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Apartment 3-G, 6/20/11

“I just rented the car” may be Margo’s best ever scheme for distancing herself from a nice gesture offered to one of her so-called friends. “Look, Lu Ann, Tommie’s the one who remembered that today was your birthday, remembered that you still lived with us, and realized you were dumb enough to want to go to the ‘psychic center of the state,’ whatever the hell that means. At first I thought it was the ‘psychotic center of the state’ and I was afraid this was some conspiracy to get me to visit my crazy stepmother in the loony bin, but I’ve been assured that this is some new age mumbo jumbo that won’t result in me being shot at, or hugged. Anyway, long story short, turns out Tommie doesn’t have a driver’s license — every time the DMV guy running the test starts asking questions, she bursts into tears — and you can’t take a cab or a subway to this shithole, so I got guilted into driving. I’ll be waiting out here thinking about something else while you commune with the spirits in there or whatever. And no hugging!”

Archie, 6/20/11

More proof that these Archies are reruns: a modern-day strip would probably feel a need to spin this into some kind of joke about writing things on Facebook walls that would only prove that nobody involved in creating the strip has ever actually used Facebook; but back in simpler times, we were instead just treated to Archie wrapping his pillow around the Veronica-signed yearbook, the better to use it as a masturbatory aid. Also of note are the industrial strength brackets on Jughead’s suspenders, which demonstrate how difficult it is the hold up the pants of someone who has absolutely no hips to speak of.

Mary Worth, 6/20/11

Mary looks like a contemplative lowland gorilla in panel two, and no wonder: she’s confronting a situation that gives rise to contradictory meddling impulses. On the one hand, she’s already been tasked with the job of meddling Liza out of Drew’s life (and, with any luck, out of town altogether); on the other, when confronted with a hysterically weeping woman in a bathroom stall, her urge is to help solve that woman’s problem, which is why she spends so much time hanging around public restrooms in the first place. Will her desire to fix everyone’s life override her goal of making things right for her not-boyfriends layabout son?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/20/11

Elviney is of course Hootin’ Holler’s most unrepentant gossip, but laughing in poor deluded Hassie’s face seems a little cruel even for her.