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Call the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Aubergines!

Slylock Fox, 3/19/07

Another day, another insanely dementedly wonderful Slylock Fox. While it’s usually the visuals that wow me in this strip, I have to admit that what I most love here is the phrase “transfer the brilliant mind of Slylock Fox to the soft innards of a ripe eggplant.” Not that the visuals aren’t awesome, of course: you’ve got Slylock’s usual sang-froid cracking just a little as he contemplates the purple prison that will soon entrap his very soul; you’ve got Max Mouse hiding out in what appears to be a mouse-sized coffin; you’ve got the slavering vulture, no doubt giddy in anticipation of feasting on Slylock’s empty husk; and, most poignantly, you’ve got the earlier results of the same fiendish procedure, languishing in a jar and, in what seems to me to be an insult added to injury, submerged in water.

Shoe, 3/19/07

Another sad example of the problems with working backwards from the punchline. Clearly this “joke” was thought up in advance, and the “healthcare plan” was shoehorned in later as a generic phrase that stands in for “Senator stuff.” Because honestly, while healthcare policy can cause a great deal of heated political debate, the only way his healthcare plan would actually cause havoc and pandemonium would be if it could boiled down to “free amphetamines for everybody.”

Marmaduke, 3/19/07

Ha ha! Marmaduke ate something that wasn’t edible, and now can’t pass it through his digestive tract! He’s ill and might die! Ha ha!

Normally I hate cartoons that depict animals in pain, but I might be willing to make an exception for Marmaduke.

Crankshaft, 3/19/07

Is it wrong of me want something terrible to happen to this child, whom Crankshaft is apparently throwing off of his bus onto the side of the road in the middle of nowhere? Perhaps if he gets kidnapped, just for a little while, before being found (unharmed, of course) in the trailer of some drifter on the outskirts of town, then Crankshaft will finally be seen as the monster that he is, with the ensuing media circus forcing him to leave town along with his resentful family.

Normally you get bumped off of an airplane because it’s full. By kicking this kid off of what appears to be an empty bus, Crankshaft earns extra asshole points. Not that he needs them.

308 responses to “Call the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Aubergines!”

  1. stinky pete
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    The Josh Reads Millenary Moment

    Josh Reads post #35 was the first to mention Marmaduke. Marmaduke was a big dog then, and brother, he’s a big dog now.

    This has been the “Josh Reads Millenary Moment.” 4 more posts till the millennipost!

  2. queek
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    dang. first post, and I’ve got nuttin’.

    did I mention the Sunday’s Prince Valiant was neat?

  3. Kenny
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    RIPE EGGPLANTS ARE VERY FIRM!!! COME ON NOW!

  4. doug rogers
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    I show up and the comments count is three, and by the time I push my way through the curmugeonly hordes, what number will I be?

    Poor dog is tick to his stomach. If only he could tolk.

  5. Soujin
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

    I have to say, if Slylock were depending on me he’d be pretty screwed. I can only find one key, and I’ve been looking for five whole minutes.

  6. Krazy Kat
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    The key is within Slylock Fox himself!

  7. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Probably children are supposed to feel sorry for Slylock Fox, but I feel much sorrier for the eggplant. I can sense its feelings of panic and rage.

  8. Harry Paratestes
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    Ahhh, just what I wanted to see: Marmaduke getting fisted to recover a Timex with Ronald McDonald on the face.

  9. Hambone
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    At least Count Weirdly is in touch with todays youth; he’s wearing Chuck Taylors.

  10. Trotzenbonnie
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    If it were up to me Slylock would be dipped in eggs and fried in no time. I could only find two keys and a bone laid by Dr. Weirdly.

    Okay. So Shoe shoehorns a joke into the strip and Marmaduke is unselfconsciously punny but don’t they score a few points for remembering to add humor, however lame it might be? I don’t get Crankshaft at all. Did the kid refuse to do the dance of the seven veils for the old fart or what? I just don’t get it.

  11. Harry Paratestes
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    It looks like the zombie in Slylock Fox has just crapped out a bone, probably the thighbone of a zombie hamster that was crawling up in his zombie colon and feasting on zombie trail mix. Sounds like a night of gay zombie love, indeed.

  12. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    And why are snakes always forced to play heavies? Booo for snake stereotypes! I’ve always liked snakes, and it’s totally unfair that they suffer from the worst PR on the planet. Most of them just want to be left alone to eat insects and small rodents, which makes them far more useful than many state legislators.

  13. Harry Paratestes
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    HaHa, I found all three keys, and you know what? I think that Slylock Fox would taste pretty good sliced up, battered up and fried in oil.

  14. Kevin E.
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    I think that kid learned a little lesson about riding with Crankshaft…….when he says “Kiss it!” You better Kiss it!

  15. Harry Paratestes
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    Poteet
    I’ve always felt that there are damn few elected officials at any level that aren’t deserving of
    A) A savage flogging
    B) Being fed into a wood chipper
    C) A followed by B

  16. andreavis
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    SFx: I dunno, Slylock looks pretty resigned to becoming an eggplant. He’s not happy, exactly, but maybe his life with Max is so hellish that being a vegetable is better?

  17. Kurdt
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    (ehem)
    DIE MARMADUKE DIE!!! FOR THE LOVE OF PIZZA WHY WON’T YOU DIE?!!? DIE…..
    I think that will suffice.

  18. macb
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t seen the movies yet, but for some reason Slylock Fox reminds me of the “Saw” series: diabolical traps, seedy/unsanitary basements, locks that must be picked in the nick of time to avoid a hideous fate. This is a puzzle-comic for LITTLE KIDS??

  19. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:49 pm [Reply]

    # 17 — Kurdt, isn’t that a quote from SWEENEY TODD? I like the idea of Marmaduke shuffling off this mortal coil, but I bet he’d make a lousy pie.

  20. Trilobite
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    I bet those birds practiced that little one-two combination punch of a question, too. “No no no…you set him up with the ‘havoc and pandemonium’ line, and I’ll jump in and ask him for a response! He’ll never expect it!”

    Of course, what really happened here is that they decided to do a press conference scene and then belatedly realized that one reporter plus one politician is a lousy excuse for a press conference. Sadly, they didn’t stop to think that only two reporters plus one politician is also a lousy excuse for a press conference. But then, considering that the joke is also lousy, I suppose they might have been going for a theme there.

  21. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    It’s kind of amazing that Senator Belfry is still being drawn to look like Tip O’Neil. Yes, that added to the strip’s relevance when MacNelly did the strip in the eighties. Now, kind of the opposite. Makes you wonder why they don’t update the Senator to look like Nancy Pelosi.

    Whoa! Scratch that last thought. Forget I said anything. The Tip look is great!

  22. macb
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: more of the descendants of right-wing Jeff MacNelly attacking any govt. initiative that might help the poor and working class. “Widespread havoc and needless pandemonium”? Not referring, of course, to the 47 million uninsured people in this country, no, MacNelly’s heirs are attacking them tax-and-spend lib’ruls again, who spread “havoc and pandemonium” amongst the superrich, who might have to forego their second yacht and/or third Lincoln Navigator to pay their fair share of taxes. And of course, those imaginative MacNelly clones can’t let go of their posthumous attacks on Tip O’Neill (retired from Congress 1987; died 1994); that would take a little original thought on their part. I hate Shoe and I’m beginning to hate the evil ghost of Jeff MacNelly. Maybe this post isn’t funny, but Margo it, it’s true!

  23. Smaug
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Re: Luann today. Is Brad Degroot a legal adult and an experienced (at elementary school PR shows, anyway) and gainfully employed firefighter, or a pathetic shambling mama’s boy who can’t manage to order a pizza on his own?

    (Rhetorical question.)

  24. Luprand
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

  25. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    #14, No you di’nt!

  26. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Actually, by dumping a minor child at a location other than his regular stop, I think Crankshaft may possibly be inviting a lawsuit against the school district. Not that I care.

  27. Trilobite
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Incidentally, a “free meth for everyone” healthcare plan would probably do wonders for Rex Morgan, MD…not to mention bringing back the beloved Tommy the Tweaker!

  28. I'm a Yogi, Not a Pooh
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    “free amphetamines for everybody”? Sign me up.

    Maybe Dingo’s soon- to- be- had new benefits (Good Luck, Dingo) will cover this plan.

  29. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

    Another form of fiendish aubergine torture is depicted here,,,

  30. Aging Hipster
    March 19th, 2007 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    I thought Count Wierdly was wearing Chuck Taylors because he is an aging hipster.

    I like that fact that the other Eggplant was [i]grown inside the jar[/i].

  31. ManRayX
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    I guess I’ve managed to avoid Marmaduke for a few generations (remind me to give my guardian angel a tip o’ the hat) but seeing him again today, I find myself enjoying that intricate cross-hatching of grey framed in his pitch black body-borders against the pure, stark white of the floor. . .I just like looking at it–who knew my senile idiocy was so close at hand?

    Wonder which vitamin supplement would have staved it off for a little longer, since it would have been a delight to have been able to say something urbanely clever about Marmaduke’s owner’s pants and how they also may have once been nicely cross-hatched Great Dane fur until the cellulite stretched them out so badly.

    Oh well back to starring at that composition of grey, black and white that soothes me so.

  32. t.a.m.s.y.
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    Maybe the reason Slylock’s sang froid is cracking is he’s reflecting on the irony of how the same thing happened to Figment Froid last month. This is clearly meant as retribution against the local detective community, which — led by chemically imbalanced sadist Dick Tracy — has become riddled with corruption and drunk on gun-slinging power.

    Overcome by guilt, Slylock has apparently swallowed two of the keys — lest he be freed by his sexually deviant partner, and again seduced by the money, cocaine and feline fellatio for which he’s mortgaged his good name. Death is the only way out, Fox. The only thing left to pray for is that God did not think to grant your species souls.

  33. Aging Hipster
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    And is Apartment 3G about to openly discuss homosexuality.

  34. Jym
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:08 pm [Reply]

    =v= SF: Wouldn’t it make more sense to unplug the furshlugginer machine or knock Count Weirdly down before spending all that time fiddling with padlocks?

    =v= Crankshaft: The bus driver did this to Becky once, up in Foobistan. That’s when she went roadside.

  35. Sumyun Gai
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    Does anyone else see the potential for the current Judge Parker storyline to turn into a remake of “Baise-moi”? Picture it: following their brutal gang-rape in an “unsavory” part of Paris, Abbey and Neddy vent their long-seething misandrous rage by embarking upon a sex-addled killing spree across southern France…

    Sadly, that would be ten million times awesomer than anything that’s likely to happen.

  36. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    ALL HAIL GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX! CHENNUX ROX!! OH YEAH!!! WE PUNY EARTHERS ARE MERELY DISCUSSING THINGS THAT SURELY WOULD WASTE THE VALUABLE TIME OF A BUSY AND MAJESTICALLY ENDOWED GALACTIC EMPEROR TO EVEN BOTHER READING AT ALL– YOU KNOW, PEACH COBBLER SALES TECHNIQUES, ALTERNATE GUITAR TUNINGS, STAMP COLLECTING, AND CONSTRUCTION ZONES ON INTERSTATE FREEWAYS IN THE FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA VICINITY!!!

    okay, i think he’s gone – and i’m pretty sure he can’t read lower case. anyway, i realized that a certain personage – we’ll call him g.e.c. – believes that the events in comics and advertisements actually happen! that explains his belief that iowa exploded the other day. (it didn’t, did it? i mean, right next door in wisconsin, we’d have noticed – there would have been like a wafting scent of burnt popcorn covering the entire state. wow – just imagine if simultaneously with that, someone set fire to a butter factory – wouldn’t that be excellent? anyway) so the plan is, we can make this personage i was referring to believe anything – all we have to do is draw a comic and put it on the web. heh-heh-heh. victory is ours! mission accomplished!

  37. under_score
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    Oh man. I swore I’d never stoop so low as to have Shylock Fox on my chron page.

    But those sad, submerged, eggplant eyes…NO!…must…resist…

  38. Squid Countess
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox – I found the three keys! I’m giddy!

    Gil Thorp – So RJ or Tyler Jay or Bluejay or Objet D’art – whatever his name is – hit himself in the head, from behind, hard enough to make brain matter syrup come out. So that means that male-pattern baldness girl has been reaching behind her own head giving herself rabbit ears all this time! Well thank God that’s finally been revealed. Now, if we just knew why the Offensive Line Coach has the well-plucked eyebrows of the late Carolyn Bessette Kennedy.

  39. Brendan
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

    I think that was my college health plan…

  40. Joe
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Is it weird that I laughed at this Crankshaft? Because now that I have, I feel all smelly inside.

  41. Laura
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    I really don’t understand what Max Mouse finding the keys will accomplish–Count Weirdly is right there and needs only flip the switch. You think he’s going to wait for Max to open each individual lock?

  42. Joe Bftsplk
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I found the three keys, but am at a loss as to what good it will do. The second that Max comes out of the box, that snake is gonna swallow him whole, and slither off wearing a jaunty little pink bowler hat.

    What exactly is Max’s function anyway? He’s always there, but never seems to actually do anything, except stare blankly at things, and get distracted by toy submarines and such.

    Slylock seems to be weighing the pros and cons – get turned into an eggplant, not so good; nice fluffy cushion to sit on, not so bad. I hope the mind-transfer goes through, and we get a string of episodes with Slylock fighting crime in eggplant form. Max could wheel him around on a roller-skate or something, and make himself useful for a change.

  43. Rusty
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft needs to empty the bus for some quiet time with the soccer mom who won him in a raffle. Yeesh.

  44. deeeeeeeeelightful
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    back when I was growing up, I had busdrivers who did throw kids off buses, making them walk home or to school. It was the standard disciplinary measure……

  45. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    #10 Trotzenbonnie: Bon Appetite

    Pan Boiled Slylock Fox (serves 6-8)

    INGREDIENTS (all approximate measurements)
    2 large onions roughly chopped
    Boned or still-on-the-bone legs of one medium to large easily captured fox (cut into 8
    pieces if still on the bone)
    6 medium sized carrots (cut into thick inch long batons)
    6 medium sized courgettes (cut into thick inch and a half long batons)
    (with flowers if available)
    1 tea cup olive oil
    2 bay leaves
    4-6 whole pepper corns
    2-3 pieces of allspice
    2-3 lemons
    2 large eggs
    Sea salt (fairly liberal amounts) and ground black pepper
    Water
    METHOD
    In a large saucepan gently brown the onions in olive oil. Add the meat and cook in the onion/oil mix for a few minutes. Add the bay leaves, allspice, pepper corns, salt, ground pepper,juice of one lemon, carrots and a few cups of water to the pan. Cover with a lid and simmer for half an hour stirring occasionally. Add the courgettes. Add more water if necessary. Cook for about another half-hour at a slow but steady boil. Beat the eggs and mix with remaining lemon juice. Gradually ladle off all the hot cooking liquor from the pan and carefully beat it in with the eggs. Return to pan. Serve with hunks of good rustic bread to soak up the juices.

