women find Dr. Drew so desirable is because he’s wearing his cologne “Slapped for Men”.

  143. Red Greenback
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    MW: Worst. High-Five. Ever.

  144. littlestevie
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    MW: I was thinking where in the hell Drew is going to find some patients in a hospital, after all if they have been admitted to a hospital, that was done by their physician. Then it came to me, he is stealing patients from his sister. As dumb as she is, I am sure she botched their care, leaving Drew to clean up her mess. Then he can make goo goo eyes with nurse pixie-cut.

    JP: From Abby’s pose is she reliving her streetwalking days?

  145. Walker of Dog
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#92) & @Little Guy (#100): Mallory’s baby will be fine, but the placenta will ONLY HAVE ONE ARM.

    @Lawyerbob (#104): Steer clear of the waitress with the button that says “Ask me about Ty”. She will come right at your face, cleats up.

    @True Fable (#134): Has anyone ever seen Drew do any actual doctoring? Maybe he was a med-school washout and Dr. Jeff uses his influence at the hospital to let him come in and throw his weight around, fake-doctor style. You know, to pick up chicks.

  146. mollificent
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Jumble: WHAAAA??–oh, crap. Stupid April Fool’s. This day always SUCKS for me because I’m one of those poor saps who pretty much takes what she’s told at face value unless she has a reason to distrust it. *eyeroll*.

    RMMD: It would’ve been funnier if it was Olive Snook in panel 3! Of course, that much cleavage can really only appear in JP.

    My Cage: Hee hee…our sales rep for one of the big guitar companies took a few of us out for dinner and beers night before last. We managed not to snark on co-workers too much ;) but we did have a grand old time (and talk about how we should do this more).

    xkcd (I know, not a newspaper strip but screw it): Converting all your strips to 3D for one day? Now THAT is April Fools’ awesomeness. :)

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#6): Oh, Jesus. Those Harry Potters just kept getting better and better, and then…PAYOFF!! :D

  147. Dood
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    Is that weird salute between Dr. Jeff and Ronald Coleman-as-Col. Mustard some sort of Men’s Workout signal?

  148. Aviatrix
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Tom Allen (#15): More information about pie is available on the Internet.

    @The Big Swerve (#25 & #30): Yeah but they didn’t count on you borrowing enough on credit to maintain the lifestyle. I love how “high-school educated males,” presented as if high school graduation counts for something.

    @Liam (#45): RMMD – she works in a diner and you don’t need to overhear much of that conversation to realize that a naïve, easily influenced man with few friends has access to lottery winnings. It’s a come-on, alright.

    @Backup (#76): I applaud this and following theories, but I think you’ve all put more thought into it than Batiuk did, and that it will never be mentioned again.

  149. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#146): re the Pottervators: I know! first one was amusing, then they just kept piling on to the funny. That’s more Potter-based lols than I’ve seen in the past month, all in one day.

  150. Scott Bot
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @feraljane (#58): My apologies, I didn’t read this until after I posted my (bad) joke about Charlie Sheen. That’s what I get for not paying attention.

  151. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    My timing’s off. Yesterday I was first in the thread. Today I’m last in the old one. My timing… oh, I said that.

    @commodorejohn (#1): In all fairness, who wouldn’t want to stand closer to a pot bonfire? I mean, come on!

    @Esther Blodgett (#20): More information about pie can be found on the internet.

    @Doctor Handsome (#50): Momma’s corpse would probably fit in a single valise.
    If you drained all the bile out, you could put her in a two-pound Whitman Sampler box.

    @Écureuil Écumant (#66): You just keep it up, man. That’s good verse!

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#106): Aren’t regular-old no-frills limited accounts on Flickr still free? That’s how I got started. Just go over there and find out. You can upload a set amount each month for no money at all.

    @Red Greenback (#140): She’s no fun, she fell right over!
    I know! Let’s Stand Her On Her Head! Wait. Didn’t I say that on the Other Side of the record?

