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Mary Worth, 5/28/08

Oh my goodness, could this Dr. Jeff-Mary battle of wills turn to violence? That’s what’s everyone’s asking, based on the weird slappy-slapping going in panel two of today’s Mary Worth. But I think the real answer is found in the good doctor’s face in that same panel. Look at him. He looks terrible. Like his will to live is gone. Like every ounce of his life force is being sucked out of his body by some kind of malevolent demon-beast. I think the energy lines radiating from the star-crossed lovers’ hands in panel two actually represent Mary resorting to her ultimate weapon: her ability, granted by her dark lord Satan, to damage and ultimately destroy a human’s soul with a mere touch. That’s what killed Donna Amalfi, all the better to create emotional carrion for Mary to swoop down and feast upon. And that’s what’s weakened Dr. Jeff to the point where all he can do is feebly deploy the “stop dwelling on the past!” defense. Jeff: GET OUT NOW. On your hands and knees if you have to, but don’t let her touch your skin if you want to live.

Beetle Bailey, 5/28/08

Blips and Buxley’s banter is nonsensical and annoying, but at least Gizmo, who’s wearing his headphones, doesn’t have to hear any of it. We should all be so lucky.

Crankshaft, 5/28/08

Phrase I would have rather gone my whole life without seeing in print: “Crankshaft’s body”.