  46. Deborah
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    You don’t understand. Slylock is about to become Bride of Aubergine. That’s the original Aubergine Monster in the jar. He is looking on Slylock with obvious lust.

  47. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    I guess you could substitute the courgettes with eggplants, if you had some handy that is.

  48. Kurdt
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    #19 – No, “For the love of pizza” is an exclamation my friends and I would make in grade school, it comes out in Marmaduke hating rants. I think it’d be an interesting cartoons to see Marmaduke cooked and eaten by the way…

  49. teh l4m3
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    I’m sure that kid Crankshaft has booted will be fine. Why look, here comes his ride now: a nice gentleman in a white pickup truck.

  50. Alex Blase
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    Hey all. I have the new Qomics for Queers up; just click on my name to read it.

  51. argotnaut
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Whoa! I just read something that explains everything about Crankshaft: Terrorists might be trying to get jobs as school bus drivers.

  52. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    #48 Kurdt:

    Stewed Dog (wedding style)

    Recipe By : Joe Sweeney
    Serving Size : 30 Preparation Time :3:00
    Categories : Ethnic Philippines

    3 kg dog meat — * see note
    1 1/2 cups vinegar
    60 peppercorns — crushed
    6 tablespoons salt
    12 cloves garlic — crushed
    1/2 cup cooking oil
    6 cups onion — sliced
    3 cups tomato sauce
    10 cups boiling water
    6 cups red pepper — cut into strips
    6 pieces bay leaf
    1 teaspoon tabasco sauce
    1 1/2 cups liver spread — ** see note
    1 whole fresh pineapple — cut 1/2 inch thick

    1. First, kill a medium sized dog, then burn off the fur over a hot fire.
    2. Carefully remove the skin while still warm and set aside for later (may be
    used in other recpies)
    3. Cut meat into 1″ cubes. Marinade meat in mixture of vinegar,
    peppercorn, salt and garlic for 2 hours.
    4. Fry meat in oil using a large wok over an open fire, then add onions and
    chopped pineapple and suate until tender.
    5. Pour in tomato sauce and boiling water, add green peper, bay leaf and
    tobasco.
    6. Cover and simmer over warm coals until meat is tender. Blend in liver spread
    and cook for additional 5-7 minutes.

    * you can substiture lamb for dog. The taste is similar, but not as pungent.
    ** smooth liver pate will do as well.

  53. treedweller
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Wait . . . “You can’t do that”? ” . . . bumped from the school bus?” Did Crank just shaft that kid?

  54. Anonymous
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    SF: The fact that Sloylock was caught and tied up by a green man in a bathrobe and a buzzard and is depending on a mouse to save him makes him easily the second lamest crimefighter in comics behind Spider-man. Even Slylock could avoid a damn brick, though.

    A3G: My God, Gina may be kind of cute when looking straight at her, but from the side she suddenly has Jimmy Durante’s nose!

    MT: “Cherry, we need to forget all about the dead body in the pond next to our home. I know, how about a refreshing swim!”

    MW: That poor girl is so depressed – I’m sure living near Mary can help. Mary can tell her about how easily she got over killing a man.

    Pluggers: Truck drivers are pluggers? So pluggers also falsify driving logs, take uppers to stay awake, and have sex with prostitutes at truck stops?

    Shoe: I just want to know why Belfry needs six microphones to talk to two old men sitting on crates 5 ft away from him.

  55. NotThatGuy
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    I think Slylock Fox has a curious expression on his face, almost as if he’s contemplating eggplantdom and his coming union with it. OTOH, he may just be wistful for the comfy cushion which Count Weirdly has thoughtfully provided the eggplant.

  56. Blade Runner
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    JP – I think that we all need a little background on just how much Abbey knows about this “Seedy Area” of France. Now would be a fine time to do a flashback on how a young mullet topped disturbingly red headed hooker from the states made her small fortune in France. She then returned home, invested a fortune in real estate and livestock, and settled down with the horses.

    I think that Abbey will be able to out wit the punk rockers on her old stomping grounds and even earn a few dollars for the cab ride home. How do you say “garage cleaning” in French?

  57. Mibbitmaker
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    #1:
    FOUR MORE POSTS!
    FOUR MORE POSTS!
    FOUR MORE POSTS!…

    (sounding like a political convention)

    (DT)GT: Scoop as to why Tyler attacked himself: He’s actually Korean War spy guy Col. Flagg! Addressing “Tyler”, one must quote Hawkeye Pierce: “If there were more men like you, there’d be less men like you.”

  58. kippetje2000
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    # 57 Mibbitmaker
    If Tyler had been a bit smarter he could have pinned it all on Captain Tuttle.

  59. Mibbitmaker
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Overdue for a new song parody, I had part of a rewritten “God” (by John Lennon) bouncing around in my head. It was still harder than I’d thought to do the whole thing, but it came out well.

    GOOD ISN’T COMICS -a primal scream

    Good isn’t comics
    Used to be pleasure;
    Now, pain.
    I’ll snark it again:
    Good isn’t comics
    Used to be pleasure;
    Now, pain.

    I don’t believe in shrinking
    I don’t believe in Mallard
    I don’t believe in Mark Trail
    I don’t believe in Funky
    I don’t believe in Margo
    I don’t believe in Millford
    I don’t believe in Dead Aldo
    I don’t believe in Johnston
    I don’t believe in Dagwood
    I don’t believe in Garfield
    I don’t believe in Pluggers
    I don’t believe in FOOBs
    I don’t believe in Big Dogs
    I don’t believe in Charterstone
    I don’t believe in Beetle!

    I just believe in Mutts,
    Bucky and Rat
    Now that’s hilarity

    The greats are no more
    What can we read?
    The greats are gone or
    Walking dead

    It was new Peanuts strips
    But now, just reruns
    It was Calvin, Hobbes
    But now, they’re gone
    And so, dear fans,
    We’ll just have to Curmudgeon.

    It isn’t over.

  60. Mr. O’Malley
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    54. Plugger prostitutes. Plugger prostitutes… You know, there’s almost an idea there. If only I could polish it up a bit, I could send it in.

    First question is the viewpoint character. Which of the following is more promising?
    A Plugger’s prostitute is … I don’t know, a roadside kangaroo?
    A Plugger prostitute’s john is … a dog kennel?

    I can’t work on this any more. My head hurts. If there’s anyone who wants to pick it up and run with it, be my guest.

  61. Poteet
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    # 36 — Gadge, you’re right — half of Iowa didn’t explode as reported, but it seemed to make a certain personage kind of happy to think it had, so I went along. (Depending on which half exploded, certain border states might be happy to see it go.)

    However, I’m much too chicken to take part in a highly amusing but insanely dangerous fake comic plot. Buck-buck-buck. If you go ahead with it, I’ll applaud enthusiastically from under my boulder, and then I’ll make sure that the charcoal briquets that used to be you get a nice burial.

    # 52 — kippetje2000 — I’m laughing uneasily and hoping you’ll never do a Molly the Best Bear In The World recipe, because I’m sure you could.

    # 54 — BWAHAHA! Anonymous, your SF comment is a COTW contender. And yes, the A3G artist has profile issues. He’s done some ugly things to Lu Ann that way.

  62. Projectyl
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    I like to imagine that the creators of Slylock Fox start the idea process with a pair of randomly selected words and go from there. Sure, sometimes they get lucky with “pizzeria infidelity” or “goldfish insurance” or “earrings discotheque” and the thing practically writes itself, but sometimes they get stuck with “eggplant laboratory” or “methane somnambulist” or “surveillance post-coital” and they have to stretch ’til the elastic shows.

  63. Dingo
    March 19th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    Is… is this Mary Worth or Johnny Guitar? That meddlesome finger of Mary’s is about to do serious injustice to Vera’s collarbone or trachea.

    The more I look at it, panel 2 reminds me of Barbara Stanwyck (MISS Barbara Stanwyck) and Linda Evans on The Big Valley. Wait, isn’t that April’s nickname in FOOB?

  64. kippetje2000
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    #61 Poteet: I can’t resist your request.
    Bear Meat Balls
    2 lbs. ground tame bear meat
    1 tsp. garlic 1/2 cup chopped onion
    1/2 cup oatmeal
    1 tsp. salt
    One half tsp. pepper
    Mix. Form into balls. Brown in oil in frying pan. Deglaze pan, Add 2 tbsp. flour and water to make gravy, cover and simmer for 1 hour.

  65. Frinkenstein
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: What the heck is Vera PO’d about? Sure, the apartment is crappy but look at that view!! Most of the CEOs in New York don’t enjoy a vista like that. Jeez, honey, put up some drywall and quit complaining!

  66. Dingo
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    #65 Frink…: What Vera should have done is tear down that bitch of a bearing wall and put a window where one ought to be. But noooooooooo… she just has to simper and whimper in her man-like hands.

    I swear, in two weeks the cops are gonna find her half-naked on the floor of her kitchen with the contents of a tuna casserole packed up her puss.

  67. Emily
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    What would REALLY be excellent is if at the last second MAX took the place of the EGGPLANT. OH YEAH BIZZNACHOS! Didn’t think of THAT!? Then Sly would be Max and vice versa and it would be so madcap! Chuckle! Chuckle!

  68. Frinkenstein
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Oh, also meant to comment on #21 AFKABen’s “It’s kind of amazing that Senator Belfry is still being drawn to look like Tip O’Neil.”

    I always thought that was supposed to be Ted Kennedy. I guess one fat, drunken duck looks the same as another. Ducks that migrate from DC to Cape Cod every summer, anyway.

  69. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Who knew that the real purpose of this site is to uncover comic strips’ inner workings as a series of surrealist games? We’ve already established that (DT)GT is essentially an elaborate version of “Exquisite Corpse” (although it should probably be called “Pathetic Corpse” or something like that). And now Projectyl (#62 – my COTW nominee, btw) has revealed the carefully hidden Slylock Fox generator.

    Hmm. Here’s a random word generator. I got “full” and “mob”…

    Also: we don’t talk much about online cartoons here – but the last panel of yesterday’s “Questionable Content” made me laugh out loud.

  70. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    # 64 — AAAAEEEEIIIIEEEE!!!

    Please, kippetje2000, to get the trauma of your last gruesomely-yummy creation out of my mind, I’m begging you to do a recipe with Mary Worth. And I don’t mean standing next to her. Now I’m going to go to bed and hope any dreams about Molly will show her alive and in one piece.

  71. Cornwhacker
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:29 am [Reply]

    Now, I’ve done this 2 days in a row and really don’t want to make a habit of swooping in here in the wee hours just to make some pithy comment on the latest Mark Trail strip… but , um, boat cleaning?! Come on.

  72. Octal
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    What with the hidden “adult” themes we’ve been getting from Slylock Fox lately, I can’t help but wonder what Count Weirdly is planning to do with Slylock’s inert, helpless, shackled body when the transfer is complete.

    That the eggplant in the jar apparently grew eyes from having someone’s mind transfered to it (unless it was from a different experiment) suggests to me that he’s planning to make Eggplant Slylock watch.

    If you’re all picturing this unholy union now, my work here is done.

  73. Mr. O’Malley
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    JP: Abbey and Neddy should hang around this part of town for a while. Baretto is really making the most of his opportunities.

    MT: Let’s start by cleaning the physical evidence off this crime scene!

    MW: You want to sublet an apartment? Let’s see how you react to this Venusian aikido!

  74. Projectyl
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke: Oh, for the love of… It’s “watchdog”. The pun you make in this ludicrously specific situation is “watchdog”. It’s right there, and you best you can come up with is “tick to his stomach”? Focus, Nameless Girl, focus!

  75. kippetje2000
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    #72 Octal: The Countess Weirdly is looking for a new coat.

    MW: Mary is a chameleon! First Ben’s hairdo, today she’s wearing the same outfit Vera had on at the office. Minus the sleeves. And now she’s going to pull the old ‘got your nose’ routine on her new tenant.

    SM: J. Jonah Handjive is doing things with his hands that Margo would die for.

    FC:: Kids in luminere maisons are lucky. They don’t have to talk to french prostitutes working the street corners.

  76. The Goob
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Not to worry Slylock. The transmogrifier isn’t even plugged in!

  77. kippetje2000
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Also with this Mark Trail story I can’t help being reminded of the Naked Gun movie where O.J. is shot off a pier in the beginning and we get to see the corpse outline floating in the bay. LOL of course, we could all laugh at that before he took the gloves off.

  78. FlaGator
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Even Max Mouse ought to know that it’s impossible to transfer someone’s mind into an eggplant. Slylock, his vocal cords paralyzed by an injection of snake venom, is frantically trying to signal with his eyes that the whole thing is a sick setup, and the real trap is the chair, a device of “Saw”-like fiendishness. Turning all three keys will start the motors that will swiftly and inexorably constrict the metal bands, snapping off Slylock’s limbs like a child biting through a hot dog. Slylock will have a few minutes of incredible agony before he bleeds out, and Max Mouse will be left to know that his own ignorance led to his partner’s demise… a crushing realization that will lead to Max’s own alcohol-fueled suicide scant weeks later. Curse you, Weirdly!

  79. The Bitter Wolf
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    I can picture it now. Slylock, Crime Solving Eggplant. Wow it sounds like an improvement. If it turns out to be a failure then we can have some Slylock Parmegian.

  80. Cornwhacker
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    To piggyback off of yesterthread’s Brooke McEldowney discussion, I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting the mastermind behind the fox/eggplant brain transfer to look like this.

  81. The Bitter Wolf
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Holy crap. The guy behind Slylock is a fellow Baltimorean. I am in shock.

  82. Mibbitmaker
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    3/20:

    (DT)MT: Ah, this looks like the beginning of discovering Dan’s scheme at last! Trail, once that happens: “Ooooooooh, (smacks forehead) THAAAAAAAAT‘S what all that stuff was about!” Duh, Trail.

    JP: Uh-oh, looks like they’re going to get beaten up by some hookers (French: “hook-AIRES”)! And it’ll be the best comic strip ever!

    MW: Random couple in panel two… the man saying, “Heh, looks like Mary’s latest victim’s arrived! (Chuckle)” Run, Vera, fast as you can!

