Metapost: Junetastic COTW
Greetings, friends! Hope you are enjoying your afternoon and this comment of the week!
“Put your glasses on, Daddy, so I can remember who you are! After all, today is the day we descend on you like a pack of feral pugs, and I want to remember you as you were — weak-eyed, weak-chinned, and too weak to lead the pack. It’s Jeffy time now, old man!” –Voshkod
And these hilarious runners up!
“If you take the final panel of Mary Worth and remove the context, it looks like someone finally illustrated my favorite work of fanfic: Elderly He-Man Meets Hillary Clinton.” –ratnerstar
“Jerry’s Midtown Eatery looks like the most fun place in midtown to be employed at! Not only did Tommy get to come into work wearing his Silver Age Aquaman costume, Tina is currently seeing how many standard size marshmallows she can cram into her jowls! (‘Five’ is the answer. That’s why she’s holding up five fingers to a suitably impressed Tommy.)” –gelded wilderbeeste
“Veterinarian degrees usually have the name of the school across the top. Fake online ‘VET’ certificates have a picture of a yellow snake, because animals, get it?” –Chareth Cutestory
“Of course, ‘Marvin poops a lot’ and ‘Marvin hates his dad’ are not two separate strains of joke, but are all components of one coherent joke that could be characterized as ‘If Sigmund Freud wrote the comics page, it’d go something like this.'” –Dr. Mabuse
“Iris attempts to take food from Wilbur’s plate. The little girl is a red herring. The next storyline is going to be about the severe bite wounds on Iris’s arm, Tommy’s relapse when he gets into her Vicodin, and, ultimately, serious questions about whether Wilbur’s had his rabies shots.” –Christopher
“We’re all looking forward to Hi’s little monocle popping out and falling into his tiny brandy snifter when it’s revealed that the book club is halfway through Fifty Shades of Gray, followed by Lois telling him exactly how she feels about bondage sex in a room full of strangers.” –Roger
“For Hi, this is the height of the literary look, assuming that the high priest of that look is Mr. Peanut.” –Gary
“I find it interesting that while Dean Young and John Marshall are not willing to risk the patent-lawyer ire of Calvin Klein, they have no such qualms about tempting fate with the legal department of the McIlhenny Company.” –eriqjaffe
“It’s only natural to develop a complicated attitude about your mother once you’ve spent eight months in her pouch.” –BigTed
“‘Fellers.’ It’s been about 50 years since anyone has said ‘Fellows,’ let alone one of its stupid bastardizations. Gasoline Alley continues to know its audience.” –Roto13
“Taken totally out of context and with its word balloon removed, the third panel of this comic strip would appear to be a perfect relic of the 1970s: Bella Abzug getting in on the Saturday Night Fever disco craze. Francis’ bell-bottoms only strengthen the illusion.” –Joe Blevins
“Momma isn’t actually pointing at heaven. She appears to be pointing to the second story of the house, which extends over the bench where Francis is sitting. So I guess that means Poppa’s body is hidden in the crawl space.” –Guts Dozier
“No one would mistakenly refer to Momma as the ‘Head of the Family’ if she actually had a torso.” –nescio
“Well, the timing of that Blended tie-in promotion isn’t working out for Mark Trail’s syndicate.” –sporknpork
Mary Worth: “I can show you lots of interesting things, Olive. This place is a carny sideshow. Check out the meth addict over there, straight out of prison. And the fat guy with a combover? Wilbur poses as a woman online to advise idiots who write to him and he’s too lazy to even respond. He has me doing it. And that’s his freak of a daughter with the two tone hair. Been studying at Local U. since Christ was a Corporal. Finally we have what passes for a Charterstone sugar daddy here in the rotund, hirsute form of Ian Cameron. That’s his wife, Toby, who I call Dopey, and she’s obsessed with miniatures if you know what I mean and since you’re from New York, I assume you’re chillingly precocious and do know. Stick with Auntie Mary, kid, and you’ll never be bored again.” –Gabacho
“Silas frowned. It was here, just a minute ago. The counter, his shop, the racks of books … they had just vanished. The two boys still stood there, each clutching a comic book Silas had never seen before, with no title or plot teaser of any kind, just the cold, unfeeling faces of Spider-Man and The Phantom. ‘No problem, we’re jest lookin’ at th’ pitchers!’ The boy chuckled, his face fixed in an awful sneer. ‘Jest like we’re jest lookin’ at ETERNITY, Silas.'” –Tophat
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