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Wizard of Id, 2/11/14

Valentine’s Day is coming up, everybody! The Wizard of Id has long ago made its position on this beloved, long-standing holiday clear: that it leads directly to grotesque and perverse sexual practices. This year’s cautionary tale includes normal human love, the use of a broomstick as a potentially dangerous sexual aid, tree-fucking, and of course your garden-variety bestiality. The most harrowing aspect is that this full-panel horrorshow is being published three days before February 14th, which means that the rest of the week will be dedicated to increasingly grim sex-nightmares and will conclude with the strip’s entire readership taking vows of chastity and/or suicide.

B.C., 2/11/14

Ha ha, yes, it’s funny because “1982” is a year in the distant past when we all used pay phones and made collect calls? Except it’s in the distant future for the cavemen of B.C.? Or the even more distant past, according to the persistent theory that B.C. takes place in our post-apocalyptic future? Anyway, good joke, B.C., it’s not going to make most readers confused and irritated at having to think about your timeline situation at all. Also, probably the phone should’ve rung at some point.

Spider-Man, 2/11/14

J. Jonah Jameson has gone mad with power and is determined to destroy our hero! Looks like it’s time for Spidey to use his greatest power: running away! THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN!!!!!