    RMMD: “There’s not much hope in that!” Caption: “So we leave this storyline, and instead follow the exploits of…..” Rex Morgan meets Monty Python.

    Agnes: Debbie Downer did it first… and better.

    FC: “…and they couldn’t get grounded, either, because they live waaaaaay up at the top!” Bil and/or Thel saying that there’s still a good, hard spanking shut Billy up real fast.

    S-M: Take it, Nelson! “Ha-ha!”

    FW: Montoni did not say that; it was shoehorned in by a preachy health nut making eating anything good a deadly medical condition. Just stick to the anti-smoking stuff, Batiuk.

    (DT)GT: And the Col. Flagg story continues. I’m waiting for someone to be named Perkins. There’s always a Perkins in the Col. Flagg M*A*S*Hes.

    A3G: Tommie, you deserve this wacky Who’s On First routine, you good-guy-hating, @ss#ole-loving spinster!

    Dilbert: Another day in the soul-crushingly bleak office environs. Gotta be a Scott Adams-Ricky Gervais crossover.

  83. Proteus
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:21 am [Reply]

    31 ManRayX. It’s not just you.

    I found the furniture in the Marmiduke background very.., satisfying to look at. I could look at that for a good long while. Gosh, I find myself thinking,wish I could draw a sofa like that. Look at how few lines, how graceful the curves. I put my hand over the rest of the cartoon because its stupid and distracting. Besides, Josh read it so I don’t have to. Who am I to make that sacrifice meaningless?

    Mmmm… sofa!

  84. AppleGirl
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    Whoa, the Slylock Fox guy is a fox! Now I’m lovin’ the comic strip even more. Twisted and baffling, and in a GOOD way. Not the Gil Thorp way.

    Seeing the cute Slylock Fox guy helped me get over seeing the way-creepy Pibgorn guy.

    36 – Gadge Cubic, you mean half of Iowa didn’t really blow up last week?

  85. Tats
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    Uh oh, Vera’s about to fall prey to Mary’s deadly game of “there’s something on your tie”!

    And then she’ll drive off a cliff.

  86. Mr. O’Malley
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    12. Poteet, you’re right about the snakes. And also I’d like to add, what’s so terrible about vultures? They also have their place in the ecosystem. Also I find they have a certain elegance and dignified manner in their flying and perching.

    I do get a bit worried when they swoop down to have a look at me, but so far none of them have stopped.

  87. Christopher
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    Well, speaking of Slylock Fox, I’d like to look back at Sunday’s installment for a moment.

    In case you can’t read the solution (And I had a hard time even after setting my moniter to 640×480), the answer is that Slick Smitty’s story has to be false because Elephants don’t drink through their trunks, they just suck up liquid and squirt it into their mouths.

    And well, I mean, most Elephants aren’t five foot nine. They don’t usually have the proper vocal chords to allow human speech. They don’t wear jaunty One Got Fat style chapeaus.

    I mean, if we were to chronicle all the ways in which Earl has to be different then a regular elephant we’d be here all day.

    So how are we supposed to know whether he can drink through his trunk?

    That Bob Weber Jr. pulled the same trick in the entry sunday before last, too, in an arguably much more way.

    You might ask why Slylock didn’t just ask which of them came in most recently.

    Well, that’s because he knows that neither Foxes, Beavers, Anteaters, nor Frogs have the necessary vocal chords to carry on a conversation of that sophistication. Duh.

  88. tekende
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

    I found all three keys in like four seconds.

    But even so, I hardly see how that will solve the problem. Max has to find a way to get the keys without Weirdly seeing him, and then unlock them, again without Weirdly seeing him. This is so stupid.

    Personally, I’d hope for a Young Frankenstein-esque situation here. Slylock and the eggplant do a partial transfer, so the eggplant becomes reasonably intelligent while Slylock is endowed with the eggplant’s enormous, um…stalk.

    Hagar the Horrible is once again missing a joke today, but, man, Crankshaft didn’t even try. They could at least have put quotation marks around “bumped,” thereby letting us know they were attempting a pun. I mean, it still wouldn’t have been funny, but at least we’d know there’d been some effort.

  89. Dactyl
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Now wait just a cottonpickin minute … does Mary Worth own Charterstone? Is she the building manager? Head of the residents Board of Directors? Real Estate Agent? Does she have anything resembling an office or title that would cause her to know what apartments are open? Or, assuming that this is just Ella’s place (but wasn’t she subletting?), it appears as if Mary is about to show the place to Curses-Upon-You-Von-Woman. Do people normally just delegate the showing of apartments to the nosiest person around? Wouldn’t that just frighten tenants away? The normal, human kind I mean?

  90. Chromium
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    I’m sorry, I just need to interrupt this thread for a moment to point out that today’s Ballard Street is completely glorious.

  91. Christopher
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    More… um… you know, I’m not even sure anymore what adjective I was going to put in there.

    Well, whatever it was, there was more of it.

    Anyway, as long as I’m thinking of Slylock Fox, I think we need to see more Roxy Rabbit.

    Also, why is it Bob Weber Jr. seems to be one of the few comic strip artists working today who really enjoys drawing? I mean, He puts all kinds of detail into each strip, while guys like Jim Davis or Johnny Hart are happy with just a few lines that sort of suggest that maybe their strips are taking place somewhere, perhaps.

    What’s up with that?

  92. AppleGirl
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox is so teeny tiny on my screen that I don’t even attempt to find the 6 differences or the 3 hidden things anymore. I just enjoy knowing it’s impossible, and enjoy the artwork.

  93. Chromium
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:01 am [Reply]

    Um, OK, I need to interrupt once more to point out that MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING IN FOOB!?!? I mean that tiny little person trapped in a cage/jungle gym under the coffee table. Is that supposed to be the doll from the previous panel? Because… it doesn’t look anything alike. The hair and dress is different. Is this Ned making a cameo in drag? Does it have anything to do with the fact that April is on an obvious acid trip?

  94. moe99
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    Excuuuuse me, Lizardbreath is getting ready to go a party, and we know what happened at the last party she attended??

    Will it be a repeat from the past? Will the moustached one throw himself at her, forgetting her PTSD as a result of the attempted assault?

    Or will it be true love, ever after with Warren? I think we should have a poll.

  95. SixFootJen
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    Now, I hate eggplant pretty violently — it’s a pain in the ass to cook, given all the salting and pressing and sweating (the eggplant, not me). Plus it’s really too slimy to make it worthwhile. Basically, it’s gross.

    But that googly-eyed eggplant in Count Weirdly’s bottle, with the little bubbles rising around him and the somewhat anxious expression?

    I’m in love. I want to break in to Weirdly’s ghoulish dungeon and liberate the poor lil’ thing. Don’t worry, Aubergine, I’ll give you a good home!

  96. Caged Tygre
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    #94 moe99, Foob’s official site had a glimpse into the future, but the error, or perhaps deviously placed comic, will probably be offsite by tomorrow.

  97. EDubbs
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    hello,

    FOOB site has posted the 3-31 strip by accident! I’m sure they will take it down, so here’s a link:

    http://i13.tinypic.com/49lk3rd.gif

    But it sure is nice to see that Warren’s back in the running!

  98. Trilobite
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:46 am [Reply]

    I appreciate Vera’s haunted look of resignation in Tuesday’s Mary Worth. She’s trying hard to convince herself that anything would be better than her room in a condemned tenement, even an apartment in the Charterstone House of the Damned, right next door to Meddlin’ Mary.

    Personally, I think I’d rather dodge falling plaster and fight rats for my dinner, but I’m not going to make fun of Vera for choosing a different path. Instead I’ll make fun of her ghastly balloon-shaped head and her impossibly flat face. Seriously, it’s like some kid at a carnival was shooting her in the mouth with a squirt gun between panels one and two. A few more seconds and her head will burst!

  99. Joshtradamus predicts
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    In the Millennium Year CC1K005!: Comics Curmudgeon posters will be able to predict the future of all comics, creating chaos in story timelines. Entries at CC will top 3,000 a day. Unfortunately no matter how hard anyone looks forward, Mary Worth never dies!

  100. kippetje2000
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:02 am [Reply]

    #70 Poteet (sorry it took so long, time consuming in preparation and baking time). Pop a bottle of Chianti and light the candles.

    Charterstone Cookbook: Cooking (for) Humans

    ‘Emotionless and calm, Meiwes recalled how he began the killing by cutting off the victim’s penis at the victim’s request, how they fried it in a pan and tried but failed to eat it. ‘

    How you bag your Biddy is for you to decide. But it’s best not to wait for her to die of old age!

    Biddy is lower in fat than beef, pork and chicken.
    Farm-raised Biddy is slightly sweet with virtually no fat and is very high in protein and iron.
    Biddy is a great alternative to chicken and is usually raised without the use of hormones or steroids.
    Wild Biddies are best taken in the winter for flavor.
    The meat is very dark and coarse-grained.

    Dressing your Biddy:

    Lay the old bird on the ground breast up.

    Place one foot right above the breast to secure the neck, and secure the other foot on her hind end. The old bird should be completely pinned down leaving the breast exposed.
    The next part is up to you. You can either pull away the skin first, or leave the skin on for now. It is recommend to pull away the skin first to expose the bare breast.
    Stick 3 fingers in the body cavity from the bottom, and stick 3 fingers on your other hand underneath the top of the breast (through the neck).
    With your feet still pinning down the old bird, rip up on the breast and pull it away from the rest of body.
    You should have just the whole breast with ribs attached. If you haven’t taken the skin and hair folicles yet, you may do so now. Simply clip ribs, and rinse and it’s ready to be packaged for transport
    Remove the entrails and organs as soon as possible, because the old undigested food may ferment if not removed.
    The heart (if it exists and is not shriveled and desiccated) and liver may be saved for giblets. Store in a plastic bag on ice to keep them clean and cold.
    Biddy should be cut into seven pieces–head,front quarters, loins and rear legs.

    Cool the carcass quickly to retain flavor and maintain the quality of the Biddy.

    The time lag between cleaning and cooking Mary is important. If the old bird is to be cooked fresh and consumed soon after she has been bagged, scrape the old bird to remove the hair but be sure to remove any of the silver skin and the bone, which add too strong of a taste.

    However, if Mary is to be frozen and cooked later, skin her and remove any fatty tissues found under her skin. Fat in biddies–as in other species of soap opera comic characters–can (and often does) become rancid with age in the freezer.

    Recipes:

    Scrapple:

    Separate Mary’s head into halves. Remove eyes and brain. Scrape head and clean thoroughly. Place in large kettle and cover with 4-5 quarts of cold water. Simmer gently for 2 to 3 hours, or until meat falls from the bones. Skim grease carefully from the surface; remove meat. Chop fine, and turn liquor. Season with salt, pepper, and sage to taste. Sift in corn meal, stirring constantly, until the mixture is thickened to the consistency of mush. Cook slowly for 1 hour over low heat. When sufficiently cooked, pour into greased oblong pans and store in a cool place until ready to use. Cut in thin slices and fry until crisp and brown. Makes 6 pounds.

    Headcheese:

    1 Biddy’s head
    1 Biddy’s tongue
    salt and pepper
    sage or chili powder

    Clean and scrape Biddy’s head and wash thoroughly. Wash and trim tongue. Cover head and tongue with slightly salted water and simmer until meat falls from the bone. Drain meat, shred, and season. Pack tightly in bowl, cover, and weigh it down. Let stand 3 days in a cold place. Slice. Makes 6-8 pounds.

    Mary Mawl:

    Remove the biddy’s stomach, soak it to kill off the enzymes. Chop up equal parts of potatoes, onions and country sausage. Stuff Mary’s stomach and bake until it is brown and crispy on the outside. To serve, you slice it just like roast.

    Can be served with a side of Funky Winkerbeans

    Other Dishes:

    Scrambled eggs and crone’s brains

    Biddies and Gravy

    Dr. Jeff’s Rocky Mountain Oysters. Remove Jeff’s testicles, dredge in flour, season with salt and pepper and deep fry.

  101. Frank Parsnip
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:30 am [Reply]

    I would like to see Slylock Fox and Marmaduke trapped across from each other, their legs caught in little furrier traps at opposite ends of a rundown bathroom. A TV flickers on and a creepy puppet tells them that the first one to free himself will get to live.

    The animals listen but do not comprehend human language. To them it is just pictures flashing. Perhaps if only they had been trapped with a freakish half-breed Plugger who could interpret for them… provided the Plugger wasn’t primarily interested in using the room’s toilet fixtures to rid its body of junk food at elephantine rates.

    In 5 hours, one french chef comes down for “reynard Bourgignon”… and a chinese chef for “Peking kao-gou”.

  102. The Avocado Avenger
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:34 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Today’s last panel is frightening. If you look closely, you can see April has shrunk one of Michael’s cutensprogen down to the size of a doll and is forcing her to live in a dollhouse that looks suspiciously like the one in Pornstache’s basement. Clearly, this means two things: April has supernatural powers, and is in cahoots with Pornstache. It’s all so clear to me now.

    (DT)GT: Whoever speculated that the doofus knocked himself out was right. Only it wasn’t an accident, he did it on purpose, and is a wee bit too cavalier about it if you ask me. Tyler’s probably lying right now, trying to hide the fact that he got these wounds from his lusty affair with Satan, the school dance DJ.

    MT: This “let’s forget about the dead guy bloating in our pond” idea isn’t going too well, is it? Keep trying, Mark.

  103. yellojkt
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:04 am [Reply]

    Slylock: “Do you expect me to talk?”
    Count Weirdly: “No, Mr. Fox, I expect you to become ratatouille!”

    Fox Ratatouille Recipe:

    INGREDIENTS:

    * 2 tablespoons olive oil
    * 2 cloves garlic, crushed and minced
    * 1 large onion, quartered and thinly sliced
    * 1 small fox, cubed
    * 2 green bell peppers, coarsely chopped
    * 4 large tomatoes, coarsely chopped, or 2 cans (14.5 ounces each) diced tomatoes
    * 3 to 4 small mouse sidekicks, cut into 1/4-inch slices
    * 1 teaspoon dried leaf basil
    * 1/2 teaspoon dried leaf oregano
    * 1/4 teaspoon dried leaf thyme
    * 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley

    PREPARATION:
    In a 4-quart Dutch oven or saucepan, heat olive oil over medium heat. Add garlic and onions and cook, stirring often, until softened, about 6 to 7 minutes. Add fox; stir until coated with oil. Add sidekick; stir to combine.

    Add tomatoes, zucchini, and herbs; mix well. Cover and cook over low heat about 15 minutes, or until fox is tender but not too soft.
    Serves 4.