  152. Effluvius Erratus Grammaticus
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Bryan (#126) & @True Fable (#134): This storyline is making me so, so very angry. Berna and Dex are such stupid, stupid twits for so many reasons, which you hit upon. But that’s not why I’m angry. I’m angry because I actually sympathize with Rex and June now—I mean, if I lived in a world where everyone else was such a colossal idiot that they couldn’t tell their peckers from their prostates or money they have from money they don’t have, I’d be a smug, smirking asshole too.

    Damn you, Woody Wilson, you Judo master of bad writing, damn you to hell!

  153. Baka Gaijin
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: The original caption to this drawing was, “You’re a plugger if your wife gets you so fat you can’t get out of your chair by yourself.”

  154. Scott Bot
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Today, on Mary Worth, Dr. Jeff and his friend exchange Nazi salutes while Liza Minelli contemplates seduction while sporting a terrific new blonde ‘do.

    Honestly, I’ve looked at today’s strip for a long time, and that’s the most reasonable explanation I can come up with.

  155. Shrug
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#100):

    “FW: Pregnant with a thalidomide baby that has cancer and can give cancer. . .”

    No, no, not *a* baby! Siamese twins!

    No, wait! Siamese triplets? Better!

  156. Shrug
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#151):

    “More information about pie can be found on the internet. ”

    But only your own personal physician, or your own personal waitress, can determine if Pie, Now With Meringuitol, (TM) is right for *you.*

  157. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    an April 1st Tradition from the local deadtree. (Poteet, you might get an extra kick out of this.)

  158. The Modesto Kid
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    I’ve got to get an “Ask me about pie” button for my friend who uses “pie” as a euphemism for smokables.

  159. Walker of Dog
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    A3G: That is one ambitious hairy clam trying to eat the top of Iris’ head. Ease up, little buddy – one bite at a time.

    FW: When she has a minute, the nurse may also want to check on the students trapped behind that dialogue balloon, gasping for air as their rib cages are crushed.

    GT: Poor Gil gets stiff-armed in the bedroom. Also, Mimi doesn’t want to have sex.

    S-M: The dream is collapsing!

    MW: Dr. Drew’s high-five attempt is left hanging badly. “Yeah, welcome back. Jerk.”

    RMMD: “Ask me about pi. Seriously, ask me. I’m an unemployed mathematician, waiting tables to make ends meet, and I feel like I’m losing all my skills. Tangents! Pythagoras! The area under a curve! Anything!!”

  160. Ichi
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Drew does seem to have some power over the ladies

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/15187477@N03/5580190060/

  161. Scott Bot
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    MT – Apparently Mark fell down in a huge mud puddle on the way back to their hiding place. At least I hope that’s mud.

  162. Walker of Dog
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#148): In a universe that wasn’t out to screw poor, stupid Dex at every turn, the waitress would be wearing a pin that said “Ask me about setting up a blind trust”. Sadly, your scenario is much more likely; however, it will be fun to watch it play out, as the waitress lures Dex out to the alley for some fun then stabs him.

  163. Silhouette Crusader
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    April fools! Mallory is actually dead, from sudden onset wallet cancer.

  164. Effluvius Erratus Grammaticus
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#155): @Shrug (#155):

    No, no, not *a* baby! Siamese twins!

    No, wait! Siamese triplets? Better!

    …also, each one is born horribly deformed and addicted to a different drug (I’ll call you Crackie, and Smackie, and Tweeker!), one for each different father—because that’s how birth defects and conjoined twins triplets work in the Batiukiverse—and one will be the the Second Coming of Christ, the other the Antichrist, and the third will be Lisa reincarnated…

  165. ms. docweasel
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Well, your days of making fun of the Jumble are over!
    http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/games/chi-jumbleclassic-htmlpage,0,6801345.htmlpage

    FLAIR SLOOP

  166. Aviatrix
    April 1st, 2011 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Mark’s smugglers aren’t flying a C172, but rather an airplane with conventional gear (tailwheel instead of nosewheel) and doubled wing struts. It looks a lot like an older C170, but today from the positioning of the men near the wingtip, we see that the struts go out nearly to the ends of the wings, while the C170 has a semi-cantilevered wing (the struts go only halfway from the fuselage to the wingtip), more easily visible here. I don’t know of an airplane that matches that condition, so I’ll call it an art error. The plus is that the C170 is a four-seat aircraft and the smugglers may have fitted it with a larger engine and long-range fuel tanks. I think the stock C170 has a range of about 500 nm/900 km.

