Judge Parker, 8/17/13
Uh oh, is there trouble in paradise for Randy and April? This is a good example of why you need to discuss your closely held values with your partner before making a lifelong commitment. It seems that Randy, as a judge, believes in the rule of law and civil rights and all that namby-pamby liberal garbage, whereas April is an shadowy undercover operative who believes in kill kill kill kill KILL and then letting God sort ’em out, maybe, if He has adequate security clearance. She may have already thrown one suspected evildoer overboard, so this theoretical discussion might get a lot more concrete real fast! How will our newlyweds resolve this conflict of worldviews? (Probably it will be resolved when April kills Randy with an untraceable poison.)
OBJECTION, this Jughead joke is not about Jughead’s laziness or his voracious appetite or his aversion to intimacy with women or his endless trend-chasing, and those are the only aspects of his personality. You can’t just add whimsical castle-sitting into the mix this late in the game!