  104. kippetje2000
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:51 am [Reply]

    #103yellojkt: It appears Disney is cooking up the same dish, only they’ve substituted rat for fox. http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/ratatouille/

  105. MonkeyHawk
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    Ease-play!

    Ix-nay on the ecipies-ray for itters-cray.

    Only esterthread-yay, a ig-bay alactical-gay uler-ray was ungry-hay for onkeyhawk-may icassee-fray.

    I’m orried-way he’s resetting the agmacannon-may to oil-bray!

  106. dreadedcandiru2
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: Aside from the creepy-ass last panel (What the Margo IS that THING supposed to be?), this wasn’t a half bad strip. This begs the question of what fresh hell Lynn will subject us to between now and the 31st of March?

  107. Ham Gravy
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:15 am [Reply]

    MT: Yessir, we’re just going to have to forget all about old Dan. Gotta get our minds on something else. Hey, I know, let’s clean Dan’s boat! What’s that stuck to the bottom of the boat there Rusty? OH MY GOD, A HUMAN HEAD!!!

    MW: Having learned from the recent challenge to her Queen Bidditudeness, Mary immediately seeks to establish dominance over the mousy Vera, punctuating her bland observations with a few sharp pokes to the sternum. Vera has to weigh her options carefully here – which is worse: living with an advanced rat infestation, or living next to Mary Worth?

  108. stinky pete
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:41 am [Reply]

    Many denizens of Curmudgeon Nation are probably aware of the “Social Text Affair,” in which NYU physicist Alan Sokal wrote an article called “Transgressing the Boundaries: Toward a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity.” The article was complete gibberish, but the editors of Social Text coudn’t tell the difference and published it anyway. Hilarity ensued.

    At this point readers are asking, “what does this have to do with the price of beans?” Well, it seems to be as good an explanation for the existence of Gil Thorp as any. Imagine: the horrendous artwork, the inane plots, the insipid dialogue, the teenagers of indeterminate gender – all so suggestive of an actual serial comic strip, yet devoid of anything that might be called “interesting,” “intelligible,” or “readable.” Could it all just be a hoax perpetrated against Tribune Media?

  109. Dean Booth
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    AG3: Margo’s raised finger and sideways head bobble is the international sign for interesting man. To make the sign for sexy man, you bobble your head differently.

    (DT)GT: Whatshisname hit himself so hard, his eyeball popped out! And why does that lady in panel 3 have on a SpiderMan suit?

    MalF: Huh? This is fuel for my documentary on how Republicans ended the Age of Reason.

    MT: Mark’s grief is indicated by the use of only one exclamation point per sentence.

    MW: Look down, Vera, look down! Mary wants to do the 3 Stooges finger bit on you. (Wow, Mary looks angry in panel 3 — this drawing can be reused later, when Mary is threatening to murder Vera.)

  110. smacky
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    Are five exclamation points in a strip of Mark Trail where absolutely nothing exciting is happening a new record? I like to pretend the exclamaion points means that each statement should be read in an incredibly sarcastic way:

    Rusty: “This is an old wooden boat!”

    Mark: “Yes, and it’s heavy, but it’s still in good shape!”

    Rusty: “So’s your momma!”

  111. Squawk
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:09 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox, eggplant, what’s the difference?

    Though the real winner here is Count Weirdly, who has to be the most originally dressed evil scientist ever: top hat, goggles, white nightgown, and Doc Martens, a combination that indicates he’s a punk rocker/aviator/somnambulist on his way to the opera, just as his pale green skin pigmentation indicates he’s anemic.

  112. stinky pete
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    111 Doc Martens? I agree with #9, those are Chuck Taylor Converse All-Star high tops!

  113. insolenttomato
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    #105 Monkeyhawk: I’m right there with ya. All I need is the mental leap from aubergine to tomato to happen.

  114. Dean Booth
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    #108. Pete, a few years ago, a computer error caused GT to be printed upside down, and it took 3 weeks before anyone noticed.

  115. Zorba the Geek
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    MT: I don’t think that Mark and Cherry would have to worry too long about a corpse decomposing in their lake- Mark knows that the fish in the lake will eat it in due course. Anyone for a fresh-caught fish dinner?

  116. Justafoob
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:31 am [Reply]

    Apewill is just the kind of babysitter you DON’T want to hire. Get the kids all riled up just before bedtime. Feed them all kinds of sugary snacks.

    I think Saint Narcisus and Deanna could do better if they hired Howard Erk to watch their evil spawn.

  117. willethompson
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    CHENNUX! THE MUSICAL! progresses one shouted tune at a time.

    I see this mid-second act. A 50s girl group (AppleGirl, Fizzy Logic. Poteet, Non-Shannon, Ilsamorada Girl, Old Fogeyette and Trotzenbonnie) is on different platforms (that’s shoes AND stage levels), each one representing a different dimension. The tune is brazenly stolen from “The Leader of the Pack…”

    (spoken hubbub…)
    OF: Is she really going out with him?
    AG: Well, there she is. Let’s ask her.
    FL: Poteet, is that an Imperial hickey you’re showing?
    POTEET: Mm-hmm.
    IG: Gee, it must be great riding that…skxcrit…ah…that thing.
    T&B: Is he picking you up after magmacannoning gh today?
    POTEET: Mm-mm.
    N-S: By the way, where’d you meet him?

    POTEET (singing): I met him at the grannix store
    He turned around and SHOUTED at me…
    POTEET (spoken): You get the picture?
    THE GIRLS: Yes, we see!

    POTEET: I knew my fate was – TO BE EATEN AS A SNACK!

    POTEET: (singing) My folks said it could probably really be worse (worse worse)
    Hanging out with emp’rer of the known universe
    (Whatcha mean when you say that he’s runnin’ the whole universe?)
    I said Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!
    When they chose me to be his little slattern
    I knew my fate was – TO BE EATEN AS A SNACK!

    One day, PeteMoss said, “Tremblingly obey
    He’s fourteen feet tall or that’s what they say!”
    (Whatcha mean when you say tremblin’ obey, really obey?)
    I listened to my CC advisors
    When he grinned and showed his incisors
    I knew my fate was – TO BE EATEN AS A SNACK!

    APPLEGIRL (stealing spotlight – spoken):
    He sort of smiled and patted my head
    The colors were beginning to show
    When IT engorged across space and time
    I begged him to go slow
    But whether he heard, I’ll never know
    No no no no no no – YES!
    (Look out, look out, look out, look out!)

    POTEET (singing):
    He returned me to earth with nary a bruise!
    APPLEGIRL (singing):
    I went shopping and got a new pair of shoes!
    BOTH:
    It really increased my enjoyment
    When he went to total deployment
    There’s more than one way – TO BE EATEN AS A SNACK!

    (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh and fade out)

    APPLEGIRL: Oh, Chennux! Text me!

  118. TheMagicMel
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    Did no one else notice Sunday’s Lucky Cow had a vibrator joke in it? Or am I the only hyper perv in attendance?

    http://www.gocomics.com/luckycow/2007/03/18/

  119. Calico
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    #96 & 97 – Holy Boxcar!

    Well, who popped that balloon? I’ll bet a (Canadian) dime to a Tim Horton’s donut that Lynn is PISSED.

    And, the French in JP just keeps moving along in a holding pattern. The phrase should be more like “Qu’est ce que vous fait ici? C’est mon coin (seulement).”
    Sorry if I’m a bit off – writing correct French is rather daunting so I’ll give Wilson or whomever points for trying.

    And, as an aside, nice Phallic symbol in FC.

  120. Hogen Mogen
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:35 am [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/buildcp.mpl?v=3.0;page=2;quality=high;cpp=8;c=112;c=71;c=20;c=116;c=118;c=144;c=123;c=130;c=140;date=2007/3/20

    Holy Shit! I hate that! Hate with the power of a thousand blazing — well, not a thousand suns, but maybe a thousand matches – - ok, maybe not a thousand. Maybe like – one. Maybe not even a match, either, maybe something like the tiny green LED light that shows that my computer monitor is on. Yeah. That’s about the extent of the venomous rage that wells within me when I do my laundry and find that there is – surprise – more laundry to be done because the clothes I wear while doing the laundry are slowly becoming dirty themselves.

  121. stinky pete
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    114 Dean, we await your magical Slylock 3 Hidden Key detector!

    118 MagicMel, it may have been mentioned previously.

  122. Herro!
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    3/20/07: Did anyone else think Blondie is freakin’ adorable today?

    Also…is Cathy doing a crossover with The Flintstones?

  123. Chip
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:41 am [Reply]

    Tomorrow’s Slylock Fox will be essentially the same as today’s but with TWO jars of eggplant and a snake laying there gorged with a mouse-shaped bulge in his middle…

  124. Calico
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:42 am [Reply]

    #110 – sounds like a Curtis joke!

    Yes, Rusty, the boat is old, wooden, and heavy. This concludes your daily home-schooling lesson.

    SlyFox – that poor, poor aubergine in a jar.
    It brings back shades of the SP episode “Towelie.”
    Kill meeee, kill me!
    And yes, I did find all 3 keys, but two are better placed and better drawn. The contrast is superior to the one on the Skxcritort Bleeeeeep! (Technical Problems – Please Stand By)

  125. jules
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    Ha ha ha! Oh, that Crankshaft! Throwing 8-year-olds off the school bus for no discernible reason! Soon the cops will find Crankshaft beaten into a coma, and in a brilliant “No, I am Spartacus” moment, every mother in town will confess to the beating, and the investigators will be stymied. Stymied, I tell ya. Also they won’t have cared much in the first place, because they all remember Crankshaft from their childhoods.

    I remember enjoying Shoe as a kid, but this is plain weird. (It’s also not the original artist, so, y’know.) I did always like that the senator’s name is “Batson Belfry,” though.

    And finally – it must be said – the guy in “Gil Thorp” just confessed to BASHING HIMSELF IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A STICK. I really like the visual, in the second panel, of him actually bashing himself in the back of the head with aforementioned stick. With action lines! (It’s Tyler, right? The guy with the stick? They all look the same to me.) Honestly, I could look at that panel all day. It makes me laugh every time. This is the lamest storyline ever, but gosh, I love that second panel.

  126. Hogen Mogen
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Man, Max Mouse has got a hell of a job cut out for him. Find three keys amidst a salivating vulture and a very eager looking snake in the time it takes for the count to merely throw the switch and end the tyranny of Slylock, the unelected official who rules the forest with such an iron fist that even welching on your punch bringing obligations can get you led away in handcuffs and brutalized by Sly’s Gestapo (granted that Sly’s Gestapo is merely some of Max Mouse’s bretheren squeaking angrily as they pummel the evildoer with their pin sized fists of rage, but it is still humiliating to do a perp walk in such an environment).

    But as for Max Mouse finding the keys without being tripped up, one thing he has going for him is that the machine (if you look to the left of the panel) isn’t plugged in.

  127. Hogen Mogen
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke: Sarah? The kids have names? Wristwatch that ticks? What?

    Wait, he’s a big dog. Hahahahahahaha!

  128. spoonman
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:54 am [Reply]

    JP: So, it looks like a Parisian street-walker has mistaken Neddy and Abbey for some tarted up competition while a couple of nefarious looking men approach. I see a definate chance for the phrase, “wackiness ensues,” or, at least, bus fare.

  129. Hogen Mogen
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    #118 – Mel – I love Lucky Cow. I can’t believe I didn’t read it Sunday, and when I did, it took two readings to find the vibrator reference. That was way funnier than the actual punch line. Thanks for sharing!

  130. True Fable
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    FBoFW concerning 3/19 strip: How old did we figure Liz is? 22? OMG, that girl’s got the smallest boobs and the biggest hips ever, for someone who supposedly has all these men after her. Guess they’re wanting that junk in her trunk. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
    …Or, one man’s roadside is another man’s gig!

    (DT)GT Death to…Brain-Spewing Tyler? Gotta give props to someone who can throw his arm out of socket, turn it around, and club himself in the back of the head with it until jell-o drips out his ears.

    JP Abbey Spencer in a bitch-slap contest with a Parisian hooker! Sam, Sam, Sam… you’re gonna miss out on action so hot you’re going to wish you’d taken the week off instead of hanging around with a campaign. …Campaign? Oh yeah. Look pal, you have to cross the ocean to find those non-denying missies.

    FC Just what in the blue hell is Jeffy doing in that pose? Bracing himself for the inevitable beat-down he’s going to get from Billy and Dolly today?

    DtM Dennis, the only way you are going to earn ANY points today from MenaceWatch2007 is if you follow up that statement with, “and I am about to make you an offer you cannot refuse”, pull a automatic pistol from your overalls and say, “And I’ll take that Social Security check I saw you get in the mail today too. And you ain’t gonna rat on me because I have the Polaroids of your old man and Joey playing Gingerbread Man!”
    If you going to menance, dammit all, go all out or go home.

  131. andreavis
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    DtM: Oh, Dennis, don’t you realized Mr. Wilson opened the oven door so he could put his head in it.

    MW: Mary’s coppin’ a feel! Or is she doing a “pull my finger” gag? Either way, bad touch! bad touch!

  132. dimestore lipstick
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    Frinkenstein is right–that ain’t Tip, it’s Teddy.

    Still alive, still a Senator (Tip was a Congressman), and still extremely active in healthcare reform.

  133. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    3/20/07

    Crankshaft: Here’s my question; if Crankshaft never waits for kids, then how the hell are they getting there late? What exactly are they doing that’s taking so damned long?

    (DT)GT: So Tyler hit himself in the back of the head and intentionally sucked at basketball? Never mind the ridiculousness of this ploy, but isn’t this high treason in the land of Milford?

    Heathcliff: That mailman is about to have a whole new “dog problem”.

  134. AAckTTpth
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:02 am [Reply]

    #120
    Is TDIET getting crossed with Pluggers? MACHINE-washed – [gasp] Mom has to stick them in a machine and come back in 40 minutes.

    Oh, the treachery of modern technology!

    Or she should start training them to be bachelors and show them how to turn clothes inside out and get another week out of them.

  135. True Fable
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    #117 willethompson, GREAT parody!

    this line just cracked me UP:
    I said Margo!Boxcar!Saturn!
    When they chose me to be his little slattern

    I’d walk through foaming hot dxertrog to see Poteet, my Queen, in all her show-stopping glory.