  167. Chip Whittle
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#155):

    No, wait! Siamese triplets? Better!

    “So,” said Batiuk, “The thing I always found compelling about Siamese twins is, one of them has to die first, you know? And then as that person dies the other one has to know, the blood poisons are spreading through their conjoined form. It might be minutes, it might be hours, but here’s your certain death coming just as soon as you’ve processed the death of the person you’ve been literally closest to your entire life. Awesome stuff, huh?”

  168. Katy
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#166): Meanwhile, I’m on the other side of the island, determinedly playing with the turtles. There’s no such thing as airplanes.

  169. Ar-Lo Al-Jo Ames
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: “Ask me about Pie. Or Trig. Or Track. Or Willow. Or Bristol. I follow all the Palin kids, on Facebook and Twitter!”

    FW: Somehow I just knew the Westview High mascot would turn out to be “Puddles” from Luann, shown as he is starting to take a dump.

  170. Aviatrix
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Katy (#168): Good move. You’ll probably get further on a turtle than in that airplane.

  171. commodorejohn
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#170): You never know – Mark Trail airplanes can surprise. Like that one in the storyline where the fishing camp owner was dying and his assistant and wife were plotting to murder him (I think? Hell if I know) and the plane that Crazy Wife went all North by Northwest in appeared, from the interior, to actually be a 1970s land yacht. That handled pretty well, considering that it had a steering wheel and pretty much nothing else.

  172. bats :[
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#155): yes, Siamese triplets! Joined at the toenails!
    Very tragic.

  173. Esther Blodgett
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#172): Especially since they were born with cancer of the toenails.

  174. Liam
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Yes, is your pie warm and moist?
    Dustin-So we don’t have a continuation of the storyline where Dad gives an online scammer his son’s account information therefore wiping out all of Dustin’s savings and forcing him to live at home even longer.

  175. boojum
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: But… but — Roy Blount, Jr. has already told us everything about pie!

    Pie.
    Oh my.
    Nothing tastes sweet,
    Wet, salty and dry
    All at once so well as pie.
    Apple and pumpkin and mince and black
    bottom,
    I’ll come to your place every day if
    you’ve got ‘em.
    Pie.

  176. Plinko Commie
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Unpublished Funky Winkerbean April Fools punchline: Just got back from the doctor; I have a clean bill of health!”

  177. boojum
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    JP, First Panel: I, for one, fully support (no pun intended) the decision to give Abby’s hooterific, sweater-nuzzled ta-tas a speaking role. Recognition long overdue, in my opinion.

  178. Red Greenback
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    RM,MD:
    “How’s your sweet potato?”
    ((SLAP!))
    “Hey lady, you started it!”

  179. Aviatrix
    April 1st, 2011 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#171): I’d like it if they took off on wheels and then later landed on floats that appeared during the journey. Or if the interior were a Beaver or a DC3.

  180. carbunicle
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    “there wouldn’t be any room for the drawings”
    Ask me about silver linings!

  181. Lawyerbob
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#145): I’ll look for the waitress with the “Ask me about Cy” button for a little “brushback pitch,” if you know what I mean.

  182. Artist formerly known as Ben
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#108): Oh yes, feel free. Let word of Giella’s glorious blonde handiwork go forward.

  183. sully
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    The ‘artwork’ in Momma is so wretched, I can’t tell whether the old bag is walking away from her slovenly, depressed son, or walking towards him. And considering the pathetically sad situation her son is in, why is she smiling? Beyond awful.

