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Greetings, readers! Behold, your comment of the past … two weeks!

“What do the bones strewn about this animal graveyard tell us? Quite simple: even though they may try to emulate human burial rites, some of these hideous animal people still actively consume the dead while littering nonchalantly. They still have quite a long way to go.” –Chareth Cutestory

And the hilarious double dose of runners up!

Funky Winkerbean: “So, Buddy’s the Best Man, eh? … I can only imagine what the bachelor party will be like … everyone sniffing each other’s butts, licking their own balls, rolling in rotten garbage, then eating grass until they all throw up.” –Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy

“If they had had Judge Parker instead of cold marble statues in ancient Greece, would the Allegory of the Cave still have occurred to Plato, or would he have been so thoroughly engrossed in the cave experience himself that he never would have realized it was an illusion?” –fausto

I dunno what you’re yelling, Spanish-speaking guy, but I’m wondering the SAME THING! My mind is filled with INCOMPREHENSIBLE GIBBERISH!” –damanoid

Archie: “Moose is an athlete and they make him take stuff like algebra and chemistry? Which Asian country is Riverdale High located in anyway?” –Sgt. Stoned

“Hell, Sandinista, WE’LL give you a fucking medal, if you shoot Spider-Man!!” –sully

Spider-Man: “Given that the whites of Spidey’s eyes take up most of his face, it’s probably very hard for the soldiers to judge how close they should be before they fire.” –Horace Broon

“Has any extraneous extra in a comic ever looked as forlorn as that penguin in the lineup? His internal monologue: ‘Jesus, that convenience store robbery was eight friggin’ years ago! Can’t they ever let me forget it? All I took was a bag of ice! What do they expect from a penguin living so far away from the South Pole? I get warm sometimes! Look, I’ve tried to conform to the rules of their society! Look at these lime-green golf pants! Look at this fedora! Don’t these just scream solid citizen? But nooooooooooooo! To them, I’ll always be a criminal. I mean, why would I ever steal a bike anyway? How the holy hell am I ever going to reach the damned pedals?'” –Joe Blevins

“Take that, Floppy Hat Woman. This’ll teach you poor people to follow the super rich around and not offer them money.” –Liam

Mark Trail: “Oh well, at least we still have death and taxes.” –LP2004

Mary Worth: “I killed a man back in 2006 — he looked a lot like Bob Keeshan.” –Calico

“At some point in my schooling we went to a cemetery and made reliefs of the headstones. crayons and large newsprint. I’m sure part of the reason was to understand birth and death dates. Maybe another reason was to get us all over the hump of being scared by graveyards. Then another reason still could have been the teacher’s plan to bury us all alive in an open grave.” –tallyHO

“The magnet in Zoey’s mouth has attracted the steel plate in Peter’s head.” –Odie Odo

“I’m hoping all this elaborate evolution talk is Mark’s way of revealing that Rusty is actually the Missing Link. It would explain so much.” –McManx

“I will forgive this whole Mary Worth’s Tedious Spa Vacation plot if Mr. Pushy McTownhall, quietly seething over his diminished complaint, listens with increasing fury for the next few minutes (‘My affair got out of hand!’ ‘At least you have hands!’) until he suddenly erupts in sweaty, mouth-breathing rage, throwing chairs, scattering the womenfolk, shouting, ‘This is my first vacation in years! Listen to me share, dammit!'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“So Crankshaft is done? Just to make sure, can everyone stick a fork in him?” –Droopy Says

In all of the commotion, I never asked if you were hurt. And I’m still not asking. Because I really don’t care. So why are you telling me?” –Nekrotzar

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