  136. Weasel Boy
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:07 am [Reply]

    So I start looking for the keys to help out Slylock because, dammit, I care about the guy, and the first thing I notice is what looks like a wine key inside the cork atop the jar that holds the eggplant with eyes. “Ah yes, I smugly exclaim to myself. “I’m looking for different KINDS of keys. Not the kind that actually open locks!” Thank God I found a real key, otherwise my wife might have found me hours later, slumped over in front of my computer monitor mumbling “must help Slylock…must find Key Largo.”

  137. True Fable
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    #134 – yeah, machine-washed, because usually Mom just beats the clothes with a stick down by the river with her boys still in them.

  138. Hogen Mogen
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    #96 & 97 – Caged, Edubs,
    It will take eleven days for Liz the ‘ho to come home from that party?

    Message to Warren: If you have to put the full-on-pressure at the doorstep in order to get another date, she’s probably not that interested, so don’t go jumping up and down about it.

    Message to Lynn Johnston: If you ever have Liz hook up with fly-boy because he put the full-on-pressure on Liz in order to score, you will only encourage all those young boys who look at Howard Erk in genuine admiration. That, and take that annoying ‘t’ out of your last name, I keep misspelling it and then going back to fix it.

  139. Justafoob
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    Warren is a strawman, he is just being set up so he can get knocked down.

    Hard.

    Granthony is the tortoise in this race. He is going to win over Liz with his mastery of the mustache ride. He has been practicing his technique on Molly, his blow up doll, for months now.

  140. Flywheel
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    I, for one, applaud Ed Crankshaft and his no nonsense approach to dealing with today’s youths. He is the one voice who will tell them NO and will teach them what the real world is all about.

    He is a breath of fresh air amongst the touchy-feely parents and teachers who keep giving little Johnny and little Mary “I done good” and “I Participated” medals and ribbons. These kids are going to grow up and find the real world is full of pricks like Crankshaft.

    Toss more of the snot-nosed bastards off your bus Ed. You are a beacon of hope in the dim future of Amerika.

  141. True Fable
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    SFx I couldn’t tell if I found the missing third key today or if it was just another one of those damn fish skeletons.

    B.C. I stared at this strip today and tried my best to figure out if it was supposed to be funny, poignant, pointed, wry, droll, or witty. But hell, it doesn’t even make SENSE.

    S4th Today we learn that Sally is descended from a noble lineage of nagging shrills. Way to choose ‘em, Ted.

    MW Remember when Gwynneth Paltrow wore that gothy makeup and casket-looking dress to the Oscars or something a few years ago? Mary Worth is now reprising that moment with the “Not Dead Yet, But Any Day Now” look in panel two. FABulous.

  142. Albtraum
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    “Kid Icarus” for the NES prominently featured being turned into an eggplant through dark wizardry. This can’t be a coincidence.

    Is Slylock Fox written by someone who played Kid Icarus in the 80s, or is there another, independent third source of this curse? Since the game was from Japan normally I’d assume that it’s some weird Japanese superstition, like the whole Tanooki Suit Mario thing from SMB III, but do they even have eggplants in Japan?

  143. gh
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    #117 willethompson

    Hoo hoo! That was worth responding to with a rare post from home. Raise that bar!

  144. Chris
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:29 am [Reply]

    I would like to point out that, yes, I found the keys pretty quickly (though not more quickly than the time it takes to FLIP A DAMN SWITCH, mind) but it doesn’t matter. Why? Because Max still has to get those keys, and he won’t make two steps before he gets distracted by the eggplant. Of course, if Max wanders off with the eggplant, Slylock’s brain death may still be preferable to living as a vegetable in a jar of water.

  145. Calico
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    But…but…
    What if Warren, delivering whatever he delivers (with the helicopter, that is), goes down and out Aldo-style?

    Dammit, the Gulf Stream is still missing too!

  146. Abbey the Wonderdog
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Yes, the Gulfstream is missing in the North Atlantic.

    All because of George Bush and global warming. If we had only elected Al Gore as President, we would still have the currents flowing in the Atlantic.

    I am glad that Rex and June are going to take a hard stance on another one of today’s problems. It really is too bad they couldn’t solve UNIVERSAL HEALTH INSURANCE.

    That might be the next politically charged arc.

    BARK! BARK! BARK!

  147. Scott Haley
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    With the mind of an eggplant, Slylock could still have a successful career in politics, or on Fox News.

  148. LariLee
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    We’ve got bigger problems than Marmaduke eating Sarah’s watch… where is Sarah’s arm? Is Marmaduke now ‘armed’ and dangerous? Hey, if they can make a terrible pun, so can I. Screw that ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’ stuff.

    Wouldn’t you just hate to be Marmaduke’s nameless family’s insurance agent? “Damn, another claim for Marmaduke stepping on a Volkswagon and crushing it? Another claim for Marmaduke eating a child and burying its bones in the yard? Another claim for Marmaduke breaking and entering the neighbors’ and eating them and burying their bones in the backyard?” Yep, another insurance company bites the dust… which might be the only redeeming quality about Marmaduke.

  149. Chupper
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    Mmmm… Slylock Ghanoush….

  150. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! WHISK YOURSELF INTO A PEAKED MERINGUE OF FEAR! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

    WHAT IS THIS, A COOKING SHOW? CHENNUX LOOKS FOR SNARK AND GETS RECIPES? FINE! CHENNUX CAN COOK, TOO! SQUEEZE YOUR SPICE WEASELS FOR…

    RECIPE FOR MONKEYHAWK IN INSOLENTTOMATO SAUCE

    TAKE ONE MONKEYHAWK
    PARBOIL IN MAGMA UNTIL SCREAMING STOPS TO REMOVE FEATHERS/HAIR
    DE-BONE UNTIL SCREAMING STARTS BACK UP
    MASH INTO BITE-SIZE GLOBS OF PASTE
    SEASON WITH 3 TSP. CHOPPED CILANTRO, LIME ZEST AND A FISTFUL OF CAPTAIN CRUNCH SOAKED IN ALUM
    FORM PASTE INTO WADS AND SET ASIDE

    TAKE ONE INSOLENTTOMATO
    CRUSH REPEATEDLY
    PULP THE CRUSHED PARTS
    PUREE THE PULP
    POUND PUREE WITH HAMMER
    BEAT REMAINS INTO PAN – SLUG WITH CLENCHED FIST OVER MEDIUM FLAME
    ADD HANDFULS OF DICED SCOTCH BONNET PEPPERS – COVER
    ADD TWO MOUTHFULS OF DRY WHITE WINE – REDUCE SAUCE WHILE SHOUTING AT IT

    TAKE MONKEYHAWK WADS AND FRY IN HOT, FOAMING DXERTROG UNTIL CRUST FORMS
    REMOVE AND COVER WITH INSOLENTTOMATO SAUCE

    SERVE WITH TAX-FREE POTATO SALAD AND VOLCANIC IOWA POPCORN COATED WITH BURNT WISCONSIN BUTTER!

    NOTE: NOT PARVE! MONKEYHAWKS AREN’T KOSHER! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  151. Pelagius
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Why is Slylock Fox’s author subversively prompting us to “Question Infinity”?

  152. Gabe
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Yes, they have eggplant in Japan. Eggplant was also something that made you lose health in adventure island.

    I hate eggplant with a passion. Gourds are evil! Except in pumpkin pie form.

  153. Gabe
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    125: Batson D Belfry. I enjoyed Shoe in the day too. I also liked Kudzu. For some reason, I never noticed the conservative overtones as a kid.

  154. rich
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    130: For those who care, Lizardbreath is 25 (“born” on June 26, 1981). (And I assure you… she is still a virgin.)

    132: Oh, that’s totally Tip O’Neill, not Teddy K. Ted didn’t look at all like that in the 70s, when the character was first introduced.

  155. Nate Bush, Pirate PhD
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Am I the only one upset that Cathy got the ax? Sure, there are only three jokes, but they are told in different ways, as opposed to classic peanuts, where the same two jokes are told the same way.

    Crankshaft: Anyone notice Crank’s inverted eyebrow in frame one? It’s thin towards his nose and wide towards his ears…

    Marmaduke: It wasn’t the wrist-watch that is making the dog sick, it’s the mom’s fugly graph-paper pants. Not to mention Marma is probably ready to down a jug of drain cleaner to get him out of that house… I know I would.

    Shoe: Do the birds not realize that Bill Clinton is no longer in office? Do they realize that Senator Clinton is a woman? Do they realize that Bill Clinton thinking he was still a Senator would cause pandemonium

    Shylock Fox: Does anyone else see the giant boobs on top of Shylock and the poor Aubergine? They seem to be squirting some horrible dark substance… which is turning on the snake, a lot.

  156. Gabe
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    155: Bill Clinton was never a senator. He was governor of my former state of residence, Arkansas.

  157. Garv
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Reading FOOB this week, it’s nice to see all the little pieces of the story finally fall into place like a 4 piece jigsaw puzzle made for three year olds.
    As we watch Ape the Grape care for the demon spawn that are Saint Michael’s offspring, she realizes “Hey, kids suck and you couldn’t PAY me to have them”!
    This will no doubt be the turning point that makes her start making wise life choices of responsibility and grown-uppedness. Will she be careful when she goes roadside? Will she make Flat Top wait for their hasty wedding at 19? Will it all be for naught after a wild night of cheap pilfered beer and a busted condom from a truck stop bathroom vending machine? Stay tuned, fans!

  158. Moon Mullins
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    #154 Rich: Didn’t Liz live with a guy in college, and they shared a bed together? The guy who was also seeing another girl behind Liz’s back? How could she still be a virgin after that? If she is, the guy was right to be seeing someone else, if he couldn’t play with whatever was sleeping next to him.

    Maybe Liz always wore a chastity belt/penile shredder to bed?

  159. Mike
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Queen of completely inappropriate facial expressions.

  160. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    3/20
    MF: This just in! The Ice Age never ended! Rageaholic shut-in is there to tell you all about it!

    RMMD: The North Atlantic=certain death? I’m baffled by that one, and apparently so is June.

    JP: The hooker thinks Abbey and Neddy are cutting into her turf. Haha. Not yet. If Rachel’s son contests the will, it may come to that.

    TDIET: Pretty sure today’s has actual nonwhite characters. The relative novelty offsets the fact that the joke is basically, “Sometimes you think you’re done doing the laundry, when in reality you’re not quite done.”

    Shoe: Okay, if the premise of the strip is that everyone is a bird, you can’t just make “we’re birds” the punchline. It doesn’t work. Roz seems to be realizing this. Or that she left the mayo out in the sun for six hours.

    Phantom: Hey, who’s that guy on the horse?

    (DT)GT: Tyler sent his audition tape into Johnny Knoxville. He’s still waiting.

    H&L: “First fatigue.” Is that a consequence of being an infant for forty years?

  161. gh
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Apropos of nothing, jules

    Broad River Road, eh? I’m just off St. Andrews. There’s a Lizard’s Thicket three blocks up.

  162. ohyes
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Let’s think about victory here, folks. Max is telling the snake to slither towards the Count’s feet RIGHT NOW! We hope the Count will leap back in fright before taking even a second to flip the switch. We provide lateral surveillance to spot the keys. Max, if he has the strength to carry a key, will grab the key at the Count’s feet and unlock Sly’s feet, the least stenuous option for Max. Sly will use his freed feet to propel his chair out from under the head cone, out of danger for the moment. Max will get the key on the table and free Sly’s right hand, then Sly will grab the final key himself, while Max, utterly exhausted and in terrible peril, flees for his life before the bird (or the snake) eats him. Oh there are risks – the Count flips the switch, the Count likes snakes, the Count steps on the snake, the bird pounces on the snake, the bird pounces on the mouse, Sly still strapped to the chair, falls over – but failure is unacceptable. So, success!

  163. Bunnë
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Shoe: Is it ironic that the word “needless” is completely superfluous? “Needless pandemonium.” Is there any other kind? I’m imagining senators sitting around discussing this, and saying, sure, it will create pandemonium, but sometimes you need a little pandemonium.

  164. stinky pete
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    162 ohyes, wasn’t that level 37 in Chip’s Challenge?

  165. AhClem
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    #117 willethompson -
    Brilliant! I actually heard that song on the radio yesterday morning, and I like your version a LOT better.

  166. Justafoob
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Liz is a virgin in the sense that she has her “boyfriends” pull out just prior to ejaculating.

    In regards to going totally roadside, Apewill is going to get knocked up by Gerald which will lead to her having to deal with little kids on a full time basis.

    waaaaaaa

  167. AirForbes
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Ironically, we had a Crankshaft style episode a few months ago in the city where I live. A kid who realized he had gotten on the wrong school bus, so he went up and told the driver. The driver’s response was the kick the poor kid off the bus in a very bad part of town, miles from home. Fortunately he was taken in by a decent person who called the police. Suffice to say that driver no longer works for the school district. Way to get fired, Crankshaft.

  168. yellojkt
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    The state of Liz’s virginity, much like Rex Morgan’s sexual orientation, is left to the reader’s imagination. I prefer to believe that she has slept with Eric, Paul, and the entire Mtigiwaki Division AAA Curling Team, but not Anthony or Warren.

    Meanwhile, Abbey Spencer should be flattered she is mistaken for a Parisian trannie streetwalker. I think the next car to pass will offer her and Neddy a special tag team price.

  169. gh
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Today’s (DT)GT explained:

    I gotta tell you, I’m really disappointed. I spent all last week trying to wrestle this story into some semblance of logical progression, but unless our headbanger is Elastic Man™, there’s no way to explain that swoosh and clunk with that arm. I refuse to be a party to copyright infringement. On the bright side, I’m pretty sure that’s Paris in the final panel because of the man hands (and striped shirt).

  170. rich
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    158, Moon — I’m pretty sure Lynn made a point of setting them up in separate bedrooms (that was “Eric”, right?).

    I think those cold nights in Mticwacky with Officer Paul offered Elizabeth’s best chance at popping her cherry. Still, it’s hard for me to believe Lynn Johnston would have let such a development occur without the obligatory handwringing, soulsearching, birth control lecturing, &cetera.

  171. MossMoses
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    Bank Fern is a good acronym for Mary Worth’s stunt double, Ben Frank. Why is Mary poking Vera in the neck? Curses upon you, Mary Worth! I’d be better off in the Santa Royale Women’s Shelter.

  172. Paperback Rifler
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    60. “Plugger prostitutes. Plugger prostitutes… You know, there’s almost an idea there.”

    Sadly enough, Mr. O’Malley, I have a feeling that a “Plugger prostitute” would turn out to be an actual prostitute. Not the “high-class” kind that gets hired out by your Charlie Sheen or your David Souter, mind you; but rather, the kind that has fewer teeth and more scabby skin rashes than anyone with whom non-Pluggers would ever consider doing the “Boxcar Mambo.”