  184. Dr. Weird
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Janette (#109):

    That’s a pretty good FW plot prediction, but you forgot an important element: There’s nothing involving Les or Les Jr. smirking about the situation.

  185. jayjaybear
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#146): Olive Snook! I think I love you for making a Pushing Daisies reference. God, I miss that show…

  186. Tom the Sailor Man
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    I saw this headline – “Airline: Plane diverted after 4 passengers faint”
    and noted that it took place in Ohio. I can only conclude that the plane was passing over Westview at the time.

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap_travel/20110401/ap_tr_ge/us_travel_brief_plane_diverted_sick_passengers

  187. MWDG
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    MW: Totally agree with Scott Bot….

    We have “friend of Dorothy,” Drew Corey, and the daughter of Dorothy, newly blond Liza Minnelli. Liza has a history of attraction to overtly gay men so she is the perfect beard for Drew.

    The Nazi salute in panel one seems to indicate Drew’s love for S & M gear (perhaps he has spent some time with dominatrix, Terry Bryson?)

    What do the next weeks hold? We can hope for:

    • Dawn producing an youtube.com film starring Wilbur and an unnamed male companion.

    • Wilbur catching Dawn using the internet and forcing her to live in a cage for years and no one missing her.

    • An April Fool’s prank by Toby going hilariously wrong decapitating Dawn.

    • Flashbacks of Drew and his underage boy toy frolicking at Six Flags in Hanoi.

  188. Chip Whittle
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: I refuse to believe that Dan Diller is a music producer, because if I accepted her claim as correct this would imply that Tommie could reveal information or resolve plot points.

    Baby Blues: “Instead of trying to kill each other, why don’t we turn this into a spelling contest? I mean, neither of you is anywhere near drawing blood. The Family Circus melons have a better chance of thinning the herd than you clods.”

    Gil Thorp‘s wife knows if he’s been dithering about a student all night something else has to be very wrong, like, he’s losing his sense of indifference, or the town is running low on passing-by hobo tramps he can foist coaching duties off to.

    Zippy the Pinhead: So, Dingburgers go completely nuts every April First, acting…like they do the rest of the year, apparently.

  189. Dood
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @Scott Bot (#154): I get it now. It’s Caberet day at the Santa Royale Hospital. That’s Joel Grey as the master of ceremonies with his back to us (but indicated by the arrow). Liza Minnelli is reprising her role as Sally Bowles (I’m not sure why’s she’s wearing a “Liza” name tag). Dr. Drew is filling in for Michael York and Mr. Mustard-suit is his love interest (along with Liza).

  190. ArchieNemesis
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    An intelligent lady, and her delicate daughter, are entrusting their lives to this impulsive, walking-head-wound who washed up on shore … that’s the least plausible occurrence in today’s Mark Trail.

  191. Peanut Gallery
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    RMMD, Panel 3 – It’s the diner scene in the movie A Scanner Darkly!

  192. UncleJeff
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#108): When I was speedreading Ben’s comments, I saw that as “Nurse Percocet”. I think I’m gonna use THAT name.

  193. Walker of Dog
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#181): Sounds more like you’re looking for a waitress that will stick one in your ear.
    There’s a craigslist page for that.

  194. Violet
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    You know, Momma, if you’re going to use an unnatural-sounding metaphor to make your laborious way to a forced punchline, you really should be able to land some part of it. “Wait…get up and out into the mainstream, don’t know where it is, nice enough…pair of trunks??!! Who the hell signed off on this?!”

  195. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    MW – “Hmmm…ok, lemme see here….Dawn, Wilbur, Dawn, Wilbur, Mary, Wilbur, Mary, Toby, ah! Here we are – Dr. Drew Corey enters the hospital, waves to staff and… oh, fuck! Not another weak-tea romance with some doughy chick with daddy issues! I’ve really got to start reading these scripts before let my agent talk me into doing them.”

  196. mvg
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    bats :[ (172): “yes, Siamese triplets! Joined at the toenails!
    Very tragic.”

