As is my wont with Newspaper Spider-Man characters plucked from the depths of Marvel’s intellectual property vault, I have gone out of my way to learn basically nothing about Prince Namor because I want to learn to love him in whatever hilariously dipshitty way that Newspaper Spider-Man chooses to portray him. I’m not even sure what his biological deal is — he lives underwater, but clearly breathes air and stuff and his people inhabit pressurized undersea environments? But they’re not just humans who moved beneath the waves centuries ago, what with the ears and the eyebrows? And also perhaps their hearts are oversized, to adapt to the oxygen-starved nature of their artificial atmosphere, which leaves then particularly vulnerable … to love? Anyway, the thought that Prince Namor would, if not for his heartbreak, be chowing down on an entire tray of “seaweed royale” is definitely one of the funnier things the comics has taught me this week.
Apartment 3-G, 10/3/15
“The most important thing is that you hover in the room and think good thoughts at her and be there when she wakes up, especially considering she didn’t recognize you before and thinks you’re dead. Don’t get in the doctors’ way! That will be extremely easy, in whatever spacious hospital room she’s in! Stay there all the time, even though you’re not legally related to her! If anyone complains, tell them I said it was OK! I’ll be somewhere else, somewhere far, far away.”