    Alternately, one could make a joke about “Plugger prostitutes” that involves a Plugger’s underage relatives; but this is as far as I’m going to go with that particular line of thought.

    125. “And finally – it must be said – the guy in ‘Gil Thorp’ just confessed to BASHING HIMSELF IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A STICK. I really like the visual, in the second panel, of him actually bashing himself in the back of the head with aforementioned stick. With action lines! (It’s Tyler, right? The guy with the stick? They all look the same to me.) Honestly, I could look at that panel all day. It makes me laugh every time. This is the lamest storyline ever, but gosh, I love that second panel.”

    Amen to that, jules! That second panel might just be the single most wonderful thing that I’ve seen recently. It (probably accidentally) sort of looks like it was drawn in the style of R. Crumb; and I give it bonus points for looking like Whatshisname has just popped out his own eyeball with the force of his own whacking stick.

    Does today’s installment makes up for weeks and months of inanity and artistic incompetence? Not even close; but at least for today, the sting is less.

  173. MossMoses
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Oops – finger check – that’s “good anagram” not “good acronym” in my last post.

    For what little this may be worth, acronym is a commonly misused word. FBI and CIA are not acronyms. Those are initialisms. Acronyms are abbreviations pronounced as words such as SCUBA (Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) or CARE (Cooperative for Assistance and Relief Everywhere).

  174. Plugmein
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    You know you are a Plugger Prostitute when an around the world is a whole day expedition looking for the right sites.

  175. ohyes
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    So the guy in Gil Thorp hit himself on the head several times, then said he didn’t see who did it, in order to… play first string on the basketball team? Through the power of innuendo?

    A more likely result would be for the “mugging” to give him a concussion, with vison, reflex and balance problems that hurt his play.

    At least he’s got the balls to be an arrogant dick about it. Maybe that attitude will make him a starter. That dick who clubbed himself… watch out when he’s guarding you, Stupid!

  176. gh
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    SlyFox

    Beavers eat beans? And who takes a 20 lb. sack of sugar on a camping trip? Now, 2.61 pounds of candy in a sack, that’s different.

  177. UncleJeff
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    #60 – Plugger Prostitute: aging fox…features
    of Brit Hume.

  178. Anonymous
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    164- I cannot believe you just made a Chip’s Challenge joke. I thought I was the only one!

  179. dimestore lipstick
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    gh
    Ahem–that’s 2.81 pounds of candy in a sack…unless you’ve been nibbling, maybe?

  180. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    Ooh, the ones I especially liked today.

    PBS: Yes! Rat sticks it to the man!

    and of course

    GF: What Foodar is considering is not quite cannibalism, but it’s still deeply and amusingly wrong.

  181. gh
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    I’m not sure what a Plugger Prostitute looks like, but I believe it’s anyone/thing that will do it for a six-pack of Yoo-hoos.

  182. ohyes
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    164 – stinky pete – I don’t know the Chip’s Challenge, but my daughter and I accomplished similar feats in Rugrats, Return to Monkey Island and Kingdom of Hearts, so it can be done!

    I love those Millenarry Moments, pete. Thank you.

  183. gh
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    #179 dimestore lipstick

    Just trying to draw you out of hiding, darlin’. I flipped a coin over six and eight. I should have known though; eight is definitely funnier.

  184. Dennis Jimenez
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Ah, the Plugger life. Actually, not muct too funny about it, but the last stop in the food chain is truck stop prostitution. No condoms, selling it for next to nothing, easily victimized without much recourse. Good times, huh.

  185. Lyman Returns
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey-This strip startled me. Mort Walker knows what blues music is? Must’ve been mentioned on an episode of ‘Quincy’ or something.

    Cathy-Why does Cathy have no nose but everyone else in the strip does? In the Cathyverse, do you have to sacrifice a facial feature to be a main character in a comic strip? Kind of like Odin in Norse myth, only with a lot more yelling of ‘AACK!’

    FC-True, Billy, you wouldn’t have to sit in a corner, but you’d have to climb all those stairs, lots of stairs, several times of day. Your lethargic watermelon-shaped butt couldn’t handle it!

    JP-Will they be rescued by ‘Little Miho’?

    FW-Um, maybe Batiuk was too busy contemplating various forms of death while the elections went on in 2006, but a smoking ban was voted into existence in Ohio. So Funky and Montoni are wasting our time with a non-issue when we could be wallowing in the misery of Comic Book John, watching Wally play video games in Iraq, or Les being…um, okay, Funky and Montoni are OK.

    FBOFW-With all this roughhousing with the kiddies, how’s April gonna have enough energy left for her man? Wasn’t he gonna come over? Weren’t he and April gonna turn the lights down low, put some Luther Vandross on the CD player (Wait, they’re Canadian…they’d play Bryan Adams instead), and get their groove on?

    Crankshaft-Good points, everyone, about Crankshaft getting late to school despite not stopping for any kids. Batiuk is presenting us with a contradiction in his universe. Good. Maybe it will implode and a better comic can go in its place.
    And in today’s strip, um, why would any kid be UPSET that he’s late for school?

    Curtis-Geez, no wonder Gloria won’t date ol’ Curt…he’s got wild mastodon breath!

  186. treedweller
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    76 Goob: Good point. And, since you brought up electricity, why is the lab lit by torches and candles? Why not just turn on the bare bulb hanging from the ceiling? I mean, sure, there’s a chance the heat from it will ignite the Count’s hat, but surely that’s less of a fire hazard than open-flame lighting.

  187. Quacks Like A Duck
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    First panel of today’s Cathy… Why is Cathy “just looking” at the sales lady’s breasts?

  188. stinky pete
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    161 gh, by the way, thanks for the (all-too-rare) appropriate use of apropos. Grammar sticklers everywhere salute you!

  189. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Hogen Mogen (120), I see I’m not the only one who finds it upsetting that you can’t have all the laundry done at once. So I’ve taken the next logical step: nekkid laundering. I’m thinking of opening a “clothing optional” laundromat for others like me.

  190. stinky pete
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    178, 182 – Chip’s Challenge? Anyone else? Keys, ice skates, swim flippers, fire boots, bombs, bees? Ah, good times….

  191. rich
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Re: Elizabeth’s virginity.

    I went right to the source — of course, of course –
    And emailed the folks at For Better or Woarse…

    My email said something like “Please settle a raging Internet debate: Is or is not Elizabeth Patterson still a virgin? Some people think she lost her virginity to that rat Eric, but I say no way. Others point to Officer Paul. My guess is that she’s saving herself for marriage. Please answer!”

    Within one hour I received… ahem… the following answer:

    Hi, Rich. Lynn said, and this is a direct quote: “Tell him Elizabeth has spent many summers riding a horse.”
    – Stephanie van Doleweerd, Website Developer

  192. queek
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Gage, nice to see another QC fan. Yesterdays strip rocked, as did the punchline on Friday.

    on to the non-online comics, even if read online:

    MG&G: buh-whaa? I’m lost. Did the oracle ask the centaur if he was a horse’s ass?

    Candorville. Darrin Bell is reading this blog. No other answer possible.

    Phantom. “fellas” and an elephant. What is this, George of the Jungle? Next strip, “Ghost Who Swings Into Trees!”

    A&F was amusing. I’ve seen too many pets that respond to the sound of a bag being opened. “It’s not a Lab, its a Triscuits Retriever.”

    Frazz seems to have found a Trailian Robin. Ubiquibin?

  193. Bunnë
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    #191, rich: Wow. That’s funnier than anything Lynn has written in her strip for years!

  194. kingklash
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Maybe Crankshaft is trying to get a mention on Fark. Every so often, there’s a story concerning a driver booting some kid off a school bus several blocks from home. Then, it’s followed by a debate on whether the driver or the kid was being a bastard. Here, its more of a wager on how soon Batiuk is going to need a long rest in a sanatorium.

  195. Foobar
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    FOOB 3-31 (adapted from The Dover Bitch, by Anthony Hecht)

    So there stood Warren the Pilot and this girl
    With her parents’ house crumbling away behind them,
    And he said to her, ‘We’re going to get together again…
    aren’t we? I’ll be flying out tomorrow but I’ll be back
    in a week, etc., etc.’
    Well now, I knew this girl. It’s true she had said
    yes to him under a fairly good amount of duress
    And he’d brought her all those whisky bitters from the bar at Weed’s
    But all the time he was talking she had in mind
    The notion of what their stares would feel like
    On the back of her neck. She told me later on
    That after a while she got to looking out
    from her childhood’s bedroom window, and really felt sad,
    Thinking of all the fun and helicopter rides
    And independence and the freedom.
    And then she got really angry. To have returned
    all the way from Mtigwaki, and then be addressed
    As a sort of creepy vicarious hitching post
    Is really tough on a girl, and she was pretty.
    Anyway, she watched him skip gaily away
    And she gave Elly the finger and seem to seeth a bit,
    And then she said one or nine unprintable things.
    But you mustn’t judge her by that. What I mean to say is,
    She’s really all right. I still see her once in a while
    whenever I go down to the basement. We have a drink
    And I give her a good time, and perhaps it’s a year
    Before I see her again, but there she is,
    Running to fat, but dependable as they come.
    And sometimes I bring her a cinnamon bun.

  196. Gabe
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, but Crankshaft is a comic strip. Real life consquences don’t happen in the pursuit of cheap jokes. Next you’ll suggest 1st Sgt. Snorkel should be court martialed for the severe abuse of his subordinates.

  197. AhClem
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    #191 rich -
    Doleweerd?? That sounds like a TDIET character.

    “Doleweerd slaves all day over a hot drawing board, cranking out strip after strip of inanity, and the boss, LJ, won’t even give her the time of day. But when someone from the intertubes asks about Liz’ sex life, well then! She’s all over it like warm syrup on a skxcritort! Oh, yeaaaaahhhh!!”

  198. rich
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    197 AhClem:

    Either that, or one of those Josef Weeder/Melville Kelpfroth type FBorFW characters! Hmm…

  199. Emma
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Come on, guys! Email comics@washpost.com and tell them about your love for Mary Worth! What will we Washington Post subscribers do every day without everyone’s favorite busybody?

  200. Jobiska
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    In the Millennium Year CC1K005!: Comics Curmudgeon posters will be able to predict the future of all comics,

    I can see the future today!!! Mwahahaha!

    The Philadelphia Inquirer has printed all of Thursday’s strips today. Several strips confused me by finishing arcs and starting new ones (Edge City, for example–although when I went to look today’s strip up online, I was sad to see that as I suspected it would, Edge City indeed clunked with the “Len buys new sportscar against Abby’s wishes” storyline, much worse than whenever John bought a car against Elly’s wishes, and that is saying a lot).

    However, I will surprise none of you with the fact that Thursday’s RMMD strip could be interchangeable with today’s.

    Yes, Rusty, the boat is old, wooden, and heavy. This concludes your daily home-schooling lesson.

    By coincidence, today was the first time I wondered whether Rusty ever goes to school. I guess Mark follows the unschooling philosophy.

    Questionable Content, TWOP, Sweeney Todd, Chip’s Challenge? I knew you all were my kind of people!

    Except in the “has Liz done it?” category–I am firmly in the tiny camp that believes she has had sex with at least Eric. In fact, I found the juxtaposition of her living with Eric with the storyline of Mike and Deanna “we can’t live together without getting married, but we have a great chance at housing, but D’s mom wants a big fancy wedding later, so we’ll sneakily get married twice because we are not the type of people to live together unmarried” to be a very telling silent juxtaposition by Lynn. So much so that I wondered about her *real* children’s lifestyle choices and whether this was a subtle dig at Liz’s real life counterpart.

  201. AirForbes
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    191: Ohmigod, that explains why Liz has never seemed happy with any of her suitors.

  202. smacky
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    #166: Justafoob, I think this is the future for our April: She gets a flat-top with a mullet, starts wearing flannel shirts with the sleeves cut off, and, at age 18, gets a small place with Shannon, where they make sweet… sweet… love… pausing every three seconds so Shannon can catch her breath.

  203. Itazurakko!
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    The Slylock Fox actually reminds me of an old Bloom County strip, wherein Opus was forced to watch TV until he turned into an eggplant.

  204. Old Fogeyette
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    I’m late to the party again. But skimmed carefully (oxymoron, and just wanta say:)

    #12 Poteet: LOL! And I like snakes too, a lot, much to the discomfort of Mr. O.F.

    #59 Mibbitmaker: good parody, but it left me with suicidal urges.

    #100 kippitje2000: EWWWWWWW! Brilliant, but EWWWWWWW!

    #117 Willethompson: I am in awe, awe, awe. Plus I laughed my ass off. And thanks for incuding me. I always wanted to be part of a fifties girl group.

  205. odinthor
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    No, no, no, Josh! [Exasperated sigh.] Things in bottles in scientists’ labs are preserved in alcohol, not water. Aldo would understand. (OK, not that kind of alcohol, I know…)

  206. Old Fogeyette
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    I’ve had ten cups of coffee this morning, because Mr. OF didn’t want any, but didn’t tell me till after I had made it. (It’s half-caf, so that works out to five actual cups.) My point being that I’m afraid to post for fear of ending the thread, and I would really like an answer to the following question, apropos of nothing:

    Does anyone here remember Ferdinand Feghoot? Somehow, GEC makes me think of him.

  207. commodorejohn
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    #191 – o_O

  208. Dan
    March 20th, 2007 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    I reckon this has been mentioned before, but who knows. If one pretends that Crankshaft is set in, say, the 1970s, it’s plausible. When I was growing up, if you were such an awful miscreant on the bus, the bus driver would indeed kick you off it.

    Nowadays, parents would scream bloody murder, and rightfully so. But back then, not so much..

  209. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    # 86 — Mr. O’Malley, you are so right. And as it happens, I have a friend who picks up animal carcasses occasionally and puts them on his hillside pasture so he can watch the turkey vultures feeding from his kitchen window through binoculars. He says they are really interesting to watch, and they get along pretty well in spite of competing for food. When I compare his description of vultures with my memories of junior high, the vultures are more civilized.

  210. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    # 100 — kippetje2000, you have surpassed my wildest expectations. I thought I’d maybe get a Mary Meatball recipe, and instead, you have laid out, so to speak, a veritable biddy banquet Wow! Do you cook professionally? (With non-human food, I mean.)

  211. Mike
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    191 – I think the Head Foob herself may have put herself in the running for COTW.

  212. Old Fogeyette
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Hawks are also interesting to watch as they eat. I have observed a hawk with his prey at the top of a saguaro cactus, using cactus spines to hold the morsel steady while he tore at it.