    No, joined at the asshole, so that there is no egress for their bodily wastes & all three simply balloon up w/accumulated shit until they explode. A perfect metaphor for Batty-yuck’s creative process.

  197. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Curtis:
    First — it should be lady’s not ladie’s, unless these underpants are being group-owned.

    Second: So she gets rid of something her father-in-law gives them, and wonders why he never liked her?

    Third: Why are Curtis and his father so freakin’ faded! Are they being slowly fazed out of the strip? Is this going to become a “Curtis Without Curtis” thing? (Actually, that might improve it.)

  198. Violet
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    So, yeah, understood, pluggers are old, cheap, fat, stupid and miserable, in varying proportions depending on the installment. Tell me again what they’ve got to be so damn smug about?

    On the plus side, I find it unironically hilarious that plugger-man feels compelled, in fairness, to grudgingly acknowledge the merit of Justin Bieber’s work.

  199. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Six Chicks: Creepy. Ads. Stalking. Monitor. Scarves.

    What the hell?

  200. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: I like how it looks like the cat is hanging himself right up to the finished panel.

  201. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    GT – C’mon Gil – give it a break. Your wife’s about to break into tears there, in panel 2. In fact, judging from the cars in the background, I’d say she’s just driven off a cliff rather than have to continue listening to your incessant chatter.

  202. Chip Whittle
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#199):

    Six Chicks: Creepy. Ads. Stalking. Monitor. Scarves.

    Worst $25,000 Pyramid Winner’s Circle clues ever.

  203. Poteet
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

  204. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#203): Mr. Sharp, the outdoors columnist, does one of those every year, and they are a hoot. U.R. Gullible of the Dept. of Natural Resources tends to appear every year.

  205. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

  206. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#128):

    bats :[, I’m assuming that the comment allows you to get my e-mail addy, so you can contact me and I can reply with my feeble yet funny mash-up effort? If not, please advise. :-)

  207. Baka Gaijin
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Ear trumpet. One of them should have an ear trumpet.

  208. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Shut up! Just — shut up!

  209. Poteet
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    MW — As I gaze upon Nurse Pixiecut, I’m reminded of a recently-viewed DOCTOR WHO in which the villain turned all the people on earth into exact replicas of himself. Mary Worth, The Mistress.

  210. Aviatrix
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#208): Stop going there, Frank. Go to your comics page, or to your browser bookmarks and just delete it. You’ll feel much better.

  211. Poteet
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#208): With the possible exception of Mark, the only character I still like is Solange. I can only hope she’ll never start talking.

  212. Poteet
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#210): I did that to another strip a week ago, and I have to admit it does feel good. I’m not ready to delete 9CL yet, but that may come.

  213. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#210): I know you’re right. I should. I really should. But I can’t! It’s like some horrible thing that you know you should turn away from or it will completely ruin your life, but you can’t. Like…like…like a stupid Facebook meme!

  214. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#211): Okay, Solange is good. The name is uber pretentious, but the cat is a true cat.

  215. Mooch
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    MW – Oh, how I am hoping this new addition to the MW pantheon, Nurse Liza, has a great last name befitting her overt sexuality, like Liza Round or Liza Lott-Tumen

    RMMD – Pie? Ok, I’m ASKIN.. what about pie?

  216. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#210): @Poteet (#212): I tried deleting Zippy and it won’t go away<!

  217. Tonyman
    April 1st, 2011 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    JP- Sophie, you want a date? Here is the solution: Have Abby take off her coat; snap a cell phone pic of her glorious rack; show it to the boys at school and tell them that is you within a year. You will have to beat them off with a club. You are welcome!

  218. Aviatrix
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#213): I thought you’d say that, so I have prepared an alternate suggestion. Unfortunately, it requires something we don’t have: an intrepid volunteer, some advanced image/text recognition software, or a version of the comic in a language you don’t know how to read. Because truly, you look at 9CL for the pictures, right? You’d never read it as a text-only story. And you wouldn’t be missing anything if it was just the pictures.

