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Luann, 1/6/06

OK, at long last, I have decided to weigh in on the interminable Adorable But Oddly Shaped Kitty storyline in Luann:

• I am a huge cat fan. I have had cats most of my life, I love cats, and feel that they add a great deal to my everyday existence.
• If my family tried to bully me into getting a pet to which I was unpleasantly allergic, I would see about getting a new god-damned family.

I’ve noted that several of you have wondered why Luann feels a need to call her dad on her cell phone rather than thanking him for his shameless cave-in in person. My theory: the kitchen is the house’s designated no-cat zone, soon to be enclosed in cat-dander-blocking lucite. Poppa Luann will never have to suffer from allergies, with the only minor drawback being that he won’t ever be able to leave the room or have any physical contact with another human being ever again.

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Sally Forth, 1/5/06

OK, we all know Ces already has this one plotted out months in advance, but still, let’s try to think up a new job for Ted that will both leave him more personally fulfilled and open up new narrative possibilities for the strip!

• A renegade cop who plays by his own rules
• NASCAR pit crew member
• Pastry chef
• Mob accountant
• Gay porn star Gas station attendant
• Drifter/hobo
• Lion tamer

C’mon, everybody, join the fun!

Whatever it is our little Ted decides to do when he grows up, he’ll need a new shirt to do it in. Right now, he looks like he’s wearing a Yankees uniform with a tie. At least he’s not the worst dressed member of the Forth household: Sally’s outfit is exactly like Cathy’s Irving’s get-up, only in a much uglier color.

Update: Ces offers sample Ted dialogue for these jobs over at Drink At Work.

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Luann, 1/4/06

I can’t believe the amount of mail I got today about this cartoon. “Oooh, look, Mama Luann is poking out her own eye!” “Oooh, look, Mama Luann’s face cream is black for some reason!” I swear, it’s like you people have never seen someone applying stage makeup before bed in order to simulate a black eye to help along some safe, consensual, simulated-punch-in-the-face roleplay. If it weren’t for all the hubbub from you sheltered prudes, I wouldn’t even bother talking about it.

If you want to contemplate something really sick, however, you ought to try keeping track of the number of Luann strips that feature either Papa Luann or Brad brushing his teeth. It’s like the author has some sort of perverted pudgy-balding-guy-brushing-his-teeth fetish. And that ain’t right.