It’s the first Friday of the month, everyone, and you know what that means: my live comedy variety show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening Los Angeles tonight!
That’s a murderer’s row of comics, two of whom are out of town visitors who you probably won’t get to see in LA again, so why not build your weekend around this show? Here is the Facebook event, to remind you!
The first Friday of the month is of course a Friday, and you know what that means: it’s time for your comment of the week!
“I can’t get past the difference in art style between Blondie and Beetle Bailey. Just look at the way Dagwood’s hand clasps Sarge’s crude meat mitten. I can’t help but think Blondie’s world is one where the security of the United States is defended by horrifying golems of flesh, cruel mockeries of humanity, grown in a facility by the government. ‘We sure do live in the right neighborhood,’ says Dagwood, ‘here our suburban idyll is maintained by the constant patrol of Neighborhood Sarges, their oversized eyes and ears all-seeing and all-hearing. Those unfortunates in the lower Districts must fend for themselves against the Wasteland Marauders and mutant gangs.’” –BananaSam
Your runners up are also very funny!
“But, this being a legacy strip, we have to get an arbitrary golf reference in.” –Pozzo
“NOT MENACING: ‘And that’s the story of David and Goliath.’ MENACING: ‘And that’s the story of David and Saul.’” –Chyron HR
“If Crankshaft takes place a decade in the past, the only drones the average person was familiar with back then were million-dollar military Predators, which gives me hope that at some point a Hellfire missile is going to flatten Crank. Perhaps that’s why the explosions finally stopped.” –Schroduck
“Pluggers have been worried for decades that Chuck McCann may be able to peek at them through their medicine cabinets, but their real worry is that he’ll press them to actually use deodorant.” –nescio
“The only thing that makes me happier than the knowledge of Ed Crankshaft’s impending demise is the fact that nobody, not even his daughter or step-daughter, wanted to attend Les’ Memorial Day cookout. Only Cayla is there out of wifely obligation, and even she’s waiting until Les slips into a food coma so she can sneak away to Chippendale’s special military-themed evening.” –TheDiva
“Silas will kick himself later when he finds out what a newt is, and realizes he has a whole barrel of them labeled ‘stew lizards.’” –Doctor Handsome
“Is LA a ‘sanctuary city’? Asking for a friend.” –Kevin on Earth
“I find that flesh-colored thing on the post of Silas’ General Store to be unnerving. Is it an ear? A face, waiting for its desperate, bloody owner to buy it back at a steep markup? That would be ‘need.’” –Hogenmogen
“Mary: ‘I want to take a solo unicycle ride, a vehicle built for one. Along the Camino del Solo. By myself. Because even best friends need time apart.’ Toby: ‘Awesome! I’ll pick you up at eight.’” –AlixA
“Now that we see how low the railing is on the side of the ship, can we do anything other than wonder who will eventually fall (or be pushed) over it? My money’s on Esme, whose lit cigarette and romantic schemes will both be snuffed out in the crushing pressure of the deepest ocean.” –BigTed
“W-who … who are you looking at, Trixie? What’s with that ‘Dr. Evil’-esque hand gesture, where you’re coyly pointing to the corner of your mouth? Do you … do you know we can read your thoughts? Is this whole thing planned? FOR GOD’S SAKE, WHAT ARE YOU?” –Joe Blevins
“For having the good sense to walk out on these four idiots, Aunt Anna has just become the strip’s first real hero.” –seismic-2
“Sure, it’s a tad subtle for a typical Mary Worth plot, but Toby’s ‘kidding, not kidding’ passive/aggressive summation of the state of her marriage to Ian surely ranks somewhere near the top in meddling opportunities delivered to Mary on a silver platter. Now she can ruminate through the botanical garden of Cozumel or the trinket shops in Miguel on where her particular skills are needed most: helping Toby recover the memories of years of abuse and oppression at the diabolical hands of Ian or helping the Hoosiers cope with Derek’s insidious addiction to nicotine and the women who use it. It should be a fun year.” –GDBenz
“That’s a picture of Daddy in his larval stage, before he shed his cocoon and grew an adult body. Kept the same head, though.” –Steve S
“Goddammit Les, how are you smirking even when you’re experiencing what’s supposed to be a moment of genuine, unbridled joy?” –Ekudamram
“A polo shirt with a tie? Jesus, Les, what’s next — a flip phone in a holster on your belt? Oh.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“Luckily, Niki can escape this scene by using the horizontal lines shaved into his hair to blend in with the lockers.” –Drew Funk
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