  219. Here Come ole Flattop
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone know WTF is going on on Pibgorn? I’ve been trying to break the code here for the last two weeks or so. I’m down to he’s suffering LSD flashbacks or he’s just drawing stuff to see if anyone comments. Man, he’s starting to make my head hurt.

  220. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#1) said: “Crankshaft – So…why am I getting a “more than just friends” vibe off of these two? I mean, I’m no Alfred E. Neuman, but for some reason this just strikes me that way.”

    Hey, just because I’ve expressed an interest in seeing “more than just friends” relationships between Miss Blips and Miss Buxley, Gloria and Abbey, Jill and Adrian, Bernice and Luann, Bernice and Delta, Bernice and Toni, Bernice and Crystal, and Bernice and Nancy, doesn’t mean that I see them everywhere.

    Hmm, I wonder if June has ever been “served” by the pie waitress…

  221. boojum
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#220): Who do you think gave the waitress that button? It’s June’s way of saying, “Nurse tested. Nurse approved.”

  222. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @Here Come ole Flattop (#219): Yes – it’s the return of Drusilla’s daughter, Henmellyn, a succubus/human hybrid who was revealed, then died, in one of the early stories. It was actually a pretty good story and character, so I’ve been sort of hoping he’d eventually revive her.

    I’m not sure exactly what’s going on, but I suspect it has something to do with the Pib/Death mashup, which follows the Pib/Dru mashup, which somehow brings back her dead daughter and the demon that created her, unless they’ve both simply been hanging around in Hell since their demise. As Saddam Hussein said in the South Park movie, “Where’d you think I went, Detroit?”

  223. Islamorada Girl
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @Tom Allen (#15):

    Yes! ASK ME ABOUT PIE! Please, ask me about pie! Oh, if Dex runs off with that waitress, it will be just like the movie WAITRESS.

  224. bats :[
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Here Come ole Flattop (#219): heck, I’m just really disappointed that for being such a good artist, BMcE does crappy satyr (or demon) legs.
    Then again, he did a pretty lousy unicorn, too.

  225. Ar-Lo Al-Jo Ames
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#220):

    Hmm, I wonder if June has ever been “served” by the pie waitress…

    Yes, when June and Berna were having lunch there yesterday. The 3 of them hit it off, and now they form a love triangle. Based on the pie-thagorean theorem, of course.

  226. boojum
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    @Ar-Lo Al-Jo Ames (#225): Pie-shagorean?

  227. Alfred E. Neuman
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

  228. Charterstoned
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    MW – You know, this last epsiode of Mary Worth had me wondering why the heck I even bother. And then I followed Josh’s links back to hilarious yester-stories, and I’m hooked anew! Thanks, Josh–I’m baking some Salmon Squares (Friday in Lent) in your honor tonight!

  229. Red Greenback
    April 1st, 2011 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    It would be great if every character in Rex Morgan, M.D. wore a big button. Here are a few I though of on the fly – anyone have any more?
    Rex: “Ask me about handling trout”
    June: “Ask me about my garage”
    Max Mallory: “Ask me to clam down”
    Count Andy Morgu: “Ask me how do we kill it”
    Dr. Troy Gainer, Fake M.D.: “Ask me about my ‘putter’”

  230. Rocky Stoneaxe
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    4-1 Weird Sound Effects:

    Lola — RIP!
    Drabble — SLAP!
    Red & Rover — TURN
    Liberty Meadows — KA BOOM!
    Wizard of Id — THUNK THUNK
    Dogs of C-Kennel — ROLL ROLL

    Bonus: Ouch! Comic Strip Bandages…

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LFYXH9PZi_s/SV_Fz2wO6bI/AAAAAAAAA6Q/G9K2yAaTlYg/s1600-h/ouch-comic-strip-bandages.jpg

  231. mollificent
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @jayjaybear (#185): Iknowright? Thank God for DVDs. Though also, Kristin Chenoweth is my idol and role model. Great actress, EPIC singer, and only two inches taller than me! Yeah, baby!

