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Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/2/15

“Ohhhh, a midwife helps you get the baby out of your tummy! No, when I said ‘help,’ I meant help make the baby. With sex! Sex doesn’t really seem like it’d be daddy’s bag, is what I’m saying. And even if it was, I don’t think he’d be very ‘helpful’ to you. If you follow me. I’m a disturbing child-adult!”

Family Circus, 12/2/15

Mommy’s look of crushing despair is perfect. Remember, you can lead a kid to church, week after week, but you can’t make them think (about Jesus or God or salvation or the golden rule or selflessness or anything but presents, sweet sweet presents).