  213. UnderstatementJones
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    SF: Oh, ?[Infinity Sign]. I hear that one’s a page-turner.

    Washington Post update: Not only has this rag taken away my Mary, but also they’ve lamed up their layout, with kind of a web-pagey feel to it. Which is a good decision. Because really, I subscribe to the old-fashioned, foldable newsprint version, but every day I think to myself, “Dammit, y’know I really like paying for the Post, but I wish it were even more similar to something I can get on the internet for free.”

    Also, they’ve squished some of the comics. Bastards.

  214. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    # 105 — Sorry, Monkeyhawk. My fault. No more requests of that sort, I promise.

    # 117 — BWAHAHAHAHA! Wille, this is one of your best EVER, and I’d say that even if I weren’t in it. I am honored beyond words. And working with such classy singers and sharing the stage with AppleGirl…it’s almost too much (sniff).

    Actually, given that Harvey Fierstein is slated to play me at this point, “too much” may be putting it mildly:-).

  215. jules
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    #161 – gh! I know where St. Andrews is! Small world. :)

  216. Moon Mullins
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    #191 Rich: Emailing LJ was so cool of you! I have already forwarded that response to numerous friends.
    I agree she should win the COTW just for the irony factor alone!

  217. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Attention, uh, Mole Preener? Blat here, on His Imperial BiPolar Galactic Planetsquisher’s personal channel. Um, yesterday, you said…

    Earth composers and arrangers, however, are unfamiliar with the skrxcritort’s musical capabilities, such as range and any idiomatic gestures that are either pleasing or impossible. So, perhaps you could describe the range, in conventional Earth notation, of your skrxcritort, and possibly send along an mp3 file of a recording…

    …and he wanted me to get back to you. Based on American Standard pitch (A in the fourth piano octave = 440 Hz), a well-tempered skxcritort has an effective range from G in the eleventh piano octave (110305.92 Hz) down to R minus (-4329.57 Hz). As you know, a negative Hz value sucks audio energy right out of the ether.

    In Earther-audible tones (20 – 20,000 Hz), a solo skxcritort resembles a gender (gen•DARE) and shofar fighting for the possession of a lone female Hammond B-3 with Marshall stacks. But that’s wide of the point.

    His Vast Cranky Virtuosity uses the term ‘skxcritort solo’ for his efforts, but that’s not technically true. In the same way a woodwind needs a reed, other beings are required at each dimensional manifestation in order for it make its characteristic layered sounds. In short, he plays it – and then it plays you. Several of you.

    I have tried to put together a sound file of His Thelonius Monkosity during a session, but I’ve ruined every iPod, pPod and cattleProd in the attempt.

    Preener: Just between us, NEVER ask his Galactic Grouchiness to audition… it isn’t healthy… I’m just saying… OK?

    Regarding your project, I’d just allow 25 minutes before an act curtain – set up an Am / C / D / F vamp and he’ll fill in the rest.

    ALL HAIL CHENNUX!
    Blat,
    Audio Technician Nth Class, attached to GEC’s MCXVIth fleet

    PS – Elvis says Hi!

  218. Mibbitmaker
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    At the end of the 3/31 FOOB, Warren is so happy by his entrapment-style success at getting Liz to see him again that he leaps in the air, “flying without a copter”.

    After an unrelated Sunday April’s a Fool Day Joke (in pun form), on Monday the 2nd we see Warren take a nasty fall, twisting his neck and quickly dying on the lawn. Liz, in grief over the incident, seeks sollace in the arms – and moustache – of yoo-no-hoo! Score, Blanthony (causing most of us to want to repeat Tyler’s little trick in GT)!

  219. jules
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    #172 Paperback Rifler – Ha! I had to go back and look at my favorite panel again (panel 2 of today’s Gil Thorp, for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet – Go! Now! Best “Gil Thorp” panel ever!). I hadn’t even noticed that he hit himself hard enough to dislodge an eyeball! That makes it even better, which I wouldn’t have thought possible at 10:00 this morning!

  220. gh
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    #215 jules

    I figured you would. By the way, there’s one little thing I have to ask. When you said “just off Broad River Road” you didn’t mean the Correctional Institution, did you? Because there’s this silly restraining order I’m under [I don’t know, something about associating with known felons blah blah blah, all a misunderstanding really].

    Oh, and #173 MossMoses

    As if we Cooperative for Assistance and Relief Everywhere. :-)

  221. MossMoses
    March 20th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    213. UJ, you understated how crappy the replacement comics are. Agnes is a lame, poorly drawn, unimaginative pandering p.o.s. Brewster Rocket should rocket off to another newspaper at the speed of light and Pooch Cafe sucks pooch prongs. Worst of all, without Mary Worth meddling with my morning, the old drag carcass out of bed motivation just took a big hit.

  222. Mibbitmaker
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    #218 (me): Actually, I like “April FOOB’s Day” better. She deserves a day just for sometimes being our mouthpiece.

    And if Lynn was as funny in her comic strip as she was quoted in #191 (rich), FBOFW would still be a good strip.

  223. UncleJeff
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    #211 – Mike, I concur. Best think to come out
    of FOOB HQ in months. Lynn for COTW
    (does that come with a commemorative plaque?)

  224. kippetje2000
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Poteet & Old Fogeyette: Thank you for you kind words. I must run now as I smell something burning. I think I forgot to baste the Old Biddy. You know whe tends to dry up and go bitter if not look after closely. (Don’t tell, but I’m working on a Flaming Cherry Skxcritort Surprise for the CC Millennium Potluck. With assorted nuts!

  225. Mibbitmaker
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    #219 (jules): Now imagine the panel being drawn by Bill Watterson. Kewl!

    I can’t wait for Tyler to have M*A*S*H surgeons patch up a wounded prisoner just to have him executed over the weekend. It’ll be his Kim Lukky day!

    (As you can see, I love the Col. Flagg episodes)

  226. jules
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    #220 gh – no worries! I lived about 2 miles from the Correctional Facility, and was never affiliated with it in any way. One time, only a few blocks from my apartment, a very dangerous criminal escaped from a police car on the way to the Correctional Facility. Fortunately they caught him before he did any harm, and off to the Correctional Facility with him, and everybody’s blood pressure went back to normal.

  227. TB Tabby
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    FC: There haven’t been any manned lighthouses in America for over a decade. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by an anachronism in the funnies.

    SF: A glazed ham and a bag of sugar?! On a CAMPING TRIP?!

    JP: Oh, dear…I think this woman is going to help Abbey and Neddy to “work” their way back across Paris, if you get my drift…

    GF & PBS: YES! Non-ironic laughs from both comics today!

  228. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    JP — Does this possibly-crack-addled putain really think that Abbey and Neddy are hoes? Well, Abbey, maybe, but Neddy? With that shape-shifting beret? Yeesh, Paris has gone downhill since I was there. I was recognized as a geeky American and was reviled, like other Americans, for re-electing Nixon. To which I plead innocent.

    # 135 — Sir Fable, my True Knight, you are so kind.

    # 150 — Your Imperial Gourmandness, please spare MonkeyHawk and Insolenttomato, for they are good snarkers and more useful to you outside the pot than in it.

    # 195 — Wow, Foobar. I happen to know that poem, and I am impressed.

    # 204 — Hi, Fogeyette! And belatedly, I too was highly annoyed that Eightball wasn’t at the door.

  229. Tyler
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    the only way his healthcare plan would actually cause havoc and pandemonium would be if it could boiled down to ‘free amphetamines for everybody.’

    While Senator Belfry does look O’Neillesque, he could also resemble Teddy K, at which point Josh’s fears are realized as we know how much the Kennedys likey their speed.

  230. MonkeyHawk
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    I guess it’s a matter of getting my affairs in order, what with a sudden premonition that I’m soon to be fondued by a certain Galactic Emperor, but I just sent a “Mary is Worth it!” e-mail to the WaPost.

    There’s something about facing ones impending fricasseeing that clarifies the mind. I think I now know the difference between Abbey and Aby, Luanne and Lu Anne, Dick Tracy’s new Chief and Tess, the boys and the girls of Gil Thorp…

    And so I bid you good-bye, my lasting consolation being that I’ll be buried with respect under Insolent Tomato Sauce.

  231. xomom
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Not only is Marmaduke life-threateningly ill, but he seems to have turned into a 2-dimensional pool of goo a la Nickelodeon’s “The Secret Life of Alex Mack.”

  232. deeeeeeeeelightful
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    I’m trying to think of the scientific merit of reducing Slylock Fox to the body of a purple vegetable. The only thing I can think of is that it’ll be alot funnier seeing an eggplant solve mysteries.

  233. deeeeeeeeelightful
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    and why would the count feel the need to hide the keys in such weird places? I doubt the world would really miss the antics of an anthropomorphic mystery solvin’ fox…..

  234. Trotzenbonnie
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    “Elizabeth has spent many summers riding a horse”??? Don’t tell me that Lynn Johnston is insinuating that Liz went and busted herself riding bareback. It reminds me of the horribly ignorant days when moms hid the Tampax so their daughters wouldn’t be ruined.

    Crankshaft’s behavoir is exactly the opposite of the bus drivers in Lafayette LA. The guys down here get into trouble for leaving sleeping kids on the bus.

    #117 – Wille –
    I am truly honored to be part of the group and can only hope that my vocal chords will do your masterpiece justice! I’ll be practicing in the shower all day.

    And 2.81 lbs of candy in a sack is back! Thanks Dimestore Lipstick. Hmmmm. Dimestore lipstick….does that mean you were pinched?

  235. Tweeks_Coffee
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: I haven’t seen Mary that upset since Aldo was hanging around. You suppose all these people are just rotating occupancy of this same one bedroom? They’ve all been single and there was always a room available, but now they’re acting like that’s a rarity.

    Also; In interest of trying to solve the Vera puzzle, I provide the following anagrams (hopefully at least a couple of these will be new)…

    -SAVED RELISH (She’s going to pawn off canned goods on Mary)
    -READS ELVISH (Pretty self-explanatory)
    -RADISH ELVES (She’s an elf interested in radishes, what she does with them, I can’t say)
    -A SHRED ELVIS (Who, knows?)
    -A SHED LIVERS (Drinking problem)
    -A DISH LEVERS (Uhm…she washes dished for a living?)
    -DEALERS SHIV (She’s a poker dealer that makes a habit of stabbing people)
    -SHARED EVILS (Actually could be real)
    -RAD SHES EVIL (’80s commentary saying that she’s actually the bad guy)
    -REVEALS DISH (She sells Tupperware!)

  236. AhClem
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    #206 Old Fogeyette -
    I used to love the Feghoot stories in Asimov’s SF magazine, many years ago. I still have several isues stashed away somewhere.

  237. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    FINE, MONKEYHAWK!

    BUT FIRST: SHRXCRITORT!!!!

  238. Douglas E. Iannucci
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    So, why highlight today’s Shoe? There’s nothing about it that makes it stand out from among other Shoes. It’s just the usual lame tripe. There aren’t even any “sexy women birds” depicted with hideous hairstyles frequently seen in bowling alleys circa the 1980s.

  239. Galactic Emperor Chennux
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    OH. SORRY.

    – END TRANSMISSION –

  240. MonkeyHawk
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Is it just me, or are others’ fur and feathers beginning to singe?

  241. Allie Cat
    March 20th, 2007 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    RE: FOOB and lectures on sex – back about 15 years ago, when Elly got – ooops – pregnant with Apewill, Mike was getting ready to go out on a date with Martha – he must have been 16 at the time, and Elly was grilling him on his plans, curfew, etc. And he looked pointedly at her pregnant belly and commented that she was in no place to give him the talk about birth control.

    SNAP! It was one of the greatest moments in FOOB History.

    Does anyone else remember this? I remember being amused, because I was about 17, and riding some horses during the summer at the time. Or something…

  242. anne
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    100 kippetje2000! that was teh awesomest. Fantastic attention to detail. It made me feel funny, but in a good way.

  243. Blade Runner
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Wow, do you think maybe June Morgan’s new come-on line for Nikki will be to go out “horseback riding”? Or maybe “bareback riding”!!

  244. AppleGirl
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    117 – willethompson, you owe me a new keyboard. Simply brilliant! To be eaten as a snack, indeed! You are genius.

    191 – Lynn Johnston, that’s awesome! Glad to see you’re still fine and funny. I’ll blame the lame-o FOOB storylines on your syndicate editors, not you. I look forward to the launch of your underground, FOOB-snarkin’ blog.

    [DT]GT – This is the most excellent Gil Thorp EVAH. Required reading for all CCers. Even if you’re not a GT fan, everyone should check it out today.

    CHENNUX – I got your text. I’m always up for more shoe shopping. Heck, I even enjoy swimsuit shopping. Luv ya!

  245. commodorejohn
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    You know what? Someone needs to make a Tijuana Bible with Slylock Fox, Cassandra Cat, and Max and Melody Mouse. That’s what.

  246. yellojkt
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Ahclem (#197),
    I have a webcrush on lead Lynnion, Stephanie Van Doleweerd and linked to a picture of here on my vintage Tour of Foob Central post. She is the Foob Web Mistress and I get a little excited just typing that.

  247. Bill James
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    It seems that no one ever reads (or at least comments on) “Liberty Meadows.” They’ve been running a strip with a visit from “manly man” Mark Derail, and his trusty dog Randy. Mark has been kidnapped by his #1 fan (a la “Misery”), a deranged cow. Anyway, today’s strip is just plain distrubing. I dare you to take a look.

  248. Prehumous
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    commodorejohn, such a thing should not be.

  249. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    # 244 — AppleGirl, just for you, I did what I never do and looked at today’s (DT)GT. I have no idea what kind of bizarre machinations would cause someone to hit himself on the back of the head with a stick (a stick with bark on it, as the strip carefully points out) several times until his scalp splits open, but that panel is definitely over the top. After some violent exorcising shudders, I now resume my policy of leaving (DT)GT to you Curmudgeons who are braver than I am. But thanks for a sight I’ll never forget:-).

    And I’m glad things are going well between you and Emperor Chin-chucks. Awww, more shoe-shopping — sweet. It couldn’t happen to a nicer AppleGirl!

  250. Retro Lad
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    I can imagine no better karmic hell for Slylock Fox than having his eternal soul transmigrated into the fruit of a solanaceous vine. There’s a damn good reason the eggplant’s nickname is “mad apple,” but I can’t think of it right now.

  251. Trotzenbonnie
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, AppleGirl. I’ve been avoiding Gril Thope for weeks but I couldn’t stop myself from looking after reading your comment. What a hoot.