  232. littlestevie
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#220): I think CJ is right, I can’t wait for Batiuk to cover this issue in his normal caring, err, heavy handed and preachy style. Batiuk makes Lynn FBOFW seem downright thoughtful.

  233. mengo ed ogbl
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    LUBJEM FEJF: After today I will be fervently lobbying the Big O’s comix czar to remove the Jumble from my daily newspaper.

    HA! HA!

    (so there, too)

  234. Dr. Weird
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Here Come ole Flattop (#219):

    You wonder if “he’s just drawing stuff to see if anyone comments.” But NO ONE can comment on his work since he took down all the forums and communication links. So it has to be the LSD… or maybe a cry for help?

  235. Poteet
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#214): I figure Solange’s name is not her fault, and you are right — she’s a real cat, and that’s why I like her. On the other hand, she is not as real or entertaining to me as Ludwig of ARLO AND JANIS, purple though he is. So if I ever decide I just really cannot stand 9CL anymore, Solange won’t stop me from leaving.

  236. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#207) said re Pluggers: “Ear trumpet. One of them should have an ear trumpet.”

    Ear candling. They should find out about ear candling. One of them should decide that if a candle’s so goddam good, a propane torch must be even better and a whole shitload quicker.

  237. Poteet
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#216): You’re not testing an idea for a horror story, are you?

  238. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#224): For demon legs, S. Clay Wilson gets my vote every time. Only he can truly capture the compound curves of their bandyness.

  239. This Guy
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    9CL: For once, he really will never guess, since it’s too goddamned ridiculous for anyone with a full suite of cognitive abilities to come up with out of nothing.

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#216): I used to have nightmares about trying to shut off various devices that refused to shut off, even when unplugged or de-battery’d. If one of them had had Ziggy on it… well, the mind reels.

  240. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2011 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#151) on a certain doggerealization @66:

    Hey, Mac, every now and then I gotta let my craziness off the Leish.

  241. The Ridger
    April 1st, 2011 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    I have to admit: Edda is a lot easier to take if she’s only supposed to 19. OTOH, Amos looks much too old for her, then…

  242. gnome de blog
    April 1st, 2011 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#234):
    No, he’s just shifted into another story. He likes to do that to confuse the beefwits. True art connoisseurs will simply marvel the workings of a fine and subtle mind. He likes to start stories in the middle too, for the same reason. I seem to recall someone made reference a while back to Drusilla having a daughter, who’s more than likely our cerulean fairy straight from the refreshing lava bath.

  243. Écureuil Écumant
    April 1st, 2011 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#242): “Lava bath”? Is that what the kids are calling sheepdip these days?

  244. Joe Blevins
    April 1st, 2011 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Zomby’s not looking quite himself today. Wonder what it could be…

  245. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#197): Thought about it. I screwed up. Of course it’s ladies’ underwear — the same as we say men’s underwear. Plus — I put the apostrophe in the wrong spot in ladies’.

    But the rest of my comments I stand behind. Or beside.

  246. gnome de blog
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#241):
    Yup. Edda celebrated her 19th last year. If you’re as forgiving of comix time as I am, she’s still 19. So is Amos, although it seems like he’s progressed further at Julliard than he should have in one year. I’m not real up on the music biz, but I don’t think they let freshmen go out and compete for international prizes.

    In the same vein, Edda hardly seems to be a rookie ballet dancer, and she’s a good enough classical pianist to accompany major-league artists on no notice and no practice. I’ll bet she could give Tommie Thompson a run for her money. Somebody call Dan Diller.

  247. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#218): Hmmm. 9 Chickweed Lane in Japanese. That could work.

    Course, the problem is I actually do read it for the words — so that I can scream and blaspheme against it. Maybe it’s my version of Nineteen Eighty Four‘s “Two Minutes of Hate.”

  248. Frank Lee Meidere
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#237): Whoa! Now I’m getting creeped out.

  249. gnome de blog
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    @Scoiattolo Schiumante (#243):
    Only the kids with the hairy legs.

