Metapost: The comments of the week, not read aloud
This is your final reminder (haha j/k NOT LIKELY) that the I will be co-hosting The Internet Read Aloud this coming Sunday in Baltimore, and if you don’t want to come then I worry about you. Here are the details, on Facebook!
And now with that out of the way, here’s the comment of the week, which you should read silently to yourself if you don’t want to annoy your coworkers:
“‘Happiness’ — the drug for those who are too bland for ‘ecstasy.'” –seismic-2
And the runners up! Very funny!
“Okay, so is Otto Sarge’s disgruntled spouse or his irritated child? It’s pretty horrifying either way, but I need some more specifics before I can properly direct my loathing.” –Lily Sincere
“I’m very confident I can get the first draft in four weeks, considering I already handed it in to the curator. What do you think prompted this meeting, if not my glorious pictures of horseys that are reminiscent of Da Vinci’s The Battle of Anghiari, albeit far superior? See those four horseys on the last page? Those are for the apocalypse, and that skeleton guy riding it, yeah, he’s looking at you. Looking. For now.” –Hogenmogen
“Only Tommie could be ‘drowsy with happiness’ . It’s like her body outright rejects any form of excitement by shutting down into a state of torpor.” –pugfuggly
“Minutes of the latest meeting of the Daily Bugle Board of Directors: ‘We haven’t published a paper in over a week. Where the hell is Jameson? He’s WHAT??'” –AhClem
“‘Jerk’? I expect that kind of language from your edgier comics like Mary Worth, but Gil Thorp? Is nothing sacred?” –Kevin on Earth
Apartment 3-G: “Vermont, eh? Can you dump this fucking deer out over New Hampshire on your way? I am so done with it and Frank is tired of trying to draw it.” –Mikey
“The Spider-Man narration box isn’t even trying anymore. ‘As…’? That’s the best you’ve got? I can understand its queasiness, though, because I think Peter Parker just made the crudest-possible sexual overture to Mary Jane.” –Joe Blevins
Rex Morgan, M.D.: “An editor’s job is to help make your book look even better, Sarah. For example, for the cover we’ll use a stock photo of a normal, pleasant-looking child instead of yours.” –Amos Snarkadder
“Are we to infer that Honi is crying over Lute’s coffin?” –nescio
“Where exactly is Mary serving Wilbur? The space-time inversion of an enameled 50s stove? The narrow glass tube of a stunning underwater metropolis?” –bunivasal
Anything — be it film or novel or comic strip, or Congressional hearing or wedding ceremony — that begins with ‘Dad? Where are you, my darling?’ is bound to be an express ride to Psychoville.” –Dr. Mabuse
“About six months ago I discovered this blog. Over the duration of said six months, I have started from the beginning and read every page, every CoTW … the end of FOOBs and of Cathy … the not-really-end of Crock and of BC … the rise and fall of our dearest Aldo Kelrast … countless melting Marmaduke faces … every failed attempt at the playdowns … thousands of Batiuk smirks … billions in Parker-Driver-Spencer payoffs … all three Rex Morgan storylines … all to find myself finally on today’s page, with the gloriously horrified face of Mary Worth to welcome me to the present. Truly, I have arrived.” –McGibbslap
“I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge Reggie, since nobody in the strip will. I appreciate him popping in for one panel in a conversation that doesn’t involve him at all to gratuitously slam Archie with a gag that, while not great, is still funnier than the actual punchline.” –Doctor Handsome
Apartment 3G: “Sure, my roommates can put up with a man for two whole days! What’s one more thing that craps on the floor, after all?” –The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
“Pro tip: Do NOT turn today’s Crock upside down.” –Wonkey the Monkey
“This Eerie Sentient Camel is the name of my Death Cab for Cutie tribute band.” –Esther Blodgett
Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.