Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/7/08
A while back, I wondered what sort of medical drama the Morgans would be dealing with on their high seas cruise adventure. But June’s surly deckhand encounter, combined with all the hijinks on display here, indicate that this death ship is afflicted not by Legionnaires’ disease or rampant crabs, but by one of those Star Trek-style diseases that alter people’s personality in comically overdetermined ways. In this case, it seems to have transformed all of the ship’s male crewmembers into assholes, and reduced the women to crying, traumatized wrecks.
The real danger is that if Rex is infected, it will be difficult to tell. But no matter what danger our heroes face, they’ll be sure to triumph with Sarah in their corner, as she seems to have been replaced in panel three with Filipino martial arts star/viral video phenom Weng Weng.
Mary Worth, 12/7/08
“Hmm, my daughter fainted on-ice after years of my browbeating her as her skating coach, no doubt because she’s grown to hate the sport and how it’s destroyed our relationship, and now she won’t talk to me … what could I possibly do to cheer her up and re-establish an emotional connection? I know! I’ll decorate her hospital room with figure-skating posters!”
Savor that last panel, everybody, as Lynn’s dramatic ellipses represents the last moment when you’ll still believe that the story behind this mysterious photo might be interesting.
The Replacements broke up in 1991, so we now know that, by 2036 at the latest, we will all be transformed into horrible hybrid human-bird things. God help us all.