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Mother Goose And Grimm, 5/12/10

So here’s what life’s like, if you’re me: you might find yourself spending a good part of an afternoon trying to figure out exactly what’s most objectionable about this cartoon, which manages to conflate one’s awkward and yet terribly exciting teenage sexual fumblings with both lactation and human-animal contact, to absolutely horrifying effect. I’ve finally decided that the worst part is fairly subtle: it’s the cow’s eyelashes. Exaggerated eyelashes like these are often used to signify that an otherwise gender-indeterminate beast or thing in a cartoon is meant to be a lady, and an attractive one at that. One might have thought that the femaleness of the cow was beyond question, what with it being milked and all, but there they are, driving the point home that this is a bovine with frank sexual needs that this farmer is fulfilling.

On the other hand, the farmer’s look of shock and horror is kind of funny. It’s as if this cow had never actually spoken to him before, and he’s just now realizing that their relationship is very, very different from what he had hitherto imagined.

Mark Trail, 5/12/10

You know, it’s all fun and games when Rusty gets trapped under a car, but even though Sassy is irritating, I would really prefer not to see her get run down in the middle of the road just two panels after Mark cheerfully states that letting the little dog run around unleashed and unfenced is totally cool. I’d say that we’re about to learn a valuable lesson about pet ownership, except that Mark is never ever proven to be wrong in this strip, and our last runaway dog storyline has as its moral not “keep your dog inside or behind a fence” but rather “petnappers love surprises,” so I don’t have high hopes here.

Apartment 3-G, 5/12/10

Tomorrow’s narration box: “Tommie immediately regrets demanding an explanation.” Notice that she’s attempting to casually sidle away from her roommates, keeping her facial expression as neutral as possible.