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Apartment 3-G, 12/18/12

Aw, yeah, improbable Apartment 3-G Hollywood-yet-somehow-also-New-York publicity agency war plot: You get as weird as you want! So our double agent Evan is a bit resentful of all the sharp-tongued women in his life, either for having sex with him or for ordering him to have sex with someone else, I guess. And Greg, for good measure, for being too “pretty.” I’m assuming that Evan plans to solve all his problems and/or petty resentments via murder, but since he’s not actually as smart or clever as he thinks, probably this will be hilariously botched.

Mary Worth, 12/18/12

Whoops, sorry I made fun of your weird cake yesterday, Mr. Dill! I understand that tasks that require meticulous craftsmanship can help distract you from grief, so your cake-diorama makes perfect sense, emotionally. And once you get a taste for the glamorous cake-making life, well, obviously you’ll want to turn pro! Although … he doesn’t seem that broken up about his wife’s death, does he? He’s just jumping right in with the professional cake designer talk. Maybe his lifelong dream was to become a cake designer, but his late wife was always holding him back, nagging him to pursue a duller, more financially stable career, one that did not involve designing beautiful cakes? And now she’s conveniently dead? What is this Mr. Dill person hiding? There is no secret that Mary cannot uncover, Mr. Dill.

Crankshaft, 12/18/12

Crankshaft is one of the last literate people in America, and he can’t even spell “mojito.”