    However, then I couldn’t resist going back to the scene of the crime. I fired up the Wayback Machine and set the date for 2/13. After comparing the two Tyler-has-his-brains-spilling-from-the-back-of-his- head panels, I challenge one and all to find the six differences between these two drawings.

  252. stinky pete
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    251 oooh, a Sherman & Peabody reference! Where’s Dean Booth when you need him?

    And by the way, it’s “Gril Thop”!!

  253. Trotzenbonnie
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    StinkyPete
    Yeah. My time machine is a cheap Wal-Mart knock-off of the original WABAC, though.
    I learned about classical music from Bugs Bunny and history from Sherman & Peabody. Maybe that’s why my SAT scores were so low.

  254. Kurdt
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    My cooked Marmaduke tastes pretty bland, almost no flavor to it. It’s almost like eating nothing at all.

    Mary Worth tasted a bit tart but over all, pretty stale.

    Slylock fox came out as a brightly colored stew with weird and confusing flavors, but I had to search for most of them.

    I don’t even want to know what Cathy tastes like….

  255. Quacks Like A Duck
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    191 – I hereby second the motion to nominate Lynn Johnston’s horse quote as COTW!

  256. GeneralApathy
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    March 19 FBorFW:
    Holy hell! The first panel scares me! Now, I have sisters and we have on occasion dressed in front of each other but usually we would have on a bra and underwear at least (I see no evidence of Liz wearing a bra) and we didn’t STARE at each other’s naked bodies the way April seems to be. While April ogles her sister’s body the window is wide open letting the whole neighborhood in on the affair!

  257. Andy
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    You know, when I first read the title on this one, I thought it said ‘Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Aborigines’. Then I realized that the only one who cares less than Josh about the Bangallans (Bangallites? Well, whatever) is the Phantom himself.

  258. Power of 1000 Lemons
    March 20th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Is anyone else having endless-login-screen problems on the forum?

  259. Gabe
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    257: Where’s Major Boredom?

  260. yikes.
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    i have a feeling i’m not going to be able to get the vision of “Slylock’s empty husk” out of my head for a while..

  261. commodorejohn
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    #256 – well, it’s Canada, y’know, they do strange things up there. Much like the Japanese.

    Also, I third the motion to make #191 COTW.

  262. Old Fogeyette
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:23 pm [Reply]

    #236 AhClem: Thanks! I knew I couldn’t be the only former Feghootian here.

    And hi back, Poteet. But watch your back when around You Know Who.

    I’ve been gone most of the day and expected things to have progressed further by now. I wish that the comics were published twice a day so I could make some fresh comments. Oh, well. Maybe at least I will end the thread.

  263. Spartacus
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    228- Ah, thanks Poteet. I am no longer plagued by self-doubt! I thought it would be fairly well known but it’s had less attention paid to it than Chip’s Challenge. (:P

  264. Blondie
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    I just wanted to point out that the last panel of today’s Mark Trail is the exact same one (scaled slightly differently) as the third panel of the March 3rd strip, where Mark is using telepathy to make Dan surface.

  265. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    Local news reports that Tommy Thompson is likely going to run for president. No word on whether Margo Magee will be the running mate, however.

  266. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    # 263 — Spartacus, are you the former Foobar, or are you another poetry maven?

    # 264, Well, Blondie, we can’t have too much of a good thing:-).

  267. Gg83
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    251–Trotzenbonnie, here are my six differences between the two scenes:

    1.) The light in the windows has gone out.
    2.) Paris (I think that’s his or her name) has slightly more hair (or else it’s bushier).
    3.) The door on the left no longer has a bar across it.
    4.) Ponytail Girl’s hair is less neat.
    5.) Tyler (Stick Boy) looks less distraught, perhaps even a little smug.
    6.) Most importantly, the dude in the background is a completely different person! What the heck!? (Although they are both wearing the same shirt, and each has a pec so large that its outline is visible through that shirt.)

    Am I right? What do I win?

  268. Victor Von
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    What the heck is the mom thinking so hard about in Marmaduke? Is she gauging whether it’s safe to finally to try to slay this behemoth that has menaced her home for so long?

  269. Dean Booth
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    #191 rich — Well done! Now I understand why CCers are always saying “Margo Liz …and the horse she rode in on!”

    253: It’s fun to imagine that Tyler (GT, panel 2) is singing “Kiwl da wabbit!” while he bashes himself.

    Tomorrow’s GT is up, with this great line: “I can’t believe a guy who clubbed his own head open just called me stupid!”

    Tyler is the albino monk in the bizzaro Davinci Code that is GT.

  270. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Time for a stupid question — why the (Margo) do these three dames keep rooming together? I realize NYC housing prices are high, but are they THAT high? I would think the therapy required to cope with Margo’s emotional abuse would be expensive also.

    And for that matter, why NYC? Tommie acts and dresses more like Marian the Librarian, only more provincial. She could move to Des Moines and still meet moustached men who have “escapades.” Men who do small-scale theater, even. And Des Moines has several private art galleries and inexpensive studio space that might suit Lu Ann’s level of talent. I can’t promise Albert Pinkham Ryder will show up, but she might be haunted by Grant Wood, or at least Ding Darling.

  271. Randy S
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    I was experimenting with anagrams for Vera Shields this morning.
    The one I liked the best was
    “As shriveled”

  272. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    willethompson, my pen shrivels in embarrassment at even thinking of matching such brilliance as “Eaten as a Snack”…

    So is this the long-awaited (DT)GT/Fight Club crossover?

    Re Liz and her riding habits: I wonder what the names of those horses she rode were? Or perhaps this is a Bill-Clintonian parsing of “virginity”…

  273. Islamorada Girl
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Okay, the thing I don’t understand, aside from why the Emp didn’t give me more lines in his delightful song parody, is why Shylock Fox and Max Mouse keeping hanging around Count Weirdly and Shady Shrew when they know those villians will always get them into some kind of trouble. Perhaps they need to get some professional counseling from Mary Worth or Elly Patterson or some other unlicensed therapist/know-it-all.

  274. Marion Delgado
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

    The vulture is really a sickly turkey, which doubles as a flunkey and dr. weirdly is going to be made a monkey by Slylock. there you go.

  275. Islamorada Girl
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    258-Power of 1000 Lemons—I always have problems logging in. I have to do it twice before it lets me in. I just love typing Power of 1000 Lemons, though.

  276. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    ALL HAIL GALACTIC EMPEROR CHENNUX!!! A MAJOR GRAIN SPILL ON WESTBOUND I-94 JUST EAST OF FARGO, NORTH DAKOTA, IS CAUSING MAJOR DELAYS OF FARM EQUIPMENT, AMPED-UP TRUCKERS, AND ROGUE AMISH!! THE FABLED, RARE ‘SAN NARCISO’ INVERSE RARITY STAMP HAS BEEN SLOTTED AT AN UPCOMING PHILATELY AUCTION!!

    i think that’ll bore you-know-who. anyway, blat: thanks for the word. about this musical, our investors are getting a bit skittish. generally, shows during which the male lead obliterates audience members to burnt, black husks doesn’t generate much return business. however, they did suggest that with a prestigious enough gig, with extravagantly high enough pricing structure, we could still make a killing (that’s a metaphor, mind you), even given you-know-who’s history of erratic and violent behavior. no, no, i don’t mean sean penn – sorry to disappoint.

    anyway, if we work hard, we can finish this thing up in time to premiere it for one of the most exclusive audiences in the world.

    get ready for the “galactic emperor” musical – to be premiered at the next republican national convention, attended by the president, vice-president, and cabinet of the united states of america! our investors are confident that g.e.c. will, you know, live up to his magmacannonical reputation.

  277. King Folderol
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Slylock – I’m curious as to the metaphysical questions raised by the fact that the eggplant in the glass has eyes. Apparently, the soul transfer includes your eyes, too.

    Shoe – The problem is that I could see some rabidly partisan critics, on one side or the other, saying something stupid like a healthcare plan could cause havoc and pandemonium. The problem is that the correct response is “that’s the kind of un-American thing my slime-ridden opponent WOULD say.” And that just isn’t funny, even if this comic were in, say, Commentary or The Economist, unless they’re telling jokes on a 27th grade level and I’m just not there yet.

    Marmaduke – My Lord, this is Family Circus territory. To its credit, the mother looks as pissed off at the bad pun as I am, and is probably going to lock the kids in the basement as punishment for such a horrible, horrible pun.

    Crankshaft – Where’s the joke here?

  278. Buck Ripsnort
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    I could only find two keys to rescue Slylock– bu I’m not worried. That “mind transfer” Weirdly obviously bought off Shady Shrew is the “hair dryers” the poor, swindled Toad was hiding under last week!

  279. Trotzenbonnie
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    Twenty-one hours of Marmaduke snarks.
    Twenty-one hours of snarks.
    Write one down, pass it around…

    That’s way too many hours of Marmaduke snarks.

    Maybe all of the premature-snarkulations take the fun out of this for our fearless leader. Everything has already been dissected like Count Weirdly’s botched eggplants.
    I am taking a vow of pre-snark silence as we count down to the millenium.

  280. Buck Ripsnort
    March 20th, 2007 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    MW3/20: Dammit, WHY DOES EVERYONE TOUCH VERA INAPPROPRIATELY? Hands to yourself, Mary!

  281. Foobar
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    266- Argh! He got me again. Yes, (and excuse me for this but,) I am Spartacus!

  282. GeneralApathy
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    257 Gabe: He’s busy singing “whatever and ever amen.”

  283. PeteMoss
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    #117 willethompson

    Nice job and thanks for the mention. If you happen to decide to cast a “PeteMoss-type” in the musical, I have a few suggestions:

    Rodney Allen Rippey
    Leonard Nimoy
    The Olson Twins
    Boxcar Willie
    Eddie (from Frasier)
    Dolph Lungren
    Jason Alexander
    Armand Assante

  284. PeteMoss
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    # 191 Many summers riding a horse? Is that how the kids are referring to it now days?

  285. Many Summers
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    Like Elizabeth, I too am spent.

    And the horse is dead.

  286. gh
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    I realized last weekend that p=1000 will pop up around 10PM Friday, unless there’s a meta-post betwixt times. I’m fine, really. I missed the Christmas party, so I’m used to disappointment. Just, please, DON’T finish the CHENNUX musical while I’m away.

    And just why, exactly, is GT skull-basher guy [thanks, I guess, Dean Booth, for the preview] so pleased with himself at his confession? Is he also a suicide bomber? Does this mean Milford won’t make the quarter finals?

  287. Harry Paratestes
    March 20th, 2007 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth looks like a black-lipped dominatrix in panel two today, chucking the chin of her latest bitch. I can think of only one thing to say: I’d hit it.

  288. PInk Haired Girl
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    A HAIKU TO EGGPLANT

    Eggplant is so nice
    and loving and quiet, but
    why must it have a brain?

    I know that last line has 6 syllables, but still. It’s haiku-like.

  289. AAckTTpth
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    #118

    The best part of the Lucky Cow vibrator joke is the shot it takes at Family Circus. HAHA THEL – take that!

  290. Monkey's Paw
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox looks like a bad “escape the room” game.

  291. Trotzenbonnie
    March 20th, 2007 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    #118 & #289

    The vibrator was duly noted and discussed.

    http://joshreads.com/?p=994#comment-199601
    http://joshreads.com/?p=994#comment-199606

  292. stinky pete
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    Wait – “Family Polygon” was a take-off on “Family Circus?” What?

  293. PeteMoss
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Quick quiz:

    Which of todays comic strip characters utters the line
    “Five or six smacks, and it opened up real nice.”

    a) Irving referring to romancing Cathy?
    b) Funky Winkerbean‘s Les, discussing his lawn demolition project?
    c) TJ from Luann disucssing his home renovation style.
    d) Mary Worth describing her bundt tuna cassarolacake.
    e) None of the above.



    Time. Pencils down.

  294. Monster Jamz
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    i usually try to read the comments before posting my own so as not to accidentally copy anyone’s joke or observation. but 291 comments! jeez! anyways, all i want to say is this: its up to Max Mouse to save Skylock? Skylock is one dead fox. sorry, but y’all know its true. Marmaduke’s kid owner (the one making a mockery of his pain and suffering) almost gets the Jerk Award but where there’s Crankshaft there’s no competition.

  295. Doug Puthoff
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    I’m rather upset Josh didn’t mention the fact that Slylock was in bondage. Somehow, it doesn’t turn me on as much as Cassandra Cat in bondage.

    Also that eggplant looks disturbingly like a Chia from Neopets.

  296. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    #293, PeteMoss, I’d like to say A. Then again, I don’t want to spend too much time thinking of about the sex life of these two misshapen Fisher-Price figures.

  297. Trotzenbonnie
    March 20th, 2007 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    #293 – Pete
    f) Niki, declaring he had finally managed to crack open June’s presumably atrophied….

    well, you know what I mean.

  298. Poteet
    March 20th, 2007 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    As a very minor point, I seriously doubt if real vultures ever drool.

    I want Cassandra Cat! I want Cassandra Cat!

  299. Harold
    March 20th, 2007 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Are all colorized strips colorized the same way? Like, is there a central colorization service that colorizes them for each strip, or each syndicate?

    If this is so, then did the Robin in today’s Mark Trail-like Frazz have an ice-blue breast in every paper that carries it in colorized form?

  300. David S. McQueen
    March 21st, 2007 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    Obviously, the intrepid journalists in Shoe are implying that “needless” pandemonium is bad (unless it’s a slow news day).

    And, of course, widespead havoc is always preferable to the local, homegrown havoc.

  301. skulking on the outskirts
    March 23rd, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    G.C., M.P., #276- You’re going to have his Galactic Grandiosity magmacannon the administration?! I am so there! Well, at a safe distance, I’m there.
    I’m several days behind in thread reading, so you may not see this. But I hope you’ll post when and where tickets may be reserved. I’ll take a cheap seat-like a few miles back, behind a large concrete barrier, please.

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    |

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  307. Roger M. Wilcox
    January 26th, 2014 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    It’s 2014 as I write this.

    It’s kinda funny — in a funny anyeurism kind of way — to go back and read about how utterly absurd it is that a healthcare plan would cause havoc and pandemonium. And yet, that’s exactly what the Tea Party thinks of Obamacare.

  308. Roger M. Wilcox
    January 26th, 2014 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    You can also get bumped off an airplane if the flight attendants, for any reason, feel like you might be a terrorist. Like if you say, “Wow, that basketball game last night was da bomb!

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