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Apartment 3-G, 9/19/12

Oh boy, Aunt Cathy’s back! You remember Aunt Cathy: she’s the aunt whose love Evan treasures so much, and who in return sometimes remembers that Evan exists. Anyway, she’s perfect for helping Evan with his new job, which involves recruiting and training suicide bombers.

Beetle Bailey, 9/19/12

Haha, remember in the ’90s, when General Halftrack was forced to endure sexual harassment training, because apparently you’re not allowed to tell ladies anymore that you have sexual access to them just because they work for you? Well, maybe some of the other members of his staff should have been included.

Archie, 9/19/12

“And I mean, I really want you to take it out. Bring this overflowing bag of putrefying filth to a nice restaurant, hold hands with it at the movies, go park somewhere secluded with it, maybe try to get second base. And take pictures! I want to see pictures!”

Family Circus, 9/19/12

“Mommy, PJ needs a hug but I have more love in my heart for these unfeeling plastic objects than I ever will for any human being!”