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I know, it’s been ages since I took any time off from this site, so you’re obviously getting sick of me, am I right? Well, you are about to get your thrice-annual dose of the comic stylings of pinch-hitter and fellow commentor Uncle Lumpy! Give him a warm welcome for the remainder of the week; I’ll be back a week from today, 10/6.

But I will leave you with my own pics for the week’s top comments! Here is your lovely comment of the week:

“Margo is on her way to the morgue! Kind of like a visit to Disneyworld for most people.” –Orange Doorhinge

And the runners-up:

“When selecting his secret base, I’m sure the skull motif on the outside was appealing, but what must have really closed the deal for the Phantom was the built-in shelving.” –Bobdog

“Yes! Diet has really come through this time! Brilliant! Genius! No criminal is safe — except, of course, if he climbs a flight of steps.” –Hogenmogen

“Margo and Tommie won’t have the heart to tell Lu Ann her boyfriend was just horribly murdered by a deranged drug addict. They’ll just tell her that he went to live on a nice farm in Nebraska, where he can chase squirrels all day long.” –Perky Bird

“Terry the security expert’s look of bewilderment, pity, and resignation betrays her true thoughts: ‘Oh Toby … Toby Toby Toby. I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. You’ll have to be put down.'” –Bribaby

“I fear we are in danger of forgetting The First Law of A3G Plot Dynamics: ‘Objects at rest tend to remain at rest. Objects that appear to be in motion are, in fact, at rest.'” –boojum

“So this ‘Aria’ temptress is just engaging Ted in platonic banter, right? She must realize that Ted’s married, right? I mean, his wedding band must look absolutely enormous on that slender, girl-gymnast-sized hand of his.” –Paperback Rifler

“Alan is not dead. The cops downtown want to know just like the rest of us — once and for all — is this one Alan or Eric? They are going to taser him and then let Margo search his body for distinguishing marks. After that they can tag him and release him back into the mild.” –Mel

“Isn’t that unnamed white dude in Mark Trail really wearing an ‘ironic moustache’? It’s too 1970s Burt Reynolds to be taken seriously. If so, Mark will punch him out just on principle. ‘Damn hipsters!'” –Kevin Moore

The hand belongs to Spiderman. He’s presumably vacated his own strip due to lack of interest, and is scouting for a new locale. Given his NYC upbringing, it’s quite possible he seeks out a more rural setting. The only thing he hasn’t thought through is the lack of tall buildings, so expect to see Milford’s FD rescuing a distraught Spiderman from the stately oaks lining Main Street.” –trey le parc

“‘The right people on our side’ obviously refers to one of the many identical bunches of fat hillbillies in overalls (one of whom is bald).” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus

“I wish they’d change ‘The Sack Master’s’ jersey number to 69. After all, barely a strip goes by without mention of his height. Is that his only distinguishing characteristic? I’m more alarmed by his freakish hands and his cold, dead eyes.” –JH Pants

“I don’t follow Gil Thorp enough to keep track of all the characters, twists or turns, but to whomever that is in the centre of panel three: Dear Podperson, your mask is peeling. Signed, Disturbed.” –Black Drazon

“The death of Alan means high art prices for Margo, chastity for Lu Ann, and more Sunday morning waffles for Tommie. Mmm … waffles.” –Dingo

“I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who assumed that the buzzing was emanating from some Lovecraftian horror from beyond time summoned by Alan’s artwork. Such horrors can warp the very fabric of the universe, creating geometrical configurations that chill the soul with their stark unreality, such as that of Lu Ann’s breasts in the final panel.” –Obstreperous B

“The big tough dog that Snert is not like is about to swallow Hagar whole. There’s some poetic justice there. Well … perhaps ‘poetic’ is the wrong word.” –Angry Kem

“Yes, dear. It’s serious. Alan isn’t in the hospital, Lu Ann. Margo didn’t provide him with insurance, so we tossed his shot-up junkie ass into an alley a few blocks away. You can visit him there if you like.” –Harold

Let me give a huge thank you to those who put money in my tip jar! And an extra huzzah to our advertisers:

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