  250. cheech wizard
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#242): Like I said, it’s Dru’s daughter Henmellyn – here’s the link to the start of the story, for anyone who’s interested. It’s not long and is actually fairly coherent – one of the better ones in the Pib canon, IMO.

    http://www.gocomics.com/pibgorn/2004/01/19/

  251. demoncat
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    with dr. cory jr back in town it means Mary will be playing match maker again to increase her power. sadly dexter will wind up losing his half of the millions in court due to legal fees and then running away with the waitress and spend his share on pies.

  252. Miss Othmar
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    COTWs!!

  253. Baka Gaijin
    April 1st, 2011 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    New thread, over there!

  254. Dagger
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    “Ask me about pie” is indeed a little broad. God help you if she misinterprets it as pi, she’ll just go on for an infinite length of time.

  255. gleeb
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    ‘shaft: …and remember, nothing Grandpa says about molestation is true, OK?

    Dick: Pretty cool, but still, no milk cartons.

    Doones: At this point, I think Duke is just trying to avoid staining his sheets.

    The Shandas: Len loves naked preteens.

    Sophie Shovels Shit: Dull, but at least it isn’t in the same damn hotel room!

    Mark: Knowing that that panel is in the past, and that that jackelrodball will not hit him, he relaxed.

    Phantom: There’s pretty much no reason why Chatu hasn’t shot the stripy-shorted guy by now.

    Pluggers…: …remember the shit culture that was forced down their throats, without remembering anything good. Pluggers suck.

  256. gleeb
    April 1st, 2011 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#246): Yeah, but Edda and Amos have magical sex healing performance talent.

    It has been literally noted in this comic strip that simply witnessing a film of Edda giving Amos head to cure his hiccups is a thing that will make the lame walk, the blind see, and anyone who thinks comics should be sensible, despise McDonwner.

  257. Bill Thompson
    April 2nd, 2011 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Funky Wankerbean: The joke is not that one of those annoying spoiled modern kids fainted at a hint of bad news. The balloon’s size explains “What happened:” the teacher bored Mallory into a stupor. I doubt that the word “suddenly” could apply to anything Miss Mindless says.

  258. Sophie
    April 2nd, 2011 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    Hooo-boy, I can just hear that Mary Worth artist fellow muttering to himself: “I am just the cleverest comic artist to set pen to paper! Reader’s will think, who is this new pallid pile of awkward limbs? I must know! Well, just look at the the little name tag that I drew in a way that almost falls out of the panel, breaking every rule of good composition ever!” Incidentally, non-ironic readers of Mary Worth will feel almost this same amount of self-adulation upon noticing this detail.

  259. Another Kiwi
    April 2nd, 2011 at 4:10 am [Reply]

    What rhymes with pie?…FBI!
    Now the intricate plan unfolds as the listening device in the pie is placed on the table. Oh, Dex just openthroated it.
    Watch Liza go all Nurse Jackie on Drew Corey. Although he is one letter away from a chubby comedian he is going to find out about hospital funny business

  260. jungle
    April 2nd, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Zits 3/31 maybe Jeremy should get a parrot. What the parrot says whe4n the alarm clock goes off is enough to wake up anybody.

  261. jungle
    April 2nd, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Blondie- I thought Dagwood could sleep anywhere or on anything. Maybe they could sell the firm mattress to Beetle Bailey.

    MW- I followed the link to where Dawn smacked Drew a few yeard back, and the same day had an Apt 3G comic that may have had a shorter haired, shorter beard version of Dan Diller.

    JP- So when do we get to meet Holly and Derek or whatever his name is? I’m guessing 3 weeks real time.

    MT you say that Mark is ignorant of drug lingo and realizes it. Well at least he knows eet ees called ze stuff, mon! I forget what day he said that but he did say “stuff”. Is Dave there?

  262. jungle
    April 2nd, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    No April Fool’s Day switcharoo this time?

  263. Aurora
    April 4th, 2011 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    I know of no red-blooded human being who would pass up free pie for life. Where can I get in on this sweet deal?

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